WEBVTT NOTE This file was generated by Descript 00:00:00.050 --> 00:00:03.050 Alison: Can I also point out the other thing that I just noticed. 00:00:04.190 --> 00:00:05.300 You and I are twinning. 00:00:05.861 --> 00:00:06.821 Matt: Howso? 00:00:07.501 --> 00:00:09.241 Alison: We're both wearing black v-neck tshirts. 00:00:12.041 --> 00:00:12.501 Gross. 00:00:13.831 --> 00:00:15.621 Matt: Is it gross or is it delightful? 00:00:15.621 --> 00:00:20.951 Alison: Hive mind is in full effect here on ADHd20. 00:00:20.971 --> 00:00:21.671 Matt: Hive mind. 00:00:21.771 --> 00:00:22.551 Hi, Alison. 00:00:24.231 --> 00:00:25.281 Alison: Hello, Matt. 00:00:26.001 --> 00:00:27.891 It feels like it's been so long. 00:00:28.281 --> 00:00:31.101 Matt: It does because we've been, I've been away. 00:00:31.167 --> 00:00:34.467 and by a way, I've been living in another place. 00:00:34.527 --> 00:00:36.747 And now I'm back to my own place, which 00:00:36.807 --> 00:00:37.817 Alison: Yaaaaay!! 00:00:38.577 --> 00:00:40.527 Matt: Yeah, we've learned a lesson there. 00:00:41.037 --> 00:00:45.375 That it's, more difficult to take ADHd20 on the road, but we managed to do it. 00:00:45.885 --> 00:00:47.645 Managed to do it somehow, we did it. 00:00:48.255 --> 00:00:48.545 Um, 00:00:48.545 --> 00:00:50.955 Alison: We've been getting it done and we have been living by our 00:00:50.955 --> 00:00:56.145 own self-set-into-motion mantra of done is better than perfect. 00:00:56.775 --> 00:00:58.305 Matt: Done is better than perfect. 00:00:58.574 --> 00:00:59.534 Alison: Are you ready? 00:01:00.344 --> 00:01:04.724 To do the thing that we now are going to start doing to open our episodes. 00:01:05.414 --> 00:01:07.874 And roll a D100 and ask questions? 00:01:07.994 --> 00:01:08.444 Matt: Yes. 00:01:09.314 --> 00:01:09.704 Yes. 00:01:09.734 --> 00:01:10.184 I know. 00:01:10.514 --> 00:01:14.234 This is the new thing, by the way, if you didn't catch last week's. 00:01:14.284 --> 00:01:16.941 We're actually in the, we're basically in the right time now, we're in the 00:01:17.061 --> 00:01:17.871 Alison: We are! 00:01:17.931 --> 00:01:19.357 Matt: We're in the right, frame of mind. 00:01:19.357 --> 00:01:21.350 We're no longer living in the past or the future. 00:01:21.350 --> 00:01:22.292 But yes, if you 00:01:22.842 --> 00:01:23.782 Alison: We're current! 00:01:23.852 --> 00:01:25.322 Matt: This is happening, y'all! 00:01:25.353 --> 00:01:30.436 Last week the episode where you started building a beautiful 00:01:30.436 --> 00:01:35.778 ADHd20 D100 table of questions. 00:01:36.194 --> 00:01:40.724 Alison: Some about ADHD, some about D&D, some about everything and nothing. 00:01:41.054 --> 00:01:41.774 Everything everywhere. 00:01:41.774 --> 00:01:42.464 All at once. 00:01:43.154 --> 00:01:44.104 nothing at all, too. 00:01:44.654 --> 00:01:45.000 Yup. 00:01:45.062 --> 00:01:45.902 What'd you roll? 00:01:46.172 --> 00:01:46.922 Matt: Oh, geez. 00:01:47.312 --> 00:01:48.352 First, I have to roll. 00:01:48.902 --> 00:01:50.192 Alison: Already distracted yourself. 00:01:50.672 --> 00:01:51.752 We're off to a great start. 00:01:54.982 --> 00:01:56.692 Matt: 75. 00:01:57.592 --> 00:01:59.212 Alison: 75. 00:01:59.572 --> 00:02:01.432 Your question is. 00:02:03.190 --> 00:02:05.990 I don't think you're going to like this one, so going to ask it of you anyways. 00:02:06.220 --> 00:02:08.200 You're going to a Con! 00:02:08.320 --> 00:02:09.860 Who are you cosplaying as? 00:02:11.770 --> 00:02:12.520 Matt: Oh, no. 00:02:14.440 --> 00:02:15.790 I'm going to a con. 00:02:15.857 --> 00:02:18.264 Any kind of, any specific con? 00:02:18.264 --> 00:02:18.974 Alison: Any con. 00:02:19.033 --> 00:02:22.894 I think what I wrote it, assume some kind of, nerd flavor con. 00:02:23.374 --> 00:02:26.884 But if there's a different con that you see yourself going to, you can. 00:02:27.060 --> 00:02:28.410 In fact let's make that part of the question. 00:02:28.410 --> 00:02:31.620 What con would you go to, if you could go to any con right now this 00:02:31.620 --> 00:02:32.864 year and who would you cosplay? 00:02:32.944 --> 00:02:36.483 Matt: You know, This is funny because you say that I wouldn't like this episode. 00:02:36.513 --> 00:02:39.213 I probably would never go to a con and cosplay. 00:02:39.753 --> 00:02:44.223 So you're correct about that, but I was just thinking about... 00:02:45.123 --> 00:02:49.863 I just came up with what would be a great cosplay outfit, which of course 00:02:49.863 --> 00:02:52.353 I would use for Halloween instead. 00:02:52.382 --> 00:02:54.152 But what the heck was it? 00:02:55.112 --> 00:02:57.625 It was something really obscure. 00:02:58.348 --> 00:02:58.528 Oh, 00:02:59.638 --> 00:03:01.058 Alison: The hipster remains. 00:03:02.605 --> 00:03:05.258 Matt: The hipster remains, There was one there's one year that I 00:03:05.258 --> 00:03:07.964 actually really wanted to go as Dream. 00:03:09.434 --> 00:03:11.844 And Lindsay would be Death. 00:03:12.354 --> 00:03:16.475 Of, Dream and Death of the Neil Gaiman universe, Sandman. 00:03:16.495 --> 00:03:17.394 Sandman. 00:03:17.426 --> 00:03:18.986 I thought that would be really fun to do. 00:03:19.031 --> 00:03:21.971 Basically you're dyeing your hair, black, teasing it up really big. 00:03:22.721 --> 00:03:25.351 And you know, wearing ahnks. 00:03:26.091 --> 00:03:28.791 And really heavy black eyeliner. 00:03:28.904 --> 00:03:31.274 I'm very excited about that show coming out on Netflix. 00:03:31.394 --> 00:03:34.124 I've been a Sandman fan for many years, so. 00:03:34.973 --> 00:03:39.651 Buckle up Alison, cause I'm looking at you and there's absolutely no 00:03:40.011 --> 00:03:42.094 level of, comprehension there. 00:03:42.094 --> 00:03:42.604 Alison: None. 00:03:42.634 --> 00:03:46.954 Matt: Strap in because there's a whole lot of, nerdery a lot more 00:03:46.954 --> 00:03:49.444 nerdy for you ahead for us to discuss. 00:03:49.774 --> 00:03:50.764 Alison: I can't wait for that. 00:03:50.974 --> 00:03:55.294 Matt: Still probably some of the best written graphic novel stories. 00:03:55.794 --> 00:03:56.604 Yeah, we'll talk about it. 00:03:56.664 --> 00:03:57.744 We'll talk about it anyway. 00:03:57.774 --> 00:03:59.094 So Death and Dream. 00:03:59.364 --> 00:04:00.054 of. 00:04:00.444 --> 00:04:01.164 But There was another one. 00:04:01.164 --> 00:04:02.334 If it comes to me, I'll... 00:04:03.364 --> 00:04:05.294 Alison: Middle of the episode, just blurt it out 00:04:05.314 --> 00:04:05.974 Matt: Blurt out. 00:04:07.744 --> 00:04:08.074 Okay. 00:04:08.524 --> 00:04:08.914 Alright. 00:04:09.064 --> 00:04:09.724 How about you? 00:04:10.384 --> 00:04:11.524 Alison: I rolled in 88. 00:04:11.554 --> 00:04:12.773 Matt: You rolled an 88. 00:04:12.778 --> 00:04:13.438 This is a good one. 00:04:13.438 --> 00:04:15.418 Do you have any superstitions? 00:04:15.464 --> 00:04:21.421 Alison: I don't currently, I will say back in the olden days, when I used to 00:04:21.451 --> 00:04:26.071 perform more regularly, I always did, like always had some little something 00:04:26.071 --> 00:04:30.641 that I would have to like do backstage before I would go on the stage. 