NLP course # 4
Self concept. How your self concept is a corner stone in building your life experiences. In this lesson we will explain & define our key terms. Then go over strategies to use these techniques in a defensive & offensive posture.
https://app.podscribe.ai/episode/49444016Speaker 0 (0s): Hello friends. How was your day going? It's about to get better. We are about to get into some <inaudible> that's right next class, ladies and gentlemen. I hope you're enjoying the class. I hope you're enjoying spending some time with me because I am enjoying spending some time with you is probably because you're such a cool person. It's probably because you're so handsome or you're so beautiful.
It might be your sense of humor. I don't know, but I like you get it. All right, let's do it. You know, we start this off, right? We start off with some Proverbs and these ones are going to be about the past. The present and the future yesterday is the past. Tomorrow is the future. Today's a gift. That's why they call it the present. Ladies and gentlemen, here we go past, we all know how time flies, how it is here today and gone tomorrow.
How no hand can catch time? Indeed. Time is precious. Time is money. The wall too often. We must time. I am sorry. Although all too often, we want time badly. Then use it badly. For example, don't let yesterday take up too much of your today. Don't cry over spilled milk, and there are no birds in last year's nest in general. Hindsight is clearer than foresight.
So remember four things do not return spoken words, flighted arrows, past life and lost opportunities. Indeed. Even a God can't change the past for a lost sheep can be recovered, but not lost time. Despite this, no matter how hard the past, you can always begin again. And when you do watch out history repeats itself, which is why so often things present are judged by things past today is the scholar of yesterday.
Present. The only bird catches the worm for so often in life. It's first come first served. And if you get to the river early, you drink the cleanest water. Otherwise you can tell yourself better, late than never for everything has its proper time. Even maneuvering cabbages. Indeed. There's a time for adversity, a time for prosperity. And there's a first time for everything. Even the longest journey starts with a single step aim to experience each moment to its fullest.
There's no time like now. And despite the fact that time and tide wait for no man, and the tide must be taken when it comes, don't forget to give time, time, suit yourself to the times. And remember that time brings roses. Indeed. Those who are happy, do not observe the passing of time. And one today is worth two tomorrow's future worrying about the future ruins the present.
So relax tomorrow is another day and tomorrow's winds will blow tomorrow. So let us think of tomorrow. When tomorrow comes though tomorrow never comes. Of course, there are a few paths without peril. So be prepared for conflicts as they have already begun. And however good your intention, the food you give may come back as Pooh in the end time, heals all for everything has an end and things will work out all in good time.
Just remember the past is the future of the present. Indeed. We are only visitors to this time and place with a sponge to wipe away the past arose to sweeten the present and a kiss to greet the future for flowers, bloom flowers fall. Well, isn't that beautiful? Doesn't it give you a little sigh of relief. Everything's going to be just fine.
Okay. My friends. Well, that's the first part that we normally do. Let us dig in now to some NLP. I'm really enjoying this class guys. Thanks for spending time with me. So this one, I am going to go over a, I think we shall call this.
I was going to go with self concept. I think we'll go with self concept, self concept. I like it. We're going to get into knowing thyself so you can know the other self-concept know yourself so you can know the other. And as always, we're going to define some key points.
We're going to go over the key points in an offensive posture and a defensive posture. For those of you that haven't gone back and listen to the other classes you should do that. Otherwise you won't know what a defensive posture and an offensive posture are. All right. So the self concept, the first part I want everyone to think about in self concept is stress and stress management.
How do you feel when you're stressed? How do you feel when you're not stressed? I think this is a good point. I think I got a really good story for you about stress. There was this great samurai and this is great. Samurai had lived his life as honorable as any samurai could.
It's important to note that this particular samurai carried around a magnificent sword that he built with his father and it was in his mind, exquisite perfect in every way not to mention it reminded him of his father. And as the samurai went through his life about midway through a 35, he began having questions about the true nature of paradise and the true nature of hell of damnation.
And while he was a educated and skilled philosophical, man, he couldn't quite pin down that of paradise. And that of condemnation that have held. So we sought out the wisest man in his lands, who lived way out in the back country on top of a Hill in a very remote part of the country.
The samurai thought to himself, if anyone can explain to me that of paradise and that of condemnation, surely it would be this wise man in isolation. And so the samurai gets upon his horse and rides for days until he comes upon a humble abode of the isolated wise man, the wise man is working in his field and he looks up from his side and he sees this enormous samurai walking towards him.
