Speaker 1: Welcome by back.
Speaker 2: Wow sticks me. I'm Kevin Smith and I'm Harley Quinn Smith.
Speaker 2: Really starting to regret that bit.
Speaker 3: I know every time I can feel, I feel.
Speaker 2: They'll never treat me seriously if I can't just say
Speaker 2: welcome back to beardless stickless men. I like, listen this
Speaker 2: fucking thirsty clown trying to make his fucking kid laugh.
Speaker 1: You want too much validation, old man.
Speaker 2: They say, from the fucking peanut gallery, And I say back, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3: I like the element of surprise every time you keep
Speaker 3: switching it up.
Speaker 2: Your fucking boyfriend soon to be a husband in a
Speaker 2: couple of years. Better fucking take a page out of
Speaker 2: that book.
Speaker 3: What keep keeping me surprised?
Speaker 2: Keeping it fresh?
Speaker 3: So true?
Speaker 2: Fucking time and shit, He's got to do the equivalent,
Speaker 2: like every morning when you wake up and you open
Speaker 2: your eyes. He has to be like, welcome back your face.
Speaker 2: If you have a membership to that Kevin Smith club
Speaker 2: where you can watch beardless stickless me, not just hear it,
Speaker 2: but watch it. You would see her crack up even
Speaker 2: at the thought of Austin going welcome back. You would
Speaker 2: also see that the kid, I mean, you can't quite
Speaker 2: see it in the camera.
Speaker 3: But I'll oh my shirt.
Speaker 2: Look at that shit.
Speaker 3: I wore a Bullwinkle shirt.
Speaker 2: Would you forget it today? Okay, I appreciate it. It's
Speaker 2: when Bullwinkle, Rocky and Bowt Gle did a run for
Speaker 2: Taco Bell.
Speaker 3: Yes, the back is Taco Bell.
Speaker 2: It's a Taco Bell and you actually fuck with Taco Bell.
Speaker 3: I love Tacoot.
Speaker 2: It's not like you're wearing a McDonald's shirt and you're like, well,
Speaker 2: I don't want to wear it, but I do want
Speaker 2: to wear the bull Winkles.
Speaker 3: Like you get to wear this with pride.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and on the back of be like, I fuck
Speaker 2: with Taco Bell.
Speaker 3: I actually love Taco Bell.
Speaker 2: What do you get there as a vegan?
Speaker 3: Well, here are the tips and tricks. A blast just there.
Speaker 2: Last night what I went to taco about. Last night,
Speaker 2: me and Jay did a show at in Charlottesville, Virginia.
Speaker 2: What a great town, beautiful, fucking cool, liberal enclave, you know,
Speaker 2: one of those ten miles surrounded by real because they
Speaker 2: are in Virginia. But man, oh man, what a great
Speaker 2: fucking town. So we did a show and then after
Speaker 2: the show, we drove at midnight. Between midnight one we
Speaker 2: drove from Charlottesville, Virginia to Washington, d C. It was
Speaker 2: two hours away. So for the drive, I was like,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna get me through taco. So I went and
Speaker 2: got the bean and the.
Speaker 3: Cheat was it called the cheesy bean burrito, but without
Speaker 3: the cheese and without frit jalapeno sauce.
Speaker 2: Yeah, crisco.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So I had two of those last night. Man. So
Speaker 2: there's stuff on the Taco bell menu that, like a
Speaker 2: vegan like myself, were like quinnsterrickin fuck with what do
Speaker 2: you get? You get like some fried.
Speaker 3: Chilupa fair don't you I wish?
Speaker 2: No? Don't you get something with a crispy thing? Or no?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I get the black bean crunch Wrap, which is
Speaker 3: like a flower tortilla on the outside, corn crunchy tortilla
Speaker 3: in the middle with black beans, lettuce and tomato. And
Speaker 3: then I add, well, if I take out the cheese
Speaker 3: and I take out the sour cream by making a
Speaker 3: fresco style and I add more beans and then the
Speaker 3: other type of beans also.
Speaker 2: You can do that. You can be like can you
Speaker 2: put more beans?
Speaker 3: You can put rice in it too. You can put
Speaker 3: potatoes in it?
Speaker 2: Could I for my burrito be like, can you take
Speaker 2: out the cheese and put in some black beans on
Speaker 2: top of the refrive? Yeah?
Speaker 3: You totally totally should we go?
Speaker 2: Fu?
Speaker 3: Should we go?
Speaker 2: The beautiful thing about taco bell is Burger King seems
Speaker 2: to close at ten or midnight. Yes, But wherever I
Speaker 2: am and generally am in college towns and ship, taco
Speaker 2: bells open until like eleven am. Yep, they close for
Speaker 2: ten minutes and then open for lunch, like you could
Speaker 2: get taco bell and I guess it's not. It's no
Speaker 2: secret because when you pull up to a taco bell
Speaker 2: at two in the morning, there's a long ass line. Yeah,
Speaker 2: because every other place is closed, So they're like, hey man,
Speaker 2: it's the only game in town. McDonald's goes late to there.
Speaker 3: We can't eat anything at McDonald's. There's not even the
Speaker 3: beau and yeah, animal fuck.
Speaker 2: Speaking of beef tallow once again, if you had beard
Speaker 2: beardless stickless me, Well, if you had that Kevin Smith club,
Speaker 2: you'd beat. You could be watching beardless stick with me
Speaker 2: and you would see me that Kevinsmith club dot com
Speaker 2: to join You see me holding up a hand puppet
Speaker 2: that I bought on eBay recently. This was a hand
Speaker 2: puppet that has a menu on the back of it
Speaker 2: from the restaurant Mister Steak, which I spent an inordinate
Speaker 2: amount of time during my childhood at, and I would
Speaker 2: always wonder like why how could we afford to do it?
Speaker 2: We would do like little life hacks and Ship, Like
Speaker 2: you could go there in the seventies and be like, today's.
Speaker 3: My birch Mica, like to my birthday.
Speaker 2: And they'd be like, oh, we're bringing you a cake,
Speaker 2: like a whole ass cake cake, not like you know,
Speaker 2: here's this and sing and you'd fuck get advocates really generous,
Speaker 2: very We took advantage of it the Smiths, which is
Speaker 2: weird because we were so Catholic. But my mom was like,
Speaker 2: you tell me your birthday, so we get a free cake.
Speaker 3: I love free stuff.
Speaker 2: Well, from your grandmother, from your mother, you don't. You don't, don't.
Speaker 2: I'd rather earn my shit.
Speaker 1: I don't want.
Speaker 3: It free my okay, don't make me look bad.
Speaker 2: Your mom loves a free fucking thing.
Speaker 3: Who doesn't love a free thing?
Speaker 2: Me? We went to Sundance one year and that's when
Speaker 2: they started like the gifting suits and Ship and they
Speaker 2: were like, would you like a washing machine? And she
Speaker 2: was like yeah, And I'm like, no, what if we
Speaker 2: want a washing machine, we'll buy one. Thank you.
Speaker 3: This is bro offers you a free washing machine. You
Speaker 3: fucking take that.
Speaker 2: I don't do that for so anyway, Oh my god.
Speaker 2: This mister Steak puppet, which I bought online for fifteen
Speaker 2: bucks on eBay worth every penny would have paid much
Speaker 2: more because again, this was a big figure of my childhood.
Speaker 2: And if you had the version of the show you
Speaker 2: can watch the video version of Beardless Stickless Me, you'd
Speaker 2: be seeing this mister Steak puppet and the character mister Steak,
Speaker 2: and there would be an un mistake, thank you, a
Speaker 2: bowl a resemblance between the cow character of mister Steak
Speaker 2: and who movie that's right movie. There's even been a
Speaker 2: bowl Winkle in there too.
Speaker 3: I don't appreciate when cows are used to.
Speaker 2: Yes this was the sixties and seventies, but chick.
Speaker 3: Fil A does that like it's like cows trying to
Speaker 3: get people to eat chickens so they don't eat cows.
Speaker 3: I don't I don't love that they all want to DIGO.
Speaker 1: Well, I'm do with this shit.
Speaker 4: I'm digging this damp.
Speaker 1: This is why the jackle Bell home au.
Speaker 2: Where'd you get that T shirt?
Speaker 3: This T shirt at their store?
Speaker 2: How much? How much is an old bone wnkle shirt?
