three two one go excellent sexy welcome back to another episode of warhams
after much delay i'm scoff welcome back to another episode of warhams i am your host
soren the bear and with me is our skitarii ranger speaker d
hello i am speaker d i play the skitarii uh i'm one of the guys and i'm uh uh now
yeah i'm urindel i play reed van horn uh i can be found here zoran i am zoran the bear i am playing
as lorne the psycher zedek i am hulky crow playing as the totally competent captain zedek
now civilian of the debt collector yeah oh and the one leading us
to our desk thurston hillman hello that's all i got oh wow i know great so welcome back everybody
to another show of warhams thank you for the server came back and all that stuff now we kind
of get more uh into it and actually play the damn game for once we're 40 minutes late but that's
life oh yeah i mean stuff happens you know as long as we just you know just like anything
you just like if anything goes wrong just laugh like laugh it off and just keep on going because
if you make it funny
it's gonna be a good show and kelly such as life but with that uh thurston can you tell us which
servitors are currently looking after tater tot today well i have some good news i have some
really good news yeah because the first server they're looking after tater tot today is kato
sicarius so we're we're good we're good um and then we have kevin petty fox prince ashley of
the nine tails gm zilla bobbins fox blue d1x nos
brick house and r6 d11 all of them are looking after the top today excellent thank you everybody
over there who have supported us on patreon and stuff like that and if you two are interested
in supporting the show and following us you can go to warhams.tv to find out all about us along
with supporting us at patreon.com four slash uh warhams uh where you can come over and help us
out continue the show because without your support we all you know live in cardboard boxes uh what
color cardboard box would you guys want to live in
purple uh
house house flavored yeah house flavored cardboard box that's right you know get a
house in a cardboard box but live in the cardboard box yeah that's right it's like
the shittiest version of doctor who could you imagine living in a like cardboard sized house
or a house the size of what would you find a cardboard sized house or a house sized cardboard
that's right i do remember
one of my trips to the u.s right after getting off the plane and driving to my destination
there was a cardboard box that just read this property is protected by smith and wesson on it
and i thought to myself that is a very that is a very appropriate american thing that i've just
seen yeah that's the most american thing i've ever heard of we are so fucking off the rails right now
correct i've been there's been a day for 5 a.m for multiple nights working on things
constantly stressed out and
dealing with a bunch of people's bullshit i don't care anymore we're playing warhams now that's right
what do you have for us today all right so uh we we start lorn you are alone in complete darkness
you are running you are you are running as fast as you can you have escaped the strange room you
are you are running you are running you are running you are running you are running you are running
through a a pure wall of darkness and in the the farthest farthest distance you see a pinprick of
light a pinprick of light and you hear this voice of an old man behind you he'll forget
they'll all forget then they'll find him and we'll find him i'll forget who and you keep you keep
running and and the the point of light is that you're running and you're running and you're running
you're running and you're running and you're running and you're running and you've gotten over the
and you're running and you've gotten over the light is getting larger and larger
is getting larger and larger
and you find that it's leading into a chamber
do you run towards it lorn i do and and you run towards the light and you realize that the light
is the most brilliant golden light it is it is a light that shines across all things you find
yourself in an immense chamber uh the light that shines across all things you find yourself in an
immense chamber uh the light that shines across all things you find yourself in an immense chamber
the light that shines across all things you find yourself in an immense chamber
uh the light that shines across all things you find yourself in an immense chamber
the light that shines across all things you find yourself in an immense chamber
uh ingrid marion some of the light you run towards your heart
A throne room of a deity.
And a halo, a halo of the most impossible light emanates out from the center of the throne at the end of the room.
It is the most daunting of personalities in all the cosmos.
And sitting upon the golden throne of mankind, Slayer-Burgo DeFuckraby smiles at you.
No.
Why, hello.
DeFuckraby.
Lawn.
DeFuckraby.
And then you wake up.
And you wake up to the sound of dripping water and the crackling of a low fire.
You're in a cave.
And around you, your three companions, battered, bruised, all still unconscious, have been arranged around the fire in a loose circle.
But you, Lawn, you are the first to wake up.
Well, Lawn's definitely going to check around and see what has happened.
Because last...
What Lawn would possibly remember is that he was falling off the side of a mountain.
Yeah.
And now you appear to be in some kind of dark cave.
There's light in the distance, almost mimicking the vision you just had.
A set of, like, bright light coming in from a cave mouth, probably several dozen feet away.
But you are inside, well into the cave system, with a small fire beside you.
I'm sorry.
Ching-Fa.
I don't want to meet any ghost.
Well, it's fine.
We didn't make it.
I immediately look around for any individual.
And I'm saying, like, who's out there?
Who's out there?
Who?
Who?
As your voice echoes through the cave.
Nothing.
Okay.
I begin to wake up my compatriots.
I go to Reeb first.
I'm like, Reeb!
Reeb!
Do I wake up at this?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Each of you wake to, essentially.
Ah!
Ah!
Ah, Reeb!
Ah!
Oh, God, you're awake!
I just kind of pat him.
Although, Reeb spits blood.
Reeb spits blood.
Oh, thank God you're alive!
Huh.
Oh, that's gross.
I go with the Zedek.
And then I start waking him up.
I...
Stop!
Stop!
I'm already awake, Lord.
Right.
Zedek!
Zedek!
Zedek!
Zedek!
Zedek!
Zedek!
Zedek!
Zedek!
Zedek!
Zedek!
Zedek!
Zedek!
Zedek!
Zedek!
Zedek!
Zedek!
Zedek!
Zedek!
Zedek!
Zedek!
Zedek!
Zedek!
Zedek!
Zedek!
Zedek!
I just imagine Reeb in his current mental state watching this.
Very good.
Reeb is jostling his broken ribs.
Yeah.
He's moving around like a bag full of dice because he, we fell off a cliff and also got
beat up by grekka so if you want to update your character sheets each of you now have
half of your your wounds oh so i gain health yeah yeah each each of you each of you like
it looks like some of you have been tended to in some way in fact reeb you would notice this
immediately uh can i do a medicaid to see how bad of a job they did or how good of a job they did
uh yeah you can give me a medicaid check absolutely five dn five you did the best we could
uh that'll be six successes or five successes and a wrath critical sweet mcguire yeah um yeah
with that you're able to tell whoever did this knows a good amount about uh like about proper
medical procedures it looks like they they did very well
it looks like we have a cave medic to worry about
whatever they could have been i don't know
you
oh bloody hell i hate this gentlemen why are we in a cave well we jumped off a cliff because we
are about to get crushed to death by i don't need a recap i don't need a recap because you didn't
jump off a cliff into a cave we jumped off a cliff into a ravine with water and now we're in a cave
yes because we dragged you into this cave that was conveniently placed at the bottom of the ravine
out of the river
did we do that yes pie we did do this uh it was a lot of adrenaline for uh you know the whole moment
i i admit the entire situation is marginally hasty but we are alive which means um i'm i'm
gonna chop that one up as a draw and i'm gonna take out a tiny little slate which is probably
cracked because i fell off a mountain i'm just gonna say like ambassador team winner
wins however many sessions there's been ambassador team draws one i'm gonna put it away
thank you for keeping score it is important for people to be humble because we can never be
defeated i like that yep thank you for the vote of confidence nevertheless we are really up shit
creek without a path to the top of the mountain i'm gonna take out a tiny little slate which is probably
better than the last one i'm gonna take out a tiny little slate which is probably better than the last one
this time literally we still have not dealt with the war boss issue nor do we have egress from this
planet hey uh gm can i do a perception to look around this freaking cave an awareness absolutely
you can't wear an excuse me sorry wrong game i'm gonna say this will have some scaling depending
on what difficulty you hit so just roll it
uh that's three successes
the one thing you notice is that the fire is shielding you from
like a strong source of cold coming out from the mouth of the cave
wherever we are it's cold outside
um
yeah absolutely
a gobble
a gobble
a gobble
for some reason
uh yeah so nine successes
uh yeah so with nine successes lauren you're you're like reaching out psychically attempting to
to grasp on and something something does get your attention and you sort of
turn away from the mouth of the cave and instead go towards sort of the back where as you walk
towards it uh there's like complete darkness in the back of the cave and only the slight
flickering of the fire gives any sort of reflection and you see in the back of the cave
something is
kind of jutting out of the rock
here, and it appears to be
a growth, um, like
a curved portion
of bone that's
just coming out of the wall
here.
Oh, just for chat, because I can just stop
freaking out, uh, the screen's
gonna be black for a little bit, I'm fixing something, so
just use your imagination.
Imagination.
Just give me a bit of imagination.
Gentlemen, I believe it would be good
to perhaps leave
this dank, warm cave
for the moment.
Well, that may be wise,
but we must lick our wounds and prepare
for our counterattack.
Fine.
Reeve is going to
access his medical supplies, and he is going
to first and foremost patch himself up.
Absolutely.
Okay, medicae.
Rude.
That's
five successes.
Is that enough? I can shift one.
That'll be, like, what, two wounds?
I believe that's two.
Uh,
we just started. I'm gonna wrath it.
Yeah, sure.
So that's gonna be six dice.
Yes. Yep.
Wah.
Wah.
Uh, that'll give me...
No additional shifts.
God, that's dumb. Alright, fine.
I will patch up two wounds, and I'll go up to six.
He will straighten out his ribs.
Yeah, and as you're doing this, and Pi
is sort of, you know, touting
how you must prepare for your counterattack,
Zedek, what are you doing?
Uh, Zedek is looking over his wares,
seeing how much ammo he has left.
Also, you're cutting out Hulky.
Oh, shit!
Zedek's looking over himself,
tending to his own wounds, and checking his ammo stores,
and conversing with Pi
as far as what data he can gather from
what we know of the
harrowing situation we have just discussed.
Well, it seems like
there were a bunch of orcs, and now we are in a cave.
A very big one. That is all I know.
And as this conversation
and, like, Reeb's Medicaid
is going on, Lorne, you've
now, like, approached this piece of
jutting bone at the back of the cave.
Bone.
Iron-shaped bone.
It has some kind of
psychic resonance with you. Like,
as you've reached out with your
other senses,
this thing has kind of chimed
back to you. And as you even
look at the slight growth that's
coming out, it looks as though it's been built
into the stone here.
You see, like, partly
covered by rock and dirt
that have fallen over from the mouth of, or
from the ceiling of the cave.
The underside, maybe the bottom
half of a, like, blue gemstone.
Probably
the size of a fist that's near the top
of this bony protrusion.
Can I roll a
scholar check, or?
Yeah, you can.
See if I know anything of it?
Absolutely.
I got two sixes!
Yeah, the highest you
could possibly go.
Yeah, with my two dice
for my scholar.
Four successes.
You know, you rolled two sixes. I'll give you a little
something. This is definitely some sort of
Xenos thing. That's all
you can tell, though. Oh, man. Also,
I was hoping you would say that I knew, so I could, like, turn
around to the camera and go, elves.
I mean, you know, fair.
Fine. I'll give you that. You can turn
to the camera and say, elves.
Space elves.
What was that, Lorne?
I couldn't hear you over the sound of Pi
breaking his things again.
Space elves!
What's an elf? Do you know
what that is, Pi?
I was being attacked
by elves.
It's a fairy tale.
I was told on my planet
long, long ago to these
pointy-eared bastards
who thought they owned the place.
Oh, he's
rambling again. Yes, I believe
in the elves, Lorne.
And then there were the smaller
folk who used to
be able to ride trains
with giant guns on them.
And it was all anarchy.
A. Thurston,
preemptively, I've rolled a scholar.
Yes. I got six
in a glory. As it is pointed
out to you, you certainly
recognize that this
is the type of architecture
that the Eldari utilize.
Particularly their, like, psychic
resident wraith bone
structures they use for
constructing pretty much everything in their
society.
