McKay Vandenberg: Welcome to the Sandals Church podcast. My name is McKay, and I'm a part of the online team here at Sandals Church. We are so happy to have you join us today as we listen to this message with pastor Matt, teaching from our series, the gospel of Matthew. If you've enjoyed our content, consider leaving us a rating to help this podcast reach more people. Now let's get into the message.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown: How many of you guys have ever had a conflict with someone you love? Raise your hands. Okay. If your hands not up, you're a liar. Okay?
We we've all had conflicts with people we love. Now how many of you, by the grace of God, it worked out and you're still friends or in relationship today? Let's give them a hand. Okay? No.
Nobody's clapping for that. Now, this next question is more real. How many of you have a relationship where it didn't work out? K? That's hard, but that's the truth.
And I want you to look around at everybody's hands that are up. And the reality is we all have conflicts with family members, with friends, with our kids, with our parents, with our coworkers, with our fellow Americans. I mean, how are we getting along there? It's a challenge. And so what we're gonna talk to to you about today is how to manage your relationships like Jesus.
There is no greater manager of relationships than Jesus. Jesus is the son of God, and he comes to us from the triune God that is an eternal relationship of one God in three persons. They always love each other. They're always for each other. They're always united with each other.
And Jesus wants to share that with us. So if you're new to Sandals today and you feel convicted, you should be. And if you're not convicted, there's something desperately wrong with you. And I wanna encourage you to just let God speak to you today. So let's open our Bibles to Matthew chapter five.
And if you don't have your Bibles with you, you can download the app and you can follow along. But I want you to make some notes today because these are some words that need to stick with us forever. So let's look in our Bibles at Matthew five twenty one through 26. He says, you have heard that our ancestors were told, you must not murder. If that's news to you, please write that down.
Don't kill people. It is California. Amen? Okay. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.
But I say, if you are even angry with someone, you are subject judgment. So he's heightening what we think makes a good person. Now this is where it gets me. If you call someone an idiot. Alright?
Some of you did that on the way to church today, and it was a family member and your spouse. Listen up. If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the court. And if you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell. Wow.
Now that that feels harsh, and we're gonna unpack this to try to understand what he's talking about here. So listen to what he says. So if you're presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the temple and suddenly you remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Listen to this. Go and be reconciled to that person.
Then come and offer your sacrifice to God. When you are on the way to your court with your to court with your adversary, settle your differences quickly. Otherwise, your accuser may hand you over to the judge and who will hand you over to an officer and you will be thrown into prison. Man, this is incredible. And if that happens, you surely won't be free again until you have paid the last penny.
Now this is a challenging passage to understand, but listen to me. You wanna know what's harder than understanding the passage? Living it out. As difficult as it is to understand, there are very few people that are understand it, and there are even less Christians that live in that live it out. And so here's what I want you to understand.
Here's what Jesus is inviting you to. Look at this. Jesus is inviting me into a different kind of family. That's right. Now how many of you came from whack families?
Raise your hands. Come on. This is the fun part. Right? This is the Jerry Springer part of church.
I mean, some of you weren't raised weren't raised, you escaped. Amen? Like, you got out. But we all come from different families. And here's what I want you to hear me.
All families are broken. Okay? Your family's broken. My family's broken. Like, I tell my kids the first ten counseling sessions are on me because I didn't know what I was doing.
And I tell my oldest, we practiced on you. That's what I said. We learned our mistakes on you. So you get 20 sessions. But all families are broken in some way, but some are really bad.
Some are really bad, and some of you need to be grateful for the families that you had. Amen. Because some of the people in our church escaped. But we all come from different families, and when I grew up, I grew up in a very interesting part of Sacramento, California. I grew up where my parents were the wealthiest people in our community.
Now by wealthy, I mean my dad had a job. Okay? That's what I mean by wealthy. Most of my friends had one parent and their moms worked very, very long hours and weren't present. People struggled.
If they did have a dad, he was incarcerated or had a drug problem or was completely checked out. So I invited a friend over for dinner, and you would have thought I invited him to the zoo because he didn't even eat his food. All he did was watch. He had never seen anything like this. He'd never seen a family sit down at a table.
