WEBVTT NOTE This file was generated by Descript 00:00:01.393 --> 00:00:03.463 Speaker: It says we're live and it says we're recording. 00:00:03.463 --> 00:00:03.793 So 00:00:03.943 --> 00:00:05.203 Speaker 2: wait, it says we're recording. 00:00:05.203 --> 00:00:05.293 Speaker: Mm-hmm. 00:00:05.863 --> 00:00:06.223 Speaker 2: Oh, look. 00:00:06.228 --> 00:00:06.768 And we're live. 00:00:06.913 --> 00:00:08.263 Okay, now I believe it. 00:00:08.322 --> 00:00:09.222 Now I've seen it. 00:00:09.373 --> 00:00:10.453 Seeing is believing. 00:00:11.683 --> 00:00:12.312 So how 00:00:12.318 --> 00:00:12.488 Speaker: Tina? 00:00:14.037 --> 00:00:14.328 Yeah. 00:00:14.773 --> 00:00:15.732 Tina Taylor's world. 00:00:15.732 --> 00:00:17.262 It seeing is definitely believing. 00:00:17.473 --> 00:00:18.643 Speaker 2: Seeing is believing. 00:00:18.793 --> 00:00:19.782 I need to see it. 00:00:19.782 --> 00:00:20.683 I wanna touch it. 00:00:20.887 --> 00:00:21.648 I wanna feel it. 00:00:24.192 --> 00:00:26.173 Speaker: Did you ask me how was I, or are you asking every, 00:00:26.503 --> 00:00:27.793 everyone that's here, how are they? 00:00:28.273 --> 00:00:30.282 Speaker 2: Well, I was asking how are you. 00:00:31.703 --> 00:00:32.923 Speaker: Oh, do you really wanna know 00:00:33.353 --> 00:00:33.643 Speaker 2: ages? 00:00:33.743 --> 00:00:34.202 No, no. 00:00:34.202 --> 00:00:35.763 Let's get, let's get, let's get past that. 00:00:35.793 --> 00:00:36.083 Okay. 00:00:36.178 --> 00:00:40.318 Speaker: No, listen, I'm fabulous swiftly, I'm, I'm fabulous. 00:00:40.318 --> 00:00:42.838 Just feeling a bit Summer, summer fluey. 00:00:42.838 --> 00:00:46.043 But nowadays you get a sniffle and everyone goes straight for the. 00:00:46.678 --> 00:00:49.198 Testing of the nose and things like that, you know, I don't do that. 00:00:49.198 --> 00:00:52.108 Oh, you know, a bit, a bit of summer sniffle, but apart from 00:00:52.108 --> 00:00:54.988 that, got slightly sore voice. 00:00:55.018 --> 00:01:02.218 Um, but I did a training today and it was about, uh, um, radical honesty. 00:01:02.968 --> 00:01:04.708 So I've been shouting at people. 00:01:06.718 --> 00:01:08.278 Speaker 2: Oh, I love a bit of radical honesty. 00:01:09.088 --> 00:01:09.148 Speaker: Yeah. 00:01:09.148 --> 00:01:10.198 Radically honest. 00:01:10.353 --> 00:01:13.438 Let's get, you know, let's get grubby with the truth, so, 00:01:13.453 --> 00:01:13.743 Speaker 2: yeah. 00:01:13.748 --> 00:01:14.098 Speaker: Yeah, 00:01:14.103 --> 00:01:14.263 Speaker 2: definitely. 00:01:14.268 --> 00:01:15.748 Speaker: So, I'm fabulous though, Tina. 00:01:15.748 --> 00:01:16.288 I'm fabulous. 00:01:16.288 --> 00:01:16.738 How are you? 00:01:16.948 --> 00:01:18.058 Speaker 2: Always fabulous. 00:01:18.058 --> 00:01:20.098 Now I am absolutely amazing. 00:01:20.098 --> 00:01:22.678 I've got lots of interesting things I've been doing. 00:01:23.188 --> 00:01:27.208 Um, second edition of my book, I've been sorting out to go on, 00:01:28.138 --> 00:01:32.998 uh, Amazon and I'm gonna do some audible recording and lots of things. 00:01:34.123 --> 00:01:36.458 Speaker: We've both got a second edition book coming out, haven't we? 00:01:36.553 --> 00:01:37.338 Speaker 2: We do, yeah. 00:01:37.543 --> 00:01:37.993 Speaker: Yeah. 00:01:37.993 --> 00:01:39.553 I've got my living phobia free. 00:01:39.553 --> 00:01:41.833 And, and yours is Pain, 00:01:42.043 --> 00:01:43.093 Speaker 2: painless childbirth, 00:01:43.273 --> 00:01:44.503 Speaker: painful child rearing. 00:01:44.608 --> 00:01:45.298 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's it. 00:01:45.718 --> 00:01:48.298 That's the one, yeah. 00:01:49.003 --> 00:01:49.213 Yeah. 00:01:49.213 --> 00:01:53.263 I've been talking to Marco in, uh, in Delhi. 00:01:53.743 --> 00:01:56.203 Um, he's been asking me what flights do I want, because I'm 00:01:56.203 --> 00:01:58.033 going to Italy as well in June. 00:01:58.033 --> 00:01:58.123 Nice, 00:01:58.848 --> 00:01:59.138 Speaker: nice. 00:01:59.353 --> 00:02:04.303 Speaker 2: Um, I'm gonna be running a worldwide live 00:02:04.303 --> 00:02:07.063 webinar on hypnotic anesthesia. 00:02:07.723 --> 00:02:11.323 And when they asked me to do it, I said, yes, I would, but 00:02:11.323 --> 00:02:12.853 only if you take me to Italy. 00:02:14.278 --> 00:02:14.898 And I said, 00:02:15.158 --> 00:02:16.273 Speaker: of course, well done, 00:02:16.603 --> 00:02:17.593 Speaker 2: but it's online. 00:02:17.593 --> 00:02:19.093 And I went, yes. 00:02:20.173 --> 00:02:20.713 Speaker: From Italy. 00:02:23.412 --> 00:02:24.793 Fabulous guys. 00:02:24.793 --> 00:02:28.753 You know, hopefully, you know, those of you that are here watching this, 00:02:28.753 --> 00:02:33.072 you learn, you know, the importance of practicing your persuasion and influence. 00:02:33.283 --> 00:02:33.553 Yeah, 00:02:33.558 --> 00:02:34.148 Speaker 2: yeah, yeah. 00:02:34.692 --> 00:02:37.213 I'd love to do that for you guys in Italy. 00:02:38.173 --> 00:02:38.322 Yes. 00:02:38.382 --> 00:02:39.103 Speaker: Oh, that's fabulous. 00:02:39.853 --> 00:02:45.043 Well, uh, we had our call with Mindvalley the other day, um, with Mr. 00:02:45.043 --> 00:02:45.463 McKenna. 00:02:45.463 --> 00:02:50.803 So we're heading out to Estonia to record a hypnosis course for 00:02:50.803 --> 00:02:55.363 Mindvalley, which is gonna be fabulous for our, our students as well. 00:02:55.363 --> 00:02:55.453 That 00:02:56.507 --> 00:02:56.588 Speaker 2: would 00:02:56.588 --> 00:02:56.988 Speaker: be, yeah. 00:02:57.248 --> 00:02:59.353 So that's, that's gonna be quite interesting. 00:02:59.353 --> 00:03:02.472 So I'm looking forward to see how the mind value people function. 00:03:02.472 --> 00:03:02.953 That's good. 00:03:02.953 --> 00:03:03.012 Yeah. 00:03:04.528 --> 00:03:06.988 Uh, the good thing about Paul is we do everything first class. 00:03:09.193 --> 00:03:09.573 Speaker 2: Of course. 00:03:09.953 --> 00:03:10.373 Excuse 00:03:10.373 --> 00:03:10.493 Speaker: me. 00:03:10.493 --> 00:03:10.893 Always. 00:03:11.293 --> 00:03:12.213 Speaker 2: I go first class. 00:03:12.808 --> 00:03:13.648 Speaker: Yeah, absolutely. 00:03:13.648 --> 00:03:15.388 Yeah, yeah, absolutely. 00:03:15.718 --> 00:03:19.198 Um, so yeah, it's turning out to be quite a, quite an event for 00:03:19.198 --> 00:03:20.368 and productive year, isn't it? 00:03:21.598 --> 00:03:22.468 Speaker 2: It is, yeah. 00:03:22.558 --> 00:03:22.828 Yeah. 00:03:22.828 --> 00:03:24.568 I mean, Costa Rica was amazing. 00:03:24.568 --> 00:03:25.828 Loved Costa Rica. 00:03:26.368 --> 00:03:29.788 I'm just opening, I'm just opening our questions. 00:03:30.568 --> 00:03:31.888 We got a lot of questions. 00:03:32.188 --> 00:03:32.458 Speaker: Yeah. 00:03:32.518 --> 00:03:34.168 By the way, hello everyone who's here? 00:03:34.228 --> 00:03:36.178 Yes, thank you for Hello everyone showing up. 00:03:36.178 --> 00:03:37.708 Dunno how many people are with us today. 00:03:38.368 --> 00:03:40.198 Speaker 2: Um, yeah, I can see Jane. 00:03:42.298 --> 00:03:43.348 I'm gonna wave at Jane. 00:03:44.428 --> 00:03:45.148 Speaker: Hi Jane. 00:03:46.528 --> 00:03:47.608 So I'm just checking the group. 00:03:47.878 --> 00:03:48.208 Yeah. 00:03:48.568 --> 00:03:49.588 So we've got some questions. 00:03:49.588 --> 00:03:51.208 We've had quite a few actually coming, haven't we? 00:03:51.748 --> 00:03:52.438 Speaker 2: We have, yeah. 00:03:52.438 --> 00:03:54.028 We've got quite a few questions here. 00:03:54.568 --> 00:03:57.178 Um, so shall I start? 00:03:58.198 --> 00:03:59.278 Speaker: You start, Tina. 00:03:59.278 --> 00:04:00.778 I'll just follow, 00:04:03.148 --> 00:04:03.538 Speaker 2: right? 00:04:03.538 --> 00:04:14.008 So, um, now I posted on the Facebook page about hope because when we were in, uh, 00:04:14.068 --> 00:04:21.298 Orlando, uh, Richard said he believed one of the reasons that Virginia Satia was 00:04:21.298 --> 00:04:28.228 so, uh, powerful and so good at what she did, is that people turned up to see her, 00:04:28.798 --> 00:04:33.088 um, completely broken down and devastated. 00:04:33.418 --> 00:04:35.128 And he, she gave them hope. 00:04:36.868 --> 00:04:43.048 Um, so I put that post on Facebook and it's caused, um, an res interesting stir. 00:04:43.408 --> 00:04:45.418 Um, some people don't like the word hope. 00:04:47.488 --> 00:04:50.548 Um, somebody said they needed to ize hope. 00:04:50.668 --> 00:04:53.038 And I said, well, that's, that's good. 00:04:53.038 --> 00:04:57.208 When you de normalize an nominalization, you then get someone's strategy. 00:04:57.418 --> 00:05:00.778 And that's always helpful because then you'll know how they're 00:05:00.778 --> 00:05:01.888 doing, what they're doing. 00:05:02.638 --> 00:05:07.498 Um, and they asked how do you give your clients hope? 00:05:08.013 --> 00:05:14.098 And when people come to see me, a lot of the time, it's a bit like, um, princess 00:05:14.098 --> 00:05:17.158 Lair on Star Wars help me, Obi one Kenobi. 00:05:17.158 --> 00:05:18.928 You know, you are my only hope. 00:05:19.588 --> 00:05:23.008 Um, I mean, you know this, Steve, they turn up and they've got all these 00:05:23.038 --> 00:05:28.348 problems and they'll tell you they've, they've been, and they've tried this 00:05:28.348 --> 00:05:32.608 and they've tried that and they've done all these different things and they're 00:05:32.608 --> 00:05:35.458 still stuck in the problem state. 00:05:36.928 --> 00:05:41.998 And when that happens, you need to be able to get it so that 00:05:41.998 --> 00:05:45.478 they believe there's a way out. 00:05:47.218 --> 00:05:52.678 If you're dealing with somebody who's so tunnel visioned and stuck, you 00:05:52.678 --> 00:05:55.408 know, make me do it, make me change. 00:05:55.528 --> 00:05:56.368 Speaker: I've tried everything. 00:05:56.368 --> 00:05:57.118 It doesn't work. 00:05:57.148 --> 00:05:58.408 You have to do it for me. 00:05:59.548 --> 00:06:03.148 Speaker 2: There needs to be that belief that it can happen first. 00:06:03.778 --> 00:06:08.158 And in this particular, I suppose it's semantics. 00:06:08.248 --> 00:06:09.808 I'm calling that hope. 00:06:10.438 --> 00:06:13.468 That's what I understood Richard to mean as hope. 00:06:15.058 --> 00:06:19.078 But of course, other people will look at hope and think it's something else. 00:06:19.528 --> 00:06:19.618 Speaker: Mm-hmm. 00:06:20.428 --> 00:06:20.818 Yeah. 00:06:20.818 --> 00:06:24.893 I, I saw the post, I did comment on it, and I was just, as we were talking, I 00:06:24.893 --> 00:06:28.588 was, I was just flicking back through some of the, some of the other comments. 00:06:28.648 --> 00:06:34.288 Um, I think that whole conversation about people showing up in a place of 00:06:34.288 --> 00:06:39.628 learned helplessness is an important one of any, any of you that are doing any 00:06:39.748 --> 00:06:43.738 coaching or therapy work, especially, you're going to encounter that. 00:06:44.818 --> 00:06:48.328 You're definitely gonna encounter that because they've 00:06:49.948 --> 00:06:51.268 maybe they've tried everything. 00:06:52.138 --> 00:06:53.158 How many times have you heard that? 00:06:53.158 --> 00:06:54.028 I've tried everything. 00:06:54.033 --> 00:06:54.443 Speaker 2: Oh, yeah. 00:06:54.443 --> 00:06:54.963 Everything. 00:06:55.228 --> 00:06:56.338 Speaker: And you go everything. 00:06:56.338 --> 00:06:56.548 Yeah. 00:06:57.778 --> 00:07:03.418 Challenge at Universal Quantifier or they've, uh, amount of times I've been 00:07:03.478 --> 00:07:05.698 quoted gurus who people have seen. 00:07:06.023 --> 00:07:06.243 Speaker 2: Oh 00:07:06.243 --> 00:07:06.363 Speaker: yeah. 00:07:06.963 --> 00:07:07.978 I, and they, yeah. 00:07:07.978 --> 00:07:08.518 Okay. 00:07:08.518 --> 00:07:12.538 And, and you're still in that stuck state. 00:07:13.108 --> 00:07:17.698 So because they've had those experiences, they've now built up the case file to 00:07:17.698 --> 00:07:19.738 almost like defend where they're stuck. 00:07:20.158 --> 00:07:20.488 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:07:21.418 --> 00:07:21.838 Speaker: Yeah. 00:07:21.898 --> 00:07:27.778 So being able to recognize, learned helplessness, meet it where it is, flip 00:07:27.778 --> 00:07:29.398 it around somehow, or, or create like. 00:07:30.118 --> 00:07:32.218 Crack in that belief structure. 00:07:33.028 --> 00:07:34.708 That's where I think hope is. 00:07:34.828 --> 00:07:36.238 There's an opportunity there to go. 00:07:36.243 --> 00:07:36.253 Yeah. 00:07:36.253 --> 00:07:36.763 Speaker 2: It's, yeah, 00:07:37.558 --> 00:07:37.858 Speaker: yeah. 00:07:37.858 --> 00:07:39.148 We, we can do something different. 