1 00:00:01,260 --> 00:00:04,292 Welcome to The Crucible, Conversations for the Curious. 2 00:00:04,292 --> 00:00:06,073 I am Hamish, your host. 3 00:00:06,173 --> 00:00:10,496 This podcast is for anyone going through awakenings, trying to make sense of life. 4 00:00:10,496 --> 00:00:19,833 Whether dark nights are the soul, needing to make life -changing decisions, struggling with addiction or critical illness, or simply realizing that their life as they know it is 5 00:00:19,833 --> 00:00:22,024 not aligned to values and purpose. 6 00:00:22,024 --> 00:00:23,025 You are not alone. 7 00:00:23,025 --> 00:00:25,246 You can get through this, promise you. 8 00:00:25,246 --> 00:00:27,868 Life is far more beautiful on the other side. 9 00:00:29,209 --> 00:00:34,156 Hi everybody and welcome to another episode of the Crucible conversations for the curious. 10 00:00:34,156 --> 00:00:36,279 Today I'm chatting with Ned. 11 00:00:36,279 --> 00:00:40,965 He's all the way from Australia and he is the drinkless coach. 12 00:00:41,026 --> 00:00:44,422 So Ned thank you so much for turning up this evening your time this morning mine. 13 00:00:44,422 --> 00:00:44,933 Hey, Hamish. 14 00:00:44,933 --> 00:00:46,210 Thanks for inviting me. 15 00:00:46,210 --> 00:00:46,763 It's great. 16 00:00:46,763 --> 00:00:51,536 Can you please tell us a little bit about your journey to becoming this Drinkless Coach? 17 00:00:51,536 --> 00:00:55,069 Why you've ended up doing this kind of coaching people. 18 00:00:55,069 --> 00:01:00,829 Well, it started probably when I was 19. 19 00:01:00,829 --> 00:01:02,409 I'm 52. 20 00:01:02,989 --> 00:01:17,099 And 19 is when I first bought my book called Mind Power by John Kehoe, an Australian guy that specialized in body language and NLP and all that. 21 00:01:17,099 --> 00:01:18,587 And I had a real... 22 00:01:18,587 --> 00:01:30,646 I don't know, I had a real interest about how the mind works because having been brought up in a very staunch Croatian community in Australia, there was a lot of emotional sort of 23 00:01:30,646 --> 00:01:32,307 blackmail going on. 24 00:01:33,448 --> 00:01:40,053 And yeah, emotions play a big part, but basically... 25 00:01:40,593 --> 00:01:47,338 Passporting forward to my 20s and my 30s, there was a lot of drinking going on, a lot of partying going on. 26 00:01:47,338 --> 00:01:50,020 And it's all innocent when you first start, right? 27 00:01:50,020 --> 00:01:56,484 It's all innocent, it's fun, it's hangovers and doing silly things and all that. 28 00:01:56,905 --> 00:02:00,277 But then it just continued in the 40s, you know? 29 00:02:00,277 --> 00:02:09,033 And you're not as young as what you used to be in your 40s, you're feeling a little bit more, hangovers last a bit longer. 30 00:02:09,053 --> 00:02:13,593 The conversations are a bit more deep and meaningful. 31 00:02:14,153 --> 00:02:26,293 And I got married at 53, but basically after about 10 years of marriage with the drinking and all that, it wasn't something that I was doing every day. 32 00:02:26,293 --> 00:02:33,253 It was just something that I was doing as now I see it as a coping mechanism. 33 00:02:34,093 --> 00:02:35,429 And the... 34 00:02:35,429 --> 00:02:43,454 I was trying to cope with different types of emotions from my partner and also within myself. 35 00:02:43,935 --> 00:02:50,720 And it all stemmed from my childhood, which I hadn't really processed as an adult. 36 00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:55,503 And so everything was sort of transpiring through the course of my adulthood. 37 00:02:55,983 --> 00:03:02,568 And I just thought, this is the stuff that adults go through and she'll be right, the old Aussie way. 38 00:03:02,568 --> 00:03:02,949 But... 39 00:03:02,949 --> 00:03:08,869 But anyway, when it got to COVID, right? 40 00:03:09,029 --> 00:03:14,269 You know, it was like 12 years married, two little young girls, children. 41 00:03:14,269 --> 00:03:19,099 And yeah, the marriage just started falling apart more and more and more. 42 00:03:19,099 --> 00:03:23,989 And my partner wanted to go on her own journey. 43 00:03:23,989 --> 00:03:26,419 And she didn't leave because of the drinking. 44 00:03:26,419 --> 00:03:31,569 She left because she wanted to follow her own pursuits. 45 00:03:31,569 --> 00:03:32,309 And 46 00:03:32,973 --> 00:03:38,536 when she did leave and take the children, we thought, you know, give us the space and do a trial. 47 00:03:39,237 --> 00:03:44,242 That's when I hit the red wine hard and I hit it hard for two years. 48 00:03:44,242 --> 00:03:51,036 knowing what I know about the mind and doing hypnotherapy and everything, I just decided that I didn't want to know anything. 49 00:03:51,036 --> 00:03:59,232 I just wanted to hide away and I was just drinking and constantly just being a functional sort of alcoholic, to tell you the truth. 50 00:03:59,238 --> 00:04:01,289 lot of shame, a lot of guilt. 51 00:04:02,050 --> 00:04:11,597 And you know, when kids are involved, you just can't decide to just have your own life and not take responsibility. 52 00:04:12,098 --> 00:04:17,722 Because those little eyes are always watching you and wondering what you're doing and how you're doing it. 53 00:04:17,763 --> 00:04:19,984 you know, you're influencing your children. 54 00:04:19,984 --> 00:04:23,026 So I have to start asking some really deep questions. 55 00:04:23,647 --> 00:04:24,978 You know, is this what I want? 56 00:04:24,978 --> 00:04:27,970 my lot to be like, is this how want life to be? 57 00:04:27,970 --> 00:04:30,051 Yes, I've gone through a divorce. 58 00:04:30,051 --> 00:04:32,432 Yes, I'm the black sheep of the Croatian family. 59 00:04:32,432 --> 00:04:35,413 No one else has gotten divorced in my community. 60 00:04:35,413 --> 00:04:37,855 I'm the first one, whatever. 61 00:04:37,855 --> 00:04:40,627 So it was quite debilitating, right? 62 00:04:40,627 --> 00:04:49,780 But the thing is, so many people get divorced and so many people go through trauma and hardship and they've come out the other end and they've been okay. 63 00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:53,581 And I thought, well, you know, maybe I can do that as well. 64 00:04:54,141 --> 00:04:56,502 So I just started looking inside, man. 65 00:04:56,502 --> 00:04:59,763 I started looking at, you know, what have I got? 66 00:05:00,483 --> 00:05:07,505 You know, I've got somewhere, I've got a space in my home where I can start, you know, thinking about. 67 00:05:08,233 --> 00:05:13,873 escaping from this routine of drinking every day. 68 00:05:13,873 --> 00:05:23,393 You know, I knew about the mind, I knew about the subconscious programming, I knew about conditioning from the past, I knew about releasing trauma and everything like that. 69 00:05:23,393 --> 00:05:33,833 So I just got really accountable on the 31st of January 2023, which is not that long ago. 70 00:05:34,153 --> 00:05:37,074 But that was the last time I had my ceremonial red wine. 71 00:05:37,074 --> 00:05:41,374 and I didn't have one and I haven't had one since, right? 72 00:05:41,374 --> 00:05:50,614 But basically, it was just a decision to go for 30 days. 73 00:05:50,614 --> 00:05:54,774 And in Latin, decision means to cut away from. 74 00:05:54,774 --> 00:06:01,614 And I just decided to cut away from my past identity and just try life again. 75 00:06:01,772 --> 00:06:10,628 and be really highly accountable with like a lot of people in a group that I decided to be in, pay for the accountability. 76 00:06:10,628 --> 00:06:13,589 When you pay, you pay attention. 77 00:06:13,910 --> 00:06:26,132 And because I paid a few thousand, I really paid attention because it hurts to pay, especially when you're paying for alcohol and then you stop and it's like, I can do this. 78 00:06:26,132 --> 00:06:26,913 No, I can't. 79 00:06:26,913 --> 00:06:29,848 I tried so many times, Hamish, to give up on my own. 80 00:06:29,848 --> 00:06:30,660 And I failed. 81 00:06:30,660 --> 00:06:36,600 So I just went in, got coached, got accountability. 82 00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:39,440 And after 30 days, I hadn't had a drink. 83 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:41,540 was like, wow, this is so amazing. 84 00:06:41,540 --> 00:06:47,410 And I had people in the group saying, man, you you're doing really well. 85 00:06:47,410 --> 00:06:49,340 Like your advice is pretty good. 86 00:06:49,340 --> 00:06:52,260 Like, you know, what you're talking about the mind and stuff. 87 00:06:52,260 --> 00:07:00,032 And it just got me thinking about, you know, maybe the obstacle is the way, you know. 88 00:07:00,032 --> 00:07:09,305 and just maybe I know that I have to serve on this planet and serve people, but what vehicle would I use? 89 00:07:09,305 --> 00:07:13,911 And through my trials and tribulations. 90 00:07:14,212 --> 00:07:16,562 After 30 days, I just repeated it, Hamish. 91 00:07:16,562 --> 00:07:18,812 I just did exactly the same thing for 30 days. 92 00:07:18,812 --> 00:07:20,732 I did it for another 30 days. 93 00:07:20,732 --> 00:07:24,672 So I paid, I got accountability and told everyone. 94 00:07:24,672 --> 00:07:26,402 And then I did it for another 30 days. 95 00:07:26,402 --> 00:07:27,702 So I did it for 90 days. 96 00:07:27,702 --> 00:07:31,772 And I said, shit man, if I can do it for 90 days, I can do it for another 90 days. 97 00:07:31,772 --> 00:07:35,372 And now it's 600 days later. 98 00:07:35,432 --> 00:07:44,234 And I've turned it into a business helping other people trying to either drink less, reduce, take a break or quit altogether. 