He'd never had a meal at a table. His family ate on the couch watching TV. He'd never eaten a meal in his home with his dad. He'd never been served. Like, you just got up, got food, sat down, and ate it.
And then my dad asked me how my day was. He had never ever heard that. So listen, that friend became a Christian. And one of the primary reasons he became a Christian is he said, as a fifth grader, there's something different about the Browns. And he later discovered we weren't perfect, but we did know Jesus.
And here's what I want you to know if you're coming to church and you're learning to be a Christian. You may have come from a whacked family. You may have had no father, but you had a you have a father in heaven who loves you and he wants to teach you how to be a part of his family. Come on. So listen to what Jesus says in Matthew five twenty one.
He said, you have heard that our ancestors were told let's pause there. He's talking about family. This is how you were raised. Like, right, your mom and dad taught you this, your community taught you this, this was your religion. Jesus is saying, you you you've heard this and here's what your family taught you.
Don't kill people. Amen? Hopefully, some of you got parents, that's the bare minimum. Teach your kids not to kill people. You've heard it said that our ancestors were told, you must not murder.
If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment. Here's what I want you to underline in your Bibles. But I say Jesus is saying authoritatively, there's a different way to live. There's a different way to live. Now, if you're a parent here today or a grandparent or a single parent, I don't want you to feel criticized.
I want you to feel set free. Okay? So let's just all be honest. Some of the things your parents taught you were right. Okay?
I think too often in counseling, when we focus on all the things they got wrong, We need to focus on some of the things they got right. Like if you're alive, they got some things right.
Dani Crowley: Hey, we're so glad that you're here. We wanna just pause even now and take a moment and invite you that if you would like to be a part of the work that we are doing and God is doing here at Sandals Church, I wanna invite you today to give. You can do that at give.sc and make a donation there. And for now, let's get back into the message.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown: Kate, my wife and I are watching our grandson. I tell him, West, he can't speak yet, but there's one rule. Don't die until your parents are here. That's the only rule. You gotta wait and do that when your mom and dad are here.
I don't want you dying in my hands. So there were some things that your parents taught you that were right. Now here's the challenge. I hear this all the time at Sandals. Well, that's not how I was raised.
Okay. There are some things your parents taught you that were wrong. Mhmm. Yeah. And you know where they learned it?
From their parents. And you know where their parents learned it? From their parents. There are some things that your family are right about, and there are some things your family is wrong about. And if you're gonna grow in Christ, you have to be willing to say, you know what?
Not everything I was taught is how Jesus wants me to act and live. Now not only are they Jews as people in a family, but they're Jews culturally, and they're a Jewish nation. K? There are some things you learned as an American that were right. Not everything in America is wrong.
Not everything in America is evil. There are some things that we learned as Americans that are right. Do you know that America is the most generous country on Earth, and it's not close? Yeah. It's not close.
We give more money to other countries, and it's not close. But, k, some things you learned as an American were wrong. At my gym, there's all these proud Americans and they walk around with these shirts that say wolves not sheep. Now that's great unless you're a Christian. Because as Christians, if you're a wolf, that's a problem.
Like, and I don't want you at sandals. We're called to be sheep. Now, I get what they're saying. We don't wanna be naive. We don't want to be blindly led.
I understand that. But there's a sense as Americans where we are independent, we do what we want, and that is a problem when it comes to following Jesus. Okay? Now I'm really gonna step on your toes. Are you ready?
Not only are these Jewish people that Jesus is speaking to are they married with families. They learned some things good from their parents and some things bad. Not only are they nationalistic Jews, right? They're they're part of Israel, but they're also religious Jews. Listen to me.
Jesus is saying some of the things that you learned in your religious tradition were right and some were wrong. Some of the things you learned as a Catholic, they're great. They're great. Some of the things that you learned as a as a charismatic, fantastic. My wife is going on a retreat next week with charismatics.
I said, hold on. It's gonna be fun. Some of you grew up Lutheran. Man, Martin Luther is amazing at some things. I grew up Baptist.
There there's some things about my tradition that I love. Some things in your religious tradition were right. Some things were wrong. And that's hard for us. And that's why, listen to me, Jewish leaders murdered Jesus.
