1 00:00:00,050 --> 00:00:01,700 Carol Cox: We are walking our talk, 2 00:00:01,700 --> 00:00:04,220 and we're sharing the stories that we've been 3 00:00:04,220 --> 00:00:06,320 most reluctant to share so that we can role 4 00:00:06,320 --> 00:00:09,060 model storytelling and vulnerability for you, 5 00:00:09,060 --> 00:00:11,000 on this episode of the Speaking Your Brand 6 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:17,090 podcast. More and more women are making an 7 00:00:17,090 --> 00:00:19,130 impact by starting businesses, 8 00:00:19,130 --> 00:00:21,920 running for office and speaking up for what 9 00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:24,950 matters. With my background as a TV political 10 00:00:24,950 --> 00:00:26,540 analyst, entrepreneur, 11 00:00:26,540 --> 00:00:29,150 and speaker, I interview and coach purpose 12 00:00:29,180 --> 00:00:31,460 driven women to shape their brands, 13 00:00:31,490 --> 00:00:33,980 grow their companies, and become recognized 14 00:00:33,980 --> 00:00:36,410 as influencers in their field. 15 00:00:36,620 --> 00:00:38,750 This is speaking your brand, 16 00:00:38,780 --> 00:00:41,300 your place to learn how to persuasively 17 00:00:41,300 --> 00:00:44,690 communicate your message to your audience. 18 00:00:45,140 --> 00:00:47,570 Hi, I'm Carol Cox and welcome to Speaking 19 00:00:47,570 --> 00:00:49,460 Your Brand. Joined by Diane Diaz. 20 00:00:49,490 --> 00:00:50,150 Hi, Diane. 21 00:00:50,180 --> 00:00:50,810 Diane Diaz: Hi, Carol. 22 00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:53,630 Carol Cox: So we're going to get into our own stories 23 00:00:53,630 --> 00:00:55,850 that we have been reluctant to share, 24 00:00:55,850 --> 00:00:57,110 that we haven't really shared, and we have 25 00:00:57,110 --> 00:00:58,460 shared quite a bit on the Speaking Your Brand 26 00:00:58,460 --> 00:01:00,500 podcast and the work that we do and the 27 00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:02,170 Thought Leader Academy with our clients, 28 00:01:02,170 --> 00:01:03,880 because we're very open and we want a role 29 00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:06,130 model, this idea of storytelling and 30 00:01:06,130 --> 00:01:08,290 vulnerability. But there's always a few 31 00:01:08,320 --> 00:01:10,360 stories that are like a little like naked 32 00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:11,830 still kind of cringe a little bit, 33 00:01:12,010 --> 00:01:14,290 but they're so revealing because they show 34 00:01:14,320 --> 00:01:16,540 the personal growth and the journey that 35 00:01:16,540 --> 00:01:18,250 we've been on, which is exactly why we 36 00:01:18,250 --> 00:01:20,770 encourage the women that we work with to do 37 00:01:20,770 --> 00:01:22,570 the same. And we talk a lot about 38 00:01:22,570 --> 00:01:24,730 storytelling and how storytelling is such an 39 00:01:24,730 --> 00:01:26,920 essential ingredient for thought leadership, 40 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,690 for public speaking, keynotes, 41 00:01:28,690 --> 00:01:29,920 TEDx talks. 42 00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:31,720 But oftentimes we're like, 43 00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:34,150 okay, sure, I'll pull a story from my career 44 00:01:34,180 --> 00:01:36,640 or from a workplace situation that had that 45 00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:38,980 happened, I got demoted in my first job, 46 00:01:38,980 --> 00:01:40,900 or I didn't get the job of my dreams that I 47 00:01:40,900 --> 00:01:42,700 really wanted. So I'll tell that story. 48 00:01:42,730 --> 00:01:44,170 And those stories are fine. Like there's 49 00:01:44,170 --> 00:01:45,760 definitely a place for them. 50 00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:48,490 But then there's those personal stories, 51 00:01:48,490 --> 00:01:50,950 the ones that you really still feel. 52 00:01:50,950 --> 00:01:53,050 And those are the ones where I feel like so 53 00:01:53,050 --> 00:01:55,540 much of the speaker comes to life. 54 00:01:55,570 --> 00:01:56,350 Don't you think? 55 00:01:56,380 --> 00:01:58,600 Diane Diaz: I do. I think we often play it safe, 56 00:01:58,660 --> 00:02:00,100 you know, we play it safe in a lot of ways, 57 00:02:00,140 --> 00:02:02,030 right? Not just storytelling. So it makes 58 00:02:02,030 --> 00:02:04,160 sense that we're sort of protecting ourselves 59 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:06,110 by just telling safe stories. 