Welcome back to the next episode of Second Chance Queen.
Tonight we are going to be interviewing Whitley Nabintu
who is in the pageantry world, one of my idols.
So I'm super excited to be interviewing her tonight.
Whitley Nabintu Marshall is a multifaceted force in the realms of art, fashion,
dance, and activism.
As the first openly pansexual international Mrs.
USA of 2022 and Mrs.
Florida USA Earth 2024, she embodies diversity and inclusivity in all facets of
her work.
As the CEO and editor in chief of Art Love Lifestyle Magazine and the creative mind
behind Art Love Lifestyle Attire, Whitley is on a mission to redefine beauty
standards and amplify underrepresented
voices, both in print and on the runway.
Through sustainable fashion events like Flowers That Feed Art and Fashion Showcase
and True Beauty New York Fashion Week, she creates platforms that celebrate
compassion, resilience, diversity, and authenticity, while emphasizing inclusion.
Despite facing multiple near -death experiences and periods of adversity,
Whitley has transformed her pain into purpose, spearheading the Compassionate
Leadership Project.
Additionally, she is the founder and director of the Rhythm Rebels Dance
Collective, captivating audiences worldwide with her performances.
Through her mind, body, compassion coaching, Whitley adopts a holistic
approach to empower her clients, aiming to cultivate authentic and compassionate
leaders within pageantry, the fashion industry, and beyond.
Her impact extends beyond her professional endeavors,
as she graces the covers of
magazines such as
success, Forbes, Los Angeles business, and more.
Recognized as a top women leader to watch and an official nominee for Beauty It's
Everywhere, Misses of the Year 2023, Whitley's accolades include the Director's
Leadership Award, the Inspirational Woman Award, Congeniality Award, and the Spirit
Award presented by Pageantry Magazine, among others.
Whitley's dedication to fostering compassion, resilience, and inclusion
serves as an inspiration
to individuals worldwide, making her a true trailblazer in her field.
I am super excited for Whitley to join us tonight and to hear all about her Second
Chance story.
thank you so much for joining me this evening.
I'm super excited to interview you.
You're probably one of my favorite people in the industry, so I'm really excited to
have you on.
So I would love to hear in your own words, your second chance defining story.
Thank you for having me.
It's an honor to be here.
I love what you're doing and your whole mission here.
As far as my second chance, I've had a series of near -death experiences.
But I would say the most defining moment is probably the car accident I was in when
I was 18 years old.
they thought I was going to die.
essentially I was driving in a blizzard and spun, got out of the tire tracks in
the snow and spun into oncoming traffic and was hit on the passenger side and then
again spun again around and they hit me again from the rear.
within a couple minutes the car went up in flames too but it just happened to be that
someone recognized the car that I was driving as my mom's from
church and pulled over and he was a paramedic and he was two cars behind me
and pulled me out of the car.
But I had, yeah that was a big game changer.
I was 18.
I would that
I was in school for studying art and psychology and that shifted my whole
direction of life.
ended up, I was supposed to start a job two days after that car accident because
my whole plan was to like take a semester, pay off a semester, take a semester, pay
off a semester.
so that changed my whole direction.
I ended up having living or being
hospital for about a month in the ICU then going to a rehab facility in a nursing
home and living in a nursing home for a couple months and then having physical and
occupational therapy at
nine months, essentially recovery for that.
And so when I got well enough to work again, my sister was like, how about you
come out to Maine?
And because when are you going to have more than a week to visit me?
So how about you?
I'll help you get a temp job for the month for the holidays.
And then we can go back and visit mom for the holidays.
So we went and
She essentially convinced me to move to Maine.
ended up, so from that car accident, I received multiple blood transfusions and
that ended up shifting my direction or I guess sparking my interest in...
blood transfusion and transfusion medicine.
And I ended up working for the American Red Cross for 16 years, starting out doing
blood drives all around the state of Maine and then cross training and all different
technologies for apheresis, which essentially is like, if you think of any
type of blood component you could take, separate a whole blood product out into,
that was essentially my
And then, but we do the medical screening, the physical exams, the phlebotomy, any
responding, any reactions to any of those things.
And, but essentially, drawing blood used as transfusion medicine.
And I was a biomedical charge toward the end of my career.
But
There's, I honestly think, I think the biggest like epiphany through that moment
in general is through the biggest challenges that I've ever faced at every
single one of them.
Those have been the defining moments of my life of stepping further into purpose and
learning my passions and really diving into that and just
for the lessons around that because I've found that everything, everyone has a
different response to every situation and some of that's based off of personality,
some of it's based off of trauma responses, some of it's based off of
circumstance or mood in the moment.
we have choice in how we respond.
And so when I really clicked, I feel like that moment really was defining for me.
It felt very like karmic as well as...
purposeful.
So even though I was like undergoing all this, had a new drive to live as well
because I had a lot of life lived up until that moment already at 18.
And so there is, you know, I just feel like that was a very defining moment for
me.
