Speaker 1: Welcome back to beardless, dickless me.
Speaker 2: I'm Kevin Smith and I'm Harley Quinn Smith.
Speaker 3: A crisis man. Right before we went totally spased on anything,
Speaker 3: I was like, oh, let's talk about that.
Speaker 2: It happens.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't I want you seeing me with this performance.
Speaker 3: Don't look at me. I'm supposed to be good at
Speaker 3: look at me, human being.
Speaker 2: I think of you so differently now I will never
Speaker 2: have the same respect.
Speaker 3: Motherfucker used to be able to get shipped done. Just
Speaker 3: spased on what we're going to talk about here. Let
Speaker 3: me tell you a fucking gruesome story. Man.
Speaker 2: Oh great, we'll start there. Awesome.
Speaker 3: So I'm walking. I'm out escorting the German the German consulate,
Speaker 3: uh toward Runyon Canyon.
Speaker 1: The girls walking, Lucky and.
Speaker 2: Birdie, they are dogs.
Speaker 3: They are the Germans. One is one and change. You know,
Speaker 3: they Mom twenty three and me because they cut her
Speaker 3: in half and counted the rings like, oh my god,
Speaker 3: and then they kept her together. Their guestimate is Lucky
Speaker 3: is between seven and eight or something like that. So
Speaker 3: Lucky took like a giant ship. I carry around pooh bag,
Speaker 3: so I'm picking up the pooh and I'm talking to
Speaker 3: mom Ley the same time, who went home today, right,
Speaker 3: My mom has been in the hospital for well over
Speaker 3: a month, and for the last like two weeks or
Speaker 3: we can have two weeks.
Speaker 1: She's been in.
Speaker 3: The rehabby unit of the hospital, not because she's like,
Speaker 3: I'm drunk, but because they have to teach her how
Speaker 3: to walk again after being in the hospital for so long.
Speaker 3: Since she went home today and saw Princess, her beloved
Speaker 3: twenty two year old fucking cat.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I just walked over him, was.
Speaker 3: Like, hello, Yes, I'm talking to Grandma Momily. Momily h
Speaker 3: and this is yesterday. Momily went home today. This is
Speaker 3: yesterday talking to Momily picking up lucky shit and lucky
Speaker 3: shits bricks. The biggest shecky was lucky shitsy.
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
Speaker 1: So I'm picking up you know, I take the bag.
Speaker 3: I got these Snoopy Pooh bags. So I'm like, what's
Speaker 3: the point of having it unless Snoopy's gonna.
Speaker 1: Be on the outside in the way they give you
Speaker 1: a bag, put your.
Speaker 3: Hand in Snoopy Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry, reverse it.
Speaker 2: What's the point about me?
Speaker 3: I mean, I'm like, I'm there, your mom paying an
Speaker 3: extra buck for the brand. I might as well be like,
Speaker 3: it's and I can get you Snoopy because what's in
Speaker 3: the bag is horrible. And plus all those little snoopies
Speaker 3: on the bag, if it's not inverted, they'd be like.
Speaker 1: They'd be feeling less like Snoopy and more like Charlie Brown.
Speaker 2: So true.
Speaker 3: So I'm picking up I invert the bag, and I'm
Speaker 3: picking up the ship and I'm talking to Momiley and
Speaker 3: I'm like yeah, and she's like, what are you doing.
Speaker 3: I was like, I'm picking up the dog shit mount
Speaker 3: because there's a garbage can like right here, so I'm
Speaker 3: gonna be able to throw it right out.
Speaker 2: So you're really multitasking and narrating the whole thing like
Speaker 2: it's a book on taping.
Speaker 1: And you know, Mommiy's life had out exciting. So she
Speaker 1: was like, Oh, tell me more Tiger.
Speaker 2: About they invertedoopy bag exactly.
Speaker 3: She was like, Oh, I'm proud of you Tigers. She's
Speaker 3: always proud of me. And I throw the dog shit out.
Speaker 3: While I'm throwing the dog shit out, the two dogs
Speaker 3: go nuzzling their nose into grass no more than fucking
Speaker 3: tops eight inches high, just normal ass brands right, maybe
Speaker 3: a little higher, but normal, you know, right on the
Speaker 3: side of the curve. Oh man, no warning whatsoever. Lucky
Speaker 3: pulls her head out of the grass like a bear
Speaker 3: yanking a salmon out of a stream. In her mouth
Speaker 3: is a fucking giant ass rat that is hanging out
Speaker 3: from both sides. Now before I'm flabbergasted, because I'm like,
Speaker 3: how fucking fast you gotta be to fucking snatch a rat?
Speaker 3: And this was your primary you know, fucking directive and
Speaker 3: ship and you just took a ship and all these
Speaker 3: things are coming on and still you're the presidents of mind.
Speaker 3: You just took your nose in and come out with
Speaker 3: this fucking.
Speaker 1: Like like any toy. It got the violent shape.
Speaker 2: Fucking Jesus Christ.
Speaker 3: Bro blood spattered everything. God, Birdie is like looking on
Speaker 3: like when's my turn?
Speaker 1: And it's really fucking like.
Speaker 3: I had to yank Lucky by the harness back so
Speaker 3: that it fell out of her mouth and crossed them
Speaker 3: across the street. You know, I look, I'm not I'm
Speaker 3: not a big fan of rats, but like you know,
Speaker 3: I don't want to see anything. Fucking Yeah, I suffer.
Speaker 2: This thing sounds like I say.
Speaker 3: The least, and they like, you've never seen someone more
Speaker 3: like fucking.
Speaker 1: Like very self.
Speaker 2: Satisfied, fucking murderer, bro Wucky crazy.
Speaker 1: When I took her out, she had the look of like,
Speaker 1: what can I kill today?
Speaker 2: I'm not looking at Waki the same.
Speaker 3: It was really tough, too, is when I'm getting at
Speaker 3: like after that, I'm like.
Speaker 2: That's why my cats are indoor, among other reasons. But
Speaker 2: if they brought home dead things, I'd be like, on
Speaker 2: the dead thing.
Speaker 3: Don't do it in front of me. Like I I
Speaker 3: watched it happen.
Speaker 2: I was like, no, no, from the snoopy bags.
Speaker 1: Help me fucking take the side of the rat.
Speaker 3: We're like it was horrifying. And ever since then, I
Speaker 3: have been looking at Lucky through a different sort of
Speaker 3: lens where she's like Mom had this theory where she's like, no,
Speaker 3: I never thought of this. She's like, maybe whoever had
Speaker 3: Lucky before us got rid of Lucky because she like
Speaker 3: grabs somebody's dog. And was like and then when Mom
Speaker 3: said that, I'll be honest with you, my wheel start
Speaker 3: turning because maybe, just maybe that's what happened to Shecky. No,
Speaker 3: for a second there, you were like, right, let's go,
Speaker 3: let's go for'm a citizens arrest.
Speaker 1: Down to the station.
Speaker 2: No no, no, no, that is no.
Speaker 3: The way rat, that giant rat was like, you know,
Speaker 3: not much smaller than you think.
Speaker 2: Mom is just carrying around this horrible horrendous wouldn't you secret?
Speaker 3: Wouldn't you? Because look, look how much I love Lucky.
Speaker 3: What is she going to tell say one day? Like
Speaker 3: I hate to tell you this. I can't live with
Speaker 3: the guilt anymore. Lucky Lucky was Lucky, was behind Chucky's.
Speaker 2: Yeah no no no no, no, no no no.
Speaker 3: And so many years go by, and I love Lucky
Speaker 3: so much that I'm like, how do I It's like
Speaker 3: a fucking you know, we've written a Hallmark movie. This
Speaker 3: is a lifetime movie. Right here.
Speaker 2: There really is a solid wucky come on, which.
Speaker 3: Could be called at midnight unlucky, unlucky in love oh
Speaker 3: or not so lucky so true or no come on.
Speaker 1: It's even sitting right there.
Speaker 2: What about at midnight?
