Morgan Teruel: Hey. Thanks so much for listening to Sandals Church. Our vision as a church is to be real with ourselves, God, and others. We hope you enjoy this message.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown: Hi, guys. Welcome to Sandals Church. I don't know if you know this, but there is an epidemic of loneliness. Man, we are seeing this in every category of American that is and across the globe. We have teenagers today that are are more lonely than ever, literally not being able to identify or name a friend.
We have young adults today, more digitally connected than ever, but but feel all alone, and many young people today don't see a future for marriage, don't see a future for close friendships. Even married people today, married people, you sleep next to a person. Even married people are saying, I'm so lonely. I don't have a friend. And even our elderly, who have kids and grandkids, who've lived on the same block for decades, don't have a friend.
We have an epidemic of loneliness, and yet, the Bible teaches us how to not be alone. God wants you never to be alone, and you're gonna have an opportunity today to leave here never alone again, because Jesus wants to be your friend. But more than just Jesus, Jesus wants to teach us how to make friendships, because here's the thing is, one of the reasons so many of us are lonely is we don't know how to be a friend, we don't know how to make a friend. We don't know what friendship is. So before we talk about, in this series, Unbreakable, how do we build unbreakable friendships?
Because let's be honest, COVID has broken the friends we thought we had. I mean, think about that. It's broken families, It's broken friends. Even our coworkers that we thought were friends, we don't see them anymore. All of a sudden, they're gone.
How do we build unbreakable friendships in an era of loneliness? So let's talk about the barriers to friendship. We all experience these. These are just some of the the barriers I thought about. What are the things that keep me from genuine friendship?
Number 1, social media. Social media isolates me socially. It's like a drug. It promises connection, but it always leaves you feeling worse than when you looked. Right?
It promises, oh, this feels like friendship. This feels like relationship. Man, all it does is it shows you where you're not. Amen? Oh, I didn't get invited there.
Oh, I don't have that. Oh, I don't look like that. Social media is antisocial. It isolates you socially, so stop scrolling and start listening. Okay?
Listen to what Proverbs says. Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire. And you know what? Some of us want more than a friend is a pity party. Right?
It's my party, and I can cry if I want to. Amen? I can cry if I want to. But when you isolate yourself, listen to me, you break out against all sound judgment. Listen to me, even if you're alone right now, you're not alone.
You know who's with you right now? A crazy roommate, crazy roommate, psycho, racist, a thief. You know who he is? Your mind. Your mind.
Here's one of the things you gotta learn, man. My mind is a crazy roommate, and I gotta talk to him like he's crazy. He's crazy. Nobody likes you. I'm like, really?
Nobody wants to listen to you? Are you sure? You're ugly. Really? Tammy won't even say that.
Right? Your roommate is just nuts. Nuts. You gotta start talking to your mind like he's a crazy roommate or she's a crazy roommate. Some of you may have a couple roommates.
Amen? You know what I'm saying? It's like, who said that? I don't know. But you gotta speak to them, because when you're all alone, we all get a little nutty.
We do. We become the judge, jury, and executioner. And, man, that's just that's just the reality. Social media makes you nutty. Get off Instagram and get in a group today.
Get in a group. K? And here's the thing is, some of you and and someone in my small group shared this last week. This is a guy I've known for years. He said, I didn't realize this.
He said, but I have social anxiety now because I was so alone during COVID. He shared that in our group, and I was so thankful for that. This is a young man, a confident man, a good looking man. I wished I was as good looking as him and as young as him. And he's saying, man, I feel nervous.
I I feel anxious. He said, I'd never had this before, and he shared that in our group. So here's the thing is the more isolated I am, listen to me, the more awkward I become. You know the worst part of going to a party? Is getting ready and walking in.
That's the worst part. That's the worst part. You wanna know why everybody drinks at parties? Because that's the only way they can get through it, because parties are lame. Amen?
They're lame. They're lame. That's why when you go to a club, you know, you're You know you know why the music's so loud? Because you really don't wanna hear what anyone has to say. What?
Yeah. You look good. Next. Next. Mobility.
You know when I was a kid, you know where you went? Nowhere. We went nowhere. I had a spring break for 12 years. You wanna know where we went for spring break?
Nowhere. And that's why you made friends in the eighties, because your friends didn't go anywhere either, and they were just sitting across the street. And even if you didn't like them on Monday, you were friends by Friday, because what were you gonna do? Mobility makes me, listen to this, unavailable and unreliable. Some of you who are alone, check your calendar.
Some of you have been on more vacations than you've been to church this year. Well, I just feel so disconnected to God. Yeah, that's what he thinks too. Mobility. We can go more places than ever than ever.
