In this episode of Dating In Your 20s, hosts Amelia and Lilly unpack how internalized beauty standards influence not only who people find attractive—but who they believe they're allowed to date.
Drawing from both personal experience and a therapeutic lens, the hosts explore how messages from media, family, and culture shape unconscious dating rules: who is considered "out of your league," what kinds of relationships feel validating, and why some connections feel more like social proof than genuine partnership.
They also explore how these standards intersect with body image, race, gender, and desirability politics, and how shame, comparison, and perfectionism often show up in the dating process. Through reflective questions and psychological insight, the episode challenges listeners to consider whether they're dating based on true connection or based on who they think they're supposed to be with.
This conversation is for anyone who has ever felt not “hot enough,” settled because of insecurity, or chased validation through dating. It invites listeners to move away from hierarchy-based attraction and toward dating with clarity, confidence, and emotional authenticity.
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In this episode, we discuss:
- The roots of beauty standards and how they shape attraction
- The emotional impact of “leagues,” comparison, and dating from insecurity
- Attachment theory and how early experiences influence who we pursue
- The difference between connection and validation
- Practical tools for unlearning dating patterns shaped by internalized standards
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This podcast is powered by Millennium Counseling Center in Chicago, IL. To learn more visit:
millenniumhope.comWhat is Dating in Your 20s?
Hosted by Amelia and Lilly, two licensed therapists based in Chicago, Illinois, Dating in Your 20s dives into the chaos, comedy, and complexity of modern dating — all through a therapeutic lens. As two women in their 20s, Amelia and Lilly are in the trenches themselves, navigating everything from bad Hinge dates and ghosting to social media comparison and the pressure of modern relationships.
With a mix of humor, honesty, and clinical insight, each episode blends real-life dating experiences with psychological frameworks like attachment theory, emotional regulation, communication styles, and more. Whether you're healing from heartbreak, stuck in a situationship, or just wondering why dating feels so complicated right now, Amelia and Lilly are here to help you feel a little less alone — and a lot more understood.