He means
Eldar. I don't know what the hell
he's talking about with elves.
Doesn't matter.
No, really.
They wear pointy red hats.
No, they don't. Yes, they do.
Be silent.
I used to look at this.
And with that, Reeb is
going to approach the
ornament.
What the bloody hell is this?
Now, Reeb would definitely
know a good bit more, right?
I mean, you'd have an idea.
Like, you would know that, like, this
is something from, like, Eldari
architecture. You don't know what it does.
Or what it is.
Can I do a scholar?
That's what your scholar would give you on this.
Like, you know that there is a piece of Eldari
architecture jutting out from the wall here.
Can I do a tech?
Yeah, if you want to try
to muck about with it.
Reeb is going
to just kind of watch it.
He's not going to necessarily interface
too much with it. Is there anything obviously
interfaceable about it? Or is it literally
just, like, a lamp?
It's essentially, like,
a curved piece of bone, a lot
of which is hidden by the stone.
Like, the stone here is grown
over it. There is a
gem that is similarly covered over.
If you had to guess, this has been here for thousands,
perhaps longer, years.
Reeb makes a resolve
test in my brain, which
is me saying whether or not I should have him
go a little quackity here
and just touch it anyway, defying
all his Ordozenos training.
Okay.
Yeah, no,
that seems like a good idea. I'm going to do it.
I'm going to do a tech check.
Can I put two
of our glory in?
Sure, go for it.
So that's seven.
Binga.
Babinga.
Four successes, will that do anything?
It's enough that when you
touch it, you can feel that this,
like, well, the stone around it is cold.
This is warm to the touch.
And it seems like you
almost get the scent of,
like, a heartbeat, like a thump-thump,
thump-thump, as you touch
this
Xenos material.
Hmm.
Perhaps best left
alone.
Wouldn't want to draw any
attention, in case it's important.
Hmm.
He will remember the shape of it, though,
in the future. Can I
make a note to, like,
can I do, like, an intelligence to just, like,
remember this?
Like, I'll just let you. This is a pretty monumental
thing for you. Cool.
Xenos tech. That is not fucking
Necron.
Mm-hmm.
Hmm.
Enough working around with
wayward elder technology. We have
places to be. Come on.
Well, first off, where are
we? And I
don't think we're really fit for just
spontaneous travel, I think
we should at least take a second
and, and
heal ourselves. If,
if you would like to attend everyone else, I
will. Oh, we will be moving
Lauren.
I, um,
Lauren will, I failed that check.
Lauren will sit down and, um,
cast regenerate on himself.
Cool.
Uh, you'll also get
two back to Lauren. I'll move that
Medicaid to someone else. Like,
maybe, yeah, do it to someone else.
Pie, and I'm also gonna use my last
wrath on that because just, like,
honestly, fuck. Sure.
So many dice. We're throwing dice everywhere.
Sorry. Uh.
No, you're good. So I succeeded on
mine, so I just am regenerating now.
So Pie will end up getting
three,
three back, or four back.
And then you'll regenerate on yours. Okay.
Um, I have a question, Thurston.
Is our shock in any way changed
or? Uh, your shock will be
back to full. Oh, okay. Good.
Now I am back in fighting
shape.
Better, because I'm not taking
any more wounds from that
hulk.
I agree. Next time I find
him, I'm going to cut him into tiny
little green cubes and throw them
off the cliff, and I don't
have anything else here.
Pie, you need to not play his
game. He can beat you at your game.
I saw it.
Hmm. No.
If it were just him and I, it would
be different. There were so many threats,
it was terrible to contend with.
Play a different game with him.
I implore you.
We aren't going to win this one with brute strength.
We have to be as stupid as they are.
Or creatively
stupid.
Maybe. I have an idea.
What's your
idea?
We're going to talk
with them if we see them again
before we fight them.
No.
No.
No, that's a horrible idea.
The orcs, Captain.
Can I roll a scholar check to see how much I know
about orcs? Sure.
I like now you're making
these important.
What do I know about orcs?
Show me. Tell me what I know
about orcs.
It's going to be
four successes.
And you know they respect strength and might.
Biggest is best.
I'm going to wrap that.
Okay.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
Oh, right. No, no.
Okay, sorry. I'm doing a thing.
Someone donated to give Reeb your wrath.
You already spent two, correct?
Correct. Okay, I'm sorry. I got confused.
Okay, Reeb, you got two years back.
Holy shit. My bad. I'm sorry.
Sorry, Chet.
Okay, yeah.
And you're going to wrap that? Cool.
Yeah, orcs is strunk.
They respect the
strunk.
Struckest.
If we make them believe
we're stronger or put ourselves
in a more advantageous position
that we could bluff
our way out of it, could we
make them
fuck off, so to
speak?
Maybe if we defeated their leadership,
which is what we failed to do.
And we also failed
in front of a large majority
of them. We won't be able to
strong arm their retreat unless we
defeat the one known as
Gracchus and the big
blue guy who's like
gotta get him.
Zedek. Zedek.
They are not of Australian polar
bear. You cannot simply
be bigger than them and have them respect you.
You need to back that up.
Are those who would have defeated them with ambulatory
inflatables years ago?
As though to
emphasize what you're saying,
like there is just this like howl of
wind from the entrance of the cave
as Reeb like
begins to speak louder.
Shut up, you!
I will not have you naysaying me at this time.
We'll get to you in a minute.
Bitch!
I'm about to beat
I'm about to beat the
orcs. Instead of
a full frontal assault like we did last
time, a mortal
assassinorial route wouldn't have to be
taken. We have to
learn about them to
find where they move and
try to take out their war boss
and, you know, fall to
us, to him, to one.
But you know what the orcs said? It would probably be very
hard to do. We have to be careful
with it. Using defensive
capabilities as much as we can.
Make our resources not be expended
to go after them. But for
now, be rest. During this time,
regeneration basically goes for like every
round, basically. Would I just be at full
wounds at this point, or?
Well, is regeneration wounds? I forget.
It does wounds. It fills me up
to, fills me up with wounds
every round, basically.
And when I'm full on wounds, I go full on
shock. That's right.
Yeah, so yeah, you just sustain it long enough
and then you're back to full. Yeah, and once
I'm full and everything, I'll just stop the scene.
Gentlemen, let us not
forget our greatest asset here.
The orcs likely think us
dead or defeated.
They were prepared for us
and led us into a trap that
we could not confound.
But now,
now they are not prepared for the kind
of damage us four
can inflict upon them.
We will have our pound of flesh.
Well, fair stretch.
Let's figure out where we're at.
Yes. Morn will
cast, uh, is the mouth
of the cave, like, reachable? Is it like
super far away? No, it's, it's, it's,
it's like a walkable distance away. You can
in fact see, like I said at the beginning when you
woke up, it's, it's like the, it's like the, the
dream journey you had. There's sort of the, the
shaft of light coming in.
Yeah. Morn will, um,
cast telekinetic dome
on himself, which is gonna help shield
against the code, or cold.
And he will then, um,
begin the walk forward to the
outside of the cave, and I get it with
seven, which I'm
good to go, and I can shift it, like,
uh,
once. Yeah, once, basically.
I'll increase the range, just in case.
Um, and then
I'll be able to start walking out with the staff.
Okay. Are the rest of you
following, Lorne?
Of course.
Okay. Uh, Lorne,
you start making your way out of the cave.
Um, eventually you can see there's this
blinding white light that's
actually, like, it's hard to look out
the cave mouth, so you kind of have
to step, step beyond the, the
periphery before you can get a sense.
And that's when you realize
things probably
aren't that good for
you right now.
You step
out into a desert
of snow and ice
with mountainous peaks all
around, some, like,
vast in the distance,
and as you sort of look up and your eyes
adapt to this, you can look up
into the sky where you see
massive rings.
Around the, the hemisphere
rings that must be surrounding
this planet. And as opposed
to, um,
Fimbria IV, where you previously
were the, the moon of Fimbria IV,
which constantly had this gas giant sort of
looming in the sky, there is no gas
giant to be seen here.
Oh.
This is, uh,
not where we were.
Uh, uh,
uh, is this,
is this a different
planet?
Well, the lack of the, uh,
of a gas giant and the presence of
rings that were not around the planet
before. Yeah, there's no natural
explanation. There's no, like, oh, well,
obviously they used the gas
giant deconflabulator and
caused this to happen. So, okay, that's,
it's relatively obvious.
Gentlemen,
I don't know what the fuck's going on.
I don't think we're in
Fimbria anymore, boys.
Whew! Uh, that was
good, because Fimbria was really scary.
Well.
Can I, can I look at,
um,
so I would actually also like to make a scholar
just to, like, further cement this.
Did we see mountain ranges when
we were on Fimbria at all?
Fimbria IV? Uh, on,
on the Fimbria IV's moon? Yeah.
Or, yeah, uh,
you can give me a scholar check.
Give me a scholar check. Uh, Difficulty V.
D, N,
come on, D, N, V.
Go!
That's
four.
Huh?
Are you happy with that? Honestly,
I'm gonna re-roll that anyway.
Okay. Take down that wrath.
One more wrath down.
Oh, that's definitely gonna help.
That was, uh,
Yeah, that's
gonna be four.
Six more successes.
Okay, so that's a ten now.
Uh, you immediately
know where you are, Reeb.
Um, because you, you'd studied,
you, you are the person who studied all
of this. Uh, this all matches
up to the world of Fimbria
III, the Ice World.
A planet with a, um,
like, basically
1.7 times the size of Terra,
mostly inhospitable,
almost all frozen water.
Gentlemen,
we're quite far away from Fimbria
4's moon.
How far?
Well,
how
astronomical units-wise
or light-year-wise?
Okay, so
Light-years.
We're on Fimbria 3.
Oh.
Oh.
That's not that bad.
We're quite, we're quite, no, that,
we didn't walk here.
I think that was ascertained, but.
Lauren, we'll go to, uh,
go to Zedek.
Go to Zedek?
Zedek, wait, I think, Zedek,
like, Zedek was knocked out, right?
Or, Zedek, were you up
when we jumped off the mountain?
To Zedek's knowledge,
he was up.
Him and Pine.
Okay, okay.
Half did the other two.
Zedek?
I hope it's okay if you let me do this.
Do what?
I need to look inside your brain.
I don't feel safe letting you do that, Lauren.
I need to see inside your brain
so I can see how we got here.
Reeve, does that, that doesn't sound safe.
Am I okay to not let him do that?
I like, I like my brain where it is.
What?
I don't care.
Lauren, do whatever you're going to do.
I put my hand on Zedek's shoulder.
I just want you to know
I will always remember you.
Is this going to kill me?
Get him!
Grab him!
No!
Hold him still, boys!
Hold him!
Hold him still!
Hey, stop it!
It's going to be okay!
It's going to be okay!
I'm lying to make him comfortable.
I would like to make a narrative declaration.
Okay.
Can I use Psychic Master to grab hold of Zedek's noggin
and try to look through his mind hole
to find all his past senses
to see what happened when Lauren was unconscious
and see what occurred when he jumped off?
Yeah.
Give me a Psychic Mastery check, friend.
Okay.
Oh, boy.
Here we go.
Let's not complicate.
Let's see what else can happen.
Just a normal Psychic Mastery, right?
Okay.
Yep.
Bloop!
I didn't do it.
Okay.
Five.
You got five.
Okay.
The last thing you see is falling down a cliff.
Give me a willpower test.
Okay.
Okay.
I will give you willpower
because mine's very high.
I'm going to re-roll that
because I got only one.
One success.
That's fair.
That's terrific.
So, there's going to be five more die.
Just give it a little bit.
Just give me a second.
I have to mark the wrath down.
Will you get an extra one there?
Can I re-roll again?
No.
No.
Can I use the three glory?
Yeah.
But if you use them now,
you can't get to re-roll them with the wrath.
