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Most people don't get a letter like this from their dad.

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For the last 22 years, that that letter and his words and his voice uh have continued to
guide me.

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Welcome to the Up Your Average podcast, where Keith and Doug give no nonsense advice to
level up your life.

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So buckle up and listen closely to Up Your Average.

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Welcome.

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I am glad you all made it to our legacy letter opportunity today.

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And we're gonna record this so that our friends that aren't able to make it during the
working day will be able to join this via the recording.

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And I'm excited about this because over the years trying to communicate my love to my
family has happened via a um kind of a big thick uh

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Journal that I've written a lot of love notes to my kids, and and that's a lot.

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Most people don't have the tenacity to do that.

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But Blake Brewer is a great man.

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He has worked with thousands of families helping them put together this just invaluable
gift called the Legacy Letter.

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And we're just thrilled to offer this opportunity to y'all today.

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So please join us in welcoming Blake.

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to the platform and and I'm gonna step back and go anonymous uh while he presents the
opportunity.

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Thank you.

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Well Keith, Doug, Gimbal, man, I'm I'm really excited to be here.

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And you know, I've known you guys for a couple of years.

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I've known Doug even longer.

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And uh man, I I love what y'all are about and man, just everything how you guys think is
how I think.

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And so it really is a privilege and an honor um to be here.

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Uh and so yeah, I'm Blake Brewer.

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I'm the founder of Legacy Letter.

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We are on a mission to help a million people write at least one well-written, meaningful
lasting legacy letter.

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And so those of you that are on the call today, uh, those of you that are watching this
recording, man, you know, if we had the the opportunity or the time, we could go around

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the horn and everybody could share about their family situation and what stage you're in,
and all of our families would look different.

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Um, but there is one thing that we all have in common.

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And that is that we love our families.

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And so that's what today is about.

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today we're gonna do something really beautiful, really meaningful, um, that is really
gonna um outlive you.

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Um, and this will be one of the most um important and and even cherished things that you
do for your family.

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Uh and so to to kick us off, I do have a

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Short little video for us.

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and so let me share that and then um we will get going here.

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Blake took something terrible.

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Terrible.

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And now he has used that to help so far tens of thousands of dads.

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I think he's just getting started because I'm gonna tell.

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letter is that voice whether you can hear it or you can read it and that so that is a
gift.

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Okay, so I was 19 years old and I got a call from my mom.

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I was at the University of Arkansas, uh, Go Hogs, Doug.

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And uh, and my mom said, Blake, we're gonna take a family vacation to Hawaii.

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And I said, Heck yeah, let's go.

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Uh, been down to Destin Ford a few times, but never been to Hawaii.

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Uh, and so a few months later we boarded the plane.

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Little did I know that my dad had been working on something.

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Um, something that for my sister, my brother, um, that would as he was trying to think
about his legacy and something that w was gonna absolutely change my life.

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And I had no idea what was coming.

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And so first day there, we decided to go snorkeling uh at a place called Hanama Bay.

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And so it was uh my mom, my sister, my brother, my grandmother.

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They were all on the beach.

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Um, but then out in the water.

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It was just me and my dad.

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And I have to share with you all that there is nowhere else in the world that I wanted to
be than right there with my dad.

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And so I was really fortunate.

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Um, I had a really good dad.

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Uh, he was not perfect by any stretch of the imagination.

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And there were moments growing up where I was like, yeah, that's my dad.

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And then there were other moments where I was like, Oh, shoot, that's my dad.

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Maybe you can relate.

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Um, but overall, my dad was my hero.

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Uh long before I was, well, at this time in my life, he was a hospital CEO.

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But long before I was born, he was known as a football player.

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So he was drafted by the Atlanta Falcons to play tight end.

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but his main claim to fame is that he was Terry Bradshaw's tight end of Louisiana Tech.

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Um and so they were best friends and um roommates.

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My dad caught Bradshaw's first ever Collegiate touchdown pass.

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Um, and then

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I've got this really cool picture.

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So also Phil Robertson was my dad's quarterback.

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but right before the 1970 draft, which probably none of you guys know anything about.

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um, but Terry Bradshaw went number one to the Pittsburgh Steelers, which was a huge deal
for North Louisiana and for Louisiana Tech.

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but they got to go hang out with President Nixon.

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so my dad was a very um humble guy.

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So he hardly

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Ever told anyone that he was Terry Bradshaw's tight end?

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I told everybody.

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It was my claim to fame.

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and so there we were uh out there in the water.

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And you know, at first we're just over this this coral reef, it's like five feet deep, but
then we just kept going further and further out.

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And we ended up off this point over here, and now it's about 50 feet deep.

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This area I now know is called Witches Brew.

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It's known for its treacherous waters.

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And it was that day.

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and there was this moment where I realized, man, I don't know where my dad is anymore.

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And so I'm scanning the water, looking for him, where'd he go?

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Where'd he go?

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And then I see him.

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And I remember thinking, Okay, good.

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There's my dad.

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Except not good, because my dad was struggling.

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One reason I knew he was struggling is because.

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because he was trying to get out of the water and there was no good place to get out of
the water.

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the only place was these rocks, and the waves are just crashing against it.

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And uh sure enough, about halfway up, my wave hits my dad, knocks him back down in the
water.

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I swim over there.

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I'm I'm looking for him.

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I can't find him anywhere.

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Um, now I'm exhausted.

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I've got to get out of the water.

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And so the only place is the same place my dad tried.

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Um, but by the grace of God, I'm able to climb up on top of these rocks.

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And I'm scanning the water looking for him.

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Uh, and there he is.

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and he's still treading water, and he looks up at me, and uh he says, I need help.

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I need help.

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And my dad had this really big, deep, booming voice, but this cry for help was more like a
soft whimper.

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And so I turned around, I faced the beach, and I'm beginning to just wave my arms.

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I'm yelling as loudly as I can, hoping that somebody might see me.

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You know, they look like tiny ants.

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That's how far away they are.

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And so I turned back around towards my dad and I had a decision to make.

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Am I gonna just stand here or am I gonna jump in after him?

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And I knew I couldn't just stand there.

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And so I jumped in, I swam about ten yards to where he was.

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but now he's underneath the water.

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And he's just kind of floating there, unconscious.

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And so I dive down, I wrap my arms around my dad, I bring him back up to the surface and I
began to swim with him to the shore.

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I had to go around this point.

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Uh, and it was about then that I realized, man, there's there's no way I'm gonna make it.

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Like I am

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I'm absolutely exhausted.

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Uh and in that moment a nearby snorkeler showed up and he began to help me get my dad to
the shore.

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And then the lifeguard showed up and they put him on a surfboard and they brought him the
rest of the way in and they started doing C PR.

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And I stood there next to them.

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Feeling in incredibly helpless.

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And I did the only thing I knew to do.

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А just begin to cry out to God.

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Гад, водю сave's life.

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And I really thought that at any moment that my dad was about to come too.

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That his eyes are gonna kinda flicker open, the water's gonna spew out of his mouth like
you see in the movies.

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And it never happened.

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And so my dad drowned that day.

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And it went from one of the best days of my life to the worst.

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Just like that.

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And I'm like, what just happened?

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We were just in the water a few minutes ago having the time of our life and now my dad is
gone forever.

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So a few hours later, we're back in the in the condo, and I had just called my dad's
parents.

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My mom was in no condition to do it.

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So it was on me, the oldest son.

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Uh my dad's parents were devastated.

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That was a hard phone call to make.

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Called some other family members, some family friends, um, our church, my dad's work, all
phone calls I never

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thought I'd be making in a million years.

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And then I go to the back bedroom and I'm sitting there on the edge of the bed and it was
as if the world just kind of stood still in this moment.

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And I was I began to really grasp the situation.

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And I just ask God, What happened?

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And where were you?

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And how are we gonna make it without my dad?

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How am I gonna make it without him?

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And it was in that moment my mom appeared in the doorway and she said, Blake, I found
something in your dad's briefcase, something that I know he was gonna give you on this

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trip.

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And she walked across the room and she handed me a letter.

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A letter from my dad.

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And I began to read that letter, and it was everything that I needed in that moment.

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And I've never heard my dad's voice more clearly than when I read that letter for the
first time.

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And his voice comforted me.

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I felt a sense of peace.

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I felt hope.

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Hope that everything was going to be okay.

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And then I just I felt incredibly loved.

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Like, do not tell me that my dad did not love me.

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He took the time in the midst of his busy schedule.

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With everything going on to put it down on paper.

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And I get to the last line of this letter.

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And my dad was a man of faith, so I wasn't surprised that he wrote this.

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Um, but I do believe God allowed him to write it.

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He wrote, As you're being faithful to God and to the Bible, you're often going to find
yourself in the minority here on earth.

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But I can assure you that in heaven, you'll be in the majority.

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Love your dear old dad.

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And I remember reading that and just thinking, Man, I'm gonna see my dad again.

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I can't imagine my life without this letter in the coming days and weeks and months.

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I experienced more pain than I ever felt in my life.

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And really, and I understand this now more than I even than I did then, but my life was
really at a crossroads.

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Like I I could have left the situation, um, angry, depressed, a victim, bitter, uh bitter
at the world, bitter at God.

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I could have tried to do s some some harmful things to try to escape the pain.

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that I was feeling.

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Um, and I didn't do any of those things.

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It was like the the exact opposite.

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Over the next 12 months, I grew more as a person, grew more as a leader, grew more in my
faith, closer to my family.

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more than any other twelve month stretch in my life, discovered my life purpose.

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And I had some professional counselors tell me, Blake, you have grieved this in a very
healthy way compared to most people.

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And I said, Yeah, most people don't get a letter like this from their dad.

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And so for the last twenty-two years, that that letter and his words and his voice uh have
continued to guide me.

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and so then it was a few years ago um when I became a a dad.

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And I'm sitting there looking at at my my children.

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There they are right right here.

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Uh, and so we've got Gracie Kate.

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She's in uh fourth grade.

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Gracie Kate's kind of a mouthful.

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So we named my son Bo.

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And Bo, a couple years ago, we're at the minor league baseball game here in Tulsa and he
there's this playground out past center field and he goes, Hey, can I go play on that

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playground?

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I said, Yeah, you can go.

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And he goes, but I'm not gonna tell him my name.

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I said, Bo, what do you mean?

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You're not gonna tell him your name.

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He goes, I don't want him to know.

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You know, it's like a bow that you put in a girl's hair.

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And I said, Bo, that's that's not your name, man.

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Nobody's thinking that.

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I was like, You got a strong name.

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So think Bo Jackson.

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So we started watching Bo Jackson videos and football and baseball.

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And then we got Brooks, who's five, and then we got baby Baylor, who's a little over a
year old.

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And I was a little.

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Not sure about the name Baylor, but my wife really wanted it.

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You know, we have no connection to that school.

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And then I caught her a couple months ago.

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You know, like with all of our son, maybe you some of y'all do this.

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We we s put the name Bear at the end of it.

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So Bo Bear, hey Bo Bear, and then Burks Berks comes along, hey Brooksy Bear.

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And then I heard her saying, Hey Baylor Bear.

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And I said, No.

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We're not calling him Baylor Bear.

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Um

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But just like anybody on this call that's a parent, like, man, okay, I want to be a good
dad here.

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I want to help them be successful, confident.

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I wanna pass down, you know, our family values.

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and I see what's going on in the world and some of the noise that's out there, like I know
they need to hear my voice.

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How do I make sure they hear my voice?

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Oh man, I gotta write them a letter.

223
00:16:25,228 --> 00:16:28,429
If anyone knows if I have a letter from their dad, it's me.

224
00:16:29,289 --> 00:16:31,510
And so pulled out a blank sheet of paper.

225
00:16:32,096 --> 00:16:36,829
And I gotta say, it was so overwhelming looking at that blank sheet of paper, like, what
the heck am I gonna write?

226
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:44,553
Um, ended up doing a lot of research over the next couple of months 'cause I knew I had I
knew I had to finish this letter and I knew I wanna do it right.

227
00:16:44,553 --> 00:16:46,464
Like if we're gonna take time to write the letter, let's do it right.

228
00:16:46,464 --> 00:16:49,836
Like, what are the words that my children really need to hear from me?

229
00:16:49,876 --> 00:16:56,239
And through this research, man, my conviction grew even more for my role in their life, my
words and writing this letter.

230
00:16:56,700 --> 00:17:01,036
And uh finish it and I mean, one of the hardest things I've ever done, but

231
00:17:01,036 --> 00:17:02,906
Man, it felt good to have this letter.

232
00:17:02,906 --> 00:17:06,248
I was and um one of the best things I've ever done.

233
00:17:06,248 --> 00:17:11,229
Cause I was doing it for my kids, but I realized in writing this letter, man, something
happened to me.

234
00:17:11,229 --> 00:17:14,471
Like I became a better man, a better dad.

235
00:17:14,471 --> 00:17:18,742
Is it as this letter force me to think about, man, what do I want to be true of my family?

236
00:17:18,742 --> 00:17:22,813
And I had to I end up understanding and knowing my children on a deeper level.

237
00:17:22,813 --> 00:17:25,454
Um

238
00:17:26,015 --> 00:17:35,017
And then it was um around that time a couple I met a couple of different guys and actually
Doug and I were at a conference in Nashville and I'm listening to this guy talk about how

239
00:17:35,017 --> 00:17:41,068
he had gotten a life changing letter um from his dad and I'm listening to his story and I
just heard someone else's story.

240
00:17:41,068 --> 00:17:47,925
I'm thinking about the letter I wrote, my kids, I'm like, Man, okay, you guys got a
letter, I got a letter, man.

241
00:17:47,949 --> 00:17:50,089
We gotta help more people get this letter.

242
00:17:51,830 --> 00:17:53,742
and and we can change the world.

243
00:17:53,742 --> 00:17:56,964
Through legacy letters, we can change families, we can change communities.

244
00:17:57,064 --> 00:18:04,049
And so that's where our mission started to help one million people write at least one well
written, meaningful, lasting legacy letter.

245
00:18:04,269 --> 00:18:14,517
And so we put together uh an outline for people to write, um, not just any letter, um, but
a legacy letter with all the things that are in your heart that you want to share.

246
00:18:14,517 --> 00:18:20,371
Um, but also um, these we, you know, we want to, there's some things I need to hear.

247
00:18:20,371 --> 00:18:22,442
And we want to make sure that.

248
00:18:22,570 --> 00:18:26,292
All of those words are in that letter and it can be written in a way that's received.

249
00:18:26,292 --> 00:18:35,156
Um, and so for the last five years, we've been uh we've helped about 20,000 people go
through this.

