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Speaker 1: Hey, they're hi. They're hole there. Hello there as welcome

2
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Speaker 1: as can be to beardless dickless me.

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Speaker 2: I'm Kevin Smith and I'm Harley Quinn Smith.

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Speaker 1: Let me tell you something. I was back east. I

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Speaker 1: did some shows at Spodcastle this weekend and then I

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Speaker 1: went to see Mamily. So this week's show, unless you

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Speaker 1: have something to bring to the table, Wow, will be

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Speaker 1: primarily about those things. However, her I think with the

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Speaker 1: audience craves is a Bill update.

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Speaker 2: I keep getting messages on Instagram about Billy people are people?

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Speaker 2: Are the people need to know the Billy update?

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Speaker 1: Like what's going on with this rabbit? And it's nuts.

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Speaker 1: So for those who came in late, Billy is Harley's

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Speaker 1: rescue rabbit, rescued from bel Air. He's just like, hardly

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Speaker 1: a rescue. More like I was fucking kidnapped from Paradise,

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Speaker 1: brought to the fucking fire valley, and then and then

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Speaker 1: I was taken to a doctor. I thought for a

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Speaker 1: check out.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's been a it's been a rough couple of

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Speaker 2: weeks for Bill. Bill had to evacuate. Bill was first

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Speaker 2: brought taken from his previous home and brought to mine.

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Speaker 1: That probably wasn't explained to him either. I tried, and

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Speaker 1: now once you got them, you probably found out why.

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Speaker 1: They were like, take this fuck bunny away. Bunny kids.

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Speaker 1: I mean, look, they're all fu bunnies, but this they are.

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Speaker 1: She was at one point probably and then somebody had

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Speaker 1: her fixed.

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Speaker 2: You know, Cinnamon could have had babies and I didn't

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Speaker 2: even know, like before yeah, but before because.

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Speaker 3: She could have had a whole fan, she could have

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Speaker 3: had a whole family.

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Speaker 1: It's true.

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Speaker 2: I wonder if there are Siner children out there? You know,

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Speaker 2: ever thought about it?

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Speaker 1: I did once. I was like, this is Bunny, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: any kids? And is that why? You know? She looks

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Speaker 1: at me bitter like, buddy, let me out. I've got

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Speaker 1: to get to my kids. Did she wait? Did they

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Speaker 1: all right? So you know how lucky he's got like

40
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Speaker 1: fucking danglers? Whoa whoa glass? Nipples Galore, that's her big name. Nipples.

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Speaker 2: Don't talk about Way's nipples.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to the stage, Nipples Galore. People are like, uh,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to give a ten dollars bill to

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Speaker 1: a crying German shepherd dog stripper. What happened to this club?

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Speaker 2: Kind of looks like a bear yeah.

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Speaker 1: More bear like than dog. And this is really sad.

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Speaker 1: It's just said, it's not even a human? What? What? Where? Do?

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Speaker 2: Where am I?

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Speaker 1: What's going on? Tried something different? You know they have

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Speaker 1: vegan strip clubs like an organ. We'll hear dog strip clubs.

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Speaker 1: Look at all them nipples regardless. Going back to the nipples, Wow,

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Speaker 1: we know she has had a litter, not just Birdie

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Speaker 1: is living proof. But you can tell about nipples? Do rabbits?

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Speaker 2: I can't say I ever saw Cinnamon's nipples.

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Speaker 1: So maybe I can't say. And what well? Have you

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Speaker 1: ever seen a video of baby rabbits nursing? Yeah? Did

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Speaker 1: they do it like dogs? Like puppies at the belly?

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Speaker 2: Actually, I think, But now that you mention it, welcome

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Speaker 2: to the stage.

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Speaker 1: Nipples galore, ladies and gentlemen.

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Speaker 2: He wants us to stop talking about her nipples?

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Speaker 1: What's up? Nipples?

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Speaker 2: Whoa that?

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Speaker 1: Fucking? That would get? That would get a twenty dollars

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Speaker 1: bill for me?

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Speaker 2: That's our performance.

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Speaker 1: I would just put it on the stage, though I

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Speaker 1: wouldn't handed to her. Have you ever been to a

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Speaker 1: strip club?

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Speaker 2: Yes? Have you?

