1 00:00:00,480 --> 00:00:04,232 So have you ever had somebody that you really care about who keeps making the 2 00:00:04,256 --> 00:00:07,944 same bad decisions? They isolate their drinking 3 00:00:08,072 --> 00:00:11,672 addiction and you want to help them? It 4 00:00:11,696 --> 00:00:15,432 bothers you, right? Like, you see their life going in a direction 5 00:00:15,496 --> 00:00:19,320 and you may even think, like, I could fix them or whatever. But you're struggling 6 00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:23,272 to know how to help. I bet you can relate. I can relate. And I 7 00:00:23,296 --> 00:00:27,064 can also relate because I struggle as well. And I want someone to 8 00:00:27,072 --> 00:00:30,260 fix me, but just kidding about that. But I want to help. 9 00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:44,408 So this is the Decide youe Legacy podcast. Today we're talking about 10 00:00:44,464 --> 00:00:47,700 seven powerful ways you can help other people. 11 00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:51,288 Your friends, your co workers, your family, even 12 00:00:51,344 --> 00:00:55,192 strangers. And at the end of this, I got a crazy story to share 13 00:00:55,216 --> 00:00:58,746 with you. It involves me actually getting shot at with my buddy 14 00:00:58,778 --> 00:01:01,754 Josh. Stick around. And if you haven't already, check out episode 15 00:01:01,802 --> 00:01:05,642 148, where I talk about the first four ways powerful ways you could help 16 00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:09,434 other people. I'm covering the next three today. At the end of 17 00:01:09,442 --> 00:01:13,242 this podcast, you're going to feel inspired to reach out and to do some 18 00:01:13,266 --> 00:01:16,634 productive things. It's going to surprise you what those actions are. 19 00:01:16,802 --> 00:01:20,474 Maybe making some mistakes that you haven't even identified yet. I'm 20 00:01:20,522 --> 00:01:23,964 Adam Gragg. I'm a family therapist, and I'm a legacy coach. 21 00:01:24,122 --> 00:01:27,620 I have been doing this kind of work for over 25 years. 22 00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:31,768 My business is called Decide youe Legacy. Founded 23 00:01:31,784 --> 00:01:35,432 it in 2012. And my purpose, my aim 24 00:01:35,496 --> 00:01:39,080 is, and our aim as a company is to empower every person and 25 00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:42,904 organization to live courageously. Nothing is 26 00:01:42,912 --> 00:01:46,168 more important to your mental health than being courageous. 27 00:01:46,264 --> 00:01:49,960 Nothing's more damaging than just playing it safe. So I like to start off every. 28 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:53,768 Off every episode sharing something that I've done 29 00:01:53,824 --> 00:01:57,624 recently that was courageous. It may not feel courageous to 30 00:01:57,632 --> 00:02:01,128 you, but it was for me. So what I did is I had a 31 00:02:01,184 --> 00:02:04,872 business meeting last week with a company that's interested in 32 00:02:04,896 --> 00:02:08,500 hiring Decide youe Legacy. And I brought in another 33 00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:12,632 business leader to join me. And I hadn't actually done that 34 00:02:12,656 --> 00:02:16,306 before. He's in the same industry. He's actually 35 00:02:16,458 --> 00:02:20,082 very experienced. He had a ton to offer. It was uncomfortable for him. It was 36 00:02:20,106 --> 00:02:23,810 uncomfortable for me, but it ended up being a really 37 00:02:23,850 --> 00:02:27,490 positive connection for both businesses. And I learned a lot and 38 00:02:27,530 --> 00:02:31,122 I grew. So, hey, I want you to start with an 39 00:02:31,146 --> 00:02:34,642 action as well. Who is somebody in your life 40 00:02:34,826 --> 00:02:38,450 that you see potentially struggling. 41 00:02:38,610 --> 00:02:42,312 Maybe it's a sibling or a parent 42 00:02:42,456 --> 00:02:45,832 or a friend, and you struggle to know how to actually 43 00:02:45,936 --> 00:02:49,496 encourage them, how to help them. I want you to think about 44 00:02:49,568 --> 00:02:53,272 that individual. Often it is good to think of a sibling or a 45 00:02:53,296 --> 00:02:56,696 parent because those are people you interact with a lot. And you've 46 00:02:56,728 --> 00:03:00,504 probably built up some bad habits that you can work on breaking 47 00:03:00,552 --> 00:03:04,232 today. Let's go ahead and jump in and work on breaking it. So if 48 00:03:04,256 --> 00:03:07,940 you haven't already, go Back to episode 148, first four. 49 00:03:08,690 --> 00:03:12,106 First four ways you can help people is you can help them clarify a vision 50 00:03:12,138 --> 00:03:15,610 for their future. You can help them face their junk that's holding them 51 00:03:15,650 --> 00:03:19,450 back, their past bad habits. You can help 52 00:03:19,490 --> 00:03:23,290 them have a change in attitude to shift their 53 00:03:23,330 --> 00:03:27,082 perspective. You can help them understand what they bring to 54 00:03:27,106 --> 00:03:30,522 interactions and see it clearly so they understand they 55 00:03:30,546 --> 00:03:33,510 can go into relationships and they add value. 