00:07:39.153 --> 00:07:39.928 Are you, are you willing? 00:07:40.018 --> 00:07:42.088 You know, and I think one of the best ways to do that actually, I've found, 00:07:42.088 --> 00:07:45.388 is just being, getting people just a bit curious and, you know Yeah. 00:07:45.388 --> 00:07:46.348 A bit playful about it. 00:07:46.558 --> 00:07:47.968 Look, you're willing to try something different. 00:07:48.508 --> 00:07:48.838 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:07:49.858 --> 00:07:50.158 Speaker: Yeah. 00:07:50.158 --> 00:07:53.668 I think it's too easy to get bogged down in the semantics of the word hope. 00:07:55.138 --> 00:07:58.228 Whereas what we are really looking to do is kind of just nudge people 00:07:58.228 --> 00:08:00.568 in the right direction of solutions. 00:08:00.628 --> 00:08:02.188 Trying something else. 00:08:03.178 --> 00:08:03.418 Yeah. 00:08:03.478 --> 00:08:04.978 Being open to play. 00:08:04.978 --> 00:08:08.488 Being open to, to exploring regardless of what you've done before. 00:08:08.998 --> 00:08:09.838 Speaker 2: Love play. 00:08:09.868 --> 00:08:12.538 Because I, I usually say, okay, so let's have an experiment. 00:08:12.538 --> 00:08:13.618 Let's see what happens. 00:08:14.758 --> 00:08:14.998 Speaker: Yeah. 00:08:15.178 --> 00:08:18.628 Speaker 2: And then I start to play with the submodalities and I get them 00:08:18.628 --> 00:08:22.378 changing a few things round so they begin to realize, well, hang on a minute. 00:08:22.438 --> 00:08:23.308 No, that is different. 00:08:23.308 --> 00:08:24.148 That feels different. 00:08:24.178 --> 00:08:25.048 That looks different. 00:08:27.147 --> 00:08:27.538 Speaker: Yeah. 00:08:27.538 --> 00:08:30.118 And, and also I, I think one of the things to remember, especially if 00:08:30.118 --> 00:08:34.828 those of you maybe new, new to therapy and new to coaching and, and you 00:08:34.828 --> 00:08:37.857 will encounter this, you will meet someone who goes, I've seen everyone. 00:08:37.857 --> 00:08:38.908 I've tried everything else. 00:08:39.688 --> 00:08:41.938 And if you must have had this Tina where someone's turned up with a 00:08:41.938 --> 00:08:45.268 case file of all the Yeah, yeah. 00:08:45.328 --> 00:08:48.178 Of all the people they've seen and all the things that have never worked. 00:08:48.508 --> 00:08:48.838 Yeah. 00:08:49.948 --> 00:08:50.367 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:08:52.003 --> 00:08:54.793 Speaker: You've got to get a little bit of compliance. 00:08:55.093 --> 00:08:57.043 You've gotta get rapport with 'em really quickly. 00:08:57.043 --> 00:08:58.393 But you know, I totally understand. 00:08:58.393 --> 00:08:59.413 You tried everything. 00:08:59.683 --> 00:09:00.883 We're gonna do something a bit different. 00:09:01.093 --> 00:09:01.993 You're up for that. 00:09:02.953 --> 00:09:05.863 And just kind of getting that little bit of shift that's so important. 00:09:05.863 --> 00:09:07.123 'cause you dunno where it's gonna go. 00:09:07.123 --> 00:09:10.693 But I can, I can show anyone watching this, this, it doesn't matter who 00:09:10.693 --> 00:09:11.803 they've seen, what they've done. 00:09:12.313 --> 00:09:15.073 Even if you do the same thing as someone else has done, you're 00:09:15.073 --> 00:09:16.243 gonna be doing it your own way. 00:09:16.483 --> 00:09:19.723 You know, your swish pattern will be a different swish 00:09:19.723 --> 00:09:20.953 pattern than somebody else's. 00:09:20.953 --> 00:09:21.343 Yeah. 00:09:22.123 --> 00:09:22.183 So 00:09:22.813 --> 00:09:26.563 Speaker 2: somebody turned up and they said, I, I've done CBT, I've been 00:09:26.833 --> 00:09:31.873 psychotherapy, I've had counseling, I've had X amount of hypnotherapist. 00:09:31.873 --> 00:09:34.813 I've been to all these different neers, uh, I've been to 00:09:34.813 --> 00:09:36.943 coaches, blah blah, everything. 00:09:37.243 --> 00:09:38.203 Nothing works. 00:09:38.593 --> 00:09:42.973 And I don't want you to do that fast phobia cure on me because 00:09:42.973 --> 00:09:45.253 it's rubbish and it doesn't work. 00:09:46.543 --> 00:09:47.683 What did I do with them? 00:09:47.683 --> 00:09:48.823 F Phia Cure. 00:09:49.303 --> 00:09:50.022 Speaker: I wonder. 00:09:50.113 --> 00:09:50.382 Yeah. 00:09:52.632 --> 00:09:54.613 Speaker 2: And they said that was brilliant. 00:09:54.733 --> 00:09:55.198 What was that? 00:09:55.257 --> 00:09:55.548 What 00:09:55.548 --> 00:09:55.708 Speaker: was it? 00:09:55.867 --> 00:09:56.108 I went, 00:09:56.377 --> 00:09:56.668 Speaker 2: yeah, 00:09:56.867 --> 00:09:57.188 Speaker: absolutely. 00:09:57.688 --> 00:09:58.988 Speaker 2: You don't really need to know that. 00:09:58.988 --> 00:10:00.828 Speaker: It was the really fast phobia cure. 00:10:01.527 --> 00:10:02.468 Speaker 2: You don't need to know that. 00:10:02.468 --> 00:10:02.828 It's fine. 00:10:02.978 --> 00:10:03.267 Yeah, 00:10:04.777 --> 00:10:05.068 Speaker: yeah. 00:10:05.377 --> 00:10:05.668 Yeah. 00:10:06.283 --> 00:10:09.103 I think the conversation about the semantics around the word hope is, 00:10:09.103 --> 00:10:12.553 um, is, is, you know, not necessary. 00:10:12.853 --> 00:10:13.213 Yeah. 00:10:13.752 --> 00:10:18.313 It's just giving people a bit of a nudge some direction. 00:10:18.433 --> 00:10:18.492 Yeah. 00:10:18.492 --> 00:10:19.392 Away from anything. 00:10:19.392 --> 00:10:24.553 Away from learned helplessness and learn helplessness is very common, isn't it? 00:10:24.553 --> 00:10:26.083 I mean, I dunno how many people. 00:10:27.673 --> 00:10:30.643 I've said this so many times on these, on these Yahoo Ahas, 00:10:32.203 --> 00:10:36.163 Facebook ahas, that, um, I don't see many people for therapy anymore. 00:10:36.943 --> 00:10:41.262 Um, but certainly when I did, probably about 20% of people came in, in a 00:10:41.382 --> 00:10:46.063 place of been there, done that, tried everything, almost like a challenge, you 00:10:46.063 --> 00:10:47.382 know, they, they're coming to defend. 00:10:47.803 --> 00:10:48.043 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:10:48.103 --> 00:10:49.333 Speaker: Their learned helplessness. 00:10:49.333 --> 00:10:51.673 You know, dealing with that is an essential skill. 00:10:52.783 --> 00:10:54.853 Speaker 2: Somebody came to see me three weeks ago. 00:10:55.063 --> 00:11:00.913 Um, I just got back from the states and she had an issue with drinking. 00:11:02.203 --> 00:11:08.742 She said she, she has two or three, uh, gin dry martinis before dinner, 00:11:09.073 --> 00:11:13.723 and then her and her husband drink a bottle or two of wine over dinner every 00:11:13.723 --> 00:11:16.752 night, and she can't not have a drink. 00:11:16.783 --> 00:11:18.343 Do I think she's an alcoholic? 00:11:20.263 --> 00:11:22.002 Um, and we had a conversation. 00:11:22.002 --> 00:11:26.083 She cried when I said that it's possible that she is. 00:11:26.518 --> 00:11:29.488 I'm not a mind reader, so I don't know, without more information. 00:11:30.328 --> 00:11:33.328 Um, and at the end of it, she was saying to me before we did the trance, 00:11:33.328 --> 00:11:36.628 she said, I'm really scared that I'm not gonna be able to stop drinking. 00:11:36.898 --> 00:11:40.018 She bounced in here today for her follow-up session. 00:11:40.588 --> 00:11:43.438 I haven't had a drink since I've seen you and I don't want one. 00:11:45.058 --> 00:11:50.758 So we started off with her afraid that she was gonna lose everything 00:11:50.788 --> 00:11:54.117 that, you know, her husband was gonna boot her out 'cause he was fed up 00:11:54.117 --> 00:11:55.497 with her getting drunk and mm-hmm. 00:11:55.863 --> 00:11:57.298 Making the fall of herself. 00:11:57.298 --> 00:11:58.918 And she was so scared. 00:11:58.948 --> 00:12:03.867 And today she's just bouncing and so happy. 00:12:04.288 --> 00:12:08.968 And she started off with that, learned helplessness 00:12:10.228 --> 00:12:10.378 Speaker: and I 00:12:11.997 --> 00:12:13.228 Speaker 2: gave her something else. 00:12:13.588 --> 00:12:16.618 Speaker: Yeah, there's also another approach, but you gotta 00:12:16.618 --> 00:12:19.528 be careful with this, which is to take it the other direction. 00:12:19.528 --> 00:12:23.428 Like with the learn helplessness, it is a little bit, push them further 00:12:23.428 --> 00:12:26.488 into it so you get the resistance back. 00:12:26.488 --> 00:12:28.138 Yeah, like give up hope. 00:12:28.258 --> 00:12:29.728 I tell you what, just give up hope. 00:12:29.878 --> 00:12:35.668 Stay as you are for the rest of your life, if that's what you wanna do, or. 00:12:37.228 --> 00:12:38.488 Let's experiment, let's play. 00:12:38.818 --> 00:12:39.148 Speaker 2: Hmm. 00:12:39.658 --> 00:12:42.178 Speaker: So you, you've gotta know guys how, how to push them 00:12:42.178 --> 00:12:45.028 into it and then when to bring them and go, okay, here we go. 00:12:45.028 --> 00:12:45.718 In the other direction. 00:12:46.528 --> 00:12:46.798 Yeah. 00:12:46.858 --> 00:12:48.478 That's, that can be very effective. 00:12:49.198 --> 00:12:49.498 Speaker 2: You could 00:12:49.498 --> 00:12:49.648 Speaker: be 00:12:49.648 --> 00:12:51.148 Speaker 2: provocative and say 00:12:51.148 --> 00:12:51.358 Speaker: maybe. 00:12:51.358 --> 00:12:52.918 Yeah, that's, that's what I was thinking. 00:12:52.918 --> 00:12:52.928 If 00:12:52.973 --> 00:12:54.003 Speaker 2: maybe, you know, 00:12:54.463 --> 00:12:54.683 Speaker: you 00:12:54.683 --> 00:12:56.723 Speaker 2: just don't deserve hope. 00:12:58.353 --> 00:12:58.643 Speaker: Yeah. 00:12:58.703 --> 00:13:02.008 Do you know the story of Hope in Pandora's Box? 00:13:02.788 --> 00:13:04.618 I think, I can't remember how this works. 00:13:04.978 --> 00:13:08.668 Uh, Stephen Fry in his, in his book Mythos, I was talking about 00:13:08.668 --> 00:13:13.198 it, but I think Hope was put in there by Zeus to, to, um. 00:13:13.983 --> 00:13:15.093 Tempt humans. 00:13:15.363 --> 00:13:15.813 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:13:16.413 --> 00:13:16.713 Speaker: Yeah. 00:13:16.713 --> 00:13:18.123 It was to make us feel bad. 00:13:18.153 --> 00:13:20.703 'cause if hope wasn't there, we'd be despairing. 00:13:21.093 --> 00:13:21.183 Right. 00:13:21.218 --> 00:13:23.613 So, so hope isn't a good thing, right? 00:13:24.453 --> 00:13:24.573 Yeah. 00:13:24.573 --> 00:13:25.833 Is to make humans suffer. 00:13:26.313 --> 00:13:26.523 Yeah. 00:13:26.523 --> 00:13:27.603 So sometimes take hope away. 00:13:27.603 --> 00:13:27.813 Go. 00:13:27.813 --> 00:13:28.203 Absolutely. 00:13:28.203 --> 00:13:28.323 Yeah. 00:13:28.323 --> 00:13:28.683 Do you know what? 00:13:28.683 --> 00:13:29.883 You could be a hopeless case. 00:13:29.883 --> 00:13:33.153 Why don't you just stay like this on wallo like this for the rest of your life. 00:13:33.153 --> 00:13:33.393 Yeah. 00:13:33.753 --> 00:13:37.563 However, I'm suspecting that as you contacted me, you kind 00:13:37.563 --> 00:13:38.673 of really don't wanna do that. 00:13:39.273 --> 00:13:39.543 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:13:39.603 --> 00:13:39.963 Speaker: Yeah. 00:13:40.053 --> 00:13:42.543 So why don't, why don't we just explore you up for exploring, 00:13:42.633 --> 00:13:43.953 trying something different? 00:13:44.733 --> 00:13:46.893 You know, if you're up for doing that, then come along. 00:13:46.893 --> 00:13:47.613 Let's, let's play. 00:13:49.173 --> 00:13:49.473 Yeah, 00:13:49.478 --> 00:13:49.878 Speaker 2: definitely. 00:13:50.013 --> 00:13:52.443 Speaker: It was a good post and uh, you know, it was good discussion. 00:13:52.443 --> 00:13:53.013 Came with that. 00:13:53.223 --> 00:13:53.463 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:13:53.463 --> 00:13:55.953 We, we managed to get lots of people involved. 00:13:57.273 --> 00:13:57.603 Yeah. 00:13:57.603 --> 00:13:57.663 Yeah. 00:13:58.473 --> 00:13:59.613 Uh, so here we are. 00:13:59.643 --> 00:14:02.403 We've got practicing your practice entertainment. 00:14:03.003 --> 00:14:06.693 Uh, I loved hearing about Tina supporting a whole rock band. 00:14:08.098 --> 00:14:11.548 And deep trance identification is clearly a great strategy. 00:14:12.328 --> 00:14:17.608 I noticed Tina's attention to detail and her suggestion to keep practicing for 00:14:17.608 --> 00:14:21.028 prior practicing prior to the performance. 00:14:21.598 --> 00:14:25.018 My recall is a suggestion to practice for three weeks and wonder 00:14:25.048 --> 00:14:28.048 if that means in and out of trance. 00:14:29.373 --> 00:14:29.723 Uhhuh. 