Speaker 3: Moga at midnight is ridiculous. But they called her Wuckie,
Speaker 3: well actually not walky because people and also they look
Speaker 3: at it spelled and they'd be like they called her wookie,
Speaker 3: they called they call they called her lucky.
Speaker 2: They called.
Speaker 3: Well, that's the thing you got. She's fucking at the
Speaker 3: end that she takes the long walk and ship. But
Speaker 3: by then maybe it's justified because it's like she was
Speaker 3: a killer of fucking dogs.
Speaker 2: Well, he's breathing so loud right now, she's having nightmares
Speaker 2: about the No.
Speaker 3: She's sleeping the sleep of the jest because she's like,
Speaker 3: I took a life. My god, that's my purpose. I
Speaker 3: take it.
Speaker 1: I protected my man and my family.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I sleep like a baby. Oh my god,
Speaker 3: man man, those two come rip roaring out of the
Speaker 3: fucking front door, in the front door, the pool deck door.
Speaker 3: When I let him out in the morning. Birdie more
Speaker 3: than lucky because they there's the squirrels hang out up there,
Speaker 3: like the squirrels take peanuts from my deck, plant them
Speaker 3: up on theres no ship. And I watched one fucking
Speaker 3: be like oh ship and fucking scamp up a tree
Speaker 3: and right up the wall.
Speaker 1: Only look down and be like.
Speaker 2: Wait do that again?
Speaker 3: That far?
Speaker 2: Why is it running like this?
Speaker 1: This sucker was so fat.
Speaker 3: I mean, like I still one misstep you fall into
Speaker 3: the waiting jaws of Walkie. Oh my god, And I've
Speaker 3: seen what walk does with a small animal in her mouth.
Speaker 3: I mean she said that animal did not go gently
Speaker 3: into that good night.
Speaker 4: As think about it, like proportionately speaking, In order for
Speaker 4: you to die the way that.
Speaker 3: Rat, probably you would have to be like a t rex,
Speaker 3: would have to take you in its mouth.
Speaker 2: Like not just like a giant, like a giant killer
Speaker 2: whale situation. Don't take us there, I'm taking.
Speaker 3: I'm taking it there, taking it right to the sea.
Speaker 3: It took. Yes, you're right, the killer, Well, well don't
Speaker 3: now you make it ridiculous. Now I'm feeling safe because
Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm.
Speaker 2: Never sorry killed great white hands.
Speaker 3: Down, fucking absolute psychotic murderers of the sea.
Speaker 2: I know that's that's that's right, Okay, that's what we
Speaker 2: were right now.
Speaker 3: The they are mindless killers.
Speaker 2: Are humans. Humans are mindless killers who kill more sharks
Speaker 2: every year, like a hundred times more than kill humans.
Speaker 1: I'm not advocating for killing sharks, but I don't want
Speaker 1: to be.
Speaker 2: If you were a shark and the humans were polluting
Speaker 2: your waters and sucking up your entire asp space to
Speaker 2: live once, you maybe even want to be like and
Speaker 2: they never they they usually don't do it intentionally. They
Speaker 2: think people are seals or like other animals. But I
Speaker 2: would be like, fuck you.
Speaker 3: Guys, sharks passion or ration.
Speaker 2: I love them.
Speaker 3: Look, I got nothing else.
Speaker 1: I don't want to fucking die. Is food for something else.
Speaker 3: And you were the one that took us to the sea,
Speaker 3: and first it was fucking killer whales, which I was
Speaker 3: totally fine with.
Speaker 1: Then you had to up the horror anti You were
Speaker 1: like a studio exectuate.
Speaker 3: Have to be a whale? Can be a shark?
Speaker 1: Can the shark be from space?
Speaker 3: Space shark studios?
Speaker 2: I have one quick question, even though you were this
Speaker 2: is gonna do a nice little I just I've been wondering,
Speaker 2: did blood get on you?
Speaker 3: No? Okay, But I took the dogs to the place
Speaker 3: we took Sam's green paw. That's where they get yes,
Speaker 3: And just because not only do they bathe them and
Speaker 3: cut their cut there, cut their noise, but they brush
Speaker 3: their teeth. And after what I saw, I was like,
Speaker 3: can you clean the fucking rabies out of my dog's mouth?
Speaker 3: And that's the thing. It's like, she she fucking bit
Speaker 3: down on a rat that bled in her mouth.
Speaker 2: Is there blood on the sidewalk? Like could you find
Speaker 2: the crime scene?
Speaker 3: I know exactly where it is.
Speaker 1: I'll never forget even though.
Speaker 2: Did you bury the rat?
Speaker 3: Fuck? No, what I moved the fuck on. It was
Speaker 3: a horror show. You think I'm going to Lucky the
Speaker 3: guy I'm waiting for the cops show up, and I'm like, officer,
Speaker 3: it was this horrible thing.
Speaker 2: You should have taken anoopie bag inverted it.
Speaker 3: I was trying to spare you this. But as I
Speaker 3: rocking at those dogs across the street away from because
Speaker 3: I pulled Lucky by the harnessment, so the rat came
Speaker 3: out of her mouth because she went back so fast.
Speaker 3: Because I was like, I'm not violently, but I yanked
Speaker 3: her back, she dropped the rat. We crossed the street.
Speaker 3: I had half a second to look back because I
Speaker 3: had to look back make sure no cars were coming.
Speaker 3: Wasn't the two pieces? I saw him a little foot
Speaker 3: going yeah, yes, yes, yes, oh nothing. There was no like,
Speaker 3: you know, he'll be fine, It's just a flesh wound.
Speaker 3: That motherfucker was bound for the great fucking rat Catcher
Speaker 3: in the sky.
Speaker 2: Well. I was hoping that it was. He was at
Speaker 2: least gone already.
Speaker 3: Live in hope, die in despa just like that fucking
Speaker 3: rat did in Lucky's mouth but didn't die when Lucky
Speaker 3: put it down, died, you know, hopefully soon.
Speaker 1: But we walked away still twitching. So please don't don't
Speaker 1: give me this like you should have bullshit?
Speaker 3: Would you have?
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 3: You would have been like, get do you do that? Ever?
Speaker 3: Like with the breathing ship, I can't breathe. Do you
Speaker 3: have one of those?
Speaker 2: And Inhaler, Yeah, because.
Speaker 3: That would be the moment fern Inhaler.
Speaker 2: Would it be like you one of these.
Speaker 3: Person either or one of these.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, different buddy. Honestly I would I would
Speaker 2: really saw what I saw, Oh yeah, just because it
Speaker 2: was like number one, it was it was horrifying.
Speaker 3: It's traumatizing. I'll cary that.
Speaker 2: I feel so bad.
Speaker 3: I feel so But number two you're just like that's
Speaker 3: nature in action. But number three, you know, you just
Speaker 3: don't like to see anything. You're like me, like, oh
Speaker 3: my god, fucking I don't want to see anything.
Speaker 2: Suffer WALKI always sits behind you, by the way, she's
Speaker 2: watching at all times.
Speaker 3: I love Wucky and I trust her like ninety eight percent.
Speaker 3: But whenever I lay on the floor, in Hugwucky. I
Speaker 3: always leave just enough room just in case Wucky turns.
Speaker 2: Remember when I was trying to get that one thing
Speaker 2: off of her one time and she was like, oh
Speaker 2: and she well, she was just she wasn't even making noise.
Speaker 2: She was just looking at me like, and I was like, Okay,
Speaker 2: I think I'm done.
Speaker 3: I think she she's I will say this about Luggy
Speaker 3: like she's absolutely loving stuff and she trusts. I think
Speaker 3: she's had to learn to try. Yeah, like because I
Speaker 3: think wherever she came from. Whenever I pat her, if
Speaker 3: I pet near her back, near her tail, she'll turn
Speaker 3: and look probably brow. I share with you a story
Speaker 3: of Walkie. Oh, I mean, I know some people are like,
Speaker 3: stop talking about your dogs, man, wont you talk about
Speaker 3: the fucking election? Row you talk about it, sell culture,
Speaker 3: talk about it. I'm gonna tell a story about a
Speaker 3: German shepherd dog.
