WEBVTT 00:00:02.580 --> 00:00:07.720 - Welcome to the Willow Ridge Sermons Podcast. 00:00:07.720 --> 00:00:09.240 This is where you can find audio 00:00:09.240 --> 00:00:11.480 from Sunday morning messages and more. 00:00:11.480 --> 00:00:12.780 Make sure you're subscribed 00:00:12.780 --> 00:00:14.680 so that you don't miss future episodes 00:00:14.680 --> 00:00:15.920 and thanks for listening. 00:00:18.500 --> 00:00:23.160 - Well, good morning. 00:00:23.160 --> 00:00:24.760 If you have your Bible and I hope you do, 00:00:24.760 --> 00:00:29.760 I wanna invite you to join me in Genesis chapter 31. 00:00:29.880 --> 00:00:33.060 As you turn there, if you were not here with us last week, 00:00:33.060 --> 00:00:35.580 this week's message is part two. 00:00:35.580 --> 00:00:37.800 I'm gonna do my best to kind of recap 00:00:37.800 --> 00:00:40.160 or reminding myself of the amount of time 00:00:40.160 --> 00:00:41.600 that we have this morning. 00:00:41.600 --> 00:00:42.960 And so I do wanna encourage you, 00:00:42.960 --> 00:00:45.540 if you were here with us today 00:00:45.540 --> 00:00:48.360 and you have not listened to last week's message, 00:00:48.360 --> 00:00:50.280 it's not that you won't get anything out of today. 00:00:50.280 --> 00:00:51.600 I pray that you will. 00:00:51.600 --> 00:00:52.580 I know that you will. 00:00:52.580 --> 00:00:55.360 I trust that the spirit of God is going to work and move, 00:00:55.360 --> 00:00:57.320 but I would encourage you in the fullness 00:00:57.320 --> 00:00:59.200 of what we're looking at this morning 00:00:59.200 --> 00:01:02.600 to go back and to listen to last week's message 00:01:02.600 --> 00:01:05.280 as we try to pull all of this together. 00:01:05.280 --> 00:01:09.680 Last week, we started looking in chapter 30 and verse 25, 00:01:09.680 --> 00:01:12.960 worked all the way through chapter 31. 00:01:12.960 --> 00:01:17.200 And we're not gonna read all of those verses together today, 00:01:17.200 --> 00:01:20.960 but I will recap and draw out some of the key verses 00:01:20.960 --> 00:01:23.720 that I want us to focus in on. 00:01:23.720 --> 00:01:26.840 As we look at and begin to understand, right, 00:01:26.840 --> 00:01:30.200 what it means to be a toxic person, 00:01:30.200 --> 00:01:33.000 to have in our life toxic people, 00:01:33.000 --> 00:01:35.880 what does it look like to be a godly person 00:01:35.880 --> 00:01:37.460 and what do you and I do? 00:01:37.460 --> 00:01:38.760 Number one, if we realize 00:01:38.760 --> 00:01:40.800 that we have toxic people in our life, 00:01:40.800 --> 00:01:42.120 how do we respond to that? 00:01:42.120 --> 00:01:44.200 And number two, what do you and I do 00:01:44.200 --> 00:01:48.640 if we realize that we are a toxic person, all right? 00:01:48.640 --> 00:01:50.960 So let me read this verse to you 00:01:50.960 --> 00:01:52.800 as we get settled in this morning. 00:01:52.800 --> 00:01:55.080 Genesis 31, verse three. 00:01:56.280 --> 00:01:58.840 Then the Lord said to Jacob, 00:01:58.840 --> 00:02:04.760 "Return to the land of your fathers and to your kindred, 00:02:04.760 --> 00:02:08.040 "and I will be with you." 00:02:08.040 --> 00:02:09.300 Let's pray. 00:02:09.300 --> 00:02:10.680 God, I thank you for this time 00:02:10.680 --> 00:02:12.480 that we could be here together. 00:02:12.480 --> 00:02:15.640 Lord, I thank you for the perfection of your word. 00:02:15.640 --> 00:02:19.200 Lord, I thank you for the move of your spirit. 00:02:19.200 --> 00:02:22.560 God, I pray that your spirit would open our hearts, 00:02:22.560 --> 00:02:26.720 our minds, our ears to hear, to receive, 00:02:26.720 --> 00:02:31.720 and to do and to be who you've called us to be 00:02:31.720 --> 00:02:34.360 through the power of your Holy Spirit. 00:02:34.360 --> 00:02:37.680 And this in Jesus' name we pray, amen. 00:02:37.680 --> 00:02:39.440 Quick little recap. 00:02:39.440 --> 00:02:44.000 You have a 101 level, entry level 00:02:44.000 --> 00:02:47.040 of what a dysfunctional family, 00:02:47.040 --> 00:02:50.440 dysfunctional relationships look like. 00:02:50.440 --> 00:02:54.200 Found in Genesis chapter 30, Genesis chapter 31. 00:02:54.200 --> 00:02:55.680 You've got a guy named Jacob 00:02:55.680 --> 00:02:59.000 from going all the way back to several messages ago 00:02:59.000 --> 00:03:01.080 who seeks to marry someone, 00:03:01.080 --> 00:03:03.780 and the dad, instead of allowing this marriage 00:03:03.780 --> 00:03:05.640 to just happen and take place, 00:03:05.640 --> 00:03:07.600 he controls, he manipulates, 00:03:07.600 --> 00:03:09.320 and at the end of this, 00:03:09.320 --> 00:03:13.780 Jacob ends up married to both daughters, 00:03:13.780 --> 00:03:15.560 who then begins to manipulate, 00:03:15.560 --> 00:03:18.880 and we see this pattern of generational sin, 00:03:18.880 --> 00:03:21.040 what they've learned, they're now implementing 00:03:21.040 --> 00:03:24.520 into their lives, and two daughters married to one man 00:03:24.520 --> 00:03:29.240 bring maidservants in, and this family is created 00:03:29.240 --> 00:03:33.000 and is surrounded by dysfunction of what's there. 00:03:33.000 --> 00:03:36.160 And Jacob, though, in a desire, 00:03:36.160 --> 00:03:39.080 Jacob in a heart to provide for his family 00:03:39.080 --> 00:03:40.400 and follow after the Lord, 00:03:40.400 --> 00:03:43.440 he comes to his father-in-law, a man named Laban. 00:03:43.440 --> 00:03:45.800 These are the two really important names for us today, 00:03:45.800 --> 00:03:46.720 Jacob and Laban. 00:03:46.720 --> 00:03:49.720 He comes to Laban, he says, "I've been faithful to you. 00:03:49.720 --> 00:03:51.240 "I've been committed to you. 00:03:51.240 --> 00:03:53.580 "I've done what you've asked me to do, 00:03:53.580 --> 00:03:56.760 "and I've done this for, I believe, like 20 years, 00:03:56.760 --> 00:04:00.260 "and through this, have received no compensation. 00:04:00.260 --> 00:04:03.280 "Let me leave to take my family. 00:04:03.280 --> 00:04:06.660 "Let me take from this, and this empire 00:04:06.660 --> 00:04:10.400 "that I've built for you, this money-making industry 00:04:10.400 --> 00:04:11.880 "that you are now a part of, 00:04:11.880 --> 00:04:13.660 "that has obviously been blessed. 00:04:13.780 --> 00:04:17.740 "Let me take the lower of the flock, 00:04:17.740 --> 00:04:19.560 "the flock that doesn't make money. 00:04:19.560 --> 00:04:22.400 "Let me take that so I can go back to my country, 00:04:22.400 --> 00:04:24.780 "back to my family, back to my people, 00:04:24.780 --> 00:04:29.780 "so that I can provide a future for my family." 00:04:29.780 --> 00:04:32.240 And the father-in-law, you would think, 00:04:32.240 --> 00:04:34.000 desiring the best for his daughters, 00:04:34.000 --> 00:04:36.640 for his grandkids, would say, "Sure, I'm gonna bless this," 00:04:36.640 --> 00:04:38.720 but that's not what happens. 00:04:38.720 --> 00:04:42.200 And what we see is this game that Laban begins to play 00:04:42.200 --> 00:04:45.360 as he begins to control, as he begins to manipulate. 00:04:45.360 --> 00:04:47.460 Laban, not a follower of God, 00:04:47.460 --> 00:04:50.360 seeks to fulfill his own evil desires 00:04:50.360 --> 00:04:54.100 of what he thinks and believes to be right. 00:04:54.100 --> 00:04:57.960 And as Jacob makes the tough decision 00:04:57.960 --> 00:05:01.480 to leave his family out, 00:05:01.480 --> 00:05:05.040 Laban rallies his sons around them 00:05:05.040 --> 00:05:08.860 and seeks after them to destroy them 00:05:08.860 --> 00:05:12.520 from breaking apart from him, the leader, 00:05:12.520 --> 00:05:14.460 the father, the grandfather. 00:05:14.460 --> 00:05:16.560 How dare you do that? 00:05:16.560 --> 00:05:21.480 A man who has spent his lifetime making others the victim 00:05:21.480 --> 00:05:26.320 comes and says, "But you have victimized me." 00:05:26.320 --> 00:05:29.660 God shows up, and even though Laban is not a follower of God, 00:05:29.660 --> 00:05:33.520 Laban has seen the evidence of God in the life of Jacob 00:05:33.520 --> 00:05:36.560 and in the evidence as God has blessed him. 00:05:36.560 --> 00:05:38.760 And so God appears to Laban and says, 00:05:38.760 --> 00:05:41.120 "Listen, you're not to lay a hand on this guy. 00:05:41.120 --> 00:05:44.000 "In fact, you're not even to speak harshly." 00:05:44.000 --> 00:05:49.000 And so what we see at the end of chapter 31 00:05:49.000 --> 00:05:53.880 as we've worked through this is Laban and Jacob, 00:05:53.880 --> 00:05:56.760 Laban overtakes Jacob, is what the Bible tells us. 00:05:56.760 --> 00:06:01.520 He overtakes Jacob, and they have this big session, 00:06:01.520 --> 00:06:03.160 the airing of grievances, 00:06:03.160 --> 00:06:07.200 the frustrations of everything that is there, 00:06:07.200 --> 00:06:10.400 and they end up choosing to set a boundary, 00:06:10.400 --> 00:06:13.960 to set a border, and to go their separate ways. 00:06:13.960 --> 00:06:18.960 As God's intervened, as God has promised Jacob 00:06:18.960 --> 00:06:23.600 that God will do what God has said he will do. 00:06:23.600 --> 00:06:25.420 I think it's important as we go through this, 00:06:25.420 --> 00:06:27.360 and it's very evident as we talk about 00:06:27.360 --> 00:06:30.520 what it means to be toxic, that in this story, 00:06:30.520 --> 00:06:34.200 Laban is the example of a toxic person. 00:06:34.200 --> 00:06:35.600 If you wanna look at and see 00:06:35.600 --> 00:06:37.840 who would I not need to be like in this story, 00:06:37.840 --> 00:06:40.320 that answer is Laban. 00:06:40.320 --> 00:06:44.960 On the flip side of that, Jacob is the example of godly, 00:06:44.960 --> 00:06:47.880 but I want us to kinda understand this as we go into this, 00:06:47.880 --> 00:06:49.920 and if you've been journeying through Genesis, 00:06:49.920 --> 00:06:52.280 you know if you're journeying through the scriptures 00:06:52.280 --> 00:06:54.680 in other instances, like you know this, 00:06:54.680 --> 00:06:59.480 Jacob is an example of godly, but Jacob isn't always godly. 