00:14:30.598 --> 00:14:35.968 Well, I had some, I had anchors set up everybody I worked for a, um, somebody 00:14:35.968 --> 00:14:41.248 turned up at my office and it happens to be a performer from a rock band. 00:14:42.298 --> 00:14:46.318 And they were going back on stage for the first time since COVID had hit and 00:14:46.318 --> 00:14:48.778 they were freaking out with stage fright. 00:14:49.228 --> 00:14:56.218 Um, and I just took them through their, their normal strategy of what 00:14:56.218 --> 00:14:58.048 they did before they went on stage. 00:14:58.048 --> 00:15:00.208 And they had a couple of things that used to work. 00:15:00.793 --> 00:15:04.153 Um, people do weird things before they're about to perform. 00:15:04.423 --> 00:15:08.173 They had like a pair of shoes that they always wore and a pair 00:15:08.173 --> 00:15:09.463 of socks that they always wore. 00:15:09.463 --> 00:15:10.843 They did wash them in between. 00:15:10.843 --> 00:15:13.213 I did ask 'cause some people don't even wash. 00:15:13.843 --> 00:15:19.123 Um, and, and, and I just created an extra anchor so that as they were 00:15:19.123 --> 00:15:25.723 putting their shoes on, they were like becoming this supreme performer. 00:15:25.963 --> 00:15:27.853 And I put lots of anchors in there. 00:15:28.393 --> 00:15:35.053 Um, and I also discussed with them, um, he, he happened to say that they 00:15:35.053 --> 00:15:37.393 got into their music because of Elvis. 00:15:37.393 --> 00:15:38.833 This was an old book band guys. 00:15:39.372 --> 00:15:44.713 They got into their music 'cause of Elvis and, and I remembered Elvis's strategy 00:15:44.713 --> 00:15:46.723 where he always had his dressing room. 00:15:47.143 --> 00:15:49.963 So many steps before the stage. 00:15:50.383 --> 00:15:55.213 So I also created an anchor so that as they opened the door to go into the 00:15:55.213 --> 00:16:00.343 theater or wherever they were gonna be performing, as they were getting closer 00:16:00.343 --> 00:16:04.693 and closer and closer to the stage, they were becoming this super performer. 00:16:04.693 --> 00:16:09.853 So as they hit the stage, um, they just were there. 00:16:10.513 --> 00:16:12.463 Now I did tell them to practice. 00:16:12.733 --> 00:16:18.073 Um, I did, but actually I'd already installed it inside their head that 00:16:18.073 --> 00:16:19.633 that's what they were going to do. 00:16:19.873 --> 00:16:26.773 Um, if I was working with, uh, a so an up and coming rock band, somebody that 00:16:26.773 --> 00:16:30.343 didn't have a lot of experience, then I would have them physically practicing 00:16:30.343 --> 00:16:31.813 and running it through in their mind. 00:16:32.293 --> 00:16:33.883 But for this particular guy. 00:16:34.498 --> 00:16:36.058 I'd already installed it. 00:16:36.568 --> 00:16:40.948 But I do think practice is important if you don't have enough experience 00:16:40.948 --> 00:16:43.198 and memories that you can access. 00:16:43.198 --> 00:16:47.038 He had years and decades of memories of performing. 00:16:48.298 --> 00:16:52.198 Um, you got anything you wanna add to that, my darling? 00:16:52.708 --> 00:16:53.608 Speaker: No, I think it was lovely. 00:16:53.668 --> 00:16:54.508 I think it was great. 00:16:54.568 --> 00:16:56.008 And you're so right. 00:16:56.013 --> 00:17:01.348 If you, if you've got somebody who has access to times when 00:17:01.348 --> 00:17:06.117 they've performed, the deep chance identification is just with themselves 00:17:06.117 --> 00:17:07.257 when they were at their best. 00:17:07.887 --> 00:17:08.098 Yeah. 00:17:08.098 --> 00:17:11.247 And that's, that's by the way, that's, that's easy, easy work, isn't it? 00:17:11.247 --> 00:17:12.657 It's nice work where you can get it. 00:17:13.078 --> 00:17:13.917 That's really good. 00:17:13.977 --> 00:17:14.277 Yeah. 00:17:14.282 --> 00:17:14.453 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:17:14.667 --> 00:17:15.927 Speaker: And it's always quite interesting. 00:17:15.927 --> 00:17:16.737 There's, um. 00:17:18.102 --> 00:17:19.512 It's like with most things, isn't it? 00:17:19.933 --> 00:17:21.943 A lot of people have the solutions. 00:17:22.693 --> 00:17:26.862 What's stopping them is what they're doing rather than the solution. 00:17:27.132 --> 00:17:29.382 It's getting 'em to stop doing what doesn't work. 00:17:30.253 --> 00:17:34.963 I, I worked with a, I won't mention her name, but it was a, it was a tour. 00:17:34.963 --> 00:17:38.713 It's called The Three Divas, and she's one of the three divas, and she wasn't 00:17:38.713 --> 00:17:40.753 Chucker Khan or Anastasia, right? 00:17:43.243 --> 00:17:43.453 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:17:43.513 --> 00:17:45.793 Speaker: And she kind of lost her voice and lost her mojo. 00:17:45.793 --> 00:17:49.453 So I, I met her, I went to her house and it was so easy. 00:17:49.453 --> 00:17:54.523 I said, you know, you know when you, uh, first getting going and you were 00:17:54.523 --> 00:17:57.582 with the B tour and blah, blah, this is how you know, she's been around 00:17:57.582 --> 00:17:59.203 for like five decades, decades later. 00:18:00.312 --> 00:18:01.543 And that song you sing. 00:18:03.013 --> 00:18:05.743 You know, what was that like just to be that young girl? 00:18:05.743 --> 00:18:07.062 And she went, ah, it's so free. 00:18:07.062 --> 00:18:09.312 I said, just, just putting herself back there. 00:18:09.312 --> 00:18:10.873 And then she just started singing over again. 00:18:10.873 --> 00:18:11.322 Goosebumps. 00:18:11.322 --> 00:18:14.937 Now we're sitting in her kitchen listening to her sing, and, 00:18:14.943 --> 00:18:16.273 and there was like, job done. 00:18:16.273 --> 00:18:20.923 You know, it's like the easiest work you could possibly, possibly get when you 00:18:20.923 --> 00:18:25.213 got someone who's got access to all of those memories and those experiences. 00:18:26.443 --> 00:18:29.322 It, like you say, you just re-access it and the the anchors are set. 00:18:29.383 --> 00:18:29.773 Yeah. 00:18:30.643 --> 00:18:30.883 Speaker 2: Reaccess it. 00:18:30.973 --> 00:18:33.852 Boost up the anchor and then he was off. 00:18:34.243 --> 00:18:39.943 Now the next part of this question is with DTI, deep trials identification. 00:18:40.453 --> 00:18:45.403 What do you do if your client doesn't have a role model that they aspire to and 00:18:45.403 --> 00:18:47.683 get them to create how they want to be? 00:18:49.303 --> 00:18:54.072 So they get to create, what's it gonna be like when they're. 00:18:54.568 --> 00:18:57.118 Performing the way they want to perform. 00:18:57.598 --> 00:18:57.987 Speaker: Mm-hmm. 00:18:58.378 --> 00:18:59.697 But actually I think it's a strange question. 00:18:59.697 --> 00:19:02.368 I've never met anyone that's not had a role model, you 00:19:02.368 --> 00:19:03.748 know, whether it's an actor, 00:19:04.498 --> 00:19:04.737 Speaker 2: no. 00:19:04.768 --> 00:19:09.418 Speaker: Um, a musician, you know, there was one guy who came to me, kept calling 00:19:09.418 --> 00:19:12.477 it a trumpet, got really annoyed with me 'cause it wasn't a trumpet and he 00:19:12.477 --> 00:19:13.918 was playing at the Robert Albert Hole. 00:19:13.918 --> 00:19:16.828 And I said, so who, who is your role model? 00:19:16.828 --> 00:19:18.058 He's like, get Dizzy Gillespie. 00:19:18.058 --> 00:19:18.898 He couldn't play this bit. 00:19:18.898 --> 00:19:21.568 So I got him to deep chance to identify with Dizzy Gillespie who was in my 00:19:21.568 --> 00:19:23.518 room and he went, oh my God, I got it. 00:19:23.518 --> 00:19:23.848 I got it. 00:19:23.848 --> 00:19:24.268 I've gotta go. 00:19:24.268 --> 00:19:24.717 I've gotta go. 00:19:24.723 --> 00:19:25.288 I gotta got got. 00:19:25.858 --> 00:19:29.428 So I've never met anyone that hasn't got a role model of some sort. 00:19:29.578 --> 00:19:32.998 Speaker 2: I've never met a performer that doesn't have a role model. 00:19:33.207 --> 00:19:33.298 Mm-hmm. 00:19:33.538 --> 00:19:40.858 Um, if I've been using DTI with clients with something else, um, then 00:19:40.918 --> 00:19:45.358 occasionally they said, and I've said, who has the resources that you want? 00:19:45.942 --> 00:19:47.952 Occasionally they've said they don't know. 00:19:48.132 --> 00:19:52.572 So then we've created an avatar, which is basically them with 00:19:52.572 --> 00:19:54.162 the resources that they need. 00:19:54.882 --> 00:19:58.422 And then I have them float into the future, grab the resources. 00:19:58.692 --> 00:20:01.452 But that's more of a timeline thing than a DTI, to be fair. 00:20:03.553 --> 00:20:03.912 Speaker: Hmm. 00:20:04.092 --> 00:20:07.062 Yeah, no, so, so it's a, it's a question someone's posed. 00:20:07.062 --> 00:20:07.482 I get it. 00:20:07.602 --> 00:20:09.852 Um, but it's never a situation I've encountered. 00:20:10.452 --> 00:20:10.632 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:20:10.632 --> 00:20:15.342 Speaker: People have always got some reference that they can go. 00:20:15.912 --> 00:20:18.882 If I could even be a shadow of that, I, I'll be great. 00:20:18.882 --> 00:20:19.422 Thank you. 00:20:19.428 --> 00:20:21.072 You know, I wanna borrow from that. 00:20:21.882 --> 00:20:22.212 Yeah. 00:20:23.022 --> 00:20:24.672 Speaker 2: And then we've got one last part. 00:20:24.732 --> 00:20:30.822 I've heard via an actor that 50% of actors have stage fright. 00:20:32.772 --> 00:20:35.982 Uh, I'd love to hear your experience of working with actors, 00:20:35.982 --> 00:20:37.482 especially where we can help them. 00:20:38.413 --> 00:20:42.733 Uh, with, that isn't taught at stage school. 00:20:43.303 --> 00:20:46.062 I don't know what's taught at stage school, to be fair. 00:20:46.723 --> 00:20:51.973 And I love working with actors because they're really good at taking on a part. 00:20:52.543 --> 00:20:52.903 Speaker: Hmm. 00:20:53.233 --> 00:20:59.503 Speaker 2: So we basically create a character, but they become, that 00:20:59.562 --> 00:21:02.743 gets added to whatever they're going to be doing on the stage. 00:21:04.483 --> 00:21:06.703 I think that's the simplest way I can explain that. 00:21:06.703 --> 00:21:09.493 So we create, again, it's a bit like the, the avatar. 00:21:09.822 --> 00:21:13.663 So they're used to having this particular part. 00:21:13.663 --> 00:21:18.793 So we then create the actor part of them that doesn't have stage fright, 00:21:20.533 --> 00:21:22.183 and then they can step into that. 00:21:22.183 --> 00:21:27.193 Much like my musician stepped into himself before he went on stage 00:21:27.193 --> 00:21:29.173 when he was performing brilliantly. 00:21:29.622 --> 00:21:31.812 We have them step into that. 00:21:32.352 --> 00:21:36.463 Character they've created of them being an amazing actor. 00:21:36.672 --> 00:21:40.003 And then from there they step into the character that they're 00:21:40.003 --> 00:21:42.493 portraying on the stage in the movie. 00:21:45.642 --> 00:21:46.122 Speaker: Yeah. 00:21:46.213 --> 00:21:51.672 I mean, I dunno if it's 50%, but I know that many, many that um, do experience 00:21:51.672 --> 00:21:58.243 in real nerves and anxiety and most of them take that as part of, you know, the 00:21:58.243 --> 00:22:00.463 price they pay for getting on, on stage. 00:22:00.767 --> 00:22:01.217 Speaker 2: They don't, 00:22:01.223 --> 00:22:04.422 Speaker: they, you know, there's some, so many famous people, I think it was 00:22:04.422 --> 00:22:08.713 John Ood who used to throw up before he goes on, used to go on stage, but then 00:22:08.713 --> 00:22:10.062 once they're on stage it's all gone. 00:22:10.062 --> 00:22:12.912 So it's like they go, well it's the bit I have to go through in order to get there. 00:22:12.912 --> 00:22:12.973 Yeah. 00:22:12.973 --> 00:22:16.332 So there's something that doesn't need fixing, in fixing for most people. 00:22:16.392 --> 00:22:20.592 'cause they'll still go there and they'll still do their craft. 00:22:20.892 --> 00:22:21.582 Speaker 2: Yeah, they do. 00:22:21.582 --> 00:22:21.763 Speaker: They 00:22:21.997 --> 00:22:22.418 Speaker 2: before. 00:22:23.757 --> 00:22:25.862 Speaker: But they've, sorry, go on. 00:22:26.217 --> 00:22:29.847 Speaker 2: I was gonna say, I've had, bizarrely, I've had, uh, 00:22:29.908 --> 00:22:35.727 film actors who are going to be performing on stage live freaking out. 00:22:36.118 --> 00:22:36.237 Yeah. 00:22:36.237 --> 00:22:40.347 By their own performing in a film, but suddenly they can't do 00:22:40.347 --> 00:22:42.118 retakes 'cause they're on stage. 00:22:42.447 --> 00:22:42.628 Speaker: Yeah. 00:22:42.628 --> 00:22:43.222 Speaker 2: That's very common. 