1
00:00:00,720 --> 00:00:04,560
So many decisions to be made as a business leader. Do we use this

2
00:00:04,560 --> 00:00:08,320
vendor? Do we buy some product? We buy some new

3
00:00:08,320 --> 00:00:12,080
technology? Do we terminate a relationship, terminate an employee?

4
00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:15,959
Who do we hire? This back and forth that goes on in our minds

5
00:00:15,959 --> 00:00:19,680
can cause tremendous anxiety. We can do some

6
00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:23,200
things to get out of this drama.

7
00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:27,760
And in fact, not making a decision causes drama in our lives as

8
00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:31,230
well. So the process both can cause a lot of drama, a

9
00:00:31,230 --> 00:00:34,670
struggle, a common struggle. We're going to address this today.

10
00:00:45,630 --> 00:00:49,390
Some current decisions that I am struggling with and

11
00:00:49,390 --> 00:00:52,990
that I've had recently for me is just

12
00:00:52,990 --> 00:00:55,790
something simple like when do I schedule my workouts?

13
00:00:56,760 --> 00:00:59,560
Should I join this club or should I not?

14
00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:04,240
Do I go on a date with this person or do I not? Do

15
00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:07,880
I hire this company? Do I work with this client? Do I

16
00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:12,040
hire this specific employee? Those are big,

17
00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:15,680
weighty decisions. Even the structure of the organization, do we hire an

18
00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:19,320
administrative assistant or somebody in sales? They have a lot

19
00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:22,760
of weight to them. So. Welcome to the Decide youe Legacy

20
00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:26,600
podcast. Today's episode is called Decide With Clarity.

21
00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:30,490
Three Steps to Better Faster Decisions so you're

22
00:01:30,490 --> 00:01:34,210
not stuck. And by the end of this episode, you're going to

23
00:01:34,210 --> 00:01:37,890
see that, well, not making a decision is often more costly than making

24
00:01:37,890 --> 00:01:41,610
one, even if it's a mistake. And you're going to get excited

25
00:01:41,610 --> 00:01:45,290
about how you can improve your decision making process.

26
00:01:47,210 --> 00:01:50,850
I have recently made some decisions that have

27
00:01:50,850 --> 00:01:54,540
taken some pressure off. You can do the same thing and you can see

28
00:01:54,540 --> 00:01:58,060
that even if you make the wrong decision, you're gonna learn from it. And

29
00:01:58,060 --> 00:02:01,540
recently one of those decisions was to hire

30
00:02:01,540 --> 00:02:05,340
somebody and then realize that for them it probably wasn't the

31
00:02:05,340 --> 00:02:08,500
best fit. For me, it may have not been the best decision.

32
00:02:08,980 --> 00:02:12,740
I think it was a win, though, because the win was

33
00:02:12,980 --> 00:02:16,740
that we learned and we grew and we're growing each day.

34
00:02:16,980 --> 00:02:20,260
Kind of cool. So you're gonna learn a simplified process

35
00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:24,800
to making decisions and then you're going to see how you

36
00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:28,560
can do this in a way that is going to be productive. I'm your host

37
00:02:28,640 --> 00:02:32,280
of the Decide youe Legacy podcast. I am a legacy coach and

38
00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:36,120
family therapist over 25 years. And the purpose

39
00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:39,600
of Decide youe Legacy is helping businesses and individuals live

40
00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:43,280
courageously. That's our purpose. That's our focus.

41
00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:47,280
I faced a fear recently. It was a decision. It was a

42
00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:50,830
tough decision. And I went on a vacation for 10 days with my

43
00:02:50,830 --> 00:02:53,830
extended family and my daughter and we went to

44
00:02:53,830 --> 00:02:57,510
California and the beach. I went to Yosemite. Great

45
00:02:57,510 --> 00:03:01,110
time. But during that trip, I Decided to go and see

46
00:03:01,430 --> 00:03:05,230
my cousin Stan. And because I was leaving family for

47
00:03:05,230 --> 00:03:07,910
a period of time, I got a lot of pushback from people in my family

48
00:03:07,910 --> 00:03:10,550
about going on this trip. It was a four hour drive and I was going

49
00:03:10,550 --> 00:03:13,510
to be gone for the majority of a day. I left early in the morning.