00:06:59.480 --> 00:07:02.560 Jacob doesn't always do the right thing, 00:07:02.560 --> 00:07:04.760 but here's the key, and this is what we have to remember, 00:07:04.760 --> 00:07:09.320 that while Jacob isn't always godly, Jacob follows God, 00:07:09.320 --> 00:07:12.860 and God is always holy, and God is always right, 00:07:12.860 --> 00:07:16.120 and God is always good, and God is always love, 00:07:16.120 --> 00:07:19.160 and it's the careful caution as we get into this, 00:07:19.160 --> 00:07:21.960 as we dive into passages of scripture like this, 00:07:21.960 --> 00:07:26.000 to elevate Jacob as the hero of the story, 00:07:26.000 --> 00:07:27.960 and we are gonna look at Jacob this morning 00:07:27.960 --> 00:07:30.400 as an example in the story, 00:07:30.400 --> 00:07:33.320 but the hero of the narrative of the story, 00:07:33.320 --> 00:07:37.360 of what we wanna seek is God, of who he is. 00:07:37.360 --> 00:07:42.220 So what do we mean when we talk about toxic people? 00:07:42.220 --> 00:07:44.320 That's a word that is used often, 00:07:44.320 --> 00:07:47.680 it's a word that many people describe and use differently, 00:07:47.680 --> 00:07:50.120 and here's the definition I feel like, 00:07:50.120 --> 00:07:52.440 when we take the whole context of scripture, 00:07:52.440 --> 00:07:55.040 and we break it down, here's what we see. 00:07:55.040 --> 00:07:59.200 We see that toxic people seek to either directly, 00:07:59.200 --> 00:08:02.560 or aggressively, or on the flip side of that, 00:08:02.560 --> 00:08:04.880 indirectly and passively, 00:08:04.880 --> 00:08:07.820 control the dynamic of a relationship, 00:08:07.820 --> 00:08:09.800 so that their agenda can be met. 00:08:09.800 --> 00:08:11.400 That is the dynamic of Laban. 00:08:11.400 --> 00:08:13.160 Laban wants to control his daughters, 00:08:13.160 --> 00:08:14.840 he wants to control his sons, 00:08:14.840 --> 00:08:16.640 he wants to control his son-in-law, 00:08:16.640 --> 00:08:19.040 he wants to control everyone around them, 00:08:19.040 --> 00:08:22.720 and his desire, right, his desire is not so that 00:08:22.720 --> 00:08:24.460 they will seek the face of God, 00:08:24.460 --> 00:08:27.880 but his desire is so that he will gain glory, 00:08:27.880 --> 00:08:30.200 so that Laban will gain benefit, 00:08:30.200 --> 00:08:32.480 so that Laban will be blessed, 00:08:32.480 --> 00:08:35.280 and he doesn't care who he needs to run over 00:08:35.280 --> 00:08:36.960 in order for this to happen. 00:08:36.960 --> 00:08:39.960 And that's why he's the example. 00:08:39.960 --> 00:08:41.520 So what we started looking at last week, 00:08:41.520 --> 00:08:42.880 and we got through a couple, 00:08:42.880 --> 00:08:45.280 is understanding this about toxic people, 00:08:45.280 --> 00:08:47.160 understanding this about godly people, 00:08:47.160 --> 00:08:49.920 but more importantly, while Jacob is our example 00:08:49.920 --> 00:08:51.920 within this, understanding why godly people 00:08:51.920 --> 00:08:53.040 do what godly people do. 00:08:53.040 --> 00:08:54.440 That's important. 00:08:54.440 --> 00:08:56.880 Understanding why godly people do what godly people do. 00:08:56.880 --> 00:08:58.800 And godly people do what godly people do 00:08:58.800 --> 00:09:00.800 because of who God is. 00:09:00.800 --> 00:09:03.360 Because of who God is, not because of who they are. 00:09:03.360 --> 00:09:05.160 So if you want the details on these couple points, 00:09:05.160 --> 00:09:06.540 you gotta go back to last week, 00:09:06.540 --> 00:09:07.840 but what we looked at is we said, 00:09:07.840 --> 00:09:10.600 no, toxic people devalue your worth. 00:09:10.600 --> 00:09:13.440 Jacob, I'm sorry, Laban did that with Jacob. 00:09:13.440 --> 00:09:15.900 Where godly people celebrate your worth. 00:09:15.900 --> 00:09:18.560 We all have worth, and godly people celebrate that. 00:09:18.560 --> 00:09:21.180 And here's why godly people celebrate the worth of people, 00:09:21.180 --> 00:09:23.080 because God gives you worth. 00:09:24.000 --> 00:09:26.960 Created in the image and the likeness of God. 00:09:26.960 --> 00:09:28.460 The second thing that we saw last week 00:09:28.460 --> 00:09:31.440 is that toxic people manipulate the situation. 00:09:31.440 --> 00:09:33.560 Toxic people look at every situation, 00:09:33.560 --> 00:09:35.840 even when the deck is stacked against them, 00:09:35.840 --> 00:09:37.120 and they begin to manipulate, 00:09:37.120 --> 00:09:39.760 and their thought process is how can I win? 00:09:39.760 --> 00:09:41.000 Man, they wanna win. 00:09:41.000 --> 00:09:42.740 They don't care who they have to defeat. 00:09:42.740 --> 00:09:45.740 It's not what's God's win, how is God gonna work, 00:09:45.740 --> 00:09:48.520 how is God gonna move, but it's how can I win? 00:09:48.520 --> 00:09:49.960 What can I do for me? 00:09:49.960 --> 00:09:52.000 Where godly people, in the midst of whatever 00:09:52.000 --> 00:09:54.560 the situation is, they trust in God. 00:09:54.560 --> 00:09:56.620 They trust in God, even when they're called to work, 00:09:56.620 --> 00:09:58.080 even when they're called to pursue, 00:09:58.080 --> 00:09:59.840 even when they're called to do what God has called them 00:09:59.840 --> 00:10:02.160 to do, they are resting in the truth 00:10:02.160 --> 00:10:04.280 that they can trust God in the situation, 00:10:04.280 --> 00:10:07.040 because of what they know, that God always works 00:10:07.040 --> 00:10:08.600 in the situation. 00:10:08.600 --> 00:10:11.640 That God always works in the situation. 00:10:11.640 --> 00:10:13.240 And there's beauty and there's hope in that, 00:10:13.240 --> 00:10:16.080 that you and I, we can stand in confidence this morning, 00:10:16.080 --> 00:10:18.760 and you and I can go bed rest assured tonight 00:10:18.760 --> 00:10:22.440 that there is nothing that God is not in control, 00:10:22.440 --> 00:10:24.880 and the trust and the hope that we can have for that. 00:10:24.880 --> 00:10:26.480 So let's continue, we're gonna work through 00:10:26.480 --> 00:10:27.560 some more of these. 00:10:27.560 --> 00:10:31.960 In Genesis chapter 30, verse 27, very early on 00:10:31.960 --> 00:10:35.280 in the telling of this narrative, 00:10:35.280 --> 00:10:37.320 Laban says in chapter 30, verse 27, 00:10:37.320 --> 00:10:39.720 but Laban said to him, being Jacob, 00:10:39.720 --> 00:10:41.460 "If I have found favor in your sight, 00:10:41.460 --> 00:10:44.360 "I have learned by divine nation that the Lord 00:10:44.360 --> 00:10:47.960 "has blessed me because of you." 00:10:47.960 --> 00:10:50.120 Now that seems like a great thing, 00:10:50.120 --> 00:10:53.200 that the Lord has blessed me because of you. 00:10:53.200 --> 00:10:54.440 And you're like, but I thought you said 00:10:54.440 --> 00:10:56.560 that he wasn't a follower of God. 00:10:56.560 --> 00:10:58.480 Well, he's not a follower of God, 00:10:58.480 --> 00:11:01.180 but he is very aware of his circumstances 00:11:01.180 --> 00:11:02.920 and his surroundings. 00:11:02.920 --> 00:11:04.440 And what he's communicating in this 00:11:04.440 --> 00:11:07.080 is that through the spirit world. 00:11:07.080 --> 00:11:10.000 Laban would describe himself as spiritual, 00:11:10.000 --> 00:11:11.960 I'm not a follower of God, but I'm spiritual, 00:11:11.960 --> 00:11:14.160 and let's don't confuse the two. 00:11:14.160 --> 00:11:17.200 He's not a follower of God, but he claims to be spiritual, 00:11:17.200 --> 00:11:18.560 and what he has seen is that the fruit 00:11:18.560 --> 00:11:20.480 and the evidence of God is on Jacob, 00:11:20.480 --> 00:11:22.320 and that because the fruit and the evidence 00:11:22.320 --> 00:11:24.560 of God is on Jacob, that does not mean for Laban 00:11:24.560 --> 00:11:25.880 that he needs to be the follower of the God 00:11:25.880 --> 00:11:30.040 that Jacob follows, but that Laban can benefit 00:11:30.040 --> 00:11:34.840 because of who Jacob is and because of who God is. 00:11:34.840 --> 00:11:37.340 So here's the trait of toxic people. 00:11:37.340 --> 00:11:40.040 Toxic people think of themselves first. 00:11:40.040 --> 00:11:42.280 Toxic people think of themselves first. 00:11:42.280 --> 00:11:46.320 In every single instance, toxic people 00:11:46.320 --> 00:11:47.960 will think of themselves first. 00:11:47.960 --> 00:11:51.360 It is football season, I do love football season. 00:11:51.360 --> 00:11:55.360 I think at least five times in my ministry as a pastor, 00:11:55.360 --> 00:12:00.360 I've used this quote to emphasize of what it looks like 00:12:00.360 --> 00:12:04.920 right when toxic people think of themselves first. 00:12:04.920 --> 00:12:07.200 There's a wide receiver that played in the NFL, 00:12:07.200 --> 00:12:10.560 one of the freaks of nature of what he could step out 00:12:10.560 --> 00:12:11.920 on the football field and do, 00:12:11.920 --> 00:12:14.980 and that wide receiver's name was Terrell Owens. 00:12:15.920 --> 00:12:18.360 I hear some mumbles in there. 00:12:18.360 --> 00:12:21.880 If you're a fan of the NFL, you're either a fan 00:12:21.880 --> 00:12:24.920 of Terrell Owens or you're not a fan of Terrell Owens, right? 00:12:24.920 --> 00:12:28.000 There's very little in between within this, 00:12:28.000 --> 00:12:32.080 and I'm not saying that Terrell Owens is a toxic person. 00:12:32.080 --> 00:12:36.000 I do think in a lot of areas he is an honest person, 00:12:36.000 --> 00:12:38.480 and he was doing an interview, and he was, 00:12:38.480 --> 00:12:42.160 the Dallas Cowboys at the time had won the football game. 00:12:42.160 --> 00:12:45.040 If you're a Dallas Cowboys fan, that was a good day for you. 00:12:45.040 --> 00:12:46.600 If you're a fan of any other team, 00:12:46.600 --> 00:12:48.800 you did not like that, right? 