00:22:43.222 --> 00:22:47.128 And I also had a stage actor who was going to be in a television 00:22:47.128 --> 00:22:48.567 series who was freaking out. 00:22:49.587 --> 00:22:55.707 Um, but in their, in their environment of being on stage, they were okay. 00:22:56.158 --> 00:22:59.097 And then it's just a matter of altering the strategy for them. 00:23:00.297 --> 00:23:00.628 Speaker: Yeah. 00:23:00.628 --> 00:23:01.858 And it's like most things, isn't it? 00:23:01.858 --> 00:23:05.307 You find out the strategy that's not working and muck it up and then find 00:23:05.307 --> 00:23:09.148 out the strategy that was working and map it across to the new context. 00:23:09.628 --> 00:23:11.457 I, I got a phone call from someone. 00:23:11.457 --> 00:23:16.108 It was Christmas Eve and uh, I dunno, it got, oh no, Paul gave, 00:23:16.378 --> 00:23:17.727 I'm kinda gave him out my mobile. 00:23:17.818 --> 00:23:18.057 Okay. 00:23:18.057 --> 00:23:22.078 So it was, uh, Christmas Eve afternoon, it was, hi Steve, you know. 00:23:22.078 --> 00:23:22.888 Hello dear you. 00:23:22.892 --> 00:23:25.072 Hello vie conversation. 00:23:26.187 --> 00:23:27.057 I need you to help me. 00:23:27.057 --> 00:23:27.838 I need you to help me. 00:23:27.838 --> 00:23:28.947 I went, who the hell are you? 00:23:29.697 --> 00:23:31.168 So me who he was. 00:23:31.168 --> 00:23:31.918 Oh, okay. 00:23:31.918 --> 00:23:32.158 Yeah. 00:23:32.277 --> 00:23:32.608 Okay. 00:23:33.148 --> 00:23:33.598 Um. 00:23:35.082 --> 00:23:37.783 Boxing Day, afternoon, I'm on stage and I'm terrified. 00:23:37.783 --> 00:23:38.832 I keep losing my words. 00:23:38.832 --> 00:23:39.372 I need to see. 00:23:39.372 --> 00:23:40.483 I said, well, it's Christmas Eve. 00:23:40.483 --> 00:23:41.592 I'm not seeing you Christmas day. 00:23:41.592 --> 00:23:42.882 So I, all right. 00:23:42.882 --> 00:23:45.283 So I arranged to see him Boxing Day morning. 00:23:45.912 --> 00:23:46.183 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:23:46.273 --> 00:23:50.773 Speaker: And um, all that had happened is like three weeks before he'd gone 00:23:50.773 --> 00:23:56.322 out, he'd had little tipple, he said, came in, he'd never fluffed his lines 00:23:56.322 --> 00:23:58.183 before, but he fluffed his lines. 00:23:58.362 --> 00:23:58.632 Yeah. 00:23:58.632 --> 00:24:00.402 You know what it something to do with the drink? 00:24:00.402 --> 00:24:01.122 I don't know. 00:24:01.662 --> 00:24:02.293 Do you normally drink? 00:24:02.293 --> 00:24:02.983 I said, no. 00:24:03.493 --> 00:24:09.102 Um, but then he'd anchored fluff in his lines to going on stage. 00:24:09.312 --> 00:24:09.703 Yeah. 00:24:09.707 --> 00:24:09.987 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:24:10.092 --> 00:24:10.183 He 00:24:10.183 --> 00:24:10.812 Speaker: was very quick. 00:24:10.812 --> 00:24:12.162 He was a very fast learner. 00:24:12.223 --> 00:24:15.733 And I said, do you so, so what's the problem? 00:24:15.733 --> 00:24:18.223 He said, well, what if I forget my lions? 00:24:18.223 --> 00:24:21.763 I said, okay, look, you know, you're a Shakespearean actor, and you, 00:24:21.852 --> 00:24:24.582 he'd been around, another one had been around for like 40 odd years. 00:24:24.582 --> 00:24:28.092 I said, what was one of the first plays you did in Hamlet? 00:24:28.092 --> 00:24:28.453 And I said. 00:24:30.447 --> 00:24:31.287 Quote me a piece. 00:24:31.918 --> 00:24:34.622 And again, it's not one of those goosebump moments, you know? 00:24:35.787 --> 00:24:36.868 World famous ads. 00:24:36.868 --> 00:24:38.398 So two B on auto be or whatever. 00:24:38.398 --> 00:24:39.297 That's Macbeth, isn't it? 00:24:39.297 --> 00:24:39.388 Yeah. 00:24:39.543 --> 00:24:39.832 Yeah. 00:24:42.452 --> 00:24:44.072 Ala for when? 00:24:44.142 --> 00:24:48.237 When did, well, when did you learn those lines? 00:24:48.297 --> 00:24:49.168 40 years ago. 00:24:49.168 --> 00:24:51.118 And you can still remember for 40 years. 00:24:51.118 --> 00:24:54.207 And you're worrying about, remember saying it was still fresh. 00:24:54.597 --> 00:24:55.168 Oh yeah. 00:24:55.648 --> 00:25:00.807 So I just got him to step into himself and being able to perform and 00:25:00.807 --> 00:25:02.368 just be, you know, be very present. 00:25:02.368 --> 00:25:02.967 That was, it was off. 00:25:03.148 --> 00:25:03.418 Yeah. 00:25:03.418 --> 00:25:06.717 You know, it's so some of them, it is so simple work with actors. 00:25:07.257 --> 00:25:09.687 'cause like you say, they, they can step into the role. 00:25:10.077 --> 00:25:10.197 Yeah. 00:25:10.197 --> 00:25:13.557 I had a really interesting one, which was, is a bit of a twist on it. 00:25:14.577 --> 00:25:15.057 Again. 00:25:15.148 --> 00:25:18.357 Fa famous actress, she was playing one of, she was playing 00:25:18.357 --> 00:25:19.587 the mother in Blood Brothers. 00:25:19.587 --> 00:25:21.087 I dunno if you've seen the play. 00:25:22.258 --> 00:25:25.348 There's, there's a, there's a bit at the end, spoiler alert, in case you 00:25:25.348 --> 00:25:28.378 kinda go where it's really emotional. 00:25:28.378 --> 00:25:29.578 I think I had two sons die. 00:25:29.578 --> 00:25:30.508 I think the brothers die. 00:25:30.508 --> 00:25:33.263 I can't remember the, I went to see it once, but it was very emotional, but 00:25:33.263 --> 00:25:34.263 I can't remember what happened there. 00:25:34.723 --> 00:25:40.738 Um, but she was playing this role and the role involved her to be in despair 00:25:40.738 --> 00:25:43.048 of the loss of her children or her child. 00:25:43.108 --> 00:25:43.378 Yeah. 00:25:43.533 --> 00:25:43.823 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:25:45.088 --> 00:25:49.888 Speaker: And she played it so well that she was living her life in despair. 00:25:49.918 --> 00:25:54.868 So it was about teaching her to come out of it and clean it all up. 00:25:54.868 --> 00:25:54.928 Yeah. 00:25:55.678 --> 00:26:00.808 And not lose the emotion that was in the role that she was stepping in. 00:26:00.808 --> 00:26:02.218 So that was, that was an unusual one. 00:26:02.218 --> 00:26:07.768 It's very, you know, very different one, um, know entertainers are very 00:26:07.768 --> 00:26:09.178 entertaining to work with for sure. 00:26:09.658 --> 00:26:09.958 Speaker 2: Yes, 00:26:09.958 --> 00:26:10.258 Speaker: sure. 00:26:10.768 --> 00:26:11.308 Speaker 2: Yes. 00:26:12.178 --> 00:26:14.937 Speaker: And always get them to perform because you get a, 00:26:15.028 --> 00:26:16.348 you get a one-off opportunity. 00:26:17.908 --> 00:26:18.108 Speaker 2: You do, you do. 00:26:18.108 --> 00:26:19.798 I got tickets to a concert. 00:26:19.798 --> 00:26:21.118 I'm have, I'm very happy. 00:26:21.663 --> 00:26:22.352 Speaker: Yeah, yeah. 00:26:22.352 --> 00:26:22.553 Yeah. 00:26:23.123 --> 00:26:23.473 Ditto. 00:26:23.473 --> 00:26:23.753 Yeah. 00:26:24.102 --> 00:26:24.393 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:26:24.957 --> 00:26:32.368 Um, so next is for you growing your practice, persuasion, selling 00:26:32.873 --> 00:26:34.153 collaborative conversations. 00:26:34.693 --> 00:26:35.112 Mm-hmm. 00:26:35.197 --> 00:26:41.487 So this is what you did this month for the membership group, and this is so, wow. 00:26:41.578 --> 00:26:44.848 I loved hearing Steve's persuasion presentation this month. 00:26:45.237 --> 00:26:49.798 It really got me thinking about how to get the calls in the first place. 00:26:50.398 --> 00:26:54.658 I get most of my clients via referrals and occasional inquiries 00:26:54.658 --> 00:26:56.278 via Google and my website. 00:26:56.578 --> 00:27:00.088 I'd love to hear your ideas for getting more inquiries. 00:27:00.882 --> 00:27:06.372 Speaker: Well watch the grow in your practice next month, 00:27:06.372 --> 00:27:07.422 because that's the theme. 00:27:08.862 --> 00:27:11.112 I know that's a cop out answer, but Yeah. 00:27:11.138 --> 00:27:11.597 No, I think 00:27:11.597 --> 00:27:11.918 Speaker 2: it's great. 00:27:11.918 --> 00:27:16.783 Speaker: Yeah, good question to like give it two minutes to, um, the thing 00:27:16.783 --> 00:27:19.242 is, the thing is about, look, if you, if you get most of your work by 00:27:19.242 --> 00:27:25.602 referrals, um, how many ways do you get referrals would be my first question. 00:27:26.293 --> 00:27:31.962 You know, what, how many different ways do you have in place to get referrals? 00:27:32.053 --> 00:27:35.172 And if you talk to most people, I mean, may be one or two ways. 00:27:35.322 --> 00:27:36.132 If, if you're lucky. 00:27:36.132 --> 00:27:36.372 Yeah. 00:27:38.112 --> 00:27:41.172 Why don't you find 10 different ways to ask for referrals? 00:27:41.172 --> 00:27:41.233 Yeah. 00:27:42.043 --> 00:27:43.362 And explore that. 00:27:43.483 --> 00:27:43.753 Yeah. 00:27:43.757 --> 00:27:44.922 And, and make it very clear. 00:27:44.922 --> 00:27:47.592 You build your business based upon referrals. 00:27:48.402 --> 00:27:53.473 And if you have had an amazing experience, I'd really appreciate you letting other 00:27:53.473 --> 00:27:56.743 people know, and I'll give them the same service that you've experienced 00:27:56.743 --> 00:27:58.632 and just being so upfront about that. 00:27:59.023 --> 00:27:59.142 Yeah. 00:27:59.142 --> 00:28:00.523 A lot of people don't even do that. 00:28:00.882 --> 00:28:02.922 Yeah, they don't even ask for the referral. 00:28:03.553 --> 00:28:05.892 Um, as to Google. 00:28:05.952 --> 00:28:08.412 That's a completely different conversation, you know, there's no way 00:28:08.412 --> 00:28:10.062 I can give a quick answer with that. 00:28:10.062 --> 00:28:14.892 You've gotta be able to, you do have to be able to identify the, the people you want, 00:28:16.213 --> 00:28:18.072 understand what they're searching for. 00:28:18.072 --> 00:28:22.062 'cause one of the benefits of Google, by the way, if you are doing, whether it's 00:28:22.062 --> 00:28:25.422 doing Google ads or whether it's doing Google searches, they're looking for you. 00:28:26.473 --> 00:28:26.862 Yeah. 00:28:27.043 --> 00:28:31.692 So they're already keen buyers, but you do have to do a lot of research 00:28:31.692 --> 00:28:35.713 to understand who the people are, what they're looking for, so that whatever 00:28:35.713 --> 00:28:41.773 campaigns you're putting together and your ads and the keywords you use are relevant 00:28:41.773 --> 00:28:44.233 to the searches that people are after. 00:28:44.233 --> 00:28:48.132 So, you know, I can't give quick answers to those, but, um, I'm glad you found it. 00:28:48.132 --> 00:28:48.582 Wow. 00:28:48.733 --> 00:28:49.842 Um, because. 00:28:50.652 --> 00:28:56.172 Selling is an area where so many people shy away from in the, in, 00:28:56.172 --> 00:28:58.483 certainly in the coaching and the caring and sharing business. 00:28:58.783 --> 00:28:58.963 Yeah. 00:28:59.128 --> 00:28:59.418 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:28:59.592 --> 00:29:03.882 Speaker: They're fearful of asking for the orders, fearful of being rejected, 00:29:04.513 --> 00:29:06.553 fearful of asking for the right prices. 00:29:06.973 --> 00:29:10.182 Um, and I took people through, for those of you that, um, aren't in 00:29:10.182 --> 00:29:13.182 the Secret Agents Change membership group, I took them through, it's 00:29:13.182 --> 00:29:14.713 called the Collaborative Conversation. 00:29:14.713 --> 00:29:19.273 So there are four different stages and 20 steps, different steps that 00:29:19.273 --> 00:29:23.682 if you get them right, 99% of people are gonna be I'm in if they're 00:29:23.682 --> 00:29:25.842 the right fit for you, by the way. 00:29:25.842 --> 00:29:26.562 If they're the right fit. 00:29:27.342 --> 00:29:27.642 Yeah. 00:29:27.702 --> 00:29:32.352 So you closing rate, although it's not closing, you're not closing the sale, 00:29:32.352 --> 00:29:37.572 you're opening a relationship is gonna be borderline a hundred percent when 00:29:37.572 --> 00:29:38.952 you follow this particular process. 00:29:38.952 --> 00:29:41.743 So, and, and by the way, those of you that in the membership group 00:29:41.743 --> 00:29:48.043 that haven't watched it yet, um, I've only done one of the four stages. 00:29:49.783 --> 00:29:51.078 And because it will be. 00:29:52.138 --> 00:29:54.237 Two years before we come round? 00:29:55.832 --> 00:29:56.332 Uh, no. 00:29:56.332 --> 00:29:58.287 Will it be, yeah, so it'll be six months before, before we 00:29:58.287 --> 00:29:59.517 come back round to persuasion. 00:29:59.517 --> 00:30:00.237 Another six months. 00:30:00.237 --> 00:30:04.138 So I'm not gonna have you wait in two years before I finish off the loop. 00:30:04.138 --> 00:30:08.007 Alright, so I'm gonna be putting together a couple of extra additional 00:30:08.007 --> 00:30:12.207 recordings so we can finish off this section on persuasion and influence. 