Speaker 1: Welcome to beardless, dickless me.
Speaker 2: I'm Kevin Smith and I'm Harley Quinn Smith.
Speaker 1: Number eleven kids an episode eleven. We have so much
Speaker 1: to to do and get to, for heaven's sake, so
Speaker 1: much brand new movie opening this week, the four point
Speaker 1: thirty movie. And I got a thing that I want.
Speaker 1: I got a game I want to play. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: a new thing, a new thing for the for the
Speaker 1: show to kind of give it like some spine. Otherwise,
Speaker 1: you know, it's just every episode is us going get
Speaker 1: me back by nor So we need other things to
Speaker 1: go to. I guess you know what I'm I believe me.
Speaker 1: I do that show every fucking week. So true, but
Speaker 1: we'd probably lose an audience, maybe the audience they legit
Speaker 1: just every episode they do give me back my name.
Speaker 1: And there's something at first that's like kit chee fun
Speaker 1: about it, but then it's just irritating and they it's.
Speaker 2: Not even the real line. John Proctor never says.
Speaker 1: Neither of them have seen the Crucibal. She purports to
Speaker 1: have been in it. She should know fucking better than
Speaker 1: John Proctor would never say that.
Speaker 2: We're still talking.
Speaker 3: About the Crucible anyways.
Speaker 1: It's crazy well, I mean honestly, like that was why
Speaker 1: I went into film or want to be an entertainer,
Speaker 1: because otherwise high school is going to be the best
Speaker 1: part of my life. Like I would have been the
Speaker 1: person still talking about The Crucible like at age fifty
Speaker 1: four if I'd been in it in high school, Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I played John Proctor. It was fucking tough.
Speaker 2: What does that say about me?
Speaker 1: Well, you didn't, I mean fucking it ain't like I
Speaker 1: played John Puckter and then still waiting for the next
Speaker 1: role that's as strong as John pucker I said, no
Speaker 1: to many, you were in a fucking Quentin Tarantino movie,
Speaker 1: like You're good you were, I mean, never mind, you
Speaker 1: were in a couple hundred Kevin Smith movies. But I
Speaker 1: would say the high school version of you would be
Speaker 1: very impressed by the twenty five year old version of you,
Speaker 1: whereas I think the high school version of me would
Speaker 1: be fucking gobsmacked.
Speaker 2: So true, like what so true?
Speaker 1: Fucking like who fucking hell? First off, if the you know,
Speaker 1: teenage versus high school version of me, And this is
Speaker 1: all on brand because the four thirty movie is kind
Speaker 1: of about that.
Speaker 2: So true.
Speaker 1: Now in theaters go to Fandango, New Contra ticket, fucking
Speaker 1: please the uh the the high school version of me.
Speaker 1: If he could fucking if we could fold time and
Speaker 1: he could see the current version of me, if before
Speaker 1: he encountered me, he encountered you, he would be like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I grew up to become a beautiful woman.
Speaker 1: He starts asking you a bunch of questions, like what
Speaker 1: happened to our dick? How do we jerk off? Can
Speaker 1: I take a picture of us right now?
Speaker 4: Lord?
Speaker 1: I always dreamed this would be the way I could
Speaker 1: just look in a mirror and see a naked lady.
Speaker 5: Now I am the naked lady.
Speaker 1: Naked stop and then and I'd be like, the son,
Speaker 1: that's my daughter. That's your daughter you're talking about.
Speaker 2: And you're calling yourself sonyah.
Speaker 1: As if I call anybody fucking up. I do call
Speaker 1: people kids, so I probably but plural. I never do that.
Speaker 5: Solo.
Speaker 1: I'll call you kiddo, and that's about the only person
Speaker 1: I'll call sometimes.
Speaker 2: You call me kid singular really on the occasion, on
Speaker 2: the name.
Speaker 1: At time, I'm looking at the making sure everything is recording.
Speaker 1: We lost a show yesterday, and I ain't done that
Speaker 1: in a decade. I've been podcasting since two thousand and seven. Naturally,
Speaker 1: sometimes you wind up losing this show, but you know,
Speaker 1: fucking when it happens, you're hard fright because you're like,
Speaker 1: it was all fucking for nothing, boo hoo hoo, even
Speaker 1: though you had a good time and you're having your conversation.
Speaker 2: At the end of the day.
Speaker 1: At the end of the day, you're like, we got
Speaker 1: down to fucking show for it, which is like pretty
Speaker 1: much every conversation you really have ever in life, nothing
Speaker 1: to show for it but a memory. But in this instance,
Speaker 1: we were meant to have a fucking show and it
Speaker 1: was but uh, fucking shit went out technically, So here
Speaker 1: I am studying making sure both of these fucking things
Speaker 1: are recording and ship. So if you see me look
Speaker 1: away and I'm not like fucking bored of this fucking bitch,
Speaker 1: I'm looking at and out.
Speaker 2: You could have been a guy that would have gone,
Speaker 2: we have a conversation that isn't.
Speaker 1: Recorded, bro, That's what happens. Though, like podcast it's so
Speaker 1: fucking long that, like, you know, you do feel like,
Speaker 1: why would we talk about this when we could like
Speaker 1: this will make a great podcasts Every conversation should be
Speaker 1: on Mike at this point. Talk to your mother. When
Speaker 1: we were doing like plus one, which is podcast I
Speaker 1: did with Jen my wife for like a while, it
Speaker 1: was like, you know, we stopped having conversations because the podcast.
Speaker 1: So in any event, teenage me goes back meets you,
Speaker 1: but then I fucking finally meet me.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: Let me tell you what teenage me would be like.
Speaker 1: My teenage me would be fascinated, I have a kid.
Speaker 2: Really, not like this is shocking because you thought that
Speaker 2: the kid was you a second before, and then you
Speaker 2: found out that that was actually your kid, and now
Speaker 2: you're meeting you.
Speaker 1: Yes, because kid teenage me could never have put together
Speaker 1: even if he was like fucking you know, fucking doctor
Speaker 1: strange portal to him mocking my sling ring and being.
Speaker 1: But even if he did that, he would still be
Speaker 1: like spellbound. He would first think you were him. Then
Speaker 1: he would think, oh my god, I have a hot
Speaker 1: older girlfriend.
Speaker 3: Whoa Then I would step forward.
Speaker 1: Well now, then Jim would appear, and then he'd be like, oh,
Speaker 1: her mother seems nice, which is true, she is your
Speaker 1: mother you maybe often this seems nice thing, but he
Speaker 1: would be accurate to say that's your mom. Then I
Speaker 1: would be like, kid, let me disabuse you of all
Speaker 1: these notions. That's your daughter, that's your wife. And he'd
Speaker 1: be like, why did I marry such an old woman.
Speaker 1: I'd be like, what the fuck, bro, look at me.
Speaker 2: Thank god mom doesn't listen to it.
Speaker 1: This is teenage me. But you know what, he would
Speaker 1: never have said that out lot because he was healed well,
Speaker 1: he's well healed death before would Momily would be like,
Speaker 1: she'd give me the look, and she probably count. Like
Speaker 1: when I was a kid, she'd be.
Speaker 2: Like, one, Momily did that.
Speaker 1: Oh the count, Bro, I lived. I am the man
Speaker 1: I am today. You exist because of the count because
Speaker 1: my mother raised me with a count. She never fucking struck.
Speaker 1: She never laid hands or anything like that, but she
Speaker 1: was a raise. They've never never laid hands on me.
Speaker 1: She laid hands on other kids on the of the
Speaker 1: school parking lot, fucking nuts. So they would have moms
Speaker 1: come in, you know, periodically, like to be class moms,
Speaker 1: and watched the kids on the parking lot in the
Speaker 1: morning and at lunchtime. So that was where we went
Speaker 1: and had gym if we weren't inside, like in the cafetorium,
Speaker 1: which is a gymnasium and a cafeteria together. Yeah, it
Speaker 1: was a small school. We would be out in a
Speaker 1: parking lot, but all fucking pavement shit, like that's no grass.
Speaker 1: So they needed to have monitors and teachers are taking
Speaker 1: their fucking lunch, so moms would come in and volunteer
Speaker 1: and watch the kids, you know, playing games and ship.
Speaker 1: Now mamily was known as Hurricane Smith, a true story.
Speaker 1: She had a reputation. Hurricanes had reputation, and she like,
Speaker 1: she hit a couple of kids. To be fair, they
Speaker 1: were bully boys, no girls. But she hit this one
Speaker 1: kid who later on became a cop. I won't seem Yeah,
Speaker 1: that was she fucking set him straight. She was like,
Speaker 1: no crime and he was like, you know what, she
Speaker 1: fucking that's strange woman who's not my family member hitting me.
Speaker 1: You gotta remember this in the seventies when like people
Speaker 1: were smacking fucking kids and it wasn't child abuse, it
Speaker 1: was discipline or whatever the fuck. So there was you
Speaker 1: could smack your own kid, and you could get away
Speaker 1: with smacking somebody else's kid, you know if the parents
Speaker 1: were like, well, I guess they deserve you know, what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, that's real fun. The irony is if anyone
Speaker 1: smacked us, Momily would have fucking cut heads. But she
Speaker 1: was on the parking I remember particularly, and there was
Speaker 1: like one guy who was they're playing touch football in
Speaker 1: their football and the one guy was being fucking tough
Speaker 1: and my mom like game a warning, and then he
Speaker 1: fucking toughed out again, like pushed a kid onto the
Speaker 1: fucking ground. And Momily grabbed this twelve year old boy
Speaker 1: and she was like mid thirties and fucking gave him
Speaker 1: the shake in and put through him on the ground
Speaker 1: next to thee the kid, and she was like, how
Speaker 1: does that feel? And the nuns at the school were like,
Speaker 1: missus Smith, we're good you. You don't need to keep
Speaker 1: coming to watch the kids on the parking lot. The
Speaker 1: kids would feel much safer if you weren't here.
Speaker 2: Just went home. That so Momily was just serving him
Speaker 2: some justice, perhaps way too not perhaps certainly far with
Speaker 2: far too much violence.
Speaker 1: She went too far, but so far that nowadays people
Speaker 1: would be like, defund Mamaly, like that is it was
Speaker 1: fucking called for, lady, But wow, it wasn't with like
Speaker 1: oh that poor nice kid. It was with you know,
Speaker 1: the bully kid. It was trying to be an asshole,
Speaker 1: but kids, so twelve year old from seventy kid exactly
Speaker 1: who's let me see, he's one year older than me,
Speaker 1: so he'd be like fifty five. It is probably ready
Speaker 1: to retire from police force and.
Speaker 2: Ship probably still traumatized.
Speaker 1: He's like, you know what, man, I you know, even
Speaker 1: though his mom roughed me up when I was like twelve,
Speaker 1: I'm happy for Kevin Smith. He seemed to go far.
Speaker 1: I'm you know, I'm gonna try out his latest podcast
Speaker 1: and listen to that, see what it's like. Suddenly he's
Speaker 1: just like fucking talking about me, talking about his mom
Speaker 1: smacked me around, said that made me a cut.
Speaker 5: Son of a bitch.
Speaker 1: And he re ups for like five more years because
Speaker 1: it's like he'll be back in town.
Speaker 2: Oh shit.
Speaker 1: And when he's back in town, I'm gonna fucking ride
Speaker 1: his ass with justice.
Speaker 3: O lord.
Speaker 1: And I got to pay for Momily's crimes, and sure, oh.
Speaker 2: Momily, maybe that's why I feel like I have to
Speaker 2: always stand up for justice, you know.
Speaker 1: Because it's in your blood.
Speaker 2: Speak out against injustice. Because Momily, Momily, I didn't even
Speaker 2: know but Momiley was paving the way.
Speaker 1: Momily had a fierce sense of justice. Momily we were
Speaker 1: a lower lower, lower, lower, lower, middle class fan Momily
Speaker 1: does not like me to say, and very blue collar
Speaker 1: and you know, very fucking you know, hey, man, you'll
Speaker 1: work and you'll die, and you have a job just
Speaker 1: so you can pay for the things you love, your
Speaker 1: family and stuff like that. It's never any sort of
Speaker 1: like careerism where it was like, oh, what do you
Speaker 1: want it? Or dreams like what do you want to
Speaker 1: be when you grow up? And ship like that. So
Speaker 1: she was like pragmatic as fucking whatnot. And that whole
Speaker 1: era of raising kids was you know, I'm not to
Speaker 1: say they didn't like us, but like it's oh no,
Speaker 1: oh no.
