Hello hello hello!
This is a podcast for the insatiably curious mystic, witch and weirdo.
She who is seeking.
Each episode, I explore a theme with curiosity.
What have I learned?
And what am I still hoping to learn or experience?
What have I found to be true?
And how can I integrate it into my life?
What do I think I know.?
And perhaps most importantly, what am I missing?
Some important housekeeping.
I am not a medical or mental health care professional.
So please be advised that you're responsible for your
own health and wellbeing.
If you're in need of medical or mental health care.
And it feels too overwhelming.
Partner with somebody that you trust to help you get looped
into the help that you need
. Also, I will make mistakes, but I will always try to learn from them.
So please be patient with me as I'm always doing the best that I can.
And on that note welcome to today's episode welcome to the
She Who Is Seeking podcast.
I'm your host, Meena Melissa Leigh today in the podcast, we're going
to discuss she who is seeking.
Bravery.
This feels like a very important and timely topic for me to explore.
Because right now I'm realizing that without bravery.
Or at least pretending like I have some bravery.
I wouldn't be doing this.
I've had a lot of fear in the past.
And it's hard to be brave when you're feeling really fearful.
And to be honest, I'm not sure if this episode is going to be.
More about the fear that I've moved through or the bravery that I found,
but let's just see what happens.
I want to share a quote from the bad-ass Grace Jones.
Who happens to share the same birthday as I do.
"I've always been a rebel.
I never do things the way they're supposed to be done.
Either I go in the opposite direction or a create a new direction for myself.
Regardless of what the rules or society says."
And I really agree with Grace Jones and that's how I try to live my life.
And yet.
Fear is a fuckery.
I mean, it can really get in there.
For anyone that's been tempted to play small or hide in the background.
The following won't come as a shock.
And that's fear, counteracts growth.
It's smothers dreams and stifles expansion.
Fear in all of its forms is like a corset or a vice.
Squeezing the daring and the hope tight until you yield.
But we can become resilient to its attack.
We may still be afraid and hesitate.
But if we're willing to play even 10% bigger than we have in the
past, we're in a better place.
And if each time we get a little more bold and perhaps even approach
the situation in a different way, we will find it gets easier.
I think there's an interlocking relationship between bravery and fear.
They can be teased apart but will stitch back together like thorny
overgrown brambles, if not attended to.
Fear is complex.
And sneaky, it's insidious and it gets in deep.
It can manifest in your body as anxiety.
And we all know that when anxiety is in there, It can take on a life of its own.
It can manifest as greed, which I think is just a fear of lack of not having enough.
Whether it's enough power or a fear that you'll be caught
destitute or alone or helpless.
Like I said there's many forms of fear.
And i think that there's many faces of bravery.
So I've had my fair share of fear, and it's either stopped or put on hold a
lot of things that i've wanted to do.
I have had a fear of wasting my life, which is extremely ironic to me because
the fear that I experience kind of was this self fulfilling prophecy where I did
probably waste quite a bit of my life.
And because of that fear, I was hiding.
And I was so afraid of rejection.
And of being seen again and being hurt once more and that it would be even
deeper than it had been the other times, and it would be too much to ever come
back from and I would be lost forever.
That I just sort of let that stop me, and, to be honest, it's very easy to.
Play things small.
There's really not very many people who are going to identify that in
you and sort of bring you out of it.
It does have to be something that comes from within.
I think that the way I was able to transition through that fear
is by really identifying it.
And that is not once or twice, but over and over again.
The last few years, often I would be doing inner work and I would identify some of
the things that I didn't like about my life, or maybe even about myself and a
lot of it stripped back was just fear.
It was fear to do something like Podcast let's say, because I was afraid that
I couldn't figure out how to do the editing and all the computer stuff.
And that I might run out of things to talk about, or that what I had to say
was an important enough and nobody would care and nobody would want to listen.
Or it could be something like being brave and putting my voice out there and
maybe having somebody come for me, and, you know that kind of thing can happen.
But, if you really want to live your life to the fullest.
And you want to accomplish dreams that you have, and make an impact
in a way that feels in line with your dreams and your destiny then
you got to get a hold of that.
For me I think I handled this the same way that I handle a lot of things, which
is to think about it and contemplate what it is and how it's affected me.
And what it is that I actually want.
And I would imagine what it would be like to have those things.
And I'd allow myself to feel what it felt like to have accomplished
something that was important to me.
And really feel into it.
That way that we do as witches, or visionaries where we can really hold
onto it and see it and taste it.
And then I would think back and remove all those layers of hopefulness and
dreamy ideals and I get really real about what I was operating from.
And I would kind of tune up and down that scale.
And see, what does it feel like if I don't change anything and I keep
operating from this place of fear.
And what does it feel like if I really turn that dial up?
And it gets to that magical music of what I want my life to feel like.
I think with this as with so many things, it came down to that notion
of what is more uncomfortable to me?
Staying in this very comfortable homey place of fear?
Or is it more uncomfortable for me to lose out on things that I really want to do?
And it definitely just started edging more consistently towards
needing to step into that bravery.
Because all the things that I wanted to do required me to shed that fear.
But I'm aware that that kind of thing is easier said than done.
So I decided to model bravery for myself.
And create some new muscle memory and some new grooves in my brain.
Because we all know that those neuropathways are no joke.
So I made a list of things that I could do that would require me to be a little more
brave and do something that scared me.
Just a little bit.
I do something if not every day, then every week.
And I just made a list and started doing those things.
And I just worked it into fitting in little acts of bravery, wherever I could.
Proving that it wasn't going to kill me.
It might seem silly for somebody on the outside, not experiencing it, but.
When you're in fear you're not necessarily being your most logical self and part
of your lizard brain, really does think that this stuff is going to kill you.