Because he didn't challenge them where they were right, he challenged them where they were wrong. K. So at Sandals, we're not anti family. We're not anti American. We're not anti tradition.
We are pro Jesus. So whatever he says, he is the leader of our family, we follow him, and we learn from him. And it's not as easy as it sounds. Right? Because you gotta learn things.
So let's take a look at this next point. I have to learn how to live as a man as a as a mamber well, as a member of God's family. Like, when you first come to church, it's a little weird. I remember when one of my relatives came to church and we passed out the Lord's Supper, and we used to do grapes and crackers before COVID, like, we'd touch them ourselves. Now you get the little, you know it it's sterile and it's super expensive, but it comes in, a little plastic cup.
But he's like this is what he said. He's like, we get snacks? He thought that was the greatest thing. Like, in case you're hungry, you know, boom. Here's a cracker and a grape.
So church is a little weird when you first start out. Listen to what Ephesians two nineteen says. Let's look at this. So now you are no longer strangers and foreigners. You are citizens along with all of God's holy people.
You are members of God's family. Okay? But God's family is different, and we're all learning. When Tammy and I first started dating, her family didn't know what to think of me. I had bleached hair, and I think I had six earrings.
I'm not exactly sure as to the number but it was more than two. Okay? And her family were extremely conservative and it was in my most liberal, young, progressive phase. I was a lot. Okay?
I was a lot. And I was eating dinner at her house for the first time or the second time. It was one of my first times at her house. And everybody was sitting down, grabbing a seat, and there was a little tiny rocking chair. And everybody had taken every seat except for the little rocking chair, so I sat in it, I was eating my spaghetti.
You know? And I got my long hair and my earrings. You know? And, I mean, it just everyone froze. Like everyone froze and they're staring at me like I'm butt naked or something.
And my wife, my girlfriend at the time says, No one sits in that chair. It's my dad's rocking chair from when he was two. And I'm like, Oh. And I got out of the chair. Her grandma was like just hissing at me.
So every new family, listen to me, has rules that we understand or we don't. And the hardest rules to understand are the unwritten ones. Wives, the best thing for your husband, a new husband, you can do is write the rules down. Don't let them be unwritten. Right?
Something might be helpful, put a sign. Don't sit on the chair. That would've been helpful. And my wife's like, why would you sit on that? It's little.
I was like, it was cute. It felt you know, I don't know. It felt right. Listen to what Jesus says in Matthew five twenty one. He says, you have heard that our ancestors were told, that's your family, that's your your country, that's your religion, you must not murder.
But if you if you commit murder, you are subject to judgment. I say there's a new teaching. There's something new here. Jesus' house has different rules. Amen.
Look at what Paul says to a young pastor named Timothy. He says, I'm writing these things to you even though I hope to be with you soon so that if I am delayed, you will know how people must conduct themselves in the household of God. Now from time to time, I know this is gonna be hard for you to believe, people get upset at me at Sandals Church. But I was in the lobby at church one time and a church member was very upset and they were screaming at me. He's the worst pastor they've ever seen.
And I just said, look, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. And then finally I said, I need you to stop yelling. I said, we don't do that here.
Now you may yell in your household, Jesus says that's wrong. Listen to me, as a Christian, if you raise your voice, you lost your voice. And I've had to learn this. And I just said, we don't do that here. I need you to stop yelling.
I'm willing to listen. I'm not willing to be screamed at. When you're ready to talk, let's talk. And that's the problem is we have people that are coming from the outside world into the church and we have to learn and train each other. Hey, I wanna hear what you have to say and I'm not saying I'm perfect, we don't scream at each other here.
Yeah. Okay. Listen to what he says. He says, this is the church of the living God. Sandals is a special place not because I say it is, but because God says it is.
Yeah. This is the church of the living God, which is the pillar and the foundation of truth. This is the place where we learn how God wants us to live. So as members of God's family, I'm gonna challenge you to do a couple things. Number one, we don't excuse our sin because we're angry.
This is how most households are. I just was letting off some steam. This is how most households in America do. You blow up, you let it go, you you you run to your corners, and then you come back together and you and you pretend like it never happened. That's that's not how we do it in the household of God.