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Speaker 3: No?

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Speaker 1: I no? When have you been in a strip club?

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Speaker 2: In Vegas?

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Speaker 1: Oh really Yeah, when fancy overpet? Did you get like

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Speaker 1: a bottle of Christa?

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Speaker 4: Like we were young, as young as young ass who

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Speaker 4: exactly what did you do?

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Speaker 2: What one does have a strip club?

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Speaker 1: But I mean, were you guys doing something else? You're like,

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Speaker 1: you didn't go to Vegas just to go to strip club,

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Speaker 1: because if you did, I raised your poorly.

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Speaker 2: No, we were there. We were there. It was when

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Speaker 2: I was there with Austin, Gabe, Nick and Luke.

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Speaker 1: So you were like, let's all go to the strip club.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Were you on the stage? Did you do private dances?

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Speaker 2: No?

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Speaker 1: Did you go to the champagne room?

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Speaker 2: No?

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Speaker 1: Were you near the stage?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Did you hand money over to the chorus? Did you

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Speaker 1: hand them the money with your hand or did you

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Speaker 1: put it on the stage or humble it up and

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Speaker 1: hurl it in their face?

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Speaker 2: I definitely didn't crumple it up.

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Speaker 1: And then I raised that's good, thank god. You were

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Speaker 1: like take it.

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Speaker 2: I definitely gave it respectfully with your hand.

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Speaker 1: Now, let me tell you strip club stories of old

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Speaker 1: named Brian Johnson to go to strip clubs. There was

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Speaker 1: an old period for like maybe six months maybe less,

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Speaker 1: where we went to strip clubs. What feels like an

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Speaker 1: inordinate amount of times. It was probably like maybe five times.

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Speaker 1: There was a place called Strutters in Long Branch and

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Speaker 1: it was a juice bars. You know what juice bar is.

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Speaker 2: I can't say I do juice.

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Speaker 1: Bar means in New Jersey, I don't know. The laws

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Speaker 1: may have changed. But back then, because this is in

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Speaker 1: the early nineties, mind you and you were just a

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Speaker 1: twinkle in my eye at a strip club. God, there

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Speaker 1: was nothing.

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Speaker 2: It was my biography name.

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Speaker 1: Twinkle in Dad's Eye, Twinkle in his Eye at the

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Speaker 1: strip club, the Harley Quinnsmith story. We uh no, there's

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Speaker 1: nothing erotic about the story. More sad, not sad, but

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Speaker 1: like just kind of We went there, me and Brian

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Speaker 1: like strip club, strip and then you get there and

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Speaker 1: like the artist on stage, like we couldn't. We saw

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Speaker 1: how the other dudes were interacting with them and it

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Speaker 1: wasn't like, like, you know, aggressive or anything like that,

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Speaker 1: but it was how does one put this, I guess cringe,

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Speaker 1: not creepy cringe. They would, you know. So either the

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Speaker 1: dancer is slightly elevated or elevated on the stage and

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Speaker 1: you're sitting at the edge of the stage. So these

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Speaker 1: motherfuckers and me like me and Brian saw like what

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Speaker 1: was a father son team? I mean maybe brother brother,

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Speaker 1: but they look like father son, so they are no. Yeah, dance,

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Speaker 1: it was hot as fuck. Now welcome to the stage.

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Speaker 1: Millie and the son Milli Junior. The erotic number they

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Speaker 1: put together to the two number eleven an elevator. No, man,

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Speaker 1: this is the two dudes watching the So the strippers

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Speaker 1: dancing and stuff, and these dudes are like locked eyes

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Speaker 1: like of course on her body and stuff. But when

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Speaker 1: she does the dip to collects, they hold out money.

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Speaker 1: They're looking into her eyes, boring into her soul as

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Speaker 1: if like this is love and stuff. That unnerved me

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Speaker 1: a little bit.

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Speaker 2: Ye.