So it's nice to just take little steps towards proving
that you're going to be okay
So the more I did that, the more I proved to myself that it was okay
to sort of just try things out.
Some of the other things I did to increase my bravery were maybe
not as easy to see in the moment.
And it was more about making choices that I knew would have a big impact in my life.
And that we're really kind of getting me closer to who I wanted to be.
Some of the instances that I didn't identify in the moment as being related
to bravery because they actually were interconnected to so many other
aspects of my life, things like really holding my boundaries with some
of the people who I love the most.
And that's always the hardest thing to do, right?
Like it's easy to hold a boundary with somebody who maybe is not your cup of tea
or you don't really care for, but it's the people with who were the closest,
I think it's the hardest to do .So that could be your love interest or a parent
or maybe a beloved teacher or mentor.
Somebody who is really important to you and who you feel like it's possible
to sort of lose love, or get out of their good graces by being really
honest and holding that boundary.
But I did hold a boundary.
Somebody who I had deferred to many times in the past.
And it was really interesting because I'm going to be honest.
It was painful.
This whole circumstance was nearly washed away with the
tears that were created from it.
But even though it was so uncomfortable.
I held that boundary and I knew that it could be potentially undermining
the dynamic of that relationship.
I did it anyway.
I was staying in line with who I knew I wanted to be.
The kind of person that I wanted to be.
And in those moments, I could sort of see these different timelines playing out.
By doing this because it was something that was so far out of the realm
of what I had done in the past.
I could tell I was basically making a new timeline for myself by doing this.
I was allowing it to unfold.
And the whole while I was keeping the vision I had in mind about how I wanted my
life to be and how I wanted to be treated.
And how I wanted to be perceived in the world.
In a bigger landscape, not just in this moment, not just with these people
but with everyone that I encountered.
I reacted in this situation in a way where I was essentially modeling for
myself what I wanted to see from my future self and I was doing it in this
moment, and the fear that was there was just shaking me to the core.
And the sadness that was accompanying it and all of the emotions that were
wrapped up in it were so much that my body felt like it couldn't handle it.
And I allowed all of this to be processed through tears, and I was just crying in
this deep and seemingly unending way.
That in itself could be really uncomfortable for someone to witness.
But I held with it and I allowed all of the fear to come through.
And be shed in tears in real time.
The short of the story is it was very painful and it culminated in New Mexico
under this insanely gorgeous thundering sky with lightning and fog and this
magical rain that washed a lot of all that just heaviness away from me.
And it also was the beginning of the end for a relationship
that wasn't serving me anymore.
And maybe this isn't the best example to use.
Because I did have a loss and sometimes people are afraid
of that, but, I will say this.
There was actually nothing lost and everything gained.
From that experience, I was able to stand in my self worth.
And stand in my own values.
And I was able to confront fear and be brave enough to do what I knew
would get me to the next step in really valuing myself as being the
most important voice in my own life.
If you are female or femme, you're most likely used to
your voice being marginalized.
So I want to say that again for you.
Your voice is the most important voice in your life.
Not the voice of fear.
Not the voice of hiding, not the voice of staying small.
In fact, my hope for you is that your voice will be synonymous
with the voice of bravery.
Also make no mistake about conquering fear once and then forever.
I think it's easy to feel like we can just clear the decks.
And be rid of it forever.
But like we're learning about so many other things these days, I
believe it's more likely that fear and bravery are on a continuum.
And we just need to strive for being more and more brave each day.
And we need to reach out for our dreams and speak up when
somebody is getting bullied.
Or come out of the darkness and use our voice at full volume.
I think trying to attain bravery is a practice.
It's along the lines of meditating or anything else that seems
ridiculously hard in the beginning, but it gets easier as time goes on.
That bravery muscle can be toned and strengthened.
Until it's ready to lift you up and carry you through any difficult situation.
My hope is to always be of service and to help.
Even if it's just in a small way.
And I thought the example that I used was a very personal one and it might
be too amorphous to put into practice.
So I thought I'd share what I do when I am working towards bravery.
So this is a little checklist.
When I am seeking bravery, but confronted by fear.
I name it.
And perhaps more importantly, what fear is under that?
Is it loss?
Is it judgment?
Name it.
Because when we name something.
We gain power over it.
Then acknowledge where you feel it in your body.
Breathe deeply.
And imagine that that fear is loosening.
Breathe more deeply and allow the fear to loosen even more.
And continue to do that.
Until you feel like you are gaining some power over it.
Then ask yourself, what will you lose by feeding fear?
And it helps to name that too.
So you're really clear.
And then visualize what can you gain by feeding bravery?
And name that.
Which choice feels better.
This doesn't have to be a choice made with your mind.
Allow you to make it with your heart, which one feels better?
And what one step can you take toward bravery?
Take a deep breath and ask.
Can you take another step?
Can you hold this boundary?
If you can take more steps, continue to repeat this process.
But as soon as you hit your wall, no worries.
Just hold that boundary and thank yourself for being willing to grow your bravery.
I want to end with a quote that is from a friend of mine.
I told her that I was doing this first episode on fear, and
I asked if she had any input.
And this is what she said.
" It is okay to feel fear.
But you don't have to let it stop you.
And if it does , you don't have to beat yourself up or torture
yourself because you can get stuck and end up feeling hopeless.
Have unconditional positive regard for yourself.
Don't label yourself a coward.
There's always another opportunity to practice bravery.
" And that quote is from, my friend, Ashley Amaru.
And I really love it.
And on that note, I would like to thank you from the bottom of my
heart for listening to this episode.
And I would also like to let you know that you can find me over on Instagram
and perhaps doing some silly TikToks and both of those are @shewhoisseeking
I'm really interested in building community.
And I'd love to hear from you.
The music is called Snake River by Siren and The Sea.