WEBVTT NOTE This file was generated by Descript 00:00:11.819 --> 00:00:17.879 Welcome to Transformative Principle, where I help you stop putting out fires and start leading. 00:00:18.389 --> 00:00:19.889 I'm your host, Jethro Jones. 00:00:19.889 --> 00:00:22.589 You can follow me on Twitter at Jethro Jones. 00:00:22.589 --> 00:00:22.649 Okay. 00:00:35.330 --> 00:00:38.150 Alright, welcome everybody to Transformative Principal. 00:00:38.150 --> 00:00:48.380 I am very excited to have on the program today, Hilda Guerrero, and we are going to talk about her new program called Peacefully Productive Kids. 00:00:49.550 --> 00:00:51.140 Don't you just love the sound of that? 00:00:51.860 --> 00:00:52.130 do. 00:00:53.150 --> 00:01:03.230 So Hilda is a second grade teacher still in the classroom and seeing amazing results with her students about, with this stuff that she's doing. 00:01:03.230 --> 00:01:12.270 So, Hilda, why don't you start by telling us what, peacefully productive kids is and, and what your idea is for it. 00:01:12.270 --> 00:01:13.930 Well, hello Mr. Jones. 00:01:13.930 --> 00:01:15.880 Thank you for having me on your show. 00:01:15.880 --> 00:01:18.520 I'm so grateful for this opportunity. 00:01:18.830 --> 00:01:19.370 Bear with me. 00:01:19.370 --> 00:01:21.980 It's my first interview and so thank you. 00:01:23.150 --> 00:01:23.540 Thank you. 00:01:23.540 --> 00:01:25.010 So yeah, I am a school teacher. 00:01:25.010 --> 00:01:26.750 I've been teaching for 28 years. 00:01:27.325 --> 00:01:32.815 And as many teachers with those many years of experience, they would all agree. 00:01:32.815 --> 00:01:40.975 We definitely have seen a decline unfortunately, in children's social, emotional, mental wellbeing. 00:01:41.035 --> 00:01:47.815 Most especially post pandemic and all of these growing concerns has compelled me. 00:01:48.620 --> 00:01:57.080 To create a solution, at least be a part of a solution of, what many of us are experiencing in the school setting. 00:01:59.765 --> 00:02:01.745 And so what, what is it? 00:02:01.775 --> 00:02:03.215 What does a solution look like? 00:02:03.425 --> 00:02:07.295 Give us an overview of what you envision and what you're doing in your classroom right now. 00:02:08.960 --> 00:02:13.370 Well, what I, what I, what I envision is, children that. 00:02:14.570 --> 00:02:31.330 When it comes down to social and emotional wellbeing, I, I see children with a, growing needs and knowing how to emotionally regulate and also have, stronger connections with their peers and have that so, emotional resiliency. 00:02:31.630 --> 00:02:33.700 So I started to create. 00:02:34.255 --> 00:02:36.895 Materials to help foster that growth. 00:02:37.525 --> 00:02:49.845 And it started back about three years ago when I was given a student who, at the time was one of the, the highest challenges in our district. 00:02:50.215 --> 00:03:01.585 He would leave the classroom quite a bit eloping and had emotional outbursts, and definitely a situation where I felt. 00:03:02.260 --> 00:03:05.710 You know, extremely challenged on how to deal with that. 00:03:06.130 --> 00:03:14.170 So I knew right off the bat I needed to learn, I needed to learn and become the teacher that he needed. 00:03:14.740 --> 00:03:16.540 And I started to read books. 00:03:16.540 --> 00:03:18.100 I started to watch videos. 00:03:18.850 --> 00:03:22.330 I, it turned out to be the process of a case study. 00:03:23.170 --> 00:03:34.150 I would read, I would learn, I would implement strategies, ask, you know, check in with myself every week, what worked, what didn't work, make the calibrations that I needed for the following week. 00:03:34.150 --> 00:03:42.960 And it evolved into creating resources and also collecting resources to help this little guy, be successful in the classroom. 00:03:44.775 --> 00:03:45.105 Yeah. 00:03:45.105 --> 00:03:51.645 And you are not alone in having students in front of you who are struggling mightily 00:03:51.675 --> 00:03:52.095 Mm-hmm. 00:03:52.755 --> 00:03:55.095 You know, when I was a principal, I faced this. 00:03:55.365 --> 00:04:02.565 I have, my oldest daughter has a disability and she has kids like this in her classroom, on a regular basis. 00:04:02.595 --> 00:04:07.665 And, you know, she gets very upset when those kids have emotional outbursts 00:04:07.860 --> 00:04:08.160 Yeah. 00:04:08.775 --> 00:04:11.625 or when they run away or whatever the case is. 00:04:11.625 --> 00:04:14.925 And so this does affect, affect other kids. 00:04:15.345 --> 00:04:18.585 And the thing is, is that not all of those kids. 00:04:18.960 --> 00:04:21.690 Actually have a disability. 00:04:21.840 --> 00:04:30.940 And, some of them have mental health challenges and some of them have trauma, and some of them have all kinds of different things that are contributing to it. 00:04:31.270 --> 00:04:38.060 And, and we don't know all the underlying reasons why, but we know that they need support. 00:04:38.600 --> 00:04:47.820 And, and anybody who's worked with a very highly challenging student, knows that you learn a lot through that process as you did. 00:04:47.940 --> 00:04:48.750 absolutely. 00:04:49.000 --> 00:04:54.220 so tell me what, what these resources are and what they look like. 00:04:54.280 --> 00:05:01.626 And then, and then we'll shift into some of this idea about how to get this stuff built and how to get people engaged in the process with you. 00:05:02.935 --> 00:05:03.295 Okay. 00:05:03.295 --> 00:05:08.365 At first it started out looking for information that's already available. 