Speaker 2: Stories beardless, beardless, dickless dog stories.
Speaker 5: They really are beardless also, So I'm walking these fucking
Speaker 5: dogs and Lucky, of course, you know, has had a
Speaker 5: litter of pups, at least one we know of, because
Speaker 5: Birdie is the result of that.
Speaker 3: The last fucking of the Walkie pups.
Speaker 2: Will be adopted. Yes, she was the last one because
Speaker 2: she was a little off, a little.
Speaker 3: A little bit small, but there's a little tea.
Speaker 2: But they called her Spunky.
Speaker 1: Lucky.
Speaker 3: That's Bertie was Lucky's golden ticket.
Speaker 2: Man, it's not literally.
Speaker 3: Mom went looking for a big ass, old ass German ship.
Speaker 3: She was looking for the pup. And then when they
Speaker 3: were like have you met the mom? What? He was like, Hello,
Speaker 3: He's like I could be good. So Walky knows that, like,
Speaker 3: look I got in on the fucking Maritsal. She doesn't know,
Speaker 3: but walk He's like once in walk He's like, I'm
Speaker 3: going to make you love me. Yes, I will.
Speaker 2: I believe that.
Speaker 3: I believe jumping Yes, sir Weed, I'm going to make
Speaker 3: you love me. Can you name? Can you name the group?
Speaker 2: What? Tell me?
Speaker 3: It's either the Supremes or Diana Ross and the Supremes.
Speaker 3: They started as the Supremes and then she stepped forward
Speaker 3: and they were like, yeah, I'm.
Speaker 6: Got a man. You love me?
Speaker 2: See them is really good.
Speaker 3: You're very easy.
Speaker 2: It's really beautiful.
Speaker 3: I hear it. Man, I've been doing a lot of
Speaker 3: thinking this morning on thank You. I don't know why,
Speaker 3: but we fell down the rabbit hole.
Speaker 1: Of oh because the girls.
Speaker 3: Yes, what you call your dogs when your child grows up,
Speaker 3: moves out, has your own house. The girls they went
Speaker 3: to Sam's Greenpaw, as previously mentioned.
Speaker 1: And when they get groomed they walk out with kerchiefs.
Speaker 2: Yes they do.
Speaker 3: They do have something on my face.
Speaker 2: No, sorry, I had to.
Speaker 1: I thought you were indicating me like.
Speaker 2: Everyone always thinks up the code. Don't talk about that
Speaker 2: show I told you on that note. Can you please
Speaker 2: stop like naming specifically as you go. It bothers me
Speaker 2: so fucking much.
Speaker 3: They'll never find me there, man, bru. They'll never find
Speaker 3: me at Sam's screen.
Speaker 2: So specific there. It's not even a change, you know what.
Speaker 1: It's a great place.
Speaker 3: They do, great job. I like to give them the ups.
Speaker 3: Sam's Green Ball, all right. So I was sitting there
Speaker 3: because the girl they've got their little kerchiefs on, like
Speaker 3: when they bathe them. They put these little cut it
Speaker 3: from like fucking pennies a pound fabric.
Speaker 1: But they're awesome, They're amazing, so awesome. And their theme
Speaker 1: to the fall they got leaves on the ship.
Speaker 3: So Bertie's is a little bit larger than Birdie and
Speaker 3: so the way it's been falling around her neck. She
Speaker 3: looks like Laverne Defasio from the classic seventies sitcom Laverne
Speaker 3: and Shirley. Oh my star Penny Marshall, who used to
Speaker 3: live the street that has been in this house when I
Speaker 3: interviewed her, you know, years ago on the podcast, so
Speaker 3: we've been calling her like Laverne. I tried to get
Speaker 3: a picture of her and then Mom was like, we
Speaker 3: got to get her a poodle skirt and I was like, oh,
Speaker 3: because that's what they were on vern show.
Speaker 6: We will It hasn't happened yet, but we will trust
Speaker 6: that will happen.
Speaker 3: But that led me to fall down the rabbit hole
Speaker 3: of the Vernon shirlet, which like, is one of the
Speaker 3: Your mom didn't watch a lot of TV. She wasn't
Speaker 3: like raised by the TV like I was. But she
Speaker 3: does know a surprising amount of jingles for somebody who
Speaker 3: did not get to watch as much TV, which has
Speaker 3: been backed up by Nana. Nana's like, I never let
Speaker 3: him watch TV. You know. It's like, well, you're fucking
Speaker 3: a terrible parents.
Speaker 2: Your problem.
Speaker 3: You want to look how she turned out watch TV?
Speaker 3: In nature she did Jennifer's always like we played what
Speaker 3: did you?
Speaker 1: We played the television over and over and over.
Speaker 3: It was our friend, our parent. It taught us things,
Speaker 3: and I honestly like so. So there we are both
Speaker 3: fucking singing the Lavernon Shirley theme, which begins with you
Speaker 3: probably didn't fuck with it, like reruns weren't a big
Speaker 3: part of your life. They were when we were kids
Speaker 3: because there weren't as many cable champs cable. There was
Speaker 3: no streaming, so you have watched like a lot of
Speaker 3: reruns and ship. So the Vernon Shirley always began with
Speaker 3: them kind of skipping down the street, fake street on
Speaker 3: the Paramount lot made to look like Milwaukee, Wisconsin, which
Speaker 3: is where it took place because they both worked for
Speaker 3: Shots Brewery m HM. So began with them going one, two, three, four, five,
Speaker 3: six seven, h Lamil schla Maazel Hassinfeffer Incorporated. Do you
Speaker 3: know what Hassinfeffer is? No, I do not. The German
Speaker 3: word for rabbit. I knew you were gonna inter up
Speaker 3: till now. I was watching your board eyes going he's
Speaker 3: going on about old people. Rabbit. I'm back in German
Speaker 3: word for rabbit. They really go overboards. So in any event.
Speaker 3: That's how they began, and then the theme song kicked it.
Speaker 1: But we're gonna do it.
Speaker 3: And these are the lyrics to the to the Laverne
Speaker 3: Shirley theme song.
Speaker 1: Then even your mother knows.
Speaker 2: I'm waiting.
Speaker 3: Give us any chance, we'll take it, Read us any rule,
Speaker 3: we'll break it. We're gonna make our dreams come true,
Speaker 3: doing it our way. There is nothing, no, no fucking
Speaker 3: wait up, nothing's gonna hold us back. Now, straight ahead
Speaker 3: and on the track. Now, we're gonna make our dreams
Speaker 3: come true doing it our way. There is nothing we
Speaker 3: won't try. Never heard the word impossible. This time, there's
Speaker 3: no stopping us. We're gonna do it. On your market
Speaker 3: set and go. Oh now, got a dream and we
Speaker 3: a show. Now we're gonna make our dreams come true.
Speaker 7: And we'll do it our way, Yes, oh way.
Speaker 1: Don't fucking smile, man, I'm about to cry.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's really charming.
Speaker 3: Crazy charming.
Speaker 7: Let me finish it and we'll do it our way, Yes,
Speaker 7: oh way, make our dreams come true, and we'll do.
Speaker 3: It our way, Yes, our way. Make a loud dreams
Speaker 3: come true for me and you. Right, that's the laberia
Speaker 3: Shirley theme song and it opened every episode and like
Speaker 3: fucking they went hard on shows, like nowadays they open shows.
Speaker 1: And they just start they fucking that whole fanfare. Charlie
Speaker 1: Fox wrote this fucking song.
Speaker 3: So I was thinking about Debby because we were singing it,
Speaker 3: and I was like, oh, I want to go here,
Speaker 3: and I pulled up on YouTube and I did this
Speaker 3: deep dive on fun Lavernon Shirley, and I realized, like
Speaker 3: that was a huge feature in my life. I got
Speaker 3: yelled at by my parents after my parents' first parent
Speaker 3: teacher conference. Mister Lodge was my kindergarten teacher and I
Speaker 3: would make her laugh all the time because I would
Speaker 3: do lines from Lavernon Shirley. Then when she had my
Speaker 3: my the parent teacher conference with my parents, She's like,
Speaker 3: he just he won't stop doing lines. And my parents
Speaker 3: came home like, why I always don't want Verna Shirley.