56 00:03:34,220 --> 00:03:37,600 Good stuff. So why do you want to actually help people? 57 00:03:37,980 --> 00:03:41,636 Well, helping other people is really 58 00:03:41,788 --> 00:03:45,520 why you exist. You're made for this. You're made to give back, 59 00:03:45,820 --> 00:03:49,108 and it builds your connections with people. It's very 60 00:03:49,164 --> 00:03:52,740 gratifying to see somebody make changes in their 61 00:03:52,780 --> 00:03:56,532 life, to face their own fears, to live courageously. And you 62 00:03:56,556 --> 00:04:00,160 know, at some level that you may have had a part in that. 63 00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:04,328 And it's really gratifying years down the road to say, well, 64 00:04:04,384 --> 00:04:08,120 I engaged in that relationship in a way where I may have had a part 65 00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:11,928 in that. You have powers that you may not even actually know about. 66 00:04:11,984 --> 00:04:15,608 You know, my dog Max turned 16 just last 67 00:04:15,664 --> 00:04:19,432 week. I didn't actually know. The vet told me that's what the record said. So 68 00:04:19,536 --> 00:04:22,792 he may be a little older, maybe a little younger. Whatever he is, he's the 69 00:04:22,816 --> 00:04:26,440 oldest dog at this vet clinic where he actually 70 00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:30,132 does. They do boarding and everything. And it wasn't just a 71 00:04:30,156 --> 00:04:33,636 month ago when I got a call on the last day of a vacation. 72 00:04:33,828 --> 00:04:37,204 I'm driving in the car with my mom and the vet calls and says, I 73 00:04:37,212 --> 00:04:40,160 don't think your dog's going to make it. I was coming back the next day 74 00:04:40,460 --> 00:04:43,956 and my mom started crying. And so. And I'm 75 00:04:43,988 --> 00:04:47,252 like, you know, I'm sad. I mean, this is a good friend of mine, my 76 00:04:47,276 --> 00:04:51,092 dog. Yeah. But I'll tell you what, man, I got back and 77 00:04:51,116 --> 00:04:54,660 they're like, this miracle has happened. He must have known you were coming back. He 78 00:04:54,700 --> 00:04:58,452 bounced back from that. He's deaf and incontinent. That's okay. You 79 00:04:58,476 --> 00:05:02,180 will be too when you're 112 and so. But he 80 00:05:02,220 --> 00:05:04,724 bounced back, man. I mean, I dropped him off there today and they're like, we 81 00:05:04,732 --> 00:05:08,532 don't know what happened to him. And I said, hey, there's power. We underestimate the 82 00:05:08,556 --> 00:05:12,148 power of love because he feels loved. And you can do the same 83 00:05:12,204 --> 00:05:15,876 thing with other people in your life. Amazing stuff. So the first 84 00:05:15,948 --> 00:05:19,300 power that you may not be aware that you actually have is you can help 85 00:05:19,340 --> 00:05:22,812 people actually experience their feelings, experience their 86 00:05:22,836 --> 00:05:26,572 emotions. People basically have three choices when it comes to 87 00:05:26,596 --> 00:05:30,444 their feelings. They can stuff them, they can suppress 88 00:05:30,492 --> 00:05:34,172 them, push them down. And oftentimes people who have that 89 00:05:34,196 --> 00:05:38,012 habit, they invalidate emotions in other people because they're not comfortable with 90 00:05:38,036 --> 00:05:41,532 them and themselves. Other people are hurting. Other people are 91 00:05:41,556 --> 00:05:45,356 struggling. Other people are excited. They have trouble saying things like, 92 00:05:45,428 --> 00:05:49,222 hey, I can really tell you're excited and being excited with them. Or if 93 00:05:49,246 --> 00:05:52,694 they're sad, it seems you're really struggling and getting. 