Isaac Allen Burns: Hey. Good morning, everybody. It's me, your GM, Isaac Allen Burns. And I'm here today to bring to you a steaming hot plate of a podcast called DodoBorne! With me around the table, my sous chef's to my left.
I have one Annie Hawthorne playing Crank. Sorry. I interrupted. Go on. Very good.
Alright. And across the table from Annie, we've got 1, Joe Diametti Squawk. Playing Kapi, a Firbolg. Double squawk. And then across the table from Joe, we have Rowan Collins playing our favorite soft boy fawn.
Rowan Collins: Squawk chef.
Joe Diametti: That's actually squawk chef.
Rowan Collins: Squawk chef.
Isaac Allen Burns: Thank you. Thank you. At ease soldiers.
Rowan Collins: Squawk.
Isaac Allen Burns: Well, last time that we all met in the kitchen here for DodoBorn, the 3 of you started your day, a day kinda like any other. However, this day was a little special as the 3 of you were about to start a new chapter of your lives. Well, 2 of you are about to start a new chapter of your lives at the Adventuring Guild of a little town called Bracken Road, a place known for apple orchards and not much else. We met our heroes and our heroes had normal everyday interactions with people that they know about and care about and love. And I think we left off with Crank.
You were stepping into the adventures guilds In this room, just to describe the place, this is a somewhat small office room as you can imagine. There's an open foyer that you step into. And to the right are a couple of pin boards where certain jobs and announcements are shown for the Adventures Guild. Most of them small odd jobs for people to complete, some of them announcements from the various branches of the guild. But at the very front is a desk.
Behind the desk is a man with such red hair. And when I say red hair, I mean RGB set to 255 red and 0, all the rest of it, kinda red hair. Just a shocking red, capital r hair. He is standing behind the bar, and behind him, you see a little phone because they have phones in this world. It is, you know, back in the day when you had a phone attached to your wall, what is a cell phone?
We only have home phones here. You also know that that phone connects to 2 places, connects to the main branch over in the capital, and it also connects to the mayor's office. This is not a very advanced thing, but technology is on the rise here, you guys. That's something I should point out as Altea is currently in the midst of a technological revolution. But Bracken Road's not in the middle of that because Bracken Road's in the middle of nowhere.
There is also a bunch of little books and folders behind there that, you think the guy behind the desk has not looked at in many years. He stands there, somewhat sleepy eyed, little dreary, smelling very stark of old alcohol, but, puts on his best of a smile as he can and looks over to the man next to him and says, Ken, you know the drill. Why don't you, take the new recruits?
Joe Diametti: Yes, sir.
Isaac Allen Burns: I'll look for the job that someone sent in.
Joe Diametti: Fantastic. Cadets, you're late.
Rowan Collins: Oh, sorry. Pistachio Lake will just salute you and stand very rigidly.
Joe Diametti: This is the kind of attitude I like. Look at you, big guy.
Annie Hawthorne: Yeah. Crank is very military, very orderly. He knows how to do this.
Joe Diametti: Yeah. Yeah. You weren't. You weren't late. I was just testing you, So you already failed, but that's okay.
Rowan Collins: Oh, no. I failed.
Joe Diametti: First order of business, I assume you brought your dues.
Rowan Collins: Oh, well, I was told that my parents already paid ahead of time.
Joe Diametti: Can't trust parents, I'm afraid. Strike 1. What about you? Anything up in that hat?
Annie Hawthorne: Crank will I don't keep anything in my hat. And Crank will, kind of turn a knob and, like, open his chest. And then his chest is kinda like a locker, you know, where he keeps all his stuff. And he'll pull out however much an exact change
Joe Diametti: Yeah.
Annie Hawthorne: The dues are and close and hand you the
Joe Diametti: Yeah. Kathy definitely just takes it.
Annie Hawthorne: Oh.
Joe Diametti: That's strike 2.
Rowan Collins: I oh, no. I I I could I could just phone home, and they didn't give me enough for the dues.
Joe Diametti: We'll make it up eventually. I'm sure. Oh, look at you. You poor sweet apple flower you. Oh, my god.
How look at you. You just wonder, are you working here?
Rowan Collins: Yeah. I'm working here as of today.
Joe Diametti: That's and did you bring, like, a parent's waiver or I'm just
Rowan Collins: I'm I'm old enough to work.
Joe Diametti: Oh, my goodness.
Rowan Collins: I'm old enough to work.
Joe Diametti: You are adorable. Yeah. Look at you. Nothing but your little bag and a song in your heart.
Rowan Collins: Yeah.
Joe Diametti: Fantastic.
Rowan Collins: And I like after your every word because you look really, really cool.
Joe Diametti: You know what? You're back to the strike one. I like your attitude, kid.
Rowan Collins: The strike. This is so great. Couple of get me far.
