WEBVTT NOTE This file was generated by Descript 00:00:07.089 --> 00:00:09.799 Candace Dellacona: Welcome to the sandwich generation survival guide. 00:00:09.809 --> 00:00:14.619 I am your host, Candace Dellacona, and I am pleased to announce Katie 00:00:14.619 --> 00:00:20.419 Schumacher, who is here from Don't Press Send, an organization she founded. 00:00:20.429 --> 00:00:21.359 Welcome, Katie. 00:00:21.809 --> 00:00:22.979 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Thank you for having me. 00:00:23.109 --> 00:00:24.239 I love the title. 00:00:24.764 --> 00:00:25.574 Candace Dellacona: Oh, thank you. 00:00:25.574 --> 00:00:31.144 Well, as a fellow Sandwich Generation member, I'm glad you can appreciate it. 00:00:31.144 --> 00:00:36.654 We're so happy to have you here today to talk to us about responsible internet 00:00:36.654 --> 00:00:42.604 usage and what we can do to advocate for our children and teach them the way to go. 00:00:42.624 --> 00:00:46.084 So why don't you tell us a little bit about you, Katie, where you 00:00:46.084 --> 00:00:50.334 came from and how you came up with this amazing platform that has 00:00:50.364 --> 00:00:52.514 really taken the country by storm. 00:00:53.154 --> 00:00:53.724 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Thank you. 00:00:54.104 --> 00:00:59.424 I started the program just about 10 years ago now, and when I was going to 00:00:59.434 --> 00:01:03.744 my children's open school night when they were entering middle school this 00:01:03.744 --> 00:01:09.494 was 2014, and the principal was talking about all the problems that the phones 00:01:09.494 --> 00:01:16.204 were bringing into the school, from education to, emotional pain that it's 00:01:16.204 --> 00:01:20.634 causing the children, the exclusion, the leaving out, the sending pictures 00:01:20.634 --> 00:01:23.244 without clothing on, all of those things. 00:01:23.244 --> 00:01:26.704 And I walked up to her after and I said, look, we're the first 00:01:26.704 --> 00:01:28.254 generation of parents doing this. 00:01:28.284 --> 00:01:29.584 We don't know what we're doing. 00:01:29.834 --> 00:01:30.014 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:01:30.014 --> 00:01:32.684 Katie Duffy Schumacher: At that time I had no social media. 00:01:33.244 --> 00:01:34.624 So I went home. 00:01:34.634 --> 00:01:36.284 I asked my niece to show me. 00:01:36.564 --> 00:01:40.234 At the time it was just Instagram, Snapchat and Facebook. 00:01:40.324 --> 00:01:40.684 Candace Dellacona: Right. 00:01:40.844 --> 00:01:44.114 Katie Duffy Schumacher: And I'm like, Oh no, this is a recipe for disaster. 00:01:44.794 --> 00:01:50.504 So I have a background in teaching in classrooms and to me, nothing matters 00:01:50.514 --> 00:01:55.734 more to me as a parent or a teacher is how kids are feeling about themselves. 00:01:55.884 --> 00:01:56.284 Candace Dellacona: Yes. 00:01:56.364 --> 00:01:59.004 Katie Duffy Schumacher: It directly impacts everything. 00:01:59.304 --> 00:02:03.544 Candace Dellacona: Yeah, that's a great point that it's not only about 00:02:03.614 --> 00:02:07.884 responsible usage, but we're really talking about the health, welfare and 00:02:07.894 --> 00:02:09.794 safety, the mental health of our kids. 00:02:10.199 --> 00:02:10.509 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Yeah. 00:02:10.679 --> 00:02:15.009 And as we all know, when I started this and I started researching 00:02:15.009 --> 00:02:18.519 and learning more about what was going on and how it was affecting. 00:02:18.519 --> 00:02:22.899 And first, many parents were like, oh, this is no different than television. 00:02:22.899 --> 00:02:24.729 Our parents said that about television. 00:02:24.729 --> 00:02:26.469 I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. 00:02:26.749 --> 00:02:28.189 You don't even understand what's going on. 00:02:28.199 --> 00:02:30.939 And that's where the no pun intended. 00:02:30.939 --> 00:02:36.599 And the disconnect was, that parents just thought times are changing 00:02:37.479 --> 00:02:38.899 and we have to go along with it. 00:02:38.909 --> 00:02:39.569 And we do. 00:02:40.494 --> 00:02:44.424 Technology, my message is never that technology is bad, it's not. 00:02:44.854 --> 00:02:46.154 But it is a resource. 00:02:46.314 --> 00:02:46.684 Candace Dellacona: Right. 00:02:46.814 --> 00:02:50.644 Katie Duffy Schumacher: And it is to be used as a resource and unfortunately 00:02:51.054 --> 00:02:56.954 we gave children, impulsive teens by nature, as they're developing, a 00:02:56.994 --> 00:03:00.764 device to be impulsive with, and we were shocked they were doing it wrong. 00:03:01.504 --> 00:03:06.304 Candace Dellacona: So how do we, as parents and, I assume this is part of 00:03:06.304 --> 00:03:09.524 your campaign for Don't Press Send. 00:03:09.724 --> 00:03:13.914 How do we as parents, what are the first steps that we need to take to 00:03:13.914 --> 00:03:19.029 ensure that, look, our kids are going to use technology and social media. 00:03:19.379 --> 00:03:22.789 What are the tips that you give parents and how to do 00:03:22.789 --> 00:03:24.719 it healthily and responsibly? 00:03:25.404 --> 00:03:28.864 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Well, two things I always say, when I speak to the 00:03:28.864 --> 00:03:34.134 children, the students, regardless of age, from now I'm at pre K all the way 00:03:34.134 --> 00:03:39.444 through college, and parents, I speak to parents, and I speak to administrators, 00:03:39.444 --> 00:03:46.484 and I speak to children, and I speak to teachers, what I say is, until laws 00:03:46.484 --> 00:03:52.264 and policies catch up, we must give our children guidelines and strategies. 00:03:52.804 --> 00:03:56.644 And the first thing we must teach them is that the screen 00:03:56.654 --> 00:03:58.284 is an emotional disconnect. 00:03:58.914 --> 00:04:03.154 That screen is breaking down our emotional disconnect. 00:04:03.154 --> 00:04:05.654 Look, we grew up, people said unkind things to us. 00:04:05.754 --> 00:04:06.884 And we said some back. 00:04:07.134 --> 00:04:07.554 Candace Dellacona: Yes. 00:04:07.804 --> 00:04:10.594 Katie Duffy Schumacher: But we had a natural consequence because the 00:04:10.604 --> 00:04:12.004 hurt was right in front of you. 00:04:13.124 --> 00:04:17.854 If you said something unkind, you got a big fat knot in your stomach, and you had 00:04:17.854 --> 00:04:20.444 a natural consequence to your behavior. 00:04:20.574 --> 00:04:25.564 And you learned to pivot and say, you know what, it doesn't feel good 00:04:25.564 --> 00:04:27.104 to hurt somebody because it doesn't. 00:04:27.964 --> 00:04:34.534 And even the ones online, when they accidentally or not purposefully 00:04:35.024 --> 00:04:39.084 put something online that hurts, humiliates, embarrasses someone. 00:04:40.519 --> 00:04:42.139 Children are hurt by that. 00:04:42.329 --> 00:04:42.779 Candace Dellacona: Sure. 00:04:43.179 --> 00:04:48.159 And you said something interesting, though, that you have to understand 00:04:48.569 --> 00:04:53.874 that when there is a screen between two people that there's a disconnect and 00:04:53.874 --> 00:04:57.794 so that's one of the points that you're trying to drive home with the students 00:04:57.794 --> 00:05:02.334 and the parents and the teachers that even though you feel connected, there's 00:05:02.354 --> 00:05:04.604 actually the opposite effect happening. 00:05:05.314 --> 00:05:10.494 Katie Duffy Schumacher: And there's a high level, and I would say, and of course not 00:05:10.494 --> 00:05:16.184 across the board, that most people did not experience growing up, when we grew up. 00:05:16.644 --> 00:05:24.814 There is a high level of unkindness, fear, embarrassment, 00:05:25.424 --> 00:05:29.864 harassment, and it's just so public. 