94 00:05:52,862 --> 00:05:56,566 Stepping into that sadness with them. We can invalidate 95 00:05:56,598 --> 00:06:00,022 by telling people to get over it, even just by our body language, by our 96 00:06:00,046 --> 00:06:03,222 own level of discomfort. So the second thing you can do is you can express 97 00:06:03,326 --> 00:06:07,062 them, and this can lead to some really bad stuff. It's like 98 00:06:07,086 --> 00:06:10,742 you're taking orders from your feelings. I feel like I must say something to that 99 00:06:10,766 --> 00:06:14,096 person, and I go ahead and say it to them, and it ends up derailing 100 00:06:14,128 --> 00:06:17,280 the whole relationship. You know, I feel like I should tell them off 101 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:21,232 for disrespecting me, and I go ahead and tell my server 102 00:06:21,376 --> 00:06:24,672 off. You know, you're not paying attention to me. What are you doing? No. If 103 00:06:24,696 --> 00:06:27,680 we listen to them and we go down that path, it can lead us really 104 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:31,552 down a negative spiral into the gutter. So you don't want to take orders for 105 00:06:31,576 --> 00:06:34,832 them. You don't want to actually listen to what they're telling you to do, even 106 00:06:34,856 --> 00:06:38,620 in private. So they may tell you, you know, you're so tired, take a nap, 107 00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:42,212 procrastinate. You don't have to face that thing right now. You can face it later. 108 00:06:42,316 --> 00:06:45,860 Go ahead and watch TV instead of preparing for your next 109 00:06:45,900 --> 00:06:49,604 podcast or preparing for your next client. Nope, you don't need to do it. And 110 00:06:49,612 --> 00:06:53,044 then that leads us down a spiral as well. They're not our friends. They can 111 00:06:53,052 --> 00:06:56,772 give us very valuable information. And that's kind of the contradictory thing here. It 112 00:06:56,796 --> 00:07:00,644 may sound really contradictory because they give us insight 113 00:07:00,692 --> 00:07:04,292 into ourselves, and they also give us insight into our perspective and our 114 00:07:04,316 --> 00:07:07,614 attitude. But they don't re. They don't give us truth all the 115 00:07:07,622 --> 00:07:11,422 time. They don't give us that actual direction. They can actually tell 116 00:07:11,446 --> 00:07:15,102 us where, what not to do, rather than what to do. So the third thing 117 00:07:15,126 --> 00:07:18,030 you can do, which is what I want you to encourage you to do with 118 00:07:18,070 --> 00:07:21,854 people you care about is you can experience them, you can learn from them. 119 00:07:22,022 --> 00:07:24,862 If you feel a certain way, it doesn't actually mean it's true, but you can 120 00:07:24,886 --> 00:07:28,462 still learn and identify and say, I'm really feeling excited about this 121 00:07:28,486 --> 00:07:31,290 person and I think I'm going to marry them. 122 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:36,240 But then you realize that you've just had a few too many 123 00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:40,080 drinks and this is not a healthy decision. Not me, I'm saying 124 00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:43,920 you. So anyway. But you can get bad advice from these 125 00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:47,584 feelings. You can observe and say, I'm really afraid 126 00:07:47,632 --> 00:07:51,232 here and why, what's going on here? Well, maybe it's connected 127 00:07:51,296 --> 00:07:54,704 to a bad experience you had previously in a certain 128 00:07:54,872 --> 00:07:58,592 similar situation and you're able to identify that and step back from 129 00:07:58,616 --> 00:08:02,272 it and then not take orders from it, from it. So recognizing them 130 00:08:02,376 --> 00:08:06,208 gives you power over them. You're able to identify what's going on. 131 00:08:06,344 --> 00:08:09,712 You can do that. You have the power to do that. But some of you 132 00:08:09,736 --> 00:08:12,320 don't believe me. But I'm going to give you an example to show you. So 133 00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:15,840 a client, this is actually very recent. The guy 134 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:19,840 came in and he said that his wife struggles with him because he's not 135 00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:23,584 open about his feelings. And I asked him, well, what benefit 136 00:08:23,632 --> 00:08:27,200 would it be in your life if you started talking about your emotions? And he, 137 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:30,928 he sarcastically said, no, just no benefit. You know, it wouldn't really do anything. 