Speaker 1: Welcome back to beardless, stickless me. I'm Kevin Smith Smith. Okay,
Speaker 1: full disclosure. So this episode is posting after Chronicon, but
Speaker 1: we're taping it early because of Chronicon, So we don't
Speaker 1: know how Chronicon went.
Speaker 2: Oh good, good. I hope it goes well.
Speaker 1: Me too, because this show could be posting and people
Speaker 1: will be like, it's so sad to listen to them
Speaker 1: not know that they died that weekend.
Speaker 2: Was my thought to.
Speaker 3: Do.
Speaker 2: Knock on wood. We're alive. We live for right now,
Speaker 2: we live for many, many, many more decades.
Speaker 1: I like it. Oh my god, that knocked at it.
Speaker 1: Thank God, Thank god your c d D. That's so yeah.
Speaker 1: So we don't know how chronic Con is going to go,
Speaker 1: but you know what, I'm just going to say, it
Speaker 1: went well. Oh yeah, I hope.
Speaker 2: So what's those saying?
Speaker 1: You know, the one well, begune done.
Speaker 2: Assume the best, accept the worst, Expect the best, accept
Speaker 2: the worst.
Speaker 1: Expect expect the best.
Speaker 2: Best, accept the worst.
Speaker 1: Very easy to say, way easier to let me share
Speaker 1: with you a story.
Speaker 2: Is it sad?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: Is it funny? Sweet cry? I'm really not on the
Speaker 2: market to cry right now.
Speaker 1: It's going to make it go like it's a story
Speaker 1: of Bertie the dog park. So Bertie has been you know,
Speaker 1: she's a young lady.
Speaker 2: Oh, yes, yeah, I see where this is going.
Speaker 1: Yes. And Bertie, as a young lady, yes, has started
Speaker 1: having something of a lady time. Yes, which I don't
Speaker 1: know why. This was completely foreign to me back in
Speaker 1: the day. But these two, because are dogs, were all
Speaker 1: fixed young. Well when we got Lucky, she had just
Speaker 1: had Bertie, so we couldn't fix her right away, and
Speaker 1: so she got she did, but she first went through
Speaker 1: her heat thing and she bled all over and we
Speaker 1: were like what. I was like, what the fuck?
Speaker 2: This is the thing very important to get your dogsad.
Speaker 1: I feel I have weird feelings about doing it with
Speaker 1: Bertie because I'm like, that removes the choice from her hands.
Speaker 2: I mean, I guess, I guess.
Speaker 1: It's kind to I.
Speaker 2: Guess in the case that I mean, there's no there's
Speaker 2: no men around for Bertie too to have babies with.
Speaker 2: But but usually you should get your dogs vader neuter
Speaker 2: because there are way too many dogs that need homes already.
Speaker 2: Just needed to say it, thank you so much.
Speaker 1: What if Bertie's like, don't fucking family plan for me Bro,
Speaker 1: but wait, I want my own Birdie.
Speaker 2: I have a question. I really should have fact this before.
Speaker 2: But is it true that this is not true? I'm
Speaker 2: gonna sound so fucking stupid.
Speaker 1: Here we go. That money I paid for a private education,
Speaker 1: can go?
Speaker 2: I saw today on Instagram that they're gonna give rats
Speaker 2: birth control in New York City.
Speaker 1: They are, I.
Speaker 2: Really confirm that before in that case, making it easier
Speaker 2: for rats to receive birth control than most humans, really,
Speaker 2: which is really back. But I think that I mean again,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna sound so stupid if.
Speaker 1: It's not birth control, do you mean mouse trapsay?
Speaker 2: Hey, hey, hey, well oh yeah yeah, to lower its
Speaker 2: rap rat population, NYC considers birth control as a humane option.
Speaker 2: I'm hey, I mean, I should probably read about it
Speaker 2: before I say I support it. But that's true, that's
Speaker 2: so much better than killing the rats.
Speaker 1: Birth control for the rats for the girl rats, prophylactics
Speaker 1: for the boys. Well, that's you know, that is humane.
Speaker 2: That's at first, I was like, a lot more.
Speaker 1: Humane than what fucking Walkie did to the rat last week. Chills.
Speaker 1: So in an event, Bertie has been having her lady
Speaker 1: time and it I mean I'm not trying to stereotype
Speaker 1: or anything, but it has put her in something of
Speaker 1: a mood, like she's are you very jealous of Lucky?
Speaker 1: So if like she's always jealous of Lucky beyond she
Speaker 1: got into like a like a fistfight with Lucky today.
Speaker 2: Remember the fist fight on Christmas.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but that was over food. This was over affection
Speaker 1: where I was petting Bertie and I'm like, oh, it's
Speaker 1: getting Bertie attention, And Lucky came over and Bertie like
Speaker 1: pounced on her, put both paws on Lucky's head and
Speaker 1: did the snarl and her hair went up on her back,
Speaker 1: and she was like, she's so small.
Speaker 4: I wish you could you could see her. She's so
Speaker 4: she's just a baby size.
Speaker 1: And I've seen her in Lucky like tussle, like razzle.
Speaker 2: I've seen it.
Speaker 1: Lucky could destroy her like with a blink of an eye.
Speaker 2: But my dad just winked.
Speaker 1: But she really like holds back like Lucky holds back
Speaker 1: when Bertie gets all like weird like that, and I
Speaker 1: think she's like, look, I know what she's going through.
Speaker 1: But Bertie, you know, has been in a bit of
Speaker 1: a mood. So we went walking today. Then I took
Speaker 1: them to the dog park and Bertie met a boy.
Speaker 2: Bertie met a boy.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, she's right there. She's like pretty met
Speaker 1: a boy and did like the thing where dogs like,
Speaker 1: oh my god's done of each other. She scampered at
Speaker 1: him and he scampered at her, and they chased each
Speaker 1: other a little bit. But he was definitely taking his
Speaker 1: nose like toward her crouch and what you know, well
Speaker 1: he was because she's like, you know at the tail end,
Speaker 1: my sister. Well, I was there just like a you know,
Speaker 1: fucking nun of a goddamn Catholic school dance. I was like,
Speaker 1: leave six inches for the Holy Spirit. So I made
Speaker 1: sure they were you.
Speaker 2: Know, there's no type of dog like.
Speaker 1: I don't know how to describe it, but like he
Speaker 1: was shorter. Was it like one of no, No, I wouldn't.
Speaker 1: I would have been girls. I don't like. It was
Speaker 1: a good old short hair, you know, presented well. I
Speaker 1: was like, hey, mister Smith, can I play with Bertie?
Speaker 1: Oh it was not.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, what if Mo and.
Speaker 1: Birdie were could be friends? Bertie could be friends with
Speaker 1: the cat?
Speaker 2: Can I ask you on a date?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, if they went out, Oh.
Speaker 2: Mister Grandpa, can I ask your daughter on a date?
Speaker 1: Be kind of weird that the guy with the stereotypical
Speaker 1: Southern accent asks out his cousin by Birdie be my cousin. Well,
Speaker 1: I still love my.
Speaker 2: Overby. He's just a country bear.
Speaker 1: I don't care what the law says. It's one my horn,
Speaker 1: says my boy Morris says, I love my cousin play.
Speaker 1: He's even a dog. It was adorable, like because not
Speaker 1: only was she just playing with another dog, but she
Speaker 1: rarely doesn't. It was a boy dog and you could
Speaker 1: tell she was like oh oh, oh yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 1: She was fucking flirting, is what it came down to. Wow.
Speaker 1: And then Lucky got involved and was like.
Speaker 2: Oh no, oh my god. Really walking was like no
Speaker 2: boy dog bull walk.
Speaker 1: Well, i'll tell you here getting past yeh know, Bertie.
Speaker 1: We were at where was I? Where's I walking? I
Speaker 1: was on running and it was like, I guess it
Speaker 1: was on Sunday because it was fucking packed day Saturday
Speaker 1: or Sunday. It was like packed. There were dogs like galore,
Speaker 1: and I went way early in the morning. So there
Speaker 1: I am walking the girls and they're on their double
Speaker 1: leash and.
Speaker 2: Stuff like that, but so crazy that you walk walking.
Speaker 1: I hate it too, but it's either that it's preferable
Speaker 1: to dying. That's what I period. All right, continue, So
Speaker 1: I'm walking east and again, you know she's got even
Speaker 1: Mom said this ain't me. I didn't notice. My mom
Speaker 1: called it out first because I picked up Bertie the
Speaker 1: other day when Pop was over and stuff, and I
Speaker 1: was holding her in my lap, and later on Mom
Speaker 1: was like, have you seen her business?
Speaker 2: And oh my gosh, inappropriate, I.