When I was a kid, you went nowhere. Nowhere. Same friends. Nobody moved. Nobody can afford to move.
Listen to this. Psalms 46:1. God is our refuge and strength. Here's the part I want you to hear. Listen to this.
This is how God is a friend to you. Listen to these words. Very present. A very present help in trouble. You know what God is?
He's there. He's there. So some of you, you know why you can't have a friend? Because you commute too far. Did you know that if you commute to work more than 30 minutes a day, it affects your mental health?
30 minutes a day. I don't care how much money you make. If you go longer than 30 minutes, and that's one way, you're going crazy. You're all alone in your car listening to talk radio. It's called hate radio.
Commuting, and that's why some of you don't go to church. You don't go to small group, because you drive too far already. You know what's not a relationship? Your car. You know what's not a relationship?
Your radio. Those aren't real relationships. We've talked about vacationing, people going all over the place. Listen to me, parents. When you're constantly running your kids all over the place from here to there, they're never making friends.
And if your kids can't make friends when they're kids, guess what they're gonna do when they're an adult? They can't make friends. And then moving, moving. About once a week, I get a text from a church member that says, I miss sandals so much. Well, why'd you move?
You see, that's the thing, man. I mean, all these Californians that are moving, you you think those states are gonna welcome you? When I'm in Idaho, if you have a California license plate, people put a sign. This is a rental. It's a rental.
California has a reputation, and it's not good. It's not good, but we're moving all over the place. Right? It takes time to make a good friend. Now I'm really gonna step on your toes.
If you don't feel like you've been punched yet, here it comes. Here it comes. Politics. We've all lost friends. I've lost friends because of politics.
Politics has made us all a little crazy. Some of you, a lot crazy. K? It it's just messed us up. It destroys friendships.
I had somebody say this just the other day. I would never be a friend who voted for so and so. What they don't know is I voted for so and so, and I didn't tell them. You know why? Because I didn't wanna fight you.
Like, pastor, you should stand up. No. Jesus said do not cast pearls before swine. Look, if you argue with idiots, you know what that makes you? Yeah.
Pray about it. And let me just say this. Many of us have become way more political than we are spiritual. You know what Jesus was known for? Asking whacked out crazy socially distant different politically people to his parties, and that's why they didn't think he was God.
If he was God, he would've known he's asking these sinners to this party. He knew. He said, I did not come to heal the healthy. I came to heal the sick, and let's just be honest about people. You wanna know why you have social anxiety?
People are scary. Amen? Not you guys. You people are scary. Right?
I mean scary. This is how scary it is. In survey after survey, Americans will will are more willing to stop for a dog on the freeway than they are for a person. Isn't that crazy? Oh, it's a puppy.
Oh, it's a person. Russ beat up. This is a true story. It's a true story. I was driving my car.
I had my son-in-law. Now if you don't know my son-in-law, man, he this guy looks like He he Just if you looked up shalom in the dictionary, that's what he looks like. He's just shalom. He's at peace with everyone. You know?
If you send him to Israel, the Palestinians and and the Israelis would just hug. Man, I mean, this is who he is. It's who he is. But we saw a woman jogging, and she was being attacked by, like, a white wolf. I kid you not.
Like, think White Fang. So I pulled my car in between her and the dog. I looked at the dog. The dog was bleeding out of its eyes and out of its mouth, and you know when I tell people that story? They go, nobody remembers the woman.
They're like, did you help? No, it's White Fang. I fling my door open. I got my son-in-law, who is shalom incarnate, and I tell her, get in. She's like, I'll take my chances with the dog.
I know. I thought I had a friendly face. Wasn't driving a white van with no windows. It's a Subaru. Who kidnapped someone in a Subaru?
She she wouldn't get in the car. She wouldn't get in the car. She's squirting this dog with her water bottle. You know? But that's the way it is.
This summer, Tammy and I went on a friend date. Like, if you're single, you go on date. We're on real dates, but when you're married, you go on friend dates. Like, if I go on a date, I I might get divorced. I'm gonna be in trouble.
So this is a friend date. We don't know these people. They didn't know us, so we went out for ice cream. And I was so nervous. I was like, what if they don't like us?
Tammy's like, what if we don't like them? I was like, that's why we're going out for ice cream. Everyone likes ice cream. And if they don't like ice cream, then we don't wanna be their friends. But it was so awkward, man.
The whole time, I'm just like. And I was so nervous. I was so nervous that when I went to the bathroom, they were gonna Google me. You know? Because, yeah, you can Google me, and I was like, oh, it's not all good.
