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All right, all right.

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Feeney talks with friends.

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Episode 139 with my good friend Susan.

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How are you doing, Susan?

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I'm great.
Thank you for having me. Doctor.

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Ivana. Yeah. Doc?

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What's up doc?

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All kinds of things.

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I can't wait to talk about it. Yeah.
Susan, I'm so happy to talk with you.

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I've known you for so long.

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You're an author. You're a psychologist.

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You're, coach, you're a mom, a wife.

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You are a school counselor.

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I mean, we have so much to talk about.

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Where do you want to start?
And a college professor.

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And a college professor. Yeah,
I missed one.

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That's all right, then.

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A lot of things.

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Yeah, we can start wherever you like.

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No. It's just so great for you to be here.

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It's. We're filming in May.

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May is mental health month.

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So it's very important
to talk about mental health.

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As my last podcast guest, if you were to
explain mental health to a third grader,

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how would you go about explaining mental
health to a third grader?

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I think about mental health

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as being able to enjoy your life,

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and so having the skills
to be able to respond to

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whatever's happening around you and adapt
to whatever's happening around you.

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And we could talk about this,
but in the books that I've written

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and in the work that I do with young kids
as well as adolescents, young adults,

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that's pretty much the crux of it, is
helping to provide them with those skills

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so that they can meet
whatever challenges they meet, and that is

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that is what good mental health
looks like. Good, a good life.

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I find it, circumstantial.

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I'm thinking about what just happened.

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I drop off,
I drop off my daughters every day.

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Economy. It goes smooth. We talk.

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It's like, our bond time.

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But there was a food truck back then.

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So we were paused here
where we usually drop off over here.

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Okay, so they're like rush now.

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So now it's like,
all right, let's get out here.

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Yeah. So they rush to get out.

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Our line starts to form,
and when my daughter's golf bag falls out.

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So now it's like, 
so how would someone help us?

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Circumstantial. Like,
everything was great.

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Yeah, but that already. Now

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word is dysregulated. Yes.

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We just read you last Thursday.

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What would be some advice?

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I'm like, just get on the sidewalk.

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Everything will be fine. Yeah.

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Or should I have paused and just waited
for the truck to do its thing

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and then park in our usual spot
or letting them out?

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So I had so much reflection on my way back
after dropping them off.

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I mean, we talked about it.

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It's like we rushed the decision right?

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So what what are your thoughts on that?

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First of all,
I love that you reflected on that.

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Okay. That's that's so key.

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There's no one right decision there.

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And it's such a split second decision
anyway.

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Like, how could you know

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what of what could have come from
any given, you know, route you took there.

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But, you staying calm is key.

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So for me, the adult in the situation
where that's a parent,

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the teacher,
the coach, you can only control you.

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Yeah. So you could say,
what should I have done for them?

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But really you.

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If you're staying regulated,
that's going to go so far

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toward keeping them regulated
or at least modeling what it could be

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if they're not able to do it
in that moment.

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And so, yeah, I mean, you could have
waited, you could have done what you did,

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but ultimately
you're also helping them to reflect.

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So maybe even talking about it

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later is is kind of normalizing
this idea that, hey, you know what?

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Like things happen, we react.

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Sometimes it works out,
sometimes it doesn't.

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And we can think about
maybe how to do it differently next time.

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Yeah.

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But it's all about becoming more

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responsive to what's happening
rather than reactive. Yep.

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But also recognizing our humanity.

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And we're going to react,
you know, we're just going to

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we're going to have those moments
and that's okay. Okay.

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All right. All right. Thanks.

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So you handled that well.
And I know love the reflection.

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Now the whole time I'm like,
maybe I should have just waited.

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I did kind of say get on the sidewalk

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like, well, you know,
we went on the other side of the car

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because the truck was

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there, but then the cars
that were behind us were trying to go.

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So then it got a little.

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And sometimes you need to do that.

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And it was a safety thing, like really
give them that direction because who knows

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if they had stepped a different way,
maybe a car would have come around.

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So but you know, at afterwards
when everything's calmed down

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and everyone's
kind of gotten back into regular,

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you can say, yeah, oh, sorry,
I yelled there.

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I, you know, I was nervous
that, yeah, you were going to get hurt.

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Okay.
I want you to acknowledge that. Yeah.

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That it's great.

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See? Well, counseling. So.

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Yes. Exactly how much do I owe you?

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Oh, this one's pro bono.

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Deal? Deal. So how long?

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What what inspired
you to get into psychology?

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Because you have so many degrees
and went to so many schools.

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And so what was the inspiration?

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I don't want to speak
for every psychologist out there,

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but I think that a lot of us get into it
to try to figure ourselves out bigger.

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Our families out.
I mean, everybody has their stuff.

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Nobody goes through this life without
some, you know, challenges, craziness.

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And for me, you know,
I also just loved it.

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I went to I went to my undergrad thinking
I was going to be a math

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major, really having no idea
what I was going to do with that.

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But I just loved math
and I was good at it.

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And so that's how I
that was the mindset I had going in.

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Didn't know a thing about psychology,
had never had any kind of intro course

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or anything.

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And then I took an intro course just to
fulfill a requirement, and I was hooked.

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I loved it and immediately declared
the major and but again, it was for me.

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And we can talk about this if you like.

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Because I'm a big fan of first generation
college students, I am one,

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I support them, I am on the board
where I went to college to support them,

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and I actually have just recently,
joined a work group at Trinity too.

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But I had no idea.

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I didn't have this sort of long term plan.

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It was sort of get the degree now what?

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And, so I did finish the degree.

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And one thing I knew,
I thought I wanted to be a teacher.

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Yeah.

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Just because I

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had always admired my teachers and was so
they were so impactful for me.

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And I also loved coaching

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because I had coached, 
as a high school student.

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I'd coached little rec teams.

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And so I thought, I want to teach
and I want to coach,

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and that's going to be great life.

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I did do an internship in teaching.

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I think it was fourth
grade students that I think. Nope.

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And that for me, it was the chaos of it.

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And I thought, okay.

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At the same time, I was diving deeper
into more of the therapeutic side of,

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of psychology.

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And I thought I would like
to be a counselor or a therapist.

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Nice.

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And so I went the school counselor route.

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Okay. But that was the next degree.

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And you can.

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We can I can tell you how
I kept going to connections.

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First generation college.

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And I at southern studied sociology major.

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Psychology minor.

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So high, was my favorite class,
and my daughters are taking it.

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O'Connor. And we always talk about it.

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It's a it's a very interesting, subject
how the brain works.

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And decisions that are made.

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And,

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they just came home
and taught me something, too.

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It's like she did it to me, too.
Like she's sitting on the couch.

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She asked a really nice question, like,
oh, can you give me a hug?

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Yeah.

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Then can you go get me my backpack
in the front in the in the library?

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Yeah. So she didn't have to get up
the couch. Yep.

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And that's a trick you asked too. Yes.

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You ask a easy yes question.

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There are more likely to say yes the next.

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That's fascinating. Yeah.

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And then they pulled it on me
and it worked. Yeah.

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And there's so much neuroscience now
worked into the the major to even their

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separate degrees.

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But and I've taught a lot of it's,
it's really fun stuff.

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Yeah. Yeah.

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So now I'm so excited.

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Yeah. Mental health month.

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We're happy to talk with my friend Susan.

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She's an author.

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This is episode 139 I fabric.

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I was very interested in this one.

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You said it's good for coaches.

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I wrote it for coaches.

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But it's really about leadership
and and team culture.

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So, I wrote it.

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I had an idea to write this book about 15
years ago, and I didn't for a very well.

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I had a newborn and a toddler
and other things going on multiple jobs,

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so I didn't do it at that point.

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I ended up writing the other one first,
but I came back around to it last year,

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and I, I really thought there was a need
for some support for coach development

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because it's like just like teaching
and sometimes

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even more
so you have those deep relationships.

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You have so much of an impact
and an influence positively or negatively.

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Right. And there's very little

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support.

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I mean, you could have great mentors,
but in sort of like a,

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you know, training for coaches, it's
not there.

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It is the the athleticism of the sport,
but not in more of the relational aspects.

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And so that's what I wanted to do.

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And I pulled
from a variety of disciplines.

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So I pulled from developmental psychology,
clinical psychology,

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health psychology, sports
psychology and neuroscience.

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And I wanted to take all of that

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and just boil it down
like what are the core elements.

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So does it need to be complicated?

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What are the key pieces that need
to be there and what do they look like?

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And most importantly, how is it applied?

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Like what does this look like in practice?

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What does this look like day to day,
moment to moment, as you're relating

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to these kids or or adults
if you're coaching adults.

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And so that's what it is.

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I fabric is an acronym.

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So the core, the six core elements.

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First thing I thought about I'm. Like,
wow, I was like average.

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So I don't know if that's a great title
because

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now people search for it, they get things
on, you know, sewing or whatever.

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But it's an acronym and it's
because the six core elements were are,

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focus, awareness, belonging, repair

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for intentionality
and curiosity and compassion.

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Those are sort of the key
things that every good leader,

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teacher, coach and parent,
if you keep those things at the forefront,

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you can kind of make your way through
any challenge that comes up.

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It's the bedrock,
I think, for, optimal development

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and wellbeing and mental health.

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But it's also the same core pieces
that underlie peak performance.

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So you're not
you're not giving up one for the other.

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And I think there's a,
much more of an awareness

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now that you can have great athletes
who perform at a high level without

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harm, you know, without,

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eroding their physical or mental
well-being.

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Now, is this a, it really reminds me of,
like, a college.

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It's. It's
meant to be sort of a workbook.

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Okay.

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In the sense that I took
some is really. Yes.

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It's really nice to read. Yeah.

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And then you have reflection questions

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after each chapter,
which really stood out to me.

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So I'm like, is this for a college course
or is it just the reflection I.

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00:10:40,706 --> 00:10:43,609
Might use it in a course that I'm
teaching, but it wasn't intended for that.

240
00:10:43,609 --> 00:10:44,377
But it could be.

241
00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:46,912
What I wanted to do is take again, like,

242
00:10:46,912 --> 00:10:48,648
there's some really complex
topics up there.

243
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:50,683
You could pick up a sports psych book

244
00:10:50,683 --> 00:10:52,585
and it's going to be dense,
and they'll be theories

245
00:10:52,585 --> 00:10:54,487
and they'll be models,
and that's all great stuff.

246
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:55,621
But what does that look like

247
00:10:55,621 --> 00:10:58,691
for the average coach to
then go into their practice and use it?

248
00:10:58,991 --> 00:11:04,296
And so what I wanted to do is say, okay,
it's very much steeped in research.

249
00:11:04,296 --> 00:11:06,632
In theory,
there's none of this is just my thoughts.

250
00:11:06,632 --> 00:11:08,901
It's it's, you know, tried and true.

251
00:11:08,901 --> 00:11:11,570
But then I take stories,
you know, anecdotes.

252
00:11:11,570 --> 00:11:13,706
Some are personal
to me and some are made up.

253
00:11:15,374 --> 00:11:17,777
Oh. I also interviewed college athletes.

254
00:11:17,777 --> 00:11:19,578
That was one of my favorite pieces,
actually.

255
00:11:19,578 --> 00:11:23,215
I, a bunch of athletes across sports,

256
00:11:23,582 --> 00:11:27,119
reflecting on their current athleticism,

257
00:11:27,119 --> 00:11:30,122
but also like their youth experiences.

258
00:11:30,222 --> 00:11:33,125
And so I integrated
some of the quotes from that.

259
00:11:33,125 --> 00:11:36,796
But the reflection and the exercises
are meant to prompt the coach

260
00:11:36,796 --> 00:11:38,531
to just think about, like, yeah,

261
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:41,100
how is this working for you or not
working for you?

262
00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:43,269
And just it's not prescriptive.

263
00:11:43,269 --> 00:11:46,639
It's not in it's not intended
to tell someone how to coach

264
00:11:46,639 --> 00:11:49,642
because everybody brings
their own personality and style to it.

265
00:11:50,042 --> 00:11:52,678
But it helps them to think through

266
00:11:52,678 --> 00:11:55,981
the most common challenges
that we see as coaches.

267
00:11:55,981 --> 00:12:00,019
And again, a teacher could read this and,
I probably get a lot of it,

268
00:12:00,186 --> 00:12:01,420
a lot out of it as well.

269
00:12:01,420 --> 00:12:04,690
I did notice
I have it right here to the exercise page.

270
00:12:04,690 --> 00:12:07,960
I love that the reflection page, you know,
I get that

271
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:10,196
you always answering questions
at the end of the chapter.

272
00:12:10,196 --> 00:12:13,599
But yeah, to to to actually do something
like consider

273
00:12:13,599 --> 00:12:16,802
a belief of a negative expectation
that you have about an athlete.

274
00:12:16,802 --> 00:12:20,806
So well that's a bit
I talked a lot about expectations.

275
00:12:20,973 --> 00:12:23,442
And this is so true for teachers.
And you could

276
00:12:23,442 --> 00:12:26,312
you probably read the Rosenthal
and Jacobsen study from the 1960.

277
00:12:26,312 --> 00:12:27,613
You know, that's like a classic right.

