And welcome to who knows whatever fucking episode number this is, Cinema PsyOps. I'm your host, Cort, and I am joined in the studio with my very consternated co-host, Matt.
I mean we didn't do the math for the episode numbers, so I mean if somebody wants to carry the two
Yeah. Geez, you moving your mic sounds like me moving my joints at any point nowadays. Yeah. We've been doing this show so long I've aged to the point where it hurts to stand.
Well, I actually have switched the mic stands that I normally use whenever you're not in the studio is the mic stand that you're using.
I just swap out the mics. I gotcha. Um, and this one is very, very noisy, but it is what it is, but it's here, so it be what it be. Yeah. And I
I kind of normally just edit out the noise that comes through. Yeah.
But since you commented on it, I guess I'll just leave it in. And also, as everybody knows, this is all filler time anyway, so what's it matter? We're just filling. Yeah.
We're just filling. Like, did you listen to the song? We're filling. Matt had a lot of choice things to say about the song, which may or may not become outtakes because I don't work as hard when we do commentaries because it's literally just filler time. Yeah, but I mean it is.
What's the did did it not did you not all feel like you were in like a Miami Vice episode listening to that? It was great.
Yeah, Matt was demanding that I start wearing a white linen suit and I'm like, no. And uh we're gonna go bus crimes and uh
And do coke about it or something. I don't know. Yeah. Whatever they do in the 80s. Why don't we get the commentary started? The very first one that we owe everybody is Son of Godzilla, because we skipped over that, so that's what we're doing first. All right. So we're using the Criterion Collection Disc.
to do this commentary that was released with the really like art deco looking Godzilla book. You guys all know the Shoah era got released on the book. That's what we're using for this one for our commentary.
Hopefully it's all in English because I don't want to go in and try and figure out how to do the subtitles with the quick time I'm playing it through. Yeah, no, let's let's let's make sure this is English or else I'm gonna be reading and that's
Yeah, no one helped that. Yeah. So here we go with that disc starting at zero, three, two, one, click. I never even learned how to read. We both know that's not true.
Otherwise you wouldn't be doing notes like at all. Yeah, right. I'm gonna be able to write. Yeah. I am illiterate, I think.
I don't know. You're functional ill illiterate. Yeah, functionally illiterate illiterate. Yeah.
I just can't pronounce words right.
If I read'em.
I make a whole...
Fucking different sounding word in my head. Most people don't realize that you have actually a speech impediment that rivals Daffy Duck sometimes. I do. I do. It's despicable. It is Despicable
Listen, I might have a touch of the TISM. I don't know, alright? I just say I'm neurospicy now. I picked that up from the witch. That's just the easier way to do it. I just say I have ADHD and got nicked by the TISM probably. Not a full-on hit.
It but I got nicked by it. A lot of abnormal interference. Hey, it's in English. All right, so we're doing all right. Yeah. Things are great. What?
While it's still crazy talk. While it's still federally legal, I'm just gonna hit my federally legal vape while we're doing this. Oh shit, there's Godzilla! Hold the nose up!
Oh man, Gazula's pissed. Alright, so this is well, well before
Obviously this is in the Shoah era, so this is well before the actual Millennium films. Uh huh.
Um I'm gonna have to look it up right now to figure out uh where it sits in all of this as you vamp on the screen. Oh okay.
I vamp on the screen. Yeah, just vamp. Just start talking about what's what's going on in the right. Well, all right. Well what we're seeing here, okay, they're triangling some shit with pen and paper because apparently they're fucking Amish and we're just doing this thing without computers. I don't know. Poor shit.
Oh your famping skills have gone way downhill. You really have, yeah. I'm just f i it's been seven months, all right. I've been through a lot. Uh all right, well we got a good Godzilla here, man. It's classic dude in a suit. It's awesome. Gotta love it.
Uh it's the only thing that, you know, makes sense for Godzilla is a dude in a suit. Alright, Son of Godzilla takes place immediately after Ebera? Horror from the deep. And you remember we did Ebera.
on the show and that was the one with the really like high pitched annoying voice that you love to imitate. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Back when you were imitating everybody's voice. Uh-huh. Yeah. So this takes place right after that. So that kind of fun
Swinging surf rock filled wackiness that we did for Ebra Horror of the Deep way way back in the day on like episode five. Uh huh. This movie is gonna have a lot of that same feel. Right, all right, all right.
I actually I really do dig Son of Godzilla, but I didn't it was like I'm not skipping anything else and Son of Godzilla is just kind of its own movie. Yeah, I gotcha. Yeah. Well thank God
You came back with that info. I was I was struggling for something out there. Yeah. Well, it is what it is. I've I'm I'm trying to make it work.
So I don't think I'm having any side effects from vaping, but uh every now and then I cough up something about the size of a kiwi fruit. That's not good. But I don't feel anything missing, so I think it's okay. Yeah, okay.
You you just go ahead and you keep believing that part now.
I'm not saying you should go see a doctor. I'm just saying why waste all that money on insurance you're paying in without
Did not go see a doctor. Well that's why I beefed up my insurance'cause Yeah,'cause you get ready. Yeah,'cause I have not been to a doctor in a very long time. Pretty soon, you know. And I'm about to find out everything that's wrong with me. Yeah.
Because the last time I talked to a doctor just like talked to, just casually talked to, and they say any aches and pains, I say the normal amount. They say no, the normal amount is zero. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You you definitely probably need a finger in the rectum. And uh Yeah. Yeah. They better buy me a drink first, those motherfuckers. They won't. And by the way, if the doctor has both hands on your shoulders, it's not a real doctor.
You saw you see in somebody else. And I only know that because a friend told me that story, not not that I experienced it myself.
This is a fun sort of set that they built. Yeah, look at this. Because you know that the kaiju are gonna be in a similar set that's in a miniature version of this. Yep.
What I wonder is did they design the miniatures first and then big size it for the people to be in there? Mm-hmm or did they big size? Yeah, probably and then build the big one. Well that's what you would do for construction anyway. You always
Exactly. Yeah. Big a size is not a word, but I'm just gonna say'cause I'm already stoned, so fuck it.
It's still federally legal, I'm gonna consume it till it's not. Yeah. And then I just won't admit that I'm consuming it when it's not. Oh you all you fucking narcs out there. You know who you are, and so do we.
Anyway, they're on like this research island and I'm yeah, I don't know a hundred percent for sure.
How it goes in the continuity.
But it if like it actually takes place immediately after Ebera Horror of the Deep.
But totally these are so much the same that as a kid I just assumed that after he defeats Ebra Horror from the Deep and the Red Bamboo is gone, then the scientists on this island encounter him too. Yeah, probably.
And yeah, doing a commentary for Godzilla films are so much less stressful than trying to talk about Dark Match. Yeah, Dark Match that was rough. That was a really dark film. Yeah. It was real dark. It was good. Yeah.
And I think I wanted to do that commentary because I wanted to see your live reactions to the matches because I really dug it. Yeah. And you reacted exactly how I hoped you would. Yeah. Yeah. It was perfect.
Then there's Ware Cop and that's Wolf Cop. Wolf Cop, sorry.
You know, as much as you liked Wolf Cop, I think we should do Wolf Cop two as a commentary eventually. We might have to. Because you seem like you would actually really like Wolf Cop too, because it's even more ridiculous. So you should probably Yeah, then I probably need to watch Wolf Cop two.
I I like the c we should make another there should be a new movie made called Where Cop and that's just where a normal everyday stoner becomes a cop when the moon becomes full.
And everyday anarchist becomes a cop with a road control.
Oh my god. Why do I want to trample on freedom so much? I hate this. It shouldn't just be any regular anarchist, it should be an anarcho-capitalist, which is like the worst version of an anarchist. Like yeah, there you go.
Oh, there's like five anarcho capitalists out there that just heard that and went, Fuck you, Court.