99 00:07:44,632 --> 00:07:48,538 because moderation's really hard. 100 00:07:49,420 --> 00:07:51,555 So yeah, but that's where I am at this moment. 101 00:07:51,555 --> 00:07:52,906 Fantastic. 102 00:07:53,028 --> 00:07:54,089 Well, well done you. 103 00:07:54,089 --> 00:08:00,400 mean, making that decision and sticking to it, getting that accountability, that makes a difference, doesn't it? 104 00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:03,885 Getting people to support you and yeah. 105 00:08:05,048 --> 00:08:06,269 No, brilliant. 106 00:08:06,561 --> 00:08:17,435 I was giving up on myself every single day But in the accountability pod that I was in other people were suffering I noticed that I wouldn't give up on them because they were 107 00:08:17,435 --> 00:08:28,140 counting on me and I was counting on them and I was giving up on myself But I wouldn't give up on them and that's what sort of helped me to start believing in myself because I 108 00:08:28,140 --> 00:08:33,052 started believing in other people and and where we come from 109 00:08:33,316 --> 00:08:41,236 You know, we come from tribes, you know, we're not, we were nomads, but we were in tribes and in villages and everything. 110 00:08:41,236 --> 00:08:44,750 And yeah, connecting is so important. 111 00:08:44,750 --> 00:08:46,013 So, so important. 112 00:08:46,013 --> 00:08:47,334 No, absolutely. 113 00:08:47,334 --> 00:08:55,518 That's interesting because I watched a clip the other day, I can't remember who it was, but he was saying, there is no way you can give up for anybody else. 114 00:08:55,518 --> 00:08:57,799 You've got to give up alcohol for yourself. 115 00:08:58,139 --> 00:09:00,440 And I didn't. 116 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:02,821 I started doing it for other people. 117 00:09:02,821 --> 00:09:07,003 And you have just said you were doing it to support other people. 118 00:09:07,003 --> 00:09:10,345 I don't think it is something you can do by yourself, as in 119 00:09:10,661 --> 00:09:16,729 It's very difficult to say, I'm going to give it up for me, especially when you've hit that rock bottom, because you don't like yourself. 120 00:09:16,729 --> 00:09:24,497 But when, as you said, when you've got people you are collaborating with in a community with, you're supporting each other and suddenly that dynamic changes. 121 00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:26,570 And that makes it easier, doesn't it? 122 00:09:27,171 --> 00:09:29,372 Well, exactly. 123 00:09:29,372 --> 00:09:34,344 and not every day is going to be not every day is going to be sunshine and roses, right? 124 00:09:34,344 --> 00:09:38,336 You're to have like, really crappy days where you get triggered. 125 00:09:38,336 --> 00:09:42,618 And like you're opening up the fridge and all you can see the soda water and lime. 126 00:09:43,378 --> 00:09:49,021 So you got no choice but to drink that right, but you get triggered and then someone else is having a better day and you hear about that. 127 00:09:49,021 --> 00:09:53,817 And then you have a better day, you know, and then they have a worse day and then 128 00:09:53,817 --> 00:10:04,193 if you're just feeding off each other and just helping each other, but for sure, man, it's, you know, it's, it's, it's a most of this deal with alcohol. 129 00:10:04,193 --> 00:10:05,554 It's an invisible game. 130 00:10:05,554 --> 00:10:09,656 Like it's all about emotions and the mental side. 131 00:10:09,656 --> 00:10:15,599 I truly believe yes, you got the physical addiction and you get the shapes, which I never had. 132 00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:22,463 But more so it's, it's all that invisible in emotional. 133 00:10:22,963 --> 00:10:25,624 side which we're not really taught. 134 00:10:25,684 --> 00:10:32,767 You know, like they don't teach this stuff at schools and then as adults we're supposed to learn how to handle our emotions. 135 00:10:32,767 --> 00:10:40,249 No wonder my children say dad I never want to grow up because I see what adults are like and my god they don't even got their shit together. 136 00:10:40,249 --> 00:10:40,930 You know what I mean? 137 00:10:40,930 --> 00:10:42,450 And they're adults Dad. 138 00:10:42,450 --> 00:10:43,931 They went to school. 139 00:10:46,274 --> 00:10:47,874 You've brought up so much stuff there. 140 00:10:47,874 --> 00:10:51,226 want to go back to just the habitual drinking. 141 00:10:51,226 --> 00:10:53,737 Why were you... 142 00:10:54,038 --> 00:10:56,018 You said you weren't every day, but why were you drinking? 143 00:10:56,018 --> 00:10:57,689 What was the reason for it? 144 00:10:57,689 --> 00:11:00,900 What was it doing for you and against you? 145 00:11:01,587 --> 00:11:11,827 It was the advantages of drinking was I could forget about, you know, the day and the stresses, right? 146 00:11:11,827 --> 00:11:17,208 Because I was doing a job that I wasn't 100 % happy with. 147 00:11:17,208 --> 00:11:24,268 And also, I've been looking at it now, and this is really hard to say, and I've never said it before. 148 00:11:25,088 --> 00:11:27,653 But I really wasn't connected to my wife. 149 00:11:27,653 --> 00:11:30,876 It takes two to tango when you separate with someone. 150 00:11:30,896 --> 00:11:36,782 And I take just as much as responsibility for the separation as she does. 151 00:11:36,782 --> 00:11:46,071 And I think that the drinking was just masking the debt connection that both of us yearned for, but didn't know how to really. 152 00:11:46,244 --> 00:11:47,944 get to that place. 153 00:11:47,944 --> 00:11:53,844 Like we've done a lot of inner work, but the connection wasn't there after the second child. 154 00:11:53,844 --> 00:11:55,224 It really wasn't there. 155 00:11:55,224 --> 00:12:01,444 She was going through a lot of emotional, she went through a midlife crisis at 35, right? 156 00:12:01,724 --> 00:12:05,044 So, and I couldn't help it because I didn't know how to help her. 157 00:12:05,044 --> 00:12:08,924 wasn't, I wasn't, wasn't there for her. 158 00:12:08,924 --> 00:12:15,140 But I think I was using it to, and it was so normal, Hamish, in Australia, I mean, 159 00:12:15,140 --> 00:12:19,140 You know, we've got amazing weather, especially where I am in Queensland. 160 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:21,700 It's optimal weather in the world, right? 161 00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:26,660 Where 90, you know, like probably about 70 % of the time it's beautiful weather, right? 162 00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:33,500 And so it's outside, it's barbecues, it's drinking, it's, you know, we're at the beach and it's just normal. 163 00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:43,120 yeah, it was masking the emotional defects that I felt about myself because of my upbringing. 164 00:12:44,074 --> 00:12:52,499 in Sydney and the emotional sort of blackmail that was going on. 165 00:12:52,499 --> 00:12:59,343 And my dad being very staunch Croatian and there wasn't a much emotional outlet. 166 00:12:59,343 --> 00:13:05,897 So everything had to be stayed inside and you were to be seen and not heard and the self -esteem wasn't there. 167 00:13:05,897 --> 00:13:11,160 So I think it was that that stemmed into all aspects of my life, including my marriage. 168 00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:16,727 but also, yeah, just wanting to numb out, man, numb out and not forget about the day. 169 00:13:16,727 --> 00:13:23,594 And my wife and I would catch up maybe once or twice a week and have our red wines and party and all that. 170 00:13:24,316 --> 00:13:29,903 But yeah, it was used as a lever to sort of just to zone out. 171 00:13:31,166 --> 00:13:33,528 It works, but it really... 172 00:13:33,528 --> 00:13:34,989 just makes your world smaller. 173 00:13:34,989 --> 00:13:36,761 It stops you being so attentive, doesn't it? 174 00:13:36,761 --> 00:13:40,053 It stops you being, as you said, so connected. 175 00:13:40,835 --> 00:13:42,176 And you start to miss out on stuff. 176 00:13:42,176 --> 00:13:46,930 You miss out on relationships and work and all sorts of things. 177 00:13:47,935 --> 00:13:54,099 Yeah, I mean, your inhibitions, I was just gonna say your inhibitions drop. 178 00:13:54,099 --> 00:14:00,784 As soon as you consume alcohol, your inhibitions drop and then you feel like you can open up and really express yourself. 179 00:14:00,784 --> 00:14:08,349 But the thing is, why do you need alcohol to express yourself to someone that supposedly is the love of your life? 180 00:14:08,349 --> 00:14:15,224 I mean, there's a, you so you're always wiser in hindsight, but that's what was happening. 181 00:14:15,224 --> 00:14:16,376 So anyway. 182 00:14:16,376 --> 00:14:16,768 Yeah. 183 00:14:16,768 --> 00:14:19,099 And you mentioned a really interesting point as well. 184 00:14:19,099 --> 00:14:20,961 You weren't happy in your job. 185 00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:30,836 How does that affect one's self -esteem and, I guess, propensity to drink just to sort of, yeah. 186 00:14:31,353 --> 00:14:34,733 Like, I don't know what it's like in England, right? 187 00:14:34,733 --> 00:14:39,273 I've lived there, but I only visited half of the pubs in London. 188 00:14:39,273 --> 00:14:41,973 There's only about 7 ,000, right? 189 00:14:41,973 --> 00:14:43,953 Back in 30 years ago. 190 00:14:44,113 --> 00:14:48,373 But in Australia, most people don't like what they do for a living. 