50
00:03:13,590 --> 00:03:16,270
But I'm glad I made the decision. I'm going to walk you through how I

51
00:03:16,270 --> 00:03:19,990
made it and I and share with you the outcome of that as well. So

52
00:03:19,990 --> 00:03:23,750
as I go along in this content, there is a blog post that I wrote

53
00:03:23,830 --> 00:03:27,670
years ago and I've refined and republished called it's on 17 Tools

54
00:03:27,670 --> 00:03:31,190
for Making Decisions. This content you're gonna wanna check out,

55
00:03:31,350 --> 00:03:35,110
hit the link to check it out or go to the website decidedyourlegacy.com, you

56
00:03:35,110 --> 00:03:38,230
can read through that content and access it as well. So

57
00:03:39,270 --> 00:03:42,870
these are three steps to better faster decisions. And the first step

58
00:03:43,930 --> 00:03:47,690
is to list out all the facts. So two activities

59
00:03:47,690 --> 00:03:51,090
I like to take clients through that help them to see the facts rather than

60
00:03:51,090 --> 00:03:54,890
the fear. One is called five, five and five. And I

61
00:03:54,890 --> 00:03:58,330
learned this from a version of this from a book called Decisive by Chip and

62
00:03:58,330 --> 00:04:01,930
Dan Heath. So you decide, you make a, you make

63
00:04:01,930 --> 00:04:05,730
a pseudo decision. So you decide I'm going to do go down

64
00:04:05,730 --> 00:04:09,370
this path. You're not actually doing that, but you're deciding in your mind to go

65
00:04:09,370 --> 00:04:12,970
and make a decision. And then let's say you just a

66
00:04:12,970 --> 00:04:16,650
simple decision could be you decide to go eat at a certain

67
00:04:16,650 --> 00:04:20,450
restaurant versus another restaurant. Or even a bigger decision could be, you know, you

68
00:04:20,450 --> 00:04:24,170
decide to join a golf course, country club

69
00:04:24,170 --> 00:04:27,850
and it's expensive, or you decide to purchase plane tickets to go visit

70
00:04:27,850 --> 00:04:31,610
a friend or people in your family. And then you can analyze that decision

71
00:04:31,770 --> 00:04:34,650
and say, how am I going? How do I think I'm going to feel about

72
00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:38,490
it five minutes after I make the decision, five days after

73
00:04:38,490 --> 00:04:41,570
I make the decision, and five years after I make the decision, or five months

74
00:04:41,570 --> 00:04:44,450
after I make the decision. So it can be 5, 5, 5 and 5. But

75
00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:47,890
then you write down some of the feelings you would have. And those feelings are

76
00:04:47,890 --> 00:04:51,450
not facts, but they're gonna help you identify some facts about the

77
00:04:51,450 --> 00:04:54,930
situation. One could be that it's not gonna ruin your business

78
00:04:55,330 --> 00:04:59,130
or it's not gonna make you go bankrupt. You're gonna learn from it

79
00:04:59,130 --> 00:05:02,290
could be a fact, because that can be a fact that you're gonna learn even

80
00:05:02,290 --> 00:05:05,130
from the bad decisions. You're not gonna make a horrible decision though, if you go

81
00:05:05,130 --> 00:05:07,970
through processes to make the decision so you wanna.

82
00:05:09,170 --> 00:05:12,770
Another tool that I like clients to go through is to just list out what

83
00:05:12,770 --> 00:05:16,450
you believe will happen if the worst result occurs. And

84
00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:20,450
so let's say that you decide to hire somebody. Well, the worst result

85
00:05:20,530 --> 00:05:24,130
that could occur is that they steal from you and

86
00:05:25,650 --> 00:05:29,410
your business has to shut down. And then the fact is, you could write down

87
00:05:29,410 --> 00:05:32,530
is that you will go on. You have a family that loves you. That can

88
00:05:32,530 --> 00:05:36,250
be a fact. You have kids that you cherish. That's a fact. You're healthy.

89
00:05:36,250 --> 00:05:40,050
That's a fact. You're still. You're not going to prison. Well, that's a fact. I

90
00:05:40,050 --> 00:05:43,410
mean, hopefully not going to prison. I mean, I guess it could be a really

91
00:05:43,410 --> 00:05:47,210
bad situation that ended you up in prison with a bad employee. But the

92
00:05:47,210 --> 00:05:50,569
facts are that you're. You're going to survive, you know, you're going to get through

93
00:05:50,569 --> 00:05:53,490
it. The worst possible outcome, you're going to actually be able to handle.

94
00:05:54,370 --> 00:05:58,210
I decided spontaneously to go out and visit some

95
00:05:58,210 --> 00:06:01,840
college fraternity, Pratt Brothers, a weekend

96
00:06:01,840 --> 00:06:04,560
ago. And it was a spontaneous decision

97
00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:09,120
because I was invited to this birthday party, and I don't think his

98
00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:11,920
wife thought a bunch of us were going to actually fly in from out of

99
00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:15,280
town to go celebrate with him. And we all turned 50 about the same time

100
00:06:15,280 --> 00:06:18,280
there. A year younger than me, many of the guys. But Anyway, we celebrated 50th

101
00:06:18,280 --> 00:06:21,800
and 51st birthdays. So I listed out the facts of the

102
00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:25,440
situation. When I made the decision to buy the tickets to go out. One of

103
00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:28,460
the facts was that my daughter's 18, I don't have to be around

104
00:06:29,180 --> 00:06:32,980
every weekend. It wasn't a weekend that I had plans with her. One

105
00:06:32,980 --> 00:06:36,140
of the other facts was that I had the money to go on the trip.