Speaker 3: Oh no, no no.
Speaker 1: That's not you can't be doing that wacky. She's like,
Speaker 1: my arch nemesis is here. Waky I didn't get a
Speaker 1: bit away walky oh wucky, No stand by, kids to
Speaker 1: take hold the dogs before this becomes a problem. The
Speaker 1: dogs have been seen to. The four thirty movie Kids
Speaker 1: opens this weekend. It's open right now. Go to fandango
Speaker 1: dot com. You can find it playing and select theaters
Speaker 1: near you and This is a movie that I shot
Speaker 1: at the movie theater that I bought with my friends
Speaker 1: a couple of years ago, movie theater I grew up
Speaker 1: going to when I was a kid, movie theater my
Speaker 1: dad took me to when I was a kid and stuff.
Speaker 5: And it's you know, based on.
Speaker 1: Like childhood memories, adolescent memories. The movie is not about me.
Speaker 3: Kind of is.
Speaker 1: It's nice?
Speaker 5: It is, No, it's good.
Speaker 1: It is as much as Clerks was about me. You
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: It was.
Speaker 1: Well, let's say the movie is a fictionalized to take
Speaker 1: an alternate reality version of me. Because the character's main
Speaker 1: character's name is Brian David. That was the name that
Speaker 1: my parents were gonna give me. That the whole time
Speaker 1: I was in utero. They were like, all little Brian David,
Speaker 1: All little Brian David, Old little Brian David. I lost
Speaker 1: one before you and one after. She really stays ghost siblings.
Speaker 1: What were they boy girl little I'll never know? So, uh,
Speaker 1: they changed their minds once I was born, and not
Speaker 1: because like, you don't look like a Brian David, but
Speaker 1: because there was another Brian David born the day before
Speaker 1: for that day in the hospital. So he was in
Speaker 1: the nursery and they're like, well, what if they get
Speaker 1: the babies mixed up? So they pivoted and I wound
Speaker 1: up being Kevin Patrick. So calling the character Brian David,
Speaker 1: even though it's like set in the town I grew
Speaker 1: up in the movie theater I grew up going to.
Speaker 2: And everybody's name is pretty much the same.
Speaker 1: No, the main character Brian David, and he hangs out
Speaker 1: with his friends Bernie and Bell's I hung out with
Speaker 1: my childhood friends Ernie and so it's you know, it's
Speaker 1: very it's it's very I've seen a review or two
Speaker 1: with it like, oh, it's kind of like the fablements
Speaker 1: of the Spielberg movie that he made about I.
Speaker 5: You know, I flattered.
Speaker 1: Of course, he's a great filmmaker, one of our best.
Speaker 1: But I always inspired who so are you? Thank you?
Speaker 1: Right there with Spielberg's a Smith's kid. But the uh,
Speaker 1: the oh shit, what was I gonna say? Oh, it's more.
Speaker 1: I really owe a debt, bigger debt to Paul Thomas
Speaker 1: Anderson because it was when I saw licorice Pizza, his
Speaker 1: peon to his youth growing up in the valley, that
Speaker 1: I was like Oh, that's fucking nifty, Like, that's sweet.
Speaker 1: There's a history of older filmmakers kind of looking back
Speaker 1: and stuff like that. But the great irony there is
Speaker 1: that when I was a kid nineteen ninety nine, Magnolia
Speaker 1: is out at the same time as dog and Magnolia's
Speaker 1: got like Oscar buzz and Dogma did. And so somebody
Speaker 1: on like the message board was like, you know, I
Speaker 1: was talking about getting oscar screens, and somebody was like, hey,
Speaker 1: you get the Oscar screener for Magnolia. And I could
Speaker 1: have just easily ignored that, but instead I went out
Speaker 1: of my way to answer it. Yes, like like a
Speaker 1: young jackass I was, and I'm not young. I was
Speaker 1: like twenty nine. I wrote, uh, yeah, I have Magnolia,
Speaker 1: and I keep it on my desk as a constant
Speaker 1: reminder of what bloated self indulgence looks like. Oh, periodically
Speaker 1: the Internet of my face.
Speaker 2: Yeah bad, I know.
Speaker 1: And what's really bad is I like, I wound up
Speaker 1: loving Magnolia, but at the time I was so like
Speaker 1: by it, and I was patty. I was baby filmmaker,
Speaker 1: maybe enough, though I was four films in I should
Speaker 1: have known better. Such an adolescent in my like you know,
Speaker 1: I was. My lessons was frozen at age twenty fucking
Speaker 1: two twenty three, and so you know, I've been in
Speaker 1: a world of I mean, I was just nasshole. Like
Speaker 1: I sometimes I hate young Kevin Smith. I hate watching
Speaker 1: interviews with him because he's like, hey, man, I can't
Speaker 1: be bothered to answer this question. Life is so hard
Speaker 1: in the nineties when you know you're part of the
Speaker 1: pop cultural irond script.
Speaker 3: Like, he's so really evil.
Speaker 1: I hate it. I hate it so much because current
Speaker 1: is like hate kids, King of the over Cell. But
Speaker 1: fucking young Kevin Smith was the under like underselling to
Speaker 1: the point of, like, I mean, I can't be bothered
Speaker 1: to talk about clerks, man, it just hurts too much
Speaker 1: to open my mouth. I'm just so slacking, bro, I
Speaker 1: got an indie filmmaker, douche, total douche, perm douche. My
Speaker 1: good I I I you know, carry that like fucking
Speaker 1: herpes for the rest of my life. That fucking thing
Speaker 1: I said about Paul Thomas Anderson and Magnolia because the
Speaker 1: Internet never forgets. And uh yet years later, like it
Speaker 1: was after I saw Liquor's Pizza, I was like I'm
Speaker 1: gonna go back and rewatch fucking Magnolia. And I loved it,
Speaker 1: you know, I capt to it online. I was like,
Speaker 1: you know, this is awkward, but uh movie and it's
Speaker 1: a really great movie. And you know, I've met Paul
Speaker 1: a couple of times in real life. He's always been
Speaker 1: like super sweet rather than being like, I love Kevin.
Speaker 2: I saw what you said on your message board, no.
Speaker 1: Doubt, But I mean he was smart. He just waited
Speaker 1: that one out. He wasn't like a big social media
Speaker 1: guy like I was. I was online since like nineteen
Speaker 1: ninety seven, post and shit, like before when people were
Speaker 1: still on dialogue. He was busy making great movies. I was,
Speaker 1: you know, just making movies, but spending a lot of time.
Speaker 2: Online responding in petty waste.
Speaker 1: Oh I hate young Kevin Spence sometimes. But you know what, Bro,
Speaker 1: I hate to tell you you were alive. I know, Bro,
Speaker 1: I was that guy was somebody's dad. You should have
Speaker 1: been taking care of a baby. But he was like,
Speaker 1: dear Internet, I'm glad you feel snubbed. So fuck Pta.
Speaker 2: I'm fucking glad you said it because I was thinking, hey,
Speaker 2: well you were doing.
Speaker 1: That because I'm an entertainer.
Speaker 3: There were two.
Speaker 1: Babies in our house at that. Because I'm an entertainer,
Speaker 1: my development has been arrested, and I've grown at a
Speaker 1: slower curve than most in terms of like, oh that's
Speaker 1: what that means. Oh no, Paul Thomas Anderson, man, like.
Speaker 2: I think that's why we're friends.
Speaker 1: Why because because I'm young, because I'm immature. You may
Speaker 1: be we may now be of equal maturity level like
Speaker 1: you at twenty five, and I'm probably so. You think
Speaker 1: you have the edge, Bro, You don't know from the
Speaker 1: real world, son, don't let don't make me unpack my
Speaker 1: fucking leg in the eighties and nineties.
Speaker 5: Bag, Oh god, I come from the real.
Speaker 1: World where motherfucker had to walk beyond a cash register
Speaker 1: in a convenience store.
Speaker 2: You're being to get off my lawn, guy, yeah, right now.
Speaker 1: And you know, I hate to say this, but like,
Speaker 1: as a middle aged white man, I feel I haven't
Speaker 1: gotten my do Oh god, I don't get talked about
Speaker 1: nothing ever thinks of me. Paul Thomas Sanderson though, to
Speaker 1: put a nice little bow on that, so ironically, I like,
Speaker 1: and people are writing nice things about this movie for
Speaker 1: a change. People are going like that's his best movie
Speaker 1: in years and shirt, and I'm like, oh, I owe
Speaker 1: that to the guy who I was once like my
Speaker 1: dusk mon and it hurts me.
Speaker 5: Oh my god.
Speaker 1: I remember running into him and to bring a point
Speaker 1: to Garantino fucking again. Before you were in Once upon
Speaker 1: a Time in Hollywood, this was around the time. Oh fuck, bro,
Speaker 1: this is going back to like Sean of the Debt,
Speaker 1: which I think is like celebrating it. It is fifth
Speaker 1: twentieth twentieth verse. I think maybe more yeah, because Clerk's.
Speaker 2: Started maybe twenty.
Speaker 1: No, it didn't happen the same year as Clerk. Happened
Speaker 1: like two years later. Because more than that, because Edgar
Speaker 1: and Simon went to a Q and A that I
Speaker 1: did in London for Chasing Amy in nineteen ninety six
Speaker 1: and they were just starting to work on Space at
Speaker 1: that point TV show. That kind of led to Sean
Speaker 1: of the Debt. But any event, Quentin is like, I'm
Speaker 1: having a screen hanging hand and screening this band new
Speaker 1: movie house Man, and I'm like, fuck, yeah, let's go,
Speaker 1: so Jennifer and go see it. That's why I don't
Speaker 1: return my call, Yes, why bro?
Speaker 5: As well?
Speaker 1: I would love to hear is Kevin Smith and Bresh
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 2: Same.
Speaker 5: So we go to the.
Speaker 1: Movies and at his place and it's like Hollywood cool.
Speaker 1: It's like just a bunch of people hanging out. It's
Speaker 1: like the barbecues we used to do, but they're all
Speaker 1: like cinema people ship and him and Paul Thomas Anderson
Speaker 1: were there, and there's like the first people I encounter
Speaker 1: when I come in. Naturally, I encounter him. It's his house,
Speaker 1: but he's sitting there smoking a joint. Paul Thomas Anderson.
Speaker 1: And this is before I'm a stoner.
Speaker 2: Oh wow.
Speaker 1: So uh He's like, hey man, I'm glad you came.
Speaker 1: And I was like hey man, I say hey Paul,
Speaker 1: and he's like hey Kevin, how are you good. Quentin's like, hey,
Speaker 1: mean you want to hit this? And I was like, ah, no, okay,
Speaker 1: And the look on both of their fucking faces of like, wait,
Speaker 1: really we're smoking weed?
Speaker 5: But silence, Bill is not. This don't make sense.
Speaker 4: Oh no.
Speaker 1: And then we all watch Sean of the Dead, which
Speaker 1: was like a revelationship. Wow, very sweet guy who really
Speaker 1: like I I'm you know, shouting them out. Without him,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have the four thirty movie because he made
Speaker 1: like Chris Pizza. I was like, oh I want that
Speaker 1: looks fun? Wow, And I made my flick look at you?
Speaker 2: Look at you being all mature?
Speaker 1: And did I grow?
Speaker 5: Did I learn a lesson?
Speaker 3: Is that what I see as a girl?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 5: My god? Is that what it feels like to become
Speaker 5: nineteen again?
Speaker 2: Congratulations? You finally graduated from eighteen to nineteen.
Speaker 1: Well this four thirty movie kids, but you can go
Speaker 1: see in a movie theater and a Bona five movie
Speaker 1: theater before it. Eventually, of course, it's digital and streaming
Speaker 1: and all that stuff. To play the young me? Originally,
Speaker 1: like this was all born of an idea where I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, I want to tell a story about
Speaker 1: my youth. But who better to play the young me
Speaker 1: than the young me?
