{
  "version": "1.0.0",
  "segments": [
    {
      "speaker": "Speaker 1",
      "startTime": "12.075",
      "endTime": "17.515",
      "body": "Welcome to System Speak, a podcast about Complex Trauma and Dissociation."
    },
    {
      "speaker": "Speaker 2",
      "startTime": "17.515",
      "endTime": "52.855003",
      "body": "It's our story, our learning, and the ideas we've been working with as they've unfolded over time. Earlier episodes give context for where we are now, and current episodes may engage more advanced material, harder content, or reference earlier conversations. A few things to remember as you listen: The podcast is education, reflection, and storytelling. It's not therapy, and listening doesn't create a relationship. Although I am a therapist, I am not in that role here, and nothing that I share is individualized clinical advice."
    },
    {
      "speaker": "Speaker 2",
      "startTime": "53.23",
      "endTime": "64.59",
      "body": "Every system, every internal world, all of your own stories are all different and you take up your own shape. What we share about ours won't translate directly to yours."
    },
    {
      "speaker": "Speaker 1",
      "startTime": "64.75",
      "endTime": "68.065",
      "body": "It isn't meant to. We're all different, and all"
    },
    {
      "speaker": "Speaker 2",
      "startTime": "68.065",
      "endTime": "75.345",
      "body": "of our stories matter. As always, take care of yourself during and after listening. We are so glad you're here."
    },
    {
      "speaker": "Speaker 1",
      "startTime": "83.96",
      "endTime": "147.98",
      "body": "There's a part of me, one of me, that has always studied plants and medicines and herbs. There's lots about that, and I don't need to get into that right now. But I think it's part of why this therapy about the different medicines that we're talking about as we come up with symbols of what is this and what does it mean. I think it's part of why it's been so helpful because that part of me has been so wounded relationally. We tried to include her, even her, in symposiums because originally, the whole concept of this symposium was that we wanted to invite you into our space literally."
    },
    {
      "speaker": "Speaker 1",
      "startTime": "148.45999",
      "endTime": "213.285",
      "body": "We wanted to share all the things that we cannot share on a podcast. And one of the things we did were make little intention jars where we shared plants and pieces of plants that we had saved and collected and gathered over the years at different places. Flower petals and flower buds and different things. Just letting people enjoy this sensory experience of touching the flowers and the plants and smelling them. Sometimes people ask about specific things because, of course, that's where all medicine comes from."
    },
    {
      "speaker": "Speaker 1",
      "startTime": "222.005",
      "endTime": "275.04498",
      "body": "So it was fun to learn, and now trying to bring healing to that part of me, medicine to her. How do we, like the an anemone, carry medicine even to her? I actually love hearing the train in the background because it connects me to my therapist. The train is coming from my therapist's office all the way to me here. And when the trains couldn't run-in the floods, I felt the distance between us."
    },
    {
      "speaker": "Speaker 1",
      "startTime": "276.69",
      "endTime": "336.17",
      "body": "So does it comfort knowing it is near? That's such a funny thing when we first moved here, and it was so loud and disruptive and startled me every time. But now it feels like home, the same as a rooster crowing in the morning or the giggles of chickens as they run. Or the sound of our goats in the tree when we lived in the country. But the plant that came up this week in therapy was the Blue Cohosh, roots used for menstrual pain and childbirth called a time loosener."
    },
    {
      "speaker": "Speaker 1",
      "startTime": "338.33",
      "endTime": "404.44998",
      "body": "Like the whole forest in a physical form, understanding the space and time of the wind in the trees and the croak of the frog and the whistle of the bird. That's what she said, reading from her little book. It helps me be exactly here and now, which is so hard for humans to grasp and even harder to live within because we are always trying to jump ahead of the present to try and control it by planning as if we could understand the future. Or we are always falling back into the past to dig through it, to find meaning, to bargain with it as if we could change what has already happened. But to truly be in the present is to let go of the illusion of time."
