1 00:00:01,050 --> 00:00:04,560 Your blind spots are killing your business. 2 00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:09,840 Join us to find out why on this edition of the Inside BS 3 00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:13,740 Show. Hey, now I'm Nicki G. 4 00:00:13,740 --> 00:00:17,850 This is the Inside BS Show. Here with me this morning is Dave Lorenzo, 5 00:00:17,850 --> 00:00:20,820 my partner, godfather of Growth. How are you Dave? 6 00:00:21,330 --> 00:00:25,950 Hey Nicki. G I'm doing great in my operator number one headset. 7 00:00:26,100 --> 00:00:26,970 That's right, folks. 8 00:00:27,060 --> 00:00:31,740 Nicola is absolutely killing me today because I'm testing 9 00:00:31,740 --> 00:00:36,600 out a new mic with a well with headphones that we're going to 10 00:00:36,630 --> 00:00:41,610 use when we do live events. So I look like a European soccer announcer, 11 00:00:41,820 --> 00:00:45,720 and so if you hear Nicola just laugh hysterically at any given point, 12 00:00:45,930 --> 00:00:49,140 it's because I look like a total knucklehead with this thing on him. 13 00:00:49,140 --> 00:00:53,670 I'm an air traffic controller directing planes coming into Miami 14 00:00:53,670 --> 00:00:55,980 International Airport. So Nicola, 15 00:00:55,980 --> 00:00:59,580 you said blind spots are killing our business. What does that mean? 16 00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:00,690 That is right. 17 00:01:00,690 --> 00:01:05,490 So let me begin by telling a story that happened actually just 18 00:01:05,490 --> 00:01:06,323 this week. 19 00:01:06,630 --> 00:01:11,370 So someone very close to me has documented 20 00:01:11,380 --> 00:01:14,250 disabilities and associated with those disabilities. 21 00:01:14,250 --> 00:01:18,870 This person has a handicap parking pass in the form of the hangar that goes on 22 00:01:18,870 --> 00:01:19,703 your car. 23 00:01:20,100 --> 00:01:24,990 So this person was going about their normal daily routine and went to a 24 00:01:24,990 --> 00:01:29,940 workout facility to get a workout in to help them improve some of 25 00:01:30,750 --> 00:01:33,810 those issues that they deal with as part of that. 26 00:01:34,650 --> 00:01:39,390 So they park in a parking space that is a handicapped space and they put the 27 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:44,010 hanger up in the car and moments later before the person even has the 28 00:01:44,020 --> 00:01:47,490 opportunity to step out of the car with their belongings and start walking to 29 00:01:47,490 --> 00:01:48,780 the front of the facility, 30 00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:53,430 someone comes running across the parking lot to make sure that they catch them 31 00:01:53,430 --> 00:01:58,020 while they're still standing outside of their car that just parked in the space. 32 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:01,890 That person proceeds to ask the person, 33 00:02:01,900 --> 00:02:06,510 I know why they didn't park in the other spaces 34 00:02:06,870 --> 00:02:11,430 gesturing towards the section of the parking lot that has non handicap 35 00:02:11,430 --> 00:02:12,263 spaces. 36 00:02:13,380 --> 00:02:18,210 Person on the receiving end of this responds by asking why that 37 00:02:18,210 --> 00:02:22,860 person thinks they would have the right to question their medical history. 38 00:02:23,940 --> 00:02:27,900 Now the person instead of quietly saying, I'm sorry, 39 00:02:27,900 --> 00:02:32,850 and walking away goes in again and asks another personal question 40 00:02:32,850 --> 00:02:36,150 about the situation. This time, 41 00:02:36,210 --> 00:02:40,650 what they receive is something that they were frankly entitled to, 42 00:02:40,710 --> 00:02:44,670 but they received the feedback that, Hey, by the way, 43 00:02:44,700 --> 00:02:45,750 I'm a disabled veteran. 44 00:02:46,890 --> 00:02:51,570 Now the person is profusely apologizing after hearing that they have 45 00:02:51,570 --> 00:02:54,990 insulted someone who served our country and has disabilities associated with 46 00:02:54,990 --> 00:02:57,570 their service. Now they're so sorry it happened. 47 00:02:57,870 --> 00:03:00,490 Really want to just rewind and take all of that back. 48 00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:07,330 So there's a lot to take away from this. And I share this personal 49 00:03:07,330 --> 00:03:09,730 story because first of all, I'm hearing it. 50 00:03:10,060 --> 00:03:14,980 I was horrified that this happened and this happened to someone that I care 51 00:03:14,980 --> 00:03:19,900 a lot about and it happened unfortunately 52 00:03:19,990 --> 00:03:24,940 by someone who it turns out I know and I serve in a professional 53 00:03:24,940 --> 00:03:27,490 volunteer capacity with very closely. 