Speaker 3: Go for it? Twenty bucks?
Speaker 2: That's pretty cheap.
Speaker 3: When I was at Coachella the other week in the desert, yes,
Speaker 3: I was looking about that.
Speaker 2: What are we talking about? That's hold on, let me finish,
Speaker 2: mister stack.
Speaker 3: Okay, sorry.
Speaker 2: The prices on the back of the Mister Steak puppet
Speaker 2: kids indicate that mister Steak the family place. You could
Speaker 2: order from the kid's menu chicken little, which is two
Speaker 2: pieces of chicken, peach garnish, ranch house toast French.
Speaker 3: Are you just not able to read it.
Speaker 2: Because potatoes is very small?
Speaker 3: Oh my god? I was like, what what's going on?
Speaker 2: If I go like this, would you like me to
Speaker 2: read it? No, little Jack, that chicken little, two pieces
Speaker 2: of chicken, a peach garnish, a French ranch house toast?
Speaker 2: What is that ranch house toast? You've never heard that?
Speaker 2: And French fried potato French frb potatos ninety nine cents. Wow,
Speaker 2: you can eat like a fucking king in the seventies.
Speaker 3: Bro, This one Celsius is like five.
Speaker 2: Bumps, No shit, little Jack Horner steak, Okay, you're gonna
Speaker 2: get yourself a child sized steak served with ranch house
Speaker 2: toast and French fab petators stuff one dollar twenty nine cents.
Speaker 2: M salad is not included with children's portion to mister
Speaker 2: Steak likes kids and kids like mister steak too. Okay,
Speaker 2: snow white and the three shrimp come with three large shrimp,
Speaker 2: Ranch house toast and French fr potators. Ninety nine cents
Speaker 2: for three shrimps? Is that good? I've never ate seafoods anymore.
Speaker 3: It sounds like a pretty good deal.
Speaker 2: Then the humpty dumpty burger Ready for this shit, mister
Speaker 2: steak hamburger served with a generous portion of French fries
Speaker 2: and hamburger garnish. How much do you think that's going
Speaker 2: to set you back? One twenty not eating fifty nine
Speaker 2: fucking cent bro whoa copyright nineteen seventies. This is the
Speaker 2: year I was born. But they were still giving these
Speaker 2: shits out like when I was a kid, I dare
Speaker 2: not put my hand in it because I'll split it.
Speaker 2: Like but at one point I used to wear this.
Speaker 2: My father would put this on and be like, what
Speaker 2: do you want to eat? Coop?
Speaker 3: Really on, that's cute.
Speaker 2: Oh god, I'm sorry. I just made that up. That
Speaker 2: never happened.
Speaker 3: That never happened that I would call it.
Speaker 2: Seemed like a sweet thing that could have happened. But
Speaker 2: then as I thought about it, I was like, your
Speaker 2: father wasn't that guy? But then he was? But then not?
Speaker 2: Probably not.
Speaker 3: I appreciate the honor.
Speaker 2: I catch myself every once in a while lionizing my father,
Speaker 2: like in a way that I wouldn't say it's over
Speaker 2: the top where I'm like doney doney man, but like
Speaker 2: I make him out to be what I think he
Speaker 2: might have felt, more so than what he ever really
Speaker 2: truly exhibited and stuff like my man in a restaurant.
Speaker 2: I don't think he would have like fucking done a
Speaker 2: funny voice, because he was always embarrassed, like, don't call
Speaker 2: attention to yourselves because he grew up. You know, I
Speaker 2: had the cleft palate and the cleft lip, born shit,
Speaker 2: so he didn't want to be looked at and ship
Speaker 2: so if we did, you know, kids are loud and weird, right,
Speaker 2: but we weren't allowed to be that. Like Johnny cousin
Speaker 2: Judy's son, you know, him and Rachel would like literally
Speaker 2: fucking eat their cereal like this, take a spoonful of
Speaker 2: like nah, and they would literally say nam as they check.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, if we ever did that, like my
Speaker 2: mom would shoot daggers at us, like fucking really, my
Speaker 2: father didn't have to do anything because my mom, my mom,
Speaker 2: like she knew how the table had to be set,
Speaker 2: like that's why. I's like, because my dad's cleft palate,
Speaker 2: we couldn't sit soda out of a straw, like for
Speaker 2: drinking a cup, like like my mom would be like
Speaker 2: she'd look at you like fucking.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 2: But it wasn't like you fucking idiot. It was like
Speaker 2: at the root of it was that's gonna hurt his feelings,
Speaker 2: which I don't know if she might have drawn that
Speaker 2: conjecture or conclusion herself or if you ever. I was
Speaker 2: just laying in bed one day at night was like grace, yeah,
Speaker 2: puff grace. I hate it when the kids slurp on straws.
Speaker 2: It reminds me of my Cliff House. I don't think
Speaker 2: that'll wrap. And I think my mom was like overly
Speaker 2: protective of my dad's or maybe my dad said when
Speaker 2: I was a kid, kids did that in school, Like
Speaker 2: it reminded me that I couldn't do it. My dad
Speaker 2: couldn't do that with a straw, couldn't really use a straw,
Speaker 2: and so I think maybe my mom just picked up
Speaker 2: the charge for him. It was just like, don't don't
Speaker 2: embarrass him, don't call attention, don't don't, don't don't. Hey,
Speaker 2: I'm sorry. Just looking at the people listening are like,
Speaker 2: what is that. I was looking at the soundbar before
Speaker 2: we went. We were recording for like two minutes, and
Speaker 2: I looked and I noticed there was no sound whatsoever.
Speaker 2: So right now I was talking low.
Speaker 3: People complain about the sound.
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't know how to tell you will
Speaker 2: it is one of those people. Well, Wilkins just like
Speaker 2: you know. I hit him up the other day because
Speaker 2: I tried to listen back to the show. He's like,
Speaker 2: you want to give me a description for the show.
Speaker 2: And I remember I said something on the show where
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, that'll be the title. Then I
Speaker 2: couldn't remember what it was. So I want to go
Speaker 2: back and listen to the show, and I played it
Speaker 2: back in my life. Top full valume values really like
Speaker 2: I couldn't hear it.
Speaker 3: Listen.
Speaker 2: So I wrote to him, going, bro, I can't even
Speaker 2: hear this, man, Like, can we do something about this recording?
Speaker 2: Like why can't old recordings I could hear? I can edit.
Speaker 2: I used to be able to hit my ship, but
Speaker 2: I can't even hear this and stuff. And he was like,
Speaker 2: we have the volumes turned He's like, you do whatever
Speaker 2: you wants your studio, but we have the volumes at
Speaker 2: the level they are because you guys are so fucking
Speaker 2: close that you bleed into each other's mics. So in
Speaker 2: order to edit you or isolate you, I'm having you
Speaker 2: set it down there, He's going. He sent me back
Speaker 2: a file with the volume turned up, and I could
Speaker 2: hear everything. Just great. So when I'm done with this tour,
Speaker 2: this forthcoming Dogma tour by the way, Dogma movie, when
Speaker 2: I come back, we're gonna redo this place. So the
Speaker 2: next pop really table. Yeah, we're not gonna be this
Speaker 2: close beat this close again ever again. We need a
Speaker 2: little more distance between us to spread some mi.
Speaker 3: Yes, we do.
Speaker 2: I just need some time a lot.
Speaker 3: I just need a break.
Speaker 2: Remember kids, passes the future in the future features the present.
Speaker 2: We are not talking in real time. I did this
Speaker 2: weeks ago. For all I know. I'm from the.
Speaker 3: I hate this bit.
Speaker 2: It's not a bit.
Speaker 1: To haunt the audience of beard listen ridiculous.
Speaker 2: After I die, the show becomes weird list God, beardless,
Speaker 2: stickless ghost, Welcome to beardless Ghosts, Welcome back. Welcome Ghost'm
Speaker 2: Kevin Smith.
Speaker 3: I'm not here participating in this.
Speaker 2: Let's be doing the show about myself in another world.
Speaker 2: I'm Kevin Smith. I wish somebody was here because that's
Speaker 2: my hell by myself. Actually, that's so true. I'm not
Speaker 2: like really a people person. Actually that sounds more like
Speaker 2: my heaven, Like you're dead and here's your eternal reward.
Speaker 2: I was like, but I'm here by myself. They're like,
Speaker 2: do we know you? Or do we know I was like,
Speaker 2: thank you.