Joe Diametti: Yeah. What's your name?
Rowan Collins: Oh, I'm pistachio.
Joe Diametti: Oh, of course you are.
Rowan Collins: Oh, I'm with the droop family. We're the nut farmers.
Joe Diametti: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. What about you, big guy?
Annie Hawthorne: My name is Crank.
Joe Diametti: Hi, Crank. What's your story?
Annie Hawthorne: I wanna become a wizard.
Joe Diametti: Yeah. You do. I love that for you. So my name is Cappy. I will be in charge for your time during the Adventurers' Guild.
We know why you're here. I know why you're here. Unfortunately for you, there's a bit of a process. Right? You can't just move up right away.
If you think we're gonna go fight a fire demon on day 2, we're not.
Rowan Collins: Okay. Good. I'm a little worried about that wood.
Joe Diametti: If you think we're gonna go on a and I point at Crank really forcefully. If you think we're gonna go on a magical scavenger hunt on day 3, you're wrong.
Annie Hawthorne: Oh, is that day 1?
Rowan Collins: Oh.
Annie Hawthorne: Please say that's day 1.
Joe Diametti: Moral of the story. As long as you stick with me, everything's gonna be fine.
Rowan Collins: Oh, cool. So you've got our safety in your in your, butt in mind.
Joe Diametti: Of course, I do. Well, I definitely have cranks. He paid his dues.
Rowan Collins: Oh, but Can I use the phone? I'll make sure that I No.
Joe Diametti: No. No. No. Like like, Cappy is very aware that, like, your parents already paid. That's fine.
Rowan Collins: They didn't give me enough. They give me a lunch, but I didn't think to bring it.
Joe Diametti: What do you have for lunch?
Rowan Collins: Oh, I have Do you have? Oh, no. We, we don't have apple for lunch. It's, very hard to get apple. And also my dad doesn't like the apple people very much.
Joe Diametti: He doesn't like the apple people?
Rowan Collins: Well, I like Scarlet. She's really nice. But
Joe Diametti: How do you know Scarlet?
Rowan Collins: Oh, she works at the bakery, and sometimes she tutors me.
Joe Diametti: She tutors you?
Rowan Collins: Yeah. She sometimes tutors me. She tutors me in speech. That's why
Joe Diametti: I'm gonna ask you one more time. Are you old enough to be here?
Rowan Collins: I'm old enough to be here.
Joe Diametti: I'm gonna need to see some ID.
Isaac Allen Burns: What's Crank doing while this is all happening? Is Crank just, like, staring watching?
Annie Hawthorne: Crank is just watching very he's probably assuming that something is going on, doesn't quite know what is happening.
Rowan Collins: Are you made of metal? What kind of metal are you made out of? Is that an okay question to ask?
Annie Hawthorne: I don't think anyone's ever asked me that before.
Rowan Collins: Oh, gosh. Well, I've heard that there is more than 1.
Annie Hawthorne: Oh, I I don't I don't know. I think I lost the manual.
Rowan Collins: Oh, was it cool being tall?
Annie Hawthorne: Everyone like me is this tall.
Rowan Collins: Oh, wow.
Annie Hawthorne: So it's it's very different being surrounded by short people.
Joe Diametti: Oh. Yeah. Cappy's just, like, staring daggers because he's, like, 62. So he's used to being primarily the tall one among the town of primarily Fawns that exist here.
Rowan Collins: Yeah. All of the Fawns in, Pistachio's family are, like, 57 and below. So Pistachio is just looking up at both of these two people, like, wow.
Joe Diametti: Scarlet's 57.
Rowan Collins: Scarlet is 57. She's pretty tall.
Isaac Allen Burns: Yeah. Yeah. I found it. I found it. Cyrus comes out from behind the bar Oh.
Behind the desk rather. You see he limps out. He's, using a cane as he steps and, has a bit of paper. And he stands for the 3 of you and says, alright. So as the representative of the, Adventures Guild of Bracken Road, I'm here to, you know, blah blah blah blah blah.
Rowan Collins: Pistachio The way it work jumps their hand up.
Isaac Allen Burns: Hold your question, Zillion. Oh, Oh, thank you. So we, so the way this works again is you're all recruits. You are not official members.
Joe Diametti: Well, we're not all
Isaac Allen Burns: Kidd, was I talking to you?
Joe Diametti: No.
Isaac Allen Burns: Okay. So as you you 3 are standing here, you're all recruits. As you're well aware, you have to be recommended by a senior member of the Adventuring Guild for you to become a junior member of the guild. And once you become a junior member of the guild, you can work your way around the country or still within this country. You have your pick of where you wanna go to work in a guild elsewhere.
