Welcome Back to episode 43 of Working Towards Our
Purpose. Thank you for being here today. I want to talk about
the upper limit problem. And before we get into that,
I'm going to start the episode with some positive things from last week like I
did last week. So, first positive thing, my new
single came out last Thursday, so that is on all streaming
platforms if you are so inclined to check it out.
I really like it. And yeah, a little bit of
a new direction. But yeah, having fun with the singles project for
2025 of recording, writing, releasing
a new song for each month. So, yeah,
that was positive. I got that one out. It was my seventh of the year.
And I also was able
to revisit the library this week.
I had a library book that was
like over a year overdue.
It was this book that I took out and it was really good and
I initially wanted to record a
podcast with the author of that book and, and
never really got around to it, but I kept the book thinking that I
would one day. So I ended up rereading it and then returning it.
And luckily the New Haven Public Library
Systems does not have late fees, so as soon
as I returned it, I was able to take out another book. And
yeah, I think the library is like such a great resource that I always
forget is there. Um, so I'm going to be
definitely using it more often. I took out another book
and looking forward to trying to get it back in the
suggested time frame this time. Um,
so getting a little bit better at reading. I think I might be able to
do it. Um, so yeah, looking forward to keep using the
library because I think it's such a great resource that is there for everyone
and yeah, want to, want to keep using it.
And the other thing that was exciting from
last week, I found out that New Haven is
doing a TEDx talk again this year and they
did one a couple years back, maybe like three or four years ago.
It was like right when I moved to New Haven and I went and it
was cool. But so anyways, I saw a
posting online for it and they were looking for speakers
and at first I was like, oh, that'd be really cool if I could do
it. Um, but then I quickly talk myself out of it, but then I
then talk myself back into it. Um, so I think
I will apply to be a TEDx speaker.
I'm kind of coming up with my thesis
now. I guess my. My like point of the talk and
I have until the 15th of August to apply and
yeah, kind of see where it goes from There. But I'm really excited. I think
it could be a really good, challenging thing for me.
Um, and, yeah, I think. I think I kind of have a
topic. I'm just working on, narrowing it down. Um, so more to come on that,
but really looking forward to applying to that and hopefully getting
in because they actually work with you. They have, I
guess, like, speaker coaches that kind of work with you a
little bit to, like, hone in your topic and, you know, get you better at
it and stuff like that. Um, so I think that that would be a really
cool opportunity. And, yeah, it would just be a great thing to
do, a good accomplishment. Um, and
he also had a great weekend. It was beautiful
weather this weekend, and I. I did a farmer's
market this weekend for South Haven
Farms. Stephanie at South Haven Farms, I covered for her this weekend
and shout out for her for letting me do that and
trusting me with selling her produce, because I had a
great time. Got to see some familiar faces. It was the farmer's
market that I managed last year. So it's just a really great day.
I really enjoyed doing it, Enjoyed being back vending at farmer's
markets, something I did in the past and always
enjoyed doing farmer's markets. And then at the end of the
day, Caitlin from Sunset Farms ended up giving
Relished Roots a Me and my
business partner Sam's company Relished Roots a bunch of cabbage
for us to ferment into sauerkraut. So shout out
to Caitlin for all of that cabbage that she gave us. I don't know how
many pounds it was, but it was quite a bit. So
looking forward to turning it into some kraut and to giving her some kraut for
it. And it was kind of like a barter system. She was
like, if I give you a bunch of this kraut, will you. Or if I
give you a bunch of this cabbage, will you turn it into kraut and give
me some? Because I just don't have the time. And I was like, yeah, definitely.
So just a cool reminder, like the farmers market culture
of bartering. I really. I really enjoy that, like, being able to
give somebody something for something else. There's no money exchange, but kind
of just trading of goods and services. I really like that
model of taking money out of the equation. So. So, yeah,
that was really cool. And it was really cool to just be back at the
markets this weekend. And it was such a. Again, beautiful, beautiful weather
weekend. So, yeah, so a little bit more about
Microsoft later on. Have an example of
what we're going to talk about today. But yeah, to get
into the topic of today, the upper limit problem
is an idea that comes from this book that I
read called the Big Leap and it's by Gay
Hendricks. And one of the, one of the
major takeaways from this book is the upper limit problem
and like what it is and how it holds us back and
how we hold ourselves back. But to define
like what the upper limit problem is, it's pretty
much like a sort of, you know, Hendrix
describes it in his book as this thermostat that we have for
ourselves that is like the
acceptable limit of love, success,
wealth, creativity and anything that you can like, you know, get in
life. It's this limit that we have on ourselves. Like this
self imposed almost, we don't even really realize
limit that's there. And yeah,
basically, you know, this limit that we give
ourselves kind of limits us in our lives. So,
you know, if, if we're doing well in one area or something good is happening
to us, we tend to then kind of
drive negativity towards us or you know, almost envision something
bad happening to us, starting to feel bad about a situation.