It's like, oh my god, the boots full. Why do I have these boots on? Oh my god, where'd this belt come from? Why do I have a billy club? What's going on?
Where'd this hat? Uh
I wonder what's cost. That actually works on most like multiple levels because like
Sometimes the people that think they want the most freedoms that act like that usually just want to make sure that they're in control of everybody else. Yes, exactly. Yeah. It's the anarchy that they want is the anarchy that they run. Which is why I started making that joke. Yeah, because that's not anarchy. You can't run anarchy.
We'll we'll have to disagree about that. What the fuck? God damn it. But besides the point, that also was in uh Doctor
Doctor Horrible sing along blog, I think, is what it was called. Uh it was Neil Patrick Harris. Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.
The guy who made that's an abuser, so we're not gonna give it too much more breathing time, but I still like to steal that quote of it's anarchy that I run.
Who made it? Doctor a horrible sing-along blog. Uh Wheedon. Josh Whedon. Oh yeah. He's a horrible abuser. That's right. Jesus.
Well, he has been alleged to be one absolutely. I don't I don't know. Allegedly. I don't know if it's been proven, but uh that's good enough for me to be a little leery about enjoying his content. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And who are you?
Which sucks'cause he's made some good content but
I'm a newsman and a photographer. He's doing both what I try to do is whenever I encounter problematic issues like that where someone is like a piece of shit.
And I want to watch a film that they're in and I enjoy it.
For perfect example, like Mel Gibson. Yeah. What I do is I try to focus in on
Everybody else that made that movie happen. Yeah, like Lethal Weapon, you're looking at Danny Glover. Yeah, I'm watching Danny Glover. Yeah. And I'm watching everybody else. Maybe in the later movies you're watching Joe Pesci a lot.
No, I'm more concerned about watching Rene Russo once Joe Pesci shows up. Yeah, yeah. Rene Russo is definitely a smoke show in those movies. Yeah. I
I try to watch it with that frame of mind and realize that he's an asshole. And if I start feeling guilty about watching content with somebody that did something horrible like that, yeah. Then
I will donate to a charity that tries to counter the horrible thing that they did. Good job. It's like instead of actually renting it, I'll pirate the movie and then the money that I would have spent on
watching the movie, I then donate to a charity that goes against never fail um the horrible thing that those people did. Yeah. Yeah. That's that's that's what
We all try to reconcile like my wife had to reconcile with uh Harry Potter series'cause she liked just throwing those on to go to bed too. Yeah. Don't get smart. And then, you know. Yeah. JK Rowling had to show herself to be a terrible person.
Well she's definitely a turf. I mean there's there's no denying. No, she's a turf big time. She's admitted to that. I mean she said that. I think that's the same guy who played Sarazawa there. Oh yeah. In the middle. It sure looks like him.
I'm not gonna look anything up because these commentaries are really just us literally filling time. The song told you this is what we're doing. We're jibber jabbering people, all right?
Yeah. You don't like jibber jabber, then I don't know what you're tuning in for. And by doing a commentary where you're not exactly talking about the movie, it then works whenever the movie's not playing over top of it. Yeah, exactly. You just
Well, we just tuned in to uh listen to Baton Court bitch about different shit in current day society.
Oh, this is a nice little set they got actually. Yeah. Like I said, it's probably the because of the miniatures and ha what have you. Yeah. I think this is the first appearance of these cockroach monsters. Oh yeah.
One there's always that one dude smiling in the background.
A lot of this foot footage is what gets reused for the I think it's destroy all monsters. It's the one where the kid goes to the island. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Uh or is it all Monsters Attack? I can't remember I always get those names confused. I say that a a hundred times.
But essentially the footage from this of Godzilla and the son of Godzilla, the baby Godzilla, is what got reused in that one where the kid like hallucinates the island of Godzilla.
We kinda talked about but didn't actually cover. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. That's the one that I said I wasn't doing because it's really, really bad. There's always a guy with a pipe. You ever notice that?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah. Uh the Godzilla movies have to have somebody featured with a pipe. Yeah, everyone has a pipe.
At least in one God's element. Which the one that the one guy had where he made it with that rare element that uh like if he separated the pipe it has to force itself together and they use that to beat the ape aliens. Yeah, I don't know.
That was like uh Terra of or is that Mechagodzilla? It might be Mechagadzilla. They all burn together at this point for me.
Oh that guy just has his gun on his shoulder pointing it at people's heads. It's
That's not proper gun safety. No, not at all. You need to be pointing it straight at the ground. Yeah. And he had bad trigger discipline. Yeah, no, yeah, yeah, right? No trigger discipline. Guns slung over the shoulder.
Just you're asking for a horrible three stooges accident there. Yeah, and this guy's dressed like Hawkeye for a reason.
Do you see how he was half shirting it? He had it all tied up. That's all set Look at this guy. Nobody ever uses it. Gender fluid before it was even a thing. There you go.
Maybe it's just'cause I'm getting the hots for him. I'm liking his outfit. Yeah.
Leafs good vegetables. Yeah, if you're into dudes with their sh freaking pants pulled up to their nipples, this guy he's just
Hanging it out there, man. Look at you. I respect the confidence. They must work out.
This is probably
This is probably like the exact opposite of the thing. Yeah. Where it's just so hot that all these guys just give zero fucks. Yeah, yeah, it's. As opposed to so cold. Yeah, you give zero fucks so you just bump the
Except for this guy, look at him. All his equipment, wearing pants.
As the uh dwindling sort of jazzy uh score that you would hear when Don Knotts is on screen. I think he's our comic relief.
Same guy he just got more dressed. Yeah. Uh oh. Spots a lady.
You know sometimes when you're on a desert island you do see mirages. Yes, you do. Yeah.
And when you're hanging out with a bunch of dudes that long on an island, man.
Why does he have a little spy camera?
Cause he's a perv and that's what pervs do, Court.
He's got pens mounted on his safari shirt like Yeah, of course he does.
This guy's a nerd. Well, they're all nerds. They're scientists studying life on an island. Yeah.
Well excellent.
As a lifelong slacker, I prefer low pressure areas. Yeah, me too. I don't I don't need to hear that high pressure shit. No, no, no. Like to keep my shit low pressure if you know what I mean. I'd like you to lower your expectations and then when you feel like they've gone as low as you can
For me, lower lower them just a little more. A little more. A little more. If you can find the bottom of the barrel of the bottom of the barrel, that's the expectations they need you to have of me.
I need you to look at me, expect the lowest common denominator, and then lower the bar. Lower it just a little bit. I think it's your duty to find this girl and protect her.
And button up your shirt, you whore. I like how when he's in camp he's dressed all loosey-goosey, but when he goes out on the island, he's dressed all formal. Yeah.
Just in case he meets a a hot island Pixie Girl. Yeah, right. You never know. Well but you think you want to be dressed like that if you meet a hot island pixie girl shirt button down.
Mid drift all exposed. I don't know, the way that it's captivated both of us, I think he wants to dress like that when he's trolling for dudes. Yeah, I guess. I don't know what you're saying. Do you know what the problem will be?
I'm digging the way that this guy's hair is going gray that uh is kind of at the head of the table. No man, he's he's aging what we like to call gracefully. Yeah. I like that idea where like right around the part or if the wings like the side if you can get the like the poly from side
Sam Beckett quantum leap. Nice little whiff of gray hair right in the front. Yeah. It's like when I got the band of gray down the middle of my beard, I got really happy. Yeah, yeah. I have a little side of it on my beard.
I think I'm gonna get a side uh band of grey on uh coming off my sideburns on either side too. My wife flipped when she saw that this little side grey that came in.
She's like, Yeah, what the fuck? Yeah, she she's not gonna get the salt and peppered hair, unfortunately,'cause you know the world took it. Life took my hair.