Speaker 4: Thank you.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I'm gonna get so much reading done.
Speaker 2: And I sit down and I drop my glasses step
Speaker 2: on it, and I'm like, oh no, no, spend eternity
Speaker 2: searching for a book that I can't read because my
Speaker 2: glasses are broken.
Speaker 3: You need glasses, you really you cannot see.
Speaker 2: Submitted for your approval. That was an episode of the
Speaker 2: Twilight Zone that I just did. I didn't just make
Speaker 2: that up.
Speaker 3: Oh really Yeah.
Speaker 2: There was an episode of The Twilight Zone called Time
Speaker 2: Enough or something like that. Bert just Meredith is a
Speaker 2: guy with glasses and he uh like wanted time to
Speaker 2: read and fucking everyone's always in his face and blah
Speaker 2: blah blah whatever. Long story, short, bomb goes off. He's
Speaker 2: the last one left on a huge pile of books
Speaker 2: and he's just like this is everything yay. And he's
Speaker 2: wearing glass and his glasses fall off, and then he's
Speaker 2: like where are they and you hear him step and
Speaker 2: he goes He's like, no, no, no, because he's trapped
Speaker 2: with all these books. I'll never be able to read.
Speaker 2: And then Rod Serling, who was the guy who wrote
Speaker 2: most of him, he was like the and this show
Speaker 2: was essentially the old timey version of Black Mirror. He
Speaker 2: would be like submitted for your approval. A man who
Speaker 2: has all the time in the world yet won't be
Speaker 2: able to read. It'll be forever locked in the library
Speaker 2: of the Twilight Zone.
Speaker 3: That was pretty good.
Speaker 2: Remember, oh, is that your familiarity with Twilight Zone? Did
Speaker 2: you ever watch an episode or.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I've definitely watched it.
Speaker 2: When did you watch The twilight Zone.
Speaker 3: I've since been watching the Twilight Zone for a minute,
Speaker 3: went bro, what color is it black and white?
Speaker 2: Because there's a color version. There's two color versions, might
Speaker 2: be three at this point. There was a version of
Speaker 2: The Twilight Zone I used to watch with my mom
Speaker 2: when I was in high school that aired on CBS
Speaker 2: really good, and Bruce Willis was in an episode called
Speaker 2: Shatter Day, a young Bruce Willis before he had die Hard,
Speaker 2: before he even had Moonlighting. And in the episode, it's
Speaker 2: submitted for your approval. Peter J. Novins a man who
Speaker 2: you know, he was selfish and shit. But he's about
Speaker 2: to make a phone call that gets dances that will
Speaker 2: be answered in the Twilight Zone. So Peter J. Novans
Speaker 2: is just piece of shit, like Wall Street kind of
Speaker 2: guy whatnot. Doesn't have time for his mother, doesn't it
Speaker 2: his fucking time for his girlfriend and shit like that.
Speaker 2: So he's at a bar and he's like, Jimmy, give
Speaker 2: me the phone. I got make a call. And he
Speaker 2: goes make a call and it's something that nobody does
Speaker 2: anymore because we just all press a button preprogram number.
Speaker 2: But he dialed or did the rotary and then he
Speaker 2: was like, ugh, can you believe it? I dib my
Speaker 2: own number. I'm so stupid, And he goes to hang up,
Speaker 2: and then all of a sudden, you hear his voice
Speaker 2: go hello, and he's like hello. He's like, who is this.
Speaker 2: He goes, It's Peter J. Novins. He goes, this is
Speaker 2: Peter J. Novins. He goes, well, you called me. He's like, well,
Speaker 2: I accidentally called my house. He's like, well, you called
Speaker 2: my house. He's like, who is this And he's like,
Speaker 2: Peter J. Novins. He's going, but I can't, you can't.
Speaker 1: I'm Peter J.
Speaker 2: And then he finds out that there is a doppelganger
Speaker 2: of him in his house and he can't go home
Speaker 2: because he might disappear. So he's speaking to Peter J.
Speaker 2: Novins only by the phone over the course of the
Speaker 2: next week. So it begins on I think it ends
Speaker 2: on Shatterday. So I think it was like Mondays, Tuesday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,
Speaker 2: but they all had weird names for the day of
Speaker 2: the week, and then Saturday became Shatterday. So over the
Speaker 2: course of the week, he keeps calling this guy be look,
Speaker 2: you got to get out of my house. And stuff.
Speaker 2: He's like, no, in fact, I just visited with mom,
Speaker 2: spend time with her. Bater Flowers going like, you know,
Speaker 2: I told her, and I'm gonna be better at this
Speaker 2: and I'm gonna spend more time with her, you know.
Speaker 2: And he's like, I'm learning to do your life better
Speaker 2: than you ever did. And so Peter J. Novins, the
Speaker 2: original guy, is like, hold up in a hotel room
Speaker 2: and he's getting like more and more fucking freaked out
Speaker 2: and fucking drinking and he's all sketching shit. And then
Speaker 2: the replacement Peter J. Novins shows up at the hotel.
Speaker 2: You know, he's just looking down him. He's like, look
Speaker 2: at you, pathetic, all the opportunities and waste and all
Speaker 2: the people you hurt. And he's like, I'm gonna spend
Speaker 2: the rest of my life making up for that. He's going,
Speaker 2: thank you, and Lee, he's like, please don't leave me.
Speaker 2: He's like you left yourself or something like that and
Speaker 2: walks away. And then the one on the hotel floor
Speaker 2: like just disintegrates and then you know, submitted for your approval.
Speaker 2: Peter J. Novins man who's turned over a new lease
Speaker 2: in life, and it's a metaphor for just like changing
Speaker 2: your life, really great episode? You want me to cry?
Speaker 2: I am I gonna cry? I know you're looking at
Speaker 2: me like here.
Speaker 3: Comes No, I just watched the episode because you watched
Speaker 3: me through it, a step by step, every detail. I
Speaker 3: never need to see it because I already just did.
Speaker 2: I don't even know where you would sit it. Like
Speaker 2: I think if you go to YouTube and enter shatter Day,
Speaker 2: it'll pop up every once in a while, I see
Speaker 2: one of those old twilights and episodes. But going back
Speaker 2: to the original point, you fuck with a black and
Speaker 2: white Twilight.
Speaker 3: I have, yeah, like which one?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 3: Which one? I don't know.
Speaker 2: I mean they're all pretty memorable.
Speaker 3: You mean to tell me I don't have the memory
Speaker 3: that you have. Are you fucking kidding me?
Speaker 2: Out? A school of rock end?
Speaker 3: If you want to be the teachers?
Speaker 2: Maybe the kids got married?
Speaker 3: I know, Oh, I know.
Speaker 2: I don't know if you know this, Like we only
Speaker 2: talked about at the beginning of the show for like
Speaker 2: ten episodes, how do we fall into the Twilight Zone hole?
Speaker 3: You know, I never really know how we get to
Speaker 3: where we we end up on this show.
Speaker 2: Let me ask you this. You're twenty five gona twenty six.
Speaker 2: Now you're off financed. You'll be married within two years.
Speaker 2: Do you ever get in a fight when you were
Speaker 2: in school, like a fist fight? You ever get physical, motherfucker?
Speaker 2: Like a punch of socker kid in the eye?
Speaker 3: Yeah, Dylan Murray?
Speaker 2: What was that about?
Speaker 3: He pulled down my pants and I gave him a
Speaker 3: black eye?
Speaker 2: You were like twenty two? How old?
Speaker 3: And that was last night?
Speaker 1: I'm engaged, Dylan Murray, suck. How old are you.
Speaker 2: When this happened?
Speaker 3: I I know, maybe like five six?
Speaker 2: What was the circumstances by which your drawers were pulled down?
Speaker 2: What was it your pants or what was it?
Speaker 3: Yeah? My pants were pulled down in gymnastics.
Speaker 2: You were in gymnastic? Yeah, And Dylan Murray was like yeah.
Speaker 3: And then I gave him a black eye. And then
Speaker 3: Pau says that I also punched a boy on the
Speaker 3: ski slopes. And I also punched a boy at my gym, at.
Speaker 2: My gym mm hmm. That's why we had to stop going, like, sir,
Speaker 2: take your punching little child.
Speaker 3: Why is your baby punching?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Man, what is it with you?