278
00:12:27,613 --> 00:12:32,251
Is is kids rise to the expectation
you have or fall to the expectation

279
00:12:32,251 --> 00:12:32,885
you have a and

280
00:12:32,885 --> 00:12:36,021
so we don't want to have our expectations
so high that they can't meet them.

281
00:12:36,021 --> 00:12:37,056
And that's a different problem.

282
00:12:37,056 --> 00:12:39,091
But we do want to keep them high.

283
00:12:39,091 --> 00:12:42,394
And so sometimes
when you get into a dynamic

284
00:12:42,394 --> 00:12:46,298
with a kid in the classroom
or on the field or wherever,

285
00:12:46,298 --> 00:12:49,168
you know, you can start to expect them
to behave badly,

286
00:12:49,168 --> 00:12:52,938
you can start to expect them
not to listen or perform or whatever.

287
00:12:52,938 --> 00:12:55,441
And then it becomes a self-fulfilling
prophecy.

288
00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:57,743
So what do you have control
over as a coach?

289
00:12:57,743 --> 00:12:58,477
Only you.

290
00:12:58,477 --> 00:13:01,380
Only what you think, only what you say,
only what you do.

291
00:13:01,380 --> 00:13:06,152
We really don't control other people
as much as we may try to.

292
00:13:06,585 --> 00:13:08,954
We have a lot of influence though, so.

293
00:13:08,954 --> 00:13:10,856
But we do that by controlling ourselves.

294
00:13:10,856 --> 00:13:12,558
So you keep the expectations high.

295
00:13:12,558 --> 00:13:16,629
So this is a reflection to say okay,
what are you expecting out of this kid.

296
00:13:16,829 --> 00:13:21,033
And and if it's not matching
to what you would want maybe try

297
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:25,171
try to shift that a little bit,
give them the benefit of the doubt

298
00:13:25,404 --> 00:13:28,707
that they can do it
and that will come through.

299
00:13:28,741 --> 00:13:32,578
Even if you don't verbalize that
it'll come through in your body language.

300
00:13:32,578 --> 00:13:34,747
It'll come through in the ways
in which you're interacting

301
00:13:34,747 --> 00:13:38,984
in those moment to moments,
and they'll show up differently.

302
00:13:38,984 --> 00:13:40,753
And then maybe you will show up
differently.

303
00:13:40,753 --> 00:13:43,756
And it's it's that bidirectional language.

304
00:13:43,856 --> 00:13:44,890
Well, that's in this book.

305
00:13:44,890 --> 00:13:47,760
Both of them.
Body language I it stood out.

306
00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:48,394
Yeah. So,

307
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:52,298
your posture, your icon, your breathing.

308
00:13:52,298 --> 00:13:56,468
And so it's oh, this an this
I definitely noticed in this book.

309
00:13:56,468 --> 00:13:58,671
So now there's witness and wonder.

310
00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:01,507
There's a lot of connection
and correlation.

311
00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:01,740
Yeah.

312
00:14:01,740 --> 00:14:04,243
There's certain themes that that cross
both books.

313
00:14:04,243 --> 00:14:07,246
I get into them in different ways
and I apply them differently.

314
00:14:07,413 --> 00:14:10,416
But I was it writing
a nonfiction is is it?

315
00:14:10,549 --> 00:14:11,383
I find it challenging.

316
00:14:11,383 --> 00:14:12,117
It's challenging.

317
00:14:12,117 --> 00:14:14,854
Bibliography here is pretty,
pretty serious.

318
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:16,856
Well, you know, I am an academic at heart.

319
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:21,060
And so and I'm very it's very important
to me to give credit where credit's due.

320
00:14:21,093 --> 00:14:24,096
So, you know,
it's a lot of it is my original thought

321
00:14:24,096 --> 00:14:25,130
in the way I put it together.

322
00:14:25,130 --> 00:14:26,298
But if I'm going to,

323
00:14:26,298 --> 00:14:29,034
you know, cite research, I'm
going to show you where that came from.

324
00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:32,171
I'm not just going to say studies show
which studies show.

325
00:14:32,938 --> 00:14:34,640
I noticed that right away. Yeah.

326
00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:36,242
That's obviously very good.

327
00:14:36,242 --> 00:14:36,475
Yeah.

328
00:14:36,475 --> 00:14:38,043
So you can you could go further

329
00:14:38,043 --> 00:14:39,912
if you're interested
in any particular topic,

330
00:14:39,912 --> 00:14:43,182
you could take it further by
just checking out where I got that from.

331
00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:49,321
But I'm a big fan of learning
how to become more aware of

332
00:14:49,321 --> 00:14:51,557
and control our nonverbals

333
00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:55,461
and how because we communicate so much
more non-verbally than we do verbally.

334
00:14:55,494 --> 00:14:57,730
And you got to know this as a teacher.
Yeah.

335
00:14:57,730 --> 00:15:02,735
They're not hearing you as much as they're
they're they're taking in all of you.

336
00:15:02,968 --> 00:15:06,272
So if you come in with a with a presence,
you're going to get their attention

337
00:15:06,505 --> 00:15:08,607
much faster. They're just yelling.

338
00:15:08,607 --> 00:15:12,845
So my loud my quiet voice
is more effective than my loud.

339
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:14,480
That's the strategy.

340
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:15,414
Yeah.

341
00:15:15,414 --> 00:15:18,284
Or I do I rank I do a singing bell.

342
00:15:18,284 --> 00:15:21,153
Ding ding. Stop one. Stop
what you're doing.

343
00:15:21,153 --> 00:15:22,521
Two eyes on me three.

344
00:15:22,521 --> 00:15:25,291
We take a big breath together.
I love that. Breath.

345
00:15:25,291 --> 00:15:27,259
And that gets everyone
back on the same page.

346
00:15:27,259 --> 00:15:30,262
And then sometimes we'll take five
deep ones together.

347
00:15:30,429 --> 00:15:33,899
Different strategies are do the one, two,
three eyes on me.

348
00:15:34,133 --> 00:15:34,566
Yeah.

349
00:15:34,566 --> 00:15:36,035
So you're regulating them.

350
00:15:36,035 --> 00:15:37,870
Come in with a story they love stories,

351
00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:41,607
personal connections so that they'll never
I try to teach them something.

352
00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:42,174
They're not listening.

353
00:15:42,174 --> 00:15:46,712
But if I tell them about my dog Barkley
or me playing basketball, the J.

354
00:15:46,712 --> 00:15:49,548
They're like,
yeah, quiet and listen. Yes.

355
00:15:49,548 --> 00:15:51,583
And they're going to get so much
from that. Yeah.

356
00:15:51,583 --> 00:15:55,554
And that's the the belonging part of the,
of the coaching book is

357
00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:59,091
and I talk I mean the whole other book
is about relationships as well.

358
00:15:59,091 --> 00:16:00,526
But teaching is a relationship.

359
00:16:00,526 --> 00:16:01,794
Coaching is a relationship.

360
00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:03,996
And you you got to start there.

361
00:16:03,996 --> 00:16:07,099
But yeah that, that connection.

362
00:16:07,099 --> 00:16:10,235
Now you also have a business
or a company called witness and one.

363
00:16:10,235 --> 00:16:12,104
Well,
when I was doing professional division.

364
00:16:12,104 --> 00:16:15,074
So this book was a culmination
of the professional development.

365
00:16:15,074 --> 00:16:19,678
And the, I was working as a school mental
health consultant for many years.

366
00:16:20,245 --> 00:16:23,248
I was doing trauma informed stuff
before it was a thing.

367
00:16:23,248 --> 00:16:25,184
You know, I got trained up in Boston.

368
00:16:25,184 --> 00:16:27,619
I don't know if you know the name Bessel
van der Kolk,

369
00:16:27,619 --> 00:16:30,522
but he wrote the book,
The Body Keeps the Score.

370
00:16:30,522 --> 00:16:32,191
People know it now in the trauma field.

371
00:16:32,191 --> 00:16:37,162
But I was training with his group in the
early 2000 before he wrote that book.

372
00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:38,430
It was a paper.

373
00:16:38,430 --> 00:16:41,700
And I was very inspired by that
because it was a

374
00:16:42,301 --> 00:16:46,472
it was a fairly new way
of looking at a lot of the behaviors

375
00:16:46,472 --> 00:16:50,209
we see in people that we would jump
and give a diagnosis to

376
00:16:50,342 --> 00:16:53,312
without really understanding the etiology
or what what

377
00:16:53,746 --> 00:16:56,815
what was the point, what what was
what is the behavior serving?

378
00:16:57,116 --> 00:16:58,550
How is that serving the person?

379
00:16:58,550 --> 00:17:02,654
And so that sort of shift
into understanding

380
00:17:02,654 --> 00:17:05,924
early
trauma was really eye opening for me,

381
00:17:05,924 --> 00:17:08,594
because that wasn't the way
it was thought of before that.

382
00:17:08,594 --> 00:17:11,597
And so I took a lot of that information

383
00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:14,900
and it was being applied clinically,
but it wasn't in schools yet.

384
00:17:15,634 --> 00:17:17,536
Not, you know, everywhere.

385
00:17:17,536 --> 00:17:19,238
And probably
somebody was doing it somewhere,

386
00:17:19,238 --> 00:17:22,141
but it wasn't kind of the thing.

387
00:17:22,141 --> 00:17:25,344
And then when I moved here,
I was doing some work with that,

388
00:17:25,344 --> 00:17:29,214
and I don't really promote myself.

389
00:17:29,214 --> 00:17:32,017
I don't, I don't have like a website.

390
00:17:32,017 --> 00:17:33,919
I don't say, hey, I do this, hire me.

391
00:17:33,919 --> 00:17:36,822
It's more like I give a talk or workshop
and then I get a referral.

392
00:17:36,822 --> 00:17:41,193
And so for for many years,
I was all over the state doing this

393
00:17:41,193 --> 00:17:44,897
kind of work, 
and sometimes just going in and observing

394
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:47,900
kids like, oh, you know, this, this,
this child's having a hard time.

395
00:17:48,167 --> 00:17:49,501
Would you come into the classroom?

396
00:17:49,501 --> 00:17:52,538
Just give us your thoughts on
maybe how the teacher could,

397
00:17:52,971 --> 00:17:56,975
you know, manage this differently or, 
and so that

398
00:17:56,975 --> 00:18:01,380
this book was a culmination of that,
because what I found out

399
00:18:01,647 --> 00:18:05,884
through pretty early on, actually, is
when I would do these professional.

400
00:18:05,884 --> 00:18:08,220
And you've sat through a number
of professional development,

401
00:18:08,220 --> 00:18:09,855
I'm sure some are better than others.

402
00:18:09,855 --> 00:18:12,958
And I tried to be engaging
by a lot of times

403
00:18:12,958 --> 00:18:14,326
they'll put you in a big auditorium.

404
00:18:14,326 --> 00:18:16,328
And I would say to them,
please don't do that.

405
00:18:16,328 --> 00:18:18,864
You're not going to get
anything out of this.

406
00:18:18,864 --> 00:18:23,635
This is a small group, deep,
intimate conversation.

407
00:18:23,635 --> 00:18:27,206
It should not be me
speaking at 200 people, but whatever.

408
00:18:27,206 --> 00:18:31,143
They would put me in auditoriums a lot
and occasionally it would break out after.

409
00:18:32,411 --> 00:18:34,246
But one thing I realized,

410
00:18:34,246 --> 00:18:37,249
I went in with the intent to help to

411
00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:40,719
get the adults,
meaning the teachers, the counselors

412
00:18:40,719 --> 00:18:44,123
and other staff
to better understand the behavior of kids.

413
00:18:44,890 --> 00:18:46,892
Maybe
look at it from a different perspective,

414
00:18:46,892 --> 00:18:49,862
which would give them some insight
on where to go from here.

415
00:18:50,028 --> 00:18:52,097
And what I realized is that it
didn't really matter

416
00:18:52,097 --> 00:18:54,199
how well they understood it,
because they did understand it.

417
00:18:54,199 --> 00:18:57,002
They would get it.
These concepts aren't hard to get.

418
00:18:57,002 --> 00:18:57,603
They would get it.

419
00:18:57,603 --> 00:18:59,404
Light bulb moments. I'd see it.

420
00:18:59,404 --> 00:19:01,573
They'd excitedly talk about it. I got it.

421
00:19:01,573 --> 00:19:04,576
But then I would go in and observe
and nothing would change.

422
00:19:05,711 --> 00:19:09,381
And that makes sense because

423
00:19:10,382 --> 00:19:14,153
we, as the adults in the room are human
and we are reactive.

424
00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:17,856
And so when that child starts to act
in the way that they act,

425
00:19:18,056 --> 00:19:21,059
we react
even if we have all that knowledge.

426
00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:22,294
And I'm glad you're doing

427
00:19:22,294 --> 00:19:26,198
the sort of proactive approach
of regulating them first, not that,

428
00:19:26,198 --> 00:19:29,668
but you could probably think of instances
where like, you're going, you're going to

429
00:19:29,668 --> 00:19:33,205
just snap, you're going to you're going
to go back to that habitual reactivity.

430
00:19:33,572 --> 00:19:36,742
And I thought, okay,
I need to work with the adult in the room.