106
00:06:36,300 --> 00:06:40,140
I had the time to go on the trip. So another fact was

107
00:06:40,620 --> 00:06:44,220
that, well, that. That

108
00:06:44,380 --> 00:06:47,340
flying on a plane was fine. You know, I could get plane tickets. It was

109
00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:50,740
fact. So I could use those facts also to

110
00:06:50,740 --> 00:06:54,420
justify my position, which is not what I'm advocating here. I'm saying

111
00:06:54,420 --> 00:06:58,220
that just look and analyze the facts. It's one aspect, one step of making good

112
00:06:58,220 --> 00:07:02,000
decisions, you know, Shortly after I got the invitation, my buddy Jeremy

113
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:05,240
called and said, are you going? You know, so that emotionally impacted me, but it

114
00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:07,440
was a fact that some of my other friends were going to go as well.

115
00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:11,240
And it was an opportunity that I could actually attend this party and

116
00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:14,839
make some connections. People I hadn't seen in 10 years. Pretty cool. So another

117
00:07:14,839 --> 00:07:18,600
way you can get facts is listen to experts. So you read content on

118
00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:22,120
that topic for which you're making a decision. You talk to your friends who have

119
00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:25,920
more expertise in an area than you. It'll probably build the friendship.

120
00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:29,400
Because people love to help when they feel valuable in that situation,

121
00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:33,040
especially if they have expertise. I mean, that's why they got the

122
00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:36,160
expertise to help. So. And they're your friend. I mean, it's not the stranger asking

123
00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:39,840
you for advice. You're wanting to get advice from people that have more

124
00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:43,400
expertise than you do. So kind of a cool thing. I

125
00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:46,400
listed out the facts when I went down to see my cousin Stan. I mean,

126
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:49,960
one of the facts is that he's 95 and his wife is 78.

127
00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:53,970
And one of the facts is that I had the time, I

128
00:07:53,970 --> 00:07:57,410
could make it work. It wasn't going to interfere with any other major commitments with

129
00:07:57,410 --> 00:08:00,570
my family, except tick them off that I was going to be leaving them and

130
00:08:00,570 --> 00:08:04,330
trigger their abandonment fear, which I wasn't abandoning them at

131
00:08:04,330 --> 00:08:08,130
all. It was just a situation where I wanted to see this guy. He's been

132
00:08:08,130 --> 00:08:11,410
a business mentor and a personal mentor in my life. And it was an opportunity

133
00:08:11,410 --> 00:08:14,490
to go see somebody I care about a lot. I was only four hours away

134
00:08:14,490 --> 00:08:18,170
from Balboa island and it worked out

135
00:08:18,170 --> 00:08:21,370
well. So I listed the facts. I saw it, I could get. I've rented a

136
00:08:21,370 --> 00:08:25,170
car. It was going to work out. So the second step to making a

137
00:08:25,170 --> 00:08:28,810
really good decision, fast decision. And some decisions you don't want to make

138
00:08:28,810 --> 00:08:32,610
quickly. Some decisions you have to take time to gather the facts. It's going

139
00:08:32,610 --> 00:08:36,250
to be spread out. But the second step is to filter that

140
00:08:36,409 --> 00:08:40,010
specific decision. You filter it through your core

141
00:08:40,010 --> 00:08:43,770
values. You filter it through whether it adds balance to your life or takes

142
00:08:43,770 --> 00:08:47,500
away balance. You filter it through your life purpose. You filter it

143
00:08:47,500 --> 00:08:51,220
through your even, even your vision.

144
00:08:51,220 --> 00:08:54,820
You know, does it lead you towards that vision? Your vision? This

145
00:08:54,820 --> 00:08:58,100
ideal is a way to establish the right goals, a way to

146
00:08:58,100 --> 00:09:01,900
establish making good decisions. Because they're, they're leading you towards

147
00:09:01,900 --> 00:09:05,620
that vision, that big picture vision, which is super critical as a

148
00:09:05,620 --> 00:09:09,380
business leader to be casting vision, to be focusing on it yourself, to

149
00:09:09,380 --> 00:09:13,220
be talking about it, to be getting feedback on it, to keeping it at the

150
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:16,980
forefront. Or else you'll forget it, you'll leak. So you create filters.