250
00:18:35,377 --> 00:18:45,923
And had no idea how it was gonna go and how we were gonna grow it, but there's um been
just some incredible people, um, like Keith and Doug, who've come alongside us and say,

251
00:18:45,923 --> 00:18:48,244
Hey, we got some people that we care about.

252
00:18:48,244 --> 00:18:52,418
And so we've been um speaking around uh the country to different with

253
00:18:52,418 --> 00:18:57,912
different groups and businesses to their employees and their clients and helping them
write this letter.

254
00:18:57,912 --> 00:19:00,123
Um and this is what we're going to do today.

255
00:19:00,123 --> 00:19:03,835
I'm going to guide you through section by section uh of this letter.

256
00:19:03,835 --> 00:19:08,988
And and as I'm writing, you're going to be taking notes.

257
00:19:08,988 --> 00:19:14,962
Um the goal today is for you to leave equipped and to be well on your way to a finished
letter.

258
00:19:14,962 --> 00:19:17,814
Um and I tell people, hey, you you

259
00:19:17,814 --> 00:19:18,815
You may not finish it.

260
00:19:18,815 --> 00:19:22,678
And that's not necessarily the goal today, because you got to go maybe wrestle through
some things.

261
00:19:22,838 --> 00:19:29,024
That being said, usually at the end of every workshop, someone says, Hey, you told me I
probably wouldn't get finish, but I finished.

262
00:19:29,024 --> 00:19:31,726
And they were really able to focus in and get it done.

263
00:19:32,307 --> 00:19:33,297
so it is possible.

264
00:19:33,297 --> 00:19:39,733
Uh I'll tell you about uh this one guy, and maybe you're thinking the same thing.

265
00:19:39,733 --> 00:19:42,065
It's like, okay, do I really need some help writing this letter?

266
00:19:42,065 --> 00:19:45,818
Like, like, like, like, why do I um need this?

267
00:19:45,890 --> 00:19:47,370
And that's kind of how this one guy was.

268
00:19:47,370 --> 00:19:49,693
It was a it was a team at a Walmart.

269
00:19:49,693 --> 00:19:54,566
I was going to Walmart headquarters and and and Kent's like, Man, I'm a really good dad
here.

270
00:19:54,566 --> 00:19:56,648
Like, I've got adult children, they're doing great.

271
00:19:56,648 --> 00:19:58,819
And we say I love you a lot in my family.

272
00:19:58,819 --> 00:20:02,642
Um and so I don't I I don't know if I really need to.

273
00:20:02,642 --> 00:20:05,504
But then he started going through the workshop and he got it.

274
00:20:05,504 --> 00:20:08,786
He's like, Oh, I get the legacy letter now.

275
00:20:08,966 --> 00:20:13,029
And he could not wait to give it to his uh children.

276
00:20:13,029 --> 00:20:14,770
He decided to do it on Christmas.

277
00:20:15,146 --> 00:20:18,288
And uh, so he gave it to his three adult sons.

278
00:20:18,459 --> 00:20:20,431
Christmas morning, they open it up.

279
00:20:20,431 --> 00:20:24,184
Of course, they love to read from their dad how much he loves them and how proud he is of
them.

280
00:20:24,184 --> 00:20:29,458
But then it was his daughter, 31 years old, young mom.

281
00:20:29,959 --> 00:20:35,203
She goes home that night and uh and she calls back.

282
00:20:35,664 --> 00:20:43,180
Dad had gone to bed, so she gets mom on the phone and she says, Mom, this is the best
Christmas that I've ever had in my life.

283
00:20:44,300 --> 00:20:46,706
And mom goes, Well, you know, we love hosting you guys.

284
00:20:46,706 --> 00:20:47,879
We love having everybody.

285
00:20:47,879 --> 00:20:49,381
And she goes, No, mom.

286
00:20:49,984 --> 00:20:51,356
It was dad's letter.

287
00:20:53,122 --> 00:20:55,384
I did not know how much dad loved me.

288
00:20:57,307 --> 00:21:06,897
I assumed that he loved my brothers more than me, 'cause he's always hunting with them and
fishing with them and uh doing sports and uh I just assumed he loved them more than me.

289
00:21:06,897 --> 00:21:11,382
But now I see how much he really loves me and this letter has brought closure into my
life.

290
00:21:13,682 --> 00:21:21,151
And I asked, I asked Kent, I said, Kent, man, did you have any idea that your daughter was
having those thoughts?

291
00:21:21,802 --> 00:21:24,075
and he was heartbroken, to be honest.

292
00:21:24,096 --> 00:21:26,097
And he said, Blake, I had no idea.

293
00:21:26,599 --> 00:21:32,646
He told me, he said, Blake, the truth is we spent twice as much money on her as we did the
boys.

294
00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:36,811
But here's here's what's true.

295
00:21:36,811 --> 00:21:45,873
Uh, we're telling ourselves a story about how much we love them and love our family and
love our children.

296
00:21:46,173 --> 00:21:50,714
And they're also telling themselves a story about how much you love them.

297
00:21:50,835 --> 00:21:54,655
And there's no way this story is matching up perfectly.

298
00:21:55,036 --> 00:22:00,857
And so this letter is about getting that story right, leaving nothing to doubt.

299
00:22:00,857 --> 00:22:03,808
No, this is how I feel about you.

300
00:22:03,832 --> 00:22:05,823
And then we're gonna go win their hearts.

301
00:22:05,884 --> 00:22:08,727
And that's what all of our children are begging us to do.

302
00:22:08,727 --> 00:22:12,211
Dad, mom, come win my heart.

303
00:22:12,211 --> 00:22:16,065
And we gotta do some intentional stuff, some things like this to win their heart.

304
00:22:16,065 --> 00:22:19,488
And when we win their heart, they're better off for it.

305
00:22:21,176 --> 00:22:22,086
Okay.

306
00:22:22,607 --> 00:22:26,528
So today we're go through this workshop.

307
00:22:26,768 --> 00:22:33,401
And then um at the end, if there's anyone who has any um QA, um we will answer that.

308
00:22:34,992 --> 00:22:39,494
one question I have for you is what is your motivation to write your legacy letter?

309
00:22:39,884 --> 00:22:42,355
there's so many great motivations.

310
00:22:43,576 --> 00:22:48,844
we say any stage, uh any age, any situation.

311
00:22:48,844 --> 00:22:56,857
And so we've helped people write to their newborns, to um we've helped um nine year old
ladies write to their children and everywhere in between.

312
00:22:56,857 --> 00:22:59,537
Sometimes people have hey, the relationship is great.

313
00:22:59,537 --> 00:23:02,058
Sometimes man, I'm not as close to them as I once was.

314
00:23:02,058 --> 00:23:05,079
And there's some tension there, like maybe something has happened.

315
00:23:05,339 --> 00:23:14,912
Or maybe um you're currently not on speaking terms, or you're currently estranged, um, or
you're experiencing parental alienation.

316
00:23:15,350 --> 00:23:19,312
And if that's you, um, I just want you to know man, my heart goes out to you.

317
00:23:20,854 --> 00:23:22,822
and I'm glad that you're here today.

318
00:23:22,822 --> 00:23:24,436
I'm glad that you're watching.

319
00:23:24,810 --> 00:23:27,698
Um, and I just want you to know you're not alone.

320
00:23:28,199 --> 00:23:31,321
Like this is happening at record numbers across the country.

321
00:23:34,083 --> 00:23:38,566
there was a dad recently in Tulsa writing this letter to his daughter that he hadn't seen
in four years.

322
00:23:38,566 --> 00:23:41,828
And this letter gives him hope, he told me.

323
00:23:41,828 --> 00:23:44,670
Gives me hope that my daughter's gonna come home.

324
00:23:48,610 --> 00:23:51,991
Okay, let's get started on writing our letter.

325
00:23:51,991 --> 00:23:55,132
So again, you guys are all taking notes.

326
00:23:55,593 --> 00:23:58,734
Let me give you some quick tips on how to write a good letter.

327
00:23:58,734 --> 00:24:01,135
Number one, you want to speak from the heart.

328
00:24:01,135 --> 00:24:03,216
You want to be authentic.

329
00:24:04,697 --> 00:24:07,528
the more that you're speaking from the heart, the better the letter will be.

330
00:24:07,528 --> 00:24:09,839
You're not trying to write a letter to all the kids of the world.

331
00:24:09,839 --> 00:24:12,439
You're not trying to write a New York Times bestseller.

332
00:24:12,540 --> 00:24:15,180
You're they your kids just want to hear your heart.

333
00:24:15,651 --> 00:24:17,182
there was a dad recently in St.

334
00:24:17,182 --> 00:24:17,582
Louis.

335
00:24:17,582 --> 00:24:18,772
He said, Blake,

336
00:24:19,628 --> 00:24:21,199
I'm kind of a jokester.

337
00:24:21,199 --> 00:24:23,070
Like, am I allowed to joke in this letter?

338
00:24:23,070 --> 00:24:26,618
And I told him, I said, Man, you better joke in this letter.

339
00:24:26,618 --> 00:24:29,425
Uh I said, if you don't, they're gonna think somebody else wrote it.

340
00:24:29,425 --> 00:24:32,726
Uh so be just be yourself.

341
00:24:33,237 --> 00:24:35,149
number two, write the way you talk.

342
00:24:35,149 --> 00:24:36,850
Don't overthink the words.

343
00:24:36,850 --> 00:24:38,311
Don't you have to use big followery words.

344
00:24:38,311 --> 00:24:39,621
However, you talk, that's how you write.

345
00:24:39,621 --> 00:24:42,513
Number three, longer is not necessarily better.

346
00:24:43,258 --> 00:24:49,410
Um, and I think Mark Twain said in a letter, said, I'm sorry I didn't have enough time to
make this letter more.

347
00:24:49,410 --> 00:24:50,631
concise.

348
00:24:50,692 --> 00:24:52,935
And so we're we're not some of you could probably write a novel.

349
00:24:52,935 --> 00:24:54,107
We're not trying to write a novel.

350
00:24:54,107 --> 00:24:56,420
We're trying to write something they can read in one sitting.

351
00:24:56,420 --> 00:25:01,216
Um and if you let me say this if 'cause I want to really take the pressure off.

352
00:25:03,286 --> 00:25:08,528
If you come up with one sentence for every section of this letter, you're gonna have a
powerful letter.

353
00:25:09,028 --> 00:25:11,449
You're gonna have more than what most people are getting.

354
00:25:11,489 --> 00:25:18,042
And I'm sure there's some of you on this call right now who would love to get a letter
like this, even if it was one sentence for every section.

355
00:25:18,042 --> 00:25:21,109
And and for some of you, it's it's too late.

356
00:25:21,109 --> 00:25:22,034
You're not gonna get it.

357
00:25:22,034 --> 00:25:26,715
Um, so it doesn't have to be a long letter for it to be really powerful.

358
00:25:26,986 --> 00:25:29,757
Uh number four, forget perfection.

359
00:25:29,997 --> 00:25:31,238
Focus on completion.

360
00:25:31,238 --> 00:25:32,758
I don't know.

361
00:25:33,314 --> 00:25:38,816
How many perfectionists we have today, but man, forget trying to make this thing perfect.

362
00:25:39,317 --> 00:25:41,317
you're not gonna make it perfect.

363
00:25:43,119 --> 00:25:47,000
and as long as you're trying to make it perfect, it's not, it's not in their life.

364
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:47,801
It's not working.

365
00:25:47,801 --> 00:25:51,282
These words are not working in their life, influencing them, building them up.

366
00:25:51,282 --> 00:25:56,064
Um, and so we want to get this into their hands as as soon as possible.

367
00:25:56,064 --> 00:25:59,966
And then number five, set a completion date and then commit.

368
00:26:00,352 --> 00:26:05,686
And so I've noticed that people who set that date and maybe they told somebody, had some
accountability.

369
00:26:07,288 --> 00:26:11,531
you know, maybe you're gonna say in the next seven days, while this thing is fresh, man,
I'm just gonna grind it out.

370
00:26:11,531 --> 00:26:12,832
I'm gonna get this thing finished.

371
00:26:12,832 --> 00:26:14,904
Um, or maybe it's by Christmas.

372
00:26:14,904 --> 00:26:18,176
There's a lot of people working on this letter for Christmas right now.

373
00:26:18,177 --> 00:26:22,042
And when are all of those people gonna be finishing up this letter on Christmas Eve?

374
00:26:22,042 --> 00:26:26,323
They're gonna be typing this thing up or finishing it out, writing it.

375
00:26:27,245 --> 00:26:29,312
and I'll say this you're not gonna feel good.

376
00:26:29,312 --> 00:26:30,554
Until you get this letter done.

377
00:26:30,554 --> 00:26:33,187
Like there's gonna be this kind of monkey on your back.

378
00:26:33,408 --> 00:26:35,631
And don't be mad at me.

379
00:26:35,631 --> 00:26:37,332
Be mad at Keith and Doug.

380
00:26:37,332 --> 00:26:38,324
There you go.

381
00:26:40,096 --> 00:26:43,949
Okay, let's get started on this intro section of the letter.

382
00:26:43,949 --> 00:26:47,391
So again, you're trying to write and take as many notes as possible.

383
00:26:48,323 --> 00:26:52,095
the intro section, you're going back to this question.

384
00:26:52,536 --> 00:26:54,378
Why are you writing this letter?

385
00:26:54,378 --> 00:26:58,781
Um, you're setting the stage for what's about to come.

386
00:26:58,781 --> 00:26:59,912
They have no idea.

387
00:26:59,912 --> 00:27:00,943
They're about to read this letter.

388
00:27:00,943 --> 00:27:02,224
Like, what is this?

389
00:27:02,224 --> 00:27:05,707
And so you simply just want to tell them like, why are you writing this letter?

390
00:27:05,707 --> 00:27:09,890
Um, you're you're not trying to make them read between the lines.

391
00:27:10,278 --> 00:27:14,000
I have a father-in-law who's a great father-in-law.

392
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:14,730
And you know what?

393
00:27:14,730 --> 00:27:17,642
He is really good at making us read between the lines.

394
00:27:17,642 --> 00:27:20,263
Like I never know what that man is thinking.

395
00:27:20,923 --> 00:27:22,224
That's not this letter.

396
00:27:22,224 --> 00:27:25,025
We're trying to do our best to let him know what we're thinking.

397
00:27:25,025 --> 00:27:29,067
One parent said it like this: I've never been shy of saying how much I love you.

398
00:27:29,087 --> 00:27:31,198
I hope those words always mean something to you.

399
00:27:31,198 --> 00:27:35,710
This letter is my way of expressing the depth and meaning of my love for you.

