[upbeat music] The noon hour of Madness and Mayhem, the podcast.
This is the noon hour of Madness and Mayhem. What's happening, Peaches?
I'm Peaches.
I'm Victor. [laughing]
[laughing]
Hi.
Hi. It's Monday, we're here.
[laughing] Call now.
Uh, God.
Oh, man.
Now what?
I don't know. I mean, and actually, you probably shouldn't call now 'cause we're pre-recording this. [laughing] Um-
My mom is very obsessed with her, uh, her, her plastic goose. Is that what it is?
Yeah.
Apparently, this was a thing back in the day, where you would have some sort of, like, plastic, ceramic, whatever, whatever material it is, uh, goose outside of your place, and you would dress it up for the holidays or whatever. So my mom said, "Gertrude is ready for the next few days," and has the little goose dressed in a, in a raincoat with a hat-
[laughing]
... and an umbrella. That's the highlight of my mom's life.
Very nice. Uh, I don't-
Shout out, Mama Peach.
I don't recall seeing, uh, dress-up-able gooses, uh, back in the day, but-
Geese.
That's right, geese.
Come on, now.
Peaches, my brain is done. I'm already, uh, checked out for the day, and I got three hours [laughing] to go.
My secret weapon are those mushroom drinks, those alive mushroom drinks.
Yeah? Does that clear your mind?
The reishi and the lion's mane-
Mm
... and all that stuff, getting you focused and ready for the day.
Ugh, maybe I need some of that.
Oh, I try... I gave Aubrey a sip of it, and she did not like it at all, so-
No, didn't like the flavor
... More for me.
All right.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'll have to give one a whirl. I'm, I'm hoping a sandwich is gonna help. Shout out to, uh, my lady, Becca, bringing us some sandwiches. They, uh... Last time we had them, they were really good.
Yeah-
So-
... sandwich tree's awesome.
I am excited to eat, Peaches, 'cause, uh, I did not have much of an appetite yesterday. So now I'm starting to really creepy crawl from not eating food since probably about this time yesterday. Now, I need sustenance!
That- that's self-inflicted. I can't help you there.
I know. It was my fault. And then I, uh, was tired, so I drank coffee, and, uh, pretty much just feel gross. Just feel gross. So it's a great Monday, Peaches. It's a wonderful Monday. Uh-
Uh
... don't, don't go to emo night. That's all I gotta say.
Oh, Aubrey has the day off today, so she's been rubbing it in. She just called me before this hour and was like, "Hey, you're on your lunch break?" I was like, "No, I'm, I'm recording the noon hour of Madness and Mayhem."
[laughing]
"Call me back afterwards, 'cause I know you're a freeloader. You're off." No, no, she's, she's one of those, uh, government employees that gets to have the day off.
Yeah, all the kids get school off. You know, we had a caravan of children in a few minutes ago, checking out the studios.
Oh, good for you.
And, uh, we hope they enjoyed looking at where we sit and yap. Hope it was pure excitement, kids.
Yeah, this dark room with red lights. Yay!
Yeah. Ugh, today's Monday meeting, I didn't... Who decided at the beginning of that meeting to turn the lights up even brighter? Did you notice somebody got up and did that?
No.
Really cranked them up. It wasn't too bad when we first got in, but I'm like, geez, guys, it doesn't need to be so bright all the time.
It might, it might have been Jeff, who was the first to show up for the meeting.
Jeff al- always, uh-
I mean FJ.
Oh, yeah, FJ. Sorry, I forget we gotta call him by his proper name.
Bad Jeff.
[laughing] It's what he said his name is, FJ. So yeah, yeah, no more bright lights. Like a, a gremlin, "Bright lights! No!" [upbeat music] Don't like it. Okay, Peaches, sometimes on a Monday you just need a good laugh, and this thread started making me laugh really fast. You might have seen this one: "What's the dumbest game you and your friends made up as kids?" You know, kids can be creative, but they-
I kick you down there?
[laughing]
You kick me down there. [laughing] DPC!
That's right. [laughing] Sometimes as adults you make up dumb games. Uh, the one that got me laughing was the spatula game. Um, they said, "My sisters and I invented the spatula game. Stack up all the blankets in the house. Two people get under them. The third beats the crap out of them with a spatula." [laughing] Oh, trying to think of any dumb games I would play when we were kids. Like-
I've talked, I've talked plenty of times about the one that we used to play in elementary school with the bee. We would capture a bumblebee, put it inside a, like, a Doritos bag, and then close it, shake it up, and then let go of the bee. Uh, it's all angry, because it was all shaken up.
[laughing]
And then, with- the last person to leave was the winner.
[laughing]
That happened until somebody got stung.