Speaker 1: Know, but it's like inflamed and on fire. He and
Speaker 1: she keeps looking at Oh my god, inappropriate for the
Speaker 1: beardless you're talking about. People are like dogs going heat.
Speaker 1: We're not talking about like, I'm not talking about your mother.
Speaker 2: But I'm like, okay, So.
Speaker 1: She's clearly, you know, giving off some sort of please
Speaker 1: you don't care. She's clearly given off some sort of scent,
Speaker 1: so much so that like boy, dogs are like, oh
Speaker 1: hello for the first time. Now. What's even crazier is
Speaker 1: we caught the attention of a dog. I only know
Speaker 1: his name because his owner had to scream it the
Speaker 1: entire way up. I mean kept going Benji no, Benji
Speaker 1: looked like, you know, a short fucking kind of spuds.
Speaker 1: Mackenzie is kind of dog low to the ground. Lucky
Speaker 1: is a large bear like dog.
Speaker 2: Lucky really does very.
Speaker 1: Large in size, like four times the size of Bertie.
Speaker 1: So if you you know, we're gonna fucking take a
Speaker 1: shot at the queen, so you better be Marmaduke, you
Speaker 1: better be a tall dog.
Speaker 2: He really is, he really is.
Speaker 1: She's the Queen. You gotta be a tall dog. This
Speaker 1: little ass dog was so fucking confused, right because he's like,
Speaker 1: he smells like somebody's in heat. They ain't Lucky because
Speaker 1: Lucky's been fixed, but it's Birdie. But he don't fucking
Speaker 1: go at Bertie.
Speaker 5: He Mountsaky and Wucky's expression, oh as she turned around
Speaker 5: and didn't look like Wucky you know, having must.
Speaker 1: Have been mounted before, because Bertie exists expected to look
Speaker 1: back and see a dog looking at her. She had
Speaker 1: to look back and then look down to be like,
Speaker 1: are you fucking kidding me? And gave him the butt
Speaker 1: She like twirked her ass and popped my man back
Speaker 1: onto his back. It was nuts.
Speaker 2: Onto his back, Oh my god, and just like.
Speaker 1: She wasn't like but she was just like, are you
Speaker 1: fucking real? That day is dumb? So my man kept
Speaker 1: following her, Oh my god, up the hill. The biggest
Speaker 1: Wucky fan in the world, Peppi leapew himself fucking creep
Speaker 1: chasing her up the hill and took a second fucking
Speaker 1: shot at the title. This time, Lucky turned around and viciously.
Speaker 2: Snapped reasonably so leave it. Lucky alone was un undeterred,
Speaker 2: could like down the hill.
Speaker 1: It's not like Lucky is like thrown off the scent
Speaker 1: or in heat like it would be.
Speaker 2: He's just like, oh my god, that's the most beautiful
Speaker 2: dog I've ever seen in my life.
Speaker 1: That or he's like so confused that the.
Speaker 2: Sounds he's taken away by beauty.
Speaker 1: He's just like, oh my god, she's gorgeous. Even though
Speaker 1: she's like I'm I'm like, I don't do this ship
Speaker 1: no more. Oh my god, I'm beyond this ship. You're
Speaker 1: out of your mind.
Speaker 2: I'm eight years old.
Speaker 1: For the whole walk up the hill, the guy kept
Speaker 1: going like Benji. No, he kept sucking.
Speaker 2: Like, was Benji not on a leash or something?
Speaker 1: No, Benji was free ranging.
Speaker 2: Benji should have been on a fucking leash and left
Speaker 2: fucking lucky alone. That's my sister. That's my sister, Benji.
Speaker 1: Look you she needed no protecting. Yeah, he's like this
Speaker 1: dog was shorter than Birdie. He would have had a
Speaker 1: better shot at Birdie, but just couldn't put it together.
Speaker 1: And is that either that or it is like you said,
Speaker 1: he was just like I like German butts in for.
Speaker 2: Real, honestly. I mean, Waki is one impressive.
Speaker 1: Special I like big butts.
Speaker 2: She's just kind of huge.
Speaker 1: Like she's got like she's not fat, she's very solid.
Speaker 2: Very muscular, very thick with two seas.
Speaker 1: And she she's thick with two seas and she's with
Speaker 1: all her walking. She's definitely drop.
Speaker 2: Big, big girl.
Speaker 1: She is.
Speaker 2: She's a bear in the Big Blue House.
Speaker 1: Bear, Bear in the Big Blue House. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she looks like Bear in the Big Blue House.
Speaker 6: Bear.
Speaker 1: Yeah, welcome to the Blue House.
Speaker 2: She really really doesn't you know? She also looks like
Speaker 2: blue a little bit. Who Blue the bear? Yeah, she's
Speaker 2: she just looks like a fucking bear.
Speaker 1: She's very bear like. She looks like what's the name
Speaker 1: of the Monarch? Is the name of the California Bear.
Speaker 2: I would have never known that that because your mother.
Speaker 1: She's a massive fan of the state. She's like, game Monarc,
Speaker 1: what a cute name. I've been married for twenty five years.
Speaker 1: You trade all sorts of information.
Speaker 2: I see.
Speaker 1: I was happy to learn that was that's useful. Game
Speaker 1: Monarc make me California man, no greater fan of this state.
Speaker 2: So true, Walkee.
Speaker 1: Was the I feel unintended target of this little dog's affections.
Speaker 2: No, I definitely think that this tiny ass little dog
Speaker 2: was just taken away. Milwaukee's beautiful, beautiful, Oh my god.
Speaker 2: That yeah, I mean, honestly, she's.
Speaker 1: Just he was like, rocked me on a dais.
Speaker 2: Oh my.
Speaker 1: Dad. I'm trying to think of something German, because they're
Speaker 1: fucking German dogs.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm not too familiar with the German music.
Speaker 1: This ain't German, but it was international hit. Joe let text,
Speaker 1: it was an international hit. Something there or something there
Speaker 1: that is. That's all I got on on the dogs.
Speaker 2: I mean, the beardless dickless. The audience is probably like, yeah,
Speaker 2: we've heard enough.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like you lost us at our fucking throbbing MoU Yeah.
Speaker 2: Literally, who the hell is even listening at this point?
Speaker 1: It must have been noticeable, though, because like Jennifer brought
Speaker 1: it up to be like, oh my god, I couldn't
Speaker 1: make eye contact.
Speaker 2: Yeah, let's let's talk not talk about the dogs anymore.
Speaker 2: Let's talk about the cats.
Speaker 1: What about it?
Speaker 2: Way more interesting. They just run, they do, you know, they.
Speaker 1: Don't They don't rock as much as the dog. I
Speaker 1: don't get into a passion dogs ration cats.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm throwing something at you.
Speaker 1: I'm a dog person. I'm not against cats. I was
Speaker 1: a cat, and you change because you dogs give a
Speaker 1: lot more.
Speaker 2: I changed.
Speaker 1: Also, dogs are like give a little bit, give a
Speaker 1: little bit life.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and cats are like cats are like funk off.
Speaker 1: Cats are like you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they are, They're perfect. You have to gain their respect,
Speaker 2: and I think that's cool. Dogs just hand it over like.
Speaker 1: Now, that's a fact. Remember when Glee was a thing.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, and like Gwyneth Paltrow saying fuck you on Glee,
Speaker 1: but as forget you, they.
Speaker 2: Couldn't say, oh yeah, you.
Speaker 1: Man, Glee was the thing. You know, we went, we
Speaker 1: went to the set.
Speaker 2: We did. Yeah, that's crazy because Glee's a little bit
Speaker 2: of a curse.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there was a.
Speaker 2: This is a sensitive subject, so I don't I don't know.
Speaker 2: It's a sense.
Speaker 1: Well, here I'll take off you by telling my fucking
Speaker 1: Glee story that I took the kid to Glee as
Speaker 1: previously mentioned, and uh, everyone was fucking lovely, the whole cast.
Speaker 1: Everyone was like, hey, blah.
Speaker 2: Blah blah, I can't that's crazy.
Speaker 1: It's like you met Corey mom.
Speaker 2: Teeth is Yeah, that's so crazy to think.
Speaker 1: And maybe even Melissa before before we.
Speaker 2: Even knew her Supergirl, that's so crazy nuts.
Speaker 1: So, uh, we'll go to the Glee set and my
Speaker 1: friend works there. Who uh yeah, I can say Carol
Speaker 1: Banker and she's like a big TV director now, like
Speaker 1: she was Continuity forever right, Like she was Contdy on Marats,
Speaker 1: not chasing Amy Dogma, not Jane southing about shrunk back
Speaker 1: Jersey Girl. Wow, she did every other one. But she
Speaker 1: always wanted to be a director and finally got to
Speaker 1: aggregate the director. And now she's directed like many. She
Speaker 1: directed a couple of Reachers, some titans like you know,
Speaker 1: the fucking my Burns whatever. She's directed a lot. So,
Speaker 1: but this was when she wasn't directed, and she was
Speaker 1: riding what we call little chair, what she calls little chair. Uh,
Speaker 1: you know, continuity on Glee. So she was there all
Speaker 1: the time, and you know, like every TV show they
Speaker 1: have different directors every day. Yeah, so she tells us
Speaker 1: and you were busy, like, Hi, coming, can we marry?