431
00:19:36,742 --> 00:19:41,180
I need to help them to find ways
for their own well-being, actually,

432
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,949
and to reduce their burnout,
whether that's a teacher

433
00:19:43,949 --> 00:19:47,352
or a parent or coach,
because they can only control them.

434
00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:51,590
So I kind of I switched it
I it's still talking about what kids need,

435
00:19:52,124 --> 00:19:55,127
but it's like what can we do as the adult?

436
00:19:55,327 --> 00:19:57,229
So that's what that book is about.

437
00:19:57,229 --> 00:19:58,597
That's why there's so many practices

438
00:19:58,597 --> 00:20:02,834
at the end on how to regulate yourself
from a notice, from a top.

439
00:20:02,834 --> 00:20:05,571
Down changes at the end. Or bottom up.

440
00:20:05,571 --> 00:20:09,141
So I think of it in terms of top down
and bottom up, top down being

441
00:20:09,541 --> 00:20:12,211
those cognitive strategies
and things that you do with

442
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:15,214
how you think and your mindset
and your expectations and all that.

443
00:20:15,314 --> 00:20:17,983
And then bottom up
is working with the body.

444
00:20:17,983 --> 00:20:21,320
So working with the breath,
working with your posture, your energy,

445
00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:22,221
things like that.

446
00:20:24,122 --> 00:20:26,525
This is really important all the time.

447
00:20:26,525 --> 00:20:29,528
But it's particularly important in sports
when I work with athletes.

448
00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:33,799
You're not going to change your mind
with the mind in a stressful moment.

449
00:20:33,932 --> 00:20:37,936
So you're in a game situation, let's say,
right, and it's not going your way.

450
00:20:37,970 --> 00:20:39,738
You just missed a really important
fall shot.

451
00:20:39,738 --> 00:20:41,306
I know you're your basketball player.

452
00:20:41,306 --> 00:20:43,508
What happens if you get in your head?

453
00:20:43,508 --> 00:20:46,111
You're not getting out of your head
with your head.

454
00:20:46,111 --> 00:20:49,047
You're not going to use self-talk
in that moment, most likely.

455
00:20:49,047 --> 00:20:49,915
Okay, okay.

456
00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:52,050
Maybe if you've practiced it
and you have a ritual around it

457
00:20:52,050 --> 00:20:54,453
or something like that,
you might be able to,

458
00:20:54,453 --> 00:20:57,589
but you can shift your physiology
really fast with the breath,

459
00:20:58,056 --> 00:21:00,892
with changing your posture,
with sort of things

460
00:21:00,892 --> 00:21:04,529
that are more physical physically,
even the way where your your gaze is going

461
00:21:04,529 --> 00:21:05,197
wide or narrow.

462
00:21:05,197 --> 00:21:08,800
These are things that are going
to change your nervous system

463
00:21:09,534 --> 00:21:11,637
that might get
you back in a regulated state.

464
00:21:11,637 --> 00:21:14,373
So the second one you make okay, okay.

465
00:21:14,373 --> 00:21:17,909
So that's that's why I come at it
from both, perspectives.

466
00:21:17,909 --> 00:21:20,912
I think that all of us
are trying our best,

467
00:21:21,213 --> 00:21:24,483
to make it through our days
and to be great in our relationships.

468
00:21:24,516 --> 00:21:28,320
And all of us have the same challenges
of being reactive,

469
00:21:28,654 --> 00:21:31,556
having our habits and tendencies.

470
00:21:31,556 --> 00:21:32,758
And it's more about,

471
00:21:33,692 --> 00:21:35,961
can you become aware of what those are

472
00:21:35,961 --> 00:21:39,631
in the most compassionate,
non-judgmental way?

473
00:21:39,631 --> 00:21:39,998
Right.

474
00:21:39,998 --> 00:21:42,901
Because it doesn't serve anybody
to be really harsh on yourself.

475
00:21:42,901 --> 00:21:46,371
You want to just look with curiosity,
like like you did that the morning

476
00:21:46,371 --> 00:21:47,372
you dropped off your daughters.

477
00:21:47,372 --> 00:21:49,808
It's like, you know, what did I do?

478
00:21:49,808 --> 00:21:52,044
Could I have done something differently?

479
00:21:52,044 --> 00:21:53,478
Yeah, it's a good question to ask.

480
00:21:53,478 --> 00:21:54,579
And maybe you have.

481
00:21:54,579 --> 00:21:57,215
Okay. So,
Some good mental health going on yourself.

482
00:21:57,215 --> 00:21:58,283
Yeah.

483
00:21:58,283 --> 00:22:01,286
You do, I try.

484
00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:04,856
I do, well, stuck out.

485
00:22:04,856 --> 00:22:06,725
So. Yeah.

486
00:22:06,725 --> 00:22:09,127
Yes. That was an acronym.
We deal every day.

487
00:22:09,127 --> 00:22:11,363
Social emotional learning. Everything.

488
00:22:11,363 --> 00:22:13,899
So I have I have thoughts on that
and you can read about it.

489
00:22:13,899 --> 00:22:14,700
Well I saw.

490
00:22:14,700 --> 00:22:14,900
That.

491
00:22:14,900 --> 00:22:17,869
Well, I think that there are some programs
that are better than others.

492
00:22:17,869 --> 00:22:20,138
I guess I can step.

493
00:22:20,138 --> 00:22:21,039
You ever heard of that one?

494
00:22:21,039 --> 00:22:23,375
I have,
I don't know, I couldn't tell you, like I,

495
00:22:23,375 --> 00:22:25,477
my kids went through it
because they were at Wolcott.

496
00:22:25,477 --> 00:22:27,546
And I've heard good things about it.

497
00:22:27,546 --> 00:22:31,116
I don't think that they're not
they don't have any worth.

498
00:22:31,116 --> 00:22:35,020
What I'm saying in the book is
you're going to get more

499
00:22:35,020 --> 00:22:38,457
from the relationship
and the moment to moment interactions.

500
00:22:38,457 --> 00:22:40,225
You see these kids day in and day out.

501
00:22:40,225 --> 00:22:43,161
It's how you're relating to them. It's
how you're responding to them.

502
00:22:43,161 --> 00:22:44,863
It's what you're modeling for them.

503
00:22:44,863 --> 00:22:47,632
So you can have a formal curriculum where

504
00:22:47,632 --> 00:22:51,036
maybe they're role playing
or they're learning about their feelings.

505
00:22:51,603 --> 00:22:54,272
But the way we learn about feelings

506
00:22:54,272 --> 00:22:57,409
as people is not to look at like

507
00:22:57,409 --> 00:23:01,413
a smiley chart of and and pick out,
that's what I'm feeling.

508
00:23:01,747 --> 00:23:04,616
It's that I have a sensation in my body

509
00:23:04,616 --> 00:23:07,486
and you're reflecting it
through your own body language.

510
00:23:07,486 --> 00:23:09,154
Maybe you're giving me language for it.

511
00:23:09,154 --> 00:23:10,389
If I'm really little,

512
00:23:10,389 --> 00:23:13,058
you know, if I don't really understand
the difference between frustration

513
00:23:13,058 --> 00:23:15,694
and anger yet,
maybe you're helping me put words to that.

514
00:23:15,694 --> 00:23:19,464
Yeah, but it's it's a moment
to moment interaction.

515
00:23:19,965 --> 00:23:22,134
And it happens primarily
with parents and children.

516
00:23:22,134 --> 00:23:25,470
But it also is going to happen
with more advanced peers

517
00:23:25,470 --> 00:23:28,473
or with teachers or coaches.

518
00:23:28,540 --> 00:23:32,444
So my take is I'm not saying
you have to get rid of all the ACL,

519
00:23:33,245 --> 00:23:36,915
but it's more about what is happening day
to day, moment to moment.

520
00:23:36,915 --> 00:23:39,384
That's where they're
really getting these skills.

521
00:23:40,352 --> 00:23:41,052
And it's not that

522
00:23:41,052 --> 00:23:44,089
you have to teach it,
it's just how do you show up

523
00:23:44,890 --> 00:23:48,427
so that they're getting the experience
that helps it to develop?

524
00:23:48,427 --> 00:23:51,897
I really push gross
growth mindset, perseverance.

525
00:23:52,030 --> 00:23:53,432
You can do hard things.

526
00:23:53,432 --> 00:23:55,767
I say a lot because
a lot of kids are like, this is hard.

527
00:23:55,767 --> 00:23:59,137
Or going through aspect testing and
all these different end of the year tests.

528
00:23:59,137 --> 00:23:59,504
Yeah.

529
00:23:59,504 --> 00:24:02,174
So a lot of challenges for kids
and they're like, this is hard.

530
00:24:02,174 --> 00:24:04,209
I don't know this. I'm like, try
your best show.

531
00:24:04,209 --> 00:24:07,145
You work is another one show
you work. Draw a picture. Yep.

532
00:24:07,145 --> 00:24:10,715
Use words numbers and and pictures.

533
00:24:12,617 --> 00:24:12,818
Yeah.

534
00:24:12,818 --> 00:24:15,620
Another one stood up PBIs I'm like,
you hit them all on.

535
00:24:15,620 --> 00:24:17,789
How do you know PBIs? That was impressive.

536
00:24:18,990 --> 00:24:19,591
Yeah.

537
00:24:19,591 --> 00:24:22,561
And I this one really got me
I highlighted right here this was great

538
00:24:22,561 --> 00:24:27,032
because this happened
we used to old school style of teaching.

539
00:24:27,032 --> 00:24:28,300
Well for behavior management.

540
00:24:28,300 --> 00:24:29,935
We used to do the clips. Yes.

541
00:24:29,935 --> 00:24:32,537
On a color kids name on a clip.

542
00:24:32,537 --> 00:24:33,371
If you had to talk.

543
00:24:33,371 --> 00:24:35,640
What's your take on that?

544
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:36,775
I think that it doesn't.

545
00:24:36,775 --> 00:24:38,743
Your posture in your your are you.

546
00:24:38,743 --> 00:24:40,745
Just saw I saw me ten year old.

547
00:24:40,745 --> 00:24:42,447
Me so I already. Know.

548
00:24:42,447 --> 00:24:46,151
Here's the thing for the kids
that are going to be able to learn this,

549
00:24:46,351 --> 00:24:48,253
it's going to be probably okay.

550
00:24:48,253 --> 00:24:51,857
But if you think about the leaderboard
thing where like you're here, you're down

551
00:24:51,857 --> 00:24:54,459
here, you're ranking their behavior,
is that what you're talking about?

552
00:24:54,459 --> 00:24:57,629
And everyone starts on blue okay.

553
00:24:57,662 --> 00:24:59,397
It's the good color okay.

554
00:24:59,397 --> 00:25:01,700
If you shout out
you get a verbal reminder.

555
00:25:01,700 --> 00:25:03,268
You go to yellow. Yeah.

556
00:25:03,268 --> 00:25:04,936
And then I say it happens again.

557
00:25:06,137 --> 00:25:06,972
I forgot what it was.

558
00:25:06,972 --> 00:25:09,975
It was like verbal reminder.

559
00:25:10,008 --> 00:25:10,742
One of them's.

560
00:25:10,742 --> 00:25:11,510
There's one there.

561
00:25:11,510 --> 00:25:12,511
Then it's call home.

562
00:25:12,511 --> 00:25:13,545
That all.

563
00:25:13,545 --> 00:25:15,914
Okay. So it's it's sort of a visual
but anyway.

564
00:25:15,914 --> 00:25:18,517
But everyone sees it right.
The whole class okay. So.

565
00:25:18,517 --> 00:25:19,951
Oh no. They're gone. Okay. Go.

566
00:25:19,951 --> 00:25:21,386
I'm glad to hear that. Okay.

567
00:25:21,386 --> 00:25:23,488
Because I knew you were going to be glad
they're gone.

568
00:25:23,488 --> 00:25:26,157
Because I saw your posture
and your breathing.

569
00:25:26,157 --> 00:25:27,859
You saw you start breathing.

570
00:25:27,859 --> 00:25:30,662
Here's the reason

571
00:25:30,662 --> 00:25:32,264
for some kids.
They're going to be okay with that.

572
00:25:32,264 --> 00:25:35,100
And especially the ones who can do
well anyway.

573
00:25:35,100 --> 00:25:36,067
They're going to actually feel good.

574
00:25:36,067 --> 00:25:37,002
I'm in the blue.

575
00:25:37,002 --> 00:25:37,335
Yeah.

576
00:25:37,335 --> 00:25:40,338
The kids who tend to not be in the blue.

577
00:25:40,405 --> 00:25:43,141
This is not that they don't
want to be in the blue like something.

578
00:25:43,141 --> 00:25:44,843
And I'm not giving them a pass.

579
00:25:44,843 --> 00:25:46,278
Like it's okay not to be in the blue.

580
00:25:46,278 --> 00:25:48,680
They need support
so that they can be there.

581
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:52,284
But when they have a visual representation
that everyone else can see.

582
00:25:52,284 --> 00:25:53,818
Yeah, that I mean, they're

583
00:25:53,818 --> 00:25:56,388
either going to be anxious about it,
they might be angry about it,

584
00:25:56,388 --> 00:25:59,391
they might shut down and be like,
I don't care, but they care.

585
00:25:59,758 --> 00:26:02,260
You know,
everybody wants to do well, know.