54 00:03:28,330 --> 00:03:33,070 I am again shocked that it came from the person that I know and 55 00:03:33,070 --> 00:03:36,850 I've interacted with over the years. And I thought I knew very well. 56 00:03:37,750 --> 00:03:42,640 So I found myself in a position having to figure out how to navigate 57 00:03:42,650 --> 00:03:43,483 this situation. 58 00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:49,210 When you provide that type of commentary to 59 00:03:49,210 --> 00:03:51,580 someone in that circumstance, 60 00:03:51,970 --> 00:03:55,450 it is obvious that you've missed something, 61 00:03:56,080 --> 00:03:59,740 that you have a major blind spot. 62 00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:05,200 The blind spot of the person who provided this commentary is obvious 63 00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:05,620 here, 64 00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:10,300 which is they perceive disabilities to only be that which they can see 65 00:04:10,300 --> 00:04:14,650 visually. That is a major issue, 66 00:04:14,740 --> 00:04:19,240 that's a major issue for that person on a personal level because now they've 67 00:04:19,240 --> 00:04:21,700 offended not only the person who they said that to, 68 00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:24,700 but now I have to figure out how to navigate that situation. 69 00:04:25,060 --> 00:04:29,800 But it's also a problem for that person who is in a professional capacity, 70 00:04:29,830 --> 00:04:33,310 who likely has other blind spots in their professional role. 71 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:38,440 So let me pause here and I'm going to turn it 72 00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:40,600 over to you, Dave, because when this happened, 73 00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:44,680 I reached out to you and we had a conversation about it. 74 00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:48,310 How do we move on from this type of situation? 75 00:04:48,310 --> 00:04:51,340 And you've got to have people in your life that you can have these conversations 76 00:04:51,340 --> 00:04:55,660 with who are going to help you navigate the situation in an appropriate way. 77 00:04:57,600 --> 00:04:58,433 Way. Wow. 78 00:04:58,540 --> 00:05:02,980 So first I want to tell you 79 00:05:03,010 --> 00:05:07,690 how I guess flattered I am that you reached out to me in the first place because 80 00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:11,800 it showed me the strength of our relationship. 81 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:16,390 And the second thing I want to say is that I 82 00:05:16,630 --> 00:05:21,340 admire and appreciate your vulnerability in telling this story 83 00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:24,520 because I know how hard it is for you to do this. 84 00:05:25,270 --> 00:05:28,690 So with that being said, I think, 85 00:05:30,250 --> 00:05:30,580 look, 86 00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:35,050 it's hard for people like you and me to understand how somebody would do this 87 00:05:35,060 --> 00:05:39,220 because this is the way that you and I are wired is that this would be the last 88 00:05:39,220 --> 00:05:43,210 thing that we would do. I mean, I can't imagine, 89 00:05:43,270 --> 00:05:46,960 and you and I laughed, we had a really good laugh the next day about this. 90 00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:48,850 The first day that you told me, we didn't laugh about it, 91 00:05:49,030 --> 00:05:54,010 but the next day we had a great laugh about can you imagine it's such a Larry 92 00:05:54,010 --> 00:05:57,650 David thing, for somebody to come running up to someone in a parking lot going, 93 00:05:58,010 --> 00:06:02,000 Hey, you like the handicap spot, huh? I see that. Yeah, 94 00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:07,310 what's going on with you? Why would you want to park there? Who would do that? 95 00:06:07,730 --> 00:06:09,170 So what we did, 96 00:06:09,170 --> 00:06:12,920 what I did when we first had this conversation that when you first called me, 97 00:06:12,980 --> 00:06:17,000 I tried my best to just listen and not say anything. 