1 00:00:00,880 --> 00:00:04,728 My parents can say something that generally always triggers me, 2 00:00:04,864 --> 00:00:08,456 and it's usually after I share something with them or stand up to 3 00:00:08,528 --> 00:00:12,312 some issue or whatever, and they say something to the effect of, like, after all 4 00:00:12,336 --> 00:00:15,816 the things we've done for you, you know, like. And they 5 00:00:15,968 --> 00:00:19,608 basically, what they're saying is, like, it's a dig. You know, I'm not grateful, I'm 6 00:00:19,624 --> 00:00:23,112 not appreciate them or whatever. And it's easy to get sucked into that. I can 7 00:00:23,136 --> 00:00:26,850 take the bait. And I actually did over spring break a couple weeks ago. 8 00:00:26,890 --> 00:00:30,498 I took the bait, I got defensive, I defended myself, and 9 00:00:30,634 --> 00:00:33,970 it didn't go well. And so I listened to 10 00:00:34,010 --> 00:00:37,762 that noise, the defensiveness that I felt, and I acted on 11 00:00:37,786 --> 00:00:39,870 it when I didn't need to. 12 00:00:51,530 --> 00:00:55,330 So. Welcome to the Decide youe Legacy podcast. Today we're talking about blocking out 13 00:00:55,370 --> 00:00:58,760 the noise because it's costly to listen to it 14 00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:02,584 and do an act based on it. So if you would do me 15 00:01:02,592 --> 00:01:06,424 a favor, subscribe, give this podcast a rating, and review the Decide youe Legacy 16 00:01:06,472 --> 00:01:09,720 podcast on Apple or Spotify. That helps it to grow 17 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:12,888 organically, to help and reach more people. I'm Adam 18 00:01:12,904 --> 00:01:16,440 Gregg. I have been a family therapist and a 19 00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:20,072 Coach for over 25 years. I founded Decide youe Legacy in 20 00:01:20,096 --> 00:01:23,936 2012. We're a coaching and corporate development firm, 21 00:01:24,088 --> 00:01:27,680 and our purpose is to empower every person and 22 00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:31,008 organization to live courageously. By the end of this 23 00:01:31,064 --> 00:01:34,352 podcast, I can pretty much guarantee that you're going to 24 00:01:34,376 --> 00:01:38,160 recognize the noise that goes on inside and you're going 25 00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:41,872 to figure out how important it is and be inspired to know how important it 26 00:01:41,896 --> 00:01:45,616 is to block it out. Don't take orders from it. Do something to replace 27 00:01:45,648 --> 00:01:49,472 it. Step back from it. So, as I do always, I 28 00:01:49,496 --> 00:01:53,092 want to start by sharing with you something uncomfortable that I did 29 00:01:53,276 --> 00:01:56,676 recently. And I do this because nothing's more important to your 30 00:01:56,828 --> 00:02:00,372 mental health than living courageously. What I did is I went to a 31 00:02:00,396 --> 00:02:04,212 disco 70s birthday party, and I remember getting the 32 00:02:04,236 --> 00:02:07,860 invite and thinking, I'm not gonna go to that. And then it came 33 00:02:07,900 --> 00:02:11,332 closer to the event and I said to myself, I had thoughts like, you know, 34 00:02:11,356 --> 00:02:15,108 you're not gonna know anybody there. You barely know this guy's wife. It's. You're 35 00:02:15,124 --> 00:02:18,260 gonna look silly. You know, it's gonna be a horrible time. And then something started 36 00:02:18,300 --> 00:02:21,992 to shift, and it was like, no, this could be fun. You know, let's go 37 00:02:22,016 --> 00:02:24,968 have a good time, meet new people. And you love dressing up. You were born 38 00:02:24,984 --> 00:02:28,744 in the seventies, Adam. Come on. You love that stuff. So I went Had a 39 00:02:28,752 --> 00:02:32,056 good time. It was a lot of fun, you know, but that noise was chiming 40 00:02:32,088 --> 00:02:35,640 in, keeping me from wanting to go and engage this event, you know, can you 41 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:39,112 relate to that? When you start having these thoughts and they're just not helping you, 42 00:02:39,136 --> 00:02:42,952 they're discouraging and then you act on them and then some 43 00:02:42,976 --> 00:02:46,392 bad stuff can happen. So I want you to start with an action yourself. So 44 00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:50,212 whatever your middle name is. My middle name is Christopher. So if your 45 00:02:50,236 --> 00:02:53,860 middle name is Guido, you know, or if it's 46 00:02:54,020 --> 00:02:57,476 Enrique or if it's, you know, Monique or what, I don't care what it is. 47 00:02:57,548 --> 00:03:00,948 I want you with your. Well, you don't have to close your eyes if you're 48 00:03:00,964 --> 00:03:04,388 driving, especially don't do that. But in your mind, I want you to say, my 49 00:03:04,444 --> 00:03:08,132 middle name is. Okay, so whatever it is. So for me it's. My 50 00:03:08,156 --> 00:03:11,892 middle name is Christopher. Go ahead and say that in your mind. Can you hear 51 00:03:11,916 --> 00:03:15,716 it? Okay, so you can hear it. I'm sure you know, you have this thing 52 00:03:15,788 --> 00:03:19,592 inside that, that chimes up and you can listen to 53 00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:22,584 it or you can not listen to it. So I bet you could hear that 54 00:03:22,672 --> 00:03:26,504 middle name in your head right there. So Ben is one of my closest friends. 