Speaker 1: Welcome back to Excuse My Grandma. It's Kim and my cohost. Grandma Gail. Grandma, we're talking dating today. Okay.
As we usually do.
Speaker 2: As we do.
Speaker 1: You've always had advice for me, often unsolicited. One out of 10, how much do you think I have listened to your dating advice?
Speaker 2: Not that much. Maybe maybe 50%.
Speaker 1: 50? Yeah. That's fair. Yeah. About half.
So five. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I've always loved having your, like, older, wiser female perspective whether or not I listened. But I think sometimes you just need the male perspective on dating and relationships and not from like dad or Poppy.
Like from a real expert.
Speaker 2: From a real person? Not your father or your grandfather?
Speaker 1: No. Today's guest is number three time on the podcast. We need that helpful male perspective, and we have questions for him.
Speaker 2: So Very funny guy who we love.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Jared Freid. He also just came out with his book, Walking Red Flag, Dating Advice from Your Favorite Guy Friend, and he's here to help us.
Speaker 2: Out till next week. Well, but this
Speaker 1: is gonna come out next
Speaker 2: week. Okay. Disregard that.
Speaker 1: Okay. Jared, welcome back to
Speaker 2: the It's
Speaker 3: pleasure to be back here. I love hanging out with you guys. First time in person. First time in person. That's the weirdest thing.
Yeah. Know. Feel like I like, Grandma Gail, I don't know if we've ever been in the same room together.
Speaker 2: No. And I got four years older. So did I. We started out. I mean, we started out a young young young,
Speaker 3: young, old. And now we're We're here.
Speaker 1: We're free. And now we're all snowbird.
Speaker 3: We're away from No. I'm not a snowbird.
Speaker 1: Oh, you fully live?
Speaker 3: I fully live in Delray Beach, Florida. I am So beautiful. Love it.
Speaker 2: Best pizza in the world in Delray.
Speaker 3: Where do you get pizza? I'll tell
Speaker 2: you afterwards because I have to get the name for my daughter. She oh my god.
Speaker 1: We went there.
Speaker 2: Don't know the name. Well, no.
Speaker 3: Because I don't pizza, or is it like a
Speaker 2: pizza Pizza, but in a pizza place. Not fancy one.
Speaker 3: There's one place I'm thinking of maybe
Speaker 2: But on Atlantic Avenue, there's a whole group of there's a Mediterranean restaurant there that's so good.
Speaker 3: Atlantic Avenue, the thing that happens, and you probably know this, grandma Gail and Kim, you probably know this a little bit as well, but Delray Beach is that place where someone up here is like, ugh. It's all old people.
Speaker 2: It's not.
Speaker 3: And then people in Florida go, Ugh, it's too young.
Speaker 1: Too young. So true.
Speaker 2: It's a mix.
Speaker 3: It's a really good mix. I love living there. I love that it's like a cool, kitschy beach town. If you're from the West Coast, it reminds me of Manhattan Beach in LA, where it's like off to the side. It's not Boca.
It's not West Palm. It is its own weird thing. No. It's great. It's a great town.
I love being there. I moved about a year ago, June 1. Right. If any IRS tax people ask me. I moved on May 3.
Speaker 2: And we have no taxes down there. We're in a tax free state.
Speaker 3: I Listen. This
Speaker 2: is amazing. It's amazing.
Speaker 3: Into my business. I gotta make sure I can sell this book.
Speaker 2: And That's right.
Speaker 3: So this has been it's been wonderful. My parents live in Boca.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 3: So, like, I could be closer to away. Fifty twenty them? Probably Once a week? Than that. Okay.
I go for dinner on Mondays when I'm home.
Speaker 2: Gallagher's open there. I haven't got there.
Speaker 3: You haven't gone to Gallagher's?
Speaker 2: No. My her parents would
Speaker 1: But I
Speaker 2: it. I might've. You might've also
Speaker 3: Gallagher's is wonderful.
Speaker 2: Said it was fabulous.
Speaker 3: Wonderful. I mean, shout out to Gallagher's. Right. Rest in peace. My my good friend, Bobby Joe, he used to go there all the time and get us in.
He would help get us a spot.
Speaker 1: Oh, it's a hard rest.
Speaker 3: The most difficult.
Speaker 2: Very difficult to
Speaker 1: go. I don't think I did go.
Speaker 2: You didn't go. Great steakhouse. Yeah. Yeah. Great.
Speaker 1: Wow. Loved it. Okay. So you're like me. You, like, see your family multiple times.
Speaker 3: Oh, I'm with them all the time now. I can't get enough of them. I I go hang out at the at the club. I go to sushi night. Anytime.
I can I love it down there? I yeah. They're all characters. They don't know their characters, which is, like, the best type of character.
Speaker 2: The We're best life.
Speaker 3: The best.
Speaker 2: People are in good health. Florida is such a wonderful place because it's almost good weather except for July and August, and then you sort of have to stay in the air conditioning. But you know what? It you go out later in the day and take a walk. Eight to 05:00, it's beautiful.
Speaker 3: Or early in the morning?
Speaker 2: Or early in the morning. Right. My husband says even in the winter, he always goes out before eight, and he's walked all over the place.
Speaker 3: Him and I both. I love it. My dad plays golf before Right. 8AM. Oh, yeah.
Like, he's like
Speaker 2: Yeah. He does too.
Speaker 3: So I'm very happy in Okay. Good. L. Ray. Good.
Like coming up here too. Like, this isn't a
Speaker 2: It's fun to visit back and forth.
Speaker 3: Right. I don't love chocolate and hate vanilla. Like, I I love both for different things.
Speaker 2: For different reasons.
Speaker 3: Yeah. And
Speaker 1: And what else has changed last three years? Relationship status?
Speaker 3: I'm I have a girlfriend now. Thank you. I have a girlfriend. She and I were dating years ago and then reconnected.
Speaker 2: An act. Oh.
Speaker 3: Got back together.
Speaker 2: I remember when you said you had a girlfriend for a while there and then something happened.
Speaker 1: Wait. Is that the same per
Speaker 3: I don't know. Might have been. Yeah. Well, I, you know, I get what I would get into were, like especially because there was a point where I was like, and again, this is, like, the whole nature of the book is, like, you're hearing kind of the vulnerabilities of a straight guy, which kinda get we kinda get spoken for. You know?
Like, you're you're hearing from your dad and grandpa of, like, a male voice, but, like
Speaker 2: It's not your voice.
Speaker 3: It's not you know, I'm I'm kind of, like, the the I've always tried to speak for, like, the everyday guy who's, like, does say they wanna be in a relationship, gets to the point and goes, I got a tummy ache.
Speaker 1: I don't know if this
Speaker 2: is it. Treatment And issues.
Speaker 3: Right. And it's like
Speaker 2: But I think that's your generation.
Speaker 3: It's probably generational. I Really do. I think, well, you know, and it's it's just I don't think it's a bad thing.
Speaker 2: No, I don't think it's a bad thing. I think dating has just changed. So I think in the last fifteen, twenty years, people no longer just date and say, all right, I've dated six, three months, and now I'm getting engaged or I'm getting married. Right. It's that on both sides, by by the way.
I think females as well You would
Speaker 1: have never got back with an ex. And you would have never let me get back
Speaker 2: with an ex. Well, not if the ex was horrible. But yeah. No.
Speaker 1: If they all send
Speaker 3: depended them.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I have to tell you. I think sometimes an ex when you're 24, 25 was probably the right person, but at the wrong time. Yeah. And I think a lot of it is timing.
If you had met the same person five years later when you're ready to have a permanent relationship, I think now you all are thinking about careers much more than when certainly when I was going out, there were no careers. There were a few people who had became a doctor or lawyer. Mhmm. But most people got married young and had their families before 30. Now most people don't even wanna think about steady relationships till they're in their late twenties or early thirties.