151
00:09:16,980 --> 00:09:20,500
I mean, a filter works when you decide that you make a pseudo decision, like

152
00:09:20,500 --> 00:09:24,260
again, you're deciding to hire somebody and then you're filtering it through your core

153
00:09:24,260 --> 00:09:27,500
values. Do they align? I mean, the core values of decide your legacy

154
00:09:27,660 --> 00:09:31,460
Intentionality crucial. Are they intentional with their lives and their

155
00:09:31,460 --> 00:09:35,260
Disciplines, courage. Are they a courageous person? Are they willing to make

156
00:09:35,260 --> 00:09:38,580
courageous steps in their life? That's a core value. I want that to ooze out

157
00:09:38,580 --> 00:09:42,420
of every thing we do at Decide youe Legacy Crucial. Another one is hope.

158
00:09:42,420 --> 00:09:45,940
Do they have a sense of hope? Then we have these aspirational values that we

159
00:09:45,940 --> 00:09:49,700
filter things through as well. And that's connection and fun. And there's

160
00:09:49,700 --> 00:09:52,820
a couple other ones that I'm forgetting right now because they're not core values or

161
00:09:52,820 --> 00:09:56,060
aspirational values. I'm just kidding. I could pull them up, but they're important

162
00:09:56,620 --> 00:10:00,140
as well. You want to filter your decisions through your

163
00:10:00,140 --> 00:10:02,980
values. And now I'm going to drive myself crazy by not being able to remember

164
00:10:02,980 --> 00:10:06,780
those other two. But they are crucial as well. And we've

165
00:10:06,780 --> 00:10:10,500
done, as an organization, some clarification of values recently, and that's why

166
00:10:10,500 --> 00:10:14,220
they're not fresh in my mind. The core values, intentionality, courage, and hope are pretty

167
00:10:14,220 --> 00:10:17,980
crystal clear. So I decided to

168
00:10:17,980 --> 00:10:21,700
go to Portland, filtering it through my values. I mean, intentionality is one of

169
00:10:21,700 --> 00:10:24,980
them. Courage is one of them. Intentional with my relationships, great

170
00:10:25,220 --> 00:10:28,580
having hope. Even though I

171
00:10:29,060 --> 00:10:32,060
could have focused on things that could go wrong, seeing friends I hadn't seen in

172
00:10:32,060 --> 00:10:34,750
a while, I still had hope. It was going to be fun, gonna make great

173
00:10:34,750 --> 00:10:38,390
connections. And it really was fun. It was adventurous. There were some crazy,

174
00:10:38,710 --> 00:10:42,510
crappy, not crappy. There are crazy things that happened. Great memories

175
00:10:42,510 --> 00:10:45,750
that happened. So I filtered it through my core values. And

176
00:10:45,990 --> 00:10:49,510
recently I turned down a business opportunity working,

177
00:10:49,990 --> 00:10:53,830
doing a couple projects for a big company. And I

178
00:10:53,830 --> 00:10:57,470
turned it down because there was a misalignment in our. In our

179
00:10:57,470 --> 00:11:01,170
target market, in our niche. And there was also.

180
00:11:01,970 --> 00:11:05,770
It was a valuable opportunity, but I didn't feel

181
00:11:05,770 --> 00:11:09,530
like it aligned with my core value of intentionality. I've decided that we're going

182
00:11:09,530 --> 00:11:13,130
to focus on an organization and say no to the things that

183
00:11:13,130 --> 00:11:16,889
can be good, but say yes to the best opportunities. So I knew if

184
00:11:16,889 --> 00:11:20,650
I took on this engagement, it would have taken

185
00:11:20,650 --> 00:11:23,850
a significant amount of time and energy. It would have taken away a lot of

186
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:27,640
focus from growing from hiring and building up new parts of the

187
00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:31,480
business. And I would have been excited initially. So

188
00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:34,720
thinking of that 5, 5, 5 and 5. I would have been initially excited because

189
00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:37,520
I said yes and didn't have to let somebody down, which I don't want to

190
00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:41,040
do. Five minutes after I made the decision, I would have felt that way. Five

191
00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:43,960
days after I made the decision, I might have still felt that way. But five

192
00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:47,600
months after I made the decision I would have potentially looked back and said

193
00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:51,560
I could have invested my time and energy into something that was moving the needle

194
00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:54,450
where we want the needle to move. Not that that was a bad opportunity, but

195
00:11:54,450 --> 00:11:58,050
it was a decision that as I look back even now having made it,

196
00:11:58,050 --> 00:12:01,330
it was a good decision, it was the right decision. And I hope I don't

197
00:12:01,330 --> 00:12:03,650
change my mind on that. I could, you know, because I'm all over the place

198
00:12:03,650 --> 00:12:07,490
sometimes, but that's how I made that specific decision. Does it align

199
00:12:07,490 --> 00:12:10,730
with who you want to be in the future? That's alignment with your values. So

200
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:14,530
you have this, this assessment that it's actually adding

201
00:12:14,530 --> 00:12:18,170
opportunity to your life for more balance. It's not taking

202
00:12:18,170 --> 00:12:21,930
away and detracting from balance in your life. That's how I encourage clients to make

203
00:12:21,930 --> 00:12:24,370
decisions. That's how I want to make decisions myself.

