Sometimes we face into a choice or decision where we entirely own the path that's got us there and yet still we can find ourselves unsure of whether to take the big step that makes the change happen. You know this tipping point from preparation into activation and that's what I'd love to explore today. Might be useful to add that I'm actually sitting in my kitchen today so this feels like a very intimate conversation and also there might be some different background sounds. But it's really lovely to be chatting with you sitting by the warm agar in my comfy chair and I'm looking forward to this exploration. Welcome to the Henny Flynn podcast, the space for deepening self awareness with profound self compassion.

I'm Henny. I write, coach and speak about how exploring our inner world can transform how we experience our outer world, all founded on a bedrock of self love. Settle in and listen and see where the episode takes you. So these kinds of decisions, they can feel really enormous to us. You know, the decisions that we own fully from the beginning.

Obviously there are so many times in our lives where we find ourselves having to make choices, find ourselves standing on the brink of change, where the change hasn't felt like it's entirely been driven by us, even though we might recognize that choices that we've made in the past have led us to that situation. It still might feel as though there are external factors and I think that often feels that way with change. But really what I want to focus on today is those changes that we do fully own. And sometimes they can be the changes that arise out of what I call beautiful disruption, where maybe we've been bobbing along, things have been going pretty well, all pretty smooth and something for some reason leads us to disrupt. Now sometimes that happens because of self sabotage and sometimes that happens because there's a fire in our belly that drives us into taking action of some kind.

And it can be really, really useful to examine what is actually driving that energy. And maybe that's a topic for another episode, it's certainly something that could comes up in the one to one exploration that I do with people through the coaching. Today what I'd really love to talk about is that specific point where the fire has been lit, you've grabbed hold of this idea of a change that you want to make and then you find yourself standing at the tipping point. You find yourself standing on the edge of taking the big step into what will actually make the change come into fruition. So like I said in the intro, know, we move from preparation into activation And these decisions can feel so enormous to us as individuals, they can feel gigantic inside us, even if in the outside world they can seem relatively insignificant.

And, you know, as I say that, I wonder if there's anything that comes up for you, you know, any moment that you recognise in your own life, maybe something you're facing into right now. I'm recording this in January and that's a classic time for us to be clearing away the old and, you know, embracing the new or creating the new. I'm also really mindful that we are coming toward the end of the Chinese year of the wood snake and that's all been about shedding, know, about releasing the stuff that no longer serves us. And that can feel very, very challenging. I think there's and as we come toward the end of the wood snake, we're facing into the year of the fire horse.

I don't know if this is something that has been showing up in your social media feeds in the same way it has for me, but that's all about this energy and forward momentum and can also be a kind of scattered momentum unless we're prepared for it. So the wood snake, the shedding, the clarity, the clearing the way can be, you know, these sort of contexts can be really, really useful as we support ourselves in creating the best conditions for the changes that we want to see in the coming year. So I'm going to share something which is a brilliant example, I think, of something that is looming very large for me. But in the grand scheme of things, it means very little. But something for some reason has driven me to completely change the way that I manage and design the look and feel of my website, you know, gosh, you know, how banal that is or banal even.

And yet, you know, obviously I run a business, it's really important, it's my public face, you know, in sort of one context and so, you know, for me personally it feels significant. In the outside world. It's very minimal and I really want to make sure that I do it as well as I can and I want to make sure that I'm making the right decision. So I'm at this tipping point and the tipping point is do I commit to all of the work that I've been putting in over the last few weeks to reshape this experience for the people who come and people who are curious about what I offer. You know my driver is that I really want to reduce the noise that there can be in the digital world and I want to create a space that feels as calm in an environment as I possibly can, while still doing the job of a website, know, sharing information and offering what I do.

So do I commit to that or do I stay with what I have now? Do I stay with an approach that's been broadly the same? I mean obviously there have been changes, but it's been broadly the same for several years. Now, you know, for you, maybe you recognise that there were times of changing job or sort of moving roles within the same organisation or you know maybe even like moving house, moving location or clearing out things that you no longer need in your home. That's kind of part of that releasing aspect of this.

Or finally releasing old stories that you've been carrying about who you are in this world. So these tipping points, these points of, I often think of them as like the sliding door moments, like we know we can step through or we can shut the door and we can step back and that's always a choice and that's important to remember. Know, so these sliding door moments, they can be about practical things, so for me the website. They can be about emotional things, so do we change a belief that we've been holding for a very long time? Or they can be energetic in the sense of do we choose to show up in the world in a way that feels more authentically us now?

Or do we step back and continue as we were before? And I say that without judgment, you know, these are, it's really important that we approach, explore, face into this exploration without judgment, you know, with compassion and always with this sort of this spaciousness. So we're not so kind of tangled up in its depths that we can't see what options we have, but we're able to extricate ourselves sufficiently that we can see with compassion. We can see the complexity, we can feel the complexity and we can hold space for it. So we're not just lost in it.