Speaker 5: Beardless, diiculous me.
Speaker 2: True?
Speaker 1: And so I approached Charlie at one point about like,
Speaker 1: do you want to play a young version of me?
Speaker 1: Like a guy who makes clerks ship? And she was like,
Speaker 1: I already played John Palcter.
Speaker 2: That's your impression of Indie Douche Kevin. That's not me.
Speaker 1: I've already played John.
Speaker 5: I've already played John.
Speaker 2: I like that impression of me.
Speaker 1: So she was like, no, fuck, I'm not gonna do that.
Speaker 1: It's a quite great acting challenge. You'll be gentling it,
Speaker 1: you'll be moo lo oning it, you'll be playing.
Speaker 5: A boy, and that boy is me.
Speaker 1: So people think it's adorable and she's.
Speaker 2: Like, challenge not excepting.
Speaker 1: Yeah, She's like there's adorbs and then there's tragic Dad,
Speaker 1: like there's cringe. I'm not doing that. I was like,
Speaker 1: all right, so I have to think of somebody else
Speaker 1: to play young me. And thankfully my daughter sleeps with
Speaker 1: actors and proved me wrong.
Speaker 2: One actor.
Speaker 3: Five years.
Speaker 1: So she's been dating this kid, Austin Austin's age or
Speaker 1: the actor from was that movie?
Speaker 2: He was a scary stories to tell him.
Speaker 1: The scary stories to telling the dark. He was also
Speaker 1: in Clerk's three True he did the celebrity show off
Speaker 1: thing with us during the pandemic.
Speaker 5: Son in Lockdown.
Speaker 1: We played like fictional Lis version of himself come to
Speaker 1: live with us during the pandemic. So I knew him
Speaker 1: very well, and I you know, on Clerk's three he
Speaker 1: played block train chain culture. Yeah, and he had like
Speaker 1: dialogue that I had written and after the first rehearsal.
Speaker 1: I was like, you know what, Awsome, I'm gonna take
Speaker 1: all the dialogue away. I was like, the none of
Speaker 1: the jokes are good enough, man like, and you're the
Speaker 1: last guy in the room. You're not like legacy returning shit.
Speaker 1: So everyone's gonna have high expectations and if you don't
Speaker 1: fucking kill, you're gonna get killed. And I can't do
Speaker 1: that to you. So I'm gonna take all the dialogue away,
Speaker 1: which I thought was like a good idea because I
Speaker 1: was like, we'll just play you like baby Simon Bob,
Speaker 1: not knowing what it would do to an actor's self esteem.
Speaker 2: Oh terrible.
Speaker 3: Lap doing what it was all rade.
Speaker 2: The unthinkable, not even to get fired, just all your lines, the.
Speaker 5: Coldest red give me.
Speaker 1: But I told him, I was like, dude, this time,
Speaker 1: I'm taking away all the dialogue. I said, but one
Speaker 1: day you'll have all the dial And so with the
Speaker 1: fourth thir Indy movie, I got a chance to make
Speaker 1: good on that where he has all the dialogues. True
Speaker 1: and according to the reviews, I mean, look, according to me,
Speaker 1: I'm the guy that made the fucker like. I love
Speaker 1: his performance. I think it's great. It breaks my heart.
Speaker 1: He fucking he wells up in the end, and I
Speaker 1: well up. And you know, Austin's not doing an impersonation
Speaker 1: of me by any stretching the imagination, but the earnestness
Speaker 1: and like it's there, so good, so.
Speaker 2: So the material though this is Yeah, hasn't been saying
Speaker 2: though this is your most grounded film.
Speaker 1: I would say it is very grounded.
Speaker 2: It's and I think that's a really awesome new direction.
Speaker 2: It's it's on opposite end of the spectrum from Tusk,
Speaker 2: Love Tusk, but this adjacent.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Actually you could say this is the prequel to Tusk. No,
Speaker 2: it's could not be more opposite. And I think it's
Speaker 2: a really cool new direction you're going in.
Speaker 1: You're very sweet. Can you put that in print in
Speaker 1: like New York Times or something like that.
Speaker 2: Okay, I'll call them.
Speaker 1: That's the generation I come from. Unless they put it
Speaker 1: in print.
Speaker 2: Does your daughter's words mean nothing to you?
Speaker 1: Kind of? But you're you're like a paid friend. You
Speaker 1: gotta like me, thank you? Yeah, I don't have to,
Speaker 1: I know, but you're sweet enough to you were raised well,
Speaker 1: so you're like death before just courtesy.
Speaker 2: I don't know who I was raised by. Because my
Speaker 2: dad was in responding to people on the internet.
Speaker 1: I was like, she's good. She good over there, maybe,
Speaker 1: dear Magnolia fan. So when I'm writing the four thirty movie,
Speaker 1: which I write knowing I'm gonna shoot at my movie
Speaker 1: theater when I own with my friends. That's why the
Speaker 1: whole place is old as fuck. Old movie theater is
Speaker 1: like one hundred years old, but like the seats, you know,
Speaker 1: are from the fucking sixties. So I was like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, we point anywhere, we point a camera as
Speaker 1: long as we're inside this place. It looks old. We'll
Speaker 1: get away with the period piece, not like merchant Ivory
Speaker 1: and Shure like that sense and sensibility level, but we
Speaker 1: could pass for nineteen eighty six. And so I told
Speaker 1: this kind of story about like a first date in
Speaker 1: high school in nineteen eighty six when when I was
Speaker 1: a kid, and an eventful day at the movie theater.
Speaker 1: So I write the lead Brian David for Austin, and
Speaker 1: then I write the lead all Melody Barnegat, and I
Speaker 1: say to Harley, I was like, so I wrote this
Speaker 1: for you, so you guys get to act together. And
Speaker 1: then Harley started the movie and everything worked out.
Speaker 2: And everything went according to your.
Speaker 1: Plan, Harley, very kindly, very politely, because again raised right,
Speaker 1: I was like, fuck h And I was like, what went?
Speaker 2: What?
Speaker 4: Uh?
Speaker 1: Tell the good folks at home why you passed on
Speaker 1: the female lead in a major motion picture will rest
Speaker 1: of Hollywood was reeling from the strike because you were
Speaker 1: just like, care this trash to someone else?
Speaker 5: Please?
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what happened for sure. No, I of course
Speaker 2: feel so grateful and honored that you asked me, and.
Speaker 1: That I there's that well kid right there, she leads with, like,
Speaker 1: I'm so happy you asked me. Here comes the big butt.
Speaker 2: Though, well, okay, we'll just wait to see. I absolutely
Speaker 2: recognize how rare it is and how lucky I am
Speaker 2: to have a part written for me and get the
Speaker 2: opportunity to and I'm so grateful for it. But I
Speaker 2: think at the end of the day, it was just
Speaker 2: a little too close for home and it was already
Speaker 2: one thing for Austin to kind of be playing you,
Speaker 2: and it would in that you know, that was my
Speaker 2: my my mental health.
Speaker 5: Does it sound like your dad?
Speaker 1: Hey, let me try this one out.
Speaker 5: Is this your dad?
Speaker 3: Why?
Speaker 2: Jesus, Yeah, I got it.
Speaker 1: This guy I'm supposed to tell him.
Speaker 2: I hate all of this?
Speaker 1: Was it?
Speaker 2: I didn't?
Speaker 1: Did you swear him off during the making the movie
Speaker 1: because you were like, he's so much like you, I
Speaker 1: can't relate to him anymore?
Speaker 2: No, why, no, no, no no. It was very important
Speaker 2: to Austin to obviously not trying to impersonate my dad.
Speaker 1: He was like, just we're gonna have to make up
Speaker 1: with the lights on, because I'm afraid that it would
Speaker 1: sound so much like your father.
Speaker 2: So much. I hate it, and I'm gonna walk away.
Speaker 2: I hate all of this.
Speaker 1: Finish, tell him why you did?
Speaker 3: Reason? I don't know fucking why. There's just literally someone
Speaker 3: terrorizing me on the other the table.
Speaker 1: I'm out of an over guy's shoulder, going like you
Speaker 1: guys kissing real life and you kissing the movie again.
Speaker 1: You're like, my father's emotional development.
Speaker 2: Stunted at an early age, okay.
Speaker 1: And it's only growing now.
Speaker 2: He's only learning some very early on lessons now. It
Speaker 2: was I just did not want to play your high
Speaker 2: school girls far. Call me crazy, but I thought it
Speaker 2: was maybe a little too goddamn close to home.
Speaker 1: You're like, I've been in therapy since I was twelve
Speaker 1: one day. I hope to get out of it. I'm
Speaker 1: never going to get out of this hole. If I
Speaker 1: play your high school girlfriend my boyfriend, please you? Yes,
Speaker 1: that's that father's this is a bridge too far.
Speaker 2: It was just it was respect not going to be
Speaker 2: healthy from all respect.
Speaker 1: I remember like, at first, I was like, what the
Speaker 1: f And then I spoke to another actor about it.
Speaker 1: I spoke to Joey Adams. Saw Joey Adams out of
Speaker 1: con Joey played Alyssa and Chase Gamy and stuff. So
Speaker 1: I've known Joey for like decades, but you know, an actor.
Speaker 1: So I'm telling the stories, like you believe this, shy
Speaker 1: her fucking lean. Joey's like.
Speaker 5: What you did say?
Speaker 1: She'd be playing a version of your high school girlfriend.
Speaker 1: And I was like, well, I mean yeah, but like,
Speaker 1: isn't that an acting child? And she's like no, that's
Speaker 1: the trauma waiting to happen. She was like, Kevin, I
Speaker 1: would pass on that if I were your daughter. She's
Speaker 1: got my pass on it as just your friend.
Speaker 5: She's like that, she's right to say no, and.
Speaker 1: I was like she is. I was like, well, but
Speaker 1: she's I applaut her because I'm so wishy.
Speaker 2: She have to be so fucking wishy, washy.
Speaker 1: Bro, no spy, what's soever? Oh, let me take the
Speaker 1: temperature of the room. So the kid didn't wind up
Speaker 1: playing that book, but she did wind up playing sister.
Speaker 2: Sugar Walls, which is I think what I was always
Speaker 2: born to play was a hook her nun. At the
Speaker 2: end of the day, tell your mom that.
Speaker 3: I was born to play a hooker mob you thought
Speaker 3: I was born to play your ex fucking high school
Speaker 3: girlfriend and before that, play a young version of you.
Speaker 3: So fuck yourself.
Speaker 1: I didn't think you were born to play that role,
Speaker 1: but why not play it on your way to you know,
Speaker 1: fucking the classics like fucking Medea, f Procter.
Speaker 3: All this ship media.
Speaker 5: Like look pop culturally. I'm very proud.
Speaker 1: Of you because you're aware of the work of Tyler parents.
Speaker 6: Yeah, so good on you. You've been paying attention for
Speaker 6: the last I don't know, twenty five years. He's a
Speaker 6: pop cultural force. That being said, that was not There
Speaker 6: is a classical Greek play.
Speaker 1: Performed in the apropol of perhaps called media.
Speaker 2: Oh right.
Speaker 1: Usually actresses actors of female variety dream.
Speaker 2: Of course, but I was more dreaming of the other.
Speaker 1: I mean, you can dream, but I honestly wo touch
Speaker 1: that role.
Speaker 5: Some shit is not for you. Do you understand, fucking
Speaker 5: child the privilege you're like one of those, one of those.
Speaker 5: Some shit is not ours.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, there's a media.
Speaker 1: You could play, not Tyler Perry's media. I don't come
Speaker 1: after Tyler Perry's like, I'm still doing it. Yes, you
Speaker 1: don't know how much.
Speaker 5: Money I'm making. He's like James Alabamas pennies compared to
Speaker 5: the media billions.
Speaker 1: Go to movie studio. He really did off of the
Speaker 1: back of the media. Anybody that's like, oh, it's so
Speaker 1: low rent to put on a dress in comedy.
Speaker 5: Fuck you.
Speaker 1: That guy's kind of movie studio guy's a genius.
Speaker 5: I believe me.