I might as well.
Okay.
Okay.
Three, d6.
I'm going to do it.
Three, d6.
There you go.
I got two sixes in it.
You take no shock damage.
Ah, excellent.
Oh, if it was only that,
I didn't give a damn then
because I would just...
Yeah, well, you didn't know
as you're like basically living through the trauma
of...
And then blackness is that it clearly hit
whatever the water was.
And you kind of like come rushing out of his mind
with he has no idea of what happened.
Why didn't you know anything?
I don't know.
I thought...
As this is going on, Reeb,
you catch something over one of the snow dunes
in the distance.
What appears to be sort of in an overhang,
you catch just silhouetted against some of the sunlight here.
Small, like shining, reflecting pieces of metal.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Reeb is going to sigh.
Would an awareness help me identify them?
No, your awareness is like...
I privately ruled you.
You basically saw them in the distance.
Oh, for goodness sake.
Sorry about that.
Vroom.
Bastard.
Vroom, vroom.
Right.
Do they look like anything in particular
or are they literally just glinting shapes?
It's hard to tell from here.
You'd have to get closer.
But the fact that they're glinting it this far away
means they might be pretty big.
Must be something that way.
Come on, we have something to move towards.
This way.
Zedek's just completely out of it.
Do you think this has something to do
with the elf bone in the cave?
Maybe we should investigate that.
I say, holding Zedek in a fireman carry.
I already investigated the thing in the cave.
I'm investigating this now.
We're moving on.
I'm going to reach down and get a big glob of snow
and I'm just going to hand it to Zedek.
Here you go, Zedek.
Oh, thank you.
What happened?
Why did my head hurt?
We were trying to go inside of your brain
and discover the secrets of your folds.
What?
No, stop.
Don't do that.
Don't you ever do that.
Okay.
Your brain was a very smooth ride, Zedek.
Don't worry, Zedek.
You won't have these problems once we augment you.
Why do you want to take my flesh away?
I like it.
It's nice.
Because it's so cool.
If we were all augmented, we might have won.
This is the conversation you're having
while walking through the ice.
This is that scene from Lord of the Rings on the mountain
where they're trudging through the snow.
I'd like to roll a toughness check to not vomit.
Absolutely.
I love when players punch you.
I love when players punish themselves.
Your inner Alpha Musa.
Three successes and a complication.
Excellent.
You don't throw up anything.
The complication is that you are hungry.
Man, this snow tastes like snow.
Man, it's been such a long time since we've eaten.
Hey, Flesh, you got any more of this pie?
I'm sorry.
Is this how fast it took for Captain Zedek
to fall from grace?
Literally, he's been away from other people for a day
and he's eating snow.
I have it to me.
It's all I have and I'm out of it.
I can't occasionally.
Yeah, I have to stop walking
to pick up another handful of snow
to feed his ravenous maw.
Why are you doing this?
You have to eat all the snow.
I'm just hungry.
A narrative declaration.
I want to have a...
Okay.
I want to have, like,
an emperor's candy ration bar
that I have been saving since I first met Zedek.
Okay.
Because Warren's been secretly a kind of fan,
but, you know, you meet your stars.
And it has the signature on it.
And go, here, Zedek, eat this.
And I hand him the bar,
but it's totally moldy.
It's totally just disgusting
and, like, been melted multiple times.
It's like rock granola.
Yeah, it's just not a good time.
Here, I saved it just for you.
Well, Lord, this is the nicest thing
anybody has ever done to me
while calling me their friend.
Yeah, you're welcome.
I think I'm going to have to make a willpower test
to not give in to my complication urges.
It's fair.
Are you?
Give me a check.
Here we go. Yeah.
Why don't you ask?
You didn't succeed in any of them.
You didn't succeed in any of them.
You eat the shame candy bar.
It tastes so bad.
Does he need to make a toughness test
to avoid throwing up?
Hey, can we stop?
Can we stop?
Jesus Christ.
Does he have to make this test?
Thurston, can I make a fucking willpower test
to not turn around and flame these guys?
I don't get what the hell you just said.
He's letting them melt some of the snow.
I just imagine Al for watching this.
Good.
Yes, good.
They do enjoy that this has basically turned into...
Oh yeah, fuck this adventure.
How much can we torture Zedek?
Also, by the way,
all of us got a wrath back.
If you did say that.
Nice.
Jesus Christ.
I was about to spend the wrath
to just have a rare steak in my back pocket.
You were very good.
You still have two so you're fine.
All right, so Angry Rebe leads the way.
And again, we have the high montage camera moments where we're viewing from the eagle eye view of you trekking through the snow, this undisturbed land.
Eventually, you come up to the drift where you saw the chunk of metal.
And you can tell that it's close to the entrance of a fairly wide open cave system.
Nothing like the one you were in that seems to snake underground.
This one's more of like kind of just a section of ice and stone that has rolled over top of another area but hasn't completely collapsed on it.
So it's just like a way more open and spacious cave with crystals that are jutting out, these icy crystals.
But the metal fragment you see appears to be the side plate of some kind of imperial vehicle.
I quickly begin dusting off.
More of the surrounding area to see if there's anything buried.
Yeah.
You start seeing like more and more debris and small chunks of things.
Like just like looks to be a lot of different parts.
You can tell, though, that there's something larger.
And you hear kind of this whipping sound of fabric coming from the top, like through the mouth of this short cave.
And then it's like flapping.
And you're like, at this point, as you're walking up, you're walking between like chunks of this, like of these metal plates that have fallen down and like landed in the in the snow here.
Is there any uniformity or these like from something specific or does it just seem like.
Give me a tech check.
Wow.
Why, no, I used to make things like this small.
They do.
Yeah, well, I mean, you know, I didn't.
I knew.
Look, it's gone.
Yeah, you know, a friend who did a thing.
I'll show you.
Yeah, well, you know, I got eight successes.
And how many did you get?
None.
Damn, damn.
Well, eight successes will let you know this is like a an imperial shuttlecraft.
This is like the the thrown down remains of a shuttlecraft.
Is it the same model as ours as the ones on on the the debt collector?
No.
How long has it been here?
Can I tell?
Um, hey, with an A, you got two shifts.
Yeah, absolutely.
Um, it's been here maybe two months.
And is there any sign of what might have brought it down?
No, nothing.
Nothing obvious.
Just like this is if you had to guess, it looks probably like a really shitty reentry.
Yes, in Imperial Shuttle, it appears to have crashed terribly on this planet.
Can't quite tell what brought it down.
Maybe if we could find some cogitators, we might be able to learn more.
Well, we don't have any of those, do we?
We don't know.
Can I root around to try to find one?
Can I help him root around and try to find one?
You are looking around.
There is there's no obvious cogitators here, and I'll spare you the attempt.
They might there might be some in this cave if anything was dragged away.
Well, if this thing has been cut apart, that means obviously life on the surface, the scavengers and such.
I would like to.
I would like to.
I would like to.
I would like to.
I would like to make a survival check to see if I can glean from just, I suppose, the where the fresh snow has fallen.
It looks like maybe someone has been here and there's like track marks leading into the cave.
Yeah, go ahead.
Give me give me survival.
Sure. Here we go.
It's going to be six successes.
I'm sorry, three, three successes.
There was a six at the beginning.
I saw that there are no tracks that you can spot around here.
Well, it doesn't doesn't look like anyone's been here for a while, but I don't know.
This crash doesn't look terribly recent.
At least a couple of hours, maybe a couple of days.
It was two months. I found out it's been at least two months.
You can tell by the atrophying of the externals.
Well, well, we can fumble around in the blinding light.
Well, we can fumble around in the blinding light.
Of the snow.
This horrible winter world.
I mean, we don't know how again.
You know, might not be that horrible.
I mean, you just get in the cave.
All right. Let's go.
Yeah. Lauren's walking in the cave.
Cave. Okay. Cave.
I'm behind Pyrebrain going, Pyrebrain, flashlight mode.
And I like like move a bit of his robe and like flick the switch.
So as I just go, whoop, whoop.
There's a very shitty blue light illuminates the scene, I guess.
Oh yeah. You're like those terrible high beams.
There's actually no need for light.
Like I say, this cave is so wide
and like open that the light just kind of spews in here.
There's just a cover, but the angles enough that it's flooding into this place.
And as you you come in Rieb, what you catch is
the far end of the the the tunnel area.
Maybe. Hmm.
Whoops. Let's see here.
um not that far um some maybe 13 meters from the entrance you can see what appears to be like a
tent that's been set up it looks like it's built up against a portion of wall here it looks to
have some some various communications equipment like a small vox tower and some like boxes and
crates around there reeve is going to draw his power sword yeah there's like that as you do so
and he's going to thwap it on a nearby rock formation to make a loud noise
and he is going to say awaken or be dead
just the wind stirs and the like the almost is in response to what you've done
the the wind stirs
and like the flap of the tent opens to reveal like some kind of humanoid corpse that has been
chilled and flash frozen in the inside well i gave you an option you chose be dead
i hope he gets well soon no i would like to roll a survival check on the corpse uh to see if it was
a like did this person like you know just die here and then get frozen over or
yeah
something else uh you can give me a survival or medicaid um so you're gonna go up reeb are you
gonna go up too yeah reeb was of course going up he wants to investigate this area uh i only got
three successes on my roll yeah like the person obviously died of um the cold humanoid you said
oh it's it's it's human as you get close it's it's a it's a female human who is like frozen
here and as you see it you can see that the the the
clothing that she's wearing is the crewman clothing of a member of the carillon
i'll uh i'll approach the radio equipment um before you do that uh can i quickly pat down
this corpse i'm looking for something in particular looking for perhaps a vox recorder
uh yeah there there is a vox recorder
uh well i was hoping that you would have been able to get out of that mess fine but appears we found the final resting place of church
oh right from the terrible place yes yes well
oh that's so can i do a medicaid or revive her
no why not no
clear
you've done it once before
that's true
that thurston
unless the implication is that she was literally frozen by a sudden blast of cold
i don't think that's possible and also i don't have ways of actually
he did say flash frozen so i guess maybe
get all sixes we'll see what happens
yeah yeah yeah you know what thurston fuck you a natural medicaid i'm going for it
there we go that's my boy
all right i'm gonna go to the next one
all right i'm gonna go to the next one
i'm gonna drain the glory pool
yes yes yes there we go well i've i've saved far worse cases
what the text is remember i i i yeah i know
all right roll dice what's the difficulty
whatever i decide it is when you roll don't worry about putting it on the thing
uh-huh uh-huh thurston oh my god that is 13 so far
would you like to spend your wrath to re-roll
god damn it
holy damn
that'll get me five more successes
the necromancer
total successes
18 success medicaid can i revive the frozen corpse or did you make the dn 20
no no no it's fine
i will give you what you want reeb van horn
oh mr funnyman
it didn't complicate you can't do this to me
fuck fuck all the voice begins to like blurt out as you manage to like somehow frankenstein life
into this this poor person fuck it's obvious it's obvious i use the i use the remaining power of my
power resort as a defib obviously he's incredible yeah absolutely and and like all this like like
frozen body with like a rick
dis now of like pain and agony just says fuck fuck fuck fuck
shh quiet breaking my concentration
she is alive hey we found your our ship and blew it up
she continues responding in expletives i would like to see responding to ship
chess over his leadership chest yeah i have to dip into the leadership test here
i would like to roll a leadership chest yeah i have to dip into the leadership test here
god i can't fucking say anything today jesus i feel you man
i would like to attempt to grab her buy her outfit and just get a hold of yourself you're not dead
anymore stop saying fuck it's really unbecoming there's no swearing on the ship yeah stop saying
every other word captain we're not on a ship it was it was funny the first time but if you keep
saying it it gets less funny she keeps saying the expletives she keeps saying the expletives
she keeps saying the expletives she doesn't seem to actually be like at all
changed by what you're doing captain said i would like to wrap it okay for five
okay all right you may do it out of it you got four more points that's 12.
