Today might be a short one or it might not. Actually even just saying that I realise that there is an echo of this whole topic that I'd like to explore today. This idea of patience. Welcome to the Henny Flynn Podcast, the space for deepening self awareness with profound self compassion. I'm Henny.

I write, coach and speak about how exploring our inner world can transform how we experience our outer world. All founded on a bedrock of self love. Settle in and listen and see where the episode takes you. So today is all about patience but before I dive into that I would also like to share something that I received after last week's episode, the one with Joe Mosley where we talked about courage and adventure and if you haven't yet had a chance to have a listen to that episode then it is such an enjoyable conversation and I really recommend it, Jo is a wonderful human. But in the episode I shared a beautiful poem by John O'Donohue, you might already be familiar with it, it's called Fluent and it's very short.

He writes, I would love to live like a river flows, carried by the surprise of its own unfolding. It felt like a very resonant poem, in relation to the conversation with Jo because everything about what she's doing is about water. She's a stand up paddleboarder and, as a outcome of sharing that episode, I received an email from someone who showed me a photograph of something that she had created for her partner And it was a piece of artwork that incorporated that very poem. And it just felt there was this lovely connecting thread between the conversation with Jo, with the beautiful human who wrote to me, and with that piece of poetry. And I suppose one of the things that made me want to share it was, you know, how wonderful it is when we come across something which inspires us to create a piece of art.

And art can mean so many things, you know, it could be something you create on your computer and print out and pop in a frame or it could be something that you create with watercolors or, you know, ink and oils. But I think just allowing ourselves that inspiration is a way of opening up that creative part of us, a part that I think is so important in how we experience the world. So that little little sideways step, is over and I'm going to come back to, today's topic which is about patience and maybe even listening to that was an exercise in patience for you So sometimes when I'm preparing these podcast episodes I feel very open to what the topic might be and in those moments I'll look around me for inspiration and unwittingly I've just referenced really exactly what I was just talking about in terms of being open to creativity and today I turned to my bookshelves beside me and I pulled out an old journal from a few years ago and flicked to a random page and a practice that I occasionally use sometimes use a lot sometimes don't use at all, but a practice I occasionally use to help inspire the prompts for my journaling is to use an angel card now if you've ever been to any of the online gatherings, might be familiar with me, occasionally sharing an angel card with the group.

I love angel cards, they're so positive and they draw one at random and it just gives you a little bit of insight, a fresh perspective on something that may or may not be useful for you in that moment. So when I'm journaling sometimes I'll choose an angel card and just see how that might inform my journaling for that day. So the day that I turn to in my journal has got the word 'patience' written at the top of the page and as I scanned through it, I could see that that really is the theme, that inspired my journaling that day and I would really love to share what I wrote with you. I'll do that towards the end. But before I dive into some other thoughts around it, I thought I'd read to you what that angel card says.

So patience. Trust the higher forces of life to know what is best for you. And remember that when you are asked to wait, you are being prepared for something even better than you expected. So change your attitude to one of acceptance. Relax and take stock.

Ask your angel to unfold you during this waiting period, so that you can listen to the promptings of the divine. Do not rush off on some wild goose chase of your lower will. When the time is right and you are ready and refreshed, the next door will open. Patience is always rewarded. And there's an affirmation that comes with each angel card.

And the affirmation is: All things happen at the perfect time. Now, my personal reflection is that those words have been really helpful for me at times in my life. Actually that affirmation all things happen at the perfect time has become, has been, has become one of the kind of mainstays I suppose for how I support myself in maintaining a sense of flow in my life. Now, when we look at a dictionary definition of patients, we see that it is the capacity to accept or tolerate delay problems or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious. And I'd say that's a pretty accurate description of how patients feels for me.

And my invitation really as I'm sort of sharing a little bit more research around it with you now is just checking in with yourself about how patients feels in your body. What are the thoughts that you're having? How did it feel to you as I was reading that angel card? You know, what came up for you? Was it a sense of, oh yes, I need to remember this?

Was it a sense of frustration like patience, that's not for me. Was it a sense of oh I wish I had it, but I don't, you know, or was it just like oh yeah, okay, that makes sense, You know, what was it that came up for you and how does that support your own self reflection around this topic of patients? Now, according to research by Doctor. Sarah Schnitger, now she is an Associate Professor of Psychology and Neuroscience at Baylor University in The US and she specialises in doing research in some of the things that we might consider to be virtues, things like patience, gratitude, those kinds of things. And she sees that there are actually three main varieties of patients.

