The DINKWAP Show. Dual income. No kids.
With a podcast.
Rem: Hello guys and welcome to another
Rem: episode of the DINKWAP Show.
Rem: I almost said "Weekend Winedown Podcast"
Rem: Welcome to the DINKWAP Show
Rem: And this is your host, Rem.
Alvia: And Alvia.
Rem: So we left a hanging question last episode
Rem: So we were discussing that we are DINKs.
Rem: Dual income. No kids. So we decided to
Rem: not have kids
Rem: and have, you know, build our lives with
Rem: a couple of incomes. Income streams.
Alvia: I got confused, who's the couple?
Alvia: Obviously, this is not scripted. Poetic.
Rem: I am the Jose Rizal of podcasts
Rem: So we decided not to have children. We
Rem: decided not to have biological children.
Rem: So that's,
Rem: we should put an emphasis on that. But
Rem: in the future, if we're settled,
Rem: and we feel like we want to have kids,
Rem: are you open or are we open to adopting
Rem: children?
Alvia: I thought we were going to...
Alvia: The topic is serious...
Alvia: but we're so out of it.
Rem: No, so that's it's lighthearted. For
Rem: example, this is good. These techniques.
Rem: For example, the listener is about to get angry.
Rem: Then, it will be cringey.
Alvia: It will be cringey. They will get
Alvia: angrier. But anyway, to answer your
Alvia: question before we go to another topic.
Alvia: I think yes. Probably. Because we've
Alvia: talked about it before. That's always an
Alvia: option.
Alvia: Because with biological clock and
Alvia: everything. And I also have PCOS. And I
Alvia: have a history of
Alvia: fertility issues with my mom. So
Alvia: probably, me too. Or whatever. With PCOS
Alvia: and everything.
Rem: Explain that. Let's explain PCOS.
Alvia: I haven't answered the question yet, you
Alvia: already have another question.
Rem: Okay, after this. There's a follow-up
Rem: question. Of course, we're like that.
Alvia: Anyway, let's go to PCOS. So, it's polycystic
Alvia: ovary syndrome. But it's kind of a misnomer
Alvia: because there's no cyst.
Rem: That's why other people are afraid.
Alvia: Although, some people have a different
Alvia: condition. But for me, it's like,
Alvia: imagine you have an ovary and it's
Alvia: like an asteroid cloud.
Rem: Asteroid cloud? Wait.
Alvia: There's like bits on the side.
Rem: I will imagine. Wait. I don't know what
Rem: an asteroid cloud is.
Alvia: You don't know how an ovary looks and an asteroid
Alvia: cloud.
Rem: No, I don't know what an asteroid cloud is
Alvia: It's like, there's clouds. I don't know.
Alvia: There's something. When you ultrasound
Alvia: your ovary, there's something that's
Alvia: wrapping it.
Alvia: So basically, it's different in severity
Alvia: and different in women. But basically,
Alvia: it wacks up your hormones.
Alvia: So for me, thankfully, it's mild. But it's
Alvia: both ovaries. So it's very common. Like
Alvia: 80 plus percent of women have it to some
Alvia: degree.
Alvia: So for others, the extreme cases, it's
Alvia: like they have their periods only twice a year.
Alvia: It's like that. For me, it's just
Alvia: irregular. I thought I was just getting
Alvia: older.
Alvia: Because it's my first time having dysmenorrhea.
Alvia: Which never happened to me before.
Rem: Men are like huh?
Alvia: Yeah. The stomach hurts. It hurts a lot.
Alvia: And then you get acne breakouts. There's
Alvia: weird stuff in your body.
Alvia: But anyway, that's the thing. I'm not a
Alvia: doctor.
Rem: But if 80 percent of women have it...
Alvia: Have it to some degree.
Rem: Like, it's actually the norm. It's not
Rem: abnormal.
Alvia: To sidebar, the reason I discovered I had PCOS
Alvia: I accompanied our "only friend" to get
Alvia: checked up.
Rem: She should've been here with us.
Alvia: Yeah, because she has PCOS.
Alvia: And I got checked up too.
Alvia: Our friendship is amazing, guys. We went
Alvia: together to the OB-GYNE.
Rem: That's how they date.
Alvia: That's how our friendship is.
