Show Notes
Bart: Hey guys, it is so great to be with you. And I'm so excited for you to meet our guests today. Now you all know that I love to share quotes. And when I think about this young woman, two quotes definitely come to my mind. The first one is this. If you believe in yourself and believe in your mission, People will believe in you and your mission and follow you.
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00:02:07] And the second quote is if one, someone, once someone believes in you, you can not fail both of those quotes, really just highlight. Who Kara is and what Kara is all about, and what she does with the young people that she mentors and leads and works with at Virginia Tech, I met. Kara several years ago when I was working for a client in the outer banks of North Carolina.
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00:02:42] And since then, she and I have walked a similar path. We've grown together. We've experienced the ups and downs that life has brought us. So it is with great joy and an absolute treat to have her with us today. If there's one thing that Kara and I have in common, it's the fact that we believe our youth are our future.
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00:03:05] We would also believe that our youth are our future voice and that our youth are our future change. So as we spend our short amount of time together, what I'd like you to do is begin to see a share as Cara shares, how inner confidence in these young people change the complete trajectory of where their lives have come.
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00:03:32] I want you to begin to see how, when they found their voice and they exercise their voice, they were on the right path. They were in the right direction, and they were able to lead change. Kara. And I timed came to know each other as a result of an initiative that I took in 2008 and reaching out to an organization in Kenya.
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00:03:54] Now, many of you may have heard this story. There was a woman in my class who said that her parents owned an orphanage. And I said, if you find any value, I'm happy to come to that orphanage. Now that was in 2008. I had the privilege and the honor of working with 60 young people. 60 young people in an orphanage.
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00:04:15] Most of them with only one set of clothes, very few of them with any shoes. And they got one meal a day. But at the end of that experience, I saw lives transformed because they gained inner confidence. Not because of anything that I necessarily did, but because they began to believe in themselves. And some people reinforced that idea that they were worth something.
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00:04:43] Kara. I am so excited to have you with us today to be a part of our guests and share your story. Welcome wall.
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Cara: Thanks, Bart. I'm excited to be here and excited to be talking to you as always. It's always a pleasure.
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Bart: Now I know you're known at work as the boss lady, but could you tell us a little bit about what your title is?
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00:05:07] Outside of the boss lady, of course,
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Cara: outside of the boss lady, that's at home and pers at personally and professionally, I should note,
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Bart: we need to get your husband on here then. Cause we need to probably talk about that
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Cara: conveniently. He is working on a sidewalk for his grandparents, but we'll say that's
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Cara: I'm an academic advisor at an institution, a higher education institution. So I do a lot of coaching and mentoring. That means that I. Usually, the bread and butter of what I do is plans of study. If you think about an academic advisor, the reality of what I do is really the coaching and mentoring and leading and guiding portion of my job.
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00:05:57] So I fell into academic advising and a bit of an unconventional way. Originally I wanted to be a wedding planner. There's a. Long string of events between wedding planning and academic advising, but I have always had a passion for helping and mentoring, and guiding people.
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Bart: Tell us just a little bit more about this path that you just shared.
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00:06:21] What was the catalyst that made you say yes, I'm going to go take this job as an academic advisor.
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Cara: It was just a common thread for me, and this is something I share with my students really often. There's going to be a common thread and the things you're attracted to the things you enjoy doing. And for me, that common thread that central pillar has always been people and helping people.
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00:06:49] And what I found through the different organizations that I've worked for between event planning. Lodging hotels and. Property management and now, higher education is just a passion for helping people and mentoring, specifically people students in the high school and college-age range. I have been fortunate enough for that to be okay.
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00:07:16] Something that's a part of my job, but not my central role in most of my positions. And I just have been so drawn to it. And, one day I just said, I think I ought to change my job. And so I did. I was really set on being an academic advisor with no experience whatsoever in doing it. And to give you the glory, it worked out.
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00:07:38] Tell me, how long have you been doing that now?
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Cara: Since October of 2016, so 40
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Bart: years. Congratulations. Thank you. Sure. A little bit about when you first got started, what were the challenges that you faced, and then if you wouldn't mind share, of course, as a result of COVID in our pandemic situation, what are the challenges that you're now facing with the students?