60 00:02:06,140 --> 00:02:07,760 Stories from our careers or. 61 00:02:07,790 --> 00:02:09,440 And it may have even been a failure. 62 00:02:09,590 --> 00:02:10,970 Something that you experienced in your 63 00:02:10,970 --> 00:02:12,830 career, but it's relatively safe. 64 00:02:12,830 --> 00:02:14,930 And it's also businessy. 65 00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:16,760 Right. Rather than diving into the personal 66 00:02:16,760 --> 00:02:20,150 stuff because it feels really vulnerable to 67 00:02:20,180 --> 00:02:21,710 tell those personal stories, 68 00:02:21,710 --> 00:02:23,060 because you feel very exposed. 69 00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:25,730 And I can understand where it's a challenge 70 00:02:25,730 --> 00:02:27,140 to want to tell those stories. 71 00:02:27,140 --> 00:02:30,080 Carol Cox: Well, we feel like people are going to judge 72 00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:34,070 us or look at us as weak or incompetent or 73 00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:35,450 incapable, like, oh my gosh, 74 00:02:35,450 --> 00:02:36,740 how could she have done that? 75 00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:39,140 Or how could she have made that decision? 76 00:02:39,140 --> 00:02:41,270 I've talked on the podcast about speaking 77 00:02:41,270 --> 00:02:43,400 engagements that I've done that did not go 78 00:02:43,430 --> 00:02:44,960 the way that I wanted them to. 79 00:02:44,990 --> 00:02:47,060 And when I first, I remember when I first 80 00:02:47,060 --> 00:02:49,040 decided to tell that story in an episode, 81 00:02:49,070 --> 00:02:50,930 I was like, oh my gosh, is anyone ever going 82 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:52,760 to want to hire me as their coach? 83 00:02:52,970 --> 00:02:55,280 I had a bad speaking engagement, 84 00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:57,710 but then like, well, but then if you never 85 00:02:57,710 --> 00:03:00,190 have any failures, even in the work that you 86 00:03:00,190 --> 00:03:02,800 do, your expertise, how can you teach someone 87 00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:04,480 else? Or how can you understand maybe where 88 00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:06,310 they're getting stuck or what their fears 89 00:03:06,310 --> 00:03:06,670 are? 90 00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:10,510 Diane Diaz: Yeah, no, it makes sense that we would sort 91 00:03:10,510 --> 00:03:12,640 of hedge our bets there and share only the 92 00:03:12,640 --> 00:03:14,350 safe stories, because we don't want to be 93 00:03:14,350 --> 00:03:16,480 judged and we don't we don't want to have 94 00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:17,950 clients say, well, then why would I work with 95 00:03:17,950 --> 00:03:20,290 you? And this has come up with clients before 96 00:03:20,290 --> 00:03:23,320 where they've wanted or had stories that 97 00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:25,090 maybe showed how they didn't handle the 98 00:03:25,090 --> 00:03:26,680 situation very well, that actually had to do 99 00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:27,880 with the work that they do. 100 00:03:27,910 --> 00:03:29,560 And then I really try to encourage them. 101 00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:31,330 No, you have to tell that story. 102 00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:33,610 Carol Cox: Because I feel like the audience members who 103 00:03:33,640 --> 00:03:36,880 hear that the ones who really like absorb it, 104 00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:39,550 are the ones who need to hear that in that 105 00:03:39,550 --> 00:03:42,130 moment. I oftentimes tell the women that we 106 00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:43,990 work with that you don't know who's in your 107 00:03:43,990 --> 00:03:46,300 audience, whatever message you're sharing 108 00:03:46,300 --> 00:03:48,250 with them. They could have heard a similar 109 00:03:48,250 --> 00:03:51,520 message twice before, but maybe it was ten 110 00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:53,830 years ago and they weren't ready to hear it 111 00:03:53,830 --> 