00:04:30.682 --> 00:04:33.829 But I don't really have any now? 00:04:34.379 --> 00:04:34.919 Matt: Hold on, hold on. 00:04:34.919 --> 00:04:35.339 Hold on. 00:04:35.519 --> 00:04:37.199 Let me, I'm sorry to interrupt you. 00:04:38.369 --> 00:04:45.749 I watched you pull out like a, a tree's worth of incense. 00:04:45.809 --> 00:04:46.619 Light it. 00:04:47.189 --> 00:04:52.409 And do this entire freaking ceremony over your dice, dude. 00:04:52.949 --> 00:04:55.019 Alison: Is that a superstition, I guess it is. 00:04:55.199 --> 00:04:55.739 Yeah. 00:04:56.069 --> 00:04:56.969 You're totally right. 00:04:56.969 --> 00:05:00.869 So I had real bad dice juju castle birthday weekend. 00:05:00.869 --> 00:05:02.069 I totally forgot about this. 00:05:02.309 --> 00:05:05.329 So I did, I pulled out my Florida water and my tarot cards, and 00:05:05.329 --> 00:05:08.069 lit a candle, and pulled a card. 00:05:08.669 --> 00:05:11.909 For every set of dice that I have to see what they wanted to tell me. 00:05:11.939 --> 00:05:12.179 Yeah. 00:05:12.179 --> 00:05:13.400 That, that, you're right. 00:05:13.490 --> 00:05:14.000 You're right. 00:05:14.000 --> 00:05:14.480 You're right. 00:05:14.535 --> 00:05:19.509 I think of that as more witchy, but I guess that's a flavor of superstition. 00:05:19.509 --> 00:05:20.269 Matt: I think so. 00:05:20.369 --> 00:05:21.089 I think so. 00:05:21.089 --> 00:05:25.139 To me, the definition of superstition, which anybody listening to this can 00:05:25.139 --> 00:05:27.629 correct me because I accept corrections. 00:05:27.647 --> 00:05:32.117 But to me a superstition is more something that you do or don't do in 00:05:32.117 --> 00:05:35.177 order to make something better or worse. 00:05:35.267 --> 00:05:36.137 That's what you were doing. 00:05:36.197 --> 00:05:36.497 So. 00:05:37.100 --> 00:05:41.821 my grandmother was hard, hardcore superstitious. 00:05:42.264 --> 00:05:47.724 No hats on beds, no going back indoors if you've left. 00:05:48.174 --> 00:05:51.984 So anytime somebody had to go back in because they forgot something, which as 00:05:51.984 --> 00:05:53.944 you can imagine was a big problem for me. 00:05:53.970 --> 00:05:56.490 Pretty much every time we left the house, I would have to run back in. 00:05:56.700 --> 00:06:00.810 You had to sit down and count to 10 or it would be bad luck. 00:06:01.110 --> 00:06:02.880 The obvious ones, the mirror breaking. 00:06:02.963 --> 00:06:04.403 Black cats, all this. 00:06:04.703 --> 00:06:08.087 All this stuff, but Kiki was really superstitious. 00:06:08.087 --> 00:06:09.638 So I grew up with all that. 00:06:09.668 --> 00:06:10.448 Bread and butter. 00:06:10.448 --> 00:06:13.303 If you're walking with somebody and something crosses between you, 00:06:13.393 --> 00:06:15.673 you have to say bread and butter. 00:06:16.003 --> 00:06:17.203 Or else you'll have bad luck. 00:06:18.133 --> 00:06:18.673 Alison: Wow. 00:06:18.793 --> 00:06:20.533 I've not even heard of a lot of these. 00:06:20.621 --> 00:06:24.914 Matt: Uh, my little hyper-focus thing when I was at a certain age as I got 00:06:24.914 --> 00:06:27.674 a book on superstitions and I learned about every single one of them. 00:06:27.755 --> 00:06:28.965 So that I could know,. 00:06:29.116 --> 00:06:32.012 without Kiki even telling me, because I loved her so much. 00:06:32.072 --> 00:06:35.042 I wanted her to think I was cool and know all the superstitions. 00:06:35.432 --> 00:06:35.672 Yeah. 00:06:36.452 --> 00:06:41.702 Alison: I am incapable of walking past a dandelion and 00:06:41.702 --> 00:06:44.492 not picking it, making a wish. 00:06:45.332 --> 00:06:49.622 And if I don't blow all the seeds off in one breath that wish will not come true. 00:06:49.832 --> 00:06:50.492 Matt: Wow. 00:06:50.572 --> 00:06:52.072 See you've got more than you think. 00:06:52.192 --> 00:06:53.722 You're living in superstition. 00:06:53.902 --> 00:06:55.612 Alison: I'm just steeped in them. 00:06:57.032 --> 00:06:58.121 Well that was fun. 00:06:58.121 --> 00:06:59.921 Matt: Yeah, thanks for that table. 00:07:00.591 --> 00:07:03.501 Alison: I do need to give credit where credit is due on the table. 00:07:03.981 --> 00:07:08.471 Our friend Fitz, who we mention on most episodes helped with this. 00:07:08.535 --> 00:07:09.855 And a few other friends as well. 00:07:09.855 --> 00:07:11.505 So thank you. 00:07:11.775 --> 00:07:13.905 For those of you who helped me put this together. 00:07:13.956 --> 00:07:16.896 I feel like I know a lot about you, Matt, but there's always more I could learn. 00:07:16.986 --> 00:07:18.426 Matt: I have a new podcast goal. 00:07:18.426 --> 00:07:19.026 Are you ready? 00:07:19.263 --> 00:07:20.313 Alison: Yes. 00:07:20.337 --> 00:07:27.747 Matt: My new podcast goal is that we do as many of these as it takes to go through 00:07:27.807 --> 00:07:30.387 every single one of the 100 questions. 00:07:30.657 --> 00:07:31.887 Alison: I'm so down for that. 00:07:33.094 --> 00:07:35.164 Challenge accepted. 00:07:35.914 --> 00:07:36.574 Let's do it. 00:07:37.716 --> 00:07:41.114 Well, are we ready to dive into today's topic at hand? 00:07:41.114 --> 00:07:44.740 Matt: Let's dive into today's topic and it's all you, you 00:07:44.740 --> 00:07:47.860 have had your mind on the game. 00:07:49.240 --> 00:07:52.990 That's not the phrase, but you've had your game. 00:07:52.990 --> 00:07:58.930 Eye on the ball and you came prepared with some show notes. 00:07:59.560 --> 00:07:59.980 Alison: I did. 00:08:00.016 --> 00:08:03.466 We'll back up a little bit into how I got into this in the spirit of 00:08:03.466 --> 00:08:05.296 full disclosure and sharing things. 00:08:05.363 --> 00:08:10.527 Um, I have been testing out a couple of different ADHD medications 00:08:10.587 --> 00:08:11.667 over the past few months. 00:08:11.967 --> 00:08:15.087 So I recently decided that the first one that we started me on was not for me. 00:08:15.357 --> 00:08:17.697 So I am now on a brand new medication. 00:08:17.706 --> 00:08:20.106 And, uh, one of the side effects is insomnia. 00:08:20.436 --> 00:08:24.415 So I have been wide awake for, stretches of hours at a time 00:08:24.415 --> 00:08:25.255 in the middle of the night. 00:08:25.675 --> 00:08:26.395 Super chill. 00:08:26.395 --> 00:08:27.205 Love it so much. 00:08:27.775 --> 00:08:35.737 And, so during one of said, ADHD med-induced insomnia bouts, I happened 00:08:35.737 --> 00:08:39.517 to notice that a message had come in from a good friend of mine who lives in Italy. 00:08:39.517 --> 00:08:42.500 So Her name is Taryn and we've been very good friends since 00:08:42.680 --> 00:08:43.850 the very first day of college. 00:08:43.918 --> 00:08:48.997 Uh, So it was this string of, screenshots of this guy's kind of Twitter rant. 00:08:49.038 --> 00:08:50.762 And she sent it in the spirit of, this is me. 00:08:50.762 --> 00:08:51.242 This is you. 00:08:51.242 --> 00:08:52.644 I'm so glad we found each other. 