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Cara: So, at first, in my role, one of the most challenging parts was not understanding. Higher education as an organization. So if you've ever looked at a higher education website or worked in that industry, there's a lot of people with similar titles. I often tell my students you have to. There are many people with the title Dean, and it means something and higher education, but to students, it doesn't.
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00:08:33] And so I was in this position where I'm trying to figure out who is the Dean of what and what that means. And. That's just a small example. But while they're also figuring it out. So I think that was one of the biggest challenges and transitioning from industry to higher education.
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00:08:54] All of the other stuff was transferrable. If you're just the emotional intelligence, compassion, caring, concern for other people being able to say, I don't know, but I'll figure it out, or we'll figure it out together. That has been pretty much my motto or something that I think I say every day, but I don't know, but we'll figure it out.
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00:09:17] Let's figure it out. And then in the days of COVID. The challenge is being physically distant from them. So we were really intended to create an office space. I have a wonderful team. That's just, they're wonderful to work with and have such great ideas, and they're welcoming. They make you feel at home.
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00:09:37] And we wanted our students to feel at home in our office. So we had a coffee bar and—little snacks. We always made sure some things like gummies granola bars, because they often come to meetings for these really short time periods and haven't eaten, and they need that fuel to be successful in their classes and to get through even just a meeting with me, it helps.
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00:10:00] So what ends up happening is they come by just to get coffee and snacks and say hi, which is totally fine with us. We love seeing them and love the love, the daily interruption. So while. COVID days feel a little bit more productive in terms of getting projects done. The students' distance and isolation make it really hard to connect with them and understand what their needs are.
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00:10:26] Right now, we've been doing zoom, so we've been able to see them that way. Like most people, video conferencing in various formats, sometimes phone calls, but I think that's the most challenging. That's the most challenging part of COVID so far?
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Bart: you said a keyword in there, and that was that idea of connecting with the students and being able to have a conversation with them.
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00:10:46] So share with me just a little bit before us coming in and working with them on some of the communication skills, just from a communication perspective, you saw them, you were working with them, and you said here are some challenges we need to overcome. Can you maybe articulate the three or four things that you saw initially as issues or challenges or opportunities where they could get
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00:11:09] Absolutely. So I advise in the STEM field and so that, but my background is in business. And my experience at the same institution was very different from what I was seeing with our STEM students, and that was the focus of their education and curriculum. I had a lot of preparation for job interviews, career fairs.
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00:11:37] The elevator pitches, selling yourself that, that was constant in all of my classes. And it was absent from my students' classes in STEM. So often, what I was saying was we would get to junior, senior year. And they weren't able to articulate what they wanted to do. They weren't able to have a conversation about how valuable they were to employers.
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00:12:03] They have incredibly unique degrees that they couldn't get some, or it's the only place in the United States of America that you can get the degree that they're getting. And still, yet, they were struggling to have that promotional. This is why you need me—kind of conversation with an employer.
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00:12:21] So we saw that and then a lack of confidence, some not necessarily extroverted versus introverted, but just really a lack of confidence in their ability. So they didn't feel like they had anything to bring to the table. I would hear, I'm not this. I know I'm not an engineer. I know I'm not a business student, and it would start from this point.
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00:12:47] Taking a few steps back on. Here's what I don't bring to the table, instead of saying, here's what I do bring to the table. When I got to a point where I was, I helped to advise and lead a team of what we call ambassadors. So they do a lot of recruiting work for us, which meant a lot more one-on-one time outside of just planning their classes.
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00:13:10] And they got to tell me some of the struggles, and that was, that came out over, overtly in conversations that came out in that, in those with them. So I think that's the background where we saw, we really, you need your voice. We want you to have confidence. You have so much to bring to this table.
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00:13:31] You just don't know how wonderful you are.
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Bart: It's interesting to me in all the people I've worked with. That's a common factor for a lot of folks. You can ask anyone, what's the number one reason why I hired you. And typically, you get somebody to go well. And they can't come back with an answer.
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00:13:48] I can even ask a lot of majors. Executives in business. What are the top three benefits your organization brings? What's your unique differentiator? And people struggle just with those simple sound bites of being able to come back and say something clearly and concisely. Yeah,
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Cara: absolutely. And then we see that with our students too.