00:30:12.658 --> 00:30:18.537 Um, so yes, you'll have the whole package soon, but not in your two years time. 00:30:19.737 --> 00:30:22.048 I like to build up expectation, but not that much. 00:30:22.533 --> 00:30:23.213 Speaker 2: Yeah, not that much. 00:30:23.213 --> 00:30:23.493 Yeah. 00:30:23.642 --> 00:30:23.933 Yeah. 00:30:24.092 --> 00:30:24.213 I 00:30:24.213 --> 00:30:24.717 Speaker: thought that was 00:30:24.717 --> 00:30:27.298 Speaker 2: funny when, when you did, when you were doing the whole presentation 00:30:27.298 --> 00:30:30.358 and you said it's gonna take two years, but I'll do something sooner, 00:30:31.257 --> 00:30:33.777 Speaker: so, but don't hold me to when they'll fit it in. 00:30:33.868 --> 00:30:34.168 Yeah, 00:30:34.527 --> 00:30:36.412 Speaker 2: you might have to wait a year, but it'll be there. 00:30:37.058 --> 00:30:37.348 Speaker: Yeah. 00:30:37.437 --> 00:30:41.277 So, so whoever asked the question, what's, what's the, um, what's the recording 00:30:41.517 --> 00:30:45.118 next month, the second Thursday of May. 00:30:45.598 --> 00:30:48.447 Um, and I'll be actually, I'll, I'll go with referrals. 00:30:48.447 --> 00:30:49.527 We'll be talking about referrals. 00:30:49.527 --> 00:30:49.947 How about that? 00:30:49.953 --> 00:30:50.132 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:30:50.517 --> 00:30:50.787 Speaker: Yeah. 00:30:51.078 --> 00:30:52.362 Speaker 2: That'll be very useful too. 00:30:52.582 --> 00:30:55.547 So here's another question for you about your, uh, presentation. 00:30:55.697 --> 00:30:56.297 Was it that evening? 00:30:57.408 --> 00:31:01.007 Uh, Steve's selling training and the question about the one 00:31:01.007 --> 00:31:04.787 thing that we will do to increase sales conversations this month? 00:31:05.628 --> 00:31:05.898 Speaker: Yeah. 00:31:06.287 --> 00:31:08.777 Speaker 2: I'm now going to use Steve's key question. 00:31:09.497 --> 00:31:13.787 Are you in a position to commit today and get the decision maker on 00:31:13.787 --> 00:31:15.467 the call sooner rather than later? 00:31:15.977 --> 00:31:18.168 It amazes me how many people fail to do that. 00:31:18.977 --> 00:31:19.668 Speaker: Yeah, totally. 00:31:19.668 --> 00:31:23.388 And you shouldn't be getting 'em on the call later at all. 00:31:23.477 --> 00:31:24.408 That shouldn't even happen. 00:31:24.678 --> 00:31:24.797 Speaker 2: Yeah, it 00:31:24.797 --> 00:31:25.908 Speaker: should not happen at all. 00:31:26.838 --> 00:31:30.527 Speaker 2: Uh, have having future pace how this may change the dynamics of 00:31:30.527 --> 00:31:34.997 the interview, I'd love to hear your strategy for keeping everyone on board 00:31:35.267 --> 00:31:38.868 and inoculating against any objections. 00:31:38.957 --> 00:31:39.408 Thank you. 00:31:41.987 --> 00:31:42.318 Speaker: Yeah. 00:31:42.318 --> 00:31:45.227 Well, you won't need to inoculate against any objections 00:31:45.737 --> 00:31:47.148 when you follow the process. 00:31:47.547 --> 00:31:48.418 I'm taking you through. 00:31:48.598 --> 00:31:48.987 Okay. 00:31:49.287 --> 00:31:53.577 The, the only reason you'll get objections at the end of a call or some 00:31:53.577 --> 00:32:00.118 point during a conversation is when you haven't addressed any of the issues. 00:32:01.497 --> 00:32:04.497 When you follow the process that I'm taking you through. 00:32:06.057 --> 00:32:09.928 If there is an issue, you'll find out about it earlier on and you'll be able to 00:32:09.928 --> 00:32:14.757 deal with that and you follow process ex the example being, you know, oh, I need 00:32:14.757 --> 00:32:19.737 to go away and talk to so and so about this, you know, the, I need to speak to 00:32:19.737 --> 00:32:22.047 somebody else just to get their approval. 00:32:22.287 --> 00:32:23.997 Well, that's talking to the decision maker. 00:32:24.267 --> 00:32:26.247 The person you're talking to isn't the decision maker, the 00:32:26.247 --> 00:32:29.037 decision decision maker, the person they're gonna go and talk to. 00:32:29.937 --> 00:32:32.577 If that becomes an objection at the end of the call, you've missed it. 00:32:33.057 --> 00:32:34.408 You didn't address it earlier on. 00:32:34.527 --> 00:32:34.858 Yeah. 00:32:35.277 --> 00:32:41.337 So all the things that people talk about as objections, you know, time, um, cost. 00:32:42.613 --> 00:32:47.083 Um, checking other people, those things will be addressed 00:32:47.743 --> 00:32:49.063 by following the process. 00:32:50.593 --> 00:32:52.423 Yeah, and there's something else as well. 00:32:52.423 --> 00:32:57.103 I mean, a lot of salespeople, I think the statistics are most people give 00:32:57.103 --> 00:33:01.093 up after two objections from somebody. 00:33:01.993 --> 00:33:02.323 Yeah. 00:33:03.253 --> 00:33:08.743 And if you guys have been practicing your slide of mouth patterns over time, you'll 00:33:08.743 --> 00:33:13.273 know how easy it's to have someone have an objection and play with it and flip it 00:33:13.273 --> 00:33:15.163 around and turn it back and do a reframe. 00:33:15.793 --> 00:33:18.943 And you'll be able to deal with 20 different objections at least, and keep 00:33:18.943 --> 00:33:20.203 going and keep going and keep going. 00:33:20.743 --> 00:33:27.043 Um, but I want you to be able to take the order without having to 00:33:27.043 --> 00:33:30.553 deal with the objections by taking people through a, a process. 00:33:31.303 --> 00:33:31.753 Okay. 00:33:32.293 --> 00:33:35.828 So, um, yeah, whoever asked that, um, question, uh. 00:33:37.122 --> 00:33:39.793 When I do the other three videos, because I think it's gonna be 00:33:39.793 --> 00:33:43.092 three, but the reason it's gonna be three, it will be four in total, 00:33:43.092 --> 00:33:47.892 is because that whole subject alone is normally a five day training. 00:33:47.892 --> 00:33:48.553 Speaker 2: Mm-hmm. 00:33:49.152 --> 00:33:49.332 Speaker: Yeah. 00:33:49.332 --> 00:33:52.602 So we're talking about 30, 30 plus hours of training. 00:33:52.662 --> 00:33:52.932 Yeah. 00:33:53.082 --> 00:33:56.953 So I'm trying to condense that into four recordings for you. 00:33:57.102 --> 00:33:57.342 Yeah, 00:33:57.348 --> 00:33:57.497 Speaker 2: yeah. 00:33:58.273 --> 00:33:58.602 Speaker: Yeah. 00:33:58.783 --> 00:34:01.303 So we'll keep it super tight and what I'm doing is pointing things out and 00:34:01.303 --> 00:34:02.652 saying, go away and practice this. 00:34:02.652 --> 00:34:03.912 Go away and practice this bit. 00:34:04.033 --> 00:34:04.303 Yeah. 00:34:04.963 --> 00:34:07.602 Um, so I hope that makes sense to ever ask that. 00:34:07.753 --> 00:34:08.713 Follow the process. 00:34:09.373 --> 00:34:10.783 You won't be having the objections. 00:34:12.253 --> 00:34:13.063 Speaker 2: Perfect. 00:34:13.573 --> 00:34:17.473 Uh, so I've got another one here that, so this week I got a call from a mom 00:34:17.473 --> 00:34:22.093 who wondered if hypnosis would help her son to eat a more varied diet. 00:34:22.663 --> 00:34:23.473 Oh, I love these. 00:34:25.688 --> 00:34:26.388 Mom says 00:34:26.618 --> 00:34:27.628 Speaker: ketchup does it, 00:34:27.898 --> 00:34:31.693 Speaker 2: that the dietician says there can be a fear. 00:34:31.813 --> 00:34:35.653 Having worked with another child who wanted to eat a range of foods, I'm 00:34:35.653 --> 00:34:40.873 aware that you can address the fear, for example, swallowing and get them 00:34:40.873 --> 00:34:42.823 tasting new foods in the sessions. 00:34:43.183 --> 00:34:46.333 But there can be more issues to address to get sustainable. 00:34:46.333 --> 00:34:48.043 Change any ideas. 00:34:48.673 --> 00:34:50.743 Train the parents. 00:34:52.033 --> 00:34:52.963 Speaker: Yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:34:53.203 --> 00:34:56.893 Speaker 2: I love it when I get phone calls from, from parents and they say, 00:34:57.283 --> 00:34:58.933 oh, I, I wonder if you can help me. 00:34:58.933 --> 00:35:03.973 I've got this 5-year-old and they'll only eat fish fingers and chips 00:35:04.093 --> 00:35:05.983 and they won't eat anything else. 00:35:06.133 --> 00:35:07.363 And my brain goes. 00:35:07.963 --> 00:35:09.943 That's an amazing 5-year-old. 00:35:10.183 --> 00:35:12.463 They go shopping and they can cook. 00:35:15.763 --> 00:35:20.953 You have to parent your children, and part of that is teaching them about 00:35:20.953 --> 00:35:26.593 food and exploring different foods with them even when they're difficult 00:35:26.738 --> 00:35:28.693 and they don't want to eat them. 00:35:29.323 --> 00:35:29.383 Yeah. 00:35:29.383 --> 00:35:33.283 So I don't, I don't work with young children anymore, but when I used 00:35:33.283 --> 00:35:38.053 to, I used to have the parents come, so I would work with the child. 00:35:38.053 --> 00:35:42.763 If a fear had developed nine times outta 10, there is no fear there. 00:35:42.763 --> 00:35:46.213 Child has figured out it's a great excuse not to eat what they don't wanna 00:35:46.483 --> 00:35:52.153 eat, but when I've sorted that bin out, then you need to train the parents. 00:35:53.318 --> 00:35:53.738 Speaker: Mm-hmm. 00:35:53.743 --> 00:35:53.893 Mm-hmm. 00:35:55.333 --> 00:35:55.723 That was it. 00:35:55.813 --> 00:35:58.843 John Deval says that the, the problem is normally a parent. 00:35:59.113 --> 00:35:59.563 Speaker 2: Yes. 00:35:59.623 --> 00:36:00.433 Speaker: Yeah, a parent. 00:36:01.003 --> 00:36:05.263 I, I was in my, it was on my patio once, it was a lovely 00:36:05.263 --> 00:36:06.493 summer's day and I was painting. 00:36:08.143 --> 00:36:10.663 My ex came out and said, would you like an ice cream? 00:36:10.723 --> 00:36:11.593 Oh yeah, that'd be nice. 00:36:11.593 --> 00:36:11.773 Yeah. 00:36:12.283 --> 00:36:13.123 And the kids were there. 00:36:13.123 --> 00:36:14.143 They were all painting as well. 00:36:14.203 --> 00:36:14.413 Right. 00:36:14.413 --> 00:36:16.963 So they were only youngsters at the time. 00:36:17.023 --> 00:36:19.273 They like 10 downwards. 00:36:19.273 --> 00:36:19.513 Yeah. 00:36:21.013 --> 00:36:22.273 I said, would you like an ice cream? 00:36:22.333 --> 00:36:25.603 And I can't remember who said, can we have some vegetables? 00:36:26.503 --> 00:36:27.583 I went, what? 00:36:29.128 --> 00:36:29.418 What? 00:36:31.123 --> 00:36:32.233 It's a hot summer's day. 00:36:32.233 --> 00:36:33.193 You eat like a lolly. 00:36:33.193 --> 00:36:34.483 Like can we have some vegetables? 00:36:35.503 --> 00:36:39.613 But what they meant was Cru tea, you know, like carrot sticks and whatever. 00:36:40.063 --> 00:36:43.753 Because what we used to do is put a big bowl of this out so they're 00:36:43.783 --> 00:36:48.523 hungry, you know, put a big bowl of it before we start preparing food. 00:36:48.853 --> 00:36:49.093 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:36:49.243 --> 00:36:52.123 Speaker: And if you want anything and you're hungry, go and help yourself. 00:36:52.483 --> 00:36:54.583 So by the time the food was served up. 00:36:55.243 --> 00:36:56.683 All the vegetables were gone. 00:36:56.893 --> 00:36:57.103 Yeah. 00:36:57.973 --> 00:36:58.903 Because they were hungry. 00:36:59.383 --> 00:37:01.843 And even, even if they didn't finish their meal, it's fine. 00:37:01.843 --> 00:37:04.193 I'm not gonna force 'em 'cause they're full up on vegetables of course. 00:37:04.193 --> 00:37:06.913 But it was a hot summer's day and they wanted fresh cold carrot 00:37:06.913 --> 00:37:08.983 sticks and, you know, so yeah. 00:37:08.983 --> 00:37:11.473 I think a lot of it is, as you say, Tina, absolutely. 00:37:11.473 --> 00:37:14.413 It's like teaching the parents and, and not putting pressure 00:37:14.413 --> 00:37:15.703 around, you know, food. 00:37:15.703 --> 00:37:19.273 The amount of youngsters I used to work with when I was doing therapy 00:37:19.273 --> 00:37:25.363 where, you know, there's so much anxiety anchored to the eating process. 00:37:26.053 --> 00:37:27.553 There's something else as well about the swallow. 00:37:27.558 --> 00:37:30.163 They, they were talking about that swallowing is very 00:37:30.163 --> 00:37:31.723 much an unconscious process. 00:37:32.353 --> 00:37:36.073 You know, if you try to consciously swallow, there's about something like 00:37:36.073 --> 00:37:40.843 20 muscles that are involved and, and a lot of swallowing issues come about 00:37:40.843 --> 00:37:45.643 because of the stress that's related to sitting down and, you know, eating. 00:37:45.643 --> 00:37:47.383 Speaker 2: If they're not, if they're not enjoying what they're eating, 00:37:47.443 --> 00:37:48.763 they're not gonna want to swallow. 00:37:49.993 --> 00:37:52.603 All about eating's, all about pleasure, isn't it? 00:37:52.603 --> 00:37:55.723 You know, you've got the, the texture, the taste. 