Oh. That just means you have enough testosterone that you don't need hair. We'll start at ten. I said, listen, hun, it's fine. Uh the gray hair will come in on the back. It's great.
A weapon far worse than any nuclear bomb.
So these guys have had encounters with Cromakus. I think it's Ker Karmacus or Krama Cromacus, I don't know how it's pronounced, but that's what that giant cockroach like locust looking kaiju is. Gotcha.
Ker Kurmaka Kerma cur not gonna work here anymore. That's
Your name's Michael Bolton? I love his music. They have his entire catalog. It's great. Seeing John C. McGinley get so excited for uh Michael Bolton. For Michael Bolton is just like it's it's mind blowing. It is. Oh Those two as the Bobs were so well together.
I don't think there's a single role that John C. McGinley has performed that I have not liked. Yeah, I don't think so. Like I just I like him in just about everything. Well Office Space was also one of those movies where everyone played the their roles exactly the right way.
Yeah. That's the lightning in a bottle that the way that that my judge caught on that one.
Start minus five minutes. You don't get that a lot, but fucking reporter.
Us just so talking about office space reminds me of the I there was a meme
thing or something that I saw where it was like before memes literally guys just sat around quoting every line. Yeah, yeah, every movie. Baker man. Yeah, and office space. Yeah. Two chicks at the same time, man. Hey Peter man.
Yeah, that was a that was a fun time to be a movie fanatic to where you could get all of those quotes right. Oh yeah. That was a golden age. Fletch too. Yeah, a lot of flesh quotes. Yeah and then you go into caddyshack. Yeah.
It depends upon what circles you're in. Yeah. Like the call centers the people are usually quoting Fletch more, but like your dude bros are the ones that are quoting Caddyshack more. Yeah. And then you get into like the major league.
Everyone can quote Major League, especially anything Bob Euchar was doing. Yeah.
And if you mess it up, it's just a bit outside. It's just a bit outside. Just a bit outside. And then there's always big trouble in little China. That model's terrific. Good silo.
See, here's the model version of that same and it's really a pretty good replica. Pretty dead on.
It looks like SpongeBob's being lifted up by a goddamn weather balloon. No, he's not there. He lives on a pineapple under the sea. Well maybe they're trying to return him there.
I don't know, man. Maybe they're gonna drop him out there. See, it looks like SpongeBob. Just cause he has square pants. It's the whole fucking deal. It's his last fucking name. That's fair.
750. 800. Blow it.
I forgot to put those switchblades away. Yeah. No, is this a switchblade? Yeah, it's brass knuckles and a switchblade. Jesus Christ, I'm gonna cut myself. Get the fuck away from me. It's pulling the warm air away from the island.
Oh my lord. Right, you gotta let me see it now. Just uh yeah, let me be careful.
Well that's just fucking stupid.
And cool. It is ridiculous. It is so fucking ridiculous, but it's still fucking cool. Yeah.
Technically that's a paperweight and a knife. Like for letter opener. Yeah, it's a it's a paperweight and letter opener.
I don't trust myself next to the sharp objects people. What I love is that they included the belt clip on this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Like you know what, you can call that a money clip. Maybe it's your new wallet. Yeah, this is my money clip. No, officer, I swear that's my money clip. That's my money clip. It's also where I keep my switch plate. And I definitely don't call it a pig sticker.
Well it does have this nice icebreaker on the end, a little window cracker.
I'm just so enamored with the miniatures that they got. They really did a good job.
This is like late sixties. Yeah. That they're doing this in and it actually is looking pretty great. Yeah.
And whatever restoration or scan or whatever it is the criterion did for this, it just looks terrific. Yeah.
Professor, put that pipe back in your mouth. We need you to think. Yeah, we're watching your like compressed uh review copies that I make. Yeah, yeah. That's all we're watching on my computer right now and it still looks fantastic. Oh yeah, it looks great.
Can't you do something?
All of those like screwed down panels with just a few lights and switches on that's what our studio looks like. Explosion suddenly Saulgale Island became the center of the city.
Jesus. Oh no. Oh no. It's killing all the plant life.
The storm raged on and on without let up. Water is so difficult to do in miniature. That looks good though. Yeah, I mean it you can tell it's a miniature because it's so difficult to make it look like anything else.
I think it looks awesome. No, the the lightning effect, everything that they're doing here is really well done.
That's the that's the thing that Toho did really, really well is they just committed to it. Yeah. Whatever it was, they just basically did the best that they could with what they had. And they committed to it and they sell it.
Wow that's nuts. The whole island got cooked by a weird atomic storm.
Pansies, but you can't handle little heat. Yeah, there's a very distinct funk coming off of all of these guys.
You'd see the animated stink lines coming off of the
You can just imagine it. What's up, Pig Pen? What are we doing?
Considering how fucking freasy freasy it is in Omaha, watching this like tropical heat and all these guys be sweaty, it's almost warming me. Yeah, it's making me jealous. I wanna
I find that the old I when I was younger I just preferred winter over summer. Yeah. Yeah,'cause you can always put more clothes on. You can only take so much off, but now I'm as I've gotten older, I not handle that cold anymore. Not well.
I've always been a fall only because spring is it starts getting too warm too fast. See and I I I'll sweat. I don't care now. I'll just sit out in my garage, smoke cigars and
Swent my balls off. That I I can handle. What climate change my ass off. Climate change taking away fall and making it go like from nothing to just dead winter. Yeah. But it's also taking away spring. Yeah.
'Cause it goes from dead winter then all of a sudden to like you have one week where maybe you can enjoy the seventies and then it's in the nineties i like high eighties, low nineties. Yeah. Although this last summer was actually pretty mild.
Comparatively to some other summers we've had. Yeah. Then again, I think oh look at there it is.
I'm not sure how they puppet it, but I think it might be wires. Yeah, I think so. Just the way the arms are moving. It's not that big. The intense heat radio. That's a prey mantis.
Do they call'em mantis? No, it's Cromachis or something like that. I'm I don't know how they pronounce it. But they are supposed to be praying mantises. I just always assume they were cockroaches. Yeah. The name sounds like contact the base.
There's like a spider too that I think is called spiga that we've seen, but it's not as prevalent.
Real inventive with the names there, fellas.
It's broken. Well, I mean it's no worse than Masters of the Universe. They had a character that was spider-based that I think was just named Spy Door. There's Beast. Yeah. Beast man. Yeah. Yeah. Get inside. Skeletor. I mean Little on the nose, ain't we?
Sometimes you just have to say what it is with a name.
It's a nice combination of uh matte painting and uh blue screen and all that stuff. What about he-man? Well I mean that makes it obvious what it is.
I like how one of his uh front claws is curved and the other one is straight. Yeah. Well not everything's perfect not everyone's perfect. I mean he's got a deformity.
How did I not see a praying manis? Probably because they're brown as shit. Yeah.
Well there's a few of them. What do you think they're trying to do? I think they're building a nest. It came from around here.
Just so enamored by the kaiju action. Yeah, right. Well they do what
I like the professor's sunglasses. Those are pretty rad.
Well, that's because of what he's wearing. The clothes. Put him in a Hawaiian shirt with those ones. Yeah, that looks pretty nice. Yeah, but he's seriously got some Jim Jones vibes going right now. Oh, it's an egg.
Yeah, but not not the good kind of egg, not the Mothra kind of egg. Oh, this this is one of their eggs. No, it's not one of their eggs either. Oh is this Godzilla's egg? Yeah, that's a manila egg. Uh oh. Yeah. Yeah, you're gonna piss off Godzilla fucking with their egg.
Yeah, probably.
You look too much like Jim Jones. I can't take this anymore. Raise your hands.
Professor, we have to continue. You don't belong here. You have no right to speak. From the day I came here, I've been a full-fledged dirty job member. Now hold it. There's no reason to start fighting. Furukawa. All of us.
We can't leave here.