you managed to to get her to stop saying fuck
so this i assume she just stopped speaking altogether
correct
can can i just like from a quick outset see that if she is responding or attempting to respond
intelligible intelligently or intelligibly whichever one but is just incapable of doing so
sure give me a awareness test here
uh that's two that's three successes
okay three um you're telling she's not responding to any stimuli however as the
that happens you're starting to see movement
from the like the sub and side
caves here as
something steps
into view
something
that sort of like rolls
through the cave towards you
in fact several of
them an assemblage
of various
cubes
that now make their way towards
you
oh no
i'm sorry
cubist
scott coffin that's not
real
he's surprisingly refreshing
hmm
how odd
hey reed
why is it cubular
reed
no no no no no
i'm thinking reed's got like his
his arms crossed he's got like his finger
on his chin as he's looking at this while the
weird like rictus lady
behind us church is just sort of like
there
i'm going to grab rictus lady
put her on my shoulders
and i'd like to spend a
wrath die
okay for what
i'm going to
begin overclocking my augments
and i want to
try to
basically i want to take a
one strength penalty
if possible and use
that to instead uh like
create enough like body
heat um
to like
attempt to keep her warm despite
the elements like i'll like
grab her and probably like hold her over my shoulders
and just like try to ensure that she
doesn't freeze to death against whatever the
fuck is about to happen to us
okay yeah absolutely
mark yourself down that uh the wrath point
please
uh yeah and um
okay uh so let's
let's
let's hop over here let's you see a bunch of these cube creatures emerging from side caves
uh who would like to go first they seem quite hostile now
you know i bet these are the things that flash froze her
very interesting i can stop are you just gonna keep pontificating just just a question i'm gonna
just head over here and then i'm going to take aim and open fire with the plasma gun on this guy
okay so you're going first yes i will elect to take the first napkin
the true man okay then fuck all of the rest of you for making decisions
i thought that you guys were standing around and i have a personal i literally just said i
could start heat blasting all right in that case sure i'm sorry i'm not listening moments
destroy them sorry i'm sorry cancel speaker d i'll ask that's a group would you like me to
start molten beaming see if they got a weakness or something
go ahead
no wait it needs to be like pokemon you used to find out
yeah we gotta see the weak the fire types to be fair most things are weak to searing psychic plasma
flavor well i still have telekinetic dome up and then i'm going to move thine
self this way because i hope that my friends will be able to swoop in and prevent physical
harm to my frail body and i will attack the one on the left with a motion of beams
okay
and I gotta
click there it is
the golden beam goes forth
and seven successes
and
nineteen damage
yes that will
hit one sec
roll some determination I'm a bro
three
okay
you cause it to
almost entirely
melt away
it's barely standing up just a few
cubes that have now turned into like
spheres have sort of congealed
into the ground
I don't know this is like those old like Final Fantasy
Mystic Quest enemies the more you damage
them the more they just like melt into the ground
that's what this thing is it looks incredibly
messed up after you hit it with the beam
actually
that's all I got boys next
okay were you moving
or no you moved I already did
okay so unless someone wants
to seize the initiative yeah I'd like to seize the
initiative cause I just I don't want to be hit with
any ranged ice attacks that could
potentially kill our newly revived
church you really think
I would do that yes that's fine
yes absolutely
yeah so I'm gonna come to over here
I'll probably
come to like over here
we there I am
and I'm going
to make an attack I guess
on this guy since he's the closest one
yeah sure yeah I'll probably
actually get more over here so he's less
in cover or whatever he's yeah he'll still
have cover but he'll have cover regardless I'm just
gonna be the closest way anyway I'm enough
moving my man let us make
an attack for Lemuria
overcharging of course
oh of course I'll spend
two on Lemuria
okay and yeah would you
say I'm in short range
are you let's see I actually
don't use this gun enough to be
measure find out your range
you're six meters you should be fine okay
so I think that's plus two guys
if I'm not mistaken
yeah okay uh wait
uh short range plus one
I believe plus one okay my bad maybe
yeah I'll see if it's let's roll
yeah
six successes
oh yeah it's plus one
uh for sure and
uh
yeah that will
just hit all right uh that should
be oh god I didn't add enough to the
ed um overcharge so plus
two and then um
uh shifting one so
I'm gonna roll these three extra d6s
uh for uh three
more shifts so that is going to be
18 damage ap3
uh and it's a plasma
yeah that like strikes it and causes
it to just collapse into a
puddle and disappear
that'll show you
now I get the other ones
oh here I go
brave is still watching them with
utter fascination he's actually kind of
fixated on how strange they are
he's like swapping
from like them to church from them
to church repeatedly
and so one of them comes and like they don't
walk like they have this weird humanoid appearance
they look like an amalgam of just like
ice cubes that sort of
like shift rattle
and in some cases even
roll a bit in their movement
they don't walk so much as they
almost like
like shake forward
and then they get up
like one of them advances sort of
looks over things and then
uh lorn shoots a big
chunk of ice your way
ah
what's your defense
three
good
no not good
um
surprising
you only got one
uh yeah so I actually
miss as like the
massive uh like
cube of ice like embeds itself
in the snow in front of you with a
hey person I don't wanna
I don't wanna backseat or nothing but I would like to
remind you you were gifted like
a full ruin pool from last game
oh I know
oh funny man
this is not the hard encounter
alright
alright
so now it is either
Zedek or Reeb that must go
yes
uh
I'm gonna let Zedek go because
Reeb is
fascinated to a fault at the moment
absolutely
so Zedek will walk over to Reeb and just notice
he's kind of just fixated
eyes not glazed over but just not paying
attention and just gently take
the flamer off of Reeb
and walk up next to Lord
and
and so Zedek will take the flamer
and I'm gonna go ahead and
flame the one
and you're gonna go ahead and
flame the one
is that a pass action
no I'm just taking it if you won't give it to me
damn I mean it depends are uh
are you gonna just let him take the flamer
Reeb is not paying attention to this he is
mostly confounded that he revived a frozen corpse and that these things are
seemingly alive
I'm God yeah sure you can take the flamer
all right take it
Captain Zedek will take the flamer
move up next to Lauren to
be with him and draw a fire?
So which one are you going to flame on?
Yeah.
Give me Ballistic Skill.
But I will roll your Ballistic Skill for you.
Here, I can solve some of this
real quick. Boom.
Or successes.
Oh!
Yeah, just make it easier.
You can just do the Ballistic Skill and then
just roll the damage for you or something.
It's just one
ED, basically, so
that will hit. No ships, so just
roll me 1D6.
Sure.
Zedek.
Oh, I added two, and I exited.
There you go.
Okay, so 10 damage, which seems
to, like, melt and do quite
a bit of damage to it. It's still
standing, but it's taken some damage from that.
It's kind of like
the top layer of it's kind
of sweating a bit.
It does not appear to catch on fire
from this, though. Oh, really?
The fucking sentient ice monster
does not catch on fire.
There would be some players who would
ask me, so I'm just cutting
this off. I'm cutting this off.
Alright.
Zedek, watch out! He's caught on water!
Hey, leave the puns to me!
Okay.
This other one comes
rocking and rolling from down the hall
and reaches out towards
you, Zedek, and
unleashes an ice cube.
Ooh.
I called out my drink that I don't have.
That's not very cool of it.
Hey, all of you,
chill it with the puns!
That'll hit you.
Yeah, all that.
Yeah, okay, perfect.
So, it'll hit you with
four, so you have defense two, right,
Zedek, or do you have defense three?
Our overlay's a little wrong, so
after this, I'm gonna get everyone to give me a...
three, yes.
Or four.
No, it's four.
So, it'll hit you, but I can't shift or anything.
So, yeah, you'll take...
It's a ranged attack.
I was gonna say, that's a very long arm.
Yeah, no, no, no.
You will take nine points
of Le Dimage.
Okay.
I will
take most of that with eight resilience.
You have plus two resilience because you're
in my telekinetic dome.
Oh, hell yeah. I don't think I can damage.
Yeah.
Oh, nice.
Sweet bonk.
Okay, cool. That's that one. You've all gone, right?
Yes. Except for Reeb.
Oh, except for Reeb, yeah.
Yeah, Reeb, Reeb, Reeb.
So, Reeb is going to take a non-combat action,
and he is going to go over
kind of...
He's gonna be doing some
scholar stuff
in regards to the curious
case of our frozen corpse.
He's gonna...
On Pie's back?
He's done, like, more awkward and
weirdly angled operations, so yeah.
Okay.
He's going to investigate
Church alive, maybe.
Who knows?
And he's going to see possibly
what correlation her
death, air quotes will say,
had to do with these ice things.
If anything, directly.
Just so I can compare them for anything.
Sure.
So I'll just move over.
I cannot move.
Cannot move, Reeb.
There you go.
There you go.
And what will that be? It'll be like a scholar, right?
Or Medicaid. Your choice.
I'll do a Medicaid, because I'm better at that.
Yeah.
That's a seven.
These are more
blunt force, so these probably
weren't responsible. She probably died just
directly to the elements.
Well, that's good to know, at least.
Gentlemen, I have good news.
The good news is, is I believe
these creatures lack any means to
flash-freeze you, as what happened
to poor Church here, as he will gently
slap the side of her face, as presumably
she's looking up like a fucking
empty porcelain doll.
Yes. The bad news, gentlemen.
They can still bludgeon you
to death.
Well, I would have never guessed, Reeb.
They're just over here
just making us some pina coladas.
Here, you should really come over and try one.
I really did ask Garrett
to put a straw on them.
I felt so upset, but not actually.
Well, just
blast them. They seem to be simple ice.
Just heavy.
Okay, that's a go, Reeb.
Reeb?
I suppose that'll be
my go, unless I can do anything else, which
I mean, maybe I don't have a gun.
You could come get it.
No.
Okay.
Alright, there's Reeb's go. Okay.
Yeah, there you go. I learned that we are
no threat to some kind of weird
elemental attack, just the usual bludgeoning
one.
A
precision crack
bang shot comes out
from the northeast.
And flies
through the head cube
of the, uh, the
central
creature.
What the bloody hell was that?
It pops through
the head of the ice cube
and then immediately the creature
collapses down
into a pile
of broken icy chunks
in the ground.
Boop.
Alright, next combat round, who'd like to go?
We got fire! Take cover!
Hmm.
More Imperial reinforcements, no doubt.
I, um,
I can just keep on beating. Everyone's okay with that?
Yeah, that's fine.
Okay, cool, okay.
Okay, cool, okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But fire's really cool.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Anon will just have
an old Fenrisian song of his childhood
sort of playing ahead. He was like,
done, ba-da-da, done.
And we're like, I'm Mr.
Heat Monster, I'm
Mr. Hop-ba-ba-ba-da-dum.
And then, uh, I will roll
seven successes and doing 19 points
of damage to the one right in front of us
going, brrrrrrrrng.
I'm Mr. Heat Blister,
I'm Mr.
Hundred and One.
Da-dum, da-dum. Why don't I touch?
And then just as
with that, just
molten beam scores through the
one in front of me. Oh, Lorne, you're too much!
He's too much!
He is, like, barely
standing now.
Again, looks
very much like the first one you messed up.
He's now, like, mostly decompiled.
He's primarily slush.
He's, like, barely able to maintain
cohesion.
Are you gonna move?
Nope.
I'm standing strong with my
friends at it.
Okay, uh, you guys gonna interrupt at all?
Say what?
I would like to interrupt.
Okay. Mark, mark down that glory.
I'm going to burn the other
man's.
Okay.
Yeah. Do the fire.
Do the flamer.
Boop boop.
Let's go, Hokey, let's go!
Cha-cha-cha!
Put fire on it, be killed.
Flay him on.