Rem: OB Date.
Alvia: It's not common to get checked up
Alvia: because it's a different process. It's
Alvia: not like an APE.
Alvia: You need to get an ultrasound for your
Alvia: ovaries. It's not comfortable.
Alvia: But anyway, that's the thing.
Alvia: For me, it's not very extreme. But they
Alvia: also said that I really need to adjust
Alvia: my lifestyle, be active.
Alvia: And PCOS is prone to diabetes, so you'll get
Alvia: checked up for prediabetes.
Alvia: So I'm not prediabetic.
Alvia: But almost. I'm just there when I'm at
Alvia: the level where I'm already very near the
Alvia: threshold.
Alvia: I'm almost there.
Rem: You're almost there.
Alvia: So anyway, what was the question?
Alvia: The one about the biographical...
Rem: Biographical child.
Alvia: Biological child.
Rem: Is that okay?
Alvia: I'm stupid. So anyway, one of my
Alvia: siblings is adopted.
Rem: That's your youngest, right?
Alvia: I don't love her any different than my
Alvia: other siblings.
Alvia: So I won't say anything about the
Alvia: sibling favoritism ranking because they
Alvia: all know.
Rem: They know who's the favorite.
Alvia: They all know. So I don't love
Alvia: her any different. I don't treat her any
Alvia: different.
Alvia: So I thought, if there is a chance that
Alvia: somewhere down the road, let's have a...
Alvia: There is a child who needs a home and we're
Alvia: the ones who are fit to care for that
Alvia: child.
Alvia: Why not? Because she's already there. We just
Alvia: don't want to put a new life into this
Alvia: world as much as possible.
Alvia: But she's already here.
Alvia: But I hope she's not too baby.
Rem: We can't handle a baby.
Alvia: What if we're already 50 and we're still
Alvia: going to have a potty train?
Rem: So for me, it's the same. I don't know
Rem: why I'm a weirdo kid.
Rem: But I've thought about it. If ever,
Rem: maybe I should adopt instead.
Rem: If I have the capacity to raise a child,
Rem: and I feel like I'm ready.
Rem: Why not instead of having my own child
Rem: coming from my own blood.
Rem: I almost said something bad.
Alvia: I thought so.
Rem: I dodged a bullet there.
Alvia: Sorry, I couldn't help myself.
Rem: The demon and the angel are talking.
Rem: "Say it."
Alvia: I read it in your eyes.
Rem: "Say it."
Alvia: "Go."
Rem: "Go."
Rem: Look what's going to happen.
Rem: The angel won.
Alvia: Couldn't help but laugh.
Alvia: I knew what you were going to say.
Alvia: But anyway.
Rem: This podcast is already R18.
Rem: It's ok to slip.
Alvia: Don't do it. Let's keep it PG.
Rem: I'm lost.
Rem: Instead of coming from me,
Rem: I'm still laughing.
Alvia: I think they get it.
Rem: There's already someone here
Rem: who needs help.
Rem: There's a child here
Rem: who's been abandoned.
Rem: Either abandoned or
Rem: what do you call it?
Rem: The one whose parents left them?
Rem: Whatever
Rem: Orphaned.
Rem: What's wrong...?
Alvia: J-Riz of podcasts.
Rem: What's wrong with me?
Alvia: We just went on vacation and you lost
Alvia: your vocabulary.
Alvia: English, Tagalog.
Rem: They say "New Year...
Rem: ...New Me." This is the new me.
Rem: I have no words.
Rem: Literally.
Alvia: It all goes down from here.
Rem: But this one who needs help...
Rem: If I have the capacity to help this
Rem: child,
Rem: I have that opportunity to change the
Rem: course of their life.
Alvia: What if you don't make the child's
Alvia: life better after you adopt them?
Rem: That's my fault.
Alvia: So you didn't really help?
Rem: If I ever feel like I can do it, I will.
Rem: In the Philippines,
Rem: is there a strict assessment
Rem: for those who want to adopt children?
Alvia: We're like...
Alvia: I'm going to say it again.
Alvia: DepEd.
Alvia: I'm so stupid.
Alvia: So annoying.
Rem: It's the third episode.
Alvia: We're smart.
Alvia: Is it DPWH?