00:37:56.173 --> 00:37:56.263 Speaker: Yeah. 00:37:56.983 --> 00:37:58.813 Speaker 2: And then you've got the juices, you know your mouth, 00:37:58.813 --> 00:38:03.013 waters, and then you swallow it. 00:38:03.013 --> 00:38:04.963 It's a whole, it's a whole process. 00:38:05.233 --> 00:38:07.813 But I, yeah, I, I train the, the parents. 00:38:10.573 --> 00:38:10.813 Speaker: Yeah. 00:38:10.873 --> 00:38:11.773 I tell you what it is. 00:38:11.773 --> 00:38:16.273 It's a, it also reminds me of, it's like Cesar Milano, you know, the dog whisperer? 00:38:16.273 --> 00:38:16.333 Yeah, 00:38:17.143 --> 00:38:17.593 Speaker 2: yeah, 00:38:18.073 --> 00:38:18.403 Speaker: yeah. 00:38:18.943 --> 00:38:20.983 It's, he never trains the dogs. 00:38:20.983 --> 00:38:22.663 He trains the dog owners, doesn't he? 00:38:23.443 --> 00:38:24.853 And the dogs didnt fall in line. 00:38:24.853 --> 00:38:25.603 I go, okay, 00:38:26.263 --> 00:38:26.563 Speaker 2: yeah, 00:38:27.043 --> 00:38:27.493 Speaker: thank you. 00:38:27.493 --> 00:38:28.333 We've trained the owner. 00:38:28.333 --> 00:38:29.653 Now I'll behave. 00:38:29.653 --> 00:38:30.043 Normally 00:38:31.258 --> 00:38:32.048 Speaker 2: dog's not the problem. 00:38:32.158 --> 00:38:32.448 Speaker: Yeah. 00:38:32.718 --> 00:38:34.368 Speaker 2: It's, it's, yeah. 00:38:34.368 --> 00:38:34.888 It's the person. 00:38:35.653 --> 00:38:39.073 And, and the dog knows it can get away with, with all sorts of mischief. 00:38:41.173 --> 00:38:42.583 So why would it behave? 00:38:42.973 --> 00:38:43.363 Hmm. 00:38:44.083 --> 00:38:45.373 Uh, okay. 00:38:45.433 --> 00:38:46.663 Oh look, let's do this one. 00:38:47.143 --> 00:38:53.083 So, um, I've just had an inquiry Oh. 00:38:53.083 --> 00:38:57.463 From a lady regarding her partner's hoarding, uh, her 00:38:57.878 --> 00:38:58.638 Speaker: partner's hoarding. 00:38:58.998 --> 00:38:59.558 Speaker 2: Hoarding, 00:38:59.558 --> 00:38:59.758 Speaker: right. 00:38:59.758 --> 00:39:00.318 Speaker 2: Hoarding. 00:39:01.393 --> 00:39:01.483 Speaker: Mm-hmm. 00:39:01.873 --> 00:39:05.263 Speaker 2: After various family members passed, they've cleared 00:39:05.263 --> 00:39:09.403 the contents of the houses and stored them in their own bungalow. 00:39:09.823 --> 00:39:12.853 He now wants to sort items and get rid of them, but gets anxious and 00:39:12.853 --> 00:39:19.813 decides to keep things just in case, in her words, it's got out of hand. 00:39:20.083 --> 00:39:24.703 So, uh, I don't normally do home visits with adult clients, but in this 00:39:24.703 --> 00:39:27.523 case I'm thinking it may be useful. 00:39:28.303 --> 00:39:29.053 Yeah. 00:39:29.923 --> 00:39:34.483 Um, thoughts, but my thought is on that is no. 00:39:35.743 --> 00:39:38.593 Um, because they're in their home territory. 00:39:40.513 --> 00:39:43.333 And then hoarders are very controlling. 00:39:44.383 --> 00:39:48.253 So take them out of their normal environment and put 00:39:48.253 --> 00:39:50.023 them somewhere else first. 00:39:50.233 --> 00:39:53.233 You may want to be in the house with them at some point. 00:39:54.073 --> 00:39:58.393 I had a lovely hoarder years and years ago, um, turned up at my 00:39:58.393 --> 00:40:00.553 office when I opened the door. 00:40:00.673 --> 00:40:03.043 I thought it was a tramp standing there. 00:40:03.073 --> 00:40:05.953 This person was disgusting and they stak 00:40:07.993 --> 00:40:12.943 it turns out it was my client and, and they had cash wards 00:40:12.943 --> 00:40:14.683 and wa of cash in their hand 00:40:15.133 --> 00:40:16.453 Speaker: was sticky notes. 00:40:16.693 --> 00:40:17.113 Yeah, 00:40:17.113 --> 00:40:18.883 Speaker 2: yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:40:19.213 --> 00:40:20.533 Anyway, so they came in. 00:40:20.533 --> 00:40:24.703 I even put like, I put like a BIM bag down on the chair before they sat down. 00:40:24.703 --> 00:40:26.023 They were dirty and smelling. 00:40:27.073 --> 00:40:29.503 They kept everything. 00:40:29.863 --> 00:40:34.843 Now they did flush toilet the paper away, but they did keep dirty tissues. 00:40:36.463 --> 00:40:41.443 They couldn't use their bathroom or the bath or the shower because 00:40:41.443 --> 00:40:46.663 it was full of empty pizza boxes 'cause they might be valuable. 00:40:47.533 --> 00:40:48.583 Um, yeah. 00:40:48.643 --> 00:40:54.493 So I had to teach them a different strategy, how to identify what 00:40:54.493 --> 00:40:56.653 was valuable and what wasn't. 00:40:56.893 --> 00:40:58.963 Now they could flush toilet paper away. 00:41:00.043 --> 00:41:02.293 So I took that as my starting point. 00:41:02.593 --> 00:41:06.583 How did they, they identify that toilet paper could be flushed down the 00:41:06.583 --> 00:41:10.783 toilet and they could let go of that easy and simply, and then I could then 00:41:10.783 --> 00:41:14.023 transfer that from to other things. 00:41:14.023 --> 00:41:17.803 So I guess with this hoarder, you'd need to find the counter example. 00:41:19.873 --> 00:41:24.313 Is it only things from dead relatives that he wants to keep hold of? 00:41:26.113 --> 00:41:28.573 Are there other things that he is able to get rid of? 00:41:28.573 --> 00:41:31.962 I'd probably be looking for the counter example first. 00:41:33.073 --> 00:41:33.133 Speaker: Mm. 00:41:33.523 --> 00:41:33.853 Yeah. 00:41:34.273 --> 00:41:37.633 Um, I would not necessarily be going and doing a home visit for the 00:41:37.633 --> 00:41:40.633 reasons you've just explained because I've done that a few times with 00:41:40.633 --> 00:41:42.703 folders and wished I wasn't there. 00:41:43.273 --> 00:41:46.273 Um, there's always jars of things you wish you, you'd never seen. 00:41:47.323 --> 00:41:50.293 You have to practice to white out and delete them from your imagination. 00:41:50.323 --> 00:41:50.413 Yes. 00:41:50.413 --> 00:41:51.043 From your memory. 00:41:51.583 --> 00:41:55.003 Um, and like you say, quite often it can be really unpleasant if any of you've 00:41:55.003 --> 00:41:59.803 seen those pictures of those, those ladies that go round and clear up ho houses. 00:41:59.803 --> 00:42:01.123 I dunno how they do it. 00:42:01.633 --> 00:42:01.723 Speaker 2: No. 00:42:01.783 --> 00:42:02.233 Speaker: Um. 00:42:04.663 --> 00:42:06.343 And they can be very like, cleaner. 00:42:06.343 --> 00:42:07.363 They're very defensive. 00:42:07.363 --> 00:42:10.843 And so everything's anchored to the place where they, they are, get them out of the 00:42:10.843 --> 00:42:14.263 environment and then really find out what the underlying strategy is behind it. 00:42:14.263 --> 00:42:15.973 Because it can be so many things, can't it? 00:42:16.453 --> 00:42:16.903 You know? 00:42:16.908 --> 00:42:20.083 It, it could be, you know, making all sorts of stuff up here. 00:42:20.083 --> 00:42:25.483 It could be, you know, attachment to the articles rather than the person. 00:42:26.083 --> 00:42:26.353 Speaker 2: Mm-hmm. 00:42:26.923 --> 00:42:27.223 Speaker: Yeah. 00:42:27.823 --> 00:42:29.503 You know, a loss of control. 00:42:29.623 --> 00:42:33.973 You, you've really gotta just sit with that person and find out what 00:42:33.973 --> 00:42:35.563 is going on with their strategy. 00:42:35.563 --> 00:42:40.663 That means they have to hold onto these things and then find out what 00:42:40.663 --> 00:42:42.283 the, uh, what the alternative is. 00:42:42.283 --> 00:42:42.373 Yeah. 00:42:42.373 --> 00:42:44.188 Every behavior serves a purpose, doesn't it? 00:42:44.623 --> 00:42:45.133 Speaker 2: It does. 00:42:45.133 --> 00:42:45.433 Yeah. 00:42:45.438 --> 00:42:45.548 Yeah. 00:42:45.553 --> 00:42:45.643 Yeah. 00:42:45.643 --> 00:42:49.063 I mean, my, my, my smelly man was, I mean, he managed to 00:42:49.063 --> 00:42:50.863 clear out his, his his house. 00:42:51.313 --> 00:42:53.353 He got clean, he got rid of all this stuff. 00:42:53.353 --> 00:42:55.693 He got cleaners in and he sorted himself out. 00:42:56.083 --> 00:42:58.783 Uh, I mean, he was independently wealthy, so luckily he didn't have to 00:42:58.783 --> 00:43:00.283 worry about money or going to work. 00:43:00.973 --> 00:43:02.653 Uh, his whole thing was. 00:43:03.208 --> 00:43:09.088 He went away and he had loads of collections of things that he'd collected 00:43:09.088 --> 00:43:14.008 since he was a, a, a young child and his mom came and house, sat for him 00:43:14.188 --> 00:43:18.478 and got rid of all of his stuff because she said it was just collecting dust. 00:43:19.588 --> 00:43:22.918 And then something switched in his head and from that point 00:43:22.918 --> 00:43:25.048 onwards, he kept everything. 00:43:25.738 --> 00:43:26.098 Speaker: Yeah. 00:43:26.458 --> 00:43:31.948 Then it's go after something could be like that is, is like an anchor to loss. 00:43:32.008 --> 00:43:36.568 So the thought of loss creates anxiety and then it generalizes to everything. 00:43:37.168 --> 00:43:40.558 Yeah, it could be a, a collection, it could be a loved one, and 00:43:40.558 --> 00:43:41.938 then it becomes a pizza box. 00:43:42.252 --> 00:43:42.543 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:43:42.837 --> 00:43:43.198 Speaker: Yeah. 00:43:43.348 --> 00:43:47.127 I know it sounds bizarre, but that's how creative the, uh, the mind is in 00:43:47.127 --> 00:43:51.748 terms of taking a, a learned pattern and generalizing it to other things. 00:43:52.738 --> 00:43:56.303 Um, you know, stay away from the houses sometimes. 00:43:58.203 --> 00:43:58.982 Speaker 2: No, open the houses. 00:43:59.368 --> 00:43:59.668 Yeah. 00:43:59.968 --> 00:44:00.837 Definitely not. 00:44:01.198 --> 00:44:01.468 Okay. 00:44:01.468 --> 00:44:03.328 I've got one for you now, miss Mr. 00:44:03.328 --> 00:44:08.788 Crab, I've heard all businesses in the UK are now responsible for ensuring 00:44:08.788 --> 00:44:11.098 wellbeing opportunities for their staff. 00:44:11.548 --> 00:44:12.988 I know you've looked into this. 00:44:13.468 --> 00:44:18.118 How do you get referrals into the business world and what makes a good pitch? 00:44:21.808 --> 00:44:23.458 Speaker: Okay, so that's an interesting one. 00:44:23.668 --> 00:44:25.198 Okay, so let me go back. 00:44:25.468 --> 00:44:29.218 Five, six years ago I ran a wellbeing book. 00:44:29.848 --> 00:44:35.128 Company for three years and did a whole series of trainings. 00:44:35.128 --> 00:44:36.388 We did about eight a year. 00:44:37.648 --> 00:44:46.708 Um, it was quite tough going, getting in, getting the foot in the door because, 00:44:47.128 --> 00:44:55.168 um, I've had many a glass of not many, a couple of white glass, of lukewarm 00:44:55.168 --> 00:45:00.478 white wine at a networking event talking to people about wellbeing and stress. 00:45:00.508 --> 00:45:00.538 Mm. 00:45:01.138 --> 00:45:07.978 And experiencing what I call the three stress monkeys, which is they don't wanna 00:45:07.978 --> 00:45:10.888 see the stress, they don't want to hear it, and they don't wanna talk about it. 00:45:11.458 --> 00:45:11.518 Yeah. 00:45:11.638 --> 00:45:15.718 So a lot of business owners, it's what's the problem? 00:45:16.473 --> 00:45:17.008 Yeah, yeah. 00:45:17.188 --> 00:45:19.138 Even now it's what's the big deal? 00:45:19.138 --> 00:45:19.768 What's the problem? 00:45:20.158 --> 00:45:23.998 The amount of, there was one lawyer I was talking to said I don't really get 00:45:23.998 --> 00:45:25.858 it because, you know, I thrive on stress. 00:45:27.208 --> 00:45:27.568 Yeah. 00:45:27.868 --> 00:45:33.928 And that can be the, the, the approach, even though, you know, mental 00:45:33.928 --> 00:45:38.428 health is, is a more talked about conversation now than it was five, 00:45:38.428 --> 00:45:40.198 six years, even five, six years ago. 00:45:40.258 --> 00:45:40.558 Yeah. 00:45:41.038 --> 00:45:43.918 So back then it was still quite challenging. 00:45:45.088 --> 00:45:49.558 And by the way, I've been in that conversation since 2003 when the 00:45:49.558 --> 00:45:56.188 health and safety executive in the UK bought out the new guidelines for, uh, 00:45:56.458 --> 00:45:58.018 stress management in the workplace. 00:45:58.498 --> 00:45:58.828 Yeah. 00:45:59.518 --> 00:46:05.008 They bought out a series of guidelines that in from 2003 every 00:46:05.008 --> 00:46:07.138 company was meant to adhere to. 00:46:08.308 --> 00:46:11.218 And if you look at the statistics of stress with these 00:46:11.218 --> 00:46:13.288 guidelines, nothing's changed. 00:46:13.348 --> 00:46:13.708 Okay. 00:46:13.738 --> 00:46:18.478 Which is fascinating because it doesn't address the psychology of stress. 00:46:18.478 --> 00:46:20.548 It just address the processes of stress. 00:46:20.548 --> 00:46:20.818 Right. 