00:12:48.800 --> 00:12:51.200 Dallas Cowboys had won the game, 00:12:51.200 --> 00:12:54.120 and Terrell Owens was complaining 00:12:54.120 --> 00:12:56.840 that he did not have enough balls thrown his way, 00:12:56.840 --> 00:13:03.080 and the reporter asked, "Why are you upset you won?" 00:13:03.080 --> 00:13:05.960 And here was his honest answer. 00:13:05.960 --> 00:13:10.040 "I love me some me," right? 00:13:10.040 --> 00:13:11.960 I love me some me. 00:13:11.960 --> 00:13:14.720 He was saying above the team, above the goals, 00:13:14.720 --> 00:13:17.280 above the agenda, that when I line up 00:13:17.280 --> 00:13:20.480 on that football field, I'm thinking of me. 00:13:20.480 --> 00:13:22.160 I love me some me. 00:13:22.160 --> 00:13:25.320 Laban here in this instance with toxic people 00:13:25.320 --> 00:13:26.640 does not care about his son-in-law, 00:13:26.640 --> 00:13:28.240 does not care about his granddaughters, 00:13:28.240 --> 00:13:29.920 does not care about his grandkids. 00:13:29.920 --> 00:13:34.040 Even his sons who were on his side does not care about them. 00:13:34.040 --> 00:13:34.880 How do I know that? 00:13:34.880 --> 00:13:36.400 Because he rallies them and says, 00:13:36.400 --> 00:13:38.720 "Let's go kill your sister." 00:13:38.720 --> 00:13:39.840 Sisters. 00:13:39.840 --> 00:13:44.160 He thinks of himself first, 00:13:44.160 --> 00:13:46.600 but godly people, godly people, 00:13:46.600 --> 00:13:49.760 and please pay attention to this wording. 00:13:49.760 --> 00:13:52.600 Godly people think of themselves less. 00:13:52.600 --> 00:13:56.240 Godly people think of themselves less. 00:13:56.240 --> 00:13:59.280 It's not that godly people think less of themselves. 00:13:59.280 --> 00:14:04.280 It's that godly people think of themselves less. 00:14:04.280 --> 00:14:06.360 You see, the point of Christianity 00:14:06.360 --> 00:14:09.920 is not how can I beat myself up. 00:14:09.920 --> 00:14:12.400 The point of Christianity is not 00:14:12.400 --> 00:14:15.320 how am I a terrible person. 00:14:15.320 --> 00:14:20.320 The point of Christianity is who I am in Christ 00:14:20.320 --> 00:14:23.800 and that the call of my life is to love God 00:14:23.800 --> 00:14:25.080 and to love others. 00:14:25.080 --> 00:14:27.880 And that does not mean that I've gotta put down myself 00:14:27.880 --> 00:14:29.360 in order for that to happen, 00:14:29.360 --> 00:14:32.120 but what it does mean is that I've gotta seek 00:14:32.120 --> 00:14:35.240 to serve those in my life. 00:14:35.240 --> 00:14:37.040 But I don't think less of myself, 00:14:37.040 --> 00:14:41.040 but I do think of myself less. 00:14:41.040 --> 00:14:43.800 And why do godly people do that? 00:14:43.800 --> 00:14:44.720 Why is that a standard? 00:14:44.720 --> 00:14:45.760 Why is that a characteristic? 00:14:45.760 --> 00:14:48.760 Why is that a piece that we need to happen? 00:14:48.760 --> 00:14:51.840 Because God, who God is, 00:14:51.840 --> 00:14:54.180 that he exalts himself by sacrifice. 00:14:54.180 --> 00:14:57.560 He exalts himself by sacrifice. 00:14:57.560 --> 00:15:00.960 Jesus came and he served. 00:15:00.960 --> 00:15:05.360 Jesus came and he died. 00:15:05.360 --> 00:15:09.000 Jesus came and he was mocked. 00:15:09.000 --> 00:15:14.000 Jesus came to be a sacrifice. 00:15:14.000 --> 00:15:21.840 And so when we model our savior who loves us, 00:15:21.840 --> 00:15:24.400 and the Bible tells us, 00:15:24.400 --> 00:15:27.440 loves us so much and was obedient to the father 00:15:27.440 --> 00:15:31.480 to such a degree that he gave his own life 00:15:31.480 --> 00:15:35.240 so that you and I would have hope for eternity. 00:15:35.240 --> 00:15:38.760 And that's who we're called to be like. 00:15:38.760 --> 00:15:42.600 Think toxic people think of themselves first. 00:15:42.600 --> 00:15:44.240 Don't be toxic. 00:15:44.240 --> 00:15:46.480 The next one that we see here 00:15:46.480 --> 00:15:51.480 is that toxic people twist the truth in order to lie. 00:15:51.480 --> 00:15:57.320 Toxic people twist the truth to lie. 00:15:57.320 --> 00:15:59.760 Genesis 30, 34 through 35. 00:15:59.760 --> 00:16:03.720 Laban said, good, let it be as you have said. 00:16:03.720 --> 00:16:06.040 But that day Laban removed the male goats 00:16:06.040 --> 00:16:07.160 that were striped and spotted 00:16:07.160 --> 00:16:09.560 and all the female goats that were speckled and spotted. 00:16:09.560 --> 00:16:10.880 Every one that had white on it 00:16:10.880 --> 00:16:12.100 and every lamb that was black 00:16:12.100 --> 00:16:14.400 and put them in the charge of his sons. 00:16:14.400 --> 00:16:17.040 All right, so just really quick, this is Toxic 101. 00:16:17.040 --> 00:16:19.880 So the agreement was that Jacob 00:16:19.880 --> 00:16:23.200 would take these lesser valued animals 00:16:23.200 --> 00:16:25.480 and that he had built this flock for Laban 00:16:25.480 --> 00:16:28.120 that he would take the ones that are worthless, right? 00:16:28.120 --> 00:16:31.080 That he would work through the fields that night 00:16:31.080 --> 00:16:32.880 and all of those that were worthless, 00:16:32.880 --> 00:16:36.040 all of those that were not gonna be of value to Laban 00:16:36.040 --> 00:16:38.800 that were there, that he would then take those, right? 00:16:38.800 --> 00:16:40.880 So Laban agrees to that. 00:16:40.880 --> 00:16:42.420 Laban's like, yes, that's what you can do. 00:16:42.420 --> 00:16:43.920 So then what does he do? 00:16:43.920 --> 00:16:45.800 He goes in before Jacob does 00:16:45.800 --> 00:16:48.740 and he removes those and sends them to his son's flock. 00:16:48.740 --> 00:16:52.320 So did he come out and say, 00:16:52.320 --> 00:16:54.580 I'm gonna take all of them and hide them? 00:16:54.580 --> 00:16:55.780 No, no, no, no, no, no. 00:16:55.780 --> 00:16:57.120 The flock is still there. 00:16:57.120 --> 00:17:00.080 What we said could happen is what's going to happen. 00:17:00.080 --> 00:17:01.920 But what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna manipulate 00:17:01.920 --> 00:17:04.240 and I'm gonna control and I'm gonna twist of what's there 00:17:04.240 --> 00:17:05.080 so that at the end of it 00:17:05.080 --> 00:17:06.720 when you see that they're not there, 00:17:06.720 --> 00:17:09.000 you can't look at me, I don't know where they are. 00:17:09.000 --> 00:17:10.720 I don't know where they've gone. 00:17:10.720 --> 00:17:14.160 To twist the truth, to tell the lie. 00:17:14.160 --> 00:17:19.160 Laban had woven a web not of a complete lie 00:17:19.160 --> 00:17:20.540 but of complete deception. 00:17:20.540 --> 00:17:23.120 And that's what the toxic people do 00:17:23.120 --> 00:17:24.760 is they twist the truth. 00:17:24.760 --> 00:17:28.360 It's what we see with the serpent in the garden with Eve. 00:17:28.360 --> 00:17:29.680 What does he say? 00:17:29.680 --> 00:17:31.840 Did God actually say, 00:17:31.840 --> 00:17:34.400 you shall not eat of any tree in the garden? 00:17:35.400 --> 00:17:39.200 Begins to twist the very own words of God. 00:17:39.200 --> 00:17:41.200 Toxic people twist the truth 00:17:41.200 --> 00:17:43.560 but godly people pursue truth. 00:17:43.560 --> 00:17:45.360 Godly people pursue truth. 00:17:45.360 --> 00:17:47.800 We want and we work for truth. 00:17:47.800 --> 00:17:49.660 The truth of God in our lives, 00:17:49.660 --> 00:17:52.120 the truth of God in the lives of others 00:17:52.120 --> 00:17:54.080 and we desire above all things 00:17:54.080 --> 00:17:56.520 for the truth to be made known. 00:17:56.520 --> 00:17:59.640 Even, even, so we are people of truth. 00:17:59.640 --> 00:18:02.320 Let our yes be yes, let our no be no. 00:18:02.320 --> 00:18:04.240 Be people of truth. 00:18:04.240 --> 00:18:06.200 Now always when we talk about the truth of God, 00:18:06.200 --> 00:18:07.600 of who Christ is, of what God's done 00:18:07.600 --> 00:18:09.440 in the gospel of Jesus Christ, 00:18:09.440 --> 00:18:14.400 we always stand in the celebratory winning circle of that. 00:18:14.400 --> 00:18:16.840 But sometimes in your life and in my life, 00:18:16.840 --> 00:18:18.080 we've gotta make the choice. 00:18:18.080 --> 00:18:21.520 Am I gonna be a godly person or a toxic person? 00:18:21.520 --> 00:18:23.640 And because we make decisions in life 00:18:23.640 --> 00:18:25.320 because of the things that we've done, 00:18:25.320 --> 00:18:27.020 you and I have to decide if we are gonna be 00:18:27.020 --> 00:18:29.440 the godly people who pursue the truth 00:18:29.440 --> 00:18:30.960 that even in those moments 00:18:30.960 --> 00:18:34.160 where our perception begins to tell us 00:18:34.160 --> 00:18:37.720 that the truth in that moment doesn't benefit us. 00:18:37.720 --> 00:18:40.280 To tell the truth may cause a consequence. 00:18:40.280 --> 00:18:43.720 To tell the truth may have a negative impact on your life. 00:18:43.720 --> 00:18:46.400 But if we go back and we trust that God's working 00:18:46.400 --> 00:18:49.520 in all of those things, then we will be people of truth 00:18:49.520 --> 00:18:52.480 and we will stand in the reality of the consequences 00:18:52.480 --> 00:18:54.560 that we have to face, knowing and believing 00:18:54.560 --> 00:18:57.560 that God can work and move even in all of that. 00:18:57.560 --> 00:19:01.880 And that's what it means to pursue truth. 00:19:01.880 --> 00:19:03.760 Because if I can't trust your word 00:19:03.760 --> 00:19:09.200 about your taxes and your hours, 00:19:09.200 --> 00:19:13.240 if I can't trust your word about what you did say 00:19:13.240 --> 00:19:15.760 or you didn't say, then why should I trust 00:19:15.760 --> 00:19:17.000 your word of the gospel? 00:19:17.000 --> 00:19:21.800 And so we must be people who pursue truth. 