586
00:26:02,260 --> 00:26:05,931
And it's probably going to dysregulated
those kids

587
00:26:05,931 --> 00:26:09,367
more then then, you know,
you have seen it.

588
00:26:09,367 --> 00:26:10,802
So seeing it.

589
00:26:10,802 --> 00:26:15,073
You know, but it's okay
for you to privately have some idea of

590
00:26:15,073 --> 00:26:19,244
where they're at and maybe go to the kid
that's in the lower color saying,

591
00:26:19,878 --> 00:26:24,349
what's going on, you know, and really have
that, that genuine again, the genuine

592
00:26:24,349 --> 00:26:29,754
curiosity, not the what's going on,
not the harsh what's heck's going on here?

593
00:26:29,754 --> 00:26:32,390
It's it's happening,
you know, that genuine.

594
00:26:32,390 --> 00:26:34,092
And that's where the relationship
is going to carry you.

595
00:26:34,092 --> 00:26:36,661
And I know you have these
great relationship with your students.

596
00:26:36,661 --> 00:26:37,662
They love you.

597
00:26:37,662 --> 00:26:40,999
And so you have that basis
to ask that question.

598
00:26:41,032 --> 00:26:41,533
Yeah.

599
00:26:41,533 --> 00:26:44,703
You know always what about this one two.

600
00:26:44,736 --> 00:26:47,706
The absence of a reward is punishment.

601
00:26:47,706 --> 00:26:49,741
Well, that's stuck up is it not?

602
00:26:49,741 --> 00:26:52,644
Because the tickets you're doing
a good job.

603
00:26:52,644 --> 00:26:53,845
Here's a ticket.

604
00:26:53,845 --> 00:26:55,380
You're walking quietly in line.

605
00:26:55,380 --> 00:26:57,015
Here's a ticket.

606
00:26:57,015 --> 00:26:58,917
You were picking up.

607
00:26:58,917 --> 00:27:00,785
Trash is not yours. Here's a ticket.

608
00:27:00,785 --> 00:27:01,720
But now the.

609
00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:06,424
Without the ticket, will they do it right
or are they being punished

610
00:27:06,424 --> 00:27:08,994
because there's no reward?
That one was like.

611
00:27:08,994 --> 00:27:10,762
Yeah, I mean things I guess

612
00:27:12,030 --> 00:27:12,964
the schools,

613
00:27:12,964 --> 00:27:16,468
behavior management schools, I mean, going
back to the 70s and probably before

614
00:27:16,468 --> 00:27:19,938
that, it was always very behaviorist
based, reward punishment based.

615
00:27:19,938 --> 00:27:22,841
And then we kind of dropped
the punishment stuff. Yeah.

616
00:27:22,841 --> 00:27:25,410
But did we because like,
this is what I'm saying.

617
00:27:25,410 --> 00:27:28,680
The absence of the reward
is, yeah, the sense of punishment.

618
00:27:28,680 --> 00:27:33,451
And so we can affect behavior
through rewards and punishment.

619
00:27:33,585 --> 00:27:36,821
The question is what's your end game

620
00:27:37,389 --> 00:27:40,892
if you're just looking to get them
to comply in the moment.

621
00:27:40,892 --> 00:27:42,894
And sometimes you need to listen,
I get it.

622
00:27:42,894 --> 00:27:45,430
There are times when it's a useful tool,

623
00:27:45,430 --> 00:27:50,235
but if if you're a real bigger goal
is to help them to self manage

624
00:27:50,502 --> 00:27:55,173
to take responsibility,
to be accountable, to choose

625
00:27:55,173 --> 00:27:58,243
better rewards and punishments
aren't the way to go.

626
00:27:59,177 --> 00:28:03,548
And so much of what I say in the 
the athlete book

627
00:28:03,548 --> 00:28:07,652
or the coaching book
is about the importance of autonomy.

628
00:28:08,086 --> 00:28:11,156
Like and building
competence and confidence.

629
00:28:11,156 --> 00:28:15,860
So competence and confidence
come from trying something hard,

630
00:28:16,294 --> 00:28:20,832
maybe failing,
trying again, succeeding. And

631
00:28:21,833 --> 00:28:24,836
so we need to kind of set kids up.

632
00:28:25,637 --> 00:28:27,105
This is the Vygotsky stuff right.

633
00:28:27,105 --> 00:28:28,373
You know the scaffolding.

634
00:28:28,373 --> 00:28:32,911
We want them to be able
we want them challenged not so far up here

635
00:28:32,911 --> 00:28:34,979
that they're going to fail
and never get there.

636
00:28:34,979 --> 00:28:36,548
That's just demoralizing.

637
00:28:36,548 --> 00:28:39,451
But we don't want to just be handing out

638
00:28:39,451 --> 00:28:42,454
awards just because you showed up
like they used to be.

639
00:28:42,654 --> 00:28:46,891
Some challenge that they can master
and feel great about themselves,

640
00:28:47,058 --> 00:28:48,626
that builds the confidence.

641
00:28:48,626 --> 00:28:52,997
So these are the things that I'm seeing
in the teens and young adults

642
00:28:52,997 --> 00:28:56,835
now that I think is underlying
what if people talk about

643
00:28:56,835 --> 00:28:58,203
a mental health crisis right now?

644
00:28:58,203 --> 00:29:02,407
I have some thoughts on
what's happened over the last decade,

645
00:29:02,407 --> 00:29:06,277
and it's multifactorial, but some of it is

646
00:29:06,911 --> 00:29:11,082
they've lost the opportunity
to take those risks, fail

647
00:29:11,850 --> 00:29:15,186
or succeed and build the competence,
particularly around,

648
00:29:15,553 --> 00:29:19,891
social socializing and social skills
and things like that.

649
00:29:19,891 --> 00:29:22,560
And I think that's
why we're seeing a lot of the anxiety.

650
00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:25,330
I had a couple kids
hand me a paper and they're like,

651
00:29:25,330 --> 00:29:28,133
I'm like,
that one's wrong, Derek, don't put the ax.

652
00:29:28,133 --> 00:29:31,236
And I was like, whoa,
that stood out to happen recently.

653
00:29:31,236 --> 00:29:33,505
Years. Don't put the ax, don't put the ax.

654
00:29:33,505 --> 00:29:35,406
I'm like, well,
you're going to go back and change it.

655
00:29:35,406 --> 00:29:37,142
And then I could get this though.

656
00:29:37,142 --> 00:29:39,511
They didn't want the ax anywhere
that's vile.

657
00:29:39,511 --> 00:29:42,981
Or they don't use red pens
because that's a bad color.

658
00:29:42,981 --> 00:29:45,984
Or like, they,

659
00:29:45,984 --> 00:29:48,219
it impacts them a little more.

660
00:29:48,219 --> 00:29:53,124
But no, we teach children
that to fail is to learn,

661
00:29:53,124 --> 00:29:55,360
and that perfection is not expected
or possible.

662
00:29:55,360 --> 00:29:58,329
Yet our reward practice sends
a contradictory message.

663
00:29:58,329 --> 00:29:59,798
Another highlight.

664
00:29:59,798 --> 00:30:01,399
I talk about failure.

665
00:30:01,399 --> 00:30:04,869
I put on the board, fail, first
attempt and learning.

666
00:30:05,136 --> 00:30:08,006
I love that. Yeah, and then I write.

667
00:30:08,006 --> 00:30:13,344
Mistakes are expected, respected.

668
00:30:13,878 --> 00:30:15,580
Inspected. Right.

669
00:30:15,580 --> 00:30:17,515
You're going to make the mistake.

670
00:30:17,515 --> 00:30:19,317
We're going to respect
because people make them,

671
00:30:19,317 --> 00:30:21,886
and then we're going to look into it
to see what you did wrong.

672
00:30:21,886 --> 00:30:23,588
So we don't yeah. Do it again.

673
00:30:23,588 --> 00:30:24,889
Expected respected.

674
00:30:24,889 --> 00:30:25,557
But I love that.

675
00:30:25,557 --> 00:30:27,959
And some kids just have
perfectionistic tendencies.

676
00:30:27,959 --> 00:30:29,360
And it didn't come from the parents.

677
00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:30,495
It didn't come from the teacher.

678
00:30:30,495 --> 00:30:32,664
It's sort of the way their brain is wired.

679
00:30:32,664 --> 00:30:36,501
But the more we can send the the message
just generally that like this

680
00:30:36,501 --> 00:30:40,905
is part of growth, you cannot grow
without some failure along the way

681
00:30:41,206 --> 00:30:42,841
because that means you didn't take a risk.

682
00:30:42,841 --> 00:30:44,242
I know I just said that today was like,

683
00:30:44,242 --> 00:30:47,011
if you go through life
and all your questions are easy,

684
00:30:47,011 --> 00:30:49,414
you know, learning anything,
there's no struggle.

685
00:30:49,414 --> 00:30:51,049
It's like lifting up weights
that are free light.

686
00:30:51,049 --> 00:30:52,717
You're never going to get a muscle.
That's right.

687
00:30:52,717 --> 00:30:56,721
You need that challenge to,
you know, that's when the learning

688
00:30:56,721 --> 00:31:00,124
takes place and they're like
oh I'm giving them that pump up.

689
00:31:00,225 --> 00:31:04,529
Before the CNT or not
the CMT the aspect testing.

690
00:31:04,529 --> 00:31:06,331
Yeah I'm giving them
like the Vince Lombardi.

691
00:31:06,331 --> 00:31:08,166
This is our Super Bowl.

692
00:31:08,166 --> 00:31:10,368
We've been practicing all year.

693
00:31:10,368 --> 00:31:13,137
We're going to show the world
how smart we are.

694
00:31:13,137 --> 00:31:16,140
And they're like yeah you can do it.

695
00:31:16,341 --> 00:31:18,476
That's that. Coaching
does that good. It is coaching.

696
00:31:18,476 --> 00:31:21,212
And then that's
the high expectation to you.

697
00:31:21,212 --> 00:31:24,015
You're showing them your belief in them.

698
00:31:24,015 --> 00:31:27,385
So you're you know you got the bar
and you're saying I know you can meet this

699
00:31:27,385 --> 00:31:29,053
and we've done
this. We've put in the work.

700
00:31:29,053 --> 00:31:30,421
Now let's do it. Yeah.

701
00:31:31,689 --> 00:31:32,924
No, that's so interesting.

702
00:31:32,924 --> 00:31:33,791
I'm really excited.

703
00:31:33,791 --> 00:31:37,629
Witness and wonder
about sourcing an educator and fabric

704
00:31:39,030 --> 00:31:39,464
author.

705
00:31:39,464 --> 00:31:41,900
Do do you read another book too? Right.
Don't you have a couple more?

706
00:31:41,900 --> 00:31:45,336
I don't know, I'm working on one for it
specifically for athletes now.

707
00:31:45,370 --> 00:31:47,438
Okay.
It's going to be sort of an offshoot.

708
00:31:47,438 --> 00:31:49,140
Why are you out of book?

709
00:31:49,140 --> 00:31:51,609
I mean, I know that was written.
This is a magazine.

710
00:31:51,609 --> 00:31:52,243
I've written.

711
00:31:52,243 --> 00:31:55,213
Yeah, I have journal, peer reviewed
journals and things like that.

712
00:31:55,213 --> 00:31:57,649
And then trauma is a goes.

713
00:31:57,649 --> 00:31:59,617
Yeah, I don't read it, fit into it.

714
00:31:59,617 --> 00:32:02,620
And either book. 32 and 38.

715
00:32:02,820 --> 00:32:04,022
Trauma is an interesting thing.

716
00:32:04,022 --> 00:32:08,826
So like I said, I've been I've been
teaching about that for 20 plus years.

717
00:32:09,494 --> 00:32:12,330
And I have my take on it has changed.

718
00:32:12,330 --> 00:32:14,198
So I could tell you about that
if you like.

719
00:32:14,198 --> 00:32:18,603
I think it's it was a great thing
that we recognized that there's trauma

720
00:32:18,603 --> 00:32:23,441
underlying people's sometimes maladaptive
behaviors, addiction, things like that.

721
00:32:23,441 --> 00:32:27,245
That is amazing that we can get that
because our our experiences

722
00:32:27,245 --> 00:32:28,379
always change who we are.

723
00:32:28,379 --> 00:32:31,449
They change our mindset,
our worldview, our nervous system.

724
00:32:31,683 --> 00:32:33,251
They shape us. Right?

725
00:32:33,251 --> 00:32:34,519
So it's good to know that

726
00:32:35,553 --> 00:32:38,923
where I think we've gone
a little too far off the rails at this

727
00:32:38,923 --> 00:32:42,293
point is everybody is identifying
with their trauma story,

728
00:32:42,493 --> 00:32:44,696
and that's not a good place to be.

729
00:32:44,696 --> 00:32:47,465
So it's good to understand

730
00:32:47,465 --> 00:32:50,802
what's happened to you and how it's shaped
you and how it's formed. You.

731
00:32:51,369 --> 00:32:54,439
But the question
I like to say is, now what?

732
00:32:54,939 --> 00:32:58,643
Because if all you do
is repeat your trauma story over and over

733
00:32:58,643 --> 00:32:59,677
and use it as a reason

734
00:32:59,677 --> 00:33:02,747
for why I am the way I am, especially
if you don't want to be that way,

735
00:33:03,047 --> 00:33:06,851
then it's just a story
that's that's actually limiting you.

