welcome to this initial episode of Raising Men
my name is Sean Dawson
I'm starting this podcast because well
the world my boy will inherit
is nothing like the one that I grew up in
I'm not an expert with all the answers
I'm a dad who's just trying to recognize his humility
and ask better questions
if you're listening to this
maybe you've been asking some of the same ones
I'll tell you what keeps me up at night
we're raising boys in a culture
that's simultaneously telling them
that they're too much they're not enough
they're too aggressive and not assertive enough
they're too emotional but also too stoic
the growing up with unlimited access to everything
except clarity
about what it actually means to be a good man
and while we their parents
are debating masculinity
in conference rooms and comment sections
our sons are learning from YouTube algorithms
and social media influencers
they're getting their blueprint for manhood
from people who've never changed a diaper
or stayed up all night with a sick kid
or took him to the hospital
frankly
they're getting their blueprint from people
you'd shield them from if you ran into them on a train
let me tell you a story now
my wife and I we agonized
over the decision about whether or not to have kids
so I did what I presume all engineers do
I conducted an analysis and a field study of the matter
now I
at the time
I was traveling a lot
so I sat next to a lot of strangers on airplanes
and I interviewed just about everybody I knew
and everybody I met on those planes
about how they felt about their decision
whether or not to have kids
the main thing that I Learned
is that there was no wrong answer
pretty much everyone I talked to was pretty happy
about whatever decision they made
but the thing that I noticed
was that the parents were happy in this fundamental
almost spiritual way whereas the non parents
well
they were mostly just bragging
about how much money they still had
the best response that I got
came from a person I very much admire
we were
we were sitting on his porch
and his gorgeous wife and their three year old son
we're playing Frisbee
with their border collie in the yard
he said
you know
said I love my wife she's great
but that boy
that boy is my soulmate
man my experience
in the early days
could not have been more opposite to this
one of the suspicions I had
in fact is that
all of that positivity that I experienced
during my research was just a ruse to make non parents
just as miserable as the parents were
my wife and my lives were obliterated
it was so grueling and awful that my wife and I
we were at each other's throats constantly
and we had to make an explicit
agreement that we wouldn't get divorced
before the boy was at least a year old
for example uh
his stomach was both very elastic
but also way smaller than his appetite
so he would projectile vomit
three or four times his body length
like a bottle of Diet Coke
with a Mentos dropped into it
between that
and the dirty diapers that we left all over the place
the dogs were in paradise
believe me
now the first time
I had a twinge of what my friend was talking about
with the soulmate thing
the boy was about 4 months old
and I just finished changing his diaper
I held out my index fingers
and he reached up and he pulled himself up by
it was the very first time
that I taught him anything at all
and it clicked for me that my job my role
is to foster an environment
where he can build the skills
that he needs to make his place in the world
and for the very first time I felt it
I understood a little bit
about what my friend meant by soulmate
it reminded me of a time years earlier
when I was 12 years old
I went on a work trip with my dad one summer
now this was towards the end of the trip
we were in Arlington Texas
and I was stuck for two days in a hotel room
literally looking down at the six flags amusement park
that was across the highway from our hotel
but I was completely I was unable to go
it was it was kind of torture frankly
but the Texas State Fair was going on
and on the very last day of the trip
my dad took me to the fair
now the centerpiece of the Texas State Fair
is this enormous Ferris wheel
my dad and I rode it together
near the top
looking out over the lights of the city
my dad puts his arm around me and he says
I think you're gonna be a great man someday
and you know
I was too wrapped up in my own stuff at the time
I'm 12 going on 13
but what I realize now
is that this was his way of saying to me
however imperfectly son
you're my soulmate
my wife and I we have some friends
who lost their two and a/2 year old boy in this
freak accident they were hiking in the woods
and a tree just fell down and hit the boy
he was gone just like that his dad
standing right next to him
and I think about that dad
every day
that is the manifestation of all of my life's fears
and worries all at once
I wouldn't know how to live through it
and it drove home to me
that you can lose them at any time
so what do you do
well one of the things I did was to take my boy camping
I'd mentioned it as a possibility one time
and he kind of pestered me about it
he asked me about it several times
and so I set it up and one of the pleasures
that I find about being a parent it's
it's like when
you meet a friend
who's never seen a movie that you particularly like
like oh
my gosh you've never seen The Usual Suspects
we have to go see it right now
and then you get to experience it anew
through their eyes that's
well that's the way your kid is about everything
and camping was definitely like that
this is my first time in a sleeping bag
and this is my first time being inside of a tent
we built a fire we made hot dogs
s'mores about 1:30 in the morning
we were sleeping in the tent
it was very cold
very dark
and we could
we could hear the coyotes roaming around and howling
and he stirred
he said dad
can you keep me warm
I unzipped my sleeping bag a little bit
I pulled him close
I said of course buddy
I'll always keep you warm
but what I was really trying to say
was son you're my soulmate
he doesn't understand that any more than I did
on the Ferris wheel back then
and hopefully I'll get better over time
and decades from now he'll be able to say it to his son
a little bit better than I said it to him
now
this isn't a podcast about returning to some mythical
good old days this frankly
those days weren't that good for a lot of people
this this is about moving forward with intention
because here's what I've Learned
our sons they don't need us to be perfect
they need us to be present
they don't need us to have all the answers
they need us to be willing
to wrestle with difficult questions
questions like
how do we teach them to be strong without being brittle
how do we navigate a culture that either works
the worst parts of masculinity
or tries to vilify it out of existence entirely
how do we show them that real strength
stems from recognizing and admitting
when you're wrong how do we prepare them for a world
where emotional intelligence is mandatory
how do we raise men who can lead with both conviction
and compassion
maybe the hardest question of all is
what kind of man should I model for my son
now look
I don't want to be dramatic
but the statistics about this stuff are really sobering
young men
they're struggling with purpose
with connection
and mental health at unprecedented rates
they're more isolated they're more likely
I'm sorry they're less likely to have close friendships
and they're increasingly disconnected
from the kind of mentorship that used to happen
naturally
but here's what gives me hope
intentional parents
parents who are willing to do the work
not just on their sons but on themselves too
because our boys
they're not really even just listening to what we say
they're watching what we do
and they're becoming who we are
raising men will be honest
conversations about raising sons with purpose
some episodes
might just be me wrestling with questions that
keep me up at night
others will be conversations with parents
experts and folks who've walked this road before us
who've succeeded and failed
we'll talk about discipline that builds character
not compliance about teaching boys to navigate emotions
without drowning in them
about raising men who can disagree without demonizing
who can be confident without being arrogant
who can be tender without being weak
now it's not always gonna be comfortable
but it will always be authentic
and it will always be real
so if you're still listening
I want to invite you to something bigger than a podcast
I want you to
invite you into this notion of intentional parenthood
because frankly the world needs more men of character
and character does not happen by accident
it's forged in the daily decisions of parents
who refuse to let their sons be raised by default
by a potentially toxic culture
so here's what happens next
subscribe to the show and really importantly
if you can share it with another dad
who might be asking the same questions
and connect with me on social at Raising Men Podcast
because this conversation doesn't end
when the episode does most importantly
take a look at your son today
really look at him
ask yourself
what kind of man is he gonna become
because of who I choose to be
so it starts
thanks so much for being here
so let's go raise some men together