Speaker 3: You get in trouble on I'm like, but I.
Speaker 1: First betrayal by a woman.
Speaker 6: Second one in cell culture begins with mister Lodge, keep.
Speaker 2: Your heart's he did not ride.
Speaker 3: That's true.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. I was like, from mister Lodge to
Speaker 1: Waukie interested woman.
Speaker 3: So there I am like watch, I watched the show
Speaker 3: all the time, and like again, we didn't have a
Speaker 3: lot of options and ship and it was like peak
Speaker 3: appointment television, and it was a number only sitcom at
Speaker 3: least at that point that had launched at number one
Speaker 3: because they had been on Happy Days and this was
Speaker 3: a spinoff, and it's charming.
Speaker 1: It's like kind of like the Odd Couple, but with women.
Speaker 3: And they were both comedically like gifted and physical comedians
Speaker 3: and funny.
Speaker 2: They were familiar with I'm familiar breakthrough show.
Speaker 3: And then as time went on, like you know, it
Speaker 3: suffered the fate of many shows, which was like at
Speaker 3: one point, Cindy Williams got married and she's like, I
Speaker 3: want to do this anymore, but the network is like,
Speaker 3: are you fucking nuts? Is the cash count? So they
Speaker 3: like let her go and they kept calling Laverne surely
Speaker 3: even though it was just Laverne and the last season
Speaker 3: the show, every fucking opening credit sequence is the two
Speaker 3: of them. Last season, it's just literally Laverne. It's kind
Speaker 3: of sad, like they had moved to Hollywood by the
Speaker 3: last two or three seasons. They moved from Milwaukee to
Speaker 3: Hollywood shit, and the last you know, it was always
Speaker 3: like fucking them skipping in Milwaukee. When they moved to Hollywood,
Speaker 3: they did their one, two, three four coming out of
Speaker 3: like an apartment on you know, one of the side
Speaker 3: streets here in Los Angeles. And then the last season.
Speaker 2: Oh here he goes, here he goes.
Speaker 3: Remember this is just because Sidney Williams was gone, so
Speaker 3: it's just Penny Marshall. So it begins with a like
Speaker 3: eight kids, school kids going one, two, three, four, five
Speaker 3: six seven h and they pan up to Penny Marshall,
Speaker 3: like coming out of an apartment and seeing the kids
Speaker 3: and wistfully being like, ah, but she wasn't doing it
Speaker 3: no more, and like sure he was gone.
Speaker 2: Oh no, it was so crossed. He's cross sober, bro.
Speaker 3: And I watched an interview with Penny Marshall where she's like,
Speaker 3: look fucking like I didn't want to do it. I tried.
Speaker 3: I was hiding out at Lord Michael's place in New York.
Speaker 3: I didn't want to go back, but I asked for
Speaker 3: double the money and they gave it to me, and
Speaker 3: so fucking I went and did it. Shit, But it's
Speaker 3: kind of heartbreaking. But as I watched all the openings
Speaker 3: to that show. I realized that, like that, that show
Speaker 3: is a big part of why I do what I do.
Speaker 3: That song specifically was so fucking empowering. Think about it.
Speaker 3: My kids didn't grow my kids. My parents didn't grow
Speaker 3: up a fucking songs like you could do shit, you
Speaker 3: know what I'm saying. Like they grew up with like
Speaker 3: country songs or fucking leg love Me Do, or whatever
Speaker 3: the fuck the Beatles sing. This was an empowering, fucking
Speaker 3: anthem that literally said, at all costs, go for what
Speaker 3: makes you happy.
Speaker 2: The only other song comparable Yeah to that. I know
Speaker 2: you'll see somehow the world will change for me.
Speaker 3: So one.
Speaker 2: He loves that song. My dad loves Charley because it's
Speaker 2: it's very inspiring.
Speaker 3: It slaps you gotta be robot cannot be like I want.
Speaker 2: To from the beginning.
Speaker 3: Ready, Yeah, you know it better?
Speaker 2: Three four, I know you'll see somehow changed for me.
Speaker 3: He's so wonder.
Speaker 2: Life somehow, I know I'm going to get there and
Speaker 2: be so wander on the next I because remember, because
Speaker 2: when we listen to it, we listen to the because
Speaker 2: we do listen to it quite frequently, and we listen
Speaker 2: to the extended.
Speaker 3: Version Drake Josh or Drake Yes, but yes he comes
Speaker 3: to that point the way because he comes in like
Speaker 3: sole to me, so take it's how does it go? Son?
Speaker 2: What's the what's the next part?
Speaker 3: You know you won't be free? And until you wake up,
Speaker 3: members of my nation, it's your time to be. There's
Speaker 3: no chance unless you take one. Every time you see the.
Speaker 2: Brighter, brighter side up letation.
Speaker 1: Some things are meant to be.
Speaker 2: So get your best and lead the best to me,
Speaker 2: leave it all, to leave it all to be. It's
Speaker 2: like so sentimental and beautiful. And then he's like leave
Speaker 2: oh he.
Speaker 3: Comes into harmonize. That is a fucking jam in the hand.
Speaker 2: That one, That one really gets you. That one really
Speaker 2: just the.
Speaker 3: Way like I'm Hollywood Babylon, which I have to do
Speaker 3: later on tonight, Ralph. If he sings Beauty and the Beast,
Speaker 3: he starts crying.
Speaker 2: Really which song the.
Speaker 1: Beauty and the Beast. But it's the line, the one
Speaker 1: line that gets me every time.
Speaker 3: Because we're doing the show for fucking almost fifteen years,
Speaker 3: fifteen years, and it has come up multiple times. And
Speaker 3: if he you know, because he likes to fucking sing
Speaker 3: and show like that and he'll he'll say, I was like, really,
Speaker 3: what was and he's like, the Beauty and the Beast
Speaker 3: song really gets me. Really, it was like which one
Speaker 3: He's like, Beauty and the Beast that was like what
Speaker 3: part He's like, you know, it's just when they get
Speaker 3: to the bare leave and friends, then somebody bent and
Speaker 3: then he chokes up. Fucking serious, Missus Potts makes you cry,
Speaker 3: really beautiful, fucking said. And Ralph's normally a very hard guy.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, that's sweet.
Speaker 3: But that fucking song that pushes my Ralph button where.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I want to keep making you cry? What
Speaker 2: else makes you cry?
Speaker 3: Now? I go back to finish my story. So I
Speaker 3: told you all that learning surely ship because that was
Speaker 3: a real discovery. That was a breakthrough for me this
Speaker 3: morning where I'm like that helped, like it definitely, you know,
Speaker 3: because my parents weren't like dream son, like never, and
Speaker 3: they weren't like have nightmare son because that's what life is.
Speaker 3: But they had no fucking example to point to to
Speaker 3: be like, oh, you couldn't fucking do something out of
Speaker 3: the ordinary. And ship it was like, honestly, like you
Speaker 3: fucking that's you know, I want to church right every week,
Speaker 3: and they fucking grind these gods songs into our head
Speaker 3: and show like that and some of them slap some
Speaker 3: of our bankers, but like can't look good music's good music,
Speaker 3: and ship fucking father and father Dave could fucking bust
Speaker 3: a goddamn tue like he always did it on a
Speaker 3: funeral that was an ultra boy and I'd have to
Speaker 3: serve the funerals and ship.
Speaker 2: Oh really, yeah, that's what that's.
Speaker 1: As an altimate what your job was.
Speaker 3: You do it all. But when you say serve a funeral,
Speaker 3: when I say serve a funeral, it means like you're
Speaker 3: doing the funeral, the mass part of the funeral while
Speaker 3: there's a casket that the caskets closed, has got to
Speaker 3: drape over it so it's just a coffee.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you're around that body a lot of funerals.