Every challenge I feel like has had lessons that have moved me in the, again,
more toward my passions, clarifying vision.
I feel like there's good things and challenges in every situation.
And so a lot of it's how you decide to be through those.
I agree and that's not the first time that I've heard of car accidents in particular
being catalyst moments for people.
feel like the universe has a very strange way of catapulting people into the right
direction and sometimes I think traumatic experiences like a car accident or you
know something that normally you'd be like this is really negative.
That's not the first time I've heard someone say that something really positive
came out of a car accident.
So I guess that's a great glass half full kind of way to look at
Another big thing I think that came from it, I'm just thinking through is
it made me not fear death at all from that point because I have come so close to
death so many times.
I found that
really in those moments.
It's pretty cool what our bodies do actually to protect us from feeling the
pain, but you can experience it kind of from the outside.
Like I knew I was in pain.
I knew I had things going on, but my body put myself in shock in that moment.
And so it's more of an out of body experience.
Like even when I think of the car accident, it's more like time slowed down.
So it just gave me different perspective on around death.
I do think about death in an abnormal amount, I think, because of having so many
experiences.
But.
I think a lot of the positives is it's not a fearful thing.
think I almost go in the opposite like morbid direction of like, that wouldn't be
that bad of a way to die.
feel like when you have experiences like that though, it does definitely change
your perspective.
I've never been one that's feared death.
I know a lot of people really do, but I've never been one that's feared death.
I have an awkward fascination with it.
Like serial killer documentaries.
I've had moments in my life where I'm like, hmm, maybe I'm gonna wind up on a
documentary right now.
I love learning about you.
But it's like, death is also such a big rebirth in a lot of ways.
And I really wasn't afraid of death.
And now I am more as a parent, definitely, because I'm not so much afraid of me
dying, but I can't think of losing the ones that I love.
But it's a very brave way to look at things, you know, most people would go and
get that close to death and be like, no, I never want to.
And you're just
Nah, you know, that might not be that bad.
So I feel like that's a testament to how strong you are mentally because and I
think you you definitely come off and you can correct me with this, but you
definitely come off as more of an optimist in a lot of ways than a pessimist.
And I kind of sense that in you because I'm the same way.
Like the world can be falling around me and my husband.
My husband's a pessimist all the way.
Like he will run around like a chicken with his head cut off and I'm just like,
you know, but I'm still breathing and he's just like, So I feel like you're that same
type of person where like things could be going on around you and you're just kind
of like, you know, it could be worse.
It's true.
I've experienced a lot of things from homelessness to food insecurity to living
in Africa and in a third world area and working in a clinic.
I've seen it.
So I do a lot of the time have.
most of the time have a glass is half full and gratitude, I think a sense of
gratitude for what I do have.
Because I have both experienced less myself and seen others and far, far more
challenging circumstances than I, to say the least.
So.
That I think it brings me to my next talking point actually, because there's a
word in your bio that I see multiple times and it's one of my favorite words and it's
resilience.
You, feel like embody resilience.
If there was a human definition of resilience, I think your picture would be
right next to it.
But.
That brings me to the question, do you think you have a specific catalyst for
being resilient?
Would it be the same second chance story that you just told or is there something
else that you think is really defined and molded you into a resilient
think experiencing multiple things over the years and having witnessed my mom
also, my mom I feel like is one of the most resilient women that has ever been
alive in many ways.
yeah, shout out to mom
But seeing, I feel like optimism and that resilience runs in a strong lineage of
women in my family.
And I do think that in a certain way, our neuro spiciness aids us thriving in the
chaos.
I would 100 % agree with that because I know personally I'm one of those people
where like I will stress about the tiniest thing but you throw me into an emergency
situation and I'm the calmest person in the room.
I'm like okay well we're gonna X, Y, and Z and then this is gonna happen and I just
go into go mode and then afterwards I'll be crying over like a hangnail and my
husband's like I just watched you like get out of
situation and you're crying over hangnail or because you didn't get chicken nuggets
for dinner like what is going on so this the neuro spicy I think you're onto
something there
Yeah, it's definitely a superpower and makes things more challenging at the same
time.
And that in itself probably aids resilience.
I would definitely agree with that.
So one of the things that you've mentioned in your bio a little bit is, you know,
being a voice for underrepresented voices and inclusion and redefining beauty
standards and all of those types of things.
Where does that come from within you?
Where would you say that kind of did something specific spark that?
it your neuro spiciness and wanting to, you know, make others feel good?
Or is there anything specific that caused that kind of gravitational pull?
Several things.
I personally have experienced living in a body that's everywhere from a size two to
a size 18.
And having experienced living in different bodies, you understand the different
things that come with living in different bodies and different aspects to that and
start shaping how you see beauty as well, or at least for me, it really, I had to
come to a place
acceptance at all all edges of the spectrum.
and shift from looking a certain way or pushing trying to look a certain way or
achieve a certain aesthetic to accepting where I was at and feeling grateful for
that and learning to treat myself better and focus more on nourishing my body,
treating myself better, having more self -compassion, purposefully practicing
coping strategies of various sorts through stress management and.
you know, yeah, shifting, shifting that mindset for myself, definitely that came
before pageantry for me, and before any of my, like before my magazine was born,
before even my personal art brand was born.