00:19:21.800 --> 00:19:22.640 Why? 00:19:22.640 --> 00:19:24.400 Because God is truth. 00:19:24.400 --> 00:19:29.240 We as representations of him that he is truth 00:19:29.240 --> 00:19:30.600 and this is where we stand. 00:19:31.560 --> 00:19:33.000 The next one that we'll see. 00:19:33.000 --> 00:19:37.480 Toxic people, they leave no room for disagreement. 00:19:37.480 --> 00:19:41.680 They leave no room for disagreement. 00:19:41.680 --> 00:19:44.400 It's hard to go back and draw out a verse 00:19:44.400 --> 00:19:47.640 that directly points to this, but this is the theme 00:19:47.640 --> 00:19:51.120 of what we see in the life of Laban. 00:19:51.120 --> 00:19:54.160 Always working on the next argument, the next point. 00:19:54.160 --> 00:19:59.160 He can disagree with you, but you cannot disagree with him. 00:19:59.360 --> 00:20:01.840 You cannot disagree with a toxic person 00:20:01.840 --> 00:20:03.760 because here's the deal about a toxic person 00:20:03.760 --> 00:20:06.240 and this, I'm gonna go ahead and tell you, 00:20:06.240 --> 00:20:08.740 my toes hurt on this one. 00:20:08.740 --> 00:20:13.280 My toes are stomped on by the Holy Spirit 00:20:13.280 --> 00:20:15.880 'cause here's the struggle, here's where we get to. 00:20:15.880 --> 00:20:18.880 You're like, I'm not toxic, I'm not toxic, I'm not toxic, 00:20:18.880 --> 00:20:21.880 but here's the deal, a toxic person always has to be right. 00:20:21.880 --> 00:20:27.980 And a toxic person hates when they are wrong. 00:20:28.820 --> 00:20:33.820 Whoo, to question a toxic person in their mind 00:20:33.820 --> 00:20:36.900 is to question what is truth. 00:20:36.900 --> 00:20:40.020 I thank God that in His power of the Holy Spirit 00:20:40.020 --> 00:20:43.420 that He convicts us and gives us the opportunity. 00:20:43.420 --> 00:20:45.220 But what do godly people do? 00:20:45.220 --> 00:20:47.540 If toxic people, if toxic people, 00:20:47.540 --> 00:20:49.900 if they leave no room for disagreement, 00:20:49.900 --> 00:20:52.220 then what do godly people do? 00:20:52.220 --> 00:20:55.340 Godly people work through disagreement, 00:20:55.340 --> 00:20:57.020 work through disagreement. 00:20:57.020 --> 00:20:59.260 I think here's a misconception. 00:20:59.260 --> 00:21:01.300 If you're not a Christian, 00:21:01.300 --> 00:21:04.900 I think a misconception of Christianity is this, 00:21:04.900 --> 00:21:09.220 that in Christianity there's no room for disagreement. 00:21:09.220 --> 00:21:11.760 Right? 00:21:11.760 --> 00:21:13.620 Well, here's what I'll say to that. 00:21:13.620 --> 00:21:19.820 If you're ever disagreeing with God, you lose. 00:21:19.820 --> 00:21:21.920 He's right. 00:21:22.860 --> 00:21:27.860 When we disagree with Him, we're wrong, He's right. 00:21:27.860 --> 00:21:34.980 But, but, if you've ever been around godly people, 00:21:34.980 --> 00:21:40.900 you will know that from time to time we will disagree. 00:21:40.900 --> 00:21:44.960 We see that in Scripture, in the book of Acts, 00:21:44.960 --> 00:21:47.900 we see disagreements happen amongst believers 00:21:47.900 --> 00:21:50.360 of what they're to do, and they work through that, 00:21:50.360 --> 00:21:51.380 and they trust through that. 00:21:51.380 --> 00:21:54.620 But here is the example that I will give you 00:21:54.620 --> 00:21:57.740 in the experience of my own life. 00:21:57.740 --> 00:22:01.340 There is not a human being that I believe 00:22:01.340 --> 00:22:05.460 that I love more, nor loves me more, than my wife. 00:22:05.460 --> 00:22:08.940 I love her. 00:22:08.940 --> 00:22:13.500 I can't wait to continue to grow old with her. 00:22:13.500 --> 00:22:18.020 I can't wait for this adventure that God has for us. 00:22:18.020 --> 00:22:21.740 I see so many characteristics of how God uses her 00:22:21.740 --> 00:22:24.260 time and time again in my life, 00:22:24.260 --> 00:22:28.340 not to just grow me as a man, as a husband, as a father, 00:22:28.340 --> 00:22:32.260 but more importantly, how God uses her to grow me 00:22:32.260 --> 00:22:37.260 as a godly man, as a godly husband, and as a godly father. 00:22:37.260 --> 00:22:39.480 But guess what? 00:22:39.480 --> 00:22:43.980 As much as I love her, and as much as she loves me, 00:22:43.980 --> 00:22:48.780 there's probably not another person on this planet 00:22:48.780 --> 00:22:53.040 that I've had more disagreements with than my wife. 00:22:53.040 --> 00:22:54.480 Now, she's right. 00:22:54.480 --> 00:23:00.500 More times than not. 00:23:00.500 --> 00:23:04.720 I love my marriage, right? 00:23:04.720 --> 00:23:08.580 But here's the beauty of the marriage. 00:23:08.580 --> 00:23:11.620 Here's the beauty of the disagreement, 00:23:12.900 --> 00:23:17.380 is that I love her enough, and I trust her enough, 00:23:17.380 --> 00:23:21.420 to when two people, even though they love the Lord, 00:23:21.420 --> 00:23:26.340 get together and begin to bang their heads together 00:23:26.340 --> 00:23:28.540 on where they should go, on what they should do, 00:23:28.540 --> 00:23:31.100 on how they're seeing things, on how they should parent, 00:23:31.100 --> 00:23:32.740 of what they should have happen in their marriage. 00:23:32.740 --> 00:23:35.540 When two godly people come together, 00:23:35.540 --> 00:23:37.780 and their heads are banging from that, 00:23:37.780 --> 00:23:41.700 the tendency in this, and probably not for her, 00:23:41.700 --> 00:23:46.060 but the tendency for me is, "Bo, shut up. 00:23:46.060 --> 00:23:50.440 "Listen, learn. 00:23:50.440 --> 00:23:53.180 "Do you believe that she has a heart for the Lord? 00:23:53.180 --> 00:23:54.020 "Yes. 00:23:54.020 --> 00:23:56.840 "Do you believe that the Holy Spirit is in her? 00:23:56.840 --> 00:23:57.920 "Absolutely. 00:23:57.920 --> 00:24:00.520 "Then maybe God is trying to show you 00:24:00.520 --> 00:24:02.960 "and teach you something in this moment." 00:24:02.960 --> 00:24:05.460 Right? 00:24:05.460 --> 00:24:06.660 And here's what I noticed. 00:24:06.660 --> 00:24:08.500 The same thing goes on with her. 00:24:09.820 --> 00:24:14.060 The lie of Christianity is that we can't disagree. 00:24:14.060 --> 00:24:17.020 We can disagree, but it's what we're working for 00:24:17.020 --> 00:24:19.320 in the disagreement that matters. 00:24:19.320 --> 00:24:25.620 Jesus even tells us, "Listen, when you disagree, 00:24:25.620 --> 00:24:28.100 "when one brother sins against you, 00:24:28.100 --> 00:24:31.700 "here's how you can work through that. 00:24:31.700 --> 00:24:36.460 "Here's how you can work together, and God's glorified." 00:24:36.460 --> 00:24:38.460 Does repentance need to happen sometimes? 00:24:38.460 --> 00:24:40.420 Absolutely it does. 00:24:40.420 --> 00:24:42.180 Does confession need to happen sometimes? 00:24:42.180 --> 00:24:43.180 Absolutely. 00:24:43.180 --> 00:24:46.740 Does forgiveness need to be exchanged back and forth? 00:24:46.740 --> 00:24:47.940 You bet it does. 00:24:47.940 --> 00:24:49.100 You bet it does. 00:24:49.100 --> 00:24:53.100 But toxic people says, "You can't disagree with me." 00:24:53.100 --> 00:24:55.540 Godly people says, "Let's work through this. 00:24:55.540 --> 00:24:57.220 "Let's work through this disagreement." 00:24:57.220 --> 00:24:58.500 And here's why. 00:24:58.500 --> 00:25:00.860 Here's why godly people land on this. 00:25:00.860 --> 00:25:02.580 Because God gives grace and truth. 00:25:02.580 --> 00:25:06.060 Because God gives the truth of his word, 00:25:06.060 --> 00:25:08.140 the truth of who he is. 00:25:08.140 --> 00:25:09.780 And when we disagree with that, 00:25:09.780 --> 00:25:12.100 maybe not intellectually, but in our hearts 00:25:12.100 --> 00:25:15.380 and in our actions, what God reminds us of is the truth. 00:25:15.380 --> 00:25:16.620 We've disagreed with him. 00:25:16.620 --> 00:25:18.620 He reminds us of the truth of his word, 00:25:18.620 --> 00:25:20.660 and he extends us the grace of Calvary. 00:25:20.660 --> 00:25:25.600 The next one that we'll see. 00:25:25.600 --> 00:25:28.620 Genesis 31, 22 through 23. 00:25:28.620 --> 00:25:31.760 When it was told Laban on the third day 00:25:31.760 --> 00:25:34.160 that Jacob had fled, he took his kinsmen with him 00:25:34.160 --> 00:25:37.140 and pursued him for seven days, 00:25:37.140 --> 00:25:38.620 and followed close after him 00:25:38.620 --> 00:25:40.420 into the hill country of Gilead. 00:25:40.420 --> 00:25:44.260 All right, so toxic people pursue death. 00:25:44.260 --> 00:25:45.980 Toxic people pursue death. 00:25:45.980 --> 00:25:48.180 You're like, "Well, but I don't see death in that." 00:25:48.180 --> 00:25:50.380 Well, verse 23, he took his kinsmen with him 00:25:50.380 --> 00:25:52.020 and pursued him. 00:25:52.020 --> 00:25:56.180 That pursued him right there is not the verb 00:25:56.180 --> 00:25:58.500 that we would understand of like, 00:25:58.500 --> 00:26:00.700 there's been some big misunderstanding. 00:26:00.700 --> 00:26:03.220 Let's see if we can chase this down 00:26:03.220 --> 00:26:04.980 so that we can just set the record straight 00:26:04.980 --> 00:26:07.540 and everybody just high five and hold hands 00:26:07.540 --> 00:26:09.460 and walk away happy. 00:26:09.460 --> 00:26:12.940 This mind of, or this word of pursued, 00:26:12.940 --> 00:26:15.740 it would have been the word that a king would use 00:26:15.740 --> 00:26:18.420 as he would go and build an army, 00:26:18.420 --> 00:26:23.180 and then use the army to pursue after the other army 00:26:23.180 --> 00:26:24.880 that was there for him to destroy. 00:26:24.880 --> 00:26:29.780 So in the mind of Laban, 00:26:29.780 --> 00:26:32.780 and in the heart of Laban, 00:26:32.780 --> 00:26:36.840 let me get my family and let's go kill my family. 00:26:36.840 --> 00:26:40.700 Toxic people pursue death. 00:26:40.700 --> 00:26:44.600 You know, but that's extreme. 