138 00:08:31,104 --> 00:08:34,752 Emotions, those things are silly, you know, and he was totally joking, but he was 139 00:08:34,856 --> 00:08:38,560 making a point too that he wants to push him away. The 140 00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:42,400 sarcasm was a self protective function. And the guy has 141 00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:46,224 kids, the guy has friends, family, job, successful 142 00:08:46,272 --> 00:08:49,392 dude, and he's learned to function this way. And we talked a little bit about 143 00:08:49,416 --> 00:08:53,024 it and it boiled down to that. In his life 144 00:08:53,112 --> 00:08:56,812 there have been a lot of situations where he hasn't failed, felt, seen, 145 00:08:56,916 --> 00:09:00,332 and it goes way back. Like, like he's, he's been in 146 00:09:00,436 --> 00:09:04,156 situations where he's had to be the funny guy. He's felt 147 00:09:04,188 --> 00:09:07,980 that way at least. He's been in situations in his life from early 148 00:09:08,020 --> 00:09:11,660 childhood where it was about performance, not being 149 00:09:11,700 --> 00:09:15,372 accepted for who he is. And so that feeling can go pretty deep. 150 00:09:15,436 --> 00:09:19,244 And just the talking about it in that setting with me 151 00:09:19,332 --> 00:09:23,084 as his coach and everything, I believe that has tremendous benefit. You find somebody safe, 152 00:09:23,132 --> 00:09:26,850 you can be that safe person to talk about whatever it is behind 153 00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:30,854 where it started. And they realize that a lot of 154 00:09:30,862 --> 00:09:34,326 this emotional stuff is based on 155 00:09:34,478 --> 00:09:37,942 stuff in their past that they can unpack and undo and that safety you can 156 00:09:37,966 --> 00:09:41,766 provide for them by validating them, by helping them talk about it, by helping 157 00:09:41,798 --> 00:09:45,462 them identify it, by pointing out to them. Like it seems to me you feel 158 00:09:45,486 --> 00:09:49,302 frustrated, it seems to me you feel insecure. It makes sense to me you 159 00:09:49,326 --> 00:09:52,624 feel that way based on what you've gone through in your life. That's the validation 160 00:09:52,782 --> 00:09:56,012 you can get at. And you can ask questions like, you know, how are you 161 00:09:56,036 --> 00:09:59,612 feeling about this? Really? People that are not comfortable with their 162 00:09:59,636 --> 00:10:03,200 feelings are going to struggle with that potentially, but don't relent. 163 00:10:03,860 --> 00:10:07,520 Why? Because it's not about you. It's about helping. 164 00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:11,740 It's about helping somebody else. That's crucial right there. 165 00:10:11,860 --> 00:10:15,612 In fact, if you go into trying to help other people and you're making it 166 00:10:15,636 --> 00:10:19,454 about you, then you're going to be triggered by their emotional reactions. 167 00:10:19,502 --> 00:10:23,166 If you're making it about helping somebody else, then 168 00:10:23,318 --> 00:10:26,942 you're able to sit with it even when they're pushing you 169 00:10:26,966 --> 00:10:30,814 away because you truly believe that this is helpful to them. It's going 170 00:10:30,822 --> 00:10:34,478 to require you getting uncomfortable. So maybe you can think in your own 171 00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:38,334 self. What are you putting off because you're afraid and why? And then 172 00:10:38,422 --> 00:10:41,550 how do you feel about it and what is the foundation of those 173 00:10:41,590 --> 00:10:45,300 feelings that gives you some insight? Great question 174 00:10:45,340 --> 00:10:47,812 to ask yourself even at the beginning of the day. What do I not want 175 00:10:47,836 --> 00:10:51,620 to engage in the most? It's probably something you could spend some time 176 00:10:51,740 --> 00:10:54,868 processing and then taking some steps to actually engaged 177 00:10:55,044 --> 00:10:58,788 engage. So the sixth powerful way you can help other 178 00:10:58,844 --> 00:11:02,612 people is you can help other people care for 179 00:11:02,636 --> 00:11:06,212 themselves. And I am not a woo woo self care 180 00:11:06,316 --> 00:11:10,004 dude. In fact, my thinking about self care is going to 181 00:11:10,012 --> 00:11:13,170 probably shock you. So I think it's great that people have 182 00:11:13,210 --> 00:11:17,042 hobbies and I believe people should have hobbies for one 183 00:11:17,146 --> 00:11:20,994 main reason. Because those activities 184 00:11:21,122 --> 00:11:24,850 that you find enjoyable take the