Hey my lovely, oh how lovely it is to be back here once more on a sunny Saturday morning

and speaking with you and I have had a slow morning, we're a little bit late recording this but hey what's late what's early when there's no fixed time anyway And I wanted to talk about the power of going with the slow. Welcome to the Henny Flynn podcast, the space for deepening self awareness with profound self compassion. I'm Henny. I write, coach and speak about how exploring our inner world can transform how we experience our outer world, all founded on a bedrock of self love. Settle in and listen and see where the episode takes you.

And when I mean, or when I say going with the slow, what I really mean is the power of understanding that we can move at our own pace. I think so often in life and certainly in the realm that I inhabit, this realm of change, there can feel such pressure on us to move faster. You know, we see it everywhere. We see it when people are navigating, you know, the exquisite pain of deep grief, where there comes this point where we begin to feel as though, well, that's enough now. You know, I've been grieving for long enough now and it's time to get on.

There can be this rush, this pressure on ourselves to be done with grieving, when in fact every single part of us understands deeply that that is not how grief works. It doesn't have a time frame to it. And so the wiser, kinder, I want to say more sort of mature as in like evolved way of navigating grief is simply to understand that it has its own cadence, its own rhythm, and all we can do is walk alongside it. And that may well mean going at a much slower pace than we've been conditioned to move at. And I think we see this in other realms of change too.

So, know, working with some clients at the moment who are transitioning from one job into either another job or into retirement or into sabbatical or into what they don't know. So maybe it's another job, maybe it's a period of no work, maybe it's a period of work seeking. And so there's this whole multi layered sort of experience that we can have when we're doing a transition like that. And sometimes that transition is something that we've asked for, and sometimes it's something that's been thrust upon us, like through redundancy, for example, or, you know, or a business no longer being able to function in the economic climate. And so, you know, that kind of change, that also is a form of grief, and some aspects of it happen very quickly.

You know, if it's a sudden, choice that we felt like we've had to make, maybe because there's just been this amazing opportunity and we need to like move toward it really quickly, or because something else has happened within our place of work that's meant that, you know, that change has happened, you know, maybe outside of our own desire for what happens, but you know we've just had to accommodate that it's happening. In those times, though the external mechanisms might be moving really fast, Also, it's important for us to understand that our internal mechanisms don't necessarily move at the same pace, and so allowing ourselves some spaciousness, a kind of bit of freedom actually is what comes up for me as I reflect on this. This kind of the freedom to move at our own pace in terms of how we accommodate the change that we're experiencing. On the outside, we're moving at the same speed as the events are unfolding and on the inside we're able to hold ourselves steady and recognise, oh gosh, yes, this feels fast for me. What am I noticing about the impact that that's having for me?

What support might be useful for me? So really allowing ourselves these tiny moments of pausing to allow ourselves to catch up with what's happening, rather than feeling as though we're having to run so fast that we leave part of us behind. And that sense of leaving parts of us behind that's come up elsewhere actually in another conversation that I've been having this week, you know, with a client who's talking about their whole life moves at such a pace, that they recognise that for much of their life they've left the slower parts of themselves behind, the parts that need more time to catch up with stuff, and so their particular sort of inner work that they're doing is understanding how to regroup, how to collect themselves. You know we use this phrase don't we, I need to collect myself. So to collect themselves in order that their whole self can move forward at a steadier pace, a pace that feels truer for their whole system.

And so this to me speaks of this power of, you know, going with the slow, moving at a gentler pace and the other sort of thought that I have about this is how important it is that we take small steps. I've mentioned James Clear's book Atomic Habits on the podcast quite a few times because I think there's something, even if we just take one message from that book and there are many that are very useful, but even if we just take one, then we can see the power of these tiny actions in fermenting big change and you know sometimes that tiny action might be you know if we want to sort of change something about our fitness, then one tiny action might be to put our shoes on, to put our running or our gym shoes on and to go and to stand at the door and for a few days maybe we just do that and then maybe we build on that and we step out of the door and then maybe we build on that and we go for a very short walk and then we return. And then maybe we build on that and we walk for a minute and we run for a minute and then we walk for a minute and we run for a minute and we do that and then we return.