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Bart: now tell me a little bit about the process. How we ended up getting there together because if I remember correctly, we had to work at it. And I remember many, a funny discussion about. Having to deal with homecoming. Now it was a big issue of trying to overcome on the sketch.
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Cara: Yes. Yes. That was homecoming weekend.
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Bart: I start class at like noon just to give them time to wake up from the night before if I remember correctly.
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Cara: Yes, there was a Friday night game. There may have been some: tailgating and other fun things happening the night before. So we did the, we did a two-day workshop, which was a little bit shorter than you would have liked.
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00:15:00] I remember those conversations. It was a lot of pull and tug. I need more time. And with the students, they're like they wanted more time to do other things. A meeting of the minds was the two days, the two-day experience we had to work around the students were, they, it's a big culture in. Many institutions and particularly ours to attend football games and be there with your friends and have a good time.
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00:15:28] And there was a night game the night before. So we started. I think you wouldn't budge. You said noon. It felt like noon to you. it was 9:00 AM
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Cara: No, we did not. No, we did not. No. It felt like noon to you because you said eight 30. We got to start at eight o'clock. We got to start. And I was like, Oh no; they won't, it. Maybe I'll give you 10:00 AM at best. It was definitely not new. Cause you were like, Kara, I can't deliver what you're asking me to deliver in time.
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00:16:04] So make it happen. So they did, I put my mom and bear hat on, and I said, you're going to be there. I will bring coffee. I will bring Chick-Filet to show up with your game face on, be ready. So they did
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Bart: correctly though, when we ended, they were like, no, you have to stay longer. It was, yeah. They didn't want me to leave then.
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Cara: Yes. So when I told them, I said, It's very hard to summarize what you do in a way that really tells it in its fullness and all its glory. So when you, in a concise way, you say in a group text, guys, I need you to be here. We're doing communications training. You can imagine the excitement I got from my last saying communication, straightening.
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00:16:56] Why I don't need that. I talk to people all the time know, or I'm not comfortable with that. Who am I going to be talking to? I was like, you talk to me all the time. I will be there. Just look at me. You'll be fine. So yeah, when you sell it to them, communication strategy and we're like, but because we had built that trust, that's part of an advising relationship is we had built that dress. I said, just trust me. You will not regret it. You will love it. And by the end of it, they, I think they spent the entire week after your training in my office, talking about your training or practicing your training, they were over the moon, excited from what they received.
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Bart: That's awesome. I know for the two days that I was there, it was absolutely joyous from the beginning to the end. And they didn't seem like they were in too bad shape when we started at nine or 10 or whatever it was.
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Cara: Remember, mama bear, cat. But your game face on may have even had a finger wagon there.
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Bart: Share a little bit, give us a couple of examples of a couple of students, if you could, on the before and after the process.
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Cara: Sure. So one student comes to mind. I'm not sure if I should use their names or give them,
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Bart: give him any name you want. It's fine.
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Cara: we'll call her Susie. Okay. So see, before the training was exceptional and is generally a pretty introverted person. She's always been very eager, very diligent, very organized student, very strong communicator written communicator.
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00:18:42] Thinking on the fly may have been more challenging and, in some cases. And so before the training, we would have options for students to say, you're going to be public speaking. The dreaded words, public speaking, you're going to be speaking to these families. And you would notice that certain members of the group would shy away from that.
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00:19:06] And. Other members would just be all in. Yes. Put me in front of a bunch of people I'm ready to speak. I have things to say. And that was not Susie. She was not somebody who would just be like, yes, put me in front of a bunch of people. I have a lot to say. And wasn't nearly as confident in what she had to say after the training.
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00:19:31] And this was the most incredible thing. It was probably three weeks after. Not once, maybe even two or three times, I'm trying to remember how many times they did this presentation in and over the course of a weekend event that we had Susie got up in front of a hundred to 150 prospect of students and their families and articulated in a matter of five minutes, this incredibly powerful.