focus off 185 00:11:24,890 --> 00:11:28,030 of yourself and they put it on something 186 00:11:28,410 --> 00:11:32,066 healthy. I'm talking about healthy hobbies. All right, so I'm 187 00:11:32,098 --> 00:11:35,922 not talking about escapism here. We can justify and 188 00:11:35,946 --> 00:11:39,632 rationalize something as a hobby that's really us escaping and avoiding, but 189 00:11:39,656 --> 00:11:43,424 those rejuvenating, energizing, passion 190 00:11:43,472 --> 00:11:47,100 driven activities that you find 191 00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:51,744 the next day to have filled you with energy. It's filling you with energy 192 00:11:51,832 --> 00:11:54,900 because you're taking the focus off yourself 193 00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:59,056 and you're putting it on to something productive that you can continue 194 00:11:59,128 --> 00:12:02,496 to develop. Getting the focus off yourself is self 195 00:12:02,528 --> 00:12:06,202 care. That's what causes people so many issues, is 196 00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:09,930 they're consumed with their own feelings, they're consumed with what they 197 00:12:09,970 --> 00:12:13,722 want, and they're forgetting that they have a Lot of ways they can help 198 00:12:13,746 --> 00:12:17,050 other people. I told you it'd kind of shock you. When I was 199 00:12:17,090 --> 00:12:20,362 22, I started mentoring a kid 200 00:12:20,506 --> 00:12:23,882 through a mentoring program here in this town 201 00:12:24,066 --> 00:12:27,754 that his name's Robby, and we still have a good relationship. Today 202 00:12:27,842 --> 00:12:31,332 he was 12. Okay, so I'm 51, he's 41. Or 203 00:12:31,356 --> 00:12:35,204 he, I get it confused. He's 40, he's 10 years or 11 years younger. 204 00:12:35,252 --> 00:12:38,964 Okay, so he had gone through. And when I was matched with him, he had 205 00:12:38,972 --> 00:12:42,676 gone through a lot of significant challenges. You know, he was in foster care. 206 00:12:42,828 --> 00:12:46,612 He hadn't met his father. He was struggling. And I 207 00:12:46,636 --> 00:12:50,452 remember being incredibly insecure. You know, what do I have to offer this kid? 208 00:12:50,516 --> 00:12:53,572 Okay, I'm going to give it a shot. Because people have convinced me this is 209 00:12:53,596 --> 00:12:56,604 a good thing. That was basically my attitude. And I remember taking him to the 210 00:12:56,612 --> 00:13:00,300 YMCA and sitting in the parking lot and I 211 00:13:00,340 --> 00:13:04,188 said one thing, and I don't even know where it came from, but I said, 212 00:13:04,244 --> 00:13:06,840 man, Robby, you've gone through a lot. 213 00:13:07,380 --> 00:13:10,160 And he got emotional 214 00:13:10,660 --> 00:13:13,948 and I got emotional. I was shocked. 215 00:13:14,124 --> 00:13:17,772 And I, at that point, I 216 00:13:17,796 --> 00:13:21,580 realized that I can help people in 217 00:13:21,620 --> 00:13:25,454 ways that I have. No, that I never thought I could before. 218 00:13:25,622 --> 00:13:29,262 It was like this. It was the start of a 219 00:13:29,286 --> 00:13:33,054 great relationship. And we talk. I 220 00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:36,702 mean, we hang out. He's married 221 00:13:36,766 --> 00:13:40,570 now. He owns his own business. He owns a construction business. 222 00:13:41,510 --> 00:13:45,262 And it's a super cool thing. And I look back and wonder, where did 223 00:13:45,286 --> 00:13:48,410 it start? It changed my life. 224 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:52,152 And I believe it impacted his life as well. And one way it changed my 225 00:13:52,176 --> 00:13:55,480 life is I realized I want to get more tools. You know, I want to 226 00:13:55,520 --> 00:13:59,032 learn what's going on here, because this is filling me up so 227 00:13:59,056 --> 00:14:02,792 much and creating so much excitement in my life that I don't want this to 228 00:14:02,816 --> 00:14:06,616 stop. And I never thought it actually could happen. Cool stuff. 