736
00:33:07,118 --> 00:33:07,552
Gotcha.

737
00:33:07,552 --> 00:33:11,923
So it's not about ignoring diminishing
someone's suffering or anything like that.

738
00:33:11,923 --> 00:33:15,960
Like totally not acknowledge
that and understand how it's maybe shaped

739
00:33:15,960 --> 00:33:18,963
your beliefs or even your nervous system
because it does.

740
00:33:19,630 --> 00:33:22,934
But it's more like,
okay, now what do I want?

741
00:33:22,967 --> 00:33:25,570
Who do I want to be?
How might I want to be different?

742
00:33:25,570 --> 00:33:28,406
And so much of what I write about,
especially in the second book

743
00:33:28,406 --> 00:33:34,012
in Fabric Book, is about habit formation
and procedural learning.

744
00:33:34,012 --> 00:33:34,278
And like

745
00:33:35,313 --> 00:33:37,315
you are, what you repeatedly do.

746
00:33:37,315 --> 00:33:39,317
I think that's been attributed
to Aristotle, though.

747
00:33:39,317 --> 00:33:40,752
Someone told me he didn't actually said,

748
00:33:40,752 --> 00:33:44,088
I don't know who said it originally,
but you are what you repeatedly do.

749
00:33:44,088 --> 00:33:48,559
So if you don't like who you are,
you're not stuck.

750
00:33:48,693 --> 00:33:53,297
It is not determined,
but it is going to take some intentional,

751
00:33:53,631 --> 00:33:56,834
deliberate practice
of something different.

752
00:33:57,268 --> 00:34:01,005
And that's what I try to get across to the
especially

753
00:34:01,005 --> 00:34:04,942
the young adults that I work with,
whether that's around their mental health.

754
00:34:04,942 --> 00:34:08,112
It might be around their athletic
performance, their well-being in general.

755
00:34:08,579 --> 00:34:11,582
It's what are you going to do differently?

756
00:34:11,816 --> 00:34:15,019
I have a story
I could share, if you'd like, in there.

757
00:34:15,353 --> 00:34:20,158
One of my, it's it's in this one,
but I have a friend from, you.

758
00:34:20,158 --> 00:34:22,393
Know, a page. Chapter. 15.

759
00:34:22,393 --> 00:34:27,465
It would be in the intentionality
chapter, and that is chapter.

760
00:34:27,465 --> 00:34:29,667
I don't know,
I think that's chapter five.

761
00:34:31,269 --> 00:34:32,303
So I have a

762
00:34:32,303 --> 00:34:36,074
story that I've been sharing in my class
in my college classes for a while now.

763
00:34:36,274 --> 00:34:39,410
Whenever I talk about procedural learning,
procedural memory,

764
00:34:39,710 --> 00:34:43,281
and just habit formation in general.

765
00:34:43,748 --> 00:34:47,819
And I wanted to put it in the book
and I was like, well, I need to ask

766
00:34:47,819 --> 00:34:50,221
permission before I write this,
because this is a true story.

767
00:34:50,221 --> 00:34:51,422
And one of my childhood friends.

768
00:34:51,422 --> 00:34:53,791
So I, I messaged her through Facebook.

769
00:34:53,791 --> 00:34:55,259
So Roseanne, it's Roseanne.

770
00:34:55,259 --> 00:34:57,495
And I said, one, do you remember this?

771
00:34:57,495 --> 00:34:58,429
Tell me if it's accurate.

772
00:34:58,429 --> 00:35:01,432
Because, you know, we're talking about 35,
40 years ago.

773
00:35:01,732 --> 00:35:03,034
She says. I do remember that.

774
00:35:03,034 --> 00:35:04,402
I love that you remember that.

775
00:35:04,402 --> 00:35:07,405
And I said, okay, I would really love
to use this in my book.

776
00:35:07,605 --> 00:35:09,540
Do I, you know,
do I have your permission to. Yes.

777
00:35:09,540 --> 00:35:11,642
And I said,
would you like to be named because I can

778
00:35:11,642 --> 00:35:13,411
I cannot use a name
or I could use a pseudonym.

779
00:35:13,411 --> 00:35:16,380
She said, no, I want you to use my name.
So her real name is Roseanne.

780
00:35:16,380 --> 00:35:18,382
Shout out to Roseanne.
Shout out to Roseanne.

781
00:35:18,382 --> 00:35:22,487
And so this is what happened when I was
in elementary school with Roseanne.

782
00:35:22,920 --> 00:35:27,291
She was a fantastic gymnast,
and whenever we were in PE class,

783
00:35:27,558 --> 00:35:31,863
we would do the,
you know, the floor tumbling exercises.

784
00:35:31,863 --> 00:35:34,532
And most of us are doing forward
rolls backward rolls, cartwheels.

785
00:35:34,532 --> 00:35:37,902
And she'd be doing, you know,
multiple back handsprings that things.

786
00:35:37,902 --> 00:35:41,105
And we would all sit around
and watch her perform,

787
00:35:41,506 --> 00:35:45,276
and I would sit there
and little all of her strength

788
00:35:45,276 --> 00:35:47,478
and her fearlessness
and her skill and talent

789
00:35:47,478 --> 00:35:50,481
and a little envy, just like, oh,
I wish I could do that, you know?

790
00:35:50,848 --> 00:35:53,184
And then a few years later,
we're in junior high.

791
00:35:53,184 --> 00:35:56,187
She was always a great athlete,
very strong, very fast.

792
00:35:56,254 --> 00:35:57,688
And I don't know why we're doing this.

793
00:35:57,688 --> 00:35:59,490
Maybe you could tell me we were.

794
00:35:59,490 --> 00:36:00,691
We'd go out for P.E.

795
00:36:00,691 --> 00:36:05,363
and every student would get timed how fast
they could run the short distance.

796
00:36:05,363 --> 00:36:08,299
I don't remember what it was,
but we had to sprint over at a time,

797
00:36:08,299 --> 00:36:11,202
and it was known
that Roseanne would be the top female,

798
00:36:11,202 --> 00:36:14,205
maybe even the top across everyone
because she was so fast.

799
00:36:14,438 --> 00:36:19,844
But the funniest part of the story to me
is that my junior high didn't have fields.

800
00:36:19,844 --> 00:36:22,413
It didn't have a track.
It didn't even really have.

801
00:36:22,413 --> 00:36:24,415
Much like grassy area.

802
00:36:24,415 --> 00:36:27,385
It was right on the road with a sidewalk.

803
00:36:27,385 --> 00:36:30,121
And so this test took place

804
00:36:30,121 --> 00:36:33,157
on a sandy, uneven sidewalk.

805
00:36:33,424 --> 00:36:36,460
Okay, that we had to sprint down to
to the timing.

806
00:36:36,460 --> 00:36:38,129
Okay. So we're going along.

807
00:36:38,129 --> 00:36:40,264
And well. It's not going to end well.

808
00:36:40,264 --> 00:36:41,732
So we're watching one by one.

809
00:36:41,732 --> 00:36:44,535
Roseanne takes her mark
and we're all expecting her to win.

810
00:36:44,535 --> 00:36:45,903
So we're all watching from the grass

811
00:36:47,305 --> 00:36:49,040
and she takes off like a shot.

812
00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:52,109
And she's like 4 or 5 strides
in, just really going.

813
00:36:52,410 --> 00:36:55,613
And the tip of her sneaker
catches on the uneven sidewalk,

814
00:36:56,013 --> 00:37:01,052
and she starts heading headfirst
toward the sandy cement sidewalk.

815
00:37:01,319 --> 00:37:04,689
And it's one of those moments where you're
kind of looking through your fingers.

816
00:37:04,689 --> 00:37:08,226
You know it's coming, and I swear to you,
like time just slowed down.

817
00:37:08,226 --> 00:37:10,094
It went in slow motion for me.

818
00:37:10,094 --> 00:37:13,197
I'm expecting
just blood and skin everywhere,

819
00:37:13,197 --> 00:37:16,200
and, And so.

820
00:37:16,500 --> 00:37:20,304
Oh, and now the other thing is,
what happens, I ask you, what do

821
00:37:20,304 --> 00:37:23,674
most of us do in that situation
if we unexpectedly fall?

822
00:37:24,242 --> 00:37:29,580
Our habitual sort of default
mode is exactly hands out tight brace.

823
00:37:29,914 --> 00:37:32,416
Try to try to minimize the impact. Right.

824
00:37:32,416 --> 00:37:36,153
And that's why so many people break
their wrists are their ulna radius.

825
00:37:37,355 --> 00:37:39,123
So that's what I'm expecting.

826
00:37:39,123 --> 00:37:42,727
Instead, Roseanne tucks her chin
round her back

827
00:37:43,060 --> 00:37:45,663
rolls, barely
even touches the ground, pops right back

828
00:37:45,663 --> 00:37:48,132
up, and just keeps running and like,
it was like nothing happened.

829
00:37:48,132 --> 00:37:50,334
She it was almost.

830
00:37:50,334 --> 00:37:52,770
And we're all standing there
with our mouths agape,

831
00:37:52,770 --> 00:37:58,075
because what just happened here
and that memory has never left my brain.

832
00:37:58,075 --> 00:38:01,646
So when I started studying psychology
and I was reading about

833
00:38:01,912 --> 00:38:05,783
procedural learning and procedural memory
and embodying a skill, I was like,

834
00:38:06,317 --> 00:38:10,187
that's what happened there
for for 99% of the population,

835
00:38:10,521 --> 00:38:14,425
the default would be to to contract
and put your arms out and try to brace.

836
00:38:14,425 --> 00:38:16,127
And it would not end well.

837
00:38:16,127 --> 00:38:18,429
Yeah, but she was used to.

838
00:38:18,429 --> 00:38:19,130
Flipping it.

839
00:38:19,130 --> 00:38:21,932
Flipping and rolling,
you know, flying toward a mat,

840
00:38:21,932 --> 00:38:23,100
rolling, coming right back up.

841
00:38:23,100 --> 00:38:25,069
So for her it was instinctual.

842
00:38:25,069 --> 00:38:26,270
Yeah. And natural.

843
00:38:26,270 --> 00:38:28,205
She didn't. She.
No time to think about that.

844
00:38:28,205 --> 00:38:30,041
That just it just happened.

845
00:38:30,041 --> 00:38:34,045
And so I always use that as an example of,
you know,

846
00:38:34,345 --> 00:38:37,348
when we talk about procedural memory
or procedural learning,

847
00:38:37,415 --> 00:38:40,351
but it's essentially
it's like you embody a skill.

848
00:38:40,351 --> 00:38:42,920
The more you do something, it's
who you are.

849
00:38:42,920 --> 00:38:43,454
Okay.

850
00:38:43,454 --> 00:38:45,856
So if you don't like who you are,

851
00:38:45,856 --> 00:38:48,359
first become aware of what it is
that you don't like.

852
00:38:48,359 --> 00:38:50,061
Is it the way you think about something?

853
00:38:50,061 --> 00:38:52,730
Is it
how you show up? Is it how you react?

854
00:38:52,730 --> 00:38:54,031
Is it some behavior you have?

855
00:38:54,031 --> 00:38:57,735
Okay, let's be honest with yourself there
and then

856
00:38:58,135 --> 00:39:01,439
what can you do differently
and start practicing that.

857
00:39:02,039 --> 00:39:03,107
And just like you would,

858
00:39:03,107 --> 00:39:07,244
you know you get the advice to your kids,
you're not going to do it well at first.

859
00:39:07,678 --> 00:39:12,016
You're going to react the other way
for a while until you don't,

860
00:39:12,016 --> 00:39:15,820
until this becomes your new default mode,
just like Roseanne.

861
00:39:16,654 --> 00:39:18,389
And you will roll really good.

862
00:39:18,389 --> 00:39:20,324
Yeah, she put that in there and let's see.

863
00:39:20,324 --> 00:39:21,425
Never losing stride.

864
00:39:21,425 --> 00:39:23,194
Yeah. Did she still win?

865
00:39:23,194 --> 00:39:25,396
She did. She did. Yeah.

866
00:39:25,396 --> 00:39:27,031
And it's funny that she remembers that.

867
00:39:27,031 --> 00:39:30,234
I mean, I think anyone in my junior high
would remember that story.

868
00:39:30,835 --> 00:39:31,435
So. Sure.

869
00:39:31,435 --> 00:39:33,170
Like because we were just.

870
00:39:33,170 --> 00:39:35,639
Yeah, she's about to get dusted. Yeah.

871
00:39:35,639 --> 00:39:38,109
And then all of a sudden ugly.

872
00:39:38,109 --> 00:39:40,711
Yeah. Wow. Roseanne. That's talent.

873
00:39:40,711 --> 00:39:41,612
Yeah.

874
00:39:41,612 --> 00:39:42,646
It's impressive.

875
00:39:42,646 --> 00:39:44,815
That's like. Reminds me of some guy.

876
00:39:44,815 --> 00:39:48,919
He joined the JC League and he just keeps
getting better and better.

877
00:39:50,354 --> 00:39:53,357
He should be practicing really hard.