The radio was knocked out by the heat, and we can't call for help. This is totally a clip. Yeah. I won't know until I've checked it out more.
After I explain bad news, I always like to light up with a marble. There's a reason why smoke'em if you got'em is kind of a thing in this world here.
There are times when I see someone light up a cigarette, I miss it a little bit. We did talk about that. Yeah. But then I remember.
Just everything else about it. And I'm like, nah, I'm alright. Like last night, like uh I was uh out at my the bar up the street from my house and uh some friends were already up there.
And uh one of those friends smokes and uh he kept going out to go have a cigarette. And they were like the fastest cigarettes I think anybody's ever had. But I'm always like, Yeah, nope. Now I'm now I'm pretty happy that I don't do that anymore.
Yeah, especially as cold as it was. Yeah. Single digits last night. Yeah, single digits. It's gone. As you know, huh? There's something in that tree. Get ready to shine your light on it. All right now.
God damn, you see a woman in a treaded.
The fuck are you? An ice agent. Yeah, yep, that's Yeah.
Uh oh. Trying to make an omelet.
They're trying to make a zamlet. Gazomlet. A gazomlet, yeah. The God omelet.
Zilla omet? I have no idea. Zilla omelet? Zilla omelette. Zilla omelette. I don't know. I'm just gonna keep this? We keep this up, I'm just gonna get really annoyed, so I'm just gonna keep smoking. Just
Take another hit of medicine there, big guy. You're you'll be alright.
I do have some therapists to do it.
So you be you're gonna allow someone to ink your body again? Yeah, I'm gonna get my back done. There you go. I'm getting a Godzilla, which is why I'm really happy to do these comments. Oh there you go.
AHHHHH
It looks like a baby. It looks like a fucking turd. It looks like a turd. It looks like poop from the butt.
¡Haitas!
That little baby can't defend itself. God damn.
Dude, the reason I wanted to do this commentary because we hate on Manila for being annoying so much. Yep. And here we see him get born and immediately beat up. Yeah, we're like, oh man, I feel bad now. Yeah.
There is baby Godzilla in the Millennium series, I think. Uh oh. Yeah. Human crazy. You're gonna like the baby Godzilla a good little bit more than I would say the He just suddenly went out of his head. Manila Some people can't handle it.
Leave it to the guy with internalized misogyny to go running off with a rifle looking like a madman. Yeah. Furakawa!
Stop acting stupid! Stop shooting women just because they exist. God damn it, man. What's the matter? You incel prick? Who
Oh shit. Mama ain't happy. What's that?
No, this is daddy's home. Oh, d daddy's I never understood is Godzilla a man or a woman? I don't think Godzilla works by your binary understanding of gender.
Godzilla, man!
'Cause I've been I've been I've heard Godzilla be called he and she. Maybe it because like he is the amphibian thing, like the frogs and uh in Jurassic Park when it can change gender whenever it needs to.
I think a lot of the confusion is because they made the Godzilla in the Matthew Broderick one female so that they can have her give eggs. But as far as I understand it, all of the Japanese Godzilla he's always referred to as he.
But that could just be sex. Yeah. And just because that egg was there doesn't mean that this Godzilla laid it. It's just that that egg hatched because it was dug up.
So maybe just the Godzilla heard a baby Godzilla. So they hatched it because they were gonna eat it, I guess. And now he's coming to rescue it because he heard a Godzilla in distress like animals would do.
Like a cat will come take care of a kitten that's that's yeah. From their litter. Yeah. So that's that's how I'm thinking that this is still just the regular male Godzilla that we're going to get. So just he heard it and he was like, Oh shit, I better go help.
Yeah, and I'm only going by just traditionally they always refer to him as him in a lot of the movies. Now that may just be societal misogyny that made that a thing. Um probably. But Mothra has always been referred to as a she as well and
Well, maybe'cause they they made Mothra more effeminate. Well, there is that too. Yeah. Yeah.
Uh here we go.
Yeah there's this footage look like you tried to fuck me you're trying to fuck me this footage specifically was reused. That's a body slam
And uh I think it's destroy all monsters is the one. No, no, all monsters attack, I think. Let me check. That's uh that was uh that was a body slam, textbook body slam.
Yeah, so it's All Monsters Attack, which Destroy All Monsters was supposed to be the last one and then they did All Monsters Attack. Yeah. Which is the one where it takes place on the island. And that's the one that has like GABA and it's all reuse footage from this one. I gotcha.
It's also been released as Godzilla's Revenge for some folks. That way.
Oh look, the cockroaches are playing a little soccer with him.
I think some of this stuff got reused in All Monsters Attack as well. Oh man, it made me right in the face. Miss. Yeah, I did, Dick. Woo!
You can't just fling your body at the runner, alright? Well, you know.
Kid seems tough. There you go. There you go. Oh, and another slab. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. See, this is what he should do is beat the shit out of one using the other. That's the ultimate humiliation. Oh, he just broke off a little piece of it.
And atomic breath. And now it's on f oh that one's like ah shit.
Yeah, that one was smart. It just took off.
That's how you do it.
Well Jesus, even Godzilla's beating Minila with his tail. He just turned around and smacked him one.
Well the little shit's always underfoot. Yeah, all he can do is crawl.
This was a bad idea. Yeah, I d I don't know what this kid's doing. Yeah, he can't keep up. And Godzilla's like I'm done. Shh.
You're alive, kid. Don't figure it out on your own. Yeah.
The thing that I don't like about All Monsters Attack is they give him where he can speak to the kid. Oh yeah. And then they give him that really goofy, doofy voice. Yeah. He's like, hi uh, I'm My dad says Yeah.
Gorsh! Yeah. The other thing that that one has that uh is irritating is you know, there's not some weird Islander pixie lady that can keep your attention. Yeah.
It's just this annoying kid in really, really short pants. Leave it leave it leave it to a woman to find the animal that then go I'm gonna nurse this thing back to healthy keep it. That's fair.
I would probably do the same.
But who won't want baby Godzilla because if it grows up and becomes big Godzilla, then all of a sudden it loves you. Right. You get a baby Godzilla to imprint on you, you rule the world. Yeah, pretty much. Yes when it grows up.
He's sitting in a chair with just Godzilla towering behind you going, Well, I don't know, fellas. I kinda think you should give me the bank loan and not expect me to pay it back. My biggest problem with this is like it looks like they didn't even finish the puppet. It just it's so rough. Yeah. And
like crudely done. And like they it there's no scales, there's nothing that indicates that it really is a baby Godzilla.
It just doesn't look good. It feels like it's just an afterthought they threw in. And even like the face.
Does it work? Oh, it's derpy as fuck. Yeah. It's like five times more derpy than the King Kong suit in King Kong vs. Godzilla from the 60s. Yes. It's super derpy. So derpy.
He looks like he fell out of a stupid ugly tree and hit every other branch on the way down. Yeah. Stupid ugly stupid ugly. Stupid ugly. Stupid ugly.
Baby Godzilla looks like his family tree does not fork.
Yeah, yeah. Like his grandpa is his brother and also his uncle. His mom is his sister. Mom is his sister and cousin.
And wife.
There's an old timey song called I My Own Grandpa. I don't know if you ever heard it, but it does something similar. Does it? Where this guy is his father marries this younger woman next door and then he marries the mother.
Of the younger woman, the son does. Yeah. So now he's his own grandpa. Boy never wear a red shirt like this.
Sometimes I I watch uh trashy reality T V with my wife and on one of these uh Real Housewives shows that's uh based in Salt Lake City. It's a bunch of you know, like Mormons and ex Mormons or just ultra religious.
Uh there's a lady who's not a Mormon. She's just it she belongs to a different church, but she is still really religious. She married her step grandfather.
When her grandmother died, asked all her grandchildren who were females for one of them to take care of her husband after she died. So she stepped up to the plate and married her step grandfather. That's fucked up.