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Speaker 1: Then the other thing that unnerved me was the dancers

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Speaker 1: would to accept the bill like for these dudes, and

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Speaker 1: we watched it happen, and then me and Brian, the

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Speaker 1: stripper would like take the bill, but like take drag

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Speaker 1: the dude's hand toward like her inner thigh or something

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Speaker 1: like that. And you know, you can see some dudes

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Speaker 1: just like at the top of their hand hit the

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Speaker 1: inner thick and then there's some dudes that go for

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Speaker 1: the fucking reach and you see the girls like move

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Speaker 1: back and shit, so I mean Brian or like, you know,

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Speaker 1: we don't want to be there. So the girl would

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Speaker 1: dance over to us. We would be like, you don't

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Speaker 1: you don't have to do anything, We just want to

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Speaker 1: talk to you, and so she'd be like okay, and

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Speaker 1: then she bend down and it was just like do

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Speaker 1: you like doing this? There was a series of questions

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Speaker 1: that we thought we were being like enlightened, loo, look

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Speaker 1: at these fucking fools who are like, you know, trying

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Speaker 1: to seduce the dancer or fucking worse, get hands on

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Speaker 1: her and shit, we'll talk to her like she's just

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Speaker 1: a real person and shit. And instead all we did

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Speaker 1: we'll be like, was it like to be a stripper?

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Speaker 1: Is it cold up there? Do you hate all these guys?

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Speaker 1: And she I remember the one girl told us a

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Speaker 1: story where she was like, it's all right, she's like

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Speaker 1: earlier tonight some guy tried to stick his finger in

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Speaker 1: my ass and Brian tipped her like an extra forty

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Speaker 1: bucks and were This was when we were like poor.

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Speaker 1: Forty bucks was like a week's wages, but we were going,

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Speaker 1: you know, with dollars because it was the early nineties.

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Speaker 1: But Brian with a big heart, was just like you know,

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Speaker 1: first seat. He tipped her to come talk to us,

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Speaker 1: and then when she gave her fucking horror fike tail,

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Speaker 1: he tipped her the rest of his money so that

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Speaker 1: after she moved away because eventually they move on, it

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Speaker 1: was like, I don't have any more money. So there

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Speaker 1: was a lot of this, a lot of like what

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Speaker 1: are you guys doing after? Not in a creepy way,

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Speaker 1: like do you guys want to go to the diner

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Speaker 1: and get coffee? That's who we were. We thought we

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Speaker 1: were better than everybody else in his chip club because

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Speaker 1: we wanted to engage with the artists, not in a

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Speaker 1: sexual fashion, but more like, let's just pick their brain.

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Speaker 2: I just want to know what's a day in the life.

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Speaker 1: Like it was. It was crazy. So I know that

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Speaker 1: there are I've seen the etiquette with which one hands bills.

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Speaker 1: I'm not just saying this because you're my kid, this

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Speaker 1: is fucking true fact story. If I had to hand

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Speaker 1: over money, it was literally like give me your hand

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Speaker 1: to the stripper. I would be like shok and and

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Speaker 1: Bryan wouldn't go for the whole like drag the hand

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Speaker 1: over and stuff. A lot of conversations. Those the strippers

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Speaker 1: may not have had to deal with us ogling them

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Speaker 1: or trying to touch them. Instead, they had to deal

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Speaker 1: with art, with your question, with our commerce. Are like

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Speaker 1: are you.

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Speaker 2: Cold as crazy?

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Speaker 1: You know? They were like, oh, these fucking fools think

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Speaker 1: they're different than the other fools. They're just fools in

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Speaker 1: a different fucking way. And there their angle is, Hey, man,

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Speaker 1: we're not like them. Yeah, we just run engage in conversation. Man,

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Speaker 1: what do you think this state of the world? Man?

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Speaker 1: Do you read John Irving?

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, oh my god, O Lord Korean? How

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Speaker 2: did you get there?

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm trying to remember nipples. Billy Walky,

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Speaker 1: Welcome to the stage.

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Speaker 3: All right, so wait, back to Billy's back to okay, Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So Billy was a very humpy little rabbit.

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Speaker 2: Really is hoppy and humpy? Oh my lord?

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Speaker 1: Happy hoppy and humpy, but happy today.

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Speaker 2: May not be as happy or humpy today.

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Speaker 1: Harley took Billy to the place where Billy and his

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Speaker 1: balls went in.

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Speaker 2: And only Billy came out.

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Speaker 1: She went into the octagon Billy and his balls only

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Speaker 1: one remain.

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Speaker 2: Billy did get neutered yesterday.