The wise man is quiet is the samurai approaches. He very respectfully bows. His head says my Lord and the wisest man, I seek to know that of paradise. And I seek to know that of damnation. I seek to know the Gates of paradise. I seek to know the Gates of hell. Are they real? Are they true?
The wise man looks at the samurai and for a moment he's quiet. And he says to the samurai, you warrior or not worthy, you warrior with your weak soul and your fake ideals and morality.
You should do not have the ability to comprehend the samurais beginning to give the language. Cause here's this wise man telling him how poor he is and his morals and his values. And the samurai had lived his whole life. Protecting people honoring the code. The wise man continues on you. Samurai was your weak weapon of war. What, what a poor sword, one like you carries.
Did you find that in the shit house and the samurai upon hearing this, it triggers him and he thinks of his father and he thinks of everything he's done. And the people he's protected. The Samurai's begins to lose his cool and he reaches for his sword and he pulls it out and begins to unseat it. And he could feel the anger in his body. And the wise man says to him, behold, the Gates of condemnation, the Gates of hell samurai takes a deep breath.
And he realizes that that anger, the fury, the unbridled emotion of retribution rage, that is the Gates of hell. And as the samurai realizes that although his sword was sheath halfway, he lets out a sigh of relief and he reshapes his sword and puts it back into the holster.
And the Wiseman says behold, the Gates of paradise, the samurai bows his head and leaves rage. My friends, rage rage into the dying of the light. That rage is the very Gates of condemnation. That rage is the very Gates of hell. Forgiveness. Understanding is the gateway to paradise.
It's important to understand how stress this is the first key point. First key point. Stress can create a cascade of negative reactions having stress management strategies for dealing with emergencies and preventing the buildup of stress enhances someone's options for positive behaviors and outcomes, defensive posture, understand what your mental state is.
If you are in a position of stress, usually it's because you're tired, you're hungry. It's usually one of those two things or perhaps an environmental. Having a defensive strategy is something you should all have. And you probably already have them. Whether it's going out and exercising, whether it's counting to 10, doing some breathing exercises, it's important to recognize the immediate trigger or onset of stress, right?
This is the first step on the gateway to condemnation. This is these small, stressful situations can lead to rage, can lead to anger, can lead to misguided judgment should know that in yourself know thyself, self-concept defensive posture, offensive posture. You can wield stress against someone else.
Be it physical, be it mental, be a humorous, know that you can use your words. You can use your ideas. You can use your language. You can use the situation to put other people in stressful situations when wielding this particular offensive posture, it's best to be used in a way. If you're going to put someone in a stressful situation, you should be doing it in order to make them see their own mistakes.
Does that make sense? You can ask them a series of questions that will inevitably lead them to an answer that will help them understand why they're doing the things they're doing. There are plenty of other offensive postures you can use in a stressful situation, but I'm going to leave those for the people that would want to go and dig and understand that.
Again, a lot of these techniques can be used for good or bad. It's not the technique that's good or bad. The technique is neutral, which you decide to use them for is on, is your decision key point number two, each of us is a product of our experiences and the thought patterns and conclusions we've created in response to those experiences. Defensive posture, know your history, know your experiences, what you do.
Sometimes you do all the time. If you can understand your pattern, your mental map for making decisions, then you can understand and even predict how you're going to react in the future. It sounds easier than it is once you've done it for a while, you will be able to chart your course. You will be able to use your mental map to predict the future or at least outcomes that could possibly happen in the future.
Additionally, understanding your thought patterns. Can you think of a situation in which you did something? It didn't work out the way you thought picture it. Now, go back and try to remember where the in congruence was between what you thought was going to happen and what actually happened. If you can find that in congruence, you may be able to find a pattern and you're thinking something that you overlook, something that you failed to factor in a missing variable.
That's the defensive posture, understanding how you build your own experience. The offensive posture know that we all build experiences similar. We all use our five senses to build experiences. If you can understand the history of someone else's experience, if you can understand someone's mental thought patterns. If you can take a look at their mental map, then you have an opportunity to either interrupt their thinking patterns.
You have the opportunity to maybe understand their mental map and how they get there. And if you can understand their decision making, you can understand how to come up with a strategy to beat their situation. Does that make sense? If you can put yourself in someone else's skin, if you can think how they would think, then you can think of a strategy that they haven't thought of.