Do it on him.
I'm gonna fucking
wrap that.
What the fuck is this
murmuring?
Come on, okay.
Wow, it was not better.
Two more successes.
That will just hit, though.
Here's another
D6.
What's it?
Gonna be?
What's it gonna be?
Two.
Oh!
One more than one.
Yeah.
What'd it do?
Uh, well,
it's still standing,
but barely.
It, like, is, like,
now, like, you're, you're, you're,
like, hosing it with fire,
clearly missing most of where the fire is.
It's, like,
mushing slightly
as it's still advancing.
Hey, Reeb,
any time you want to make,
the fire gun, do more
fire. It would be great!
Because I don't want to use this. Captain, my marksmanship
is as good as yours. You have no one to blame
but yourself.
It moves up to there.
It raises its hand
up and brings it down to you, Zedek.
Oh, that's not me.
Good luck, Zedek.
I can't say I'm doing too hot now.
Zoran, we don't have to play
the video any time Lorne takes damage.
I roll a one.
I roll a goddamn one
and I complicate.
I don't like this.
I don't like this at all.
The cubes are neat.
I like them.
You can't dissect them.
Imagine playing a one.
You can't dissect them?
No, not really.
Fuck you.
I
I know.
No, this is no.
No, no, nope.
Yeah, it just
it actually just takes point of damage
and then melts at your feet as it fails to
hit you.
Oh my gosh.
It does.
Yes, it melts.
It dies from cringe.
Who would like to go next?
Guess I'm too hot to handle after all.
I hate you.
Zedek deleted.
I'll be, uh,
I'll be,
I'll be running this way
since I know we have another one here.
You get done, done, done, done, done.
I'm going to do.
Am I going to see this guy?
Uh, yeah, you,
you see the mysterious figure here.
Let me
the mysterious stranger
down, down, down, down, down.
There is the mysterious stranger
who has some strange,
like curved armor
that is sort of a orangish red
and wears like a sort of gray
or gray black robe
over top of it.
Oh, I know you.
Wait, hold on.
Can we team up?
Can we?
I'm just,
I'm just going to shoot the ice guy.
Same team.
Same team.
Same team.
Same team.
Same team.
Uh, and just looking right at him,
I'm going to
and we're going to go hard
because that's how we do on Warhams.
Let's roll.
That's a appallingly bad.
Well, that's,
that's,
That will miss.
Three will miss?
That will miss.
Oh, will it?
Okay.
Do it.
Do it.
There you go.
All right, that's good.
You have no more wrath.
There we go.
I can't see.
So that will be five.
Am I going to hit him?
You will, but the last dice is one, so that will complicate.
I wasn't overcharging, so.
Oh, okay.
I didn't note it.
So.
Okay.
He'll enjoy his 16 damage, 83.
Okay.
Laser.
Okay, cool.
Takes a good chunk, but it's still up and about.
I will go.
I guess.
It will charge pie.
Now that's good.
It is its opinion.
Let's see here.
One sec.
Two.
Okay, here we go.
It's coming towards you, barreling, and, like, all these cubes are coming up, sort of rolling
and forming together into, like, this kind of wrecking ball hand of spiky cubes.
Ah, the Iceman cometh!
Seven to hit you?
Seven will hit, yes.
What is your defense in combat right now?
Right now, I believe it is five, because I don't have my sword out.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, that's right.
Okay, so we can shift one.
And then it will do 15, and then...
Okay, so you will take 16 points, no AP.
Okay, that's pretty gnarly, honestly.
It's a chonky boy of ice.
Absolutely.
I'll roll my Determination.
Sure.
And let's go through.
Well, I don't think my Determination goes out to be that big, so I'm going to...
I was about to say, what's your toughness?
It should be just four.
What the fuck are you doing?
Because I add rank to it, but I think I accidentally added double rank.
So just ignore, I guess, like, the last three.
Because I'm Skitarii, I get to do that.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
I'm just going to move five shock onto me, and then I'll take two wounds.
Aren't you exhausted now?
Nope, I got one shock left.
Oh, you have six shock, right.
Okay.
Oh, I don't have...
I'm not down to two, so I'm down to six wounds.
Okay, that should be it.
You're dead.
I'm dead.
You're dead.
I could counterattack him, but I don't have my weapon up, and I'm not going to make a
bear-armed punch against this guy.
Sweet.
Reeb, then.
Reeb is going to shout after Pi.
Pi, I wasn't done looking at that.
I will frame that cold.
Is that your action?
Get out of my way.
Okay, and Reeb is going to charge it with his power sword.
Heck yeah.
Yeah.
Can you move me for some reason?
I don't have control over Reeb.
I cannot move him.
I cannot move the token.
Weird.
Make sure the source thing on the actual thing on the right side actually has some permission,
and drag that one in instead of the one you copied.
Yeah, just move me over for the moment.
I'm just going to swing the sword.
Does that second Reeb, can you control?
This is getting out of hand.
Now there are two.
Can you control the second Reeb?
No, I cannot.
That's weird.
Okay, I'll just move you for now.
Yeah, just move me, like, adjacent to it.
Yeah, and then do it.
We'll figure this out in a sec.
Yeah.
If you won't let me hold...
If you won't hold us still long enough for me to determine what's going on...
Reeb, there is an Iceman on me and Alan over there.
I don't have time for your rambling, Pi.
What's the armor of this?
Oh, you know the armor.
I'd have to just roll, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I charge, do I...
And I get one for that, or...
Yeah, plus one, two-year attack.
So that's eight.
Rrrrrrrrrrrll!
Whoa!
That is six successes with 13.
That was impressive.
Yeah, that will hit it.
Will it kill it?
It...
One sec.
One sec.
It will kill it.
Yay!
You swam!
As you, like, tear it down.
Yay!
Yay!
Yay!
Yay!
And it collapses, the sword
cutting through like butter.
Icy butter.
Hi. I swear,
I'm doing an important
autopsy, inspection
of this frozen corpse.
Hello!
Hello!
How are you?
You can't just run away when I'm doing that.
We must go. Back to the cave.
Come.
Oh, bloody hell
fine, whatever.
Yeah, I agree.
I think we should follow the orange man.
Fine, whatever.
Yeah.
We'll just staff a thing going.
You know, I would move,
but...
Zedek, go grab the radio.
Okay, I'll grab him. Oh, I can't get him.
Yeah, so let's just go over real quick.
The rest of them, like those two are following
the person. Zedek is grabbing the radio
and Reeb would also like to move, but I can't.
So, sure.
The wonder is, he's frozen with fear.
What the technology?
You still have Church, who is not saying
anything. He's inspecting Church.
Zedek has the...
Zedek has the,
like, basically has the radio
which appears to be out of any kind
of battery power and doesn't seem to be
a very long-range transmission.
And then this strange
Eldari is leading you back
through the snow.
And as you're, like, seeing, you can tell she's
basically leaving no tracks.
Like, she is so alive that she's
not even leaving indentations in the
snow as she moves.
Reeb knows that they're hollow
on the inside.
Bounce down.
How's anyone gonna find you?
We had
found your compairs on the Carillon.
Were you attacking an Imperial
vessel? And we did the same
thing, but in a different context.
It was okay when we did it.
Come into cave.
Now. That's the idea. Once
night time hits, you will die, Otsa.
Oh.
Why, the temperature,
or...
Yes. Yes, Pi.
Presumably the temperature. Well, maybe it's
a giant monster.
Shut up.
I was imagining one of us going, like,
uh, prove it.
I'm gonna debate this Eldari.
Okay.
This movie Riddick wants? That was
bullshit.
Yeah, well, you guys might die, but you know I'm, like,
the diesel named Vin.
That's a kind of fuel. Alright, whatever.
Pfft.
This Eldari returns to
the cave she enters in,
quickly goes and, like,
seems to secure the area,
like, raising up her rifle, moving
very, very methodically
through, eventually
kind of seems to be slightly
at ease, turns,
um, puts the rifle
at an ease position, but is still
holding it as she stands on the opposite
side of the fire from you.
Uh, okay.
Pause a moment, please.
Gentlemen,
begrudge me this for just a moment.
I know I'm Otto Xenos and all that.
Could you just give me just a moment, please?
No, you're not gonna kill it like
the last one, right?
No, I'm not going to burn it.
I don't have my
gun. Xenik, give me my gun back.
No. Fine.
It's mine now.
Xenik, you give him his
gun back. I'll give him his gun back
when he gives me respect.
I don't need my gun for discussion.
Oh, that was my one chance.
That is really hard to do. You can't make
unreasonable, you know, demands.
Now give him his gun back. Jesus!
Give me your beard.
Give me your beard.
I like your beard.
You can't have my beard.
Copernicus is mine.
I'm just gonna look at Reeb.
You know there's nothing I can do now.
I'd have to kill them to make them stop.
There is a cocked head from this Eldar.
You fear the flame.
The Skitarii does not act because it fears the flame.
Like, literally, you were acting like
cavemen in front of this Eldar.
Like, we fight over fire.
My fire maker.
We've done enough.
Eldar.
I'm done.
Eldar, we've had a rough couple of days.
Yes, Monk.
We have...
You have had a rough couple of weeks
from what I have watched.
Oh, great. You've been watching us.
Absolutely stellar. Nothing I wouldn't expect
from the Eldar. Where are we, specifically?
Yes, of course. Because I was sent here
to use you.
Come again.
Okay.
You see,
that is what my people, we do.
We use you.
So I will
use you now.
Elaborate.
Jarek, I need an adult.
I am an adult. Also, you are too.
You're older than me.
And?
Fair point.
Elaborate, Eldar.
You,
your destinies,
you are linked
with the fuckerman.
Fuckerman.
Oh.
Brilliant. So you know him as well, huh?
We know him.
The Farseers know of him.
He is a great threat to all of us.
No kidding.
I've raised my hand.
She cocks her head slightly.
When I do this, you can call on me
and then I will talk.
Yes.
Metal Monkey Man.
No, I am Pybrain. Do not call me that again.
Oh, yes, I was called also.
Um, ah, how?
Tell us about the fucker, B.
We have observed him
tracking him over many systems
causing many terrible problems.
Tell us what you know.
I have the whole conspiracy board
up at home, but then he stole
my home, uh, well, really
Zedek's house, but, uh,
it was not in very good shape.
He stole Zedek's house.
Oh, you consider my ship your home? That's so sweet.
Uh, uh.
He stole my house.
He has entered into
the prisons of the Yngir.
He has taken
the pieces of the Yngir
to make himself
more powerful,
more whole.
He takes all of the pieces he can find.
What is that?
The Yngir.
The darkness
of stars.
Those
who once were
skilled in trickery.
Those who tricked
others into giving up their
flesh.
I don't know what you're
talking about. Can I roll
Scholar to try to comprehend this Eldar's
ramblings? Absolutely.
I'm gonna do that too, please.
Yeah, yeah.
Lauren started hearing complicated name shit
and fell asleep. Yeah, oh yeah, he's like
I'm gonna go
ahead and spend
four glory on this, so that's okay.
Uh, I got a seven.
Yeah, I'm okay with four.
Yeah, take it.
Um, I have got a
six and a
complication.
Not a one, so that's my
roll.
I'm smart. I'd like to
contribute.
You can do it, Zadok! Let's go!
Let's go, Zadok!
Oh, that's actually
a pretty good roll. Okay, so I've
got it here. We're gonna use this
complication from a little
alien here.
Thank you, little alien.
So,
you, uh, highbrain,
you don't know
much except that, like,
ancient, ancient, like,
Forge World
Lemuria
knowledge about how
the ancient Eldari once fought,
like, far more ancient
beings in some great old
war, and that's where all the good archaeotech
comes from. However, you only
know this through the
tales of, uh,
Lemurian bedtime stories.