98 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:21,590 And for the first thing I tried to do was to really understand the feeling 99 00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:24,080 behind the words. And I understood, 100 00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:27,530 and I understand now today even more because I could see, 101 00:06:27,530 --> 00:06:31,730 I could feel the emotion that you felt because I know how much you care about 102 00:06:31,730 --> 00:06:34,460 the person who was on the receiving end of this. 103 00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:37,760 So that was the first thing that I tried to do as somebody that you were sharing 104 00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:38,540 this with. 105 00:06:38,540 --> 00:06:43,430 But the thing I tried to explore with you first after I made sure that you got 106 00:06:43,430 --> 00:06:44,263 your emotion, 107 00:06:44,780 --> 00:06:48,770 that you expressed your emotion to me in a way that made you feel like, 108 00:06:48,830 --> 00:06:50,570 I hope I made you feel like you were heard, 109 00:06:50,570 --> 00:06:54,680 and I was trying to understand what you were feeling after that 110 00:06:55,340 --> 00:06:59,720 was what I tried to do with you is what I tried to do with myself. And it's so 111 00:06:59,730 --> 00:07:00,710 hard when this happened, 112 00:07:00,710 --> 00:07:04,700 is to think about the lunatic who came running up to the person that you care 113 00:07:04,700 --> 00:07:09,470 about, that lunatic. What could that person's mindset be? And I said to you, 114 00:07:09,470 --> 00:07:13,910 how would your feeling about this whole thing change if you found out that this 115 00:07:13,910 --> 00:07:18,500 person had a handicapped child and they struggled to get their handicapped child 116 00:07:18,500 --> 00:07:22,520 in and out of the car because other people were constantly taking the handicap 117 00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:27,140 parking spots? Would that change the way you felt about this? 118 00:07:27,770 --> 00:07:32,060 And your response was, well, a little right, still inappropriate, 119 00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:35,480 still no excuse for what this person did, 120 00:07:36,230 --> 00:07:41,120 but it reframes the way we think about 121 00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:44,630 it. So for me, because I am, 122 00:07:44,690 --> 00:07:46,190 and this is like you and I, 123 00:07:46,190 --> 00:07:49,400 there are a handful of places where you and I are different, 124 00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:52,280 and I think this is one of the places where you and I are different in that 125 00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:55,100 emotion is always my first reaction, 126 00:07:55,110 --> 00:07:58,550 and I don't feel like you feel things any less than I do, 127 00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:03,170 but you're more logical than I am. Your first reaction is not with emotion. 128 00:08:03,170 --> 00:08:05,840 Your first reaction is logical. So for me, what I do, 129 00:08:06,170 --> 00:08:09,770 if this had happened to somebody I cared about and I was there, 130 00:08:10,970 --> 00:08:14,960 one of us would've been going to the hospital because I would've been absolutely 131 00:08:15,230 --> 00:08:19,790 in this person's face saying things that are completely inappropriate to be said 132 00:08:19,790 --> 00:08:20,750 in mixed company, 133 00:08:20,990 --> 00:08:24,620 and it would've been a big problem and the person probably would've reacted 134 00:08:24,620 --> 00:08:28,700 violently to the verbal barrage they would've received from me. 135 00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:34,430 What I try to tell myself in these circumstances is, okay, 136 00:08:34,610 --> 00:08:39,470 let me think about what could have led this person to this completely 137 00:08:39,470 --> 00:08:43,190 irrational reaction. And the only thing that I could think of is, hey, listen, 138 00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,420 if this kid had a handicap, 139 00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:49,460 if this guy had a handicap child who he had struggled to 140 00:08:49,460 --> 00:08:54,170 put in and out of a car and he could never get a handicap spot because 141 00:08:55,980 --> 00:09:00,510 people who seem able-bodied were taking handicapped parking 142 00:09:00,510 --> 00:09:01,343 spots, 143 00:09:01,590 --> 00:09:06,420 maybe he would have a visceral reaction to it. It wouldn't 144 00:09:06,420 --> 00:09:10,380 make it right, but it would put things in context. 