So that perspective definitely impacts everything that
So the magazine, Art Love Lifestyle, each seasonal issue has a theme focusing on the
markers of what I call true beauty.
I'm probably most passionate about expanding beauty standards and
compassionate leadership.
I could talk about both of them forever.
But I really...
Pageantry helped me really refine my vision, clarify and refine my vision for
that and set real goals towards seeing what I would like to see happen.
So I started Art Love Lifestyle as my personal art brand initially with the
vision of maybe down the line I could have a magazine and with that those categories
I could fit pretty much everything that I liked into any of those categories.
when COVID happened that's another story of I guess resilience through I got long
COVID I wasn't approved to work longer than four hour shifts so I
was normally working 12 -hour shifts and that ended up.
being the starting point for me leaving the Red Cross, actually.
And during that time that I had COVID, I enrolled in a personal training course, a
nutritionist course, and launched Art Love Lifestyle magazine.
feel like if my husband heard this conversation, he'd be like, so no wonder
why you gravitate to Whitley because you're just like her because that I mean,
that was me like last week when I had I had COVID like a couple weeks ago.
And I've still been dealing with the repercussions of it.
And normal people would relax when they have COVID.
And that is when I officially actually launched the first episodes of this
podcast
sitting there and doing nothing was not something I could do.
I'm like, you know, we're going to launch the podcast right now.
And he's like, you can't breathe.
And I'm like, I don't need to breathe.
Let's go.
So that is ironic.
like my husband's like, you're crazy.
And my doctor actually did lecture me.
So for anyone out there, take care of yourself.
You only have so much energy when you have COVID and you might make yourself sicker.
That's what my doctor was telling me.
So yeah, so some of it might have been detrimental to my health.
At the same time, was another, that completely shifted my direction.
If I didn't have such strong restrictions, and it forced my job also to find a way to
replace me, because at the time I was one of two charges, so I never would have
left, because I would have been left my essentially work mom.
hang in, you know.
But through all of that, back to your question, all of that led to that passion.
Entering the realms of pageantry made me question my worthiness.
And when I was first recruited, it was literally the last thing that I ever would
have expected.
I found it hilarious actually because at the time I had really long dreadlocks
also, so it wasn't really the pageant aesthetic that I imagined.
So, but I had a lot of questioning around
body, my curves, my stretch marks, my excess skin, you know, like things that
were really the man of like really taught me about what I really saw the veil of
beauty standards.
It taught me a lot about also
My experience, and I think that this should probably be talked about more
within, but it's hard because it involves our families, but how our mothers pass
their own body insecurities down onto their children just by talking about their
own bodies in certain ways.
But I had to peel back all those different layers.
And then really what it came down to is like, as I was like picking apart all of
the reasons I did not belong in pageantry, I was like, and actually maybe all of
those things are exactly why I should go into pageantry.
And so that was really, that was the defining moment for me when I went all in.
was like, actually, think people need to see people like me who have nerve damage
in half of their mouth competing.
Well, it's like, those are all the things that going into it.
I think that a lot of us nitpick ourselves.
We question our worth.
see beauty, the beauty industry in a very specific way.
We have our own stereotypes that we've bought into around it.
And so a lot of what I've loved actually is how pageantry has also proven me like
not wrong, it's made me realize that no one really fits into the stereotype in
pageantry.
There are people that strive toward that stereotype sometimes, I think with a
misperception of not being able to win authentically.
But that's been a big part of my mission is both competing as an authentic person
myself, as well as raising other authentic women leaders in pageantry through
coaching.
Because I have seen, I've seen the power of authenticity.
People love vulnerability.
They love authenticity.
You can feel the genuineness and
it's important for people to represent authentically because really pageantry
comes down to stage performance more than any kind of body in reality.
Some of you're going to have your traditional people, but like I'm here for
I'm like if I have a panel of.
like ultra traditional beauty industry and I get to talk about expanding beauty
standards.
That's like kind of amazing to me.
That's perfect.
I know I've kind of mentioned it before, but you really were a steamroller and have
made a huge impact already in the pageantry community by being a visible
title holder.
And I know I've kind of mentioned to you before, but I last year was at the
International Miss Pageant, which shout out to International Miss because it's an
amazing system.
But I was at that pageant watching in 2023 and obviously you were a title holder for
2022.
So I didn't get to see you compete in crowns, but I did get to see you come back
to crown your successor.
And I remember I was sitting in the audience and I remember this like it was
yesterday.
It's why I feel so drawn to this system.
And I'm like, I don't care if it takes 10 years.
putting their crown on my head.
but I remember sitting in the audience and I saw you on the stage and I saw you on
the giant posters that they have out in the front that you can take pictures on
and I remember thinking, I know you're huge.
I'm like, I'm gonna be there one day.