00:46:22.213 --> 00:46:25.603 So you've got this conversation that's been going on since 2003. 00:46:26.053 --> 00:46:31.483 You are up against business owners who are resistant because they 00:46:31.483 --> 00:46:33.553 don't see it, don't want to hear it, don't wanna talk about it. 00:46:34.303 --> 00:46:37.903 You've also got business owners who are, 'cause actually, somebody 00:46:37.903 --> 00:46:40.123 asked me this question on one of, on one of the workshops. 00:46:40.123 --> 00:46:40.423 Yeah. 00:46:41.113 --> 00:46:43.543 And I said, well, it's really, we've got a group of people, we've got 30 00:46:43.543 --> 00:46:44.893 people here, all business owners. 00:46:44.893 --> 00:46:48.763 Why don't we ask them, why did you invest your time to come here? 00:46:49.783 --> 00:46:53.923 And what would encourage you to invest in actually continuing the 00:46:53.923 --> 00:46:55.363 program with your, with your staff? 00:46:56.593 --> 00:46:59.563 The answer was, I've gotta see a return on my investment. 00:47:00.913 --> 00:47:01.273 Yeah, yeah. 00:47:01.393 --> 00:47:01.903 Sense. 00:47:01.933 --> 00:47:05.743 So, so you've got to be able to demonstrate to someone that 00:47:05.743 --> 00:47:08.263 whatever you're doing, there is a return on investment. 00:47:09.223 --> 00:47:09.643 Okay. 00:47:09.643 --> 00:47:13.633 If you want a foot in the door, the 'cause, the decisions are 00:47:13.633 --> 00:47:17.923 gonna be made not just by the, the CEO, but by the The accountants. 00:47:17.953 --> 00:47:18.733 The CFOs. 00:47:18.793 --> 00:47:19.093 Yeah. 00:47:19.843 --> 00:47:20.923 Probably not even the hr. 00:47:21.008 --> 00:47:24.883 And, and by the way, a lot of people are talking to the wrong people. 00:47:25.033 --> 00:47:27.823 You know, you're talking to the HR people have to then go to the accounts 00:47:27.823 --> 00:47:29.743 people to justify spending money on it. 00:47:30.283 --> 00:47:34.603 So you must be able to make sure that you can demonstrate a return on investment 00:47:34.603 --> 00:47:37.003 by somebody engaging in your program. 00:47:37.003 --> 00:47:40.213 And if you can't do that, find a way to do that. 00:47:41.293 --> 00:47:41.623 Yeah. 00:47:41.683 --> 00:47:45.583 Which means you've gotta maybe run a few groups and measure things and 00:47:46.093 --> 00:47:49.873 see if there's a way to quantify, you know, the number of days that 00:47:49.873 --> 00:47:52.843 people are not off ill, not off sick. 00:47:53.443 --> 00:47:53.653 Yeah. 00:47:53.743 --> 00:47:56.503 Now there's also one other thing which you're gonna encounter now. 00:47:56.503 --> 00:47:59.683 So I know I'm giving you lots of resistance, but if you are seriously 00:47:59.683 --> 00:48:03.643 interested in going into this space, you, you're gonna, uh, you're gonna have 00:48:03.643 --> 00:48:07.813 to find all the, you're gonna find all these resistance, these, uh, these walls. 00:48:07.813 --> 00:48:09.943 And you're gonna have to work your way, push your way through them. 00:48:10.033 --> 00:48:10.303 Yeah. 00:48:10.603 --> 00:48:11.563 Be very resilient. 00:48:13.123 --> 00:48:17.113 The, the other one that you're gonna face now is that ever since, and 00:48:17.113 --> 00:48:23.983 certainly in the uk, the first aiders and champions courses came out. 00:48:24.853 --> 00:48:32.743 Now every company has a first aider and a champion, or a first aid or a champion who 00:48:33.823 --> 00:48:35.803 has done a course but can't do anything. 00:48:35.983 --> 00:48:36.373 Right. 00:48:37.153 --> 00:48:40.363 But companies have now invested in them, so they're not particularly 00:48:40.363 --> 00:48:43.063 really interested in somebody from the outside coming in 00:48:43.813 --> 00:48:44.143 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:48:44.263 --> 00:48:45.793 Speaker: To deal with something they've already addressed. 00:48:45.793 --> 00:48:46.813 They've ticked the boxes. 00:48:47.143 --> 00:48:47.383 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:48:47.803 --> 00:48:48.192 Speaker: Yeah. 00:48:48.493 --> 00:48:50.083 It's a, it's a minefield to be honest. 00:48:50.083 --> 00:48:52.272 I mean, it's a, it's a great place to go and work. 00:48:52.908 --> 00:48:56.473 You, you, you are always gonna find some companies that go, yes, we've got our 00:48:56.473 --> 00:49:00.493 first aiders, we've got our champions, but they're not really the right 00:49:00.493 --> 00:49:02.533 people to actually work with people. 00:49:02.533 --> 00:49:03.823 We want someone to come in. 00:49:04.723 --> 00:49:06.763 You know, I've still got clients that do that. 00:49:06.883 --> 00:49:07.153 Yeah. 00:49:07.212 --> 00:49:09.973 But they're the ones that, from a long time ago, even with their first 00:49:09.973 --> 00:49:13.363 days, and champions still call up and we, you know, do occasional 00:49:13.363 --> 00:49:15.553 half day, you know, on wellbeing. 00:49:16.243 --> 00:49:18.133 So it's a tough nut to crack, by the way. 00:49:18.583 --> 00:49:18.942 Yeah. 00:49:19.002 --> 00:49:22.692 Although it's a big conversation, it's a tough nut to crack because you're 00:49:22.692 --> 00:49:27.403 competing against that resistance and you're competing against, well, they found 00:49:27.403 --> 00:49:29.502 a solution, which isn't really a solution. 00:49:30.283 --> 00:49:30.613 Yeah. 00:49:30.853 --> 00:49:33.343 Speaker 2: So on paper, they fulfilled the criteria that the 00:49:33.343 --> 00:49:34.993 government wants 'em to fulfill. 00:49:35.473 --> 00:49:35.803 Speaker: Yeah. 00:49:35.982 --> 00:49:38.607 Speaker 2: But not actually solving the problem because it remains the same. 00:49:39.928 --> 00:49:40.138 Speaker: Yeah. 00:49:40.138 --> 00:49:42.298 In fact there's a, there's a new layer of problems. 00:49:42.508 --> 00:49:45.538 So whoever's asking this question, you might wanna go here, you 00:49:45.538 --> 00:49:46.738 might wanna explore this, right? 00:49:46.738 --> 00:49:50.818 So I can't tell you that this is a place where there's lucrative 00:49:50.818 --> 00:49:52.078 business and you can really help. 00:49:52.438 --> 00:50:00.478 But I suspect there is, because it was in 2018, um, it was in National 00:50:00.478 --> 00:50:06.148 Stress Day and I was doing a talk over in, uh, where was it, Essex? 00:50:06.178 --> 00:50:08.848 'cause we had all, you know, the p and o people that just 00:50:09.568 --> 00:50:11.548 laid hundreds of people off. 00:50:11.548 --> 00:50:11.788 Yeah. 00:50:11.793 --> 00:50:11.863 Yeah. 00:50:12.298 --> 00:50:15.388 So I had the HR director of p and o was in this group. 00:50:15.658 --> 00:50:16.918 So I was the guest speaker car. 00:50:18.268 --> 00:50:24.898 And um, I only had like 30 minutes, but I really tore into them all. 00:50:25.378 --> 00:50:25.738 Literally. 00:50:25.738 --> 00:50:29.158 It was like, how many of you are just ticking boxes, blah. 00:50:29.218 --> 00:50:31.288 So, you know, I had to be pretty, pretty provocative. 00:50:32.368 --> 00:50:35.158 Um, and. 00:50:37.558 --> 00:50:41.488 They were receptive to by being provocative, like, you're ticking boxes, 00:50:41.788 --> 00:50:44.458 you cannot, your people can't help people. 00:50:44.758 --> 00:50:44.878 Speaker 2: Mm-hmm. 00:50:45.538 --> 00:50:49.498 Speaker: And then it came to the panel and some, one of the, the p and o 00:50:49.498 --> 00:50:52.288 directors said, we've got a new problem. 00:50:52.288 --> 00:50:53.938 I'd like the panel to address this. 00:50:53.938 --> 00:50:54.928 You know, see if they can address this. 00:50:55.768 --> 00:50:59.488 Our first aiders and our champions are all really stressed. 00:51:00.808 --> 00:51:01.738 What's going on? 00:51:02.788 --> 00:51:05.878 So the whole panel turned to me like they threw the hot potato at me. 00:51:05.878 --> 00:51:09.148 I said, this is the conversation I'm, I'm, I want to have. 00:51:09.148 --> 00:51:09.418 Yeah. 00:51:09.418 --> 00:51:09.478 Yeah. 00:51:10.978 --> 00:51:12.778 They've done three days and five days. 00:51:12.838 --> 00:51:15.358 They are not trained in therapy. 00:51:15.358 --> 00:51:18.838 They're not trained to, to work with people who are really stressed. 00:51:19.168 --> 00:51:23.908 So what they do is when they're feeling, um, disillusioned and 00:51:23.908 --> 00:51:26.968 disappointed, feeling hopeless like a lot of psychotherapists used to 00:51:26.968 --> 00:51:27.988 do when they couldn't help anyone. 00:51:28.528 --> 00:51:28.828 Yeah. 00:51:29.308 --> 00:51:32.278 Um, but also they're. 00:51:34.243 --> 00:51:36.763 What they're doing is they're creating this, they're almost like 00:51:36.763 --> 00:51:38.743 a stigma associated with stress. 00:51:38.743 --> 00:51:42.463 Like, well, we'll send you onto someone 'cause there's a mental health issue. 00:51:42.763 --> 00:51:42.853 Right. 00:51:42.943 --> 00:51:46.303 So they're diagnosing people with mental health issues when they're not. 00:51:47.293 --> 00:51:47.473 Yeah. 00:51:47.473 --> 00:51:48.433 So I said, we've got these. 00:51:48.493 --> 00:51:50.203 It's like a real guardian, not a problem. 00:51:50.203 --> 00:51:51.913 Starting to come out of all of this. 00:51:51.943 --> 00:51:52.213 Yeah. 00:51:52.783 --> 00:51:57.523 Um, so you might want to consider supporting the first 00:51:57.523 --> 00:51:58.573 aiders and the champions. 00:51:59.713 --> 00:52:00.013 Yeah. 00:52:00.103 --> 00:52:03.373 Putting something together to actually support them and helping 00:52:03.373 --> 00:52:06.313 them because they've made the inroads, they made the stop. 00:52:06.313 --> 00:52:08.143 It's like they've done a little foundation course. 00:52:08.443 --> 00:52:11.353 'cause we, you know, if you've ever looked into it and if you're watching 00:52:11.353 --> 00:52:13.663 this, you know, there's, you know, it doesn't go particularly deep. 00:52:14.083 --> 00:52:16.243 Neither of those two go particularly deep. 00:52:17.383 --> 00:52:17.773 Um. 00:52:18.703 --> 00:52:23.113 With your NLP, you could work with the, with the first aiders and the champions 00:52:23.593 --> 00:52:27.373 to help them or even provide a backup service, you know, so that they're sending 00:52:27.373 --> 00:52:30.043 them the people they can't help to you. 00:52:30.553 --> 00:52:30.853 Yeah. 00:52:30.913 --> 00:52:32.233 So, yeah, it's a fascinating area. 00:52:32.233 --> 00:52:35.803 There's a, there's a, there's a real need for it, but getting in 00:52:35.803 --> 00:52:37.573 there, it's a, it's a tricky one. 00:52:38.353 --> 00:52:38.653 Speaker 2: It is. 00:52:38.653 --> 00:52:44.713 I mean, I, before I started to do this, I was a, uh, training and development in, 00:52:44.803 --> 00:52:46.723 um, in an investment bank in the city. 00:52:47.263 --> 00:52:52.063 Um, and anybody that rung up that wanted to offer any kind of assistance 00:52:52.063 --> 00:52:59.683 with stress kind of employee related issues were bounced around the office. 00:52:59.683 --> 00:53:02.563 You know, nobody really wanted to talk to them. 00:53:02.893 --> 00:53:05.803 Um, nobody was gonna give them, uh, a response. 00:53:06.163 --> 00:53:08.323 They couldn't find out who to talk to. 00:53:08.623 --> 00:53:12.163 And we had a whole health and safety department, and that's who 00:53:12.163 --> 00:53:13.453 they should have been speaking to. 00:53:14.248 --> 00:53:16.258 Um, Steve's disappeared. 00:53:16.318 --> 00:53:17.788 He'll be back momentarily. 00:53:18.358 --> 00:53:21.688 Um, so I've got another question here. 00:53:22.198 --> 00:53:26.368 Uh, so how do you decide what to work on first? 00:53:26.728 --> 00:53:35.398 If a client initially presents with one issue, then under covers or something 00:53:35.398 --> 00:53:38.968 else comes up or maybe you get a list? 00:53:40.138 --> 00:53:43.618 Uh, now I found out right from my very beginning of working with 00:53:43.618 --> 00:53:46.018 people, I quite often get a list. 00:53:47.038 --> 00:53:52.633 People quite often turn up, they'll book because they'll say they want help with 00:53:52.633 --> 00:53:58.378 confidence and then they'll suddenly turn up and say, um, well, I'm not really very 00:53:58.378 --> 00:54:02.098 confident because I've got an alcohol problem, or I've got a cocaine problem, 00:54:02.158 --> 00:54:08.038 or I've got this problem or that problem, or I'm micropho or I've got a phobia. 00:54:08.698 --> 00:54:11.128 And then you can get something else come up. 00:54:13.228 --> 00:54:16.918 And then you could get, they'll come up with a frigging list. 00:54:16.918 --> 00:54:21.088 I've even had them get a book out of their bag and go, so really what 00:54:21.088 --> 00:54:25.108 I've come to talk to you about today is, and I'm sure Steve's as well. 00:54:25.113 --> 00:54:25.403 Speaker: Yeah, totally. 