Speaker 3: Right. It's it's it's very difficult. You know, I've been in all places. I've been the young you know, been in my twenties and dating and and and dating. I'd have girlfriends and, you know, hey, maybe this could be it.
And then it not being And then I was single in my thirties for a lot a large part of it, and I was like, you know, you you start to the problem becomes you get comfortable. You know, you know you can there's a point in your life where you go, Oh, I've got it good. Like, I know I can afford my rent, I can pay my bills, I can live well. I love my family, I love my friends. Why would I mess it up with my partner?
Speaker 2: Why do we complicate?
Speaker 3: Well, that's what I think happened. That's the hardest part.
Speaker 2: You see, that's the hardest part. When we got married, we didn't even we didn't have 2¢ together. Right. But somebody had a job, and you ended up making go of it. You had children.
You still didn't have any money, but you somehow managed. So I think it's a mindset. And, also, the longer you're single, the harder it is to have a to have a permanent partner.
Speaker 3: Well, the harder
Speaker 2: it Plus, you know, you want certain things out of
Speaker 3: it. Right. You become more set in your way. Right. And and not even badly set in your way, but it's a bad reputation, but, like, you know, I even noticed it myself where I was like, you know, I was like, I guess I have for for me to find a partner, I'd have to find my best friend, so to speak.
Right. And then you go
Speaker 1: It's not easy.
Speaker 3: I don't even I've never made a new friend in a decade. Right. Well, I'm being delusional.
Speaker 2: Well, that's what I always say to Kim. You can't you can't put the bar so high. It's ridiculous. You have to find someone. I feel like I'm not relating to
Speaker 1: this at all, by the way. Like, I feel like as a girl, mean, or at least I can just speak from my own experience. Woman. Woman. Whatever.
A woman
Speaker 3: in in the in the entertainment industry. Exactly. Prime of her life doing well. Okay.
Speaker 1: I feel like I or and I see with my friends, like, we're stressed until we find some partner that we can relax. Like, you're saying you're at this, like, relaxed state, and then it would be over complicated. I feel like everyone's over complicating. Like, how do I find someone? And there's this rush.
And then there's
Speaker 2: this Well, that's later on. I think when you're early twenties, don't think about it. As you get closer to your thirties and 35, there's a biological clock for women, which is unlike for men. So that becomes an added pressure for women. Sure.
That's the
Speaker 3: hard part about dating is
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 3: I I think for a lot of women, the the women that I hear from is they're dealing with a a participant that doesn't care. Right. You know, like, I don't care about dating. I don't think most men care. Right.
They find it fun. That's right. It is an extracurricular activity.
Speaker 2: Exactly.
Speaker 3: I think men do care about relationships. Right. So it's like, it's weird. They don't care about dating, but they do care about relations. Yeah.
So it's like, those first three months when you're maybe stressing it out, he's having the best time of his life. This this is all in his free time. This is fun. There's no responsibility. Then it's, hey.
Do you want this to be a responsibility?
Speaker 2: Right. They haven't even
Speaker 3: thought about that until then. Right. So I I I think, you know, a lot of the times I speak for that where I give empathy to that that people don't wanna hear. Right. You know, like it's hard to have empathy for someone that's like having fun.
Speaker 2: Especially, yeah, absolutely, and I can understand it. Well, that's why so many people, you know, when they get married young, don't have all the same issues. Of course, all of a sudden they wake up at 35 and say, Why am I married to this person? That's another criteria.
Speaker 3: Well, that goes both ways, too. I was on a flight to New Zealand to do shows. I'm living my dream. I'm on a first class, live flat seat to New Zealand to do shows for people who know who I am, and I'm turning 40 going, What did I build here? What's this all for?
Am I happy? Do I like this? I think people do that in all forms of Whatever their they tied onto themselves in their twenties, and then they go, And I think men, forties, they're 30.
Speaker 2: I was just gonna say men are always ten years behind the women. You think
Speaker 3: 10? Yeah. Think 40 is 30. Yeah. Like, if Exactly.
Because you've never seen a bigger birthday party than single woman turning 30.
Speaker 2: Exact well, you know that. Come together. That, Kim. Right.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I put so much I did a tea at the Carlyle, and, grandma, how much I was talking about it for, like
Speaker 2: We all had to wear as you were. And we all had to wear stupid hats.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I saw the TikToks
Speaker 2: and I saw it. I saw
Speaker 3: it. What's it called? Cigarette.
Speaker 2: The cigarette thing.
Speaker 1: The trend with the for
Speaker 2: the cigarette thing thing
Speaker 1: from for my birthday. Yeah. Oh, okay. Okay. We're caught up.
Speaker 2: The whole thing. It was a disaster.
Speaker 3: Well, that's the thing. Like, a woman turning 30, and Right. She's already also done all these favors for her friends who got married before her.
Speaker 2: So Exactly.
Speaker 3: They all go, we gotta really cut it back. We gotta do this. They they're put they're like, oh, 30. Oh my god. Everyone's gotten married.
Everyone's gotten engaged. That's To me, when I didn't get married or engaged at 30, no one I didn't care. My parents didn't care.
Speaker 2: The guys don't care.
Speaker 3: You don't care if It's just to be, do I have a career? Right. Do I
Speaker 2: have a Where is my life going?
Speaker 3: Right. And I, you know, I was thinking a lot about it even before that. But 40 was definitely a bit of a vibe change. And, you know, it wasn't, you know, it wasn't even that I had to find someone. Was just like
Speaker 2: I don't wanna be an old, old father either. Right? By the time
Speaker 3: you're dad I'm already gonna be an old dad.
Speaker 2: But not a real old dad. It's you don't wanna wait till you're 50 and 60 to have a baby.
Speaker 3: Not the ones that are your friends No. That are your kid now. Yeah. You know those people. There's people in Florida that
Speaker 2: you don't know. Oh, yeah. They're old, but not but not the woman there. Was just gonna say that's a third wife coming in there with the big jewelry. Yeah.
So that's that's a different set of things. A guy can have a baby anytime for the most part. It's the woman who's not after 40, it's very, very hard. So I think it's a it's a different it becomes a different mindset for both sets.
Speaker 3: Well, also, the one thing that's hard for our generation, the younger generation, is my life when I'm older will not reflect the life I have with my parents now. Right. Most likely.
Speaker 1: No, it's It's
Speaker 3: really hard to untether in your brain.
Speaker 2: Because they got married earlier.
Speaker 3: Got married earlier. But even, like, my career why would I think but I do like, my career's a weird career. I go on the road.
Speaker 1: It's already super different.
Speaker 3: It's so different, I still yearn for this thing that I do.
Speaker 2: Solidarity and and, yes, at home.
Speaker 3: Right. How am I gonna have, like, a suburban lifestyle?
Speaker 2: I hope to. But you're already having partial suburban.
Speaker 3: I'm on my way.
Speaker 2: You're on your way.
Speaker 3: So but I was saying, like, I think for a lot of people around that age, you go, you have to untether yourself from, like, here's how I grew up. Does it have to be exactly the same way?
Speaker 2: It shouldn't be, really. I mean, hopefully hopefully, we we You're
Speaker 1: saying that, but I feel like you, I mean, you and mom have very similar
Speaker 2: Well, I think you would've been lucky to have our lives. I don't think it's as easy now to have the life that your mom or I had. We had a very I don't know. I feel that in all respects. Didn't careers.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which you have. Yeah.
So that was and then never came into wanting careers. So we had family and lived through our families. We liked that. But, you know, when you when you say you want a career, that puts an extra pressure, especially for a woman. Men always had a career, and they used to leave the door and go to work and come home and whatever, and the food was on the table and the baby was washed up, and the daddy would kiss him around, and that would be our lives.
That's different today. Now the men are just as involved in many cases with raising the children.