No fucking doubt. That's taking the words take care of quite literally. Fucking Utah, dude. It's it's a different breed up there. They're all like, man, we don't have a lot of alcohol, but we do fuck around, I guess. I don't know.
They don't drink coffee, the Mormons either.
Yeah, caffeine is uh No the caffeine's fine, but they can only drink pop. They can't drink coffee. Specifically I thought they couldn't have caffeine. No, they can have caffeine.
I don't give a fuck. Yeah. Limiting what you do with your life because of religion is fucking stupid, so
I mean I'm gonna limit the murder part, but that's about it. Yeah, but you're not doing that because of religion. No, I'm not sure. And the only reason you're not murdering people is because of religion. You are just a bad person. Yeah, yeah. That is also true. Yeah. Because it's uh I'm not kind to people.
That's that's the end of the sentence. I'm not kind Okay, I'm gonna say my own sentence. Ready? Uh I'm not kind. Yep. That's it.
The land of war. The Japanese war. That's not true. When it comes to animals. Yeah, yeah. When it comes to animals, you're kind.
Was Doctor Matsumi When it comes to your wife, you're kind.
Right. Yeah. But that's also on an earned per
person and per animal basis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like animals, I automatically like I give them birth just because I respect animals a hell of a lot more. Yeah. They got a lot more to deal with than me. Yeah, yeah, right.
I'm just suffering under capitalism. They've got like all of nature to deal with Yeah, they gotta they gotta understand that shit sucks out there. Yeah.
I like that the Cromachis has like a little bit of fur at the joints and things. Oh yeah. You see that? Like there's a little bit of fur. Oh yeah, they did a really good job with the with the uh with these fucking uh prey manduses. Yeah.
As much detail as they put into these things and they built three of them and then they have this god awful manila that just.
It's all derpy and just looks like a dried chair. No, it's like they put all their uh eggs in the little models and then the prey and mantises. And then when it came to baby Godzilla, they were like, fuck it.
How much latex do we have left over? Yeah.
Let's make it like poop from the butt.
There's some sequences where he it's the same problem with E. T. There's some places where E the E. T. puppet just looks like poop. Yeah, or like a rolled up Especially when he's died, it looks like dried up dog poop. Yeah, definitely.
But I was thinking like uh like a cigar that like gets like beer spilled on it. Oh yeah.
Man, now I want a cigar. With beer on it. No, no beer on it. No, just the cigar. All right, let's get ready. Right. Right. Yeah.
I'm glad that this is one of the shorter ones that we're doing a commentary. This place is trashed.
Yeah, it's like a bunch of fucking giant preying menaces in a solar storm of magna you know like a nuclear storm went through. Yeah, you know what's really good about this movie though? Is like we've half paid attention to it, talked about other things, and I still know what's going on.
Yeah, the earlier Godzilla films it's very easy to do this one. Yeah.
See now he has a few more spines and they painted him. It's a little better. Yeah, like he's grown up I guess, so
Okay, so they wanted to have different stages of him growing and developing. That kinda makes sense, but that first one looked terrible. Yeah. I still think he looks like a dried turd though.
He's so fucking derpy. He is just the derpiest looking motherfucker.
Up Godzilla's just laying down taking a nap. Yeah, well poor poor Godzilla's been watching this kid all day, he's tired.
He just wears me out.
Yeah, now I'm glad we skipped this for regular coverage. How the fuck do we do a review about No, I mean I'm like you imagine to have to do the review, so anyway
Maybe Godzilla's being a sh giant shitty kid while Godzilla's trying to sleep. Yeah, he's playing with and attacking the tail or he's trying to do jump rope. Jump rope over the swinging tail. Now he's trying to surf.
And now he fell.
Godzilla's like, the fuck kid, just settle it down. That is totally a fuck you kid.
Fine. I'll go kick rocks. Yep. What's funny is if Godzilla did say, Hey kid, go kick rocks. He was already kicking rocks. I already did that. I'm bored. I want to do something else.
Should he be running with a spear gun pointed near her back like that? No, but I think they've shown they don't believe in any kind of safety protocols in this movie.
She found the finest beach town, turned it into an outfit. Tokyo? What kind of place? What kind of place?
Well shirt's all undone. This guy's just sluttin' himself out.
Good lord he is sweaty as shit. She's like glistening. She's glistening. He's just dripping. Yeah. Well he's having been doing the cardio like she has. Wonderful.
Rako! Huh? Godzilla! That's not Godzilla, that's Manila, you fool.
Come on.
It's all right. He's only a baby.
He's imprinted on me and when he grows up I'm gonna rule the world. So you could get with this or not? Okay. All right, all right. Get with my beach towel wearing program.
Well, a hot lady wants me who controls a Godzilla w wants me to stand with her? No, alright.
Quite frankly, once they have control of a Godzilla, it doesn't even matter if they're hot or not. No, at this point you're just standing with them at the If you don't want the atomic breath, you stand with the one. Yeah. Or eating in one bite.
Oddly enough, you never really see Godzilla eat people. He never really does. No. No. It's like a Toho thing there. I think he's a vegetarian.
Pescotarian, where eel eats fish. Well you do see well yeah, there's some fish eating. He eats ships. I think he's a he just eats ships.
You really never see Godzilla eat. Well various versions of him just absorb atomic radiation. Yeah, and that's how he sustains himself. But yeah, that's the whole Toto thing, they never wanted to actually have him eating. Yeah. Yeah.
Oh look, he's throwing a tantrum, man. Uh-oh. He's like, I want to hang out with my friends.
Oh look.
Yeah, gotta drag him by the tail. Every parent has dealt with this in a store at least once. Yeah. You know in the sixties you could drag your child by his tail. Yeah.
You could. Yeah. Nowadays they tend to frown on that sort of thing. Well, nowadays they don't have a tail.
You would hope. You would hope. Yeah.
But human children are not supposed to have tails. But with all the nuclear waste back in the sixties and the seventies, there were more tails. I don't know if that's true, but I I feel like it might be.
Before we stopped testing all the nuclear devices constantly, there were just tons of tails.
Professor, he's got a high fever. See, the thing is that you're just telling a tall tale about tails at this point. How many more times can we say tail? I said tail.
I could use a little tail. No, not like that. Not like that. The other kind. You mean you y to actually have a tail. No, not like that. Not like that. Come on.
No, not like that. The other kind.
Oh my god, this is the worst commentary we've ever done.
I'm happy. Yeah, no, I mean this is great. I love it.
Literally Oh look, she put on pants and his shirt. Yeah, yeah. She's wearing that guy's clothes. She's wearing the hell out of that guy's clothes. Yeah, but she said didn't tie it up into a mid drift like he did. Yeah. He wore it a lot more sexy.
Oddly enough I'm okay with that. We do. She feels it looks like she's comfortable.
And it's a bit of an improvement over her beach towel. That had to be really scratchy. Yeah, right. It did not look like a good beach towel. It looked like wow, I'm not getting rashy wearing this. This is nice.
Yeah. It looked like the kind of beach towel that you get issued like at a resort. Yeah. That you're supposed to just lay out on the side. Yeah. It has a thread count of one. One.
Bye.
Like you don't it's made out of jute rope. Like you can't prove that someone was murdered at that resort, but you kinda know.
But the prices are reasonable. Yeah, the prices are reasonable. Yeah. Yeah. And Priceline assures you that that death hasn't occurred in at least twelve years. And there's no way of knowing if they were murdered, but it could have been a suicide too. So you just don't know. Yeah, that's how scratchy that towel looks. Inconclusive.
According to Matsumiya's notes.