00:54:25.768 --> 00:54:25.828 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:54:25.828 --> 00:54:27.778 And they've got this whole list of things. 00:54:28.468 --> 00:54:37.738 Um, so at that point, I explained that the session is X long and 00:54:37.828 --> 00:54:40.498 what would they like to work on? 00:54:40.858 --> 00:54:47.758 And sometimes we might spend the first 15, 20 minutes coming up with a hierarchy 00:54:48.868 --> 00:54:50.968 as to what's the most important thing. 00:54:51.298 --> 00:54:55.768 Now if you can get, usually when there's a list, there's one 00:54:55.768 --> 00:54:57.508 that's holding all the others up. 00:54:58.588 --> 00:55:01.498 If you can get that one, everything falls down. 00:55:01.678 --> 00:55:03.388 And then you are a superstar. 00:55:05.908 --> 00:55:08.998 So it's a matter of exploring the list with them. 00:55:10.333 --> 00:55:18.553 Calibrating their responses and getting them to come up with what it all means, 00:55:18.613 --> 00:55:22.903 what it does for them, and then choosing what they want to deal with there. 00:55:22.903 --> 00:55:27.192 And then some of them are interchangeable anyway, and it's really simple 00:55:27.192 --> 00:55:28.813 to deal with two or three things. 00:55:29.293 --> 00:55:35.773 If, if they're worried about their weight because they've got food issues that 00:55:35.833 --> 00:55:41.533 that could make them less confident, that could give them, uh, the agoraphobia 00:55:41.533 --> 00:55:44.293 where they don't wanna leave their house 'cause they don't like the way they look. 00:55:44.442 --> 00:55:46.963 So some of them could be in interconnected. 00:55:47.353 --> 00:55:52.033 So it's a matter of listening, paying attention to how they talk about 00:55:52.033 --> 00:55:57.043 their problems and getting a kind of a hierarchy and seeing where you start. 00:55:59.503 --> 00:55:59.863 Speaker: Yeah. 00:56:00.733 --> 00:56:00.763 Okay. 00:56:00.763 --> 00:56:01.213 And I'm back. 00:56:01.213 --> 00:56:01.843 I was choking. 00:56:01.843 --> 00:56:02.083 Sorry. 00:56:02.442 --> 00:56:02.968 Speaker 2: That's okay. 00:56:03.358 --> 00:56:03.648 Speaker: Yeah. 00:56:06.627 --> 00:56:09.087 It's, again, it's a bit like the learned helplessness. 00:56:09.478 --> 00:56:11.968 It happens quite regularly, doesn't it? 00:56:11.968 --> 00:56:13.587 You know, there's never just one issue. 00:56:13.587 --> 00:56:16.587 There's, there's a whole guardian knot of issues. 00:56:16.587 --> 00:56:20.248 So, um, I think one of the things is to not be caught out by it, if you can, 00:56:20.877 --> 00:56:25.798 which is why, um, I have a consent form and the consent form, the intake form. 00:56:26.248 --> 00:56:29.638 Are there any other issues you feel may be associated to why 00:56:29.638 --> 00:56:30.718 you're coming to see me for? 00:56:31.408 --> 00:56:32.998 Yeah, so it gives 'em a chance to put it down. 00:56:32.998 --> 00:56:35.038 You go, okay, well there's a long, you know, we, we've now got this 00:56:35.038 --> 00:56:36.388 long shopping list of things. 00:56:36.388 --> 00:56:36.627 Yeah. 00:56:37.138 --> 00:56:39.958 But Latina said you'll start to see that there's connections. 00:56:39.958 --> 00:56:44.458 You know, it could be, I'm anxious, so because I'm anxious, it leads 00:56:44.458 --> 00:56:47.188 to, you know, this is a problem and that's a problem and that's a problem. 00:56:47.188 --> 00:56:50.877 So if you deal with the anxiety, then the rest of it collapses. 00:56:51.718 --> 00:56:52.107 Um. 00:56:53.323 --> 00:56:56.098 But you know, I, I totally agree with everything you said there, Tina. 00:56:56.098 --> 00:56:58.738 That's what, what I do and, and sometimes it's also good to look 00:56:58.738 --> 00:56:59.968 for a quick win for someone. 00:57:00.388 --> 00:57:02.038 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, definitely. 00:57:02.038 --> 00:57:05.908 If they've got a long list, I mean, I've got the intake form, so Steve 00:57:05.908 --> 00:57:09.898 and I both work in a similar way so that you fill out a form and then 00:57:10.018 --> 00:57:12.658 I get to see the form before I've even confirmed the appointment. 00:57:12.658 --> 00:57:18.448 I know what's on the form and sometimes when they turn up, what they ask 00:57:18.448 --> 00:57:19.948 for isn't even on the bloody form. 00:57:20.563 --> 00:57:20.893 Speaker: Yeah. 00:57:20.983 --> 00:57:21.913 Yeah, absolutely. 00:57:21.913 --> 00:57:24.553 Speaker 2: And then that's another conversation completely. 00:57:25.108 --> 00:57:27.673 Speaker: So, so we're gonna coach around decision making. 00:57:28.692 --> 00:57:28.703 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:57:30.343 --> 00:57:33.343 Speaker: And the good, well the good news is I do have your credit card details. 00:57:33.343 --> 00:57:33.493 Yeah. 00:57:33.942 --> 00:57:38.442 But do, do, I do make sure that, you know, whatever programs you run it, it 00:57:38.442 --> 00:57:42.163 is very clear that, you know, they're there to address this particular thing. 00:57:42.163 --> 00:57:43.963 It may end if I wanna address several things. 00:57:44.683 --> 00:57:46.603 That's why you've got extra session times. 00:57:46.813 --> 00:57:46.993 Speaker 2: Mm-hmm. 00:57:47.203 --> 00:57:47.503 Speaker: Yeah. 00:57:48.073 --> 00:57:50.983 Your session time so that it's very clear you're not gonna cover everything. 00:57:51.523 --> 00:57:54.163 Speaker 2: No, you don't have to do it all in that session, remember? 00:57:54.428 --> 00:57:55.153 Speaker: No, no, no. 00:57:55.688 --> 00:57:59.893 Speaker 2: I, I remember years and years ago, um, Michael Breen asked 00:57:59.893 --> 00:58:04.633 me once, um, 'cause it at the very beginning in the UK it was McKenna Breen. 00:58:05.023 --> 00:58:08.623 So it was Paul McKenna, Michael Breen and, and Richard Bandler on the courses. 00:58:09.118 --> 00:58:13.108 Michael said to me one day, um, so you are seeing people, aren't you? 00:58:13.108 --> 00:58:13.558 And I went, yeah. 00:58:13.558 --> 00:58:14.698 And he said, how's it going? 00:58:15.058 --> 00:58:15.593 And I said, oh. 00:58:15.593 --> 00:58:16.948 I said, I think I'm doing okay. 00:58:17.248 --> 00:58:20.338 I can sort most things out in a couple of sessions now. 00:58:21.178 --> 00:58:26.368 Um, and he laughed and he said, you are looking at what Richard does on 00:58:26.368 --> 00:58:31.288 the stage and you are thinking you've gotta sort it out in X amount of time. 00:58:32.308 --> 00:58:35.608 Um, and he said, you have to remember that when Richard's seeing clients 00:58:35.608 --> 00:58:40.258 privately, he might only see them once, but that might be a four or five hour 00:58:40.258 --> 00:58:44.008 session 'cause he'll just keep going. 00:58:45.298 --> 00:58:49.558 Um, so yeah, it is a matter of just working on what's the most 00:58:49.558 --> 00:58:51.178 important at that point in time. 00:58:51.388 --> 00:58:54.898 And if there's a huge list, as Steve said, go for the win. 00:58:55.138 --> 00:58:58.558 Go for the quick win because that will then motivate them to keep 00:58:58.558 --> 00:59:02.038 going and then that then you've created, I'm gonna be really. 00:59:02.443 --> 00:59:03.493 I gonna say hope. 00:59:04.543 --> 00:59:04.873 Speaker: Yeah. 00:59:04.873 --> 00:59:05.143 Yeah. 00:59:07.928 --> 00:59:11.413 But I also do, I've had that before where there's been the shopping 00:59:11.413 --> 00:59:14.563 list and it's not necessarily clear where they want to go. 00:59:14.983 --> 00:59:19.063 So we talk about the concept of mind and, and behaviors. 00:59:19.063 --> 00:59:22.723 So, and some coping mechanisms and give them, like Tina says, a bit 00:59:22.723 --> 00:59:26.233 of hope, and we go, and now we've got a plan for working on this. 00:59:26.323 --> 00:59:26.443 Mm-hmm. 00:59:26.533 --> 00:59:26.833 Yeah. 00:59:26.833 --> 00:59:30.073 I think that's really fair and reasonable, you know, and Totally. 00:59:30.073 --> 00:59:33.433 You know, a lot of people see demonstrations on stage and think 00:59:33.553 --> 00:59:38.083 everything has to be done in like a 25 minute, 45 minute demo. 00:59:38.653 --> 00:59:41.023 No, it doesn't, doesn't the real world doesn't work like that. 00:59:42.433 --> 00:59:42.673 Yeah. 00:59:42.913 --> 00:59:45.763 So, Tina, I'm aware we're up on the hour. 00:59:45.763 --> 00:59:45.853 It's 00:59:45.853 --> 00:59:46.688 Speaker 2: on hour. 00:59:46.693 --> 00:59:47.593 Speaker: That's blown by. 00:59:48.013 --> 00:59:48.313 Speaker 2: Good. 00:59:48.313 --> 00:59:48.523 Yeah. 00:59:48.523 --> 00:59:49.183 Where does that go? 00:59:49.183 --> 00:59:51.103 We, and, and I've got more questions too. 00:59:51.103 --> 00:59:52.813 I'll roll them over to next time. 00:59:53.923 --> 00:59:54.673 Speaker: Yes. 00:59:54.793 --> 00:59:55.153 Yeah. 00:59:55.158 --> 00:59:58.153 So look, I dunno who's been on over, been check in, um. 00:59:59.323 --> 01:00:00.238 I've got a few people. 01:00:01.348 --> 01:00:03.688 Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue Jane. 01:00:04.378 --> 01:00:04.858 Um, 01:00:05.698 --> 01:00:06.508 Speaker 2: lots of people there. 01:00:06.508 --> 01:00:06.958 Yeah. 01:00:07.528 --> 01:00:07.828 Speaker: Yeah. 01:00:07.828 --> 01:00:13.558 Michael, so sorry if we haven't answered all of your questions, guys. 01:00:14.128 --> 01:00:16.528 Regina, lovely to see you guys. 01:00:17.278 --> 01:00:23.068 Um, we've got our check out the website, please. 01:00:23.068 --> 01:00:26.248 We've got our business alchemy coming up in, when does it take? 01:00:26.458 --> 01:00:26.908 July. 01:00:27.178 --> 01:00:27.688 July, 01:00:27.748 --> 01:00:27.988 Speaker 2: yes. 01:00:27.988 --> 01:00:28.213 The first. 01:00:28.323 --> 01:00:28.613 Speaker: July. 01:00:28.803 --> 01:00:29.093 July. 01:00:29.093 --> 01:00:29.373 July. 01:00:29.668 --> 01:00:35.338 Speaker 2: We're gonna, we're running a retreat at Chais well in Glastonbury. 01:00:35.878 --> 01:00:38.128 So we are gonna have lots of fun there. 01:00:38.128 --> 01:00:43.828 There's, we are gonna be doing lots of things energetically. 01:00:44.548 --> 01:00:45.088 Speaker: Yeah. 01:00:45.238 --> 01:00:49.768 Things that many of you that have trained with us won't have seen us do before. 01:00:50.008 --> 01:00:53.008 Speaker 2: Well, actually they've seen us do, but they haven't known. 01:00:53.008 --> 01:00:53.698 We are doing it. 01:00:57.903 --> 01:00:58.193 Speaker: Okay. 01:00:58.798 --> 01:01:01.858 And, uh, I, I know there's definitely one thing they won't have seen 01:01:02.278 --> 01:01:02.518 Speaker 2: Yeah. 01:01:02.518 --> 01:01:03.478 Speaker: Me do before. 01:01:03.568 --> 01:01:03.898 Speaker 2: Yeah. 01:01:04.558 --> 01:01:06.088 Speaker: Because the shield's always up. 01:01:06.598 --> 01:01:06.808 Speaker 2: Yeah. 01:01:06.868 --> 01:01:08.368 Speaker: Lots of, lots of magic. 01:01:08.578 --> 01:01:08.848 Yeah. 01:01:09.208 --> 01:01:12.748 Um, so if you guys can join us, can definitely be there. 01:01:13.168 --> 01:01:14.458 It's gonna be a really good, good one. 01:01:14.458 --> 01:01:14.878 Cool one. 01:01:15.178 --> 01:01:18.268 I mean, by the way, we've got our prac in three weeks time. 01:01:18.893 --> 01:01:19.113 Uh, 01:01:20.128 --> 01:01:20.218 Speaker 2: what 01:01:20.218 --> 01:01:20.698 Speaker: is it three or is it two? 01:01:20.703 --> 01:01:21.028 Two weeks, yeah. 01:01:21.208 --> 01:01:21.568 Three. 01:01:21.568 --> 01:01:22.108 Three weeks. 01:01:22.108 --> 01:01:22.288 Yeah. 01:01:22.288 --> 01:01:25.828 So if anyone's been sitting on the fence and, uh, has been 01:01:25.828 --> 01:01:30.628 considering coming to join us, we're at Regents College in London. 01:01:30.778 --> 01:01:31.078 Yeah. 01:01:31.138 --> 01:01:31.978 Grab your place. 01:01:32.158 --> 01:01:32.818 We good to see 01:01:32.818 --> 01:01:33.058 Speaker 2: you there. 01:01:33.058 --> 01:01:33.778 Youre park. 01:01:33.778 --> 01:01:34.798 Come and play with us. 01:01:34.798 --> 01:01:35.878 It's gonna be lots of fun. 01:01:36.388 --> 01:01:36.778 Speaker: Yeah. 01:01:37.048 --> 01:01:37.378 Yeah. 01:01:37.978 --> 01:01:42.238 So Tina, just let these people, good people, get on with their lives 01:01:42.748 --> 01:01:44.428 Speaker 2: and I'll see you later. 01:01:44.998 --> 01:01:45.328 Speaker: Yeah. 01:01:45.448 --> 01:01:46.438 Thanks for watching everyone. 01:01:46.618 --> 01:01:47.548 Speaker 2: Thanks for watching everybody. 01:01:47.548 --> 01:01:48.898 Live long and prosper. 01:01:48.988 --> 01:01:49.288 Speaker: Yeah. 01:01:49.378 --> 01:01:50.278 Live long and prosper. 01:01:50.458 --> 01:01:50.878 Be well. 01:01:51.388 --> 01:01:51.778 Speaker 2: Be well. 01:01:51.778 --> 01:01:51.838 Bye.