00:26:44.600 --> 00:26:46.340 That's extreme. 00:26:46.340 --> 00:26:48.980 I know some toxic people. 00:26:48.980 --> 00:26:51.420 I've maybe even been toxic, 00:26:51.420 --> 00:26:56.420 but Bo, there's no way that death in taking their life 00:26:56.420 --> 00:26:59.380 is where my heart was set. 00:26:59.380 --> 00:27:02.440 Well, here's what I'll tell you within there. 00:27:02.440 --> 00:27:04.740 While toxic people may not seek 00:27:04.740 --> 00:27:07.180 to physically take your life, 00:27:07.180 --> 00:27:10.220 toxic people do seek to take your health, 00:27:10.220 --> 00:27:11.660 your finances, your opportunities, 00:27:11.660 --> 00:27:13.300 your family, your love, your joy. 00:27:13.300 --> 00:27:17.620 Toxic people don't care if they crush your spirit 00:27:17.620 --> 00:27:22.220 as long as their entitlement is met, 00:27:22.220 --> 00:27:24.340 as long as what they long for 00:27:24.340 --> 00:27:27.140 and what they feel like will give them life 00:27:27.140 --> 00:27:29.260 connects with them. 00:27:29.260 --> 00:27:31.960 And so toxic people, yes, 00:27:31.960 --> 00:27:36.140 and if you are toxic this morning, yes. 00:27:36.140 --> 00:27:39.100 Your heart is not a heart of life. 00:27:39.100 --> 00:27:40.700 It's not a heart of peace. 00:27:40.700 --> 00:27:42.620 It's not a heart of joy, 00:27:42.620 --> 00:27:43.940 but it's a heart of death. 00:27:43.940 --> 00:27:47.500 So what do godly people pursue? 00:27:47.500 --> 00:27:49.940 Well, godly people pursue life. 00:27:49.940 --> 00:27:51.300 Godly people pursue life. 00:27:51.300 --> 00:27:56.540 Godly people, what God calls us, 00:27:56.540 --> 00:27:58.820 godly people desire. 00:27:58.820 --> 00:28:00.020 Like, let's land on this. 00:28:00.020 --> 00:28:02.520 All right, I should have given, 00:28:02.520 --> 00:28:04.600 I thought about this and I meant to do this. 00:28:04.600 --> 00:28:05.720 I meant to give the warning 00:28:05.720 --> 00:28:08.160 when we started talking about toxic people. 00:28:08.160 --> 00:28:10.120 Because when we say this morning 00:28:10.120 --> 00:28:12.800 we're gonna talk about toxic people, 00:28:12.800 --> 00:28:16.760 my tendency is probably your tendency. 00:28:16.760 --> 00:28:20.360 You just did like the foul of people in your life 00:28:20.360 --> 00:28:22.360 that you believe to be toxic. 00:28:22.360 --> 00:28:24.440 You started spiraling through 00:28:24.440 --> 00:28:27.760 and you may be sitting right next to one of them today. 00:28:27.760 --> 00:28:32.620 You started spiraling through all the people in your life 00:28:32.620 --> 00:28:35.620 that you feel, oh man, we're about to rip them apart 00:28:35.620 --> 00:28:38.540 and these are dirty, nasty, filthy people. 00:28:38.540 --> 00:28:40.620 Man, Laban's gonna get what Laban gets 00:28:40.620 --> 00:28:42.620 and I can't wait to go to work tomorrow. 00:28:42.620 --> 00:28:44.020 I can't wait to go home today. 00:28:44.020 --> 00:28:46.460 I can't wait to get on Facebook this afternoon. 00:28:46.460 --> 00:28:48.500 I can't wait to do all the things I need to do 00:28:48.500 --> 00:28:49.680 because what I need to do, man, 00:28:49.680 --> 00:28:52.060 they're pursuers of death and I'm gonna let them have it 00:28:52.060 --> 00:28:53.140 because this is who they are 00:28:53.140 --> 00:28:55.780 because of all the death and destruction that they bring. 00:28:55.780 --> 00:28:57.420 But here's the deal, here's the problem with that. 00:28:57.420 --> 00:29:00.940 Godly people pursue life because godly people desire 00:29:00.940 --> 00:29:02.480 for others to be blessed. 00:29:02.480 --> 00:29:10.680 That's why when Jesus is teaching us about prayer, 00:29:10.680 --> 00:29:17.620 that's why when Jesus is teaching us the very character 00:29:17.620 --> 00:29:22.100 in the fabric of who we need to be, 00:29:22.100 --> 00:29:25.880 he calls for us to pray for those who persecute us, 00:29:26.900 --> 00:29:29.840 to bless those who persecute us. 00:29:29.840 --> 00:29:35.900 Why in the world would Jesus ever do that? 00:29:35.900 --> 00:29:41.580 Why in the world would Jesus ever say, 00:29:41.580 --> 00:29:43.660 Jesus, do you know how they hurt me? 00:29:43.660 --> 00:29:47.420 Jesus, do you know what they did to me? 00:29:47.420 --> 00:29:49.140 Jesus, do you know what they've caused 00:29:49.140 --> 00:29:51.380 and they've created in my life? 00:29:51.380 --> 00:29:55.020 Jesus, do you know the consequences that I have to live in 00:29:55.020 --> 00:29:56.580 because of what they've done? 00:29:56.580 --> 00:29:58.580 And Jesus says, yes, I do, 00:29:58.580 --> 00:30:01.540 because that's what we've done to him. 00:30:01.540 --> 00:30:06.920 But this is what he's done for us. 00:30:06.920 --> 00:30:11.020 And that's why we share the gospel, 00:30:11.020 --> 00:30:16.100 not just with cute little kids who are so nice and sweet 00:30:16.100 --> 00:30:18.800 and we think that they deserve to know who Jesus is, 00:30:18.800 --> 00:30:24.020 because we share Jesus with everyone. 00:30:24.020 --> 00:30:25.980 It's the whole point of the gospel. 00:30:26.620 --> 00:30:30.220 It's that no one's worthy, no one's righteous, not one. 00:30:30.220 --> 00:30:35.920 Not them, not you, not me. 00:30:35.920 --> 00:30:38.660 So toxic people pursue death, 00:30:38.660 --> 00:30:43.220 godly people pursue life because of this, 00:30:43.220 --> 00:30:45.820 because God pursues for life. 00:30:45.820 --> 00:30:47.040 God pursues for life. 00:30:47.040 --> 00:30:49.500 That the Bible tells us that while you and I 00:30:49.500 --> 00:30:52.380 were dead in our trespasses and sins, 00:30:52.380 --> 00:30:55.500 that Christ came and he died for us 00:30:55.500 --> 00:30:58.580 and pursued you and drew you 00:30:58.580 --> 00:31:01.100 with the hope of the truth of his gospel. 00:31:01.100 --> 00:31:05.180 He didn't say, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Aaron, 00:31:05.180 --> 00:31:07.420 y'all just get what you deserve. 00:31:07.420 --> 00:31:09.900 He's like, no, no, no, it's the exact opposite. 00:31:09.900 --> 00:31:12.220 You actually get what you don't deserve. 00:31:12.220 --> 00:31:14.280 And you get Jesus. 00:31:14.280 --> 00:31:17.720 Next, toxic people. 00:31:17.720 --> 00:31:23.420 Toxic people rally others against you. 00:31:23.420 --> 00:31:25.580 Rally others against you. 00:31:25.580 --> 00:31:28.220 Laban said, now let's go get the horses. 00:31:28.220 --> 00:31:30.100 Let's go get them. 00:31:30.100 --> 00:31:32.060 And here's what toxic people do. 00:31:32.060 --> 00:31:37.060 Toxic people do the exact same thing. 00:31:37.060 --> 00:31:40.460 I'm sure there's the dialogue that is happening. 00:31:40.460 --> 00:31:42.780 There's the dialogue that's taking place 00:31:42.780 --> 00:31:45.180 as Laban is rallying the troops. 00:31:45.180 --> 00:31:46.500 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, 00:31:46.500 --> 00:31:49.140 we're getting the sword and we're going after them. 00:31:49.140 --> 00:31:51.060 Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what we're gonna do 00:31:51.060 --> 00:31:53.180 because here's why we're doing this. 00:31:53.180 --> 00:31:54.900 Here's what they've done. 00:31:54.900 --> 00:31:57.180 Here's what we need to rip them apart for. 00:31:57.180 --> 00:31:59.420 Here's how dirty, here's how terrible, 00:31:59.420 --> 00:32:01.020 here's how evil they are. 00:32:01.020 --> 00:32:03.180 Can you believe what they've done to me? 00:32:03.180 --> 00:32:13.180 Now, I've never rallied the sword, 00:32:13.180 --> 00:32:20.200 but I've rallied the sword of the tongue. 00:32:20.200 --> 00:32:23.200 (audience laughing) 00:32:23.200 --> 00:32:26.760 Hey, can I talk to you for a second? 00:32:26.760 --> 00:32:33.000 And can I tell you what so and so has done to me? 00:32:33.000 --> 00:32:38.520 Can I tell you about the very fabric 00:32:38.520 --> 00:32:41.280 of their character, of who they are? 00:32:41.280 --> 00:32:45.920 Can I belittle them so much to the point 00:32:45.920 --> 00:32:48.440 to where your perspective of them 00:32:48.440 --> 00:32:51.080 is no longer your perspective of them? 00:32:51.080 --> 00:32:52.780 And fight that your perspective of them 00:32:52.780 --> 00:32:55.020 isn't even the truthful perspective of them, 00:32:55.020 --> 00:32:58.780 but that your perspective of them is my perspective of them? 00:32:58.780 --> 00:33:05.200 Toxic people rally others against you, 00:33:05.200 --> 00:33:12.440 but godly people, godly people rally others for you, 00:33:12.440 --> 00:33:16.480 rally others for you. 00:33:18.280 --> 00:33:23.280 If you sat here today and said 00:33:23.280 --> 00:33:26.840 that you've never manipulated a story 00:33:26.840 --> 00:33:30.100 to rally one person against another person, 00:33:30.100 --> 00:33:35.740 I'll apologize if I need to, but I don't believe you. 00:33:35.740 --> 00:33:38.760 I don't believe you. 00:33:38.760 --> 00:33:42.920 And I think it's a common characteristic in all of us 00:33:42.920 --> 00:33:46.960 of what we will do, of how we will manipulate, 00:33:46.960 --> 00:33:51.960 of how we will destroy, but godly people, godly people, 00:33:51.960 --> 00:33:57.480 of what God has for us, of the expectation of God's word, 00:33:57.480 --> 00:34:00.640 that they rally others for you. 00:34:00.640 --> 00:34:02.040 They rally others for you. 00:34:02.040 --> 00:34:06.720 Not only for you to go in the great commission 00:34:06.720 --> 00:34:10.360 of what Jesus calls us to go and to take the gospel 00:34:10.360 --> 00:34:13.520 to every man, woman, and child, every tribe, 00:34:13.520 --> 00:34:18.280 every tongue, every people, to rally others for you, 00:34:18.280 --> 00:34:21.920 but these are phrases and words that are used 00:34:21.920 --> 00:34:26.920 throughout scripture in the interpersonal relationship 00:34:26.920 --> 00:34:30.060 and dialogue between individuals. 