00:05:29.874 --> 00:05:31.974 So it becomes public humiliation. 00:05:32.194 --> 00:05:32.544 Candace Dellacona: Right. 00:05:32.644 --> 00:05:36.574 Katie Duffy Schumacher: And it is, if I could pinpoint one reason why 00:05:36.584 --> 00:05:40.744 this is, is because it's a lack of empathy and empathy must be taught. 00:05:41.174 --> 00:05:41.654 Candace Dellacona: Yes. 00:05:42.154 --> 00:05:43.824 Katie Duffy Schumacher: It is not an innate skill. 00:05:43.874 --> 00:05:44.954 I thought it was. 00:05:46.424 --> 00:05:52.544 And we had natural, experiences in our lives that taught us empathy. 00:05:53.384 --> 00:05:56.204 Candace Dellacona: And so when you're talking to students or parents or 00:05:56.214 --> 00:06:00.614 teachers, you're driving the point home that having the screen between 00:06:00.614 --> 00:06:02.484 the two parties creates a disconnect. 00:06:02.484 --> 00:06:06.774 So people are bolder and they're not really thinking as much about 00:06:06.774 --> 00:06:09.754 the consequences to what they're saying, doing or posting because 00:06:09.754 --> 00:06:11.194 the person's not in front of them. 00:06:11.204 --> 00:06:11.534 Right? 00:06:11.969 --> 00:06:12.369 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Yes. 00:06:12.439 --> 00:06:14.129 And they're not connecting to their gut. 00:06:14.649 --> 00:06:15.889 That's what empathy does. 00:06:16.189 --> 00:06:16.369 Candace Dellacona: Got it. 00:06:16.419 --> 00:06:18.309 Katie Duffy Schumacher: And when we disconnect from that 00:06:18.309 --> 00:06:23.469 gut, we are less thoughtful with our words, with our actions. 00:06:23.839 --> 00:06:28.119 And we are sorry in the long run because there are ramifications for 00:06:28.139 --> 00:06:30.029 everything we choose and do in life. 00:06:30.399 --> 00:06:33.109 Candace Dellacona: So what's the tip that you give to the parents 00:06:33.109 --> 00:06:34.649 and the students and the teachers? 00:06:34.649 --> 00:06:37.209 Katie Duffy Schumacher: I teach children to, I actually give them an exercise. 00:06:37.209 --> 00:06:41.169 I tell them to close their eyes and put their hand on their stomach and 00:06:41.169 --> 00:06:45.639 I tell them to say, close your eyes and imagine a time in your life where 00:06:45.639 --> 00:06:47.449 you were super proud of yourself. 00:06:49.089 --> 00:06:52.539 And it could be you picked up someone's book because it dropped. 00:06:52.589 --> 00:06:55.259 It could be you got the winning goal in a game. 00:06:55.269 --> 00:06:57.819 It could be someone complimented you. 00:06:58.049 --> 00:07:00.739 Something that made you feel really proud. 00:07:01.219 --> 00:07:03.949 And I have them, what does that feel like in your gut? 00:07:05.129 --> 00:07:06.739 That's pride, right? 00:07:07.149 --> 00:07:10.539 Now I say, now think of a time in your life where you regretted how 00:07:10.539 --> 00:07:15.149 you acted, what you said, what you did, something you posted. 00:07:15.879 --> 00:07:16.649 You regretted that. 00:07:16.659 --> 00:07:17.709 What does that feel like? 00:07:18.569 --> 00:07:22.089 That is what you have to get in touch with before you press that send button. 00:07:22.769 --> 00:07:27.169 You have to ask yourself, how would that make me feel if I received it? 00:07:27.189 --> 00:07:28.019 That's empathy. 00:07:28.149 --> 00:07:28.629 Candace Dellacona: Yes. 00:07:28.779 --> 00:07:31.599 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Put a picture of someone else doing something that 00:07:31.609 --> 00:07:33.349 you were, would be embarrassed of. 00:07:33.499 --> 00:07:36.069 You have to get connected to that. 00:07:36.429 --> 00:07:36.909 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:07:37.199 --> 00:07:38.819 That is a great exercise. 00:07:38.959 --> 00:07:39.279 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Yeah. 00:07:39.279 --> 00:07:39.749 Yeah. 00:07:39.949 --> 00:07:40.999 It doesn't steer us wrong. 00:07:41.019 --> 00:07:41.709 We all did it. 00:07:41.749 --> 00:07:43.489 And then we're like, well, why did I do that? 00:07:43.489 --> 00:07:44.029 I knew it. 00:07:44.079 --> 00:07:46.089 I felt it in my gut and I ignored it. 00:07:46.289 --> 00:07:46.479 Candace Dellacona: Sure. 00:07:46.479 --> 00:07:48.699 Katie Duffy Schumacher: We don't want to teach our children to ignore that. 00:07:48.909 --> 00:07:49.379 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:07:49.379 --> 00:07:51.069 That's a lesson that's universal, right? 00:07:51.069 --> 00:07:54.119 Where even just taking a breath and thinking about what you're 00:07:54.119 --> 00:07:58.919 saying or posting, as you say before you press send. 00:07:59.494 --> 00:08:01.254 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Or responding to anything. 00:08:01.254 --> 00:08:05.374 I always tell them, you get a text or a picture or a video or something, 00:08:05.724 --> 00:08:08.624 you don't have to respond at all. 00:08:09.484 --> 00:08:09.934 Candace Dellacona: Great. 00:08:09.944 --> 00:08:11.774 Katie Duffy Schumacher: This is not mandatory. 00:08:11.784 --> 00:08:12.344 Candace Dellacona: Yes. 00:08:12.734 --> 00:08:14.864 I mean, we could say that to adults too, Katie, right? 00:08:14.864 --> 00:08:16.914 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Everything that I say, believe me, what 00:08:16.924 --> 00:08:20.194 my favorite presentation is the parent presentation because they're 00:08:20.244 --> 00:08:25.654 modeling some really unhealthy behavior that, yeah, with children. 00:08:26.569 --> 00:08:29.199 We know we could say, don't smoke, but if we're smoking 00:08:29.199 --> 00:08:30.229 in front of them, guess what? 00:08:30.239 --> 00:08:31.209 We're telling them. 00:08:31.619 --> 00:08:32.049 Candace Dellacona: It's okay. 00:08:32.049 --> 00:08:32.779 Katie Duffy Schumacher: It's not good for you. 00:08:32.879 --> 00:08:33.879 It's not good for me. 00:08:33.929 --> 00:08:36.749 Candace Dellacona: I guess what you're talking about is what you're 00:08:36.749 --> 00:08:39.789 referring to as cyber civics, right? 00:08:39.789 --> 00:08:41.779 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Well, I actually changed it this year. 00:08:42.539 --> 00:08:45.129 I changed it to digital wellbeing. 00:08:45.499 --> 00:08:46.519 Candace Dellacona: Digital wellbeing. 00:08:46.529 --> 00:08:47.009 Okay. 00:08:47.621 --> 00:08:50.191 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Digital wellness, digital well being is 00:08:50.191 --> 00:08:52.701 that this is affecting our health. 00:08:53.531 --> 00:08:59.191 So we need to make sure, yay, part of digital health is how to 00:08:59.241 --> 00:09:04.481 conduct yourself online, which is exactly what cyber civics is. 00:09:04.561 --> 00:09:05.031 Candace Dellacona: Yes. 00:09:05.121 --> 00:09:08.141 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Being mindful, a mindful approach to social media, 00:09:08.141 --> 00:09:12.681 which was my first book, Don't Press Send, which is, okay, if we're going 00:09:12.681 --> 00:09:15.391 to be online, we have to be mindful. 00:09:15.441 --> 00:09:16.641 So that's one piece. 00:09:16.741 --> 00:09:17.041 Candace Dellacona: Yes. 00:09:17.571 --> 00:09:21.721 Katie Duffy Schumacher: The other piece is how to conduct yourself online, how to 00:09:21.731 --> 00:09:28.271 be respectful, how to take that pause, how to not respond, how to if you're scrolling 00:09:28.271 --> 00:09:32.301 and it's not making you feel good, well, how can we take that mindful minute 00:09:32.331 --> 00:09:37.171 and re engage and remember who are the people that should like the things we do? 00:09:37.641 --> 00:09:40.251 And that's another exercise I give them, I tell them. 00:09:40.741 --> 00:09:43.991 Close your eyes right now, and something really great happened in your 00:09:43.991 --> 00:09:45.751 life and you want to tell somebody. 