So we got home. I was like, wait. What did you think? She's like, they were okay. And I was like, what do you think they thought?
She's like, I don't know. It was so scary. Oh my gosh. The good news is we went out again. It was fun and better, and then now we're friends.
But at first, I didn't know. I didn't know. Like, they found out I'm a pastor. They looked me up. I found out they were cops, retired cops.
That's why they looked me up. You know? They're like, this guy looks like a criminal. But here's the thing. People are scary.
Can I just tell you? It it it you know? It's why if I said turn to your neighbor and shake their hand, you know, you're in church, like, oh. It's they're scary. You don't know who that person is.
You know? You don't know. It's scary. So building building friendships is scary. So I wanna talk about those are the barriers.
You heard them. Pray about them. In small group this week, in community group, talk about these. Which one bothers you the most? So now let's get into the positive, how to build a lasting friendship.
And let me just say this. If you're alone right now, what that means is you don't know how to build lasting friendships. You don't even need to pray about this. You just look at your life, and you go, this is me. This is me.
So listen to this. This is interesting. I'm gonna give you a proverb. We're we're in a a study called unbreakable, where we're looking at the unbreakable wisdom of God, and he wants to help you build unbreakable friendships. Listen to this.
In order to have friends, this is what Proverbs says, I must first become a friendly person. Woah. Go figure. Go figure. You wanna know what will make the world a better place?
You. Be a more friendly person. Proverbs 18/24, a man who has friends, that's a miracle in itself. Amen? A man who has friends, wow, that's God, must first himself be friendly.
If you're a parent today, listen to me. Your number one job, your number one job is to teach your kids about God. Number 2, number 2 is important. You need to teach them to be likable because you're raising a little devil, and you'll put up with it and you think it's cute. No one else will, and if you don't raise your kids to be likable, they will be alone and they won't be able to build friends, because kids on the playground don't care how cute they are.
They're gonna go somewhere else. And then you get an isolated, lonely person who becomes angry, and they're gonna live a horrible life because you would never deal with the little sin in your little sinner. That's what you're raising, a little sinner. I know you put a really cute outfit on them. Little sinner.
Little sinner. And you gotta challenge them. You gotta challenge them. When my kids were little and we go to a restaurant, they'd be screaming, throwing stuff. You know what I tell my kids?
I said, look around. Look around. Nobody in here paid money to watch you do this, so stop it or we'll go to the restroom. Bad things happen in the restroom. And here's what my kids knew.
That wasn't a threat. That was a fact. That was a fact. K? You need to teach your kids to be likable.
Otherwise, they're gonna be miserable in life, and guess who they're gonna blame? You. You. Proverbs 196. Many seek the favor of a generous man, and everyone is a friend to a man who gives gifts.
But you know what? You can't buy friendship. Listen to me, friends. You you you you can make all kinds of of money, but you don't have real friends because here's what happens. When the money runs out, your friends run out.
Parents, you can't provide the best parties, the nicest toys, the nicest things to buy your kids' friends. They need to learn to do it themselves, and it's not easy to be friends. It's not easy, man. If you don't believe me, volunteer in our 4 year old's class. You're gonna watch them.
Not sharing. Not caring. I worked in the 4 year old's class one time. 1 of the kids tried to bite the teacher twice. Twice.
And all the parents are worried about, you know, us hitting their kids. We're worried about your kids biting us, because you're not teaching them. Right? So here's the thing. If your parents didn't teach you how to be likable and many of your parents didn't, this isn't a day where you call them up and blame them.
This isn't a day where you hate them more. Here's a day where you say, you know what? I'm an adult, and my parents didn't teach me how to do this, so I need to do this for myself. You're an adult. You can change.
You can grow. God has a Holy Spirit that will help you. So here's the thing. You're like, well, I don't know. How do I know if I need to learn to be more friendly?
I'm glad you asked. Do you have trouble making and keeping friends? Then, yeah, you need to learn. You need to learn. Just just let that sit in there.
Don't have a pity party. Pray about it. Lord, I need to learn. My parents didn't teach me. Okay?
And that's the thing is, it's easier when you're young and people can make you be nice. It's harder when you're old and you have to learn yourself. Proverbs 2211. I love this verse. Whoever loves a pure heart and gracious gracious speech will have a king as a friend.
What does that proverb mean? See, here's the thing about proverbs. You gotta stop. You gotta listen. You gotta think.
You gotta pray. Here's what this proverb means. If I change my heart and I change my mouth, I'm gonna have better friends. Man, friendship's a heart issue. Friendship's a mouth issue.