00:34:30.060 --> 00:34:33.260 Bear with one another. 00:34:33.260 --> 00:34:36.480 You know what that means? 00:34:36.480 --> 00:34:40.080 When Paul uses that phrase, bear with one another, 00:34:40.080 --> 00:34:41.240 here's what he's saying. 00:34:41.240 --> 00:34:43.920 There's going to be people that you don't like. 00:34:43.920 --> 00:34:48.560 There's going to be people who are brought into your midst. 00:34:48.560 --> 00:34:51.920 Bear with them, bear with them. 00:34:51.920 --> 00:34:53.800 They're on a journey as well. 00:34:53.800 --> 00:34:59.600 Carry one another, encourage one another, love one another. 00:34:59.600 --> 00:35:04.600 I love this one, spur one another on for good works. 00:35:04.600 --> 00:35:10.680 You see, toxic people rally others against you, 00:35:10.680 --> 00:35:14.680 but godly people rally others for you 00:35:14.680 --> 00:35:16.880 because here's what godly people know, 00:35:16.880 --> 00:35:18.140 God is always for you. 00:35:18.140 --> 00:35:19.960 God is for you. 00:35:19.960 --> 00:35:21.820 God is for you. 00:35:21.820 --> 00:35:28.160 God's not out here in this misperception of who he is 00:35:28.160 --> 00:35:31.520 going, man, I can't wait. 00:35:31.520 --> 00:35:34.120 I can't wait till Mike does something wrong 00:35:34.120 --> 00:35:36.480 'cause look at what I can do to him. 00:35:36.480 --> 00:35:40.440 I can't wait until Joan steps out of line 00:35:40.440 --> 00:35:44.960 because then this is what I can do for her. 00:35:44.960 --> 00:35:47.440 But that God, when you do step out, 00:35:47.440 --> 00:35:51.840 is still always for you of how can I grow you, 00:35:51.840 --> 00:35:53.720 what can I do? 00:35:53.720 --> 00:35:58.720 So how can we be against one another if God is for us? 00:35:58.720 --> 00:36:00.440 Next. 00:36:00.440 --> 00:36:07.380 Toxic people demand control. 00:36:07.380 --> 00:36:09.800 Toxic people demand control. 00:36:09.800 --> 00:36:12.760 The first part of Genesis 31, 25, 00:36:12.760 --> 00:36:16.120 and Laban overtook Jacob. 00:36:16.120 --> 00:36:17.960 We don't know how. 00:36:17.960 --> 00:36:22.520 I don't believe this was by force. 00:36:22.520 --> 00:36:24.920 I think this was by intimidation. 00:36:24.920 --> 00:36:28.080 God had said be careful what you do, 00:36:28.080 --> 00:36:29.640 be careful what you say, 00:36:29.640 --> 00:36:31.440 and so just as I would have to envision 00:36:31.440 --> 00:36:33.200 of what this would look like, 00:36:33.200 --> 00:36:35.680 I just kind of view it as a surrounding. 00:36:35.680 --> 00:36:38.540 You're trapped, you're in the middle, 00:36:38.540 --> 00:36:42.720 there's nothing that you can do 00:36:42.720 --> 00:36:47.720 as I have now taken over and I've taken control. 00:36:47.720 --> 00:36:52.200 When we struggle with control, 00:36:52.200 --> 00:36:54.320 I struggle with control, you struggle with control, 00:36:54.320 --> 00:36:56.000 we struggle with control. 00:36:56.000 --> 00:36:59.800 In so many instances in these situations, 00:36:59.800 --> 00:37:01.160 the reason why toxic people, 00:37:01.160 --> 00:37:03.200 why they demand control is this, 00:37:03.200 --> 00:37:06.240 because in their situation, they are their own God. 00:37:07.340 --> 00:37:11.080 Even when they say they're desiring the things of God, 00:37:11.080 --> 00:37:13.560 they're still saying as I'm not trusting 00:37:13.560 --> 00:37:16.600 that God's in control, I need to be in control. 00:37:16.600 --> 00:37:19.360 I know best, I determine what is best, 00:37:19.360 --> 00:37:21.200 my perspective is best. 00:37:21.200 --> 00:37:23.280 It's what we see in the life of Laban. 00:37:23.280 --> 00:37:26.520 Even there at the end, even as boundaries were being drawn, 00:37:26.520 --> 00:37:28.720 even though he has no clue of what is good, 00:37:28.720 --> 00:37:30.720 of what is right, even in the midst 00:37:30.720 --> 00:37:34.280 of the opportunity to speak about what is happening, 00:37:34.280 --> 00:37:37.860 Laban is saying no, no, no, no, I am in control. 00:37:37.860 --> 00:37:41.620 What do godly people do? 00:37:41.620 --> 00:37:42.780 What do godly people do? 00:37:42.780 --> 00:37:48.740 Release, release, release. 00:37:48.740 --> 00:37:53.580 Even in what God has entrusted us with, we release. 00:37:53.580 --> 00:37:58.580 We don't release to chance, but we release to trust 00:37:58.580 --> 00:38:01.900 because God is in control, 00:38:01.900 --> 00:38:05.100 because we know of who God is. 00:38:05.100 --> 00:38:08.540 In our releasing of control does not mean 00:38:08.540 --> 00:38:11.420 that we don't lead, we do lead, 00:38:11.420 --> 00:38:16.340 but we lead under the guidance and the direction of God. 00:38:16.340 --> 00:38:19.820 In the verse that we began with, 00:38:19.820 --> 00:38:24.820 God's saying follow me, follow me, follow me. 00:38:24.820 --> 00:38:31.160 In your life, are you seeking to demand control? 00:38:32.160 --> 00:38:35.280 To manipulate, to get control? 00:38:35.280 --> 00:38:36.900 Or are you releasing? 00:38:36.900 --> 00:38:40.080 Because here's what your heart and your mind is doing. 00:38:40.080 --> 00:38:44.960 You're agreeing with the reality that God is in control. 00:38:44.960 --> 00:38:51.400 Next we see toxic people seek to blame others. 00:38:51.400 --> 00:38:56.080 Genesis 31, 26 to 28. 00:38:58.000 --> 00:39:01.200 And Laban said to Jacob, 00:39:01.200 --> 00:39:07.120 "What have you done that you have tricked me 00:39:07.120 --> 00:39:12.200 "and driven away my daughters like captives of the sword? 00:39:12.200 --> 00:39:17.460 "Why did you flee secretly and tricked me 00:39:17.460 --> 00:39:23.620 "and did not tell me so that I might have sent you away 00:39:23.620 --> 00:39:27.800 "with mirth and song, with tambourines and lyre 00:39:27.800 --> 00:39:32.620 "and why did you not permit me to kiss my sons 00:39:32.620 --> 00:39:35.660 "and my daughters farewell? 00:39:35.660 --> 00:39:40.400 "Now you have done foolishly." 00:39:40.400 --> 00:39:46.600 Here Laban points out some things that are true. 00:39:46.600 --> 00:39:52.520 And this goes back, they all kind of tie together. 00:39:52.520 --> 00:39:55.560 Here's the twisting, here's the manipulation. 00:39:55.560 --> 00:39:57.380 Jacob waited till Laban was gone. 00:39:57.380 --> 00:40:00.640 The Bible tells us that Laban was a three-day journey away. 00:40:00.640 --> 00:40:03.160 Let me just tell you, if you're ever trying to get away 00:40:03.160 --> 00:40:05.920 from someone and they're three days away, 00:40:05.920 --> 00:40:08.800 that would be the good time to do it, right? 00:40:08.800 --> 00:40:12.800 And so the opportunity arises and he goes 00:40:12.800 --> 00:40:15.840 and he takes off and he flees. 00:40:15.840 --> 00:40:18.880 But who was being the one that tricked? 00:40:18.880 --> 00:40:22.000 Who was being the one that was deceitful? 00:40:22.000 --> 00:40:26.000 It wasn't Jacob in this instant, it was Laban. 00:40:26.000 --> 00:40:29.120 Here's what Laban's saying, "Nothing is my fault. 00:40:29.120 --> 00:40:32.240 "In this situation, I am innocent. 00:40:32.240 --> 00:40:35.040 "In this situation, I am the victim. 00:40:35.040 --> 00:40:38.080 "In this situation, this is what you've done to me." 00:40:38.080 --> 00:40:43.000 Toxic people, look, they seek to blame others. 00:40:43.000 --> 00:40:45.880 I've got my issues, I've got my problems. 00:40:45.880 --> 00:40:49.080 In the circle of my issue and in my problem, 00:40:49.080 --> 00:40:54.080 let me tell you, 99.99999999 times out of 100, 00:40:55.760 --> 00:40:57.640 do you know whose fault that is? 00:40:57.640 --> 00:41:01.080 Mine, mine. 00:41:01.080 --> 00:41:02.560 Have other people hurt me? 00:41:02.560 --> 00:41:03.400 Sure. 00:41:03.400 --> 00:41:05.120 Have other people mistreated me? 00:41:05.120 --> 00:41:06.160 Absolutely. 00:41:06.160 --> 00:41:07.960 Have other people lied to me? 00:41:07.960 --> 00:41:11.920 Yes, but toxic people seek to blame others. 00:41:11.920 --> 00:41:15.580 Here's what godly people do. 00:41:15.580 --> 00:41:18.200 They examine themselves. 00:41:18.200 --> 00:41:22.080 They examine themselves. 00:41:22.080 --> 00:41:25.880 Because we know what we are capable of. 00:41:25.880 --> 00:41:30.260 Even if I'm godly, I still have sin. 00:41:30.260 --> 00:41:32.400 I can still be wrong. 00:41:32.400 --> 00:41:35.400 And what I need to do is I need to examine my heart, 00:41:35.400 --> 00:41:39.640 my mind, my motives, my actions. 00:41:39.640 --> 00:41:42.200 Even when I'm seeking to do the godly things, 00:41:42.200 --> 00:41:47.220 I need to examine the power of the Holy Spirit, God, 00:41:47.220 --> 00:41:49.400 as I seek to make decisions for you. 00:41:49.400 --> 00:41:52.640 Is it still driven by selfish ambition? 00:41:52.640 --> 00:41:55.160 God, even as I release control to you, 00:41:55.160 --> 00:41:58.040 God, what things am I still trying to grasp a hold of 00:41:58.040 --> 00:41:59.660 and hold on to? 00:41:59.660 --> 00:42:02.160 God, in what area of my life, Lord, 00:42:02.160 --> 00:42:04.240 am I even unaware of? 00:42:04.240 --> 00:42:06.980 Lord, and take the darkness that is the depth of my heart 00:42:06.980 --> 00:42:10.480 and reveal it to me so that I can come to the sweet spot 00:42:10.480 --> 00:42:12.480 of confession and repentance before you. 00:42:12.480 --> 00:42:16.360 Godly people examine themselves 00:42:16.360 --> 00:42:18.920 because here's what they know. 00:42:19.520 --> 00:42:21.060 God forgives. 00:42:21.060 --> 00:42:23.400 God forgives. 00:42:23.400 --> 00:42:26.120 God forgives. 00:42:26.120 --> 00:42:27.260 God forgives. 00:42:27.260 --> 00:42:31.540 It's the beauty of getting caught. 