00:09:45.931 --> 00:09:47.401 Who are the people you want to tell? 00:09:48.041 --> 00:09:50.691 So they, in their own minds, they name their people. 00:09:50.701 --> 00:09:52.181 And then I say, now you need help. 00:09:52.501 --> 00:09:53.361 You need support. 00:09:53.391 --> 00:09:54.241 You need guidance. 00:09:54.241 --> 00:09:54.991 You need advice. 00:09:54.991 --> 00:09:56.231 Who are those five people? 00:09:57.091 --> 00:09:58.365 That's your support group. 00:09:59.596 --> 00:10:01.006 Not in the all, not everywhere. 00:10:01.006 --> 00:10:04.776 I, who is hundreds of thousands of friends and followers that you don't 00:10:05.076 --> 00:10:11.516 to follow you, those are the people that will sustain you through your 00:10:11.516 --> 00:10:16.556 life and give you support, love guidance, and really cheer you on. 00:10:16.896 --> 00:10:17.106 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:10:17.106 --> 00:10:18.691 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Everybody can't cheer you on. 00:10:19.301 --> 00:10:21.581 Candace Dellacona: So it's taking stock of who your people 00:10:21.581 --> 00:10:23.731 are and who's important to you. 00:10:24.161 --> 00:10:25.770 Katie Duffy Schumacher: And remember, we're adults. 00:10:25.830 --> 00:10:26.070 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:10:26.110 --> 00:10:28.100 Katie Duffy Schumacher: So we understand this very clearly. 00:10:28.830 --> 00:10:32.240 We, but we've all got caught up in all of this. 00:10:32.280 --> 00:10:36.640 When you, if you've ever been on social media, you know, you've said to yourself, 00:10:36.640 --> 00:10:38.140 why didn't that person like this video? 00:10:39.520 --> 00:10:40.930 Why didn't that person this? 00:10:41.190 --> 00:10:41.920 Candace Dellacona: Absolutely 00:10:41.970 --> 00:10:42.210 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Right? 00:10:42.210 --> 00:10:42.670 Candace Dellacona: Yes. 00:10:42.680 --> 00:10:43.230 Yes. 00:10:43.270 --> 00:10:46.530 Katie Duffy Schumacher: We had the opportunity to build a self esteem. 00:10:47.360 --> 00:10:47.760 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:10:48.540 --> 00:10:50.440 Katie Duffy Schumacher: These kids are getting knocked 00:10:50.640 --> 00:10:54.260 down every step of the way. 00:10:54.370 --> 00:10:54.800 Candace Dellacona: Yes. 00:10:54.910 --> 00:10:58.140 Katie Duffy Schumacher: They're hearing the message, I'm not good enough. 00:10:58.420 --> 00:10:58.690 Candace Dellacona: Yes. 00:10:59.225 --> 00:11:02.115 Katie Duffy Schumacher: And that is why I do what I do. 00:11:02.435 --> 00:11:09.035 We are all worthy, regardless of your GPA, the sports, the music, 00:11:09.255 --> 00:11:11.245 your clothes, whatever it is. 00:11:12.595 --> 00:11:17.455 Whatever it is that is causing children pain when they're scrolling to hear 00:11:17.465 --> 00:11:19.575 the voice, I'm not good enough. 00:11:19.745 --> 00:11:20.105 Candace Dellacona: Right. 00:11:20.495 --> 00:11:21.665 Katie Duffy Schumacher: That concerns me. 00:11:21.950 --> 00:11:25.450 Candace Dellacona: Well, I took one of your courses, obviously, as a parent, a 00:11:25.450 --> 00:11:30.160 community member, and it was years ago, and I remember one of the things that you 00:11:30.160 --> 00:11:36.605 spoke about to the parents was consider what you are posting and is it boasting? 00:11:36.945 --> 00:11:37.195 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Yeah. 00:11:37.255 --> 00:11:40.925 Candace Dellacona: And I think of that all the time Katie and I think that 00:11:40.935 --> 00:11:45.525 a lot of our peers you know you and I are sort of in the same area of life. 00:11:45.525 --> 00:11:45.955 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Thank you. 00:11:45.955 --> 00:11:46.775 I'll take that. 00:11:46.835 --> 00:11:50.920 Candace Dellacona: Sandwich generation members but you know really thinking 00:11:50.920 --> 00:11:55.870 about what we're posting as it relates to our own children and how that makes 00:11:55.900 --> 00:12:01.400 even our peers feel and how it makes our children feel to be quote unquote 00:12:01.410 --> 00:12:05.550 bragged about putting, I've seen people put their kids GPAs online. 00:12:05.550 --> 00:12:06.500 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Oh, so have I. 00:12:07.015 --> 00:12:07.485 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:12:07.775 --> 00:12:10.415 Katie Duffy Schumacher: I've seen people put their children's, 00:12:10.905 --> 00:12:12.365 their, what do they call those? 00:12:12.375 --> 00:12:13.265 Candace Dellacona: The transcripts. 00:12:13.385 --> 00:12:14.075 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Transcripts. 00:12:14.095 --> 00:12:14.235 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:12:15.435 --> 00:12:18.625 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Two things, when I talk to children and we talk about 00:12:18.625 --> 00:12:24.905 pictures and videos and I said, how many people like when your parents put 00:12:24.905 --> 00:12:27.205 a picture up of you or write something? 00:12:27.445 --> 00:12:30.895 Very few hands go up. 00:12:31.255 --> 00:12:31.705 Candace Dellacona: Wow. 00:12:32.625 --> 00:12:34.675 Katie Duffy Schumacher: How many of you don't like it? 00:12:36.190 --> 00:12:37.530 Many hands go up. 00:12:37.740 --> 00:12:38.200 Candace Dellacona: Yes. 00:12:38.260 --> 00:12:42.770 Katie Duffy Schumacher: So I tell them you have the right to have 00:12:42.770 --> 00:12:44.680 this discussion with your parents. 00:12:44.960 --> 00:12:45.320 Candace Dellacona: Yes. 00:12:45.380 --> 00:12:49.230 Katie Duffy Schumacher: And say, it makes me uncomfortable when you put that up. 00:12:49.350 --> 00:12:52.400 And I asked them, what is it you don't like about it? 00:12:53.020 --> 00:12:54.600 It makes me nervous. 00:12:55.430 --> 00:12:57.750 It makes me nervous that someone's going to make fun of it. 00:12:58.330 --> 00:13:04.260 It makes me nervous that someone's going to laugh at it or repost it. 00:13:04.360 --> 00:13:08.780 It makes me nervous because I feel bad for the other people who didn't make the team. 00:13:09.470 --> 00:13:10.050 Candace Dellacona: Yes. 00:13:10.430 --> 00:13:10.860 Wow. 00:13:10.870 --> 00:13:11.310 There you go. 00:13:11.310 --> 00:13:12.640 There's your empathy too, Katie. 00:13:12.650 --> 00:13:13.020 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Right. 00:13:13.210 --> 00:13:13.410 Right. 00:13:14.100 --> 00:13:17.110 Candace Dellacona: So we're talking about creating empathy for our kids, right? 00:13:17.110 --> 00:13:17.310 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Right. 00:13:17.560 --> 00:13:20.440 Candace Dellacona: And we're saying, don't be a bystander and 00:13:20.440 --> 00:13:22.490 stand up for people and be kind. 00:13:22.785 --> 00:13:27.325 And yet our parents are bragging about our accomplishments, perhaps to the 00:13:27.325 --> 00:13:32.095 exclusion of our kids peers, and they're feeling empathy, and we're overruling it. 00:13:32.585 --> 00:13:36.255 Katie Duffy Schumacher: And more than that, it's putting so 00:13:36.265 --> 00:13:38.305 much pressure on your children. 00:13:38.985 --> 00:13:41.595 So they made the team this year, they might not next year. 00:13:41.815 --> 00:13:46.125 They got A's this year, they might be having a really hard time next year. 00:13:46.135 --> 00:13:46.825 Candace Dellacona: Great point. 