Speaker 1: When when as the Rise of Tyler Berry happened, I
Speaker 1: was like, why did I fucking hook up with Jay?
Speaker 1: Why didn't I just put on a dress instead? Silent
Speaker 1: best or something like that.
Speaker 2: No, No, never going to work.
Speaker 1: But uh fucking man, Yeah no, there's another Medea.
Speaker 2: All right, understood.
Speaker 1: Every day's a school day.
Speaker 2: You know you're growing. I'm learning.
Speaker 1: What is my craft interesting?
Speaker 2: Not a media halloween?
Speaker 5: I'm sorry. I don't know this man.
Speaker 1: Sorry to this man, I'm sorry. That's I'm sorry to
Speaker 1: this I'm sorry. Four thirty movie kids, we've to potential,
Speaker 1: you know, trip back to the fucking mental hospital or
Speaker 1: trip for the first time. For you, you've been like
Speaker 1: they're like, what are you doing here? That's here too soon.
Speaker 1: You're like, my father made me play his school girl,
Speaker 1: and like we have a room for you. Kevin Smith,
Speaker 1: sweet right here, right this way.
Speaker 2: No, I didn't have to I didn't have to go
Speaker 2: this year or two soon because I have been in
Speaker 2: therapy for over time.
Speaker 6: You know.
Speaker 1: I remember fucking when you were younger, there was this
Speaker 1: thought of like, god, this generation so fucking song, like
Speaker 1: they fucking take offense to everything. Then the older you got,
Speaker 1: the more I realized, oh, their generation so smart because
Speaker 1: they deal with their ship like unlike my generation was
Speaker 1: just like, you know, fucking put it behind you, move forward,
Speaker 1: fucking happy family, happy family or whatever the fuck. Like
Speaker 1: your generation like nose to look out for their mental health,
Speaker 1: whereas my generation, like what mental health? And now it's
Speaker 1: catching up to a lot of us and we were
Speaker 1: not prepared for it. So it is. Yeah, in many ways,
Speaker 1: I think you guys are stronger because you're willing to
Speaker 1: look at yourselves in ways that like my generation perhaps
Speaker 1: was not. And I'm a pretty introspective motherfucker. You can
Speaker 1: go watch that four thirty movie. It's like my head
Speaker 1: way up my own ass man, Like I'm making my
Speaker 1: I'm a hero of my own fucking movies and shit, which,
Speaker 1: to be fair, you should be the hero of your
Speaker 1: own fucking movie at all times.
Speaker 2: True, but yes, But I also I am very proud
Speaker 2: of you for going on your It's never too late
Speaker 2: to start your mental health journey, and I'm very proud
Speaker 2: of you.
Speaker 1: I appreciate that. Yeah, for the kids, been in therapy
Speaker 1: since she was twelve.
Speaker 2: And I feel very very lucky and privileged to have
Speaker 2: been in therapy since I was twelve and to be
Speaker 2: able to access that help, because I know it's not
Speaker 2: accessible to everybody, and I definitely feel and recognize that
Speaker 2: being able to see professional help is absolutely a privilege
Speaker 2: and something I'm super lucky to have had as a
Speaker 2: major tool for the past decade and psychiatry for almost
Speaker 2: as long too.
Speaker 1: So there have been many moments where I'm like, man,
Speaker 1: she's mature, and it usually is it's about emotional maturity. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because you far more well equipped for life. Like when
Speaker 1: I was in Sierra tou Son, I was in the
Speaker 1: booby hat. The why the boys went out because the
Speaker 1: fun way to say, because otherwise you're like when I
Speaker 1: was fucking catatonic in a mental hospital, like so much
Speaker 1: better be like when I was in the bus so
Speaker 1: true it was is uh, you know, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I got here because I didn't have any tools to
Speaker 1: ye fucking deal with this and I didn't know things.
Speaker 1: Now I just know more about myself now. It's not
Speaker 1: like they curiate where I walked out. I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: everything's changed. But if you can identify your behaviors, that's
Speaker 1: a big fucking step or you know, these mood swings
Speaker 1: or whatever fuck or the headspace you're in.
Speaker 2: Your mental health is also something that you constantly have
Speaker 2: to work towards, just like your physical health. Like you
Speaker 2: have to work out.
Speaker 1: I've only started doing in the last few years.
Speaker 2: But you're doing so great with both now.
Speaker 1: But better snake than lover.
Speaker 2: It's not like you, you know, go to therapy a
Speaker 2: few times or go to the booby hatch or somethen
Speaker 2: like you're like it's a it's something you constantly have.
Speaker 1: To work towards, and it just if you know why
Speaker 1: you do things. You know, they trace stuff back to
Speaker 1: like childhood, They trace stuff back to like traumatic moments
Speaker 1: in your life. You know that we're things registered and
Speaker 1: stayed with you and stuff.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 1: It's like when I left the place, they were like, hey,
Speaker 1: don't wait a lifetime to come back, and I was like,
Speaker 1: you know what, that's like sound advice? RH I wish
Speaker 1: when I was in When I was in the booby Hatch,
Speaker 1: there was a kid there who was young, like fucking
Speaker 1: seventeen eighteen, and I was like, oh, Like some people
Speaker 1: were like, that's so sad, and I'm like, that ain't
Speaker 1: fucking sad. Like now that I know what you could
Speaker 1: get in this place, Yeah, I wish i'd fucking gone
Speaker 1: nuts when I was seventeen eighteen, which he didn't need
Speaker 1: go nuts. Not everyone in there was crazy. Some people
Speaker 1: were substance abuse, some people were this that. But to
Speaker 1: have had the tools that they gave me at age
Speaker 1: seventeen eighteen, like you had through, oh my god, it
Speaker 1: would have been a valuable It's invaluable, Like it's something
Speaker 1: they should really, like, you know, life is hard man
Speaker 1: for everybody, and every like fucking ten, fifteen, twenty years
Speaker 1: or something. People should be forced not to like go crazy,
Speaker 1: but to like, you know, fucking put it all down.
Speaker 2: It's about looking at yourself, look an honest look. And
Speaker 2: thankfully now there are more accessible services online for therapy
Speaker 2: and psychiatry because it has been something that is not
Speaker 2: accessible to everybody for a long time, and thankfully now
Speaker 2: it is becoming more so, which is really amazing because
Speaker 2: I think everybody should take the time to look inward
Speaker 2: and really be honest with themselves and address the current
Speaker 2: state of their of their mind and their mental health.
Speaker 1: I got you've always been that cat though, You've always
Speaker 1: even when like I was like, you know, this is
Speaker 1: she Like I remember asking Jim from time to time
Speaker 1: like she's still going to that to bath? Said yeah.
Speaker 1: I was like when's that end? She's like probably never,
Speaker 1: is it? Really? She's like yeah, but I think that's
Speaker 1: kind of fun. Like Jennifer benthic therapy and stuff, and
Speaker 1: so she had her own opinions and whatnot. But now
Speaker 1: like I'm like, oh my god, why would you ever stop?
Speaker 1: It's all about mini maintenance along the way. Yeah, Like
Speaker 1: if I had been doing what you were doing, I
Speaker 1: wouldn't have had a fucking complete break with reality. It's
Speaker 1: like a car, right, It's like, if you fucking tend
Speaker 1: to it, fix it, keep it up, you know, you
Speaker 1: can drive it for a long time. But if you
Speaker 1: never do anything like fucking get an oil change, pocasm
Speaker 1: or whatever to fuck change in tires, you can't be
Speaker 1: surprised when the car, like literally one day just breaks
Speaker 1: down and stops, and then it's usually very costly and
Speaker 1: time consuming to put it back on the road and stuff.
Speaker 1: But instead, now I would you know, I just go
Speaker 1: to therapy. I leave work behind more than I did
Speaker 1: back in the day and whatnot. And I can identify, like, oh,
Speaker 1: this feeling is coming from there, like I'm not mad
Speaker 1: at this or I don't like this is not the
Speaker 1: focus of what's making the upset. If I step back,
Speaker 1: it's more about this.
Speaker 2: You know, I've seen it happen in real time. I'm
Speaker 2: very proud of you.
Speaker 1: I was, honestly like some of the coolest shit you
Speaker 1: ever said to me, like when I was in the
Speaker 1: stir in the Booby Hedge, because you were like oh man,
Speaker 1: you're saying ship like I been wishing you would say
Speaker 1: for like a decade because I was finally catching up
Speaker 1: with what like you already knew. And it was so
Speaker 1: weird because in that instance, it's like, well the parent,
Speaker 1: the child has become parents the parent.
Speaker 2: It's honestly say, it's the same way you would like
Speaker 2: make fun of me for being a vegan all that shit, And.
Speaker 1: I felt so much pity for you because you would
Speaker 1: you can't eat anything, like we would go to we'd
Speaker 1: be at Morton's Steakhouse and be like, spoor k I
Speaker 1: needed things.
Speaker 2: She's like, yeah, because you brought me to a fucking steakhouse.
Speaker 1: I could if we went to a vegan restaurant or.
Speaker 2: Like literally anywhere that's not his fucking steakhouse.
Speaker 1: I was like, bring her a half a head of
Speaker 1: iceberg lattice, put cheese on it. She's like, but yeah,
Speaker 1: you were, you know, and time to go first. Many
Speaker 1: times you're like a little.
Speaker 2: Ashk oh, thanks, But then now now look at you
Speaker 2: many years deep in veganism.
Speaker 1: And six and a half years used to be happy.
Speaker 2: Now hey, but the same for mental health. You used
Speaker 2: to not understand why I was on an antidepressant, not
Speaker 2: understand why I would go to therapy psychiatry. You didn't
Speaker 2: understand any of it, and now you totally do, Like.
Speaker 1: You got antidepressant please.
Speaker 2: But also I just kind of realized while talking for
Speaker 2: the first time that basically you neglected your mental and
Speaker 2: physical health for so long that it led to two
Speaker 2: like major events that forced you to change, which is
Speaker 2: crazy and really like makes you the perfect person to
Speaker 2: talk about. Oh yeah, like it's because it in your Obviously,
Speaker 2: we all fucking know you're We're so lucky that you're
Speaker 2: still here. Like you really overcame too, really like huge explosions.
Speaker 1: My heart blew up and then my head.
Speaker 2: Blew yeah literally yeah, and both were.
Speaker 1: Like taken to the limit when it Yeah, it wasn't
Speaker 1: like somebody is like by the way you might want
Speaker 1: to stop or something.
Speaker 2: You were pushing yourself till you could not anymore.
Speaker 1: Two different hospital.
Speaker 2: Literally, Wow, that's pretty crazy. And look at you now,
Speaker 2: not in a hospital.
Speaker 1: Not in life comes down to in a hospital, not
Speaker 1: a hospital, And that's honestly the best you can hope for. Honestly,
Speaker 1: God man, put that on a fucking shirt.
Speaker 3: Is that our slop closed the show.
Speaker 1: Man, fucking like, uh, bugging you, life is fuck I
Speaker 1: forgot what it was already.
Speaker 2: Life comes down to are you in a hospital?
Speaker 1: The hospital? It's not a great people like the medical
Speaker 1: show show. I mean, I wish they'd go back to
Speaker 1: talking about John Proctor. That was my favorite party. I
Speaker 1: have a new part of the show, and this is
Speaker 1: how we'll end the show. It's a thing that we
Speaker 1: could do every episode. It's like a spine that we
Speaker 1: could always kind of build upon and whatnot. And it's
Speaker 1: not a game, but it's kind of a fun pastime.
Speaker 1: I was gonna call it love it, where you talk
Speaker 1: about something you're passionate about, because it's you know, a
Speaker 1: lot of people fucking bitch nowadays. You know, that's what
Speaker 1: social media seems to be primarily for either showing off
Speaker 1: how awesome your life is or shitting on somebody else's
Speaker 1: life and everything else. So in the interest of fucking
Speaker 1: pouring a little positivity out there, I wanted to do
Speaker 1: love it, where we just talk about things we're passionate
Speaker 1: about every week or shove it, which is not like
Speaker 1: or the things we hate, is more about like the
Speaker 1: things we can you know, fucking do without or less
Speaker 1: of and shit like that things were working on or whatever.