If you just say everything that comes, you know, across your mind out of your mouth, you're not gonna have very many friends. And some are like, well, I'm just speaking my mind alone to your mind. Remember your crazy roommate? So that's the first thing is you gotta say, okay. I've I've gotta get better at this, and let me just say this.
If you're feeling convicted, if you're feeling terrible, I've had to grow in this. I've had to grow in this. Here's one of the things I learned especially in my late teens and early twenties. I had to go back to my friends and say I wasn't a very good friend. I didn't know how to be a friend because I was self centered, and I was something else in a minute that we're gonna talk about.
But I had to go back and just apologize. When I went to my 10 year high school reunion, I call it the Matt Brown apology tour. And, really, there were two reasons. Number 1, I was a pastor, and I don't want anybody to go to hell because I treated them like the devil. I don't want anyone going to hell because, like, well, pastor Matt's fake.
So I apologize to everyone. That was before Facebook and Instagram. You know, you could just do it now. You know, give them a direct message. I was the devil.
So I did that. But number 2, because it was a part of me changing. And here's how you change. You change when you learn to apologize without an explanation. I'm sorry, but.
There's no but. If there's a but, you're not sorry. You say, look, I'm sorry. I don't know how to be a friend. I didn't know what I was doing.
So stop and think about that. It's okay. I your pastor had to learn. You have to learn, but listen to me. If you don't learn, you're gonna be alone and probably married a couple times, because you know what you need to be to have a healthy marriage?
A great friend. A great friend. And so many people today think love's the problem. No. The actual problem is friendship.
You don't know how to be a friend to your spouse. You don't know how to be a friend to your partner. I must pursue, listen to this, friendship with good people. If you're a teenager here, listen to me. Every person you wanna be a friend with, run away from.
Yeah. Your compass is broke. You don't know what you want. Don't pursue cool people. Cool people are foolish people.
Don't pursue them. They don't care about you. They care about being cool, and what happens when you're not cool? Don't pursue cool people. You know who wasn't cool?
Jesus. Jesus was not cool. The Bible says he wasn't good looking. The Bible says he was broke. He wasn't cool, but he was the savior of the world.
Next, don't pursue famous people. The more famous people I meet, the more glad I I am. I'm not famous. Famous people are weird, bizarre. You have no idea.
I was just talking to my friend, in Hollywood. He works in Hollywood, and he was telling me the things that they have to put up with with some of the favorite actors that you think are so amazing. They're not amazing. They're acting amazing. In real life, they're the devil.
And he told me, he says, I have no idea what to do when I show up to work. I don't know what they're gonna be like. I don't know what they're gonna be on. I don't know what they've done. I got an opportunity to to speak at a at a a a a a one of the most famous churches in the world.
You should have seen the form they wanted me to fill out. What kind of water do I want? What kind of M and M's do I want? With nuts, without nuts, with almonds, with a special almond brought from a monkey from the Amazon. I mean, it was like it was cray I was looking at this and I was like, Anyone who fills out this form cannot preach at our church.
Can you imagine we invited Jesus? He's like, I only drink Perrier. Room temperature. But here's the thing. Some of you you you you so desperately want to be like these idiots who are famous.
Stop. Stop. Couple months ago, I had an opportunity to meet one of the most famous people on earth, and it broke my heart. It broke my heart. I had to have an escorted ride to his compound.
I went to his compound. I met his private security, and we had dinner, and he sat in this mansion all alone all alone. And my wife said, what was it? I said, I never wanna be like that. All the money in the world, all the fame in the world, and if I said their name, you would know them.
It was sad. It was sad. Next, not powerful people. Do you know what powerful people want? Power, not friends.
Not friends. You don't want that. You want normal people. Like, where's the normal people? You know?
Right here. Hi. I'll be in group with you. You don't want powerful people. Powerful people don't have room for you in their life.
Jesus said the meek shall inherit the earth. That's what you want. That's the kind of person you want. And then here's the last one, and you're all gonna feel super convicted by this one, and I'll explain. Never be a friend.
Never pursue a friendship with a super insecure person, and that this is why. You will never have a secure friendship with an insecure person. It will never happen. They have to deal with themselves before they can be a friend to you and yourself. Now what's the problem?
We're all insecure, aren't we? We are. We're all insecure. I'm insecure. You're insecure.
But some of us are really insecure. Some of us have a psycho roommate in our heads that's way crazy insecure. So we gotta deal with that. You gotta have an open, honest conversation because insecurity destroys friendships. So find a friend with somebody who's at least trying to be secure in who they are.
Trying. Those are the best friends. They're not trying to be something else. They're trying to be who they are. Genuine.