00:03:55,390 or didn't land for them in that way. 112 00:03:55,390 --> 00:03:56,800 They weren't in a certain stage in their 113 00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:58,690 life, and all of a sudden they hear you say 114 00:03:58,690 --> 00:04:01,110 it the way that you say it with your 115 00:04:01,110 --> 00:04:03,210 perspective and the reason that it matters to 116 00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:05,160 you, and it clicks for them. 117 00:04:05,190 --> 00:04:07,200 Does it have to click for every single person 118 00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:10,020 in the audience just for those people who it 119 00:04:10,020 --> 00:04:11,400 is? Therefore, as we say, you are the 120 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:14,130 messenger for your message and your story and 121 00:04:14,130 --> 00:04:15,660 those those people in the audience are 122 00:04:15,660 --> 00:04:16,350 waiting for that. 123 00:04:16,380 --> 00:04:18,060 Diane Diaz: Yeah. And I like what you say is that if 124 00:04:18,060 --> 00:04:19,380 there's a story that you're reluctant to 125 00:04:19,410 --> 00:04:21,510 share, that is probably the story that you 126 00:04:21,510 --> 00:04:22,920 need to share, because there's a reason why 127 00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:24,270 you're reluctant to share it. 128 00:04:24,270 --> 00:04:26,010 And however you feel about that and the 129 00:04:26,010 --> 00:04:27,510 reason that's keeping you from sharing it, 130 00:04:27,510 --> 00:04:30,030 that is what the audience members are going 131 00:04:30,060 --> 00:04:31,620 to identify with because they have been there 132 00:04:31,620 --> 00:04:33,270 too. Maybe not the exact same story, 133 00:04:33,270 --> 00:04:34,500 but something similar, 134 00:04:34,500 --> 00:04:35,700 a similar situation. 135 00:04:35,700 --> 00:04:37,470 And that's going to encourage them, 136 00:04:37,500 --> 00:04:39,960 right, to open up and to tap into whatever it 137 00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:41,310 is that you're sharing with them. 138 00:04:41,340 --> 00:04:42,630 Carol Cox: So are we ready? Yeah. 139 00:04:43,020 --> 00:04:43,950 You want to go first? 140 00:04:43,980 --> 00:04:45,090 Diane Diaz: Sure. Okay. 141 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:47,490 So we so we were talking before recording 142 00:04:47,490 --> 00:04:50,070 this. And so a story that I really have never 143 00:04:50,070 --> 00:04:51,630 shared. I mean, I've shared it with close 144 00:04:51,630 --> 00:04:53,910 personal connections and friends, 145 00:04:53,910 --> 00:04:56,490 but I don't share it widely because it is, 146 00:04:56,490 --> 00:04:58,230 of course, it's, you know, it's not 147 00:04:58,260 --> 00:05:00,140 embarrassing, but it feels very vulnerable 148 00:05:00,140 --> 00:05:01,580 and raw and open. 149 00:05:01,610 --> 00:05:05,720 Is that when I was younger and I was in 150 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:07,220 school, my sister was two years older than 151 00:05:07,220 --> 00:05:09,380 me, and she was excelling in all these, 152 00:05:09,410 --> 00:05:11,390 you know, academics, and she was in 153 00:05:11,390 --> 00:05:13,490 academically talented students programs and 154 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:16,460 things. And I remember, 155 00:05:16,490 --> 00:05:18,080 you know, so I'm two years behind her, so I'm 156 00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:20,330 learning things after her. But I had a hard 157 00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:22,910 time learning how to tell time. 158 00:05:22,910 --> 00:05:24,350 It took me a really long time to learn how to 159 00:05:24,350 --> 00:05:26,210 tell time. And this was before digital 160 00:05:26,210 --> 00:05:27,860 watches, right? So like it was really hard 161 00:05:27,860 --> 00:05:30,200 for me. It also took me a long time to learn 162 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:32,780 how to do my multiplication tables. 163 00:05:32,780 --> 00:05:36,530 And I remember I remember another situation 164 00:05:36,530 --> 00:05:39,950 where so my sister had been tested and tested 165 00:05:39,950 --> 00:05:42,950 gifted or whatever, and they at the same age 166 00:05:42,950 --> 00:05:44,780 that she was when she was tested, they my 167 00:05:44,780 --> 00:05:46,130 parents had me tested. 