Speaker 3: But I would argue that the men also still feel the pressure of your value is through could I do what my dad did? It's like that's hard to, again, you have to untether yourself to being helped by your wife when I grew up in a one income household. So I have to go I have to basically you hear about, like, the male loneliness, but it's really a male ego thing. Like, you know, you have to how you build yourself up and how your ego is is is affected, it's really not fair to do to yourself, like, oh, I'm gonna like, I to me, when I was looking to date and marry, and part of my thought process wasn't, oh, well, this other earner's gonna come in the house. That was never
Speaker 2: my thought. Hopefully, that's the case because that never Right. Hopefully.
Speaker 3: But that's okay. But if
Speaker 2: that if that really is the case, it's never gonna work. If if by any chance the the woman brings in the income too or the man, then you share things fine, but it better not be based on that because that'll be because what happens if one loses their job?
Speaker 3: Totally. Well, if anyone Disaster. That's a person dating desperately. You know? Like, if anyone did that, I hope this other income comes in and makes up so I can live the lifestyle.
Speaker 2: Exactly. But
Speaker 3: I so I never had that thought of, like so which is good, but also, like, that puts pressure on it. Like, especially when you're trying to figure out your own life, and then how do you bring someone in? Am I ready for the responsibility of someone else?
Speaker 2: You have to finally just put your foot in and say I'm gonna do it.
Speaker 3: But I wanna ask you something.
Speaker 2: Is your girlfriend work?
Speaker 3: No. She does nothing.
Speaker 2: No. I Don't say that. I'm sure she's fashion.
Speaker 3: No. She's amazing. She does wealth management. She's got
Speaker 2: a promotion. So she's doing her own thing. She's doing her own thing.
Speaker 3: She was living so I we were dated, and I could never get over this, like, three month hump.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 3: And I don't know. You know, a mix of not ready and not right and all those things.
Speaker 2: Probably wasn't then. Now, and hopefully it is.
Speaker 3: She came back into my life, and I had been thinking about her. It was kind of this weird Right. You know, a, know, cosmic thing, and now we've been dating, it's been
Speaker 2: pretty Now does she also live in Florida?
Speaker 3: So she's gonna move down. Perfect. Yeah. So I'm excited she's move
Speaker 2: That's perfect.
Speaker 3: Perfect. Yeah, I'm excited for all
Speaker 2: I also feel like now just do it.
Speaker 3: Now just do it. That's right. Now you
Speaker 2: can't sit and wait for four years till you decide if you like the oatmeal together. Just get the goddamn ring on her finger and
Speaker 3: just go on, go ahead. I'm with you. I I think that I knew that when I found someone that I was I wanted to be excited about it. I think most people wanna be excited
Speaker 2: about sure. That's true.
Speaker 3: Days of life.
Speaker 2: Like That's true.
Speaker 3: Nothing is worse to me than, like, you'd have that friend that's like, well, I guess we get married now. Right. No.
Speaker 1: That's scary. To think that that could be your future.
Speaker 3: Oh my god. And you hear it all the time. You have someone make a comment like that. You're like, I don't wanna make that comment.
Speaker 1: No. Yeah. No. I'm so glad. I had that similar experience where I feel like I was putting distance
Speaker 3: or
Speaker 1: not putting distance, my relationship literally was long distance until two months ago when we moved in together. And it was just easier to kind of commit that way to be like, okay, I can still have my independence. But then also there's this relationship that's going on and I could put thought toward it when we're in the same place. And then eventually, you get comfortable with that, and, like, now it's full.
Speaker 3: But like grandma Gail's saying, at a certain point, you have you know, relationships are like this this this, you know, smoothie. Sponge. It's a well, sponge it's like a smoothie of, like, logical and logical. Like, have to be a little romantic. You gotta be a Yeah.
Little bit
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. Logically. You gotta figure it out.
Speaker 3: But you right. And so, like, for you moving, he had to move across the country. Right? Yeah. Move across the country.
That's it. Someone go, what? The the facts don't make sense. Then it's like, but we have to be crazy. Yeah.
You know, we gotta be crazy at some point.
Speaker 1: Okay. So I feel like you've done a lot of reflection
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 1: When we're having these conversations. Like, do you think you put that into the book?
Speaker 3: Oh, it's all reflection. So what happened was I got asked to write a book. I've never read read a book, I and was asked to write a book. Okay. The special came out.
They're like, you're a guy talking about dating. It's kinda hard to find straight men.
Speaker 2: Tell everybody who doesn't know about this your specials were on.
Speaker 1: We talked about it on our
Speaker 2: last episode.
Speaker 3: You guys were very nice. Thank you so much for
Speaker 2: saying that today. Anything. I
Speaker 3: have a news special coming out. It's called the family plan. It's coming on Netflix, and it's all about going to beach with my parents. Is, like, the workout for a lot of stuff. They'll love it.
It's all about my parents and me and our relationship, and my dad asked me how much I weighed while we were at the beach in Delray, and it's all about that. And it's coming out of Netflix in the fall. So the book is kind of just this different thing that came along, and I was asked to write it. You know, what the way it worked out, I had a ghostwriter, which thank goodness. And Taylor and I, she's a comic, and I was like, I need a woman who's a comic who who's like, need someone funny, comic, write she writes for John Oliver.
Like, there's nobody smarter in the world than the writers for John Oliver.
Speaker 2: Right. Okay.
Speaker 3: And Taylor and I, I basically told her, was like, send me an we did the the Get me illiterate. Write it. Go ahead. See you. I'll see I had an outline made, and that with the book, you have to make this very thorough outline.
So you have, like, every chapter spelled out. Right. And I go, here's the outline. Send me an email every night asking me a question, because I'm really good at answering questions, and maybe you'll open up doors in my brain. K.
She kept asking me these questions, and I had stories for everything. Okay.
Speaker 1: I just remembered stories.
Speaker 3: Yeah. It was just like, oh, did you ever meet someone's friends? What was it like to get brought as a date to a wedding? Right. What made you wanna date someone on a All
Speaker 2: the single questions that people have.
Speaker 3: All of them. And I had personal stories for everything. And it's different than stand up because stand up, you want an immediate reaction. So I'd be sitting in coffee shops doing it on my phone. I wrote the whole thing on my phone.
In an email every morning just being like and crying, like, having these, like rethinking these stories. It turned out that I had, like you know, so then my girlfriend and I, when we reconnected Right. I was like, oh, also she goes she knew about the book way back when. She goes, is it happening? She goes, I go, actually, you're, like, in the book.
Uh-oh. Uh-oh. And you're right. Imagine how she felt. And she they were stories about things that I look back on.
Like, when I tell people, like, I you know, my story, your story, our stories aren't ones to, like I can't tell someone to find the same thing. I can't say, you can't repeat my story with my girlfriend for yourself. Right. But I would say, look. If you wanna repeat, you have to ask a guy you dated to go write a book about dating, and then maybe he'll be a better boyfriend.
Like, I I don't know. I feel like I'm in my second marriage.
Speaker 2: Just ideas. It's ideas of how different people date and perceive things.
Speaker 3: Right. And I think what the book is is you're gonna find out perspective. You're gonna well, you're also gonna hear a guy speak honestly, vulnerably, and it's not and I think for people, you're not gonna I think what I hope people get from it is they're gonna laugh because that was my only goal is, like, make me you know, mess around with a topic like dating. Mhmm. But, also, what I've got the feedback I've gotten is, like, you can be a more confident dater because it's, like, you're gonna realize it doesn't matter.
The guy on the other side isn't thinking that deeply, he's not thinking about you. It's not personal. Right. You gotta do your own work. You gotta be your own best self, and you gotta be okay losing And
Speaker 2: when you are your best self, then you usually find the best partner.
Speaker 3: Totally. And I'm so really a believer. Is all personal stories. It's all fun. It's That'd
Speaker 2: be great.
Speaker 3: I'm excited about it. It's it's yeah. You can buy it wherever you wanna buy it. But I
Speaker 2: did the audiobook. It's coming out.