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00:20:04] Delivery of what her major was, what, why she loved it. And she just knocked it out of the park. You would never have thought that she was at all an introverted person, the way that she just, she spoke confidently in Bart's words, no ums or AHS. It was incredible. I had to video all of them, and then they didn't look at me cause I was in the back with my phone, videoing them like a proud mom and a ballet recital.
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00:20:31] It was like that. But, another one that comes to mind. Do you want me to give you another one?
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Cara: Yeah. So on the flip side of that, I, as I said, I had, we have other people who are on the opposite end of the spectrum. Yes. I want to talk, put me in front of people. I don't want to say, and they get up there and they.
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00:20:52] Really stumble over their words. Aren't really sure where they're going. The audience isn't really tracking them, but they're excited. They're really engaged. And this particular student, she also had a transition, but it was a transition from being my, being herself, being incredibly extroverted, incredibly excited.
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00:21:17] But she started with she's very articulate. She was able to maintain their attention from start to finish. It was clear where she was going, what she was saying. She was actually starting to engage with the audience in a meaningful way that helped them to help to pull them in. And so after that event, we had a lot of people who were interested in their programs.
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00:21:41] And again, we're talking, they had max five minutes. To deliver a powerful message. And they did just that after the training.
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Bart: Winston Churchill once said that the shortest speeches are always the toughest speeches because every single word counts. So in those five-minute marks, it's rather tough.
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00:21:58] Now, if I remember correctly with your particular group, we spent a fair amount of time on just what I would term the power skills, everything from their posture, just how they carried themselves to this idea of their eye contact. And they're connecting with folks. Short to a medium type sentence. So they're getting a soundbite, and then their ability to pause and get rid of their ums and AHS.
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00:22:20] If I remember correctly, we definitely saw a before and an after with each one of these students to whatever degree each student embraced those ideas.
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Cara: Oh yeah, absolutely. What
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Bart: you feel like was of the skills we shared with them, the one that made the biggest difference for them.
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00:22:43] From an overall perspective with the group
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Cara: that one's a hard one to answer because I think they're all very unique and what they needed and what they took from it as maybe their number one.
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Bart: let me ask a different question, and Kara. You mentioned this idea of what each one of them took.
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00:23:08] Talk a little bit about what you felt like their coaching experience was when each one was up there, and we individually worked with them as a unit.
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Cara: Sure. So I think for a lot of them, they knew who they were getting up in front of. The class was small. I think we maybe had about eight people. So the class wasn't super big, but still, when they got up there, they really exhibited things that they do on a daily basis when they're nervous when they're just not sure when they're in a classroom setting or otherwise.
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00:23:47] And so a lot of the time, You consistently just took the time, just really and care and concern for each individual student. You remember one of them, we called his praying hands. You spent so much time with him on that. And of course, it ended up being this big joke afterward, and still, probably to this day, if he listens to this podcast, he's going to crack up laughing.
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00:24:16] And, but you took the time, and you would. Encourage him to encourage the class members to encourage and in the process, which I think helped build that confidence. And the same was true with the other students who maybe they had their particular posture that they would lean-to.
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00:24:40] That was really distracting for an audience. And you were diligent to, again, just say there it is again. Let's go back; let's start over. It's what you said earlier, just taking the time with each individual one, and that's an extensive process for that many students. It was not a short amount of time that you spent with each of them.
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00:25:03] So I think they were able to catch the moment. It's not just curving a behavior, but catching what is making me. Do that what's happening when I'm doing that what's happening. When I'm going, doing something weird with my hands or my posture or my eye contact, and then they were able to address that. And so it was, I think, even a step further, it wasn't just correction of behavior.
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00:25:30] I think if that, hopefully, that answers your question.
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Bart: It does. And I think. With each one of the students, it's, and you describe this well, identifying what that issue or that distraction might be for that young man you mentioned. It was his praying hands and how he always wanted to go to that.
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00:25:48] So identifying that, then the second piece was making him aware that he was actually doing it. It was then getting Tim to break that habit where you had muscle memory to change that particular behavior. It is always incredible to me to see the transformation that the skill sets make for some of the students.
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00:26:09] It's a huge transformation. And for others, it's small little unique things that continue to set them out apart from everybody else. The show is we work with the students. We're always talking about building their command presence, making them come across as strong, confident, and the idea of getting rid of what we call distractions, things that will take away from their message.