168 00:05:46,130 --> 00:05:49,820 And all I remember is just my mom and the 169 00:05:49,820 --> 00:05:51,710 teacher sort of looking at the results and 170 00:05:51,740 --> 00:05:53,720 like shaking their heads like. 171 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:56,570 So I thought, well, I must be dumb. 172 00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:58,800 Like, I mean, obviously it's hard for me to 173 00:05:58,830 --> 00:06:00,420 learn how to tell time I can't. 174 00:06:00,450 --> 00:06:03,000 I'm having a struggling with times tables and 175 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:04,590 now they've tested me. So there's clear 176 00:06:04,590 --> 00:06:05,760 evidence that I am dumb. 177 00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:07,830 And I think I must have been eight, 178 00:06:07,860 --> 00:06:09,270 nine, ten years old. 179 00:06:09,420 --> 00:06:12,360 What it does for me is it makes me work a 180 00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:14,460 gajillion times harder than anyone else. 181 00:06:14,490 --> 00:06:16,110 Carol Cox: Well, Diane, first, thank you for sharing 182 00:06:16,110 --> 00:06:17,610 that. You're smart, like you put things 183 00:06:17,610 --> 00:06:18,990 together. You know, you like, 184 00:06:19,020 --> 00:06:20,700 you connect, you know, connect the dots 185 00:06:20,700 --> 00:06:21,930 between different things. Obviously, the work 186 00:06:21,930 --> 00:06:24,240 that we do with our clients and taking a 187 00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:26,730 three hour VIP day, they basically brain dump 188 00:06:26,730 --> 00:06:29,190 all of their ideas and stories and concepts 189 00:06:29,190 --> 00:06:30,450 and ideas for frameworks. 190 00:06:30,450 --> 00:06:33,120 And then you map it all out and our framework 191 00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:35,220 and but like you said, 192 00:06:35,250 --> 00:06:37,080 like the coping side of it was, 193 00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:38,460 I'm going to work extra hard. I'm going to 194 00:06:38,490 --> 00:06:41,490 study extra hard to make sure that in your 195 00:06:41,490 --> 00:06:44,100 mind that you keep up with everything else. 196 00:06:44,100 --> 00:06:48,180 And so thinking about how this could apply to 197 00:06:48,210 --> 00:06:49,920 a broader message that you would share, 198 00:06:49,950 --> 00:06:51,870 maybe in a keynote type of talk. 199 00:06:51,900 --> 00:06:54,750 What like what lessons would you draw for the 200 00:06:54,750 --> 00:06:57,540 audience to take that personal story and then 201 00:06:57,540 --> 00:06:59,240 take it to the universal lesson. 202 00:06:59,270 --> 00:06:59,510 Yeah, I. 203 00:06:59,510 --> 00:07:03,230 Diane Diaz: Think the lesson is that even if there's a 204 00:07:03,260 --> 00:07:05,540 not a negative, but even if there's something 205 00:07:05,540 --> 00:07:07,370 about yourself or something that you're 206 00:07:07,370 --> 00:07:09,110 struggling with or have struggled with or 207 00:07:09,110 --> 00:07:11,450 that's always, always kind of there, 208 00:07:11,450 --> 00:07:13,850 whatever that thing is that what you might 209 00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:16,250 consider a personal like struggle? 210 00:07:16,250 --> 00:07:17,690 There is a flip side to that, 211 00:07:17,690 --> 00:07:19,580 right? There is another side of that coin, 212 00:07:19,610 --> 00:07:21,770 right. And so what is the other side of that 213 00:07:21,770 --> 00:07:23,480 coin? So whatever the thing is that you're 214 00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:25,280 struggling with, look on the other side to 215 00:07:25,310 --> 00:07:27,530 see what is the benefit of that. 216 00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:30,860 Right. Because I have developed mechanisms 217 00:07:30,860 --> 00:07:32,030 that help me. 218 00:07:32,270 --> 00:07:33,890 Like I always joke that I'm not a 219 00:07:33,890 --> 00:07:35,750 procrastinator. I'm a procrastinator. 