Half the crew is like going so Jim Jones chic and the other half the crew is going like
Dressing like Hawkeye and uh Honeycut. Yeah, right. Yeah. Well, the the two who are dressed like uh uh uh Honeycutt and uh Hawkeye is the two who aren't with the original.
group. Well yeah there's one's the reporter and one's the lady who just lives there. I think she's just native to this island, right? Yeah I think so. Why didn't she grow to epic proportions and become a kaiju? Well I don't know man
That ass did. Oh that's just grossly inappropriate but also very accurate.
I'm telling you, man, those uh those pants are working wonderful for her. I already said she was wearing the hell out of his outfit, so I'm not arguing. She's just dude, just let her have those clothes, man.
She still has her jute rope hair tie though. Well, I mean, come on. Sans flower. Gotta keep the hair out of your face when you're traveling. Especially that much. Way to trip, you dipshit. She's halfway on her way to Crystal Gale for fuck's sake. I mean this lady doesn't lose a fucking step and this guy's constantly falling.
S maybe stop using rocks trying to hold on to b things, man. Or maybe check to see if they move a little bit before you put your weight on them.
Has this guy never been outside? Yeah, I mean I every time he's sweating it looks like he hasn't been. Like this is the first time he's been without air conditioning. Maybe that's it. Maybe it's not that the island is that hot. Maybe he's just sweating so much because he just has no idea what he's doing there. Yeah.
It's like we're just all the central air.
Man, that's a beautiful set. Yeah. Yeah, they really did a good job with the set. Yeah.
This is going to be dangerous.
Oh, I think this is where Godzilla tries to teach Manila how to fire the atomic breath. He's studying.
Alright, that's what you do, you hock up and you just fucking shoot some fire out of ya.
What's funny is there's no subtitles, but you know exactly what he's saying. Yeah. Just give it a try, kid. Come on. I can't do it. Try it. Come on. Anyone can do it if you're a Godzilla. You're right. I feel sorry.
What does study nut mean? What does study nut mean? Fuck.
Why does it bay like a donkey when he's scared?
Yeah, yeah, he did sound like a donkey. He bathed like a donkey and I scared a little bit.
And when he's an excited. Sounds like a donkey scared and excited.
This is Nancy. She chirps like a chipmunk when she gets really excited. Oh, we got a smoke circle.
That's pretty much all Manila can do. Yeah.
Like this. Here it comes. From the diaphragm. Now give it a push. See? He's instructing him. Yep, here it comes. Okay, from the diaphragm. And Oh, there you go. Stepped out of the tail.
There you go, slugger.
All you need to be is physically abused by your uh surrogate dad before you can get an atomic breath going. Drunk stepdad going back to sleep. So
Go kick rocks, I guess. Quite literally, that's all Manila has to do right now. Oh, like they figured it out.
Yes, but from here on out all he can ever do is the rings.
Yeah, Son of Godzilla's not bad. It's a little cornball. I'm glad we skipped it. Yeah. Same. Um, but I totally, totally skipped all monsters attack on purpose. Yeah.
Yeah, I was I did feel bad. I remember talking about it how I felt bad. Yes, drink that red water. That was perfectly healthy. Put your bare hands into it. You're gonna be alright. Yeah. Your fingers now have all the cancer.
This water is fruit punch flavored. Oh, what is that? Hi C? This is nice. She is giving it to the guy.
You know, I'm pretty sure that whatever was bad or bacteriological like infections possible that was in that red water, the atomic breath from both Godzilla and the kid probably killed it all. Probably, yeah.
And whatever water didn't evaporate is probably pure. Uh-huh. Although heavily radiated.
This fucking guy. Going home. Keep back why why are you all leading me a gun just hanging around this motherfucker?
Yeah, they're all suffering from what is known as uh systemic misogyny. Yeah. And that's why they're just firing guns left and right.
Yeah, drink this nail polish remover. At this point I just put the butt of the gun in his face, just bam. He won't wake up for a while.
She's either given him nail polish remover or it's uh it's uh no it's uh but um don't worry Hawaiian. Uh what's the name of that?
Hawaiian punch. Yeah, that's what they're getting. Would you like a nice Hawaiian punch?
Oh God, do you have Hawaiian punch here? No, that's too much sugar for me this time.
I'll fucking go I was just trying to get a an excuse to punch you. Oh you motherfucker. Yeah, that's me. Ah Jesus Christ. What are we the way they are now tenth grade again?
You were still doing that in tenth grade? No. I mean I never did Hawaiian punch like that. Uh or a Hertz Donut. Oh. I was in Boy Scouts. That was all over the place. I gotcha. What what are we? Back in fifth grade already? That's that's more of that's more of a You ever had a Hertz Donut?
Yes. Like actually from a place called Hertz Donut. Oh my god. There's a woo there's a place called Hertz Donut.
I've had potato donuts when we went to Maine. Nah, that sounds good. Yeah. My grandma used to make uh lard donuts. Oh, pure lard donuts are the shit. Oh my god, they're always so good.
I went to a place in here in Omaha for the first time Winchells last weekend.
Oh yeah. Yeah. I used to get donuts from there all the time. Yeah, it was my first time. Man, they're crack their coffee's good. Uh Jeremy from
Geek Chat Army and uh the Deuce Podcast, who's our our mutual friend. Yeah. I used to do Twin Peaks nights with
a fellow friend of ours and we would go to Winchell's and we would each get a dozen donuts and we'd lay'em out like on the table like they were in Twin Peaks. Oh yeah. And we'd watch Twin Peaks and fucking eat donuts. Shh was amazing.
I thought at first you were talking about the restaurant Twin Peaks, and I'm like, what does this have to do with donuts? No, the TV show Twin Peaks. Yeah, no, I know that now. And if you don't know what the TV show Twin Peaks has to do with donuts, then you have never watched Twinks. Yeah, then you've never watched Twin Peaks after
Donuts and coffee are like such a huge part of that show for whatever weird reason. Uh oh.
Baby Godzilla's about ready to get his fucking revenge.
I think here we go back to the rings for him to battle the Kermacas.
Yeah. So like what the fuck was that?
It's like a creature that can handle mace. Yeah. And he's just huffing some bear spray at it. Yeah, right.
Which still sucks, but not necessarily as bad as straight up actual chemical burn your face off maze. Oh man. He's like, Fuck me. That hurt.
Two seconds. Uh-oh. Something else is growing now.
Why you yellin'? So we have like a couple milliseconds I'll have to fix there in a second. Yeah. Oh man.
Oh man, this kid is just not having a good day. Is this supposed to be comedic relief? Do you think I think so.
Yeah. That's must be the spider getting ready to come up here. Yeah, I think Spyga's uh gonna show Kermachus a thing or two or about a thing or two. Yeah.
He's just thinking, look at all that cake. Goddamn. It's not even my birthday.
I can tell I'm such a hillbilly because I was thinking to myself, man, I'd carve off a chunk of that butt steak. Feel like such a hillbilly.
You're all like, mm, I'd have a slice of that cake. I'd have a slice of that cake. I'm all like, mm-hmm. Carve up that butt stake. Mm-hmm.
Now I want some butt steak.
Woke up dad from the nap. He's pissed.
That's usually how it goes when you wake up, Dad. Yep.
Whoa, whoa!
See if me and my friends playing too rough disturbed my dad, I didn't get the atomic breath. I just got emotionally abused. Yeah, wow. That's what fathers do.
It's all right. I feel like we should have seen that thing fight Mothra. Yeah, right. Two or three of them should have gone against Mothra at some point. Mothra would have bodied him though. Well, yeah. Especially the rebirth of Mothra version of Mothra. Yeah, yeah. Total fucking badass.
And here comes the spider.
This one's a little r this is a little rough, but there's some detail in it I do like. Yeah.
Sorry, this never happens to me.
Work's just been really stressful. Are you accusing Spiga of premature webification? I think so, yeah. It's it's very premature. Premature webification.
I don't know how they did the line effects where they come shooting at the people like that. I might have been reverse photography, I don't know, but it was really cool. Get between those rocks over there.