Speaker 1: One day, I was sitting there talking to Carol, going like,
Speaker 1: so it's a scoop here. She was like, Uh, why
Speaker 1: don't you come direct? And I was like, I can't
Speaker 1: do stuff like this. Oh my god, yes you can.
Speaker 1: She's going we had this guy in last week and
Speaker 1: it was a very famous director.
Speaker 2: Do you recall who I know exactly? Who are you
Speaker 2: going to say?
Speaker 1: We'll see, I'll tell the story and we'll figure it out.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: So uh, I was like, oh, get out of here.
Speaker 1: What's that cat like? And she goes asshole and I
Speaker 1: was like why she goes, He's just a fucking starfucker
Speaker 1: Like I didn't talk to me for the entire time,
Speaker 1: only talk to the actors.
Speaker 2: Write it on your phone and tell me. I need
Speaker 2: to know.
Speaker 1: He was a big dragger here now and he hasn't
Speaker 1: directed it in a red hot because some.
Speaker 2: Stuff you got to write it down that happened.
Speaker 1: But this guy when she told me that writ it
Speaker 1: on there. When she told me that I was like,
Speaker 1: get out of here, man, because everyone loves this guy.
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
Speaker 1: And she was like, well, I don't. And I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: and this was between the two gigantic fucking blockbusters that
Speaker 1: this dude directed, two billion dollar earning fucking movies.
Speaker 2: I would have never thought of this person.
Speaker 1: Especially, but she called it early because that, you.
Speaker 2: Know, ship, he don't work anymore.
Speaker 1: He got They took him to the woodshed for a
Speaker 1: number of things.
Speaker 2: But yeah, I'm not too familiar with I'm just glad.
Speaker 1: I'm glad you're not, because not any number of front
Speaker 1: if you'd been a big fan, then you have been
Speaker 1: heart program and if you worked with them, might have
Speaker 1: to be like, let's sit down and have a conversation.
Speaker 2: That's fad, that's but are going to be like, who
Speaker 2: the are you talking about?
Speaker 1: You don't figure it out, And there's only so many
Speaker 1: movies that have made a billion dollars, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. Okay, So, and again I don't even know
Speaker 1: why I'm being discreet about it, because, you know, because
Speaker 1: it's not my story to tell somebody else together. But yeah,
Speaker 1: and I remember being really surprised. I was like, no,
Speaker 1: everybody loves this cat on the internet, and Carol was like, well,
Speaker 1: I don't I should phony it was the word that
Speaker 1: we used.
Speaker 2: That's no good.
Speaker 1: But starfucker like in our business, yeah, it's one thing
Speaker 1: if you're outside of the business and starfucker, like everybody's like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, that fucker is famous. But like when
Speaker 1: you work in the business, like you realize everybody's equally set,
Speaker 1: of course, but this cat was still of like, well,
Speaker 1: these people are beneath me. I'm only gonna talk to
Speaker 1: the cast.
Speaker 2: I know quite a few starfuckers, what do you mean
Speaker 2: in the business? In the business, yes, out and in,
Speaker 2: but the ones in suck even more because it's like
Speaker 2: they're just I mean, everybody's just using you.
Speaker 1: But is that what you feel. I've never really analyzed
Speaker 1: it to see if that's the case. You know why,
Speaker 1: Probably because I feel so guilty because I'm always using
Speaker 1: other people, right something you say, or like he be
Speaker 1: in my movie or fucking like this happened to us.
Speaker 1: But I'm gonna make it mine.
Speaker 2: I think people use you so much that if you
Speaker 2: realized it would blow your mind. We can talk about it.
Speaker 2: I'll expand later. But you're just a very very giving,
Speaker 2: gracious person, and sometimes I feel as though you give
Speaker 2: the wrong people. I think you're a little too for giving.
Speaker 1: In talking about your mother, she might be to hear.
Speaker 2: For the record, I'm not Mom. You know you'll never
Speaker 2: listen to this. I'm not talking about you, but I.
Speaker 1: Spoke about you, Tod Well. I guess I could say this.
Speaker 1: But we're recording this before we even get to Chronic Khan,
Speaker 1: as we said, but this is airing the week after
Speaker 1: Chronic Kan. But you know, Plus one is the first,
Speaker 1: one of the first shows up I do with your
Speaker 1: mom and for those that don't follow, and we used
Speaker 1: to do it for years and and and stuff, but
Speaker 1: we stopped and we don't do it as much. So
Speaker 1: we did it on the cruise ship and she had
Speaker 1: a blast. But now she's of course sweating, like you know,
Speaker 1: we're up first, this has to be perfect. She's like
Speaker 1: really hard on herself. I was like, and she's like,
Speaker 1: what do we gonna talk about? And we were driving
Speaker 1: the neighborhood yesterday and we saw, like we drove past
Speaker 1: one of the houses down the street and they had
Speaker 1: a sign out front that said wine and Cheese party
Speaker 1: four to six. You know, the neighborhood open, and she
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god. I was like, well, if
Speaker 1: we go, we'll have something to talk about them. So
Speaker 1: she said, yes, now we have to go.
Speaker 2: Really we didn't want to stuff. I shouldn't imagine you
Speaker 2: doing that.
Speaker 1: I would have done for the story. I wouldn't.
Speaker 2: I can't imagine you doing that ever.
Speaker 1: But but we uh, at that point, like when we realized,
Speaker 1: you know, oh my god, we didn't go, She's like,
Speaker 1: I won't have any of the talk about I said,
Speaker 1: Harley will be there. We can easily pull Harley.
Speaker 2: And how insulted do I feel that beardless dickless me
Speaker 2: live is not happy on chronicon.
Speaker 1: I'll say it on Mike hurt Off.
Speaker 2: My feels fucking left out.
Speaker 1: Beardless sickless me was invented. Oh four weeks.
Speaker 2: Doing it for us?
Speaker 5: Doing it?
Speaker 2: Mother? What the fuck?
Speaker 1: Four weeks and two days?
Speaker 2: Where's the beardless dickless love and wing to build an
Speaker 2: empire here off the backs of the beardless dick liss.
Speaker 1: I'm strategic, but let me tell you something.
Speaker 2: About oh please, oh please.
Speaker 1: You know, if I can give it away at Crown
Speaker 1: account b where everyone's already going and ship. You saved
Speaker 1: that until we do of ourselves.
Speaker 2: I think you're just trying to make we're doing it
Speaker 2: for a.
Speaker 1: Minimum ten to fifteen K show. No, I'm saying it
Speaker 1: because I'm a smack reality fuck If that don't get.
Speaker 2: If that were to ever be true, that would be
Speaker 2: a the best thing in the world.
Speaker 1: Bar is that low. I think I can fucking make it.
Speaker 2: I have a mortgage, of course, my bar is not
Speaker 2: that low. That's it. That's like a huge amount of.
Speaker 1: Money, and we can totally.
Speaker 2: I got bills to pay, I got four cats. I
Speaker 2: need a new electric glitter box. Mommy needs a new
Speaker 2: electric litter box for real. Another one, yeah, because the
Speaker 2: other one broke, the one that I not. No, No,
Speaker 2: the one the one use is up and so generously.
Speaker 1: So the other one does. Now you're back to one. Yes,
Speaker 1: So now the brand news.
Speaker 2: Yes, And I want to get I want to get
Speaker 2: the same one. So maybe after chronicon I can bring
Speaker 2: home my babies a new litter loo.
Speaker 1: I'm telling you my plan is for an early we
Speaker 1: let you know, this podcast has been out for literally
Speaker 1: for fucking weeks, about as long as the four thirty
Speaker 1: movie which came and fucking went like a far theaters
Speaker 1: as all Kevin Smith movies.
Speaker 4: Did you just say like a far?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Oh my god, stop it.
Speaker 2: Right, So the podcast is like not any fault of
Speaker 2: the movies.
Speaker 1: It's in its infancy, to say the least mercifully. Like
Speaker 1: we got to jump on since I was doing press,
Speaker 1: I was like, let's fucking title this podcast? Yeah, because
Speaker 1: and you know we got to talk about it on
Speaker 1: SETH Myers and fucking every place.
Speaker 2: So it's pretty cool.
Speaker 1: So we've been able to spread the word and with
Speaker 1: no marketing dollars. Our Heart was like, we don't have
Speaker 1: anything till next year. Don't worry about the.