00:05:08.455 --> 00:05:25.075 What resources, what videos, read alouds, different resources that are already available, pulling those together and then creating as I went, specifically speaking towards that child, he was diagnosed with oppositional defiance disorder. 00:05:25.855 --> 00:05:30.055 So I started reading about that and learning how can I help this child? 00:05:30.055 --> 00:05:34.465 And it led me to a book that is actually written for adults, Steven Guy. 00:05:34.555 --> 00:05:49.285 He wrote a book called Elastic Habits, and he takes this idea of how to, effectively build habits and with, with this idea that when you start with the goal being so small, it's almost impossible to fail. 00:05:49.285 --> 00:05:52.855 Sort of like the book Atomic Habits and build from there. 00:05:53.860 --> 00:06:01.540 Then you may have more, success than if you have a fixed goal and you know, not succeed and eventually. 00:06:02.695 --> 00:06:07.855 Quit over time is what a lot of the pattern is for most people trying to make changes. 00:06:07.855 --> 00:06:14.665 As you know, the New Year's resolution goers that start a goal in January, they're usually done by February. 00:06:14.935 --> 00:06:20.095 So I took this idea, I created a chart, created resources, and started to track his behavior. 00:06:20.575 --> 00:06:27.055 Because what he was doing is anytime there was anything academic that was required of him, he would shut down. 00:06:27.595 --> 00:06:32.005 And so I started making the goal so ridiculously simple. 00:06:32.380 --> 00:06:33.430 Starting there. 00:06:33.430 --> 00:06:42.520 And the idea is once you break out, break through that inertia, and you've got momentum going, now you can challenge the child a little more, a little more. 00:06:42.520 --> 00:06:50.290 And one example with that was with writing, he had such a high resistance with writing that no one even knew if he knew how to write. 00:06:50.290 --> 00:06:51.355 And he was already a third grader. 00:06:52.245 --> 00:06:54.040 He refused to put a pencil in his hand. 00:06:54.040 --> 00:06:59.110 So I started baby steps one step at a time and then had this chart to track. 00:06:59.590 --> 00:07:06.940 His progress and over time, by the end of the year he was writing multiple paragraphs, just using that one strategy. 00:07:08.170 --> 00:07:13.810 So, and I can, you know, with the eloping what I learned about that many times. 00:07:13.840 --> 00:07:14.680 hold on just a sec. 00:07:14.710 --> 00:07:15.100 Okay, 00:07:15.160 --> 00:07:16.090 let's go back to that 00:07:16.180 --> 00:07:16.690 sure. 00:07:16.780 --> 00:07:20.500 this gets to the productive part of peacefully productive kids, 00:07:20.530 --> 00:07:20.890 Yes. 00:07:20.890 --> 00:07:30.280 and there is nothing that builds confidence and capacity, like actually succeeding at something that is difficult for you to do. 00:07:30.505 --> 00:07:30.925 Right, 00:07:31.290 --> 00:07:31.530 Absolutely. 00:07:31.675 --> 00:07:35.215 this is a, a, it's like a, an engine. 00:07:35.545 --> 00:07:40.735 You know, you turn it on and sometimes it's cold and it's really hard to get it started. 00:07:41.035 --> 00:07:45.655 But once it gets going, then it goes and it gets better as it gets warmer. 00:07:45.925 --> 00:07:48.535 And with kids when they're struggling with something. 00:07:48.970 --> 00:07:56.350 The self-confidence that comes from a kid actually doing something that they thought they couldn't do is just huge. 00:07:56.440 --> 00:08:07.840 And so it, it's not surprising to hear that nobody knew he could write to him writing paragraphs because he saw this small thing that he could do to figure out how to become better at that. 00:08:08.170 --> 00:08:08.800 And then. 00:08:09.160 --> 00:08:16.240 You know, with every kid, once they see what they're capable of, then the training wheels can come off and they can do really amazing things and, 00:08:16.585 --> 00:08:17.185 Yes. 00:08:17.530 --> 00:08:22.480 so important because too often our interventions. 00:08:23.485 --> 00:08:25.795 Or about getting them to be compliant. 00:08:25.975 --> 00:08:28.015 But that is not rewarding. 00:08:29.155 --> 00:08:30.745 feel good to be compliant. 00:08:31.165 --> 00:08:35.395 It feels good to be productive and create, we all love that. 00:08:35.515 --> 00:08:35.635 Yeah, 00:08:35.785 --> 00:08:36.805 feel good when we do 00:08:37.135 --> 00:08:37.705 that's right. 00:08:37.825 --> 00:08:39.415 are just being compliant. 00:08:39.625 --> 00:08:40.015 No, 00:08:40.165 --> 00:08:40.825 feel good. 00:08:41.185 --> 00:08:41.575 no. 00:08:41.815 --> 00:08:43.645 good to be productive and helpful. 00:08:43.645 --> 00:08:45.555 So, so sorry to interrupt, 00:08:45.675 --> 00:08:47.655 No, it, it's exactly what happened. 00:08:48.255 --> 00:08:48.885 Absolutely. 00:08:48.885 --> 00:08:50.265 It's exactly what happened. 00:08:50.445 --> 00:08:53.535 The more he succeeded, the better he got at succeeding. 00:08:53.610 --> 00:08:54.090 Mm-hmm. 00:08:54.165 --> 00:08:55.365 exactly what happened. 00:08:55.365 --> 00:08:58.125 It turned everything around in the right direction. 00:08:58.545 --> 00:09:01.425 And another, challenge he had was eloping. 00:09:01.425 --> 00:09:02.925 So I did my research. 00:09:02.955 --> 00:09:03.975 What causes that? 00:09:03.975 --> 00:09:06.615 I need to get to know him before I know how to help him. 00:09:07.095 --> 00:09:13.065 I started researching, found out often cases, if they come from, backgrounds of abuse, he's. 00:09:13.170 --> 00:09:26.750 He's adopted, so he's been through a lot and, found out that, a lot of reasons is because when a child is experiencing excessive times and durations of, in this fight and flight mode. 00:09:27.720 --> 00:09:31.200 They're in this perpetual state and anything can trigger for them to run. 00:09:31.380 --> 00:09:33.360 They just, so what's the antidote? 