00:08:52.644 --> 00:08:55.149 I'm not going to read the whole thing, but I'm going to read, the bits and 00:08:55.149 --> 00:08:58.860 pieces from it because I just, I, it did, it resonated with me so, so much. 00:08:58.860 --> 00:09:02.640 So it starts out and says, I've mentioned this before, but one of 00:09:02.640 --> 00:09:06.630 the hardest things about ADHD is how it can wreck your relationships 00:09:06.780 --> 00:09:10.440 because you don't have friendship degradation mechanics, like everyone 00:09:10.770 --> 00:09:11.170 Matt: Mmhmm. 00:09:11.640 --> 00:09:15.210 Alison: Like my friendship degradation mechanics are just straight up broken. 00:09:15.420 --> 00:09:18.960 I can go years without hearing from someone at all and still feel exactly 00:09:18.990 --> 00:09:21.480 the same level of familiarity about them. 00:09:22.110 --> 00:09:25.680 But they don't because a friendship degrades if you don't take care of it. 00:09:26.160 --> 00:09:29.290 It's just kind of like sad because no matter how hard I try to keep up 00:09:29.290 --> 00:09:32.540 with friendships, I'll inevitably have a dry spell of a few months and 00:09:32.540 --> 00:09:35.650 by that point, the other person has moved on because why wouldn't they? 00:09:35.980 --> 00:09:39.310 It's the one skill my ADHD fucks on the hardest. 00:09:39.730 --> 00:09:43.690 Anyways, this is why I like being friends with other ADHD, autistic, neurodivergent 00:09:43.690 --> 00:09:48.640 people because we see each other and we're like aaayyyyyyyyyy every time friendship 00:09:48.640 --> 00:09:51.100 degradation mechanic broke for both of us. 00:09:51.138 --> 00:09:53.338 And, you know, goes on, in the thread. 00:09:53.452 --> 00:09:56.902 basically one of my favorite parts of it is he says, I wish people understood that. 00:09:56.902 --> 00:09:59.662 People who do this don't deliberately ghost people. 00:09:59.662 --> 00:10:01.132 It's I thought it had been two days. 00:10:01.132 --> 00:10:03.892 It has actually been two weeks and now this person will be really mad. 00:10:03.892 --> 00:10:05.422 So I guess I can't say anything now. 00:10:05.602 --> 00:10:06.938 And then that keeps happening. 00:10:06.938 --> 00:10:08.452 So yeah. 00:10:08.452 --> 00:10:10.402 Reading that whole thread just really spoke to me. 00:10:10.462 --> 00:10:14.556 And I responded to Taryn and ha I'm getting this at three o'clock in the 00:10:14.556 --> 00:10:17.166 morning, my time because of ADHD. 00:10:17.196 --> 00:10:20.256 And it's talking about our relationship and us as individuals 00:10:20.256 --> 00:10:22.686 and in friendship with ADHD. 00:10:23.127 --> 00:10:25.930 And I think that's a beautiful thing because as we've spoken about before, 00:10:25.930 --> 00:10:30.561 that's become the whole theme of this podcast is just assuring the rest of 00:10:30.561 --> 00:10:32.721 the world that we're in this together. 00:10:32.833 --> 00:10:35.232 So, Yeah, friendship degradation mechanics. 00:10:35.280 --> 00:10:35.647 Matt: Yeah. 00:10:35.647 --> 00:10:38.297 I really like friendship degradation mechanics. 00:10:38.327 --> 00:10:40.767 I also, by the way, I also like his Twitter handle, 00:10:40.767 --> 00:10:42.567 which is I make psychedelic. 00:10:44.067 --> 00:10:47.367 I make psychedelic klezmer funk. 00:10:49.977 --> 00:10:53.037 I want to hear psychedelic klezmer funk, by the way. 00:10:53.120 --> 00:10:56.479 Um, I love this because it is something that I've been thinking about a lot 00:10:56.479 --> 00:11:01.189 too, because I don't think that this is something that a lot of people realize. 00:11:01.279 --> 00:11:03.949 Like you could know all manner of things about ADHD. 00:11:03.949 --> 00:11:06.494 You And you still don't know about this. 00:11:06.944 --> 00:11:12.491 And, I think that because I am aware of it happening. 00:11:12.520 --> 00:11:18.266 I am more stressed out about friendship degradation mechanics 00:11:18.296 --> 00:11:20.090 than I probably should be. 00:11:20.159 --> 00:11:22.769 Because in my mind, exactly. 00:11:22.819 --> 00:11:24.362 It's just, it's been a little while. 00:11:24.362 --> 00:11:27.092 And so I won't lose these people as a friend, but. 00:11:28.112 --> 00:11:30.545 I don't know what they're thinking and I get really wrapped up and I have 00:11:30.545 --> 00:11:37.129 calendars and recurring tasks that try to get me to call and write and. 00:11:37.759 --> 00:11:41.894 And speak to, the people that mean something to me, and sometimes it works. 00:11:42.374 --> 00:11:46.364 And a lot of times it just is a task that keeps showing up on 00:11:46.484 --> 00:11:47.114 Alison: Getting bumped. 00:11:47.114 --> 00:11:48.744 Matt: CA Bumped every week. 00:11:48.797 --> 00:11:51.789 And it is a true problem. 00:11:51.999 --> 00:11:56.589 I thought for the longest time that my inability to make friends You know, 00:11:56.589 --> 00:11:59.239 once I hit 30 something, 35 or so. 00:11:59.239 --> 00:12:03.197 Uh, Was either because they were Midwestern and they didn't need friends 00:12:03.197 --> 00:12:09.021 or I was getting lazier or I had been in a rock and roll band and every single 00:12:09.021 --> 00:12:11.301 one of my friends was a fan of the band. 00:12:11.301 --> 00:12:12.861 So I didn't have to work hard. 00:12:12.861 --> 00:12:14.151 So I didn't learn the skills. 00:12:14.743 --> 00:12:17.556 You know, I came up with all these different reasons why 00:12:18.016 --> 00:12:20.266 friendship was difficult for me. 00:12:20.370 --> 00:12:24.958 And I think I've learned that no, it's actually ADHD, which, is 00:12:24.958 --> 00:12:28.608 actually a little bit sad, but that's why we're here to talk about it. 00:12:28.646 --> 00:12:30.596 What are your thoughts about this? 00:12:30.596 --> 00:12:33.811 Alison: It's similar to kind of what we've talked about before, along the 00:12:33.811 --> 00:12:36.811 lines of the less sexy aspects of ADHD. 00:12:37.111 --> 00:12:40.073 We've talked about the fun, the sparkly, the shiny. 00:12:40.073 --> 00:12:42.363 But this is one of those where, you know, people just think that you're 00:12:42.363 --> 00:12:46.473 being lazy or you don't love them, or you think you're too good for them. 00:12:46.863 --> 00:12:49.569 And I'm saying these things, because these are all things I've heard. 00:12:49.629 --> 00:12:52.993 That, that, friends of my past have given me as feedback. 00:12:53.060 --> 00:12:54.635 And of course that makes me feel like garbage. 00:12:54.695 --> 00:12:55.115 Like I don't. 00:12:55.415 --> 00:12:58.715 I don't ever want anybody to think I feel like I'm too good for them. 00:12:58.823 --> 00:13:00.275 Um, Or even too busy? 00:13:00.292 --> 00:13:05.992 But I do know my tendency in friendship, in life, in work, and 00:13:05.992 --> 00:13:10.012 what's in the refrigerator, is to go for what's directly in front of me. 00:13:10.042 --> 00:13:13.342 So it's not that I don't love my friends, that I'm not thinking of them 00:13:13.342 --> 00:13:14.722 and wanting to spend time with them. 00:13:14.722 --> 00:13:16.042 It's just that sometimes. 00:13:16.522 --> 00:13:19.882 Unless you're the thing directly in front of me screaming. 