55 00:03:26,592 --> 00:03:30,088 So he texts me usually a couple times a week saying, 56 00:03:30,144 --> 00:03:33,880 adam, block out the noise. And it's because I talked to Ben about 57 00:03:33,920 --> 00:03:37,400 all kinds of stuff. He knows the struggles I have, I know the struggle he 58 00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:40,680 has. And what is he referring to there? So. Well, there's different names for it. 59 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:44,556 The ego, the psyche. The. The inner roommate is one 60 00:03:44,628 --> 00:03:47,724 from. Thanks to Michael Singer. I love that. I like to think about it that 61 00:03:47,732 --> 00:03:51,372 way as well. But it's noise, it's chatter. And what it does, 62 00:03:51,556 --> 00:03:55,340 it's your thinking process, analyzing the world and then giving its 63 00:03:55,380 --> 00:03:59,052 opinion. It has preferences. I like him, I don't like him, I 64 00:03:59,076 --> 00:04:02,624 like her. That guy's annoying. He's going to be a great friend. We're going to 65 00:04:02,624 --> 00:04:05,324 have a great time. We're not going to have a great time. And so it's 66 00:04:05,372 --> 00:04:09,144 interpreting things for you and it's actually a way for 67 00:04:09,152 --> 00:04:11,672 you to, for you to get by in life. You know, it's a, it's a 68 00:04:11,696 --> 00:04:15,512 safety mechanism. The problem is, is that a lot of stuff that it 69 00:04:15,536 --> 00:04:19,384 tells you is misdirected. It's just these, these spontaneous thoughts. 70 00:04:19,432 --> 00:04:23,240 It's not controlled thinking, it's spontaneous thinking. And it's often 71 00:04:23,280 --> 00:04:26,232 fear based. And if you listen to everything it says, you know, if you say, 72 00:04:26,256 --> 00:04:28,936 yes, I'm going to do what it says, you know, then you're probably going to 73 00:04:29,088 --> 00:04:31,672 have a lot of challenges in life. You know, you may, you may end up 74 00:04:31,696 --> 00:04:35,192 going through a number of different marriages and then you may also lose a lot 75 00:04:35,216 --> 00:04:38,888 of jobs. Probably probably hurt another, probably hurt your health, 76 00:04:38,944 --> 00:04:42,692 probably doing of damage to other people as well. So what's the difference between the 77 00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:46,500 noise and then constructive thinking? So one is spontaneous, it's intrusive, 78 00:04:46,580 --> 00:04:50,324 the other one is channeled. So you're reading a book that can be constructive thinking, 79 00:04:50,372 --> 00:04:54,148 you're focusing on that material. The issue is to recognize when it's 80 00:04:54,164 --> 00:04:57,492 the noise and when I'm channeling it into something productive. And you're going to 81 00:04:57,516 --> 00:05:01,252 learn how important that is today because 82 00:05:01,436 --> 00:05:04,452 it's going to change your life. If you recognize and you realize that this is 83 00:05:04,476 --> 00:05:08,180 like a daily battle to not get sucked into 84 00:05:08,220 --> 00:05:12,004 this stuff. So the first way that it's costly, not blocking out the 85 00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:15,860 noise, is it leads you to the gutter, okay? It only can bring 86 00:05:15,900 --> 00:05:19,268 you down. It's gonna give you a sense of short term 87 00:05:19,324 --> 00:05:22,980 relief, but not long term change, not long term 88 00:05:23,020 --> 00:05:26,772 relief, in fact, more long term pain. So my operations 89 00:05:26,836 --> 00:05:30,564 director, the operations director at Decide youe Legacy, Lloyd is a great bowler. And I 90 00:05:30,572 --> 00:05:34,372 have another friend who's also a good bowler. His name is Kendall. Both of 91 00:05:34,396 --> 00:05:38,052 them have bowled perfect games. So one of them 92 00:05:38,076 --> 00:05:40,996 bowled in college, the other one bowled in high school and they've both been, they're 93 00:05:41,028 --> 00:05:44,148 excellent bowlers. So when you bowl, which I'm not a good bowler, I'm not claiming 94 00:05:44,164 --> 00:05:47,556 to be, but once the ball's in the gutter, you have no chance of knocking 95 00:05:47,588 --> 00:05:51,220 down any pins. So it's pretty much all over once the ball 96 00:05:51,340 --> 00:05:55,012 enters the gutter. It's a gutter ball, okay, 97 00:05:55,076 --> 00:05:58,420 so we don't want those things. But when you listen to the noise, you end 98 00:05:58,460 --> 00:06:01,886 up in the gutter. Nothing good happens. So it's an automatic 99 00:06:01,918 --> 00:06:05,742 gutterball. It leads to anxiety, it leads to depression, it leads to a 100 00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:09,518 sense of failure, it leads to a sense of purposelessness, it leads to more 101 00:06:09,574 --> 00:06:12,830 problems. Who knows how far down you can go? Let me give you a great 102 00:06:12,870 --> 00:06:16,410 example