145 00:09:10,740 --> 00:09:15,300 So when we were having the discussion about this that that was kind of the 146 00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:17,490 context. I didn't excuse the behavior, 147 00:09:17,790 --> 00:09:22,380 but I tried to reframe it from a contextual 148 00:09:22,620 --> 00:09:26,730 place where you could understand where this person was coming from. 149 00:09:26,850 --> 00:09:28,890 And my hope was in doing this, 150 00:09:28,900 --> 00:09:31,950 and I want to hear what you have to say about this. My hope was in doing this, 151 00:09:32,010 --> 00:09:35,490 you can still work with this person. I don't think you're going to ever, 152 00:09:35,490 --> 00:09:39,210 and I don't think you should ever excuse this guy's behavior, 153 00:09:40,350 --> 00:09:43,800 but my hope is that if we recontextualize this, 154 00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:45,660 whether it's true or not, 155 00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:50,970 it'll allow you to at least face this person without wanting to spit in his face 156 00:09:50,970 --> 00:09:53,250 every time you see him. Does that make sense? 157 00:09:53,850 --> 00:09:55,110 It does make sense. 158 00:09:55,110 --> 00:09:59,700 And I'm really glad that that was what you posed to me in 159 00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:02,220 response was what if this was a circumstance, 160 00:10:02,230 --> 00:10:05,670 whether it was a child or was a parent, and it made me think, you know what? 161 00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:10,740 That makes a lot more sense that there would be some underlying issue that 162 00:10:10,740 --> 00:10:14,940 caused that person to approach the person I know in the first place and knowing 163 00:10:14,940 --> 00:10:19,860 that we know one another. So I think that took some of the sting away. 164 00:10:19,890 --> 00:10:21,840 When you hear this, when it's a complete stranger, 165 00:10:21,850 --> 00:10:24,270 I think that I might have a reaction like you, Dave, 166 00:10:24,270 --> 00:10:25,620 if I was there and I saw it, 167 00:10:25,620 --> 00:10:30,420 which is to immediately get emotional and allow that emotion to just 168 00:10:30,750 --> 00:10:33,930 be taken out, certainly 169 00:10:36,300 --> 00:10:38,970 in the way that I would be speaking, not necessarily physically. 170 00:10:39,870 --> 00:10:43,830 So I think that helped to process what had happened and thinking about it a 171 00:10:43,830 --> 00:10:47,370 different way. So sitting back now, 172 00:10:47,370 --> 00:10:51,180 and I think that there's two things that I really want to focus on. 173 00:10:51,180 --> 00:10:53,730 One is when something like that happens, 174 00:10:54,180 --> 00:10:57,240 while it impacts the two people in the situation, 175 00:10:57,240 --> 00:11:01,830 we saw that the person felt remorse for what had happened and realized that 176 00:11:01,830 --> 00:11:03,270 there was a major mistake there. 177 00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:08,040 The person on the other end of that also has to not only defend themselves in 178 00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:08,730 the situation, 179 00:11:08,730 --> 00:11:13,080 but think about the position you've put them in because they're now thinking 180 00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:14,490 about their own disabilities. 181 00:11:14,490 --> 00:11:18,060 They're now thinking about something that they weren't thinking about that day. 182 00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:22,050 And oftentimes you're going to make them feel worse about themselves when 183 00:11:22,050 --> 00:11:23,400 something like this happens. 184 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:28,500 So there was a lot that happened because of this person's blind spot. 185 00:11:29,130 --> 00:11:31,440 Now this we see, not just in a personal level, 186 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:33,270 this is obviously a very personal story, 187 00:11:33,270 --> 00:11:37,440 but this happens in business and that's why I want us to talk about the business 188 00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:41,910 aspect of this. If you don't even know that you have these 189 00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:43,800 major blind spots, 190 00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:49,230 you are absolutely causing this type of reaction to happen 191 00:11:49,260 --> 00:11:53,220 as you are going about your work. You may know sometimes, 192 00:11:53,260 --> 00:11:55,750 but you may not know why you're getting the reaction, 193 00:11:55,750 --> 00:12:00,010 but you don't know why because it's a blind spot for you or you have no idea and 194 00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:02,860 clients are leaving you or people you work with are leaving you. 195 00:12:03,940 --> 00:12:08,890 So we should focus on how can we help people work through identifying what 196 00:12:08,900 --> 00:12:13,210 their blind spots are so that it stops hurting their relationships? 