Speaker 3: Then, Oh, bro, you how many funerals you've been into
Speaker 3: in your young ass life. You didn't bring in my
Speaker 3: dad's funeral By the time I was your age when
Speaker 3: my dad died, I went to a funeral week. Man, Like,
Speaker 3: funerals was such a big part of our lives, Like
Speaker 3: me and my brother and sister. You ask Coclodo and Virginia.
Speaker 3: One day we were surrounded by death because by the
Speaker 3: time we came into the world, like all of our
Speaker 3: older relatives and Ship were like dropping like flies.
Speaker 1: None of these fucking people were healthy as well.
Speaker 2: Should there's something to that, there's something there.
Speaker 3: That they would take it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, a lot of people because with your therapist, I was,
Speaker 2: I was so really affect a person being around all
Speaker 2: the time.
Speaker 3: When you're around it, it's just a natural part of life.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: But like we saw dead bodies but all made up right.
Speaker 3: We never saw like the fucking moment of death. We
Speaker 3: always saw them in a wake, so they're lying. It's
Speaker 3: still terrible, the worst makeup onmaldehyde and ship.
Speaker 2: Oh, I recently only just saw my first, my.
Speaker 3: First first dead body in a coffin. Yeah, yeah, you
Speaker 3: never get your first. It's uh yeah, it's kind of well.
Speaker 3: We grew up around it and Ship and so I like,
Speaker 3: not only did we go to the wake, which is
Speaker 3: always boring for a kid who're sitting in a room
Speaker 3: with a bunch of grieving people who are crying and
Speaker 3: there's a dead person up front. You just want to
Speaker 3: hang out with your cousins and laugh. You can't laugh
Speaker 3: because it's inappropriate. Somebody fucking died.
Speaker 2: And this is like kind of giving me more insight,
Speaker 2: like I really thought I knew you completely.
Speaker 3: Yes, take you back in time to attend to one
Speaker 3: of my family funerals with And again, these were not
Speaker 3: relatives that were like, you know, my mom, my dad,
Speaker 3: or my grandmother. They were like cousins.
Speaker 1: Yeah, old like my mom's aunts.
Speaker 2: But you would have to participate in funerals for people
Speaker 2: you did not know at the church.
Speaker 3: As an altar boy. Yeah yeah, but you're not like
Speaker 3: like they're not like carry the.
Speaker 2: Body, but you are there.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but you don't even see a body.
Speaker 2: But that's not the point, but you're you're there.
Speaker 3: Fuck yeah, But so are other people in the church.
Speaker 1: Like this is the funeral mass.
Speaker 3: So there's the wake where they lay the body out
Speaker 3: and the coffin's opening and it's like this. Then they
Speaker 3: close the coffin, bring it to a church, and everybody
Speaker 3: who wants to go to the mask goes to the
Speaker 3: mass in the morning and ship and the coffin is
Speaker 3: on like a little gurney of sorts. It's carried in
Speaker 3: by six people Paul bearers, and then they put it
Speaker 3: on the thing, and then they put like a religious
Speaker 3: drape over it, and then the priest comes out and
Speaker 3: says some nice things about the well. First starts the mask.
Speaker 3: Then during the homily, instead of a homily mamily, they
Speaker 3: do a thing where they're like, you know, you know what,
Speaker 3: the dead guy was a good guy or the dead
Speaker 3: lady fucking meant everything with this beer, and then you know,
Speaker 3: ultimately and winding up of course with like but now
Speaker 3: they're with Jesus, and that what we all want a
Speaker 3: kid and be like, I don't know, like fucking that
Speaker 3: seems to be the.
Speaker 1: End of the party, but it's a party with Jesus.
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh yeah, I don't like wine and I
Speaker 2: don't like fish like loves, and I understand it's very
Speaker 2: good with those, so yes, we'll have plenty of bread
Speaker 2: in heaven.
Speaker 3: But I don't know avatory.
Speaker 1: I never got an answer on that ship.
Speaker 3: So still I would be there in Mass, and you know,
Speaker 3: he fucking sitting there ready to do the normal things
Speaker 3: one serves, like when you get to the Eucharist part
Speaker 3: where he raised the host, but he didn't go through
Speaker 3: all the like transubstantiation ship, which is where he lifts
Speaker 3: it up and it goes and being bred to like
Speaker 3: flesh and wine to like blood. It was already pre
Speaker 3: done because the funeral masses, you ain't good time for
Speaker 3: that ship. There's a dead body playing there. So it's
Speaker 3: like you start whipping out communion without doing the transubstantiation
Speaker 3: because you've already pre communioned it. Right, it's already been
Speaker 3: fucking blessed. That's the miracle of transubstantiation. You were raising
Speaker 3: the faith, so I'll give it to you one more time. Transubstantiation.
Speaker 3: Transubstantiation is when the East raises the host and makes
Speaker 3: all the blessings, and that host, we believe as Catholics,
Speaker 3: stops being wafer.
Speaker 2: What is a host?
Speaker 3: Host is the little communion wafer looks stops being the
Speaker 3: host and becomes the body of Christ. Literally, that's the
Speaker 3: body of Christ, not a symbol. The body of Christ.
Speaker 3: It would make a lot of sense if it was
Speaker 3: a symbol, but Catholics are like, oh no, that ain't
Speaker 3: no symbol. That's for real. Son. In any event, you
Speaker 3: do that.
Speaker 2: No comment, teach their own no comment.
Speaker 3: Then they you know, wrap up the mass and then
Speaker 3: you know, Father, do this ship, and everybody stand up
Speaker 3: and give final fucking blessing, And that is when everybody
Speaker 3: who's a family member starts crying because.
Speaker 1: This is the end of the mass, and the end
Speaker 1: of the mass.
Speaker 3: The next thing, as we drive to the cemetery, put
Speaker 3: the body into the ground as that so the tears
Speaker 3: are coming at this point, and that's when father fucking Dave,
Speaker 3: God bless him, as far as I know, never showed
Speaker 3: an entry, never fucked a kid because he had Oh
Speaker 3: my god, that's a great thing to say about a priest.
Speaker 2: Most I'm more than you could say about most priests,
Speaker 2: for sure, That's.
Speaker 3: What I'm saying. And he do so I'd like to
Speaker 3: give credit.
Speaker 2: Give a girl warning, my god, I like to give.
Speaker 3: Credit where credits due. Like how my father never went
Speaker 3: postal and shot up anybody in a post office, even
Speaker 3: though he worked at one, and people who work at
Speaker 3: the post office had reputations for that.
Speaker 2: You're just looking for the bare minimum.
Speaker 3: I put the bar a razor. Your father, Dave showed
Speaker 3: no interest in kids whatsoever. I was an altar boy,
Speaker 3: served years barely even know I existed.
Speaker 2: So in any of that, I didn't know what.
Speaker 3: Ah, no, you know. I was there to serve. But
Speaker 3: he was never like so you like girls. He kept
Speaker 3: it like I'm an adult. I don't give a ship.
Speaker 3: You serve like Jesus.
Speaker 2: But he could bust a tune.
Speaker 3: Bro this his father day. Oh, he brought the house
Speaker 3: down like what a showman. He would fucking rock him
Speaker 3: with this song.
Speaker 1: The song is be not Afraid.
Speaker 3: It's a religious standard, and the song is like, you know,
Speaker 3: you will pass through raging waters, but you shall not
Speaker 3: feel the wave, and you will pass through burning fires
Speaker 3: and you will not feel the heat.
Speaker 1: And the idea is the chorus is be not afraid.
Speaker 3: I go before you always come follow me, and I
Speaker 3: will give you rest. And these are the words of
Speaker 3: Christ apparently right. So you hear those words and you're like,
Speaker 3: all right, it sounds like a religious Father Dave. This
Speaker 3: this fucking if Uncle Don was here, he co signed this.
Speaker 3: He is invoking Father Dave. He's brought him to life.
Speaker 3: Is that Father Dave.
Speaker 1: Saying I don't know what they call this baritone.
Speaker 3: Whatever, be not of go for come.
Speaker 8: Ohove you, I swear to Christ.
Speaker 3: That's how he said that.
Speaker 1: That was That's terrible.