204
00:12:25,790 --> 00:12:29,430
Step in Making faster, better decisions is

205
00:12:29,430 --> 00:12:32,430
the most important step in the entire process.

206
00:12:33,550 --> 00:12:37,350
And it's your intuition, it's learning to trust your intuition. Now

207
00:12:37,350 --> 00:12:40,590
if you have been burned in your life, you may second guess

208
00:12:40,989 --> 00:12:44,430
that inner gut level voice

209
00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:47,750
that's saying, go here or don't go there. It's different than your

210
00:12:47,750 --> 00:12:51,530
emotions. It's something that rises up with inside of you. It's

211
00:12:51,530 --> 00:12:54,730
something that you get and you can develop in your life. And I find that

212
00:12:54,730 --> 00:12:58,450
I develop it when I have solitude, when I go on a walk, when I

213
00:12:58,450 --> 00:13:02,210
read, when I engage in the hobby. Not

214
00:13:02,210 --> 00:13:06,050
thinking about making that decision. I find that's very helpful. And that's one of the

215
00:13:06,050 --> 00:13:09,610
things that can connect you with a good, with this good decision

216
00:13:09,610 --> 00:13:13,250
making process is just step away from it. Maybe step away from it, clear your

217
00:13:13,250 --> 00:13:16,570
head, go play golf, go on a walk, go on a run, do something different.

218
00:13:16,730 --> 00:13:19,820
And then just trust, trust that your

219
00:13:20,220 --> 00:13:23,300
intuition is going to guide you, that something's going to come up inside of you.

220
00:13:23,300 --> 00:13:26,220
And it's not based on what other people think, it's not based on what you

221
00:13:26,220 --> 00:13:29,940
think you should do. It's based on what you want and it's based on

222
00:13:29,940 --> 00:13:33,420
your intuition. And then go in that direction. That's why it's the third

223
00:13:33,420 --> 00:13:37,260
step and the most important step. You can make decisions that are great

224
00:13:37,260 --> 00:13:41,100
looking back and know in the moment that you did not have much support

225
00:13:41,500 --> 00:13:45,180
because people that you trust in, your friends and your family, they may not have

226
00:13:45,180 --> 00:13:48,810
been in support of that decision, but you knew intuitively that it was the right

227
00:13:48,810 --> 00:13:52,490
decision to make. Only you can make that decision. So everyone might think you

228
00:13:52,490 --> 00:13:56,170
should, you should date this specific guy in your

229
00:13:56,170 --> 00:13:59,890
family and you and your gut think he's a great guy, he's quality,

230
00:13:59,970 --> 00:14:03,650
he's solid. But intuitively you're just not at that

231
00:14:03,650 --> 00:14:06,850
place. Maybe you get there in the future, but that lack of

232
00:14:07,170 --> 00:14:10,930
desire to make that decision to go date and to be all

233
00:14:10,930 --> 00:14:14,580
in is there. And you want to trust that. Now, as you talk to friends

234
00:14:14,580 --> 00:14:18,420
and family, you may reassess and maybe something rises up inside of

235
00:14:18,420 --> 00:14:21,980
you that changes your mind. And that is fine. It is fine to change your

236
00:14:21,980 --> 00:14:25,620
mind. I think you're changing

237
00:14:26,020 --> 00:14:29,740
your gut reaction. You're getting somewhere deeper. And maybe you don't have enough

238
00:14:29,740 --> 00:14:33,060
information. That's why I start with the facts. And then

239
00:14:33,460 --> 00:14:37,140
we go from getting the facts to actually filtering

240
00:14:37,380 --> 00:14:41,190
it through your core values and your vision and your balance so you're not

241
00:14:41,190 --> 00:14:44,950
compromising. Crucial. And I did that. I did that with my

242
00:14:44,950 --> 00:14:48,550
friends going into Portland, this party, and I did it with Stan because it

243
00:14:48,550 --> 00:14:52,390
aligned with the intentionality and the courage, the courage to not do what my family

244
00:14:52,390 --> 00:14:56,030
wanted me to do in that situation. Interestingly enough, when I came

245
00:14:56,030 --> 00:14:59,710
back, they were happy I made that decision. I mean, they were excited that I

246
00:14:59,710 --> 00:15:03,390
connected with my cousin Stan, my dad's first cousin, and his wife. They were

247
00:15:03,390 --> 00:15:06,930
excited to learn more. So it ended up being a very good thing.