220 00:07:35,750 --> 00:07:37,520 I do things way before they're due, 221 00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:39,710 and that is because I need to feel prepared 222 00:07:39,710 --> 00:07:42,230 in order to feel like I am not succumbing to 223 00:07:42,260 --> 00:07:43,700 me thinking that I am not smart, 224 00:07:43,730 --> 00:07:45,260 right? Like I need to do everything ahead of 225 00:07:45,260 --> 00:07:47,210 time. So then I feel really prepared and that 226 00:07:47,210 --> 00:07:48,680 makes me feel I'm smart, 227 00:07:48,710 --> 00:07:50,720 right? So look at the other side of the coin 228 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:52,850 and see what is there. 229 00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:54,260 There's probably an opportunity. 230 00:07:54,290 --> 00:07:56,420 Carol Cox: It's so funny, Diane, because you and I are 231 00:07:56,450 --> 00:07:58,780 alike in so many ways we joke about that we 232 00:07:58,780 --> 00:08:00,040 have the same brain. 233 00:08:00,070 --> 00:08:02,140 Yet we also are very different when it comes 234 00:08:02,140 --> 00:08:04,390 to this, because you are the procrastinator 235 00:08:04,390 --> 00:08:05,770 and I am not at all. 236 00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:07,090 And I know it probably makes you crazy 237 00:08:07,090 --> 00:08:08,530 sometimes where I'm like, okay, 238 00:08:08,530 --> 00:08:10,150 let's just go do a presentation tomorrow. 239 00:08:10,180 --> 00:08:11,590 Wait, what? And you're like, what? What are 240 00:08:11,590 --> 00:08:13,660 we doing? Like, okay, I'll just show up and 241 00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:14,890 I'm sure it'll be great, 242 00:08:14,890 --> 00:08:16,390 but I try to take some of that 243 00:08:16,390 --> 00:08:17,710 procrastination from you. 244 00:08:17,710 --> 00:08:19,360 And I'm like, okay, like, what can I do to 245 00:08:19,390 --> 00:08:21,160 prepare ahead of time? 246 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:24,280 I like the just in time nature of what I do. 247 00:08:24,310 --> 00:08:26,050 I think it maybe just keeps me more 248 00:08:26,410 --> 00:08:28,180 interested in what I'm doing. 249 00:08:28,180 --> 00:08:31,000 But then I also realize that sometimes I 250 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:32,740 think I'm going to have enough time, but then 251 00:08:32,980 --> 00:08:34,930 surprise! Something comes up and ruins my 252 00:08:34,930 --> 00:08:36,910 schedule, and then I'm scrambling at the last 253 00:08:36,910 --> 00:08:37,510 minute. So you know. 254 00:08:37,510 --> 00:08:39,460 Diane Diaz: What I would say the other lesson than what 255 00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:40,930 you know, you mentioned. What could the 256 00:08:40,930 --> 00:08:43,090 audience take away from this conversation is 257 00:08:43,090 --> 00:08:46,720 that find people who sort of balance you out. 258 00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:48,970 And so to that point, like you take that from 259 00:08:48,970 --> 00:08:50,470 me about the procrastination, 260 00:08:50,470 --> 00:08:52,870 but I also have learned to lighten up a 261 00:08:52,870 --> 00:08:55,030 little bit. And I don't have to be super 262 00:08:55,030 --> 00:08:57,960 prepared because sometimes just going with it 263 00:08:57,960 --> 00:08:59,520 actually ends up in a better result. 264 00:08:59,550 --> 00:09:01,470 Right. So you have to kind of trust the 265 00:09:01,470 --> 00:09:04,260 process, but find people who naturally kind 266 00:09:04,260 --> 00:09:07,110 of align with you and help you complement 267 00:09:07,110 --> 00:09:08,340 each other. Right. And I think that's what 268 00:09:08,340 --> 00:09:11,250 we've done. But that does help with whatever 269 00:09:11,250 --> 00:09:13,560 each of your strengths and weaknesses are. 270 00:09:13,590 --> 00:09:14,790 Carol Cox: Yeah, absolutely. Well, 271 00:09:14,820 --> 00:09:17,250 I'm thinking about even talks back when you 272 00:09:17,250 --> 00:09:19,230 started delivering talks and when you had the 273 00:09:19,230 --> 00:09:20,880 brand teacher and I would help you and I know 274 00:09:20,880 --> 00:09:21,780 you would prepare. 