We don't excuse our sin because I'm angry. I don't get to yell at you, which it's weird. I'm yelling right now. I I I don't get I don't get to raise my voice at you and mistreat you because I'm angry. Anger does not give me permission to not act like Jesus has commanded me to act.
He says, listen to this, Matthew five twenty two, but I say, even if you are angry with someone, you are subject to judgment. See, the old teaching was don't kill people. The new teaching is don't be angry at people. Because if you're angry, listen to me. You need to list this is God's son speaking.
If you are angry at people, you're in danger of hell. See, this is why so many people think they're going to heaven because they haven't listened to Jesus. Listen, Jesus says, you heard, you know, don't kill people, but he's saying anger can kill people. You wanna know what kills marriages? Anger.
And by the way, if you're young, let me tell you something. The more you love someone, the more anger angry you'll be at them. That's why you're so nice to people in Target. Hey. I don't know you.
I don't know you. I'll never see you again. Goodbye. But it's the people that we love and we care for and we live with every day. Anger can kill a marriage.
Listen to me, anger can kill a family. One time I was barbecuing in our backyard, this is about twenty years ago, and I heard a rustling in the bushes, which was weird because this is in the city and we didn't have a pet. And so I went over to the bushes and I found a kid in our backyard that wasn't mine. Like that's weird. Can we all disagree that's a little weird.
And I had never met him before. I said, who are you? He's like, I'm your neighbor. I was like, why are you in my backyard? Now to be fair, he was about eight years old and he was very scared.
I said, what's going on? And he said, I'm afraid of my mom. I said, I'm not. Take me to your mom. Now this is interesting.
I just had a church member meet a young lady who's about 30 and she recited this story to her. This is twenty years ago. Now the way she remembers it is pastor Matt came to her house and called the cops. And that that did happen eventually. But I came over to our next door neighbor's house and I had not met her.
It was a single mom with four kids. Now can we all have compassion? That's like, if you're if you're a married couple and you have four kids, that's tough. She's a single mom, four kids. And she can I can we just she lost it?
She lost control. She's upset. Her husband's left her. She's very angry. And kids, listen to me, they're challenging.
If they weren't cute, we'd kill them like animals do. Amen? Right? We would. It's why animals in the wild eat their young.
It's just it's just true. And so I came over there and it was pandemonium. And what I found out is, it wasn't one kid hiding, all four were hiding. And I told the mom, who by the way claimed to be a Christian. Now I don't know if she is or isn't.
I said, this is not how Jesus wants you to behave. It's okay to get upset, it's okay to get frustrated. I said, if you do this again, and I told all the kids, you come to my house If you do this again, I'll call the police. Now guess what? Guess what's so sad?
It happened again, and I had to involve the police. Anger can kill a family. And here's the thing, here's what I want to encourage you, deal with your anger. She wasn't angry at the kids, she was angry at her husband who left. That's not their fault.
They didn't leave, listen to me, they were stuck. Ephesians four twenty six says this, and don't sin by letting anger, and I want you to underline this, control you. Am I saying never get angry? No. No.
No. Jesus got angry, he didn't let it control him. Listen to me parents. I wanna encourage you to discipline your children. Never discipline them when you are angry.
Yeah. That's good. Amen. Just don't do it. And here's what you'll find.
It's really hard to discipline your kids when you're not angry. It's really hard. Husbands, never fight with your wife when you're angry. Do it when you're not. It takes it takes courage to fight when you're not angry.
You know, I'm just having a great day. I'd love to discuss some things that I'm not happy about. The problem is we wait till we've lost it. And then we're angry and we say stupid things. Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry.
If you're a Christian couple, stay up all night and fight. It's what we do. For anger gives a foothold to who? The devil. Man.
So listen to me. As Christians in the house of God who are followers of Jesus, we take accountability for our anger. Next, we take accountability for our words. How many of have ever said something stupid when you're angry? Woo hoo hoo.
I got a master's degree in that. Like if you didn't think you were going to hell before you came to church, you're gonna feel like you're already there after this teaching. Matthew five twenty two. If you call someone an idiot, like that's not even the worst potty mouth. Amen?
Like that's like first grade potty mouth. If you call someone an idiot, you're in danger of being brought before the court. And if you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell. Now, I grew up in a conservative Baptist home, and my parents didn't cuss. I remember one day I came home from school, I was in first grade, and my mom said, How was school today?
