We’re continuing our focus on families that look different by spending time with one of the hardest working parents out there—a single mom. We sat down with Shana Cooley to talk about what God has taught her along the way. There are insights in this episode for ALL parents!
Show Notes
QUESTIONS WE ASK:
- What have been some of the challenges along the way in your parenting as a single mother?
- What are things that you wish you would have known early on that would have been so helpful to you?
- What have you learned about yourself over the years?
- What have you learned about God?
- What is the greatest piece of advice you were given?
- What would you tell people who are trying to figure out how to single parent their children?
HIGHLIGHTS:
- When Shana’s son, Sam, was in early high school, she realized their home was not a safe place. She realized three things: “I needed God. I needed to be healthy. I needed help because the other two things seemed so far out of my grasp.” This shifted my whole approach to life, which led to the end of my marriage and to me being a single parent.
- The biggest and most immediate challenge is the lack of partnership. There’s a void there. Couple that with all the responsibility that goes into raising a child, managing a home, and managing finances, being intentionally available and present as a parent and it is NOT easy.
- “I was processing things spiritually, physically, and emotionally at the same time [as Sam]. It was overwhelming, exhausting, hard, and an incredibly lonely place to be... I felt unrelatable and irrelevant because what I had structured as my life was gone.”
- Be honest and open about where you are, with people around you and with your kids. You don’t have to hide your mess—they’re going to see it anyway. It gives you an opportunity to model behavior to your kids—for example, with finances. You can talk to them about how things are tight this month, or how you aren’t sure how to manage things. You are showing them how to accept things in life that are hard, and watch you pray over them and work to figure them out.
- Extend grace to yourself. You’re not going to be perfect at everything. You’re going to make mistakes. The question is how you respond to it. If you blow up or disagree with your kids, apologize. Show them that example of humility. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean that.” or “I meant what I said, but not how I said it. Can we try again?”
- Allow your kids to join the journey. It’s hard to let your kids see you be resilient in your faith. Your kids cannot develop a resilient faith unless they see you modeling it.
- God has equipped you to parent your child the way no one else could. He will meet you where you are to succeed.
- You have a voice, and it’s really important to use it. You were created very purposefully.
- God will always do what is GOOD for us—that doesn’t mean it’s going to be comfortable.
- Pray “I want what You want for me, even though it might not be easy, or comfortable. And at the end of the day I know that You are good. That is a truth. So I want what You want for me.”
- No matter what your day entails, how hard it was, how tired you are, what else is left on your list to do—give your kids ten minutes a day where your focus is entirely on them. Turn off your phone, remove any distractions, and spend that time solely on them. It won’t feel like just ten minutes to them.
- When you are feeling alone, remember the Holy Spirit is always right there with you, walking alongside you.
- Find other adults to pour into your kids in ways you can’t. Single moms, pray for Godly men to be in your son’s life to meet those needs. Single dads, pray for Godly women to be in your daughter’s life to meet those needs.
- No matter where you are on the journey, don’t miss the blessing.
- Nurture your relationship with God. If you don’t know what that is, find out.
- Pray. Pray over your children, for the people they hang out with, that they’ll be caught if they’re not behaving, pray for Godly mentors to be brought into their lives to provide what you can’t. Pray for yourself to have wisdom, to have mental and emotional fortitude, to be able to raise your kids in a healthy environment.
- Take care of yourself spiritually, physically, socially, and emotionally.
What is RH Family Making History?
Our heartbeat is for the church and the family to connect in such a way that the Gospel, His story, comes alive in the hearts of the next generation. Visit http://makinghistory.family for additional resources.