Speaker 1: So I thought I was so clever. However, I love
Speaker 1: it or shove it is like all over the internet.
Speaker 1: I did a quick search and I was like, well,
Speaker 1: of course it is. It's easy. So I went through
Speaker 1: variations and came up with this this one. It's called
Speaker 1: passion or ration. So it's the thing you're passionate about,
Speaker 1: or the thing you could ration do with less of
Speaker 1: in your life. Something where you're like more of this,
Speaker 1: less of everything else, and then something where you're like
Speaker 1: less of this, more of everything understood. I will go
Speaker 1: first passion. My passion this week is the dog park.
Speaker 1: The dog park is over by Loyal Canyon and it's
Speaker 1: where I bring Lucky and Birdie, the two German shepherds,
Speaker 1: mostly every day. In fact, once we're done recording, I
Speaker 1: think we're going to bring the dogs over to the park.
Speaker 5: Me and Jen go.
Speaker 1: And it reminds me, I like, number one, the joy
Speaker 1: that the dogs, you know, fucking have, and just being
Speaker 1: outside of the house is everything and being the doorway
Speaker 1: to that joy, Like you know, that's fucking way on
Speaker 1: brand for stuff. Being responsible for somebody else's happiness is
Speaker 1: literally what I do. And the dogs, like you just
Speaker 1: want to make them happy, and when they're happy, they're
Speaker 1: fucking they're bully and shit. And because of that, like
Speaker 1: these motherfuckers kill for me, like they've you know, they
Speaker 1: like your mother, but oh look they're in this fucking room, man,
Speaker 1: you got to be and shit like that.
Speaker 2: Once again, thank god mom doesn't listen to our podcast.
Speaker 1: So I love going to the dog park, but it reminds me,
Speaker 1: I figured out, reminds me of my mom and dad
Speaker 1: used to go down to the harbor in Atlantic Highlands,
Speaker 1: one town over from where we lived when I was
Speaker 1: a kid, where the Atlantic Islands movie theater is. The
Speaker 1: Smodcastle Cinema is very shot before thirty movie now you
Speaker 1: can now see. But they used to go down to
Speaker 1: the harbor to the marina and just like parked bar
Speaker 1: and walk around and bullshit one night. And they've been
Speaker 1: married at that point for like easily fifteen twenty years,
Speaker 1: and I always thought that was kind of charm, like,
Speaker 1: oh they can still fucking stand to hang out with
Speaker 1: one another. And that's what going to the dog park,
Speaker 1: I think at the roote reminds me of. I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: this is kind of like where my parents were in
Speaker 1: life at that point. So I like it. So that's
Speaker 1: my that's my passion, My what's my ration is uh,
Speaker 1: feeling irrelevant? You know, most of my job is predicated
Speaker 1: on pop cultural relevancy. If nobody knows me or gives
Speaker 1: no fuck about me, then I really don't have a
Speaker 1: job anymore, particularly because I became my job for a
Speaker 1: living start as a director, but now I'm just Kevin
Speaker 1: Smith for a living. So my job is only as
Speaker 1: valuable as my pop cultural currency or my cultural relevancy.
Speaker 1: And as we release a movie and release a brand
Speaker 1: new podcast, it's always a moment, you know, where one
Speaker 1: has to face their relevancy, like is anybody going to
Speaker 1: show up to the Movie's very easy to do, very
Speaker 1: easy metric with a movie, it's like does anybody come?
Speaker 1: And a podcast is also an easy metric is anybody listening?
Speaker 1: So going out there into the arena is always kind
Speaker 1: of like frightening and going out there into the arena
Speaker 1: and like at this age, you know, thirty years into
Speaker 1: a career, the thirtieth anniversary of Clarks this year and
Speaker 1: shit like that, it makes me go, like, is anybody
Speaker 1: gonna care. And I can't stand that feeling, and I
Speaker 1: could do with less of it because it does preoccupy
Speaker 1: a lot of my time. And all I need to
Speaker 1: do is not do that, because that's destructive thinking don't help,
Speaker 1: Like I should just pour myself into Whenever I'm writing,
Speaker 1: I'm feeling like relevant, creatively relevant, and really then it's
Speaker 1: like I don't give a fuck. I'm just thrilled with
Speaker 1: what I'm doing and it doesn't matter who's eventually going
Speaker 1: to see it as I'm creating it and stuff. So yeah,
Speaker 1: I could do with less of feeling irrelevant, but I
Speaker 1: guess we all do. Everyone wants to feel. You know.
Speaker 1: An important part of the conversation.
Speaker 2: You got to take your own advice.
Speaker 1: Bruh, what is that?
Speaker 2: The past is depression, the future is anxiety.
Speaker 1: Got that from the nuthouse. The movie Hatch taught me that, man,
Speaker 1: past is depression. Can't change it to happen. You can
Speaker 1: learn from it. That's important, you should. But dwelling on it, Oh,
Speaker 1: living in your head inside the past what a fucking
Speaker 1: double waste of time because you can't do it. And
Speaker 1: you know, if you go back in time and reminisce,
Speaker 1: you know, fucking you know, wallowing nostalgia. Sure, that's fine,
Speaker 1: but like going back to be like, why did I
Speaker 1: say that? Why did they say that? Why didn't I
Speaker 1: do that thing when I had the chance? Why if
Speaker 1: I like, don't reletigate your life, kids, like, learn from
Speaker 1: your mistakes, move forward, Stay the fuck out of the past.
Speaker 1: Future is fraught with anxiety.
Speaker 2: Stay out of there too.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, you don't know what's gonna happen. And
Speaker 1: we all become brilliant writers when it comes to making
Speaker 1: up our unfortunate futures, where we're like, all the bad
Speaker 1: things are going to happen and shit, which you don't
Speaker 1: know to be the case at all. Nobody knows the future.
Speaker 1: So if you're just gonna make up some shit, make
Speaker 1: up good shit, be like, oh my god, everything's going
Speaker 1: to work out in the future, it has just as
Speaker 1: much a chance of being true. But the best healthiest
Speaker 1: place to live inside your head is never in the future.
Speaker 1: Either stay that past or the future. Yes, stay in bred.
Speaker 2: Absolutely.
Speaker 1: We miss so much of the present but here and
Speaker 1: now because we're fucking spending so much time thinking about
Speaker 1: what happened, religating the past, thinking, wondering what's going to
Speaker 1: happen in the future, fearing the future, and the best
Speaker 1: part of it is the here and now. Everything else
Speaker 1: is like the dwelling in the past is a snapshot.
Speaker 1: It's looking at something that already happened. It's not experiencing it,
Speaker 1: and fucking you know, trying to predict what's going to
Speaker 1: happen and fucking complete fabrication, waste of time. But here
Speaker 1: and now all the good shit happens and the bad shit.
Speaker 1: But like, if you're going to be anywhere in your head,
Speaker 1: be here, be mindful. In order to do that, you
Speaker 1: breathe and through your nose about your mouth. Do that
Speaker 1: five times, and it grounds you, they said, because because
Speaker 1: I was like why, And they're like, because you can't
Speaker 1: breathe in the past, and you cannot breathe into the future.
Speaker 1: You can only breathe right here in the present. I
Speaker 1: like that. They're full of fucking ship that'd be good
Speaker 1: on a dish towel or a mug. So true that
Speaker 1: one of those positivity stores, you know, like fucking a
Speaker 1: penny saves.
Speaker 2: A penny, the present, gift.
Speaker 1: President the present, and what the present? What is it
Speaker 1: that's why they call it the present.
Speaker 2: Because it's a gift.
Speaker 1: Yes, they call it the present because it's a gift.
Speaker 1: And when they said that ship to you, you know,
Speaker 1: you're like, they're like, wait a second, those are the
Speaker 1: booies that you start grabbing onto as you swim back
Speaker 1: to the shore. You know, fucking in your head, you're
Speaker 1: just out to fucking see but hearing like something like that,
Speaker 1: just being able to grab onto that concept, which again
Speaker 1: is simple, And it's not like this is a concept
Speaker 1: that eludes many. It clearly doesn't, but for some of
Speaker 1: us maybe it does. In that moment, dopey ship like
Speaker 1: that made all the fucking difference. So yeah, I guess
Speaker 1: some of the answer is just like be creative and
Speaker 1: then you won't even think about that ship. So anyway,
Speaker 1: that's my passion, that's my ration. You got passion and
Speaker 1: a ration.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I got a passion, right, passion.
Speaker 1: I want to play the classics. I want to play
Speaker 1: all the Tyler Perry classics.
Speaker 2: You're talking. I was thinking about that.
Speaker 5: It's like, wow, I want you to call it.
Speaker 1: Acting coach Deba and be like like, yes, Harley, while
Speaker 1: there is another medea. I just wasn't clear there was
Speaker 1: a O G as well, I just what is it?
Speaker 1: What's your passion?
Speaker 2: But right now I'm going to say that my passion
Speaker 2: is making music because it's been what it's what I've
Speaker 2: been up to lately.
Speaker 1: Make the music with the mouthes. Make the music with
Speaker 1: the mouth O.
Speaker 5: All right?
Speaker 1: Are you beat boxing that you're doing? You and a
Speaker 1: couple of friends getting together, and like that's not actually bad.
Speaker 1: I've been around since the eighties, that's pretty good. What
Speaker 1: kind of music you're working on?
Speaker 2: Grunge?
Speaker 1: Is it grunge? I would say, I think about grunge? Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was fucking King of the nineties for a red
Speaker 1: hot minute.
Speaker 5: I was a kid and a king Baker. You've heard
Speaker 5: of bad Apple like that too?
Speaker 3: Not David jasically mus Please?
Speaker 1: What kind of music?
Speaker 2: As I just told you, which then spun.
Speaker 3: Into whatever.
Speaker 1: We'll do it Singapore.
Speaker 2: No, but you always want me to sing on the
Speaker 2: fucking podcast.
Speaker 3: If you're nearly talk on the podcast.
Speaker 1: If you're a singer and there's a mic in front
Speaker 1: of you, how come you're not just like into the fat?
Speaker 1: Do you have you ever performed? You have performed a lot?
Speaker 2: Yeah, bro, you've been there.
Speaker 1: I have but not with this new formation. No, because
Speaker 1: you know the band you performed live with that I
Speaker 1: saw it was very poppying up and stuff like that.
Speaker 2: You called bubble gum bubble gum punk punk. It was
Speaker 2: not pop.
Speaker 5: My bad.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry many pop, but this as much as you
Speaker 1: say much, it's grunge much so it's much more more swaying.
Speaker 2: I'm yelling and stuff, and you yell a lot, I
Speaker 2: do yell.
Speaker 1: Do do you leave your eyes open or close when
Speaker 1: you sing?
Speaker 2: That's so funny.
Speaker 1: I'm so curious.
Speaker 2: We'ren't really feeling it. My eyes are closed, I feel like,
Speaker 2: but you.
Speaker 1: Go all Ricky Nelson, Ricky Nelson like he was a
Speaker 1: teenage heart throb in the fucking fifties. He was one
Speaker 1: of the sons on the Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet.
Speaker 1: He became like a fucking legit singer, like he was
Speaker 1: on the show singing, and then he became fucking rick
Speaker 1: Nelson and ship and he he is responsible for that
Speaker 1: wonderful song guarded Party, a win to a garden party
Speaker 1: to reniss with my friends.
Speaker 5: When he sang on the show.
Speaker 1: Because they didn't have MTV back then and shit, so
Speaker 1: they would show him singing out the show. Whenever he
Speaker 1: was at the microphone, he would do that shit close
Speaker 1: his eyes by saying, and you know, I'm sure he's
Speaker 1: not the first one to ever do it, but because
Speaker 1: he did it on TV and people saw it, and
Speaker 1: TV was such a powerful medium, he's probably the artist
Speaker 1: people associated with. But something tells me, like most fucking
Speaker 1: good things of music, it was probably taking my different
Speaker 1: culture altogether.
Speaker 2: That is true.
Speaker 1: But that being said, is that an affectation or when
Speaker 1: one is singing, like, does that help you go higher?
Speaker 1: Like if I close my eyes, I can go a
Speaker 1: little higher or louder or whatever.