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 5: I punched boy and I liked it. I punched boy
Speaker 5: and liked it. Ebe more. Then I punched a third
Speaker 5: bully and he punched me back, and him name eight.
Speaker 3: He does he's not going to appreciate that.
Speaker 2: Why you punched him. He punched you back, And finally
Speaker 2: you met somebody who stood up to you, and that's
Speaker 2: why you fell in.
Speaker 3: And that's why, right, that's how.
Speaker 2: All the other boys you punched. And I could have
Speaker 2: kept going like I punched the boy and he cried
Speaker 2: piece of shit. When he gets the third one who
Speaker 2: then punches you back, you realize, oh this the song
Speaker 2: ends like that, boy, mean, that's exactly how the song.
Speaker 2: I'm just saying, like you're wasting your time with like
Speaker 2: fucking Luke and Nick your fucking song.
Speaker 3: Right, well, thank you so much.
Speaker 2: Fire lyrics over here, I mean like I ain't shitting
Speaker 2: on like you scared me, but like that fucking that song,
Speaker 2: I just sang lyrics of which I already forgot fire.
Speaker 6: I punked the boy. Could he feels good? That puts boy,
Speaker 6: because that's the way I should. But then I pushed
Speaker 6: your third boy and he said, hey, get hurt my arm.
Speaker 2: I said, oh, I'm real sorry. We we she lost
Speaker 2: the thread. She keeps trying to write a punk song,
Speaker 2: but then she remember she's in love and I founced,
Speaker 2: and so it becomes about some boy that punches her
Speaker 2: back and I don't think the song's gonna work.
Speaker 3: You gotta shut this song down.
Speaker 1: We gotta, we gotta stop this.
Speaker 2: You're like fucking like Whitney Houston when she was recording
Speaker 2: an album outa fucking Bahamas or something like that. If
Speaker 2: you were watching Whitney Houston talk the guy who was like,
Speaker 2: what did they call that? When you worked at a
Speaker 2: record label and you handled the talent. It's not R
Speaker 2: and D. That's research and development, but it's something else.
Speaker 2: And his job was to like get her next album recorded.
Speaker 2: And they were like there for a year and a
Speaker 2: half and never once recorded anything. Oh and he was
Speaker 2: real like you know, he would talk about like it's
Speaker 2: kind of it's it's fun until it's not. Yeah, because
Speaker 2: she obviously had some issues, but he would be like,
Speaker 2: you know, we would try to rally her and be
Speaker 2: like nippy like we gotta we gotta record now, we
Speaker 2: gotta record now, and he's like, she just wanted to party,
Speaker 2: and like so we all got sucked into it.
Speaker 3: How'd we get here?
Speaker 2: Because of the money spent to make it, like they
Speaker 2: gave her. I think it was like fifteen million dollars
Speaker 2: and she didn't record a single song for that whole time.
Speaker 2: And she was like, we're gonna go down to record
Speaker 2: in the Islands and blah blah blah. Wow, they don't
Speaker 2: do that anymore, man, They'll give that kind of money
Speaker 2: to nobody.
Speaker 3: Probably, right, fifteen million dollars like Twigs.
Speaker 2: When I did the Twigs video, She's like, I'm paying
Speaker 2: for this video myself. She's like, they don't pay. What
Speaker 2: is it called? It's not R and D. There's an
Speaker 2: A and R or a artist relations A. Is that
Speaker 2: what it is? There's a job of somebody who handles
Speaker 2: the talent on behalf of the label. Forget what it is. Anyway,
Speaker 2: moving on, This all spun out of hear you punching
Speaker 2: I picked you boy, right of course I loved it.
Speaker 1: So I Boy because I'm not a boy.
Speaker 3: Is not a great song to put out there.
Speaker 2: Why It's like, why not? Katy Perry had a whole
Speaker 2: hit with I Kissed a Girl, and you just don't
Speaker 2: say you can't sing it like she does those we
Speaker 2: get sued, but same sentiment, right, Yeah, I mean I
Speaker 2: just want one radio hit. I wish I had a
Speaker 2: novelty hit. Man.
Speaker 3: If you I would love for you to have a song.
Speaker 2: A novelty hit. M hmm. What if it was like,
Speaker 2: you know, really embarrassing though, Like my novelty hit was
Speaker 2: like I'm a little dick fucker and everyone was singing
Speaker 2: it and ship and you're like, that's my father. I
Speaker 2: don't want to hear about it. And people like your
Speaker 2: dad's little dick fucker and you're like whatever, anyway, this
Speaker 2: is my band Cinnamon.
Speaker 3: Oh my God.
Speaker 2: Like, hey, Cinnamon, we'll let you play the fucking uh
Speaker 2: what's the Coachella? If you open for uh? I already
Speaker 2: forgot the title little dick, little dick fucker, your father.
Speaker 2: If you get your father to come and fucking drop
Speaker 2: little dick fucker man and we'll bring in some rappers
Speaker 2: to fucking collapse and whatnot, then you can open for h.
Speaker 3: I mean, how can I say, yeah, how could I
Speaker 3: ever pass that up?
Speaker 2: And I'm like, I don't feel it. I don't want
Speaker 2: to feel you sing little dick fuck again. You're like,
Speaker 2: you have to dad, this you sang little dick fucker,
Speaker 2: and you ruined my childhood by embarrassing me as the
Speaker 2: father I was the daughter of little dick fucker.
Speaker 1: Now is my time to cash in.
Speaker 2: I need this. I'm like all right, So I go
Speaker 2: up there all uninspired for the fucking fortieth year in
Speaker 2: a row. I'm like, I'm a little day. I hate
Speaker 2: my soul and life.
Speaker 7: You're crying yeah, and people are like, boh, this is
Speaker 7: out of abuse.
Speaker 1: His daughter must be following this or something.
Speaker 2: Paint yeah, people throwing cans at mean shit.
Speaker 3: Oh head you pass out?
Speaker 2: Yeah, like.
Speaker 1: Oh oh job right.
Speaker 3: Away you bleed out on the stick.
Speaker 2: And you're like, oh my god, dad, And they're like
Speaker 2: get out there, like what do you mean to help him?
Speaker 2: Like not to start performing, But he's out there performing
Speaker 2: over and say You're like you're mist while you're standing
Speaker 2: over me.
Speaker 3: And I'm like, oh, someone my dad in the head
Speaker 3: with the cat.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but like show must go on. It's like your
Speaker 2: dad would be the first one to tell you that
Speaker 2: to get up there. And you fucking sing that you
Speaker 2: scare me song. You're like the star, Yeah, whatever, fuck.
Speaker 3: You scare me song. It's crazy.
Speaker 2: May ask a question about your band, Send him in
Speaker 2: the band. Yeah what, I'm just trying to do a
Speaker 2: little promo for you.
Speaker 3: Oh thank you. I appreciate it.
Speaker 2: One day, many many millennia from now, when Bill moves on,
Speaker 2: do you rename the band Bill the band?
Speaker 3: That's a separate side project.
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, that's your fucking offshoot project.
Speaker 2: That's your to the talking heads and Ship.
Speaker 3: Is my is my solo project?
Speaker 2: View the band, and it's like, do you in order
Speaker 2: for it to be a side project, do you bring
Speaker 2: nuke Nuke? Yeah? N you can lick with you? Do
Speaker 2: Luke and Nick comes to the side project, or it's
Speaker 2: not a side project that it's just fucking cinnamon like job.
Speaker 2: When he goes solo, he left Richie Sambora behind and
Speaker 2: Tico and Taco or all the rest of him and
Speaker 2: Ship like that. So in order for you to do
Speaker 2: the solo thing, you would probably have to be like
Speaker 2: Melan Cally infinite sadness. I got a new band, and
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, all right, well that's cool. I guess
Speaker 2: such fucking playing and like fucking abandoned man, you abandoned us,
Speaker 2: h you ditched me? Yeah? What would would you would
Speaker 2: you rock a side project called Bio with the band
Speaker 2: consider it. I mean people would talk about that though,
Speaker 2: Like she's got two bands both named after rabbits she
Speaker 2: used to have. People were like wait two, Like yeah, Cinnamon,
Speaker 2: Why is just called the band Cinnamon Bill? Because Bill
Speaker 2: is her side project?
Speaker 3: Bill Bill's Cinnamon is is the number one? Is the
Speaker 3: main the main event?