Speaker 2: Fact that anyone wants to listen to us talk is
Speaker 2: crazy to me.
Speaker 1: And we're not call her Daddy because we don't have
Speaker 1: Kamala Harris here yet.
Speaker 2: So true, but one days.
Speaker 1: Election we can have her on the show and she'll
Speaker 1: be like, I could never be on it with the title.
Speaker 2: I am wondering how we're ever going to get sponsors easy?
Speaker 2: Do you think that like anyone will want to associate
Speaker 2: with her name?
Speaker 1: I guess we're gonna find out. Daniel, our producer over
Speaker 1: at Our.
Speaker 2: Heart, will tell come on Dan make some mask.
Speaker 1: Like we've had a problem getting adds.
Speaker 2: I'm like, can you please make it the Little Robot
Speaker 2: or Little Loop please? I need a new one.
Speaker 1: I'm telling you, I think hook up a live show gig.
Speaker 1: But you know, where's where?
Speaker 6: Where?
Speaker 2: Who would come?
Speaker 1: People listen?
Speaker 2: As I'm so scared that's who the fuck gives a
Speaker 2: fuck about me or anything I do.
Speaker 1: Well, I think if they got if they're a fan
Speaker 1: of the show, they would absolutely show up. And I
Speaker 1: think that's my My plan is we do this for
Speaker 1: a few more months in early twenty twenty five. That's
Speaker 1: when we do the first live one.
Speaker 2: I remember going to that's where we make the money.
Speaker 1: I mean, and when you get the money, you get
Speaker 1: the women. When you get the women, you get the power.
Speaker 2: I don't even know with my notes on that.
Speaker 1: But.
Speaker 2: I just can't. I just can't imagine that, like anyone
Speaker 2: wants to hear my voice. So it's cool that people
Speaker 2: do listen, and if we get to make confidence and
Speaker 2: show Okay, shut the fuck the whole.
Speaker 1: Last fucking podcast prior to this even happen that people
Speaker 1: for years have been like bringing it back, bring it
Speaker 1: back when edits when you were like.
Speaker 2: I don't want to talk about veganism. I don't want
Speaker 2: to talk about VIGANO.
Speaker 1: Well it's I just not I don't want to talk
Speaker 1: about vegans. And I was like, look, we want to
Speaker 1: launch a successful podcast. Leave that word, replace it with
Speaker 1: that's how you sell.
Speaker 2: And every single business is like, no, thank you.
Speaker 1: So now, yeah, I'm telling you that's doable.
Speaker 2: I'm going to put out music by the end of
Speaker 2: the year. That's pretty cool.
Speaker 1: That's very cool, super cool. Got a name for your
Speaker 1: band yet?
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I want for me to do yep, you
Speaker 2: know you got it.
Speaker 1: That is the word that was like, oh betwixt well
Speaker 1: that was you asked, But there was another word that
Speaker 1: was like, oh, I'm sure.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I forgot about Nah.
Speaker 1: It's Momily's am sure.
Speaker 2: They're like they have taken this momly thing way too far?
Speaker 1: Are the I'm but sure? Long but sure.
Speaker 2: You know my bands and I'm sure and.
Speaker 1: Harley Quinn's are but sure.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, that person's tweet or whatever that was
Speaker 2: or X or whatever the fun you call it now
Speaker 2: that you sent me of spelling cinnamon a different way,
Speaker 2: it was awesome.
Speaker 1: You like that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, shout out to that person that made me smile.
Speaker 1: Tweet I sent where somebody who's like the band name
Speaker 1: should be Cinnamon but spelled s Iamble tamble.
Speaker 2: Cinnamon has been so bad lately anyways.
Speaker 1: Here there have been some people I've seen on Twitter
Speaker 1: who are like, where do these clips come from? Because
Speaker 1: I put up clips of the show, and uh, I
Speaker 1: guess we should say. If you go to that Kevin
Speaker 1: Smith club all one word dot com, you can actually
Speaker 1: see it.
Speaker 2: You can see us.
Speaker 1: You see what we look like when we do it
Speaker 1: like on the show like see our faces phrase poorly,
Speaker 1: so you can see our faces. Fucking mind where your
Speaker 1: head went? Fucking daughter?
Speaker 2: Are you christ with our beauty?
Speaker 1: Yeah? You can see us. You could like, like, right
Speaker 1: now I'm looking in the camera, you could be looking
Speaker 1: at me while I'm looking at you, and you.
Speaker 2: Might even catch Walkie in the background.
Speaker 1: What if you found out? Oh no, what if you
Speaker 1: found out the show became very popular?
Speaker 2: What's the hypothetical? What's the it? But I know a
Speaker 2: butt's coming? What have I got to give.
Speaker 1: Up in sacrifice for some reason?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: No? The New York Times writes a piece about like
Speaker 1: we don't know why, but it's what's driving It's like
Speaker 1: one of them TikTok trends. I remember when motherfucker's dressed
Speaker 1: up in suits to go see Oppenheimer and people are
Speaker 1: like why, but just because it's kind of like this. Okay,
Speaker 1: so beer lisstickles me has big numbers m M in
Speaker 1: a very specific community. Oh oh no community, Well what
Speaker 1: would be your nightmare community? We'll start there and see
Speaker 1: if I really want to put me on the spot
Speaker 1: like that here, I'll spare you, spare me the spot.
Speaker 1: Come on, bro, the community that makes our podcast a hit,
Speaker 1: and I mean ridiculous numbers, whereas like that fucking nothing
Speaker 1: we're doing like bird Kreischer, Tom segera fucking call her
Speaker 1: daddy numbers. What is it with a very specific some
Speaker 1: might say misunderstood audience.
Speaker 2: I just feel as though this is gonna get me
Speaker 2: another negative review. My answer to whatever this hypothetical is.
Speaker 1: It turns out that for an entire subset of people,
Speaker 1: certain age group, if you will, certain age group, and
Speaker 1: because of some trend on TikTok took off, people like
Speaker 1: to listen to beardless dickless me.
Speaker 2: While why do you have to be this way?
Speaker 1: Why?
Speaker 4: Why do you have to be this way, you're so weird?
Speaker 1: Would you care? Would you care if that was the
Speaker 1: metric that made the show successful?
Speaker 4: One?
Speaker 2: Why does your head think that way to.
Speaker 1: Thirty years doing this shit? Yeah, this is hypothetical. You
Speaker 1: don't have to worry. But if it came true, if
Speaker 1: it was the popular podcast became so popular all over again,
Speaker 1: a subset of people that are just like I downloaded
Speaker 1: that ship and we fucking go all night. Their shows
Speaker 1: are that's how long we take it.
Speaker 3: We match their pace, man, we take it all the
Speaker 3: way to have a beard listen day. That's when I finish,
Speaker 3: and we finished together, because that's love.
Speaker 2: You already know I'm having a hard day. I'm hanging
Speaker 2: on my thread.
Speaker 1: You fuck, But why would that bother you get weird?
Speaker 1: Who gives a ship listeners? Man? And they're not like
Speaker 1: fucking like, they're not, They're just they're listeners in love, man,
Speaker 1: Just sure they love by way of listening to the sh.
Speaker 2: Fucking whatever you want to think and you're a weird
Speaker 2: little twist in mind.
Speaker 1: I don't know why that would unterview like that to me.
Speaker 1: I'm like, really, that's who listens fantastic.
Speaker 2: I'd rather be like, how.
Speaker 1: Much of the show did they hear?
Speaker 2: I mean, if something there's the playtime, like the run time.
Speaker 1: I mean, let's say you get the run.
Speaker 2: Time, and then if you listen to the whole thing,
Speaker 2: give it airtime or runtime or whatever it's called, and
Speaker 2: then leave a five star review. Do whatever the fuck
Speaker 2: you want.
Speaker 1: Okay. So for the people out there who are like
Speaker 1: I like the time, I love.
Speaker 2: Making to your show, then I have major questions for you,
Speaker 2: and I just wonder what the fuck happened to you.
Speaker 1: They like the sound of your voice, like I think nobody.
Speaker 2: Likes the sound of my voice.
Speaker 1: Oh shit, fucking there's a dude you've been fucking living
Speaker 1: with for five years must like the sound of your voice.
Speaker 1: You say ship and I never see him go like,
Speaker 1: well you're not seeing the full sem a lot like this.
Speaker 2: I heard my voice in that video I sent to
Speaker 2: you today, and I was like, oh my god, what
Speaker 2: of what happened to my voice?
Speaker 1: You don't think voice?
Speaker 2: I obviously am the weirdest fucking voice. Why do you
Speaker 2: think that it's honestly weird and ugly?
Speaker 1: Bullshit? And not because you're like related to me, but
Speaker 1: like if somebody was like describe Harley Quinn's voice in
Speaker 1: ten words. Weird would never come into.