400
00:27:35,722 --> 00:27:38,214
One thing I've always believed is that there are no accidents in life.

401
00:27:38,214 --> 00:27:42,668
Recently, Jeff, my friend and financial advisor, introduced me to a program called the
Legacy Letter Challenge.

402
00:27:42,668 --> 00:27:48,292
I had been searching for a way to express many thoughts and feelings to you, but I was
struggling to find the right approach.

403
00:27:48,412 --> 00:27:50,614
This seems like a great start.

404
00:27:50,794 --> 00:27:58,420
I intentionally picked this because people ask me all the time, like, how did your dad at
19 years old all of a sudden write this letter to you?

405
00:27:58,741 --> 00:28:00,042
And the answer is, I don't know.

406
00:28:00,042 --> 00:28:00,582
I don't know.

407
00:28:00,582 --> 00:28:05,578
And if there was someone who encouraged him to do this, I would love to go.

408
00:28:05,578 --> 00:28:07,459
Um, thank that person.

409
00:28:07,459 --> 00:28:15,126
It's up to you whether you want to mention that you went through a workshop or went, you
know, went to the legacy letter challenge.

410
00:28:15,126 --> 00:28:16,058
You don't have to.

411
00:28:16,058 --> 00:28:17,388
Um, but here's my thought.

412
00:28:17,388 --> 00:28:19,929
There's no shame in saying that you got some help.

413
00:28:19,990 --> 00:28:22,131
Like it's the exact opposite.

414
00:28:22,132 --> 00:28:26,355
The things that really matter to you in life, man, you get some help on.

415
00:28:26,355 --> 00:28:28,287
And so what are you really communicating?

416
00:28:28,287 --> 00:28:30,879
You're communicating, hey, you really matter to me.

417
00:28:30,879 --> 00:28:32,730
And this letter really mattered to me.

418
00:28:32,730 --> 00:28:35,202
And I wanted to make sure that I got it right.

419
00:28:36,081 --> 00:28:36,860
Um

420
00:28:38,582 --> 00:28:45,245
And if somehow I found out that my dad went to a workshop to write me this letter, I'd be
like, he did.

421
00:28:45,846 --> 00:28:47,667
My dad did that for me.

422
00:28:47,667 --> 00:28:49,257
And if it was in the middle of the workday.

423
00:28:49,257 --> 00:28:55,120
And so I say that to say, like, what you're doing today is is really special.

424
00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:58,442
Um, like you should be really proud.

425
00:28:58,442 --> 00:29:03,428
Like, do you know how many people out there do not have somebody in their life like you?

426
00:29:05,614 --> 00:29:10,858
uh in the middle of the work day to c to attend a workshop to write a legacy letter.

427
00:29:11,629 --> 00:29:16,543
and they would love, they would give anything to have somebody like you in their life.

428
00:29:17,354 --> 00:29:18,855
so what you're doing today is really special.

429
00:29:18,855 --> 00:29:22,528
Uh and I love this thought.

430
00:29:22,528 --> 00:29:33,047
What if everybody in Indianapolis or in Indiana or in the whole country was somehow on the
call with us today and writing this letter and everybody was about to receive the letter

431
00:29:33,047 --> 00:29:34,708
like what you're about to write?

432
00:29:35,576 --> 00:29:37,148
Like this world would be a different place.

433
00:29:37,148 --> 00:29:40,093
Uh, I truly believe that.

434
00:29:40,093 --> 00:29:41,625
Like I'm giving my life to it.

435
00:29:41,625 --> 00:29:44,419
Okay.

436
00:29:44,860 --> 00:29:46,422
So this is the introduction.

437
00:29:48,238 --> 00:29:53,120
Uh, now we're gonna move on to the apology section uh of the letter.

438
00:29:53,841 --> 00:29:57,880
Now the apology uh section exists for a couple of different reasons.

439
00:29:57,880 --> 00:29:59,293
I'll go and put it out there.

440
00:29:59,293 --> 00:30:01,644
This is one of my favorite sections of the letter.

441
00:30:02,224 --> 00:30:06,486
Not because it's easy, it's one of the hardest, but because of how powerful it is.

442
00:30:06,646 --> 00:30:16,000
And so what can happen between, you know, us, our loved ones and our children, there kind
of could be this invisible wall that uh exists between us and them.

443
00:30:16,628 --> 00:30:19,159
because of things that have been said, things that have been done.

444
00:30:19,159 --> 00:30:25,263
Um, again, your words are so powerful in their life, like the most powerful.

445
00:30:25,883 --> 00:30:32,586
And so there's things that you've said you didn't mean to hurt them, but because your
words are so powerful, like it did.

446
00:30:32,586 --> 00:30:41,792
Um, and so we do not want there to be anything blocking what you're about to write,
because you're about to write some incredible stuff.

447
00:30:42,032 --> 00:30:45,728
And so one of the best ways to kind of bring this wall down.

448
00:30:45,728 --> 00:30:47,439
Is to apologize.

449
00:30:48,900 --> 00:30:52,512
It also sets an incredible tone to the letter, a tone of humility.

450
00:30:52,512 --> 00:30:55,043
We're not trying to control them in any way with this letter.

451
00:30:55,043 --> 00:30:55,964
That's not the tone.

452
00:30:55,964 --> 00:30:57,745
It's a tone of humility.

453
00:30:58,445 --> 00:31:02,438
And so you could simply write something like this kind of a general apology.

454
00:31:02,438 --> 00:31:08,681
Hey, before I share with you a few important things, I just want you to know that I've
made mistakes as your dad, as your mom.

455
00:31:08,681 --> 00:31:10,072
I recognize that.

456
00:31:10,072 --> 00:31:14,324
And for those times that I've come up short, I'm sorry.

457
00:31:15,766 --> 00:31:19,097
And those couple sentences right there are so powerful for them to read from you.

458
00:31:19,097 --> 00:31:33,943
Um, most people are not getting uh this from their dad or their mom or their spouse or who
and so um when they read this, you just um you set the tone for the letter and you you

459
00:31:33,943 --> 00:31:40,216
prepared their heart in a way to to read um the rest of the things that you're gonna
write.

460
00:31:41,817 --> 00:31:45,666
you could write it like this, hey, I know I've come up short as your um

461
00:31:45,666 --> 00:31:47,079
father or mother at times.

462
00:31:47,079 --> 00:31:50,505
At the time I thought I was doing good, but looking back I realized I could have done
better.

463
00:31:50,505 --> 00:31:52,588
I'm sorry.

464
00:31:54,528 --> 00:32:03,080
And so some people come into this and they say, Blake, um, I got some specific things I
need to apologize for.

465
00:32:03,080 --> 00:32:04,661
Like that's the reason I'm writing this letter.

466
00:32:04,661 --> 00:32:11,663
Uh, and if that is you today, I I want to help you do this well.

467
00:32:11,663 --> 00:32:13,563
There's some things you can do to mess this up.

468
00:32:13,563 --> 00:32:17,784
Uh, my buddy got a letter a few years ago from his dad.

469
00:32:17,784 --> 00:32:20,725
Um, and overall, it was a pretty good letter.

470
00:32:21,445 --> 00:32:22,316
I didn't help him write it.

471
00:32:22,316 --> 00:32:24,276
This is before I was doing legacy letter.

472
00:32:24,706 --> 00:32:26,346
And his dad tried to apologize.

473
00:32:26,346 --> 00:32:36,109
Um, and he said, You know, I'm really sorry that you and your brother had to experience
your mom and I's divorce when you were in high school.

474
00:32:36,769 --> 00:32:39,650
And if you had stopped right there, that probably would have been good.

475
00:32:39,650 --> 00:32:49,153
Because his next sentence, he said, You know, your mom is a really good mom, but she's a
horrible wife.

476
00:32:50,253 --> 00:32:53,594
And my friend is reading that, like, what?

477
00:32:53,912 --> 00:32:57,304
Like, dad, like you can't say that.

478
00:32:58,266 --> 00:33:01,248
you know, first of all, it's just it's not even true.

479
00:33:03,350 --> 00:33:07,093
you know, I lived with you guys, like like you were equally as responsible.

480
00:33:07,514 --> 00:33:10,977
You know, I'm kind of laughing about it, but it wasn't funny.

481
00:33:11,057 --> 00:33:12,939
Like it was actually really hurtful.

482
00:33:12,939 --> 00:33:17,563
Like my friend and his brother, they couldn't even read the rest of the letter.

483
00:33:17,563 --> 00:33:21,516
And it and the letter backfired of what the dad was trying to accomplish.

484
00:33:21,614 --> 00:33:24,275
Because they they didn't even want to talk to their dad afterwards.

485
00:33:24,275 --> 00:33:24,645
Why?

486
00:33:24,645 --> 00:33:26,775
Because he didn't take responsibility.

487
00:33:27,196 --> 00:33:28,016
He didn't own it.

488
00:33:28,016 --> 00:33:37,349
Um, and so if you're gonna apologize and if you wanted to do it well and if you want this
letter to have the impact that you really want to have, you gotta take responsibility.

489
00:33:37,349 --> 00:33:38,699
You gotta own it.

490
00:33:40,039 --> 00:33:43,320
we all are where we are in life because of the choices we've made.

491
00:33:43,320 --> 00:33:45,601
Things have absolutely happened to us.

492
00:33:45,601 --> 00:33:48,722
We got to choose how to respond to those.

493
00:33:49,750 --> 00:33:52,931
And maybe there's a situation where you're trying to give some context.

494
00:33:52,931 --> 00:34:01,793
Like maybe you realize um there were some times where you were maybe absent and maybe you
were kind of going through some personal things.

495
00:34:01,793 --> 00:34:04,144
Like a mom told me uh a couple months ago.

496
00:34:04,144 --> 00:34:12,816
She's like, Man, yeah, when my kids were younger, I was just there was some stuff going on
and I just could not be there like I needed them to be emotionally.

497
00:34:12,997 --> 00:34:18,250
Or maybe uh like one dad said, Man, I realize I've got some I've had some anger.

498
00:34:18,250 --> 00:34:20,731
Issues and I took it out on my kids.

499
00:34:21,312 --> 00:34:22,413
and they got the brunt of it.

500
00:34:22,413 --> 00:34:24,134
But my dad was like that.

501
00:34:24,134 --> 00:34:26,655
And so I was really just living out how my dad was.

502
00:34:26,655 --> 00:34:29,167
Um, but I might I'm I'm changing.

503
00:34:29,167 --> 00:34:30,457
I have changed.

504
00:34:30,838 --> 00:34:36,111
You know, it's okay to give some context like that, but in no way do you want to come
across as the victim.

505
00:34:36,111 --> 00:34:43,036
Um, you can do that with somebody else, with a with a friend or, you know, a counselor in
this letter.

506
00:34:43,036 --> 00:34:44,326
You gotta own it.

507
00:34:44,727 --> 00:34:46,348
Own your own your actions.

508
00:34:46,348 --> 00:34:48,042
Um

509
00:34:48,042 --> 00:34:50,614
Number two, you want to express regret.

510
00:34:52,286 --> 00:34:58,931
you know, for you to say I'm sorry is powerful, but to take it a step further, not only am
I sorry, I regret it.

511
00:34:59,392 --> 00:35:03,335
If I could go back, I wouldn't have said that, I wouldn't have done that.

512
00:35:04,316 --> 00:35:09,920
Number three, be sincere by expressing that you understand.

513
00:35:10,442 --> 00:35:14,325
Uh, and so here's the thing: everybody wants to be understood.

514
00:35:14,325 --> 00:35:16,506
And the more that you're able to

515
00:35:16,850 --> 00:35:24,652
uh help them see that you understand and show some empathy, um, that easier it is to be
for for them to receive your apology.

516
00:35:24,652 --> 00:35:32,001
I had a friend a few years ago, she confronted her mentor and um and said, Hey, you really
hurt me.

517
00:35:32,001 --> 00:35:38,407
And uh the mentor had no idea and was like, man, like, you know, I didn't mean to.

518
00:35:38,407 --> 00:35:39,476
I'm, you know, I'm really sorry.

519
00:35:39,476 --> 00:35:45,858
And my friend was like, you know, they said I'm sorry, but it's um it doesn't

520
00:35:45,858 --> 00:35:48,970
I don't really think they end understand how they really hurt me.

521
00:35:48,970 --> 00:35:51,741
It's like they were saying I'm sorry because they're supposed to say I'm sorry.

522
00:35:51,741 --> 00:35:55,303
Um, so it's hard for me to receive the apology.

523
00:35:55,444 --> 00:36:01,608
Well, to this person's credit, they ended up going to some counseling and a a mediator.

524
00:36:01,608 --> 00:36:04,279
And after several months, the mentor got it.

525
00:36:04,279 --> 00:36:10,253
And she was like, my gosh, I did not mean to hurt you, but I totally see how I hurt you
now.

526
00:36:10,253 --> 00:36:12,610
And um I'm I'm so sorry.

527
00:36:12,610 --> 00:36:15,311
I mean, if I could go back, I wouldn't have acted in that way.

528
00:36:15,311 --> 00:36:16,471
I wouldn't have said those things.

529
00:36:16,471 --> 00:36:23,483
um And it was in that moment that my friend was able to fully receive that apology.

530
00:36:23,483 --> 00:36:25,113
He's like, okay, they get it.

531
00:36:25,474 --> 00:36:33,886
And this can be really hard for some people because you're tempted to look at your kids
who are maybe complaining about some stuff or, you know, have some issues.

532
00:36:33,886 --> 00:36:35,957
And you just want to be like, what's your problem?

533
00:36:35,957 --> 00:36:40,710
Like you have had it so much easier than what I had it growing up.

534
00:36:41,094 --> 00:36:47,017
Um, but the truth is I don't care if you came from the best family in America or the
wealthiest family.

535
00:36:47,917 --> 00:36:51,999
you have your own set of issues and you have your hardest day.

536
00:36:51,999 --> 00:36:56,301
And maybe it's different from yours, but th there's still some hard things.

537
00:36:56,301 --> 00:36:57,771
Everyone has hard things.

538
00:37:00,878 --> 00:37:09,483
Or maybe you have a multiple kids and a a couple of them are doing just fine and a third
one has issues and you and you're you're tempted to say, like, what is the deal here?

539
00:37:09,483 --> 00:37:11,264
Like everybody else is doing just fine.

540
00:37:11,264 --> 00:37:13,105
Like get up, get with the program.

541
00:37:13,785 --> 00:37:17,726
But the truth is is that everybody experiences you differently.