878
00:39:53,457 --> 00:39:55,493
He practices day and night.

879
00:39:55,493 --> 00:39:58,062
He's always on the clock. In the book
for that.

880
00:39:58,062 --> 00:39:58,929
I don't listen.

881
00:39:58,929 --> 00:40:00,998
Used to not be able
to make the playoffs to me.

882
00:40:00,998 --> 00:40:02,500
And now he's hitting three pointers.

883
00:40:02,500 --> 00:40:04,235
What chapter is that? Yeah.

884
00:40:04,235 --> 00:40:07,171
He hit a reverse
layup on me the other day.

885
00:40:07,171 --> 00:40:08,272
I was like, he's going to miss.

886
00:40:08,272 --> 00:40:11,242
And all of a sudden
he finished and I'm like, oh my God.

887
00:40:11,242 --> 00:40:13,177
See he got me.

888
00:40:13,177 --> 00:40:16,213
Yeah Jason no that's awesome.

889
00:40:16,981 --> 00:40:19,350
Before we move on
these are fantastic books.

890
00:40:19,350 --> 00:40:20,551
They can be found out I.

891
00:40:20,551 --> 00:40:22,420
Amazon. Amazon. Yep.

892
00:40:22,420 --> 00:40:24,388
Barnes and Nobles to.

893
00:40:24,388 --> 00:40:27,591
Not right now, but 
yeah you can search online.

894
00:40:27,591 --> 00:40:30,261
Name is probably the easiest way
to find out about

895
00:40:30,261 --> 00:40:31,595
you can find by the title if.

896
00:40:31,595 --> 00:40:33,297
You and you really don't have a website.

897
00:40:33,297 --> 00:40:34,832
I don't I should put one together.

898
00:40:34,832 --> 00:40:37,034
I have a Facebook. Business
with this podcast.

899
00:40:37,034 --> 00:40:39,670
I know I have a Facebook business page.
Okay.

900
00:40:39,670 --> 00:40:41,672
We can put it there.
I should get a website.

901
00:40:41,672 --> 00:40:45,109
I have an Instagram,
but it's barely population.

902
00:40:45,709 --> 00:40:47,645
So I know someone that does websites.

903
00:40:47,645 --> 00:40:50,181
Well, I think I need to.
I was like, I need to ask.

904
00:40:50,181 --> 00:40:52,216
Podcast guest blue Jean creative.

905
00:40:52,216 --> 00:40:55,219
Okay. Ali Bell Ali Baluchi.

906
00:40:55,219 --> 00:40:56,420
All right, check it out.

907
00:40:56,420 --> 00:40:57,922
She was episode I'm going to look her up.

908
00:40:57,922 --> 00:41:00,491
Ali Baluchi blue jeans.
Tell her I sent you.

909
00:41:00,491 --> 00:41:02,893
I will check out
friends of e-commerce website.

910
00:41:02,893 --> 00:41:03,627
She just did ours.

911
00:41:03,627 --> 00:41:04,962
Okay. Really nice. Okay.

912
00:41:04,962 --> 00:41:06,730
Interactive. It pops.

913
00:41:06,730 --> 00:41:09,233
There's bouncing and movements and flows.

914
00:41:09,233 --> 00:41:11,202
There's bars going across.

915
00:41:11,202 --> 00:41:13,304
I really I do need
I do need something I said,

916
00:41:13,304 --> 00:41:16,240
but one of my favorite things to do
is to consult.

917
00:41:16,240 --> 00:41:19,243
And, you know, like I said,
I usually get through word of mouth, but,

918
00:41:19,677 --> 00:41:22,079
it would be nice for people
to know that it's available.

919
00:41:22,079 --> 00:41:23,848
Can you pick your baby?

920
00:41:23,848 --> 00:41:25,583
Which one do you like?

921
00:41:25,583 --> 00:41:29,286
I mean, I'm loving the coaching one
right now because that's where my mind is.

922
00:41:29,520 --> 00:41:32,356
I am coaching, I,

923
00:41:32,356 --> 00:41:35,559
I just, just did, some consultation with,

924
00:41:35,659 --> 00:41:39,830
all the head coaches at Holy Cross
that that's a Division one school.

925
00:41:39,830 --> 00:41:41,665
That was pretty remarkable.

926
00:41:41,665 --> 00:41:42,299
The former.

927
00:41:42,299 --> 00:41:43,033
Alma mater.

928
00:41:43,033 --> 00:41:46,070
My. Yes, and I was
I met the ad a year ago.

929
00:41:46,370 --> 00:41:47,738
We were talking about it.

930
00:41:47,738 --> 00:41:49,340
He said, you know,
I'd love to see the book.

931
00:41:49,340 --> 00:41:50,674
He read it.

932
00:41:50,674 --> 00:41:50,941
Yeah.

933
00:41:50,941 --> 00:41:53,210
To see all those sticky notes
you have in there.

934
00:41:53,210 --> 00:41:55,012
He had like 20 times that amount.

935
00:41:55,012 --> 00:41:58,315
And he said, I really want to order this
for all the head coaches

936
00:41:58,315 --> 00:41:59,984
and their assistants.

937
00:41:59,984 --> 00:42:01,585
And would you come in and talk?

938
00:42:01,585 --> 00:42:06,223
And that's my favorite thing to do
because it's more about just hearing

939
00:42:06,590 --> 00:42:11,028
what they want some feedback on
and kind of going from there.

940
00:42:11,295 --> 00:42:14,331
And so I was able to talk to many of them.

941
00:42:14,331 --> 00:42:15,099
I don't know if you saw,

942
00:42:15,099 --> 00:42:18,435
but the baseball team
just won the Patriot League last night.

943
00:42:18,435 --> 00:42:20,137
They beat Army. Wow.

944
00:42:20,137 --> 00:42:21,939
So all because they.

945
00:42:21,939 --> 00:42:22,940
Don't know

946
00:42:22,940 --> 00:42:26,610
that I'm not going to take credit card on
just saying I'm very proud of them.

947
00:42:26,610 --> 00:42:28,178
But but we talked about it. It was funny.

948
00:42:28,178 --> 00:42:32,516
We talked about some things
in that meeting and that were, you know,

949
00:42:32,516 --> 00:42:37,354
that were he was wondering how to approach
and kind of cool off.

950
00:42:37,588 --> 00:42:39,189
Well, congratulations. Holy Cross.

951
00:42:39,189 --> 00:42:40,724
And these are wonderful books.

952
00:42:40,724 --> 00:42:43,494
I find them really engaging
and educational.

953
00:42:43,494 --> 00:42:45,529
Demand personalizing autograph.

954
00:42:45,529 --> 00:42:46,830
I don't mind at all. Let's do it.

955
00:42:48,632 --> 00:42:51,635
Take.

956
00:42:52,303 --> 00:42:52,503
Yeah.

957
00:42:52,503 --> 00:42:53,671
We'll get into your coaching.

958
00:42:53,671 --> 00:42:58,075
So you coach, cheerleader.

959
00:42:58,075 --> 00:43:01,045
I coached Trinity. A Trinity College
cheerleading team. Yeah.

960
00:43:01,045 --> 00:43:04,882
And I've been coaching
cheerleading on and off since the 80s.

961
00:43:05,149 --> 00:43:05,449
Like.

962
00:43:05,449 --> 00:43:07,651
Like I said, I started when I was.

963
00:43:07,651 --> 00:43:09,286
When did I get a little Fenian here?

964
00:43:09,286 --> 00:43:11,021
Oh. Two. Feeney.

965
00:43:11,021 --> 00:43:12,823
Keep up the good work.
You're a great teacher.

966
00:43:12,823 --> 00:43:14,058
Well, you. Put too much pressure.

967
00:43:14,058 --> 00:43:16,193
All right,
we'll do that after I got my autograph.

968
00:43:16,193 --> 00:43:19,196
I love it. Okay.

969
00:43:19,396 --> 00:43:22,733
Yeah, I coached in the same rec program
that I started in.

970
00:43:22,766 --> 00:43:25,836
My family's a big football family.

971
00:43:25,836 --> 00:43:29,607
My uncle was the coach of the high school,
so we all did the

972
00:43:29,607 --> 00:43:32,142
the rec football and cheerleading.
I was the only girl. Yep.

973
00:43:32,142 --> 00:43:35,145
So it was it was a given that I was going
to cheer for the football.

974
00:43:35,679 --> 00:43:36,447
But I loved it.

975
00:43:36,447 --> 00:43:38,449
I met a lot of friends doing it,
and I ended up

976
00:43:38,449 --> 00:43:41,452
cheering in high school and college.
And then you're like a base or a flier or.

977
00:43:41,452 --> 00:43:41,719
What do you.

978
00:43:41,719 --> 00:43:45,022
I started as a flier
because I used to be very short.

979
00:43:45,022 --> 00:43:48,392
I was only 411 when I was a freshman
in high school, and then I grew

980
00:43:48,392 --> 00:43:51,362
eight inches, and I became a base. So.

981
00:43:52,196 --> 00:43:54,965
We Trinity, who just won the championship,
they did.

982
00:43:54,965 --> 00:43:55,799
Your girls cheerleader.

983
00:43:55,799 --> 00:43:58,569
Yes. For that, that it was.
Is it a ring or trophy arena.

984
00:43:58,569 --> 00:43:59,336
Not going to ring.

985
00:43:59,336 --> 00:44:02,206
No. But it's
we had. The championship game. We didn't.

986
00:44:02,206 --> 00:44:03,874
They didn't fly us out to Indiana.

987
00:44:03,874 --> 00:44:05,943
No okay I didn't, but.

988
00:44:05,943 --> 00:44:06,844
Congrats to the team.

989
00:44:06,844 --> 00:44:09,847
Yeah. It's just so fun to be right there.

990
00:44:10,114 --> 00:44:11,915
You know they're there at the base line.

991
00:44:11,915 --> 00:44:14,451
I'm right behind the table basically.

992
00:44:14,451 --> 00:44:18,622
You know and I know all the the boys
I've gotten to know them over the years

993
00:44:18,622 --> 00:44:20,290
and it's really fun to watch them.

994
00:44:20,290 --> 00:44:24,061
But I know I was practicing with Jason
one time in the driveway

995
00:44:24,061 --> 00:44:26,997
and you had like a team meeting
or so I saw.

996
00:44:26,997 --> 00:44:29,867
It was showing up. Was it the preseason?

997
00:44:29,867 --> 00:44:33,904
Yeah, I think that was our
that was probably our beginning of season.

998
00:44:33,904 --> 00:44:35,139
Just team bonding.

999
00:44:35,139 --> 00:44:36,306
Yeah, yeah.

1000
00:44:36,306 --> 00:44:38,876
But, I yeah, I have the overall.

1001
00:44:38,876 --> 00:44:40,411
Building rapport and relationships.

1002
00:44:40,411 --> 00:44:41,178
For sure.

1003
00:44:41,178 --> 00:44:42,713
We do a lot of that.

1004
00:44:42,713 --> 00:44:44,381
Yeah, I talk about that in the book.

1005
00:44:44,381 --> 00:44:47,518
It's great
when you do things with your athletes

1006
00:44:47,518 --> 00:44:50,020
or they do things together
that are not sport related.

1007
00:44:50,020 --> 00:44:53,190
Just just have some fun, you know,
get to know each other.

1008
00:44:53,223 --> 00:44:55,726
Different in a different way.

1009
00:44:55,726 --> 00:45:01,432
I'm always amazed
how much talent my girls have that are.

1010
00:45:01,565 --> 00:45:03,067
That is different from cheer.

1011
00:45:03,067 --> 00:45:07,871
I mean, they're great in their athleticism
and their dance, but a lot of them sing

1012
00:45:07,871 --> 00:45:11,275
and they do theater and they they're
in all these different clubs and things.

1013
00:45:11,275 --> 00:45:15,112
And I try as much as I can
to show up for them when they have

1014
00:45:15,112 --> 00:45:18,916
their performances that are,
you know, there's so many of them. But

1015
00:45:20,150 --> 00:45:23,153
I, I that's ki I, I just attended

1016
00:45:23,821 --> 00:45:26,790
Kids Ninja Warrior competition.

1017
00:45:27,191 --> 00:45:30,194
I've been to plays soccer games.

1018
00:45:30,394 --> 00:45:30,694
Yeah.

1019
00:45:30,694 --> 00:45:33,797
You I mean, you have all your kids
that go on and then you're going park.

1020
00:45:33,797 --> 00:45:36,734
If I walk the dog or someone's
playing a baseball game there.

1021
00:45:36,734 --> 00:45:39,603
Yeah. So it's great.

1022
00:45:39,603 --> 00:45:43,741
I just saw someone
we podcast at Luna Pizza recently.

1023
00:45:44,041 --> 00:45:45,776
I saw a former student,

1024
00:45:45,776 --> 00:45:49,413
and I went to her gymnastics,
and I'm like, you still doing gymnastics?

1025
00:45:49,413 --> 00:45:51,682
She's like, no,
but I'm doing track and field. Yeah.

1026
00:45:51,682 --> 00:45:53,484
So it was great to catch up.

1027
00:45:53,484 --> 00:45:58,922
It's good to it's good to have us to try
to be a scholar athlete in your life.