275 00:09:21,930 --> 00:09:23,310 Diane Diaz: In advance months ahead and have. 276 00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:25,200 Carol Cox: All your slides and your slide notes and your 277 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:26,940 outline. And then we started working together 278 00:09:26,970 --> 00:09:28,200 and speaking your brand. I'm like, no, we're 279 00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:29,400 just going to go do it. Yeah. 280 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:29,820 I'm like. 281 00:09:29,850 --> 00:09:30,990 Diane Diaz: All right, I don't have anything prepared, 282 00:09:30,990 --> 00:09:32,310 but let's figure it out. 283 00:09:32,340 --> 00:09:32,580 Yeah. 284 00:09:32,610 --> 00:09:34,170 Carol Cox: And we do. And then I know that there's been 285 00:09:34,170 --> 00:09:36,420 times where the slides don't work because of 286 00:09:36,420 --> 00:09:38,130 whatever reason, and it's actually ended up 287 00:09:38,130 --> 00:09:40,680 being a better experience for the audience 288 00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:42,600 and for us as the presenters. 289 00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:44,760 Just to really get back to the storytelling 290 00:09:44,910 --> 00:09:45,870 aspects of what we do. 291 00:09:45,900 --> 00:09:47,760 Diane Diaz: Yeah, absolutely. I think when you rely too 292 00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:49,080 much on the preparation, 293 00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:50,820 I think you take away some of that 294 00:09:50,820 --> 00:09:53,100 spontaneity that might add flavor to it. 295 00:09:53,100 --> 00:09:55,110 So I've tried to lean more into that. 296 00:09:55,110 --> 00:09:56,680 And so to anybody watching this, 297 00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:58,210 I would say, you know, 298 00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:01,240 try not to be so prepared that you actually 299 00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:02,980 prepare yourself right out of any interesting 300 00:10:03,010 --> 00:10:05,290 or spontaneous content. 301 00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:06,850 Carol Cox: Yes, absolutely. Because you know who is 302 00:10:06,850 --> 00:10:08,470 prepared. The AI. 303 00:10:08,500 --> 00:10:09,850 That's right. That's right. 304 00:10:09,940 --> 00:10:10,390 So we have to. 305 00:10:10,630 --> 00:10:11,350 Diane Diaz: Distinguish. 306 00:10:11,350 --> 00:10:13,720 Carol Cox: Ourselves from that and be much more human 307 00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:15,100 and be imperfect and embrace the 308 00:10:15,100 --> 00:10:16,780 imperfections that we have. 309 00:10:16,810 --> 00:10:18,430 Speaking of imperfections, 310 00:10:18,430 --> 00:10:20,710 so the story that I've been reluctant to 311 00:10:20,740 --> 00:10:22,300 share, that I really have never shared with 312 00:10:22,300 --> 00:10:24,130 hardly anyone except for my husband, 313 00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:27,910 Ed, probably, and my mom is back when I was 314 00:10:27,910 --> 00:10:30,040 in seventh grade, 12 years old. 315 00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:33,070 I remember that I had to find a new group of 316 00:10:33,070 --> 00:10:35,260 girls to sit with at lunch because my best 317 00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:36,730 friend, who had been best friends with since 318 00:10:36,730 --> 00:10:38,650 third grade, we would have lunch together. 319 00:10:38,650 --> 00:10:41,200 But that semester or that year in school, 320 00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:42,910 we were in different lunch periods. So like, 321 00:10:42,940 --> 00:10:44,170 she was my safety blanket. 322 00:10:44,350 --> 00:10:45,820 Right. And so I would sit with her and 323 00:10:45,820 --> 00:10:46,960 everything was fine. 324 00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:48,910 But for this year I didn't. 325 00:10:48,910 --> 00:10:50,650 And so I had these group, 326 00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:52,240 this group of girls that I knew we were in 327 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:53,740 class together, but I didn't really know them 328 00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:55,330 well, never went over to their house like we 329 00:10:55,330 --> 00:10:57,060 didn't have sleepovers, so I kind of knew 330 00:10:57,060 --> 00:10:58,770 them, but didn't really. But I remember I 331 00:10:58,770 --> 00:11:01,860 would sit with them at lunch and there was 332 00:11:01,860 --> 00:11:04,380 one day I can actually picture the lunchroom, 333 00:11:04,410 --> 00:11:06,420 you know, the round lunch tables and the 334 00:11:06,420 --> 00:11:07,890 plastic chairs sitting around it. 335 00:11:07,890 --> 00:11:10,020 And there were there were probably 3 or 4 336 00:11:10,020 --> 00:11:13,020 girls and me and, and it's like, 337 00:11:13,140 --> 00:11:14,610 almost like a dream where it's kind of like 338 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:16,230 blurry and stuff and they're like, 339 00:11:16,230 --> 00:11:17,670 Carol, we don't want to sit with you at lunch 340 00:11:17,670 --> 00:11:18,240 anymore. 