Oh! So, your knowledge
of all of this type of, like,
the Eldar fought, like, ancient
creatures, uh, comes
from, like, old Lemurian bedtime stories
that you were told. Oh, I know
a little about these. Is this like
the story of the, uh, little
temporal disruption advice that tore through
the bounds of reality that could?
Uh, I know that one very well.
Um, conversely,
uh, Reeb, your
knowledge is that the Eldari
did fight some
ancient evil threat, very
similar to the type of ancient evil
you seemed to unearth
under Shady Rock,
that style of structure. You're not
very knowledgeable about that particular
species, but the Eldari
fought them in, like, the, the
bygone age. You've, you've heard, uh,
something called the War in Heaven
uh, mentioned in some
Xenos treaties. So,
he doesn't know about the, he doesn't know about the
Necrontyr, does he, does he know about the Necrons
is the question, I guess. He, you
know them, but, like, you don't even know their name.
Like, you know, like, you've, you've seen that type
of architecture now, but, like, you
know old, ancient Xenos race.
Okay, so he is
not...
Okay, so he wouldn't even call them Necrons,
he'd just probably say, like, skeletons.
Yeah, exactly.
The old boogeymen they fought,
like, the bad guys, like, you've never
heard the name. Is this more
of that ancient prophetic nonsense
about ancient evils awakening?
There's ancient evils all over the damn
galaxy.
These were the first
ones to wake up. These were
stars made manifest
and then waged,
war across the heavens.
But then, their servants
cast them down and imprisoned
them, breaking their essence
into shards.
But these shards are scattered, scattered
all across the cosmos now.
But this, this
fuckerman, he seeks
to bring the shards
together.
And as, like, this
is being said, Loren, you've kind of, like, dozed
off, but you are, like, flashed back
into reality with that awful,
awful image of Da Fuckerby sitting
on the Golden Throne.
Da Fuckerby.
Da Fuckerby!
Yes.
This makes sense.
In some way, we ran
into a gentleman with a
stolen family jewel.
Later on, your
darker kin,
Dark Eldort.
The Drukhari.
Yes, them, those fellows.
They attacked the place
and, uh, stole many
captives.
The one known as Taril went
to claim, but
could not find before the fuckerman
got away.
That's good, I suppose.
So,
you have a mutual enemy, but why
do you want to stop them?
We, my
people, Vassius from all
over my kind, have tried to stop
him. We tried when he came
into this system, but
we failed.
And then, like, we, of course, cut to the scene with the
Eldar head in the hallway
on the carillon.
Ah, that
explains that.
He warps reality, but
there's a blind spot
in his warped reality,
and that is all of you.
So that is why I am using
you.
Okay, Eldar,
for one thing, if you wish to
cooperate and work together to
deal with this situation, ideally
you would not refer to us as a tool
to be used.
Humans, such as me and my companions,
happen to think very
poorly of being used like some
kind of errant
hoverboard. I don't
know, I kind of like that they're very
upfront about it.
Usually they do backstab us before,
you know, betraying us, or
they think they're nice, and
then everything goes south.
Why on this one? I agree.
How fucked up are you?
You know, you know, this is
okay.
Gentlemen, are you sucking up to the
Gentlemen, I want to ask again.
Are you sucking up to the Eldar right now?
I will make a note of this.
No.
I'm just saying,
like, you know, it's
like, okay, are you gonna
betray us when we do the thing that you want
us to do?
Rebel turned to her.
I'm not.
I'm not going to betray you, because
as I said, I am simply using you
as a tool. There is no
need for me to betray a tool.
Right, but like, when I
there are some tools you put back
in the shelf where they belong,
or if you rent out an orc from a library,
you have to return it.
And then some tools you just put
into a giant lava pit,
because they are too dangerous.
And I want to make sure that we will not be put
into a lava pit, or if we are going
to be, that you will be polite enough
to tell us.
You
you have
nothing to worry about
from me. I will simply send
you on the path you must walk,
and then my task here is done.
Okay, you see, that I trust less, because
I didn't say yes or no.
So yeah, okay.
Now, I think we still go
with it? Are we all going with it?
No, we're not going with anything right
now. I want more information.
Then
what is it you wish to know?
Why are we here? How are we
here?
After your
encounter with
the croc, I found you
at the river, and dragged you
to a nearby portal of
my people, and brought
you here.
Oh, you're a bloody webway.
No, that explains that perfectly. I don't need much
more than that, I guess.
Second,
second, why are you not bringing
more of your people to bear against this man?
How exactly are we a
blind spot for him? As far as I
can tell, we are simply people who have had to
chase his sodden ass
halfway across the damned galaxy,
and your people who are
what, masters of dealing with the shadows
and manipulating
a different dimension to your
whims, you can't deal with this
man?
The universe is strange.
The universe
has rules.
And in this case, as the Farseers
have told me, you are
you are the protagonists
of this story. And so
you
are the ones who may interact
with this one. You are like
like the fish
that follows in the wake of
the larger ocean predator.
You are unnoticed.
That is how we will use you.
Wait, we are the main characters?
We are very important?
Eh.
Oh.
Great, you've given him a big head.
I've never been important!
I'm just gonna start, like, shaking really happily.
Oh, this is good!
Oh, it's the folks at Lemuriora Gunner!
Love this one!
And they doubted me!
Bye, Brain!
Yes, this is very good. I like this.
Bye, Brain.
How silly will they think you sound
when you literally go up to them and say
that some random space elf
outside of a cave on a frozen planet
said you were important?
Well, you know, I wouldn't tell them like that.
Oh, you'll just say
Well, if you put it like that...
I would make it seem much better.
Like how?
Continuing my inquiry,
what Reeb is saying,
this looking weirdly side-eyed
at Pi.
I'm not one to disagree
with your lot.
I know you can be reasonable
at the best of times.
And you're being reasonable
now, I think.
We would like an assurance
that this is going to
work best for us.
And in return,
we will consider that...
Well...
We'll consider it even.
Yes.
I will simply take you to the path
you must follow to get where you must go.
And then...
Destiny will be in your hands.
Yes.
Can you please just say
something normally?
Like, her head still...
Again, she has these, like, pure black
eyes that just bore into you
and there's something about the geometry
of her exposed head
that is just off.
Normal
is
a perception.
Oh, whatever.
Just bring us to the damn thing.
Normal is just a setting
on a washing machine.
I will take you
deeper below
to the second portal
that will take you on the path
through the dark road.
But, Art,
what of the people of the planet we came from?
Oh, they're
probably dead.
Can you save any of them
to serve as our vanguards?
Pie. No.
That's a terrible idea.
Because you're asking
the Eldar.
No offense, I think.
No offense, but would you really
be more accepting of her
walking straight up to you
if we had not previously been
assisted by her?
Sincerely, Pie.
Um, well,
if there are circumstances
like if I had
an orc running at me
and then an Eldar showed up
and said, hey, come here.
It'll be better.
I might take their word for it then.
So if you only help people
who are being attacked,
I see the problem.
Yes, you haven't read
the Imperial Primer enough, Pie.
That is the problem.
Guardsman's Uplifting Primer, Pie.
Very important.
No, we have our own primer.
But you can't read it.
Yes, I know it's a joke, Pie.
Moving on.
Fine.
Lead us onward.
I shall lead you
onward.
And how about we take our
break here real quick?
Perfect.
Time to go on the break time.
Everyone, okay.
Everyone go get some snacks.
Everyone go get some snacks.
Okay, we'll be right back
in about 10ish or something
at it's BRB.
And we're back.
Hi, everybody.
Sure are.
We are Eldar.
They're still there.
But I'm the Eldar.
The Eldar.
We're a zoo.
Ancient and smelly.
The light Eldar.
But the dark Eldar.
Look at it.
Look.
Look at it.
It is Wubwe.
Look at my purple fish.
Wubwe.
Wubwe.
Wubwe.
Continue.
All right.
What do we see?
So, as we come back,
the mysterious Eldari
leads you deeper into the cave
for about 10 minutes.
About 20 minutes down
through spiraling paths.
And eventually you come
into a vast chamber
which has been hollowed out
by some impossible instruments.
And in the center
are two raised chunks
of this strange organic
bone-like matter
that rise out
and seem to are like
two separate arches
pointing at each other
causing a rift
to appear in reality.
A black hole
of which the sort of
peripheral edge
is contrailed in blue light
and seems to suck
everything in around it.
That's kind of spooky.
That is the dark path.
Where does that lead?
It is where you must go.
It is a dark forbidden place.
Yeah, but why do we have to go there?
Yeah, you're telling us
that, like, it's a dark forbidden place
and it's all bad juju
and you're telling us to go in it.
Yes.
No.
No, hold on.
Let's hear him out.
You must go through there
because the darkness of that place
leads out of another dark place.
Hmm.
Well, okay.
No one's going to be able
to just start walking to it.
It connects.
Through
our ancient webway.
A place where
the primordial annihilator
has breached through.
But,
if you can make it through there
and make it through the forces
of the primordial annihilator,
you will come
through the other dark gateway
to where you need to be.
So we're going to fight
some ancient, incredibly powerful
being called the Primordial Annihilator
and we're just going to keep on walking.
Yeah, that...
Oh, please, Zedek, we've fought worse.
No, no, we have not.
We have not fought anything
called the Primordial Annihilator.
That sounds distinctly worse
than what we've fought.
That sounds great.
Let's go.
Zedek, don't you want your ship back?
I do want my ship back.
Or at least a nicer one.
Get going.
It's down to that...
Gold star, gold star, mister.
It's down to that hole.
Probably.
Hey, Zoran,
how much glory are we rolling with?
About three right now.
Reeb wants to turn to the Eldar
sort of quizzically.
Well, Eldar, we have only just met
and it seems you're already ushering us out.
Yes.
You're not going to help us with this?
Because I am using...
I am using you.
Surely you would like to see this done correctly, yes?
My kind are not welcome in the Dark Road.
Why not?
Are you afraid we're going to just explode or something?
Many servants, including those of she who thirst, dwell there.
And you assume we'll be any better off because...
Whatever links your destiny with the fuckerman,
may provide you some protection.
But at least one of the great
servants of the Primordial Annihilator,
one of the great four,
has their eye in that place.
Well, Eldar,
seeing as how we've met
and not really exchanged anything,
you seem to know an awful lot about us,
but not enough about you.
What's your name?
What's your name before we depart
for this Primordial Annihilator?
In your primitive tongue,
the most only appropriate translation would be
Elnira.
Nice to meet you, Elvira.
Elnira.
If...
surely you could come along with us.
Just to sate our curiosity for a bit,
you can leave at any time,
but certainly,
why wouldn't you want to come along?
Certainly, you think we could
not help work together
to deal with this situation?
And we definitely need as much help as we can get.
She turns and starts walking away.
Bye, Elnira!
I was gonna roll a check,
but I mean, hey.
She seems like,
and as she starts walking,
she even says,
because going in there
and helping you
would not be using you.
Hmm.
Let's see if we need to get...
I hate it here.
If I had a ship for every time
that happened to me,
I'd have one ship,
and now that's gone.
And guess you would.
And I, and I
can solitarily pat him on the back.
And like, Lord,
you're still standing at the threshold
of this gateway.
I'm like riding it,
and I'm just like poking the portal.
Yeah.
Also, make sure you're not cutting out.
But yeah, I'm just like,
kind of, um...
This is for Hulki.
And basically, I'm just like...
Come on, guys!
I'm ready!
Let's go!
Hulki!
Yats!
Whoa!
You blew it.
It's all done.
I done...
The immersion is gone.
The walls start fading in and out.
Everything becomes plastic,
and then paper,
and then nothing.
It's the dimensional merge!
It's time, as prophesied.
Finally.
And I'm amazing.
Now real.
All right, let's go.
I'll remember that name for later.
Let's get a move on, gentlemen.
And, uh, lady,
as he just kind of looks at...
The...