Speaker 3: It's coming out June 9, so you can get the audiobook. You can get it, like, right now. You can go on audio Kindle, the Kindle. I did the audiobook, so you can if you love this voice.
Speaker 1: I love it. So are you the walking red flag, or you're warning women about other walkways?
Speaker 3: I'm the walking red flag.
Speaker 1: It wouldn't
Speaker 3: work. This is the problem with most male dating advice. It's them talking shit about other men without saying that it's stuff
Speaker 1: that you
Speaker 2: do. It's really
Speaker 3: all good everybody's husband that has a beautiful Instagram caption that talks about how wonderful they are, There's another woman out there going, he ain't shit. That sucked. Right. He ghosted me. He was a loser.
He couldn't do anything for me. That is something for that that that's the most relatable thing in the world. If I can't say that I'm not a red flag to someone, but, like, these are all, like, reflections on
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Why I would do things as a red flag, why I avoided people.
Speaker 2: Right. It wasn't because I
Speaker 3: didn't like them. You know? It wasn't because I didn't wanna date them or date someone like them. Mhmm. It was me going through my own thing.
Speaker 2: Your own stuff.
Speaker 3: You know? Right.
Speaker 1: Grandma, would you take advice from a man who said he was a walking red flag?
Speaker 2: I think it would be interesting to read it and get their perspective. Yeah. Because I always love to hear what the man's male side because, you know, in the days of when I was young, not even dating, but even younger, the men wouldn't talk that much about their failings. You know? It wasn't macho enough.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: You know? And so I think what's good about today, one of the few things that I think have changed now is that men and women are much more open about their relationships and about their feelings about relationships. Know, we went in there blind.
Speaker 3: I also I have never said that I I think the one thing that I've never said I'm not an expert.
Speaker 2: No. We all say that. We're not psychologists or psychiatrists either. This is our take on.
Speaker 3: Well, that's why when I do the book and when I talk on a dating podcast, when we talk about dating, I just say how I feel.
Speaker 1: I'm telling
Speaker 3: at can tell you how I would do things. The way I set up the book is, like, I'm not that extraordinary. Bell curve exists. We're all within 10% of each other, so if I'm feeling
Speaker 2: a certain way I'm sure other people are as well.
Speaker 3: He's not a 100% different than me. Maybe he's 10. Right. Yeah. At a maximum.
Speaker 2: I agree.
Speaker 3: So I I think that's, like, when it comes to, like, would you take advice? I'm not asking for anyone to take advice.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I'm asking them for to listen to a perspective that might inform them to feel better about maybe sending the text they wouldn't have sent, making a dating profile that's a little bit more them than it would have been. Right? You know?
Speaker 2: Exactly. Yeah. Well, that's what we do for the post. We give our we give our advice. Tell them right off the the top.
Right. We're not doctors. We're not psychologists. This is our take
Speaker 1: When on our you listen to other people and how they would, I guess, go through an experience, it does help you figure out whether they agree with you or not.
Speaker 2: I have people calling me all the time for advice. I do. But I think and I love that. It helps support their It's another voice.
Speaker 1: Yeah. That's what
Speaker 3: he's saying. Think also, especially for a podcast, like, defend, like, a dating podcast like this one. Right. Because it's easy to be like, what do they know? That's the easiest thing in the world.
That's like a miserable person. Yeah. But to say someone can write an email where they can get it out of their system, and then here are three people who have no bias towards them. We only know what they wrote. We only know you know, it's hard to talk to a friend and then not think of the friend you know and also
Speaker 2: parents and and they know where they're coming from and all that.
Speaker 3: Totally. And it's hard also for the person to take your mixes and looking at you going Right. What the hell do you know? I saw you passed out on a fraternity floor once.
Speaker 2: Oh, that's that's right.
Speaker 1: That's exactly right. Yeah. Well, also, I I know you talk about in the book, like, that dating is crazy right now.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 1: Why do you think it is
Speaker 2: so There's
Speaker 3: a lot of noise. You know, dating's crazy because there's a lot you know, you can date so many different like, grandma Gail, like, when you dated
Speaker 2: No. We date we dated, but it was nothing we didn't have sex.
Speaker 1: If someone also That's
Speaker 2: a very big difference in the dating composition now.
Speaker 3: But wouldn't you also say that, like, your dating was word-of-mouth? Mhmm.
Speaker 2: You know? We met we didn't go we didn't work naturally, we didn't have apps, but we we dated within a small group of friends. We dated either within the church, the synagogue, your high school, your college, and that's who you knew and that's who you so you didn't stray that far out unless you went to a university or a college that was in a different location.
Speaker 3: And the way you communicated was either
Speaker 2: in person or on the phone. On the phone.
Speaker 3: Two choices. Now you can communicate Exactly. Instagram, Snapchat And the dating app, text.
Speaker 2: And they can make up such stories.
Speaker 3: Right. And and everyone writes stories about themselves. People write scripts that they would like to be, right? Like, oh, I get to be this tough talking awesome person over text, but then you have to cash that check. So I think that's the crazy part.
Speaker 2: It's different. It's And
Speaker 1: very I looking at someone's Instagram story, and they're like, Why didn't they tell me they were at this place? And why aren't they texting me? And he watched my age.
Speaker 2: Don't go that far. You know, it was really This is a much more prolonged You guys dated for many, many more months and years than we would've done. We just wouldn't have done it. It wasn't the norm. So until the 80s, this was not We can't even have a conversation about dating prior to the 80s because that was a different thing.
You dated to get married, or you dated to have a partner, and if you were not getting married. Sorry to interrupt, because
Speaker 3: even a big difference is, like I saw dating is too expensive for people. The idea that dating could be like
Speaker 2: A pizza.
Speaker 3: Well, right. Dating is is is right. It's not dating used to be considered, I would think, as a normal good. Like, a But
Speaker 2: we used go to a movie. We used to go to a movie for a dollar or whatever. Was an episode and share popcorn.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 2: But now that's very different. And the thing is,
Speaker 3: but even beyond that, dating was a survival technique. Yes.
Speaker 2: Well, was no. The technique was to get married and have children.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 2: There was no question
Speaker 1: And there was that that's something wrong with you if you didn't. But now it's like, you think of like the Alex Earle is single, she's having a problem. And she's like, score the
Speaker 2: intensity festival. That's very atypical. No. It's not like people still I don't believe that.
Speaker 1: But I I was single for a long time. I don't consider myself as, like, having a problem. But you would have been like, oh, she's been single for five years. What's wrong with her?
Speaker 2: Well, a lot of people might think that. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I I think that's also something women do to
Speaker 2: each other. I think women are more likely to do it than for men.
Speaker 3: Right. I would never if someone said that you know, the idea that if I dated someone and they haven't had like, I hear that all the time.
Speaker 1: Interesting.
Speaker 3: Oh, I've been single for five years. What will a guy think? Nothing.
Speaker 2: Nothing. Nothing. Do they
Speaker 3: think you're hot? That's all that matters.
Speaker 2: Right. Guys don't go on
Speaker 3: dates with women they're not attracted to. Right. First and foremost. Right. So it's like, am I attracted?
Then the rest matters.
Speaker 2: So everybody is attracted to things.
Speaker 1: Treat each other better. Jesus.
Speaker 2: I think everybody's attracted to different things. So that's it's not necessarily on first sight, it may be physical, but then I think it's maybe somebody who makes you laugh, somebody that you enjoy But
Speaker 3: no man's gonna go on a date with a woman that he's not attracted to physically. Correct. Like, that's
Speaker 2: just way or the other.
Speaker 3: Right. I I I think you started that, and then you go, and she's fun.
Speaker 2: And she's fun. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly.
Speaker 3: And she's funny. Oh my And she's got a cool personality. Right.
Speaker 2: Oh, not first date. I absolutely agree.