This upper limit problem basically turns down the positive feelings
that we are getting from something that's happening to us, like a good
thing that's happening. So you know, for example,
when I was a kid, I would always think anytime something good
happened, if we were going on a vacation or something
and I was feeling happy and I was like, oh, this is great,
this is a good thing that's happening. I would always kinda wait for
there would be a point at which I would be like, oh, a good thing's
happening, that means a bad thing's gonna happen next. And then I would kinda
then be afraid of this bad thing happening. And I don't know if you can
relate to that. But yeah, just this
like impending thing, impending feeling of like, oh,
there's going to be a bad thing happening because that there's a good thing happening.
And what this book Big Leap describes is that that kind
of comes from this inner feeling of you
don't deserve good things or you're not worthy of good things.
So, you know, a good thing happens to you and maybe you can feel
happy and you know, be in the moment for a little bit.
But then this voice starts to be like, subconscious voice, you know,
you're not really thinking of it in this way, but the subconscious voice kind of
tells you like, oh, you're not good enough, you don't deserve this. This Good
thing. So then you start to bring yourself down, you start to feel bad, you
start to have bad feelings. You start to, you know, in my example,
worry about a negative thing that's going to happen. And.
Yeah, and in this book he kind of challenges you to think about
this limit that you have and to challenge it and to try
to increase the capacity of it. Because if you can increase
your upper limit capacity, then you can increase the
amount of success, wealth, love that you
accept and that you accept for yourself. So it's kind of this
idea of, you know, I think it's a lot of, a lot
of similar things that people have talked about before,
like knowing your worth, a lot of people say, and like things like that.
But it kind of culminates it into a more tangible
idea, at least for me to think about, like this
literal limit that you have on yourself. And you're
the one that's kind of put that there from whatever circumstances.
You know, maybe something happened to you as a kid or, you know, however you
interpreted it, maybe somebody, a parental figure told you
to like, you know, worry about something or, you know, don't be
too happy because bad things happen and, you know, just the sort of
negative outlook on life that people can have
and, you know, it can come from a protection sort of standpoint, but
it really can affect you as far as this upper limit.
And yeah, so this, this one idea of like increasing
your upper limit can have a huge effect on your life
and the amount of success that you
can basically, what's the
word? Like accept or withstand.
So, yeah, I challenge you to notice that
maybe, or to think about an example in the past of when
a good thing has happened, were you able to kind
of just enjoy it and like ride that good feeling into the next good
feeling or, you know, did something come up that was negative?
And, you know, another good example that comes up in the book is
the example of lottery winners. A lot of people who
win the lottery win like a, you know, a big sum of money in the
lottery will tend to either lose it or,
you know, a lot of them. I think there was stats on people
who actually died after winning the lottery
shortly after or lost everything. And
yeah, kind of just this idea, I guess, of
average people who win a crazy amount of money
that they never imagined before. And
now all of a sudden they have all this money and just this kind of
guilt that you are perhaps have or
maybe deep down you don't believe that you deserve this big sum of money.
So then you start bad choices and you Start either spending it or
maybe doing risky behavior or something like that. And that's kind
of again, your upper limit problem. And it kind of goes into
different areas of your life too. So, like, if you are very
successful in monetary
values, you get a lot of money, then maybe you might start
sabotaging other areas of your life, like your relationships.
Another example is a lot of business owners that become very wealthy
will start to sabotage their relationships and maybe, you know, they'll
cheat on their partner or, you know, just start to
sabotage the relationships that they have with people.
And it's, it's again, this upper limit problem of like,
okay, I got a bunch of money, but now I don't believe that I
can be wealthy and also like receive love from
relationships. So,
yeah, this, this idea I've wanted to talk about on the podcast
for a little bit, um, because I think it was hugely impactful for me
and this weekend was kind of a good example,
I think. And like, it reminded me of the upper limit so
of the upper limit problem. So I, I had like a great time at the
market this weekend and I was driving home and
I was like feeling really good, really happy. Um,
sort of like, I, I don't know how to describe it, but I, but I
will try. Um, I was basically feeling like
when you were like when I was a kid and I was like going on
vacation or like maybe Christmas morning type feeling of like when you're like,
just really happy. And I felt that for like
maybe a minute. And then I kept driving and then I
noticed that my thoughts were going towards negative things and
I was like, oh, well, what about this thing that I have to do? Or
how am I going to figure this other thing out? Or how am I going
to do this? And then I automatically noticed that that feeling was gone.
And it lasted for like, I don't
know, probably less than a minute. And then I
went down the negative rabbit hole for a little bit and then I realized
that this was my upper limit problem. I was like, oh, I had a really
good day, you know, like, ideal day. I got
paid very well for the job that I did. And
I immediately just started thinking like, oh, you know, that'll never happen
again, or, you know, that was a one time thing, can't do that again.