Speaker 2: Fuck No, I think, well, when I'm yelling, my eyes
Speaker 2: are closed, because if they were open, that's weird.
Speaker 1: No one wants to close look away from That's true
Speaker 1: on stage, motherfuckers, when they scream sing, they're usually like
Speaker 1: eyes closed.
Speaker 2: It takes a lot. I'm like the scene from my gut,
Speaker 2: so it's it's really like using my fucking asps.
Speaker 1: It takes a lot. I'm singing from my.
Speaker 2: Am, it takes a lot of you're singing to the
Speaker 2: back of the room. I'm really like pushing, pushing.
Speaker 1: And so it's eyes closed, or you might accidentally ship yourself.
Speaker 1: That is what I just said, clenching all around.
Speaker 2: What if I shipped myself.
Speaker 5: While you were singing?
Speaker 1: Would that be like a huge honor? No that you
Speaker 1: didn't like technically, you literally left it all on the stage,
Speaker 1: So true, slides down your pant leg and ship.
Speaker 2: I feel like this sounds like kind of familiar, Like
Speaker 2: somebody did take a ship off the stage recently, did they?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: I kind of feel like they did, but I can't
Speaker 2: remember anyways.
Speaker 1: And then g Allen used to do it all the time.
Speaker 1: Really yeah, that was part of his fucking ship shipped
Speaker 1: on stage on stage.
Speaker 2: That is just not what I'm going for.
Speaker 1: But we were in Ralph's the other night and we
Speaker 1: went to pick up Hollywood.
Speaker 2: She's gonna be so pitch.
Speaker 1: We're picking up Gail Jen's mom my mother in law,
Speaker 1: Harley's grandma Nana went through a procedure and so we
Speaker 1: were bringing her some candy unless she sits around like
Speaker 1: to snack out on and stuff. So we go to
Speaker 1: Ralph's and I tend to move very fast in a
Speaker 1: place in public.
Speaker 2: I just really really do.
Speaker 5: I have a pretty brisk page.
Speaker 2: No one can keep up with this man at an airport.
Speaker 1: She I just I'm used to traveling alone, and the
Speaker 1: faster I moved. Then if it's like, hey, man's the
Speaker 1: sawing Bob's like, yeah, over my shoulder. As I'm still
Speaker 1: moving forward and stuff.
Speaker 2: In order to keep up with you, I I actually
Speaker 2: have to jog, break a.
Speaker 1: Little sweat and s Truly, your mom doesn't feel the
Speaker 1: need so much to keep up with me, so she'll
Speaker 1: just like lag back and stuff. So she was like
Speaker 1: lagging about an aisle or two back as we entered
Speaker 1: the store, and they were playing Florya Estefan Miami sound
Speaker 1: Machine Conga. Okay, so you know, I was walking briskly,
Speaker 1: and I knew she was behind me, and I knew
Speaker 1: she was like I could feel her eyes seering into me,
Speaker 1: like why aren't you waiting? But I wanted to get
Speaker 1: the candy and get the fuck out before the place
Speaker 1: cloths and shit. So I knew she was behind me.
Speaker 1: I knew she was looking, and so on the last
Speaker 1: beat of Conga, like conga, I do that Conga and
Speaker 1: then then then dent dent on the dent lest dent,
Speaker 1: I busted a fucking move, like out of nowhere and shit,
Speaker 1: and like Jennifer started like cracking up so fucking hard,
Speaker 1: which was charming in and of itself. But what was
Speaker 1: really fun is like she she was laughing so far,
Speaker 1: she was crying, and then she came over to me
Speaker 1: and she was laying on and she was.
Speaker 5: Like, I peede a little and I was like, damn
Speaker 5: that skill.
Speaker 3: You so got it all right.
Speaker 1: Music is your passion. Music in my NiFe.
Speaker 2: It's bring me a lot of happiness these days making
Speaker 2: music again. I can't wait to put it out.
Speaker 1: Sing Us.
Speaker 2: You sing a lot on the podcast.
Speaker 1: Sing out Loud.
Speaker 4: You know that song, Yeah, sing out, don't worry if
Speaker 4: it's not good enough for anyone else to hear.
Speaker 1: Just see sing that song, you know, and then you
Speaker 1: do the fucking backup you.
Speaker 4: Pizza pizza man.
Speaker 1: No ticket now now you go.
Speaker 2: Anyways on my ration, bro, I'm not participating in this.
Speaker 1: Everyone wants to hear here a good little kids singing,
Speaker 1: scream singing, scream singing the way you sing your gun.
Speaker 2: Song, I hate. I kind of like that.
Speaker 1: There you go. You could cover it with your band. Honestly,
Speaker 1: it sounds like Carter butt like, but life is God.
Speaker 1: I always thought the carpenter just put feeling into him
Speaker 1: and Jesus. All right, So that's your passion, what's your ration?
Speaker 2: My ration is having friends come and go in your life.
Speaker 2: In my life, I've I've had to say goodbye to
Speaker 2: a few people over the years.
Speaker 1: Do you mean like pour one out on the pavement,
Speaker 1: like you've lost friends in la fucking violence or something.
Speaker 1: I know you're talking about.
Speaker 2: Just like just found out that I just phoned out.
Speaker 2: They're kind of the fucking worst And that happens still,
Speaker 2: oh just the other month. I mean, I've had so
Speaker 2: many people come and go out of my life, and
Speaker 2: because I I just haven't been able. I can't really
Speaker 2: just let things slide.
Speaker 1: That i'd your little mamma, your crusader for justice. I
Speaker 1: like grabbing kids on the parking lot and throw.
Speaker 5: What are you doing? Like?
Speaker 1: What are you doing?
Speaker 2: Just to be clear, I'm not doing that.
Speaker 1: I go, ladies, my kid on the ground.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know. I just really I can't stand
Speaker 2: to be fucked over. See people I love be fucked over,
Speaker 2: or people I don't know be fucked over. I really don't.
Speaker 2: I can't stand it. I really can't get a strong
Speaker 2: sense of justice. I just really cannot stand idly byble
Speaker 2: people are fucked over and I have Because of that,
Speaker 2: I had to say goodbye to the few few people
Speaker 2: who I considered best friends, many people I considered best
Speaker 2: friends over the years, and it happened again recently, and
Speaker 2: it just it really it hurts.
Speaker 1: And and you know why why why? But I know
Speaker 1: that I know what you're talking about, like I hear,
Speaker 1: I know, I know. I'm familiar with the drink you're born.
Speaker 1: I too have been up in my cups as they say,
Speaker 1: is that what they say say in my cups or whatever?
Speaker 2: I have no idea what it's when.
Speaker 1: You drink a lot? That like he was in his
Speaker 1: cups when you drink a lot. Yeah, it's an expression
Speaker 1: I heard recently in his cups. It was like way
Speaker 1: in his cups, meaning like, well that's a hair, okay.
Speaker 1: I was like a kid, an overly sensitive kid that
Speaker 1: was just like I care more about my friends than
Speaker 1: my friends care about me. I am sad to report
Speaker 1: that never changes. I'm fifty four and I still have
Speaker 1: feelings like that. I'm like let down again. And now
Speaker 1: I realized too that like I'm not an idiot, like
Speaker 1: I'm sure I've let people down too, but it's crushing
Speaker 1: for me if I know that. And when I do
Speaker 1: know it, I fucking try to make up for ship
Speaker 1: because because the way I was raised. But it'll be
Speaker 1: with you for a lifetime, like and it will always
Speaker 1: confound you because you're always like, why why don't they
Speaker 1: think like me? Why don't they feel like me? And
Speaker 1: then but you have to realize over time or never
Speaker 1: let yourself forget, because that's what makes you you. That's
Speaker 1: why you're special, That's why you're not those people, because
Speaker 1: you're you, because you do value friendship and more than
Speaker 1: fucking most and stuff like that. It's not as mutable
Speaker 1: and transient as it is for some people, and you
Speaker 1: know that's to be applauded. You know how to put
Speaker 1: up a boundary.
Speaker 2: It'd be a lot easier sometimes if I could just.
Speaker 1: Go with the flow.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I just can't.
Speaker 1: You know what happens. Then you wind up in a
Speaker 1: mental hospital at age fifty fucking whatever, fifty three.
Speaker 2: That's true. Boundaries are healthy things in the world.
Speaker 1: Man, telling you, it's fucking like something that I have
Speaker 1: an inability, fundamental inability to put a boundary I say
Speaker 1: yes to everybody. I'm a people pleasing, codependent yes, ma'am,
Speaker 1: So you being able to say no, that was it happened. Recently.
Speaker 1: We were having a thing about the what to call
Speaker 1: the podcast. We grew the podcast beyond the walls of
Speaker 1: that Kevin Smith Club, which if you like this, oh
Speaker 1: my god, go to that Kevin Smith Club. We got
Speaker 1: thousands of hours of podcasts behind that wall. But we
Speaker 1: were growing the show and before we took it out
Speaker 1: in the world, iHeart liked the show and they were like,
Speaker 1: bring it here. So we were like, great, let's do
Speaker 1: it on our heart. Man. I was like, we got
Speaker 1: to change the title to this, and I had an
Speaker 1: idea for the title that I fucking absolutely lot. I
Speaker 1: was like, Oh, this will punch through and fucking catchy
Speaker 1: and people will fucking tune in and it. Harley was like,
Speaker 1: I don't want to do that, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm all right. And then later on I went back
Speaker 1: at it. I was like, wait, I got a very
Speaker 1: Asian on it, and this is even fucking better and
Speaker 1: blah blah blah, and she was like, I'm not saying no.
Speaker 1: Let me think about it. And then she thought about it,
Speaker 1: and she was like, yeah, I can't do it, and
Speaker 1: I was so like fucking wigged out about the both.
Speaker 1: I was like what, like what the fuck? Man? Like,
Speaker 1: fucking she says no to me. And then the next
Speaker 1: day me and her drove around and talked and stuff,
Speaker 1: and I went from.
Speaker 5: Like I'm not getting what I want.
Speaker 1: Which like, as a creative, that's what I'm used to,
Speaker 1: Like you have the life of a grown child. It's
Speaker 1: like I want to do this, and people like, all right,
Speaker 1: here's a million dollars. Shut the fuck up, ade please,
Speaker 1: So you know, I couldn't see past not getting what
Speaker 1: I wanted, which was for the good of the podcast.
Speaker 1: It wasn't just selfishly I wanted because I wanted, but
Speaker 1: I was like to be great for the podcast. But
Speaker 1: what I fail to see until that moment was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, the fuck our podcast fuck a title
Speaker 1: like this is your one and only begotten child. And
Speaker 1: she just showed enormous fucking spine that you could never
Speaker 1: in your life show your whole fucking life. You've never
Speaker 1: been able to be that person, and as a parent,
Speaker 1: you just hope that the fucking your kid's life is
Speaker 1: fifty percent better than yours. That's a tall old because
Speaker 1: my life's been pretty fucking good and shit. But it
Speaker 1: ain't about like the trappings of a life. It's not
Speaker 1: about like, man, I hope your house is as much
Speaker 1: square fucking footage. The fifty percent better than you is
Speaker 1: about like, I hope you don't have the shit that
Speaker 1: I have. I hope you don't carry the darkness that
Speaker 1: I carry. It's you know, it doesn't have to be
Speaker 1: darkness like I'm a fucking drug abuse or a fucking
Speaker 1: I'm like. My father was insecure because he was born
Speaker 1: with a cleft lip and a cleft palate and stuff,
Speaker 1: and so that passed on to me. And that type
Speaker 1: of insecurity means that I'm like, I'm only valuable to
Speaker 1: people if I'm doing stuff for him. If not, they
Speaker 1: won't like me. And so I say, yes, I'm a
Speaker 1: fucking huge pushover. To know that my kid is better
Speaker 1: at that shit than me, that she won't fall prey
Speaker 1: to the same shit that I've fallen prey to my
Speaker 1: whole life. That made me so fucking happy. I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, that's the huge fucking win. And the
Speaker 1: title is a title. You can find another title that
Speaker 1: we did beardless dickless me, which is fun to say
Speaker 1: beardless dickless me, and it's also very catchy in terms
Speaker 1: of like punching through a crowded marketplace, someone will be like, uh,
Speaker 1: what does that mean? Yeah, all those words together, I
Speaker 1: gotta try it. And if they find a charming, fantastic
Speaker 1: and if they don't find his charming, no title was
Speaker 1: ever gonna change that. Yeah, But more importantly, just seeing
Speaker 1: you be like no to like fucking like the one
Speaker 1: guy in the world, the one person in the world
Speaker 1: is like, oh fucking I've done nothing but fucking set
Speaker 1: the table for her and make sure she's taken care
Speaker 1: of them, so of course she'll say yes. And to
Speaker 1: have you be like even you dad, like this is
Speaker 1: a bridge too far from me. As much as I
Speaker 1: love you, No, for me, I can't do this. That
Speaker 1: was and still remains like one of my favorite moments
Speaker 1: of twenty twenty four. I'm like, she can be okay,
Speaker 1: she can be all right, like she can stand up
Speaker 1: for herself. So I was very happy.