You know, so this idea of how we can very slowly stack changes that we're making. You know, it's often called habit stacking, but we can also change stack. So for, you know, if we want to implement a very practical change in our life, that can be a really powerful thing to do. And when we're doing the deeper work, those subtle small shifts can be so incredibly powerful, because we're often so hardwired to want to get from A to B in the fastest possible route, that we forget that actually there may be a whole alphabet between A and B that we're bypassing, that might actually get us there in a much healthier, wiser, kinder way. And this sort of really speaks to the work around beautiful disruption, which is one of the five sort of main chapters in my book, The Heart of Change.

In the IMMERSE year long course that I'm running at the moment, we are about to step into that period of study that are looking at beautiful disruption. I was really mindful about it when reflecting on the work that's going to be coming up. I don't know if you can hear Ronnie outside barking at nothing. There's something about the power of beautiful disruption or the returning of the power to ourselves when we consider what beautiful disruption we can affect in our lives, in order to support ourselves with affecting the bigger changes. They can often look like things that are extremely subtle, so really being mindful of the language that we use toward ourselves or in the way that we think about others can have an incredibly significant impact, because the words that we use they are imprinted.

When we say something out loud, we're not only verbalising it, we're also hearing it. And when we hear something, it's literally coming into our system in some way, and that gets imprinted. And so, if we think about you know the power of the thoughts that we have and you know all action is born out of thought ultimately then we can see that actually the thoughts that we have also have a profound impact in our system. Which isn't to say that we then judge ourselves for having negative thoughts, because that's just judging the judgment and that's just building pressure and weight upon ourselves. It's far more about having compassion for those thoughts, having compassion for ourselves for having those thoughts and then reflecting, well, what might feel more true for me right now?

And the same with the language that we use, you know, when we notice ourselves expressing a limiting belief about ourselves something that feels very fixed very rigid as though it can never change adding the word sometimes I feel or I haven't worked that out yet You know, adding these little subtle tiny changes into the way that we're speaking can have such a significant impact on the meaning. So, I think I've shared before that one of my limiting beliefs is I am annoying. And, you know, I've done a lot of work around this. I can hold that very lightly. You know, it's absolutely okay for me to recognise that that story is there, it comes from childhood, it comes from being the youngest in a very big family, you know, lots and lots of reasons why it's there, And also, I have done the work to be able to hold it, not to get rid of it, because it's a part of me, but to be able to hold it much more lightly.

And the recognition that actually, rather than saying I am annoying, to say, Sometimes I feel I'm a bit annoying feels much more true. And that does feel true sometimes, I do think I'm a bit annoying. That's okay. Also, sort of things like, I don't know how to do that, whatever that might be. To say, I don't know how to do that yet, is incredibly empowering, because it implies that there is this potential in the future, where we do know how to do it, where we have learned how to do it.

So, are very subtle, very small changes that can have a long tail effect on how we ultimately, reform these neural pathways in our brain, neuroplasticity in our brain, begin to change the way that we think and speak about ourselves. For me, these kinds of subtle shifts are all part of this sense of going with the slow, and also not setting really heavy, weighty, fixed goals on ourselves, that demand that we move at a certain pace, that demand that we become something else, because I don't believe that that is what change is about. I believe change is about revealing who we actually are. And we want to do that softly and gently, because when we strip away the butterfly's chrysalis too quickly, the butterfly can't survive. We have to allow the butterfly to move through its process and emerge at its own pace, and it might not be at the pace that we have this story in our head of what society says, or the voice of an old caregiver, or a family member telling us that we need to move quicker.