191 00:14:48,373 --> 00:14:49,463 They don't. 192 00:14:49,463 --> 00:14:52,787 Like I don't, speak to a lot of people and they don't, they don't know what they do. 193 00:14:52,787 --> 00:14:55,640 They can't wait for Wednesday, hump day. 194 00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:59,264 And then Friday, it's like, yes, the weekend's coming. 195 00:14:59,264 --> 00:15:03,819 And then Monday comes and they're moaning, you know, and most people are like that. 196 00:15:03,819 --> 00:15:11,517 I guess, you know, with the not liking the job. 197 00:15:11,853 --> 00:15:14,754 you just put up with it and you tolerate it. 198 00:15:14,754 --> 00:15:19,778 And what drinking does is it helps you tolerate a life of mediocrity. 199 00:15:19,778 --> 00:15:27,542 And for a long time, if you can have drinks and just dull down the senses, right? 200 00:15:27,542 --> 00:15:31,744 The government loves that, but everywhere, it just numbs everything out. 201 00:15:31,744 --> 00:15:35,045 Then you can put up with most things. 202 00:15:35,343 --> 00:15:37,043 because you're not feeling life. 203 00:15:37,043 --> 00:15:39,934 You're not, you're not being able to express yourself either. 204 00:15:39,934 --> 00:15:41,635 But I wasn't on purpose. 205 00:15:41,635 --> 00:15:47,796 Like, I think, especially men need to be directional in their life. 206 00:15:47,936 --> 00:15:50,817 And they need to say, right, this is what I'm going for. 207 00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:51,948 And that's what I'm doing. 208 00:15:51,948 --> 00:15:53,298 And I really love to go for that. 209 00:15:53,298 --> 00:15:56,019 And it's going to be a challenge and I'm going to go for it. 210 00:15:56,019 --> 00:15:57,259 I'm in the Savannah. 211 00:15:57,259 --> 00:15:58,409 I can see the gazelle. 212 00:15:58,409 --> 00:16:01,840 I'm going to go hunt for that gazelle and bring it home. 213 00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:03,821 And I didn't have that. 214 00:16:03,821 --> 00:16:05,001 I was just 215 00:16:05,145 --> 00:16:06,671 wandering and drifting. 216 00:16:06,671 --> 00:16:08,943 Yep, I understand that. 217 00:16:08,943 --> 00:16:12,406 it's, I see that and I see that regularly. 218 00:16:12,406 --> 00:16:20,043 It's when we don't have that purpose, when we're not aligned to a purpose, as you said, mediocrity, it's the worst way of word out there, isn't it? 219 00:16:20,043 --> 00:16:25,137 It is just bland and numbing. 220 00:16:25,137 --> 00:16:29,641 yeah, so just wrap my head around this. 221 00:16:29,641 --> 00:16:34,565 The job is boring, unpurposeful. 222 00:16:35,333 --> 00:16:40,794 The drinking comes in and it just, as you said, it just settles everything down, makes the world smaller. 223 00:16:40,795 --> 00:16:49,957 Looking forward to the weekend, not performing, mediocre, all that kind of, just from that drink, it makes it even worse. 224 00:16:50,898 --> 00:16:51,878 Yeah. 225 00:16:51,878 --> 00:16:54,168 And then, tell me about... 226 00:16:54,168 --> 00:16:56,689 Sorry, carry on. 227 00:16:56,689 --> 00:16:59,320 There's a bit of a delay, so I keep on talking over you. 228 00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:01,841 No, I was gonna... 229 00:17:02,241 --> 00:17:02,722 Okay. 230 00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:15,578 I want to tap into shame because you've mentioned that and know shame is a huge thing when it comes to any alcohol when people are aware that it's not serving a purpose. 231 00:17:15,578 --> 00:17:17,361 They're using it or it's using them. 232 00:17:17,361 --> 00:17:20,124 shame and guilt were huge for me. 233 00:17:20,124 --> 00:17:20,443 end 234 00:17:20,443 --> 00:17:24,825 It was like, shame is such an inward emotion. 235 00:17:24,825 --> 00:17:28,166 Like it's not projected out to other people. 236 00:17:28,166 --> 00:17:33,347 It's hidden and it's more casting in on yourself. 237 00:17:33,347 --> 00:17:35,247 And that's what it feels like. 238 00:17:35,588 --> 00:17:39,390 And you know when you're shameful when you start hiding your drinking. 239 00:17:39,390 --> 00:17:45,688 You know when it's shameful when you start thinking, God, I've gone to that bottle of shot. 240 00:17:45,688 --> 00:17:50,370 twice in a row and then I'm going to that bottle shop and then there's that bottle shop. 241 00:17:50,370 --> 00:18:01,195 I better do the rounds and go back to this bottle shop because he's seen me three days in a row and there's a bit of shame there and you know and then the guilt and the shame with 242 00:18:01,195 --> 00:18:11,520 you know not being the dad that you thought that you should be and that people think that you are but you're actually not because you're not present with your children but 243 00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:16,474 Shame is like, like I speak to a lot of people about their emotions. 244 00:18:16,474 --> 00:18:27,321 And the reason they don't want to talk to me is because of the shame, because they're so shameful that and they think that they're the only ones that are going through that 245 00:18:27,321 --> 00:18:28,022 emotion. 246 00:18:28,022 --> 00:18:40,149 And most people that I know that drink have got some form of shame around their drinking, because it does start to escalate over time, especially if you're doing it for 247 00:18:40,708 --> 00:18:44,360 you know, for emotional coping reasons, you know. 248 00:18:44,481 --> 00:18:50,386 But the way I got out of shame was to bring it into the light. 249 00:18:50,386 --> 00:18:56,271 And the way that I did that was I called it out, Hamish, I called it out. 250 00:18:56,612 --> 00:19:04,497 And as soon as I called it out, and I told people that I was shameful about what I did, it went, it melted away. 251 00:19:04,497 --> 00:19:13,616 It was hard to put it on social media, but I knew that I had to do it and let my friends know and let everyone know because... 252 00:19:13,616 --> 00:19:16,037 I needed to clear it. 253 00:19:16,258 --> 00:19:22,222 And it's so funny, you think as soon as you start talking to people about shame, you think you're going to get it from them, right? 254 00:19:22,222 --> 00:19:23,603 But the opposite happened. 255 00:19:23,603 --> 00:19:25,004 I just got love. 256 00:19:25,004 --> 00:19:26,725 I just got support. 257 00:19:26,725 --> 00:19:31,909 Because the connection about the shame, other people were feeling it too. 258 00:19:31,909 --> 00:19:35,190 And they were connecting to the shame that I was talking about. 259 00:19:35,811 --> 00:19:37,402 And it was beautiful, man. 260 00:19:37,884 --> 00:19:41,526 daring to share it, daring to be vulnerable is so powerful, isn't it? 261 00:19:41,526 --> 00:19:52,454 And as you said, other people can connect and even if they don't have that shame, they, they go, Hey, Ned, you've, yeah, you were acting like a pratt, but you've realized it and 262 00:19:52,454 --> 00:19:55,916 you are very remorseful and you're sharing it. 263 00:19:55,956 --> 00:19:57,637 And yeah, it is. 264 00:19:58,155 --> 00:19:59,777 It is incredibly empowering, isn't it? 265 00:19:59,777 --> 00:20:02,710 And that feeling of, you know, it's not going to kill me. 266 00:20:02,710 --> 00:20:04,492 The shame is not going to kill me. 267 00:20:04,492 --> 00:20:04,912 Yeah. 268 00:20:04,912 --> 00:20:06,163 That's the thing. 269 00:20:06,163 --> 00:20:07,374 Like it's just a thought. 270 00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:11,678 Like the thoughts, the commentary in going through your mind, they're just coming and going. 271 00:20:11,678 --> 00:20:13,109 They're like a cloud in the sky. 272 00:20:13,109 --> 00:20:15,101 They're just going in and leaving, right? 273 00:20:15,101 --> 00:20:17,623 And you think these thoughts are going to kill you, but they're not. 274 00:20:17,623 --> 00:20:18,684 You think the shame. 275 00:20:18,684 --> 00:20:27,492 I don't know if anyone's ever been diagnosed with shame, gone to the surgery and the doctor said, miss, sorry, he died from shame. 276 00:20:27,492 --> 00:20:29,393 I've never heard of that, right? 277 00:20:29,393 --> 00:20:32,688 But it's like it is like that. 278 00:20:32,688 --> 00:20:39,280 Like, you know, but the thing is that once you do it and you call it out, it doesn't have any power over you. 279 00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:50,783 And yeah, you got to feel a little bit of pain, but you got to feel that pain because it's like the butterfly leaving the cocoon and going into that metamorphosis from, you know, 280 00:20:50,783 --> 00:21:00,688 from that grub, you know, and I was a grub to a beautiful butterfly, but he's got to go through that pain of going through the cocoon and it's going to be painful. 281 00:21:00,688 --> 00:21:10,021 but that's what makes the wings puff up and blossom into a big span so you can, you know, you can fly, no? 282 00:21:10,021 --> 00:21:12,124 And that's how I felt straight after it. 283 00:21:12,124 --> 00:21:16,911 Like I felt like, wow, yeah, it was tough, but now it's good, man, it's good. 284 00:21:16,911 --> 00:21:17,903 You've got to go through it. 285 00:21:17,903 --> 00:21:18,728 Yeah. 286 00:21:19,447 --> 00:21:22,040 And how do you support people to go through it? 287 00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:29,599 Because obviously this is part of your process with working with people because as you said, they don't want to talk about it because they think it's going to eat them. 288 00:21:29,599 --> 00:21:37,198 So how do you encourage people or encourage them to see the futility of shame? 