You can work in any other country, not just this one. You need recommendations from 3 other branches before you can become a senior. That being said, your test today is, keep you nice and, easy. So, the job that you will be doing today is have a are you writing notes, little one?
Rowan Collins: Yeah.
Isaac Allen Burns: Are you putting notes?
Rowan Collins: Yeah. I wanna make sure that I'm all ready for the test if we have a test. Are we gonna have a test?
Isaac Allen Burns: Alright.
Rowan Collins: I'm ready if we have a test.
Isaac Allen Burns: So alright. You know what? That's okay. You can keep writing for now.
Rowan Collins: Oh, jang. Okay.
Isaac Allen Burns: You're gonna be going to Hitchens Farm out on the eastern side of the town. They have been reporting that some of their turnips have been absconded with. As you know, Hitchens is the only turnip farm here.
Rowan Collins: They're nice people. They are.
Isaac Allen Burns: He stares he stares at you. Sorry. They're the only turnip farm in town. And as you know, the Apple Festival is coming up, so it's very important that they have their turnips. So this is a job you're gonna get to get done today.
So this is a COB situation. For those who don't know, that stands for close of business. Business closes here at approximately 7 PM. If you haven't done it by 7 PM, job done until you're done.
Joe Diametti: I lean over to crank. I'm like, were you listening?
Annie Hawthorne: Yes. I recorded everything that he said.
Joe Diametti: Perfect. We got it, boss. Alright.
Isaac Allen Burns: Any questions? Little little one. What is your name again?
Rowan Collins: Oh, pistachio.
Isaac Allen Burns: Alright. This what, what was your questions?
Rowan Collins: It's pistachio. But so we've got something with the turnip barb, that was obstructed with and it's Is
Isaac Allen Burns: this a question or you're just repeating back what
Rowan Collins: it's saying? But yeah. Is this is this a vague mission of some sort or is this just for like?
Isaac Allen Burns: Standard dues for recruits is, one handful of payment upon completion of the job.
Rowan Collins: Is the handful by handful or your pimple? Or can it be Craig's handful?
Isaac Allen Burns: Luckily for you, kid
Joe Diametti: My hands are also pretty big.
Rowan Collins: Yeah. Your hands are pretty big. Okay. Their proportion We don't need
Isaac Allen Burns: to stand around and measure hand sizes. A handful, as we know, is a base unit of measurement here in dagger art. Stepping out. Hi. GM Isaac Allen Burns here.
In dagger hearts, money is handled a little differently. You might be familiar with gold. And while there are little gold pieces, in this one, actually, measurements of money are made in more descriptive ways, the lowest of which being a handful. Back to the story. Alright.
Does that answer your question? Me, Cyrus, the one talking now.
Rowan Collins: Oh. Oh, yeah. I was gonna ask what your date was.
Isaac Allen Burns: Name's Cyrus.
Rowan Collins: Okay. Cool.
Isaac Allen Burns: I'm the receptionist.
Rowan Collins: Oh, you're the
Isaac Allen Burns: And owner of I'm the owner of this building. I'm the receptionist of the adventure guild.
Rowan Collins: Are you our boss, or is Cappy our boss?
Isaac Allen Burns: So I
Rowan Collins: think you said Cappy was your group, but Cappy said that they were early.
Isaac Allen Burns: Alright. As an adventurer, you kinda your boss is the client you're working for at the time. So don't let Cappy convince you that he's your boss. In this case, your boss is Farmer Hitchens.
Joe Diametti: Did we hear what the job
Rowan Collins: Yeah. I
Joe Diametti: know there was turnips. We're going to the farm.
Rowan Collins: We're going to the turnip farm, but they've been been ex sconded with their turnips.
Joe Diametti: Mhmm. Ex sconded.
Rowan Collins: Absconded. Yeah. It I can
Joe Diametti: use it.
Annie Hawthorne: They're disappearing.
Joe Diametti: Yeah. Oh, thank you. Yeah. I was testing you recruits. You already passed.
Rowan Collins: Oh, fantastic.
Joe Diametti: In no strikes. Oh, great job.
Rowan Collins: Up in the world. But, yeah. So they got, their turnips got stolen, and our job is to go and find them.
Joe Diametti: Fantastic.
Rowan Collins: And we have to do it by close of business, which is 7 PM and or whenever we finish so we could be here until midnight.
Joe Diametti: Mhmm.
Isaac Allen Burns: Well I'm
Rowan Collins: gonna be honest. I get
Rowan Collins: a little weird past 10 PM.
Isaac Allen Burns: You're a kid.
Rowan Collins: I need my beauty sleep. Yeah.
Joe Diametti: We're not gonna be here past 7.
Rowan Collins: Okay. K. Well, I hope not. Because, again, I get a little weird past 10.
Joe Diametti: Yeah. I'd hate to see you weird.
Rowan Collins: It's not very good. Okay.