Speaker 2: Be name another famous artist with a side project band,
Speaker 2: like I guess Tom Petty was in the Traveling Wilbury's,
Speaker 2: as was you know, Roy Orbison and a couple otherfuckers
Speaker 2: and ship when they do them like super groups, but
Speaker 2: other than like you know, talking heads, all of them
Speaker 2: except David Byrne had the Tom Tom Club. Is it
Speaker 2: sound like Mick Jagger ever a side hustle? I mean
Speaker 2: maybe he had a solo album or something like that,
Speaker 2: but not like a whole side band and stuff like that.
Speaker 3: Is Tom Lounge or DeLong or the from blinkin eighty two?
Speaker 3: The one that believes in aliens? Is that the right am?
Speaker 3: I thinking of the right guy?
Speaker 2: But does he have his own group?
Speaker 3: He had a band called Angels and Airwaves, all right,
Speaker 3: so there you go.
Speaker 2: And it didn't have the other two like Travis Barker
Speaker 2: or the other guy in it all. I guess in
Speaker 2: order to be a side project that you can't have. Well,
Speaker 2: that's not true because Tom Tom Club is Chris Franz,
Speaker 2: Tina Weymouth and Jerry Harrison. Just know David David Burne
Speaker 2: and then David Byrne does solo thing or has done
Speaker 2: nothing but solo things ever since without them, and he
Speaker 2: just goes by David Byrne or whatever. Fleetwood macd they well,
Speaker 2: she had a solo career, but a side project, just
Speaker 2: like Lindsay Buckingham also had a solo career as well.
Speaker 2: I think they held it like Christine McVie had a
Speaker 2: solo career because I think she sang that song that
Speaker 2: was her big hit. She wasn't. It wasn't even a
Speaker 2: Fleetwood mactrack serve by herself. I don't know about Mick
Speaker 2: Fleetwood though, but why would he have a side project.
Speaker 2: He's like, the whole fucking project is me. Band's fucking
Speaker 2: named after me. I'm Mick Fleetwood as in Fleetwood Mac.
Speaker 2: You know the song you know what the song Tusk
Speaker 2: is about? What it's about, I don't, I don't know
Speaker 2: it's about me, mcfleetwood's dick.
Speaker 3: Is it really? Oh wow, that's a great song.
Speaker 2: It doesn't it doesn't really go with Tusk the movie.
Speaker 2: But if it's about that, it's like, well, but I
Speaker 2: wrote the movie listening to that on repeat for like
Speaker 2: three days straight.
Speaker 3: Really, that's so wild?
Speaker 2: All right? Did you get in fights besides Dylan Murray
Speaker 2: before besides Dylan mur which is as you relate that
Speaker 2: story years later sitting right here for a podcast, is
Speaker 2: there any resilient trauma?
Speaker 3: I wouldn't say. I wouldn't say so. I can kind
Speaker 3: of remember the Dylan Murray of it all. I can
Speaker 3: kind of remember the moment.
Speaker 2: But what happened. I think he's dead now.
Speaker 3: I killed him that day. No, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 2: You, never saying or anything. You didn't wind up going
Speaker 2: in the same circles and ship.
Speaker 3: I'm not sure where that guy is. I haven't punched
Speaker 3: anyone since.
Speaker 2: I'm the number one fan of.
Speaker 3: They mentioned my name.
Speaker 2: I can't believe they said me. I knew it was faded.
Speaker 2: I know I'm supposed to be with her. Oh my god,
Speaker 2: she can punch me forevermore. You never got in a
Speaker 2: fight with what about girls? It's so weird that, like
Speaker 2: your examples were boys. I assumed it would be like
Speaker 2: some sort of like.
Speaker 3: A cat fight or something like that, right, because that's
Speaker 3: how girls fight. That's how girls fight.
Speaker 2: You never got a fight with some girl that was
Speaker 2: like you piece of ship. Not no, not physically, no, Yeah,
Speaker 2: girls out here fight more psychologically.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Absolutely, Like I've been psychological by those fights. Absolutely,
Speaker 3: absolutely yes.
Speaker 2: When we were kids, I mean still to this day,
Speaker 2: like I never want to get in a fight, Like
Speaker 2: I'm so not a fucking fight person, and show like
Speaker 2: that when we were kids, when we were leaving, like
Speaker 2: old p h when I graduated eighth grade from going
Speaker 2: to Henry Hudson, they were like, you gotta be careful
Speaker 2: of initiation. What's that. That's when the older classmen grab
Speaker 2: you and initiate you into the school. You have to
Speaker 2: fucking go. It's kind of like when you, you know,
Speaker 2: when you're in a frat and shit and they pledge,
Speaker 2: they rush you. So their initiation was like they did
Speaker 2: a bunch of different things, but one of the most
Speaker 2: horrifying the one that we were all like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: I hope that I gotta fucking do everything I can
Speaker 2: make sure that never happens to me. The older kids
Speaker 2: would catch you, pant you Dylan Murray style, stick a pickle.
Speaker 3: Up your ass, Wait a sec.
Speaker 2: Not done. You had to walk ten feet and keep
Speaker 2: the pickle in. If the pickle fell out, you had
Speaker 2: to pick it up, take a bite, reinsert, do the
Speaker 2: ten steps all over. Now. I don't know if that
Speaker 2: was ever done to anybody, but that was what we
Speaker 2: were all terrified of, like the pickle treatment, Like, oh god,
Speaker 2: that is you guys didn't have real departure. Nobody was
Speaker 2: just like, all right, pickle fucker.
Speaker 3: No, that's I hope that never happened to anybody.
Speaker 2: That is traum never met anybody that was like happened
Speaker 2: to me. I kept the pickle in the whole pickles.
Speaker 3: Oh good god, what a nightmare.
Speaker 2: I not sure that it ever really happened, But we
Speaker 2: lived in fear of that kind of ship.
Speaker 3: Holy shit.
Speaker 2: That nuclear war, Oh my gosh, you were up without
Speaker 2: ever worrying about nuclear war. Good for you, Like, of
Speaker 2: all the things you've ever had to be concerned about,
Speaker 2: did you ever once lose sleep over the thought of,
Speaker 2: like one day they'll drop the bomb? No, that was
Speaker 2: our generation was all that we fucking thought about, was like,
Speaker 2: really watch the skies. Yeah, man, fucking the Cold War
Speaker 2: was that its absolute fucking apex and Russia and the
Speaker 2: United States hated each other. So there's always this looming
Speaker 2: thread of like they could drop the bomb. They built
Speaker 2: up their nuclear arsenal, we built ours. There was the
Speaker 2: arms race, you build that many bombs. I got to
Speaker 2: go somewhere right and luckily, so far, so good. Let
Speaker 2: me tell you something happened to me on the way
Speaker 2: from the airport today.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, you were at the airport today.
Speaker 2: It was I left my car there, you know, when
Speaker 2: I flew out the other night on a red eye
Speaker 2: and then we did the gig, Me and Jay, and
Speaker 2: then I flew back this morning. I had almost no gas,
Speaker 2: eight to eight miles, you know before I was empty,
Speaker 2: and so I stopped at gas station and I paid
Speaker 2: the pump and I sticked the fucking nouzle in and
Speaker 2: set it to go. Then I locked my car and
Speaker 2: I go into the bathroom because I have to take
Speaker 2: a whiz so fucking bad. So I was like, do
Speaker 2: you have bathroom? They're like, So I take a whiz,
Speaker 2: come out, and I assume like, you know that means
Speaker 2: I've killed two birds. I've fed two birds with one
Speaker 2: to see you bye, getting some gas in the car
Speaker 2: and taking a whizz. Otherwise I was gonna be pinching
Speaker 2: it the whole way home the ship. So I get
Speaker 2: back out to the car and I take the nozzle
Speaker 2: out of my gas tank and I noticed that it
Speaker 2: says thirty six dollars, And I was like, but I
Speaker 2: was not empty thirty six. It must have clicked off
Speaker 2: or something like that. And so I put the nozzle
Speaker 2: back in, and I was like, I, I you know,
Speaker 2: well before I did that, I took the nozzle out,
Speaker 2: put it in the machine, got in the car, turn
Speaker 2: the car on car only had six miles left. So
Speaker 2: the thirty six dollars in gas that was on the meter,
Speaker 2: the gas meter was not in my car. Oh. So
Speaker 2: there was a car at the pump right next to me.