    },
    {
      "speaker": "Speaker 1",
      "startTime": "406.41498",
      "endTime": "429.03998",
      "body": "There are some ways I'm really good at that. You could ask anyone who's ever tried to make an appointment with me. It is so difficult for me to live in time because time isn't real. And also in Western society, it is measured. It is how we measure our days."
    },
    {
      "speaker": "Speaker 1",
      "startTime": "437.47498",
      "endTime": "481.46002",
      "body": "But we cannot change the past, and we cannot predict the future. Not because we are not magical, but because all of it is happening now. All of it is happening at the same time. It all just is. The linearity of Western thought narrows us, limits our productivity, prevents the outcomes, destroys spontaneity, and crushes possibility that otherwise could come through opportunities and surprise."
    },
    {
      "speaker": "Speaker 1",
      "startTime": "484.02",
      "endTime": "540.715",
      "body": "Letting go of time is like falling into poetry. Blue Cohosh helps dispel this false idea by helping us focus on the rhythm of our experiences rather than trying to quantify them by time. We cannot contain our experiences by putting a box of time around them. So for parts of me, the past is still happening because it is. And also, that means that the parts of me now can show up to help them not be alone in that."
    },
    {
      "speaker": "Speaker 1",
      "startTime": "542.075",
      "endTime": "607.925",
      "body": "Because it's also true right now is happening. And the wisdom that I gain from that, the experience I gain from that informs my future for healing rather than only predicting for danger. We need Blue Cohosh when we are feeling worn out or fuzzy, when we are distracted or disturbed or distant from ourselves. And whether or not I mean the literal plant, I mean metaphorically the medicine of what the plant teaches us. Anytime we're feeling worn out or fuzzy, distracted or disturbed or distant, those are moments to slow down and let go of time and find ourselves again."
    },
    {
      "speaker": "Speaker 1",
      "startTime": "611.72",
      "endTime": "698.455",
      "body": "Like the rhythms of pains that have their own cycles and also mean something. And birthing anything, whether it is a child or a book or a story or your own story, a painting, a wedding, a conference, time with friends, the experience of that creation, of that birthing, the coming about of life, the restoring ourselves to life, the connecting to other lives is the rhythm of our life, not the ticking of the clock. Anytime we're feeling reactive, it means we are not grounded. It means we are not responding from our innate truth, from our being congruent with our own values. It means we are not responding from within ourselves."
    },
    {
      "speaker": "Speaker 1",
      "startTime": "699.06",
      "endTime": "765.94",
      "body": "We are reacting to others outside ourselves. And those reactions are mirrors of those we're interacting with rather than being true to ourselves. So this medicine invites us to release ourselves from chasing illusions, from releasing us from addictive patterns of drama and conflict. It helps us to be present in the rhythm even of pain, not for adding to it or causing it, but enduring what has already happened and not avoiding the truth of what has happened so that the carriers like anatomy can reach it to deliver the medicine. And I don't mean literally I'm not giving away teachings I'm not supposed to share."
    },
    {
      "speaker": "Speaker 1",
      "startTime": "767.255",
      "endTime": "829.21497",
      "body": "I mean metaphorical. This is what we talked about in therapy lessons that have delivered medicine to me. Letting our thoughts arise, showing up, and then letting them slip away like waves in the sea, making energies and feelings while also letting them go like the intensity of menstrual pain or the rhythm of childbirth. Letting it be slippery as the river currents were moving on and coming back to the water, which turns out to be everything. But that that I'll share with you another day."
    },
    {
      "speaker": "Speaker 1",
      "startTime": "840.11",
      "endTime": "860.155",
      "body": "Thank you so much for listening to us and for all of your support for the podcast, our books, and them being donated to survivors and the community. It means so much to us as we try to create something that's never been done before, not like this. Connection brings healing,"
    },
    {
      "speaker": "Speaker 2",
      "startTime": "860.315",
      "endTime": "862.315",
      "body": "and healing brings hope."
    }
  ]
}