Isaac Allen Burns: Well, if there's no more questions, he motions his hand forward. Is it to say, onwards, adventurers.
Rowan Collins: Oh my god. This is our first one. This is our first this is our first adventure, Craig. Are you excited?
Annie Hawthorne: Yes. I'm excited to go find where those turnips went.
Rowan Collins: Fantastic. The keep of the turnips. I wonder when they'll turn up.
Joe Diametti: Oh, okay. So I I gestured them out the door. And as I do, I turn around to Cyrus, and I'm like, how is it the same turn up mission every year? Every year. Come up with some new missions, man.
And I
Isaac Allen Burns: just you, you see Cyrus just shrug and say, so what comes in?
Joe Diametti: Yeah. Yeah.
Rowan Collins: So are you a wizard, Craig? Because I'm with the hats for
Annie Hawthorne: I'm going to be a wizard one day.
Rowan Collins: Oh, you're going to be a wizard. That's cool.
Joe Diametti: Aren't you a clink? Yes. But Clinks can't do magic. They're made of magic.
Isaac Allen Burns: This conversation occurs as you're closing the door. Can I have crank? Can I have you make an instinct check for me? In this case, once again, Annie, you're gonna take 2 d twelves, assign 1 to be the hope, 1 to be the fear, and add your instinct modifier to the total of the roll. And tell me if it's with hope or fear.
Annie Hawthorne: 13 with fear.
Isaac Allen Burns: Oh. You know, a mechanic that occurs with the hope and fear method that we have here is that whenever the players roll, if they roll a hope, they gain a resource that is called a hope. In fact, hope can be used in a couple of ways, mostly around player mechanics. However, on the flip side of that coin is fear. And whenever the players roll with fear, a couple possible things can happen.
What is known as a GM move could occur. And, typically, a GM move pushes the story forward or unexpected things happen or something else comes around. Or as the GM, I can choose to simply bank that fear and use it later to perhaps interrupt something with an intense moment. In this moment, however, you said a 13 with fear. That is high enough that you notice Cyrus looking at you in a different way than a lot of people have looked at you, Frank.
Most of the time when people look at you, it is of a sort of surprise. I like seeing a brand new thing. Right? Like Like, seeing an animal you've never really seen before. Most people here haven't seen an assembled man walking around 7 foot 2.
Boy, Cyrus is looking at you, however, is one of recognition. The curiosity that goes over his face is not one of seeing something for the first time. It is of seeing something that shouldn't be here. Nevertheless, you notice that look kinda looks at you, but does not seem to act on it and instead nods a little bit, and the door closes. You all continue on.
Rowan Collins: So are you familiar with the Hitchin' Farber? The Hitches' Farber's?
Joe Diametti: The turnip farm?
Rowan Collins: Yeah. The turnip farm. The hedges.
Joe Diametti: I'm there, like, every 4 months.
Rowan Collins: Okay. Alright. I don't know the passing because, you know, all of us small farms have to keep together.
Joe Diametti: Yeah. Yeah. This is gonna be a no problem. We're gonna be in and out 15 minutes. Two handfuls.
Yeah. Two handfuls say they're in the shed again.
Rowan Collins: Oh, they're in the shed?
Joe Diametti: Mhmm. The turnips.
Rowan Collins: Oh, well, that makes sense. Yeah. Farmer Hitchett has a little bit of a memory problem. I think it's because he's not getting good off, vitamin c Mhmm. Because he tries to not eat apples because they compete with his turnip farms.
So
Isaac Allen Burns: A lot of people just not eating their competitors' food.
Rowan Collins: Well, it's just the farmers, you know. We kinda, you know well, I like to eat the apples. That's kinda how I got. Well, I look like this.
Joe Diametti: Yeah. I'm gonna say they're in the shed.
Rowan Collins: Come on. Alright.
Isaac Allen Burns: Down the street, you all go walking through the roads of Bracken Road until you reach the eastern edge of the city. City? What city? This is a town. You reach the eastern part of the town until the roads go from loose cobblestone to simple gravel and eventually to dirt.
And soon, on the far eastern side, far away from the orchards of the apples, you see a modest little farm. A farmhouse standing 2 stories tall with a shed next to it about equally sized. There's Hitchens Farm. You can definitely tell because there's a sign outside on a signpost that says, Hitchens Farm. The Hitchens is spelled exactly how you would expect it.
Nevertheless, you go up to the door, and after a couple knocks, a man stands before you. This is an old dwarf. His beard long and unkempt. His head bald as the day he was born, and much, much less hair than the rest of his face. He stands there, looks at you, and blinks a couple times.
And then, squints at Pistachio and says, do I recognize you?
Rowan Collins: Oh, yeah. Hi, Farber Hitchens. It's me. It's Pistachio. I'm here with the adventuring guild.