Real. Not perfect. No one's perfect. You're not perfect. Find a friend that's secure, and if you're single, I'd put that number 1 on my list.
If I was looking to date somebody, well, it's gotta be number 2, because they gotta love God. It's gotta be number 1. Forgive me of my sin. Number 2 number 2, secure, because there's a lot of insecure Christians, and they will mess you up.
Morgan Teruel: Thanks for listening to the Sandals Church podcast. Our vision here is to be real with ourselves, God, and others. At Sandals Church, we wanna see a movement of authenticity take place all over the world, and donating to the work of Sandals Church helps make that happen. If you wanna support this movement here at Sandals Church, I wanna invite you to visit donate.sc. Thanks again for listening, and god bless.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown: So how do you how do you build friendships with a good person? Here here's the thing is, some of us don't know what a good person is. I was talking to a single person in our church this last week, and I I about lost my mind. She went on a date, and she I said, how'd it go? She said, I don't like him.
He's not my type, and I was like I I just literally I started doing the crazy feat. I was like I was like, let's let's let's talk about your type. Let's let's talk about your type. Right? Because your type's crazy.
So what we need to do is do the opposite of what your type is. Let's let's just go the opposite. You know? So some of us listen to me. Some of us don't know what a good person looks like because we've never experienced a good person.
We grew up in broken homes. We've been in broken relationships, and we just go from broken person to broken person wondering why God doesn't fix our lives. So a good person a good person is literally going to be able to do some specific things for you. So a good person helps me listen to this. A good person helps me become a better person.
Can I just can I tell you something? This is the moment I hate in weddings. I hate this. They're perfect for each other. That is that is a lie from hell.
Satan's in the back row, amen. Amen. Here's what you need to marry, a person that makes you better. Here's the kind of friend you need. You need a friend that makes you better.
As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend. Who makes you better? Because by yourself, you will never become your true self. You can't find yourself by yourself. God wants you to discover who you are.
Here's one of the things that I love. I love. I love being with my wife when she's with her sister. Do you know why that is? Because there's a part of my wife I never experience unless she's with her sister.
Her sister brings something out in her that's beautiful, that's amazing, that I don't get to experience when she's just with me. Her sister is a good friend to her. It's beautiful. And listen to me, because I'm secure, I'm not afraid of that. I'm not intimidated of that.
Some of you are afraid of your spouse's friendships. Man, you need to encourage those and celebrate those, and if you can't, you need to become more secure. So here's the thing about bad people. Some of you, you don't know what good is and you don't know what bad is, and so here's the thing, here's the difference I think, between men and women in friendship selection. This is just my observation.
This isn't the word of God. These are just my thoughts. Okay? So if this offends you, it might be real for you. So that's all I'm saying.
So let me pick on the men first. Okay? Most men don't have a friend. Let me say that, but men who have friends tend to have bad friends, and here's why. Men tend to ignore issues and have bad friends.
He doesn't have a drinking problem he's passed on on the floor. I think he does. I think he does. It's Tuesday at 10 AM. Yeah.
It's the happy hour hasn't even happened. He brought his own. He's just taking a nap. He worked all night. Men, you tend to ignore issues, and this drives women crazy.
That's why they help point out all of our friends' issues. Right? Criminal, drunk, criminal, scary, owns a white van with no windows. Because so guys, listen to me. Part of the reason you don't have friends is because historically you've picked bad ones, And you say, oh, we have things together.
Yeah. When you were in the 8th grade, but you're now 50. Ladies, I feel the ice just got thin. Ladies, so men ignore issues. Do you know what you do?
You magnify them. Ladies walk around with a magnifying glass. What could be wrong today? Let me see. So you magnify issues with people, and you know what that means?
You have no friends at all. Guys, we're clueless. Ladies, you see too much. You see too much. I love you, but, you know, just don't wear glasses one day.
Just walk around. You know? And why is that important, ladies? Because no friend is perfect. No one is perfect.
Listen to this. Proverbs 18/24. A man of many many companions may come to ruin. See, some of us are saying this. Oh, I got I got tons of friends.
Well, what you really have is people that you work with, like, you know, your Starbucks barista, not your friend. Like, if it's ever a relationship where you write a check, it's not a friend. It's like that's that those aren't your friends, and a lot of us are confused by that. We think the people that we work with are friends. No.
They they get paid to have to deal with you, and then the places that we frequent. You know, your waiter may not even like you. They just wanna upsell. You know? They you need a dessert.
You deserve it. You know? And I'm not saying they're not nice. I'm just saying that's not a friend. So a lot of people have a lot of companions.