197 00:12:14,110 --> 00:12:17,980 One way for me is making sure that you work with people, 198 00:12:17,980 --> 00:12:22,090 you surround yourself with people that can help you identify those. 199 00:12:22,180 --> 00:12:26,140 There has to be someone in this person's life close to them that knows this is 200 00:12:26,150 --> 00:12:27,730 an issue that has seen this before. 201 00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:31,030 This doesn't just happen once when you have a blind spot. 202 00:12:31,090 --> 00:12:34,720 It's something that is reoccurring and you've got to have people you trust 203 00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:38,740 around you to recognize it so that they can approach you in a way where you're 204 00:12:38,740 --> 00:12:41,140 going to be open to the conversation about changing it. 205 00:12:41,650 --> 00:12:45,640 So it's funny you say this, I had somebody in a session I did, 206 00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:50,020 and we were talking about how to develop relationships and get the best out of 207 00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:50,710 people. 208 00:12:50,710 --> 00:12:55,150 I make them go through selecting an avatar at the beginning of the session and 209 00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:59,590 I'm teaching them about leadership influence and they're going to try and 210 00:12:59,590 --> 00:13:03,280 influence a certain person to behave differently. 211 00:13:03,370 --> 00:13:07,900 And the avatar that this woman selected was a bookkeeper who works for her, 212 00:13:08,290 --> 00:13:11,980 who has a terrible attitude and doesn't respect her. And I said, okay, 213 00:13:11,980 --> 00:13:15,310 so you want to influence this person. How does this behavior manifest itself? 214 00:13:15,430 --> 00:13:16,510 And she said, well, 215 00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:20,410 when I try to get her to do things differently that are more efficient and more 216 00:13:20,410 --> 00:13:21,243 effective, 217 00:13:21,610 --> 00:13:25,750 she responds with disrespectful language, 218 00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:28,060 bordering unprofessional, 219 00:13:28,300 --> 00:13:32,320 and I'm really having a hard time getting through to her. 220 00:13:32,950 --> 00:13:35,170 And I said, tell me about the interpersonal dynamic. She said, well, 221 00:13:35,170 --> 00:13:40,090 the person's older than me and she gave me the family makeup of 222 00:13:40,090 --> 00:13:43,210 the person and everything. And I said to her, alright, what have you tried? 223 00:13:43,210 --> 00:13:47,260 And she told me that she's tried to sit down and coach and counsel her and have 224 00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:51,640 conversations. And I said, tell me how those conversations go. And she said, 225 00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:55,210 I say to her, you're behaving this way. You need to behave this way. 226 00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:57,400 Please do that. And I said, okay. 227 00:13:58,300 --> 00:14:02,980 So we go through the entire program and my at the centerpiece of my program is 228 00:14:02,980 --> 00:14:03,813 empathy. 229 00:14:04,540 --> 00:14:08,560 So we're getting toward the end of the program and the person who's the leader 230 00:14:08,570 --> 00:14:11,770 of the group says to me, I need you to go back to this person. 231 00:14:11,770 --> 00:14:13,450 He mentions her by name. He said, 232 00:14:13,450 --> 00:14:18,280 would you walk her through her case study step-by-step with the core values 233 00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:22,990 that you've talked about today in terms of demonstrating them to build a 234 00:14:22,990 --> 00:14:24,760 relationship? He said, 235 00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:27,820 because I want to make sure that she has a way to deal with this person. 