229 00:14:06,728 --> 00:14:10,344 And I'm able to. And you're able to help other people 230 00:14:10,432 --> 00:14:14,232 identify these ways that they can give back. I mean, sure, ask 231 00:14:14,256 --> 00:14:17,864 them about their hobbies, even invite them to engage in your hobbies, but help them 232 00:14:17,952 --> 00:14:21,752 to see that they have tremendous value to give. And I find that when 233 00:14:21,776 --> 00:14:25,112 I engage in healthy activities that are rejuvenating, I, 234 00:14:25,296 --> 00:14:28,904 I, I, I check, I go, I get back from this self 235 00:14:28,952 --> 00:14:32,792 consumption and this performance mentality and self promotion. And 236 00:14:32,816 --> 00:14:36,024 I realize, man, I got something to give back. And I want to give, I 237 00:14:36,032 --> 00:14:38,984 want to give back. And it's so energizing because then it's like, man, this is 238 00:14:38,992 --> 00:14:42,472 what life's about. I can help People. It's like with your kids. I mean, some 239 00:14:42,496 --> 00:14:46,190 of the most incredible times are when you have these connections over 240 00:14:46,230 --> 00:14:49,438 something they're passionate about, and you get to validate and you get to build into 241 00:14:49,494 --> 00:14:52,734 them that kind of passion. So really cool 242 00:14:52,782 --> 00:14:56,414 stuff. Reaching out and figuring 243 00:14:56,462 --> 00:14:59,710 out ways that you can help people identify. So identify how they can 244 00:14:59,750 --> 00:15:03,598 impact other people. How they can impact other people. 245 00:15:03,654 --> 00:15:07,086 So the sixth powerful way you can help other 246 00:15:07,158 --> 00:15:10,494 people is helping them to build 247 00:15:10,582 --> 00:15:13,716 connections. And one of my 248 00:15:13,868 --> 00:15:17,348 most favorite things to do in life is 249 00:15:17,404 --> 00:15:20,900 connecting people I know with other people. I know so good 250 00:15:20,940 --> 00:15:24,612 people with other good people. And then seeing how 251 00:15:24,636 --> 00:15:28,468 that relationship transitions into something bigger 252 00:15:28,484 --> 00:15:31,892 and better. One thing about it is 253 00:15:31,916 --> 00:15:35,636 that it is a risk. You're connecting people. But 254 00:15:35,708 --> 00:15:39,246 it's very gratifying to know that you can. You can do this. 255 00:15:39,318 --> 00:15:42,974 I'm generally always uncomfortable with it, but find that when it's 256 00:15:43,022 --> 00:15:46,638 done, which is how you know you're engaging in something that's really great, 257 00:15:46,694 --> 00:15:49,982 is when it's done, you know, the next week, the next day. 258 00:15:50,166 --> 00:15:53,550 Although it's maybe uncomfortable in the moment, I'm like, I'm really glad I did that. 259 00:15:53,670 --> 00:15:56,990 That was a good thing. So inviting 260 00:15:57,070 --> 00:16:00,398 people to. That you don't know, to join you with other 261 00:16:00,454 --> 00:16:04,260 friends, playing golf or going fishing or for 262 00:16:04,300 --> 00:16:08,132 coffee. Hey, we'll meet up and have coffee. I want you to meet somebody. This 263 00:16:08,156 --> 00:16:11,876 is cool. Or over email, you're connecting people, you're inviting 264 00:16:11,908 --> 00:16:15,652 them to play poker. But in all these situations, you're the one who's willing to 265 00:16:15,676 --> 00:16:18,440 go first and to initiate the interaction. 266 00:16:19,340 --> 00:16:22,772 I had this situation when I was 267 00:16:22,796 --> 00:16:26,452 16 that I was talking to some other buddies about, and 268 00:16:26,556 --> 00:16:29,972 it was basically, who knows, crazy experiences we've been through in 269 00:16:29,996 --> 00:16:33,644 life. Well, at age 16, I had a 270 00:16:33,652 --> 00:16:37,132 shotgun pulled on me. And then another friend was saying, well, describe the 271 00:16:37,156 --> 00:16:40,956 situation. And I told them about it. And actually, the shotgun wasn't just pulled 272 00:16:40,988 --> 00:16:44,812 on me. It was actually fired at the back of my car. You ever 273 00:16:44,836 --> 00:16:48,332 had those moments? I bet you can relate. When you're with a friend and you 274 00:16:48,356 --> 00:16:51,740 go through this experience that is so 275 00:16:51,780 --> 00:16:55,580 shocking that it's never going to be something 276 00:16:55,620 --> 00:16:58,684 you forget, and it bonds you in a way that you couldn't possibly 277 00:16:58,732 --> 00:17:02,460 imagine. I didn't actually realize what 278 00:17:02,500 --> 00:17:06,332 had happened in the moment. I heard this big bang. But my buddy Josh, 279 00:17:06,476 --> 00:17:09,800 who is another friend, somebody I'm still close with today, 280 00:17:10,260 --> 00:17:13,948 he. He was calm. We were both shocked about what was going on. 281 00:17:14,004 --> 00:17:17,852 My heart was pounding, and we heard it. We sort of felt it in the 282 00:17:17,876 --> 00:17:20,940 car. If you know what that feels like to get the back of your car 283 00:17:20,980 --> 00:17:24,722 blasted. I mean, hopefully you don't, but you do kind 284 00:17:24,746 --> 00:17:28,310 of feel it. I remember the whole situation, like what happened. 