542
00:37:19,229 --> 00:37:29,344
and because of your personality, their personality, like like if you have siblings, you
have a different relationship with your parents than what your siblings do.

543
00:37:29,874 --> 00:37:32,896
Um, this could be the because of the birth order.

544
00:37:32,896 --> 00:37:38,331
Um, the financial situation could change from the last child to the first child.

545
00:37:38,331 --> 00:37:40,363
Like there's so many um variables.

546
00:37:40,363 --> 00:37:47,488
Uh and so you want to be as uh understanding as possible.

547
00:37:47,488 --> 00:37:53,114
Put yourself in their shoes um to try try to understand.

548
00:37:53,114 --> 00:37:56,855
I'm not saying it's hard or it's easy, like this could this can be really hard.

549
00:37:58,657 --> 00:37:59,778
number four.

550
00:37:59,906 --> 00:38:03,988
You want to own up to your you wanna excuse me.

551
00:38:03,988 --> 00:38:06,670
You want to own up to your part, not theirs.

552
00:38:06,850 --> 00:38:12,413
So usually when you're apologizing, uh, the other person has something to apologize for
too.

553
00:38:12,413 --> 00:38:20,578
And I can assume on this call today there's some people that your children have absolutely
done some things they need to apologize for.

554
00:38:20,978 --> 00:38:23,099
They've said some hurtful things.

555
00:38:25,121 --> 00:38:27,690
and if

556
00:38:27,690 --> 00:38:33,494
If you bring up the thing that they need to apologize for, um, you'll mess the whole thing
up.

557
00:38:33,734 --> 00:38:37,076
And so my heart goes out to you if that's in your if your situation.

558
00:38:37,076 --> 00:38:40,249
Um, but you don't want to bring up what they need to apologize for.

559
00:38:40,249 --> 00:38:45,622
And then number five, you want to let go of the results because you cannot control their
response.

560
00:38:47,522 --> 00:38:49,482
So this is true with the apology.

561
00:38:49,482 --> 00:39:03,210
I mean, I have definitely been guilty of when I've had to go apologize to my wife, and
I've had to a lot of knowing how she should respond to my apology.

562
00:39:03,611 --> 00:39:06,572
And it never went the way I thought it should.

563
00:39:07,153 --> 00:39:12,445
And there's been moments where I'm sitting there like, okay, when is she gonna say
something?

564
00:39:12,445 --> 00:39:17,618
Like, I said what I needed to say, and then I would end up getting mad.

565
00:39:18,171 --> 00:39:23,895
And and I'd end up saying some more things that I then needed to go back and apologize for
those things.

566
00:39:24,196 --> 00:39:27,779
So you gotta let go of the results with the apology, but also with the whole letter.

567
00:39:27,779 --> 00:39:36,427
Um I mean, uh, some of you are gonna give the letter and you'll get this great response.

568
00:39:36,427 --> 00:39:37,848
You're gonna be nervous when you finish the letter.

569
00:39:37,848 --> 00:39:40,760
You're gonna be nervous, you're gonna be excited, you're gonna be maybe a little fearful.

570
00:39:40,760 --> 00:39:43,132
You've written some things, you don't know how they're gonna receive it.

571
00:39:43,132 --> 00:39:45,314
Um

572
00:39:46,098 --> 00:39:52,391
One dad I'm thinking of, uh, he he not everyone does it on Christmas morning, but he gave
his letters to his son on Christmas morning.

573
00:39:52,391 --> 00:39:56,163
This guy was in Delta Force and said he'd been deployed a lot.

574
00:39:56,163 --> 00:40:02,627
He's writing this letter to try to um connect with his jokes his sons on a deeper level.

575
00:40:03,247 --> 00:40:13,132
And they opened it up Christmas morning and he was all excited to see how they were gonna
respond and they just kind of looked at it like, uh, you got me a letter, huh?

576
00:40:13,393 --> 00:40:15,914
It's like that's not the normal thing for Christmas.

577
00:40:16,032 --> 00:40:17,083
And he said, Hey, it's fine.

578
00:40:17,083 --> 00:40:18,954
Go home and you know, you can read on your own time.

579
00:40:18,954 --> 00:40:23,156
Well, they they read it and they came back the next day and he was ready for a you know a
big response.

580
00:40:23,156 --> 00:40:29,129
And he said, All they did was come up to me and said, gave him a little bro hug and hey
dad, thanks for the letter.

581
00:40:29,470 --> 00:40:37,334
And he told me, he's like, Blake, I was thinking, I poured my heart and soul into that
thing, and all they're gonna say is, Hey, dad, thanks for the letter.

582
00:40:38,034 --> 00:40:40,575
But he said, I I I didn't say anything.

583
00:40:40,856 --> 00:40:45,058
Well, several months go by, still nothing else.

584
00:40:45,080 --> 00:40:46,872
And then six months go by.

585
00:40:47,774 --> 00:40:49,776
And he gets a call from his buddy.

586
00:40:50,497 --> 00:41:00,310
And his buddy says, hey Jeff, I was just hanging out with with your son and he told me
that you wrote him a letter for Christmas.

587
00:41:02,860 --> 00:41:12,102
Your son told me that it's his most treasured possession, that he reads it every single
week, sometimes multiple times a week.

588
00:41:12,844 --> 00:41:14,506
Jeff had no idea.

589
00:41:18,210 --> 00:41:27,836
I called his son, I you know, Jeff gave me his number and he's he said, Man, the first
time I read that letter was the closest that I ever felt to my dad in my life.

590
00:41:28,517 --> 00:41:31,158
And that's the power of this legacy letter.

591
00:41:32,952 --> 00:41:37,206
But the people that who do the best, it's those who are willing to let go of the results.

592
00:41:37,407 --> 00:41:42,030
Say, hey, I'm gonna do what I'm I knew I needed to write this letter, so I'm gonna write
it.

593
00:41:42,251 --> 00:41:46,014
And we'll we'll let it we'll let it play out.

594
00:41:46,335 --> 00:41:55,364
And just because they don't give you a great response does not mean that the words are not
working in their life, influencing them, building their confidence.

595
00:41:56,686 --> 00:41:57,626
Okay.

596
00:41:59,438 --> 00:42:01,999
Couple other thoughts on this apology and we're gonna move on.

597
00:42:03,620 --> 00:42:10,703
some people will write at the end of it and say, hey, I know there's some things I've said
or done um that um maybe I don't even know about.

598
00:42:10,703 --> 00:42:13,764
And maybe is there some stuff you want to come talk to me?

599
00:42:13,984 --> 00:42:15,685
Just know that I've got an open door.

600
00:42:15,685 --> 00:42:17,886
Like you can come talk to me.

601
00:42:19,066 --> 00:42:25,529
If you write this though, you gotta be really careful because they might actually come
talk to you.

602
00:42:25,578 --> 00:42:27,830
And if they come talk to you,

603
00:42:27,890 --> 00:42:29,951
And your response is, what?

604
00:42:29,951 --> 00:42:32,153
That's not what I meant when I said that.

605
00:42:32,153 --> 00:42:34,213
That's not how you should feel.

606
00:42:34,694 --> 00:42:37,050
Man, you just shut them down.

607
00:42:37,050 --> 00:42:41,268
And it was probably just dip of the iceberg of what they really wanted to share with you.

608
00:42:41,268 --> 00:42:42,818
So you got to be ready.

609
00:42:43,319 --> 00:42:45,580
You got to prepare your heart right now.

610
00:42:45,620 --> 00:42:47,370
Saying, my gosh.

611
00:42:47,370 --> 00:42:50,803
I I had no idea that you felt this way.

612
00:42:50,803 --> 00:42:53,625
Um, that when I said that, then I hurt you in a way.

613
00:42:53,625 --> 00:42:56,546
I don't even know if I completely understand.

614
00:42:57,071 --> 00:42:58,062
like, please tell me more.

615
00:42:58,062 --> 00:43:01,578
And you'll let share more.

616
00:43:02,441 --> 00:43:10,214
And this might be one of the hardest things you've ever done in your life to just swallow
your pride in this moment and just let talk.

617
00:43:12,098 --> 00:43:15,132
And it'll be maybe one of the best things you've ever done for him.

618
00:43:20,748 --> 00:43:32,408
And last thought, um, there was a guy writing this letter last year, and he was writing to
his son that him and his wife had um adopted when he was six years old.

619
00:43:32,408 --> 00:43:35,330
They went and rescued him out of an orphanage.

620
00:43:35,330 --> 00:43:37,231
Like amazing story.

621
00:43:37,272 --> 00:43:39,413
And I love adoption stories.

622
00:43:40,154 --> 00:43:45,408
And he simply wrote to his son and said, Hey, I'm really sorry.

623
00:43:47,276 --> 00:43:51,007
I'm really sorry that I wasn't able to come get you sooner.

624
00:43:54,188 --> 00:44:01,992
And so maybe there's something like that that's happened in their life that was that's
completely out of your control, like not your fault at all.

625
00:44:02,754 --> 00:44:07,412
but you're just able to communicate, I'm sorry that that happened to you.

626
00:44:10,635 --> 00:44:11,541
Okay.

627
00:44:16,192 --> 00:44:22,132
All right, you're tearing down those walls so that they can receive these next three
sections.

628
00:44:22,132 --> 00:44:30,204
And these next three sections are arguably the most important because the we're gonna
answer some questions that they're all asking.

629
00:44:30,204 --> 00:44:31,906
The first question is.

630
00:44:33,538 --> 00:44:37,781
Dad, mom, how do you really feel about me?

631
00:44:38,882 --> 00:44:45,276
And this is where we're gonna let them know that we love them and that we unconditionally
love them.

632
00:44:46,786 --> 00:44:52,949
And so the more that they can understand this, the more confident, the more successful
they'll be.

633
00:44:53,949 --> 00:44:57,921
I love the story that Kobe Bryant shared a year before he died in a helicopter crash.

634
00:44:57,921 --> 00:45:04,774
Kobe said that when he was 12 years old, he was playing basketball up in New Jersey in a
summer league.

635
00:45:05,415 --> 00:45:09,616
He gets to the end of the summer and he had not scored a single point the entire summer.

636
00:45:10,077 --> 00:45:13,128
And he's so frustrated and he's so mad.

637
00:45:13,870 --> 00:45:23,432
But then he said his dad walked up to him, put his arm around him, and said, Kobe, I don't
care if you score zero points or 60 points.

638
00:45:23,553 --> 00:45:25,573
I'm gonna love you no matter what.

639
00:45:26,493 --> 00:45:29,934
And Kobe said that was the best thing his dad could have ever told him.

640
00:45:29,974 --> 00:45:37,216
Because it was in that moment he was freed up to just fully go for it, like he could not
fail.

641
00:45:38,337 --> 00:45:43,398
And so you know that thought was running through his mind the rest of his NBA career.

642
00:45:44,606 --> 00:45:54,171
he was telling a story after he's retired that he knew that no matter what happened when
his head came off that pillow in the morning, whatever happened that day, and his head

643
00:45:54,171 --> 00:45:57,606
went back on that pillow, his dad was gonna love him.

644
00:45:57,653 --> 00:46:01,180
And that's what you want your children knowing.

645
00:46:04,812 --> 00:46:15,249
When they know this, when they know that they're unconditionally loved, it provides this
sense of security, like this safety net uh in their life.

646
00:46:15,329 --> 00:46:18,892
And as they're going through life and they're trying to decide, man, am I really going to
go for it?

647
00:46:18,892 --> 00:46:21,033
Like, am I going to take some risks here?

648
00:46:22,934 --> 00:46:31,660
and when they look down and they see this safety net called dad's unconditional love or
mom's unconditional love, man, it allows them to go for it because they know hey, if I

649
00:46:31,660 --> 00:46:34,326
mess up, if I fail, I'm fine.

650
00:46:34,326 --> 00:46:34,757
I'm good.

651
00:46:34,757 --> 00:46:37,306
I'm I got this safety net down here.

652
00:46:37,306 --> 00:46:42,516
And so the more they can understand this, the bigger that safety net gets, the more they
can see

653
00:46:45,144 --> 00:46:51,603
So you might write something like this, no matter what happens tomorrow or the next day, I
want you to know that I'm gonna love you no matter what.

654
00:46:52,645 --> 00:47:01,838
And so this simple sentence right here, like this is a powerful sentence uh for them to
get and for them to read, to know you chose these words.

655
00:47:03,650 --> 00:47:06,603
You know, this section is arguably the most important, as I've said.

656
00:47:06,603 --> 00:47:12,088
Um, it does not take a lot of sentences for you to come really strong.

657
00:47:12,088 --> 00:47:16,942
Like you can come really strong in one, two, three sentences.

658
00:47:19,904 --> 00:47:21,474
I love telling this story.

659
00:47:22,155 --> 00:47:28,794
Terry Bradshaw came to Tulsa uh last year and um he was doing a concert.

660
00:47:28,794 --> 00:47:31,897
I don't know if people know this, but Terry Bradshaw is a singer.

661
00:47:31,917 --> 00:47:34,318
So he he sang twelve songs.

662
00:47:34,898 --> 00:47:37,179
I don't even know if the crowd knew they were coming to a concert.

663
00:47:37,179 --> 00:47:38,719
It's just like, Well, it's Terry Bradshaw.

664
00:47:38,719 --> 00:47:43,490
Uh and I will say he um he's not a bad singer.

665
00:47:43,490 --> 00:47:44,554
He's pretty good.

666
00:47:44,554 --> 00:47:47,802
I will also say he was never gonna make it as a professional singer.

667
00:47:47,802 --> 00:47:49,908
Um

668
00:47:49,908 --> 00:47:53,479
But when you've won four Super Bowls, do what you want.

669
00:47:54,020 --> 00:47:56,021
And so I got to go backstage and hang out with him.

670
00:47:56,021 --> 00:47:56,651
It was pretty funny.

671
00:47:56,651 --> 00:47:58,282
I was telling some stories about my dad.

672
00:47:58,282 --> 00:48:08,276
Um, but it was about uh a year before this, we did an interview uh on Zoom and and it was
about his fatherhood journey.

673
00:48:08,276 --> 00:48:11,768
And he was talking about his girls, but he also talked about his dad.

674
00:48:12,088 --> 00:48:15,770
And he said, Man, growing up, I had a you know, my dad and I were not that close.

675
00:48:15,770 --> 00:48:16,824
He you know it a real

676
00:48:16,824 --> 00:48:21,288
My dad was a really hard man and we never played catch in the front yard, nothing like
that.

677
00:48:22,954 --> 00:48:26,117
And then when I retired from the Steelers, he said he bought a ranch.

678
00:48:26,117 --> 00:48:27,958
And his dad was into ranching.