00:13:47.315 --> 00:13:50.085 Katie Duffy Schumacher: I remember when my children were applying to colleges and 00:13:50.085 --> 00:13:53.185 parents were posting the college visits. 00:13:53.425 --> 00:13:58.205 Oh, one of our top choices, Duke, or one of our top, like, hold your roll. 00:13:58.215 --> 00:14:00.535 That's a lot of pressure to put on somebody. 00:14:00.765 --> 00:14:01.375 Candace Dellacona: It is. 00:14:01.455 --> 00:14:04.515 Especially looking at the way college admissions processes are going. 00:14:05.425 --> 00:14:06.335 Katie Duffy Schumacher: And by the way. 00:14:07.045 --> 00:14:10.275 Your child may say, Uncle, this is too much for me. 00:14:10.275 --> 00:14:11.805 I want to stay home for a year. 00:14:11.915 --> 00:14:12.695 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:14:12.775 --> 00:14:15.495 Katie Duffy Schumacher: But if you put that bar so high, they 00:14:15.495 --> 00:14:17.115 don't even think that's an option. 00:14:17.255 --> 00:14:17.715 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:14:17.875 --> 00:14:18.525 Great point. 00:14:18.525 --> 00:14:19.645 Back to mental health. 00:14:19.805 --> 00:14:20.295 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Right. 00:14:20.485 --> 00:14:20.955 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:14:21.195 --> 00:14:25.165 Katie Duffy Schumacher: And we have done, I will never forget, my daughter, when 00:14:25.165 --> 00:14:29.385 she was, I'm going to say fourth or fifth grade, she was talking to me, she's like, 00:14:29.445 --> 00:14:33.235 but when I go to college, whatever, and I, it was the first time I'm like, I was 00:14:33.235 --> 00:14:35.325 playing with Barbie dolls in fifth grade. 00:14:35.740 --> 00:14:36.100 Candace Dellacona: Right. 00:14:37.200 --> 00:14:40.120 Katie Duffy Schumacher: College did not enter my mind in fifth grade. 00:14:40.430 --> 00:14:40.700 Candace Dellacona: Right. 00:14:40.700 --> 00:14:43.020 Katie Duffy Schumacher: We are stealing their childhood. 00:14:43.210 --> 00:14:48.200 We are talking, and everything I discuss with you, I have partaken in. 00:14:48.790 --> 00:14:49.000 Candace Dellacona: Right. 00:14:49.050 --> 00:14:51.100 Katie Duffy Schumacher: I never want to seem like I'm saying, 00:14:51.100 --> 00:14:52.160 don't do this, don't do that. 00:14:52.160 --> 00:14:55.940 Cause as a parent, when I read a book about parenting and someone says, you 00:14:55.940 --> 00:14:57.760 don't know my children, you don't know me. 00:14:58.050 --> 00:15:00.840 How about you talk to me as a peer, how can we do this? 00:15:00.850 --> 00:15:01.170 Right? 00:15:01.180 --> 00:15:01.470 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:15:01.520 --> 00:15:03.060 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Again, I am your peer. 00:15:03.100 --> 00:15:04.140 I am through this. 00:15:04.180 --> 00:15:07.140 I'm a little past people who are just starting. 00:15:07.630 --> 00:15:14.110 So there are many skills I would give them, but one of them is constantly 00:15:14.220 --> 00:15:20.690 talk to your children about how it is affecting how they feel about themselves. 00:15:20.850 --> 00:15:21.270 Candace Dellacona: Right. 00:15:21.590 --> 00:15:21.940 Right. 00:15:22.110 --> 00:15:24.950 To your point too, Katie, and this isn't about judgment, right? 00:15:24.950 --> 00:15:25.820 We're all in this together. 00:15:26.410 --> 00:15:27.850 None of us really know what we're doing. 00:15:27.850 --> 00:15:28.490 Katie Duffy Schumacher: It's hard. 00:15:28.520 --> 00:15:29.810 Candace Dellacona: Yeah, it is hard. 00:15:29.810 --> 00:15:36.260 So let's talk about so we know how to perhaps set the stage and make sure that 00:15:36.260 --> 00:15:39.500 our kids are acting civilly and mindfully. 00:15:39.710 --> 00:15:43.690 But let's say our kids, I know my kids have and your kids have, 00:15:43.900 --> 00:15:45.550 they make a mistake, right? 00:15:45.590 --> 00:15:51.950 They post something, they say something online that they regret, or even worse, 00:15:51.960 --> 00:15:54.420 in many cases, they're the victim of that. 00:15:55.000 --> 00:15:58.670 How do you support your child, whether they are the person that's 00:15:58.690 --> 00:16:02.930 not mindfully posting, or the victim of someone who was posted about? 00:16:03.010 --> 00:16:05.110 Katie Duffy Schumacher: When I speak to the students, and I always say, I 00:16:05.110 --> 00:16:06.460 don't want you to be on either side. 00:16:06.710 --> 00:16:06.910 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:16:06.910 --> 00:16:08.350 Katie Duffy Schumacher: I don't want you to be the one hurting 00:16:08.350 --> 00:16:11.230 someone, and I don't want you to want being one hurt or humiliated. 00:16:11.740 --> 00:16:14.185 So, empowering yourself. 00:16:14.405 --> 00:16:16.715 First of all, know who your tribe is. 00:16:16.745 --> 00:16:19.605 Know who is your support team. 00:16:19.735 --> 00:16:20.145 Okay. 00:16:21.115 --> 00:16:26.105 When it happens, please speak to a trusted adult. 00:16:26.235 --> 00:16:26.655 Candace Dellacona: Right. 00:16:26.865 --> 00:16:27.515 Step one. 00:16:28.315 --> 00:16:31.530 Katie Duffy Schumacher: But the problem is, they think 00:16:31.530 --> 00:16:34.920 their peers can handle this. 00:16:34.940 --> 00:16:38.560 Let's just say middle school, for example, which are really talk 00:16:38.570 --> 00:16:40.750 about a sandwich that is a sandwich. 00:16:40.760 --> 00:16:41.230 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:16:41.310 --> 00:16:42.320 Katie Duffy Schumacher: The sandwich part. 00:16:42.400 --> 00:16:42.830 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:16:43.420 --> 00:16:48.000 Katie Duffy Schumacher: That's the meat of development and they want to, 00:16:48.030 --> 00:16:52.900 and they build friendships, but their friendships are very different than ours. 00:16:53.440 --> 00:16:56.830 I could call up a friend of mine right now from elementary school 00:16:56.830 --> 00:16:58.430 and it was like time never passed. 00:16:58.550 --> 00:16:58.840 Candace Dellacona: Right. 00:16:59.340 --> 00:17:03.540 Katie Duffy Schumacher: I built, I think, not just me, our generation 00:17:03.870 --> 00:17:07.340 built those friendships because we were on our streets, we were 00:17:07.370 --> 00:17:11.880 talking, we were engaging, we built those emotional connections. 00:17:11.890 --> 00:17:12.380 Candace Dellacona: Sure. 00:17:12.650 --> 00:17:13.450 Face to face. 00:17:13.650 --> 00:17:14.680 Katie Duffy Schumacher: And they're deep. 00:17:14.940 --> 00:17:16.620 They're emotionally deep. 00:17:16.900 --> 00:17:17.260 Candace Dellacona: Yes. 00:17:17.750 --> 00:17:20.510 Katie Duffy Schumacher: This generation, because they are mostly 00:17:20.510 --> 00:17:25.770 communicating online, they still don't trust who their real friends are. 00:17:27.180 --> 00:17:32.950 And their real friends may make a mistake, so let's say something happens 00:17:32.950 --> 00:17:39.620 online and they tell their friend, their friend is going through their growing 00:17:39.620 --> 00:17:41.810 pains and may do something with that. 00:17:42.840 --> 00:17:46.950 So that's, they have to go to a trusted adult first. 00:17:46.970 --> 00:17:47.260 Candace Dellacona: Sure. 00:17:47.610 --> 00:17:52.400 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Trusted adult should and can, empower 00:17:52.400 --> 00:17:56.580 them to put that device away for the day, just the day, one day. 00:17:57.360 --> 00:17:58.030 Candace Dellacona: Take a break. 