Listen to this. This is what Proverbs says, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. You don't need lots of friends, but you do need a few good friends. And I want you to think about that and pray about that. So how do I build friendships when I feel lonely?
I look for a good person. And listen to this. A good person here's how you know if someone is truly good. A good person helps me to see the truth even if it hurts. We live in a culture of liars.
Here's a good friend. Do I need to lose weight? Like, you are you already know the answer. And if they lie to you, it's not a good friend. You know?
Right? A good friend tells you when you got a zit on your face that needs to be popped. Have you ever done that? Like, you've had one all day long, and you're like, you're all liars. No one told me.
No one told me. I preached in front of thousands of people. You see, a good friend tells you something even when it hurts. Like, if your friends have never told you your breath stinks, is is it possible that your breath has never stunk? I mean, we just went through COVID.
We all are fully aware of what our breath smells like on a regular basis. I just felt like I needed to repent for Tammy. I was like, I'm so sorry for all these years. I had no idea. And listen to me.
If you're sitting here and and you know why as a good friend, you don't tell your friends what what what they can't see? Because you don't wanna lose your friend. Here's what a good friend does. A good friend loves the friendship less than the friend. Let me say that again.
A good friend loves the friendship less than the friend, because here's what a good friend does. A good friend puts the friendship at risk because they love you. They love you. This is how broken our society is. Most counselors and if you're a counselor that goes to our church, I'm sure this is not you.
Most counselors no longer confront people in their sickness and brokenness. They simply affirm how they feel. Our society is so broken. Even the professionals that we pay to tell us the truth don't, and here's why they want you to come back. Listen to Proverbs.
Faithful are the words of a friend. Profuse are the kisses of an enemy. You ever wonder how these rich people get so whacked, these famous people? Everyone around them are lying, and they are kisses from enemies. Like, look at how many more super amazing, wealthy, powerful people do we have to watch completely lose their minds, in many cases, their lives way too young, before we realize, you know what?
That whole group that they have around them that says they're their friends, they're pack, they're not friends. They're in it for a paycheck. And so whatever you want, whatever you need, I'm gonna provide for you. You want a friend, a friend that loves you enough to say, hey. You know the way you just spoke to your wife?
It offended me, but more than that, it makes me sad for you because I know you can be better. You know the way you just spoke to your husband? Man, how on earth is he ever gonna be the man that God's called him to be if his number one cheerleader speaks about him like that? Proverbs 279, the heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense. Here's my prayer for you, that you would have one friend in this church that loves God and loves you.
One of my closest friends, and we're gonna talk about this in a second because it's a difficult relationship, and it's difficult because I'm his boss. And we're gonna talk about that. His name is Dan Zimbardi. He's one of the wisest, most loving friends I've ever had in my my whole life. If I could describe Dan Zimbardi in one word, it would be loyal because that's who he is to the very core, to the very core.
But here's the thing about Dan. He speaks the truth to me. Just this week, I told him I was gonna do something. Here's what I love about Dan. He prays about it.
He thinks about it, and he challenges me. And here's what he says. He says, I wouldn't do that, and here's why. I love him, and I know that he loves me. And some of the biggest mistakes I've made as your pastor have come when I didn't listen to his advice.
But here's the thing about Dan. We've had lots of employees that have worked at Sandals that leave Sandals Church, and they would say, he's not so great. And do you know why that is? The truth is hard. The truth is hard.
He's one of the most Christlike leaders I've ever seen, and yet Christians come to work here or attend our church, and they just say, oh, that was awful. That was mean. No. That was real, and that's hard. So find that friend that counsels you, that speaks the truth to you even when it hurts.
And some of you let me if you're married, some of you say, well, that's my spouse. I'm let's stop. Let me just say this. It's really hard to be raw with the person you wanna sleep with. Yeah.
There's the thing called the couch. Right? And you're you're not in the bed. You're on the couch. And so what you need is you need friends in your life that can help you see some things that your spouse probably sees but is afraid to share.
Right? The more intense the relationship, the harder it is to be real. It just is, and that's why you need friends. And that's why many people who are married are incredibly lonely because you need friends. So we all need good people.
Good people in our lives make good friends. So listen to this. Number 5, a good person helps me to stand when I've fallen. You're all gonna get wobbly. You're all gonna have days where you just you can't do today.
You can't parent today. You can't go to work today. You can't deal with the news today. We are all going to find the end of ourselves at some point. Let me ask you this.
Who is your friend that will help you stand when you can't? It can be simple stuff. Like, Tammy and I, we sold our home a month ago. We've been homeless for a month. We've been at hotels, Airbnb's, but you know the best place?