Rem: What?
Alvia: DSWD!
Alvia: So stupid!
Alvia: Are we going to adopt a highway?!
Alvia: So senseless.
Alvia: Let's stop this.
Alvia: Let's sleep.
Alvia: DSWD!
Alvia: So stupid.
Alvia: I don't want to do podcasts anymore.
Rem: Wait, guys.
Rem: My tummy is hurting from laughing.
Alvia: Going to adopt a highway!
Alvia: So senseless.
Rem: Going to build a flyover.
Alvia: You also didn't know!
Alvia: You were looking at me when I said,
Alvia: "DPWH." You were agreeing.
Rem: No.
Alvia: I'm crying.
Rem: I said, "Did I hear that right?"
Alvia: I'm crying.
Rem: This episode is so messy.
Alvia: We're running out of time.
Alvia: Anyway, DSWD!
Alvia: So, DSWD came to us.
Alvia: They interviewed all the members of the
Alvia: family.
Alvia: Get over it. We won't adopt
Alvia: a highway.
Alvia: They'll assess your financial and
Alvia: emotional capacity.
Alvia: We were all interviewed.
Alvia: They'll check your house.
Alvia: If it's livable.
Alvia: Of course everyone should
Alvia: all agree.
Alvia: That's how it was.
Rem: Has to be unanimous?
Alvia: I was in college.
Alvia: I have younger siblings.
Alvia: They're in high school.
Alvia: They were also interviewed.
Alvia: Get over it!
Alvia: Move on. We're running out of
Alvia: time.
Alvia: That's the process I know.
Alvia: I don't know if it changed
Alvia: or if the circumstances in my family
Alvia: were different.
Alvia: That's what I know.
Alvia: I know in our case...
Alvia: I won't dive into it.
Alvia: Usually, they match you up with an orphan.
Alvia: They choose.
Rem: You can't choose.
Rem: It's not like in the movies.
Alvia: We fostered first.
Alvia: We fostered before we adopted.
Rem: What's the difference between fostering
Rem: and adoption?
Alvia: In my understanding...
Alvia: Fostering is temporary.
Alvia: It's for a limited time.
Rem: What's the purpose of that?
Alvia: I don't know for sure.
Alvia: I'm not a psychologist or a community
Alvia: worker.
Alvia: I don't know about kids, but I know
Alvia: in the case of dogs,
Alvia: they do it that way too.
Alvia: For example, the dog was just taken off the street.
Alvia: Some has to take care of it temporarily
Alvia: until it gets better.
Alvia: Or until it adjusts to a home
Alvia: environment.
Alvia: It's like that.
Rem: Don't you think it's confusing for kids?
Alvia: I'm not sure.
Rem: Well we're not experts.
Rem: I hope we can talk to them.
Alvia: I even said mistakenly it's DPWH is the one
Alvia: who talked to us.
Rem: Don't listen to us.
Rem: We're so wrong.
Alvia: We're so worthless.
Alvia: I know it's not the norm for people.
Alvia: Of course, there's stigma around it, but
Alvia: that's their belief.
Rem: Let's dive into the stigma.
Rem: My mother always urged me to have kids.
Rem: Even before I got married.
Rem: I was really set on being single for the
Rem: rest of my life.
Rem: But that's what happened.
Rem: I am so handsome.
Rem: I'm sorry.
Rem: I feel bad for the people who are
Rem: listening to this.
Rem: No, actully, they're lucky they don't see
Rem: what's happening.
Rem: But she urged me.
Rem: I told her, "why would I want to have my own kids,
Rem: I can always adopt."
Rem: She told me, "It's still different if the child is yours."
Rem: There's another one.
Alvia: She's not from your blood.
Rem: "It's different if.."
Rem: No, not like that.
Rem: It's a bit harsh...
Rem: "You don't know where the child came from."
Rem: And all the connotations around it.
Rem: "The child might grow up as a bad person."
Rem: "It might harm you."
Rem: I mean, that's a child.
Alvia: No matter where it came from, that's
Alvia: still a child.
Rem: That's a child!
Rem: Why are you judging the child that way?
Alvia: It's because of the TV dramas.
Alvia: And the movies.
Alvia: They watched those.
Rem: We should do an episode about it.