So there's interpersonal patients, there's life hardship patients and then there's daily hassles patients and my reflection is that we may consider ourselves to be better or worse at one or more of those. Maybe not necessarily always understanding that there is a core connecting thread between them. So interpersonal patients, life hardship patients and daily hassles patients and kind of holding that in our heads as we go about our day, as we go about our life and kind of thinking, okay, so where am I exercising patients? Where does it feel harder? Maybe what are some of the beliefs that I hold about patients?

What might be informing what's preventing me from feeling patient? Do I see that being patient is even something that I want to develop? Could be another lovely question. But what Sarah Schnitka says is that patience is something many people simply say, oh, I don't have any of that. We can often think in our modern culture that if we have to wait or suffer in some way, that the solution is technological, that we need a technological innovation to fix it, instead of it being something about ourselves and there being a human solution.

So how I would interpret that is often we're looking outside of ourselves for an answer for things to be quicker in the sort of concept of patience. So something to be fixed, something to work faster, rather than seeing that within us there is an opportunity to practice this beautiful, I would say, skill of patience. Now if you don't see patience as beautiful, that's okay, but it's something that I, for me, that there is a beauty to it. Funnily enough, actually, even as I was getting ready to prepare this episode of the podcast and doing a bit of thinking about it, I had to practice patience myself. My computer for some reason was buffering.

It didn't want to open the software that I used to record the podcast and to edit the podcast, it didn't even want to open pages where I make my notes about these episodes so that I'm not just completely flying by the seat of my pants. So that was a practice in patients and it was really interesting as I noticed myself getting a bit agitated, know, I've got quite a strong get it done driver. And so as I noticed that adrenaline starting to, you know, tiny, but you know, an adrenaline spike, it made me smile because clearly there's irony about talking about patients and then getting impatient. But also just as a practice, it's something that I do. If I notice that I'm starting to kind of push up against something and feeling impatient about it, one of the sort of techniques that I've taught myself is to notice that and to, bring a very gentle, kind smile to that.

And then that helps my system soften, and then I can step back and go, hang on a minute, am I trying to control something that's uncontrollable, or am I trying to force something to happen in a way because that's how I want it to, rather than in a way that is more natural for it to flow. And this idea, what Sarah Schnicker says about lots of us will simply say, oh, I don't have any patients. And it can almost, I think in this day and age, feel like a badge of honor actually. We might say it's something that we want, but it's almost like, no, I don't have any patience. As though in some way there's something good about that.

And I see it a lot with people when the topic of meditation or mindfulness comes up. There's often a very fixed idea of I can't, I'm not patient enough rather than the growth mindset of oh, that's something I can develop. I can develop that skill. Because ultimately meditation is a practice in patience. It's a willingness to sit, to be still, to allow whatever's going on and not try and force it to change in some way.

Really for me, think that's part of the definition of patience actually. And if you're interested in that idea of like the fixed and growth mindsets, fixed rather, and growth mindsets, then see the work by Carol Dweck. She was the kind of initiator of this kind of language and I'll include a reference to her in the notes actually, it's really interesting work. So the other thing about this really then is we can define patience as the ability to remain calm in the face of frustration, adversity, suffering or waiting as you're pursuing your goals. And I think this definition is distinct from the dictionary definition, Schnipke's definition.

And what she's saying is that, you know, we have somewhere we want to be and it's taking a little bit longer or a harder journey than we hoped for or anticipated, but we stick with it. We stick with the, pursuance of that goal and we remain calm during that process. So there is an active aspect to patients, which I think is really important when we think about it. And in fact, there's a Thich Nhat Han quote on this that I came across recently, has stuck with me and I really love. And it's something like, when you're stuck in traffic and feeling impatient, remember you too are the traffic.

I might repeat that one, because I just think it's such a gem of insight that when you're stuck in traffic, you know that feeling, there's a queue, you're starting to feel impatient, a bit cross about everybody else around you. And as you feel those feelings rise, remember that you too are part of the traffic. And that can just pivot the feeling and recognising that we're all contributing. I just think that's so beautiful. And know, and I sort of said about this research in patients, and it's really important to recognize that there is action inherent within patients.

It is not passivity. It is not about being passive when we are patient. And actually passivity is when you see people starting to disengage from their goal and they become so emotionally dysregulated that they have to give up. And that is not patience. Patience is not about giving up to such a degree that we lose all interest.

I think it's sort of easier to kind of see it as that it sits on a spectrum between passivity and impulsiveness. So impulsiveness at the other end of the spectrum is this kind of reckless pushing forward that can also be an indicator of emotional dysregulation. Whereas patience sits sort of somewhere in this kind of central point where it's like I have clarity about where I am heading and I am able to remain calm in the face of what I am facing into. And, you know, when you start to read about patience, it becomes very evident that all of the big faiths recognize patience. So, in Islam, the holy months of Ramadan is all about patience.