289 00:21:37,198 --> 00:21:41,292 The reason they have shame is because they have a polarized perception of what's going on. 290 00:21:41,292 --> 00:21:50,760 And what I mean by that is that they have a view of life that is one sided and shame is just one sided. 291 00:21:50,760 --> 00:22:02,080 So for example, Hamish, if they can think of a person that and they think shame and they think, my God, I'm so shameful for what I did to that person or what I said to that person 292 00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:03,452 when I was under influence. 293 00:22:03,452 --> 00:22:07,717 You've got to look at both sides and say, well, yeah, you were shameful, right? 294 00:22:07,717 --> 00:22:11,129 and you feel shameful around that situation and what occurred. 295 00:22:11,270 --> 00:22:13,751 But like, what are the benefits of that? 296 00:22:13,751 --> 00:22:17,213 What are the benefits of you feeling the shame at that point? 297 00:22:17,374 --> 00:22:18,905 And you're like, what do you mean benefits? 298 00:22:18,905 --> 00:22:19,585 It's shame. 299 00:22:19,585 --> 00:22:21,156 There's no benefits. 300 00:22:21,296 --> 00:22:23,918 Look again, what are the benefits? 301 00:22:23,937 --> 00:22:24,539 What do you mean? 302 00:22:24,539 --> 00:22:27,821 I was really shameful to that person and everything like that. 303 00:22:27,821 --> 00:22:30,582 I'll go look again, what are the benefits? 304 00:22:30,823 --> 00:22:35,786 And they go, well, it sort of woke me up a little bit. 305 00:22:36,407 --> 00:22:37,167 And 306 00:22:37,167 --> 00:22:43,498 It sort of made me realize that, shit, maybe I'm not as smart as what I thought I was. 307 00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:47,218 And then what happens, Hamish, is I start to realize that... 308 00:22:47,218 --> 00:22:51,261 the shame was giving him a blessing in disguise. 309 00:22:51,442 --> 00:22:55,345 And then they start to balance the equation on the shame. 310 00:22:55,345 --> 00:22:57,327 And it's not just all negative. 311 00:22:57,327 --> 00:23:01,910 There's some other stuff over here that they start to come to fruition. 312 00:23:01,910 --> 00:23:04,873 It starts to really give them a light bulb moment. 313 00:23:04,873 --> 00:23:09,636 And once they balance that shame, that's when they can start to let it go. 314 00:23:09,797 --> 00:23:10,988 And that's how I do it. 315 00:23:10,988 --> 00:23:15,341 I do it through a process, through timeline therapy. 316 00:23:15,439 --> 00:23:28,560 which is all about disassociating the subject or the client from the event so they can get the positive lessons that the negative lessons have been holding them back in their 317 00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:29,621 nervous system. 318 00:23:29,621 --> 00:23:37,708 I'm jumping ahead a bit here, but it's all about balancing the perception of what's going on with that emotion. 319 00:23:37,708 --> 00:23:41,731 And once we balance shame, guess what happens? 320 00:23:41,952 --> 00:23:44,015 They start laughing at me. 321 00:23:44,015 --> 00:23:47,263 They start going, holy Toledo, this was holding me back? 322 00:23:47,263 --> 00:23:49,427 I'm getting goosebumps man. 323 00:23:50,470 --> 00:23:52,193 Just talking about it. 324 00:23:53,178 --> 00:23:53,469 it? 325 00:23:53,469 --> 00:24:00,924 Like so many things, more and more I'm realizing that the simplest things in life are the hardest. 326 00:24:00,924 --> 00:24:09,941 And yet the lessons you can get from it, from that awareness, from, as you said, realizing that you were being horrible to somebody, you shame yourself for it, and then you go, 327 00:24:09,941 --> 00:24:12,234 well, I've learned not to do it again. 328 00:24:12,234 --> 00:24:25,734 Yeah, and 100 % Yeah, it's just, and the thing is that like, you can guide a person to do it, but at the end of the day, they're talking themselves into it. 329 00:24:25,734 --> 00:24:28,493 Because we're programming ourselves all the time. 330 00:24:28,493 --> 00:24:38,014 When we're drinking, we're basically conditioning ourselves where it's self hypnosis when you're drinking, because you're thinking about certain things and you're drinking, and 331 00:24:38,014 --> 00:24:39,034 you're under the influence. 332 00:24:39,034 --> 00:24:41,834 And then you just like just having these thoughts. 333 00:24:41,834 --> 00:24:43,674 60 ,000 a day, right? 334 00:24:43,674 --> 00:24:47,154 And if they're all the same, that's the sort of programming we're giving us. 335 00:24:47,154 --> 00:24:51,514 So when you go the other way and you say, what are the benefits? 336 00:24:51,514 --> 00:24:56,274 And they start looking at that and they start telling themselves these things about the benefits. 337 00:24:56,274 --> 00:24:58,534 And they have these aha moments. 338 00:24:58,534 --> 00:25:00,274 just, they... 339 00:25:00,274 --> 00:25:12,243 programming, the programming themselves, you know, and they hypnotizing themselves to see the other side, because everything has two sides, you know, sunrises, sunsets, ups and 340 00:25:12,243 --> 00:25:13,914 downs and ins and outs. 341 00:25:13,914 --> 00:25:21,389 And, you know, everything a tree grows up, but it also grows down, you don't get any part of life, it has two sides. 342 00:25:21,490 --> 00:25:24,812 So it's just showing them that there's another side to this. 343 00:25:24,812 --> 00:25:25,913 Have a look. 344 00:25:25,913 --> 00:25:27,336 What's going on? 345 00:25:27,336 --> 00:25:37,140 and then they figure it out for themselves and it's beautiful because they're doing it you know you're just being the Sherpa on the mountain climbing with them you know and it's 346 00:25:37,140 --> 00:25:41,127 beautiful and that's what I had to do for myself so yeah 347 00:25:41,127 --> 00:25:42,888 That is the magic, isn't it? 348 00:25:42,888 --> 00:25:46,469 You've worked out a way that worked for you and just like, hey, let's try this. 349 00:25:46,469 --> 00:25:48,889 I love the Sherpa on the mountain. 350 00:25:49,050 --> 00:25:53,631 I'd say you've got a torch and just shining it by their feet and say, that rock, mind that rock. 351 00:25:53,631 --> 00:25:57,762 Just the same thing, guiding them along and not coaching. 352 00:25:57,762 --> 00:25:58,842 You're empowering. 353 00:25:58,842 --> 00:26:02,253 You're not saying, thou shalt not drink. 354 00:26:02,274 --> 00:26:04,016 You're allowing them to reprogram. 355 00:26:04,016 --> 00:26:08,876 yeah, my coaching program, like, goes for 10 weeks. 356 00:26:08,936 --> 00:26:13,276 But 99 % of it, we don't even talk about the alcohol. 357 00:26:13,276 --> 00:26:14,936 They go, is this an alcohol program? 358 00:26:14,936 --> 00:26:15,876 I go, yeah. 359 00:26:15,876 --> 00:26:27,576 And I go, you know that it's ethanol, you know, that it breaks the blood brain barrier, you know, that it uses blood as the carrier and enters your brain, you know, that it, you 360 00:26:27,576 --> 00:26:29,928 know, diminishes the receptors. 361 00:26:29,928 --> 00:26:30,989 and degrades them. 362 00:26:30,989 --> 00:26:31,910 You know all that. 363 00:26:31,910 --> 00:26:34,232 Why do I have to talk to them about that? 364 00:26:34,232 --> 00:26:35,573 Let's empower them. 365 00:26:35,573 --> 00:26:38,635 Just let's open the door and let them walk through it. 366 00:26:38,635 --> 00:26:40,797 And that's where the real work is. 367 00:26:40,797 --> 00:26:45,120 We can talk about the top of the iceberg, which is all the conscious work. 368 00:26:45,120 --> 00:26:53,897 But when you start getting into the deep stuff, the subconscious work and you know, with the programs, you slide in the habits and everything and start empowering them, then they 369 00:26:53,897 --> 00:26:55,889 start to believe in themselves. 370 00:26:56,049 --> 00:26:59,806 So rather than giving them a fish, we're teaching them like, 371 00:26:59,806 --> 00:27:01,297 How to fish, you know? 372 00:27:01,778 --> 00:27:04,598 You're allowing them to unshame themselves. 373 00:27:04,598 --> 00:27:07,598 You're not doing anything for them, just holding that light. 374 00:27:07,598 --> 00:27:08,638 Yeah. 375 00:27:08,758 --> 00:27:14,637 I think that is so incredibly important because I think that's about 80 % of the battle. 376 00:27:14,637 --> 00:27:25,258 When you've understood that shame, realize you were doing the best that you could, realizing that it was just a pattern you were following and now you don't have to do it. 377 00:27:25,877 --> 00:27:30,019 You're not going out and saying, all right, how much shame am I going to be tonight? 378 00:27:30,019 --> 00:27:30,729 Let's see it. 379 00:27:30,729 --> 00:27:32,820 Let's be really shameful tonight. 380 00:27:32,820 --> 00:27:37,122 You're not intentionally going out and wanting to be shameful, right? 381 00:27:37,182 --> 00:27:39,543 There's no intention there, but it happens. 382 00:27:39,543 --> 00:27:40,403 It happens. 383 00:27:40,403 --> 00:27:42,324 And it happens for a reason. 384 00:27:42,324 --> 00:27:45,706 We just got to find the other reason, you know? 385 00:27:45,706 --> 00:27:54,221 And once you can be, show people the other reasons for it, it's like, you know, most people are good people, you know? 386 00:27:54,221 --> 00:28:07,681 and alcohol just gets in the way and you know, people don't grow up when they're 12 and I see my daughters playing and one of them wants to be an artist, the other one wants to be 387 00:28:07,681 --> 00:28:08,901 an actress. 