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00:26:36] So in any class, we've got that before and after effect where people can see a real difference. I think that's one of the things that this skill set uniquely does, no matter who. It takes it on to embrace it.
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Cara: That's exactly right. And some of them, I think about another example after the fact, one of them was applying to medical school, and that process is very grueling for anyone who's ever been through it and known anyone who's been through it.
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00:27:07]it's lengthy. It's grueling. It's. It doesn't produce the same return for the amount of work that you put into it, right? In terms of interviews or acceptances, it dwindles down from their applications to their acceptances. And so, one of those students applied to medical school and had what we would call a practice interview.
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00:27:29] And you have to even go through an extensive process to even be accepted into that practice interview process. And. She was, and I got an email almost as soon as she left. I was a part of the committee who we administered the practice interviews. And so this person who did her interview, I didn't personally do it.
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00:27:51] Of course, it would be a conflict of interest. It wouldn't help her practice, her interview skills. We would probably just have a conversation like you and me, and it wouldn't help, but someone else did. And almost immediately after her interview, this person reached out to me and said, wow, a knock out student.
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00:28:08] Like I have never heard these words from that office, but specifically said she is an issue in. She will knock it out of arc. I had no concerns whatsoever with her. And again, like many students, she had prepared up until that point, as far as doing all the right things at volunteering that shadowing the. The working, the research, the grades, and those things are all tangible things that we provide a lot of coaching on in higher education, but they, the interview skills, the communication skills, and the ability to really speak about your value.
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00:28:48] We don't have that nearly as much as we should, if at all. And so for her to get that email. Very shortly after, her training was also just a really sweet affirmation that it was. The results really speak for themselves. A shoo-in, I've never heard that.
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00:29:09]
Bart: though. Did she go on to medical school?
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00:29:12] She sure did. Yep. She's in medical school now. I texted her today, asking her medical school question.
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00:29:21]
Bart: Please wait if you speak to her again, let her know that I send my congratulations to her. That's awesome.
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Bart: Is there anything else from a result perspective that you feel would help our listeners today realize what the power of the skills can bring today brings to the table for them individually?
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00:29:44] Any other comment may be that you would share with them that would make them say yes, this is important. This is something I need. I think
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00:29:54]
Cara: it brings out. What is already inside of these young people. You're not producing something that isn't already there. You have to pull it out, sometimes pull it out harder than others.
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00:30:10] And it's a little bit more of a struggle, but in some cases, I'm sure, but I think just the ability to maximize your potential and whether that's. Whether that's in education, whether that's in ministry, whether that's just in your relationships, just generally. Gosh, this is a generation where we do a lot of and even more.
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00:30:33] So now we're doing so much of the virtual world where on Instagram, we're on Facebook, we're on Snapchat, and we're like Googling how to, what interview questions are they gonna ask me? I think the skillset that. These students get and that they will get from this. You can't Google that you can't Google that.
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00:30:53] And you really, it's not something that you can just get this quick answer to. It's not a quick answer. And I, that is a little off-putting does sound right. When I said two or three-day training, they should have seen my students' faces. Why do I have to be in training for two or three days? But again, at the end of it, they couldn't get enough.
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00:31:13] And so I think just the. Bringing out what is already in the students, the potential that is already there just maximizing your potential, coming to your fullest potential. And also, again, something we talked about the confidence, and I think even now, when we look at, I don't want to get too much on my soapbox. Still, the days of Instagram and Facebook and all of these different social media platforms are the days of,; Iwould say comparison, I'm not good enough.
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00:31:45] I'm not them again. Going back to what my students say, I know I'm not this type of student. I know I'm not this, but it's saying here's who I am. And here's why that's valuable. Here's why that's meaningful. Here's why that's exciting. And here's why that matters to who I'm talking to and the message that I'm communicating.
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00:32:04] And I think it can take you away from some of that comparison mindset of I'm just not enough. I'm not enough, and you are. You're more than enough. And I think that, is a reassuring thing that our students experience from the training.
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00:32:19]
Bart: You really brought us full circle to how I opened today.