Speaker 2: And I guarantee you because I had this long discussion
Speaker 2: with your mom, I was like, what do you think happened?
Speaker 2: She was like, somebody took your guests nozzle out and
Speaker 2: stuck it in their car when you walked awayshes. I
Speaker 2: don't know anyone who walks away from their car and
Speaker 2: they're probably cash. It's like, why do you do everything
Speaker 2: the exact opposite of the way I would do it.
Speaker 2: And I was like, just to fucking spite you, just
Speaker 2: a fuck with you, just because like I was like,
Speaker 2: why what do you mean people fucking where I'm from,
Speaker 2: people like, you know, well, from Jersey, nobody pumps around, yeah,
Speaker 2: but you know other places you fucking put Like I've
Speaker 2: been traveling this country for fucking years. Stick your pump, guest,
Speaker 2: you stick your fucking nozzle in the thing, You go inside,
Speaker 2: you grab a drink, you come back out.
Speaker 3: I would say that's pretty normal, but Jay.
Speaker 2: Had yesterday Jay had talked about He's like there's a
Speaker 2: new scam where people hang out at the the convenience
Speaker 2: stores and gas stations near airports because people just rented
Speaker 2: a car and they get their luggage in it and shit,
Speaker 2: and if they stop there, if they stop on their
Speaker 2: way back to the airport or from the airport, they
Speaker 2: run inside. People you know, generally they don't think to
Speaker 2: lock the car and ship and that's when they go in,
Speaker 2: grab their bags and drive away. So while I was
Speaker 2: standing at the pump after after I looked at my
Speaker 2: gas tack and it was only like six miles. I
Speaker 2: went back out, put the nozzle in and start filling up.
Speaker 2: Wait only waited to put forty bucks in the ship.
Speaker 2: But the car that was sitting at the pump next
Speaker 2: to me stayed there the whole time. That dude was
Speaker 2: there when I pulled in. It was after I got
Speaker 2: out when I looked at him, he looked dead in
Speaker 2: the eyes. And I cannot because I didn't see it,
Speaker 2: so I can't guarantee one hundred percent he did this,
Speaker 2: But I feel like he took the nozzle out of
Speaker 2: my car, stuck in his car, watched to see when
Speaker 2: I was coming out of the bathroom inside, and then
Speaker 2: just took the nozzle out of his car put it
Speaker 2: back into my car. That's why I couldn't pump anymore,
Speaker 2: you know, because I was the thirty six bucks. I
Speaker 2: got a pump more, but it was already the transaction
Speaker 2: was concluded on my credit card, so he got thirty
Speaker 2: six bucks worth of free gas from me.
Speaker 3: Would the how would the pump reach to the other car?
Speaker 2: He was right now next to it. I saw it
Speaker 2: was very because there was a long fucking cord, so
Speaker 2: all you had to do is I was staggered a
Speaker 2: little bit, so my my tank being back here, he
Speaker 2: would take it out and just take it across the
Speaker 2: the width of the island that the pumps are on,
Speaker 2: or he could have stuck it into a side tank.
Speaker 2: There was another car that was parts of the entrance
Speaker 2: where there was somebody sitting in the back seat but
Speaker 2: with their feet on the curb with the back door
Speaker 2: open and shit, and it looked like they had a
Speaker 2: container there. So it's just crazy, man Like. Most crime
Speaker 2: is opportunistic, and it sounds like these cats are making
Speaker 2: the opportunity where they're like people are on their way
Speaker 2: from or to the airport and they gotta get gassed
Speaker 2: or stop at this convenience to or and we can
Speaker 2: grab their stuff when they do. It was a week
Speaker 2: a weird feeling to be the victim of a crime
Speaker 2: but not hurt in any sort of way, you know
Speaker 2: what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's nothing you could really.
Speaker 2: Do about that, because I mean I could go to
Speaker 2: the guy and be like, did you but they would
Speaker 2: not steal my gag. It just sounds ridiculous. Well, yes,
Speaker 2: I here ninety eight percent that's what happened. I bet
Speaker 2: you if I I see the fucking security footage, that's
Speaker 2: what it would have showed. Really, So when I was
Speaker 2: driving home, I was like, how do I feel about this?
Speaker 2: I said, Wow, nobody likes to be taking advantage of
Speaker 2: the ship. But you know, I know it's hard out
Speaker 2: there right now, and you know, thirty six bucks sucks,
Speaker 2: But that'll teach me. As your mom said, to never
Speaker 2: walk away from the car. So every day's school day,
Speaker 2: and that lesson cost me thirty six dollars.
Speaker 3: Sounds like you learned a lesson today.
Speaker 2: It's valuable. I want to find that guy and be like, thanks, buddy,
Speaker 2: thank you so much.
Speaker 3: I learned something.
Speaker 1: I learned something from or crime, crime does pay.
Speaker 3: That that's what we want you all to walk away
Speaker 3: with today.
Speaker 2: Do you know what title I was trying to remember
Speaker 2: before when I was saying, like, you know, Will Wilkins,
Speaker 2: I couldn't hear the volume title because I listened to
Speaker 2: the entire show, and I was like, what was it
Speaker 2: that I said that In the moment when I said it,
Speaker 2: in the back of my head, I was like, Oh,
Speaker 2: this will be a great fucking title. What it is?
Speaker 1: Why would anyone help them?
Speaker 3: I told somebody that story.
Speaker 2: I was.
Speaker 3: I told Nick that story because I was like, can
Speaker 3: you just imagine living in a time when you're seeing
Speaker 3: the first film of its kind of the first film
Speaker 3: of this genre.
Speaker 2: She was like a caveman watching their first movie, like
Speaker 2: just believing it, like up at the screen and ship
Speaker 2: when trolley comes their way or whatever. God, yeah, it
Speaker 2: is kind of fascinating. If you could say it to
Speaker 2: her now, next when you see her after this, when
Speaker 2: you say good night, be like, well help them. She'll
Speaker 2: be like, you don't understand. It was very real.
Speaker 3: You're very lucky to have been a part of such
Speaker 3: cool time.
Speaker 2: No, I'm very bro She was so scared that night.
Speaker 2: I'm very lucky. Shouldn't slip my throat and hers because
Speaker 2: she was just so pissed scared.
Speaker 1: She was like, he's facing the wall. Why would help them?
Speaker 3: Oh my god, we're talking. Did we say that we're
Speaker 3: talking about.
Speaker 2: The blur Witch project. We were last week? Yeah? Just
Speaker 2: to be clear, Ay, listeners from last week tune back
Speaker 2: in unless one of them dropped and there are two
Speaker 2: of them, like we remember, keV. I've met quite a
Speaker 2: few people along the way, Like when I've been out
Speaker 2: in the world who no beardless stick was. I mean,
Speaker 2: I should be selling way more dick With shirts, is
Speaker 2: what I'm saying. You're not working hard, busy buying bowl
Speaker 2: winkle shirts and ship like that, and you'd be selling
Speaker 2: dickl With shirts.
Speaker 3: So I was just trying to make you happy.
Speaker 2: It made me so happy that I was like, I
Speaker 2: have your bowl ankle sweater that about for you online.
Speaker 2: It's just dry cleaned. I had a dry clean.
Speaker 7: Wow.
Speaker 2: Mom was just like, you're not gonna have this dry clean.
Speaker 2: I was like, well, I assume they wash it. She's like,
Speaker 2: don't assume. She's like anything you buy an eBay people
Speaker 2: could fucking shit on. Come on, I'm like, who the
Speaker 2: fuck are you? What horrible fucking nether world do you
Speaker 2: live in where everybody's like, they won this doll, so
Speaker 2: you know what to do with it? Put this in post.
Speaker 3: Good nightmare or who won it?
Speaker 2: Kevin Smith? Give me that and then wipes his ass
Speaker 2: with it and be like put it in the post.
Speaker 3: My god.
Speaker 2: But on the sweater, I was like, you know, she
Speaker 2: was like, you should get all these just stuff that
Speaker 2: was stuff, bowlinkles, dry clean. I was like, I'm not
Speaker 2: gonna fucking do that. I don't sleep with them. They're
Speaker 2: sitting on a fucking shelf. They could have might and
Speaker 2: I was like, well, they're going to fucking die because
Speaker 2: those might live on She's like the dogs. I was like,
Speaker 2: would you leave me alone? But I'm not going to
Speaker 2: get them all dray clean. But I did get your
Speaker 2: sweater dry clean.