388 00:28:08,921 --> 00:28:17,521 You know, they're not, they're going, I really want to be an alcoholic when I grow up or I really want to be good at shame when I grow up or I really want to have a lot of guilt 389 00:28:17,521 --> 00:28:18,391 when I grow up. 390 00:28:18,391 --> 00:28:20,221 No, it just, they don't. 391 00:28:20,221 --> 00:28:22,647 No one grows up wanting to be like that. 392 00:28:22,647 --> 00:28:34,306 but it happens when, because alcohol gets such a grip on you and because the emotional intelligence of most people isn't high, because no credence is placed on it in schools, 393 00:28:34,727 --> 00:28:42,584 they find it hard, you know, so it's just unlocking that for them, if you can, you know, so, yeah. 394 00:28:42,584 --> 00:28:44,075 Yeah, I think so. 395 00:28:44,395 --> 00:28:45,446 I want to go forward. 396 00:28:45,446 --> 00:28:51,979 So you, you were drinking for all those reasons just to isolate, get rid of, hide. 397 00:28:52,320 --> 00:28:58,064 How did you start to make sense of leaving that behind? 398 00:28:58,064 --> 00:29:03,007 But why were you unable to get any further than so far and then you went back? 399 00:29:03,007 --> 00:29:06,790 So whether before moderating, was just you were in that place of I want to, but 400 00:29:06,790 --> 00:29:12,069 Tell me about that state when it's trying to get out of it and not getting anywhere. 401 00:29:12,069 --> 00:29:17,545 Yeah, like I was just sort of pretending that everything was okay. 402 00:29:17,705 --> 00:29:30,766 And if you were to look at my life from the moon, you could see that I was basically going from work to home, work to home, work to home, work to home, not socializing, not doing 403 00:29:30,766 --> 00:29:32,418 anything, right? 404 00:29:32,418 --> 00:29:34,379 Via the bottle shop, of course. 405 00:29:34,379 --> 00:29:43,807 right backwards and forwards backwards and forwards and you you sell yourself and the idea that you know this is okay I'm going through some stuff everyone goes through some stuff 406 00:29:43,807 --> 00:29:55,050 and you know you tell yourself you know it's okay and then in the morning you wake up and you go well I'm not gonna have a drink today because you know I had like a bottle of red 407 00:29:55,050 --> 00:29:59,243 and that's that's a lot and I don't want to do that 408 00:29:59,243 --> 00:30:09,616 every single night and then know five o 'clock comes around and you you you know you're doing it again and it was getting really to the point where it was getting really 409 00:30:09,616 --> 00:30:22,510 frustrating and and you just you start to i started knocking myself around like with the soft talk that was coming in it was being very you know it was very disheartening of the 410 00:30:22,510 --> 00:30:24,971 way that i was talking to myself and 411 00:30:25,813 --> 00:30:36,532 Yeah, and it's just, I just feel for people because I was stopping and starting and really trying not to continue drinking, but I just couldn't, I couldn't break away from the 412 00:30:36,532 --> 00:30:40,815 clutches because I didn't have a big enough reason to do it. 413 00:30:40,815 --> 00:30:45,699 I hadn't figured out my big why of why I really wanted to do it. 414 00:30:45,699 --> 00:30:51,563 I knew, I just knew that I needed to do it, but I couldn't figure out what the reason was. 415 00:30:52,327 --> 00:30:58,530 And because I didn't have a big purpose or a big why or a big direction of where my life was going. 416 00:30:58,611 --> 00:31:04,764 And I was just in a holding pattern, setting goals, but never nothing was coming to fruition. 417 00:31:04,764 --> 00:31:12,158 I was just, I was just stuck and I was really was, I was stuck for a couple of years, like really bad. 418 00:31:12,779 --> 00:31:17,431 And I think when it happens, it's like water torture. 419 00:31:17,431 --> 00:31:20,275 You can only take so much, but 420 00:31:20,275 --> 00:31:31,373 But the reason, I think the reason I was stuck Hamish was because of, just didn't, I was trying it to, I was doing it in secret, trying to do it on my own and I kept failing, you 421 00:31:31,373 --> 00:31:31,654 know? 422 00:31:31,654 --> 00:31:33,898 And that was that period of that time. 423 00:31:33,898 --> 00:31:34,770 That was really hard. 424 00:31:34,770 --> 00:31:36,841 It's a horrible place to be in, isn't it? 425 00:31:36,841 --> 00:31:39,482 Because it's self -defeating. 426 00:31:39,482 --> 00:31:50,106 You're doing it by yourself, beating yourself up, damn it, shame, not gonna drink, fucked up again, I've drunk again, and round and round and round it goes. 427 00:31:50,106 --> 00:31:54,298 And as you said, it's very difficult to do it by yourself. 428 00:31:54,298 --> 00:31:55,519 You need that support. 429 00:31:55,519 --> 00:31:58,370 You need to be heard. 430 00:31:58,370 --> 00:32:03,892 And I think absolutely you need to have a reason for it, a really, really good reason. 431 00:32:03,934 --> 00:32:09,760 that is more important than the shame, more important than the fears. 432 00:32:09,760 --> 00:32:12,534 Because all those demons aren't going to kill you either. 433 00:32:12,534 --> 00:32:14,857 No one's been killed by the demon of alcohol. 434 00:32:14,857 --> 00:32:22,233 Yeah, I mean, the advantages of me leaving that identity life of that drinker, that secret drinker. 435 00:32:22,794 --> 00:32:32,262 I had more advantages of staying where I was than advantages of leaving that and going alcohol free. 436 00:32:32,262 --> 00:32:33,984 And I hadn't figured that out. 437 00:32:33,984 --> 00:32:35,664 There was a gap there. 438 00:32:35,805 --> 00:32:38,313 But the minute I figured that out of 439 00:32:38,313 --> 00:32:44,171 the advantages of leaving and going alcohol free and stacking those reasons why. 440 00:32:44,171 --> 00:32:53,482 And when that stack started to get higher than the stack of the advantages of staying, that's when the pivot occurred for me. 441 00:32:53,482 --> 00:32:55,525 But I didn't have enough of the stacking. 442 00:32:55,525 --> 00:32:57,066 But when I did... 443 00:32:57,515 --> 00:33:00,325 because I kept asking because I'm a big journal, right? 444 00:33:00,325 --> 00:33:02,675 I like to write things down all the time. 445 00:33:02,675 --> 00:33:06,935 I'm always writing stuff down because when you write stuff down, you're getting it out of your head. 446 00:33:06,935 --> 00:33:11,145 You can look at what you're writing at different angles and say, what about this and what about that? 447 00:33:11,145 --> 00:33:21,445 And for anyone that does doesn't journal, like if you really want to store what's going on with your life, start writing stuff down because that helped immensely. 448 00:33:21,445 --> 00:33:27,723 And that helped me stack the reasons why going alcohol free just for 30 days 449 00:33:27,723 --> 00:33:29,483 What were the advantages? 450 00:33:29,483 --> 00:33:34,643 You know, I had 300 advantages to 30 advantages to staying where I was. 451 00:33:34,643 --> 00:33:38,324 So that was starting to sell me on the idea to escape. 452 00:33:38,324 --> 00:33:46,968 See, that's, that I think is one of the remarkable things, because people can give up smoking like that when they do that kind of thing. 453 00:33:46,968 --> 00:33:48,519 You can do that with the drinking. 454 00:33:48,519 --> 00:33:52,611 The problem with the drinking and the cigarettes is it's a habit. 455 00:33:52,611 --> 00:33:59,094 And obviously your brain craves that dopamine and all those chemicals from the drinking. 456 00:33:59,094 --> 00:34:03,075 And of course we remember that on the crappy times, alcohol works. 457 00:34:03,075 --> 00:34:04,376 It just numbs. 458 00:34:04,376 --> 00:34:05,396 So it's... 459 00:34:06,012 --> 00:34:11,881 You can get the brain there, the physiology, physiological effects take a bit longer, don't they? 460 00:34:11,881 --> 00:34:13,575 And the habit breaking takes a bit longer. 461 00:34:13,575 --> 00:34:29,135 Yeah, I mean, I just read a book, talk called No Willpower Required and in that there's a study, they're saying it takes now 66 days to break your habit, you know what I mean? 462 00:34:29,135 --> 00:34:30,975 And to establish it. 463 00:34:30,975 --> 00:34:36,105 know, Maltz in the 50s, he was a plastic surgeon. 464 00:34:36,105 --> 00:34:42,343 And he was saying that when the plastic surgeon with surgery was done, 465 00:34:42,343 --> 00:34:51,203 people would take a new identity from their plastic surgery and it took them about 21 days to form that new identity from the plastic surgery that was done. 466 00:34:51,203 --> 00:34:54,123 And that's where this 21 day business came from. 467 00:34:54,403 --> 00:35:05,243 yeah, physiology, physically for me, you know, because I was processing red wine at three o 'clock in the morning every single day and I was waking up and going to the toilet every 468 00:35:05,243 --> 00:35:06,383 single day. 469 00:35:06,383 --> 00:35:09,039 But after like 20 days, 470 00:35:09,039 --> 00:35:20,052 I started to sleep all the way through and I started to, and sleep is a major thing, right, for drinkers because the liver doesn't get a chance to rest, unfortunately. 471 00:35:20,494 --> 00:35:23,178 So you're always processing the poison. 472 00:35:23,178 --> 00:35:30,418 But yeah, after 20 days, yeah, physically that was all sort of like the skin was getting better. 