This is Cappy, my boss, and Crank, who will be your best friend.
Joe Diametti: My name is Melville Hitchens. Melville, you know me. Do I know you? Yeah. You know Pistachio?
Yeah. I'm here every 2 months to find your turn. Turn.
Isaac Allen Burns: Oh, wait. I do know you, Scott. Your your brother came to help me out multiple times back in the day.
Rowan Collins: Wally. Yeah. Wally.
Isaac Allen Burns: Wally is a strong strong boy. Yeah. Wally is. It's scary.
Joe Diametti: Just fuming in the background. Yeah.
Rowan Collins: Well, the cube yeah. Well, he's pretty strong. Not as strong as Cappy here, Craig.
Isaac Allen Burns: A few of our guys who recognize anyway, you came here last year.
Joe Diametti: Yeah. And three times since.
Isaac Allen Burns: Oh, I don't know about that. But, yeah. And then
Annie Hawthorne: we've never met before. I'm crank.
Isaac Allen Burns: Oh, that's good to know. Okay. I didn't remember you, so you're tall.
Joe Diametti: This is good. Well, why don't you just follow me on here? Average. I would it average.
Annie Hawthorne: Well, the hat adds a good 8 inches. So
Rowan Collins: Yeah. Those hats are like stilettos for your head.
Isaac Allen Burns: He, puts a you know, he is a farmer, but he's also a dwarf, so he's shorter than you, sir. He reaches a hand up as high as he can, touches your elbow, and says, there there, Cappy. No need to measure anything.
Rowan Collins: Go on.
Joe Diametti: Now you remember where's are we here? There's missing
Isaac Allen Burns: turnips? Yeah. You just gotta follow me for a sec. Follow me. And he walks very slowly out to the back of the farm.
Joe Diametti: Cappy is doing that thing, like, behind, like, grocery carts where it's too slow and, like, he's just, like, grabbing at his face and, like, pulling it down. Cappy is impatient.
Rowan Collins: Pistachio, knowing that this is how the farmer is, just waits and then walks for it
Rowan Collins: a little bit, and then waits,
Rowan Collins: and then walks for it a little bit, and then waits.
Rowan Collins: Oh, it's a beautiful day, don't you, Flake? It's like Yes.
Annie Hawthorne: It it is a good day. It's a not a cloud in the sky. Pistachio, I have a question. Sure. Is a turnip food?
Rowan Collins: Turnip is a food. It's a root vegetable, and they grow in the ground, and they are a very good source of vitamin b.
Annie Hawthorne: Do they taste like apples?
Rowan Collins: No. Not at all. They're crunchy. That's about the same. That's all they got.
Have you never had a well, I
Rowan Collins: I guess you wouldn't have a dog.
Rowan Collins: Eat. Wow.
Annie Hawthorne: I've never tasted food. I I don't have a sense of taste.
Isaac Allen Burns: Well, here we are at the back of the town. It's back of this farm. And as you get there, you notice something strange, Cappy. It's a little different than you've seen before. For starters, the turnips aren't actually missing.
The turnips are actually right in front of you. It's just that they've been eaten. Now simple roots and stems are all that's left of the turnips. Some of the turnips, you notice, have just big bite marks taken out of them. And as you look to the back towards the fence, you see that the fence is not standing up straight, but in fact, has been somewhat broken.
A gap large enough for all of crank to step through is in the fence.
Annie Hawthorne: I go and stand in the gap, and I look at it thoughtfully.
Joe Diametti: I stand I I push myself past Craig to also stand arms akimbo to assert my dominance.
Isaac Allen Burns: Like, 2 men like, 2 men staring at an open hood of a car not knowing what to do.
Rowan Collins: Pistachio is gonna look down at the little bite marks that are on there and, like, the, and kinda, like, look at the plant and see, like, in their brain, like, about what kind of size this animal is. And are there any, like, not completely destroyed turnips?
Isaac Allen Burns: There are a couple with only, surprisingly, a few bites taken out of it.
Rowan Collins: Alright. I would like to use an ability of my domain called nature's tongue, where, I can speak the language of hidden natural world. So when I want to speak to the plants and animals, I have to make an instinct roll. And, on a success, they will talk to me and give me the information that I know with the fear, their knowledge comes as a cost.
Isaac Allen Burns: This is fantastic. Go ahead and roll that dice.
Rowan Collins: Alright.
Annie Hawthorne: While this is happening, Crank is gonna pick up a turnip that has had a bite taken out of it. And he's gonna look at it, and he's gonna, rub it on his chest. Like, he's seen people eat apples. And he's he's just gonna, like, pop it into his chest cavity just for later.
Joe Diametti: Yeah. And then he looks over and he sees Cappy just, like, staring up at him. Like, what's your deal?