248
00:15:07,250 --> 00:15:10,970
But in the moment, it was tough. Now, the day before I left

249
00:15:10,970 --> 00:15:14,570
for Portland, I got a call from my buddy Jeremy, and he shared with me

250
00:15:14,570 --> 00:15:17,850
that his dog had just recently passed and we had made plans to split a

251
00:15:17,850 --> 00:15:21,610
hotel, go on this trip together. He was part of what inspired me to

252
00:15:21,610 --> 00:15:24,930
make sure I went on this 50th birthday party trip. Now,

253
00:15:25,570 --> 00:15:29,250
when I talked to him, I could

254
00:15:29,250 --> 00:15:31,690
have tried to talk him out of it because he was saying that he wasn't

255
00:15:31,690 --> 00:15:35,520
gonna go. I took the call and, and in my gut I felt

256
00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:39,280
like, just listen, you know, he's grieving. Just ask him questions, man. Just

257
00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:42,360
be there for him. You've had loss in your life, Adam. That was my gut

258
00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:46,160
reaction, to want to just be there for him, help him talk it

259
00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:49,400
through, because I mean, he loves his dog. I lost a 16 year old dog.

260
00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:53,240
His dog was 13, 12 or 13. I knew Theo, I mean, he was great

261
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:57,080
dog. And so I knew that my buddy was grieving and call

262
00:15:57,080 --> 00:16:00,680
was silly. I don't care. My dog has helped a lot of my clients

263
00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:04,380
and help me in challenging situations. It's a great thing

264
00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:08,140
to have to focus on at times. But just listening to him, that was

265
00:16:08,140 --> 00:16:11,860
an intuitive response. And through that it helped me. I

266
00:16:11,860 --> 00:16:14,980
wasn't going to cancel. But I was going to be disappointed because he was kind

267
00:16:14,980 --> 00:16:18,420
of a safety person that I that was going on this trip. I mean, I

268
00:16:18,420 --> 00:16:20,860
knew all the other guys and stuff, but I'd stayed in better touch with him.

269
00:16:20,860 --> 00:16:24,660
So I felt more comfortable with Jeremy going. But I trusted my gut.

270
00:16:24,660 --> 00:16:28,180
I didn't try to control him. What we don't trust, we control.

271
00:16:29,010 --> 00:16:31,890
Not good. And I just went with it, listened to him, and then he changed

272
00:16:31,890 --> 00:16:35,410
his mind and he went on the trip. So you want to try it out

273
00:16:35,970 --> 00:16:39,810
with this intuition thing, you just go. And what I have

274
00:16:40,050 --> 00:16:43,850
tried to do recently is if I make, if

275
00:16:43,850 --> 00:16:47,090
I realize that my initial thought about something,

276
00:16:47,490 --> 00:16:50,530
that initial, I call it the inner roommate. It's loud,

277
00:16:50,930 --> 00:16:54,690
it's fear based, it's your ego. You know, I want to write those

278
00:16:54,690 --> 00:16:58,390
thoughts down that I have about the decision initially. And then I make. So

279
00:16:58,390 --> 00:17:01,990
make three columns and then in the middle column, these are like my

280
00:17:01,990 --> 00:17:05,830
neutral thoughts that I don't know based on that initial thought. So

281
00:17:05,830 --> 00:17:09,670
my initial thought would be, you know, if you go without Jeremy to Portland, Oregon,

282
00:17:09,670 --> 00:17:13,269
you're going to be miserable and you don't have that safety blanket there. Then my

283
00:17:13,269 --> 00:17:16,950
neutral thought was like something that is in between.

284
00:17:17,190 --> 00:17:20,790
It's. It's okay, you know, you'll still have fun.

285
00:17:20,950 --> 00:17:24,070
You'll get to connect with other people and you'll have time in the hotel alone

286
00:17:24,070 --> 00:17:27,480
to do work. I don't know, something. And then you have a

287
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:30,960
truthful thought. So that neutral thought and the truthful thought, the

288
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:34,800
neutral thought is often more intuitive and something that's not fear based,

289
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:38,280
but it's something you can explore and you can get more information on to get

290
00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:42,000
a more truthful, accurate, hopeful perspective on the situation. So you can try that

291
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:45,680
as well. It's an intuitive activity. And you can also say, what

292
00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:48,840
should I. You can make a list of things you think you should do and

293
00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:52,280
what you want. Often what I find that what I want is

294
00:17:52,510 --> 00:17:56,350
it's from inside, it's inspiring. I mean even the word in spirit

295
00:17:56,750 --> 00:18:00,190
versus an intuition in spirit. It's inspiring.

296
00:18:00,670 --> 00:18:04,270
It's inspirational rather than informational in

297
00:18:04,270 --> 00:18:07,990
form. Information is inform. It's very concrete. It

298
00:18:07,990 --> 00:18:11,550
could be something that someone says to you. Read this. You know, it's just

299
00:18:11,550 --> 00:18:14,990
information. It's not necessarily true, just information.