It's important. I know that's kind of a, a mouthful, but it's true. Next key point beliefs are generalized thoughts and they act as automated filters that determine what information we let in. This is tricky because a lot of the times our beliefs, right? We go back to lousy. Remember him, your thoughts become your ideas, become your beliefs, become your actions.
So we watch our thoughts because once they've gone, once the thoughts have solidified into your ideas and what your ideas have solidified into your beliefs. Now it's very difficult to make those solids malleable. Again, it can be done, but once your thoughts have solidified, they can become a weak point for you.
Once a thought has become a belief. It's like you, your mind has decided you no longer need to think about it because it's already been thought of it's already been, become a believer it's already been solidified. And a lot of times the beliefs we have today are predicated on ideas we had when we were young and foolish, we've never gone back and changed them. So it becomes a blind spot. It's a lot of work that needs to be done there.
And you can do it. If you take time and write things out, think about your beliefs. Why do you think that what thoughts led to that idea that led to that belief, did that belief lead to this action more than likely that's the defensive posture, offensive posture. You can listen to people's speech patterns.
You can listen to the words they use to understand their belief. This is where the, I would say that this particular office of strategy is best wielded with active listening. And what I mean by that is not thinking of what you're going to say while someone is speaking, but listening intently on what they say. So you can recognize their mental map and or their beliefs. People want to tell you their beliefs.
And if you think about that, when someone tells me their belief, now I could pretend that their belief is my belief and that's instant trust it. It's instant lifting of the swords of the guardsman. It's allowing me to get close. Hey, this guy believes what I believe he must be okay. That's the offensive maneuver and be aware of that on defense.
Another point I'm going to add to beliefs is that they can be both empowering and limiting again, it's neutral, but think about what beliefs you have and what beliefs someone else has. Are those beliefs empowering? Or are they limiting? And why are they empowering? Why are they limiting the next key point?
The deep structure of what we mean is not always clearly communicated by what we say. Our linguistic shorthand often reflects an overgeneralization. You know, this is a, this is one of those ones that seems so simple, but it's actually one of the most complex. The structure of what we mean is rarely, clearly communicated.
So many times you sit down with someone and in your mind, you think you've spoken clearly, but that person didn't understand a word. You said, maybe because they've been blinded by emotion, maybe they're in a street, a state of fear, maybe they're in a state of stress or maybe you failed to articulate what it is you meant. Maybe you wanted to be nice. So you pulled your punches and you didn't use the right word.
Maybe you're speaking to someone who grew up in a different part of the world. And the speech you use, the tone you use is not conveying the message you think it should or is not conveying the message that it needs to convey when it comes to overgeneralization. It's so easy to do.
No one ever defines their terms before they begin the conversation. Thus overgeneralization becomes a symptom of the sickness that plagues our communication. It's a good idea. If you're going to be in a crucial conversation to define the terms you're going to use with the other person, that's the defensive posture.
The offensive posture would be to allow the person with whom you're speaking to use overgeneralization terms to use this ambiguous language. That's gonna allow you to not be held accountable for whatever it is they're asking you to do. That would be the offensive posture.
These are gonna be made of meta-programs or I guess you could think of them as thought patterns. And they're usually based on generalizations. I'm not going to go over a lot of them, but I'm going to go over to the ma. I'm going to go over the main ones. That'll give you an opportunity to understand which program you're using. And if you might want to switch to a different program is once you learn them, you'll be able to go through them and find out which one you use and which one's best for you.
Let's jump into them. Meta-programs options versus procedures. Is it more important for you to do something the right way than it is to have alternative ways of doing it toward versus away from, are you more motivated by moving towards something that has a potentially positive outcome or away from a potentially negative outcome, proactive, reactive?
Are you more likely to take the initiative to act or wait for someone else to do it or for something else to happen? Internal external? When you evaluate something, are you more likely to use an internal, personal standard or to ask for someone else's feedback general versus specific, do you most often deal in the big picture or the details match mismatch?
When making comparisons, do you notice how things are alike or where there are differences and discrepancies? You see everyone's going to fall a little bit different on that spectrum, but you can go back and you can listen to that and you can apply those meta-programs to your strategies. You can apply those meta-programs to your offensive strategies and your defensive strategies. It's very important to take time and understand which of those programs you're running.
Next key point, predicates are sensory based words that Telegraph someone's preferred representational channel, visual auditory, or kinesthetic. This one, this one is really good. This is one that most people never pick up on. Have you ever heard someone say, Hey, that sounds good to me. Oh, I hear you loud and clear that rings true in my experience.