285 00:17:28,650 --> 00:17:31,970 And as I look back, I think on that 286 00:17:32,010 --> 00:17:35,330 situation, the part that stuck with me the 287 00:17:35,370 --> 00:17:39,186 most from then is that we didn't 288 00:17:39,218 --> 00:17:42,978 freak out, like we were already friends. He didn't scream, 289 00:17:43,074 --> 00:17:46,882 you know, and shut me down and tell me I'm stupid. And we drove 290 00:17:46,946 --> 00:17:50,632 off. We were grouped and we already had a good friendship. But 291 00:17:50,656 --> 00:17:53,960 it's a memory we talk about at least every six 292 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:57,752 months. And it was an experience that connected 293 00:17:57,816 --> 00:18:01,576 us. Real friendship isn't built during the fun times. It's 294 00:18:01,608 --> 00:18:05,352 actually revealed during the hard times, during the circumstances 295 00:18:05,416 --> 00:18:09,032 that we didn't choose for ourselves. That's why people build great connections. 296 00:18:09,176 --> 00:18:13,000 Often when they're going through something very difficult in their life, 297 00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:16,860 like a divorce or a job firing or a 298 00:18:16,900 --> 00:18:20,524 financial turmoil, it proves to us that they're 299 00:18:20,572 --> 00:18:24,284 more than a casual acquaintance. And you have the 300 00:18:24,292 --> 00:18:28,012 ability to connect other people. How? Well, think about the situations where 301 00:18:28,036 --> 00:18:31,640 you can just invite somebody to join you 302 00:18:32,340 --> 00:18:36,172 in whatever you're doing. Exercise. Hey, you 303 00:18:36,196 --> 00:18:40,012 want to go? I have a friend who recently, once a month has 304 00:18:40,036 --> 00:18:43,724 been planning pickleball events and he just sends 305 00:18:43,772 --> 00:18:47,404 out a Google invite and sends it out to maybe eight friends or 306 00:18:47,412 --> 00:18:51,004 whatever. And people go, who can go? But he's been planning that consistently, 307 00:18:51,132 --> 00:18:54,360 so it shows up on my calendar. It's like, I wish I could go 308 00:18:54,900 --> 00:18:58,732 and I want to go. But it's that invitation that makes you feel 309 00:18:58,756 --> 00:19:02,252 included. And also there are people that I would connect with in that environment that 310 00:19:02,276 --> 00:19:06,076 I don't even actually know. Very cool stuff. It's 311 00:19:06,268 --> 00:19:09,240 going to show you as connect as you connect people 312 00:19:09,810 --> 00:19:13,450 with these other people you want to help, that you can let 313 00:19:13,490 --> 00:19:16,710 go and things can happen. You don't have to control it. 314 00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:21,322 Hopefully you never get shot at. Okay, that's not what 315 00:19:21,346 --> 00:19:25,190 I'm recommending here, but I am recommending that you find ways to connect people 316 00:19:26,050 --> 00:19:29,690 and even think about it. You know, look around you. Who's in life with 317 00:19:29,730 --> 00:19:32,602 you? Who do you want to be in life with you more? Who do you 318 00:19:32,626 --> 00:19:36,230 really want to help? Well, invite them. I recently invited my sister, who is 319 00:19:36,270 --> 00:19:39,782 T.R. i have trouble connecting with, to attend a 320 00:19:39,806 --> 00:19:43,238 business meeting as well, to get to know her on a different 321 00:19:43,294 --> 00:19:46,726 level. At a different level. So she met my operations guy, 322 00:19:46,918 --> 00:19:50,214 Lloyd, and it was a fun time. Very business 323 00:19:50,302 --> 00:19:53,558 oriented, but it's kind of fun to connect with your sister that way. She owns 324 00:19:53,574 --> 00:19:57,286 A business, successful business. And so it's really pretty 325 00:19:57,318 --> 00:20:01,090 cool. So what's a moment in your life? Think about it when. 326 00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:06,432 When it showed you who your real friends are. And I'd really 327 00:20:06,456 --> 00:20:09,020 encourage you to share that so you can comment 328 00:20:10,360 --> 00:20:14,000 and you can express that. You can write that 329 00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:17,220 down below. If you're watching this on YouTube, 330 00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:20,780 what's the situation where you really felt like you 331 00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:24,800 learned who your good friends were? You know, just last week, I had 332 00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:28,620 a situation