So all of these different types of tipping points or sliding door moments, you know, they require essentially the same kind of care and attention. The other thing that I just want to say before kind of diving into the sort of main sort of thoughts that I've been having around this is also about remembering that this stuff is never silly. You know something that I often hear when I'm working with the groups that I work with, know, on the short courses or when I'm working one to one with clients or even just in conversation with friends or family. What we notice is that we can often find ourselves saying things like, oh I know that's silly but I know it's silly to be so worried about it or I know it's ridiculous that this feels such a big thing to me but the truth is, you know, the reality is that making changes or noticing something about how we're currently behaving or what we're currently believing is not something that we need to minimize. We don't have to have this precursor of I know it's silly or I know it's ridiculous or I know it sounds silly whatever it might be.

We don't have to caveat the things that are taking our attention in that way because the whole of us is always worthy of our loving attention. Even the things that we might have come to believe are not. So if something's taking our energy, taking our attention, my sense is that there will be something in it that is asking to be seen or asking to be heard. It might be a relatively small thing that we can tackle, approach, manage in a fairly light way, or it might be something much bigger that has been obscured from our view for whatever reason, that's only now coming to the fore. So kind of noticing, and this really relates back to what I was saying about, you know, notice the fire in our belly that starts to kind of drive some energy.

Know, at that stage it can be really interesting to pause and go like, oh, I wonder what's driving this? Paying attention to ourselves is always useful and actually it's part of what enables us to pay deeper attention to what's happening for other people. Not in a way that means that we then know or can fix or understand or control what other people do, but simply in a way that deepens our compassion compassion for what might be sitting underneath someone else's words or actions and that, you know, like gosh, that is something that the world really needs in bucket loads right now. So, you know, I really feel that this work that, you know, the beautiful souls that gather here, connect with this work, that we're all doing consciously or unconsciously in the world. You know, the souls that are exploring it with a more mindful way, You know, time we learn how to love ourselves a little bit more fully, we're actually learning how to love others more fully too.

Learning how to love the earth around us and all of the inhabitants of the Earth, the creatures, the trees, the plants, more fully as well. Anyway, a slight segue. So just sort of back to this really the crux of what I wanted to talk about today, sliding door moments, these tipping points, like how do we know that we're stepping into the right decision even when it's something that is a change that we have created ourselves. So my reflections on this is one of them is fundamentally we all evolve. And sometimes finding ourselves in these places is an expression of that evolution.

And it can be as simple and as complicated as that. But just this awareness of like, oh, stuff has changed. Sometimes we don't need to do the big digging around. You know, we can simply say, oh okay, like I'm in this place in my life right now. And so this change feels more available, more appropriate, more intuitive, more in flow with where I am right now.

And that can be enough. And so just recognising our own evolution can be something that can help us with that decision to step through the threshold, to step through the sliding doors. And sort of that really kind of ties into the next point, which is that something has led us here. Trusting ourselves, trusting all those micro and macro decisions that we've made in our life that have got us to this point, trusting those, that can be an enormous aspect of trusting that we know our next step too. And this is really about mindful awareness.

And I think that's why, you know, for me so much of this deep inner work is about this mindful self awareness and growing our self knowledge is such a useful aspect of how we make and manage and navigate change in our lives. Psychology Today, which is an online magazine, can be really useful actually. It's got really useful writers and articles in there. There are things that you're curious about from a psychological perspective or what psychologists might say about an aspect of your life that you're facing into. So Psychology Today suggests that knowing that you're making the right choice involves a mix of critical thinking.

So have I got all the data points? Aligning with your values. You know, does this really sit right with me, with the person that I wish to be and the person that I am inside. It also involves listening to your gut and I think that is where this this deep inner work can be so powerful because it enables us to navigate the noise that can be inside us, the conflicting voices from the different parts of us and really coming into that place of, well, what does my inner wisdom say? Where's my deep yes or my deep no?

And then the fourth part is accepting imperfection. And this is so crucial, because rather than absolute certainty, if we can look for feelings of clarity or calm amidst the fear of the unknown, If we can, you know, and we do that by researching our options thoroughly or considering the impacts of the changes that we want to make on others who might be affected. So for me, the impact of me making changes on my website impacts you. You know, if you've ever visited it or wish to visit it and find out more about me, it's you that I'm really thoughtful about, you know, in work terms it would be like, who are your stakeholders, you know. And then always remembering that we can adapt or change course and that's really important.