See phrases like that. If someone used those phrases, you would understand that that person is an auditory learner. The visual learner is going to say things like can't you see the truth? Oh gosh, you're blind. You can't see that. Or it's spelled out right in front of you right there. And I get boom, boom, boom.
How could you miss that? That's a visual learner. Which one are you? Do you use those phrases? Which phrases do you use that will explain who you are on a defensive posture. It'll help you to know how to better interpret information on a defensive posture.
It's going to help you methods of learning new subjects, by understanding how you learn best to be visual, auditory or kinesthetic. It's going to help you explain things to yourself on an offensive posture. If you can figure out the phrases, somebody use the sensory based predicates, someone else uses, then you're going to be able to better explain to them what it is you want them to know using their preferred method of explanation.
Be it auditory, be it visual or be at kinesthetic. You're going to have to drive that point home for them. That is the offensive posture. Next key point. Your self concept is a generalization about your behavior that is based on selecting examples of events that demonstrate your qualities, collecting them together into a database.
And then using one example as a sort of summary, what cognitive linguists call a prototype. It's important to understand that the very way you think of yourself as a generalization. And if you can just say that to yourself, if you can think it out loud or know your self concept is a generalization, your self concept is a generalization.
Your self concept is a generalization. Now apply everything we've learned about generalizations to yourself. Concept all these previous key points apply the knowledge that you can change yourself.
Concept apply these key points to not only change your generalization of your self concept, but physically change the parameters in which you use to generalize the way you do that is you want to integrate counter-examples.
Does that make sense? If your self concept is on qualities and examples of events in your life where you've acted a certain way, chances are they're going to be similar. So you got to do the hard thinking. I think of other times you did things that were different and then you compare and contrast those two.
It's tricky. That's the defensive posture though, is finding out who you really are and using your past experiences to come up with your own self con your own self concept. And the fact that, you know, it's based on generalizations means that you can tailor your self concept to be at a true, true enough. A true concept of yourself is the one you're looking for on a defensive posture.
If you can understand how someone feels about themselves, you know what their, what their self concept is, then you could feed them counterexamples. If they say to you, look on this type of person, I always do this. And then you say, well, let me give you a different example. You say, you always do that, but on Monday you did this on Tuesday. You did that on Wednesday. You did that. If you can provide someone else with multiple counterexamples of who they think they are, then you can change their self concept.
It's powerful and it's provocative. And you should be very careful with it because once you learn how to do it, it's a very effective tool. You can change the way you think about yourself. You can change your self concept and you can change other people's self concept by feeding them counterexamples of what they think is date. It's kind of dangerous.
Be careful with that one, please. I think I'll leave you with another quick little story. It's a, it's an, it is about generalizations and it is about con self concepts. And it is about some of the key ideas. I think it kind of, I think that it ties together the end of this course. Beautiful.
I heard a story once about a Buddhist retreat and people from all over Japan, all over America and all over these different countries came to this Buddhist retreat. And on the first day, a couple people noticed that one particular gentleman had stole some of their things, some of their personal items.
And so they went to the, the Buddhist monk that was putting on the retreat and they said to him, Hey, we've noticed that this man is stealing our things. And the Buddhist, just, you kind of waved his hand. He didn't do anything. The Buddhist monk and the next day, the same guy stole even more things. And now people were beginning to get really angry and more people went to the moon and they said, listen, this guy has to go.
We need all our stuff back. This guy has to get out of here or we're leaving. So the third day, the Buddhist monk caused everybody to the front of the temple and to his audience. He stands up on his, on the platform. And he says to all my brothers and sisters here, some of you have told me about this young man stealing and how wrong it is and how ashamed of himself he should be to all of you.
You were very lucky. You are very wise and intelligent and good people. You know that stealing is wrong. You know that stealing from someone you don't know, stealing their personal goods can have long lasting consequences. And you're free to leave if you want to. But I cannot kick out this man and stealing for. He does not know it's wrong. And if no one is going to teach him, then I must teach him.
The young man in the crowd begins crying. He begins understanding interesting stories, right? That's all I got for you guys. I love you. I hope you are having an amazing day. I hope you are truly understanding the linguistic pathways of success. I hope you're beginning to navigate them and use these techniques in your life to make your life better and your family better.
I love you guys, although.