[laughing] Um, this person made up a game where they sang a song called Diarrhea in the Sky. "The others would hide under the blanket while I pretended it was raining diarrhea from the sky."
Excuse me?
[laughing]
At least they didn't take it to the next level. Geez, uh-
What do you mean pretend?
I, I don't know. They didn't elaborate.
Like, they, they just chose, like, sewer water and chucked it on them? [upbeat music]
[laughing] I don't know.
What was like... What, what's the... I don't, I don't understand it.
But I'm guessing they just sat under the blanket singing the Diarrhea in the Sky song, but nothing was actually raining down.
Oh!
That, that's, that's my guess. Yeah.
See, if I was their sibling, I would've just, you know, taken some water out of the toilet [laughing]-
[laughing]
... threw it in the air above their blanket.
[laughing] Oh. All right, let's see. What else do we have here?
Yeah, just a lot of, uh, beating each other up [laughing] and laughing-
That's all that it is
... the entire time.
Stupid people doing stupid things.
[laughing]
Yay. What's that one game I saw a streamer play where, uh, they, they had a football helmet on, they're sitting there in the chair, and they're facing the, the opposite way of all the people behind them, obviously? And everyone behind them has pool noodles. And you would hit the person as hard as you can with the pool noodle, and then the person sitting there with the helmet on has to turn around and guess who hit them with the pool noodle.
[laughing]
And if you got it correct, then th- they replace you on the chair.
[laughing]
But some people actually go even further by just punching the guy in the head-
[laughing]
... with no football helmet on. They just-... [laughs] and, um, one guy did a drop kick and knocked the dude out of the chair.
Oh, dude, but don't- you could do permanent damage with those kind of games.
No kidding! Have you seen the stupid game in Australia? This could be a great third break, if we wanna save it for them-
Okay.
-with that time. Yeah, we'll save it for that break.
Okay, Peaches, with more fun and games coming up in just a few. [upbeat music] All right, we are talking fun and games on the noon hour of Madness and Mayhem.
Now-
Peaches had a fun game out of Australia to tell us about.
You, you've heard of power slap?
Yeah, uh, where people just slap each other as hard as they can.
Have you seen the Oklahoma drill, where people... I think they lay down on the sand. It's usually on a beach, I've seen this played. You lay down on the sand, and then somebody blows a whistle or says, "Go," and then both of you get up. One of you has a football, and you run at each other, and you try to tackle the guy with the football, or the guy with the football, like, you know, shoulders you and knocks you to the ground-
Ah
... and they win. Well, this whole game is sort of like that, but it's two massive dudes running at each other full speed, at- and they, like, ram heads.
Oh!
It's almost like the... Like, you see two rams battling [laughs]
Yeah.
[laughs] They just go at each other, and usually the first person knocked out, concussed, whatever, is the loser.
[laughs] Wow.
And so it's usually, like, two giant Samoan dudes.
[laughs]
Like, imagine a guy like Colby from across the hall.
Yeah.
Imagine a guy [laughs] that size running at you full force, and you've gotta run full force back and try your best to knock them down or knock them out.
[laughs]
How stupid?
Yeah, that, that sounds like brain damage, is what that sounds like.
Well, that's why NFL players are the dumbest people on the planet. [laughs]
[laughs]
That's why you see on that website, how many days since it's been... Or how many days has it been since an NFL player has been arrested? And it's usually, like, not even a week-
[laughs]
... till the next one's gone.
[laughs]
I was just talking to, uh, Logan from, uh, down the hall.
Uh-huh.
Uh, I think a, a, a player on the BYU football team just got arrested. Maybe the quarterback, I think, got arrested for something incredibly gross. So yeah.
Oh, yeah, it's out there.
Yeah. [laughs]
Yeah.
Well, I mean, there's tons of NFL players jacking cars, doing dumb things. [laughs] It's like, well, that's sport in itself. Aubrey and I already talked about it. Our future kids are not gonna play football, which is gonna be sad for all football recruiters out there, because-
'Cause they're, they're gonna have-
-two giant people have a giant kid. They wanted me badly as a kid, and even in high school, when I transferred high schools-
Oh, I'm sure!
... they wanted me to play football, and so I, I said yes, just to get the coach to buzz off, and then never showed up.
[laughs]
'Cause I was like: "Dude, I'm not playing football. Like, I, I, I'm... Just stop trying to recruit me."
Yeah.
"I'm not going to."
I'm dumb enough as it is.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Hello, guys! [upbeat music] This is the noon hour of Madness and Mayhem. I'm Victor.
I'm Peaches. You got any other stupid games over there, or what do you got planned?