00:13:21.052 --> 00:13:23.512 A lot of other things just accidentally get swept to the side. 00:13:23.512 --> 00:13:27.172 And then, yeah, we don't have quite the same relationship 00:13:27.172 --> 00:13:29.242 with time that others do. 00:13:29.261 --> 00:13:32.069 So, you know, In my head I'm like, oh, it hadn't been that long. 00:13:32.399 --> 00:13:36.299 And I think I'm just going to reach back out and pick up where we left 00:13:36.299 --> 00:13:38.589 off and with some friends you do. 00:13:38.799 --> 00:13:42.099 And I, and that, that was the line, like in a thread I loved the most of like, 00:13:42.146 --> 00:13:46.421 when you again, feel seen, like you find somebody who's like, yeah, I got you. 00:13:46.661 --> 00:13:47.331 It's fine. 00:13:47.331 --> 00:13:50.903 Um, That only helps you sink into that comfort level even more. 00:13:51.233 --> 00:13:53.543 But then when you have people who don't understand who think that you were 00:13:53.543 --> 00:13:56.123 just aloof, lazy, entitled, whatever. 00:13:56.513 --> 00:13:57.143 Feels bad. 00:13:57.181 --> 00:13:57.760 so. 00:13:58.540 --> 00:14:01.183 Matt: Should we take a moment to say hello to those friends who 00:14:01.183 --> 00:14:02.713 might be listening to this and. 00:14:04.543 --> 00:14:07.068 And, you know, just say, Hey. 00:14:07.788 --> 00:14:10.828 You're part of our object permanence. 00:14:10.848 --> 00:14:14.328 And has nothing to do with how much we love you. 00:14:15.508 --> 00:14:19.168 Alison: And I'm thankful that now I have a lot of friends in my 00:14:19.168 --> 00:14:21.598 life who will just reach out now. 00:14:21.658 --> 00:14:23.608 And so if they're thinking of me, they just text me and say, 00:14:23.608 --> 00:14:24.658 Hey, friend, it's been awhile. 00:14:24.725 --> 00:14:25.685 You want to get on a phone call? 00:14:25.685 --> 00:14:26.735 You want to get together? 00:14:26.776 --> 00:14:27.044 Matt: Yeah. 00:14:27.704 --> 00:14:31.154 Alison: And I appreciate those friends for sticking by me. 00:14:31.544 --> 00:14:36.716 Through the less than ideal aspects of my personality, my ADHD. 00:14:37.076 --> 00:14:37.886 And otherwise. 00:14:38.366 --> 00:14:42.116 Matt: Yeah, I'm going to actively read the list of people right now. 00:14:42.181 --> 00:14:44.581 That are bumped. 00:14:44.611 --> 00:14:45.361 Again, it's not. 00:14:45.731 --> 00:14:48.431 even bumped sounds terrible because. 00:14:49.074 --> 00:14:51.264 It is just so hard to explain. 00:14:51.344 --> 00:14:51.854 But let's see. 00:14:51.884 --> 00:14:55.023 So luckily I do pretty well with Mom, right? 00:14:55.353 --> 00:14:57.292 I try to call her every week or so. 00:14:57.292 --> 00:15:00.076 My friend Nathan, I talked to a lot, but, my friend, Katie. 00:15:00.766 --> 00:15:03.764 I just would talk to her every week and I just don't. 00:15:03.764 --> 00:15:07.333 Um, Chris Slack is a great friend that's always fun to talk to. 00:15:08.143 --> 00:15:08.443 Alison: Yep. 00:15:08.599 --> 00:15:10.609 Matt: I'm doing better with my friend, Mike Smith. 00:15:11.411 --> 00:15:13.556 Actually, I would love to have him on this podcast at some point. 00:15:13.586 --> 00:15:18.398 Cause he, he also is, working in the neurodivergent space. 00:15:18.448 --> 00:15:22.184 Manashi my friend Alpa, my friend Denise, and then Amy Cox. 00:15:22.244 --> 00:15:27.055 These are people that I really love and I love trying to build relationships with. 00:15:27.055 --> 00:15:28.825 It's just a small smattering of people, but. 00:15:29.845 --> 00:15:30.295 Yeah. 00:15:30.655 --> 00:15:32.335 Do you have a few that you want to shout out 00:15:32.483 --> 00:15:34.885 Alison: You are, you are atoning for your misdeeds. 00:15:34.920 --> 00:15:36.870 And I love it. 00:15:36.893 --> 00:15:37.421 Um, 00:15:37.421 --> 00:15:38.111 Matt: I've got the whip. 00:15:39.910 --> 00:15:42.490 Alison: I So I'll steal a couple off of your list. 00:15:42.577 --> 00:15:46.220 Chris and Amy, for sure are two people that I love, talking to. 00:15:46.220 --> 00:15:47.622 Our, our mutual friend, Lora. 00:15:47.932 --> 00:15:48.592 Riz. 00:15:48.862 --> 00:15:49.882 I owe her a phone call. 00:15:49.882 --> 00:15:51.592 She called me like a week ago. 00:15:51.641 --> 00:15:52.811 And I love talking to her. 00:15:53.351 --> 00:15:57.752 And my, my friend Taryn, who lives in Italy, who thankfully, now I 00:15:57.752 --> 00:16:00.242 know because of this, she sees me. 00:16:00.902 --> 00:16:01.622 Matt: She sees you. 00:16:01.832 --> 00:16:02.072 Yeah. 00:16:02.173 --> 00:16:04.714 Alison: I will say, some of my good friends who do do a really 00:16:04.714 --> 00:16:06.632 good job of, reeling me back in. 00:16:06.632 --> 00:16:08.762 So not only am I sorry, but also thank you. 00:16:08.900 --> 00:16:12.318 Uh, Our good friend, Genna Cohen is real good at putting something in the 00:16:12.318 --> 00:16:15.618 mail for me which always makes me feel really special or just sending me like 00:16:15.618 --> 00:16:17.728 a, Hey, miss you hope you're good text. 00:16:17.821 --> 00:16:21.501 My friend Callie who lives here in Charlotte with me, she let me know 00:16:21.501 --> 00:16:24.351 that she has started listening to this podcast and she feels like she's gotten 00:16:24.351 --> 00:16:25.971 to know me even better because of it. 00:16:26.086 --> 00:16:28.849 But I know that sometimes I do a really poor job of, being 00:16:28.849 --> 00:16:30.079 inclusive and reaching out. 00:16:30.158 --> 00:16:33.728 And she always does a great job of hey, whatchya doin, want to hang out. 00:16:33.774 --> 00:16:34.224 Yeah. 00:16:34.344 --> 00:16:35.544 Oh man, this is cathartic, 00:16:35.574 --> 00:16:36.714 Matt: Yeah, it feels good, right? 00:16:36.744 --> 00:16:37.464 It feels good. 00:16:37.644 --> 00:16:38.514 And there's so many more. 00:16:38.954 --> 00:16:41.084 Alison: I was just about to say that there's, this is not an 00:16:41.084 --> 00:16:43.334 exhaustive list by, by any means, 00:16:43.364 --> 00:16:44.594 Matt: No, it's not. 00:16:44.609 --> 00:16:45.965 And it's, it's so interesting. 00:16:46.175 --> 00:16:46.595 I have. 00:16:46.695 --> 00:16:50.955 one thing that, that has been helpful to me recently, but it 00:16:50.955 --> 00:16:54.405 involves more work on their side too. 00:16:54.411 --> 00:16:58.647 So part of this particular, relationship failure mechanic is. 00:16:58.869 --> 00:17:02.059 People with ADHD, have a hard time being on the telephone as well. 00:17:02.079 --> 00:17:04.639 know if this is it's not for everybody. 00:17:04.826 --> 00:17:08.576 Especially for like cold calls, like calling to get things done. 00:17:08.576 --> 00:17:11.345 That's very difficult, But I think you hit on it earlier. 00:17:11.735 --> 00:17:14.585 The guilt factor of, okay. 00:17:14.615 --> 00:17:18.275 I only have, I have this block of time, but if I get into this conversation, 00:17:18.275 --> 00:17:23.834 we're going to have so much to catch up on then I don't have time for Uh, 00:17:23.894 --> 00:17:25.004 you know, hearing all these things. 00:17:25.204 --> 00:17:25.784 Lalalalala. 