of this. My mom recently 103 00:06:16,870 --> 00:06:20,462 said that she's going to go see a psychologist to deal with her fear of 104 00:06:20,486 --> 00:06:24,170 flying. Now my daughter graduates from high school in 105 00:06:24,790 --> 00:06:28,334 a week, six weeks. And my mom is not comfortable 106 00:06:28,382 --> 00:06:31,924 flying right now and going. But then she told me, because 107 00:06:32,062 --> 00:06:35,112 she wants to go on this vacation this summer and bring her family, bring me 108 00:06:35,136 --> 00:06:38,920 and everything, she wants to go to a psychologist and deal with this issue. And 109 00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:42,632 so the noise chimed in and wanted me to make a dig. When I found 110 00:06:42,656 --> 00:06:45,624 this out yesterday, I said. I wanted to say, well, are you gonna go to 111 00:06:45,632 --> 00:06:49,144 Bella's graduation next year? Now you're gonna miss Emerson's. 112 00:06:49,272 --> 00:06:52,200 But, no, I didn't do that. Cause, I don't know, maybe she'll end up going. 113 00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:55,032 I mean, this is great news. But I was listening to the noise, which made 114 00:06:55,056 --> 00:06:58,152 me defensive and hurt. It led to me wanting to react, and it would have 115 00:06:58,176 --> 00:07:01,916 been a destructive conversation. Instead, I listened to her. I congratulated her, and hopefully 116 00:07:01,948 --> 00:07:04,652 it came out with the right heart. I feel like it had a better heart, 117 00:07:04,676 --> 00:07:08,076 but I was kind of pissed inside. I'm like, what the F. You know, you're 118 00:07:08,108 --> 00:07:11,772 valuing this trip, vacation more than your own time with 119 00:07:11,796 --> 00:07:15,484 your whatever, celebrating this event. But I know that's noise. It wasn't true. It 120 00:07:15,492 --> 00:07:18,940 wasn't the reality. I know she legitimately has this fear. It was my own 121 00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:22,652 interpretation of it, and I'm glad I didn't react to it. So some 122 00:07:22,676 --> 00:07:26,444 of my friends can help me magnify the noise, lead me to the 123 00:07:26,452 --> 00:07:30,006 gutter based on their own interpretations of the world. So 124 00:07:30,078 --> 00:07:33,734 I have friends who I know if I talk to them about parenting issues, 125 00:07:33,822 --> 00:07:37,670 potentially, they're going to make it worse because they're going to agree with my 126 00:07:37,710 --> 00:07:41,270 reaction and my overreaction, and then they're probably going to feed it. And I have 127 00:07:41,310 --> 00:07:44,758 other friends who, if I have parenting challenges, I can go talk to, and they're 128 00:07:44,774 --> 00:07:48,530 going to listen and be very rational. And so some of the ones that have 129 00:07:49,070 --> 00:07:52,886 this irrational response and that magnify the noise, well, 130 00:07:52,958 --> 00:07:56,742 they also have similar situations with their kids. And so they're also triggering, 131 00:07:56,806 --> 00:08:00,630 so they're adding to it. So be very careful in who you actually vent to 132 00:08:00,670 --> 00:08:04,374 or talk to about this stuff that's bothering you, because they can magnify 133 00:08:04,422 --> 00:08:08,182 the noise. You know, I know that I can lose a whole evening, I 134 00:08:08,206 --> 00:08:11,846 can lose a whole day. I've lost weeks, I've lost months of my life 135 00:08:11,998 --> 00:08:15,734 because I've listened to the noise and acted on it. And I've gone into the 136 00:08:15,742 --> 00:08:19,590 gutter, and I've gone down even further because it's been consuming of 137 00:08:19,630 --> 00:08:22,742 me and my view of myself and my view of the world. Not a 138 00:08:22,766 --> 00:08:26,608 productive, positive thing. You know, I've spent a lot of time. I've 139 00:08:26,624 --> 00:08:30,352 wasted a lot of time in that place. 140 00:08:30,456 --> 00:08:33,712 And I'm sure you can relate as well. I can imagine you can relate as 141 00:08:33,736 --> 00:08:37,520 well. So the second cost Very costly when it comes 142 00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:41,140 to not blocking out the noise is that it keeps you from your vision. 143 00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:45,280 So you ever felt like, you know, in those times where you get sucked into 144 00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:47,808 that voice in your head and you listen to it and obey, then it's almost 145 00:08:47,864 --> 00:08:51,568 like, I don't know. I didn't make any progress towards any goal in my job. 146 00:08:51,624 --> 00:08:55,072 I didn't make any progress in any personal goal. You know, what happened to the 147 00:08:55,096 --> 00:08:58,080 day? I've just spent all this time thinking and 148 00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:01,840 ruminating and, you know, going over that conversation that I had 149 00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:05,600 when I lashed out or when I didn't handle it appropriately. And 150 00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:08,980 then all of a sudden your day's gone and you haven't made any progress. 