236 00:14:27,940 --> 00:14:29,830 This is a real tough issue she's struggling with. 237 00:14:30,460 --> 00:14:33,250 So we come back from a break and I said, okay, so-and-so I said her name. 238 00:14:33,250 --> 00:14:35,980 I said, let's walk through how this is going to work for you. 239 00:14:36,490 --> 00:14:38,950 And we get to the part about empathy. And I said, 240 00:14:38,950 --> 00:14:43,030 what do you think you could do different leveraging empathy to rectify the 241 00:14:43,030 --> 00:14:46,360 situation? And she looks at me and I said, 242 00:14:47,020 --> 00:14:51,620 what if there's something in this woman's life that has 243 00:14:51,620 --> 00:14:56,510 caused her to act with 244 00:14:56,750 --> 00:15:01,070 transference or act with projection and project 245 00:15:01,310 --> 00:15:04,040 someone's bad behavior onto you? 246 00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:07,730 And that's what's causing them to act this way. I said, 247 00:15:07,730 --> 00:15:12,320 suppose this woman at a previous job had someone who's younger than 248 00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:17,030 her or who had the same personality type as you do, 249 00:15:17,030 --> 00:15:19,250 who is younger than her backs, 250 00:15:19,250 --> 00:15:23,630 stab her and get a promotion that she felt she should have gotten. And now 251 00:15:23,630 --> 00:15:27,800 you're her boss and she's projecting that behavior onto you. 252 00:15:28,430 --> 00:15:28,790 I said, 253 00:15:28,790 --> 00:15:33,560 or what if she has a personal life that is so horrible and 254 00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:38,510 so miserable and she's abused by someone to the point where 255 00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:42,860 she feels like she has no control in her personal life and the only place she 256 00:15:42,860 --> 00:15:47,660 feels like she can exert control is by pushing back on you at work? 257 00:15:48,110 --> 00:15:52,700 How would that make you change your approach? And she said to me, 258 00:15:52,700 --> 00:15:55,610 oh my God. She said, if that were the case, she said, 259 00:15:56,390 --> 00:15:59,000 I have friends who are abused. She said, if that were the case, 260 00:15:59,420 --> 00:16:04,130 I would sit down and ask her why she's behaving this way and what I could 261 00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:09,050 do to change my approach so that we could both 262 00:16:09,290 --> 00:16:14,240 get what we were looking for out of work. I said, really? I said, okay. 263 00:16:14,690 --> 00:16:19,520 So just imagine that that's what it is. Just put that into place and 264 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:23,810 adjust your behavior accordingly. And she said, well, 265 00:16:23,810 --> 00:16:26,960 I don't know if I'd feel comfortable doing that at this point. She's like, 266 00:16:26,970 --> 00:16:29,930 I feel like I should have done that months ago. I said, okay, well, 267 00:16:29,930 --> 00:16:32,000 here's what you can do. I said, 268 00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:36,200 you can ask her to put herself in your place. I said, 269 00:16:36,210 --> 00:16:39,590 go to her and say, here's the outcome we need to get to. 270 00:16:40,370 --> 00:16:45,110 What do you recommend we do to get to that outcome? 271 00:16:45,110 --> 00:16:47,180 So I need this amount of work done. 272 00:16:47,300 --> 00:16:52,010 Her biggest thing is this person's taking eight hours to do four hours worth of 273 00:16:52,020 --> 00:16:56,900 work, and the controller was in this role before she became the controller, 274 00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:59,570 and she's telling her, I used to do this job in four hours. 275 00:16:59,570 --> 00:17:02,180 I can't believe you can't get it done in four hours. I said, 276 00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:04,340 what if you went to her and you said, 277 00:17:04,370 --> 00:17:08,990 we need to get this job done in a maximum of six hours. How can we get 278 00:17:08,990 --> 00:17:09,823 there? 279 00:17:10,550 --> 00:17:14,210 What can I do to remove barriers to help you get there? 280 00:17:14,360 --> 00:17:18,380 How do you recommend we get to doing this job in six hours? 281 00:17:19,190 --> 00:17:22,730 I said, if you reframe the discussion and say, put yourself in my spot, 282 00:17:22,730 --> 00:17:24,890 my boss is coming to me for more productivity. 283 00:17:24,890 --> 00:17:27,560 The C F O is coming to me for more productivity, 284 00:17:27,650 --> 00:17:31,940 and I need you to get four hours worth of work done 285 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:34,220 in addition to what you're currently doing. 