where one of my clients was struggling in an area 333 00:20:29,310 --> 00:20:32,822 in his specific line of work. And I had this other client who I 334 00:20:32,846 --> 00:20:36,470 thought, man, you could really help this guy. And I connected him. I asked 335 00:20:36,510 --> 00:20:40,214 for permission, say, hey, I know somebody you really probably talked to here. 336 00:20:40,302 --> 00:20:43,382 And then they ended up talking on the phone on Friday. And I heard it 337 00:20:43,406 --> 00:20:47,254 was helpful. I wasn't there in the interaction, but I only heard positive 338 00:20:47,302 --> 00:20:50,582 things from both of the people that were involved in that conversation. And I had 339 00:20:50,606 --> 00:20:54,102 a part in that. Man, that's pretty cool. Wow. You 340 00:20:54,126 --> 00:20:57,744 know, like. And I don't know what it's going to end up, 341 00:20:57,832 --> 00:21:01,664 what the end result is going to be, but there's no growth 342 00:21:01,752 --> 00:21:05,328 in life without risky endeavor. 343 00:21:05,504 --> 00:21:09,136 If you want to grow personally, with more freedom, 344 00:21:09,248 --> 00:21:12,540 more connections, with more financial success, 345 00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:16,320 whatever it might be, you're having to do things that are 346 00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:20,176 risky, which involves courage, and you don't know what the outcome 347 00:21:20,208 --> 00:21:24,042 is actually going to be. Think about it. You're going to help more people. When 348 00:21:24,066 --> 00:21:27,274 you realize that I have to let go in my life 349 00:21:27,442 --> 00:21:30,858 more, you can do that. So 350 00:21:30,994 --> 00:21:34,714 seven ways to encourage others. This is part two. It's 351 00:21:34,762 --> 00:21:38,154 motivating. And if you found this helpful, check out Shatterproof 352 00:21:38,202 --> 00:21:42,042 yourself. This is our course. There's seven small steps to 353 00:21:42,066 --> 00:21:45,098 a giant leap in your mental health. One of the big steps is on building 354 00:21:45,154 --> 00:21:48,442 relationships. I walk you through whiteboards that I've shown to 355 00:21:48,466 --> 00:21:52,026 clients thousands of times, and there's 356 00:21:52,058 --> 00:21:55,470 videos of these whiteboards and worksheets that I've used with clients 357 00:21:55,810 --> 00:21:59,450 thousands of times over 25 years. It's stuff 358 00:21:59,530 --> 00:22:03,242 that you're going to need to take action on, and you can go ahead and 359 00:22:03,266 --> 00:22:06,986 enroll in that course and you get community engagement as well. 360 00:22:07,058 --> 00:22:10,762 So by the end of the day today, do something 361 00:22:10,866 --> 00:22:14,698 with some insight that you gained today. Of these ways 362 00:22:14,714 --> 00:22:18,476 that I shared seven ways you can help people, talk to somebody 363 00:22:18,508 --> 00:22:22,060 about it, share it with somebody casually. Remember, 364 00:22:22,140 --> 00:22:25,900 insight is less than 20% of transformational 365 00:22:25,980 --> 00:22:29,400 change. Action is 80%. 366 00:22:30,020 --> 00:22:33,852 Make a good plan and act, because a good plan that you 367 00:22:33,876 --> 00:22:37,548 act on is 100 times better than a perfect plan that you do 368 00:22:37,604 --> 00:22:41,420 nothing with. Remember, there's no positive change until you 369 00:22:41,460 --> 00:22:44,620 decide. Deciding means you are 370 00:22:44,660 --> 00:22:48,492 eliminating other options. You're deciding your legacy 371 00:22:48,556 --> 00:22:52,028 today. Your legacy is the impact your life has on other 372 00:22:52,084 --> 00:22:55,660 people. So do me a favor. Forward this episode to one 373 00:22:55,700 --> 00:22:58,560 friend, share it and say, hey, this episode was helpful. 374 00:22:59,140 --> 00:23:02,764 Subscribe and give me a rating and review on Apple 375 00:23:02,812 --> 00:23:06,412 or Spotify. This helps the podcast to grow organically, 376 00:23:06,556 --> 00:23:09,690 and I'm going to close the way that I always do. Make it your 377 00:23:09,730 --> 00:23:13,274 mission to live the life today that you want to be 378 00:23:13,282 --> 00:23:16,922 remembered for 10 years after you're gone. You decide 379 00:23:16,986 --> 00:23:20,682 your legacy. Nobody else. And either you will decide your legacy or by 380 00:23:20,706 --> 00:23:24,394 default, fear is going to decide it for you. I appreciate you greatly 381 00:23:24,522 --> 00:23:26,070 and I'll see you next time. 382 00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:34,720 It.