I don't even know what to call her anymore.
The church backpack.
Fuck.
The treasure.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Ah.
Yeah, the church.
Oh, yes, sure.
Whatever.
Are we never...
Lauren enters inside.
Lauren steps through,
like, walking through
some kind of black maze,
milk into nothingness.
Blah, blah, blah.
Did the other three follow?
Follow Muria, gentlemen!
You better follow me.
Yeah, we're all in.
Follow Muria!
And I run in with my sword drawn.
Yep.
I'm not running like that,
but we're going.
Cat and Zedek will draw his power sword
and turn it on before walking through.
Yeah.
So Reeb and Zedek are the last two to enter.
And then you find yourselves
in an unreality.
You find yourselves
in colors and sounds
that have manifested
and the stretching of time.
Except all of you are walking
normally along this.
Like, you're kind of on a road
seeing all of these, like,
impossible shapes and sounds
and movement all around you
as you are just walking down a path
that seems to have no floor,
no ceiling.
I take a moment
and I look at Church
and I'm like,
well,
I guess she can't go more mad.
And I just decide not to do it.
All of you give me a willpower.
Yeah.
Well.
That'll, uh,
yeah, you got it, dude.
That'll do it, sonny.
Oh my god, I got
four and a glory.
These successes.
I'm gonna,
I'm gonna wrap that
so I don't fucking go insane.
Oh, wait, no,
I don't have any more.
Oh.
Nevermind.
Uh.
Law.
Can I, uh,
can I use some glory?
Lawdrow wrath is.
Okay.
May I use some party glory
so I don't go insane?
That would be useful.
Yeah, sure.
I got, like, one more.
So,
Lauren got five in total.
Okay.
Three you have.
Here we go.
Oh, all right.
Got two,
got three more.
Cool.
Total of
five.
I, uh,
I just got two.
I'm fucked.
Uh, yeah.
Okay.
Give me a resolve.
Uh, wait.
Sorry.
Uh, conviction test, please.
Pie brain.
Oh, sure thing.
Oh, this I will put two.
Oh, no.
Conviction.
Uh, glory behind.
That's a bro.
Yeah.
Please.
Okay.
Oh, nice.
Uh, eight successes.
Yeah.
You are not at all fazed.
Like, you, you feel like this is beyond your understanding.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You have no idea where you are.
I don't know what you're understanding, but it's not like corrupting you, because it's
so far beyond your understanding.
You have no idea where you are.
Nothing is possible here.
Everything you have taught has been a lie.
Wait.
I think everything I've taught has been a lie.
Yeah.
Everything you've been taught about science is a lie.
If a place like this exists,
now, there have been some fundamental flaws in my education.
I'm going to make an angry note about this.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
And I'm just going to be typing, like, okay, step one.
Metal is whose elemental question mark?
Grasp.
Lord will come over to Pie as he's furiously typing, and I go, Pie.
Pie.
No one goes from that website anymore ever since they stopped showing Mother Borsh.
You can put that away.
Oh, yes.
Shout it, gentlemen.
Slash.
All right, good show, good show.
All right, you must come see it.
The time warp, maybe.
Oh, I think he's coming, he's coming.
I think he's coming.
Oh, he's coming.
Everyone get ready.
He's coming.
Oh, he's coming.
We look around.
Who's on their way?
And you see further ahead a door floating
in the undercurrent.
In reality, the spirals of color and the universe is mashing and dying in the distance, and then
the psychedelic drops of sound in the air.
There is a wooden door that just sits there, and you can hear voices behind it.
He's coming, he's coming, he's coming.
Do you hear anything?
Yes, of course I do.
You'll go look at it.
Fine.
You do it.
We'll go forward.
Yeah.
And, like, you see the slight crack of light coming through the door, and there's, like,
this warmth, and you hear laughter, and like, string music, and, like, being played, like,
some kind of orchestra.
He's going to try and open the crack.
When you put your hand on the door, you can't move it at all.
He's going to try and open the door, you can't move it at all.
Is there a handle?
There is, but as you, like, try to adjust it, you can't move it.
It's like your hand can't push this open.
And you can hear the, oh, he's coming, he's coming.
Is it him?
Oh, no, no, no, not him.
It must be behind him.
Come on, Raven, stretch the door.
No, we're going to grab, like, come in and try to turn the knob as well.
It doesn't move for you.
Oh, is that him?
Is that him?
Is that him?
No, no, it's not, it's not, it's not.
Ah, well.
Next up.
Ah, ah, ah, I had to charge the door.
Okay.
So, like, Pai, you rush into it with your bulk and bounce right off,
landing on the unreality ground at your feet.
Oh, that one had energy.
No, no, no, no, no, no, but that means he's got to be right around the corner.
Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Captain Zedek will walk out of the door.
Yep.
And he'll put his hand on the doorknob, thinking, oh, please.
It moves immediately.
And Captain Zedek will push or, is it a push or pull door?
Does it matter?
It's a pull door.
It is a pull door.
He will pull open the door.
And you find yourselves walking into a vast gala, a ballroom,
where all of the, the, the, the highest highs of imperial nobility are.
And as Zedek opens it, everyone turns and begins clapping.
Women catch their breaths, and look, the men give nods of respect.
Oh, it's Captain Zedek.
Captain Zedek.
Captain Zedek.
Oh, Captain Zedek, we always knew you were such a wonderful captain.
What, what is this?
Captain Zedek, come over here.
Come over here, my man.
Come, come.
We have a fine banquet ready.
All of the ladies want to dance with the best captain in the rogue trader service.
I, I, I don't understand what you, no, we were, no, it's, I don't, I don't, I, this, we were just, we were, we were in hell.
We were dead, like, seconds ago.
What is this?
Oh, that's all pish posh.
Come here, come here.
I, I, I have a daughter.
You see, she's very interested in you.
She's read all 18 different copies of Zedekit.
She's quite looking forward to your new one.
She's read 18 different copies, but I, I don't know.
Yes, yes, she's quite interested in joining your flotilla.
Captain Zedek will look back and see if he can see his party members.
Oh, yeah, they're, they're, they're all there having, like, come through the door that is now closed behind them.
Anybody, anybody else?
This, this doesn't strike anybody as weird.
Don't have much of a choice, Zedek.
Oh, and, like, this, this, this high and noble comes up.
Oh, oh, oh, if it isn't Captain Zedek.
I'm so pleased to meet you.
I, I heard all about your brave actions in the Akama system after you destroyed the entire Lukok dynasty by yourself.
Yes, I, I certainly did.
They, they sure didn't know.
They, they sure didn't know.
They, they sure didn't know.
They, they sure didn't know what hit them, because they don't live anymore.
Yeah.
That's, that's, that's our, our very good Captain Zedek here.
You know, there's some thoughts that he might be sent to the High Lords to represent the rogue traders.
Oh, the chartest, the chartest Captain Seat could be is.
Oh, I'm sure that they have plenty of candidates to choose from.
Say, who are you and why are you here?
Why am I here?
Why?
Why, why, why, Zedek?
Why, where, where, where are all people here who respect you?
Where everyone who matters, who respects you?
Everyone who matters, who respects me.
Oh, not everyone.
There's still one more.
And as that, like you hear and, and Zedek, it just pulses in your head.
The sound of a boot somewhere off in the distance, like on the upper level past the, the, the sound of a boot.
slightly obscured windows a shadow a boot hits marble floor a boot you haven't heard since you
were a child oh yes yes he's coming too he's so proud of you he's no no oh yes yes yes he's so
he wants to see you he's so proud of you now thump he that's no it can't be this can't be
real obviously because he wouldn't be here he's he's not oh yes yes he's after everything you've
done and then the man turns everything you could do oh he wants to see you
and then you could have everything you could have all of this forever
no no
thump another foot the shadow continues to move in the upper level
he no he he's not here there's there's no way that he's here this it's just it's just it can't
be this is it's patently impossible look at them back there they they know full well he can't be
here right guys right right just go with it keep your watch about you
he's so proud of you
I want to speak up but this just seems like it's like xenix adventure I don't want to interfere
uh lauren rolls a 10 total the warp is like suffusing everything here this is this is the
rawness of the warp but whatever is coming makes everything in here
in comparison where
where everyone sees the shadow
you see a
luminous being behind
those windows on the second
floor something that is so
radiant powerful and beautiful
you know that to look upon it
would permanently blind
definite dumb you
it's like I
would Lorne know what
that is that you would
know it is something beyond what
you understand
does it give Lorne
pain
yeah it like gives you like
actually like a nosebleed as
you even try to
glimpse the outline
of this thing
I go to the pipe
yeah don't worry I can promise you my eyes
all this
immediately fall down
we don't like this place
like where's the door
Lorne's immediately clawing for
where the exit
is I'm gonna run up to
and you rush towards but then
a crowd oh good sir
come here come with us
good sir
like with your
weapon yeah of course
okay
give me an attack roll
I absolutely will
why am I rolling my weapon skill raw
I have brain worms let us roll
um uh
yeah uh technically
I guess technically it would be a charge
did you call that a charge
yeah sure
all right 14 successes
shifting five extra dice
cool mark me down a rune point
and um you find
that like it seems like the
ballroom is stretching on
and on as you rush to try to reach
your friend and Zedek from your
perspective you just hear this low level like
like Zedek from Pybrain
in the background but it's it's so it's
so distant it's far far less loud and
impactful than the boots on the marble
Zedek is
oh yes it's coming it's coming
your father will be here soon
no no he's
so proud of you
he wants to tell you how proud he is of
everything you've done
he's not he's not he's not
thump
there's no there's no way
he would be here
he is
he'll be coming he'll be coming through
that door and when he does
this will all be real
everything
your great moment
your great achievement
the head of the
chartist captain the greatest
rogue trader in this imperium
a man with a hundred
ships and all
the things and
pleasures he could ever want
to hell with the ships he's not
here there's no way
he could be here
but he
is thump another boot
on the marble
captain Zedek will reach towards his waist
holding the power sword
no
if he's here I will make sure
he does not leave
Zedek
Zedek my boy
he's about to come out
look it's your papa
as ransom comes out from
the crowd no you're you're you're not real you're here he's the fuck if he took you you're
no none of this you killed him you killed him and then you destroyed lecoq and then you got
a hundred ships captain zedek will lash out with the power sword against what he assumes is not
ransom okay give me an attack roll all right five successes a complication
your power sword snaps fizzes and dies but not before you manage to impale ransom through the
chest he looks down what why why captain captain
captain
captain
captain
not here and he like falls down into this heap of blood oh well that was very very good thrust
fine foam oh yes of course he's so skilled at this another boot on the marble the the shadow
is now turning the corner coming closer towards the immense open door at the end of the ballroom
light seems to stream as it turns around
no yes you can have all of this you can have absolutely all of this i don't want this i don't
know this isn't right no i can't have this he's going to be here he's so proud of you at this
point captain zedek is just completely dumbfounded the literal anticipation is killing him okay uh
and so we've got pybrane who's rushing to kill him and he's going to kill him and he's going to kill
him and he's going to kill him and he's going to kill him and he's going to kill him but he's going to
kill him and he's going to kill him and he's going to do like a pretty good job of just
pushing him through like lauren you've fallen down with the nosebleed reeb you were kind of at
the back end of the ballroom what are you doing reeb has uh been scanning looking for
entryways not exits he's not looking to escape because i don't think we're getting out of this
situation he's looking for ways things could come in the only thing you can see is sort of a door
at the far end which seems to be this focal point door where this figure is going towards all of the
others as you sort of take a
moment to actually look around
you see that the windows
and the sort of like second level doesn't
have any other entrances or doors
and even the windows they appear
to just be sort of set in frames
