In this deeply personal episode, Chris and Jake explore how even small moments of exclusion can leave lasting scars by threatening our sense of belonging and social identity. They connect a story from Chris' past to the recent Republican response to the State of the Union, showing how identities can be built up but also quickly torn down by social groups.
The Power and Peril of Social Identity
Our identities are significantly based on and empowered by the groups we belong to, according to social identity theory. We derive self-esteem from our group memberships and the status of those groups. "Prototypical leaders" who embody a group's norms are seen as representatives, gaining influence. But this also makes identity precarious - the group can withdraw their endorsement at any time.
Senator Katie Britt carefully followed the playbook of how she was supposed to present herself as a young female conservative leader. But Republicans immediately mocked and criticized her speech, undermining her identity as a rising star. As Chris puts it, "I can go from prototypical leader, hey, we're gonna do this. We're gonna make this happen. Everybody rally around to 'Yeah, but you're not invited to the pool party.' And it's just it's a it's a it's a weird human dynamic that we have."
A Formative Moment of Exclusion
Over 20 years ago, Chris was excited to continue hanging out with a volunteer group in Halifax and attend a pool party. But then he was told "Oh, not you Chris. You're not invited." This moment still sticks with Chris today. It tapped into deep fears of not belonging.
"Somehow I got 'Oh, not you, Chris. Not your this. You're not invited.' I felt really like that made sense. Like I could see it made sense. But it still affected me and I have thought about that often on for years about why I wasn't invited and why I cared one way or the other. Like why did that bother me?"
Chris was in his early 30s at the time, married with kids, while the others were in their early 20s. They saw Chris as more of a "fun boss" than a close friend to invite along. The age and life stage difference, while not huge, was enough to classify Chris as outside the in-group.
Missed Opportunities for Bridging Divides
Jake found himself caught in the middle, between his friendship with Chris and this younger friend group. He saw it as a chance to vouch for Chris and bring him into the in-group. "I could have protest I could have I did nothing. Yeah. Let it Yeah. Okay. I guess, because I wasn't it wasn't my house. It wasn't my pool. I was tagging along."
But Jake went along with it and didn't speak up, something he later regretted. It was a missed opportunity for what the two call "social bridging" - building connections across boundaries. Jake admits he was afraid of losing his tenuous status in the group if he challenged them.
Reflecting on Exclusion, Identity and Inclusion
The pain of exclusion, even in small doses, comes from it threatening our social identity and sense of belonging. Our identities feel solid but are actually quite fragile, since they depend on recognition from groups. "Ingroups" and "outgroups" form easily and can lead to:
- Favoritism toward one's ingroups
- Stereotyping and denigration of outgroups
- Exclusion of those seen as outsiders
Leaders and influencers can use their social capital to build bridges between groups. But it requires bravery to stick your neck out and bring others in, risking your own status. Ultimately, fostering inclusion means expanding our circles of who we see as part of "us."
By reflecting on past hurts and missed opportunities, we can gain insight into how to do better moving forward. Recognizing our own experiences of exclusion can motivate us to ensure others feel embraced. And when we witness someone being left out, we have a chance to be the one to invite them in.
Key Concepts
- Social identity theory - Developed by Henri Tajfel and John Turner, it says our sense of self significantly comes from our group memberships, or social identities. This drives group comparison and competition for self-esteem.
- Ingroup vs outgroup - Ingroups are social groups we identify with, while outgroups are ones we see as outside our circles. This classification often leads to ingroup favoritism and discrimination against outgroups. Ingroup bias is likely a hardwired human tendency.
- Prototypical leader - A group member who best embodies the group's attributes, goals and identity. Due to being seen as extremely representative of the group, they gain influence to determine group norms and membership.
- Social bridging - The act of building connections and relationships across different social circles or groups. Social bridges allow for improved intergroup contact, empathy, resource sharing and conflict reduction.
Additional Resources to Use
- Social Identity Theory - Simply Psychology - This resource from Simply Psychology explains the concept of Social Identity Theory. It discusses how our sense of self is influenced by our group memberships and how this drives group comparison and competition for self-esteem. The article also covers the stages of social identity formation and the implications and applications of the theory.
- "Prototypical leaders reinforce efficacy beliefs: How and ..." on Wiley Online Library provides insights into how prototypical leaders reinforce beliefs surrounding their efficacy. The study focuses on the relationship between prototypical leaders and their abilities to shape group norms and membership. The article is useful for understanding the influence and characteristics of prototypical leaders within a group.
- "How leader and follower prototypical and antitypical ..." on Sage Journals discusses the concept of prototypical and antitypical leaders and their impact on leadership dynamics. It explores the relationship between leaders and followers and how the prototypicality of a leader influences their effectiveness. This resource provides valuable information on the role of prototypical leaders in leadership effectiveness.
- "Leader group prototypicality and leadership effectiveness" on ScienceDirect.com examines the relationship between leader group prototypicality and leadership effectiveness. It investigates how a leader's alignment with the prototypical traits of a group influences their effectiveness in leading the group. This resource offers insights into the characteristics and impact of prototypical leaders in different group settings.
- Social Bridging - Institute for Social Capital - The Institute for Social Capital discusses the concept of social bridging, which refers to the act of building connections and relationships across different social circles or groups. This resource explains the benefits of social bridging, such as improved intergroup contact, empathy, resource sharing, and conflict reduction. It provides examples and insights into how social bridging can contribute to stronger social connections and community cohesion.
- Mr. Lindsay's Tik Tok - The online creator whose video on "mewing" Chris shared in the first minutes of the episode.