You could see a little bit of like the feathered edge around the mat lines where the spiga's moving, but otherwise it looks pretty good.
I just assume they didn't clean up any of the mat lines for these uh these restorations.
So if that's the case then the outlines themselves were actually going to be a few. Hey look, he's actually finally firing at a monster. Yeah. No, this is one of the guy this isn't the guy that was firing at every No, I know. I'm just saying finally a gun's being fired at a monster. That's something that should be fired at, yeah. Then again Ah sorry.
I like that giant spider leg they built to f You're just so pretty to interact with the humans in this sequence. Yeah.
The spider web looks almost as bad as like the seventies Spider-Man TV show where it was knotted rope that they got him climbing on. And it was like knotted clothesline, it was like obviously clothesline. Uh
I haven't seen that since I was a little kid and I remember even as a little kid I'm like, that's lame. Yeah.
It's like silly string. Shit gets everywhere. Yeah.
But considering that it's trying to use it to eat you, this is very serious strength. This is a serious time. This is serious silly time. He's not premature ejaculating just for the pleasure of it. No, he's webbifying the world in order to try and get himself some snacks. Yep.
Yeah, the mat work in this is pretty terrific. Yeah.
Oh man, he's still going.
Be quiet. Vitamins.
Motherfucker shootin' ropes.
Quite literally.
What is that old meme joke, the presence of silly string implies the pr the existence the existence of silly string implies the existence of serious string?
Congratulations. You're now a doctor. Serious string. Well, I'm the same. It's gray. I guess we were both born stubborn.
I wonder whatever happened to the red bamboo. They never come back to that from Ebra.
It's like this international terrorist organization. Yeah. And then they never come back to that. No, man. Why why come back to anything to make a story out of it? You just They just keep going back to aliens, but they always make it different aliens doing different shit. Aliens.
So that's the spider. That guy saw Wayne Static's hair in the like the early 2000s and went, I'm having that. Yeah, that's that's my look.
If you want to be taken serious about the presence of aliens, maybe not leave your hair like that. No, that's the only way we can take you serious. If you had like just a normal haircut, no one's gonna you're crackpot.
But if you got got a hairstyle like that, you know your stuff about aliens.
He needs to have fucking uh aluminum foil wrapped around his head and stuff.
Once I explain those things to you and you think they're really, really dangerous, you still keep picking up the switch blade.
I know we do. Yeah. Here here's my fat boys and and brass knuckles and then here's the ones with the skulls on'em. You can play with those and then we don't have to worry about you cutting your sisters.
Yeah, just don't start swinging with those in your hand and you'll be fine. No, that's uh You're such a child. You're over there just holding on to'em'cause they feel good.
Oh, look at this guy.
No, those are literally paperweights. They're not actual brass knuckles. Hence why they have the little thing that's threaded in there. Uh this? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that makes them stand up so that they are paperweights.
Gotcha. Legally speaking, you are playing with paperweights. Legally speaking
These cannot be used as brass knucks. Yeah, my lawyers have advised me that those are paperweights. They are not brass knuckles. How many are there? Enough to make me just stress that those are paperweights and not actual brass knuckles.
I wouldn't say that they're functional brass knuckles. They're paperweights. Yeah. They're not functional. Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't recommend using them. No.
Not at all. Whether or not they would actually work if you tried to does not matter. No. They're paperweights. They're paperweights. Yeah.
And as we know, a paperweight can be used as a weapon. It does happen. It does happen. Yeah. I mean, almost anything can be used as a weapon.
Absolutely. Yeah, like my biting wit used to be a weapon, but it's dulled over time. Ha
I'm here all week folks. I'm here all week. Tip your waitresses. Yeah, always. Seven thirty show is completely the same as the six thirty show. I hate changing it for you people.
That's why I don't do two shows anymore. I won't do it. I won't do it.
Did see Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, did you check that out?
I have not seen it yet, no.
Was it good? Yeah, I liked it. My wife said she liked it. Yeah.
I like don't know why, but I have a hankering to always want to watch it. Um, like late at night when we're getting ready to go to bed. Yeah. Like I wanna fall asleep to it and Bell's like, no. I'm like, ah damn it. Shh
It's still too new. Like I pretty much already have it memorized. I've watched it enough. Damn. But to her, it's still too new. Uh, I got you.
Let's hurry up. But you know me, I see a movie like three or four times, I'm gonna remember just about everything. Yeah. And then I start watching the background. Or I do a really boring commentary to it where I'm not even talking about the movie. Yeah. Like right now. Right now, because you know
Oh, look, they're all in their bathing suits now. Hey, I'm not gonna complain. Is she back in her towel? It looks like it.
She's wearing that single thread tally again. She's like, ah fuck it's itchy.
Rough universe out there. It is. Yeah?
Oh, there's a spider.
I don't think they figured out how to quite animate eight legs. Yeah, nope.
When Mothra does this you call it Bukaki. Yeah, oh nope, now they're back in their clothes.
I love how foam rocks bounce when they would never actually bounce like that. Nothing would bounce like that. They would just break apart.
They at least got the dust particles right. Yeah. Deeper into the cave. We're even more stuck. You stay here at your station though.
What's wrong? It's terrible. Stop pointing the barrel at other people's. Jesus Christ, man. Jesus. If that baby Godzilla starts stamping around, this place will cave in.
Alright, start the experiment. Huh? He's even pointing the barrel at his own fucking head. Yeah, we know that, but
There you go. He's finally pointing it away from everybody else.
Dude, get your f According to my figures. Gun still have enough energy though. You gotta learn how to use guns. Luna this is the only brave motherfucker there. Yeah.
That's because he also played Syrizawa. That's cause he also played Syrizawa. Oh yeah. Well. I'm pretty positive that was Sarazawa now. Alright. He shows up in a lot of these. All of you. Will you do it?
All right.
Those foam rocks are hilarious. Yep. Oh there he got a little bit of breath in him. Yeah. I don't know why they never let him actually go full breath. Yeah. Make himself have full breath.
That'd be funny if they would have done that where he has to step on his own tail to get the full breath. And then then he can breathe like stomp on his own tail and then he can breathe it out. I mean listen, some people need pain.
To you know, get their shit rocks off. You're talking to a guy that calls tattoo sessions therapy. Yeah, I know. I think I understand where you're coming from.
All right, let's get started.
Colonel Jim Jones here seems very concerned.
Maybe your escape raft should have already been inflated?
Right? And that's your escape boat? That's not gonna fit all those dudes. The thing's gonna sink.
Right away. That's I wouldn't trust that with just me in it.
That's what you guys got for your escape boat? You fucked. Oh, for sure. Exactly 180 seconds.
Good old-fashioned cotton webbing now. Yeah.
comes out of his butthole mouth.
Mouth looks like a butthole right there. Hair hairy one. Actually it might look like something else.
You're not wrong. You're just being inappropriate. Well uh oh my god. Can you be inappropriate on the show?
Yes. Yes you can. Well we've been inappropriate now for a lot of years. I think now if we started being appropriate, people might think something's wrong. Yeah, well you're also being disrespectful to mouths and buttholes.
And vaginas. This thing is not a starfish. It does not have a butthole mouse. No. No, it it has a vagina mouth. You're right.
Eight, seven, six, five, four, three. No, that's the predator that has a vagina mouth. Yeah, the predator definitely does have a vagina mouth. But with teeth. Yeah.
And aliens have a penis mouth because it little thing comes out. That's why they fight. Yeah. Yeah. The log standing Oh, another SpongeBob is being launched.
Launch the militarized the militarized SpongeBob. Launch SpongeBob. Launch the square pants. 600.
Six percent.
Seven hundred Detonate the unit.
What the fuck did that do? I don't know if I'm lost. It's like a firework.
Mate, Godzilla's just like this whole movie just seems like Godzilla wants to sleep.