300
00:18:15,630 --> 00:18:19,150
Inspiration is going to have much more connection to your intuition.

301
00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:23,640
So you want to try this out. You know, if you can think of right

302
00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:26,800
now a big decision that you want to make and I know you have them,

303
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:30,200
I know you making big decisions, I Mean, you guys are leaders listening to this

304
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:33,760
podcast. You're making decisions with your personally and professionally.

305
00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:37,800
What do I do in my marriage? How do I take care of my aging

306
00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:41,600
parents? How do I deal with the difficult employee? How do I address

307
00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:44,320
conflict in a healthy way? Do I become.

308
00:18:45,450 --> 00:18:48,610
Do I want to become the president of my company? Do I want to sell

309
00:18:48,610 --> 00:18:52,090
my company? Do I want to buy this company? There's so many

310
00:18:52,090 --> 00:18:55,730
ways we can get distracted, and then we can get

311
00:18:55,730 --> 00:18:59,450
bothered by all the stuff in our heads in

312
00:18:59,450 --> 00:19:03,050
that specific situation. So being

313
00:19:03,050 --> 00:19:06,850
bothered does not mean you have legitimate bothers. It does not mean you have

314
00:19:06,850 --> 00:19:10,490
legitimate things to focus on that are really disturbing. It just simply means that

315
00:19:10,490 --> 00:19:14,110
you're letting yourself go in a path, on a way, in

316
00:19:14,110 --> 00:19:17,910
a. In a direction that is distracting you from facing the core

317
00:19:17,910 --> 00:19:21,190
issue. So we can make things so bothersome. I mean,

318
00:19:21,190 --> 00:19:25,030
perfectionism can be a bother. And if you step back from the situation,

319
00:19:25,110 --> 00:19:28,310
you connect with your intuition, you look at the facts, you filter

320
00:19:28,710 --> 00:19:32,310
that situation, and then you can do one more thing. You can ask yourself, what

321
00:19:32,310 --> 00:19:35,910
would I do here if I wasn't bothered? And then do that.

322
00:19:35,910 --> 00:19:38,950
How? Simple as that. What would I do if I wasn't disturbed in this situation?

323
00:19:39,190 --> 00:19:42,950
And then do that. Because the reality is, much of what you're focusing on

324
00:19:42,950 --> 00:19:46,670
really isn't the real issue. The real issue is something different. You're just afraid,

325
00:19:46,910 --> 00:19:50,590
and you're afraid to do that next thing. I asked that to a client today.

326
00:19:51,470 --> 00:19:54,870
What would you do here if you weren't bothered? You know, very different kind of

327
00:19:54,870 --> 00:19:58,470
perspective. And I can see them in those situations like

328
00:19:58,470 --> 00:20:01,630
that. And I learned this tool. I actually listened to a book, and I learned

329
00:20:01,630 --> 00:20:05,190
this from an inspiring coach. Business coach Dan

330
00:20:05,190 --> 00:20:08,630
Sullivan was talking about in his book not being Bothered, which we can link to

331
00:20:08,630 --> 00:20:12,440
as well. Very good content. But I noticed in that situation,

332
00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:15,880
just asking that question, there was a shift, I mean, away from all the

333
00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:19,560
emotion and everything, to where I can take action, to

334
00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:23,360
the prefrontal cortex, away from the amygdala to the prefrontal cortex, and

335
00:20:23,360 --> 00:20:27,040
then you can actually do something about it. So if you want

336
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:30,720
to apply this information, just start with something. I mean,

337
00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:33,920
start with something simple like where am I going to eat tonight? Or if you

338
00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:37,160
and your spouse are arguing or your friend about where you're going to eat, just

339
00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:40,740
start with something like that. How do you make it? List the facts. Fact is,

340
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:44,180
you're interested in eating Mexican food right now. Fact is, they want

341
00:20:44,180 --> 00:20:47,820
Mexican food more than you want Mexican food today. Those could be Feelings as

342
00:20:47,820 --> 00:20:51,180
well. But you can list the facts, you can apply the filters. How does it

343
00:20:51,180 --> 00:20:54,900
align with your core values? You got to get those core values articulated

344
00:20:55,460 --> 00:20:58,580
to be able to do that. You align, you filter it through your vision, you

345
00:20:58,580 --> 00:21:01,620
filter it through whether it adds balance to your life and your life purpose statement,

346
00:21:02,580 --> 00:21:05,300
your purpose in your life. And then you make the decision, you make the call,

347
00:21:05,300 --> 00:21:08,900
you let go, you go with your gut, then you live with the results, knowing.