I said, Not good. She said, What happened? I said, The teacher said, S H I T, four times. My mom made an appointment with the teacher the next day. She came home from school the next day and she said, Sweetie, she said, I met with your teacher.
And I said, I know, the cusser. And she said, yeah, he did say that he cussed four times and that was regrettable. Do you remember him being bit by the snake four times? And I was like, oh, yeah. That happened too.
That happened too. The teacher was showing us a snake during show and tell, and it got loose and was biting him, and every time he was using the s word. Was a little pharisee and he had broke the law. So it's not the cussing that's the problem. It's when we cuss at people that's the problem.
I mean, you pray about what you're gonna say when you smack your thumb with a hammer. You know? Because even if you're like, praise the lord, I don't think I don't think he's happy. My mom's favorite cuss word is bless her heart. That's like when you when you have lost it, you're blessed.
So Jesus is saying, look. You gotta watch your words because if you're not careful, they're gonna send you to hell. Now, if you do a Google search or you're on TikTok, people are gonna say Jesus never said hell. It's an English word that was made up. It's not in the Bible.
That's kinda true. The word is Gehenna. K? So what is Gehenna? It's a small valley right below the city of Jerusalem where at one time, Jewish people sacrificed their children to a god called Molech.
Here's how they did it. They threw them in the fire. Can we all agree that's pretty terrible? So right outside the city of God, I want you to hear this. The very place that God called for the world to build his temple, right outside that is where Jewish people worshiped a false god and sacrificed their children to the God of fire.
And so here's what happened, a king named Josiah came along and he said look this was terrible and it was wrong and he turned it into a city dump and it's where garbage and rubbish was thrown and the way that they disposed of garbage in the ancient world, listen to this, they set it on fire. Jesus believed in hell. Listen to me. And he used a specific word that people would understand. And here's what he's saying.
You don't wanna go there. You don't want to go there. And if you're not careful, listen to me, Sandals, your words will lead you right there. Alright. Come on.
Ouch. So call it whatever you want. Gehenna, hell, Hades. You Jesus says don't go there. Don't go there.
The name and the place doesn't matter. Jesus says don't go there. Listen to me. If you don't take accountability for your negative words and the hell they put people through, you could end up in that place Let's all be honest. How many of us remember somebody saying something terrible to us as a child that we still remember to this day?
You're ugly. You're fat. You're dumb. Who do you think you are? Right?
We all remember those words. Why does Jesus say that our words will imprison us forever? Because they have that power on others. Our words can destroy people. They can destroy people.
My wife and I, we constantly have this argument where she doesn't think she's beautiful and I think that's dumb. It's not helpful. But you know, it goes back to elementary school when some boys said some things to her that were very, very hurtful. And it's her wounding. Man.
Some of her wounding is some of the things she heard her father say to her mother. So I gotta watch my words. What's the problem? You can watch your words all day long. You're gonna blow it.
Look what James says. This is the half brother of Jesus. He knows you can't control your mouth, but no human being can tame the tongue. I want you to do this. What I don't know what you look at when you brush your teeth.
I look at my tongue. I watch my tongue. My tongue is like a pit bull. I put I put that that toothbrush, and then it just attacks it. I'm just like like, try to brush one side and put your tongue over here.
Your tongue gonna be like, it just does what it wants. I'm like, stop attacking the toothbrush. It is cleaning up your potty mouth. And my tongue is like, and I can't control it. I I I try.
I'm like, I can't do it. Listen to what he says. Your tongue is a restless evil. Your tongue, not just mine. You ever wonder why you have bad breath?
It's just letting you know who it is. Full of deadly poison. Listen, we've all blown it with words. Yeah. All of us.
All of us. The amazing thing about Jesus is he will forgive us of our words. Listen to me. If we ask him to with our words. Isn't that incredible?
Yes. Is that I mean, that's amazing. My words can destroy people and yet Jesus can forgive me for the words that I spoke that hurt people. I have a vivid memory of making my mom ball. I had just gotten out of the military.
And can I just tell you something? My mom was the only person that wrote to me when I was in the military. My dad thought about it, but my mom wrote letters. She listened to phone calls. It was a really tough time for me.