473 00:35:30,458 --> 00:35:41,578 Like I took a photo of myself after 30 days, like before when I started and then after and holy Toledo, Hamish, the inflammation was so much further down. 474 00:35:42,038 --> 00:35:52,958 just that picture in itself, taking pictures of myself progressively was a real big catalyst for me transforming as well, because you could see. 475 00:35:53,418 --> 00:35:59,318 the change, you know, and that was incredible, for sure. 476 00:35:59,318 --> 00:36:03,318 So yeah, but yeah, it does, it does take time. 477 00:36:03,318 --> 00:36:10,118 But, you know, 10, 15 days, man, that's not long for having the inflammation to go down. 478 00:36:10,118 --> 00:36:16,271 And if you can do 10, 15 days and start getting really good sleep, it's setting you up for success, you know. 479 00:36:16,271 --> 00:36:17,531 Isn't it? 480 00:36:17,831 --> 00:36:18,212 Yeah. 481 00:36:18,212 --> 00:36:20,932 I like that thinking about the photograph. 482 00:36:20,932 --> 00:36:23,993 remember I was in rehab for six weeks. 483 00:36:23,993 --> 00:36:26,124 So, you know, obviously no access to alcohol. 484 00:36:26,124 --> 00:36:29,375 When I left, I just kept away from it. 485 00:36:29,375 --> 00:36:40,037 But I remember being in the new place I was staying and I felt my I don't remember looking at my skin and seeing it, but I remember I felt raw, but beautifully soft, like I'd taken 486 00:36:40,037 --> 00:36:44,979 every mask off every single scab and stuff had been peeled off. 487 00:36:44,979 --> 00:36:45,809 thinking back of 488 00:36:45,809 --> 00:36:46,299 pictures. 489 00:36:46,299 --> 00:36:52,322 I had one a couple of weeks before I went into rehab, he said puffy, red, dead eyes. 490 00:36:52,322 --> 00:36:56,943 And then a few weeks later, you know, there's, there's some light in there. 491 00:36:56,943 --> 00:36:58,954 And you can spot it. 492 00:36:58,954 --> 00:37:01,495 I like that you can spot it in the photographs. 493 00:37:01,495 --> 00:37:06,927 And that's a really effective way of reminding yourself you're on that right path, isn't it? 494 00:37:07,166 --> 00:37:08,586 Yeah, 100%. 495 00:37:08,586 --> 00:37:13,326 Like it's like, like the other thing is that other people start to spot it. 496 00:37:13,326 --> 00:37:14,366 You know what I mean? 497 00:37:14,366 --> 00:37:27,006 And and one of the coaches was saying to me goes, guess what, Ned, like, you know, the one of the one of the one of the side effects of not drinking is that you might actually 498 00:37:27,006 --> 00:37:28,846 become better looking. 499 00:37:29,526 --> 00:37:30,676 You know what I mean? 500 00:37:30,676 --> 00:37:32,166 That's what he was saying. 501 00:37:32,166 --> 00:37:36,722 It's like you might actually, you know, start to chisel out a little bit. 502 00:37:36,722 --> 00:37:47,350 you know, lose weight and, and lose the inflammation and not eat so much crappy food and, you know, and so many benefits, you know, and you start to stack all these benefits and 503 00:37:47,350 --> 00:37:54,826 people starting to notice and, the other thing is that you're telling yourself that you're going to do something and you're following through. 504 00:37:54,826 --> 00:38:03,122 your mental state's starting to sort of benefit from that as well, you know, but yeah, it's just. 505 00:38:03,560 --> 00:38:15,862 People just try, you just gotta trust yourself and just give yourself so many reasons why it's important to do it and just go for it and don't hold back because life is short. 506 00:38:15,797 --> 00:38:23,623 So Ned, I want to go back to identity because you've said identity without alcohol and identity with alcohol. 507 00:38:23,623 --> 00:38:24,453 What 508 00:38:24,827 --> 00:38:26,228 What makes that difference to you? 509 00:38:26,228 --> 00:38:28,811 What do you see as the two different identities? 510 00:38:28,811 --> 00:38:33,244 And how did you reframe that second identity as the alcohol -free? 511 00:38:33,244 --> 00:38:42,170 well, identity is tied to, like identity is one of the most powerful forces in the universe. 512 00:38:42,791 --> 00:38:45,512 And identity is tied to your beliefs. 513 00:38:46,333 --> 00:38:59,640 And the word belief has another word inside of it, which is spelled L I E and every belief is a lie until you see for what it is. 514 00:39:00,096 --> 00:39:01,617 and see the truth. 515 00:39:01,917 --> 00:39:07,099 And most beliefs that we've been giving when we were young are not even our own. 516 00:39:07,560 --> 00:39:19,046 And so we're living this life of beliefs, which is our identity, which has been passed down from our lineage and from past generations. 517 00:39:19,807 --> 00:39:29,752 And it's a beautiful thing if it's passed down by someone that had all this stuff going on and they were all good and all kosher and all happening, right? 518 00:39:29,752 --> 00:39:37,432 But most people didn't have people that were 100%, you know, having those lives. 519 00:39:37,432 --> 00:39:51,062 Most people were growing up and they were being grown up with parents and you know, with their schooling system or you know, with their, you know, if they're in Catholic schools, 520 00:39:51,062 --> 00:39:53,752 their nuns and priests and all that. 521 00:39:54,032 --> 00:39:59,532 And everyone had stuff going on and you were just given all these belief systems. 522 00:39:59,794 --> 00:40:04,668 and that ended up shaping your identity of who you are, i .e. 523 00:40:04,668 --> 00:40:18,450 money doesn't grow on trees or money's the root of all evil and you're identifying a rich person as someone that is a crook and why would I want to be like them and all these 524 00:40:18,450 --> 00:40:25,356 identities that you gained, which were belief systems from the past. 525 00:40:25,356 --> 00:40:28,248 And I had that identity like... 526 00:40:28,248 --> 00:40:38,748 You know, my father was a drinker since he was sticks in Croatia when Tito flattened Yugoslavia. 527 00:40:38,748 --> 00:40:40,448 That's all they had to drink. 528 00:40:40,448 --> 00:40:42,428 And so that's all he knew. 529 00:40:42,428 --> 00:40:47,708 And so he's having me when I'm 12 crushing grapes in the bathtub to make wine. 530 00:40:47,708 --> 00:40:57,924 And it was all this identity around alcohol and everything like that and hard men drink and hard men party and hard men, you know, you know. 531 00:40:57,924 --> 00:40:59,905 if they don't drink, then they're wusses. 532 00:40:59,905 --> 00:41:05,107 And this identity was passed on to me, All these beliefs. 533 00:41:05,107 --> 00:41:11,530 So I had to break through all of that and the journaling and everything wrote that I was writing. 534 00:41:11,530 --> 00:41:13,851 I had to question all my beliefs. 535 00:41:13,851 --> 00:41:19,493 So the way that I did it is you write down all your beliefs of what you believe, right? 536 00:41:19,493 --> 00:41:21,174 You write them all down. 537 00:41:21,614 --> 00:41:26,177 And when you start looking at these beliefs, you go, where did this belief come from about money? 538 00:41:26,177 --> 00:41:30,058 I love money, but money's hard to get. 539 00:41:30,058 --> 00:41:30,538 Why? 540 00:41:30,538 --> 00:41:33,299 Because I didn't give it much respect, right? 541 00:41:33,299 --> 00:41:40,681 So you start, when you start to question things and not just big, big spoons bed, then you start to question these beliefs. 542 00:41:40,681 --> 00:41:45,962 Then you can start to break down these beliefs and start forming the beliefs that you feel to be true. 543 00:41:45,962 --> 00:41:52,644 And you know they're true when they give you a tingle on your arm, where you can feel it at a visceral level within your body. 544 00:41:52,644 --> 00:41:54,584 Yeah, this is true. 545 00:41:54,925 --> 00:41:56,385 This is true. 546 00:41:56,589 --> 00:42:10,180 And so that's how the identity shift happened for me was disbanding on the belief system that was spoon fed to me and me deciding what was really, you know, what was really true. 547 00:42:10,180 --> 00:42:11,981 And that's how the transition occurred. 548 00:42:12,178 --> 00:42:18,000 And it is, it's like they're all lies until you, until, I'm not saying that, everything's been given to us alive. 549 00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:22,712 But as soon as you start looking at it and questioning it, because we don't question stuff, right? 550 00:42:22,712 --> 00:42:24,182 When we're drinking, we just drink. 551 00:42:24,182 --> 00:42:25,863 Yeah, yeah, right. 552 00:42:25,863 --> 00:42:29,445 You start questioning your life and questioning things, you know? 553 00:42:29,445 --> 00:42:32,395 then that's when it starts to calm and you're Holy Toledo. 554 00:42:32,395 --> 00:42:33,898 That's not true. 555 00:42:34,863 --> 00:42:37,119 So anyway, yeah. 556 00:42:37,607 --> 00:42:38,137 Yeah. 557 00:42:38,137 --> 00:42:48,231 And some of them are a lot of those ones your parents passed down are be be kind be this be that but not the work hard for money money is the sin money money. 558 00:42:48,391 --> 00:42:54,823 Religion this that and the other it's just pick what what resonates as you said what it feels like when it feels like that feels good. 559 00:42:54,823 --> 00:42:56,194 Yeah, own it. 560 00:42:56,308 --> 00:43:02,799 That's the thing Hamish, I'm sure you're like this right, but how much better do you know yourself now? 561 00:43:02,840 --> 00:43:05,220 completely, completely, 100 % better. 562 00:43:05,680 --> 00:43:06,340 Yeah. 563 00:43:06,340 --> 00:43:07,500 What's important? 564 00:43:07,500 --> 00:43:08,800 What matters? 565 00:43:08,800 --> 00:43:10,500 What I don't stand for? 566 00:43:10,500 --> 00:43:11,150 Boundaries. 