For our own particular butterfly, it needs to move at the pace that it moves at. Really what we're trying to do here, all the way through this work, is bring our conscious awareness to what we are noticing is happening. And that for me is the really, really vital crux of all of this sense of going with the slow. So, it's not a passive of, know, a kind of sense of like giving upness. It's a very attentive, very mindful way of recognising, ah, this is what is changing for me now.

These are the subtle shifts that I am putting into place. Oh, and look at the change that happened because of those subtle shifts that I began implementing, you know, way back when. So I think that's really what I'd love to, you know, that's the kind of focus, I suppose, for today's episode, is that going with the slow actually leads to these much deeper and more impactful and longer lasting changes than some of the kind of quick fixes that we might be drawn to take. I just wanted to share that this is mirrored in modern trauma work as well. So, there's a term titration, which actually comes from chemistry.

The idea of titration is where a solution is slowly added drop by drop to another solution until a reaction reaches completion. So, it's this very slow, measured approach to creating a significant change. And in trauma work, titration is the practice of breaking down overwhelming memories, emotions, or our somatic sensations, our somatic, our bodily responses to things into small manageable pieces, which are processed very gradually over time. And so, we work very, very gently, very, very slowly, and we also we can step in, we can step out, we're not seeking in any way to reach an answer, or a solution, or a fixed response, or a significant change, in a quick way, at all. We're seeking to do it in such a way that the whole system is able to manage that process much more effectively and then come to a much more longer lasting, much healthier outcome.

There's something about, in the sort of trauma informed somatic work that I use, This approach, this very gentle approach and for me it often means sort of coming at things from multiple directions very softly. So it's almost like there's this kind of like the heart of the matter. I'm holding my hand out in a sort of cupped hand shape, like I'm holding the heart of the matter. And you know, we recognise it's there. We might not know what it is.

It might be sort of sitting in the grey, but we sense it's there. And so we do this work coming at it from multiple directions, moving very, very gently, in order to be able to softly, softly, softly reach a place where it feels safe enough to be able to step closer and closer and closer. You know what this approach does is it builds our capacity. It builds our resilience and it also helps us integrate the steps that we're taking, the changes, the tiny, tiny changes that we're implementing enables us to integrate those, and that allows for healing that is sustainable and long lasting. And that's really the power of going with the slow.

And there's a sort of sense of, rather than kind of sitting down to this enormous meal, if we think of change as being this enormous meal in front of us, and oh gosh, it feels overwhelming, and how on earth can I possibly eat all that? But if we take it one little bite at a time, and maybe step away from the table, and step back, and just have another little bit, then it can actually be a deliciously nourishing process, and not something that feels like we're going to be overwhelmed or so full we can't move at the end. So, there we go. That was a download. I can't wait to listen back to this one, and see where that took us.

But I am going to send this live now, and I send you so much love. And actually, just before I go, to say that if you've been thinking about stepping closer to doing some work with me, there is the Awaken Your Hopes and Dreams small group course, which is beginning on the March 26 so less than ten days from now there are a handful of spaces remaining so there's room for you if you'd like to come It's a really beautiful five week programme, doing exactly what I've just said, where we recognise that there are these hopes and dreams that each of us hold, and this work is about looking how we can awaken, how we can connect with our hopes and dreams in a way that feels really alive to us, so that we are able to implement whatever the next steps are to be able to access them even more in our life. And you know from past participants in the course in the programme I know like so many things have shifted for people and I also know that leading this course makes things shift for me so my litmus test back to chemistry.

When I sense stuff changing for me, I know that the work is working in some way. I really hope that if that caused you then you'd love to come and join us. Would love to welcome you there and I will put a link into the show notes so you can find out more or you can always message me and if you want to hear more about the kinds of offerings that are coming up this year then do join the mailing list and I'll put a link to that in the show notes as well and yeah it'll be gorgeous to see you wherever I see you and I look forward to being with you next week and I send you love and a hug and a wave