Speaker 3: That can be seen as a negative, or it can be seen as a positive. For women, you're on a date with a guy who's attracted you. Right.
Speaker 2: Right. Well, that's why women spend so much time getting ready for a first date. Care about this.
Speaker 3: Yeah. They don't even need to, though. If you met on the app, he already knows. Men see women like bees do. Mhmm.
I I just see the outline of a woman. I just go, okay. I get the gist.
Speaker 2: She looks good. She looks good. Right.
Speaker 1: And I think girls will go on dates with guys they find unattractive.
Speaker 3: Of course. Because they're checking off so many other things.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Checking off the bank account. If they he's head of a company, hype you that would be first on my list.
Speaker 1: I know it's first on your list.
Speaker 2: First on my First on my list.
Speaker 3: What is you know? Oh, all those things. Will I get you know, attraction is just I mean, honestly, like, I don't know. Do you know? I the the idea that I I think that's, like, you know, a good thing for to be warned about.
Right. A good for a woman, like, you're on a date. He knows he's attracted you. That's the only thing he knows. Right.
I think for a lot of guys, I think it would be you know, well, of course, she thinks I'm hot. No. No. She doesn't. Your mom thinks you're handsome.
Exactly.
Speaker 1: You know? Like I also feel like on the dating app topic, like, it's obviously supposed to make dating, like, easier and better for a lot of people. I don't I haven't been on them in a while, but, like, I feel like it made everyone kind of worse at dating generally. That's just my opinion. As popular.
That Well, I don't know if that's, like Oh. Is that true? Yeah. Like, because I feel like guys will I was never approached at a bar. Like
Speaker 3: Right. Well, it's if you have the crutch, you use it. Right. You know,
Speaker 1: it's Even like
Speaker 2: if you need it.
Speaker 3: Well, even if you don't need it. I've been at bars while I At the bar.
Speaker 2: But now we're talking about the apps.
Speaker 3: No. But I am talking about the apps. Oh. I've been at a bar Yeah. While on a dating app.
Speaker 2: Isn't that crazy?
Speaker 1: Yeah. Dinner. I just yeah.
Speaker 3: At the thing that I should be going and meeting people Yeah. Using the dating app.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And and and I'm saying, you might go, well, that's crazy. I'm 10% away from most guys.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: But is it because you're afraid or just, like, easier?
Speaker 3: These apps were created by male nerds
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 3: Who couldn't talk to women
Speaker 2: That's true.
Speaker 3: To as a solution. So if you think of, Mark Zuckerberg, okay, wasn't going up to women in bars and, hey, toots, how you doing No.
Speaker 2: He married his college sweetheart. Right.
Speaker 3: He created He's doing an app with her. He created Correct. A hammer to fix a hammer problem he had. Uh-huh. So it's low personality guys who can't go up to women Right.
Created an app to fix their problem. Mhmm. And now people with personalities, people with ability on it. They use them too because Yeah.
Speaker 2: Older women need it. I I would say for an older generation, more so than even for the 20, 30, and 40 year olds, for the 60 and 70 and 80 people who really want a companion again. Yeah. They're going on it. That I know for sure.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I know that too.
Speaker 2: I know that Florida, there's a very busy activity of 70 and 80 year old
Speaker 3: with Oh, they're going
Speaker 2: widows, and and they're lonely. And what and and they're not dating, you know, coup they're not cougars, but they're dating men actually the same age or even a little older. Totally. And they are looking for because people can't connect. They don't have a way to
Speaker 3: How do find it in? Exactly. Right. You find it through word-of-mouth.
Speaker 2: That's good thing.
Speaker 3: Which is the problem with dating apps. It's, it's not a dating apps is just more, It's not better. It's just more.
Speaker 2: It's just another facet.
Speaker 3: The problem people have is they get so involved with dating apps that they forget about the other things and then they go, Well, that's harder. Dating apps are you know, putting sweet and low in your coffee. It's just more. It tastes sweeter. Then you go out to a bar, you don't talk to anyone.
You go, well, I'm a failure. No. Compared to the dating apps, you're a failure because you can meet 30,000,000,000 people. In a bar, you have one shot. Exactly.
Like, these women that are living in Florida that are looking companionship, they might have one friend who has a friend.
Speaker 2: Friend. That's not
Speaker 3: it's not easy. To open up my world.
Speaker 2: That's why you go to the restaurants down there, and there are a whole bunch of women going out. Hop. And the bars are all busy with their
Speaker 1: own and tell you about, like, their night? Well, some of
Speaker 2: them, though. Some of the women I've discussed it with. Then, you know, it's and it's worked with a couple of my friends.
Speaker 1: You know, I was in
Speaker 2: their late sixties and early seventies.
Speaker 1: And they say they met someone at the bar.
Speaker 2: I didn't ask them. They met in a restaurant. I don't ask exactly. You know, you're, like, too particular.
Speaker 1: I don't want the story.
Speaker 2: No. I don't know. Go to the next
Speaker 3: bar when they you know, the meeting in a bar thing
Speaker 2: That, think, is for 20 year
Speaker 3: old. People don't go up to people in bars. Exactly. I think it's, like, overblown.
Speaker 2: Exactly.
Speaker 3: I I do think that is, like, based on, you know, one going out at night and One romcom.
Speaker 2: One romcom movie.
Speaker 3: It it it I I've been my summer dating challenge, if I was, like, a single woman right now and I was to, like, do something to improve my life, I would make plans with 12 of my friends to go on one walk a week. Right. And then when you go on that walk, invite their spouse. Oh. Because everyone complains that my friends' spouses don't fix me up, but they've never hung out with their friend's spouse.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 3: Why would they fix someone up they don't know?
Speaker 1: That's so fair.
Speaker 3: And here's the best you're gonna get. And I'm speaking for men, so I don't know what the women will do, but I will say, you're the male spouse, the husband, your boyfriend, the best you'll get out of him is, yeah, she's cool. Right. She's cool. Yeah.
I'd go out with her. She's hot. I'd go out with her. That's all you want. You wanna be the first name your friends think of when they think of single woman.
Right. Mhmm. Not in a bad way. They want and and then what's their association with? It's like Coca Cola.
Why does Coca Cola have commercials? Because they wanna be the first drink you think of when you're thirsty. Right. So when your friends think of single person that's fun, they don't wanna be single person that's miserable.
Speaker 2: Oh, yeah. Right. Because those both have Everybody's miserable. That's right. They don't want more misery.
Speaker 3: Right. So I think if you're gonna do anything this summer, you have twelve weeks
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 3: 12 friends, 12 walks, 5,000 steps.
Speaker 1: I love that plan. That's okay. I love that plan.
Speaker 2: Very nice.
Speaker 1: Do you have, like, a note in your phone of single people to set up or, like, a mental note? No. So do you never set people up?
Speaker 3: I've set people up. I have two I have two friends.
Speaker 2: Nobody's as organized as you guys.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm very tight.
Speaker 3: Right. Well, this is the thing. Most though, women have a list of all the bars they wanna go
Speaker 1: to Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Of all the friends they wanna fix up. I'm just saying a lot of the like, I think a single woman's best friend is their friend's husband. Husband. And they don't even and
Speaker 1: they best friend their friend's husband. Okay.
Speaker 3: And they don't use it because they go, well, they haven't thought of me. Why would we think of you?
Speaker 2: Right. Why would we marry I've been thinking of a job and
Speaker 1: big today. Right.
Speaker 3: Give a fuck about
Speaker 2: you. Interesting. They have a friend that you'll be on their first
Speaker 3: If the friend if a guy ever opened up to a guy and was like, yeah. I'm single, and I'm just kinda out there dating. The datings are tough.
Speaker 2: Oh, Kim. Got a girl. Exactly. I got a girl for you.