00:17:58.240 --> 00:18:01.670 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Take a break and ask them how it feels. 00:18:01.700 --> 00:18:06.910 The schools that are doing this have reported such positive things. 00:18:06.930 --> 00:18:09.600 Their lunchrooms, people are laughing. 00:18:09.650 --> 00:18:13.400 When I go to schools and pass a lunchroom and it's quiet, I want to scream. 00:18:13.490 --> 00:18:15.700 Candace Dellacona: Yes, because they're all on their devices. 00:18:15.930 --> 00:18:18.770 Katie Duffy Schumacher: That is the only time in a classroom they have 00:18:18.770 --> 00:18:20.150 to pay attention and learn, right? 00:18:20.150 --> 00:18:20.560 Candace Dellacona: Yes. 00:18:20.750 --> 00:18:21.190 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Guess what? 00:18:21.190 --> 00:18:22.390 They're still on their devices. 00:18:22.970 --> 00:18:23.210 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:18:23.210 --> 00:18:25.230 So we know they're not going back, right? 00:18:25.230 --> 00:18:30.490 In terms of, the relationship building that we went through in our youth. 00:18:30.935 --> 00:18:32.995 I think in many ways that's gone. 00:18:33.355 --> 00:18:39.075 So we have to figure out ways for our kids to connect with the technology and 00:18:39.075 --> 00:18:41.055 the background in a more responsible way. 00:18:41.055 --> 00:18:41.755 So they are hurt. 00:18:41.785 --> 00:18:45.445 They tell a trusted adult, they take a break from the phone. 00:18:45.645 --> 00:18:46.905 What do you do as a parent? 00:18:47.145 --> 00:18:53.445 Do you call the other parent if there is a hurt between the two and it seems like 00:18:53.445 --> 00:18:58.665 it's not just a typical, disagreement among kids where it's over their head. 00:18:58.665 --> 00:18:59.945 What's the threshold Katie? 00:18:59.965 --> 00:19:03.995 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Well, see, this is really the tricky part of our generation 00:19:04.335 --> 00:19:09.885 is that our parents didn't get involved and we gained very important skills. 00:19:10.075 --> 00:19:10.525 Candace Dellacona: Yes. 00:19:10.965 --> 00:19:13.925 Katie Duffy Schumacher: However, we also know that it wasn't a perfect world. 00:19:14.025 --> 00:19:18.235 So I never want to say that it's like, it wasn't perfect, right? 00:19:18.405 --> 00:19:19.625 Candace Dellacona: No rose colored glasses. 00:19:19.655 --> 00:19:20.095 Katie Duffy Schumacher: No. 00:19:20.935 --> 00:19:27.730 However, our children are missing skills in later life because of 00:19:27.740 --> 00:19:30.020 lack of exposure to many things. 00:19:30.290 --> 00:19:31.540 Feelings get hurt more. 00:19:31.540 --> 00:19:32.740 People are like, Oh, they're so soft. 00:19:32.740 --> 00:19:33.310 They're so soft. 00:19:33.310 --> 00:19:35.960 I'm like, it's because they didn't have life experience. 00:19:36.950 --> 00:19:40.630 We were on our street arguing the ball was fair from six years old. 00:19:40.890 --> 00:19:41.190 Candace Dellacona: True. 00:19:41.700 --> 00:19:42.160 True. 00:19:42.390 --> 00:19:44.600 Katie Duffy Schumacher: So now they're playing what, let's say 00:19:44.670 --> 00:19:46.000 they're playing video games, whatever. 00:19:46.130 --> 00:19:47.150 The rules are there. 00:19:47.160 --> 00:19:48.180 There's nothing to dis. 00:19:48.735 --> 00:19:52.215 You either got the guy or you didn't, or you scored the goal or you didn't. 00:19:52.215 --> 00:19:55.705 There's no real, ramifications for that stuff. 00:19:56.305 --> 00:20:00.255 So the problem lies is where do parents intervene? 00:20:00.505 --> 00:20:02.295 Candace Dellacona: Yes, that's the question. 00:20:02.435 --> 00:20:08.125 Katie Duffy Schumacher: My personal opinion is, and I have gone to many 00:20:08.125 --> 00:20:11.405 schools and heard horror stories. 00:20:12.340 --> 00:20:12.810 Horror. 00:20:12.940 --> 00:20:13.480 Candace Dellacona: I'll bet. 00:20:13.810 --> 00:20:18.250 Katie Duffy Schumacher: From suicides to cutting to horrible, 00:20:18.250 --> 00:20:22.080 horrible things that are happening to students who are suffering 00:20:22.410 --> 00:20:23.990 because they didn't know where to go. 00:20:25.550 --> 00:20:30.850 And I have also heard parents who have done all the right steps. 00:20:31.315 --> 00:20:32.555 And it ended in tragedy. 00:20:32.745 --> 00:20:33.185 Candace Dellacona: Yes. 00:20:34.345 --> 00:20:39.485 Katie Duffy Schumacher: There is no right answer, one answer, but because 00:20:39.555 --> 00:20:42.535 of the delicate situation we are all in. 00:20:42.705 --> 00:20:48.475 I always err on, just step in, you never know again, how you parent 00:20:48.475 --> 00:20:50.035 is not how somebody else parents. 00:20:50.045 --> 00:20:50.075 Right. 00:20:50.076 --> 00:20:54.335 How they may get defensive, you may not, you, whatever it may be. 00:20:55.910 --> 00:21:04.170 If your child is in distress or having a trouble with another classmate, I call or 00:21:04.200 --> 00:21:08.990 email or say please know this is coming from a loving place, parent to parent. 00:21:09.290 --> 00:21:10.150 Start with that. 00:21:10.500 --> 00:21:10.990 Candace Dellacona: Okay. 00:21:11.360 --> 00:21:12.100 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Arms down. 00:21:12.610 --> 00:21:13.020 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:21:13.110 --> 00:21:14.240 No accusations. 00:21:14.290 --> 00:21:15.500 Katie Duffy Schumacher: No accusations. 00:21:15.500 --> 00:21:19.871 My child's really struggling right now and I think it's best that your child 00:21:19.871 --> 00:21:25.435 deletes our number or contact from there so that we can move past this. 00:21:25.825 --> 00:21:29.385 If you want to discuss it further or try with your child, if you 00:21:29.395 --> 00:21:31.715 think we can mediate it, great. 00:21:31.775 --> 00:21:34.805 If not, let's just take a break from each other. 00:21:34.975 --> 00:21:36.915 Candace Dellacona: Yeah, that's great advice because 00:21:36.915 --> 00:21:38.995 there's no pointing fingers. 00:21:38.995 --> 00:21:40.975 It's no saying take a clean break. 00:21:40.985 --> 00:21:42.285 Cause let's be honest. 00:21:42.535 --> 00:21:46.855 Often our kids can say to us that they feel like they've been the 00:21:46.855 --> 00:21:51.445 victim of bullying or, an unkind word has been passed about them and they 00:21:51.445 --> 00:21:53.695 may have been a participant, right? 00:21:54.035 --> 00:21:55.815 And like they were, right? 00:21:56.005 --> 00:21:58.295 Katie Duffy Schumacher: And everybody sells it from their point of 00:21:58.295 --> 00:22:00.185 view, as you know, the attorney. 00:22:00.355 --> 00:22:00.575 Yeah. 00:22:00.575 --> 00:22:01.875 It's your point of view. 00:22:02.115 --> 00:22:02.285 Yeah. 00:22:02.285 --> 00:22:05.305 And the point is I don't want your kid to feel bad. 00:22:05.535 --> 00:22:09.175 I don't want, that's not true because that's another piece of it is our children 00:22:09.195 --> 00:22:15.255 are going to feel bad, but if your child is really feeling, you will know your 00:22:15.265 --> 00:22:21.245 child is down, they're withdrawn, the doors close, all of those things are 00:22:21.765 --> 00:22:23.565 things we need to pay attention to. 00:22:23.865 --> 00:22:26.955 Candace Dellacona: Yeah, that's the tricky thing too, Katie, is that, as 00:22:26.985 --> 00:22:32.960 parents, because they have their own devices, we are not privy to a lot of 00:22:32.960 --> 00:22:39.470 the communication, and so we're looking to their behavior for cues about what 00:22:39.470 --> 00:22:43.850 they're feeling as opposed to hearing the telephone call in the kitchen for 00:22:43.850 --> 00:22:46.140 watching, an argument out on the street. 