286 00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:38,030 So you got to get the current work you have done in six hours 287 00:17:39,260 --> 00:17:42,680 at a maximum. What can we do together to get there? 288 00:17:42,890 --> 00:17:47,240 If you take that approach and you reframe the discussion and say, 289 00:17:47,750 --> 00:17:52,200 what's going on and how can I help make this happen? 290 00:17:52,350 --> 00:17:55,290 Here's the thing that you put yourself on the same side of the table. 291 00:17:55,290 --> 00:17:59,490 How can you and I together make this happen? It makes things different when it 292 00:17:59,490 --> 00:18:03,720 comes to a blind spot at work. Now, your situation that you open the show with, 293 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:06,780 you're certainly not going to sit down and coach and counsel guy who approached 294 00:18:06,790 --> 00:18:08,190 the person you care about in the parking lot. 295 00:18:08,190 --> 00:18:12,270 But what you can do is you can get him to put himself in the position 296 00:18:12,810 --> 00:18:17,130 of the other person and say, what if a person is really disabled? 297 00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:21,930 And you've just brought back all kinds of memories of how their 298 00:18:21,940 --> 00:18:26,730 disability came to be by asking them why they were parking in that parking spot, 299 00:18:26,730 --> 00:18:29,910 how would you feel? And that will correct the person's behavior moving forward. 300 00:18:29,910 --> 00:18:34,260 Hopefully they will never do that again. So role reversal, 301 00:18:34,350 --> 00:18:38,700 turning the tables is a good way to get people to see the opposite 302 00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:43,500 perspective and hopefully, hopefully correct the behavior moving forward. 303 00:18:44,100 --> 00:18:46,470 But I would start with saying, Hey, how do we get to this place? 304 00:18:46,470 --> 00:18:51,030 Tell me what's going on that made you behave this way so that you can first show 305 00:18:51,030 --> 00:18:52,500 that you're empathetic and that you understand. 306 00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:56,820 Yeah, I think that is a great suggestion, Dave, 307 00:18:56,820 --> 00:18:58,380 especially if you're in a workplace. 308 00:18:58,390 --> 00:19:02,220 You have to continue working with person who you're having that issue with and 309 00:19:02,220 --> 00:19:07,020 helping when you understand what is underlying 310 00:19:07,020 --> 00:19:11,070 that behavior that's going to allow you to break through. You've got to, 311 00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:12,450 and we've talked about empathy before, 312 00:19:12,450 --> 00:19:14,940 you have got to really get to know people, 313 00:19:14,940 --> 00:19:19,830 what's going on in their lives so that you can be empathetic so that you 314 00:19:19,830 --> 00:19:21,270 can help them get through that, 315 00:19:21,270 --> 00:19:25,650 and you get through that so you can be in a better place simply reacting to it, 316 00:19:25,710 --> 00:19:27,360 which is another choice, 317 00:19:27,360 --> 00:19:31,440 not a good choice that you could take to approach the circumstances is going to 318 00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:36,000 lead to a lot worse of the situation that could entirely blow up. 319 00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:37,890 You're there, you're having to work with someone. You're saying, well, 320 00:19:37,890 --> 00:19:41,100 you're just not getting this done. I know this can be done in four hours. 321 00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:44,130 That's going to lead to a very hostile relationship between you. 322 00:19:44,700 --> 00:19:48,090 And this may be someone who just has an issue going on personally that you don't 323 00:19:48,090 --> 00:19:50,250 know about that can be rectified, 324 00:19:50,250 --> 00:19:52,500 and that person can be a great and longstanding employee. 325 00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:54,120 This is why it matters, 326 00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:57,690 getting to know the people that you work with and helping work through those 327 00:19:57,690 --> 00:20:01,770 circumstances. And if you can't work through it after getting to know them, 328 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:04,080 then it's not a good fit for the long term. 329 00:20:04,410 --> 00:20:08,340 But it's the ability to recognize that is what we're talking about here today. 