Speaker 3: That's the best you're gonna get out of that guy. So why not have fun with friends? Why not get to know the guy that they love? They should you should get along with them if you get along with your friend. Yeah.
There's a lot of shit talking about the husbands of. Right. And I think that is the key to every single woman's problem. And they're avoiding that person because they don't want the embarrassment. They don't wanna get asked how to go with that person.
Speaker 1: I like the follow-up.
Speaker 3: More risk, more reward. Right. Yeah. There's no risk on a dating app. That's why there's little reward.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I don't think it's embarrassing to, like, ask your friend's husband, do you have anyone to set me up with?
Speaker 3: But that's a question that never gets a good answer.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: Because he's gonna be like,
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 3: He's gonna go, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 3: You I think it's a better strategy is have fun with your friend's husband and be the wonderful person
Speaker 1: you are
Speaker 3: Right. And showcase good. You're an awesome person you are.
Speaker 2: That's a clever
Speaker 1: Yeah. I'm gonna tell them that. I think
Speaker 3: this is my summer dating challenge.
Speaker 2: This could be this could be an asterisk on the book.
Speaker 3: No. It's a part of the book, actually. It's helping people to hang out with their married friends.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 3: And I acknowledge, like, the hard part I think I think the hard part isn't asking your friend's husband for if they have single friends. The hard part is going out with one of your friend's husband's single friends and not working out.
Speaker 1: Alright. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah. And I think that's a risk of people
Speaker 2: being rude. You never you never rude. Well Hopefully.
Speaker 3: Well, I also believe that's a better date to go on because men who date on the dating apps, there's no one watching them.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 3: So a lot of dating app dates happen in alleyways. Oh god. I mean, you know, metaphorical apps.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 3: You want more main street dates. Right. You want more people watching. Right. You want men who have an aunt they have to answer to.
Somebody then
Speaker 2: has go back. Right.
Speaker 1: Right. Wait, Right. Grandma, do you have a rule or a suggestion for the single people for the summer?
Speaker 2: Do I have? Yeah. No, just go have to have fun. Just like what Jared's saying with friends. And especially I'm not talking about 20 year olds because they're gonna have fun no matter what.
Right. I'm talking about people now who really wanna date seriously.
Speaker 3: I Right. You know,
Speaker 2: I'm not interested anymore in the 25 year olds because they're having fun no matter what. They have bigger groups.
Speaker 3: They have they have such
Speaker 2: They're still going college parties.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 1: Like a lot of different networks. They
Speaker 2: have networks.
Speaker 3: We have a friend who has an party. Once one friend has an engagement party, all
Speaker 2: friends have. Yeah. I never wish she's had 9,000,000 weddings.
Speaker 3: Totally.
Speaker 2: Yeah. You know, everybody is goes Kim's in Italy
Speaker 3: every week for a new wedding.
Speaker 1: And I'm going in, like, two weeks.
Speaker 2: Goes back to Italy? Yeah.
Speaker 3: Do where all your friends are?
Speaker 1: They're not even my friend.
Speaker 3: People having weddings in
Speaker 1: absurd. Is that such a thing?
Speaker 2: And she was on a plane for twenty four hours on the last one. Yeah. Twenty four hours.
Speaker 1: Eight hours. They didn't let us off
Speaker 2: the tarmac. United should be ashamed of them. Ashamed? We've already discussed United on this front.
Speaker 3: United people? Is that I'm a teller.
Speaker 2: It was just the best
Speaker 1: time to get there. I don't I'm not even allegiant to any errands. No.
Speaker 2: That was that was what was going on.
Speaker 3: She's going to all these weddings without points? Nice.
Speaker 2: This is crazy. Yeah. She is going with points.
Speaker 1: I I did use points. Thank god.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. Thank god. I used credit card points.
Speaker 1: Okay. Let's play a little game.
Speaker 3: Let's do it.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: Ready.
Speaker 1: So this game well, okay. Like, grandma, I know how you usually respond to different scenarios in my life. Okay. But with Jared, I wanna hear how, like, your mom would respond. Okay.
So it's like, what would your Jewish mother say
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 1: To some of these scenarios?
Speaker 3: My mom, I've been asking her dating questions recently. She's way more Hip. Forgiving and hip Thank you. I ever would have thought.
Speaker 2: She's good. Really?
Speaker 1: Sometimes they surprise you.
Speaker 3: We had a guy right we had a woman write in that she's and and it's funny you mentioned that, Grandma Gail. The there we've had some older women write into the show because they're looking, and they have these tools. They wanna know how to use them. Right. This woman said that she went on five dates with a guy, and before the fifth date, they he asked her to pick her up from his colonoscopy.
Speaker 1: I love that. That can't be true.
Speaker 2: I'm nauseous. Right. That would've been the end of the day.
Speaker 3: Was like, pick her up. Okay. My so what's the problem? I was like It's kinda
Speaker 1: vulnerable of him.
Speaker 2: Good for her.
Speaker 3: Yeah. So okay. I'll I'll try to answer for my mom. But
Speaker 1: Okay. You're staying with your significant other's parents. Yeah. What's your Jewish mother say? Like, what do you have to bring do?
Speaker 2: First, bring a bottle of wine.
Speaker 3: Bottle of wine, flowers, something. Something. I brought I went and met my girlfriend's parents. I brought Bobcup from Bread's.
Speaker 2: Oh, that Bread's. That's good.
Speaker 3: And I because that's the
Speaker 1: one That's what have.
Speaker 3: There it is. That's the one I want.
Speaker 2: That's that.
Speaker 3: That's the one. And I brought a gift for the niece.
Speaker 2: Oh, that's so nice.
Speaker 3: Right? So you wanna acknowledge, you know family here. There's a family here. I wanna be able if you if you are good to the niece, everyone else is good. You're good to the grandkids
Speaker 2: to the little ones.
Speaker 3: Right? That's the most important in the grandma's life. Right?
Speaker 2: The grandkids. Children are now gone. It's all about grandkids. Totally.
Speaker 3: So if you're cool to the grandkid, everyone else it doesn't matter what else you do. You
Speaker 2: could Okay. So you
Speaker 1: That's like once my boyfriend in the beginning brought my dog a toy. And I was like, this just brought you up to so many points.
Speaker 3: And that did nothing for grandma Gail.
Speaker 2: She doesn't care. She does not
Speaker 1: care at all. Okay. If the food is cold or not good, what's your Jewish mother saying?
Speaker 3: This is ridiculous, she would say with grandma Gail. Food are not good.
Speaker 2: Oh, you mean at the table?
Speaker 1: Where? At a restaurant.
Speaker 3: Oh, at a restaurant. Restaurant. You said it was not good. Send it back. Yeah.
We they screwed up. We wanted
Speaker 2: Sending it back. Listen. We're Jewish. Just cold. We don't eat cold food.
Speaker 3: Okay. Yeah. They only
Speaker 2: have one drink.
Speaker 1: No. What what your dad used to say?
Speaker 2: Like Oh, he used to my father used to say, don't send it back because they're gonna the well, the cook is gonna spit in the food. Right. No. That was an old thing. Yeah.
But that's what he used to do.
Speaker 1: No. But there was something that is ice cold.
Speaker 2: Oh, I know. He used to say ice cold, but then he said, don't send a patent.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna spit in my food. Okay. Your
Speaker 3: That's the case. I've eaten more spit. Thank my mom.
Speaker 2: Hell, literally.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 1: Disgusting. Your significant other forgot your birthday. You told your mom. What is she how is she reacting?
Speaker 2: Why'd you tell your mother?
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 1: Is that a mistake? Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Was because you don't wanna turn your mother against
Speaker 2: Against your spouse.
Speaker 3: Your spouse.
Speaker 1: You just wouldn't mention it?
Speaker 3: No. I wouldn't care if someone forgot my birthday.
Speaker 2: I'm not Yes, you would.
Speaker 3: You think I would?