679
00:48:27,958 --> 00:48:30,620
And he said they bonded for the first time.

680
00:48:31,642 --> 00:48:40,288
And one day he looked at his dad and said, Dad, I know that you love us, but I've never
heard you say it.

681
00:48:40,369 --> 00:48:42,430
And I want to hear you say it.

682
00:48:42,751 --> 00:48:45,773
This took some guts to say this to his dad.

683
00:48:46,334 --> 00:48:51,458
And his dad responded, Um, Well, Terry, you you know that I I love you guys.

684
00:48:52,600 --> 00:48:55,958
Terry's like, I know, and I want to hear you say it.

685
00:48:55,980 --> 00:49:01,633
And for the first time in Terry Bradshaw's life, he heard his dad say, I love you, son.

686
00:49:05,056 --> 00:49:16,459
And some of you right now, if if I could talk to your children, they they would say, Hey,
I know I know that, you know, I know that you love me, Dad.

687
00:49:16,459 --> 00:49:19,702
I know that you love me, mom, grandpa.

688
00:49:21,550 --> 00:49:23,311
but I want to hear you say it.

689
00:49:23,532 --> 00:49:25,513
I want to see it written out.

690
00:49:26,414 --> 00:49:29,736
And some of you might say, no, no, they for sure know.

691
00:49:29,736 --> 00:49:31,217
Like I say it a lot.

692
00:49:31,217 --> 00:49:33,198
You know what your kids are saying?

693
00:49:34,379 --> 00:49:37,761
They're saying, tell me again.

694
00:49:38,182 --> 00:49:43,265
Tell me again, and how much, like, how much do you really love me?

695
00:49:43,266 --> 00:49:45,397
So that's what we're doing with this section of the letter.

696
00:49:45,397 --> 00:49:49,610
We're letting them know how much we're gonna come as strong as we can, knowing.

697
00:49:50,446 --> 00:49:53,746
But the more they understand the depth of your love for them, the better off they're going
to be.

698
00:49:53,746 --> 00:49:58,730
Like, do you think my kids right now can can comprehend how much I love them?

699
00:49:58,730 --> 00:50:00,500
Do they really know the depth of my love?

700
00:50:00,500 --> 00:50:02,231
No, they cannot.

701
00:50:02,231 --> 00:50:08,500
I can go tell them right now, they still would not be able to fully understand the depth
of my love for them.

702
00:50:08,500 --> 00:50:16,637
And so it's my job as their dad to help them understand this every single day with my
words, with my actions.

703
00:50:17,737 --> 00:50:19,426
And sometimes I do things.

704
00:50:19,426 --> 00:50:25,370
that does not make it feel like I love And so sometimes I have to apologize for those
things.

705
00:50:25,370 --> 00:50:33,516
Um and sometimes they just uh misunderstood like when I discipline them or things like
that.

706
00:50:33,516 --> 00:50:40,821
Uh and so uh we never know what kind of lies our children are making up.

707
00:50:40,821 --> 00:50:45,386
Um we wanna assume you wanna assume right now they're making up lies.

708
00:50:45,386 --> 00:50:48,756
And this is just what what happens in the human mind.

709
00:50:48,950 --> 00:50:52,171
And so maybe there's been a divorce situation or maybe it's because you travel.

710
00:50:52,171 --> 00:51:00,535
Um, maybe uh like they play sports or they're they play music and or maybe you're an
academic family, like these are really good things.

711
00:51:00,535 --> 00:51:06,377
Like I love that my my sons play sports and my daughters and dance, like these things are
help building their character.

712
00:51:06,798 --> 00:51:16,092
but I'm at risk, just like everybody on this call is at risk, of my sons thinking that
they have to perform for my love, that they have to score another goal, that they've gotta

713
00:51:16,092 --> 00:51:17,482
win another game.

714
00:51:17,762 --> 00:51:19,403
Now, I've never said that.

715
00:51:19,864 --> 00:51:25,650
I've never said they have to do that, but that doesn't mean that they're not either making
that lie up right now or in the future.

716
00:51:25,650 --> 00:51:26,902
So I gotta make it really clear.

717
00:51:26,902 --> 00:51:37,142
Hey, there's my love for you is not based on uh your performance uh or anything that you
do.

718
00:51:39,022 --> 00:51:41,986
Could be a situation where they see the world differently than you.

719
00:51:41,986 --> 00:51:48,933
Maybe they're especially if they've gotten older and maybe they don't have the same faith
as you or maybe they're in a different political party.

720
00:51:48,954 --> 00:51:54,241
And for you to just make it really clear, like that doesn't change my love for you.

721
00:51:54,241 --> 00:51:55,983
Like we can see differently.

722
00:51:55,983 --> 00:51:58,025
We see that we can see the world differently.

723
00:51:58,025 --> 00:51:59,306
I still love you.

724
00:52:03,720 --> 00:52:14,562
Maybe you get to a spot where you just have to say because you you can't even find the
words to describe how much you love I don't even have the words to express how much I love

725
00:52:14,562 --> 00:52:15,242
you.

726
00:52:18,434 --> 00:52:19,335
Hmm.

727
00:52:19,657 --> 00:52:22,221
Okay, so that's the I love you section.

728
00:52:22,234 --> 00:52:24,408
You're gonna let them know how much you love them.

729
00:52:24,408 --> 00:52:27,534
This next session section, you're gonna answer this question.

730
00:52:27,756 --> 00:52:29,258
Are you proud of me?

731
00:52:31,352 --> 00:52:32,848
Dad, Mom, are you proud of me?

732
00:52:32,848 --> 00:52:34,655
They're all asking that question.

733
00:52:36,482 --> 00:52:42,266
And we're really going to focus on not what they've done, um, but who they are.

734
00:52:43,168 --> 00:52:49,022
So last year we were over in Hot Springs Village, Arkansas, where my mom and stepdad live.

735
00:52:49,022 --> 00:52:50,744
There's a lot of golf in there.

736
00:52:50,744 --> 00:52:53,916
It's retirement community, a lot of a lot of lakes.

737
00:52:54,177 --> 00:52:57,239
And Bo told me that he wanted to catch a bass.

738
00:52:58,140 --> 00:53:05,578
And he's caught a lot of perch in his life, and he'd, you know, used a worm and corn and
hot dogs, but he wanted to use

739
00:53:05,578 --> 00:53:07,118
artificial lures.

740
00:53:07,279 --> 00:53:11,860
And so we're out there fishing for bass.

741
00:53:11,860 --> 00:53:15,741
We've got plastic worms on, which is a lot of fun fishing.

742
00:53:15,942 --> 00:53:18,562
And man, we get out there and he gets we're out there all day.

743
00:53:18,562 --> 00:53:21,944
We're into the middle of the afternoon and he has not caught a pass.

744
00:53:21,944 --> 00:53:26,505
Um I've been catching them, so I know that they're out there, but he hadn't caught one.

745
00:53:26,865 --> 00:53:29,586
And uh man, he but he kept going.

746
00:53:29,974 --> 00:53:33,126
And then all of a sudden I hear, dad, dad, dad, I got one, I got one, I got one.

747
00:53:33,126 --> 00:53:35,118
And the pole is like bent over sideways.

748
00:53:35,118 --> 00:53:37,434
I'm running over there as quickly as I can.

749
00:53:37,434 --> 00:53:41,532
And I practically jumped into this lake to try to land this bass.

750
00:53:41,532 --> 00:53:44,064
I was not letting it get away.

751
00:53:44,084 --> 00:53:47,567
And pulled it in, and man, we're just going nuts.

752
00:53:47,567 --> 00:53:51,114
And uh pretty good sized bass.

753
00:53:51,114 --> 00:53:54,331
I'd take take that one any day of the week.

754
00:53:54,972 --> 00:53:58,674
And it was just a really exciting moment.

755
00:53:59,516 --> 00:54:10,976
well then that night, um, Bo comes up to me and he says, Daddy, are you so proud of me for
catching that bass?

756
00:54:10,976 --> 00:54:15,940
Oh man, what a what a great question.

757
00:54:15,940 --> 00:54:22,702
Uh and I know that um he's gonna be asking that question.

758
00:54:22,702 --> 00:54:24,004
For the rest of his life.

759
00:54:24,004 --> 00:54:30,454
He's asking as a five-year-old, but he's gonna be asking as a 10-year-old, a 15-year-old,
a 20 year old, a 25, 30, 40, 50.

760
00:54:30,795 --> 00:54:35,442
The difference is he's gonna stop asking it out loud.

761
00:54:37,368 --> 00:54:42,062
But in the innocence of a six-year-old, he asked it out loud.

762
00:54:42,943 --> 00:54:47,166
And so what a great opportunity for me to let him know what makes me proud.

763
00:54:47,587 --> 00:54:52,551
I said, Bo, I'm not proud of you for catching that bass.

764
00:54:54,674 --> 00:54:57,896
I said, I was just, I was just really happy for you.

765
00:54:59,278 --> 00:54:59,886
you know.

766
00:54:59,886 --> 00:55:05,341
Because I saw how bad you wanted this and I saw how happy you were and how much joy you
got from it.

767
00:55:05,341 --> 00:55:09,373
So I got joy from seeing you get so much joy.

768
00:55:10,255 --> 00:55:12,636
Now, I'll tell you what made me proud.

769
00:55:14,758 --> 00:55:18,521
but I saw how you stayed out there the whole day.

770
00:55:18,542 --> 00:55:21,165
Like you had to really work to get this bass.

771
00:55:21,165 --> 00:55:24,126
Like you had to grind it out, you had to persevere.

772
00:55:24,126 --> 00:55:27,749
Man, most kids your age would have given up, but you kept going.

773
00:55:27,749 --> 00:55:29,108
You didn't give up.

774
00:55:29,944 --> 00:55:30,934
That's what I'm proud of.

775
00:55:30,934 --> 00:55:33,045
I'm proud of your perseverance, the effort.

776
00:55:33,045 --> 00:55:34,855
That's what I'm proud of.

777
00:55:35,116 --> 00:55:37,716
But just for catching it, nah, I'm just happy for you.

778
00:55:37,716 --> 00:55:52,401
Um, and so as you think about what you're gonna affirm them for, you can think about some
of their accomplishments, but really you want to focus on the character that it took to

779
00:55:52,401 --> 00:55:53,562
get make that accomplishment.

780
00:55:53,562 --> 00:55:54,946
One dad said, Man, I'm a

781
00:55:54,946 --> 00:55:55,766
Baseball family.

782
00:55:55,766 --> 00:56:00,026
My son played college baseball at the game winning home run a couple of times, like proud
dad moment.

783
00:56:00,026 --> 00:56:01,848
He said, Am I allowed to talk about that?

784
00:56:01,848 --> 00:56:03,428
I said, Yeah, absolutely.

785
00:56:03,428 --> 00:56:10,530
But you saw what it took to get to that spot of hitting the game winning home run, the
perseverance, the hard work, the times that he failed, he could have given up, but he kept

786
00:56:10,530 --> 00:56:11,470
going.

787
00:56:11,791 --> 00:56:18,612
Because if you f only focus and say, I'm proud of you for hitting the game winning home
run, he'll notice.

788
00:56:18,692 --> 00:56:21,319
Be like, man, that's what I have to do to make dad proud.

789
00:56:21,319 --> 00:56:22,574
I can't keep this up.

790
00:56:22,574 --> 00:56:24,854
Like, I got to hit the game winning home run.

791
00:56:25,238 --> 00:56:31,321
And you'll you you um risk embittering him um and looking for affirmation for somewhere
else.

792
00:56:31,321 --> 00:56:38,866
Um and so we do not want them to ever wonder what makes us proud.

793
00:56:38,866 --> 00:56:41,267
We don't wanna assume that they know.

794
00:56:41,578 --> 00:56:43,358
Um, we gotta let them know.

795
00:56:43,358 --> 00:56:50,953
Uh and we know that the things that we affirm them for, man, this is what they're gonna
repeat.

796
00:56:50,953 --> 00:56:54,116
Like we're sending a signal that right there was good.

797
00:56:55,807 --> 00:57:02,851
I think about this little puppy we got uh a couple Christmases ago from Santa Claus.

798
00:57:03,511 --> 00:57:04,912
My wife's idea.

799
00:57:05,753 --> 00:57:11,546
And I knew I was gonna be the one taking care of this thing and teaching it how to go to
the bathroom outside.

800
00:57:11,546 --> 00:57:16,799
And it's it's not Indiana cold, it's but it's still, and Tulsa's still cold at eleven p.m.

801
00:57:16,799 --> 00:57:19,041
at night and six a.m.

802
00:57:19,041 --> 00:57:19,901
in the morning.

803
00:57:19,901 --> 00:57:21,822
Come on, dog, go to the bathroom.

804
00:57:22,634 --> 00:57:28,409
Um, but if you've ever trained a dog, you know that you don't just tell a dog to to sit
and it just knows how to sit.

805
00:57:28,409 --> 00:57:31,181
Uh, you gotta train it and you gotta teach it.

806
00:57:31,181 --> 00:57:32,853
And you there's little steps along the way.

807
00:57:32,853 --> 00:57:36,346
And every time it accomplishes one of those steps, you give a little treat.

808
00:57:36,346 --> 00:57:37,827
Hey, that right there was good.

809
00:57:37,827 --> 00:57:39,588
And what does the dog learn?

810
00:57:40,029 --> 00:57:41,890
I get a treat when I sit.

811
00:57:41,890 --> 00:57:45,874
Um, our kids are really similar.

812
00:57:45,874 --> 00:57:51,398
Even the people you work with, like if you have a new hire, like they have no idea what
your culture is, what's expected of them.

813
00:57:51,500 --> 00:57:58,683
And so with your words, you can affirm them and say, hey, I saw how you talked to that
customer today, or I saw how you did that.

814
00:57:58,683 --> 00:57:59,933
Like that was really good.

815
00:57:59,933 --> 00:58:06,396
uh and it's the same way um with our with our kids.

816
00:58:06,396 --> 00:58:09,617
And so this section of the letter, we're gonna affirm them.

817
00:58:09,617 --> 00:58:21,082
uh we will send you this list of character traits um to help you think through uh, you
know, what you wanna affirm them for.

818
00:58:22,056 --> 00:58:25,448
Um, and this section of the letter is so important.

819
00:58:25,448 --> 00:58:31,512
Um, because as our children are asking the question, like, like, who am I?

820
00:58:31,512 --> 00:58:37,035
Um, the world will definitely try to answer that question for them.

821
00:58:37,176 --> 00:58:39,291
We don't want the world to answer that question for them.

822
00:58:39,291 --> 00:58:40,758
We want it to be us.