I'll talk about that again in a little bit actually. So focusing on wise decision making, decision making with discernment, really feeling into all of these different factors rather than making perfect outcomes. Because what is perfection? That can be, you know, that can be a really, again, another podcast episode really. You know, sometimes we can have these ideals of what perfection looks like, but, you know, life rarely works out in that sort of fixed mindset of what perfection would be.

And in that becomes an even more beautiful place because it's not about perfection. We can't control what Tara Brack talks about is the illusion of control. So in day to day decision making, so for example we might be faced with a piece of cake or a piece of apple. In those kinds of decision making choices, the brain follows these very complex processes where immediate desires clash with long term consequences. And we see that, you know, in our everyday life, like these kind of tiny little dopamine hits that we get and how that can influence, you know, the way that we use our phone or the way that we eat, or the way that we move, the way that we exercise, you know, we see it all the time.

But those same complex processes can also impact or influence our longer term or more significant changes, because the choice can be maintaining the known state of the status quo. So for me, my current website or the unknown state of something new and the brain I. E. My new website. So the brain really loves the status quo.

You know, it's less effortful. We love to conserve our energy. It's a survival strategy, which absolutely makes sense in our ancient brain, our ancient lives, you know, the lives that our oldest ancestors lived, because food and resources were scarce. But that isn't necessarily what always serves us in the modern day, certainly in the environments that, you know, many of us listening here will be operating in. So, of just recognising as well, having a bit of compassion for our desire to maintain the status quo or the fear of what the unknown might be, that can be really useful when we're facing into these decision points.

And as part of that stress and threat affect our decision making ability. So if there's a load of stuff going on in our lives around us, it can become very, very difficult to even make, you know, to make a decision that in a calmer sort of world, we might be much more capable of working out whether it's the right thing or not. So what I'm thinking about is those times when we just go, I just can't think about that now. I just can't make a decision about that now. Or times where lots of decision making points collide, you know, maybe, you know, the choice about taking a new job and about moving house and about which school your sort of child should go to, or you know these very practical real world choices.

If they all collide at the same time, it becomes almost impossible to manage them all simultaneously because it's overload, it's decision overload. And so being really compassionate about that and prioritising which one really needs my attention becomes our best strategy in order to conserve and use our resources in the most useful way for us and for getting the best outcome. And in a day to day sense, we can't make decisions when we're tired. And the reason is that in our brain, we actually have this finite resource for decision making capability and that reduces as we go through our day. And then it refreshes with a good night's sleep and good nutrition.

Good rest maybe would be better and good nutrition. And so then we wake up in the morning and hey, we can make decisions again. And just as I say that kind of tracking yourself through the day and seeing gosh, how many decisions you have to make from which foot goes on the floor first thing in the morning, how you put your dressing gown on, or whether you switch the light on in the bathroom before you go and have a wee, or just go in in the sort of semi dark. Like all of those things, they're all decision making choices. And obviously most of them are unconscious, but we're still using that decision making capability.

And so we then have our busy day caring for others, caring for you know, the work that we do, whatever it might be, making decisions after decision after decision. And then we get home and if say we're fortunate enough to have someone else preparing food for us and they say, what would you like to eat tonight? And we go, I cannot make a decision about that. I have no idea what I want to eat. And it's because we've literally run out of that capability.

And so that is also really important that we recognise our capacity for decision making. So if we're at this sort of tipping point about making a stop go decision, making sure that we do it at a time in the day when we are resourced can also be really helpful because we're far more likely to employ all of our cognitive function to do that than if we, you know, just do it on a, oh god, just do it whim at the end of the day. We might not be thinking or decision making as clearly as we could at another time of the day. Gosh, this is a really big topic. I hadn't realised it was going to expand into this.

Really think this is such important stuff actually. And so just a kind of like a few more thoughts really. One practice, one exercise that can be really super useful is to understand the relative impact of this decision making, this choice, this threshold or this sliding door choice. And there are three key questions that we can do or that we can ask ourselves and they could be really good, like speed journaling prompts. So first of all, it's asking ourselves in the grand scheme of things, what's the impact of this not working as I wish?

Like really face into the fear that might be holding you back. Secondly, in the grand scheme of things, this not being exactly as I envision means And then thirdly, the last one is in the grand scheme of things, when this goes exactly as I wish it to. So we can sort of sit with the fear. Sit with the recognition of uncertainty, and also sit with the pleasure of envisioning things going just right. And that can be really helpful.

So that's actually an exercise I'm going to take myself through after recording this. I think also when I was doing a little bit of research around this, I think one of the most useful bits of guidance that I saw, which was just I think five words, was somebody who said, decide you make good decisions. I really loved that. Because if we're holding a belief that we don't make good decisions, it's very hard to overcome that and make any decision. Now, we might have someone else's voice like a kind of, you know, a powerful presence in our head of someone who once told us that we're no good at making decisions.