But I remember seeing you and going, okay, there are so many things about her that
are authentic and they're unique and they're beautiful.
you had shorter hair, which is not something you typically see a lot of in
pageantry.
You see the long flowing curls, and I had shorter hair at the time.
I still kind of do in pageantry standards, but you had a curvier body, and I have a
curvier body, so I remember seeing she's got a real body.
She's got curves to her, not that skinny people aren't real, but you can see that
it's not a bought body, it's a real body.
and you had tattoos, which was one of my favorite things because I had it in my
mind when I entered pageantry.
That was one of the things that I said to myself, like, you'll never win because you
have a bunch of tattoos.
And then I go to that pageant and I see you up there and you have all your
tattoos.
And I was like, if they will crown Whitley, I might have a shot in this
system.
And I loved seeing that because it gave a huge sense of authenticity to
international ms because it was
Okay, they're not looking for just the women who fit traditional beauty
standards.
They're crowning winners based off what's in their mind, what's in their hearts, and
they're willing to look beyond what maybe the traditional
standards were.
And that was huge.
So you really were a pioneer for at least one woman because I don't think I would
have dove back into the pageant industry after my first pageant experience.
if I hadn't had seen you, and then ironically, you volunteered at my pageant
and I got to speak with you more, and you are very real.
I can say you're a very genuine person, you're very authentic, and you come off
that way, which is something that, like I'm not gonna toot my own horn, but people
have said that I'm very similar, and I think it's the NeuroSpicy thing I really
do, because...
us NeuroSpicy people were just like, hey, friend, you know, we'll start talking to
people and sharing our stories.
But that was like one of the huge things was I got to spend time with you and see,
okay, like she's a real person and she's out there doing all these crazy things,
you know.
So I do wanna say thank you on a personal level because I would not be where I am
today checking off my goals if it wasn't for you and what you've pioneered.
So thank you for
So awesome.
Thank you.
I feel so honored.
like, I like it.
No, but it's, it's, it's true.
And it's real.
And it was, it's amazing because there are, can relate something that you just
said, especially to was you've been size two to size 18.
And that was a huge thing for me too, because in high school, I was a size two
and I was really small.
And I kind of was busting into the model modeling industry and modeling world as a,
as
tiny little itty bitty thing and then life happens, right?
And I had three kids and my body is not what it was pre three children.
And now I'm a size, you know, 14, 16.
And I've had the same process that I think you've had where you're so many sizes and
you experience life in so many different ways.
You recognize the differences in not only how you feel about yourself and what you
see internally,
but also how you're treated.
mean, a lot of people don't like talking about it, but there is differences in how
you're treated depending on how you look.
So I think it's definitely, it's so important that you're out here pushing in
the pageantry world and beyond for different beauty standards because the
average size of American women is up in the 14, 16 range.
It's no longer like it was back in probably the 50s where everybody was a
size two, four.
It's just not like that anymore.
So seeing more women that have.
post -baby bodies and that are out there with stretch marks and scars and all of
that is really important, I think, for the pageantry world and the world in general,
especially because we have systems like Miss USA that are now lifting age
restrictions, they're lifting marital status restrictions, and they're saying,
you know, come one, come all, come compete.
So I think it's important.
for pioneers like yourself to be out there that are still pushing that envelope.
Visibility is the word that comes to mind.
Yeah, yeah, I'm so glad that that's happened.
know that there's questionable intentions behind the scenes, but I kind of see it as
a win -win either way.
I feel like we're seriously limiting our vision of beauty through trying to keep a
very specific aesthetic of beauty.
If you go across cultures, like you can really see how beauty is defined in
different ways across different cultures.
And those beauty standards are impactful in every
No
beauty standard is.
The beauty standard itself is limiting of beauty.
And so we could all use, I feel like, more influence from one another, even
understanding even just different cultural views around beauty.
My favorite question to ask everybody is, you know, what true beauty is to them,
because I ask that like for the magazine all the time, because I love doing part of
how I like
elevate underrepresented voices is through featuring people both in print and then on
the runway and giving voice to models of all shape sizes, backgrounds, abilities.
So,
But seeing everybody's different view of beauty, it really is defined so
differently from person to person.
And it's beautiful to look through people's eyes and lens of beauty.
And it helps expand your own because you're seeing it through different
people's eyes.
Nobody's view of beauty is wrong.
You know, like we like to see beautiful things naturally as humans.
Like our eyes really been self -correct to
to try to make things more beautiful than they are.
That's something we learn about in art class because your eyes will start doing
things like creating symmetry where there's not symmetry and creating shapes
to emphasize certain angles and things like that.
So they teach you tricks with how
learn how to do the opposite but I don't I think it's inherent in art.
in our humanity to want to see beautiful things.
But I think we're limiting our views of beauty and like we there's so much beauty
beyond the standards that I would love to see emphasized.
Like I'm not against seeing beauty through different standards, I guess.
I think that but I think my intention would be to have it expand as an expansive
practice
in order to further create a standard.