823
00:58:40,918 --> 00:58:45,451
And so we're talking about their identity here, like as like, who am I?

824
00:58:45,451 --> 00:58:47,412
This is who you are.

825
00:58:51,756 --> 00:58:53,967
I see the word brave on there, my daughter.

826
00:58:53,967 --> 00:59:00,289
Um, compared to like if we lined up all of our daughters, she's probably the least brave.

827
00:59:00,820 --> 00:59:08,713
but there's been these moments where, you know, she was the last one to learn how to dive
into the this the swimming pool compared to her brothers and her friends, 'cause she was

828
00:59:08,713 --> 00:59:10,534
so nervous and scared.

829
00:59:10,554 --> 00:59:14,655
But in that moment I was so proud of her because it was really hard for her, but she did
it.

830
00:59:14,655 --> 00:59:17,516
She showed a lot of courage.

831
00:59:17,706 --> 00:59:21,088
Um, and I have a a choice to make as her dad.

832
00:59:21,812 --> 00:59:28,104
I could label her as a scaredy cat, you know, maybe just in fun or just in jest.

833
00:59:28,184 --> 00:59:34,125
But what I label her as matters because that's what she'll believe about herself.

834
00:59:34,225 --> 00:59:39,847
And I know that for the rest of her life, she's gonna be facing situations where she's a
little bit nervous.

835
00:59:39,927 --> 00:59:42,228
And I don't want her thinking, uh, I can't do it.

836
00:59:42,228 --> 00:59:43,802
I'm just a scaredy cat.

837
00:59:43,802 --> 00:59:46,569
And subconsciously she's thinking, yeah, because that's what my dad told me.

838
00:59:46,569 --> 00:59:49,109
No, I want her thinking, no, no, I know I can do this.

839
00:59:49,109 --> 00:59:51,836
I'm a little nervous, but I know I can do it.

840
00:59:52,014 --> 00:59:53,287
'Cause my daddy said I could.

841
00:59:53,287 --> 00:59:54,561
He said I'm brave.

842
00:59:54,561 --> 00:59:56,094
He said I'm a person of courage.

843
00:59:56,094 --> 00:59:57,787
He said I'm an overcomer.

844
00:59:57,889 --> 01:00:00,574
Those are the thoughts that I want going through her head.

845
01:00:04,936 --> 01:00:08,448
One parent said, Christian, I am proud of the individual that you are.

846
01:00:08,448 --> 01:00:13,430
You think independently and critically, you don't just think selfishly, but you consider
others in your thought process.

847
01:00:13,430 --> 01:00:19,102
I am proud of you because you stay true to yourself, even though it may not be popular
with others.

848
01:00:19,102 --> 01:00:21,113
How cool is this for for a Christian?

849
01:00:21,113 --> 01:00:27,055
Um, he just found out, hey, I'm I'm unselfish and that's good.

850
01:00:27,055 --> 01:00:34,218
Uh I guarantee you that he's not the most independent thinker or the cr most critical
thinker.

851
01:00:34,959 --> 01:00:37,005
Um, but he just got affirmed in it.

852
01:00:37,005 --> 01:00:38,550
So what's he gonna do now?

853
01:00:38,550 --> 01:00:43,222
He's gonna continue to grow and develop in those areas even more.

854
01:00:47,118 --> 01:00:59,990
And last point on this section, and this one line might be uh the best line of the whole
letter for some of your children and some of the situations they're in.

855
01:01:01,872 --> 01:01:06,056
hey, I see how you've been wired, your unique giftings and your unique personality.

856
01:01:06,056 --> 01:01:10,689
And I just want you to know I wouldn't change anything about you.

857
01:01:12,051 --> 01:01:20,237
I know a guy who's in a band, very successful band, traveled the world, platinum level,
fate they're famous.

858
01:01:20,317 --> 01:01:25,601
But he told a group of us, he said, Man, my dad is a business guy.

859
01:01:26,643 --> 01:01:31,246
And I get this sense from my dad that he's never gonna be proud of me until I'm good at
business.

860
01:01:31,672 --> 01:01:33,164
But he said, I'm not good at business.

861
01:01:33,164 --> 01:01:34,547
I'm good at music.

862
01:01:34,547 --> 01:01:39,854
And he longed for his dad just to affirm him for who he is.

863
01:01:41,782 --> 01:01:44,964
My daughter, not very good at math.

864
01:01:44,964 --> 01:01:49,046
Um, needs a lot of help, a lot of tutoring.

865
01:01:49,046 --> 01:01:54,609
And she has a younger brother that's two months, two years younger, and he's off the
charts good at math.

866
01:01:54,609 --> 01:01:56,490
Like she struggles on her homework.

867
01:01:56,490 --> 01:01:58,822
He comes in and does it for her.

868
01:01:58,872 --> 01:02:03,274
And she he's getting praised for how quickly he's making out math.

869
01:02:03,274 --> 01:02:10,048
Um, and so she feels a little bit insecure about it, and like something maybe is wrong
with her.

870
01:02:11,098 --> 01:02:18,861
And uh I'm like, Gracie Kate, first of all, you don't have to be good at math to make it
in this world.

871
01:02:18,861 --> 01:02:21,282
A lot of people are not good at math.

872
01:02:22,363 --> 01:02:24,424
like this is what they make calculators for.

873
01:02:24,424 --> 01:02:25,324
You'll be just fine.

874
01:02:25,324 --> 01:02:36,708
Um, but also I just want you to know, like, you have so many wonderful things and
attributes about you that make you you.

875
01:02:36,909 --> 01:02:40,200
And if I could somehow go back into mommy's womb.

876
01:02:41,114 --> 01:02:43,398
And change who you are.

877
01:02:43,639 --> 01:02:44,561
I wouldn't do it.

878
01:02:44,561 --> 01:02:47,024
I wouldn't make you all of a sudden good at math.

879
01:02:47,086 --> 01:02:49,770
It's like, no, God made you this way.

880
01:02:50,292 --> 01:02:53,818
And if it's good enough for God, it's good enough for me.

881
01:02:56,694 --> 01:02:59,481
And that's the message that she's gotta be telling herself.

882
01:02:59,884 --> 01:03:01,096
Cause it's true.

883
01:03:07,286 --> 01:03:08,226
Okay.

884
01:03:08,267 --> 01:03:11,609
We're gonna answer another question in this section.

885
01:03:12,426 --> 01:03:17,513
In this section of the letter, um, we want to answer the question, do you believe in me?

886
01:03:17,513 --> 01:03:20,826
And you're gonna write something like this I want you to know that I believe in you.

887
01:03:20,826 --> 01:03:27,340
No matter what happens in life or what curveball is thrown your way, you are going to make
it.

888
01:03:27,340 --> 01:03:29,301
You've got what it takes.

889
01:03:29,862 --> 01:03:35,810
And uh man, I had some amazing grandparents, like praise God for good grandparents and

890
01:03:35,810 --> 01:03:36,770
Good grandmothers.

891
01:03:36,770 --> 01:03:37,892
They believed in me.

892
01:03:37,892 --> 01:03:38,973
I knew it.

893
01:03:39,214 --> 01:03:40,395
my dad believed in me.

894
01:03:40,395 --> 01:03:46,570
Um, but my mom, she's the one who communicated it um really well.

895
01:03:46,570 --> 01:03:56,544
A couple of times she looked at me point blank and she said, Blake, I don't know what
you're gonna end up doing in life, but I know that you're gonna be successful.

896
01:03:58,402 --> 01:04:03,857
And you might be thinking, come on, dude, like that's your mom.

897
01:04:03,857 --> 01:04:06,848
Like, of course your mom said that to you.

898
01:04:06,929 --> 01:04:08,230
Here's the thing.

899
01:04:08,911 --> 01:04:10,272
My mom believed it.

900
01:04:10,272 --> 01:04:11,513
I could hear it in her voice.

901
01:04:11,513 --> 01:04:14,275
And because she believed it, I believed it.

902
01:04:15,357 --> 01:04:17,879
There's been moments where I'm like, man, what am I doing here?

903
01:04:17,879 --> 01:04:19,040
I don't know what I'm doing.

904
01:04:19,040 --> 01:04:21,001
But I remember what my mom said.

905
01:04:21,001 --> 01:04:24,884
And I had to borrow her her confidence in me to keep going.

906
01:04:24,884 --> 01:04:26,880
Um

907
01:04:26,880 --> 01:04:33,434
And so in this section of the letter, you want to communicate confidence and hope and that
they're going to make it.

908
01:04:33,434 --> 01:04:36,595
And there's gonna be moments where they're living off of your confidence in them.

909
01:04:36,595 --> 01:04:42,559
Um, and so this section of the letter, you you're looking out into the future of what
could be true.

910
01:04:42,559 --> 01:04:46,040
Like best case scenario, what's true 10 or 20 years from now.

911
01:04:46,261 --> 01:04:48,842
And you're gonna believe that they're gonna make it there.

912
01:04:49,002 --> 01:04:55,805
And you know, like I know, my children are gonna mess up, they're gonna make mistakes,
they're gonna be they're gonna disappoint me.

913
01:04:55,806 --> 01:04:56,906
They're human.

914
01:04:57,254 --> 01:05:02,158
Um, but I'm gonna believe that in those situations, man, that's just gonna make them
stronger.

915
01:05:02,779 --> 01:05:04,320
Like it's gonna be good for them.

916
01:05:04,320 --> 01:05:07,082
Uh, and they're gonna figure it out.

917
01:05:07,202 --> 01:05:08,644
Maybe not immediately.

918
01:05:08,644 --> 01:05:14,969
Cause it in this section of the letter is really hard for those of you that your children
are really in the middle of making some mistakes.

919
01:05:14,969 --> 01:05:17,811
They're in the middle of not living up to their potential.

920
01:05:17,811 --> 01:05:26,562
Um, but let me say this you are never going to shame your children.

921
01:05:26,562 --> 01:05:27,632
into who they can become.

922
01:05:27,632 --> 01:05:29,723
You cannot shame them into it.

923
01:05:30,744 --> 01:05:33,745
But you can believe for them that they're going to get there.

924
01:05:33,986 --> 01:05:36,667
Now they might make it without you believing in them.

925
01:05:36,868 --> 01:05:42,076
But if they do, it'll be because somebody else came into their life and believed in them.

926
01:05:43,896 --> 01:05:47,028
Praise God for those people, but you want it to be you as well.

927
01:05:47,209 --> 01:05:57,667
And I'll say this maybe you have some people in your life, and uh I know Doug has done
this for people, um, where you got to believe in some people and be that person because

928
01:05:57,667 --> 01:06:00,569
they they were never gonna get that at home or from their parents.

929
01:06:00,569 --> 01:06:02,841
And so you get to fill that void.

930
01:06:02,861 --> 01:06:11,768
And so um I love looking for those people that we can believe in for them and bring hope.

931
01:06:12,009 --> 01:06:14,060
Um, I love talking about hope.

932
01:06:14,206 --> 01:06:19,881
Um one author said it like this hope is the rocket fuel in someone's life.

933
01:06:19,881 --> 01:06:22,833
Like if you could give them one thing, give them hope.

934
01:06:23,053 --> 01:06:25,996
Because when you lose hope, and that's when you give up.

935
01:06:25,996 --> 01:06:29,869
Like you cannot make it through a really hard situation without hope.

936
01:06:29,869 --> 01:06:34,132
But if you just have a little bit of hope, you can make it through anything.

937
01:06:38,636 --> 01:06:41,528
You also want them to know that you are on their team.

938
01:06:42,710 --> 01:06:48,414
That when they mess up, not if, but when, that you're for them.

939
01:06:48,414 --> 01:06:49,815
They gotta know this.

940
01:06:52,478 --> 01:07:00,405
I am guilty just as anybody of my children coming to me, and my gut reaction is to say,
Oh, like, why'd you do that?

941
01:07:00,405 --> 01:07:01,465
Like, you know better than that.

942
01:07:01,465 --> 01:07:03,987
And I'm shaming them.

943
01:07:04,308 --> 01:07:07,340
Not on purpose, it's just kind of like in my flesh.

944
01:07:07,608 --> 01:07:12,039
But if I keep that up, they're not gonna want to come talk to me.

945
01:07:12,540 --> 01:07:15,280
Like, like when there is then when they really need to.

946
01:07:15,280 --> 01:07:18,881
And when there's a situation gonna be nervous, like, oh, dad's just gonna make us feel
even worse.

947
01:07:18,881 --> 01:07:22,463
Um, doesn't mean I have to be okay with what they did.

948
01:07:22,463 --> 01:07:30,005
Um, but one of the reasons I'm stressing this is because we do live in a world today where
the opportunity for shame is at an all time high.

949
01:07:30,225 --> 01:07:34,082
you know, when we were growing up, you might make a mistake and the

950
01:07:34,082 --> 01:07:39,125
you know, your maybe your friends and maybe your family find out about then it's you move
on from it.

951
01:07:39,266 --> 01:07:48,482
But now we live in a world where a picture can be sent, a screenshot can be sent, and the
whole world, the whole school, the whole world can find out just like that.

952
01:07:48,482 --> 01:07:59,559
Uh and uh kids every single day are making some mistakes that are gonna that they didn't
they're feeling shame over.

953
01:07:59,820 --> 01:08:01,561
And and how do you live with that?

954
01:08:01,561 --> 01:08:03,202
Um

955
01:08:04,074 --> 01:08:11,339
And so I feel for And so if my kids make a mistake like that, I want to know, Hey, you can
come talk to me.

956
01:08:11,339 --> 01:08:12,470
Like life is not over.

957
01:08:12,470 --> 01:08:15,742
Um, you're gonna be okay.

958
01:08:17,663 --> 01:08:18,273
Okay.

959
01:08:18,273 --> 01:08:23,833
So those three sections, I love you, I'm proud of you, I believe in you.

960
01:08:23,833 --> 01:08:26,596
Um, we wanna nail those.

961
01:08:26,596 --> 01:08:32,618
All the research shows that if someone has that in their life, then they have more
emotional intelligence.

962
01:08:32,618 --> 01:08:35,969
Um, you know, we know that EQ is more important than IQ.

963
01:08:35,969 --> 01:08:43,511
You can be the smartest person in the room, but if you can't uh relate with other people,
if you're not self-aware, if you can't self-regulate, man, it doesn't matter how how smart

964
01:08:43,511 --> 01:08:44,301
you are.

965
01:08:44,301 --> 01:08:46,648
And so literally you are raising.

966
01:08:46,648 --> 01:08:50,339
their emotional intelligence by writing these things and writing this letter.