00:17:26.091 --> 00:17:29.529 So there are a few people that I've tried to implement this 00:17:29.529 --> 00:17:31.779 thing that we call a Fiver. 00:17:31.886 --> 00:17:36.763 Where we know that this is a problem, the possibility of the longer that you 00:17:37.273 --> 00:17:40.403 don't communicate, the more that is to say, therefore, the more stress there 00:17:40.423 --> 00:17:42.613 is to fill time and so on and so forth. 00:17:42.749 --> 00:17:43.139 So. 00:17:43.769 --> 00:17:50.209 Uh, With the Fiver, you talk more, but you, I have literally set a time timer 00:17:50.269 --> 00:17:52.189 and sometimes it's like 15 but I have. 00:17:52.201 --> 00:17:52.898 You know, My friend, Nate. 00:17:52.968 --> 00:17:54.901 He'll just he'll send me a text fiver? 00:17:54.901 --> 00:17:55.631 Question mark. 00:17:55.898 --> 00:17:59.717 And when I can do this, I will set at the time timer, and then he 00:17:59.717 --> 00:18:03.137 understands that it's not a personal thing for me to say, okay, I got to go. 00:18:03.167 --> 00:18:04.427 And right. 00:18:04.937 --> 00:18:09.630 So he'll often call me when he's picking up his son, for example, and that's great. 00:18:09.633 --> 00:18:13.817 I know that my mother likes to talk a lot and we always have things to talk about. 00:18:13.817 --> 00:18:17.558 So I call her during dinner or during a walk, right. 00:18:17.558 --> 00:18:20.181 Because I can't control the time and I don't understand the 00:18:20.181 --> 00:18:22.573 time or I'm not aware of it. 00:18:23.143 --> 00:18:26.601 To put boundaries to the conversation is always helpful. 00:18:26.601 --> 00:18:32.961 So I would love to implement the Fiver for most of these friends, 00:18:33.059 --> 00:18:34.669 you know, I really, really would. 00:18:34.669 --> 00:18:37.233 I think it would take the pressure off. 00:18:37.499 --> 00:18:37.979 Alison: was this... 00:18:38.129 --> 00:18:39.329 where did you get this idea from? 00:18:39.359 --> 00:18:39.779 I love it. 00:18:39.989 --> 00:18:40.944 A whole, whole lot. 00:18:41.707 --> 00:18:44.094 Matt: I want to say that Nate and I came up with it. 00:18:44.094 --> 00:18:46.373 I don't, I don't remember the origin story of it. 00:18:46.403 --> 00:18:48.743 I don't want to take credit where credit isn't due, but. 00:18:48.774 --> 00:18:49.929 Uh, I don't. 00:18:50.139 --> 00:18:50.469 I think 00:18:50.549 --> 00:18:52.589 Alison: It feels like an MB NB thing. 00:18:52.739 --> 00:18:54.504 Matt: Yeah, it just kind of does kind of does. 00:18:54.950 --> 00:18:56.171 And it really helps. 00:18:56.171 --> 00:18:57.141 And I've got one more. 00:18:57.191 --> 00:18:59.381 So there is an app called Marco Polo. 00:19:00.251 --> 00:19:02.441 It is visual voicemail, right? 00:19:02.515 --> 00:19:06.875 And of course the only people that I actually share Marco Polo with are actors. 00:19:08.765 --> 00:19:10.265 Because actors have no problem. 00:19:11.495 --> 00:19:12.005 No problem. 00:19:12.245 --> 00:19:13.265 No problem whatsoever. 00:19:13.265 --> 00:19:15.398 putting a camera on themselves and talking. 00:19:15.788 --> 00:19:21.714 Uh, But Marco Polo is great because I feel close to them. 00:19:21.744 --> 00:19:22.944 I can leave a message. 00:19:22.974 --> 00:19:24.804 They can check it anytime they want or not. 00:19:25.074 --> 00:19:26.424 It has really helped. 00:19:26.454 --> 00:19:31.743 Like my friend Matt is about to go off on tour for a show for a 00:19:31.743 --> 00:19:34.630 year or more, and, yeah, it works. 00:19:34.694 --> 00:19:37.974 It, of course, it's not, as it's not sharing a pizza, it's not, even 00:19:38.004 --> 00:19:42.145 it's not even a phone call, but when you need Uh, to feel more connected. 00:19:42.172 --> 00:19:44.249 It really helps the ADHD brain. 00:19:44.249 --> 00:19:46.979 Because I could leave him that message at two in the morning or 00:19:47.549 --> 00:19:49.229 eight in the morning or whenever. 00:19:49.259 --> 00:19:51.999 An asynchronous conversation, if you will. 00:19:52.089 --> 00:19:56.184 Uh, Those are my two that I'm kind of leaning into to try 00:19:56.184 --> 00:19:58.162 to make this issue better. 00:19:58.222 --> 00:19:59.452 Do you have any tips? 00:19:59.692 --> 00:20:00.562 Tricks? 00:20:01.132 --> 00:20:01.822 Alison: I wish I did. 00:20:01.852 --> 00:20:04.352 So first of all, I love the Fiver and, and. 00:20:04.417 --> 00:20:07.807 there's both the, okay, you're going to get onto the phone with somebody and 00:20:07.837 --> 00:20:13.207 you're going to have to spend the first few minutes apologizing and or justifying 00:20:13.207 --> 00:20:14.407 how you've been spending your time. 00:20:14.767 --> 00:20:18.277 And a lot of that, I will readily admit is head trash. 00:20:18.367 --> 00:20:21.337 A lot of times I will get on the phone with somebody and they're not mad at me. 00:20:21.398 --> 00:20:27.338 This is perceived, made up anger fully from my own anxiety and nowhere else. 00:20:27.998 --> 00:20:29.948 But one thing I have noticed. 00:20:30.293 --> 00:20:33.563 When the workday is over, a lot of times, I just want to disconnect and 00:20:33.563 --> 00:20:35.393 I don't want to talk to anybody else. 00:20:35.903 --> 00:20:40.193 That wasn't always the case for me when I worked different jobs that didn't 00:20:40.193 --> 00:20:44.783 engage as much of my brain for as much of the day, I would be a little bit 00:20:44.783 --> 00:20:47.663 more open to I'm going to get off work and I'm going to go do activities. 00:20:47.686 --> 00:20:50.590 And I'm not complaining about the amount of work either. 00:20:50.590 --> 00:20:53.112 It's just it's where I currently am in life. 00:20:53.150 --> 00:20:56.150 But I have noticed as a result though, I get done with work and I might know, 00:20:56.180 --> 00:20:59.270 oh, I want to catch up with somebody, but I don't want to talk for two 00:20:59.270 --> 00:21:01.370 hours because I value my me time now. 00:21:01.370 --> 00:21:05.239 And I know I want to get to cooking dinner and, watching some Critical 00:21:05.239 --> 00:21:09.212 Role or building a new character or whatever, like me things I need to do. 00:21:09.213 --> 00:21:11.973 So I love the idea of a Fiver because then that kind of gives 00:21:12.003 --> 00:21:13.663 a definitive beginning and end. 00:21:13.663 --> 00:21:17.568 Um, Without you having to make up the, well, let me let you go type of thing. 00:21:17.615 --> 00:21:19.650 So I think I want to start the Fiver. 00:21:20.040 --> 00:21:20.830 Matt: Try it out! 00:21:21.540 --> 00:21:21.637 Alison: That's 00:21:21.637 --> 00:21:23.047 Matt: And it doesn't have to be a Fiver of course. 00:21:23.077 --> 00:21:24.017 It could be a Ten-er. 00:21:24.487 --> 00:21:27.037 Whatever you want it to be, but I, it has. 00:21:27.137 --> 00:21:31.682 it has really helped, I think, Especially if you're diligent about it and. 00:21:31.682 --> 00:21:32.052 Alison: Yeah. 00:21:32.420 --> 00:21:32.990 Matt: Um, yeah. 00:21:33.500 --> 00:21:38.480 Alison: That's the kicker right there is I am a natural born procrastinator. 