Annie Hawthorne: People like food.
Rowan Collins: I failed. But so, Pistachio rolled a 7. They were rolling trying to roll a 12. So they've got, like, a turnip in their arms,
Rowan Collins: and they're like, hey, little guy. What's going on there? Are you okay? What happened to you? Can you tell me anything?
Joe Diametti: Oh, god. We're just talking to the vet So
Isaac Allen Burns: what's really fun about mechanics is that oftentimes a failure is not because the thing couldn't happen, but instead, in this case, it was a failure with fear. Right?
Rowan Collins: Hope. With hope.
Isaac Allen Burns: Oh, okay. With hope. So that means obviously, it doesn't work, but it's not terrible. Nothing really bad happens. This magic that you use, this sort of connection to the natural will goes through.
You're holding this turnip that once again, just for descriptor's sake, has a bite taken out of it. And, as it connects, the only thing that you hear is, oh, my god. Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh,
Rowan Collins: yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. Like Sued
Isaac Allen Burns: the voice quiets.
Rowan Collins: Yeah. Pistachio just has tears coming out of its their face because they had to put this thing out of its misery by eating it.
Annie Hawthorne: Krenka is simultaneously horrified and fascinated.
Joe Diametti: Yeah. Kathy's never seen
Annie Hawthorne: Do all vegetables talk? Is that magic?
Joe Diametti: I I I I don't know what's going on here.
Rowan Collins: Oh. I will try another one.
Joe Diametti: Is this, like, after 10 PM, pistachio?
Rowan Collins: Oh, no. I can talk to plants and animals. That's a thing that I can do.
Annie Hawthorne: Is that magic?
Rowan Collins: It is magic.
Annie Hawthorne: Can you teach me magic?
Rowan Collins: I don't know if I can teach you this. I'm kinda, like, new, but I can show you what I do. Look. I'm just gonna oh, wow.
Rowan Collins: And this time, I rolled 17, which is a pass with hope on one of the turnips.
Joe Diametti: With hope.
Isaac Allen Burns: This turnip has only had a little bite taken out of it, and it says,
Rowan Collins: ow. Hello? Are you
Isaac Allen Burns: Oh, who's there?
Rowan Collins: Oh, hi. I'm pistachio. I'm not a plant, but I am a person that could help you. Can you help us figure out what happened with you?
Isaac Allen Burns: We can help you. I've I've been bit a little bit.
Rowan Collins: Oh, wow. Can you tell me by what and what picture?
Isaac Allen Burns: You know, that's a great question. Does I would turn up my knowledge of the world. It's somewhat limited.
Rowan Collins: Oh, crap.
Isaac Allen Burns: But I can tell you what happened to me.
Rowan Collins: Oh, yeah. Okay. What
Isaac Allen Burns: happened? Sordid tail.
Rowan Collins: A sordid tail?
Isaac Allen Burns: I was in the I was in the ground. Oh. I was in mother Earth's embrace.
Rowan Collins: Oh, okay.
Isaac Allen Burns: I was so warm and comfy.
Joe Diametti: This is so sexual.
Isaac Allen Burns: I was just so protected.
Rowan Collins: Uh-huh.
Isaac Allen Burns: And next thing I know, I hear rumbling. Rumbling so hard. Eventually, I got
Joe Diametti: Am I supposed to be turning up?
Rowan Collins: Out of
Isaac Allen Burns: the ground. Someone grabbed onto me and yanked me so hard out of the ground. And there was this creature I'd never seen before. It was, like, long and veiny and green.
Rowan Collins: And green. Long and green.
Isaac Allen Burns: With a big wide head.
Joe Diametti: Has had there been any language until this point? Because I think we were a family friendly podcast. I saw
Rowan Collins: it. I mean,
Joe Diametti: I'm glad this is how we're breaking the seal, but I just something I've noticed, you know.
Rowan Collins: Oh, good. So you said it was Just
Joe Diametti: crossed my leg.
Rowan Collins: And baby and green.
Isaac Allen Burns: Big teeth.
Rowan Collins: Big teeth?
Isaac Allen Burns: They took a nibble out of me.
Rowan Collins: Oh, wow.
Isaac Allen Burns: And I moaned real loud.
Rowan Collins: Oh, I do that too.
Isaac Allen Burns: I whimpered. Uh-huh. And then it doesn't wanna eat the alarm for some reason.
Rowan Collins: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Isaac Allen Burns: And it ran off past that gate over there.
Rowan Collins: Okay. So big and veiny and greed. Does anybody know what a big and veiny and wide and greed thing is that likes to bite?
Joe Diametti: Pistachio. What? There's older people here.
Rowan Collins: Oh, is You you
Isaac Allen Burns: think I ain't ever seen a dick before, kid? You ain't I think I've never seen ogre dick before.