Speaker 2: Me, but weird deep.
Speaker 1: Voice.
Speaker 2: The only thing, the only thing cool about my voice
Speaker 2: is that I can do cartoon like I can do
Speaker 2: like animal voices and stuff. I can do weird things
Speaker 2: with my voice that I think are cool but my
Speaker 2: but my normal speaking voice is just which I'm sure
Speaker 2: I could change.
Speaker 1: You can't. Like you're a fucking actor.
Speaker 2: You do whatever you want, all right, but just if
Speaker 2: I'm comfortably speaking, it's so weird sounding.
Speaker 1: I didn't like the sound of my own voice. Now
Speaker 1: I love it. I hate the sound of young Kevin
Speaker 1: Smith's voice.
Speaker 2: Can you do an impression?
Speaker 1: I can't. I can't even do it. I left him
Speaker 1: behind hot your eyes like cool?
Speaker 2: Oh my god, No, it was so high. It's just
Speaker 2: like everything is no, no, no, it's not like that.
Speaker 2: It's high.
Speaker 1: What do you mean.
Speaker 2: It's I don't know how to I don't even know
Speaker 2: how to describe. But it's just it's not your voice.
Speaker 2: I mean I guess it is, and you're just a
Speaker 2: fake now.
Speaker 1: But like it's a fake now. I've just seasoned my
Speaker 1: fucking voice, man, Like I did a lot of fucking
Speaker 1: weat smoking back in the day.
Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe your voice is actually just like destroyed at
Speaker 2: this point.
Speaker 1: It's not destroyed, man, it's melodic. I get to work
Speaker 1: it like an instrument. I learned how to work my
Speaker 1: fucking voice, Like Okay, here you go. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna let you hear. Kevin Smith on The John
Speaker 1: Stuart Show, nineteen ninety four, The John Stuart on MTV
Speaker 1: got it.
Speaker 6: Kevin cheers, you're the first guest tonight that will actually finish?
Speaker 2: Is that you budget? Let me see it? You really?
Speaker 7: You enjoy a good piece of food, sugar, you know what.
Speaker 7: I enjoy your movie.
Speaker 6: It's one of the funniest movies I've seen in a
Speaker 6: long time.
Speaker 7: The movie Clerks is really fade.
Speaker 2: Remember, Oh my god.
Speaker 8: Basically I've worked in convenience stirs for about six years.
Speaker 8: Oh so yeah, oh and uh it's sooner or later.
Speaker 6: I just wanted to get out of there.
Speaker 8: And after six years, you have enough to fill one movie, right,
Speaker 8: So it came from there.
Speaker 7: So these are all things that sort of happened to
Speaker 7: you or just sort of taken from there.
Speaker 6: Pretty much. Yeah, pretty much. I mean stuff somehow, some
Speaker 6: stuff happened, some stuff did very funny stuff.
Speaker 7: Here's a quick clip from Clerks right now.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry to this man. I don't know this man.
Speaker 2: I literally, who the fuck is that?
Speaker 1: I feel bad for John Stewart man, like fucking like
Speaker 1: that was what you said. A, that's what I sounded like,
Speaker 1: and B that's what a terrible interview I was. I
Speaker 1: always wanted to get out of that store. Man. Everything
Speaker 1: was so hard for me gen ICs and it's painful.
Speaker 2: You sound I feel like, yeah, you sound like somebody.
Speaker 1: And if I sound like you, bro listen.
Speaker 2: I think your voice is higher than mine.
Speaker 1: That could be.
Speaker 2: I think your voice is I feel like if I
Speaker 2: try to think about it, I can figure out who is.
Speaker 6: There's a lot of language, graphic sexual.
Speaker 8: There's no sex, there's no violence, just like in my
Speaker 8: real life.
Speaker 6: You laugh, but it's true. No, it was just I
Speaker 6: guess there's a lot.
Speaker 8: Of language I should can tell by the beets, right.
Speaker 6: Basically, Marx hired that ye hired for the appeal, which.
Speaker 2: You're literally acting like a nineties rock star?
Speaker 1: Is that what it is?
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's literally exactly how every fucking nineties rock star acts,
Speaker 2: like like they just don't give a fuck.
Speaker 1: They're like, well, maybe it wasn't. It wasn't just the
Speaker 1: rock stars. None of us gave a fuck.
Speaker 2: It was then I guess maybe none of you gave
Speaker 2: a fuck. But that just reminds me of like every
Speaker 2: nineties band interview I've ever watched.
Speaker 8: Up because Alan Derschwitz a lawyer that defended class fund
Speaker 8: below fortune.
Speaker 6: So it's me, Klaus. This moment was made for twenty
Speaker 6: and seventy five bucks.
Speaker 7: Unbelievable, and that was all just pocket six years working
Speaker 7: at the convenience store.
Speaker 9: Some of it.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was just like expectations.
Speaker 8: I sold the Comico collection to do that, right, And
Speaker 8: I had a couple of cars that I lost in
Speaker 8: a flood.
Speaker 6: And the government gave me insurance money for it, and
Speaker 6: I used that that went to the budget.
Speaker 8: We just cut corners and stuff like when we were
Speaker 8: we bought the film at the Kodak and they give
Speaker 8: you like a.
Speaker 6: Fifteen percent discounter. That's nice.
Speaker 8: But I didn't have a student ID, so me and
Speaker 8: my producer are there and then they're like, where's your ID?
Speaker 6: And I turned my producer.
Speaker 8: I'm like, you know, Scott, where's your student Id's like, oh,
Speaker 8: it's downstairs in my school bag and they so we
Speaker 8: just went down to the.
Speaker 6: New School for Social Research.
Speaker 8: I applied for a one day course A suckling pig,
Speaker 8: got a student ida, went back up, got fifteen percent.
Speaker 6: Discount, went back downtown, dropped the course. No suckling pig.
Speaker 6: No no.
Speaker 7: And it takes a lot of balls to lay yourself
Speaker 7: on the line like that, and you know, spend that
Speaker 7: kind of money and do it.
Speaker 6: But it's a tremendous saying.
Speaker 7: Now you're of course you got the big deal with
Speaker 7: whatever Disney Spielberg paramount something and a universe millions of
Speaker 7: dollars and going to leave all your old friends behind.
Speaker 8: And yeah, now they're in the green room.
Speaker 6: Actually, are they really?
Speaker 7: I brought up posse they didn't any of the people
Speaker 7: that are in the movie out there.
Speaker 6: Yeah, there's a few of them. Definitely. My lawyer's back
Speaker 6: there too, in case, yeah, you.
Speaker 7: Got a lawyer gets in case I take a bunch
Speaker 7: or anything like that.
Speaker 6: In the sec I'm talking, all right, that's cool.
Speaker 7: Have there been like a great response from clerks You
Speaker 7: walk in a convenience store and tears in his eyes
Speaker 7: at the seven eleven.
Speaker 6: That is my story. You knowthing like that.
Speaker 8: Yeah, people see me as some sort of like a
Speaker 8: prophet or something.
Speaker 6: Now, no, nobody, I mean hardly anyone.
Speaker 1: Seen the film.
Speaker 6: Oh it hasn't really a lot of film festival people.
Speaker 7: Sorry, that's where the big talk wasn't all that She's
Speaker 7: gonna travel around at the festivals and keep it going.
Speaker 1: Yep?
Speaker 6: Well, I personally laughed, thought it was a very.
Speaker 2: Funny, fie.
Speaker 6: I've never heard you speak, Dershowitz.
Speaker 7: I'm sure we'll get me off. I don't comment there,
Speaker 7: but but thank you very much for coming by film.
Speaker 6: Thanks, lad.
Speaker 10: Is.
Speaker 1: I have so many thoughts, that's crazy.
Speaker 2: I don't think you ever just ever say yep, like
Speaker 2: you're like, yep, and here's a novel.
Speaker 1: And do you know why? Because I learned from watching
Speaker 1: those interviews, I'm like, oh my god, I made that
Speaker 1: dude work so fucking hard.
Speaker 2: That's like, you're just like a different human.
Speaker 1: That was me before I knew how to be how
Speaker 1: older either, It is nineteen ninety four and he said
Speaker 1: the movie is just about to come out twenty four years.
Speaker 2: I was like, so we were like when I was born.
Speaker 1: I mean five years. Let's Kevin Smith. I was born
Speaker 1: That was Kevin Smith nineteen ninety four. So we'll do.
Speaker 2: Kevin scared me. You seem like a fucking I don't know.
Speaker 1: I think it was a fantastic assessment in terms of
Speaker 1: you being like.
Speaker 2: It literally seems like a Nirvana interview or something, and
Speaker 2: they just don't give a single fuck. It's crazy.
Speaker 1: Here's the You know when I protested my own movie,
Speaker 1: So that right?