He's tired, man. Yeah, he is. I know. I'm just saying.
Parenting a newborn is exhausting, you should remember. Ah, God, no, I drank all that away.
I never participated in being a parent. I told you I'm an absentee father for a reason, all right? You're such a fucking liar. The only type of father I am is absentee.
Well, if that's the case, your kid turned out okay in spite of you. Yeah, well yeah.
Let my wife do all the heavy lifting, you know what I mean? Release it.
I'm really glad you're not the scum.
The fuck's wrong with you, Cort?
You know you fucked up if just random strangers are like, why are you like this? Yeah, why who are you? I don't know.
What do you want from me? Energy interference. Huh? Not again.
How's the remote control working? No trouble yet?
So far the only practical effects that have not worked for me in this are the things that never really work in any movie because you wanna do for safety, like foam rocks falling. Yeah. And various things like that. But that's what you expect from these movies. Yeah.
No, I'm actually what I'm getting at is like otherwise I am pleasantly surprised at how well done all these effects have turned out. I agree.
Oh What's what's going on there man?
God I don't know why but every time Spyga's mouth is on screen now, all I can think about is 80s Playboys. Yeah. It's weird. It's weird, man. I'm only thinking about Hustler.
Just thinking about Snatch magazine for some reason.
I don't even know if that's a real magazine, but I would doubt it. Thinking about my lap subscription to unshaved beavers.
That's like full on wolf puss though. Yeah, look at that thing. Jesus. Take care of yourself. I'm still turned on every time his mouth pops up though. It's weird. Yep. Sorry about that, everyone. Oh criders a squirter.
Wires that are spy god. I can, yep. Wow that was cool.
Yeah, the Spiga sculpts is okay. Yeah. This era of suits are relatively rough anyway. Yeah, this is a rough era for all this shit.
But all the other effects like it's again just those rocks falling because you don't see them bounce, that turned out great. Yeah. And a good sound effect towards them too, the sound of like falling rocks.
We're going on a trip in our favorite rocket ship.
Sorry folks.
Old man indigestion. We haven't even eaten the jalapeno uh not jalapeno but the pepperjack cheese egg bake that I made us. Well yeah, just wait. Yeah, we'll take a break after this one between the next one and this one. Oh shit my
Oops, I crapped my pants. Oops, I crap'cause I wear them and I just did. I was telling Bev about how your
idea of the highest form of comedy is people shitting their pants. Yeah.
Like you just think that's the funniest thing in the world. It is the funniest just thinking about somebody shitting their pants actively. And the faces they make
It's all about like the faces they ha are making with actively shitty their pants. It is both shame and relief.
And fear. Maybe you just had a big bowl of super colon blow cereal?
Just obsessed with people shitting themselves. Poop from the butt. Professor Oh, you eternal child, dear. Why does she look now she's dressed like Gilligan? The monsters are down toward the plateau.
That must be cold outside.
Oh the discharge.
I can't stop coming.
Oh man, r oh, right in the mouth.
Right the 80s vag. Jeez, that's gotta hurt. Right in the wolf bus. Uh-huh. I think it fused the wolf pus shut. Certainly burned off all the hair around the outer edges. It's below freezing.
We guys Santa Claus now? Jesus Christ. Roger. Alright, let's go to the beach and get away from here. Right.
Yeah, that's just odd that they're dressed in winter exposure gear kind of.
Oh yeah, there's like some kind of weird climate thing that they're studying because this deals with some climate thing. Yeah. Don't they know there are space lasers that are already controlled that do that? Yeah.
The spiga corpse looks pretty per believable. Yeah. Oh it ain't dead though.
Oh, Godzilla's into that. Oh. Oh. Oh, it just spiked him in the eye. Yep.
That can happen if your face is that close. Yeah, I know, they'll get ya. You don't know that spike's there until you experience it. Until you yeah, until it happens to you. Yeah.
30 virgins listening to this show, they're scared now the vagina. Like they weren't before. It never goes away, by the way. You're always scared of it. You respect it.
Yeah, it's like being on an escalator. You need to fear and respect it in order to enjoy the ride. Exactly.
True.
Well now it's snowing. Yeah.
This is the only time that Spiga is this much of a threat. Yeah, right. Usually Spiga just gets bodied constantly. Or it's just stock footage. Oh I you finally got a good one out of there.
He's had a few shots. He rescued Godzilla earlier by melting the web and stopping it from covering on the
How are we supposed to tell what's snow and what's the water web at this point? Well the wider web will come out a lot more forcefully than the snow. And ropey. The ejaculate will look more streamlined than the snow.
I'm gonna call it the ejaculate now.
I'm digging this funky music that's going on with this battle. Oh, did he finally die? I'd shoot him one more time. Double tap that shit. Godzilla's gonna have pink eye after this. They need to work together.
Here we go.
There you go, cross the streams right to the wolf bus
You know, considering that Spike is experiencing that burning sensation, uh you know, maybe uh some badgicil. Could be some needs for some baggicil. Yeah.
Oh man, I bet the smell of burnt spider hair is way worse than any other. Oh yeah, dude, yeah, it's gotta be the worst.
The thing that I don't understand is if they are on this tropical adventure, yeah, and they're experimenting with
Weather systems. Yep. Does that mean that they brought that gear because they knew they were gonna do this anyway and cause it to freeze over? I think so.
Uh oh.
It's too cold.
The reptilian blood can't handle it. Yeah, there's too many snow f soap flakes everywhere that's making them cold. Are you kidding me? That's just pure asbestos, my friend. It might be. No, that's probably soap felix. Yeah.
What was the shit that was in talcum powder that was that asbestos? I thought it was lead. Lead? Lead was that was in the poisoning people? I think so. Yeah.
I know itching powder is just basically pulverized uh um like insulation fibers. Yeah. Cause it irritates your skin really, really bad.
I'd be pissed. Put itchup in your jock.
When I was like really, really young. People more people wore jocks in the old days than they do today. Yeah, that's fair.
Athletic supporters. Athletic support. Now people just go around cock flapping. Or shirt cocking it. Or shirt cocking it, yeah, that too.
When I was like super super young like a younger kid, I actually had one of those like practical jokes like um kit things where you'd have different things where you could do different types of practical jokes.
One of them was like you put a little metal rod in a cigarette so the ash will never fall off. Oh yeah, yeah. Like a tiny tiny little metal rod. I pulled that joke on my dad.
And there was a friend of ours who had lost their grandparent and our family had gone to the funeral.
And the oldest brother I gave him my itching powder to try and make him feel better.
Like, you know, just as'cause I was a really little kid, I didn't know what to do, but the oldest brother of the family I gave that to him. And then the sisters just looked at me and they're like, Why would you do that? He's just gonna use it on us.
And I was like, but look how happy he is now that he has it. Yeah, look, come on. They're like, but you just made it worse for us. So I gave them something to prank him with when he wasn't around. No, there you go. See you gotta make sure everyone's happy. Yeah.
Uh oh.
But the reason that I know that itching powder is just ground up insulation is the father of that family worked in insulation and he's like, Hey, I know what this stuff is. Is this what's left over after I cut?
Oh, it's a good thing. Yeah, of course he did.
There's this got turned into a meme. The two of them like slowly freezing together. Yeah. And it's it is sad. That's fair.
I'm more sad for Godzilla than the kid.
See look at them. They know what they did. They knew what they did was wrong. They're terrible people.
And they'll be alright. They're taking her away from her native land that they've just turned into a frozen wasteland. But she wanted to leave.
That was earlier on'cause she was asking what this place Tokyo was and he was telling her about it and then she was like will you take me there?
Yeah, sure.
Yeah.
Didn't she kinda colonize that place first? Cause I don't believe any human was meant to be on that island. Ah, it doesn't matter, the movie's over. Technically they're a movie to colonize her. Bye folks. See ya.