Speaker 2: Yeah. Even if it's just a card, which is more than enough, but you would like them not to
Speaker 1: If they literally didn't acknowledge it, that would be wild.
Speaker 2: They might not know. It depends how long your relationship
Speaker 3: is.
Speaker 2: Is it a twenty year relationship that they or even a year. If it was over if it's over three months, somebody should remember your birthday. Right. I think they're three months.
Speaker 3: Yeah. My mom. I would take that up with them. I think telling
Speaker 2: your Me too.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Because I Don't tattle. Right. Especially if I want the relationship to last. Like, here's the thing about telling your mom
Speaker 2: throw a
Speaker 3: hate on them. Well, then it's my problem. Right. Exactly. I don't want her forgetting my birthday to become my problem with my family.
Speaker 2: Exactly.
Speaker 1: See, this is the
Speaker 3: thing about
Speaker 2: men in
Speaker 3: dating is we're always trying to keep our lives as stressless as possible.
Speaker 2: So
Speaker 3: men's stress is number one for men. So if you're dating them and you bring up something, you're like, how have you not? It was because it was in service of a stressless life.
Speaker 1: Right. You're so right. And I don't know why no. Even sometimes knowing that it'll like, my mom will put a hate on that person, I still feel like I have to tell her or you.
Speaker 2: Like
Speaker 3: No. I that's because you I think sometimes women thrive on drama.
Speaker 2: Feel like it's a woman.
Speaker 3: I don't wanna hear and again, even like, I could ask why I know nothing. Like, I don't ask about my parents, how they met, my family history. I don't care. I don't wanna hear it. I don't wanna know it.
Speaker 2: But you know.
Speaker 3: I know it, but I don't wanna, like I I never pride on that. Right. All women I've ever dealt with have, like, a whole story of their parents. Thing. That's a girl's thing.
I think it's because I'm not don't ask. Don't no problem. What? Right? If I don't have to if I don't know, I don't have any issue.
Speaker 2: Know that his mother and father had sex before they got married. That's what I wanna know.
Speaker 1: I need the whole Ancestry family tree photo
Speaker 2: album. Right.
Speaker 3: I've never asked for any of that. And my brother got married. His wife was like, he doesn't know anything. Oh
Speaker 2: my god. Any other question? Yeah. Okay.
Speaker 3: Grandma Gale's moved on.
Speaker 1: Always. Every single segment I do. Okay. Next. Next.
Okay. Last one. Fine. What would your Jewish mother say if she found out your girlfriend went through your phone?
Speaker 3: Would say, what did you do to make her go through your phone?
Speaker 1: Yeah. That's a good that's She's she's siding with your girlfriend.
Speaker 3: Yeah. So aside, like, what why did this happen? My mom has a big But there would be
Speaker 2: a reason.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 2: What's something that she had to look through your phone.
Speaker 3: Right. She wouldn't think the gravity was the phone look. It was the Yeah. Has gone on?
Speaker 2: On that would make her
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I agree. Interesting.
Speaker 2: I would agree with that.
Speaker 1: Okay. We also have some listener questions. Okay.
Speaker 3: Love it. Okay. First
Speaker 1: one, I never heard this saying, I thought it was funny. Men seem to be looking for a nurse or or a purse. Oh. A nurse or a purse?
Speaker 2: Well, a purse is somebody
Speaker 1: Suggestions for 60 plus dating.
Speaker 2: So here we go again.
Speaker 3: The 60 plus line. Nurse or a purse. I don't wanna be a nurse. Don't wanna be a purse.
Speaker 2: Exactly. That's a
Speaker 3: very 60 plus line.
Speaker 2: Well, Jared can't answer that. I I guess I I what are we supposed to ask?
Speaker 1: Okay. So, like, should the well, the question was suggestions for 60 dating, should I give up?
Speaker 3: No. I don't think you should give up. Pick up dark very quickly.
Speaker 2: I don't think you should give up, but you know what? Dating at 60 is not dating at 30 or 20, so you have to make accommodations.
Speaker 3: I agree. I think the one thing that maybe a six year old dater would be new for them is being okay with their own taste. Right. And being okay that, like, it's okay, and I think, Grandma Gay, you said this in the beginning, we used to date for a couple months and then we were together.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 3: Do you know what I mean? Think for the 60 year old who's back out there and has a purse and has their health, they're probably thinking, Well, anyone that will deal with me, I should just deal with them. They don't have to. I would free them up to say, Hey, your taste is important. Your feelings are justified.
You can end it with someone and find someone new who doesn't go after you for your health or your purse.
Speaker 2: And I have to say on that topic, sometimes as an even older than 60, I would say it's alright to date someone who has something of interest that you enjoy being with. And if you are able to, don't worry about the purse. Doesn't matter who can't
Speaker 1: that the bill.
Speaker 2: Sometimes some men can't afford. No. But I'm
Speaker 1: saying I'm saying, like, as long as there's love there, you will love it.
Speaker 2: Nobody at 65 is having a mad love affair.
Speaker 3: This is about lust.
Speaker 2: Yeah. It's more this is have maybe a little bit of touchy feely Right. And not having a mad wild
Speaker 3: what is it you're saying? You feel you're I think if you're writing in about nurse or purse
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Right. And and maybe I think also a big part of dating today and why it's so crazy is she might have just heard this. Right. She might be afraid of the weather outside, and she won't be in the house. Right.
Right. So if she is feeling this, if she's afraid of feeling this, it's okay to if you feel taken advantage of,
Speaker 2: it might Don't do it.
Speaker 3: Don't get it. It's time to end it.
Speaker 2: Exactly. Well, let's get to the next
Speaker 1: one here. Okay. My boyfriend said he doesn't believe in following exes on Instagram, but I saw that he is. Liar or
Speaker 2: well, I don't think
Speaker 3: Doesn't believe in it. It's not the, you know, the
Speaker 2: Well, I don't know if he should be following his exes. And if he's that interested to her, what's he following his exes for? I never understand that. So, Jared,
Speaker 3: my I will say this. To give empathy to the Fellow. To the fellow, to the guy who is following his exes after saying he doesn't follow I don't think men with dating are as organized as women. I don't think we box ourselves in Men are 27 forever.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 3: You know, we and we let those, you know, the the pictures build up around the house. Like, if I was given I remember I had, like, in a drawer, like an ex had given me a bunch of pictures of us, and then it was in the drawer. Yeah. I didn't end it with her and then go and rip up all the pictures of her. I just left it in the drawer.
Right. And it was just there. And then another girl found those pictures.
Speaker 2: In a new relationship, would you keep those pictures in the drawer? I wouldn't even You forgot about them. Forgot about them.
Speaker 3: I wouldn't know. Okay. That isn't on my my mind. Yeah. This guy who believes maybe let's say at my most empathetic, I believe what he says.
He doesn't believe in following exes. Maybe he's saying that as someone, oh, I won't follow an ex now that I'm in a relationship.
Speaker 2: Right. Like, I'm
Speaker 3: not gonna follow one now, but I
Speaker 2: will say maybe he
Speaker 3: has had one in the past that he's like, oh, I guess I should unfollow that person. Didn't even think to unfollow them. It didn't bother me.
Speaker 2: I agree.
Speaker 3: So I think it's like a lesson.
Speaker 1: Don't make it don't make a big issue. Totally agree. Okay. Should I move state and job for a boy?
Speaker 2: Only if you're gonna have a ring on your finger and get married.
Speaker 3: States and job is, like, so much. I'm GG over here.
Speaker 2: I I don't think anybody should do that unless it's a permanent commitment, and it's not a
Speaker 1: permanent boyfriend didn't Zach move state and job? Yeah. Where's the ring? But but when it's
Speaker 3: Gotta give the ring. It's on Can't afford it. That's a tough
Speaker 2: See, that's problem.
Speaker 3: 22.
Speaker 2: That's the problem.
Speaker 1: So what what came first?