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Speaker 1: Before you go further. I just want to give you

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Speaker 1: full warning. Yeah, just as somebody randomly in a review

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Speaker 1: attacked you for being too first world because you were like,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to get robbed the first episode, they

222
00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:14,640
Speaker 1: are going to attack you for like you took choice

223
00:13:14,679 --> 00:13:15,800
Speaker 1: away from that bunny.

224
00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:19,120
Speaker 3: Oh my god, yourself a California.

225
00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:24,200
Speaker 2: Oh lord, I just listen. He was humping my cats.

226
00:13:24,559 --> 00:13:27,000
Speaker 2: I didn't want someone weird. I spread it.

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00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:30,120
Speaker 1: Did you have Austin fixed? Because I'm sure he's a

228
00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:33,680
Speaker 1: humber as well. That's what you're gonna get online. I mean,

229
00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:39,080
Speaker 1: I guess, because who wants to be sticky forever? Yeah,

230
00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:41,120
Speaker 1: that's right. He left a lot of himself, all of it.

231
00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:43,520
Speaker 1: Did Jackson pollocked your house?

232
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Speaker 2: I hate to say he kind of did, but it

233
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Speaker 2: was incoming.

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Speaker 1: It will change.

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Speaker 2: I don't think so, but.

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Speaker 1: I'm double now. Literally, that's all you left me was

237
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Speaker 1: the fun of shitting.

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Speaker 2: Poor guy.

239
00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:01,400
Speaker 1: I can't have a conversation. What A had going for

240
00:14:01,559 --> 00:14:05,040
Speaker 1: me was this big old dick. They don't they don't

241
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:06,080
Speaker 1: take that away.

242
00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:09,760
Speaker 2: They know they don't take his dick away. They just

243
00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:11,959
Speaker 2: they castraight.

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Speaker 1: He don't take his dick away. Billy the Bun Billy

245
00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:15,880
Speaker 1: the Bunny.

246
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,680
Speaker 2: It's hey, it is beardless Dickless me.

247
00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:27,200
Speaker 1: That's true. Oh my god, he is uh Billy Bunny Bun.

248
00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:28,520
Speaker 2: Billy ballis Bun.

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00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:32,440
Speaker 3: There's a shirt Billy Billy the Ball at Bun.

250
00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:35,400
Speaker 2: Speaking of shirts, Speaking of shirts, they're on the way

251
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,920
Speaker 2: which ones I'm a dick Lit?

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Speaker 1: Do you like him?

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00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:43,680
Speaker 2: I do? If you would like to proudly wear your

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00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:48,040
Speaker 2: commitment to the show, you cannot.

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00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:49,960
Speaker 1: Do you want to acknowledge that you've heard of this

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00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:52,520
Speaker 1: show or listen to it once or twice.

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00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:55,120
Speaker 2: You can't wear it on a shirt show the world.

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00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:59,080
Speaker 1: We've got Joe Rogan type numbers by wearing your I'm

259
00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:00,000
Speaker 1: a dick Lit shirt.

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00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:04,480
Speaker 2: And I couldn't get Beardless Dickless Me on the back

261
00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:06,280
Speaker 2: because it was too expensive.

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Speaker 1: First run of the shirts, I was like, how many

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Speaker 1: does you make? Four hundred, five hundred, She's like forty.

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00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:16,000
Speaker 3: I was like, well, listen, there's a good sell up.

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Speaker 2: This is a this is an investment.

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Speaker 3: And experiment and now here, look, I cost money.

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00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:25,600
Speaker 1: I'm mocking this. Prows Day in my life, second Prowse

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00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:27,720
Speaker 1: day in my life. The day you were like to

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Speaker 1: be accurate, I was like, thank Christ. Now you're like

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00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:37,760
Speaker 1: a T shirts at my I'm like, now she gets it.

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Speaker 1: That was roughly your age when it happened when I

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00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:43,800
Speaker 1: started selling selling T shirts. Yeah, how old? Are not

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Speaker 1: twenty five? You're going to be twenty six.

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Speaker 2: I'm not going to answer that.

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Speaker 1: I was twenty five from mall rants. Yeah really, bro,

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Speaker 1: you're you're right for the T shirts. Yeah, you're gonna

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Speaker 1: see man watch. Wouldn't it be amazing if you were?