Speaker 2: No, no, I'm not. I'm not. No, I'm not fucking around.
Speaker 1: That's this podcast singing.
Speaker 2: No, that's clearly church singing.
Speaker 1: But like everyone can rock, fucking be not afraid on
Speaker 1: a podcast.
Speaker 3: I don't.
Speaker 2: I feel like the fucking world just shook or something.
Speaker 3: You know what, I did him justice, I could do that,
Speaker 3: thank you. We none of us knew father Dave could
Speaker 3: do it. I did because I served with him, so
Speaker 3: I knew it was coming every time. And so the
Speaker 3: ladies in the choir and Colin Bush on the organ,
Speaker 3: we all knew everyone else. Like most people when you're
Speaker 3: very relative, you're coming from out of town, it's all
Speaker 3: these fucks are like, oh man, this sucks our beloved
Speaker 3: one dot. They didn't know that fucking they were gonna
Speaker 3: get man performance by Billy Joel then was po man
Speaker 3: and the whole fucking place throwing up. O my god,
Speaker 3: they rocked it. Man.
Speaker 1: That was his fucking that was his stairway to heaven.
Speaker 2: Can you just give me one more little bit of that?
Speaker 1: Let me find the one line.
Speaker 3: It was so fantastic. Even if I as a kid,
Speaker 3: I get emotional and I'm like, fucking that fucking man.
Speaker 3: I hope I could be that faithful one day ready
Speaker 3: for this and my favorite line in that song, Kid,
Speaker 3: it's just so it's kind of metal. It is because
Speaker 3: they referenced fucking my guy. Here we go. Remember, it's
Speaker 3: a series of if you do this, if you do this,
Speaker 3: if you do this, and he's always gonna be there
Speaker 3: being not afraid because he's always gonna be there. God jeez, oh,
Speaker 3: same thing. Three persons in one God, God, the Father,
Speaker 3: got the Son, got the Holy Spirit. We'll get into it, Okay.
Speaker 1: Here is the best.
Speaker 2: Line in that I'm ready and.
Speaker 1: He fucking brought it home.
Speaker 3: This is like you know, this is we'll carry on
Speaker 3: like you gotta nail this or else.
Speaker 1: The rest of it don't fucking work right.
Speaker 3: If you stand before about your side, no, that with
Speaker 3: you through it.
Speaker 1: All pretending to sing.
Speaker 2: No, that's literally the Broadways singer and Stanton with operas.
Speaker 1: That is what throat singing.
Speaker 3: You need to sing from your diaphragm like he sang
Speaker 3: from his.
Speaker 2: You don't always gotta though, that's the.
Speaker 1: Rock the foundations of the church, Like fucking Samson.
Speaker 2: Bro you missed a whole last career path here, Like
Speaker 2: I swear to God.
Speaker 1: If I did, it would have been stolen from Father Dave.
Speaker 3: He missed the.
Speaker 2: You should try to get in the show. Why that
Speaker 2: my fucking mud?
Speaker 3: What do you mean?
Speaker 2: That's just respectful to like any opera singer? Here, I know,
Speaker 2: I sing from my gun, I sing from my gut,
Speaker 2: I sing from my people, sing from all places.
Speaker 1: But I sing from here, and that I are supposed
Speaker 1: to sing.
Speaker 3: That ain't real.
Speaker 1: That was just making that Father Day. That's me approximating
Speaker 1: Father Day.
Speaker 2: That's you blowing my fucking mind to smothering.
Speaker 1: Let me ask you this, Does it make you want
Speaker 1: to go to church at all?
Speaker 2: Perhaps your or Father Dave? Right, maybe I'd attend one.
Speaker 3: Mask you Uh, he had a fucking he had a
Speaker 3: banging voice. You know.
Speaker 1: He was hard on movies. That's where we different.
Speaker 3: I was a big fan when he sang. But whenever
Speaker 3: he was like, you.
Speaker 1: Can't go see the exor system, like listen, my.
Speaker 3: Father, can we go? Like wait, I'm not hungry, commune
Speaker 3: is coming out. I'm fi already passionate.
Speaker 2: Imagine Father Day.
Speaker 3: Oh passion even now at age fifty four, Like even
Speaker 3: though Father Dave was not remotely interested in me, you know,
Speaker 3: thank God, you know as a victim, but even as
Speaker 3: a human being, Like he kind of set the tone
Speaker 3: for how I treat children where it's just like.
Speaker 2: Hello, you're so he will not the old baby days.
Speaker 2: When Jay's first born, Logan was was born. When Jay
Speaker 2: Jordan's daughter was born, my dad literally was so creeped
Speaker 2: out by it, by her exists.
Speaker 1: To be the guy that drops the baby.
Speaker 2: Would not older, would not older his best friends child.
Speaker 3: You're the only kid I interacted with because I'm like,
Speaker 3: this makes sense.
Speaker 2: You literally are to every kid like like you're scared
Speaker 2: of them or something.
Speaker 1: The little ticking tom.
Speaker 2: Passion, Russian babies Russian for you for sure.
Speaker 6: Yeah, but not where I'm like, you know, abortions for all,
Speaker 6: I'm just not for me.
Speaker 3: I don't you know, I'm not. I don't need a
Speaker 3: baby or abortion for well, definitely abortions for all, yes, but.
Speaker 2: Just to be clear, but just to be.
Speaker 3: Clear where they were like tiny flags for all and
Speaker 3: they were like boo, and abortions for all and they're
Speaker 3: like boo, and they're like tiny flags for some abortions
Speaker 3: for others. They're like when Kang code tiny flags. They're
Speaker 3: talking conservative versus lib tiny American flags. What was my point?
Speaker 2: Oh you hate babies, big ration for you on the babies.
Speaker 3: I guess that leads us to our passion. Did I
Speaker 3: finish up on the fucking story?
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't even remember what happened before you
Speaker 2: started singing opera, so I have no fucking clue.
Speaker 3: Vernon Shirley opera not opera, that's church thing.
Speaker 2: No, also better known as opera.
Speaker 3: I feel like I was in the middle of a
Speaker 3: story too, and then I launched out to talk about it.
Speaker 2: Bro it don't matter, I did.
Speaker 3: I think I went back. It was mostly I wanted
Speaker 3: to get to the singing, but I remembered what I
Speaker 3: wanted to.
Speaker 1: Talk about ahead of the show was a Vernon Shirley,
Speaker 1: and we did.
Speaker 3: Oh we went deep.
Speaker 2: We went deep.
Speaker 1: But once again, I always want the show to be
Speaker 1: fucking short.
Speaker 3: And what is it right now?
Speaker 1: Oh, it's not bad.
Speaker 3: Forty four minutes. Let's passion I ration, because then we
Speaker 3: get out under an hour.
Speaker 2: While we're here, I would I would like to start
Speaker 2: with the with the main like of the week, passion irration.
Speaker 3: The passion irration my hold on for those who are
Speaker 3: just like, what the fuck passion irration is? The thing
Speaker 3: we do where we talk about our passion for the week,
Speaker 3: our ration for the week, the thing that you get
Speaker 3: more of this less of everything else, or the thing
Speaker 3: that's like less of this more of anything else.
Speaker 2: All right, and then we do like of the week,
Speaker 2: and then well sometimes and then and then we do
Speaker 2: rabbit fire.
Speaker 3: We did it once.
Speaker 2: Now we're doing this passion of the week. I didn't
Speaker 2: know my father is an opera singer, and it is
Speaker 2: a huge passion of mine now that he explores this,
Speaker 2: and it's ration my father thinking he cannot sing.
Speaker 3: Opera fair enough. You wrote those down in a few
Speaker 3: days ago. I did passion Laverne and Shirley Man period.
Speaker 3: They made me realize that I could make my dreams
Speaker 3: come true. That's what they pushed for.
Speaker 1: And if you sing that enough like.
Speaker 3: It just becomes just. And I think that's why we
Speaker 3: got on church in the first place. They made us
Speaker 3: memorize all those church songs and shit. Laverne, surely you
Speaker 3: know what I'm saying. Like the church songs they promise
Speaker 3: you fucking happiness when you die, you know what I'm saying, Like,
Speaker 3: you'll be happy with Jesus when you're not here. Anymore.