00:22:46.330 --> 00:22:50.991 All of this is happening under the cover, and, I also think schools, too, 00:22:50.991 --> 00:22:54.931 are in this really difficult position, too, because these communications are 00:22:54.931 --> 00:22:58.471 happening on their devices, whether or not it's happening in school, and 00:22:58.471 --> 00:23:04.041 the schools are also trying to figure out a way to help the students and so 00:23:04.041 --> 00:23:05.711 how do you involve the school, Katie? 00:23:05.761 --> 00:23:11.691 Katie Duffy Schumacher: This is, where I get worried because school is the 00:23:11.691 --> 00:23:13.291 place where all the kids are, right? 00:23:14.061 --> 00:23:15.971 So, where it can be addressed. 00:23:15.991 --> 00:23:19.381 Why I love going to schools, why I love speaking to teachers. 00:23:19.721 --> 00:23:21.871 Okay, this is how we can help them, right? 00:23:22.701 --> 00:23:27.021 However, because each state has different laws. 00:23:27.211 --> 00:23:29.241 And in our state, we have something called DASA. 00:23:29.251 --> 00:23:34.851 Which means, if someone does something online, that is mean, 00:23:34.881 --> 00:23:39.701 hurtful, inappropriate, illegal, anything online and it is brought 00:23:39.701 --> 00:23:41.141 to the school's attention. 00:23:42.111 --> 00:23:44.811 By law, they must address it. 00:23:45.441 --> 00:23:45.721 Okay. 00:23:45.721 --> 00:23:53.131 So now Monday morning, a parent calls the school and says, look, what's being said 00:23:53.131 --> 00:23:55.271 about my child all over social media. 00:23:56.311 --> 00:24:01.041 Now the principal will have to get the school social worker, the psychologist, 00:24:01.041 --> 00:24:08.771 the child, any other child that's been part of it and spend hours on who 00:24:08.781 --> 00:24:10.576 said what on Snapchat and Instagram. 00:24:11.326 --> 00:24:17.756 Your educational resources are being spent on this lots of time. 00:24:17.956 --> 00:24:18.426 Candace Dellacona: Wow. 00:24:18.546 --> 00:24:19.466 That's so true. 00:24:19.556 --> 00:24:20.626 That, that's interesting. 00:24:20.626 --> 00:24:24.966 You have this school that has to involve itself by operation of law, 00:24:25.236 --> 00:24:27.556 which in many ways thank God, right? 00:24:27.556 --> 00:24:30.886 Because there are parents that don't necessarily know what's going on. 00:24:31.306 --> 00:24:35.736 The flip side of that is that they're usurping all of these resources. 00:24:35.966 --> 00:24:36.796 Katie Duffy Schumacher: That are needed. 00:24:36.836 --> 00:24:38.526 Candace Dellacona: That are needed that could otherwise go 00:24:38.526 --> 00:24:40.266 to actually teaching our kids. 00:24:40.436 --> 00:24:40.796 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Right. 00:24:40.816 --> 00:24:41.756 And think about that. 00:24:41.766 --> 00:24:47.706 Think about being in a classroom and everybody in your school probably 00:24:47.706 --> 00:24:49.986 saw the post or the majority of them. 00:24:50.036 --> 00:24:51.026 Whatever it was. 00:24:51.206 --> 00:24:56.326 Now, Johnny goes down to the principal's office, everybody in 00:24:56.326 --> 00:24:58.306 that building is on high alert. 00:24:58.556 --> 00:24:59.016 Candace Dellacona: Yes. 00:24:59.186 --> 00:24:59.396 Absolutely. 00:24:59.396 --> 00:25:00.346 Katie Duffy Schumacher: You think they're learning? 00:25:00.706 --> 00:25:06.556 They're worried, like, uh oh, it's on my phone, uh oh, there is, you cannot 00:25:06.556 --> 00:25:10.936 learn when you are in a high state of anxiety, or you can't learn properly. 00:25:11.526 --> 00:25:12.536 Candace Dellacona: Absolutely true. 00:25:12.636 --> 00:25:15.126 Katie Duffy Schumacher: So that's the first thing that needs to happen. 00:25:15.126 --> 00:25:16.296 Candace Dellacona: Such a ripple effect. 00:25:16.396 --> 00:25:18.806 Katie Duffy Schumacher: I'm writing another book right now, and I talk 00:25:18.816 --> 00:25:23.696 about the ripple effect of the many communities that I have gone 00:25:23.696 --> 00:25:26.326 to where a suicide has happened. 00:25:27.106 --> 00:25:35.496 And the ripple effect on a community, and unfortunately, they 00:25:35.496 --> 00:25:37.536 do say that it's like a copycat. 00:25:37.866 --> 00:25:40.036 Every child goes through difficult times. 00:25:40.186 --> 00:25:40.646 Every child. 00:25:40.986 --> 00:25:41.456 Candace Dellacona: Yes. 00:25:41.786 --> 00:25:42.856 Katie Duffy Schumacher: That's not an answer. 00:25:44.516 --> 00:25:44.706 Candace Dellacona: Right. 00:25:44.706 --> 00:25:45.346 We can't prevent that. 00:25:45.346 --> 00:25:45.366 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Yeah. 00:25:45.376 --> 00:25:46.176 We can't. 00:25:46.946 --> 00:25:49.366 Let children think that that's an answer. 00:25:49.626 --> 00:25:50.086 Candace Dellacona: Yes. 00:25:50.086 --> 00:25:51.096 Katie Duffy Schumacher: That it gets better. 00:25:51.316 --> 00:25:53.596 Candace Dellacona: Isn't that like the universal advice, right? 00:25:53.606 --> 00:25:55.706 That you just have to hang on. 00:25:56.086 --> 00:25:56.626 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Right. 00:25:56.766 --> 00:25:57.276 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:25:57.336 --> 00:25:58.156 And get through it. 00:25:58.206 --> 00:26:03.716 Katie Duffy Schumacher: I'm telling you, when I hear and listen and just 00:26:03.726 --> 00:26:08.771 try to really imagine what it is like, let's just say seventh grade child. 00:26:09.901 --> 00:26:14.271 Imagine being a seventh grade child, which is when everything starts changing. 00:26:14.281 --> 00:26:15.031 Who am I? 00:26:15.531 --> 00:26:16.461 What do I want to be? 00:26:16.471 --> 00:26:17.381 Who are my friends? 00:26:17.861 --> 00:26:22.991 And all you are inundated with is I'm not good enough. 00:26:23.381 --> 00:26:23.741 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:26:24.836 --> 00:26:26.006 Katie Duffy Schumacher: I don't fit in here. 00:26:26.026 --> 00:26:28.006 I don't, we didn't fit in everywhere. 00:26:28.026 --> 00:26:28.956 We didn't know. 00:26:29.276 --> 00:26:29.626 Candace Dellacona: Right. 00:26:29.696 --> 00:26:30.436 We weren't exposed to 00:26:30.436 --> 00:26:32.026 Katie Duffy Schumacher: That was a luxury. 00:26:32.166 --> 00:26:32.486 Candace Dellacona: Yes. 00:26:32.496 --> 00:26:34.636 Katie Duffy Schumacher: That was a luxury for these kids. 00:26:34.896 --> 00:26:36.036 That's a luxury. 00:26:36.246 --> 00:26:36.666 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:26:37.086 --> 00:26:43.426 Taking a step back and thinking about what your lessons are, when we are imparting 00:26:43.426 --> 00:26:49.286 this wisdom to our kids to be responsible members of cyber society taking a breath, 00:26:49.376 --> 00:26:53.756 taking a pause, thinking about how things make you feel, whether good or bad. 00:26:54.106 --> 00:26:56.956 And then if something does happen and you make a mistake, 00:26:57.166 --> 00:26:58.886 you have to go to an adult. 00:26:59.746 --> 00:27:02.626 That could be an adult in your household, it could be someone in 00:27:02.626 --> 00:27:04.296 your school, it could be a coach. 00:27:04.366 --> 00:27:04.796 Right? 00:27:05.076 --> 00:27:09.986 There is always a way to make it better and I just heard you through. 00:27:10.266 --> 00:27:12.936 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Yeah, there's always support and guidance there. 00:27:13.416 --> 00:27:16.896 I'm gonna be starting this summer making educational videos that I'm 00:27:16.926 --> 00:27:21.586 trying to say, look, the reality is this is not going anywhere. 00:27:22.151 --> 00:27:23.801 So we have, we have to find its place. 