00:21:38.480 --> 00:21:42.200 And so there are a lot of things that I make more difficult just because 00:21:42.230 --> 00:21:44.810 the amount of time I allow to pass by. 00:21:44.840 --> 00:21:45.110 Matt: Yeah. 00:21:46.340 --> 00:21:46.670 Yeah. 00:21:46.700 --> 00:21:51.533 Alison: Like a lot of these friends, by the time I do get to hang out or talk 00:21:51.533 --> 00:21:53.633 to them, there's just a lot to download. 00:21:54.513 --> 00:21:56.228 Even with my best friend, Lori. 00:21:56.708 --> 00:21:57.788 She lives in Atlanta. 00:21:57.908 --> 00:22:00.698 We try and see each other as often as we can. 00:22:00.848 --> 00:22:03.398 She's much better about calling me than I am about her. 00:22:03.668 --> 00:22:05.918 And so sometimes there's weeks where we'll talk a couple of times a week. 00:22:05.948 --> 00:22:08.498 Other times it's maybe once a month or even less. 00:22:09.158 --> 00:22:11.157 And when we have those times, it's like, we now have to 00:22:11.157 --> 00:22:12.897 schedule a two hour marathon. 00:22:13.287 --> 00:22:14.577 Whereas if I would just call her. 00:22:14.697 --> 00:22:14.967 Matt: Yeah. 00:22:15.657 --> 00:22:17.897 Alison: Once a week, it's like, what's going on with you? 00:22:17.927 --> 00:22:19.097 Matt: I know, and it is. 00:22:19.167 --> 00:22:21.237 Alison: Oh, man, Matt, you broke my brain. 00:22:21.357 --> 00:22:23.397 Matt: I broke your brain, but I, but I. 00:22:24.177 --> 00:22:26.877 That's the other thing, I feel like if we could have these kinds of 00:22:26.877 --> 00:22:30.267 conversations with our friends and instead we're having a podcast about it. 00:22:30.507 --> 00:22:33.840 If we can have these legitimate conversations with our friends and 00:22:33.840 --> 00:22:38.610 just say, Hey, so this is actually just the way that my brain works. 00:22:38.610 --> 00:22:40.620 I know that you're not actually angry with me. 00:22:40.620 --> 00:22:45.577 That my procrastinating to spend time with myself has nothing to do with you 00:22:45.587 --> 00:22:47.717 and how much I want to catch up with you. 00:22:47.795 --> 00:22:49.115 It's just what the brain does. 00:22:49.115 --> 00:22:49.505 And I. 00:22:49.538 --> 00:22:53.288 But I think if we could have these conversations and say, could you 00:22:53.288 --> 00:22:57.908 help us too, like, would you be interested in starting a Fiver with me? 00:22:57.975 --> 00:23:00.165 Alison: It's funny though, because when you asked me, do 00:23:00.165 --> 00:23:01.395 you have any tips and tricks? 00:23:01.395 --> 00:23:04.665 I almost said, is this podcast, not one, like this journey of self 00:23:04.665 --> 00:23:07.845 discovery we're on together, that we then verbalize into a microphone 00:23:08.145 --> 00:23:09.975 and our friends hear and say, oh, 00:23:10.005 --> 00:23:10.485 Matt: Yeah. 00:23:10.485 --> 00:23:11.325 Alison: why they do that. 00:23:11.325 --> 00:23:11.755 Matt: Oh, 00:23:11.755 --> 00:23:14.917 Alison: I guess that's maybe what I need to work on. 00:23:14.947 --> 00:23:20.257 It's funny for as impulsive as I can be, that's like the one place that I have 00:23:20.257 --> 00:23:21.967 impulse control that maybe I shouldn't. 00:23:22.027 --> 00:23:22.267 Matt: Yeah. 00:23:23.077 --> 00:23:24.277 Alison: I should act on those impulses. 00:23:24.277 --> 00:23:25.297 Somebody comes into my brain. 00:23:25.297 --> 00:23:27.677 I should send them a text and say, Hey, thinking about you. 00:23:27.677 --> 00:23:29.691 Matt: It's tough because we're always doing this dance right. 00:23:29.721 --> 00:23:30.824 Of, oh, my gosh. 00:23:30.824 --> 00:23:32.998 I've completely overextended myself. 00:23:33.028 --> 00:23:34.768 I need to get better at overextending. 00:23:35.288 --> 00:23:35.558 Okay. 00:23:35.558 --> 00:23:36.488 So I won't do this. 00:23:36.518 --> 00:23:36.758 Okay. 00:23:36.758 --> 00:23:38.431 I need to, I need to say no to this. 00:23:38.431 --> 00:23:39.511 I need to have some me time. 00:23:39.541 --> 00:23:39.781 Okay. 00:23:39.781 --> 00:23:40.621 I've got me time. 00:23:41.101 --> 00:23:41.341 But. 00:23:41.914 --> 00:23:43.234 No matter how much you love them. 00:23:43.234 --> 00:23:44.764 Calling someone is. 00:23:45.814 --> 00:23:48.424 It has to go on a task list. 00:23:48.424 --> 00:23:49.804 It has to go on a calendar. 00:23:50.974 --> 00:23:55.452 Like I have to, I've actually sent friends, a booking calendar link. 00:23:56.119 --> 00:23:58.399 And I apologize profusely every single time. 00:23:58.729 --> 00:24:03.079 And I try to make that particular calendar as friendly as possible. 00:24:03.079 --> 00:24:07.786 And it just says friend time with Matt, They still have to like book a time, 00:24:07.786 --> 00:24:12.841 which is the most impersonal, creepy thing of the, of the 21st century, but. 00:24:13.351 --> 00:24:14.071 It works. 00:24:14.401 --> 00:24:15.391 Alison: Whatever it takes. 00:24:15.661 --> 00:24:19.388 Get those calendars blocked and make that time for them. 00:24:19.508 --> 00:24:20.048 Matt: So true. 00:24:20.247 --> 00:24:23.829 Yeah, As much as we love spontaneity. 00:24:23.829 --> 00:24:28.473 And we, as much as we love, Uh, new things I do know that routine is 00:24:28.473 --> 00:24:30.633 so much better for me and my brain. 00:24:30.843 --> 00:24:31.653 I know that it is. 00:24:31.653 --> 00:24:32.403 I fight it. 00:24:33.273 --> 00:24:33.993 Nonstop. 00:24:34.023 --> 00:24:34.833 I will fight it. 00:24:35.313 --> 00:24:38.779 And if anything gets in the way of that routine. 00:24:39.259 --> 00:24:41.779 It can just crash and burn. 00:24:42.212 --> 00:24:44.937 Are there any other things that object permanence affect you? 00:24:44.937 --> 00:24:47.659 Alison: Yeah, every, literally every part of my life. 00:24:47.689 --> 00:24:52.999 I have had to rearrange my refrigerator because I buy food and I forget. 00:24:53.078 --> 00:24:56.448 There's a lot of like use the, um, produce drawers for your 00:24:56.448 --> 00:24:58.566 condiments, because you're always going to go find your condiments. 00:24:58.635 --> 00:25:01.125 But you're not going to remember to go find the fruits and veggies. 00:25:01.395 --> 00:25:04.841 So I've had to rearrange my refrigerator. 00:25:04.871 --> 00:25:08.411 So that way the thing I need to be eating is front and center. 00:25:08.411 --> 00:25:12.071 So I can't conveniently forget about it. 00:25:12.351 --> 00:25:14.351 Matt: No more wilted cabbage. 00:25:14.411 --> 00:25:16.601 Alison: No more wilted spinach. 00:25:16.671 --> 00:25:19.930 Um, and then like, when we first are talking about this topic, 00:25:19.930 --> 00:25:24.288 you were like, can this relate to D&D to which I say absolutely. 00:25:24.288 --> 00:25:28.688 Like I am the queen of getting so I use a digital character sheet. 00:25:28.988 --> 00:25:32.678 I use D&D Beyond for any fellow D&D nerds listening. 00:25:33.098 --> 00:25:35.930 And so it's organized, there's a lot of information about your 00:25:35.930 --> 00:25:37.400 characters, especially as you level up. 00:25:37.790 --> 00:25:40.586 And so everything's separated into different tabs. 00:25:40.595 --> 00:25:45.605 I tend to live between my actions and my spell tabs and forget to dive into like 00:25:45.905 --> 00:25:51.078 my features and traits and, descriptions and backstories and even inventory. 