341 00:11:18,270 --> 00:11:19,260 Diane Diaz: Oh, no. 342 00:11:19,290 --> 00:11:22,020 Carol Cox: And I was just like, I can still feel it. 343 00:11:22,020 --> 00:11:24,270 I was like, I was devastated. 344 00:11:24,270 --> 00:11:26,760 I don't know if I asked them questions or I'm 345 00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:28,170 very conflict avoidant, 346 00:11:28,170 --> 00:11:30,060 so I probably didn't ask them anything. 347 00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:31,980 I don't know what happened. 348 00:11:32,070 --> 00:11:33,870 I don't know if I did something, 349 00:11:33,870 --> 00:11:35,700 they did something. Obviously at that age, 350 00:11:35,700 --> 00:11:37,230 you're probably not very good at 351 00:11:37,260 --> 00:11:39,390 relationships and conflict resolution and 352 00:11:39,390 --> 00:11:40,590 talking things out. 353 00:11:40,590 --> 00:11:43,170 So I was like, okay, like I don't know what 354 00:11:43,170 --> 00:11:47,340 else to do. And I remember there maybe that 355 00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:48,810 was the beginning of the week, and for the 356 00:11:48,810 --> 00:11:51,150 next few days, I had to sit by myself. 357 00:11:51,390 --> 00:11:51,900 Diane Diaz: Oh, no. 358 00:11:51,930 --> 00:11:53,190 Carol Cox: And you know what that's like in middle 359 00:11:53,190 --> 00:11:55,350 school, especially, like you feel like 360 00:11:55,370 --> 00:11:56,930 everyone's eyes are on you. 361 00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:58,400 Everyone's looking at you like, what's wrong 362 00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:00,320 with you? And I'll never forget it must have 363 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,120 been a day or two after I'd been sitting by 364 00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:04,280 myself and another girl named. 365 00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:05,540 Her name is Kathy Castro. 366 00:12:05,570 --> 00:12:07,430 I'll never forget her name and what she 367 00:12:07,430 --> 00:12:09,290 looked like. She was this cool girl. 368 00:12:09,290 --> 00:12:10,790 She had, like, this short, really kind of 369 00:12:10,820 --> 00:12:12,110 edgy haircut. 370 00:12:12,290 --> 00:12:13,790 And I knew her again. 371 00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:15,260 We had a class together, but I didn't know 372 00:12:15,260 --> 00:12:17,240 her well. And she must have seen me by 373 00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:18,920 myself. Maybe I was crying, 374 00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:20,510 I don't know, I'm known to cry. So I could 375 00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:22,460 have been probably just very sad looking. 376 00:12:22,730 --> 00:12:24,500 And she came to me and she said, 377 00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:26,750 Carol, do you want to sit together for lunch? 378 00:12:26,750 --> 00:12:28,190 And I was so grateful for her. 379 00:12:28,220 --> 00:12:30,320 I don't know if I had the words at that age 380 00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:32,780 to like, tell her how much that meant to me. 381 00:12:32,780 --> 00:12:34,550 I was embarrassed enough as it was, but I 382 00:12:34,550 --> 00:12:36,740 remember she sat with me and you know, 383 00:12:36,770 --> 00:12:38,540 we would talk and what have you. 384 00:12:38,540 --> 00:12:40,910 And I really do need to look her up on 385 00:12:40,910 --> 00:12:42,800 Facebook to find out what happened to her and 386 00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:44,720 just and thank her even all these years. So 387 00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:47,180 the story that I've been telling myself since 388 00:12:47,180 --> 00:12:48,890 that incident, probably things before and 389 00:12:48,890 --> 00:12:50,480 after that had happened to me, 390 00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:52,430 is that I'm not likable, 391 00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:54,650 that people are not going to like me for who 392 00:12:54,650 --> 00:12:56,380 I am or how I show up. 393 00:12:56,380 --> 00:12:58,930 So kind of like putting on this facade, 394 00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:01,270 right? Like, okay. Like I look good, 395 00:13:01,270 --> 00:13:02,500 I look presentable. 