Rowan Collins: Ogre? Dick?
Isaac Allen Burns: The kid's too young.
Joe Diametti: Yeah. The kids too young. Many days. They had to bring a permission slip to join the adventurers guild.
Rowan Collins: I didn't have to break a permission slip by sides for myself. But it's not a dick. It has mouth on it. I don't know what a dick looks like. I have a brother.
Annie Hawthorne: Wait. I'm sorry. What is a dick?
Rowan Collins: A dick is
Isaac Allen Burns: well Yes.
Joe Diametti: Explain because of how you know your brother.
Rowan Collins: Well, so beaks that are made out of flesh occasionally have different genitalia. And, those and some of them are idiots and some of them are owties. My sister has an idiot. My brother has an idiot. I will not reveal what I have.
Joe Diametti: I don't have, any instinct, but could I look around for something?
Isaac Allen Burns: You know, this, do me a knowledge role.
Joe Diametti: Oh, my knowledge is minus 1. That's why I was trying to go with the instinct.
Isaac Allen Burns: It's sort of like a survival thing. You're trying to look for signs, and the signs are there. You just don't understand what they mean. Okay.
Joe Diametti: I need to decide which one's in the That
Isaac Allen Burns: was the turn I'm talking, actually. Let me try that again. Okay. You know, this is a knowledge check because as you're looking around, the signs are there. You can see them.
Cappy sees them. Yeah. But does Cappy have the know how to put those things together?
Joe Diametti: His yeah. He doesn't have knowledge. He was very bad at school. And despite the amount of books in the adventures guild, he's never read one. So that's why I put minus 1 for now.
Isaac Allen Burns: Cappy's never read a book. Cappy's that guy who, like, has never read a book and wanna brag about it. Oof.
Joe Diametti: That's a 6 with hope.
Isaac Allen Burns: Oh, 6 with hope. Can't be you're looking around. Whatever was here, right, wasn't really a success. So you don't really gain much. But what's obvious to you, even without knowing a whole lot, is that whatever was here was big enough to eat a turnip.
Joe Diametti: Yeah. I very confidently strut a few steps out, and I go, guys, whatever's here was clearly big enough to eat a turnip.
Rowan Collins: Oh, that's correct. Would you like me to assume a form of which I could track better?
Joe Diametti: You can change forms for Stashu.
Annie Hawthorne: Yeah. Wait. Is that magic?
Rowan Collins: That's also magic. No. I don't know.
Annie Hawthorne: Where did you learn it?
Rowan Collins: Well, it was an accident,
Annie Hawthorne: I think. An accident?
Rowan Collins: Yeah. I
Annie Hawthorne: wouldn't have an accident.
Rowan Collins: Well
Joe Diametti: Sounds like maybe pistachio should have the magic hat.
Isaac Allen Burns: Hey. Just turn 500. You'll have an accident.
Annie Hawthorne: Is that a very important
Rowan Collins: thing to us?
Isaac Allen Burns: Me, the farmer. The old dwarf farmer said that.
Joe Diametti: Yeah.
Isaac Allen Burns: You know, it's tough. You gotta figure out how to, like, introduce
Rowan Collins: how
Isaac Allen Burns: what a character
Joe Diametti: is talking to. But,
Rowan Collins: yeah, I could, I could turn it.
Joe Diametti: Alright. Yeah. Let's see. I wanna see a, a killer instinct animal. I wanna see someone that can smell out any situation, be able to track down danger in a moment's notice.
Rowan Collins: Okay. Okay? Alright.
Joe Diametti: You got this?
Rowan Collins: Okay. I got it.
Rowan Collins: I will mark stress, to become, a dodo.
Isaac Allen Burns: That's right, everybody. In Daggerheart, not only do you have to deal with health points, you also have stress points that indicate the mental strain that's on your character. Reaching maximum stress will not kill you, but any additional stress you have to take will go to your HP. And if you run out of HP, something else happens. But nevertheless, Rowan, why don't you describe this dodo for us?
Rowan Collins: So, this dodo, I don't know, is a very, a very cute little dodo. They're a little, round, which is very fitting for a pistachio. They're about, like, if you were, I don't know, a 5 foot 2, person, they're about, like, hip height for you. They're kinda big for being a bird.
Rowan Collins: Oh, so
Rowan Collins: And they've got these big, like, dopey looking eyes and a giant, like, almost flamingo type beak, and, are definitely not supposed to be, like, sniffing animals, but dodo poor poor pistachio definitely thinks that they are. So here comes Pistachio, which this dodo dodos are typically gray. This one keeps the, like, red kinda, like, curly pattern to the fur, and the bright green eyes as, they turn into this little dodo.
Joe Diametti: Cappy's just like, you gotta be kidding me. These recruits get worse every year.