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00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:04,000
Speaker 1: This was the beginning of you becoming a T shirt

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00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:07,080
Speaker 1: magne or it starts with I'm a dicklet, but like

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00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:10,480
Speaker 1: you learned to diversify, and then other people like can

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00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:14,040
Speaker 1: you make my shirt? And you become like Stanley DeSantis,

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00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:16,560
Speaker 1: the king of the T shirt in the eighties. Damn

283
00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:18,440
Speaker 1: he was a dude that did all the Bowlingkle T

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00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:22,600
Speaker 1: shirts and like you know, retro vintage character T shirts

285
00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:26,640
Speaker 1: now throw a rock and you can get anything on

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00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:27,280
Speaker 1: a T shirt.

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00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:28,680
Speaker 2: You can truly get anything.

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00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:31,560
Speaker 1: Literally, this was at a time where T shirts were

289
00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:34,720
Speaker 1: not made to order. You were given T shirts, and

290
00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:38,480
Speaker 1: the Stanley DeSantis T shirts even now online like on

291
00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:42,080
Speaker 1: eBay go from like a five hundred dollars fucking t

292
00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:45,960
Speaker 1: shirt that I used to own and ship. Yeah, yeah,

293
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:46,840
Speaker 1: so you could be Stanley.

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00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:48,840
Speaker 2: I'm a dick. Lit shirts are also five.

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00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:52,320
Speaker 1: Yes, that's that's how you make the money. She only

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00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:54,480
Speaker 1: made forty, but a five hundred bucks apiece. She's gonna

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Speaker 1: fucking clear.

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Speaker 5: Quick the problem.

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00:16:56,720 --> 00:17:01,080
Speaker 2: Just kidding their thirty thirty five dollars before shipping.

300
00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:03,080
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, don't forget that shipping an air.

301
00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:04,719
Speaker 2: Don't forget about it.

302
00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:07,640
Speaker 1: No, you don't, because that's the fucking hidden costs. Man.

303
00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:11,280
Speaker 1: It's like you think it's the making of the T shirt,

304
00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:15,199
Speaker 1: it's the sending of the T shirt out. Oh, you

305
00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:17,200
Speaker 1: might want to investigate. You haven't put it up to

306
00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:20,960
Speaker 1: sell yet. Okay. First thing you want to do is

307
00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:26,200
Speaker 1: take a standard T shirt, stick it into an envelope

308
00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:28,560
Speaker 1: of some sort or a bag, you know, at the

309
00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:33,800
Speaker 1: post office or the FedEx center, depending on how everyone do it.

310
00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:37,359
Speaker 1: If I'm FedEx is very expensive, Oh yeah we're not.

311
00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:41,639
Speaker 1: It's probably United States post Office. So they sell, I

312
00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:44,719
Speaker 1: mean they don't even sell. They give free packaging. So

313
00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:48,679
Speaker 1: you could take the T shirt, go there and do

314
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:52,240
Speaker 1: a test run where you're going to, like any T

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00:17:52,359 --> 00:17:54,600
Speaker 1: shirt at that point, stepped into one of their arm

316
00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:58,159
Speaker 1: in one of their plastic baggy things or a paper.

317
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,919
Speaker 2: Are they free?

318
00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:04,480
Speaker 1: I enjoy it, I mean for the moment. Post Office

319
00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:06,680
Speaker 1: may change over the course of the next four years

320
00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:08,680
Speaker 1: and Jeff Bezos may take it over, it may become

321
00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:11,639
Speaker 1: an Amazon post the United States Post Office, a division

322
00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:15,160
Speaker 1: of Amazon. But until then, yeah, you walk in. I mean,

323
00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:18,120
Speaker 1: maybe that's why post Office always hurting for money, because

324
00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:20,600
Speaker 1: they give away a lot of shit, not the postage

325
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:21,280
Speaker 1: stamps that shit.

326
00:18:21,359 --> 00:18:25,280
Speaker 2: Still, I'm always buying bags like a goddamn.

327
00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:27,400
Speaker 1: Well, then you're a fucking sucker. Bro. I hate to say,

328
00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:30,240
Speaker 1: I hate to say, skin of my skin, flesh of

329
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:35,480
Speaker 1: my flesh, cleaved for my own soul. But you're a sucker.

