Carol Cox: We are walking our talk,
and we're sharing the stories that we've been
most reluctant to share so that we can role
model storytelling and vulnerability for you,
on this episode of the Speaking Your Brand
podcast. More and more women are making an
impact by starting businesses,
running for office and speaking up for what
matters. With my background as a TV political
analyst, entrepreneur,
and speaker, I interview and coach purpose
driven women to shape their brands,
grow their companies, and become recognized
as influencers in their field.
This is speaking your brand,
your place to learn how to persuasively
communicate your message to your audience.
Hi, I'm Carol Cox and welcome to Speaking
Your Brand. Joined by Diane Diaz.
Hi, Diane.
Diane Diaz: Hi, Carol.
Carol Cox: So we're going to get into our own stories
that we have been reluctant to share,
that we haven't really shared, and we have
shared quite a bit on the Speaking Your Brand
podcast and the work that we do and the
Thought Leader Academy with our clients,
because we're very open and we want a role
model, this idea of storytelling and
vulnerability. But there's always a few
stories that are like a little like naked
still kind of cringe a little bit,
but they're so revealing because they show
the personal growth and the journey that
we've been on, which is exactly why we
encourage the women that we work with to do
the same. And we talk a lot about
storytelling and how storytelling is such an
essential ingredient for thought leadership,
for public speaking, keynotes,
TEDx talks.
But oftentimes we're like,
okay, sure, I'll pull a story from my career
or from a workplace situation that had that
happened, I got demoted in my first job,
or I didn't get the job of my dreams that I
really wanted. So I'll tell that story.
And those stories are fine. Like there's
definitely a place for them.
But then there's those personal stories,
the ones that you really still feel.
And those are the ones where I feel like so
much of the speaker comes to life.
Don't you think?
Diane Diaz: I do. I think we often play it safe,
you know, we play it safe in a lot of ways,
right? Not just storytelling. So it makes
sense that we're sort of protecting ourselves
by just telling safe stories.
Stories from our careers or.
And it may have even been a failure.
Something that you experienced in your
career, but it's relatively safe.
And it's also businessy.
Right. Rather than diving into the personal
stuff because it feels really vulnerable to
tell those personal stories,
because you feel very exposed.
And I can understand where it's a challenge
to want to tell those stories.
Carol Cox: Well, we feel like people are going to judge
us or look at us as weak or incompetent or
incapable, like, oh my gosh,
how could she have done that?
Or how could she have made that decision?
I've talked on the podcast about speaking
engagements that I've done that did not go
the way that I wanted them to.
And when I first, I remember when I first
decided to tell that story in an episode,
I was like, oh my gosh, is anyone ever going
to want to hire me as their coach?
I had a bad speaking engagement,
but then like, well, but then if you never
have any failures, even in the work that you
do, your expertise, how can you teach someone
else? Or how can you understand maybe where
they're getting stuck or what their fears
are?
Diane Diaz: Yeah, no, it makes sense that we would sort
of hedge our bets there and share only the
safe stories, because we don't want to be
judged and we don't we don't want to have
clients say, well, then why would I work with
you? And this has come up with clients before
where they've wanted or had stories that
maybe showed how they didn't handle the
situation very well, that actually had to do
with the work that they do.
And then I really try to encourage them.
No, you have to tell that story.
Carol Cox: Because I feel like the audience members who
hear that the ones who really like absorb it,
are the ones who need to hear that in that
moment. I oftentimes tell the women that we
work with that you don't know who's in your
audience, whatever message you're sharing
with them. They could have heard a similar
message twice before, but maybe it was ten
years ago and they weren't ready to hear it
or didn't land for them in that way.
They weren't in a certain stage in their
life, and all of a sudden they hear you say
it the way that you say it with your
perspective and the reason that it matters to
you, and it clicks for them.
Does it have to click for every single person
in the audience just for those people who it
is? Therefore, as we say, you are the
messenger for your message and your story and
those those people in the audience are
waiting for that.
Diane Diaz: Yeah. And I like what you say is that if
there's a story that you're reluctant to
share, that is probably the story that you
need to share, because there's a reason why
you're reluctant to share it.
And however you feel about that and the
reason that's keeping you from sharing it,
that is what the audience members are going
to identify with because they have been there
too. Maybe not the exact same story,
but something similar,
a similar situation.
And that's going to encourage them,
right, to open up and to tap into whatever it
is that you're sharing with them.
Carol Cox: So are we ready? Yeah.
You want to go first?
Diane Diaz: Sure. Okay.
So we so we were talking before recording
this. And so a story that I really have never
shared. I mean, I've shared it with close
personal connections and friends,
but I don't share it widely because it is,
of course, it's, you know, it's not
embarrassing, but it feels very vulnerable
and raw and open.