Rem: Although we've talked about it before.
Rem: About nature and nurture.
Rem: For me, what's the difference?
Rem: First, is your spouse a blood relative?
Rem: You loved him, but he's not your blood.
Rem: What's the difference with a child?
Rem: Right?
Rem: What's the difference with a child?
Rem: And it was a beautiful thing for me.
Rem: Because your family, you had an adopted
Rem: sister.
Rem: So now, when people tell me that,
Rem: "it's still different".
Rem: Why?
Rem: Is Alvia's adopted sister different?
Rem: Right?
Rem: That shuts them up.
Alvia: Because it's more concrete.
Rem: This is the real deal.
Rem: Because there's actually a family member
Rem: here
Rem: that we all love.
Alvia: And she looks like us.
Alvia: It's not obvious.
Rem: So when I first came to your house,
Rem: I didn't notice that she was adopted.
Alvia: Just the age gap.
Rem: And it's okay that the child knows.
Alvia: Yes, she knows.
Alvia: And we don't treat her differently.
Rem: There's nothing.
Alvia: There's nothing.
Alvia: In fairness, even in our extended family,
Alvia: when we decided to adopt,
Alvia: she was already 4 years old.
Alvia: She was already old enough.
Alvia: And they really welcomed her.
Alvia: She has gifts for Christmas.
Alvia: So she's not treated any different
Alvia: than any other family member.
Alvia: She's also not treated more special.
Alvia: Because sometimes,
Alvia: it's also damaging.
Alvia: We treat her just enough.
Alvia: Like a normal sister.
Rem: Like a real sister.
Rem: Bullied like the others...
Alvia: Ordered to fetch water.
Rem: Right?
Rem: However you treat your child...
Alvia: It's hard.
Alvia: Because if you don't know,
Alvia: for people who don't know,
Alvia: haven't experienced it,
Alvia: what's their basis?
Rem: That's why.
Alvia: Let's say.
Rem: Like they say,
Rem: we saw on TikTok before.
Rem: It's like,
Rem: she was being teased.
Alvia: That she's adopted.
Rem: "Your just adopted!"
Rem: But she had a good comeback.
Rem: She said,
Rem: "I, you,
Rem: oh, it's me."
Rem: Let's start over.
Alvia: So we can make a soundbite.
Rem: Yes.
Alvia: Okay, let's do it again.
Alvia: Okay, back to start.
Rem: "I, was chosen by my mom.
Rem: You,
Rem: she had no choice."
Alvia: "You could be an accident."
Rem: Something like that.
Rem: So, right?
Rem: So, I feel,
Rem: I believe that
Rem: the love that you choose,
Rem: in spite of you not being blood related,
Rem: for me, that's the purest form of love.
Rem: You don't have any obligation
Rem: to love that person.
Rem: But you choose to.
Alvia: Isn't that the video before,
Alvia: Jimmy Alapag and his wife?
Rem: Yes.
Alvia: Their story is beautiful.
Alvia: But they also felt,
Alvia: their eldest is adopted,
Alvia: they felt,
Alvia: when they saw the child in the orphanage,
Alvia: they felt he was their son.
Alvia: Something like that.
Rem: So,
Alvia: maybe there's something like that.
Rem: Yeah.
Rem: So guys,
Rem: I hope,
Rem: to the viewers,
Rem: you get a different view on adoption.
Rem: And if ever,
Rem: you have the capacity to,
Rem: actually,
Rem: adopt another person,
Rem: another, a child.
Alvia: Another person.
Rem: Another person.
Alvia: 20 years old.
Rem: I'm so confused.
Rem: I have so many things to say.
Alvia: It's annoying.
Alvia: You know,
Alvia: if you have the chance to
Alvia: open up your home,
Alvia: open up your heart,
Alvia: to a child,
Alvia: who needs a family,
Alvia: who needs parents,
Alvia: maybe it's something you can think about.
Rem: Especially to the,
Rem: let's continue this in the next episode.
Rem: Because we're running out of time.
Rem: Anyway,
Rem: thank you again for tuning in
Rem: to the DINKWAP show.
Rem: And we'll see you on the next episode.
Alvia: Bye.
You were listening to the Dinkwap show.
[outro music]