00:09:33.420 --> 00:09:48.330 What I learned, and I started, I started reading books on trauma, watching videos, and what I learned was antidote is to consistently, in a very compassionate, gentle way, let him know he's safe, he's okay, he's gonna be fine. 00:09:48.330 --> 00:09:49.140 I'm here. 00:09:49.140 --> 00:09:50.220 I care about you. 00:09:50.610 --> 00:09:55.140 Just consistent, soft, gentle messages over and over, and over. 00:09:55.515 --> 00:09:57.705 And within a month he stopped eloping. 00:09:59.535 --> 00:09:59.655 And 00:10:00.015 --> 00:10:00.765 That's great. 00:10:01.035 --> 00:10:01.845 within a month. 00:10:01.965 --> 00:10:02.655 Within a month. 00:10:02.655 --> 00:10:06.735 And this was su such a drastic change that I had. 00:10:06.735 --> 00:10:11.535 A fellow teacher asked, Hey, where's that little guy that would run around all the time? 00:10:11.535 --> 00:10:12.285 Everyone knew him. 00:10:12.285 --> 00:10:14.115 It was a little guy that would run around all the time. 00:10:14.535 --> 00:10:15.195 Did he move? 00:10:15.195 --> 00:10:16.305 No, he's still here. 00:10:16.305 --> 00:10:17.055 He's in your room. 00:10:17.595 --> 00:10:19.935 He's not running, so they didn't know. 00:10:19.935 --> 00:10:28.785 And it's, it's all just took on my part, finding the information I needed, starting to implement the strategies that I was learning and they were working. 00:10:29.595 --> 00:10:34.745 And, I kind of said the story backwards because once I got him in my room, then I thought, okay, he's in my room. 00:10:34.775 --> 00:10:35.645 How do I educate him? 00:10:36.725 --> 00:10:37.295 Yeah. 00:10:37.325 --> 00:10:37.775 Wow. 00:10:37.775 --> 00:10:37.835 Yeah. 00:10:37.885 --> 00:10:44.335 His, his, because quite honestly there was so much of education that he missed because of the challenges that he had. 00:10:44.335 --> 00:10:44.755 Right. 00:10:45.355 --> 00:10:57.295 And so then I thought, okay, his two struggles within the classroom were emotional anger outbursts and the, defiance disorder, which I've already discussed. 00:10:57.640 --> 00:11:14.700 So with the second struggle of emotional outbursts, what I started to learn from that through the research that I was reading and learning and studying, is, what they're basically doing is expressing an intense emotion, but in a different way. 00:11:14.700 --> 00:11:14.790 Right? 00:11:16.350 --> 00:11:24.150 So when I see a child acting out, when I see a child throwing something or kicking or screaming, I don't see a child with bad behavior. 00:11:24.150 --> 00:11:30.040 I see a child who's in distress and needs to learn the skills on how to release. 00:11:30.835 --> 00:11:33.385 The emotions are feeling in a different way. 00:11:34.255 --> 00:11:37.285 So one day I sat with him, I showed him two images. 00:11:37.285 --> 00:11:40.465 I showed him an image of a geyser from Yellowstone. 00:11:40.465 --> 00:11:45.835 I showed him another image of this gentle, serene scene of water seeping out from the earth. 00:11:46.045 --> 00:11:48.955 And I asked him what's similar, what's different about these images? 00:11:48.955 --> 00:11:52.075 And he knew that they're both images of water. 00:11:52.765 --> 00:11:56.515 Being released from the earth, but obviously done in different ways. 00:11:56.515 --> 00:11:58.555 And I said, this is what I'm observing. 00:11:58.765 --> 00:12:08.615 You're, there's, very appropriate if you feel anger about something that is a normal feeling and the need to release it is also very normal. 00:12:08.795 --> 00:12:13.625 What I'm going to do is I'd like to show you a different way to release those emotions. 00:12:14.360 --> 00:12:20.060 I said you willing to try and, I mentioned to you that I have a master's degree. 00:12:20.270 --> 00:12:22.280 My background is language development. 00:12:22.280 --> 00:12:30.920 I spent many years being a bilingual teacher, so I've learned a lot about language acquisition and the stages of teaching language. 00:12:31.160 --> 00:12:42.800 And the reason why I bring this up, because I started to see this correlation early on, that social and emotional wellbeing, there's a direct connection with their ability to communicate how they feel. 00:12:43.460 --> 00:12:56.000 And if I can give them the language skills that they need, then perhaps they can speak and articulate how they feel in a more peaceful, gentler way instead of these emotional outbursts. 00:12:56.000 --> 00:12:58.130 And that's exactly what I started to do. 00:12:58.370 --> 00:13:09.350 I started to teach him language frames, associated with emotional, language and social language and giving him these phrases and say, try this instead. 00:13:09.380 --> 00:13:12.320 And I just, all year long started to give him words. 00:13:12.320 --> 00:13:18.410 And so, as you would know, those emotional outbursts just faded away. 00:13:18.470 --> 00:13:19.130 Why? 00:13:19.400 --> 00:13:26.120 Because I equipped him and I empowered him to speak and release his, his intense emotions in a different way. 00:13:27.800 --> 00:13:32.540 And, and that is the key to what pretty much everybody needs. 00:13:32.660 --> 00:13:46.490 Is they need to be able to express themselves and say what's going on so that the frustration or pain or whatever that they feel can be released in a way that is appropriate for their environment wherever they're at. 00:13:46.585 --> 00:13:47.075 Exactly. 