348
00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:13,160
And I love this quote right here as well. If I can find it,

349
00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:15,600
oh boy, I don't know if I can find it now, but I think I

350
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:19,360
can. But it's by, it's from Theodore Roosevelt and

351
00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:23,160
it's in any moment, in any moment of decision, the best thing you can do

352
00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:25,800
is the right thing. The next best thing is the wrong thing. And the worst

353
00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:29,600
thing you can do is nothing. Doing nothing is a decision. Doing nothing can be

354
00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:33,160
a destructive decision. You're not getting any feedback, you're not getting any

355
00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:36,920
information on making a mistake. You, you learn so much from making

356
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:40,560
mistakes. So you want to make decisions. I'd encourage you, all of you leaders, you're

357
00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:44,400
probably going to need to make more decisions, trust your gut intuitively more.

358
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:48,000
Just go with it more than less, because that's why.

359
00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:51,160
And that's how you're going to learn. And then over time, you'll realize that you

360
00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:54,520
can trust yourself more and more. If you've been burned, if you've made mistakes, you

361
00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:57,800
have to pick it back up and say, hey, I trusted here, I shouldn't have

362
00:21:57,800 --> 00:22:01,520
trusted there. But it doesn't mean that I can't trust anybody. It doesn't mean

363
00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:05,020
that it won't work in this situation. That's not what that means. It just means

364
00:22:05,020 --> 00:22:08,660
you got to learn from it. What's the meaning in that situation? So you want

365
00:22:08,660 --> 00:22:12,060
to list out the facts, you want to filter the situation, and then you want

366
00:22:12,060 --> 00:22:14,900
to go with your gut. So if you found this content helpful, you're going to

367
00:22:14,900 --> 00:22:18,580
love the content and Shatterproof yourself. Light. 7 Small Steps to a

368
00:22:18,580 --> 00:22:22,420
giant leap. And the giant leap we're going to talk about here is going to

369
00:22:22,420 --> 00:22:25,620
give you clarity on your filters. It's going to give you clarity on your perspective.

370
00:22:25,620 --> 00:22:29,030
It's going to help you start establishing balance and it's going to help you start

371
00:22:29,030 --> 00:22:32,630
establishing healthy relationships so you can get more facts by connecting with

372
00:22:32,630 --> 00:22:36,390
people. It's going to be helpful to you in many ways. And It's a brief

373
00:22:36,390 --> 00:22:40,110
20, 25 minute video on a worksheet. You fill out, check it out. Download the

374
00:22:40,110 --> 00:22:43,750
worksheet, go through it. It's totally free. You will not want to miss that. Share

375
00:22:43,750 --> 00:22:47,390
it with your friends and as well. If you like this episode,

376
00:22:47,390 --> 00:22:50,830
give it us a rating and review on Apple or Spotify. Wherever you get

377
00:22:50,830 --> 00:22:54,680
podcast content, give us a review. Share it. We will

378
00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:58,240
love you forever for that. And I want to close the way that I always

379
00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:01,840
do. Remember that nothing will make my day better

380
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:05,560
than knowing you have taken action. What is something from today that you

381
00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:09,400
are going to take action on? Do it right away, like in an hour, within

382
00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:13,120
an hour, even. Write it down. I'm going to apply this decision making tool.

383
00:23:13,120 --> 00:23:15,760
I'm going to make this decision based on this content.

384
00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:20,640
I don't have it all figured out. Like I wrote this episode because I'm struggling

385
00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:24,650
with making decisions. I that's why I was thinking about this content. I mean, I

386
00:23:24,650 --> 00:23:27,930
don't have it all figured out. I'm a fellow traveler. That's not what I'm talking.

387
00:23:27,930 --> 00:23:31,690
I'm not saying I'm a guru here. I'm not that at all. I'm

388
00:23:31,690 --> 00:23:35,250
a fellow struggler. I do know one thing though. There's no positive change

389
00:23:35,570 --> 00:23:39,290
unless you decide to do something new and take some kind of an action. Because

390
00:23:39,290 --> 00:23:43,130
your legacy, which is. Which is the way people will remember you. The

391
00:23:43,130 --> 00:23:46,290
impact your life has on others, it depends on you making

392
00:23:46,530 --> 00:23:49,850
decisions to live that legacy. To decide means you're

393
00:23:49,850 --> 00:23:53,570
eliminating other options. Great word. Your legacy is your

394
00:23:53,570 --> 00:23:57,330
impact on other people's lives. Live the life today that you want to be

395
00:23:57,330 --> 00:24:01,090
remembered for 10 years after you're gone. So if you

396
00:24:01,090 --> 00:24:04,650
died today, how would they remember you in a year, in two years? Live that

397
00:24:04,650 --> 00:24:08,410
life today. You decide your legacy. Nobody else. I appreciate you

398
00:24:08,410 --> 00:24:10,210
greatly and I'll see you next time.