967
01:08:51,160 --> 01:08:54,281
This next section of the letter is the memory section.

968
01:08:55,462 --> 01:09:02,485
And you could you can have a pretty impactful letter without any memories.

969
01:09:03,705 --> 01:09:07,647
and so I almost look at these memories as like bonus points to the letter.

970
01:09:08,668 --> 01:09:12,659
and every memory that you put in there is just like another bonus point, man.

971
01:09:12,659 --> 01:09:14,580
You made it that much sweeter.

972
01:09:15,376 --> 01:09:16,327
that much better.

973
01:09:16,327 --> 01:09:22,361
And so I recommend coming up with four to five different memories.

974
01:09:22,361 --> 01:09:28,035
Um, now you might brainstorm and have 10 or 20 on the list.

975
01:09:28,035 --> 01:09:33,609
And as you're thinking through each year of their life or going back and looking at old
pictures to help jog your memory.

976
01:09:34,820 --> 01:09:37,852
and some people um just have a section of memories.

977
01:09:37,852 --> 01:09:44,006
Hey, when I was, you know, when I think about you and your life, like here are, you know,
five memories that came to my mind.

978
01:09:44,593 --> 01:09:48,575
And uh, you know, watching you play a little league baseball.

979
01:09:48,575 --> 01:10:00,822
Um, that trip that we went on together out west, one mom said one of her favorite memories
was just putting her her toddler to bed each night.

980
01:10:00,822 --> 01:10:05,485
And it was just kind of the sweet um time in in her life.

981
01:10:06,626 --> 01:10:10,568
and so maybe there's something like that like that that's that covers a period of time.

982
01:10:10,568 --> 01:10:14,470
Um, or maybe there's something like like there was a moment.

983
01:10:14,680 --> 01:10:16,615
like a day like that happened.

984
01:10:16,615 --> 01:10:19,020
Um it might take one sentence.

985
01:10:19,020 --> 01:10:22,800
Um there might be some things that take a couple of sentences or more.

986
01:10:22,800 --> 01:10:24,894
Maybe there's more of a story there.

987
01:10:26,834 --> 01:10:35,036
Um, you might decide to instead of having a section of memories, you you just put the
memories into the other sections of the letter.

988
01:10:35,036 --> 01:10:46,049
Cause maybe you have a perfect memory communicating I believe in you or I'm proud of you
or I love you, or maybe in the intro section, like you remember the moment that you met or

989
01:10:46,049 --> 01:10:47,160
or that they were born.

990
01:10:47,160 --> 01:10:51,914
uh I put in to Gracie Kate's letter.

991
01:10:51,914 --> 01:10:55,254
I remember the moment that that

992
01:10:55,254 --> 01:10:57,335
I mean, it told me she was pregnant with her.

993
01:10:57,396 --> 01:11:00,198
And we'd been trying for a year to get pregnant.

994
01:11:00,198 --> 01:11:02,741
And if you've been down that journey, like it's not a fun journey.

995
01:11:02,741 --> 01:11:07,264
And we were uh like starting to go to the doctor to see like what's wrong.

996
01:11:07,305 --> 01:11:09,166
And all of a sudden, my wife's calling me.

997
01:11:09,166 --> 01:11:10,688
I can't switch over.

998
01:11:10,688 --> 01:11:13,690
And so then she sends me a picture, a text.

999
01:11:14,154 --> 01:11:16,973
And it's a picture of the stick.

1000
01:11:17,754 --> 01:11:23,038
And I remember just looking at that picture and realizing, man, I'm gonna be a dad.

1001
01:11:23,638 --> 01:11:26,439
And I was so excited in that moment.

1002
01:11:26,739 --> 01:11:30,171
And uh I I just started weeping there in my truck.

1003
01:11:30,171 --> 01:11:33,302
And I was, I couldn't wait to meet her.

1004
01:11:33,302 --> 01:11:36,364
And well, I intentionally told this to my daughter.

1005
01:11:36,624 --> 01:11:42,397
I want her to know: hey, from the moment I found out about you, Grace Kate, I loved you.

1006
01:11:42,397 --> 01:11:44,457
And I was proud of you.

1007
01:11:44,457 --> 01:11:46,408
And I couldn't wait to meet you.

1008
01:11:47,849 --> 01:11:50,460
And I saw you as a gift from God.

1009
01:11:52,366 --> 01:11:55,136
She's gotta know that, 'cause it's true.

1010
01:12:00,620 --> 01:12:05,158
Maybe you have a c a memory that communicates, um, I like you.

1011
01:12:05,158 --> 01:12:12,290
Like it's really powerful for you to say I love you, but to take it a step further, not
not only do I love you, I like you.

1012
01:12:14,488 --> 01:12:16,579
That's powerful, powerful to get.

1013
01:12:16,579 --> 01:12:23,344
One dad, a Houston dad, he said, Man, my daughter played travel softball.

1014
01:12:23,444 --> 01:12:25,496
And we would travel to all these different cities.

1015
01:12:25,496 --> 01:12:31,230
And my um daughter would sit up front with me and we would just talk about life.

1016
01:12:31,230 --> 01:12:34,592
And he goes, Man, I cherished that time with her.

1017
01:12:35,498 --> 01:12:40,276
Um, well, she doesn't know that, uh, unless he tells her.

1018
01:12:40,757 --> 01:12:43,238
And that's a pretty special thing for him to tell her.

1019
01:12:46,636 --> 01:12:57,792
Maybe there is a memory or you know, something that's happened that um that your child is
building a negative story around.

1020
01:12:58,272 --> 01:13:00,714
Maybe there's something they failed at or something like that.

1021
01:13:00,714 --> 01:13:03,585
And you just you see something totally different.

1022
01:13:03,585 --> 01:13:12,300
You see how they fail, but then maybe afterwards how they picked themselves up, how they
kept going, um, they didn't give up.

1023
01:13:12,980 --> 01:13:16,522
And so that's the story that you want them to be focused on.

1024
01:13:22,634 --> 01:13:23,674
Okay.

1025
01:13:24,556 --> 01:13:28,719
Now we're going to come to the advice section.

1026
01:13:29,700 --> 01:13:37,547
And um what a great section because now we're going to get to share some things with them
that we've learned um over the years.

1027
01:13:37,727 --> 01:13:43,192
And, you know, it's an opportunity for them to potentially not make the same mistakes you
made.

1028
01:13:43,192 --> 01:13:46,475
And they can kind of stand on your shoulders and go farther than what you have.

1029
01:13:46,475 --> 01:13:50,196
Um there was a

1030
01:13:50,318 --> 01:13:57,421
Uh, a guy I was talking to, and he said, Blake, my my dad actually passed away a few
months ago.

1031
01:13:58,501 --> 01:14:05,544
And he said, I was at his funeral, and all these people are coming up to me, telling me
how wonderful my dad was.

1032
01:14:05,544 --> 01:14:08,235
Saying, Man, your dad, he was such a mentor to me.

1033
01:14:08,235 --> 01:14:12,887
Like I wouldn't be in my career where I am if it wasn't for your dad.

1034
01:14:13,828 --> 01:14:19,478
And this guy told me that with each person that came up to him, he got more and more mad.

1035
01:14:21,154 --> 01:14:23,897
He's like, what the heck, dad?

1036
01:14:24,179 --> 01:14:29,726
Like you poured into all these other people and and mentored them and you didn't give me
anything.

1037
01:14:31,438 --> 01:14:34,220
Well, we don't want that uh to be true.

1038
01:14:37,623 --> 01:14:42,476
we want to um we want to give them something, we wanna give some advice.

1039
01:14:46,700 --> 01:14:49,505
Um and so I recommend coming up with four or five pieces of advice.

1040
01:14:49,505 --> 01:14:56,496
Um you know, this is your letter, so you can come up with as much as you want.

1041
01:14:56,496 --> 01:15:01,774
Um just know that with each piece of advice you share, you do water down the previous
advice.

1042
01:15:07,702 --> 01:15:11,895
You don't have to come up with anything, you know, really grand.

1043
01:15:11,895 --> 01:15:15,188
You know, all the advice is already out there.

1044
01:15:17,482 --> 01:15:19,492
you know, there's nothing new under the sun.

1045
01:15:19,492 --> 01:15:21,813
Go to the bookstore, all kinds of advice.

1046
01:15:22,074 --> 01:15:25,216
And you can come up with some pretty simple advice.

1047
01:15:25,577 --> 01:15:31,381
And because it's from you, and in the context of this letter, it's going to be really
powerful.

1048
01:15:32,903 --> 01:15:36,616
one guy told me, this guy was 75 years old.

1049
01:15:37,228 --> 01:15:41,281
And he said, Blake, I'll never forget some advice my dad gave me 20 years ago.

1050
01:15:41,281 --> 01:15:42,894
He said he was 55 years old.

1051
01:15:42,894 --> 01:15:44,565
He was his wedding day.

1052
01:15:45,418 --> 01:15:54,875
And his dad walks up to him and says, Son, my advice to you is to not go to bed angry.

1053
01:15:55,496 --> 01:16:01,832
If you got a situation that comes up, um, you know, work it out before you go to bed.

1054
01:16:03,052 --> 01:16:08,227
And this guy proudly told me, he said, Blake, for the last 20 years, I have not gone to
bed angry.

1055
01:16:08,682 --> 01:16:17,156
I've been I was up in Kansas City and someone shouted out from the crowd and said, Blake,
are you telling us that this man never went to bed?

1056
01:16:19,097 --> 01:16:21,380
And no, that's not what I'm saying.

1057
01:16:22,061 --> 01:16:24,683
but the question is, is why did that advice stick?

1058
01:16:24,784 --> 01:16:27,426
Because I've heard that advice, it did not stick with me.

1059
01:16:29,634 --> 01:16:30,695
Here's why.

1060
01:16:31,716 --> 01:16:36,762
First of all, it's because of who shared this advice with him.

1061
01:16:36,762 --> 01:16:38,263
Someone he respected and loved.

1062
01:16:38,263 --> 01:16:39,564
It was his dad.

1063
01:16:40,165 --> 01:16:41,846
But here's the main reason.

1064
01:16:42,508 --> 01:16:45,310
It's because of what his dad told him right beforehand.

1065
01:16:46,051 --> 01:16:52,768
His dad walked up to him and said, Son, I just want you to know how much I love you.

1066
01:16:57,216 --> 01:17:04,293
And in that moment that fifty five year old man turned into a nine year old boy on the
inside.

1067
01:17:04,655 --> 01:17:07,757
Dad, you love me?

1068
01:17:08,599 --> 01:17:10,500
What else you got for me?

1069
01:17:11,302 --> 01:17:18,940
And his heart was just opened up, and his dad shared this advice to an open heart, and so
it stuck.

1070
01:17:20,408 --> 01:17:21,342
Question.

1071
01:17:22,956 --> 01:17:27,047
Where is the advice section in the letter that we're writing today?

1072
01:17:27,387 --> 01:17:29,608
Is it the first section?

1073
01:17:29,768 --> 01:17:33,449
Are we coming in hot section one with some advice?

1074
01:17:33,889 --> 01:17:34,769
No.

1075
01:17:35,150 --> 01:17:38,410
Keith, Doug, it would not go well if you did this.

1076
01:17:40,931 --> 01:17:47,843
and so the advice section uh is after an an an intro, the apology.

1077
01:17:47,843 --> 01:17:48,644
I love you.

1078
01:17:48,644 --> 01:17:50,254
I'm proud of you.

1079
01:17:50,742 --> 01:17:53,266
I believe in you, some special memories.

1080
01:17:53,909 --> 01:17:57,188
And now they're gonna be reading this with um with an open heart.

1081
01:17:59,698 --> 01:18:05,396
And you're gonna increase the chances of them receiving it and it sticking.

1082
01:18:10,734 --> 01:18:18,105
So you might write something in like this, in life you're gonna face many good times, but
you also face many trials and challenges.

1083
01:18:18,446 --> 01:18:26,418
I wanna share with you a few things that I've learned and tried to live by that will help
you as you navigate life.

1084
01:18:28,610 --> 01:18:36,114
Now, some of you, as you're thinking through this section, you're like, man, I'm just not
at a great spot with my kids right now.

1085
01:18:36,114 --> 01:18:38,546
Like, I don't think they want to receive any advice from me.

1086
01:18:38,546 --> 01:18:41,337
Like, maybe you've tried and they gave you the eye roll.

1087
01:18:41,337 --> 01:18:44,279
Uh come on, dad.

1088
01:18:46,140 --> 01:18:47,821
this happens to everybody.

1089
01:18:48,501 --> 01:18:54,335
And so a couple things are potentially going on right now, if that's true.

1090
01:18:54,335 --> 01:18:57,294
Um, the first thing

1091
01:18:57,294 --> 01:19:00,846
Uh, maybe your kid is just being a butthead right now.

1092
01:19:00,846 --> 01:19:03,708
Uh that could be true.

1093
01:19:03,708 --> 01:19:11,242
Uh and then the second thing that could be happening, and you have to be honest with
yourself on this one.

1094
01:19:13,024 --> 01:19:17,643
You may not have earned the right to share some advice with them.

1095
01:19:18,587 --> 01:19:24,328
I love the phrase I don't care how much you know until I know how much you care.

1096
01:19:25,910 --> 01:19:29,104
And you might be saying, Well, Blake, like these are my kids.

1097
01:19:29,104 --> 01:19:30,835
Like I care a lot.

1098
01:19:31,277 --> 01:19:32,878
I care a lot, a lot.

1099
01:19:34,478 --> 01:19:35,934
That's not the phrase.

1100
01:19:37,868 --> 01:19:42,981
The f the phrase is until I know how much you care.

1101
01:19:44,061 --> 01:19:48,564
And so that's what you're doing with this letter is you're letting them know how much you
care.

1102
01:19:49,525 --> 01:19:53,887
That being said, a lot of people do this advice advice section like this.

1103
01:19:56,028 --> 01:19:58,039
they say, Hey, I've made a lot of mistakes.

1104
01:19:58,039 --> 01:19:59,310
I've learned a lot over the years.

1105
01:19:59,310 --> 01:20:02,431
There are many things I would do differently, knowing that I know now.

1106
01:20:02,552 --> 01:20:07,212
Here are a few of the things I would share with my 20-year-old self.

1107
01:20:07,212 --> 01:20:12,957
with my five-year-old self, with my 14-year-old self, with the day I graduated college,
the day I got married.

1108
01:20:12,957 --> 01:20:14,128
It doesn't matter.

1109
01:20:14,148 --> 01:20:18,162
You pick the time, but now you write this letter to yourself, this this section of letter.