151 00:09:09,560 --> 00:09:13,328 Sometimes I show clients this line on a whiteboard, and it's. I mean, I've 152 00:09:13,344 --> 00:09:16,512 shown this to people many, many times. And so what it is, is on. On 153 00:09:16,536 --> 00:09:20,192 a whiteboard, you have a path. So it's like a wiggly arrow. And I 154 00:09:20,216 --> 00:09:23,792 draw. I draw an arrow at the end of this. Of this path. It's an. 155 00:09:23,816 --> 00:09:26,662 It's a curved arrow. So imagine that in your mind, but it looks like a 156 00:09:26,686 --> 00:09:29,942 path, okay? And then at the very end of that, it's the outcome that they 157 00:09:29,966 --> 00:09:33,734 want. So they want better health and relationships, and they want to reach their goal. 158 00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:36,214 Maybe they want to lose weight. They want to get somewhere. They don't want to 159 00:09:36,222 --> 00:09:39,862 worry. And then I'll ask them, well, well, what would 160 00:09:39,886 --> 00:09:43,302 be true over the next 90 days or a year or whatever for you to 161 00:09:43,326 --> 00:09:46,454 actually get to that place? And they'll share some things, and I'll write that above 162 00:09:46,502 --> 00:09:49,830 the line. It could be that they. They have 163 00:09:49,870 --> 00:09:53,540 healthier. You know, they spend time with certain people in their life that they 164 00:09:53,580 --> 00:09:57,140 block out time to work on their goals. You know, that they just choose 165 00:09:57,220 --> 00:10:00,772 to engage people in a different way. And then 166 00:10:00,796 --> 00:10:04,532 underneath that, I'll. I'll write down what is the. What 167 00:10:04,556 --> 00:10:07,428 is the noise? You know, like, what's going to keep you from that? And almost 168 00:10:07,484 --> 00:10:11,284 always what it is is content that they start to fixate 169 00:10:11,332 --> 00:10:15,060 on and they start to ruminate on. So they get pulled into 170 00:10:15,100 --> 00:10:18,540 drama. They get pulled into people not fitting their 171 00:10:18,580 --> 00:10:22,332 preferences. You know, I don't look my boss. They fit into blaming 172 00:10:22,476 --> 00:10:25,980 and looking at other people negatively. And that's all the 173 00:10:26,020 --> 00:10:29,580 content that's actually, as you can see in a visual, it's gonna keep you on 174 00:10:29,620 --> 00:10:33,292 the process of getting to where you wanna go. So you had 175 00:10:33,316 --> 00:10:37,080 a bad situation at work, and then you fixate on that, and then that, 176 00:10:37,700 --> 00:10:41,468 because you're listening to all the noise about that issue or whatever that deal was, 177 00:10:41,524 --> 00:10:45,052 that client that didn't go as well or whatever, and then all that energy is 178 00:10:45,076 --> 00:10:48,630 keeping you from actually making progress. You're not using it as fuel. It' 179 00:10:48,740 --> 00:10:52,082 it's you. You're using it as a detriment to your progress. The 180 00:10:52,106 --> 00:10:55,698 process is. Is the way that you reach your vision. So when I've 181 00:10:55,714 --> 00:10:59,218 done, and I think I probably like hiking because of this, because you can sort 182 00:10:59,234 --> 00:11:02,658 of picture the end of the hike, and then along the way, you know, you're 183 00:11:02,674 --> 00:11:06,402 going to have challenges. That's all content, that's all noise. You fix the problems, you 184 00:11:06,426 --> 00:11:08,642 still got to deal with them. You know, you run out of water, you still 185 00:11:08,666 --> 00:11:11,362 got to figure out how to get some water. You might be like me where 186 00:11:11,386 --> 00:11:15,106 I've begged for water on hikes before as a teenager because I didn't 187 00:11:15,138 --> 00:11:18,866 pack enough. But you still have to fix the problem. You know, if there's thunderstorms, 188 00:11:18,898 --> 00:11:22,654 you got to find some cover or. But then you keep moving forward, 189 00:11:22,742 --> 00:11:26,414 I mean, unless there's some extraneous circumstance. And that that vision 190 00:11:26,462 --> 00:11:29,550 of the end is what's going to keep you going. So here's an example of 191 00:11:29,670 --> 00:11:33,502 what I mean here. There's potentially people worry about 192 00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:37,230 the economy, and they have this goal in mind of, you know, 193 00:11:37,270 --> 00:11:40,302 having a certain amount of money in savings and retiring, and so things don't go 194 00:11:40,326 --> 00:11:44,046 as well, or maybe the market dips or anything. And in their mind, the noise 195 00:11:44,078 --> 00:11:47,406 is like, it's all bad. It's catastrophic. You know, I'm going to lose my retirement, 196 00:11:47,438 --> 00:11:51,214 I'm gonna lose my job, the economy's gonna shut down. And it's important to recognize 197 00:11:51,262 --> 00:11:54,938 that you don. I mean, unless you're an economist and you've 198 00:11:54,954 --> 00:11:58,762 really did some productive thinking to come up to your own conclusion on 199 00:11:58,786 --> 00:12:02,202 that. A lot of the noise comes from media and your friends and society. 