00:13:47.360 --> 00:13:51.800 it doesn't matter if it's in the classroom or somewhere else, I'm sure that his behavior is improving. 00:13:52.130 --> 00:13:54.380 In other areas as well. 00:13:54.560 --> 00:14:00.780 So you have this one student that taught you all these things, but now you're applying this to the rest of 00:14:01.125 --> 00:14:01.365 Yeah. 00:14:01.890 --> 00:14:11.070 in the classroom, and now what you wanna do is, is create this peacefully productive kids and have other people experience it also. 00:14:11.070 --> 00:14:16.630 So, so what does that look like as you're trying to develop this, outside of just your classroom? 00:14:17.165 --> 00:14:17.525 Yeah. 00:14:17.525 --> 00:14:23.675 Since then, what my, the work I've learned and implemented with that one child a couple years ago, it's definitely grown. 00:14:24.065 --> 00:14:30.545 I see the work I'm doing is, addressing the three tiers of kids with social emotional needs. 00:14:30.545 --> 00:14:32.915 A tier three, a tier two, a tier one. 00:14:33.245 --> 00:14:38.435 So I, I do one-on-one, intervention interventions with kids that need that level of one-on-one. 00:14:38.915 --> 00:14:39.605 Attention. 00:14:39.605 --> 00:14:49.865 And then I have a small group that we call a friendship class where I pair students that have high social emotional needs with students that have low and for different reasons. 00:14:49.865 --> 00:14:54.935 I'm teaching them how to regulate self-regulate emotionally. 00:14:55.115 --> 00:14:57.785 I'm also teaching them interpersonal skills, how. 00:14:58.065 --> 00:15:02.085 To resolve conflicts and we do role playing and, and that sort of thing. 00:15:02.385 --> 00:15:14.215 And what, what's also grown is now teaching, sort of tier one level, whole group lessons on three main components, which is mind, heart, and body. 00:15:14.995 --> 00:15:18.625 So any and all themes associated with growth mindset. 00:15:20.115 --> 00:15:32.205 Then any and all, themes pertaining to their emotional wellbeing and the, you know, relationships and human connections, which is part of the Maslow's hierarchy of needs. 00:15:32.655 --> 00:15:33.465 Very important. 00:15:33.465 --> 00:15:38.985 And then the body, it includes self care, also the need to take care of yourself. 00:15:39.705 --> 00:15:49.000 Those are the three main components, but without, of those components, there's, I have over 50 different topics or themes that branch out of those three. 00:15:50.440 --> 00:15:50.730 yeah. 00:15:50.995 --> 00:15:53.665 Well, and you know, and everybody listening knows that. 00:15:54.270 --> 00:15:57.330 It's, each one of those things has many different 00:15:57.480 --> 00:15:57.900 Mm-hmm. 00:15:58.050 --> 00:15:58.380 it, 00:15:58.580 --> 00:15:58.860 Absolutely. 00:15:59.100 --> 00:16:09.360 So the mind has what you think about and what you get your mouth to actually say, and how you respond to criticism and to positive reinforcement and all that kind of stuff. 00:16:09.690 --> 00:16:14.490 And your body is not just about self-care, but also about controlling your 00:16:14.640 --> 00:16:15.060 Mm-hmm. 00:16:15.090 --> 00:16:16.020 using your body. 00:16:16.330 --> 00:16:23.160 And the way that it needs to be used, throughout whatever instance you're coming up against as a child in a school. 00:16:23.315 --> 00:16:23.705 Mm-hmm. 00:16:23.760 --> 00:16:26.583 so, um, yeah, I like that a lot. 00:16:27.566 --> 00:16:36.806 what does this look like for someone who is, who's a teacher and is like, Hey, I need peacefully productive kids, so I go to peacefully productive kids.com. 00:16:37.016 --> 00:16:39.656 What are they gonna, what are they gonna get from there? 00:16:40.271 --> 00:16:47.621 Well, one of the main reasons why I started to create this is probably out of my own frustrations in finding materials and resources that I need. 00:16:47.621 --> 00:16:53.621 And when I did a lot of it, it good material, however it was, a lot of work to prep. 00:16:53.621 --> 00:17:08.041 Sometimes the preparation for the lesson that's described takes longer than the actual teaching of the lesson, so that's when I thought, okay, I need to create something that is teacher friendly that, very minimal preparation required. 00:17:08.401 --> 00:17:14.431 My goal is within five clicks that a teacher will have resources right there at his or her fingertips. 00:17:14.951 --> 00:17:24.111 To teach on any topic, any theme, and of course teachers can use it, how they see is needed within the dynamics of their classroom. 00:17:24.351 --> 00:17:29.241 Some teachers might find it beneficial to go from beginning to end through the different topics. 00:17:29.481 --> 00:17:32.721 Some might say, well, we're dealing with this issue in class. 00:17:32.721 --> 00:17:36.351 What's the lesson I can just teach within minutes to address? 00:17:36.906 --> 00:17:43.776 A certain topic and when they click on that certain topic, they'll find a plethora of different resources. 00:17:43.966 --> 00:17:47.026 Videos, journal prompts, lesson plans. 00:17:47.446 --> 00:17:50.566 I'm just creating dance, music, poetry. 00:17:50.866 --> 00:18:03.196 I'm a big believer in poetry because of the benefit that Pro achieve provides, if they can recite poems they can remember, that will help them remember positive messages that they need. 00:18:03.796 --> 00:18:05.716 To pull up in times of need. 00:18:05.986 --> 00:18:17.306 I'm a, that's part, a big part of the program I'm, producing is this whole issue of helping children with negative self-talk or I guess combating against negative self-talk. 00:18:17.996 --> 00:18:31.406 I think the latest research is like 90 something percent that we talk to ourselves negatively, and what can we do to help steer that in a better direction, to help teach mindfulness, to help them to be aware. 