396 00:13:02,500 --> 00:13:04,930 And so I feel like that has obviously shown 397 00:13:04,930 --> 00:13:07,690 up so much in my career where there has been 398 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:09,790 like people pleaser or those perfectionist 399 00:13:09,820 --> 00:13:11,410 tendencies working. 400 00:13:11,410 --> 00:13:13,930 Diane Diaz: On a talk and or anything that you're 401 00:13:13,930 --> 00:13:15,910 creating and thinking about incorporating 402 00:13:15,910 --> 00:13:18,460 your stories, bring out those harder stories 403 00:13:18,460 --> 00:13:20,770 because I think it would be beneficial to 404 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:21,610 your audience, but I think it'll be 405 00:13:21,610 --> 00:13:23,350 beneficial for you as well. 406 00:13:23,380 --> 00:13:25,240 On sort of along the lines of healing. 407 00:13:25,270 --> 00:13:27,700 Carol Cox: Oh, absolutely. I do think that talking about 408 00:13:27,700 --> 00:13:29,890 our stories is is very healing. 409 00:13:29,980 --> 00:13:32,260 And like I always say, it's in service to the 410 00:13:32,260 --> 00:13:34,780 audience. And you have to know that whatever 411 00:13:34,780 --> 00:13:36,010 you're sharing, that story, you're sharing 412 00:13:36,010 --> 00:13:38,020 with the audience is going to benefit them. 413 00:13:38,020 --> 00:13:39,700 And there's a larger lesson that you want to 414 00:13:39,700 --> 00:13:42,190 share or it ties back to your talk. 415 00:13:42,220 --> 00:13:44,680 They're not there as your personal therapist, 416 00:13:44,710 --> 00:13:47,410 right? You don't want TMI information to 417 00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:49,420 them. But at the same time, 418 00:13:49,420 --> 00:13:50,980 I know we also get a lot of questions from 419 00:13:50,980 --> 00:13:52,990 our clients that say, well, but what if I 420 00:13:53,020 --> 00:13:55,670 tear up when I'm sharing that particular 421 00:13:55,670 --> 00:13:57,680 story, because I still do feel it. 422 00:13:57,710 --> 00:13:59,240 And we're like, that's that's fine. It's 423 00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:01,910 normal. It's human to still feel emotional 424 00:14:01,910 --> 00:14:04,670 about it because you, you're always probably 425 00:14:04,670 --> 00:14:06,680 going to have that kind of muscle memory, 426 00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,150 that body memory of it. 427 00:14:08,150 --> 00:14:11,000 But you but you should be past the story 428 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:13,460 enough that you can share it in a meaningful 429 00:14:13,460 --> 00:14:15,530 way and tie it back to your larger message. 430 00:14:15,530 --> 00:14:17,240 Diane Diaz: So I think digging into these deeper stories 431 00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:19,400 to find ways to let other sides of yourself 432 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:22,790 come out is not only helpful to the audience, 433 00:14:22,790 --> 00:14:25,310 but I think it lets you bring your whole self 434 00:14:25,310 --> 00:14:26,360 to the work that you do. 435 00:14:26,390 --> 00:14:29,270 Carol Cox: So we've shared kind of these reluctant, 436 00:14:29,300 --> 00:14:31,730 heartfelt stories about ourselves when we 437 00:14:31,730 --> 00:14:33,620 were young and how it has shaped us. 438 00:14:33,620 --> 00:14:35,930 So maybe in the next episode we can bring out 439 00:14:35,930 --> 00:14:37,430 more of this fun, funny, 440 00:14:37,430 --> 00:14:40,220 personable aspects of our personality. 441 00:14:40,250 --> 00:14:42,740 Yeah. So stay tuned for our next episode 442 00:14:42,740 --> 00:14:45,230 where maybe Diane will do part of her comedy 443 00:14:45,260 --> 00:14:46,460 set for us, I don't know. 444 00:14:46,490 --> 00:14:48,080 Impromptu. We shall see. 445 00:14:48,530 --> 00:14:49,700 Until next time. 446 00:14:49,700 --> 00:14:50,870 Thanks for watching.