Speaker 2: So what?
Speaker 1: So I protested Dogma?
Speaker 2: You protested It opens tonight and it's already generating a
Speaker 2: huge amount of controversy, and.
Speaker 6: So is its creator Kevin Smith.
Speaker 1: That lives right here.
Speaker 2: Ney's New Jerseys Caroline Shively reports on one protest against
Speaker 2: the movie in Eatontown tonight.
Speaker 10: Organizers in Eaton Town and had hoped for hundreds to
Speaker 10: join them in the protest against the movie Dogma.
Speaker 11: Instead, they got less than two dozen. But they were
Speaker 11: joined by this man.
Speaker 10: He wouldn't admit it, but he looked and sounded suspiciously
Speaker 10: like Dogma's writer, director, co star in New Jersey resident
Speaker 10: Kevin Smith.
Speaker 8: I don't think it stands for anything positive.
Speaker 6: What is it temper? I don't know, but I've been
Speaker 6: told not good.
Speaker 10: The movie follows two fallen angels who try to get
Speaker 10: back into heaven and the people who.
Speaker 11: Were fighting to keep them out. Thirteenth a possible. You
Speaker 11: knew Christ. We're old than twelve months, but lines like
Speaker 11: that have many groups angry. And we're here with.
Speaker 12: A small number, but we're the church militant. We should
Speaker 12: have more Catholics here. If this was a direct attack
Speaker 12: again it's Muslims or the Holocaust or the Jewish people,
Speaker 12: you would see them outrage.
Speaker 11: The protesters didn't seem to slow down.
Speaker 10: The number of people pouring into the theater to see
Speaker 10: the film.
Speaker 1: Just makes me want to see it more.
Speaker 7: Actually, yeah, if there's controversy about it, I think.
Speaker 1: They might be taking it too seriously. I mean, it's
Speaker 1: just a film.
Speaker 8: It's it's a comedy, so you really shouldn't take it
Speaker 8: too seriously.
Speaker 10: The batter between the protesters and filmmakers is sure to
Speaker 10: continue for as long as the film runs, but in
Speaker 10: the end, this is a fight that might be one
Speaker 10: or lost at the box office in Eatontown.
Speaker 11: Caroline Shively News twelve, New Jersey.
Speaker 1: Smith's Productions actually posts hate mail and receives on its website.
Speaker 2: I honestly think that you protested and pretended to not
Speaker 2: be you is probably the coolest thing you've ever done.
Speaker 1: I think it's sweet watching your face react to it.
Speaker 1: The internet been aware of that. Ever about every six months,
Speaker 1: somebody on Earth's that and they're like, you know, Kevin
Speaker 1: Smith protested his own.
Speaker 2: Movie, but like, pretended to be not you. That is
Speaker 2: actually the coolest thing you've ever done. The hands down.
Speaker 1: Kind of shit we did in the nineties. Son. Anyway,
Speaker 1: that's my voice when you were born. You're you're alive
Speaker 1: as to me.
Speaker 2: Like, honestly, not that I didn't perspect.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was like, what the fuck man? Not that
Speaker 1: I like, I get who you are.
Speaker 4: That makes me be.
Speaker 2: Like, damn, you're pretty cool. That's that's sick as hell.
Speaker 1: That's honestly really impressing twenty somethings is like my aim
Speaker 1: in life now.
Speaker 2: Pressive.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was. It was fun times. But anyway, the voice,
Speaker 1: that's my voice when you were born, Wow, you were alive.
Speaker 1: You were with Nanna Pop while me and Brian Johnson
Speaker 1: and your mom we're at the theater.
Speaker 4: That's cool.
Speaker 1: As me and Brian joined the line, your mom was
Speaker 1: off like to the side taking pictures.
Speaker 2: Really, what you and Malcolm. He said, Brian Johnson, if.
Speaker 1: You see in the footage, he's like standing next to me.
Speaker 1: But yeah, they interviewed me and they're like the lady,
Speaker 1: the lady. She got out of the car because we joined.
Speaker 1: I heard it was going to be like fifteen hundred people,
Speaker 1: so I was like, that's everybody in our hometown. We
Speaker 1: got there was only fifteen people, so I joined the line.
Speaker 1: We had made signs me and Brian and your mom
Speaker 1: at home at the Ocean porthouse and wrote like to
Speaker 1: hell with Dogma and dogma is dog shit, and we
Speaker 1: took glue and put sparkles on. So we both went
Speaker 1: there with our signs and it was like, you know,
Speaker 1: there was nobody there, so we joined the line. We
Speaker 1: start praying, but Brian Johnson he don't know the prayers
Speaker 1: and shit. I was like our father Horne him and
Speaker 1: he was like our father Jesus.
Speaker 2: Her being like, there's this man here who looks oddly
Speaker 2: like the director.
Speaker 1: When I saw them pull up, that's so and she
Speaker 1: got out and she looked so disappointed because the lot
Speaker 1: they weren't.
Speaker 2: A lot of Yeah, and then.
Speaker 1: Her and cameraman got a car and she's looking at
Speaker 1: her clipboard and then she looked over at us. I
Speaker 1: guess she was trying to figure out what shot. And
Speaker 1: then she looks at me and then she looks at
Speaker 1: her clipboard and then she looks back at me and
Speaker 1: she comes over and she's like, are you Are you him?
Speaker 1: And I pointed to the statue of Jesus. I was like, no,
Speaker 1: that's him, Oh my god. And she was like, you're
Speaker 1: not Kevin Smith. I was like no. She goes, can
Speaker 1: I interview you? And I said yeah, and I get
Speaker 1: an interview and at the end she goes, but your name.
Speaker 1: I was like, Brian Johnson really And Momily called me
Speaker 1: after it was on TV to be like, Tiger, there's
Speaker 1: a boy on TV looks just like you.
Speaker 11: Serious. Oh my god, Oh my god.
Speaker 4: She believed it.
Speaker 1: She did, oh my god. Because they hear saw the report.
Speaker 1: They're like, he looks suspiciously liked that they couldn't identify me.
Speaker 4: There's a guy that looks exactly.
Speaker 1: Just exactly Harley, Harley, that's Cooky Man.
Speaker 2: I missed. Momily.
Speaker 1: She's the best all right man, passionate ration time. Wow,
Speaker 1: that's right, fucking.
Speaker 2: Mean flew By so true.
Speaker 1: Now the bar is high. Before you leave this world.
Speaker 1: You got to protest your own movie.
Speaker 2: Obviously, passion is finding out you did that. That's just like.
Speaker 1: That makes me happy. That makes me feel that I.
Speaker 2: Don't know, that's like, that's really fucking metal, is cool.
Speaker 1: My hope is that I've done enough things and and
Speaker 1: of course cataloged it all and talked about it all
Speaker 1: over the place and ship that when I'm gone, you
Speaker 1: will be discovering shit about me until you die. Where
Speaker 1: you're like, I had no idea he did that.
Speaker 2: Well, it's like I know, I know you that you
Speaker 2: now and like seeing that you was just like I
Speaker 2: don't have no idea who that guy is, but like
Speaker 2: I hate that kid. I love him to.
Speaker 1: Death because he got me here. But I can't stand
Speaker 1: how how fucking I it was era, But yeah.
Speaker 2: That is literally the epito. I wasn't even there, but
Speaker 2: that's the epitome of the nineties.
Speaker 1: I remember, like nobody ever there was no class on
Speaker 1: like this is how to conduct an interview, asshole like
Speaker 1: like that. All the interview I did was like based
Speaker 1: on interviews that I had seen.
Speaker 2: So crazy, that's literally like the group of that that's
Speaker 2: where I wish I was more than anything, like that's
Speaker 2: the group of humans that I feel most connected to
Speaker 2: that era. Yes, and to see like you, it's just
Speaker 2: like it's so crazy.
Speaker 1: It makes me cringe, Like it's just every every like
Speaker 1: fucking one decent joke and then undercut of like you laugh,
Speaker 1: but it's true.
Speaker 2: I mean it's not like the jokes are like, are funny,
Speaker 2: but it's more just like, wow, he really doesn't give
Speaker 2: a fuck like when you when you watch watch the
Speaker 2: difference is it's not joke. Give oh an infinite amount
Speaker 2: of fucks.
Speaker 1: Yeah I couldn't. I couldn't give.
Speaker 2: More more fucks possibly.
Speaker 1: But then yes, everything was like do I have to
Speaker 1: do this? All right?
Speaker 2: That's just so crazy because it's you really just don't
Speaker 2: give a fuck, And like if you watch interviews of
Speaker 2: Courtney Love like negative fucks and it's just like crazy
Speaker 2: to see you as that, it's really it's really blowing
Speaker 2: my mind.