00:42:31.540 --> 00:42:36.920 It's the beauty when the Holy Spirit 00:42:36.920 --> 00:42:39.840 begins to draw at you 00:42:39.840 --> 00:42:43.920 and begins to expose that which is ugly. 00:42:43.920 --> 00:42:47.460 And if you've been there, 00:42:47.460 --> 00:42:50.260 you know there's this bit of this wrestling within you. 00:42:50.260 --> 00:42:55.720 It's in the brokenness of your tears. 00:42:55.720 --> 00:42:58.440 You're reminded of the joy of your salvation 00:42:58.440 --> 00:43:02.760 because God forgives. 00:43:02.760 --> 00:43:04.980 God forgives. 00:43:04.980 --> 00:43:07.380 God forgives. 00:43:07.380 --> 00:43:10.120 You say, but God couldn't forgive that. 00:43:10.120 --> 00:43:11.560 Oh yeah, he could. 00:43:11.560 --> 00:43:12.840 Yeah, he could. 00:43:12.840 --> 00:43:14.020 Yeah, he could. 00:43:14.020 --> 00:43:16.780 Over and over and over again. 00:43:17.400 --> 00:43:21.200 Lastly, we talk about toxic people 00:43:21.200 --> 00:43:24.200 and then we're gonna talk about how to handle toxic people. 00:43:24.200 --> 00:43:27.160 Toxic people seek to be the victim. 00:43:27.160 --> 00:43:29.640 Seek to be the victim. 00:43:29.640 --> 00:43:35.240 You see, their identity is found in themselves 00:43:35.240 --> 00:43:36.680 and what they can overcome. 00:43:36.680 --> 00:43:38.840 This is why they blame. 00:43:38.840 --> 00:43:42.760 They blame because if I am the victim, 00:43:42.760 --> 00:43:44.560 guess what I can do? 00:43:44.560 --> 00:43:46.160 I can leverage that as well. 00:43:47.160 --> 00:43:51.340 It's another stone in the throne 00:43:51.340 --> 00:43:53.620 that I've marked as my kingdom 00:43:53.620 --> 00:43:56.100 to elevate me a little bit higher, 00:43:56.100 --> 00:43:58.900 a little bit higher, a little bit higher. 00:43:58.900 --> 00:44:03.900 Toxic people long for desire to be the victim. 00:44:03.900 --> 00:44:09.040 But godly people, godly people, 00:44:09.040 --> 00:44:10.900 they know that they are the victor 00:44:10.900 --> 00:44:15.700 because their victory is not found 00:44:15.700 --> 00:44:17.600 in the circumstances of this world. 00:44:17.600 --> 00:44:21.920 Their victory is found in Christ. 00:44:21.920 --> 00:44:26.160 I wanna be careful and I wanna be sensitive to this 00:44:26.160 --> 00:44:30.320 because there are a lot of people sitting in this room 00:44:30.320 --> 00:44:34.140 and you have been the victim. 00:44:34.140 --> 00:44:39.320 There have been people who have mistreated you. 00:44:39.320 --> 00:44:43.320 There have been people who have abused you. 00:44:43.320 --> 00:44:46.260 There have been people that have stolen, 00:44:46.260 --> 00:44:49.480 that have taken, that have beaten down your name. 00:44:49.480 --> 00:44:52.420 They've done all they can to destroy you 00:44:52.420 --> 00:44:57.420 beyond what I can fathom in my own life. 00:44:57.420 --> 00:45:02.360 But let me tell you this, 00:45:02.360 --> 00:45:07.000 that even in that, even in where you've been brought, 00:45:07.000 --> 00:45:09.780 even to where you found yourself, 00:45:09.780 --> 00:45:14.780 in Christ, in Christ you have the victory 00:45:14.780 --> 00:45:20.840 because God, he is our source of victory. 00:45:20.840 --> 00:45:25.020 And this is so important when we understand 00:45:25.020 --> 00:45:27.400 about dealing with toxic people 00:45:27.400 --> 00:45:34.240 because it's that part, it's our culture, it's our world, 00:45:34.240 --> 00:45:36.240 but I gotta win. 00:45:36.240 --> 00:45:39.080 The record has to be set straight. 00:45:39.080 --> 00:45:41.060 Evil cannot win. 00:45:41.060 --> 00:45:43.760 They cannot have this victory. 00:45:43.760 --> 00:45:47.500 But let me tell you what, evil has not won. 00:45:47.500 --> 00:45:51.360 Evil has been defeated. 00:45:51.360 --> 00:45:54.120 Christ has overcome it all. 00:45:54.120 --> 00:45:56.160 Christ has overcome death. 00:45:56.160 --> 00:45:58.040 Christ has overcome the grave. 00:45:58.040 --> 00:46:00.040 Christ has been raised. 00:46:00.040 --> 00:46:02.000 Christ has been exalted. 00:46:02.000 --> 00:46:05.220 And in that, and in him, and in who he is, 00:46:05.220 --> 00:46:08.580 and he is our source of victory. 00:46:08.580 --> 00:46:11.700 So you can belittle my name, you can belittle my character, 00:46:11.700 --> 00:46:13.240 you can belittle my integrity, 00:46:13.240 --> 00:46:16.100 you can take shot after shot after shot, 00:46:16.100 --> 00:46:19.400 but God, physically speaking and spiritually speaking, 00:46:19.400 --> 00:46:21.480 God, may we be like the people, 00:46:21.480 --> 00:46:24.120 may we be as your people like Paul, 00:46:24.120 --> 00:46:27.320 who's thrown in the basement, in the cellar, 00:46:27.320 --> 00:46:29.320 in the dungeon of a prison, 00:46:29.320 --> 00:46:33.580 surrounded by the septic and the sewage of the jail, 00:46:33.580 --> 00:46:37.560 still begin to proclaim and to sing praises of who God is 00:46:37.560 --> 00:46:42.560 and to share about how God is faithful and has the victory. 00:46:42.560 --> 00:46:49.440 And that's how we become the godly people 00:46:49.440 --> 00:46:51.620 that he's called us to do. 00:46:51.620 --> 00:46:56.640 So lastly, lastly, 00:46:56.640 --> 00:47:01.560 how do Christians deal with toxic people? 00:47:03.740 --> 00:47:08.300 I read a lot of resources, said a lot of prayers, 00:47:08.300 --> 00:47:11.220 examined my own life. 00:47:11.220 --> 00:47:16.140 While this might not be an all-encompassing list, 00:47:16.140 --> 00:47:20.540 I feel like it puts us pointed in a direction 00:47:20.540 --> 00:47:22.140 of what God would have for us. 00:47:22.140 --> 00:47:27.740 Number one, how do you handle toxic people? 00:47:27.740 --> 00:47:29.140 Number one, with compassion. 00:47:29.140 --> 00:47:31.940 Number one, with compassion. 00:47:32.460 --> 00:47:37.460 Desire, look at them with the eyes of Jesus. 00:47:37.460 --> 00:47:42.580 I heard a pastor say this week, 00:47:42.580 --> 00:47:45.820 how do we have eyes for people 00:47:45.820 --> 00:47:48.060 with the way that Jesus had eyes for 'em? 00:47:48.060 --> 00:47:49.060 We pray for 'em. 00:47:49.060 --> 00:47:52.540 It's hard to stay mad at somebody you pray for. 00:47:52.540 --> 00:47:56.260 Have compassion, not hate. 00:47:57.300 --> 00:48:02.300 Jesus on the cross exuded not vengeance, 00:48:02.300 --> 00:48:07.020 not hatred, but compassion. 00:48:07.020 --> 00:48:13.260 Two, desire change, desire change. 00:48:13.260 --> 00:48:17.740 Desire change in your own life, 00:48:17.740 --> 00:48:21.580 begin with an examination of your heart, 00:48:21.580 --> 00:48:24.700 but also desire change for them. 00:48:25.940 --> 00:48:28.860 But do so with godly intentions 00:48:28.860 --> 00:48:32.180 and to seek God's best for them. 00:48:32.180 --> 00:48:36.580 Desire this change, not so that the situation 00:48:36.580 --> 00:48:39.380 will go away for you, but desire their change 00:48:39.380 --> 00:48:40.380 for God's glory. 00:48:40.380 --> 00:48:46.260 The third, and we see this in this narrative, 00:48:46.260 --> 00:48:49.460 stand firm, stand firm. 00:48:49.460 --> 00:48:53.860 We see at the very end of this story, 00:48:55.060 --> 00:49:00.060 boundary lines drawn, memorials built 00:49:00.060 --> 00:49:02.140 to remember that day. 00:49:02.140 --> 00:49:08.740 I feel like as Jacob would've walked away, 00:49:08.740 --> 00:49:10.300 there's this sense of freedom 00:49:10.300 --> 00:49:15.320 as I'm leaving behind the toxic that is there 00:49:15.320 --> 00:49:17.620 to do what God has for me. 00:49:17.620 --> 00:49:20.380 Stand firm, stand firm. 00:49:21.580 --> 00:49:25.700 Set boundaries, set boundaries. 00:49:25.700 --> 00:49:28.180 Your boundary may look different from person to person, 00:49:28.180 --> 00:49:31.620 from situation to situation, set boundaries. 00:49:31.620 --> 00:49:36.620 Number two, protect your family, protect your family. 00:49:36.620 --> 00:49:39.180 Husbands, listen to me, listen to me. 00:49:39.180 --> 00:49:45.500 Be the leader, and when someone attacks your family, 00:49:45.500 --> 00:49:50.940 do not put the burden on your wife to set the boundary, 00:49:50.940 --> 00:49:55.280 but lead your family in the way that God has called you to. 00:49:55.280 --> 00:49:57.420 Protect your family. 00:49:57.420 --> 00:50:02.420 The third, do not enable, 00:50:02.420 --> 00:50:06.020 do not enable their sinful actions. 00:50:06.020 --> 00:50:09.760 Do not enable their sinful actions. 00:50:09.760 --> 00:50:14.400 To be a person who's godly does not mean 00:50:14.400 --> 00:50:17.180 that you have to walk in every single day 00:50:17.180 --> 00:50:19.240 and let them punch you right on the chin. 00:50:20.620 --> 00:50:24.300 Do not enable their sinful actions. 00:50:24.300 --> 00:50:31.060 The fourth thing, desire your growth through it. 00:50:31.060 --> 00:50:35.260 Desire your growth through it. 00:50:35.260 --> 00:50:39.040 There's one more, but I wanna say this really quickly. 00:50:39.040 --> 00:50:43.400 You might say that this standing firm seems harsh. 00:50:43.400 --> 00:50:47.920 Set boundaries, protect your family. 00:50:49.180 --> 00:50:51.100 Don't enable their sinful actions. 00:50:51.100 --> 00:51:00.220 I don't wanna get into the details, 00:51:00.220 --> 00:51:03.940 but I wanna tell you how God works and moves 00:51:03.940 --> 00:51:05.480 in toxic situations. 00:51:05.480 --> 00:51:15.060 23 years ago, two days before I got saved, 00:51:17.540 --> 00:51:22.540 my mom asked me to come sit at our kitchen table. 00:51:22.540 --> 00:51:28.340 She looked at her firstborn son, 00:51:28.340 --> 00:51:32.740 who she loved and loves, 00:51:32.740 --> 00:51:38.180 and she was right in what she said. 00:51:38.180 --> 00:51:45.260 What she said between me and her. 00:51:45.260 --> 00:51:47.340 (crying) 00:51:47.340 --> 00:51:53.500 The exact details are, but her communication was this. 00:51:53.500 --> 00:52:00.460 You're toxic, and I've gotta set a boundary 00:52:00.460 --> 00:52:06.780 for my family, and I've gotta protect them, 00:52:06.780 --> 00:52:14.440 and I can't enable you anymore. 