00:18:32.111 --> 00:18:36.761 They're actually talking to themselves in a negative, demeaning way and how to pivot. 00:18:37.121 --> 00:18:39.011 So we work on that a lot. 00:18:39.671 --> 00:18:43.111 And so all of those resources would be made available. 00:18:43.261 --> 00:18:50.361 I think a really big component that I just started developing, pools in from my background of language development, I do see. 00:18:50.946 --> 00:18:56.256 Language as the pathway towards social, emotional and mental wellbeing. 00:18:56.856 --> 00:18:58.026 And it correlates. 00:18:58.026 --> 00:19:14.376 The stronger a child has skills to communicate effectively how they think and feel and the, the more adept they are to resolve conflicts with peers or even family members in a peaceful, respectful way because they have the language to do so. 00:19:14.976 --> 00:19:19.346 I think, the stronger they, you know, their developmental growth would be. 00:19:19.346 --> 00:19:23.996 And so I'm teaching them language frames on what to say. 00:19:24.506 --> 00:19:27.386 If I can just share one example about that. 00:19:27.726 --> 00:19:38.996 With the groups that I'm teaching, we do a lot of role playing and, I had in, in sharing and expressing these language frames and I had a mom recently in a conference saying, you know, I. 00:19:39.241 --> 00:19:43.891 My son used to be sort of feisty and snappy, and something is changing about him. 00:19:43.891 --> 00:19:45.241 He even talks differently. 00:19:46.381 --> 00:19:48.241 And I said, well, tell me what that means. 00:19:48.631 --> 00:19:51.451 She said, well, something's actually shocked me. 00:19:51.451 --> 00:19:53.041 And I'm like, well, can you give me an example? 00:19:53.041 --> 00:19:54.241 She says, okay. 00:19:54.291 --> 00:20:07.581 Well, I was coming home from work a little flustered, frustrated, something went wrong and at work, and I just shared a little bit about what happened, and my son, seven years old says, I'm really sorry. 00:20:08.116 --> 00:20:20.236 To hear that you went through that mom, I, I would be really bummed out too if I went through that and she, she, she, she said, I'm really sorry to hear you went through that. 00:20:20.236 --> 00:20:21.136 You experienced that. 00:20:21.136 --> 00:20:23.566 I, I can see why you were bummed out about that. 00:20:23.566 --> 00:20:25.186 I would be bummed out about that too. 00:20:25.846 --> 00:20:31.696 And she just stepped back and thought, who, who is this talking to me? 00:20:31.696 --> 00:20:31.936 Right. 00:20:32.806 --> 00:20:34.306 Just the words that he's using. 00:20:34.306 --> 00:20:37.486 And I just smiled and I said, that's the language I'm teaching him. 00:20:38.326 --> 00:20:39.766 They're called words of Empathy. 00:20:39.766 --> 00:20:42.376 I'm teaching them how to be good listeners. 00:20:42.526 --> 00:20:45.106 I train the students to be active listeners. 00:20:45.196 --> 00:20:47.356 Oh my goodness, I have so much to say about that too. 00:20:47.356 --> 00:20:48.556 With the friendship class. 00:20:49.456 --> 00:20:50.716 Can I tell you another story? 00:20:51.481 --> 00:20:52.501 Yes, please. 00:20:52.786 --> 00:20:57.676 So we have this growing problem of kids coming back after recess. 00:20:57.676 --> 00:21:01.006 Every time someone's crying, something happened, something went wrong. 00:21:01.426 --> 00:21:04.936 And they're all screaming at me trying to tell me all at the same time what went wrong. 00:21:05.476 --> 00:21:09.286 So I thought, all right, what if I equip and train the kids? 00:21:09.946 --> 00:21:12.466 You know how to be better prepared for recess? 00:21:14.071 --> 00:21:15.151 Right. 00:21:15.181 --> 00:21:29.121 So we went over conflict resolution strategies and because unfortunately what happens, a lot of kids that are good, well-mannered kids, they're easy targets for those that have bully tendencies or tactics, and they go through a lot and they come back crying and they've been wounded. 00:21:29.511 --> 00:21:38.861 So I started teaching them, conflict resolution strategies of the words like being assertive, having the courage to speak your truth in love. 00:21:39.371 --> 00:21:52.046 And also, providing a win-win solution so that the, and and repeating back what the person says so that they feel heard and all of these strategies that, that I was teaching them and. 00:21:52.931 --> 00:21:57.641 One day the counselor comes up to me and says, you're not gonna believe what I witnessed on the playground. 00:21:58.091 --> 00:22:07.001 She said, I saw a fight brewing between two fifth graders and the, tensions were rising and they were exchanging some quite colorful words with each other. 00:22:07.721 --> 00:22:11.021 And, crowd was gathering around them. 00:22:11.621 --> 00:22:15.671 And not to solve anything, but to basically be entertained by it. 00:22:16.181 --> 00:22:18.461 But then here come your little second graders. 00:22:19.376 --> 00:22:30.476 They come in and they're in the circle, and I see one of your students tap this much bigger kid and said, you know, I know what you can tell him so he doesn't keep getting more mad at you 00:22:33.526 --> 00:22:33.916 That is. 00:22:33.916 --> 00:22:34.426 Great. 00:22:34.726 --> 00:22:35.356 I love it. 00:22:36.416 --> 00:22:36.537 and this. 00:22:36.537 --> 00:22:42.296 And then they're probably a foot apart in, in height, and he looks down at her and I guess he's open for the idea. 00:22:42.476 --> 00:22:44.096 So she gave him the words. 