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00:32:22] When I said, if someone believes in you, you cannot fail. And for that particular class, they had you're that one, someone who believed they couldn't fail. And I just got to be, in essence, your wingman, and come alongside and add to that, which was absolutely joyous. And you also bring to the table, you believe in them.
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00:32:44] And then, because they believe in begin to believe in themselves, they believe in what they can do. And when they believe in what they can do, there's nothing that can stop them. And we get our future put back into the hands of the people that it should be in.
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00:32:59]
Cara: Yeah, absolutely. And I think you brought up one thing that I would argue if I, in every advising profession, you have an advising philosophy is what it's called.
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00:33:10] Gosh, that is such a hard question to answer. How do you, what's your advising philosophy? And somebody asks me that, and I mold and mold over that question. And finally, I landed on just give them a place to belong and right between the things that I've talked about between the snacks, the coffee, having a rocking chair in my office, having a place for them.
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00:33:30] And even though the classroom setting wasn't something, it wasn't like your office or your home. I think. Your training gave them a place to belong to. And that was something that obviously we do, and our team as advisors, but something that they really experienced from YouTube is they were like, okay, he's he can be in my inner circle.
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00:33:50] I can be, I can share these things that I really struggle with this particular thing about communicating. And so you really gave them a place to belong, and they flourished in that, which was a blessing.
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00:34:02]
Bart: Kira, I think it's the opposite. I don't think I gave them a place to belong. I think they gave me a place to belong.
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00:34:10] And I see that every day in my office from the gift that you sent me, a big, beautiful piece of steel that says that iron sharpens, iron and sodas one person, another. And I definitely gleaned probably more from the students and the time I spent with you than you spent with me. It was an absolute pleasure.
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00:34:32] Thank you for that opportunity. And I look forward to coming back in the spring.
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00:34:36]
Cara: time. We can't wait. We're excited. We've really hyped it up too. So this next group they're going to be, they're going to be really excited to meet you and go through it too.
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00:34:45]
Bart: Oh, don't set me up for failure now.
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00:34:47]
Cara: they hear the chatter from the previous group.
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00:34:50] Cause I w again, the same group, I'm saying communications during their go, oh, I don't want to. So I loop in the co we'll call them alum, and I say, tell me why you think they should do this. And they just go on and on. It's going to be the best you're going to love it—art's great. And you're going to, you're going to feel so confident, and you're gonna just really flourish after.
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00:35:13] They've gone on and on. So nobody's setting you up for failure. We're just setting the stage for exactly where we'll be. I'm sure you'll see their expectations.
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00:35:21]
Bart: That sounds awesome. I want to come back to what, where I started, and that was that our youth are our future and that their voice counts. So we need to be able to build their voice and build their confidence.
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00:35:35] So as you've listened today, if this is resonated with you, if you, by chance, have a boy scout group, a girl scout group, a four H group, a youth ministry group, a group at your church, a group at your school, wherever you've got a group of young people. If you feel like this would be of any value for us to bring, we would be. I would be happy to bring it to you and serve your group of young people.
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00:36:03] If that so strikes your interest, all you need to do is send an email to my assistant. Debra. Her email address is Deb r@bartqueen.com. Deb are@bartqueen.com. She'll set up an interview so we can chit chat a little bit, find out about what your needs are, and then we can physically facilitate coming to your town or to your school.
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00:36:27] When we give our young people their voice, we put the future in the right hands. We put the voice in the right place. And we created an opportunity to create the right results. Kara, thank you so much. It has been an absolute pleasure. I can't wait to see you. Congratulations on this new one. That's coming in February. Our heart and our prayers are with you and me, so I look forward to being able to call your mom for the first time.
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00:36:54]
Cara: We can't wait. Thank you so much for having me on today. this was such a gift. It feels like a way better version than any zoom call I've been on for the last seven months. So this was awesome. Thank you.
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00:37:06]
Bart: we'll definitely have you back.
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00:37:08]
Cara: Okay. Hopefully, I'll have more to say. I'm that talker that needs to get that concise.
[
00:37:15] I only went through the abbreviated training, so I need to fix that. Eventually
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00:37:20]
Bart: we can always do a refresher.
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00:37:24]
Bart: give our best to Wesley. I will.
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00:37:28]
Bart: We'll see you next week.