Speaker 1: I mean honestly, like kind of blowing my mind. I'm like,
Speaker 1: because you never here's my advice to you in your
Speaker 1: free time, Yeah, just google all right, but like Kevin
Speaker 1: Smith any particular year and you can listen to my
Speaker 1: voice and attitude change. You can watch me start caring
Speaker 1: and it doesn't kick in for a long time. Though
Speaker 1: I was interviewed so much, so much, particularly from the beginning.
Speaker 1: It's not even like and it's like, I don't I
Speaker 1: honestly don't know why they continued to interview me based
Speaker 1: on that interview, Like what the fuck did that guy
Speaker 1: have to offer? I don't know. It's very sweet.
Speaker 6: She wouldn't care.
Speaker 2: He was he would take a rockster, but now he cares.
Speaker 1: It wouldn't be bleeding heart.
Speaker 4: Crying so hard and laughing at the same time.
Speaker 1: Joy, I'll take whatever.
Speaker 4: Now there are tears coming from my eyes.
Speaker 1: This is why you want to go to that Kevin
Speaker 1: Smith club. Kids. You can see the metamorphosis of Harley's
Speaker 1: face that she goes from laughter to tears. That happens, oh,
Speaker 1: thirty years ago in.
Speaker 4: This insane thing where I start crying but then it
Speaker 4: makes me laugh that I'm crying, and then it just
Speaker 4: looks fucking psychotic. But it's just like, oh no, I
Speaker 4: don't even know if I can say it, but it's.
Speaker 1: Just like, well, we're waiting. What is it?
Speaker 4: That's like the era that means so much to me.
Speaker 1: That era. Yeah, like the era that I helped define.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it really doesn't like see you be like because I.
Speaker 13: Feel like you don't under you always say like we differ,
Speaker 13: Like I don't really get. I mean you obviously like
Speaker 13: have your own relationship with music, but like you never
Speaker 13: want to make music, but like.
Speaker 1: Just not that fe was like a musician.
Speaker 2: That feels like the like the crossover of like.
Speaker 1: May I maybe why do you think there's something there
Speaker 1: that that brings you into the mix? Right? Just like
Speaker 1: this here, I'll I have a theory for why perhaps
Speaker 1: I am that person and not so much. You know,
Speaker 1: now I get why I am the way I am
Speaker 1: now because I'm like, oh my god, I would never
Speaker 1: dream of fucking taking up somebody's time and not being entertaining.
Speaker 1: But there were no directors doing press prior you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, Like just so I couldn't. But I'm
Speaker 1: saying like I couldn't look at a director and be like,
Speaker 1: that's the attitude you're supposed to have because there wasn't
Speaker 1: a lot of it's just for me, it would probably
Speaker 1: be like, well this is what people like, don't I
Speaker 1: don't know.
Speaker 2: Just when I see that, I feel like, I already
Speaker 2: hell sits at the time. It's all It's like, I
Speaker 2: already relate to you so much. But when I see that,
Speaker 2: oh my.
Speaker 1: God, are you like to Keeople online or were like,
Speaker 1: go back to being that guy you were so cool
Speaker 1: then before you got walk and ship?
Speaker 4: It would it would suck if you were like that.
Speaker 1: As my dad like, oh my god, if I was just.
Speaker 2: It would suck.
Speaker 1: Dad, I'm having problems, are you? Are you? I have
Speaker 1: brain freeze?
Speaker 2: I fucking suck. But's just like seeing that you were
Speaker 2: like that, we got it, and we got I.
Speaker 4: Call this man no passion around.
Speaker 1: You gotta fashion around.
Speaker 4: Okay, Well, you're never allowed to use this footage because
Speaker 4: look at my face.
Speaker 9: The only people go to see it all at that
Speaker 9: Kevin Smith club dot com. If you want to see
Speaker 9: Harley's We're in this makeup job, go to that Kevin
Speaker 9: Smith club dot com. All right, Passion irration apparently passion
Speaker 9: for you is dad protesting a movie twenty five years ago, Adorable.
Speaker 9: I was just at the LA Comic Con yesterday and
Speaker 9: I did a panel for Chronic Blunt Punch, the video
Speaker 9: game that Trevor's friend Justin has been making.
Speaker 1: For years and looks great. But they asked me at
Speaker 1: one point during the Q and A though, like, what
Speaker 1: are your what's the last like video game you played
Speaker 1: or remember Loving No, that's you.
Speaker 2: I never really that was the last one you played,
Speaker 2: but they.
Speaker 1: Wanted to know that I played like all the way through.
Speaker 2: Blah blah blah.
Speaker 1: I said the Lego Star Wars with my kid. I
Speaker 1: was like, we never watched Star Wars, but that's how
Speaker 1: she ingested play Lego Star Wars. We could totally do,
Speaker 1: I kidd, come on over, we have a giant fucking
Speaker 1: TV upstairs. But I said, we didn't really watch some movies.
Speaker 6: But she ingested the.
Speaker 1: Star Wars saga through the Lego Star Wars and people
Speaker 1: were like, that's so sweet.
Speaker 2: It's true true, Well.
Speaker 1: That's partly whites, all right.
Speaker 2: I can't even see.
Speaker 1: Rashing passion waterproof makeup rashing that you pick up that runs.
Speaker 1: I'll give you my passion bomba.
Speaker 4: Oh so true.
Speaker 1: I've rediscovered bomba. Do you have it as a gun?
Speaker 1: Room bomba? Is keep taking It's the peanuts snack now,
Speaker 1: Like I ain't trying to get political. This is the
Speaker 1: peanuts snack from Israel comes straight out of Israel. Israeli
Speaker 1: kids are raised on it, and they say that it's
Speaker 1: there's no like people in Israel with a peanut allergy,
Speaker 1: because they've raised fucking babies with this bomba. It's got
Speaker 1: like three ingredients maybe four. It's like corn, peanuts, salt.
Speaker 2: What am I start growing about bomba?
Speaker 1: I'm sure you will. She was eating her whole young
Speaker 1: life and ship, and recently I rediscovered I saw a
Speaker 1: case of bamba at Ralph's.
Speaker 2: I told you you go to Ralphs. You always You're.
Speaker 1: Like, Harley had a theory before.
Speaker 2: She was no, no, no, don't say the theory.
Speaker 4: Please, please don't say the theory.
Speaker 1: I can't wait to share, no, yea. So I pick
Speaker 1: up a thing, a big old box, a fucking bomba,
Speaker 1: and Jennifer's like, oh these are back. I was like yeah, man,
Speaker 1: And so Harley saw him too, and she was like,
Speaker 1: give me so many ship. But they're cheese doodles, but
Speaker 1: without cheese. Made a peanut.
Speaker 2: My friend had one, like took one the other day
Speaker 2: and was like, oh my god, I thought this was
Speaker 2: going to be cheese.
Speaker 1: I was like, they in their own branded Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but it's still bomba but oh, I've been having a
Speaker 1: love affair with the bomb So there's my passion. My
Speaker 1: ration is Birdie being jealous of Lucky. I can't stand
Speaker 1: this ship less of that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's tough to say.
Speaker 1: It's really tough to watch like her get jealous over
Speaker 1: me where I'm like, I am fucking either of you.
Speaker 1: So fucking don't Betty and Veronica this ship? Well, it's true.
Speaker 1: I mean, wouldn't be worse if I was, like, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna fuck one of them, Harley, I just don't know
Speaker 1: which one's nice.
Speaker 2: Why does it got to be a topic.
Speaker 1: Oh, why does it have to be a topic after
Speaker 1: thirty years?
Speaker 2: Yeah, come on, bro, it's still fine and fascinating.
Speaker 1: I can't believe you don't talk about as much as
Speaker 1: I do, considering you are my kid.
Speaker 2: This bra I told you we have to end my makeup.
Speaker 1: You didn't write any down, did you?
Speaker 7: No?
Speaker 1: I did. I'm gonna hit you with my passion, passion, irration.
Speaker 2: Boomers like baby boomers. Yeah, what age group is that? Oh? Well,
Speaker 2: I I honestly I love well, wait, let me look
Speaker 2: up what age it is. I love the elderly. I
Speaker 2: love the elderly. Nana par like literally just they're they're perfect.
Speaker 2: They're perfect, little chair of angels.
Speaker 1: I love the elderlier so boomers passion, irration, ration, like
Speaker 1: the old people. It's time for the young youth.
Speaker 2: This king passion. I love old.
Speaker 1: People, passion, irration, driving, passion.
Speaker 2: I love driving because I listen to music.
Speaker 1: You can do that.
Speaker 2: I just sound like you in the interview. I like
Speaker 2: driving music.
Speaker 13: Yeah.