567 00:43:11,150 --> 00:43:18,599 All these things have come up from looking at those beliefs and going, yep, no, no, no, definitely no. 568 00:43:18,599 --> 00:43:19,420 Yep. 569 00:43:19,420 --> 00:43:24,880 And then querying them now, you know, some of the new ones I've got still I change as better stuff turns up. 570 00:43:24,880 --> 00:43:25,588 Yeah. 571 00:43:25,777 --> 00:43:26,709 Yeah. 572 00:43:26,855 --> 00:43:27,417 Yeah, cool, 573 00:43:27,415 --> 00:43:28,735 Yep. 574 00:43:28,735 --> 00:43:30,335 So true. 575 00:43:30,875 --> 00:43:31,155 Okay. 576 00:43:31,155 --> 00:43:39,795 So what happens when you are two weeks, three weeks, four weeks, six weeks, 20 years in, and then, you know, the shit really hits the pan. 577 00:43:39,795 --> 00:43:41,335 Something drastic happens. 578 00:43:41,335 --> 00:43:46,205 You know, the, that memory of how it works. 579 00:43:46,205 --> 00:43:50,855 How do you cope with not falling back into that relapse or complacency? 580 00:43:50,855 --> 00:43:54,581 Because they're easy places to go if you're not. 581 00:43:55,329 --> 00:43:56,571 being a little bit vigilant. 582 00:43:56,571 --> 00:43:58,453 How do you have to live with that? 583 00:43:58,453 --> 00:44:02,087 Because you have to live differently, don't you, when you're sober? 584 00:44:02,476 --> 00:44:09,792 Yeah, I think like when you are drinking, you're conditioning yourself to respond a certain way. 585 00:44:09,792 --> 00:44:12,354 And when you're not drinking, you're doing the same. 586 00:44:12,354 --> 00:44:14,956 You're conditioning yourself to respond. 587 00:44:15,136 --> 00:44:16,748 And it's not what happens to you. 588 00:44:16,748 --> 00:44:19,499 It's your perception of what happens to you. 589 00:44:20,121 --> 00:44:28,427 And what happens is that our beer goggles or wine goggles get removed and our perception changes to another reality. 590 00:44:28,968 --> 00:44:31,730 And so when anything happens in your life, 591 00:44:32,174 --> 00:44:38,834 that is heavy or adverse, right? 592 00:44:38,974 --> 00:44:53,174 I always remember like how I used to feel when I used to drink and I know now at a visceral level how I feel all the time and it's completely 180 degrees different and that 593 00:44:53,174 --> 00:44:58,886 feeling that I've got and I think most people chase a feeling in life, right? 594 00:44:59,020 --> 00:45:05,335 That's irrespectible, regardless of all the external circumstances that happened in my life. 595 00:45:05,335 --> 00:45:11,058 But I just anchor myself to my core essence, to my true self of who I am. 596 00:45:11,098 --> 00:45:13,499 And when you're drinking, you don't know who you are. 597 00:45:13,499 --> 00:45:15,721 And I didn't know who I was, Hamish. 598 00:45:15,721 --> 00:45:21,504 But now being clean and being clear and having clarity, I know who I am. 599 00:45:21,624 --> 00:45:24,946 And if something happens in my life, 600 00:45:25,446 --> 00:45:29,869 I don't need to go to some substance to make it all better. 601 00:45:29,930 --> 00:45:36,795 I make it better myself by being myself and feeling that sadness. 602 00:45:36,795 --> 00:45:40,329 If it's some incident like today, my grandmother died, right? 603 00:45:40,329 --> 00:45:41,984 And it's hard, right? 604 00:45:41,984 --> 00:45:46,739 But she would want me to talk to people and spread my message. 605 00:45:46,739 --> 00:45:49,979 because that's what she taught me. 606 00:45:49,979 --> 00:45:52,039 And she was 95. 607 00:45:52,399 --> 00:45:58,439 So it's like, I didn't think, I'll have a drink for her and everything like that tonight. 608 00:45:58,439 --> 00:46:01,299 I was just saying, no, I'm gonna catch up. 609 00:46:01,299 --> 00:46:12,239 I'm gonna chat to Hamish and we're gonna talk about something that's really important and spread this message around the globe because people need to hear it. 610 00:46:12,239 --> 00:46:13,041 And... 611 00:46:13,041 --> 00:46:15,292 That's where I come from with all of this now. 612 00:46:15,292 --> 00:46:18,334 I just go back to my values and my purpose. 613 00:46:18,334 --> 00:46:30,361 If I know what's really valuable to me and my top three or four values, which I know what they are, and everyone should know what their values are, if I'm running in my life with 614 00:46:30,361 --> 00:46:35,353 my values and my hierarchy is all set and it's all good, right? 615 00:46:35,353 --> 00:46:37,064 Then whatever happens is fine. 616 00:46:37,064 --> 00:46:41,847 I just go back to my values of what's important, you know, and I know. 617 00:46:41,883 --> 00:46:52,572 Like I said, the feeling and how I feel is very important to me, my clarity, me grounding myself and knowing that, you know, there's people reliant on me. 618 00:46:53,053 --> 00:46:59,979 And so I need to, you know, you know, make sure that I'm there for them and all that. 619 00:46:59,979 --> 00:47:06,665 And alcohol is just, you know, it's not even in the equation anymore. 620 00:47:07,066 --> 00:47:07,988 You know, because... 621 00:47:07,988 --> 00:47:12,779 If you're going through a really bad situation, you want to be making really good decisions. 622 00:47:13,001 --> 00:47:16,288 After all, stuff going to be doing any favors in that. 623 00:47:17,580 --> 00:47:18,181 Absolutely. 624 00:47:18,181 --> 00:47:20,592 I think that is so true. 625 00:47:20,592 --> 00:47:24,415 And I'm sorry about your grandmother. 626 00:47:24,476 --> 00:47:27,059 So thank you for turning up to do this as well. 627 00:47:27,059 --> 00:47:30,365 And I think you've nailed several things there. 628 00:47:30,365 --> 00:47:39,359 Was your previous job, when you were working, was that really lined with purpose and value and what was important to you? 629 00:47:39,815 --> 00:47:42,677 I did mechanical engineering. 630 00:47:42,677 --> 00:47:48,461 And I was like an architect, was an engineering draftsman, right? 631 00:47:48,461 --> 00:48:03,590 And I did it because the family like really wanted me to do something like that, because that's sort of where they wanted me to go, you know, and I just did it. 632 00:48:03,758 --> 00:48:05,130 because they didn't know what I wanted. 633 00:48:05,130 --> 00:48:08,502 I didn't really have a mentor and everything like that. 634 00:48:08,502 --> 00:48:13,807 But yeah, it wasn't like, and I'm more of a people person. 635 00:48:13,807 --> 00:48:29,370 And when I say values, it's like, you know, like, I like to, you know, have, I like to communicate and connect with people rather than just, you know, working on, you know, a 636 00:48:29,370 --> 00:48:31,548 drawing in detail. 637 00:48:31,548 --> 00:48:37,282 and just working in isolation, like to have people around me and working with people and connecting with people. 638 00:48:37,282 --> 00:48:38,653 I'm a very funny guy. 639 00:48:38,653 --> 00:48:42,266 This is a heavy subject, but I'm a very humorous, funny guy. 640 00:48:42,266 --> 00:48:46,428 And so I use a lot of humor in my therapy sessions and stuff like that. 641 00:48:47,109 --> 00:48:49,111 And I like to be a bit... 642 00:48:49,111 --> 00:48:57,311 out there and a bit charismatic at times and everything to get things across, get people moving and shifting in the right direction. 643 00:48:57,311 --> 00:49:01,561 So yeah, but the job that I had, which I did for 25 years, you know, it was great. 644 00:49:01,561 --> 00:49:11,341 got me, you know, it got me, you know, to have beautiful experiences, but it wasn't really my calling, if you know what I mean. 645 00:49:11,341 --> 00:49:13,871 And that's the thing that alcohol did give me. 646 00:49:13,871 --> 00:49:15,291 It gave me a calling. 647 00:49:15,291 --> 00:49:16,875 I went through that. 648 00:49:17,067 --> 00:49:19,899 came out the other side and it gave me a calling. 649 00:49:19,899 --> 00:49:21,045 So, beautiful. 650 00:49:21,045 --> 00:49:30,813 I've, I've met that time and time again, it is it's, we do stuff for a while we work, we play with whatever and then that level of dissatisfaction comes in. 651 00:49:31,234 --> 00:49:34,787 It's not necessarily authenticity, a lack of authenticity. 652 00:49:34,787 --> 00:49:36,319 It's just not aligned. 653 00:49:36,319 --> 00:49:39,001 It's no longer your purpose, your drive. 654 00:49:39,328 --> 00:49:39,523 Yeah, 655 00:49:39,523 --> 00:49:44,006 if you can figure out what does life demonstrate to you right now? 656 00:49:44,006 --> 00:49:46,027 What do you love having close to your home? 657 00:49:46,027 --> 00:49:47,048 What do you think about? 658 00:49:47,048 --> 00:49:48,038 What do you listen to? 659 00:49:48,038 --> 00:49:49,689 What do you like to 660 00:49:50,430 --> 00:49:53,281 you know, talk to your friends about, you know, and everything. 661 00:49:53,281 --> 00:49:59,954 If you can figure all that out, it's gonna, life's gonna demonstrate to you that there are certain things that really make your heart sing. 662 00:49:59,954 --> 00:50:09,758 If you've got your heart singing because you're in love with, you know, you're in line with your values, you don't have to drink to fill any void because the values is filling 663 00:50:09,758 --> 00:50:11,599 that up naturally. 664 00:50:11,599 --> 00:50:18,632 And that's what I really realized, you know, as well, you know, that you've got to do something that really makes your heart sing. 665 00:50:18,862 --> 00:50:30,632 And that's it's so important for everyone everyone, you know, whether it be a hobby or their vocation or whatever it is or taking care of children or whatever it is You just 666 00:50:30,632 --> 00:50:37,879 want to do it and do it as much as possible, know, and and the alcohol is secondary It doesn't even mean anything 667 00:50:37,879 --> 00:50:38,719 Yep. 668 00:50:39,600 --> 00:50:40,380 Absolutely. 