Speaker 3: Can't afford the ring.
Speaker 2: Right. I you know, I think all these
Speaker 3: He changed his job?
Speaker 1: No. Well, no. He he kept his job, but he just switched, like, teams essentially. Essentially.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 1: Like, offices.
Speaker 3: So that's a different story.
Speaker 1: Yeah. You're right. He wouldn't have total like, you don't give up both things. But I'm wondering. Some people, like, don't Some
Speaker 2: people do. Like, people don't
Speaker 3: This person's writing in. That's a real person.
Speaker 2: Yeah. That's a person. Yeah. I I think it would it's very, very tough, and they have to think about it very seriously. I don't think somebody who's just starting out at 24 or 25 should move across the country Mhmm.
And and who's looking for a new job and then also go into a
Speaker 1: new relationship. So what kind of commitment do you need? Like you actually engagement or like
Speaker 2: No, I think an engagement with marriage. Yes. I think when somebody makes a big commitment, goes across a country and goes to a job, a new job, within a certain period of time, know, not forty five years you've already been with somebody. If somebody's leaving a state for somebody else, unless it's Connecticut and New York, which is no big deal.
Speaker 3: You can
Speaker 2: go on the train. I mean, I think that's a major commitment, and you have to do it.
Speaker 3: I think it's about where you find your value. If your value is built through the career you've built, if your values feel built through your family that you keep up with, and then you think that this other person I don't think you leave
Speaker 1: your You
Speaker 3: don't leave where you find your value. If you find your value with building a life with this person
Speaker 2: Then it doesn't matter. It also depends on age.
Speaker 3: Age is dependent.
Speaker 2: I think I'm not I'm too young I wouldn't and I wouldn't make that decision.
Speaker 1: There's also some people who have already, like, left their families, already live in a different state, have a job that, like Yeah. You know, they're free on or would be okay with another job, and then, like, this is a level up. Like, some people, you're losing something. Some people, I I really don't think they lose anything.
Speaker 3: I I well, I would just say if you're writing into a podcast alone about whether you should change your state and your job, I think you're acting alone, and that's not really someone that's moving for. Like, I like my girlfriend's moving to Florida, you know? Yeah. But you're two mature adults. Right.
But I also the thing I said, what do we wanna do? Right. Yeah. Right. Right.
You know, if you're if if there are anything on your mind about this move, give them to me. Let me
Speaker 2: hear it.
Speaker 3: Let let's negotiate.
Speaker 2: She's obligated to move to Florida and then linger on in this relationship. Right. Trust me. She How
Speaker 3: do we feel about being here?
Speaker 2: I don't even know her, and I know she's not doing that. So, I mean, you know, it's one thing if you wish she was 24 and she's moving down there, but she's not. So I I think it depends on what date of life. And she's ready. And she's ready.
And she's ready to be at Delray.
Speaker 1: Perfect time for me to say excuse my grandma for everything she said, and we're so happy we got to talk to you today.
Speaker 2: Pleasure. I'm so happy to
Speaker 3: be here. Being with you. It's so great to be with both of
Speaker 2: Well, now I know you're in Delray, so we're I'm just gonna drop in.
Speaker 3: Come hang out. Drop in.
Speaker 1: He's gonna it's like my apartment.
Speaker 3: Text me. Let me know. I wanna know. We're gonna I that love Palm Beach. I love it there.
I love the whole area. Florida. I It's great.
Speaker 2: It's all great.
Speaker 3: I just have such a fun time, there's such characters, and I do feel like when I go there, I'm away from it. I come here and I Well, it's hustling. Hustle around.
Speaker 2: It's much more hustling. But the other is by 05:00 everybody's chilled out. The offices are closed, everybody's busy.
Speaker 3: There's a huge difference. It's funny dating there, dating here is so different. Why
Speaker 1: do you think so?
Speaker 3: Think here everyone well, weather, but also I think here everyone is after something, and there everyone's something's happened.
Speaker 2: Really?
Speaker 3: Yeah. Has a story. Yeah. Everyone has a story. I think people get very self conscious about moving to Florida no matter what age you are.
Because I think if you're younger, like I remember my dad was like, You gotta be careful dating in Florida. Young people move here because
Speaker 2: That's they're off the no longer.
Speaker 3: You've got
Speaker 2: all the financial guys are now Miami, look at Miami and
Speaker 3: West Palm. Changing. But I think the insecurity still lies. I mean, dad literally is looking at me going, anyone 40 or below is living in Florida, they're a total loser. They've run And I'm like, you're saying this to me.
I'm 40. You know?
Speaker 1: So And Florida people are Right.
Speaker 3: Moving on. Break me down. But I think the insecurity of, like, why are you here? Because a lot of Floridians who move there from New York, especially, they try to talk badly about New York. I'm like, that's if you move here because you can talk badly, no.
Whatever.
Speaker 2: People are moving out of New York with roads.
Speaker 3: Well, they again, even saying that you don't have to bad mouth one to like another.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 3: You know? So I think
Speaker 2: It's a different lifestyle.
Speaker 3: It's a and even older people like my building in in Delray, they're all like, wow. We didn't we thought it might be too old. And I'm like, you're you know, it's great. You know, it's fun. So
Speaker 1: Okay. Before you invite grandma over, though, make sure your couch is appropriately sized so she has
Speaker 3: the couch the couch, drama. Dealing with my own couch drama. This is like the story of my life. This is every day.
Speaker 2: I'll tell you, Restoration Hardware was you go in there, there are 400 white sofas.
Speaker 3: Yes.
Speaker 2: So now I literally sat with Kimberly at least 20 sofas. Mhmm. They were all good.
Speaker 3: All good?
Speaker 2: She took the one sofa that I can't sit in. She doesn't want me to come over to her house
Speaker 1: because it's really squishy, so she can't really get up and down.
Speaker 2: Well, that's what am I supposed to do? Sit up
Speaker 3: all day? I have an issue. Listen. I'm sitting at her kitchen stove to get rid of it. It's hurting my back.
Speaker 2: Exactly. Yeah. I'm telling you the truth. I have to go sit on her on her on her eye on the island in the kitchen. Is it crazy?
Hardware?
Speaker 1: Did they do a brand deal with you? I wish.
Speaker 2: Oh my god. No. It's this cloud, Sophie. Cloud. This house be the cloud.
Speaker 3: Sofa you were talking about before you even mentioned it. You can get us you can get a fake cloud sofa. No.
Speaker 1: That's not the same. Marketplace. It's not the same. I'm picky. Furniture.
Alright, guys.
Speaker 3: The infills. Yeah. Quality, comfort, and price.
Speaker 1: Bring it on. That's right. Jared, can tell everyone where they can get the book?
Speaker 3: Buy the book, please. I would love for you to buy the book. Otherwise, you
Speaker 2: can't live in Delray. Yeah. I gotta
Speaker 3: I afford my place. So it's called Walking Red Flag Dating Advice from Your Favorite Guy Friend. It is out. It is there. You can have it.
You can literally start listening to it right now. The first it opens with a story about me calling a girl to be my girlfriend and my mom picking up the phone and asking me who I was calling. It's a whole embarrassing story, and it's a true story that my mom was like, that didn't happen. I'm like, well, maybe it happened to me, and you don't
Speaker 2: think it important
Speaker 3: to you. I So and I'm on the road. I'm doing stand up on the road. I'm doing a whole new hour. You can watch my 37 singles on my YouTube, and then the special's gonna come out.
If if my my ask of this audience, if you love this show, you will love my special. When you see it on Netflix,
Speaker 2: just turn it on and get it right.
Speaker 3: We
Speaker 2: can't wait. I can't It's for coming.
Speaker 3: Such a blast.
Speaker 1: And remember to follow us, Excuse My Grandma, on social media, and my personal is Kim Merstein, and we will see you next week.
Speaker 2: Bye.