200 00:12:02,346 --> 00:12:05,722 And if you block it out, you're going to think a lot clearer. If you 201 00:12:05,746 --> 00:12:09,242 block it out, you're going to stay moving towards that goal of retirement, 202 00:12:09,306 --> 00:12:12,970 even though it's not going as well right now. That's the power 203 00:12:13,010 --> 00:12:16,714 of a vision. That's the power of pursuing goals. Because you keep your eye 204 00:12:16,762 --> 00:12:20,484 on the end game. You're playing the long game, not the short game. The noise 205 00:12:20,532 --> 00:12:24,308 is very consumed by the short game, the here and now. Because other 206 00:12:24,364 --> 00:12:27,840 people, if they're clear from the noise, they can look at 207 00:12:28,300 --> 00:12:31,636 things that we may perceive as problems or the noise is telling us as problems, 208 00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:35,492 and then it's actually an opportunity. It's an opportunity to make some adjustments in your 209 00:12:35,516 --> 00:12:39,172 life, to pursue different goals in a different way. But you 210 00:12:39,196 --> 00:12:42,852 miss it because the noise is pulling you away from that vision. You know, 211 00:12:42,876 --> 00:12:46,052 it's super powerful to clarify a vision for that reason too. But the noise is 212 00:12:46,076 --> 00:12:49,184 going to get in the way and be prepared for it. You want to make 213 00:12:49,192 --> 00:12:52,912 it a priority. It's serious business to focus on how we, how do we 214 00:12:52,936 --> 00:12:56,480 block this crap out of our lives. So, and then we do it oftentimes destructively 215 00:12:56,560 --> 00:13:00,336 because addictive type behaviors, it blocks out the noise and I can just numb 216 00:13:00,368 --> 00:13:03,264 myself. I don't have to think about this. So we get consumed with whatever it 217 00:13:03,272 --> 00:13:06,320 is and it could be something good or bad. I mean, one of the most 218 00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:10,112 common addictions that I see with people is workaholism, you 219 00:13:10,136 --> 00:13:13,728 know, and it's an escapism function. But we can look at it and say, I'm 220 00:13:13,744 --> 00:13:17,440 making money, you know, I'm productive, I'm supporting my family. But you only, you know, 221 00:13:17,480 --> 00:13:19,968 you know, you know when you're crossing the line of that. But if it's blocking 222 00:13:19,984 --> 00:13:23,100 out the noise, the stuff you don't really want to face and make progress on, 223 00:13:23,140 --> 00:13:26,732 well, that's something I'd encourage you to check out and look at, you know. And 224 00:13:26,756 --> 00:13:30,380 so when we learn how to block out the noise, you know, it, 225 00:13:30,500 --> 00:13:34,172 I, I bet you can relate that, that it's, it's not 226 00:13:34,196 --> 00:13:37,948 only keeping you from these goals, you know, it's also, it's also 227 00:13:38,004 --> 00:13:41,596 where it's keeping you from the joy in relationships, which is the deeper 228 00:13:41,628 --> 00:13:45,276 connections and the trust that you build. And that's the third major cost 229 00:13:45,348 --> 00:13:49,046 to not working on this stuff, man. Not making it your life's business to block 230 00:13:49,078 --> 00:13:52,822 this crap out, is it not? Not blocking out the noise, it's going to 231 00:13:52,846 --> 00:13:56,170 damage your relationships. It's going to impact your connections. 232 00:13:57,310 --> 00:14:01,046 And at the best, at the absolute best, when you listen to this noise, 233 00:14:01,078 --> 00:14:04,518 it's going to be neutral. At its worst, it's going to cause long term 234 00:14:04,574 --> 00:14:08,342 consequences. People will make very destructive decisions 235 00:14:08,406 --> 00:14:11,942 because they have this sense of urgency and anxiety and fear that's feeding them and 236 00:14:11,966 --> 00:14:15,744 they're obeying it. It's like I was joking with a friend last night, he's like, 237 00:14:15,752 --> 00:14:17,952 well, what do you do with the noise? Like, you know, I said, I was 238 00:14:17,976 --> 00:14:21,600 just totally being sarcastic, you know, I'm like, well, you do everything it says, 239 00:14:21,720 --> 00:14:25,328 you know, you do everything. Go spend that money on whatever you want. Don't worry 240 00:14:25,344 --> 00:14:29,184 about the consequences. You know, go ahead and have four girlfriends. You know, go ahead 241 00:14:29,192 --> 00:14:32,672 and quit your job and cuss out your boss, call your parents and tell them 242 00:14:32,696 --> 00:14:35,744 how horrible they are. I mean, whatever it is, yeah, just listen to it, you 243 00:14:35,752 --> 00:14:39,374 know, and that was total, total sarcasm, because it 244 00:14:39,472 --> 00:14:43,282 proves a point, you know, because you can identify. I'm sure that 245 00:14:43,306 --> 00:14:46,130 if I did that thing that I was spontaneously, 246 00:14:46,290 --> 00:14:50,034 destructively, like, propelled to do, you know, I would have 247 00:14:50,042 --> 00:14:53,522 done serious damage, you know, including. Including the ending of 248 00:14:53,546 --> 00:14:57,282 relationships, because one bad choice can damage 249 00:14:57,346 --> 00:15:01,122 a relationship for a lifetime. I mean, just think about some of the 250 00:15:01,146 --> 00:15:04,114 destructive things you've seen. I mean, violence is one of those things. I mean, you 251 00:15:04,122 --> 00:15:07,958 don't just shake that stuff off. You can work on repairing it. But honestly, it's 252 00:15:07,974 --> 00:15:11,782 all about the noise. I mean, that's why domestic violence is such a 253 00:15:11,966 --> 00:15:15,782 major issue, because it's so spontaneous, based on anger and 254 00:15:15,806 --> 00:15:19,462 rage and a lot of times alcohol, most of the time alcohol or some kind 255 00:15:19,486 --> 00:15:23,222 of substance. But the crucial thing here is, you know, you don't let your 256 00:15:23,246 --> 00:15:26,854 fears run the show. Your fears are not your friend. 