00:27:23.961 --> 00:27:25.551 We have to find its place. 00:27:25.881 --> 00:27:26.211 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:27:26.781 --> 00:27:31.891 Katie Duffy Schumacher: And finally things are getting to DC and laws and 00:27:31.891 --> 00:27:34.171 policies will hopefully get in place. 00:27:34.171 --> 00:27:41.471 The reality is we have allowed children to be on apps that they are not ready for. 00:27:41.801 --> 00:27:48.311 We have allowed them to watch tiktoks, to watch videos that are scary. 00:27:49.261 --> 00:27:53.771 So you have no control, just so parents know what the whole TikTok thing is about. 00:27:53.791 --> 00:27:54.931 Yes, I understand. 00:27:55.081 --> 00:28:00.661 I am using all social media to show how social media can be used for good. 00:28:01.001 --> 00:28:02.091 Candace Dellacona: That's ironic. 00:28:02.091 --> 00:28:02.501 Right? 00:28:02.501 --> 00:28:03.220 Katie Duffy Schumacher: That's right. 00:28:03.221 --> 00:28:03.531 Yeah. 00:28:03.751 --> 00:28:05.911 And I tell them, I use social media. 00:28:05.981 --> 00:28:07.021 I'm a grown up. 00:28:08.291 --> 00:28:12.131 Many companies use it for marketing and it's working. 00:28:12.301 --> 00:28:13.721 But they're grown ups. 00:28:14.471 --> 00:28:17.411 Candace Dellacona: We have to figure out a way to impart the knowledge to our kids, 00:28:17.411 --> 00:28:19.041 and I think it sounds like a community. 00:28:19.101 --> 00:28:21.161 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Apps took at least high school. 00:28:21.351 --> 00:28:21.871 Candace Dellacona: Okay. 00:28:21.921 --> 00:28:23.411 That's, so that's interesting. 00:28:23.411 --> 00:28:25.311 Katie Duffy Schumacher: So I think they should have to scan a 00:28:25.311 --> 00:28:29.201 license or a birth certificate or something in order to download it. 00:28:29.251 --> 00:28:29.691 Yes. 00:28:29.981 --> 00:28:30.891 Just like drinking. 00:28:31.021 --> 00:28:34.211 You think people don't steal other people's things and go buy them? 00:28:34.281 --> 00:28:36.031 Yes, but there are laws in place. 00:28:36.091 --> 00:28:37.881 Right now, it's a free for all. 00:28:38.601 --> 00:28:40.561 Children are killing themselves. 00:28:40.681 --> 00:28:42.311 Candace Dellacona: The stakes are so high, Katie. 00:28:42.681 --> 00:28:45.171 Katie Duffy Schumacher: 200 percent increase in suicide 00:28:45.541 --> 00:28:48.221 between 10 and 14 year olds. 00:28:50.986 --> 00:28:52.116 Insane. 00:28:52.206 --> 00:28:53.016 Candace Dellacona: It is insane. 00:28:53.026 --> 00:28:56.126 That is a scary statistic and it's certainly a cautionary 00:28:56.126 --> 00:28:58.096 tale for all our listeners. 00:28:58.096 --> 00:29:00.176 Katie Duffy Schumacher: That means no social media till past that age. 00:29:00.236 --> 00:29:00.676 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:29:00.926 --> 00:29:01.366 Yeah. 00:29:01.746 --> 00:29:06.376 That answers my question and when you say what's the appropriate age for a phone, 00:29:06.936 --> 00:29:09.416 Katie Duffy Schumacher: You could get a phone without access to it. 00:29:09.446 --> 00:29:13.826 We need, I know that the smartphones, but think about what you're 00:29:13.836 --> 00:29:15.946 giving your children access to. 00:29:15.996 --> 00:29:20.206 Two years ago, I was in third grade, and I was talking, that's 00:29:20.226 --> 00:29:21.806 where I started, third grade on. 00:29:21.806 --> 00:29:23.316 I'm like, let's start from the beginning. 00:29:23.506 --> 00:29:25.746 Some of their older brothers and sisters are on it. 00:29:25.776 --> 00:29:28.596 Let's start just educating them from the start, right? 00:29:28.636 --> 00:29:28.936 Candace Dellacona: Yes. 00:29:29.136 --> 00:29:32.356 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Before you click, pause before you post if it's 00:29:32.356 --> 00:29:34.636 not kind, it doesn't belong online. 00:29:34.666 --> 00:29:37.526 All of these little catchphrases help, right? 00:29:38.446 --> 00:29:47.771 So when I went two years ago, 80 percent of third graders already had their 00:29:47.821 --> 00:29:49.921 own device and are on social media. 00:29:49.921 --> 00:29:51.041 TikTok especially. 00:29:51.371 --> 00:29:52.001 Candace Dellacona: Wow. 00:29:52.631 --> 00:29:55.591 Katie Duffy Schumacher: I'm saying, you've given them complete internet access. 00:29:55.851 --> 00:29:58.431 Candace Dellacona: So that's eight or nine years old in third grade. 00:29:58.671 --> 00:30:01.630 And so that's, is that the sort of how why? 00:30:01.631 --> 00:30:03.231 I got to write each book. 00:30:03.231 --> 00:30:03.571 Yeah. 00:30:03.601 --> 00:30:07.261 Katie Duffy Schumacher: And that's, I said, if I could break it down, think 00:30:07.261 --> 00:30:11.436 about, I could go on and on, but I did a lot of research on early childhood. 00:30:12.586 --> 00:30:14.886 Children learn the most. 00:30:14.926 --> 00:30:19.126 Their brain grows and develops the most from zero to three. 00:30:21.216 --> 00:30:24.166 How they learn first is through their eyes. 00:30:24.756 --> 00:30:28.366 They are seeing a generation of people like this. 00:30:29.156 --> 00:30:31.406 That is so scary to me. 00:30:31.436 --> 00:30:35.846 When I was in graduate school and I studied early childhood, we talked 00:30:35.846 --> 00:30:40.366 about children in orphanages and how they were more violent because they 00:30:40.366 --> 00:30:42.166 did not have the emotional connection. 00:30:43.436 --> 00:30:44.686 There wasn't enough staff. 00:30:44.686 --> 00:30:45.736 There wasn't enough holding. 00:30:45.736 --> 00:30:46.766 There wasn't enough coddling. 00:30:46.766 --> 00:30:48.246 There wasn't enough eye to eye. 00:30:48.606 --> 00:30:49.556 All of those things. 00:30:50.716 --> 00:30:55.246 So now a baby is saying, oh, people are holding these devices. 00:30:55.246 --> 00:30:56.306 They're very important. 00:30:56.436 --> 00:30:58.476 They're more important than the people in my presence. 00:31:00.966 --> 00:31:02.906 That's a very dangerous thing. 00:31:03.311 --> 00:31:06.381 Would you not do anything to go back to those baby years? 00:31:06.451 --> 00:31:07.381 Candace Dellacona: I know I would. 00:31:07.381 --> 00:31:11.171 Certainly some days, I'll tell you, as a parent of three teenagers, 00:31:12.191 --> 00:31:14.301 Katie Duffy Schumacher: I'm like, just let me hold a baby. 00:31:15.061 --> 00:31:20.241 Candace Dellacona: So let me ask you, Bye Bye Wi Fi is geared towards what age? 00:31:20.421 --> 00:31:24.061 Katie Duffy Schumacher: I would say toddlers through second grade. 00:31:24.436 --> 00:31:28.906 And the whole premise of the book is, it's the day the Wi Fi went 00:31:28.916 --> 00:31:31.006 down, a storm knocks out the Wi Fi. 00:31:31.106 --> 00:31:35.956 And, the dad's working from home, so his computer gets shut down and 00:31:35.956 --> 00:31:39.981 they find all the fun things they can do when the wifi goes down. 00:31:40.181 --> 00:31:46.621 Painting, cooking a meal together playing tag, board games grandma and grandpa 00:31:46.661 --> 00:31:49.021 stops by and teaches them to tie dye. 00:31:49.471 --> 00:31:55.700 And it's a rhythmic story where it keeps going bye bye wifi, bye bye wifi. 00:31:55.701 --> 00:32:00.141 And at the end, the mom says, well, let's all remember, there are always things to 00:32:00.141 --> 00:32:02.331 do and try, even when we do have wifi. 00:32:02.821 --> 00:32:05.171 So finding the balance from the beginning. 