00:22:45.236 --> 00:22:49.046 She says what you have to address, she goes, I don't think she used the word address. 00:22:49.236 --> 00:22:54.216 You have to first say what he's feeling, what he's thinking, so that he knows he's being heard. 00:22:54.576 --> 00:22:56.466 And here's what I heard him saying. 00:22:56.856 --> 00:23:05.936 So she basically guided this kid how to, basically mirror what this angry boy was trying to say. 00:23:06.236 --> 00:23:07.766 And when he did that. 00:23:08.501 --> 00:23:16.061 Another little girl in my class tapped on the other kid and says, now here's what you can say in response, right? 00:23:17.196 --> 00:23:29.371 And, and between these kids, they actually resolved the conflict, the tensions went down and they were able to, avoid or help avoid these two kids going at it physically. 00:23:29.851 --> 00:23:32.761 And I thought, wow, what if. 00:23:33.496 --> 00:23:43.216 What if we raised or taught a generation of children that were well skilled and well trained on the right language? 00:23:43.216 --> 00:23:47.236 The words to say, how to let people know, I hear you. 00:23:47.626 --> 00:23:57.446 How to let people know I care that this resolution is, is one that you also agree with, and to be able to resolve conflicts. 00:23:57.736 --> 00:23:58.666 On their own. 00:23:58.816 --> 00:24:08.686 Not that they wouldn't need the assistance of adults, I still think adults should be in the know of what happened, but just empowering them that they can do that as well. 00:24:08.846 --> 00:24:10.346 They, they have the skills. 00:24:10.346 --> 00:24:12.416 They, if they're, if they're taught, they can be, 00:24:13.301 --> 00:24:14.976 That they certainly can, 00:24:15.116 --> 00:24:15.476 yeah. 00:24:15.726 --> 00:24:16.386 we. 00:24:17.196 --> 00:24:29.976 The thing, one of the, the problems that we're facing in our society now is that kids have no unsupervised time and there's an adult involved all the time, so they don't have opportunities to develop these skills. 00:24:30.276 --> 00:24:33.036 And adults are constantly intervening and getting in the 00:24:33.411 --> 00:24:34.221 Exactly. 00:24:34.296 --> 00:24:35.856 figuring it out on their own. 00:24:36.216 --> 00:24:39.966 Now, them figuring it out on their own is not always the best decision 00:24:40.191 --> 00:24:40.431 Mm-hmm. 00:24:40.566 --> 00:24:45.276 that's where fights and injuries and bad things could happen, but at the same time. 00:24:45.546 --> 00:24:51.396 We need to equip them with the skills that they don't have to go to an adult to get things fixed. 00:24:51.456 --> 00:24:58.266 And you know what you said about kids coming in after recess and talking about all the drama that's going on out there? 00:24:58.746 --> 00:25:01.566 That is such a pain for every teacher to have to deal 00:25:01.626 --> 00:25:02.226 Yes. 00:25:02.796 --> 00:25:05.286 really the kids need to figure out how to do it on their 00:25:05.591 --> 00:25:05.881 Yeah, 00:25:06.036 --> 00:25:07.836 that is a life skill. 00:25:08.121 --> 00:25:10.131 That, that they will benefit from 00:25:10.341 --> 00:25:10.701 absolutely. 00:25:11.121 --> 00:25:17.031 in, in their families, in their work experience with their adult friends as they get older. 00:25:17.421 --> 00:25:30.321 If you can't do that, then you're going to be emotionally scented for your whole life, and, and it's really difficult for, anybody if that's how you are. 00:25:30.321 --> 00:25:32.541 If you don't know how to interact with others, 00:25:32.631 --> 00:25:33.051 Mm-hmm. 00:25:33.081 --> 00:25:33.951 don't know how to. 00:25:34.186 --> 00:25:37.876 Do conflict resolution, then it's, it's gonna be tough. 00:25:38.316 --> 00:25:39.036 Absolutely. 00:25:39.336 --> 00:25:40.241 These are life skills 00:25:41.416 --> 00:25:41.956 yes, 00:25:41.976 --> 00:25:46.036 they need to learn now, and it's, there's so many benefits to that. 00:25:46.651 --> 00:25:51.241 When children can resolve things, like I said, still inform teachers of what happened. 00:25:51.241 --> 00:25:54.391 I think that's a really important component to make sure that's always in place. 00:25:54.901 --> 00:26:02.681 But however, more time for teachers to teach because they're not having to put out so many fires at the end of each recess. 00:26:02.681 --> 00:26:14.141 And now it's gotten to the point where if a student comes back and they look distraught from that group that I teach in the morning, I have taught them to be what we call friendship helpers. 00:26:15.446 --> 00:26:19.346 So I'll just say, if little Johnny comes in upset after recess, guess what? 00:26:19.976 --> 00:26:25.496 I basically dispatch a friendship helper, let them have that conversation. 00:26:25.496 --> 00:26:26.546 They're fully trained. 00:26:26.546 --> 00:26:35.306 We are at, I think, six steps on how to be an active listener for someone who needs to air out whatever they're feeling and thinking at the time. 00:26:35.606 --> 00:26:37.706 And do you know what that has done? 00:26:37.706 --> 00:26:39.296 It's cut out. 00:26:39.356 --> 00:26:41.636 I would say at least 90%. 00:26:42.986 --> 00:26:48.116 Of me needing to resolve conflict for these kids, and it helped me. 00:26:48.116 --> 00:27:04.911 It made me wonder, imagine, imagine having schools where students are so equipped, so empowered to resolve conflict that teachers are no longer or adults seen as the sole problem solvers, right? 