Speaker 2: It's really true. That's really fucking.
Speaker 1: Suffering in this life reward in the next.
Speaker 3: Whereas Laverne and Shirley, they weren't hedonists, but they were like, look,
Speaker 3: and they weren't counting on anybody independence.
Speaker 1: They were like, and.
Speaker 3: We'll do it our way, yes, our way, make all
Speaker 3: our dreams come true.
Speaker 1: Come on, like fucking They're not looking for a handout.
Speaker 3: They're not like we're gonna help this guy's gonna help
Speaker 3: us do it.
Speaker 6: God Jesus, we're gonna step on next.
Speaker 3: Like it's a powerful fucking idea that, like, you know,
Speaker 3: and we got to see them week after week not do.
Speaker 2: It you You serve as the Laverne and Shirley theme
Speaker 2: song for a lot of human beings. I hope you
Speaker 2: know you hear it.
Speaker 3: Make me cry, because let me tell you something, I
Speaker 3: just realized how powerful that Laverne Shirley song was. And
Speaker 3: if that's the case, that, if my.
Speaker 1: Fucking dumbass is making people like want to do something.
Speaker 2: It's the You can say a lot of You can
Speaker 2: talk about clerks and me being your greatest accomplishments all
Speaker 2: day long, but you, more than anything, are like such
Speaker 2: an inspiration of so many people. You are such like
Speaker 2: you give such beautiful, inspiring advice to people to follow
Speaker 2: their dreams.
Speaker 3: Thank you.
Speaker 2: It's the truth I blame. I've heard you speak a
Speaker 2: lot in my life publicly, and I every single time.
Speaker 2: You're always encouraging people to go follow their dreams and
Speaker 2: make something and to take the leap. So you are
Speaker 2: the lover and and Churley theme song.
Speaker 1: The living embodiment of it you.
Speaker 2: Just as the Cracker is Jesus's body.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, you. When I sing the song, I
Speaker 3: transubstantiate from lyrics into human.
Speaker 2: Version of the theme.
Speaker 3: The theme song to you know what, Look if a
Speaker 3: fucking billion people could believe the other thing. Oh it
Speaker 3: needs like a couple of hundred to believe this, And
Speaker 3: I got me at Church Church of Laverne. Surely make
Speaker 3: all your dreams come true. Passion my passion for this week,
Speaker 3: of course, as you heard Lvern Shirley. But my bigger
Speaker 3: passion is chronicon.
Speaker 2: Please kid here and her mother please.
Speaker 3: Skewniverse Star is doing the very first Chronicon in real life.
Speaker 1: We did it in Jane salabab reboot.
Speaker 3: So we're doing a Jan and solabob convention in real
Speaker 3: life in Chicago, right.
Speaker 2: After vegan food.
Speaker 3: There Chicago, there will.
Speaker 2: At the convention.
Speaker 3: You got to imagine they know, they know, Uh, it's happening.
Speaker 3: You can go this weekend, kids, if you want to
Speaker 3: see us in person, you're in the Chicago area. Even
Speaker 3: if you're not in the Chicago area. A lot of
Speaker 3: people flying in because it's right outside the airport.
Speaker 2: There's so many of us if you if you care
Speaker 2: at all about one of this this community there, every
Speaker 2: everybody from it will be there.
Speaker 3: Anyone you've ever seen in a Kevin Smith movie may
Speaker 3: be popping up. Chronic con for real. Dot com is
Speaker 3: where you can get tickets full ration uh for me,
Speaker 3: uh two rat killing. Don't need to see that ever again.
Speaker 1: Don't need to see fucking Lucky taking a life again?
Speaker 3: No, you know, honestly, like fucking dry break into this house, motherfucker.
Speaker 2: Yeah's true. A man who really talks about his location
Speaker 2: way too openly.
Speaker 3: Walk.
Speaker 2: He's here waiting behind the door, all.
Speaker 1: Right, So do your rapid fire all right?
Speaker 2: Hmm? What you eating?
Speaker 3: A rat ration? More of anything else?
Speaker 2: Physical writing going like this, physical writing instead of typing.
Speaker 3: Ration. I have very terrible handwriting. Away.
Speaker 2: I have the same exact handwriting as you. It's just
Speaker 2: in all caps. We both write in all caps.
Speaker 3: Writing caps too, But your handwriting is pretty is just.
Speaker 2: Well we all know, well we don't all know, but
Speaker 2: I do not hold a pencil correctly. Yeah, if you
Speaker 2: have ever seen me with a pencil, everybody's always.
Speaker 3: Like you're doing this from the seventies.
Speaker 2: I know I look really stupid when I stupid.
Speaker 3: But but I I Ever since I interacted with a
Speaker 3: typewriter when I was nine years old, I've loved that more.
Speaker 2: Really, writing is passion for me. Handwriting, handwriting. You like
Speaker 2: to love handwritings? Yeah, even with my weird ass holding
Speaker 2: of the pen.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you do with the journals.
Speaker 2: Journal later on.
Speaker 3: The idea.
Speaker 2: I also keep a planner.
Speaker 3: We've been a fire. No do I get to go ever.
Speaker 2: No tomatoes in their raw form, tomatoes in there like
Speaker 2: fucking ration any vegetables. But you would eat I just meto.
Speaker 1: Yeah you turned the tomato into a meatball.
Speaker 2: I'm there for you, but a meatball?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: What the fuck?
Speaker 3: What?
Speaker 2: I just mean? Like, you love Marinara sauce, you love ketchup.
Speaker 2: Why wouldn't you eat a raw.
Speaker 3: Tomato squish texture.
Speaker 2: You're such a weird texture person. I'm not at all,
Speaker 2: and it really is like weird to me that you are.
Speaker 1: The way you do is weird to me, and I
Speaker 1: just don't call you out on it.
Speaker 3: He's away, I wacky ways. I haven't killed anything in
Speaker 3: a minute.
Speaker 2: I guess you can go.
Speaker 3: Thank you. Let's see, uh, staying at someone else's house passion.
Speaker 2: Or ration for what duration of time?
Speaker 1: Two days or more? This includes airbnbs?
Speaker 2: Oh, it includes airbnbes and passion for sure?
Speaker 3: Fucking you still with ab hearing that they put cameras
Speaker 3: in them and ship like that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean fine, and it's not fine. It's not fine. Well,
Speaker 2: this is a story for another time. But one time
Speaker 2: I do I did think that I found a camera
Speaker 2: and we called the police. Story for a different time, everybody,
Speaker 2: we don't got that type of time.
Speaker 3: So passionate ration, you say, passion?
Speaker 2: Passion? Yeah, but not like no, no offense to all
Speaker 2: the relatives, but not a relative souse.
Speaker 1: So stranger's house not a relatives house. Yeah, stranger, that's
Speaker 1: just lunacy.
Speaker 2: The stranger's house.
Speaker 3: I'm there, chance is a relative being? Like I put
Speaker 3: a camera in the Yeah, but like.
Speaker 2: Right there, football passion, irration, oh fucking just so ration.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but then your boyfriend like it. I hear him
Speaker 1: and Pop talking.
Speaker 2: About Yeah, it's really I do.
Speaker 3: And I'm always like, well you got talking about pussy
Speaker 3: talking about hard ass football. Well you know, oh my god? Like, yeah,
Speaker 3: they may wear they way the way a way they
Speaker 3: may wear can you they may wear masks, but this
Speaker 3: ain't comic books, kid. I'm like, I'm older than you, Astin.
Speaker 1: That's awestin and it gets Pop and it gets tough about football.
Speaker 2: Oh wow, I didn't know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they make me feel inadequate because I don't.
Speaker 3: I don't. I'm like, Walliam, what are they? What if
Speaker 3: they are the Jets of New York.
Speaker 2: Playing It is really sweet paw in Austin watching it together.
Speaker 3: Look, I'm very happy for them. I'm so glad that
Speaker 3: Pop was never like why don't you be that guy?