It's more to just, yeah, expand the standards.
I love that.
And something that I feel like can aid that too, or something to point out, I
guess, is for women that are competing that aren't necessarily the beauty
standard is that, passion tree is so subjective.
I mean, it really is such a subjective, and I know this from judging, I know
you've recently been judging, and when you're sitting in that judge's table,
I feel like it really helps you in a lot of ways as a competitor because you're put
in a hot seat and you're going, okay, what am I looking for as a judge?
And so you start to critique the girls that you're judging and then you walk away
and you go, okay, well I was looking for these things, but what I may be looking
for is different than what you're looking for.
So it's something that I think everybody needs to be reminded and I wish they
say that almost at every
more purposefully to have a different focus too.
to a lot, yeah, like some, a lot of panels are put together as like someone who will
be like hyper focusing on model, one person who's hyper focusing on modeling,
someone who works for a news station that's gonna be thinking all about that
interview and those concise responses.
You're gonna have your former queens who have done the job and they're like.
tell me what you think this job is thinking.
But that's where the beauty of judging is, that also you see like, I see how they put
this together.
And then you can also, you learn from the different judges themselves just by how
they are as people.
then you also learn from just seeing people back to back to back.
And yeah, a lot of perspective, but there are definitely things that you start
seeing, you're like, oh, okay.
Cause you start figuring out to like, this is my 10, this is my nine, this is my
eight.
Judging this is a weird thing.
And yeah, it's like sometimes even where you fall in line.
It can work and I feel like hopefully it would work more in your advantage than
not, but you know, if the judges don't know what they're.
what they're looking for, I guess, what their standard is.
Yeah, if they're just kinda willy -nilly throwing numbers out there, which I have
seen also as a judge, know, one person will be like, I like to dress more than
the other, scribble, and then put a number, and you're just like, mm.
Yeah, but I think it's just, yeah, it just teaches, I feel like it's all a social
experience.
Like that's how I kind of treat so much of life is like, it's just, you you, cause
you're going to have different perspectives.
You're going to have judges that are some that are more emotional, some that are
more like logical and, tangible minded that you're, so a lot of it really is
subjective and.
as strategy, I just try to be real and fit in all of those things if possible.
Like, here's some tangible things and here's some emotional things.
Mwahahahaha!
feel like that's smart though because one of the things that I've noticed, at least
for me as an individual, is if I'm authentic and I'm myself, I'm way more
confident and comfortable.
And that's a huge thing is when I go into something, if I'm trying to fit a mold or
I'm trying to fit a rubric or I'm trying to fit what I think they want, you're
gonna see right through me because I...
Can I be polished?
Absolutely.
Can I be eloquent?
Absolutely.
But I'm always gonna be real and I'm always gonna be kind of goofy.
So I come in with authenticity because the way I look at it, you're either gonna
crown me because you like me or crown me or don't crown me if you don't like me.
But I'm not gonna come in as something else because my reign, you're not gonna
get that version of me that presented differently.
I look at it like if I'm reigning for a year,
What you see is what you get So I feel like the authentic Message that you give
is really important for women to hear because if you can't keep it up 24 7 for
365 don't do it
Yeah, well, and if you're not being authentic to you're going to if you're
trying to present as something different than you are, then you're going to be
attracting people toward this image of you, not toward like your people too.
So.
make sense.
What would you say your definition of confidence is?
If you could speak to girls and women right now and give your version of
confidence and how you define it, what would you say it is?
say confidence is stepping into your goals and practice or confidence comes through
experience and practice so whether you feel that right now or not
it can come through just practice and experience and just try.
Sometimes it's just a trust that it's coming.
Like I know for me,
confidence really stems from within and it's a mindset over matter thing more than
anything.
But I do think that it has served me in the past too.
When I, if I don't feel confident to try to imagine or almost
embody someone else that is like Beyonce.
I love that you said this though, because a huge part of my, I've recently launched
a confidence workshop and I define my confidence building workshop by the word
self, which is an acronym for four different things.
And you just hit two of those things on the head.
So self care is number one, because if you're not taking care of yourself, then
you're not going to be confident.
The second one is exercising your skills.
So practice, which was a key thing of what you just said.
Practice, practice, practice.
Listen to positivity is L and then F is fake it till you make it.
And I feel like that is a huge part of what you just said.
say that exact phrase and I was thinking I don't have enough to cliche to say.
That's like...
It really is it's like if you don't have confidence, just embody confidence from
something else because like if I sometimes before stepping on stage, all the voices
come in your head that shouldn't be there.
So you might not feel the most confident right in that moment sometimes but if you
are like, I am Beyonce, you go on you're like, I am Beyonce.
So it can
And then you feel more confident after because you were able to achieve it to
then get those wins to through it.
Yeah, you walk off stage with like such a high too.
You're like, I just did that.
So even if you didn't walk on feeling like Beyonce, a lot of times I feel like you
walk off and you're like, I just did that.
So that
I love your four pillars of confidence
Thank you.
Yeah, I just, I made the whole concept for the workshop.