330 00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:13,080 This is a way that you can recognize that and get to the bottom of it so that 331 00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:17,880 you can make that change so you don't have that situation reoccurring, 332 00:20:18,270 --> 00:20:21,540 and so that you're not continuing to face a blind spot that you may be having. 333 00:20:22,350 --> 00:20:26,670 My mentor, Alan Weiss has a saying that stays with me all the time, 334 00:20:26,670 --> 00:20:30,840 and he says, in a not so kind and nurturing way, 335 00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:35,220 stop assuming that people are damaged. He said, very few people, 336 00:20:35,220 --> 00:20:38,400 less than 5% of people are actually damaged. 337 00:20:38,730 --> 00:20:40,950 Their behavior is caused by something. 338 00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:44,190 If you understand what's causing their behavior, you don't have to accept it. 339 00:20:44,550 --> 00:20:47,490 But if you understand what's causing their behavior, 340 00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:50,350 it puts the whole situation in context. 341 00:20:50,620 --> 00:20:54,490 So as much as we'd like to assume that the lunatic that ran up to the person 342 00:20:54,490 --> 00:20:57,670 that you care about in the parking lot was some sort of a mental patient, 343 00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:00,850 he's not because you work with this person, 344 00:21:01,990 --> 00:21:05,470 he has no mental defect whatsoever. There's got to be something. 345 00:21:05,620 --> 00:21:07,510 There's got to be something in his life that caused that. 346 00:21:07,630 --> 00:21:10,780 And in that session that I ran this week, 347 00:21:11,890 --> 00:21:16,780 the woman wouldn't have hired this bookkeeper if she could detect that there was 348 00:21:16,780 --> 00:21:19,540 some sort of mental defect or damage with her. 349 00:21:19,690 --> 00:21:21,370 So there's something that's causing the behavior, 350 00:21:21,550 --> 00:21:24,100 get to the root cause of the behavior, address it, 351 00:21:24,220 --> 00:21:26,200 and then if the behavior doesn't improve, 352 00:21:26,290 --> 00:21:29,770 you need to take remedial steps after that. Remove the person from your life, 353 00:21:29,890 --> 00:21:32,920 fire the person from work, do whatever you've got to do. 354 00:21:33,190 --> 00:21:36,220 So in terms of takeaways from today's show, Nicki G, 355 00:21:36,430 --> 00:21:40,960 what should people take away from the show if they recognize a blind 356 00:21:40,990 --> 00:21:44,350 spot in another person, who they work with, who they want to coach out of it? 357 00:21:44,350 --> 00:21:45,250 How should we proceed? 358 00:21:46,150 --> 00:21:49,840 First, do not immediately react emotionally. 359 00:21:49,900 --> 00:21:53,440 I know that is hard. Just take a step back, 360 00:21:53,860 --> 00:21:57,460 have a conversation with someone you trust. Think about what happened, 361 00:21:57,460 --> 00:22:01,630 realize that there may be something else there that you need to think about and 362 00:22:01,630 --> 00:22:03,820 explore. So that's number one for me. 363 00:22:05,020 --> 00:22:08,110 And number two is when you identify what that is, 364 00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:12,490 take measured steps to get to the underlying issue so that you can better 365 00:22:12,490 --> 00:22:13,930 understand it, so you can better address it. 366 00:22:15,370 --> 00:22:19,090 I like it. Very good. This is the Inside BS show. My name is Dave Lorenzo. 367 00:22:19,090 --> 00:22:21,160 I'm the godfather of growth, and she is. 368 00:22:21,490 --> 00:22:22,323 Nicki G. 369 00:22:22,510 --> 00:22:25,900 So we're here every day. You'll notice this is an audio show. 370 00:22:25,900 --> 00:22:29,500 So the way the show grows is if you share it with other people. 371 00:22:29,500 --> 00:22:33,670 So if you know entrepreneurs or professionals who are in your life who want to 372 00:22:33,670 --> 00:22:36,610 learn about growing a business, starting a business, 373 00:22:36,610 --> 00:22:40,150 making their business more valuable, share this with them. 374 00:22:40,150 --> 00:22:41,380 It's good karma for you, 375 00:22:41,380 --> 00:22:45,790 and you may just change someone's business and someone's life until tomorrow. 376 00:22:45,910 --> 00:22:49,300 Here's hoping you make a great living and live a great life. See you tomorrow.