I had a really hard time. And when I came back from the military, I was way too skinny. I was in a bad place emotionally, and she took me shopping. And on the way to the mall, I don't know what I said, but she lost it bawling. I mean, ugly crying.
I mean, snot. I mean, she couldn't get air. You know, like toddler cry. And I remember looking at her and I remember thinking this, what on earth did I just say? And that's the first moment I remember being very aware that I'm unaware of some of the things that come out of my mouth.
I want to encourage you to be more aware. Alright. Here we go. We've got to make as the family of God, we've got to make things right with people who are upset with us. Now I want you to read that again because some of you are dyslexic like me and what you're gonna read is people gotta make it right with me.
That's what you're gonna read. That's not what Jesus teaches. We've got to make things right with people who are upset with us. Okay? Look at what he says in Matthew 23.
So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar So what does that mean? If you're at church, you're at bible study, you're in small group, and you suddenly remember that someone had something against you, go and let them know how you were right. That's not what it says. Leave your sacrifice there at the altar. That means give your offering first.
That was a joke. Sorry, you didn't miss it. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God. Every single one of you knows someone is upset at you and what you're doing as a Christian is they need to come to me.
Here's what Jesus is saying, you need to go to them. You need to go to them. And let me tell you, this is not you going and airing your grievances. I actually had a woman at our church one time. Right before I got up to preach, she came up to me, she said, pastor Matt, I need to talk to you before you preach.
And I was like, great. What's up? She said, I just want you to know that I'm not okay with you and I'm very angry at you and I had to get off that that off my chest so that I could get something out of your message before you preach. And she sat down and I was just like, oh. And here's the thing, I asked her husband, I was like, what the heck is wrong with your wife?
No, that's not what I said. I said I said, what's that about? And he said, she's just living out Matthew five. That's not what the text said. What the text said is she was supposed to come to me and apologize, not come and tear me down.
And that's what we do sometimes. Well, I'm just gonna be real. No. Jesus is saying, look, if you know someone has something against you, go make it right. Yeah.
K? So what that means is you need to go with the intention to apologize. Yes. Not to confront, not to challenge, not to restate all of the things that you didn't agree with the first couple of times. Right.
Okay? You've got to go to apologize. Now here's the thing. Let me set you free because I have messed this up thousands of times as your pastor. Okay?
You probably don't know a person in your life that's had more conflict with people than me. It's because I know a lot more people than you. I just I have probably have pastored a hundred thousand people. Can you think about that? So you know what that means?
Quite a few people have been ticked off with this guy. It's just it's just a numbers game. And and and why is that? Because I'm human, and I sin, and I get things wrong. So I've had to practice this, and you can learn from my mistakes.
So let me tell you what I've learned. Look at this. I am not responsible for people who do not accept my apology. You are responsible by Jesus to apologize. You are not responsible if they don't accept it.
And let me say this, some people will not accept an apology because they just wanna be angry. You gotta apologize. This is what the text says. You go with the intention to make it right. You don't restate the argument.
You just you just apologize. Say, look, I'm so sorry. Now here's the thing is, so I'm not responsible if they don't accept my apology. Here's what you are responsible for: I am responsible to sincerely now if you don't know what that word means, Google it. I am responsible to sincerely apologize for whatever I can.
You know what I've learned when people upset with me? There's always something I can find to apologize for. Because I'm not Jesus. I worship Jesus. I'm learning from Jesus.
I'm not Jesus. Now when our kids were little, and this is my wife's, you know, thought, not mine, but I went along because she's really pretty and powerful. So but when our kids would fight, she would have us make them apologize and forgive each other. It was the most hilarious thing you've ever seen in your life. I'm not sure it ever had the desired effect.
But here's what we would do. We would say, Madison, you need to apologize to your sister Kennedy for what you did. Apologize. And Madison would be like, I'm sorry for what I did. And then we would say, Kennedy, you need to forgive your sister for she has apologized.
And Kennedy would be like, I forgive you. Alright. We're a family of Jesus. Let's hug each other and go forth in joy. K?
That's not what I mean. You gotta really apologize. And and do you know how you do that? You really gotta be sorry. Yeah.