Friends. Friends. Because, you know, we're trying to get a house ready during COVID, and there are delays. There are delays. And that's just the reality, and we've had friends that have taken us in.
Man, you you wanna know if you have friends, wait till you're homeless. And we have a dog that I'm pretty sure is friends with the devil. You know? I mean, I'm saying, like, we we love her, but, like, we know. Like, she drools.
She has gas. Like, it's it's rough, man. It's rough. So there are simple things. Like, when you just need a pep talk, you just need an encouragement, man.
You just you need a good cry. But what happens when you find out you have cancer? What happens when it's the worst day of your life? Some of our best friends in the whole world lost their teenage son. He died.
I'll never forget it. Tammy and I made our way into the hospital room the moment the doctor said there was no hope. I don't know why, but Tammy and I, we we split around the bed, this beautiful young man, whole life ahead of him, and now it was gone. But the husband was on the other side of the bed, and I was on the side of the bed with the wife. I'll never forget it.
When she couldn't stand, I held my friend's wife. It was awful, and I was honored to be there at their worst moment. Do you have that friend? Do you have that friend that can hold you and carry you when you can't? And let me tell you something.
You can't microwave that relationship. It takes time. Ecclesiastes, another book of wisdom, says this. 2 people are better than 1. They can help each other succeed.
If one person falls, this is God's word, the other can reach out and help. We love to quote this verse at weddings. It's a it's a verse on friendship. But listen to this. Someone who falls alone is in real trouble.
Real trouble. And yet, that's where most people in America are today, all alone and in real trouble. Listen to this. Proverbs 17 17. A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in a time of need.
We need people. We need people. We need good friends. And here's the thing. Some of you, man, you're jealous or envious of someone else's friend.
Look. If they're gonna dump them for you, who are they gonna dump you for next? You see, a loyal friend is there for me when I need them. Now this next point is huge. A loyal friend is with me in my success.
Solomon wrote these words, King Solomon in the Bible. He said, I observed that most people are motivated to success because they envy their neighbors, but this too is meaningless. It's like chasing the wind. I don't know who needs to hear this, but this is from the Holy Spirit to your heart. Jealousy and envy are the 2 greatest enemies of lasting friendship.
There will always be somebody prettier, younger, stronger, smarter, wealthier than you, And praise god that you are blessed enough to have somebody in your life that's done a little better. Because what happens if none of your friends do as good as you? Then you're at the top, and you don't have anyone to get counsel from. So celebrate when somebody wins. Man, if you win the lottery, I'm not gonna be like, dang it.
God's gonna be like, you don't even play. I know. I should've. Like, if you have a nice house, that that doesn't affect me. If you have a nicer car, that doesn't affect me.
It doesn't. I celebrate you. I praise god for you. I want you to be as rich as you possibly can and become a tither. Amen?
That's all I ask. It's a small request. But here's the thing. If if if you want to build lasting friendships, listen to this, you need to learn to protect friendships. Think of friendships just like a marriage, except it's easier to get out of.
When you break up as a friend, you don't have to go to the court. Like, you don't have to get a lawyer. If you do, that's weird. I'm just saying. Proverbs 18/19, an offended friend an offended friend, list this is God's word, is harder to win back than a fortified city.
Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with bars. That's God's word. That's God's word. Protect your friendship. So how do I do that?
How do I protect a friendship? Number 1, never ever gossip about your friend. Never. And if someone is gossiping about their friend, what are they gonna do about you when you walk away? Don't gossip.
Proverbs 18/24, there are friends who destroy each other. That's not who you want. Like, if you're looking at the Kardashians for friendship, run. Run. A real friend sticks closer than a brother.
You see, listen to me, listen to me. This is why gossip is so enticing. It is always easier to talk about someone than to someone. I meet all kinds of brave people, super brave, super courageous. When I say, let's go talk to them, they're like, chicken.
Well, somebody should. Yeah. You know you know what somebody means? Me. That's what it means, me.
Look, man, if you're so offended by something, talk to them. Don't talk about them. Talking about them is sin. Talking to them is being a good friend. No friend is perfect.
No friend. Some of you heard things about me. They might be true. I don't know what you've heard. I'm not perfect.
I've made mistakes. I'm learning. I'm growing. But we live in this world of self righteousness where everyone loves to point out everyone else's flaws, because it keeps them from having to look and deal with their own. Next.
Gosh, this message is so good. Next. Keep money out of your friendships. If you ever run into someone who doesn't like me or there's a problem with me, I guarantee you we had a money issue between us, and I can't help some of that, because I'm the boss. Right?
Like, if you wanna preserve a friendship, don't hire your friends. Don't do it. Don't hire your family. What are you gonna do at Christmas? You're sitting around the tree.
