New series, new co-host. Cassie (https://x.com/FutureDrSassy) is an occupational therapist, a researcher, and a certified pelvic floor therapist — and starting now, she and I are going to have the conversations about sex and intimacy that nobody had with any of us growing up.
This first one starts where all of it starts: childhood. What you watched your parents do — the hand-holding, the date nights, the kisses in the kitchen, or the total absence of all of it — became your blueprint. So when Mr. Anxious does his research and figures out his wife is avoidant, my first question is always the same: what were her mom and dad like? And the answer is always the same, too.
So I asked Cassie the question every guy in that spot is really asking: my wife is cold, her whole family is cold, she's agreed to work on it — is it realistic to think she ever becomes my sexy wife? Or am I asking for a personality transplant?
Her answer is more hopeful than you'd expect and slower than you'd like. We get into why side-by-side beats eye-to-eye with an avoidant partner, why shared activities work when date nights don't, the bell curve of how long repair actually takes (hint: about as long as the damage took), and the question you have to answer honestly before you start: what does progress actually look like to you — and are you willing to wait for it?
Then it gets heavier. What happens when therapy uncovers sexual abuse in her past — and why it shows up as everything from pain with intimacy to the opposite extreme. What stress does to the pelvic floor. Why oxytocin matters more, not less, as her hormones change. Why nurses statistically have more orgasms (really — it's a knowledge thing, and it proves the point of this whole series). And the part you guys won't love: how YOUR insecurity — about toys, about her curiosities, about "am I not enough?" — is half the wall.
We're calling this project the Intimacy Lab. There's a free private group to go with it — link below. Strict rules on entry, because we're going to talk about sensitive stuff and it needs to stay a safe place for men AND women. The future episodes get saucier than this one. Fair warning.
🧪 Join the Intimacy Lab (free, private, rules apply):
https://www.facebook.com/groups/intimacylab🔴 FREE: Fix Your Dead Bedroom (Instant PDF Download)
https://go.helpformen.com/tl/545🔴 FREE COURSE: The Dead Bedroom Fix Course
https://deadbedroomfixcourse.com🔴 NEW!: The Dead Bedroom Fix App
https://studio.com/ralph/deadbedroomfix?c=gNiRtwcj🔴 TAKE THE QUIZ: What's your REBUILD score?
https://helpformen.com/insights/rebuild-score🟢 JOIN THE BROTHERHOOD (Private Community for Men)
https://helpformen.com/join