And so maybe there's some really useful, important work to do there to untangle us from that voice and to really understand, well, what is the value I can take from having heard that? Also how might it benefit me to release that voice now. If that's something that resonates with you, and you'd like to do some deeper work on it, then please do reach out and come and work with me one to one. It's so interesting when we start to recognise and understand the different influences and influencers we have had on our lives and how they might be informing how we're behaving and showing up in the world right now. But you know, the crux of this, the simplicity of these five words of decide you make good decisions can also come from like looking back and seeing similar decisions or changes that you've made in the past and really see like how that's worked out.

Like, what have you learned about the decisions that you've made? What would you have loved to do differently? And how might that inform the choices that you make next? But also seeing, oh yeah, I'm good at making decisions. I've made good decisions in the past.

I have evidence here. I have data that proves it. I think with that clarity, we can also see that decisions are rarely absolutely binary. Even if they seem like they were at the time, there are or there were often more choices available. Now, challenge here is that the choices might not be or might not have been palatable.

So, for example, when we moved here, we moved here from right across the other side of the country, very different landscape from somewhere that we lived for twenty years. My family are all from around there. My very established friendship group, social setting was really wonderful. Our son had grown up there, lots of reasons not to move. And we made this enormous choice, this enormous decision, entirely born out of our own energy, our own fire in our belly to move right across the country.

And one of the things that really enabled me to make that choice was remembering that we could potentially move again. If we didn't get it right, we weren't stuck here for the rest of our lives. We could potentially move again. Now that moving again is unpalatable. It's expensive.

It's really complicated. If we sold here and tried to move back into Cambridgeshire, we could never afford what we had when we lived there. So lots of reasons why I wouldn't want to do that. And that choice is still available. So recognising that there are always choices, even if they're unpalatable can be really useful.

And there's a lovely quote from the psychoanalyst Eric Fromme, or Fromme, I think might be someone correct me if I've got that wrong. And he once said, creativity requires the courage to let go of certainties. And I really love that because although in the act of making a decision to make a change, there's, it feels like, oh, that's about being certain. But actually there is a degree of creativity in here, which requires the courage to let go of certainties, to allow ourselves to say, what if this works? What if this is absolutely the right step for me to take?

Rather than getting lost in the fears and the shutting down of what if this isn't the right thing. And I think that that quote, creativity requires the courage to let go of certainties. Fear is often grounded in a belief that there are certainties and hope is often grounded in a belief that there is possibility. And so that can be really, really beautiful to hold. And then you know this sort of ties into this, you know remembering that there are choices even after we've leapt off into the change, even after we've made that decision.

It can be a way of remembering and reassuring ourselves of our own endless capacity for change and our ability to care for ourselves and to respond to challenges that we face creatively and compassionately. So we hold ourselves and we hold the decisions that we're making and the decisions that we have made with compassion. And for me, perhaps unsurprisingly, that can be an absolutely vital part of this change making process. So, how does all of that affect things that you're exploring right now? Choices that you've made, how you reflect on those choices, choices that you're facing into, how you sit with and hold space for yourself as you navigate those.

And how does that affect my tipping point decision? Feels big for me, not so great in kind of stature for other people. But for me, I'm going to sit with this decision making process for a little while. For practical technical reasons, I've got a timeframe that I need to work to. I know there are choices around that too, but if I don't work within the timeframe, then it means a lot of additional work.

So I'm making a choice about, do I want to do that or do I want to, you know, take the slightly easier path and I'll let you know where I get to next week because if I make this choice, yeah, the website might, the new website might be live by the time the next episode of the podcast comes out or it might not. And that is fundamentally where we get to, like, I'm still in the decision making. And there's actually another I think I got another podcast, either that or I thought about it, which is about the fact that we often accuse ourselves or accuse others or get accused by others of being indecisive. But my interpretation of indecision is there is a pause in that word that makes it two words, which is I am in decision. I'm in the process of making that decision and that is okay.

And lastly, just want to share a quote from Nelson Mandela. And he said, May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears. So my darlings, I'd love to hear your reflections about this episode. I'd love to hear what thoughts it sparked or what resonance it has had for you, do just email me henyhenyflinn dot co dot uk and there are some really lovely things unfolding for this year. The ways in which we can gather and sort of come into circle together.

And so if you're curious about those and you'd love to connect, please join the mailing list. It's going to be the place to hear about what happens and what's unfolding. It's quite scary for me. There's a number of big decisions, big sliding door moments, tipping points that I'm facing into. But it feels really beautiful and so I'm trusting that.

And it would be so gorgeous to have you along for the journey and walking beside me or me walking beside you, us walking beside each other, to support each other as we step into the year of the fire horse. Okay darlings, take care and I will see you next week and I send you a hug and a wave.