257 00:15:26,942 --> 00:15:30,278 They're not going to lead you. I mean, sometimes they are your friend when it's 258 00:15:30,294 --> 00:15:33,982 a dog chasing you or a snake that you're playing with, rattlesnakes. I 259 00:15:34,006 --> 00:15:36,894 mean, that's a good kind of fear. I mean, fear in the sense, is a 260 00:15:36,902 --> 00:15:40,638 great thing because it keeps you away from danger. But this anxiety, 261 00:15:40,734 --> 00:15:42,878 which is the way I like to think of it, is not. It's not. It's 262 00:15:42,894 --> 00:15:46,574 not your friend. And so you want to figure out. You want to 263 00:15:46,582 --> 00:15:50,302 figure out a way to rise above it, not listen to it, you 264 00:15:50,326 --> 00:15:54,094 know, because that is going to be a challenge for all of us. It's a 265 00:15:54,102 --> 00:15:57,150 challenge for me. So, okay, you got. You got 266 00:15:57,190 --> 00:16:00,926 distractions and drama that you can easily get sucked into 267 00:16:00,998 --> 00:16:04,622 because of this noise. That drama is not good for your relationships. It's not 268 00:16:04,646 --> 00:16:08,350 solving problems. It's not helping you figure what's going on. 269 00:16:08,390 --> 00:16:12,110 Figure out what's going on. I mean, you're. You're. You're just getting sucked into 270 00:16:12,150 --> 00:16:15,854 the stuff. It's the content. It's destructive. So a great example of 271 00:16:15,862 --> 00:16:19,134 this is how. How people hate staff meetings. 272 00:16:19,182 --> 00:16:23,006 Oftentimes, you know, they. They can say, and I hear this consistently, 273 00:16:23,118 --> 00:16:25,822 you know, oh, I don't like. I don't like those staff meetings. And I ask 274 00:16:25,846 --> 00:16:28,174 them, well, what do you not like about them? Or whatever meeting it is. It 275 00:16:28,182 --> 00:16:31,030 could be a leadership meeting. It could be some kind of a. Of a meeting 276 00:16:31,070 --> 00:16:33,222 where you meet with people and like, what do you not like? Well, it's not 277 00:16:33,246 --> 00:16:36,630 productive is generally what I hear. And that it's not 278 00:16:36,670 --> 00:16:40,470 productive I would mainly guess is because at some level somebody is getting 279 00:16:40,510 --> 00:16:44,230 consumed in the drama and they're taking things personally. 280 00:16:44,390 --> 00:16:48,086 You know, they have beefs with other people in the room. They're not addressing, they're 281 00:16:48,118 --> 00:16:51,942 not. The team's not functioning with a high level of trust because I 282 00:16:51,966 --> 00:16:55,622 think those that meetings I've never been in and facilitated 283 00:16:55,686 --> 00:16:59,398 a leadership meeting where they've made decisions and address core issues 284 00:16:59,454 --> 00:17:02,978 in a constructive way, where people are not energized afterwards. 285 00:17:03,074 --> 00:17:06,850 Energized to go out and apply what they learned and to 286 00:17:06,890 --> 00:17:10,498 continue to build those relationships that have been spurred in that 287 00:17:10,554 --> 00:17:13,906 interaction, in that team interaction because they're 288 00:17:13,938 --> 00:17:17,746 making progress. But when somebody has a conflict 289 00:17:17,778 --> 00:17:20,390 or they don't like an issue that's being discussed, 290 00:17:21,610 --> 00:17:25,362 maybe I'll give you an example here. So a boss decides 291 00:17:25,426 --> 00:17:28,882 that there's going to be a policy amongst their sales 292 00:17:29,026 --> 00:17:32,574 staff of not buying clients alcohol. And they've had a 293 00:17:32,582 --> 00:17:36,366 history of taking people out for a beer or a glass 294 00:17:36,398 --> 00:17:39,438 of wine or whatever in the sales process. I mean, I know that's common. I'm 295 00:17:39,454 --> 00:17:43,134 not saying that's a good or a bad thing in this situation. The boss 296 00:17:43,182 --> 00:17:46,670 decided that no, we're not going to do this anymore and there were some 297 00:17:46,710 --> 00:17:50,222 bad situations that had occurred in the past and so we're just going to cut 298 00:17:50,246 --> 00:17:53,662 it right there. And then comes into this all staff type 299 00:17:53,726 --> 00:17:57,550 meeting and makes an announcement without anybody actually 300 00:17:57,590 --> 00:18:00,638 having discussed it that this is the new policy, you know, take it or leave 301 00:18:00,654 --> 00:18:04,202 it kind of thing. And the leaders had not had any chance to 302 