(Dick Clever, Episode Two, Captain Hickory)

                                              THEME / JAZZ HORN PLAYING UNDERNEATH:

DICK:			4:16 on a Friday. It was only recently, the 3rd of the 4th, or the 4th of 
			        the 3rd, that I can recall the first murder and how horrified we all 
		         	were. I walked into my office.......

				                              PERSON WALKING INTO A FILING CABINET.

			        Cabinet. I then remembered that there were changes afoot and 				
                    the cabinet was indeed a foot to the left. There was a new man in 
                    charge of the division, Captain Hickory. A college graduate with 
                    limited street time and an ear of the Commissioner. Sounds disgusting...

				                             KNOCKING ON DOOR.

		         	It was then that Sergeant Kransky rolled into my office. 

				                             DOOR OPENING AND THEN CLOSING.

			        Sergeant, what can I do for you?

KRANSKY:		Captain wants to see you right away and he doesn't keep like he waits
                         to be sounding.

DICK:			I think you mean, it doesn't sound like he likes to be kept waiting.

KRANKSY:		That's what I said.

				                             JAZZ HORN.

DICK:			It was at this point that I had reservations about the Sergeant's 
			        intelligence. 

				                             DOORBELL.
                 
                 	I made my way to the Captain's office. At 4:56 I knocked on his door.

				                             JAZZ HORN OUT. DOOR OPENING AND CLOSING.

HICKORY:		Come in.

			
DICK:			You wanted to see me, Captain Hickory?

HICKORY:		Ah, the esteemed Detective Clever.

DICK:			Call me Dick.

HICKORY:		I’ve looked at your record detective.

DICK:			Call me Dick.

HICKORY:		There’s a lot left to be desired, detective.

DICK:			Please call me Dick?

HICKORY:		Your record is appalling Clever.

DICK:			You're not going to call me Dick, are you?

HICKORY:		Look at this, 

				                             HITTING OF PAPER.

                        three hundred and fifteen assault allegations.

DICK:			That's not so bad.

HICKORY:		From the same man?

DICK:			He was slow to move.

HICKORY:		Your paperwork is twelve months behind, detective.

DICK:			Only a year?

HICKORY:		Twelve months behind last year's reports, detective.

DICK:			Please, call me Dick.

HICKORY:		Although the men admire you, everyone in command thinks you're a Neanderthal,    
                        detective.

DICK:	I understand. So, do you have a problem with calling me the name Dick?

HICKORY:		You are a loose cannon......

DICK:			A rebel?

HICKORY:		(DRAMATICALLY) No, a cliche!

				                             MENACING CHORD.

DICK:			There I was, defenceless, sitting in my trench coat, hat, dark glasses 
			        and a leather thong, just as so many before me and he still wouldn't 
                    call me Dick.

HICKORY:		Well, Detective....

DICK:			Call me Dick.

HICKORY:		What do you have to say for yourself?

DICK:			I get results.

HICKORY:		That's something that holds no weight in this new police force. You 
			            are yesterday's man, detective

DICK:			Dick? Just once, say Dick.

HICKORY:		You are the legacy of a bygone era. A lingering scent after the meal, a 
			            drifting cloud in a godless sky. From now on, I will be keeping a close 
			            eye on you, Detective Clever.

DICK:			Or Dick, feel comfortable with whatever suits.

HICKORY:		One step out of line, I will have your badge. 

DICK:			The one with my name on it, oh, look it says Dick!

HICKORY:		Get out of my sight you festering weasel!

DICK:			Okay. Well. Have a good weekend, Captain.

				                              DOOR OPENING.

			        Go on, just say it once…

HICKORY:		Out!

				                               DOOR SLAMMING. THEME SONG.

DICK:			With the Commissioner's ear and the Captain’s eye I was wondering if 
			        he had a voucher for the city morgue. I headed back to my office.

				                               PERSON WALKING INTO A FILING CABINET.

			        Damn that cabinet, but to work. The Cod Piece Murders had to be 
			        solved, where do you start when you’re so horribly tangled in the 				
                    middle?

				                              THEME OUT.

                                              END

Copyright by Mike Jones and Iley Jones