In Christianity, in Corinthians, it says love is patient. And in the year May, when Pope Gregory I redefined the sins and the virtues, he included patience as one of the seven virtues. And of course, Buddhism is all about accepting that life is suffering. Life is all about patience. So, see there is this ancient and deeply grounded expression of patients as something which is valuable for us.

And it goes through all the way back through our cultural heritage, really regardless of what our cultural heritage is. There will be, I suspect, evidence of patients being something that is celebrated in some way. And yet in our modern life, we seem to have forgotten that it can be something which is so valuable to us. My feeling is that it can feel really hard to face into patients. And that's really what my journal entry was about.

So I will read that to you in a moment. And this entry, it was an exploration of what patience means for me personally. And so I think it's interesting to consider what it means for you, what can get in the way of patience, what are the feelings associated with it, how it feels when you release your impatience and settle into patients, you know remembering that it's not passivity, just thinking about that research. So what are your thoughts? What could a practice in patients look like?

And also there's something really important here that patience takes patience. It's not something that we can just click our fingers and say, right, well now I'm going to, you know, become a patient person, because obviously there'll be a whole load of things going on. Stories we've picked up from our family system, a cultural narrative that will be informing the way that we see it. We might have a whole load of beliefs, perhaps limiting beliefs, things that we're not even aware we're carrying that could be informing how hard or easy patients feels like for us personally. So bringing that mindful awareness to all of those things too.

And okay, I think sort of it feels feels like like now is the time to share this journal entry. So, you might already know that my journal is often a conversation with my journal and as slightly bonkers as this sounds, my journal will reply to me. If you've ever read the book Conversations with God, it can feel a little bit like that, not that I, think I'm having a conversation with God necessarily, but simply that there is a call and response effect that happens when I'm journaling. So, as I read, you'll hear this call and response coming through, and hopefully it will still make sense to you. You'll be able to tell who is calling and who is responding.

Okay, so this general entry begins: Patience. What do I need? I have already answered, why do you need to ask again? Because when I feel I have an answer, a worry forms and I am no longer sure. So, what do you need?

Certainty How can you be sure you have it? Good question! So, what do I need? Patience Patience is a long game. Is it endless?

Maybe. It is an endless, timeless quality of holding faith, of being present, of always accepting what is' without searching and digging for more. But how then does that equate to creating the life you want? Tell me, what it is that you lack? Certainty.

And how can you be sure you have it? This is an endless conversation. In all that I seek, I will never find certainty, because I can never be sure. So, the quality is indeed one of patience, because whatever will come, will come. And through patience comes certainty.

That is correct. So how does that help me when I feel stuck? When I feel I am not making the most of what I have or of the opportunities I have been offered? Can you ask that question another way? How can I know what it is I am most meant to be devoting my time and attention to?

By listening to yourself. What does your heart tell you? I thought you were my heart. Oh no, I am something different. Okay, well, I know that there are practical things I have to do, things that keep other things working.

And sometimes I avoid these or I find myself being inefficient. So I know I need to compartmentalise my time when I am having to focus on things in a steady way. I think that will help me. Think. I know that will help me and I have resisted it.

Why have I resisted it? Perhaps because it will bring you closer to what you desire. Why do I not want to be closer to what I desire? Perhaps because you are afraid of the changes it will bring. But I don't know what those changes are, or even what it is that I desire.

So do not be afraid. Do the things you have set out to do. Do them well and see where it is they take you. And as usual, I finish with thank you. My reflection as I read through those words is that this too is an expression of the research that I shared with you earlier today, that patience is not about passivity and neither is it about giving into recklessness, of course.

It is about having a sense of clarity, moving forward, doing the things that we have set out to do, doing them well, doing them with patience and then seeing where it is that they take you. Before I go, I'd love to share one final piece of inspiration with you and it is the Emily Dickinson poem 'Patience'. It is very short, it is so exquisitely concise And it begins: Patience has a quiet outer. Patience, look within. Is an insect's futile forces, infinites between, escaping one against the other, fruitlesser to fling.

Patience is the smile's exertion through the quivering. I hope you've enjoyed this exploration. I love these episodes in a way because I think that they are portals. They open up, they certainly open up my own reflections and hopefully they do the same thing for you. And, you know, always, always, always with these episodes, it's not about saying this is the right way or this is the wrong way to think about something, to feel about something, to do something.

It's simply about taking every opportunity that we have to explore things from a fresh perspective and then from there seeing where that takes us. And as you'll know from listening to the introduction to these podcast episodes, that's really what's at the heart of the whole thing. Settle in, listen and see where the episode takes you. Okay my darling, it is time for me to send you a hug and a wave.