I've been debuting it in my community already and I'm seeing, I love doing these
interviews because I'm seeing such a common thread in almost every woman that
comes on this podcast.
When I ask them that question, I get one of the four.
And I'm just like, I have this internal moment of yes, you're onto something
because it just kind of lines up.
So I love that you said that because that is one of the things actually that I
haven't heard anybody say is that kind of fake it till you make it mentality.
And it sounds kind of funny when you're saying like, I'm trying to teach you how
to be confident, just fake it.
It's as people that are very much like be authentic, you know, it's kind of opposite
of that almost for a second.
But I feel
I know I'm gonna walk on stage with Taylor Swift's I Can Do It With A Broken Heart,
like playing in my head.
Like that's gonna be probably my stage mental song because baby gotta fake it
till you make it and it's so accurate.
As far as stage confidence, I think having like, just like you said, like the
repetition aspect, but like having a stage song, I know that helps me too, because
then also you get that song in your head no matter what plays.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think officially Taylor Swift is gonna be my mental stage song for this
year.
I don't know what it'll be next year, but I'll be playing that on repeat in my head.
So I can do it with a broken heart.
That is gonna be the song that is just playing, because I'm gonna be like, we're
gonna go out there, and a huge part
Pageantry that I've noticed with myself the biggest thing I struggle with is
Imposter syndrome, which is terrible.
I hate imposter syndrome, but it's such a Real thing.
Absolutely, you know I I struggled a lot with last year being my first pageant and
seeing all of these women and Going how the heck did I get a seat at this table?
Like how did I pull this off?
I don't know how I pulled this
And I had to kind of fake my way through it.
And I remember at that pageant, I got top 20, which was awesome for my first
pageant.
But the biggest thing that I walked away with was the Iconic Impact Award and the
recognition for what I did back at home.
And I remember thinking like, this is better than winning for me.
Because it was so validating internally of all the work that I did leading up to the
pageant.
And I went, okay, I earned that seat.
You know, that was an award that
earned that seat.
And now for international ms, I'm still carrying on that legacy, but I'm still
struggling with that imposter syndrome.
I mean, I'm looking and I have to stay off social media sometimes because I'm like,
my God, this woman is a doctor that speaks six languages and she's beautiful and holy
cow.
And my gosh, this woman is traveling the world and she has a successful brand.
and this woman is running this company that all of these other pageant queens are
involved with and it's like, holy crap, you start to think and then I have to kind
of fake it in my head and I'm just like, I come in, I sit in this chair and I'm like,
you know what?
They don't have a throne.
Exactly.
Well, and everyone is so different.
And like the thing about International Ms is really everyone is so accomplished.
So like going into it so much as just like enjoying and being like, wow, I'm with
like some of the most powerhouse women in all of the world.
It's so empowering being among those women.
Because you get in that mindset sometimes where you're like, imposter syndrome kicks
in and you're like, how the heck am I going to pull this off?
But then you start to think, I'm with these women.
Like, I'm in the same room as these women.
And you kind of have to flip how you're thinking.
And then all of sudden, you find yourself going, OK, you know, like, I'm going to
learn something from each one of these women.
And something that a friend of mine said at my last pageant when I was battling
with the imposter syndrome, because being in pageantry, it's hard to beat at first.
I feel like that is one of those things where you're not expecting it and then it
lurches at you.
And she said something along the lines of a rose and a sunflower are both beautiful
flowers, they're just different in their own ways.
And I loved that, that stuck with me because when I start to fall into that
trap, I'm just like, she's a Rosemum sunflower.
Namaste.
I love that so
what type of tips would you give for someone like myself or someone else that
is struggling?
Is it really boil down to that fake it till you make it and just, you know,
taking away what you can from
Well, a lot, I think along the lines
not necessarily fake it till you make it, but drawing inspiration and like looking
for inspiration, I think is very key.
Looking for the lessons that you're supposed to learn through every situation.
Like we talked about it on like a deeper level with like near -death experiences,
but also from, you know, smaller things and even small refinements in performance,
in interview, in...
any kind of, really any kind of, whether it's work, whether
in family, wherever you put your energy and your focus, that is going to grow.
like, I know that's a saying as well, but it's really true.
Like you're drawing attention to that matter.
If you're focusing on your health, you're going to be more aware of ways that you
are either hurting or benefiting your health.
So that awareness is really key.
I think getting real with yourself
and being humble is a good, genuine trait.
And I think a lot of imposter syndrome sometimes is born out of almost a little
too much humility.
But it's also a self questioning of worth and of
And so something that I find with anything like, you know, me and my compassionate
leadership thing, but a lot
what the whole theory around that goes from shifting from focusing on the problem
to focusing on solutions.
If you shift your empathy and turn that into action, that starts to alleviate any
of those feelings because you're starting to take action toward those goals.
you are feeling, and it also shifts the energy of empathy or like
fatigue if you shift it toward the alleviating part then it starts shifting
from a stressful a stressful thing to a positive dopamine fulfilling activity
instead but I also think you can be strategic around your
mental health, your own confidence.