1028
00:45:58,922 --> 00:46:01,091
Yeah, right. Like I'm
still trying to be a scholar athlete.

1029
00:46:02,126 --> 00:46:02,693
I just want

1030
00:46:02,693 --> 00:46:06,230
to exercise and also hit the academics,

1031
00:46:06,430 --> 00:46:11,034
you know, read, teach, learn,
learn something new every day.

1032
00:46:11,034 --> 00:46:13,504
I tell all my students,
I say it on the podcast.

1033
00:46:13,504 --> 00:46:17,040
I'm a lifelong learner,
so I'm really enjoying this conversation.

1034
00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:18,942
I'm learning something new.

1035
00:46:18,942 --> 00:46:21,512
And, and,
you know, I work at work at the gym,

1036
00:46:21,512 --> 00:46:24,648
work out at the JCC and play hoop, swim,

1037
00:46:25,682 --> 00:46:27,084
swim a mile this morning.

1038
00:46:27,084 --> 00:46:28,552
That's impressive.

1039
00:46:28,552 --> 00:46:29,753
Oh, yeah.

1040
00:46:29,753 --> 00:46:30,287
Yeah.

1041
00:46:30,287 --> 00:46:33,190
5 a.m. club new member.

1042
00:46:33,190 --> 00:46:35,659
No, just oh, at the JCC.

1043
00:46:35,659 --> 00:46:37,761
Now she he's he's a member,
but I'm not. Oh.

1044
00:46:37,761 --> 00:46:38,829
Have you ever tried.

1045
00:46:38,829 --> 00:46:41,198
No, I'm not a swimmer, but I membership.

1046
00:46:41,198 --> 00:46:42,599
But not at 5 a.m..

1047
00:46:42,599 --> 00:46:43,700
I do workout. Yeah.

1048
00:46:43,700 --> 00:46:45,602
Like I have that at the J. Yeah, yeah.

1049
00:46:45,602 --> 00:46:46,870
Racquetball work.

1050
00:46:46,870 --> 00:46:49,473
I am the strength
and conditioning coach for my team.

1051
00:46:49,473 --> 00:46:50,774
We don't have one, so.

1052
00:46:50,774 --> 00:46:53,911
Oh, I have to, keep abreast of the
the latest,

1053
00:46:54,344 --> 00:46:57,447
you know, ways to train them for safety.

1054
00:46:57,447 --> 00:46:57,915
You know.

1055
00:46:57,915 --> 00:47:00,918
Is there a a competition
or a winning for cheerleading.

1056
00:47:01,051 --> 00:47:01,485
There?

1057
00:47:01,485 --> 00:47:05,255
I mean, there's not a lot in New England
for colleges in terms of camps.

1058
00:47:05,255 --> 00:47:09,026
There's one called the New England
Cheerleading Association that we go to.

1059
00:47:09,393 --> 00:47:13,197
I think there's a couple in Boston
that are open.

1060
00:47:13,530 --> 00:47:17,301
There's it's we'd have to get into cheer
in more depth for you to get this,

1061
00:47:17,301 --> 00:47:18,769
but there's a lot of all star

1062
00:47:18,769 --> 00:47:21,772
competitions that will invite colleges
if you want to go.

1063
00:47:22,306 --> 00:47:27,644
But the big ones, the nationals
that are in Daytona, we're not there yet.

1064
00:47:27,644 --> 00:47:28,879
We don't have that kind of money.

1065
00:47:28,879 --> 00:47:33,150
First of all, and we could get there
because there are

1066
00:47:33,150 --> 00:47:36,620
other teams at the same level
that we're at that go.

1067
00:47:36,920 --> 00:47:40,090
But I would want to be a notch higher
before

1068
00:47:40,090 --> 00:47:41,725
we were going to make that commitment
to get there.

1069
00:47:41,725 --> 00:47:43,760
It's just a really big undertaking.

1070
00:47:43,760 --> 00:47:46,864
We're a Nescac team,

1071
00:47:46,864 --> 00:47:50,400
so, there's not a lot of cheerleading
in Nescac.

1072
00:47:50,400 --> 00:47:55,906
There's only, I think Wesleyan and Tufts,
out of all the teams, even have programs.

1073
00:47:55,906 --> 00:47:56,473
Oh, wow.

1074
00:47:56,473 --> 00:47:59,877
So, it's and it's a new program.

1075
00:47:59,877 --> 00:48:01,578
It's only three years old.

1076
00:48:01,578 --> 00:48:02,779
Oh, you're the originator.

1077
00:48:02,779 --> 00:48:08,318
Well, I didn't start it because some kids
started it as a club in 2021.

1078
00:48:08,318 --> 00:48:10,120
It was a club at that point.

1079
00:48:10,120 --> 00:48:12,823
And then in 2022 it became a club sport

1080
00:48:12,823 --> 00:48:15,826
and they hired a coach. So.

1081
00:48:16,126 --> 00:48:18,795
And I heard about it
and I'd wanted to get in.

1082
00:48:18,795 --> 00:48:20,597
I had coached at Conard for many years.

1083
00:48:20,597 --> 00:48:22,399
Oh yeah, I remember. That. Yeah.

1084
00:48:22,399 --> 00:48:24,067
I'm still in touch with all those kids.

1085
00:48:24,067 --> 00:48:25,269
Yep. Remember things.

1086
00:48:25,269 --> 00:48:28,171
And I taken some time off
and I'd been itching to get back into it.

1087
00:48:28,171 --> 00:48:29,606
I even thought
about going back to high school

1088
00:48:29,606 --> 00:48:33,043
coaching, which is that's an undertaking
because there's a lot of time,

1089
00:48:33,510 --> 00:48:34,478
you know, in college.

1090
00:48:35,979 --> 00:48:39,049
Yeah, I
would say it is, depends on the college.

1091
00:48:39,316 --> 00:48:43,053
This was, you know, but,
you know, we have breaks and,

1092
00:48:43,153 --> 00:48:46,223
we don't travel with the team,
so we reach our home

1093
00:48:46,223 --> 00:48:49,226
games, home football games
or on travel of the way games.

1094
00:48:49,259 --> 00:48:49,927
We do.

1095
00:48:49,927 --> 00:48:52,462
We do cheer for, men's and women's
basketball.

1096
00:48:52,462 --> 00:48:53,997
Says a lot of those games.

1097
00:48:53,997 --> 00:48:57,067
But, yeah, at the high school level,
it's even more because you're doing

1098
00:48:57,634 --> 00:49:00,137
you're doing
probably traveling for football.

1099
00:49:00,137 --> 00:49:03,707
You're doing all the boys and girls games
and there's multiple competitions.

1100
00:49:04,107 --> 00:49:05,309
So it's a lot.

1101
00:49:05,309 --> 00:49:08,879
But I was really grateful to get into it
at Trinity because,

1102
00:49:09,479 --> 00:49:12,082
you know,
I know these kids as students, but

1103
00:49:12,082 --> 00:49:15,752
to know them as a coach, you just
you get to know them even more deeply.

1104
00:49:15,752 --> 00:49:18,822
You know, I'm spending ten, 12 hours
a week with them,

1105
00:49:19,289 --> 00:49:22,659
but intensely, and it's just,

1106
00:49:23,093 --> 00:49:26,863
you know, they're like my daughters, like,
see what might be going coed next year.

1107
00:49:26,863 --> 00:49:29,533
I found out we have some men
that are interested, so we'll see.

1108
00:49:29,533 --> 00:49:30,901
You might have a coed team.

1109
00:49:30,901 --> 00:49:33,704
Nice desert jacket. They are.

1110
00:49:33,704 --> 00:49:34,838
They are on hand.

1111
00:49:34,838 --> 00:49:37,240
Tossing and catching them. Yeah.

1112
00:49:38,842 --> 00:49:41,712
It's just it's just such a fun sport.

1113
00:49:41,712 --> 00:49:44,581
I you know there is a lot of athleticism.

1114
00:49:44,581 --> 00:49:47,417
It's not always appreciated
of how much there is

1115
00:49:47,417 --> 00:49:50,420
but it also has especially for game day.

1116
00:49:50,420 --> 00:49:54,257
I love football and basketball so I love
just being in in the thick of it.

1117
00:49:54,291 --> 00:49:59,596
And then we get to I also love music,
so I get to choreograph.

1118
00:50:00,130 --> 00:50:03,633
Yeah, routines
and then put out half times or sidelines.

1119
00:50:03,633 --> 00:50:08,438
So it's, it's, it sort of touches on
all the things that bring me joy.

1120
00:50:08,672 --> 00:50:09,206
Yeah. And,

1121
00:50:09,206 --> 00:50:13,577
and I get to teach all those life skills
like you're doing with your students.

1122
00:50:13,577 --> 00:50:16,680
But I'm doing it through. This yes. Way.

1123
00:50:17,014 --> 00:50:20,017
I coached the Boys and Girls clubs

1124
00:50:20,951 --> 00:50:23,120
high school basketball team in Waterbury.

1125
00:50:23,120 --> 00:50:25,622
Made it to the state championship.
Oh, Preston.

1126
00:50:25,622 --> 00:50:27,858
Lost to Hartford's Boys and Girls Club.

1127
00:50:27,858 --> 00:50:29,226
It was supposed to be 18 and under.

1128
00:50:29,226 --> 00:50:31,862
They had a 20 year old on the team.
Yeah, I'm not bitter.

1129
00:50:31,862 --> 00:50:32,596
They got a. Ringer.

1130
00:50:32,596 --> 00:50:34,664
It was like 17 years ago.

1131
00:50:34,664 --> 00:50:35,932
I'm not bitter. It's

1132
00:50:37,367 --> 00:50:40,137
now coaching
and teaching is off and fantastic.

1133
00:50:40,137 --> 00:50:42,339
I coached all my daughters.

1134
00:50:42,339 --> 00:50:43,440
I coached girls soccer.

1135
00:50:43,440 --> 00:50:45,375
I was the best kindergarten soccer coach.

1136
00:50:45,375 --> 00:50:46,643
Motivated? Yeah.

1137
00:50:46,643 --> 00:50:49,012
Then you got to second grade.
You had to know positions and stuff.

1138
00:50:49,012 --> 00:50:51,381
I was like, oh,
I don't know soccer that well.

1139
00:50:51,381 --> 00:50:53,917
Basketball up until eighth grade. Yup.

1140
00:50:53,917 --> 00:50:55,952
Softball up until.

1141
00:50:55,952 --> 00:50:57,354
Now. What sports did you play?

1142
00:50:57,354 --> 00:50:58,622
I played college.

1143
00:50:58,622 --> 00:51:01,391
I played baseball and football in.

1144
00:51:01,391 --> 00:51:02,392
In basketball?

1145
00:51:02,392 --> 00:51:03,760
Yeah, in high school.

1146
00:51:03,760 --> 00:51:06,596
Nothing in college. Intramurals.

1147
00:51:06,596 --> 00:51:09,733
My wife played basketball for southern.

1148
00:51:10,067 --> 00:51:11,835
That's great.
That's why I married her. Yeah.

1149
00:51:11,835 --> 00:51:14,838
So she
she has a thousand more points than me.

1150
00:51:17,340 --> 00:51:19,509
I was great, so no.

1151
00:51:19,509 --> 00:51:20,077
And I. Yeah.

1152
00:51:20,077 --> 00:51:22,646
Jason, shout out to your guy Jason.

1153
00:51:22,646 --> 00:51:26,483
Great great guy for future Future
podcast guest.

1154
00:51:27,150 --> 00:51:28,351
I met him.

1155
00:51:28,351 --> 00:51:31,588
We both had the kids at the Sandbox
at Oak Park, remember?

1156
00:51:31,888 --> 00:51:34,458
So this is what I remember.
First time ever heard your name.

1157
00:51:34,458 --> 00:51:36,626
Yeah. Go ahead. No,
I remember he came home.

1158
00:51:36,626 --> 00:51:38,395
He had taken Luke. Might have taken al.

1159
00:51:38,395 --> 00:51:41,131
I can't remember how old they were,
but Luke was still a toddler.

1160
00:51:41,131 --> 00:51:41,431
Yeah.

1161
00:51:41,431 --> 00:51:44,234
Went over to Wolcott and he came back.

1162
00:51:44,234 --> 00:51:44,734
Seimetz.

1163
00:51:44,734 --> 00:51:48,138
Great guy,
really down to earth, great guy.

1164
00:51:48,138 --> 00:51:50,941
I was like, right,
because we'd only been at West Hartford.

1165
00:51:50,941 --> 00:51:51,508
Yeah. He was. Yeah.

1166
00:51:51,508 --> 00:51:54,277
So the guy. Chadwick at the. Park. Yeah.

1167
00:51:54,277 --> 00:51:55,612
And that was the beginning of it.

1168
00:51:55,612 --> 00:51:59,282
Then I saw him,
so I saw him at the park with our kids.

1169
00:51:59,282 --> 00:52:00,684
I would, I lived across the street.

1170
00:52:00,684 --> 00:52:03,453
So I'd bring my girls
seven in the morning.

1171
00:52:03,453 --> 00:52:05,222
Twin girls like what am I going to do.

1172
00:52:05,222 --> 00:52:08,125
That's why we moved there for get park,
get the babies.