Speaker 3: Thank you.
Speaker 2: Because after the whole after she threw examples of what
Speaker 2: people do with things, she's like, you don't know, she goes,
Speaker 2: I listened to True Crime. It's like, what fucking janky
Speaker 2: ass podcast you listened to with a crime? As a
Speaker 2: dude came on a fucking stopped animal and then sold
Speaker 2: it on eBay. I hate this.
Speaker 3: I hate this. I just couldn't hate it more. And
Speaker 3: you can keep the swater, thank you.
Speaker 2: No, the sweater's been dry clean. And I also had
Speaker 2: I got a U for Christmas. I guess they did
Speaker 2: like a Santa hat bowing clamps in it at Universal Studio.
Speaker 2: So I got that and I put on my head
Speaker 2: and then your mom like vomited. She was like, you're
Speaker 2: gonna put on your fucking head and you didn't have
Speaker 2: a drunk lene. I was like, is that where all
Speaker 2: my money's gone. Dry cleaning. You guys, there's been a
Speaker 2: lot of dry cleaning over the years.
Speaker 3: You really dry clean a lot.
Speaker 2: She drag cleans everything, every single piece of clothing. She'll
Speaker 2: take her thong, underwear clean, can easy going to wash.
Speaker 2: Now she does not, but she does dry clean and
Speaker 2: ship like drag cleaning in the world I came from,
Speaker 2: like happened once a year. Maybe, Yeah.
Speaker 3: I never dry clean stuff now that I pay for it.
Speaker 3: When I lived here and could throw some things in
Speaker 3: the drug cleaning bag truly.
Speaker 2: Still damn. Yeah, she's uh, she's a bit of a
Speaker 2: drag clean and freak.
Speaker 3: Exposed.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I was like at first, I was going to say,
Speaker 2: I've talked about it before. The place where we get
Speaker 2: our drag clean done, it's called Milton Needs, Yeah, and
Speaker 2: it's very famous place out here in the valley that's
Speaker 2: been around forever and ship. They're open seven days a
Speaker 2: week and they're open usually to twenty four hours, except
Speaker 2: I went there on a Saturday at nine o'clock and
Speaker 2: they were not open. They were closed. They closed at
Speaker 2: nine o Saturday, which, to be fair, it's like they're like, hey,
Speaker 2: can we have our weekend please, it's so true. But
Speaker 2: pre COVID they were twenty four seven three sixty five.
Speaker 3: That's crazy nuts.
Speaker 2: So they are five days a week, they're twenty four hours,
Speaker 2: but the weekends I think they're like you know, they
Speaker 2: close at nine and open at nine or some shit.
Speaker 2: They for themselves like a little bit of time, as
Speaker 2: they should. So I went over there to get your
Speaker 2: fucking sweater clean, and I arrived at nine oh two oh.
Speaker 2: I was locked out.
Speaker 3: You got to respect the media hours.
Speaker 2: Didn't raise a fucking voice. I didn't. I didn't like
Speaker 2: look in the window like a fucking hungry waif.
Speaker 3: I mean you can't, No, you can't, and drove away.
Speaker 2: But they're fucking phenomenal service. I know you don't listen
Speaker 2: to beerless stickless me for dry cleaning reviews, but but
Speaker 2: if you needed one, pretty fucking fire, here you go.
Speaker 3: Yes.
Speaker 2: No fights other than that fucking Dylan Murry.
Speaker 3: Physically. No, this is the boy that I punched on
Speaker 3: the ski slopes and that you don't get at my gym.
Speaker 2: No, I don't blocked and I don't remember what. Uh
Speaker 2: do you ever want to punch somebody? The last person
Speaker 2: you wanted to punch but you were like, I don't
Speaker 2: do that. I don't punch people. If I could, I
Speaker 2: wanted to punch his motherfucker.
Speaker 3: There are a few people take a spling at Yeah,
Speaker 3: if I could, But I'm not like I don't don't
Speaker 3: like people. You know, Oh people I know? Oh oh
Speaker 3: people I know. Oh yeah, No, I can think of
Speaker 3: one for sure.
Speaker 2: Maybe like excuse me through something your eye?
Speaker 1: Do you punch me?
Speaker 2: And would you punch and run? Or punch and stand there?
Speaker 2: Like come on, anotherfucker?
Speaker 1: You want more?
Speaker 2: Who would you punch and like run away?
Speaker 3: Like not he but just like I don't want to
Speaker 3: get punched back, I probably run away.
Speaker 2: You run, I might run, punch and run and ship,
Speaker 2: I might run. I might be what did I do? Will? No? Really,
Speaker 2: I think you'd lose it punch and then be like
Speaker 2: like a like a dog that bites the owner, and
Speaker 2: then it's like, what did I do?
Speaker 3: I'm so sorry, But I'm not punching anybody. We don't
Speaker 3: condone punching here on beardless, stickless me.
Speaker 2: Is that right?
Speaker 3: We don't.
Speaker 2: We don't A good punch the only way to communicate
Speaker 2: your thoughts. No, I'm not. I got jelly arms. And
Speaker 2: ship a punch. In my life, I have bad dreams,
Speaker 2: like nightmares where like I hit somebody with all the
Speaker 2: force I possibly can and they're like, you're kidding.
Speaker 3: I have nightmares like that too.
Speaker 2: It must be a dream of powerlessness, must like, yeah,
Speaker 2: equate to some cycle conditions.
Speaker 3: I'll kick as hard as I can and it won't
Speaker 3: do anything. Yeah, that's a scary one.
Speaker 2: It is where you're just like, oh my god, I
Speaker 2: have not even made an impact.
Speaker 3: That's a real scary one.
Speaker 2: Like I'll wind up as sorry as I can, and
Speaker 2: it's just like kids, I'm still out on the road.
Speaker 2: If you want to go see Dogma with me, go
Speaker 2: to dog Mo movie dot com dog mamovie dot com
Speaker 2: for tickets. Dogma comes out everywhere June fifth. And let's
Speaker 2: see what is it? Now? This is two to three episodes?
Speaker 2: How many of we record the other day? Three?
Speaker 3: Two?
Speaker 2: We recorded two. This would be the third, so that
Speaker 2: means the last one. My first one went up last week,
Speaker 2: so there would be the one week. I don't know.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna wait till the next episode to say the thing.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, because I'm not quite sure when they announced.
Speaker 3: Yeah you should yeah, So I'll.
Speaker 2: Hold on to it. But there's a cool thing that
Speaker 2: I want to share with y'all, and if you come
Speaker 2: back next episode, I'll share it. Don't forget, kids, that
Speaker 2: Kevin Smith Club is the only place to watch Beardless
Speaker 2: Stickless me. And if you're sitting there going like it's
Speaker 2: boring as fuck to listen to, why would I want
Speaker 2: to watch you too? Idiots fucking say these stupid things
Speaker 2: to each other. Well, then you could join that Kevin
Speaker 2: Smith Club and find out what all the hubbubs about.
Speaker 2: Not only do you get beardlistick was me to watch?
Speaker 2: Not only did you get our after show which we're
Speaker 2: about to go record Beardless Stickless Plus which I'll be
Speaker 2: honest with you, that's the fire show. That's the fire one,
Speaker 2: as in, that's the show we should burn because it's
Speaker 2: so useless. But you get to see and hear more
Speaker 2: of the Beardless Stickless that's when we really come alive.
Speaker 2: Yeah on, Once we're done with the fucking once we're
Speaker 2: done sucking on the Iheartteat, that's when.
Speaker 1: We let our hair down and party over that can club.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, kids, keep sucking that iHeart Tea. Please
Speaker 2: keep your feet on the ground and keep sucking that.
Speaker 2: I heart tea. Do you know who Casey case is?
Speaker 3: Who is I don't know, but it sounds familiar.
Speaker 2: Aside from being the voice of Shaggy like Zoid Scoob
Speaker 2: and the voice of Robin on Super Friends, for my generation,
Speaker 2: he was the voice of American Top forty.
Speaker 1: We're counting down the Biggest Tits number fourteen.
Speaker 3: Nice.
Speaker 2: Every Sunday morning he would do, like the Top forty countdown.