I think making plans, I think when you're in a good state, is one of the better
things for any type of plan.
Like I just wrote an article or a blog for both my magazine, also for still she rose
around research based strategies of overcoming suicidal ideation.
I know that's a that's a deep topic, but.
that though.
you know, a big part of that is setting a suicide prevention plan while you're in a
good state, because you know yourself the best too.
So like, you know, your triggers also around what's causing imposter syndrome
even like, you know, there's, you know, what's making me feel either not worthy or
not enough or
that something might not be the fuller vision of what your big vision is.
And so, you know, I feel like a lot of that's that is you want to be at your
bigger vision when really you're like at these like baby steps up to that big
vision.
And because you're not here and you're like at a baby step, even though
everybody's like, my God, like, cause to them, like your baby steps like up here.
they're like, well, she's done.
And you're like, I'm just at this baby step down here.
I feel like that's a great perspective though, because a lot of times, a lot of
us do downplay our achievements.
I feel like that's such a broad spectrum.
You have the people that downplay their achievements and they practice humility to
a fault.
And then you have the people that are on the other end of the spectrum that you
don't want to be at either because nobody really wants to be around one of those
people.
So feel like finding that balance that is an amazing point that people need to hear
is your baby step might be a huge step to somebody else.
And that's a really positive way to look
of the time where you're at is also an answer to a former dream that you had as
well.
So that I know helps me find gratitude in my personal situations, even amongst
challenges.
But, you know, there's a couple of mantras that feel like that.
help and it's yeah reminders and mantras but you know through the challenges I try
to just remind myself that that's what's going to give me the lessons that I need
to get to where I want to be and where I'm at it was at one point what I dreamed of
so
is, I feel like that is such a huge insight and I love that because it can
bring you back down to earth and kind of open your eyes.
know, I even just having this podcast is something that, you know, somebody else
might hear, she's got a podcast.
That's really cool.
And in my mind, I'm just like, I just have this small little podcast, you know, I
downplay
And then someone else might be going, I had someone the other day that said, you
know, I've really been wanting to do a podcast.
Maybe I'll get with you and you can show me how you did it.
And I'm thinking, you want to learn from me?
That's amazing.
So I feel like I needed that perspective, definitely.
You helped me with that because just a couple of weeks ago, I was terrified of
launching this podcast.
I'm like, how do I hook my computer to my camera, to my microphone system and the
lights and how do I do this?
And now I've got people asking me
How do I launch podcasts?
I'm like, come to my TED talk.
I've got you.
So that's an amazing insight.
You'll have to make a tutorial because now I want to learn.
I got you.
I feel like I'm learning the ropes for everybody and I can tell you what to do
and not to do.
I can tell you that the first time that you go on Amazon and you search your name
in something, I'm sure art, like authors have this all the time where they find
their book on Amazon and they're like, my God.
But for me, was going on Amazon and searching and finding my podcast on
Amazon.
I was
on Amazon so I could definitely type something out to help everybody.
love that.
So I'm going to switch gears because both of us are in an amazing organization or
ambassadors for an amazing organization, the Still She Rose Initiative.
And coincidentally, we are both the month of October.
So we're going to be the ambassadors for October together.
October is a great month.
know you have so many things going for you.
You've got the magazine, you've got, you know, True Beauty, you've got all of these
things that are going on and that you work with and you advocate for.
What can we expect to see out of you for your year as the Still She Rose
ambassador?
Is there anything you've already got like cooking in that brain of yours?
Like this is what I want to tackle.
I'm, you'll definitely see a lot more blogs for me.
It's something, cause I write a lot of articles for the magazine and especially,
yeah, I'm like, all of it really kind of, every issue I have something that applies.
So I'll be taking some of the things that I wrote about from,
different things and tailoring it to Still She Rose.
So I'll be doing, yeah, kind of a blog series.
I do have some things cooking that I cannot talk about quite yet, but yes,
there will be things coming down the line.
I do also have...
hey Whitley, you need to come back on here and we need to talk about this thing you
just launched.
I'm very excited about an upcoming project with Still She Rose.
And I will also though be releasing a compassionate leadership handbook and
guided journal.
So that's some exciting things.
I've had those like I have
and my ADHD brain, multiple books in the works at simultaneously, depending on what
I'm inspired by in that moment.
Same!
I have two manuscripts that I'm writing at the same time right now, so I relate!
Yeah, but I'm gonna be like honing in on like actually completing a couple of those
at least and getting those out.
I'm also going to be part of, I'm a co -author in a book called Raining Resilient
Queens.
And so that will be coming out in the fall.
So that's exciting.
And then,
will be definitely reading
Yeah, I'm excited.
Yeah, it's different women from all different backgrounds sharing their
stories of resilience.
there are everybody has a powerful story and they're all so different.
So it's a really neat project to be able to be a part of.
We just went to Colorado.
We did our Queen's shoot there.
And for all.
love that state.