00:52:15.440 --> 00:52:19.880 So this is where we go as we move forward. 00:52:19.880 --> 00:52:27.800 And before you judge my mother, before you judge her, 00:52:27.800 --> 00:52:30.320 here's what I wanna say to you. 00:52:30.320 --> 00:52:36.680 That day, loud and clear, here's what my mother 00:52:36.680 --> 00:52:38.200 was saying to me. 00:52:38.200 --> 00:52:41.940 I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you. 00:52:44.000 --> 00:52:48.560 It wasn't out of anger, it wasn't out of hatred, 00:52:48.560 --> 00:52:51.640 it was out of a love for God and a desire for me. 00:52:51.640 --> 00:52:55.820 And so she set a boundary. 00:52:55.820 --> 00:52:58.880 She protected her family. 00:52:58.880 --> 00:53:06.640 She desired, she desired to no longer enable 00:53:06.640 --> 00:53:08.620 my sinful actions. 00:53:11.280 --> 00:53:13.880 And two days later, two days later, 00:53:13.880 --> 00:53:28.080 a guy who reeked of alcohol, 00:53:28.080 --> 00:53:35.100 literally and figuratively, at the rock bottom of his life, 00:53:41.240 --> 00:53:42.340 gave his life to God. 00:53:42.340 --> 00:53:51.400 And I thank the Lord every day, every day, 00:53:51.400 --> 00:53:58.600 not just for my salvation, but for a mother 00:53:58.600 --> 00:54:04.080 who loved me enough to say enough is enough, 00:54:04.080 --> 00:54:07.080 to draw a boundary. 00:54:07.080 --> 00:54:10.600 Because here's what she was doing. 00:54:11.320 --> 00:54:16.320 As she would no longer enable the destructive pattern 00:54:16.320 --> 00:54:21.560 of my life, I thought in that moment she was protecting 00:54:21.560 --> 00:54:24.560 her, my dad, and my sister. 00:54:24.560 --> 00:54:27.140 She was protecting me. 00:54:27.140 --> 00:54:29.880 She was protecting me. 00:54:29.880 --> 00:54:36.000 And she let me experience the depth of my sin 00:54:36.000 --> 00:54:38.940 and the destruction that came with it. 00:54:42.140 --> 00:54:46.840 The fourth thing, when the boundaries have been laid out, 00:54:46.840 --> 00:54:53.780 when the stand has been made, pray for reconciliation. 00:54:53.780 --> 00:55:01.500 (exhales) 00:55:01.500 --> 00:55:02.880 Pray for reconciliation. 00:55:06.880 --> 00:55:11.880 I wish I could tell you every time you do this, 00:55:11.880 --> 00:55:16.960 reconciliation happens, but I can't make that promise. 00:55:16.960 --> 00:55:22.540 But pray for reconciliation. 00:55:22.540 --> 00:55:27.200 My mom prayed, we were reconciled. 00:55:27.200 --> 00:55:31.900 I got a great relationship with my mom, 00:55:31.900 --> 00:55:33.900 got a great relationship with my dad. 00:55:35.840 --> 00:55:37.440 I love them, they love me. 00:55:37.440 --> 00:55:44.680 But the reconciliation is not just the reconciliation 00:55:44.680 --> 00:55:45.780 between me and them. 00:55:45.780 --> 00:55:51.400 The reconciliation that we desire above all 00:55:51.400 --> 00:55:53.760 is the reconciliation between man and God, 00:55:53.760 --> 00:55:57.860 to be made right, to be made new in him. 00:55:57.860 --> 00:56:01.280 So if you guys are toxic people in your life, 00:56:01.280 --> 00:56:04.560 I wanna encourage you, I wanna encourage you. 00:56:05.560 --> 00:56:10.560 Compassion, desire to change, stand firm, 00:56:10.560 --> 00:56:13.840 pray for reconciliation. 00:56:13.840 --> 00:56:16.280 And we close with this. 00:56:16.280 --> 00:56:21.160 What if you're toxic? 00:56:21.160 --> 00:56:23.620 What if you're toxic? 00:56:23.620 --> 00:56:29.240 I said this last time, not all lost people are toxic. 00:56:29.240 --> 00:56:33.460 This is not a conversation about lost people 00:56:33.460 --> 00:56:34.740 versus saved people. 00:56:34.740 --> 00:56:41.200 Sometimes there's godly people that in situations 00:56:41.200 --> 00:56:45.360 and relationships can be toxic, 00:56:45.360 --> 00:56:48.000 can carry maybe not all of the toxic traits 00:56:48.000 --> 00:56:50.120 that we looked at, but some of them. 00:56:50.120 --> 00:56:52.780 And maybe that's you. 00:56:52.780 --> 00:56:57.440 Over the last two weeks, I've had the power 00:56:57.440 --> 00:56:59.800 of the Holy Spirit examine my own heart, 00:56:59.800 --> 00:57:02.160 my own life, my own actions, my own motives, 00:57:02.160 --> 00:57:03.360 my own reasons. 00:57:03.360 --> 00:57:07.720 And if you find yourself today, 00:57:07.720 --> 00:57:13.080 oh man, there is the list of people 00:57:13.080 --> 00:57:15.380 whose names and faces I hear, 00:57:15.380 --> 00:57:18.120 but I'm toxic. 00:57:18.120 --> 00:57:24.400 I'm toxic at work, or I'm toxic in my home, 00:57:24.400 --> 00:57:29.440 or I'm toxic in my church, or I'm toxic with my friends. 00:57:29.440 --> 00:57:30.780 What do you do? 00:57:31.700 --> 00:57:33.860 Do you leave here frustrated? 00:57:33.860 --> 00:57:35.880 Do you leave here disappointed? 00:57:35.880 --> 00:57:38.560 Do you leave here, no, no, no, no, no, please don't. 00:57:38.560 --> 00:57:42.840 In just a moment, the band is gonna come on stage. 00:57:42.840 --> 00:57:45.280 I'm gonna ask you, I'm gonna close 00:57:45.280 --> 00:57:48.120 with the same thing I closed with last week. 00:57:48.120 --> 00:57:51.040 If you find yourself as being a toxic person, 00:57:51.040 --> 00:57:53.400 number one, confess that before the Lord today. 00:57:53.400 --> 00:57:56.020 Confess your sin to him. 00:57:56.020 --> 00:57:59.460 He already knows. 00:57:59.460 --> 00:58:01.480 He already knows. 00:58:01.480 --> 00:58:02.600 Confess it to him. 00:58:02.600 --> 00:58:05.840 You may need to go from here 00:58:05.840 --> 00:58:08.800 and sit down with those closest to you 00:58:08.800 --> 00:58:12.080 and confess how you've been toxic to them 00:58:12.080 --> 00:58:14.000 and to ask for their forgiveness. 00:58:14.000 --> 00:58:16.480 I wanna encourage you to do so. 00:58:16.480 --> 00:58:19.160 But number one, confess. 00:58:19.160 --> 00:58:22.080 Number two, repent. 00:58:22.080 --> 00:58:23.220 Repent. 00:58:23.220 --> 00:58:24.720 Make a turn. 00:58:24.720 --> 00:58:26.240 Choose different. 00:58:26.240 --> 00:58:27.640 Choose better. 00:58:27.640 --> 00:58:29.080 Choose what God has for you. 00:58:29.960 --> 00:58:33.040 Not because you and I haven't figured out, because he does. 00:58:33.040 --> 00:58:35.840 Desire his way over your way. 00:58:35.840 --> 00:58:40.520 Release your control as you know he's in control. 00:58:40.520 --> 00:58:45.980 And then lastly, depend on God. 00:58:45.980 --> 00:58:48.160 Depend on God. 00:58:48.160 --> 00:58:51.460 If this is gonna happen in your life, 00:58:51.460 --> 00:58:54.520 it's not because you and I are great. 00:58:54.520 --> 00:58:57.960 It's not because you and I are perfect. 00:58:57.960 --> 00:59:00.840 It's not because you and I have it all figured out. 00:59:00.840 --> 00:59:02.020 It's because he is. 00:59:02.020 --> 00:59:04.440 He is. 00:59:04.440 --> 00:59:08.160 And while you and I may seek to manipulate, 00:59:08.160 --> 00:59:10.620 to change, to alter behaviors, 00:59:10.620 --> 00:59:15.260 only he can change our heart. 00:59:15.260 --> 00:59:17.680 Depend on God. 00:59:17.680 --> 00:59:19.800 Would you pray with me? 00:59:19.800 --> 00:59:24.320 God, I come to you this morning. 00:59:25.280 --> 00:59:28.000 [exhales] 00:59:28.000 --> 00:59:28.840 God, thank you. 00:59:28.840 --> 00:59:35.680 Thank you for your unfailing love for us. 00:59:35.680 --> 00:59:42.240 God, may we not be the characteristics of a toxic person. 00:59:42.240 --> 00:59:50.160 God, may we, from not through a change of a behavior, 00:59:50.160 --> 00:59:52.800 God, through a change of heart, 00:59:53.640 --> 00:59:57.440 for as we acknowledge that at our core, 00:59:57.440 --> 00:59:59.780 we choose sin, 00:59:59.780 --> 01:00:05.100 but we put our faith, our hope, and our trust in you. 01:00:05.100 --> 01:00:08.160 And you forgive us of our sin, 01:00:08.160 --> 01:00:11.000 and you set us free from our sin. 01:00:11.000 --> 01:00:15.760 So Lord, we've been crucified with Christ. 01:00:15.760 --> 01:00:22.080 God, I pray that we can go from this place 01:00:22.800 --> 01:00:25.040 as men and women, 01:00:25.040 --> 01:00:29.980 saved and redeemed by the blood of the lamb. 01:00:29.980 --> 01:00:37.540 God, for those who are toxic in our life, 01:00:37.540 --> 01:00:42.140 we show them the compassion of Christ, 01:00:42.140 --> 01:00:45.000 the stand firm, Lord, in the convictions 01:00:45.000 --> 01:00:46.440 of where you have us. 01:00:46.440 --> 01:00:51.760 God, I wish there was a list that we could give out 01:00:51.760 --> 01:00:53.860 to say this is what boundaries looks like, 01:00:53.860 --> 01:00:55.720 or we can't. 01:00:55.720 --> 01:01:01.260 So may we depend on you and follow you 01:01:01.260 --> 01:01:03.660 as we walk through the dynamic 01:01:03.660 --> 01:01:05.500 of these relationships in our life. 01:01:05.500 --> 01:01:09.720 God, where we find that we have been toxic 01:01:09.720 --> 01:01:13.080 or through the power of your Holy Spirit, 01:01:13.080 --> 01:01:16.560 Lord, would we just be obedient to you, 01:01:16.560 --> 01:01:20.220 obedient in our confession, obedient in our repentance, 01:01:21.460 --> 01:01:26.460 obedient as we depend on you to do the work in us 01:01:26.460 --> 01:01:28.860 for your name and for your glory. 01:01:28.860 --> 01:01:32.220 In the name of Jesus, we pray, amen. 01:01:32.220 --> 01:01:39.160 - Thanks again for listening, 01:01:39.160 --> 01:01:42.280 and be sure to check back next week for another episode. 01:01:42.280 --> 01:01:46.000 In the meantime, you can visit us at willowridgechurch.org 01:01:46.000 --> 01:01:47.920 or by searching for Willow Ridge Church 01:01:47.920 --> 01:01:50.040 on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. 01:01:53.240 --> 01:01:55.300 you