Speaker 1: No, if you were me in the interview, they'd be like,
Speaker 1: do you like music, You'd be like, yeah, yep. I like, okay, no,
Speaker 1: wonder this fucker played silent Bob. Now I sit down
Speaker 1: for an interview, I'm like, shut up and I run. No.
Speaker 2: Now you're like Seth Myers, here's fire script I wrote,
Speaker 2: and you don't see a single word.
Speaker 1: I learned my lesson. Every time I see that interview,
Speaker 1: I cringe. I'm like, God, damn it, somebody was That
Speaker 1: was like one of his last episodes, and for years
Speaker 1: I felt like if I'd been better.
Speaker 2: I just can't believe that you pretended to be somebody else.
Speaker 1: So the protest anyways, you think that's metal? Yeah, that
Speaker 1: star type behavior legendary.
Speaker 2: Blow my mind. Okay, what's the.
Speaker 1: Next legend uh passion ration guns?
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I mean fucking how why why you
Speaker 2: gotta put me.
Speaker 1: On the spot. I don't think. Yeah, you think the
Speaker 1: n r A audience is listening to the beardless. I
Speaker 1: don't know. But it doesn't have to be political. And
Speaker 1: ration doesn't mean I don't.
Speaker 2: I don't.
Speaker 1: Passion means more of this, less than everything else. Ration
Speaker 1: means less of this.
Speaker 2: Ration. Guns scare me a lot. Obviously, they they are there,
Speaker 2: terrible things happened with them. Man, they need to regulated.
Speaker 1: Kamala Harris has a glock.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I do you know that, but that's kind of metal.
Speaker 2: I just think guns need to be obviously regulated and
Speaker 2: not like sold to people who are going to do
Speaker 2: terrible things.
Speaker 1: Good answer. Now, I'll give you an easy one.
Speaker 2: An easy lad My god, Jesus.
Speaker 1: You handled that well. I don't think it alienated people.
Speaker 1: And again I'm getting another one star. Yeah, people like
Speaker 1: you took on guns. I thought you handled that senseibly.
Speaker 1: Let's see how to handle this. This is a political
Speaker 1: hop potato ready, Oh, the cool side of the pillow.
Speaker 2: That's pretty funny. It's not more it's not so much
Speaker 2: about the cool side for me. It's about like the
Speaker 2: soft side.
Speaker 1: Bro, what are you not a human being? For every
Speaker 1: human being alive, it's been about the cool side of
Speaker 1: the pillows.
Speaker 2: Okay, but it's just about which side is the.
Speaker 1: Coolest cool as in the saying hot and I'm sweating
Speaker 1: on it. Yeah, not cool like cool yea cool.
Speaker 2: But for me, it's more about like the.
Speaker 1: Texture of the texture.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, not the texture. I don't think that's
Speaker 2: the word I'm searching for, but whether.
Speaker 1: It's soft or not soft. Yeah, that would be texture.
Speaker 2: Excuse me, sorry, Like father, like daughter.
Speaker 1: So that's my last one. Passion irration farting, no passion irration,
Speaker 1: the cool side of the pillow.
Speaker 2: Did you hear the noise throat? Oh? Yeah, I think
Speaker 2: I think passion obviously?
Speaker 1: One four Man. I keep trying to get this podcast.
Speaker 2: Under you just can't.
Speaker 1: You can't final one. Uh farting passion irration ration.
Speaker 2: What your farts are?
Speaker 1: Out of my farts? I said, farting in general.
Speaker 2: I don't really fart that much. I burp like a
Speaker 2: really inconceivable amount, but I really don't fart that much,
Speaker 2: and I and I hate how other people's fart smell.
Speaker 2: And I don't really fart smell.
Speaker 1: I don't think anybody in recorded history has ever really
Speaker 1: liked how someone else's farts smell. I don't know, tolerated.
Speaker 2: There are some weird people out there.
Speaker 1: Well, when I was a kid, when the Internet first started,
Speaker 1: we found Brazilian fart porn. It's just girls farting and
Speaker 1: sniffing it. And I was like, are you kidding me?
Speaker 1: This is a thing.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, my mind keeps being busted open tonight.
Speaker 1: And it was like fucking you know now in retrospects,
Speaker 1: like they really up the ante uli, like the fart
Speaker 1: because they threw it flat out fart noises.
Speaker 13: Like.
Speaker 1: Even though these chicks weren't like tight cheeked or anything
Speaker 1: like that, like as if it's a pleasure, but like
Speaker 1: the way you would sniff like a fucking freshly baked cake. O. Gosh,
Speaker 1: Somewhere somebody was like that turns me out, just like
Speaker 1: somewhere somebody could be like I have sex to.
Speaker 2: Why I don't understand. I don't understand you. And good
Speaker 2: night everyone. I'm gonna go wipe off my makeup. I
Speaker 2: cried when I wake. Can you take me to the
Speaker 2: grocery make did you fart?
Speaker 1: No, You've got two dogs in this room, and if
Speaker 1: I farted, you'd know it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's so true.
Speaker 1: Did you? I'm sorry? Do you just sneak in? Will
Speaker 1: you take me to the grocery store and then accused
Speaker 1: me of farting? No?
Speaker 2: Actually, can you take me to the drag cleaners?
Speaker 1: Why?
Speaker 2: Because I need it? I need it.
Speaker 1: I need it. I need to fix the drag c.
Speaker 2: Fart well, then smell it?
Speaker 1: Well whoever smelled it down to it? Bra was that's
Speaker 1: the rule?
Speaker 2: I don't far Bro, it was you.
Speaker 1: It wasn't me.
Speaker 2: I tell you, I would.
Speaker 1: Claim to it. Bertie is the one that got up,
Speaker 1: so she might have farted and it woke her up.
Speaker 2: It was so bad. Bertie wants to go to the
Speaker 2: dry cleaners.
Speaker 1: Aady wants to go out the bathroom apparently, like, Bro,
Speaker 1: I'm pinching it hard. It's filtering my fart forward. There
Speaker 1: it is. Kids, You enjoy your beardless stickless, give a
Speaker 1: beardless sickless thanks to your little fucking host, Harley Quinn Smith.
Speaker 2: Please don't watch this video. Just listen to the.
Speaker 1: You want to see the video. I can't like that
Speaker 1: and like and subscribe and leave a review. Harlie's way
Speaker 1: into the reviews.
Speaker 2: I'm reading them, so if you're writing them, I'm reading them.
Speaker 1: I can't live that way.
Speaker 2: I don't know how to read the Spotify ones though,
Speaker 2: if there are any, but I check the numbers, so uh,
Speaker 2: you know, I'll be out there.
Speaker 1: I'll be keeping my eye on you. You be liking.
Speaker 2: In fact, I'm gonna look after this and check in.
Speaker 1: We're done.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've already checked it. Better, I'll check again. I'm unhealthy.
Speaker 2: I was gonna say I have problems.
Speaker 1: I mean, why I can't just like, hey, we finished
Speaker 1: the show and I enjoy it, and that's good because.
Speaker 2: I have mental health problems.
Speaker 1: If other people enjoy it, I mean, it's tough because
Speaker 1: you need an audience. So yeah, fore feel fore you
Speaker 1: to engage. But just do I approach it like I'm
Speaker 1: having a good time.
Speaker 2: Do I give a ship I'm having I honestly have
Speaker 2: a really fun time recording, except for when I cry,
Speaker 2: and except when you talk about things that I hate,
Speaker 2: like well, things I don't want to talk about with.
Speaker 1: You with me? What do you mean you talk about
Speaker 1: it with others? And ship? I knew it. You're gonna
Speaker 1: be in bed you can be like do what would
Speaker 1: it be weird if people listen to beardless stickles be
Speaker 1: when they were having sex? What the fuck is your problem?
Speaker 2: Oh my god, the Windy's Girl.
Speaker 1: Zoo Oh yet it sorry? What you know? My father
Speaker 1: protesting movie in the nineties. He did it was like
Speaker 1: a rock started like creepy love.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna crying, Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I Courtney loved my dad. Where you're going, I'm
Speaker 1: sleeping in the garage.
Speaker 2: Fuck im out. I'm believing I'm crying again.
Speaker 1: For some reason, Courtney loved my old man, my father.
Speaker 1: That didn't I have an emotional girl? What a roll
Speaker 1: goes to take away?
Speaker 2: I'm a bit erotic today, it's time to go.
Speaker 1: I have to go. Kids, there's your beardlessilas this week
Speaker 1: for beardless you have a beardless Nicklas Day.
Speaker 14: This has been a podcast production, some podcast podcast using
Speaker 14: our mouths on you since two thousand and seven. Hey kids,
Speaker 14: did you like what you just heard?
Speaker 1: Well? Guess what.
Speaker 14: We've got tons more, man thousands of hours of podcasts
Speaker 14: waiting for you at that Kevinsmith club dot com.
Speaker 1: Go sign up now.