Speaker 2: I just would hug you if there wasn't big table tweet.
Speaker 2: That means a lot, and it was not easy and
Speaker 2: I truly truly can't stand the thought of letting you down. Ever,
Speaker 2: it is excruciating. You're very sweet, and it was very
Speaker 2: it was uh, it was really difficult, but ultimately great.
Speaker 1: Things came from I would say. So, all right, so
Speaker 1: you've done your passion and your ration, but the ration.
Speaker 1: Do you feel like you've said enough on the subject
Speaker 1: of fucking I mean friends?
Speaker 2: We could we could all about it friends.
Speaker 1: Why now you can look the word up again and again.
Speaker 1: But the dictionary doesn't know the meaning of friends.
Speaker 5: Friends.
Speaker 1: How many of us have them? Your generation need a
Speaker 1: little Houdini and then you would have been fine.
Speaker 2: So true, I was raised.
Speaker 1: Look at me, I can go crazy. Tell it's fifty
Speaker 1: two or something like that.
Speaker 2: You got a point.
Speaker 1: Well, you know what, man, if you lose a friend
Speaker 1: because you put up a boundary, and that boundary is
Speaker 1: who you are, I ain't gotta tell you. I ain't
Speaker 1: got to tell you, John Proctor, So you will never
Speaker 1: have to tell any woman to give me back my
Speaker 1: name because you'll never give your name up.
Speaker 2: So fucking drew period credits.
Speaker 1: All right, So now we do a speed round a
Speaker 1: passion I ration, which is just like we fucking say
Speaker 1: things and you say passion rationing like hot or not,
Speaker 1: but it's like passionate rash huh So no deep dive,
Speaker 1: just like simple concepts. For example, we'll go back and forth.
Speaker 1: I'll start with Celsius the drink.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it does have a does have a I
Speaker 2: need a little bit of an explanation.
Speaker 1: No passion irration. It's a binary choice. You're either like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I love it, more of this, less
Speaker 1: of everything else, or you're like, less.
Speaker 2: Of this, more of everything Celsius. Uh, Celsius in ration passion,
Speaker 2: but in ration can't.
Speaker 1: Do both binary equation one or the other.
Speaker 2: Because my dad drinks way, way, way, way too many
Speaker 2: ration for my dad drinking them. I'm just going to
Speaker 2: expose you for a second, because everybody you did not
Speaker 2: know that Celsius was an energy drink.
Speaker 1: I tell the story. Then you fucking put me in
Speaker 1: the same category as to Code of fucking Johnson. Did
Speaker 1: you see the story?
Speaker 5: I did same things.
Speaker 1: She was like, they said it was a It was
Speaker 1: literally I was founded more than her.
Speaker 2: You were drinking.
Speaker 1: The tasty.
Speaker 2: Do you know how many people are ending up in
Speaker 2: the hospital because of Celsius?
Speaker 1: Not this one?
Speaker 5: But I don't drink ten a day anymore.
Speaker 1: Trust me. When you pointed that out the kid, you know,
Speaker 1: the kid turned me on to it. She's like, it's vegan.
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, it's vegan and shit. And then
Speaker 1: one day she was like I would crack like multiples
Speaker 1: in front of her and she was like, how many
Speaker 1: of those have you drank today? And I was like,
Speaker 1: I think there's a seven eight. She was like, Dad,
Speaker 1: it's an energy drink. I was like, I feel very energetic.
Speaker 1: She was like, you're a heart attack victim ten ten. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So it's like essentially drinking like ted red Bulls. It
Speaker 1: just doesn't taste as synthetic as red bullet ever tasted,
Speaker 1: which and I don't like red bull I'm not an
Speaker 1: energy drink guy. So this Selsie's people really cracked the coat.
Speaker 1: So if you were asking me, I'd be like, Pasha,
Speaker 1: that is.
Speaker 2: Two thousand milligrams of caffeine. The daily limit is four hundred.
Speaker 1: Where does it all go? I don't drink coffee, like,
Speaker 1: I don't have caffeine in any other way in my
Speaker 1: life here toofore, you know, unless it comes in chocolate
Speaker 1: or something. But I was never a coffee guy.
Speaker 2: I'm just so glad this has been said so that
Speaker 2: I don't have to bear this cross.
Speaker 1: I believe me. When I read that please go after him,
Speaker 1: I was like, please, I'm the smartest d Coda Johnson.
Speaker 2: Hey, she's great, and.
Speaker 1: Didn't say she wasn't great. I just said the smartest
Speaker 1: Coda Johnson.
Speaker 5: I'm double her age.
Speaker 1: I should be smart, is my point. Well, it's not
Speaker 1: so much, you know, chewing her intelligence level as much
Speaker 1: as going like, yeah, I'm as smart as a young person.
Speaker 2: She's very smart. And anyway, okay, mine.
Speaker 1: I forgot on this show. We don't come.
Speaker 2: At hey, all right, Passion Irration, long haired dogs. I know,
Speaker 2: I just wanted to expose.
Speaker 1: Your el those long haired dogs themselves.
Speaker 2: You really don't like like.
Speaker 1: The long haired doctions particularly, It's like, oh no, oh no,
Speaker 1: who do you think you are? They think they're all that,
Speaker 1: those long haired dogs? Yeah? Ration, get my haircut, honestly. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: Passion or ration podcasts? Passion, Yeah for doing them or
Speaker 1: listening to them?
Speaker 2: Oh for doing them?
Speaker 1: Oh what about listening to them? You have no time
Speaker 1: for people's bullshit?
Speaker 2: Well you could I just am listening to YouTube instead.
Speaker 2: Could be? Could be? It might as well be a podcast.
Speaker 2: I'm not really watching it.
Speaker 1: Technically a pod. Some people call it blog. Yeah all right, yeah,
Speaker 1: all right, now you go.
Speaker 2: Okay, same same vibe as last one. Hairless cats, passion
Speaker 2: ration passion.
Speaker 5: Hairless cats.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's I'm not saying too but definitely ration you
Speaker 1: know one per state.
Speaker 5: Whoa what.
Speaker 2: They're so cute? They look like weird little krimlins.
Speaker 5: Stopped it weird?
Speaker 1: They just yeah, they look undone. Put that back in
Speaker 1: the oven. It needs another ten minutes. Oh my god.
Speaker 1: Put some plants, some fucking some some sprouts on that
Speaker 1: chia pet.
Speaker 2: Wait, this is just small side. I don't know if
Speaker 2: this has any validity to it or not, but I
Speaker 2: just like this idea. Someone I heard recently that Calico
Speaker 2: cats like Carl.
Speaker 1: Carl is Harley's one of Harley's many.
Speaker 2: Fucking one that's Carl, the ones that are like white
Speaker 2: and orange and black. And apparently how much of the
Speaker 2: colors the Calcoves end up having like mixed in with
Speaker 2: their white is like how along they were they were
Speaker 2: baking for Yeah, yes.
Speaker 1: That is baked. You shouldn't let me in to cook
Speaker 1: the hairless cats. Good Christ, all right, passion or ration?
Speaker 5: Uh hm, the debate?
Speaker 2: Oh my, did you watch it?
Speaker 1: I did? I did. I mean it's over, So I
Speaker 1: guess you can't passionate ration that. Yeah, all right, so
Speaker 1: let's just make it a general election news passion irration.
Speaker 2: I want to be up to date.
Speaker 1: So passion, I guess, convincing passion, I guess.
Speaker 2: I guess.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's something that it has become a passion but
Speaker 1: really should be ration. But yeah, two more months, good,
Speaker 1: two more months and then hopefully we get to talk
Speaker 1: about elections again in the future. Yeah, so I'm gonna
Speaker 1: I can think of two down on so true. All right,
Speaker 1: you go, passion ration?
Speaker 2: What passion or ration? Chipotle?
Speaker 1: Chipotle is a triple A. I was like, when your
Speaker 1: car breaks down, passion Chipotle?
Speaker 2: Yeah, do you like it or no?
Speaker 1: Ration?
Speaker 2: Really?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I never go.
Speaker 2: There unless they want to be a sponsor for the show.
Speaker 1: But I never go there unless I go with you.
Speaker 1: It's never.
Speaker 2: But I only go if we're in like Florida and it's.
Speaker 1: A place where there's no real kan food or something like. Yeah, Ration,
Speaker 1: I like their beans, but I'm just like I would
Speaker 1: rather go to if I was going to buy you
Speaker 1: know fast food, fucking Mexican. I'd rather go to ah
Speaker 1: Fresh Family Classic. It's been around decades.
Speaker 2: And any vegan options though.
Speaker 1: True, Yeah, that's true, but Bell has got the option.
Speaker 1: That's also not like a first choice for me. But
Speaker 1: like when I'm in a place where there's no vegan.
Speaker 2: Options choice for you, I would eat Taco Bell every
Speaker 2: single day if I could.
Speaker 1: Seriously, yes, I would probably I'll turn to them when
Speaker 1: I'm on the road and there are no vegan restaurants
Speaker 1: and stuff. But if I was just home, I would
Speaker 1: never be like, let's get some Taco Bell, because here,
Speaker 1: I'd be like, I'm just gonna make fucking pinto beans
Speaker 1: some scratch and could help from Rina, Please.
Speaker 5: Make my Rina beans.
Speaker 2: Help from somebody who actually knows how to do it.
Speaker 1: It's really tough to actually enjoying beans. She makes amazing beans.
Speaker 2: I was gonna from I said, from someone who knows
Speaker 2: how to do it. But I would like to give
Speaker 2: you credit and that you were making your own homess
Speaker 2: for a while, and that was impressiveness cooked anything for
Speaker 2: my whole life. I was like, really blow away when
Speaker 2: you started making homans.
Speaker 1: Don't Number one, thank you. Number two don't tell yourself short.
Speaker 1: I've seen you heat up a thing or two.
Speaker 2: You know I tried you succeeded.
Speaker 5: Okay, wait, so it's me or you.
Speaker 1: It's you passion or a ration?
Speaker 2: Yes, short shorts, short shorts? Yeah, passion.
Speaker 1: The fuck's out all about Your father wears the longest
Speaker 1: and shorts he possibly can before they legally become pants.
Speaker 2: True.
Speaker 1: Why why do you feel free to show your legs off?
Speaker 5: You weren't raised that way.
Speaker 2: You know, I really really wasn't.
Speaker 1: Actually let me tell you something. Bruh for you answer.
Speaker 1: Fucking I pay for fucking something. I said literally twenty
Speaker 1: five years ago to your mother and it wasn't even
Speaker 1: still to this day. One day we were talking. I
Speaker 1: don't know how it came up, but I was just like,
Speaker 1: I don't like bear arms, like i'd rather people wear sleep.
Speaker 5: That's it.
Speaker 1: Not like I fucking detest arms and seeing a woman's
Speaker 1: white arms and it takes me sick in my fucking
Speaker 1: nothing like that, but fucking to this day, your mother
Speaker 1: will not expose her arm.
Speaker 2: I haven't seen her arms, and she has.
Speaker 1: So many fucking layers and whenever periodically she'll come out
Speaker 1: of the closet, not knowing them in the room and
Speaker 1: be like wearing a tank top and she's.