1110
01:20:18,162 --> 01:20:21,155
And it's just received a little bit differently.

1111
01:20:21,155 --> 01:20:23,436
You're not pointing the finger at them.

1112
01:20:23,797 --> 01:20:25,779
You're pointing the finger at yourself.

1113
01:20:25,779 --> 01:20:27,280
And so they still hear it though.

1114
01:20:27,280 --> 01:20:30,162
They still, they're still influenced by it.

1115
01:20:32,258 --> 01:20:36,222
And so the three questions that you want to answer is what is the advice?

1116
01:20:36,423 --> 01:20:37,764
How'd you come up with this advice?

1117
01:20:37,764 --> 01:20:42,829
So maybe there's an opportunity for you to uh share a story about yourself.

1118
01:20:42,829 --> 01:20:44,611
Like how did you someone told you this?

1119
01:20:44,611 --> 01:20:45,602
How do you learn the hard way?

1120
01:20:45,602 --> 01:20:51,618
Number three, how will your life be different if you follow this advice?

1121
01:20:53,742 --> 01:20:54,566
Um

1122
01:20:56,854 --> 01:21:00,006
And I'll let me say this before we go any further on the advice section.

1123
01:21:01,677 --> 01:21:09,142
because some of you might not be writing to your children, or you're gonna go ahead and
write to somebody else or your maybe your spouse.

1124
01:21:09,543 --> 01:21:15,627
I was talking to a group of dads and I said, guys, how does your wife feel about you
writing this letter to your kids?

1125
01:21:15,627 --> 01:21:21,411
And they're like, You know, my wife's pretty excited, like to they think this is a great
thing that I'm doing this for our children.

1126
01:21:21,411 --> 01:21:22,312
I'm like, Of course.

1127
01:21:22,312 --> 01:21:23,473
She thinks that.

1128
01:21:23,473 --> 01:21:25,433
Um, like she loves your kids.

1129
01:21:25,962 --> 01:21:29,184
And so she's loves to see you investing in them in this way.

1130
01:21:29,265 --> 01:21:31,186
But I said, guys, get ready.

1131
01:21:31,507 --> 01:21:35,049
Cause she's gonna want, she's gonna ask, hey, hey, where's my letter?

1132
01:21:35,590 --> 01:21:38,392
And so you're gonna need to write a letter to her next.

1133
01:21:38,412 --> 01:21:44,316
Um, and when you get to this advice section, you're gonna wanna take it real easy.

1134
01:21:45,158 --> 01:21:47,859
Cause she does not want any advice from you.

1135
01:21:49,241 --> 01:21:55,894
and so uh you can share what you've learned um from her over the years.

1136
01:21:55,894 --> 01:22:02,930
Or if you're writing this to your parents or to your dad or your mom, like you can you can
share what you've learned from them in this section of the letter.

1137
01:22:05,496 --> 01:22:12,459
Couple things you might think through is you know, maybe use a section of letter to share
your core values.

1138
01:22:12,459 --> 01:22:17,251
Hey, these are our core values, or this is our family's core values.

1139
01:22:17,251 --> 01:22:20,923
Maybe you have some advice around um mindset.

1140
01:22:20,923 --> 01:22:24,864
Like, is there a mindset that you kind of use each day that you approach each day with?

1141
01:22:24,864 --> 01:22:33,878
Maybe have an attitude of gratitude, um, may relationship advice, like who you hang around
with, man, that's what you're gonna become.

1142
01:22:33,986 --> 01:22:39,460
Maybe you have some financial advice, um, technology advice.

1143
01:22:39,460 --> 01:22:43,473
Like I'm sure your parents gave you some technology advice.

1144
01:22:43,994 --> 01:22:44,834
No, no.

1145
01:22:44,834 --> 01:22:49,818
Um, but that technology is a really powerful tool.

1146
01:22:49,818 --> 01:22:52,430
It can also be really harmful.

1147
01:22:52,430 --> 01:22:59,125
And it can make you feel uh like you're close to a lot of people and you're not close to
any of them.

1148
01:22:59,125 --> 01:23:01,236
So maybe you have some thoughts around that.

1149
01:23:02,124 --> 01:23:06,508
Maybe you have some health advice or um some spiritual advice.

1150
01:23:06,508 --> 01:23:07,809
You know, I speak to a lot of different groups.

1151
01:23:07,809 --> 01:23:12,643
Sometimes it's to a church, sometimes it's to a secular group or a, you know, a business.

1152
01:23:12,643 --> 01:23:21,491
And I just tell them if if you're a person of faith, you definitely want to have some
spiritual advice in this section of the letter to try to guide them in that way.

1153
01:23:21,491 --> 01:23:24,433
Uh my dad's letter was filled with spiritual advice.

1154
01:23:24,433 --> 01:23:30,368
I knew exactly what he thought about um God and the Bible, and he had different Bible
verses in there.

1155
01:23:36,884 --> 01:23:47,890
And as you're working on this advice section, you might get to a point where you say,
Blake, I kind of feel like a hypocrite in sharing some of this, like it's really good

1156
01:23:47,890 --> 01:23:51,322
advice, but I haven't always d you know, done the best.

1157
01:23:52,003 --> 01:23:54,014
And that's what you tell them with humility.

1158
01:23:54,014 --> 01:23:56,565
Like, don't not share good advice.

1159
01:23:56,565 --> 01:24:01,728
Um, you just say, Hey, I haven't always done the best at living out this advice.

1160
01:24:01,768 --> 01:24:05,170
But when I have, my life has been better.

1161
01:24:09,966 --> 01:24:12,327
And then you're gonna come to the closing paragraph.

1162
01:24:13,488 --> 01:24:19,350
And in the closing paragraph, you're really just rewriting the intro section of the
letter.

1163
01:24:19,786 --> 01:24:21,751
You're gonna answer this question.

1164
01:24:21,751 --> 01:24:25,392
Hey, what are your hopes for the relationship going forward?

1165
01:24:27,654 --> 01:24:29,794
you know, what would what do you want to be true?

1166
01:24:30,115 --> 01:24:38,158
And for some of you, this is gonna be really um hard to write because what you hope is
true in the future is not true today.

1167
01:24:38,802 --> 01:24:43,187
Um, and you're not a hundred percent sure that what you hope for is what they hope for.

1168
01:24:43,708 --> 01:24:48,694
So you're gonna be taking a little bit of a risk and you're gonna be nervous.

1169
01:24:49,555 --> 01:24:51,498
But hey, this is what we do.

1170
01:24:51,498 --> 01:24:53,670
This is what we do for the people we love.

1171
01:24:53,670 --> 01:24:55,361
We take some risks.

1172
01:25:02,188 --> 01:25:03,969
And then you're gonna come to the last line.

1173
01:25:03,969 --> 01:25:06,047
Everybody's gonna have a last line.

1174
01:25:07,954 --> 01:25:12,747
Um my dad's last line was the most impactful line of the letter.

1175
01:25:12,747 --> 01:25:15,118
It's the one I thought about more than any other.

1176
01:25:15,118 --> 01:25:17,159
So I call it the legacy line.

1177
01:25:17,340 --> 01:25:21,162
So if there's one line that you'd want them to remember, what would it be?

1178
01:25:21,162 --> 01:25:32,489
Um this could be something that they've heard you say before, something your dad or your
mom said to you, um, something that you've already stated in the letter, just maybe it's

1179
01:25:32,489 --> 01:25:34,572
you're just reminding them how much you love them.

1180
01:25:36,436 --> 01:25:38,689
Um, don't overthink this.

1181
01:25:39,771 --> 01:25:46,001
Like, you know, spend a moment thinking on it, but whatever you come up with is gonna be
good.

1182
01:25:46,001 --> 01:25:50,849
Like nobody on this call is gonna have a a bad last line of their letter.

1183
01:25:50,849 --> 01:25:52,370
I can assure you of that.

1184
01:25:54,720 --> 01:25:59,053
And then giving the letter.

1185
01:26:00,035 --> 01:26:10,583
And so as I'm talking about how to give this letter, because we are coming up to the end
of our time here today, I do want to encourage everyone that's on the call um to do this

1186
01:26:10,583 --> 01:26:12,025
our feedback form really quick.

1187
01:26:12,025 --> 01:26:18,730
We love to get some feedback on our presentations and we'll we'll share this with um Doug
and Keith as well.

1188
01:26:18,730 --> 01:26:23,510
Um but um you know

1189
01:26:23,510 --> 01:26:30,556
As you maybe picked up on, I'm gonna encourage you to give this letter uh as soon as
possible.

1190
01:26:31,097 --> 01:26:39,464
I don't know what situation they're currently in or what they're about to be in, but I can
guarantee you they're gonna be better off with this letter in their s in their life.

1191
01:26:39,745 --> 01:26:41,877
When would you have rather bought Apple stock?

1192
01:26:41,877 --> 01:26:43,538
Thirty years ago or yesterday?

1193
01:26:43,538 --> 01:26:45,470
Like either way you'd own Apple stock, right?

1194
01:26:45,470 --> 01:26:45,831
No.

1195
01:26:45,831 --> 01:26:49,944
If you'd bought it thirty years ago, it'd be worth more uh thirty years ago.

1196
01:26:49,944 --> 01:26:50,424
Thirty years.

1197
01:26:50,424 --> 01:26:51,815
Yeah.

1198
01:26:52,196 --> 01:26:52,626
Right.

1199
01:26:52,626 --> 01:26:53,856
Doug knows.

1200
01:26:53,917 --> 01:26:59,280
And so, let's let this letter start working in their life and start compounding.

1201
01:26:59,280 --> 01:27:01,502
Um, now here's the thing.

1202
01:27:01,502 --> 01:27:09,667
Um, I don't know what Apple stock is gonna be worth a year from now or five years from
now, but I do know how much this letter will be worth.

1203
01:27:10,008 --> 01:27:14,271
Like there's there's coming a day where this letter will be absolutely cherished.

1204
01:27:14,271 --> 01:27:18,454
Um, and maybe it's the day you give it to maybe it's a month later.

1205
01:27:18,454 --> 01:27:18,966
It

1206
01:27:18,966 --> 01:27:22,804
It will definitely happen the day you die 'cause they know that there's nothing else
coming.

1207
01:27:24,566 --> 01:27:25,340
Mm.

1208
01:27:27,146 --> 01:27:28,226
Okay.

1209
01:27:29,388 --> 01:27:33,530
Well that kind of concludes our our workshop.

1210
01:27:35,050 --> 01:27:37,253
does anybody have any questions?

1211
01:27:37,253 --> 01:27:39,834
You can definitely um ask them in the

1212
01:27:41,930 --> 01:27:43,481
in the in the chat.

1213
01:27:43,481 --> 01:27:47,714
I like Keith's Keith's butt has such a powerful objective adjective.

1214
01:27:48,215 --> 01:27:55,211
Hey Doug, do you have any questions or thoughts or anything that you wanna close us down
with or I can just close this down?

1215
01:27:55,211 --> 01:27:59,625
Yeah, Blake, thanks for sharing your heart.

1216
01:27:59,625 --> 01:28:07,351
You know, I I've heard this story a few times now and uh I just love every moment of it.

1217
01:28:07,351 --> 01:28:10,932
And I think the thing that we're excited about is for

1218
01:28:10,934 --> 01:28:16,658
each of our friends to be able to make an impact, a a legacy impact.

1219
01:28:16,899 --> 01:28:25,645
And and whether you write that letter this year or you write this letter ten years from
now, uh, we're cheering you on.

1220
01:28:25,826 --> 01:28:33,434
And if you have some questions on how to's or you have some concerns, Blake's a great guy
to reach out to.

1221
01:28:33,434 --> 01:28:36,275
Um I can tell you Keith's a great guy to reach out to.

1222
01:28:36,275 --> 01:28:40,708
Keith has wrote volumes to to his kids and

1223
01:28:40,750 --> 01:28:42,791
Course you can reach out to me too.

1224
01:28:43,032 --> 01:28:50,778
The main thing um is this is a gift to this is a gift to your loved ones and we're excited
to be a part of it.

1225
01:28:50,778 --> 01:28:51,609
So thank you, Blake.

1226
01:28:51,609 --> 01:28:53,470
Uh this this was incredible.

1227
01:28:53,470 --> 01:28:55,102
All right.

1228
01:28:55,102 --> 01:28:59,045
Well, thank you, Doug and Keith, for partnering with us on this mission.

1229
01:28:59,045 --> 01:29:04,909
You're you're helping us get closer to uh a million letters and so I appreciate you on
that.

1230
01:29:04,909 --> 01:29:08,112
And so everyone on the call, like you're in the mission now.

1231
01:29:08,112 --> 01:29:10,670
Uh and so I wanna thank you.

1232
01:29:10,670 --> 01:29:12,191
For being a part of the mission.

1233
01:29:12,191 --> 01:29:15,674
Everyone on this call, you have what it takes to finish this letter.

1234
01:29:17,376 --> 01:29:26,033
and you know, I've seen some people just like you're thinking, man, this person can barely
like their kids speak English, and this guy barely never couldn't even speak English

1235
01:29:26,033 --> 01:29:27,994
hardly, but he figured out a way to get the letter done.

1236
01:29:27,994 --> 01:29:30,666
And so I'm like, okay, if that guy can do it, you can do it.

1237
01:29:30,907 --> 01:29:33,529
And let me um say this.

1238
01:29:33,529 --> 01:29:40,134
There's you know, as we're on this mission for a million, like every single one of those
matters.

1239
01:29:40,726 --> 01:29:44,367
Um, like your letter matters, your family matters.

1240
01:29:45,608 --> 01:29:52,171
and there's there's people that have not even been born yet in your family that will be
impacted by this letter that you're writing.

1241
01:29:52,171 --> 01:29:56,713
Um, I think about my dad 22 years ago.

1242
01:29:56,906 --> 01:29:59,794
I don't think he was probably thinking about his grandchildren.

1243
01:29:59,994 --> 01:30:01,055
I was 19 years old.

1244
01:30:01,055 --> 01:30:08,828
Um, but every single day, my children, my dad's grandchildren are impacted by the letter
that he wrote.

1245
01:30:09,544 --> 01:30:12,345
Um now they could not tell you a single word that's in that letter.

1246
01:30:12,345 --> 01:30:18,538
Um but every single day they get a better dad 'cause of my dad's letter.

1247
01:30:18,538 --> 01:30:18,878
Me.

1248
01:30:18,878 --> 01:30:27,361
Um and so today has been about you, but also I just wanna thank you all because um you're
helping me to honor my dad and honor his legacy.

1249
01:30:27,361 --> 01:30:29,222
So thank y'all.