Um, I mean, the rest of them aren't that exciting. This girl said they played a game... [scoffs] I'm, I'm not even gonna say that one, 'cause it seems potentially inappropriate. Um, you know, there was someone who played the, the kissing game, where they would all blindfold each other and just kiss each other-
[laughs]
... and you'd have to guess who it was.
Did you ever play spin the bottle as a, as a-
I think I did. I think I played it
... 13-year-old?
Yeah, I think I did as a kid. Must have, right?
See, I never played anything like that.
No?
I wasn't invited to stuff like that.
Yeah.
It's quite sad. You know, I was always by myself. P- uh, there would be times where my high school basketball teammates, they would ask my mom for a ride back to their house.
Mm-hmm.
And there was two of them that would make plans with each other and not invite me.
[laughs] While they're in the car?
And I'd be in the front seat.
[laughs]
And my mom made a big deal about it. I'm like: "What can I do? Just invite me!" You know, like: "What, what can I do? Can I scream at them?" [laughs]
Yeah. Be like: "Hey, dudes, why don't you get out of this car?"
Right. [laughs]
[laughs] Yeah, I don't have to give you a ride home. Jeez!
But now look, one of them's a chiropractor with two kids. What a loser. [laughs]
[laughs] All right, Peaches, you ready to get, get the heck out of here?
Uh, sure. I'm ready to have a heckin' good time with my show.
I bet you're gonna have a heckin' good time on Peaches' Pet Party. I just wanna go eat a sandwich.
I mean, a flippin' good time on my show. That's what-
Whoa!
You should see the, uh, radio edit I got for this, uh, track from Resistor.
Yeah?
It's, uh, it's quite funny how the... Some of these guys, they cuss like they're eighth graders.
Mm-hmm.
And they make radio edits out of these songs, and there's a... There's bleeps, there's reversals, there's-
Yeah
... uh, whistles even.
Mm-hmm.
And I, I'm playing that new Resistor as my pick of the day today.
All right.
I love this new... Uh, not new, really. It's been around for a l- long while, but I think more so bands are trying to copy Kublai Khan's sound-
Yeah
... because they, they've gained so much in popularity.
Mm-hmm.
So now there's all these big, fat dudes-
[laughs]
... screaming, "Get the up!"
[laughs]
A- a- and that's literally the entire song.
[laughs]
It's like: "You wanna fight me? [laughs] Bleep you!"
[laughs] What a, what a bunch of-
"What, you wanna run after me full force? I'll knock you out."
Oh, dude, th- those bands should start doing the, uh, you know, run at, run at each other at high speed and smash their heads together on stage.
It's called the wall of death. [laughs]
Yeah, wall of death, there you go. That's another dumb game adult- adults play.
Well, speaking of that, um, uh, Slaughter to Prevail is gonna be in Salt Lake on March 27th-
Mm
... with Whitechapel-
Oh
... and Attila.
Man, that's brutal.
And I'm gonna try to go to that show, I think.
Ah, is it, is that on a weekend?
It's on a Friday.
[exhales] It's doable.
'Cause I, I, I, I have this giant Whitechapel flag that shout-out to Mikey from Pocatello, uh, gave me.
Yeah.
And I wanna get it signed by Phil Bozeman, if that's possible.
Yeah, we might try-
I might try to get an interview with him, and be like: "Hey, I have had this flag. Could you, uh-
We should be able to line you up an interview.
"Would you make Peaches otherwise wanna run at you full force?"
We might be able to line you up an Alex Terrible interview.
That would be fun.
Yeah.
I'm not messing with him, all right?
[laughs]
I'm not bare-knuckle fighting Alex Terrible, all right? [laughs]
Dang it, Peaches, we need content.
Uh, sure, I... If I, if, um, let's see here, if we can stage it.
Yeah.
If we can have Alex Terrible gets mad at me asking... We have to put him on the, uh, in on the whole thing.
Yeah.
I have to ask him some type of pressing question that would really make him upset.
And then he just-
Russians suck.
[laughs]
That's not even a question. That's just me saying that.
That's a statement.
Yeah.
And then he just gets up and throws you out of the room or something.
"So, so I heard, Alex, that you're teaming up with Putin for a lot of, uh-
[laughs] Geez
... a lot of plans. Is that the case?" [laughs] Do it, do it like Nardwuar style, have me walk in with the stupid outfit- [laughs]
[laughs]
... wearing glasses. "So Alex, I heard you're teaming up with Vladimir?"
And you gotta do the annoying voice, too.
"With Vladimir? Putin!
[laughs]
You're Alex, we have to know. You're trying to bomb Ukraine."
Oh, geez.
"You have to know." [laughs]
[laughs]
[upbeat music] The Noon Hour of Madness and Mayhem is a production of Riverbend Media Group. For more information or to contact the show, visit riverbendmediagroup.com. [upbeat music]