Can I just tell you this? It is so easy for me to apologize when I'm wrong. If you're a Christian today and you cannot apologize when you're wrong, I wanna challenge if you're really a Christian. Because you know how you become a Christian? It starts with an apology.
God, I am sorry. And if you can't do it, maybe you've never done it. And I've gotten really good at apologizing. One, I'm your pastor and two, I'm a husband. Amen, husbands?
I carry a bag of saris around my house. You get a sorry, you get I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. And you wanna know why that is? I I blow it. I say dumb things.
It's just I just blow it. But here's the thing I want you to know. I I I cannot apologize if I believe I'm right. K? So there there's where the hang up is.
And you wanna know why you don't apologize? You think you're right. You wanna know why you can't settle it settle it? You both think you're right. And that, by the way, is impossible.
You both can't be right. So I've learned I can always apologize for these three things even if I think I'm right. K? And sometimes in my marriage, I am. You know?
Let me tell you what I can apologize for. Number one, how I said it. How I said it. You know the Bible says never be harsh? Man, man, there have been times where I'm too harsh with my kids.
I'm too harsh with my wife. I'm too harsh with people at our church. I cannot tell you how many times after a meeting or I confronted somebody Tammy would say, I know your heart's in the wrong place but you've forgotten how powerful your position is and what you said was way too harsh. And I didn't mean to be harsh, but I was. So that's one side, that's too harsh.
Let me tell you the other part. I was unclear and confusing. Can I be honest? Early Matt Brown was afraid to hurt people's feelings so I was intentionally unclear and vague. Do you know what that feels like to people?
Lying. So what I learned to say, look, I should have been more clear. And I just say it, I was afraid to tell you everything I felt because I thought it would make things worse, so I lied. I was dishonest. I didn't tell you the whole truth and I just come out.
Sometimes people stay in our church and they're grateful, oftentimes they leave our church and they're like, I'm not going to a church where the pastor's a liar. I say, well he's also sinner. And there's a whole list of other things that you can hate me for. Okay? I like people to like me.
And that sounds like a good thing, but it's not always. Number two, how I did it. Whoo. Man. Do you know how many times I made the right decision, but how I did it wasn't right?
Hindsight is always what? Twenty twenty. 20 20. And I just listen to people. Sometimes I have to make a decision, right, because I'm a boss and a pastor, and I make a decision as a boss and it hurts them because I'm also their pastor.
And I've heard this a thousand times. Well, if you just would have done it this way, I would have responded better. You know what I say? You're right. You're right.
I wish I would have done it that way. I'm sorry. I'm not changing my decision. Listen to me. But I'm sorry for how I made my decision.
That's fine. Next, this next one is really hard, but it's important. How it made them feel? You know most people don't listen with their ears, they listen with their heart. Listen to me parents, especially if you have teenagers, my wife and I, before we're ready to go in and kill our children when they were teenagers, here's what I would say before we went in.
I said babe they're not going to remember what we said, they're going to remember how what we said made them feel. Because you know what teenagers hear, they're no good, they're fat, they're ugly, they're gross and you don't love them. That's what they hear and that's not how you feel. Now you may want to kill them but that's not what you share. Okay?
Next, as the family of God, listen to this, we are always ready to forgive and work it out. Amen. Amen. We're always ready to do Can I just tell you, this is the hardest thing for us to practice as a church? I have been here, your pastor, it'll be twenty eight years next next year and you wanna know why?
Because I have been committed, not perfectly and I've struggled with this, to always be ready to forgive and work it out. Most church members have not lasted twenty eight years. Why? The good people, godly people, but when they got offended or hurt for whatever reason, either for something I did or something someone else did, they didn't practice this and they left because they were hurt. Let me say this, at some point in time someone at Sandals Church will hurt you, either me or someone else.
We have to be ready to forgive and work it out. We have to. It's the only way I've made it here twenty eight years. It's the only way you'll make it here for however long God called you to be here. Okay?
Let's look at what Jesus says in Matthew five twenty five. When you are on the way to court Now, I I gotta go quickly. The audience that Jesus is hearing, this is very different. So right? You're at church right now and sometimes you have to go to court because you have jury duty or you were a bad person.