Is that when I was younger and I was in
school, my sister was two years older than
me, and she was excelling in all these,
you know, academics, and she was in
academically talented students programs and
things. And I remember,
you know, so I'm two years behind her, so I'm
learning things after her. But I had a hard
time learning how to tell time.
It took me a really long time to learn how to
tell time. And this was before digital
watches, right? So like it was really hard
for me. It also took me a long time to learn
how to do my multiplication tables.
And I remember I remember another situation
where so my sister had been tested and tested
gifted or whatever, and they at the same age
that she was when she was tested, they my
parents had me tested.
And all I remember is just my mom and the
teacher sort of looking at the results and
like shaking their heads like.
So I thought, well, I must be dumb.
Like, I mean, obviously it's hard for me to
learn how to tell time I can't.
I'm having a struggling with times tables and
now they've tested me. So there's clear
evidence that I am dumb.
And I think I must have been eight,
nine, ten years old.
What it does for me is it makes me work a
gajillion times harder than anyone else.
Carol Cox: Well, Diane, first, thank you for sharing
that. You're smart, like you put things
together. You know, you like,
you connect, you know, connect the dots
between different things. Obviously, the work
that we do with our clients and taking a
three hour VIP day, they basically brain dump
all of their ideas and stories and concepts
and ideas for frameworks.
And then you map it all out and our framework
and but like you said,
like the coping side of it was,
I'm going to work extra hard. I'm going to
study extra hard to make sure that in your
mind that you keep up with everything else.
And so thinking about how this could apply to
a broader message that you would share,
maybe in a keynote type of talk.
What like what lessons would you draw for the
audience to take that personal story and then
take it to the universal lesson.
Yeah, I.
Diane Diaz: Think the lesson is that even if there's a
not a negative, but even if there's something
about yourself or something that you're
struggling with or have struggled with or
that's always, always kind of there,
whatever that thing is that what you might
consider a personal like struggle?
There is a flip side to that,
right? There is another side of that coin,
right. And so what is the other side of that
coin? So whatever the thing is that you're
struggling with, look on the other side to
see what is the benefit of that.
Right. Because I have developed mechanisms
that help me.
Like I always joke that I'm not a
procrastinator. I'm a procrastinator.
I do things way before they're due,
and that is because I need to feel prepared
in order to feel like I am not succumbing to
me thinking that I am not smart,
right? Like I need to do everything ahead of
time. So then I feel really prepared and that
makes me feel I'm smart,
right? So look at the other side of the coin
and see what is there.
There's probably an opportunity.
Carol Cox: It's so funny, Diane, because you and I are
alike in so many ways we joke about that we
have the same brain.
Yet we also are very different when it comes
to this, because you are the procrastinator
and I am not at all.
And I know it probably makes you crazy
sometimes where I'm like, okay,
let's just go do a presentation tomorrow.
Wait, what? And you're like, what? What are
we doing? Like, okay, I'll just show up and
I'm sure it'll be great,
but I try to take some of that
procrastination from you.
And I'm like, okay, like, what can I do to
prepare ahead of time?
I like the just in time nature of what I do.
I think it maybe just keeps me more
interested in what I'm doing.
But then I also realize that sometimes I
think I'm going to have enough time, but then
surprise! Something comes up and ruins my
schedule, and then I'm scrambling at the last
minute. So you know.
Diane Diaz: What I would say the other lesson than what
you know, you mentioned. What could the
audience take away from this conversation is
that find people who sort of balance you out.
And so to that point, like you take that from
me about the procrastination,
but I also have learned to lighten up a
little bit. And I don't have to be super
prepared because sometimes just going with it
actually ends up in a better result.
Right. So you have to kind of trust the
process, but find people who naturally kind
of align with you and help you complement
each other. Right. And I think that's what
we've done. But that does help with whatever
each of your strengths and weaknesses are.
Carol Cox: Yeah, absolutely. Well,
I'm thinking about even talks back when you
started delivering talks and when you had the
brand teacher and I would help you and I know
you would prepare.
Diane Diaz: In advance months ahead and have.
Carol Cox: All your slides and your slide notes and your
outline. And then we started working together
and speaking your brand. I'm like, no, we're
just going to go do it. Yeah.
I'm like.
Diane Diaz: All right, I don't have anything prepared,
but let's figure it out.
Yeah.
Carol Cox: And we do. And then I know that there's been
times where the slides don't work because of
whatever reason, and it's actually ended up
being a better experience for the audience
and for us as the presenters.
Just to really get back to the storytelling
aspects of what we do.
Diane Diaz: Yeah, absolutely. I think when you rely too
much on the preparation,
I think you take away some of that
spontaneity that might add flavor to it.
So I've tried to lean more into that.