00:25:51.198 --> 00:25:57.858 And so I might have the most bomb object in the world at my disposal. 00:25:58.308 --> 00:26:05.838 Or some kind of really cool feature that I'm constantly forgetting to use always. 00:26:05.873 --> 00:26:11.633 Cause I don't think to dive into the inner workings of my character sheet and 00:26:11.693 --> 00:26:11.993 Matt: you. 00:26:12.623 --> 00:26:17.363 I think you literally just mentioned this in a game that we played this week. 00:26:17.393 --> 00:26:17.933 Didn't you get this? 00:26:17.963 --> 00:26:21.443 There was like something that would have changed the entire game if you had 00:26:21.795 --> 00:26:22.133 Alison: so. 00:26:22.232 --> 00:26:26.243 It was a one-shot that we did at Castle Birthday, where we could 00:26:26.243 --> 00:26:31.603 not get past these ginormous frogs and I was playing a firbolg. 00:26:31.913 --> 00:26:32.183 Matt: Yeah. 00:26:32.603 --> 00:26:38.882 Alison: And I could have spoken with the frogs, had this innate magic born in me. 00:26:39.212 --> 00:26:39.572 Matt: Yes. 00:26:39.592 --> 00:26:41.376 Alison: That I could have just communicated with them and ask 00:26:41.376 --> 00:26:44.346 them to move and let them know that we no harm would come to them. 00:26:44.346 --> 00:26:45.495 If they, got out of our way. 00:26:45.495 --> 00:26:48.379 And instead we brutally murdered them, which is, you know, the point of the game. 00:26:48.409 --> 00:26:49.289 So it's fine. 00:26:52.579 --> 00:26:53.329 Matt: Brutal. 00:26:53.389 --> 00:26:54.229 It was brutal. 00:26:54.349 --> 00:26:55.429 It was brutal. 00:26:55.999 --> 00:26:56.449 Wow. 00:26:56.707 --> 00:26:57.667 Alison: I could've just talked to them. 00:26:57.697 --> 00:26:59.657 If I had gone to my features and traits. 00:26:59.757 --> 00:27:01.257 And just said, hey move. 00:27:01.283 --> 00:27:06.389 Matt: You have changed my life, my virtual tabletop role-playing life. 00:27:06.455 --> 00:27:08.785 When you said that you love combat. 00:27:08.785 --> 00:27:10.615 And you're spending all this time that I. 00:27:10.864 --> 00:27:12.874 that I see you looking elsewhere. 00:27:13.284 --> 00:27:18.060 You're looking at this at this just mentioned D&D Beyond character sheet. 00:27:18.060 --> 00:27:22.018 And you're, you're hunting through tabs that I've just, now that I see now, when 00:27:22.018 --> 00:27:25.321 I see you do that, I'm like, oh yeah, she's just dealing with object permanence. 00:27:26.441 --> 00:27:28.223 yeah, I'm a much happier person now. 00:27:28.373 --> 00:27:30.353 Alison: All this time you thought I was checking my email and I 00:27:30.353 --> 00:27:32.773 was just going through my spells. 00:27:33.143 --> 00:27:35.813 But see that's the thing is that I am staring, but I'm 00:27:35.813 --> 00:27:37.373 only looking at the spells tab. 00:27:37.403 --> 00:27:40.103 I am ignoring four other helpful 00:27:40.493 --> 00:27:40.883 Matt: I know. 00:27:41.213 --> 00:27:41.663 I know. 00:27:41.690 --> 00:27:45.080 Alison: So there was a time when we were first playing D&D in the 00:27:45.110 --> 00:27:47.431 very early, early days of 2020. 00:27:48.331 --> 00:27:51.931 My entire monitor, my second monitor was covered in sticky 00:27:51.931 --> 00:27:54.421 notes, reminding me to do things. 00:27:54.451 --> 00:27:57.559 Like, don't forget you have this item and don't forget that, 00:27:57.559 --> 00:27:59.382 you added this spell last time. 00:27:59.862 --> 00:28:01.692 Cause otherwise I would just completely forget 00:28:01.932 --> 00:28:03.292 Matt: But no, no longer? 00:28:03.296 --> 00:28:06.316 Alison: Well, most of them have fallen off or, and we don't play that game anymore. 00:28:06.916 --> 00:28:10.336 But I should probably start doing it for our games now. 00:28:10.816 --> 00:28:11.866 Matt: That's a great idea. 00:28:12.886 --> 00:28:13.306 That is a great idea. 00:28:13.306 --> 00:28:17.212 Alison: Sticky notes, man, that a tip I will drop on you. 00:28:17.212 --> 00:28:19.323 Sticky notes have always been my friend. 00:28:19.323 --> 00:28:21.736 Matt: You know, You can't, leave them too long, right? 00:28:21.736 --> 00:28:25.174 Because if you leave them too long, then they become permanent as well. 00:28:25.234 --> 00:28:28.564 Therefore they blend in and you don't ever read them again. 00:28:28.574 --> 00:28:28.904 Right? 00:28:28.961 --> 00:28:29.351 Alison: Yeah. 00:28:29.441 --> 00:28:30.294 Matt: So it is. 00:28:30.311 --> 00:28:31.721 but you are totally right. 00:28:31.721 --> 00:28:33.851 And I always forget about post-it notes. 00:28:35.111 --> 00:28:36.161 And they do work. 00:28:36.311 --> 00:28:39.371 Alison: One on my monitor still right now. 00:28:39.371 --> 00:28:39.731 Matt: Yeah. 00:28:39.851 --> 00:28:41.141 Alison: It says, get off autopilot. 00:28:41.141 --> 00:28:42.011 Be here now. 00:28:42.101 --> 00:28:42.671 Matt: Ooh. 00:28:42.823 --> 00:28:44.593 Alison: That was the working of a therapy session. 00:28:44.623 --> 00:28:48.333 And so I wrote that down as a reminder to myself, to live in the present. 00:28:49.393 --> 00:28:50.653 Instead of the past or the future. 00:28:50.803 --> 00:28:51.223 So. 00:28:51.463 --> 00:28:52.303 Matt: I love that. 00:28:52.379 --> 00:28:54.749 Similarly, I am trying. 00:28:55.799 --> 00:28:57.407 Because, I mean, I think that is. 00:28:58.337 --> 00:28:59.957 That is what the object permanence is. 00:28:59.957 --> 00:29:04.194 Is that, the issue here is that we have put this concept 00:29:04.194 --> 00:29:06.534 in a box and shuttled it away. 00:29:06.667 --> 00:29:06.997 Right. 00:29:07.447 --> 00:29:07.922 So. 00:29:07.975 --> 00:29:10.556 The sticky notes, kind of bring it back to the forefront. 00:29:11.396 --> 00:29:14.636 But if they're there too long, then they could become part of it. 00:29:14.787 --> 00:29:20.850 So I'm currently working on a software solution of sticky notes to try to 00:29:20.850 --> 00:29:29.596 find ways to present goals for the next season or or friends that I have to 00:29:30.306 --> 00:29:36.665 Marco Polo have a Fiver with And that is really tough for me because I'm always 00:29:36.665 --> 00:29:38.375 trying to find the thing that will help. 00:29:39.155 --> 00:29:41.165 I don't think there will be a perfect thing, but. 00:29:41.915 --> 00:29:47.588 The problem with, with pen and paper is that you can't search it, but it is so 00:29:47.588 --> 00:29:50.484 good to write things down and to really... 00:29:50.634 --> 00:29:50.874 Alison: yeah. 00:29:50.964 --> 00:29:52.224 Matt: Keep writing things down. 00:29:52.224 --> 00:29:58.375 So it's just trying to find that balance of the right tool for the right thing. 00:29:58.413 --> 00:30:00.832 Um, so that's, that's what actually, what I was working on today was. 00:30:00.892 --> 00:30:03.862 Is there something that I can trigger at the end of the day? 00:30:04.282 --> 00:30:04.972 That says. 00:30:06.952 --> 00:30:11.411 Think about this and maybe it could even have sort of a, like a randomness to it. 00:30:11.451 --> 00:30:14.511 Just, so I don't see it and go, oh, ignore it. 00:30:14.522 --> 00:30:14.822 Right. 