Speaker 5: Like, oh my god.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, that looks great. Like, no,
Speaker 1: you you hate bare arms.
Speaker 3: I was like, I don't look at should I hate
Speaker 3: the right to barrow.
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't hate baron arms. I just
Speaker 1: made one fucking comment, man, and it's haunted me forever.
Speaker 1: And a comment wasn't even made about her, It wasn't
Speaker 1: even made about a person in the specific.
Speaker 5: It was just like, you know, like and it was
Speaker 5: based on myself.
Speaker 1: I hate my fucking fat arms, so you'll never see
Speaker 1: my fucking arms and ship you'll never see me walking
Speaker 1: around in a fucking tank top or something like that.
Speaker 2: I haven't seen your tattoo on your shoulder for yeah,
Speaker 2: I can't even tell you how long.
Speaker 1: But meanwhile, your whole life, you've been wearing fucking tank tops.
Speaker 1: Have I ever been like, put something.
Speaker 5: On your about your bare arms, not on your bare arms?
Speaker 1: Well you Periodically, I'll like be thumbing through fucking Instagram
Speaker 1: and there's this giant thirst trap set by my fucking daughter.
Speaker 5: I'm like, what the fuck.
Speaker 1: And then I'm like, I gotta get off of her
Speaker 1: fucking carousel. This is disturbing and instead of go to
Speaker 1: her story and the story it's the exact opposite of cheesecake.
Speaker 1: It's like, do you know how many fucking animals died today?
Speaker 5: Look at what you're doing to the animals.
Speaker 2: Man, my instagram is your worst fucking.
Speaker 3: Nightmare for me.
Speaker 1: And I'm like a horror show.
Speaker 2: That is so funny.
Speaker 5: What is your Do you want to give out your.
Speaker 1: Instagram or no?
Speaker 3: It's all like it's a secret.
Speaker 1: I was like, maybe we should keep it close. My
Speaker 1: name that Kevin Smith is my Instagram. If you I'll
Speaker 1: probably be putting up ship for the show every week.
Speaker 1: So people could if they if they want to be like,
Speaker 1: dear Smith's please stop hate the general public. That was
Speaker 1: where you can send all yours hate.
Speaker 2: The general public house. So the general publicly bucking at you.
Speaker 1: All right, wait, did we finish?
Speaker 2: Now you still okay?
Speaker 1: Passion for rational John Proctor forever patch.
Speaker 2: Big passion. Let's see, let's see New Year's Eve?
Speaker 5: What so far away? You looked up in the corner
Speaker 5: of a room and you pulled New Year's Eve.
Speaker 1: I was like, he looked at the ceiling. You were
Speaker 1: really like New Year's Eve, you like the culver, the
Speaker 1: red a lens first fucking forty five at.
Speaker 2: This you don't like it?
Speaker 5: Uh?
Speaker 1: Ration?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know.
Speaker 2: I just keep saying things that I actually know are
Speaker 2: a ration for you.
Speaker 1: I do like it when I could work, like when
Speaker 1: we've done like Babylon New Year's Eve, Babylon and stuff,
Speaker 1: or when I've done any New Year's Evening with Kevin Smith.
Speaker 1: I like monetizing that holiday. We know. Yeah, well I
Speaker 1: don't know if they do. She sure? But ration otherwise, ration,
Speaker 1: you don't like it unless I can get the big bucks.
Speaker 1: Then passion? So true ration or a passion public displays
Speaker 1: of affection bda passion?
Speaker 3: Really?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Is that right? Yeah? One hond kind of running through
Speaker 1: my head, and I'm like, I don't like have a
Speaker 1: mental image of you, like hanging on him or him
Speaker 1: hanging on you. I I it was a mental image
Speaker 1: of you going corner player's girlfriend in a fucking movie.
Speaker 5: So maybe that's why I don't think.
Speaker 2: You guys, I'm sorry, I don't want to play his girlfriend.
Speaker 2: Who is your high school girlfriend?
Speaker 1: Quit piling words on it?
Speaker 5: So awkward?
Speaker 3: Oh yeah?
Speaker 5: Really?
Speaker 2: Yeah? What kind I mean? I always like get kissing
Speaker 2: and joddling austin public.
Speaker 1: Yeah, open mouth kiss or quick pecks.
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I mean, but would you feel comfortable if he was
Speaker 1: like parlor I want to make out for like two
Speaker 1: minutes straight right here in front of Lemon Grass? Would
Speaker 1: you whatever called lemon Grass? Was that place that we
Speaker 1: all went to eat And it's near a pottery store.
Speaker 1: It's trendy. It's over by Cold Water Canyon.
Speaker 3: Lemon Grass.
Speaker 1: It's like a sit down, healthy fucking place. Lemon Grass
Speaker 1: is a place that's in the airport. I pass it
Speaker 1: all the time.
Speaker 2: Sun Cafe, No, I know that the place.
Speaker 1: Remember we went with Mom for a birthday and we
Speaker 1: went and bought pots and it was over by the
Speaker 1: old Sportsman's Lodge. Yeah yeah, yeah, there's an eatery in there.
Speaker 2: That's like okay, air one is what.
Speaker 5: I'm thinking of. Weapongrass Lemon Grass.
Speaker 1: I think it's a place in the airport in Lax
Speaker 1: that I pass all the time.
Speaker 2: Oh so I really should have known.
Speaker 1: Yeah, fucking dull.
Speaker 5: I can't believe we said.
Speaker 1: Lemongrass. Wait where why did lemongrass come up?
Speaker 2: I don't even want to say tell me.
Speaker 1: So would you like would you as the British say,
Speaker 1: snog yes, from like a minute at a time, like
Speaker 1: lose the world all around you?
Speaker 2: Just like yes. Really, in my last religationship, my partner
Speaker 2: did not want to hold my hand in any way.
Speaker 1: For the record, this is Harley's second relationship unless you
Speaker 1: count Wade.
Speaker 2: You better fuck edit that out.
Speaker 1: Nobody knows that.
Speaker 3: Ed that ship out.
Speaker 1: So this is your second boyd what and that first
Speaker 1: boyfriend record?
Speaker 5: What he was not?
Speaker 2: We don't got to get so specific.
Speaker 1: He was not cudly or like.
Speaker 2: He did not like PDA and it was something that
Speaker 2: really hurt my feelings. Yeah, because I felt like he
Speaker 2: was embarrassed in me or something.
Speaker 1: Can I tell you my favorite PDA story of all time?
Speaker 2: No, I don't want to hear the story about Grandma.
Speaker 1: I gotta hear it. It's amazing.
Speaker 2: I don't want to hear the story about Grandma.
Speaker 1: So my brother brother, I'll tell you the story and
Speaker 1: then we'll get out. Brother gets married thirty years ago
Speaker 1: this year, well he just passed the anniversary him and
Speaker 1: Jerry in July. It was thirty years so they didn't
Speaker 1: wait for the state to be like gay people could
Speaker 1: get married. They're like, fucking we're damn we're getting married.
Speaker 1: And so they went to a you know, a Unitarian
Speaker 1: church and and you know, afterwards there was a killer
Speaker 1: reception and whatnot out like a banquet hall and stuff,
Speaker 1: and you know, just like every ass wedding, like it
Speaker 1: gets to a point where you're like, oh, man, fucking
Speaker 1: you use a coaster because I see the water, and
Speaker 1: I also see the electrical things, not so much the
Speaker 1: soon you get electric.
Speaker 5: Dad's always looking at.
Speaker 1: So just at the point when the wedding gets like,
Speaker 1: it's good for these fucks, but let's go home, like
Speaker 1: we've been here long enough, boom, fucking drag show kicked in.
Speaker 1: Like my brother and Jerry set up a drag show.
Speaker 1: So fucking Donna Summer, Bette Middler and I forget it,
Speaker 1: the other one, Diana Ross my mom's faith. They come down,
Speaker 1: they're performing and shit like that, and everyone's like ground
Speaker 1: the dance floor. They got the whole dance floor and stuff.
Speaker 1: So I'm behind my mom and dad, and my mom
Speaker 1: and dad you know, they were they they would hold
Speaker 1: hands and like kiss, but I'd never heard them. Fuck
Speaker 1: my room was like right, across them. There's year stories
Speaker 1: about kids going heard my parents fuck. That never happened
Speaker 1: to fucking me. So my parents, you know, I knew
Speaker 1: they loved each other, and I knew they had sex
Speaker 1: at least three times because of me and my brother
Speaker 1: and sister. But I thought it was just one of
Speaker 1: those like real friendly relationships and ship. So there I
Speaker 1: am behind my parents. They're on the dance floor. My
Speaker 1: dad had a stroke, so he had to hold like
Speaker 1: a cane with one hand and ship and the other
Speaker 1: hand was stiff like because because he'd lost full mobility,
Speaker 1: so he don't have his cane. He left that on
Speaker 1: his chair because he's got his hand on my mom's
Speaker 1: back kind of support, and my mom, mamily is fucking
Speaker 1: like just white lady dancing just like.
Speaker 5: To every fucking song and dancing with Diana Ross.
Speaker 2: And I don't want to dancing.
Speaker 1: She's three to win, so this was just you know,
Speaker 1: could have if she could have taken a braw off,
Speaker 1: she would be So she was just dancing and my
Speaker 1: father's got his hand on her back. I remember thinking
Speaker 1: like this guy could barely fucking stand quick jerk dancing
Speaker 1: around the room. He's got a trip but he has
Speaker 1: hand on her back. I thought it was real sweet.
Speaker 1: I was like, Oh, that's my parents, that's what they do.
Speaker 1: And ship then like fucking two songs. Then when it
Speaker 1: gets like sexy, my fucking father's arm goes down my
Speaker 1: mother's back, the middle of my mom's back, and I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, that's nice. But it don't stop, Harley,
Speaker 1: It don't stop. I know, it just keeps going past
Speaker 1: the place of fucking society societally to old fucking public
Speaker 1: hand PDA. Then he's like his palm of his hand
Speaker 1: is at the crack of her ass. You can't say,
Speaker 1: it's not like she's wearing a pippy top or something
Speaker 1: like that, but where asked would be ship. That's when
Speaker 1: fucking poppoy, my dad his hand switches into this mode because.
Speaker 5: It ain't going down like this anymore.
Speaker 1: Now it's going down like this, and he goes in
Speaker 1: and and between the cheeks, and you think that'd be enough,
Speaker 1: like you gonna cut her cheek or something. Then he
Speaker 1: keeps going around, dips under for the reach up to
Speaker 1: hold on to the mound and ship.
Speaker 5: Bro. I was like, I that's how I wound up
Speaker 5: in a fucking movie. Hatch right there.
Speaker 2: That's the last time I'm trying to hear that story.
Speaker 3: And goodbye everybody.
Speaker 1: I want you to tell that story when I when
Speaker 1: I'm at my eulogy, You're like one more thing. My
Speaker 1: father wanted me to pass off, and he asked that
Speaker 1: I do it in a burnt cork beard and my
Speaker 1: best impression of him.
Speaker 5: So give me a minute.
Speaker 1: I've played all the greats Medea, other Tyler, Perry Rolls,
Speaker 1: and now at his eulogy, I prepare to play the
Speaker 1: really role of a lifetime my father. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: one time my dad felt up my mother in public.
Speaker 1: Snoops to the other guy, I don't know. I never
Speaker 1: paid a bunch of attention to the giants on the
Speaker 1: bomb stuff.
Speaker 2: Stop my cheeks.
Speaker 1: Ahret from there it is, kids, there's your fucking beardlessless me.
Speaker 1: Sounds so harsh. It's such an aggressive title. God, the
Speaker 1: beardless me for beardless dickless me. I'm Kevin Smith.
Speaker 2: And I'm Harley Quinn Smith and.
Speaker 5: Get me back my name, woman.
Speaker 1: That's how we signed. This has been a podcast production,
Speaker 1: some podcast podcast using our mouths on you since two
Speaker 1: thousand and seven. Hey, kids, did you like what you
Speaker 1: just heard, Well, guess what. We've got tons more man
Speaker 1: thousands of hours of podcasts waiting for you at that
Speaker 1: kevinsmithclub dot com. Go sign up now,