1173
00:52:08,125 --> 00:52:09,159
My wife was pregnant.

1174
00:52:09,159 --> 00:52:09,726
Yeah.

1175
00:52:09,726 --> 00:52:12,762
There was like the school,
there was like, oh, we can go to the mall.

1176
00:52:12,762 --> 00:52:13,964
We can go over here, walk it.

1177
00:52:13,964 --> 00:52:16,967
Park was the huge. So I was there a lot.

1178
00:52:17,000 --> 00:52:21,238
And Jason, then I saw him at Sedgwick
Middle School and an open run.

1179
00:52:21,238 --> 00:52:21,738
Right.

1180
00:52:21,738 --> 00:52:24,875
We both didn't belong there
because the talent was way too good.

1181
00:52:25,742 --> 00:52:26,910
And then fast forward eyes.

1182
00:52:26,910 --> 00:52:29,479
Were like 20, oh, 20. Yeah.

1183
00:52:29,479 --> 00:52:31,982
I said, you need to find over 50 plus.

1184
00:52:31,982 --> 00:52:33,083
Okay.

1185
00:52:33,083 --> 00:52:35,785
So now we're in the same league at the JC.

1186
00:52:35,785 --> 00:52:40,924
Had a couple former guests, son
Billy Markowitz, Ben Few club.

1187
00:52:41,458 --> 00:52:42,692
Scott.

1188
00:52:42,692 --> 00:52:44,995
Andy, Jason's got to come.

1189
00:52:44,995 --> 00:52:49,599
Now, he's a good guy, so he's all right.

1190
00:52:49,599 --> 00:52:51,401
He's all right. He's
all right. Well, he's a keeper.

1191
00:52:51,401 --> 00:52:52,702
Yeah, yeah. Keep him around. Yep.

1192
00:52:53,737 --> 00:52:55,338
We talked all this teacher talk.

1193
00:52:55,338 --> 00:52:58,375
Do you have a favorite teacher,
a teacher that inspired you, or.

1194
00:52:59,176 --> 00:53:01,745
I have so many favorites.

1195
00:53:01,745 --> 00:53:06,783
But I was thinking about that, and I had
one particular memory pop into my mind,

1196
00:53:07,150 --> 00:53:11,721
because when I was in junior high,
there was a social studies teacher, Mr.

1197
00:53:11,721 --> 00:53:12,856
Winslow.

1198
00:53:12,856 --> 00:53:16,159
And what I remember about him,
and I think probably all the kids felt

1199
00:53:16,159 --> 00:53:20,730
this way, is he
not only was he kind and safe,

1200
00:53:20,730 --> 00:53:24,701
he was funny
and he just kept things light.

1201
00:53:25,001 --> 00:53:26,403
And he was a serious teacher.

1202
00:53:26,403 --> 00:53:30,407
We learned,
but he was just always having fun.

1203
00:53:30,640 --> 00:53:33,643
And we had these,

1204
00:53:33,777 --> 00:53:35,712
like, progress notes,
but they were really.

1205
00:53:35,712 --> 00:53:37,380
You got them if you were in trouble.

1206
00:53:37,380 --> 00:53:42,152
They, they call them progress notes, but
it was more of like, you know, your child

1207
00:53:42,152 --> 00:53:45,655
has been doing X, Y, and Z, and here's
what needs to happen, blah, blah, blah.

1208
00:53:45,956 --> 00:53:49,693
And me being like the rule
following perfect student.

1209
00:53:49,693 --> 00:53:51,194
I never got one, a real one.

1210
00:53:51,194 --> 00:53:54,664
But he one time wrote me a funny joke one,

1211
00:53:54,998 --> 00:53:57,701
and I found it a couple of years ago

1212
00:53:57,701 --> 00:54:01,004
when I was moving, that I kept it
because I loved it so much.

1213
00:54:01,338 --> 00:54:04,507
And I just thought about today
he he wrote, you know,

1214
00:54:04,507 --> 00:54:07,544
something about me throwing darts at him
and him having to keep ducking.

1215
00:54:07,944 --> 00:54:08,878
And he signed it.

1216
00:54:08,878 --> 00:54:12,782
Frank and Stein and he dated it 1849.

1217
00:54:13,116 --> 00:54:17,187
And then I looked at it,
and now this is, you know, early 80s.

1218
00:54:17,187 --> 00:54:17,821
Okay.

1219
00:54:17,821 --> 00:54:20,390
So do you remember the show
Welcome Back, Kotter?

1220
00:54:20,390 --> 00:54:23,393
Yeah. Okay.
With the sweat hogs and Epstein.

1221
00:54:23,426 --> 00:54:28,064
So I showed my mom because I thought
it was hilarious, but then I signed it.

1222
00:54:28,064 --> 00:54:31,067
Susan's mother,
the way Epstein used to sign the notes.

1223
00:54:31,067 --> 00:54:32,769
Epstein's mother. Gotcha.

1224
00:54:32,769 --> 00:54:35,605
So I kept that. And I still think of him.

1225
00:54:35,605 --> 00:54:37,574
But I had so many. Great.

1226
00:54:37,574 --> 00:54:41,011
I mean, I remember my kindergarten teacher
who is just so warm

1227
00:54:41,011 --> 00:54:45,348
and nurturing my, a math teacher
I had in high school.

1228
00:54:45,348 --> 00:54:47,651
Ms.. Peterson.
I'm still in touch with her now.

1229
00:54:47,651 --> 00:54:48,618
She's still teaching.

1230
00:54:48,618 --> 00:54:52,889
I think she's retired, but gone back in
some other role as a teacher.

1231
00:54:53,056 --> 00:54:54,824
Had her multiple times.

1232
00:54:54,824 --> 00:54:57,527
Loved math. So, yeah, I mean,

1233
00:54:58,662 --> 00:54:59,529
I could go on, but.

1234
00:54:59,529 --> 00:55:01,064
And then you're ABC Eagle.

1235
00:55:01,064 --> 00:55:03,600
I am ABC Eagle.
That's where I did my grad school.

1236
00:55:03,600 --> 00:55:07,237
So I did my master's in counseling there,
and then a doctorate in developmental.

1237
00:55:07,504 --> 00:55:09,339
And I taught there for several years.

1238
00:55:09,339 --> 00:55:11,775
So we got to go to Notre
Dame's coming to that.

1239
00:55:11,775 --> 00:55:13,677
Okay. I
they come in here this year. Okay, fine.

1240
00:55:13,677 --> 00:55:15,879
I could probably get us a box. Let's go.

1241
00:55:15,879 --> 00:55:16,846
We'll say, let's go.

1242
00:55:16,846 --> 00:55:18,148
Let's do it. Be a good friend. Come.

1243
00:55:18,148 --> 00:55:20,750
That'd be great.

1244
00:55:20,750 --> 00:55:22,852
Huge Notre Dame fan.
And I know they're coming.

1245
00:55:22,852 --> 00:55:24,821
And I went already once before.

1246
00:55:24,821 --> 00:55:25,655
I'm going to go on.

1247
00:55:25,655 --> 00:55:26,456
I'm going to look at the.

1248
00:55:26,456 --> 00:55:28,625
Did you know the day of hand?

1249
00:55:28,625 --> 00:55:30,360
I'll look it out. I'll look it up. Okay.

1250
00:55:30,360 --> 00:55:33,096
But I went there.
I got a picture of the Doug Flutie statue.

1251
00:55:33,096 --> 00:55:33,697
Yeah.

1252
00:55:33,697 --> 00:55:36,099
And then I went over to the Boston fans.

1253
00:55:36,099 --> 00:55:38,835
They were kids.
I was younger, yeah, on my guys.

1254
00:55:38,835 --> 00:55:41,438
I had Notre Dame helmet, shirt.

1255
00:55:41,438 --> 00:55:42,972
I'm going to lean into you.

1256
00:55:42,972 --> 00:55:45,642
I want you to do whatever you want.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1257
00:55:45,642 --> 00:55:48,645
So there's a lot of fingers
and but it's a great picture.

1258
00:55:48,645 --> 00:55:50,880
And I'm like,
this big 50 kids behind me. Give me.

1259
00:55:50,880 --> 00:55:52,782
I got to introduce you to my cousin Phil.

1260
00:55:52,782 --> 00:55:53,149
Yeah.

1261
00:55:53,149 --> 00:55:56,119
Who went to Notre Dame
and is a huge diehard.

1262
00:55:56,119 --> 00:55:58,421
Hey, let's go. So.
We can make the drive. I'm.

1263
00:55:58,421 --> 00:56:00,557
He'll. Come on. He lives in Florida.
But he would come up for that.

1264
00:56:00,557 --> 00:56:01,991
Okay, I know he. Would make it.

1265
00:56:01,991 --> 00:56:04,160
It might make it a group effort. Yeah.

1266
00:56:04,160 --> 00:56:06,696
I, drove out there three times.

1267
00:56:06,696 --> 00:56:08,365
I saw them play.

1268
00:56:08,365 --> 00:56:10,467
Did I see? Yeah. Matty ice.

1269
00:56:10,467 --> 00:56:12,268
Matt Ryan was a quarter he see.

1270
00:56:12,268 --> 00:56:16,306
So I saw him in Notre
Dame as well okay I saw Stanford out there

1271
00:56:16,306 --> 00:56:20,043
Notre BC out there UConn
when UConn one. Yep.

1272
00:56:20,877 --> 00:56:22,879
So no BC let's do it.

1273
00:56:22,879 --> 00:56:24,681
All right. Wonderful chatting with you.

1274
00:56:24,681 --> 00:56:25,849
Did I miss anything?

1275
00:56:25,849 --> 00:56:29,753
Do you have any recommendations
TV shows, podcasts?

1276
00:56:31,054 --> 00:56:32,455
Any questions for the best?

1277
00:56:32,455 --> 00:56:33,923
The trial? No.

1278
00:56:33,923 --> 00:56:36,059
Because I love all things Boston.

1279
00:56:36,059 --> 00:56:40,730
No. I'm just, you know, I'm
really thankful for you for doing this.

1280
00:56:40,730 --> 00:56:42,599
And, and just being who you are.

1281
00:56:42,599 --> 00:56:44,334
I mean, you really show up for these kids

1282
00:56:44,334 --> 00:56:46,603
in so many different ways,
and they're lucky to have you.

1283
00:56:46,603 --> 00:56:47,737
Thank you. So much. Yeah.

1284
00:56:47,737 --> 00:56:51,474
So, a big shout out to to you
and all the teachers and coaches.

1285
00:56:51,808 --> 00:56:53,810
It's not an easy job.

1286
00:56:53,810 --> 00:56:55,445
Some of the most important work out there.

1287
00:56:55,445 --> 00:56:57,113
So yeah. Yeah.

1288
00:56:57,113 --> 00:56:58,882
But even you mentioned at the beginning

1289
00:56:58,882 --> 00:57:01,885
my name is Eric Feeney, founder
and president of Friends of Feeney.

1290
00:57:01,951 --> 00:57:02,819
Our mission is to help

1291
00:57:02,819 --> 00:57:05,822
children and families in need assistance
after heartbreak or tragedy.

1292
00:57:05,822 --> 00:57:06,856
I use this podcast.

1293
00:57:06,856 --> 00:57:09,426
Feeney talks with friends,
and I talk to wonderful people

1294
00:57:09,426 --> 00:57:11,394
in the community
that are doing great things.

1295
00:57:11,394 --> 00:57:13,129
And Susan, you do great things again.

1296
00:57:13,129 --> 00:57:14,597
Author, coach, professor,

1297
00:57:15,565 --> 00:57:17,367
mom, wife, psychologist.

1298
00:57:17,367 --> 00:57:20,370
And do it all.

1299
00:57:20,737 --> 00:57:23,273
And you can see what the color of my shirt
before we go.

1300
00:57:23,273 --> 00:57:25,942
All right.
Are you next, man. Before we go. Oh, boy.

1301
00:57:25,942 --> 00:57:26,910
Before we go.

1302
00:57:26,910 --> 00:57:28,011
Oh, gosh. Okay.

1303
00:57:28,011 --> 00:57:30,947
All right. Jason Ryan. This boy.

1304
00:57:30,947 --> 00:57:33,049
Yeah, that was heartbreaking for us,
but it's all right.

1305
00:57:33,049 --> 00:57:35,452
Next year. As always. Next year.

1306
00:57:35,452 --> 00:57:36,986
Well, again, you're a good friend.

1307
00:57:36,986 --> 00:57:38,521
Our motto is be a good friend.

1308
00:57:38,521 --> 00:57:40,423
Pick up trash, hold the door.

1309
00:57:40,423 --> 00:57:41,624
And you're doing great things.

1310
00:57:41,624 --> 00:57:44,160
So thank you again for chatting.
I learned so much.

1311
00:57:44,160 --> 00:57:44,661
Thank you.

1312
00:57:44,661 --> 00:57:47,430
Sarah, we got a witness in Wonder fabric.

1313
00:57:47,430 --> 00:57:49,699
Go out and check it out on Amazon.

1314
00:57:49,699 --> 00:57:52,702
Wonderful author. Great person.

1315
00:57:52,902 --> 00:57:54,571
Three will say be a good friend.

1316
00:57:54,571 --> 00:57:56,573
123 be a good friend.