Speaker 2: It's like a four hour fucking show. And you know,
Speaker 2: sometimes they played a full song, sometimes just a little clip.
Speaker 2: They'd be like, and now it's time for a long
Speaker 2: distance dedication. Dear Casey, my name is Bob. Many years
Speaker 2: ago I met a girl named Gloria, and we were
Speaker 2: each other's hearts. We spend every day together, laughing, going
Speaker 2: out to movies, having dinner. She knew my family, I
Speaker 2: knew hers. Everything was going along well, Casey. Sometimes in life,
Speaker 2: when everything is perfect, you find a way to mess
Speaker 2: it up. And Gloria and I split apart. We've both
Speaker 2: had separate lives gone on. I've lost touch with her,
Speaker 2: but still I'll always remember her as the girl who
Speaker 2: changed my life, my brown eyed girl. So Casey, would
Speaker 2: you play the Rolling Stone no, Van Morrison's Brown Eyed
Speaker 2: Girl for Gloria, just so if she's out there, she
Speaker 2: might know that I'm still thinking about her and she
Speaker 2: still means the world. Love Bob, Bob, here's your long
Speaker 2: distance medication. And then they play the song Wow. Yeah,
Speaker 2: as long as this is ocasion was fire because there
Speaker 2: was always something about fucker writing a letter where you're like, oh,
Speaker 2: and like, honestly, eight times out of ten it was
Speaker 2: gut wrenchingly emotional and shit. And then they always like,
Speaker 2: so would you please play and then play this fucking song?
Speaker 2: And you were like, because they just told you something
Speaker 2: really fucking.
Speaker 3: Emotional, are you gonna cry?
Speaker 2: I was gonna emotional thinking about it. Then I'm a
Speaker 2: little glassy. I spent an an ordinate amount of my
Speaker 2: childhood listening to American Top forty. Like that was the
Speaker 2: thing that my brother and sister passed on to me.
Speaker 2: We didn't have cable TV. We'd have the internet, fucking
Speaker 2: damn sure, and shit like that. So on Sundays like
Speaker 2: that was a big thing. So they can go into
Speaker 2: school the next day and be like, ooh, I heard
Speaker 2: this and shit. So I was forced to listen to
Speaker 2: it from a young age. But for a lot of
Speaker 2: people of a certain age, the voice of Casey Casey,
Speaker 2: aside of course from being shaggy, takes them right too.
Speaker 2: First it was American Top forty, and then it was
Speaker 2: Casey's Top forty or something like that, and then they
Speaker 2: went and did American Top forty without him with somebody else.
Speaker 2: But then he was so well branded and that voice
Speaker 2: was so well known that he it was Casey's Top forty,
Speaker 2: and shit, fuck America. That's what I'm not what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: That's what Casey Casum said, right, the late great Casey
Speaker 2: case meant you don't Did you even watch TRL when
Speaker 2: you were a kid? Total Request Live was a countdown show?
Speaker 2: Any part of your life you missed out.
Speaker 3: I missed out on a lot of cool things I did,
Speaker 3: like all the nineties. Yeah, well not all.
Speaker 2: You were there at the Bury Tale end the last
Speaker 2: six months of the nineties. You were there.
Speaker 3: That's all that matters.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know what I'm saying. You don't remember it.
Speaker 2: You were like drooling and ship, but you were there.
Speaker 2: So true, kids, you have fun today this week You're like, no,
Speaker 2: not really.
Speaker 3: You got a dry cleaning.
Speaker 2: Yeah, built News, don't forget, not even sponsored. They got
Speaker 2: a lot of airtime.
Speaker 3: Them for like five minutes.
Speaker 2: And did people like this show is really just you're
Speaker 2: no Joe Rogan. That's right. We don't have whack jobs on.
Speaker 2: We just talked to each other about really mundane ship.
Speaker 2: Miltonies closes at nine on Saturday. Did you know that.
Speaker 1: I live a fucking Florida Give a ship? Go back
Speaker 1: to telling jokes.
Speaker 3: They're really the best though.
Speaker 2: The man.
Speaker 1: Kids still out on the road.
Speaker 2: Come see meat or Dogma. What do you got to sell?
Speaker 3: Cinnamon the band? The band? We have two songs out
Speaker 3: and the Spice is a good one. We have Star
Speaker 3: and we have why out now streaming everywhere?
Speaker 2: And uh where can they get one of them sweet
Speaker 2: Dickla shirts?
Speaker 3: You can go right on over to beardlessticklesmee dot com.
Speaker 2: Is that what they is? They're listening for it there?
Speaker 2: Look you mean you're sending I don't think I've ever
Speaker 2: seen an ad for the shirt over there? Really?
Speaker 3: Oh shit?
Speaker 2: I mean don't you think you would have continued getting
Speaker 2: sales if there was some ad public That's a good point.
Speaker 3: Actually, you said the.
Speaker 2: Last week going you'll be buying shirts.
Speaker 1: Nobody knows they exist, know that?
Speaker 3: Oh oh oh oh yeah.
Speaker 2: Perhaps I've been wasted on my own petard.
Speaker 3: Oh oh no, it's there where it's on beardless sticklessmeat
Speaker 3: dot com.
Speaker 2: We're at the bottom.
Speaker 3: You can go on over to this little side thing
Speaker 3: and it says merch.
Speaker 2: What the fuck you guys searching for? There is no
Speaker 2: like full clickable ad Wilkers.
Speaker 3: There's a lot of pictures of us.
Speaker 2: Meet George Jetson. Then at the meet Will Wilkins. Did
Speaker 2: you I played TV theme songs with your mom for
Speaker 2: a little while today. I was very impressed by how
Speaker 2: many she got. Oh really yeah, but I'm thinking you
Speaker 2: couldn't do it because your generation and have TV theme song.
Speaker 3: Yeah, like if I said, miss I miss a TV
Speaker 3: theme song.
Speaker 2: We're moving on up to the east side.
Speaker 1: No mm hmm to a deep that's up now in
Speaker 1: the sky. We're moving on up, moving on up to
Speaker 1: the east side. We finally got a piece of the pie.
Speaker 2: Fuck you're young, I'm your child, I know, but in
Speaker 2: your generations and grow up with the same same reruns
Speaker 2: as we did. That's the jefferson Son theme song to
Speaker 2: the Jeffersons. Means, don't burn in the kitchen brings, don't
Speaker 2: burn on the grill. Took a whole lot of try
Speaker 2: and just to get up at you.
Speaker 1: Now we're all getting out to hear that back.
Speaker 3: No one in this room likes this.
Speaker 2: Him singing the Jeffersons again.
Speaker 3: Pretty just looked at you all.
Speaker 2: Right before I start singing more sick coming. Audience is like,
Speaker 2: do that?
Speaker 1: Never mind, Milt Needies sing more ship.
Speaker 2: Fuck. Oh they didn't have a theme song for Milt Needy.
Speaker 3: They should.
Speaker 4: It was it?
Speaker 2: I think it went like I panked you, bully.
Speaker 4: Gag and put you boys and can't put me back.
Speaker 4: Don't put your boys, bunch you boys.
Speaker 3: It's time to go.
Speaker 2: It's time to get off the beardless for this week.
Speaker 2: Beardless stick. Let's me have Kevin spick beardless. You fucking
Speaker 2: look get that hair sticking out of my head.
Speaker 3: I noticed, but I never had an opportunity to speak.
Speaker 1: I'm sitting here just battling alone.
Speaker 2: You can literally interrupt me at any time to be like,
Speaker 2: you know how stupid you sound, you look even worse.
Speaker 2: Fix your fucking hat. Thank god it looked before I
Speaker 2: ended the show, so I can end with a little
Speaker 2: fucking dignity and a little respect. There's your beardless stickless
Speaker 2: me for this week. Before I go, one thing. Appreciate
Speaker 2: you wearing that shut for bedless stickles, ma'am Kevin Smith.
Speaker 2: So have a beardless, dickless day.
Speaker 8: This has been a podcast production, some podcast podcast using
Speaker 8: our mouths on you since two thousand and seven. Hey kids,
Speaker 8: did you like you just heard?
Speaker 2: Well, guess what.
Speaker 8: We've got tons more man thousands of hours of podcasts
Speaker 8: waiting for you at that kevinsmithclub dot com.
Speaker 2: Go sign up now.