Just, you know, thinking of other things that didn't have to do with
that moment in a negative way. And then I realized that like,
okay, I'm hitting my upper limit problem here because I had a really good day.
I really enjoyed the day, like, everything Went well. There was unexpected things
that came towards me that I wasn't expecting.
And then I was like, okay, I don't deserve this. Let's think about something
bad so we could sabotage this feeling. And in real time, I
was sort of facing this upper limit problem. So
what I was able to do was kind of acknowledge that it was the upper
limit problem. And I couldn't get that good feeling back,
but at least I was able to still feel good. I wasn't, like, feeling
amazing, but I was still feeling good about my day. So, yeah,
it was just really interesting because it was, like I said,
live sort of example scenario
of me hitting my upper limit.
So, yeah, just really interesting. And I think just being
aware of this upper limit can really be helpful in situations like
this, because I could have done maybe if I didn't read this book, I could
have went down this rabbit hole of thinking about something negative. And by
the time I got home, I could have been frustrated, annoyed,
even mad, maybe about how I was feeling, but
not even realizing why I started feeling bad,
because I just felt great. So it's really nice to have this
language, I think, around this sort of
behavior that we can fall into as humans. And,
yeah, I just wanted to share that idea. So maybe, you know,
maybe it can help you if. If you notice this in your life
and. And, yeah, and then, you know, the last thing is like, well, what do
we do about it? Like, we know that that could be a problem. You know,
you can read about it in this book, the Big Leap, and, you know, what
do you do from there? And I'm not sure the book
actually gave much advice. Maybe I'm forgetting. So forgive
me, Hendrix, but I don't remember
giving any specific. I could
be wrong on that. But anyways, as I was kind of planning for this
episode, I thought about, what do
we do about that? How do we increase our ability
to deserve more or feel like we're worthy of getting more?
And one, I think, is acknowledging it and
realizing that this is happening. And then I think the second thing we can do
is to practice feeling good. And
that kind of sounds simple, but I like to
meditate. And perhaps we'll have a episode
on meditation in the future. But
while you're meditating, if you've never meditated before, basically the idea of it
is to try to get rid of all your thoughts, to not think
about the things that are constantly going through your head
every single day. And there's, you know, I don't know how many
thousands of thoughts or hundreds or whatever it is. But when
you're meditating, you're supposed to like, acknowledge the thoughts and then let them go and
try to just be still and in the present moment.
So you kind of try to focus on like, maybe nothing. Um,
but I think a good way of maybe trying
to extend our upper limit is while you're
meditating, focus on like a good feeling. Like focus on something
in the past or, or maybe something that you're making up for the future,
something that makes you feel good. And just focus on that as much as you
can and try to like, feel what it feels like to feel good and
to like, keep bringing yourself back to it so, you know,
you can think about, like, for my example, like, think about that feeling I had
as I was driving home before I sabotaged myself. Think about that feeling
and just sit there and try to sit with that feeling and try to like,
accept it. And that's what I did
today when I meditated. I, like, tried to sit on that feeling and like, it
would go away and then I'd remind myself of it and I'd come back to
it. And to try to just like, practice accepting good
and accepting like, positivity and feeling good and accepting.
Um, I think that that could be a really good way to
try to extend our upper limit into practice.
Um, so, you know, maybe, maybe that's something you can
go try if you meditate already or maybe if you've never meditated before.
I think it's a great, great thing to start. Always, always
a good thing to do. You, you don't need to know how to do it.
You can, you know, just sit there and, and try to not think about
anything or let your thoughts go.
And. Yeah, so the idea isn't to like, not think about anything, but
to let the thoughts go. So
trying to just really focus on like feeling positive and what that feels like.
So hopefully that made sense. Kind of went a little off course
describing meditation, but yeah, the idea of
this upper limit problem and us being the one that kind of
sabotages the goodness that can come to us, the positivity that can
come to us, the success, love, wealth, all those things.
And if we can sort of extend our
limit to accept more, to
think about like the world in an abundance mindset,
instead of it being limited, then we
can accept more good to us and we can look out and see more opportunities
around us. And there's no telling what you can
do with that or what you can build with that or, you know.
Yeah, just so many possibilities, so many positive things. So I
really like this idea of the upper limit problem that Gay Hendricks brought to us
in this book the Big Leap. I'll link the book to
I'll put a link to the book in the show notes so you can get
to it if you want. I also did a little book
review for the Big Leap on my sub stack. So
if you're interested in reading a little bit more about the book and what it
does well, you can go to my substack, follow me on substack and
read that article. And yeah,
lastly, you can always sign up for a
dream purpose chat with me. I'll leave a link in the show
notes. There should be a link in every episode where
you can sign up for a free 30 minute chat and we just talk
about your dreams and yeah what it is that you
want to chase. So always, always love talking to people
about what they're excited about. So yeah, if you want to do that you
can sign up and I think that's all I got for you today.
Hopefully this was helpful. Thank you for listening as always
and I will see you next.
Oh.