And so to anybody watching this,
I would say, you know,
try not to be so prepared that you actually
prepare yourself right out of any interesting
or spontaneous content.
Carol Cox: Yes, absolutely. Because you know who is
prepared. The AI.
That's right. That's right.
So we have to.
Diane Diaz: Distinguish.
Carol Cox: Ourselves from that and be much more human
and be imperfect and embrace the
imperfections that we have.
Speaking of imperfections,
so the story that I've been reluctant to
share, that I really have never shared with
hardly anyone except for my husband,
Ed, probably, and my mom is back when I was
in seventh grade, 12 years old.
I remember that I had to find a new group of
girls to sit with at lunch because my best
friend, who had been best friends with since
third grade, we would have lunch together.
But that semester or that year in school,
we were in different lunch periods. So like,
she was my safety blanket.
Right. And so I would sit with her and
everything was fine.
But for this year I didn't.
And so I had these group,
this group of girls that I knew we were in
class together, but I didn't really know them
well, never went over to their house like we
didn't have sleepovers, so I kind of knew
them, but didn't really. But I remember I
would sit with them at lunch and there was
one day I can actually picture the lunchroom,
you know, the round lunch tables and the
plastic chairs sitting around it.
And there were there were probably 3 or 4
girls and me and, and it's like,
almost like a dream where it's kind of like
blurry and stuff and they're like,
Carol, we don't want to sit with you at lunch
anymore.
Diane Diaz: Oh, no.
Carol Cox: And I was just like, I can still feel it.
I was like, I was devastated.
I don't know if I asked them questions or I'm
very conflict avoidant,
so I probably didn't ask them anything.
I don't know what happened.
I don't know if I did something,
they did something. Obviously at that age,
you're probably not very good at
relationships and conflict resolution and
talking things out.
So I was like, okay, like I don't know what
else to do. And I remember there maybe that
was the beginning of the week, and for the
next few days, I had to sit by myself.
Diane Diaz: Oh, no.
Carol Cox: And you know what that's like in middle
school, especially, like you feel like
everyone's eyes are on you.
Everyone's looking at you like, what's wrong
with you? And I'll never forget it must have
been a day or two after I'd been sitting by
myself and another girl named.
Her name is Kathy Castro.
I'll never forget her name and what she
looked like. She was this cool girl.
She had, like, this short, really kind of
edgy haircut.
And I knew her again.
We had a class together, but I didn't know
her well. And she must have seen me by
myself. Maybe I was crying,
I don't know, I'm known to cry. So I could
have been probably just very sad looking.
And she came to me and she said,
Carol, do you want to sit together for lunch?
And I was so grateful for her.
I don't know if I had the words at that age
to like, tell her how much that meant to me.
I was embarrassed enough as it was, but I
remember she sat with me and you know,
we would talk and what have you.
And I really do need to look her up on
Facebook to find out what happened to her and
just and thank her even all these years. So
the story that I've been telling myself since
that incident, probably things before and
after that had happened to me,
is that I'm not likable,
that people are not going to like me for who
I am or how I show up.
So kind of like putting on this facade,
right? Like, okay. Like I look good,
I look presentable.
And so I feel like that has obviously shown
up so much in my career where there has been
like people pleaser or those perfectionist
tendencies working.
Diane Diaz: On a talk and or anything that you're
creating and thinking about incorporating
your stories, bring out those harder stories
because I think it would be beneficial to
your audience, but I think it'll be
beneficial for you as well.
On sort of along the lines of healing.
Carol Cox: Oh, absolutely. I do think that talking about
our stories is is very healing.
And like I always say, it's in service to the
audience. And you have to know that whatever
you're sharing, that story, you're sharing
with the audience is going to benefit them.
And there's a larger lesson that you want to
share or it ties back to your talk.
They're not there as your personal therapist,
right? You don't want TMI information to
them. But at the same time,
I know we also get a lot of questions from
our clients that say, well, but what if I
tear up when I'm sharing that particular
story, because I still do feel it.
And we're like, that's that's fine. It's
normal. It's human to still feel emotional
about it because you, you're always probably
going to have that kind of muscle memory,
that body memory of it.
But you but you should be past the story
enough that you can share it in a meaningful
way and tie it back to your larger message.
Diane Diaz: So I think digging into these deeper stories
to find ways to let other sides of yourself
come out is not only helpful to the audience,
but I think it lets you bring your whole self
to the work that you do.
Carol Cox: So we've shared kind of these reluctant,
heartfelt stories about ourselves when we
were young and how it has shaped us.
So maybe in the next episode we can bring out
more of this fun, funny,
personable aspects of our personality.
Yeah. So stay tuned for our next episode
where maybe Diane will do part of her comedy
set for us, I don't know.
Impromptu. We shall see.
Until next time.
Thanks for watching.