No, authors, Yeah, I love Colorado too.
It was the shortest trip though.
I wish that I could have gone longer, but next time.
I think that those are like the biggest things upcoming other than New York
Fashion Week.
yet.
We might have to trade the podcast lessons for the how do I publish my book lessons
because I have my first book literally written on my laptop and I'm like okay I
have this idea and I've got it written and I just need to get it illustrated and
published because it's a children's book and I'm like at that point where I'm like
how do I do this?
So we'll trade lessons.
Yes, definitely.
I can help you with
Queen supporting queens.
That is like one of my favorite things about pageantry in general is you meet so
many women.
I know still she rose one of the amazing queens that is another ambassador on there
posted.
She was talking about her book in one of the workshops that we had and I went on
Amazon right away and I bought the last copy and I was like, girl, I got your last
copy.
And I had.
a queen reach out to me today that I've been friends with since high school and
she's like, I just bought tickets to go to your pageant in September.
And I'm like, my gosh.
So the sisterhood with pageantry has been so much fun.
It's, a lot of people I think feel like it might be like this mean girl type of thing
behind the scenes because pageantry can get a bad
But I've had so many more positive experiences of women uplifting each other
and being like, hey, your crown's crooked, I'ma fix it.
Or hey, you did this thing, let me go support you.
And that's been so amazing to see happen.
It's really true.
That's what blew me away too, because I definitely came in with more of the TV
stereotype, I will say, around pageantry.
And yeah, it was just blown away at how real everyone is and uplifting and all the
good, all the good things and yeah, just different types of people.
Yeah, it's so diverse.
country.
Exactly.
What am I doing for Still She Rose?
So October is the Domestic Abuse Awareness
So I'm definitely gonna be focusing.
I haven't decided specifically what I'm doing yet, but I know it's gonna be
domestic abuse awareness related, because obviously that's my main platform.
And something that I'm passionate about is domestic abuse.
So ironically, that is why I was Mrs.
Colorado.
So you met me as I was Mrs.
Colorado, and that
It's funny because I'm, you know, a born and raised Floridian.
I've lived in Florida my whole 31 years.
But I briefly moved to Colorado in 2016 when I was in the middle of my abusive
relationship.
And after a couple months, we wound up having to move back to Florida.
But so when Florida wasn't available the year that I competed, because of Tanya
being Miss Florida, love Tanya.
I'm like, yeah, I know, we love you, we love you, Tanya.
I was like, well, what state could I represent?
And my husband's home state was being represented by someone and I was like,
Colorado.
And ironically, that's what I reigned as, Mrs.
Colorado.
So when you say you were just out at Colorado though, it's beautiful and I love
But yeah, domestic abuse is the root of why I do all of my things now.
So I'm gonna be focusing on October being domestic abuse awareness and domestic
violence.
Yeah, I definitely expected that out of you.
Yeah.
not a shocker
So yesterday I found out I was accepted as a member for the Florida Partnership to
End Domestic Violence.
So that is going to come in handy in October.
Yep, that's awesome.
yeah, we'll have to coordinate somehow.
We'll have to talk behind the scenes.
Yeah, we definitely will.
That's the fun part of having a partner for the month.
Yeah,
is there anything that you want to shout out or any last statement that you want to
leave as kind of your legacy statement or anything that you want to
know, with all things that we do, think I really do believe that if we put things
through the lens of compassion, both from compassion towards ourselves first, I
think that that's the most important in order to feed others.
You have to put your oxygen mask on first before you can put it on other people.
And then practice compassion towards the people around us, our pets, animals,
toward the environment.
I think that compassion truly can lead and successfully guide us to both confidence
through understanding perspectives and practicing self -compassion, getting to
know yourself.
self -discovery, all the things that go are involved in, in seeing things through
a lens of compassion.
I think that I personally believe that that would literally solve every problem
in the world.
So if anyone else would like to join me on that journey, can.
I have.
project called the Compassionate Leadership Project that we also
collaborate a lot with.
She Rose.
But feel free.
It's just a free Facebook group you can join and you can follow it on Instagram
and on Facebook.
I'm not on Twitter.
Sorry,
I also love to feature other people who...
who are practice compassionate leadership, but essentially trying to grow a global
network of compassionate leaders
Like I do have some realms of compassionate leadership that we teach as
well.
So anyone who'd like to follow along with that, is.
Otherwise, I guess just you can find me at Whitley Nubin
Marshall or Mind Body Compassion Coach
you so much for coming on this evening and for talking to us I love all of the
messages that you shared and I think like Myself being inspired by you there will be
plenty of other women that listen to this and can definitely relate So thank you so
much for coming
Thank you so much for having me.
I just want to honor you and everything that you're doing.
It's amazing to see this born and love hearing all the different stories of
resilience and you sharing your own story.
But it's powerful because through sharing vulnerability, lives change and people
fall in love.
with that and learn about themselves.
just hope that you know that what you have started is bigger than you realize.
Aw, thank you.
Don't make me cry.
you