Isaac Allen Burns: Squawk. I just rolled to see how surprised the farmer was going to be, and the farmer rolled a 5 for surprise. And so his eyes go wide, and he gasped, and he says, oh my god. What's that? Get away from me.
Yeah. I got and he takes off. It's yelling at me. And the farmer runs faster than you've ever seen an old man run before.
Joe Diametti: Can we understand the squawk or is it just squawk?
Isaac Allen Burns: I'll leave it up to y'all. Do you understand the squawk?
Joe Diametti: Do we under well, I'll leave it up to pistachio.
Rowan Collins: Do do do.
Joe Diametti: Listen, I I do wanna call out that if you don't let us talk to your animal forms, this is gonna cause a lot of barriers.
Rowan Collins: Yeah. No. You could talk. So, pistachio goes, yeah. Well, I'll
Rowan Collins: I'll I'll don't know now. This is my favorite I can track this way, and it's going that way.
Joe Diametti: Yeah. Look at you. You are, and I can't stress this enough, adorable. However, Crank, you got any, information on dodos in that metal brain ears?
Annie Hawthorne: I will pull up whatever I've ever read about dodos and just start spouting Wikipedia.
Joe Diametti: Perfect. I'd love for you to get to the point about how many are still around.
Isaac Allen Burns: Roll a knowledge check on dodos.
Joe Diametti: Oh, what's your knowledge? 0.
Isaac Allen Burns: Oh, it's a flat check. Let's see. Trying to beat an 8. Almost a crit, though.
Joe Diametti: Cool. And
Annie Hawthorne: that is going to be 19 with fear.
Isaac Allen Burns: Oh my god. With fear. Oh, no. I'll tell you exactly what comes up. It's the whole Wikipedia page for dodos, and you're reading about dodos.
And dodos are kinda unremarkable. You read the dodos in a long, far off land, Really far from here. Not actually that far on a map, but, used to be really big in a country called Justain, which is, just over the mountains here. A lot of dodos around. They were actually hunted to a full extinction.
And that's the sad thing that you learn is that all the dodos are actually dead.
Joe Diametti: And Cappy's basically just queuing that up. He's basically he's like, alright. And crank, could you list off where, dodos are now?
Annie Hawthorne: According to the data, there are exactly 0 dodos alive today.
Joe Diametti: You hear that? So how did you little pistachio become a dodo?
Rowan Collins: I imagined it.
Joe Diametti: You imagined?
Rowan Collins: Yeah. I saw a book, and I was like, I would like to be a brave thing. They're really brave. Anyway, I'm a dodo.
Joe Diametti: Oh, you sweet summer apple.
Rowan Collins: Oh, I don't I'm a nut.
Annie Hawthorne: Apparently, the last dodo was so brave that it fell onto a hole and died trying to get the last melon.
Rowan Collins: That is a true fact about the dodos. That is
Joe Diametti: I love that.
Rowan Collins: They were so they were so brave. They literally walked up to people with guns in front of them. What? Yeah. They they they died.
Joe Diametti: Sorry. I was out of character though.
Rowan Collins: That was
Isaac Allen Burns: that was just that
Joe Diametti: was just Joe.
Rowan Collins: That is legitimately how they got hunted to extinction.
Isaac Allen Burns: That's right, you guys. Guns are now canon in this world.
Joe Diametti: And dodo extinction.
Isaac Allen Burns: And dodo extinction.
Rowan Collins: But, anyway, the pistachio is now running towards like, puts their little beak on the ground and does a big, and then
Annie Hawthorne: it starts taking off. Can I see if I can sense this thing?
Isaac Allen Burns: Yeah. Are you using a specific ability?
Rowan Collins: I'm using, perceive, which is instinct.
Isaac Allen Burns: Oh, very good. Okay. Roll an instinct check. Once again Oh,
Rowan Collins: it's out of the box, but doesn't matter. That is an 18 with fear.
Isaac Allen Burns: Oh my goodness. An 18 with fear. That's incredible. Miraculously, you watch as this dodo puts its beak against the ground and, like a hound dog, starts sniffing the ground and following a path. Pistachio, you pick up a scent.
It smells like that turnip you held earlier and that turnip you ate, and it kinda smells like like brackish water that's been sticking around too long, like stagnant brackish water. It's very easy to pick up. All of you watch as your dodo friend knows on the ground, takes you deeper and deeper into the woods off to the eastern side of town. And I think that's where we're gonna end this session of dodo born, you guys, Before we can see what's in the woods, what is your dodo friend find?
Annie Hawthorne: We're all gonna get murdered.
Rowan Collins: I know. I specifically am gonna get murdered.
Isaac Allen Burns: Oh, what could be out there, you guys? Any guesses? Well, you'll have to tune in to find out. So tune in to find out next week on another episode of DodoBorne! See you later.