00:18:04,226 --> 00:18:07,962 discuss that with the CEO. And so the CEO seemed very 303 00:18:07,986 --> 00:18:11,114 unapproachable about it. Like I don't even want to discuss this. It's just the way 304 00:18:11,122 --> 00:18:14,810 it's going to be. And so a lot of them went to their 305 00:18:14,850 --> 00:18:18,138 team and they didn't enforce it. In fact they even said, you know, something 306 00:18:18,194 --> 00:18:21,914 begrudging like, you know, this is the new policy, we got to follow through with 307 00:18:21,922 --> 00:18:25,018 it. I don't agree with it either. I think it's a bunch of crap, but 308 00:18:25,074 --> 00:18:28,554 hey, whatever, you know. And some of the leaders even go back and went back 309 00:18:28,562 --> 00:18:32,274 and they didn't even say anything about it. So people kept, kept actually spending 310 00:18:32,322 --> 00:18:36,082 money on whatever because it was, it was not just the sales department, a 311 00:18:36,106 --> 00:18:39,762 company wide policy. So it's basically no alcohol that they, that the 312 00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:43,426 company purchases and, and it ended up being a Blow 313 00:18:43,458 --> 00:18:47,026 up kind of conflict issue where people ended 314 00:18:47,058 --> 00:18:50,770 up, I mean, not following through with it. You know, 315 00:18:50,810 --> 00:18:54,610 then I see a different approach. You know, talking to the CEO, figuring out 316 00:18:54,650 --> 00:18:56,882 and me challenging him to say, hey, you know, it'd be great to have a 317 00:18:56,906 --> 00:19:00,500 discussion so people feel heard. Because when they feel heard, even if they don't agree 318 00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:04,004 with it, they're much more likely to have a good attitude about it and actually 319 00:19:04,092 --> 00:19:07,796 convey the importance of it because they understand why, the meaning behind it 320 00:19:07,868 --> 00:19:10,996 and the benefit it can have for the company. And then ultimately, a great leadership 321 00:19:11,028 --> 00:19:14,820 team, they know that there are certain issues that they're not all 322 00:19:14,860 --> 00:19:18,692 going to agree upon. But the importance of that team being in sync and 323 00:19:18,716 --> 00:19:22,148 unified, they know, is so crucial that they go back out and with a smile 324 00:19:22,164 --> 00:19:25,672 on their face, they say, this is the change and we got to support it. 325 00:19:25,696 --> 00:19:28,808 And they're really positive about it. And they are able to convey that because it's 326 00:19:28,824 --> 00:19:31,220 an emotional thing. Their heart's in the right place. 327 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:35,780 Amazing thing. So the voice in your head 328 00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:42,168 again, if you listen to it, we listen to it in one of those staff 329 00:19:42,224 --> 00:19:45,912 meetings, and it just drives us down. It's like, where are we going to go 330 00:19:45,936 --> 00:19:49,624 next? And you can see that a whole staff meeting can be consumed, whole 331 00:19:49,672 --> 00:19:52,942 business meeting can be consumed with your team can be consumed by that one issue. 332 00:19:53,096 --> 00:19:56,722 And people are. People are building grudges and they're not 333 00:19:56,746 --> 00:20:00,322 solving problems. So somebody has to ask questions to get it 334 00:20:00,346 --> 00:20:04,082 out. They have to actually engage the other person to get it out. And 335 00:20:04,106 --> 00:20:07,538 you only do that when you're not listening to that voice in your head saying, 336 00:20:07,594 --> 00:20:11,282 fight, or what are they doing? You know, or they're disrespecting me, which that 337 00:20:11,306 --> 00:20:14,642 CEO in that situation was struggling with that. Like, they don't respect me. You know, 338 00:20:14,666 --> 00:20:18,274 they don't actually. They're not good for the team. They don't align with our values. 339 00:20:18,322 --> 00:20:21,922 All these things that were noise, because they really didn't have crucial, 340 00:20:22,066 --> 00:20:25,822 strong evidence of that. They had some behavioral evidence, but they have the substance of 341 00:20:25,846 --> 00:20:29,630 it because they hadn't taken the time to actually connect and talk about 342 00:20:29,670 --> 00:20:33,278 this with their team, with their leadership especially. So the noise is 343 00:20:33,334 --> 00:20:36,942 costing you. Block it out. So let me go ahead and review, because this is 344 00:20:36,966 --> 00:20:40,222 going to motivate you to make some changes. I mean, seriously. So it leads you 345 00:20:40,246 --> 00:20:42,654 to the gutter, not blocking out the noise. Why do you want to stay in 346 00:20:42,662 --> 00:20:45,678 the gutter right there? I mean, that's just a bad place to be. It keeps 347 00:20:45,694 --> 00:20:49,342 you from your goals. You Know, I mean, you want to make progress on your 348 00:20:49,366 --> 00:20:52,992 goals and it's not getting you there. It's actually getting in your way 349 00:20:53,096 --> 00:20:56,848 and it damages relationships where the good stuff in life actually is. 350 00:20:56,904 --> 