Show Notes
TRANSCRIPT FOR EP3:
Welcome to SHE is Confident. Hi! This is Deon Teh and in this a 3 part series episode, where I will be sharing with you positive Curiosity and thinking.
My childhood and family background have influenced me the way I nurture my child. My husband and I will always work together to solve parenting issues. And whenever I am seeking a solution to resolving problems for our family, I will do so with positive Curiosity & Thinking, always digging deeper into matters positively and not jump into conclusions quickly. In recent years, I found that this method can also be applied to my staff in the company.
In my Secondary school times, the most challenging thing to me is homework, I always wanted complete homework on time like a good student, however, I wasn’t able to complete my homework as I have many questions that I was not able to answer. Back then I did not have anyone to guide me or can ask for help, unlike the student now who are so fortunate to have internet where they can search for answer, my parents also did not have extra money for me to go for tuition. So I was always being scolded or punished for not completing my homework and my teacher felt I was a bad student or I was not interested in studying. I always felt upset and misunderstood. That contributed to my lack of self-confidence.
When my Son entered into primary school, he also faced the same issue as me. All my memories starting to flow out and I worry that he will end up like as me, therefore I decided to take this opportunity & find out how to help him.
I started reading parenting books and mindset books, I finally came across a book titled, positive conversations by a Taiwanese author to talk about how he used positive curiosity and positive thinking to engage in conversations with his students in his school. As he believe that they are no bad student as long as we can put on our curiosity to find out more about them before judging or labelling them according to their action. By using his method, he was able to encourage them to do their homework and self study.
Once, The author’s 4 years old nephew is unwell and refuse to take medicine, his sister is thinking of how to force him to take. The author decided to chit chat with his nephew instead. The author decided to compare resilient with bitter medicine .
The author ask the boy whether he is able to be resilient in near future when he grow up, as life is not a bed of roses and it can be tough and bitter just like the medicine.
his nephew agrees that if he is able to take the bitter medicine, he will be able to be resilient in the future.
Another time, the Author asked his female colleague whom he is very close to, whether if she can fetch him to his presentation location, but the colleague rejected him. Even though He was very upset and angry, He was unwilling to admit to his own feelings. And he decided not to talk to her anymore.
One day, another colleague was concerned about them, came up to him and ask him what happened between the two of them. This colleague listened patiently to him, there was no judgement from him. Through the conversation, the author realised that he was actually angry and disappointed with himself, and felt that he is not worthy to be loved,
When the female colleague rejected his request. He felt abandoned, and that is the real reason why he is angry. Author’s mother abandoned him when he was 10. The same feelings came back when he was rejected by the female colleague.
After realising that , it was his fault and he decided to talk to her and clear things up.
Both incidents make him realised that when one uses positive curiosity and positive thinking to find out about what actually happened rather than be negative and blame others first, things can be resolved easily.
My son will throw a temper whenever he is unable to get his answers for his homework. When this happens, I will put aside the things that I am doing, calm myself down before talking or helping him out.
Because In order to help him, I need to be calm and not panic. I will ask myself the following question: what if after helping him, he is still unable to finish his homework, will I be disappointed?
If yes, this means I am not ready to talk with him. If no, I am ready to talk to him.
By Using the method that I learnt from the author, I was able to control my own feelings and better help him. I assured him that both him and I have the common goal of completing his homework and
It is normal not to know all the answers.
Most importantly, don’t be angry with yourself when you cannot get the answers as we are not perfect, and we may not always have answers. Take it as a learning journey.
Through this way, I hope to teach my child to accept that humans are imperfect. It is ok to be imperfect.
It really improved the relationship between my son and I, as I do not get angry with him or myself easily.
Most of us will be angry and want our children to complete their homework. We need to know that we cannot impose our expectations to our children. As our children will be frustrated when we push them to complete their homework.
Once we do it in a positive way, the children will feel the love we give, and be more sensible.
I believe that children have to be loved by parents, not pampered or spoilt, and we always need to be tolerant towards them. As we are not perfect too, we cannot expect them to fulfil our expectations. The family will be more harmonious and People around you will benefit from this effort.
I look forward to seeing you in my next episode where I will continue to share with you part 2 of positive curiosity & thinking
What is SHE'S CONFIDENT WITH DEON TEH ?
She's confident - Imagine an event, a show where…
…women are gathering to inspire each other to step fully into their greatness.
A place where all the facades are dropped, and instead the real, raw truth is shared.
Imagine a safe place created just for you.
A place where you can dive deep into all of the fears that have been holding you captive.
A sacred place that allows you to hold space and support for each other as you dive deep into a life-changing transformation.
It is time for women’s voices to be heard
…for women to speak-up and share their truth and wisdom through the power of their stories.
This is why we are coming together to share the CONFIDENCE that gives women a stage to be real, raw and vulnerable as they share their stories so that TOGETHER we can lead with courage and Rise Up!