00:30:14.822 --> 00:30:18.919 Like If something important comes at me at 5:30 and I'm 00:30:18.949 --> 00:30:20.392 like, okay, great, great, great. 00:30:20.602 --> 00:30:23.032 I really try to pay attention to it and then it goes, and the next 00:30:23.062 --> 00:30:24.082 day might be something different. 00:30:24.108 --> 00:30:25.338 I don't know that it works, but. 00:30:26.088 --> 00:30:26.448 Alison: Yeah. 00:30:27.108 --> 00:30:28.038 Matt: I don't know, don't work. 00:30:28.038 --> 00:30:28.848 Alison: I think you're onto something with the randomness, though. 00:30:28.848 --> 00:30:32.445 I like, I know I've many, many times I've put in my calendar at the end 00:30:32.445 --> 00:30:34.545 of the day: please go exercise. 00:30:35.205 --> 00:30:38.921 And it's because it's repetitive, I just, it's like the alarm that you snooze 00:30:39.611 --> 00:30:40.501 Matt: Snooze 00:30:40.851 --> 00:30:41.211 Alison: I do. 00:30:41.211 --> 00:30:42.191 I wonder what the... 00:30:42.711 --> 00:30:43.821 randomizer. 00:30:44.331 --> 00:30:48.471 I'm very interested in beta testing this with you, Matt, whatever you come up with. 00:30:48.621 --> 00:30:49.501 I need it too. 00:30:49.739 --> 00:30:50.639 Matt: I will keep you posted 00:30:51.449 --> 00:30:51.959 Alison: Excellent. 00:30:52.139 --> 00:30:53.249 You will keep me post-it note. 00:30:53.569 --> 00:30:54.799 Matt: I will keep you post-it note. 00:30:55.169 --> 00:30:56.985 Um, but yeah, It is. 00:30:56.985 --> 00:31:01.022 As a dungeon master I feel, like my whole world is what you just said 00:31:01.082 --> 00:31:03.092 about just the character sheet. 00:31:03.202 --> 00:31:05.422 The information is right there. 00:31:05.932 --> 00:31:06.352 And yet. 00:31:06.832 --> 00:31:10.072 Sometimes I just can't pull it up. 00:31:10.342 --> 00:31:15.145 Sometimes I will have something planned, like actually worked out and thought 00:31:15.145 --> 00:31:19.177 out like names or monster stats. 00:31:19.777 --> 00:31:25.057 And at the moment I will just forget that I did that work 00:31:25.087 --> 00:31:27.433 and I'll invent it all again. 00:31:27.433 --> 00:31:30.048 Uh, Except improvised this time and therefore sloppy. 00:31:31.733 --> 00:31:33.090 You know, that's frustrating. 00:31:33.120 --> 00:31:33.870 It's frustrating. 00:31:33.990 --> 00:31:35.460 It's frustrating as hell, yo. 00:31:36.167 --> 00:31:37.117 Alison: We just have to remember. 00:31:37.537 --> 00:31:38.837 Own the space take the beat. 00:31:39.427 --> 00:31:41.207 forcing us to go faster. 00:31:41.537 --> 00:31:44.169 I always feel like I've got to like, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. 00:31:44.169 --> 00:31:44.439 But. 00:31:45.609 --> 00:31:46.839 Nobody's rushing me. 00:31:46.949 --> 00:31:48.449 We are not rushing you, Matt. 00:31:48.509 --> 00:31:49.169 Take your time. 00:31:49.559 --> 00:31:51.529 Matt: And that reminds me of one more.... 00:31:52.569 --> 00:31:54.809 permanence that is a problem for me. 00:31:55.739 --> 00:31:59.329 I don't know if we talked about this, but I constantly hurt myself. 00:31:59.879 --> 00:32:00.219 Alison: Yup. 00:32:00.676 --> 00:32:00.829 That's 00:32:00.829 --> 00:32:01.793 Matt: That's object permanence. 00:32:01.793 --> 00:32:02.093 Isn't it? 00:32:02.093 --> 00:32:02.813 Because I am. 00:32:02.838 --> 00:32:08.508 I am like either something has moved or something is in the way or a chair is 00:32:08.688 --> 00:32:13.308 there, or most importantly, I'm going too fast because I'm I've already experienced 00:32:13.458 --> 00:32:16.038 getting around this chair a billion times. 00:32:16.398 --> 00:32:17.178 So it doesn't matter. 00:32:17.748 --> 00:32:21.578 And if I don't take the time to gauge, then I'll just stub 00:32:21.578 --> 00:32:24.948 that toe over and over and over. 00:32:26.688 --> 00:32:26.938 Alison: Yeah. 00:32:26.938 --> 00:32:30.328 You're in your mind, you're already where you were going without ever 00:32:30.778 --> 00:32:32.668 actually having gotten there physically. 00:32:34.228 --> 00:32:34.468 Matt: Yeah. 00:32:35.458 --> 00:32:36.998 We just need Dimension Doors. 00:32:38.328 --> 00:32:40.468 Ready to just jump through them. 00:32:41.134 --> 00:32:42.464 Just jump through them.. 00:32:43.264 --> 00:32:43.914 Alison: I think you're... 00:32:44.224 --> 00:32:46.774 let's Misty Step first, then Dimension Door. 00:32:46.852 --> 00:32:47.132 We gotta 00:32:47.302 --> 00:32:47.452 Matt: yeah. 00:32:48.272 --> 00:32:50.122 Yeah, we'll work our way up to Dimension Door. 00:32:50.212 --> 00:32:50.692 Yeah, you're right. 00:32:50.812 --> 00:32:51.292 Misty Step. 00:32:51.352 --> 00:32:51.922 That's good enough. 00:32:52.762 --> 00:32:53.302 That's good enough. 00:32:53.314 --> 00:32:53.859 well, I love it. 00:32:53.912 --> 00:32:57.707 Well, I hope Alison, that, that when we make this public, it's like an 00:32:57.707 --> 00:32:59.779 apology to our friends that miss us. 00:32:59.959 --> 00:33:06.649 And were just waiting by the phone slash texts slash email slash Marco Polo. 00:33:06.649 --> 00:33:10.106 And just why have they not communicated with me? 00:33:10.136 --> 00:33:13.916 So maybe now, you know that we still love you very much and we 00:33:13.916 --> 00:33:15.086 can't wait to talk to you again. 00:33:15.086 --> 00:33:15.686 We just have to. 00:33:16.129 --> 00:33:19.879 Alison: I guess we'll know how well this episode lands based on the number of 00:33:19.879 --> 00:33:21.619 friend requests we get on Marco Polo. 00:33:22.249 --> 00:33:23.779 Sometime in the next seven days. 00:33:24.859 --> 00:33:25.939 Matt: Yeah, I'm into it. 00:33:25.989 --> 00:33:26.683 I'll Polo with all y 'all. 00:33:26.783 --> 00:33:28.233 Alison: Oh All y'all. 00:33:28.250 --> 00:33:29.000 Let's Polo. 00:33:29.034 --> 00:33:30.093 Matt: Well, I just opened that up. 00:33:30.093 --> 00:33:30.873 I don't know about that. 00:33:30.873 --> 00:33:31.263 That's scary. 00:33:31.416 --> 00:33:34.102 I just got scared and even saying it, I got scared. 00:33:34.102 --> 00:33:36.115 Alison: That's how I Matt stopped Marco Polo-ing. 00:33:39.465 --> 00:33:41.515 You overwhelmed yourself, my friend. 00:33:42.375 --> 00:33:43.485 Matt: sure as hell did. 00:33:43.515 --> 00:33:44.948 I did it myself as usual. 00:33:45.008 --> 00:33:45.564 Well, Alison. 00:33:45.924 --> 00:33:48.840 I loved this topic and, this was a good one. 00:33:48.868 --> 00:33:51.280 Thanks for hitting the homerun on this. 00:33:52.210 --> 00:33:55.340 Alison: Thanks for being wide awake at 3:00 AM last week. 00:33:55.340 --> 00:33:56.647 Matt: Yeah, thanks for being awake. 00:33:56.697 --> 00:33:58.527 Thanks to your friend in Italy. 00:33:58.589 --> 00:34:01.879 I feel like this is just the beginning of this, conversations like this though. 00:34:02.996 --> 00:34:03.606 Alison: Thanks, Matt! 00:34:03.766 --> 00:34:04.846 Matt: Thanks, Alison. 00:34:04.915 --> 00:34:06.685 Thanks for being on podcast With me. 00:34:06.685 --> 00:34:12.505 Alison: Thanks for inviting me onto your podcast,