669 00:50:40,380 --> 00:50:44,282 think that's key, isn't it? 670 00:50:44,703 --> 00:50:48,464 Find your bliss, find your joy, find what is important. 671 00:50:48,465 --> 00:50:50,606 That doesn't mean you can't have a busy hectic job. 672 00:50:50,606 --> 00:50:58,160 It's getting that in harmony, but it's just being authentic, being what's really and accountable. 673 00:50:58,160 --> 00:51:06,045 And I guess ultimately you're taking responsibility for your life, aren't you, rather than giving it away to other people or other things like the alcohol. 674 00:51:06,045 --> 00:51:09,705 Yeah, I mean, 100%, 100%. 675 00:51:09,705 --> 00:51:12,985 Like we got this one life, this one beautiful life. 676 00:51:13,505 --> 00:51:25,345 And, you know, like I talked to so many people and about this subject and, you know, people think they're going to be around forever the way that they talk to me, you know, 677 00:51:25,605 --> 00:51:27,905 and, it's like, it's not like that. 678 00:51:27,905 --> 00:51:30,525 And it's a, it can be a simply soap. 679 00:51:30,525 --> 00:51:32,395 So get on with it. 680 00:51:32,395 --> 00:51:35,765 Let's get on with it and let's have experiences and 681 00:51:35,865 --> 00:51:37,896 feel all the emotions that we've been given. 682 00:51:37,896 --> 00:51:47,060 Feel the anger, feel the sadness, feel the hurt, feel the guilt, feel the shame, but also feel the joy and the gratitude and the love and everything else, you know? 683 00:51:47,060 --> 00:51:51,171 And you can only do that if you're not numbed out. 684 00:51:51,631 --> 00:51:53,622 You know, so definitely. 685 00:51:53,622 --> 00:52:03,897 But I think values for me, like that was the stacking was huge, know, deciding I'm gonna help people with this because this... 686 00:52:04,719 --> 00:52:07,151 this, I reckon I can do this. 687 00:52:07,151 --> 00:52:08,591 I can help people. 688 00:52:08,591 --> 00:52:17,206 And when they're talking to me about experiences and they've gone through it, or they're going through it, and I've been through it, it's like, yeah, okay, let's just let's see if 689 00:52:17,206 --> 00:52:18,527 we can work something out for you. 690 00:52:18,527 --> 00:52:24,262 So and everyone's got a talent, everyone's got, you know, something that they can offer to the world. 691 00:52:24,262 --> 00:52:26,443 Yeah, absolutely. 692 00:52:26,824 --> 00:52:29,446 Well, I think this has been fabulous. 693 00:52:29,446 --> 00:52:33,688 Tell me, how can people find out more about what you do? 694 00:52:34,089 --> 00:52:46,177 You've explained why you do it, but how can they find out, find Ned, understand what you do and connect with you because anyone who is struggling with alcohol needs to be heard. 695 00:52:46,277 --> 00:52:49,239 And, you know, this is what you do. 696 00:52:49,239 --> 00:52:50,961 You help people make sense of it. 697 00:52:50,961 --> 00:52:52,773 So how can we find out more about you? 698 00:52:52,773 --> 00:53:02,188 Like Ned Miro, N -E -D M-I -R -O, you can find me on TikTok and also on Instagram. 699 00:53:02,188 --> 00:53:12,712 You can find me in a group that I have called the Drinkless Revolution Hub, which is a Facebook group. 700 00:53:13,513 --> 00:53:16,454 And they're all my socials. 701 00:53:17,034 --> 00:53:17,854 And... 702 00:53:18,863 --> 00:53:20,903 Yeah, so they can find me there primarily. 703 00:53:20,903 --> 00:53:32,043 And that's where I do most of my videoing and posting about the subject and letting people know about it. 704 00:53:32,043 --> 00:53:36,343 Yeah, and I do work all over the world. 705 00:53:37,103 --> 00:53:45,923 And a 10 week program that I put people through is basically removing those negative emotions and limiting beliefs. 706 00:53:45,923 --> 00:53:48,429 I truly believe, Haymish, that 707 00:53:48,429 --> 00:53:53,683 Most people that drink have got some significant emotional events that have occurred in their life. 708 00:53:53,744 --> 00:54:05,273 And if the trauma isn't removed from their nervous system and not processed correctly, then it's gonna be really hard for them to, you know, to remove alcohol, you know? 709 00:54:05,273 --> 00:54:11,248 It can be done, but it makes it so much easier if they can clear their limiting beliefs and negative emotions. 710 00:54:11,248 --> 00:54:13,540 And that's the work that I do. 711 00:54:13,620 --> 00:54:17,145 And then once the onion is peeled, we pack it. 712 00:54:17,145 --> 00:54:26,259 with what really rings true for them with their values and goal activation and their roadmap and everything like that. 713 00:54:27,159 --> 00:54:33,262 But yeah, Ned Mero, if you just look that up on socials or just Google it, you'll find some stuff. 714 00:54:33,502 --> 00:54:34,564 A few hundred videos. 715 00:54:34,564 --> 00:54:35,014 Brilliant. 716 00:54:35,014 --> 00:54:37,425 Well, we'll put that all in the show notes. 717 00:54:37,425 --> 00:54:40,646 And I think what you do is, it is remarkable. 718 00:54:40,646 --> 00:54:50,399 is aligned with how I like to think, how I do things as well, because it is about interrupting, being curious, getting rid of that shame. 719 00:54:50,399 --> 00:54:56,691 And as you said, looking at what went wrong, what was taken on board as a child, as a young adult, whenever. 720 00:54:57,431 --> 00:54:59,391 And realizing, you know, it's in the past. 721 00:54:59,391 --> 00:55:01,392 It doesn't have to affect you. 722 00:55:02,243 --> 00:55:13,503 100%, like so true, Yeah, but I'll just finished writing a book called Kick the Drinking Habit. 723 00:55:13,503 --> 00:55:15,693 And I'll put that in there as well. 724 00:55:15,693 --> 00:55:23,203 I'll give it to your guys, your listeners as well as a gift as well. 725 00:55:23,203 --> 00:55:31,427 And that talks a lot about what we discussed tonight and the things that I feel need to be incorporated when 726 00:55:31,427 --> 00:55:39,387 attempting to change your identity to a non -drinker. 727 00:55:40,107 --> 00:55:43,287 So I'll include that in there as well, Hamish. 728 00:55:43,727 --> 00:55:50,827 But yeah, 100%, you know, we just gotta deal with our stuff and bring it to light so you can shine. 729 00:55:50,827 --> 00:55:51,508 So yeah. 730 00:55:51,508 --> 00:55:54,686 Cool, Ned, well, thank you so much for everything. 731 00:55:54,686 --> 00:55:57,022 I want to ask you one last question. 732 00:55:57,022 --> 00:56:01,267 What is the superpower that you've got from giving up drinking? 733 00:56:01,267 --> 00:56:02,391 just wanna. 734 00:56:04,364 --> 00:56:19,281 I just want to be an example of you being able to just to be yourself and just living your life the way you want to live it and just making sure that you're living a good life with 735 00:56:19,281 --> 00:56:23,114 heaps of experiences, with loved ones. 736 00:56:23,453 --> 00:56:25,695 doing good work, whatever that work is. 737 00:56:25,695 --> 00:56:37,473 But I guess my superpower is just being me, being my authentic self, you know, the blood, sweat and the tears and just, I don't, my superpower is I don't really care what people 738 00:56:37,473 --> 00:56:38,224 think anymore. 739 00:56:38,224 --> 00:56:46,280 just, I just give, give love and give of myself and empty myself out every day. 740 00:56:46,280 --> 00:56:49,002 And then when I sleep at night, I sleep like a baby. 741 00:56:49,002 --> 00:56:49,984 So it's just. 742 00:56:49,984 --> 00:56:57,729 Just that, being authentic and just being real, you know, because it's, you know, I was fake for so long. 743 00:56:58,429 --> 00:57:00,411 So yeah, being real, man. 744 00:57:00,411 --> 00:57:04,539 Yep, I think that is super important when you're being real. 745 00:57:04,539 --> 00:57:08,207 Yeah, you are a shining example to everybody. 746 00:57:08,207 --> 00:57:09,658 That is spectacular. 747 00:57:09,820 --> 00:57:12,542 Yeah, and it doesn't take long. 748 00:57:12,683 --> 00:57:27,465 Like, you know, you know yourself, Hamish, can only, it can turn in a blink and maybe your life takes a while to change, but the direction of you facing from one direction to the 749 00:57:27,465 --> 00:57:30,778 other direction, that can happen in an instant. 750 00:57:31,339 --> 00:57:32,900 And that's all it takes. 751 00:57:33,863 --> 00:57:34,593 Yeah. 752 00:57:35,214 --> 00:57:36,656 Brilliant. 753 00:57:36,656 --> 00:57:42,831 Ned, thank you so much for stories and wisdom and that lovely piece about identity. 754 00:57:42,831 --> 00:57:44,343 think that was really super. 755 00:57:44,343 --> 00:57:45,674 Really appreciate your time today. 756 00:57:45,674 --> 00:57:46,612 Thank you. 757 00:57:46,612 --> 00:57:47,355 That's cool man. 758 00:57:48,112 --> 00:57:52,472 Thank you for listening to this episode of The Crucible: Conversations for the Curious. 759 00:57:52,472 --> 00:58:01,112 If these powerful stories of transformation resonated with you, be sure to like, subscribe and share this show with anyone who you think could do with a dose of inspiration for 760 00:58:01,112 --> 00:58:02,052 their own journey. 761 00:58:02,052 --> 00:58:08,632 I would really appreciate it if you could make any comments on your favourite podcast platform as well, that helps me reach more people. 762 00:58:08,632 --> 00:58:12,092 All the important links and information are in the show notes below. 763 00:58:12,092 --> 00:58:15,176 Thank you very much for listening and catch up with you soon.