00:27:06.041 --> 00:27:06.431 Yes. 00:27:06.431 --> 00:27:10.301 This is so key, Hilda, because I, I was going to say I disagree with you. 00:27:10.301 --> 00:27:13.571 The, the adults often don't need to know, and 00:27:13.616 --> 00:27:13.886 Oh. 00:27:13.901 --> 00:27:19.631 we only think that we need to know because we think we need to be the problem solvers, but the reality is. 00:27:20.036 --> 00:27:27.366 I don't ever have to hear about an issue on the playground that was resolved appropriately and both people feel heard and respected. 00:27:27.666 --> 00:27:30.636 I don't even need to know about that as the teacher or the adult. 00:27:30.936 --> 00:27:39.621 And what would be so amazing is if later I. They say, remember two weeks ago when we almost got in a fight and you're like, wait, what? 00:27:40.041 --> 00:27:40.851 As the teacher? 00:27:40.851 --> 00:27:42.501 And you're like, what is going on? 00:27:42.591 --> 00:27:45.711 And they're like, and we resolved that and this is how we resolved it. 00:27:45.921 --> 00:27:51.471 And being able to talk appropriately and in a healthy way about that, that it's not that somebody is. 00:27:52.731 --> 00:27:57.471 someone, and now you need to be quiet and not let the adult know what's going on. 00:27:57.681 --> 00:28:09.621 No, this is about kids actively resolving their issues in an appropriate way that helps both sides understand where the other person is coming from in a way that is better than most adults. 00:28:09.681 --> 00:28:11.871 Al even know how to act themselves. 00:28:12.216 --> 00:28:12.576 Wow. 00:28:12.741 --> 00:28:14.601 Teachers don't even need to be involved. 00:28:14.796 --> 00:28:15.156 Wow. 00:28:15.561 --> 00:28:16.251 take the teacher 00:28:16.501 --> 00:28:16.791 Yeah, 00:28:16.941 --> 00:28:19.581 if they're resolving it appropriately, then. 00:28:19.866 --> 00:28:21.816 Then there's no reason for you to be involved 00:28:21.846 --> 00:28:21.966 Yeah. 00:28:21.966 --> 00:28:24.426 The only time, I'm sorry, go ahead. 00:28:25.656 --> 00:28:28.506 Well that's really what we're trying to teach them to do. 00:28:28.506 --> 00:28:38.596 Teach them to be able to manage these things resolve them themselves because that's the skill that's going to serve them well throughout their entire life. 00:28:38.626 --> 00:28:43.336 And that's way more important than a lot of other things that we spend time on. 00:28:43.636 --> 00:28:49.576 But if you never have to deal with one of those issues again because the kids are resolving it, that sounds like a dream to me. 00:28:50.056 --> 00:28:58.486 Well, I'm only asking to be informed after the fact because I guess I just have this concern that if there was an issue that came up that. 00:28:58.846 --> 00:29:03.406 Adults should know about, and I do give them parameters and I give them if. 00:29:03.406 --> 00:29:08.386 If there's any issues that come up within this range, I definitely need to know about it. 00:29:08.386 --> 00:29:12.526 Perhaps a principal needs to be called as well, so just for my own. 00:29:13.426 --> 00:29:15.916 Concerns just, just to be informed about it. 00:29:15.916 --> 00:29:18.586 Not that I need to go and follow up or anything like that. 00:29:18.586 --> 00:29:21.016 If they resolved it, they resolved it, let's move on. 00:29:21.586 --> 00:29:40.626 But I just think that it's so powerful that they are learning these skills at such an early age and giving them that competence that they can, they just, it, like I said, I come from a language background and so much has been done to support, second language learners with academic language. 00:29:42.021 --> 00:29:56.751 Perhaps we need to have that conversation about what are we doing to support their emotional language, their social language, giving them those interpersonal language skills and 00:29:57.306 --> 00:30:03.096 I, I really agree with you on this, Hilda, because that is where the problems really happen. 00:30:03.456 --> 00:30:06.246 The academic stuff, they'll figure it out eventually 00:30:06.381 --> 00:30:07.461 mm-hmm. 00:30:07.462 --> 00:30:07.463 Mm-hmm. 00:30:08.046 --> 00:30:11.256 they're not going to want to figure it out if they hate coming to school. 00:30:11.256 --> 00:30:11.286 I. 00:30:11.646 --> 00:30:11.976 Yeah. 00:30:12.186 --> 00:30:13.506 they can't connect with any of their 00:30:13.911 --> 00:30:14.261 Right. 00:30:14.406 --> 00:30:36.096 and I, I do believe you've tapped into something really powerful with that approach, that we don't just need to give them the academic language, but we need to give them the social and emotional language to manage conflict, to resolve conflict, to be an active listener and to participate in those discussions so that it's not just. 00:30:36.861 --> 00:30:42.561 I don't know what to say and so I'm just angry and I start swearing to my native language at them, 00:30:42.876 --> 00:30:43.196 Right. 00:30:43.251 --> 00:30:44.271 isn't helpful either, 00:30:44.346 --> 00:30:44.566 No. 00:30:44.721 --> 00:30:52.701 'cause even if you can't, even if you don't understand that, you still experience the anger and frustration that kid's feeling as the other kid. 00:30:53.031 --> 00:30:56.781 And then you don't know what they're saying and you assume the worst and all that. 00:30:56.781 --> 00:30:58.611 And, and that's not helpful either. 00:30:58.611 --> 00:31:01.131 So I, I think that's really powerful. 00:31:01.701 --> 00:31:05.841 Yeah, it addresses the needs of the breakdowns in communication that mostly happened. 00:31:06.021 --> 00:31:10.131 Typically you have children or people in general that like to stuff. 00:31:10.131 --> 00:31:17.311 They don't talk about what they're, until things get out of hand and they express their feelings in non-productive ways. 00:31:17.311 --> 00:31:22.681 And then you have some that, as I mentioned earlier, that they wait till they explode. 