so there's only one entrance and exit
the entrance of course being behind you
and sealed now
captain
we're just going to have to deal with
whatever this is
and somehow Zedek you just you hear
this despite pie is like still
slashing through guests trying
to reach you on this endless run
no no we can't
we can't deal with this because it's not real there's
no way that we can deal
with this it's impossible
we're here now but it could
be you could have all
of this do you want
all of this no
no I don't want this
no not not if he's
here not if he's alive
so tell me
do you not want to have
a fleet of ships
an empire of dirt
is no empire I want
not if he's still
here do you not want to grind
the lecox under your heel
this blood has been bad as far
as I can remember
since I was a child that I knew
this
but people can change
not all of them
some
but not him
and the bloody gurgling
voice from the ground
of ransom
do you
know that means you'll
never have anyone's
respect
why would I ever forget
that
that's what I've been
working towards for so long
another step towards
the door the light is so bright
it's shining right by the door
can uh
is it okay
well this is your moment
I just want to ask your permission first before I
try to do a thing I mean
go ahead
okay
um
I'd like to do a narrative
declaration if possible
okay
uh
the narrative
declaration is that I'm able
are we able to kind of hear
the conversation that he's having
over there
yes oh yeah like this is all
suddenly like perfectly clear
even
even to pie who's running
through the infinite
gauntlet
uh
Lauren would like
his narrative decoration
is to use his psychic
mastery because after hearing
that or whatever
is that like gosh
I'm going to go
that's all he ever wanted
we definitely respect him
don't we
we definitely
respect him as our friend
and it read for anyone
to run a ship like that
that he would have
had to go through copious amount of things
he was able to run
that hunk of junk
he was able to help us
in so many situations
and rally so many people
to causes
and of course we at least us
we respect you know
exactly for being an amazing
captain for what he's done
can Zedek hear this
or is this just among
yeah absolutely
in fact there's like
it's going into your ears
you're hearing it
yeah the decoration
is for him
for Lauren to use
his psychic mastery
to overpower
as much of the warp
that he can
you know with the power of it
to make sure it gets
to Zedek's ears
and
they're basically
in which he'll just start
basically just
molten beaming
hordes to help out pie
so if we have to get through
Zedek don't worry
we're coming
out of all the captains
we have made you
so far
we're the greatest ones
and I'm sure all of us
have ever seen
just swathing through
as much as he can
going
don't listen
to those
those demons
Zedek
and he's just basically
beaming as much as he can
to try to
help pie brain make way
yeah and like
you're cutting
you're cutting a path
through some of these
these hordes
of nobles
and then courtiers
who are trying to stop
pie's way
and somehow pie like
with not with
the molten beams
but the words of Lorne
it seems like that distance
is shortened just a bit
hey Thurston
can I also
the narrative and declare
absolutely
if we want to do
the final fantasy prayer sequence
now is the time
absolutely
no
I use my narrative declaration
to say
reap ducks
all right
mark you down a rat
sweet
thank you
cutting through
this morass
of people
seeing the
speck of Zedek
on the horizon
pie is just going to
cry out
thick with blood
Zedek
your wounds
are my wounds
you are my captain
break the spell
and Zedek will turn around
and say
I didn't hear this
and just look back
at the menagerie
in front of him
nobody
nobody here
actually respects me
but them
they're the
but they could
no
they're the only ones
who I have done anything
to warrant respect
beyond sycophants
they're the only things
close to friends
that I've had
doesn't matter
how long I've run that ship
it doesn't matter
that I'm their captain
they're the only ones
who have shown me
any sort of loyalty
or genuine compassion
I have no need
for sycophants
and those sucking up
just for favors
and just
empty praises
it means nothing
if it's not earned
another foot on the marble
and then the
the deep
the deep voice
Zedek
father
he could love you
yes
we could all love you
everyone could love you
you could be the most
loved
and cherished
and perfect thing
uh yeah
sure give me an attack roll
please
Zed
it's gonna be five successes
14
damage
your your your blast
goes into the face
of the nobleman
who staggers back
the skin of his face
splitting under the impact
of the arc pistol
that that seems to
crackle
seems to crackle over
and split the face open
and he's momentarily
fallen back
and you
you see him
clutch at his face
but not fall down
and instead
the front of his face
seems to split
his skin
seems to almost
slough off
like jello
his arms seem to
shake
and then a tongue
bursts out
not from the mouth
but from the split mouth
this black whip
and his eyes
melting and popped
from your pistol
have now
re-congealed
into hard obsidian
orbs that stare
at you
and the voice
that speaks
in your mind
says
but we could
all respect you
everyone could
love you
I don't
out of character
I don't like that
I don't like that at all
good
oh so in character
you do like it
yeah
no
yeah
Captain Zedek
deplore indeed
no
no
I don't think
any of you could
I don't think
the least of all
you could be perfect
you and the
the woman beside you
as you turn
you see
her face is split
in a similar way
the whip-like tongue
the tentacles
coming out of her
you could be perfect
like us too
we can all be perfect
together
I
I don't need
to be perfect
I just need to be a good man
the last step
of the process
the boot on marble
the shadow falling over
the light spilling
out of the doorway
blinding
pie
you are rushing forward
Zedek is almost
in reach of you
Zedek
I have your gold star
Zedek
you see your friend
coming through the tumult
of the crowd
you see
dozens
of these
horrific
corrupted
noble figures
now
sloughing off their skins
and showing their
true shapes to you
burned down
by beams
of molten energy
forlorn
also
Reeb is in the back
like cowering down a bit
um
heroic
he's ducking from the
molten beam
yeah
like ducking
from the molten beams
all of this is going
going on
but Zedek
you see
the light
brimming out
of the doorway
what do you do
shielding his eyes
I suppose
cause
he's gonna get blinded
otherwise
unless it doesn't affect him
which
case
he doesn't
he just stares
right at it
yeah
you stare
into the light
and what do you do
just wait
for him to appear
there's no
turning back
at this point
there's
we have reached
the end of the cul-de-sac
and like
the voices
beside you
be like us
perfect
like us
perfect
for him
perfect
for her
live in perfection
with us
be perfect
be loved
be adored
be respected
be the god
be the greatest
be everything
I can be
whatever he was not
I can do
what he didn't
but I know
that any love
you give me here
nothing
that man
that monster
up there
no
no mirage
could
ever persuade me
that that man
could ever love
anything beyond himself
and then it steps
away
and
as quickly as it came
the light seems to fade
and the nobles
many writhing on the floor
shriek
those who are still standing
clutch the sides of their heads
falling down
and
melting
into liquefaction
on the floor
everything in the room
turns putrid
as you watch
entropy
quickly overtake
everything in a moment
the wood
the colored panels
everything seems to
slough away
falling down
this terrifying
deception revealed
and then
reality itself
deconstructs
around
all of you
I need everyone
to give me a conviction test
please
except for Captain Zedek
as everything here
seems to just
disappear
disappear
and
and
,
and
and
and
and
fall away
and fall away
fellas we got any glory?
cause my conviction's not good
can I
can I take it?
yeah that's fine
your conviction's not great
uh
I roll
a
three
very good
yeah, Lorn got a four
Pyre got a three
and Reeb got a three
okay
so um
Pybrain and
uh
Reeb
both take one point
of corruption
for
from this
tumult through the warp
but then
you got it
after that
you find yourselves
back
on the bridge of infinity
and the dark road
Zedek standing
slightly ahead of you
uh with with Pybrain in between
back on this
strange
unreal
psychedelic
zone
I am just gonna run up to Zedek and hug him
Lorn will also run up and hug him
Zedek you passed the trial
and I'm
I'm just gonna hug him harder
we would have to
we would have to
mountain beam your face
if you looked like any of them
after that altercation
I'm so glad you figured it out
what a
bloody mess
mm
mm
mm
mm
mm
mm
mm
mm
mm
mm
mm
mm
mm
mm
mm
mm
mm
I guess you're right
just a
just a single
single tear in his eye
well
the worst of it's over I guess
so
let's keep pushing on
shall we
no let's not assume that the worst is over
captain we still have a little bit to go
let's move along
you continue walking
down
down this strange road
again everything constantly shifting and changing colors
but seems like there is just a little bit of a lightness in the step
and that's when
you start to hear something else
something coming over all of the other sounds
beep
sound of like some kind of like forced air and then electrical beeping
it's not me no one played me
I
beep
beep
beep
kind of sounds like the lab doesn't it
yes like a medical center
hmm
uh
reeb
do you and as as you turn to rebu reeb you're looking ahead and seeing that is something that is manifested on the path ahead of you
a
very tight airlock door way
all right so yes the door is is up ahead this this is metal like clinically sealed door and you can hear even though it's sealed the sounds behind it
boop
Boop.
Boop.
Hmm.
Life support system.
I recognize that sound anywhere.
Does this airlock familiar to me at all?
You approach
and you can see that it is a
state-of-the-art
Adeptus Biologus
style facility. The type of
thing you would only see in the best
treaties of
essentially like
medical function. Like this would be
the type of thing that would only be on
Terra or Mars in terms of
quality.
Hmm.
Is there a
keypad or some kind
of control to open this door?
Yes, there is a numbered
keypad beside.
Do I know the code?
Do you?
I don't know.
Do I? Shall I roll on intelligence?
What number will you put into it?
What would you try?
What is important to Reeb?
Hmm.
No number really comes
to his mind.
So you look at this
data pad and like
yeah, there's like options for numbers
and nothing comes to mind?
Hmm.
No.
Reeb's just gonna stare at it.
Bye.
And as you're staring
at it, you
see that the message that's
blinking on it
enter initial security
code. This is a
absolutely pristine new
unit.
Oh, I see.
Uh, Reeb will enter
the following keypad
numbers.
Okay.
There you go.
You want to say it for
podcast listeners? It is.
Yeah, sorry. He enters
8-8-5-6.
And as
you enter it, there is a chime
and a little like digital
smiley face, at which point
the pneumatic hiss
of the door as it
opens. And then
brilliant light comes
and streams over all of you
from inside. And that's where
we're gonna end today's session.
Yay!
Good job, everybody. Great job.
I hope you guys
had an excellent time with us. Thank you
all so much for watching. I'll see you next time.
I'd like to say thank you to our Scutaria Ranger.
Yes, thank you. I'm Speaker D.
I'm one of the greatest.
We already know that because I was at the beginning.
So you can find me on Twitter at
SuperSnakeKick or on YouTube at
Speaker D.
I'd like to thank our Inquisitorial
Ankylite.
My name is Erndil and you can
reach me at Twitter at
Erndilio and nowhere else.
That's right.
I have been playing the Sanctum Sanctum
of Lorne and I'd like to say thank you to our
resident Rogue Trader.
That is me. I am HulkyCrow.
You can find me at
at HulkyCrow on Twitter or in
the Warhams community Discord
as the community manager.
I do voice acting
for the Internet, text-to-speech device, and I also
do funny things on the side too, but please
come and hang out. Have a good time.
And thank you Thurston
Hillman, who is our Game Master,
for giving us an amazing session today.
We hope everybody liked it.
And also where can everyone find you?
Oh, you can find me on
all the things at OnCallGM.
I do stuff sometimes.
I play vidya games. I sometimes talk to
this bear fellow on podcasts
and other things, but yeah. Cool.
And so with that
everyone, thank you all so much for watching.
If you enjoyed what we do here, you can visit us
at warhams.tv. You get a countdown
timer for the next episode.
We do the 40k kind of stuff
for this every other week, and we also do
the fantasy version every other week, nearly every
Saturday. You will see us live, so
thank you all so much for supporting us.
Thank you to all the lovely patrons, which we
will now switch over
to them. Thank you
all so very much
for joining us. We hope you
have an absolutely
lovely day. Please stay safe.
Please keep being awesome.
And we will see you all
next time. Farewell, my friends!
And farewell.
Thank you for coming out, everybody. Goodbye!
We all love you very much.
Bye!
Goodbye!
Goodbye!
Goodbye!
Goodbye!