00:32:05.711 --> 00:32:11.271 When I speak to students I am going to video it next time. 00:32:12.281 --> 00:32:16.311 I ask them, how many of you have ever been in the presence of an adult, and 00:32:16.311 --> 00:32:18.991 they're on their device, and you want their attention, you need to ask them 00:32:19.001 --> 00:32:22.881 something, and they say, okay, I hear you, I hear you, go ahead, go ahead, I 00:32:22.881 --> 00:32:24.381 hear you, I'm just scrolling over this. 00:32:24.551 --> 00:32:25.301 Candace Dellacona: I've done this. 00:32:25.871 --> 00:32:26.821 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Yeah, we all have. 00:32:27.361 --> 00:32:28.731 I said, how does it make you feel? 00:32:28.731 --> 00:32:31.181 Now I'm talking elementary through high school. 00:32:33.361 --> 00:32:34.261 Unimportant. 00:32:34.401 --> 00:32:35.231 Invisible. 00:32:35.271 --> 00:32:36.391 They don't care. 00:32:36.441 --> 00:32:36.901 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:32:37.291 --> 00:32:38.731 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Harsh, harsh words. 00:32:38.761 --> 00:32:39.281 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:32:39.651 --> 00:32:40.221 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Okay. 00:32:40.431 --> 00:32:48.431 Now, I said, listen, there are sometimes parents have to answer a call, look 00:32:48.431 --> 00:32:52.081 up maybe they got their medical things that they're waiting for. 00:32:52.261 --> 00:32:54.111 Maybe they have to answer an email. 00:32:54.741 --> 00:32:59.846 But what we have to do as adults is say, you are important, just 00:32:59.866 --> 00:33:03.726 give me a few seconds, and let me answer this important email. 00:33:03.796 --> 00:33:07.146 The email's not more important to you, but they're waiting for a response. 00:33:07.216 --> 00:33:08.096 Whatever it may be. 00:33:08.226 --> 00:33:11.546 But I also tell the children, you have every right to tell 00:33:11.546 --> 00:33:15.326 your parent or whomever, and say, I'll wait till you're done. 00:33:16.106 --> 00:33:18.946 And if they continue and say, it's okay, I'm just looking, I'm 00:33:18.946 --> 00:33:22.036 just whatever, you could say, it's okay, I deserve your attention. 00:33:22.526 --> 00:33:24.206 Nicely and politely. 00:33:24.366 --> 00:33:25.266 Candace Dellacona: That's great advice. 00:33:25.686 --> 00:33:28.556 Katie Duffy Schumacher: The best thing you can give someone is their attention. 00:33:28.676 --> 00:33:29.356 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:33:29.816 --> 00:33:30.236 Yeah. 00:33:30.236 --> 00:33:33.426 And it's hard to do that when you're constantly on your phone. 00:33:33.426 --> 00:33:35.272 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Dinging and dinging. 00:33:35.272 --> 00:33:37.815 And what kind of relationships can they have? 00:33:38.396 --> 00:33:40.216 What kind of marriages can they have? 00:33:40.376 --> 00:33:43.116 What kind of friendships can they have? 00:33:43.166 --> 00:33:47.186 When they are valuing their device over the people in their presence. 00:33:47.266 --> 00:33:48.406 Very lonely ones. 00:33:48.816 --> 00:33:49.706 Candace Dellacona: Absolutely. 00:33:49.756 --> 00:33:53.546 So Katie, where can people get in touch with you and are you 00:33:53.546 --> 00:33:57.356 still doing your roadshow and visiting with school districts? 00:33:57.406 --> 00:33:59.956 Katie Duffy Schumacher: I just went to the best conference with Hay House. 00:33:59.956 --> 00:34:02.116 I don't know if you know who Hay House publishers are. 00:34:02.116 --> 00:34:05.985 They're all the people I read, the Gabby Bernsteins, the Jamie Kern Limas. 00:34:05.986 --> 00:34:08.486 They're all positive people. 00:34:08.486 --> 00:34:11.686 What can we do to help the world wherever? 00:34:12.051 --> 00:34:12.321 Learn. 00:34:12.761 --> 00:34:13.991 We all can take a part. 00:34:14.001 --> 00:34:16.121 And by the way, we're all responsible for this. 00:34:16.711 --> 00:34:18.301 And we need all hands on deck. 00:34:18.491 --> 00:34:19.001 Candace Dellacona: Yes. 00:34:19.101 --> 00:34:19.721 Good point. 00:34:20.161 --> 00:34:20.621 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Yeah. 00:34:21.011 --> 00:34:22.981 You can find me at my website. 00:34:22.981 --> 00:34:24.801 It's dontpresssend.Com. 00:34:24.821 --> 00:34:25.231 Candace Dellacona: Okay. 00:34:25.231 --> 00:34:26.721 We'll leave a link for our listeners. 00:34:27.116 --> 00:34:29.416 Katie Duffy Schumacher: My children's book just came out right before the 00:34:29.416 --> 00:34:33.316 holidays, and that is byebyeWifiBook.Com. 00:34:33.726 --> 00:34:34.316 Candace Dellacona: Terrific. 00:34:34.456 --> 00:34:37.466 Katie Duffy Schumacher: My first book is Don't Press Send, A Mindful 00:34:37.466 --> 00:34:41.556 Approach to Social Media, Education and Cyber Civics, which is basically 00:34:41.556 --> 00:34:43.306 my presentation in book form. 00:34:43.696 --> 00:34:44.166 Candace Dellacona: Okay. 00:34:44.336 --> 00:34:46.686 Katie Duffy Schumacher: I just read it again, now I published 00:34:46.696 --> 00:34:48.606 that eight years, nine years ago. 00:34:48.876 --> 00:34:51.136 It's more relevant, and which was not my hope. 00:34:51.746 --> 00:34:54.126 My hope was not that it was going to be more relevant. 00:34:54.136 --> 00:34:55.886 Candace Dellacona: That they'd be unemployed, that the 00:34:56.146 --> 00:34:57.456 problem would be dealt with. 00:34:57.456 --> 00:35:02.276 And what about, you've cited so many great studies where can we find 00:35:02.336 --> 00:35:04.846 those citations for our listeners? 00:35:05.411 --> 00:35:06.921 Katie Duffy Schumacher: One, I write for medium. 00:35:07.151 --> 00:35:08.971 com, so I do a lot of that. 00:35:08.971 --> 00:35:14.781 I pull them out and I make it more okay, this is how this is accessible. 00:35:14.781 --> 00:35:19.806 And A lot of them are also on my site, there's, blogs and all 00:35:19.806 --> 00:35:22.056 kinds of information on there. 00:35:22.626 --> 00:35:27.096 And I present all over to schools, which is my favorite thing to do. 00:35:27.496 --> 00:35:32.046 And you can book me on the website or also katydps@gmail.com. 00:35:33.366 --> 00:35:36.516 Candace Dellacona: Perfect, Katie, this has been really enlightening and if I'm 00:35:36.516 --> 00:35:38.316 honest, a little scary to think about. 00:35:38.326 --> 00:35:41.816 Katie Duffy Schumacher: No, you can't be scared because that's 00:35:41.816 --> 00:35:43.686 what's making people step back. 00:35:44.016 --> 00:35:45.506 Candace Dellacona: Yeah, we have to be involved. 00:35:45.766 --> 00:35:46.506 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Our kids need us. 00:35:46.901 --> 00:35:52.471 And there's a line of kids, 10 years later, a line of kids waiting to ask me 00:35:52.471 --> 00:35:54.311 questions before they go back to class. 00:35:54.361 --> 00:35:56.301 How many people, they're like, okay, I'm out of here. 00:35:56.301 --> 00:35:57.351 This is boring. 00:35:57.571 --> 00:35:57.731 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:35:57.731 --> 00:35:58.761 Not many assemblies. 00:35:59.251 --> 00:35:59.501 Katie Duffy Schumacher: No. 00:35:59.851 --> 00:36:00.791 And it's not me. 00:36:00.961 --> 00:36:03.100 It's I'm validating their feelings. 00:36:03.170 --> 00:36:04.300 I'm so sorry. 00:36:04.300 --> 00:36:05.475 This is your reality. 00:36:05.725 --> 00:36:09.265 Candace Dellacona: I think you've given us a lot to think about today and certainly 00:36:09.265 --> 00:36:14.165 the takeaways about taking a breath and pausing and thinking about how you feel 00:36:14.165 --> 00:36:18.315 and going to a trusted adult and reminding our kids to go to a trusted adult. 00:36:18.315 --> 00:36:20.575 So thank you so much for your time today, Katie. 00:36:21.045 --> 00:36:22.155 Katie Duffy Schumacher: Thank you for having me.