00:31:23.386 --> 00:31:27.826 And then it's just this explosive expression of what they're feeling. 00:31:28.276 --> 00:31:34.186 And when it comes to students that need more courage, that's what we talk about. 00:31:34.426 --> 00:31:51.956 And I think also when you give students this understanding that I am pairing you with someone who will listen to you, who will validate what you're feeling, who will, basically mirror what you said so that you feel heard. 00:31:52.646 --> 00:32:04.226 Then they will be more likely to open up because that's what they, that might have kept them restricted is, you know, what I say will fall on deaf ears. 00:32:05.006 --> 00:32:06.956 So I think both is important. 00:32:06.986 --> 00:32:12.746 Teaching students how to communicate effectively and teaching students how to listen. 00:32:13.751 --> 00:32:15.581 Actively with empathy. 00:32:15.821 --> 00:32:27.521 And I think when those two are going strong, I think that will be make such a huge difference, not only just in their social emotional, but the impact that it will have on their academics. 00:32:27.521 --> 00:32:30.821 Because we all know that when kids feel better, they do better. 00:32:32.606 --> 00:32:32.966 Yeah. 00:32:32.966 --> 00:32:34.076 I, they do. 00:32:34.376 --> 00:32:41.606 So where, where do you need help with this from people who are listening to this podcast? 00:32:41.816 --> 00:32:46.856 What are the things that are gonna be beneficial for you to, to serve people more effectively? 00:32:47.036 --> 00:32:47.066 I. 00:32:47.741 --> 00:32:55.071 Well, what I was mentioning before is that as I create, the more I realize that this. 00:32:55.761 --> 00:33:02.121 Product project is bigger than me and I could sure use some help and support. 00:33:02.121 --> 00:33:22.001 I envision seeing a team of people that are like-minded, equally passionate about, creating something for students, for teachers, and if I had a team helping me, complete building and those that are knowledgeable about how to get the product out there and. 00:33:22.601 --> 00:33:27.671 Collect data to get feedback from people that would try the product out. 00:33:27.671 --> 00:33:44.231 There's so many steps that I'm learning of what it would take to get from creating the product to then testing it out, collecting data, using that data as anecdotal evidence, and then presenting it to people that may want to use it in their classrooms. 00:33:44.471 --> 00:33:47.981 So there's a lot of, just basically support. 00:33:47.981 --> 00:33:51.431 I think that would really be beneficial at this point. 00:33:52.691 --> 00:33:58.391 Yeah, so this is a fantastic idea of, of helping people get on the same page. 00:33:58.391 --> 00:34:00.641 I love the name Peacefully Productive 00:34:00.666 --> 00:34:00.746 Hmm. 00:34:01.511 --> 00:34:08.921 People can go to peacefully productive kids.com and connect with you directly there and get in touch and say. 00:34:09.761 --> 00:34:10.421 can I help? 00:34:10.481 --> 00:34:12.971 And then they can start participating. 00:34:13.031 --> 00:34:15.431 And so I invite everybody to do that. 00:34:15.431 --> 00:34:16.421 Who's interested in this? 00:34:16.421 --> 00:34:25.721 I know a lot of you out there are, and this, this idea of having kids be peacefully productive is, is definitely something worthwhile. 00:34:25.901 --> 00:34:28.211 Anything else that you want to add to that call to action? 00:34:31.826 --> 00:34:37.766 Yeah, it's, I just wanna reiterate that my main goal is to make the product teacher friendly. 00:34:37.766 --> 00:34:40.226 I personally know what teachers are going through. 00:34:40.736 --> 00:34:44.096 I think the best two words to describe an experience of teachers. 00:34:44.096 --> 00:34:53.366 We are undertrained and outnumbered and asking teachers to do one more thing and one more thing on their plate, might not be initial, initially inviting. 00:34:53.816 --> 00:34:58.526 And that's why my main objective is to make it so user friendly. 00:34:59.036 --> 00:35:06.206 Just a few clicks away, they can get to the resources they need to help educate students to give them the skills that they need. 00:35:06.536 --> 00:35:09.506 And, I already know that. 00:35:09.911 --> 00:35:23.401 They'll see changes in their classroom and it will only inspire them to keep using the product because, our district has many resources and I'm grateful for what they have provided for us thus far. 00:35:24.001 --> 00:35:34.921 However, I just think more is needed and I feel that the product that I'm creating is filling in some gaps of what I feel is also needed for, for teachers and students. 00:35:35.491 --> 00:35:36.151 So. 00:35:36.766 --> 00:35:41.281 Again, I'm creating this for kids, but I'm also creating this with teachers in mind as well. 00:35:42.616 --> 00:35:43.756 Yeah, absolutely. 00:35:43.756 --> 00:35:50.236 So if, if this is interesting or if you have a particularly hard case or had a particularly hard case this last school year. 00:35:50.641 --> 00:35:57.751 Go to peacefully productive kids.com, reach out to Hilda and get, say, here's what I'm struggling with, and 00:35:57.791 --> 00:35:57.911 Hmm, 00:35:58.381 --> 00:35:59.791 help you get the resources. 00:35:59.941 --> 00:36:00.261 absolutely. 00:36:01.111 --> 00:36:03.871 Hilda, thank you so much for being part of Transformative Principle. 00:36:03.981 --> 00:36:04.411 Thank you. 00:36:04.441 --> 00:36:05.462 awesome chatting with you today. 00:36:06.076 --> 00:36:07.186 Thank you so much. 00:36:07.246 --> 00:36:09.616 Oh, it's awesome having this conversation. 00:36:09.616 --> 00:36:10.606 I really appreciate it.