Right? So hopefully it was jury duty. Amen? I'm praying for you. In Jesus' day, listen to me, the court and the church are the same thing.
K? You gotta remember, it was religious leaders that arrested Jesus, had a trial, and then asked Caesar to kill him. They were they they were they had authority to do everything but murder. So for Jesus' audience, these two are the same things, your your religious community and the court. When you are on your way to court with your adversary, settle your differences quickly, otherwise your accuser may hand you over to the judge who will hand you over to an officer and you will be thrown into prison.
Listen to this, and if that happens you surely won't be free again until you've paid the last penny. Can I just say the hardest part of my marriage is when we don't agree? The hardest part of my friendships is when we don't agree. The hardest part of my friendships is when we don't agree. The hardest part of my relationship with my kids is when we don't agree.
But listen to me. The win for the Christian is not winning the argument, it's working it out. Amen. Listen to me, young married couples. Don't be devastated because you fought.
Celebrate that you worked it out. That's a win. It's not a win if you never fight. Maybe you've never been real. It's a win when you disagree and you work it out.
But here's the problem. Many of us as Christians would rather be right on our own and in our own minds than right with Jesus. He said humble yourself. He said work it out. Listen to this.
Jesus says to work it out sooner rather than later. The longer you wait, usually what? The worse it gets. You ever had an argument that just blew up and got out of control? It's because you waited too long to deal with it.
When I blow up with Tammy, it's because I've been taking notes, writing things down in my journal, praying for her soul. And now we have to have a meeting. Young Matt Brown did this a thousand times. Listen to me young man. It's because I lacked the courage to challenge my strong, very strong wife.
You gotta have the courage. I didn't wanna deal with the little offenses and it blew up. Listen to this. Jesus tells us to deal with it or he will deal with us. When my brother and I were growing up, we get in fights because that's what brothers do and parents are gone.
And I used to beg him. Used to say this, we gotta work this out before mom and dad get home. Because here's what I knew about my parents. They didn't care who did it. My dad was gonna whip us both.
Okay? And I know some of you are like, what is this? It was the eighties. That's what it was. It was the eighties.
We drank with hoses and got whipped by them. That's what happened. And I tell my brother, I said listen we have got to work this out before mom and dad get home or we're both gonna deal with dad. And I kid you, I can't tell you how many times my brother and I are both getting spanked and he's looking at me surprised. I'm like, I told you.
First Peter four seven, look at this. For the time has come for judgment, I want you to never forget this, and it must begin with what? God's household. And if judgment begins with us, what a terrible fate awaits those who've never obeyed the good news. I know this is a super challenging text.
And here's the thing, can we be honest? None of us can ever list live up to this. I mean, if your words send you to hell, where are you guys going? Thank God there's Jesus. Amen?
Amen. Because his words set us free. His words purify us. His words save us. And here's the thing is, if he can forgive us, we have got to learn to forgive others.
So here's how I want to close today. I know it's been a long message. I want you to think of somebody that's offended you, hurt you, that you just need to forgive them. And you need to have a spirit to work it out. Now maybe maybe you don't need to go and deal with this right now, but maybe you need pray, Lord, when I have the opportunity, I wanna make this right.
I wanna make this right. I wanna encourage you to do that right now. So let's all bow our heads and let's lift our hands, and I'm gonna invite the Holy Spirit just to convict us right now of someone that we we just mistreated, we we we misspoke, we some of us, we just sinned against them, and we need to go and make this right. Heavenly Father, I ask your Holy Spirit right now to convict us, Lord, that we would live out this very difficult teaching, and we would live as Christians to make things right. So, Holy Spirit, I pray that you you put it on our hearts right now as there's somebody that we've offended, somebody that we've hurt, somebody that we've sinned against, Lord.
Would you just put their name on our hearts right now? And, Lord, would you give us an opportunity somehow, maybe it's today, maybe it's tomorrow, maybe it's sometime where we could ask for forgiveness in Jesus' name. Help us, Lord, to be a people not only that receive forgiveness, but that give it. We pray this in Jesus name. Amen.
Morgan Teruel: Thank you so much for tuning in today. If you want more content from this series, we have a YouTube playlist linked in the description. And if you want more information about who we are and what we do, you can go to sandalschurch.com.