I fired all of you. It's horrible. Don't do it unless God says to do it. Because sometimes he says, yeah, you gotta hire this person. I've lost so many friendships because we got money involved.
Money makes friendship weird. It just does be honest about it. It's poor judgment to guarantee another person's debt. That's what Proverbs says. To put up security, wait for it, for a friend.
Look. It's okay to give your friends money. Don't loan them money, and don't hire them because you wanna help them. Don't loan. There's a thing called banks.
Has anybody heard of a bank? Well, they just can't get a loan. There might be a reason. And if they can't go to a bank, go to a pawnshop. Just don't come to me.
Don't come to me. Don't loan money to friends and family. If you're gonna give it, give it. Give it, But don't loan it because it's just gonna destroy. It's gonna destroy the relationship.
So have wisdom before you hire your friends. Have wisdom before you loan money to friends. Have wisdoms. The the proverb says don't do it, but maybe you're smarter than the book of wisdom. Alright.
Last point. Wow. I got excited. I need to build friendships with people who are friends with God. I don't know why that's so hard to you.
I can't stand it when I hear people say at church, well, I just I just love people that don't know the Lord. Man, that's great, but be friends with people that do know the Lord. You know why you love non Christians? Because you don't want accountability. That's why.
That's why you don't want anybody challenging your private life. You wanna be one way on the weekend and another way during the week. You don't want somebody to say, hey. Remember that verse? You see, your non Christian friends and and and your your friends that don't know the Bible, they don't know those verses.
Psalms 2514, the lord is a friend to those who fear him. He teaches them his covenant. Here's why you want someone who is friends with God to be your friend because God will teach them how to be your friend. And if you're new if you're new to, sandals or Christianity, let me say this. This might be new to you.
It shouldn't be new to any of us who are Christians. We're just living in disobedience. 2nd John 1 5, I am writing to remind you, dear friends, this is the apostle John to the church, dear friends, that we should love each other. This is not a new commandment. It's just one you've forgotten or ignored, but this is one we've had from the beginning.
We need to learn to be friends with each other at church, especially in an epidemic of loneliness. We need to learn to be friends. So how does that start? When you walk to church, put a smile on your face. If you love Jesus, tell your face.
Tell your face. Like, your heart knows, but your face is is all alone. He doesn't know. We don't want anybody to be alone in this church. We want to be friends to sinners like Jesus was friends to sinners.
We wanna be friends to broken people because that's who Jesus was friends with. You know, the people that had all figured out, they crucified Jesus. The broken people, they loved Jesus. They worshiped Jesus. They believed in Jesus.
But let me just say this. If you're all alone right now, you're depressed, you're sad, and the truth is, you know it's gonna take a while for you to build friendships. Look. It doesn't take a while with God. It takes a moment.
Jesus says this in Revelation 3:20, by the way, to a church, a room full of people. He says, look. I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and you open the door, he says, I will come in and listen to this, and we will share a meal together as friends. Wow.
The only thing keeping you from a friendship with God is repentance of your sin and faith in Jesus Christ. If you're ready to be a friend of God right now, repent of your sin and say, god, I turn from my sin and I turn to you and become a friend of Jesus, and it starts by saying this, Jesus, I believe in you. Come into my life. Change me. I don't wanna be alone anymore.
I wanna have you with me for the rest of my life and all eternity. And ain't that beautiful? That's God. That's God. I just wanna close in prayer, and I wanna challenge you.
Would you just pray about getting in a group? I know it's scary, but just know it's scary for everybody. When Tammy and I start a group, when we go to a new group, you know who's nervous? We are. It's worse for us, you're like, nobody knows us.
I'm like, everyone knows us, it's awful. They know all my stories and my quirks. They know everything. But we go to group and you know why that is? Because it's good for us.
Even Jesus didn't do ministry alone. You're not greater than Jesus. So let me pray for you for the courage to step out, get into a group, join a group of some kind so that we can start being obedient to the commandment of loving one another by becoming friends with each other at Sandals Church. And let me say this, Sandals is only as big as you make it. It's only as big as your small group, and it's only as big as the team you serve on.
It doesn't have to be a crowd. It can be a community of friends if you'll take that step of faith. Let's pray together. Heavenly father, I pray for all of us God that we would be convicted about being a better friend. Lord, for those of us who are lonely, God, I pray that we would know that you are with us if we want you.
And number 2, you would guide you can guide us if we're willing to learn to be a better friend. God, we all need this. Young and old, we need to learn to become friends like Jesus. We pray this in Jesus' name. Amen.