Speaker 3: You never forced football me, so i'd have to be
Speaker 3: like Pop.
Speaker 2: Hate to tell you, buddy, I hate to tell you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's a.
Speaker 1: List of things I would do before I would I'd
Speaker 1: like to watch my own death before.
Speaker 3: That shows you where it is on the list.
Speaker 2: All Right, passion, irration, going to the club.
Speaker 1: Going to the clurb. That what they call it these days.
Speaker 3: Oh ration. I was never a clurb. I went to
Speaker 3: the teen clerb. I was a youngster man when they
Speaker 3: would only serve you like cokes and ship like that.
Speaker 3: The teen clurb, Yeah, it was a teen clerb man.
Speaker 1: Trade winds was the teen clurb on Friday nights, dance food.
Speaker 3: Do do do do do do base do you you do.
Speaker 6: You do?
Speaker 8: And also the roof, the roof, the roof is on fire.
Speaker 8: You don't know, that's not the roof, the roof, the
Speaker 8: roof is on fire.
Speaker 3: We don't need no water. Let the motherfucker bird, motherfucker bird.
Speaker 1: You don't know that song?
Speaker 3: Wait? What song is the roof is on fire, fire roof?
Speaker 3: I forget what the be boy, the girls, SUPERI DJs
Speaker 3: turn it up. Somebody say, oh, I mean.
Speaker 2: Maybe I do, but like yeah, nobody.
Speaker 8: Everybody screamed the original fucking you know callback.
Speaker 3: Song the roof, the roof, the roof is on fire.
Speaker 3: And then the audience takes over and they go wait
Speaker 3: out in the water. Can you imagine a bunch of
Speaker 3: thirteen fourteen year olds being like fu at the top
Speaker 3: of our lot that my childhood well Pa, you can see.
Speaker 1: In the four thirty movie now available on home videos.
Speaker 2: So true, that's right.
Speaker 3: Check it out on iTunes, google Play, Amazon, fucking YouTube,
Speaker 3: anywhere you can watch a movie except a movie theater.
Speaker 1: Check out the four thirty movie.
Speaker 2: Anyways, Do you have any more?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'll give you another one.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 3: The Henson Lot potentially being sold to the Church of Scientology.
Speaker 2: Oh so fucking rations bad.
Speaker 3: Idea, right, never mind that Scientology?
Speaker 2: Tragic?
Speaker 3: Why is the Henson Lot going?
Speaker 1: Now, that's a lot for those who are like what.
Speaker 3: The Henson Lot used to be The United Artists Lot
Speaker 3: used to be the A and M Lot, And it's
Speaker 3: a place of history. There's Big Kermit dressed as Charlie
Speaker 3: Chaplin on the front gate. But it's also the location
Speaker 3: of the recording of We Are the World.
Speaker 2: Oh I didn't even know.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's why they recorded.
Speaker 2: I just know that they do puppet stuff there.
Speaker 3: They do. They also do puppet stuff at the Fourth Theater.
Speaker 2: The Bob the Bob Baker.
Speaker 3: Kate mccooche's always doing puppets.
Speaker 1: Just recently, this news story has been debunked.
Speaker 3: It is for sale but the Church of Scientology is
Speaker 3: not buying, but somebody else's.
Speaker 2: He has hands off of that.
Speaker 1: Somebody else is buying. Taking Kermit down.
Speaker 3: I don't know it.
Speaker 2: Was I.
Speaker 1: Put J and Bob next to Kerman.
Speaker 3: People be like, what the I'm so sorry. I'd be like,
Speaker 3: it's not easy being green new.
Speaker 2: Passioner Russian, my uncontrollable.
Speaker 3: Grouping passion better in than now.
Speaker 2: I think I have heard ya. Anyways, Anyway, she had
Speaker 2: three what the.
Speaker 3: Operator one, That's why she's been in the hospital all
Speaker 3: this time. She had she had three hernias that pop
Speaker 3: at once, and they were like, we can only tackle
Speaker 3: one at a time. Yeah, talk to momally.
Speaker 1: In fact, talk to momally.
Speaker 3: She's hot.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, she'll tell you.
Speaker 3: Maybe I do your stomach passion or ration. Uh. The
Speaker 3: Real Housewives, if you could be on that show, if
Speaker 3: they were like, we'd like you to be a real
Speaker 3: house you wouldn't do it. Why they make so much money?
Speaker 3: I know, but no, no, that's too much drama for you.
Speaker 2: Oh my, the most toxic life you could ever ever
Speaker 2: put upon yourself.
Speaker 1: They seem to have fans you being one of them.
Speaker 2: I mean that is true, but I to live in
Speaker 2: that much toxicity.
Speaker 3: I can SAME's not worth it. It is not you
Speaker 3: know what you were raised, right, kiddo?
Speaker 2: Well done to be living in the constant state of drama.
Speaker 1: If they asked me to be on that show, then
Speaker 1: they're like, will make you a regular and pay up?
Speaker 2: You could be a friend, did you know?
Speaker 1: Look, I'm saying it right now.
Speaker 3: If they were maybe half million dollars a year, I
Speaker 3: would totally be on that show and be like, you're
Speaker 3: all bitches or whatever made to say or she's right,
Speaker 3: you're wrong or whatever. Fuck I.
Speaker 2: Are we allowed to say that the thing that you
Speaker 2: were like talk to talk about?
Speaker 3: Okay?
Speaker 1: But yes I did a thing which we talk about
Speaker 1: it when we know.
Speaker 2: Um hmmm, anyways, do you.
Speaker 3: Have a passion for internation for me? Or can we
Speaker 3: get the flock out of here?
Speaker 2: And we can get the flock out? I have some more,
Speaker 2: but they can wait.
Speaker 3: Uh kids, have you had a good time? Well if
Speaker 3: you did it, because the little girl across me is
Speaker 3: so charming, give it up for Harley Quinn Smith. Do
Speaker 3: you want to see what this looks like? Do you
Speaker 3: want to see what year you can go to that
Speaker 3: Kevin Smith club and join up and you can actually
Speaker 3: watch Beardless stickless Man.
Speaker 2: Don't watch this episode though. My eyes are really puffy.
Speaker 3: I was fucking crying about Lavernon Shirley. Fuck you, Okay,
Speaker 3: you look so cute. You got Halloween after Yeah, because
Speaker 3: I'm actually join up and you can.
Speaker 1: See her Halloween aff and then you can send Harley messages.
Speaker 3: Going look, sure fucking pumpkins and also your hair sucks.
Speaker 3: Your hair sucks, Queen Halloween shows your pumpkins.
Speaker 2: I'm going to the cemetery right now. Yeah, the Hollywood
Speaker 2: River Cemetery to see a movie.
Speaker 1: I thought you were going there because the dude was
Speaker 1: gonna be like horns when he said that.
Speaker 2: Would that would do it?
Speaker 3: And death is at your side. Know that I'm with
Speaker 3: you through it all. That's how metal Jesus is. Okay,
Speaker 3: think better and don't sleep on Jesus.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 3: I don't know if you know about this guy.
Speaker 1: He's got good ideas.
Speaker 3: They said, No, dude, there it is. Because there's your
Speaker 3: beardless dickless me for this week. If you want to
Speaker 3: hear Beardless Dickless plus the follow up show that's also
Speaker 3: at that Kevin Smith Club.
Speaker 1: But if you're like, no, this is quite enough.
Speaker 3: You know what. I live for the free version. Yeah,
Speaker 3: why are you guys still talking?
Speaker 1: You know what we're going to stop for beardless dickless me.
Speaker 2: I'm Kevin Smith and I'm Harley Quinn Smith.
Speaker 3: I have a beardless dickless day. This has been a
Speaker 3: podcast production, some podcast podcast using our mouths on you
Speaker 3: since two thousand and seven. Hey kids, did you like
Speaker 3: what you just heard? Well, guess what. We've got tons more,
Speaker 3: man thousands of hours of podcasts waiting for you at
Speaker 3: that kevinsmith club dot com. Sign up now