00:21:00,672 So what's your takeaway from this podcast by the end of 351 00:21:00,696 --> 00:21:04,352 the day? Apply it, do something with it, talk to 352 00:21:04,376 --> 00:21:07,792 somebody about it, Put it on your schedule to do it. 353 00:21:07,976 --> 00:21:11,536 Whatever that takeaway is, whatever that insight is, teach it to somebody. It's 354 00:21:11,568 --> 00:21:15,392 better. It will stick when you teach it to somebody. So insight, what you 355 00:21:15,416 --> 00:21:19,182 gain in listening to this podcast is 20% of changes. Action 356 00:21:19,286 --> 00:21:23,054 is 80%. Make a good 357 00:21:23,142 --> 00:21:26,846 plan and act. You know, a good plan is a hundred 358 00:21:26,918 --> 00:21:30,574 times better than a perfect plan that you do nothing with. A good plan that 359 00:21:30,582 --> 00:21:33,770 you execute on. There's no positive change 360 00:21:34,870 --> 00:21:38,510 until you decide to change. Decide today your 361 00:21:38,550 --> 00:21:41,870 legacy depends on the actions you take. To 362 00:21:41,910 --> 00:21:45,250 decide means to eliminate other options. 363 00:21:45,970 --> 00:21:49,290 Your legacy is the impact that your life has on 364 00:21:49,330 --> 00:21:52,922 others. You decide your legacy. So do me a 365 00:21:52,946 --> 00:21:56,698 favor, and if this content was helpful for you, man, I would just 366 00:21:56,754 --> 00:22:00,554 strongly encourage you to go ahead and subscribe to Shatterproof 367 00:22:00,602 --> 00:22:03,994 yourself light. So this is a 368 00:22:04,082 --> 00:22:07,882 brief video on seven steps to a giant leap in 369 00:22:07,906 --> 00:22:11,716 your mental health. And we address this issue. And so when you become 370 00:22:11,788 --> 00:22:14,788 shatterproof, well, you're becoming 371 00:22:14,964 --> 00:22:18,644 psychologically resilient. The windshield 372 00:22:18,772 --> 00:22:22,532 on an airliner has layers to it. And 373 00:22:22,556 --> 00:22:24,480 those layers provide 374 00:22:25,820 --> 00:22:29,556 resiliency, they provide strength. Just one sheet of glass 375 00:22:29,588 --> 00:22:33,268 on its own is not nearly as strong as five. The 787 Dreamliner has five 376 00:22:33,324 --> 00:22:36,694 different layers. And when you build these layers into your life, 377 00:22:36,852 --> 00:22:40,450 you're growing psychologically shatterproof. And you can take 378 00:22:40,490 --> 00:22:44,242 actions to get there. So what does it mean to be psychologically shatterproof? You know, 379 00:22:44,266 --> 00:22:47,826 you have much more hope and much less fear 380 00:22:47,938 --> 00:22:51,682 as you approach situations, you're erring on the side of hope. Good can come out 381 00:22:51,706 --> 00:22:55,234 of this. I can learn a second thing. Second 382 00:22:55,402 --> 00:22:59,186 growth area is that you have faith that you can make it through challenges. 383 00:22:59,298 --> 00:23:01,714 Things don't go your way, you have adversity, but you have faith that I'm going 384 00:23:01,722 --> 00:23:05,512 to get something out of this. That's psychological shatterproofness right 385 00:23:05,536 --> 00:23:09,112 there. So number three is you're gonna understand what actions 386 00:23:09,256 --> 00:23:12,952 that you can take to positively impact your future. And 387 00:23:12,976 --> 00:23:16,248 that's powerful. When you know that I do this thing, it's gonna impact my future, 388 00:23:16,304 --> 00:23:20,008 not right away, but in the future, but over time, it's long term relief. It's 389 00:23:20,024 --> 00:23:23,672 gonna have a big impact. So hit the link, get shatterproof yourself light. Fill out 390 00:23:23,696 --> 00:23:27,400 the worksheet and go through the mini course. It's gonna. It's gonna help you build 391 00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:30,802 that psychological shatterproof that I 392 00:23:30,826 --> 00:23:34,002 discussed. So kind of a silly word, probably not the best word to use, but 393 00:23:34,026 --> 00:23:36,510 oh, well, I did it anyway. So another way, 394 00:23:38,970 --> 00:23:41,762 another thing you can do for me is do me a favor and forward this 395 00:23:41,786 --> 00:23:45,106 episode to other people. So share it and say something 396 00:23:45,178 --> 00:23:48,850 like, hey, great episode. You might want to check this out. You got a lot 397 00:23:48,890 --> 00:23:51,858 of noise in your head and I wonder what you're saying right there. I don't 398 00:23:51,874 --> 00:23:55,714 know. So this ep, if this episode was helpful, go ahead and give it 399 00:23:55,722 --> 00:23:59,510 a rating and review on Apple or Spotify. So in closing, 400 00:24:00,330 --> 00:24:04,018 I want to challenge you. Live the life today, this moment, today, 401 00:24:04,074 --> 00:24:07,602 tonight, this afternoon that you want to be remembered for living 402 00:24:07,746 --> 00:24:11,330 10 years after you're gone. You decide your legacy. 403 00:24:11,410 --> 00:24:14,770 Nobody else. And either you will decide your legacy or, by 404 00:24:14,810 --> 00:24:18,642 default, fear is going to decide it for you. So I 405 00:24:18,666 --> 00:24:21,630 appreciate you greatly and I'll see you next time. 406 00:24:29,830 --> 00:24:30,070 It.