330
00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:39,919
Speaker 1: That simple. Yes, Yeah, So you get the bag. You

331
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:42,520
Speaker 1: go there with a T shirt, you grab a bag,

332
00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:45,199
Speaker 1: you stick the bag in, weigh it, and see how

333
00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:48,320
Speaker 1: much it would cost to send literally anywhere in the

334
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:51,240
Speaker 1: United States. Then you'll have a general idea of what

335
00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:53,000
Speaker 1: it's gonna Caution, because I'm going to tell you right now,

336
00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:57,080
Speaker 1: you're saying five bucks shipping handling. That would have worked

337
00:18:57,400 --> 00:18:58,359
Speaker 1: in the nineties.

338
00:18:58,440 --> 00:18:59,800
Speaker 2: Bro, I never said that.

339
00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:02,879
Speaker 1: Said thirty five for the shirt. I'm assuming five. You

340
00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:04,280
Speaker 1: know what, You're right, I never said that.

341
00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:06,320
Speaker 2: Excuse me, Well.

342
00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:11,280
Speaker 1: Then it was from the nineties, because I am tooties,

343
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:15,000
Speaker 1: all right. So T shirts coming soon. They'll be available

344
00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:17,080
Speaker 1: at beardless stickless meat dot com.

345
00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:18,360
Speaker 3: Now to sum it.

346
00:19:18,359 --> 00:19:22,200
Speaker 2: Up, yes, T shirts are coming. Billy has no balls,

347
00:19:22,359 --> 00:19:24,840
Speaker 2: and uh he's he's pretty pissed about it.

348
00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:26,200
Speaker 1: But has he calmed down?

349
00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:29,000
Speaker 2: He has calmed down and all right.

350
00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:30,639
Speaker 1: Now he just sits on the floor stairs and plots

351
00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:31,240
Speaker 1: his revenge.

352
00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:33,440
Speaker 3: Probably I'm not steal your nuts in the night.

353
00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:34,880
Speaker 1: How about that? You're like, well, I got.

354
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:37,680
Speaker 2: SPA and neutering is very important.

355
00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:40,480
Speaker 1: Was to Bob Barker, who was a neighbor of ours,

356
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:42,920
Speaker 1: lived in the neighborhood, the guy that did uh let's

357
00:19:43,119 --> 00:19:44,840
Speaker 1: uh no, no, let's make a deal. What was it

358
00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:48,120
Speaker 1: called the right Oh. Ever, at the end of every

359
00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:50,800
Speaker 1: episode he was like, don't forget to spay and new

360
00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:55,399
Speaker 1: to your pets? Really yeah, I was gonna be like,

361
00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:57,439
Speaker 1: are you fucking high? You're like, no, I'm just twenty

362
00:19:57,480 --> 00:20:01,720
Speaker 1: five and I never watched that much big part of

363
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:04,440
Speaker 1: the nineties and the aunts, I mean, he'd been on the.

364
00:20:04,359 --> 00:20:06,919
Speaker 2: F would say, don't forget to spare at.

365
00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:10,440
Speaker 1: The end of every It was his big pet cause

366
00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:13,159
Speaker 1: I loved animals, but he hated the fact that like

367
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:15,560
Speaker 1: they run me rampant and then of course get picked

368
00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:18,040
Speaker 1: up and youth and ized. So he was like, please

369
00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:19,640
Speaker 1: spay and.

370
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:21,480
Speaker 2: That's the greater picture.

371
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:27,680
Speaker 1: For Barker, I'm Bob Barker, bitch or whatever he was in. Yeah,

372
00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:30,119
Speaker 1: he was in. It was a happy Gilmour the fucking

373
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:31,400
Speaker 1: Adam Sandler.

374
00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:34,960
Speaker 2: They're making a second one in New Jersey. Austin auditioned

375
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:35,320
Speaker 2: for it.

376
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:38,639
Speaker 1: Oh my god, he should have been over in New Jersey. Yeah,

377
00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:40,679
Speaker 1: in New Jersey there's all sorts of everything, you know.

378
00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:43,400
Speaker 1: I was just back there and I saw like images

379
00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:46,399
Speaker 1: in the press of like this motherfucker's in New Jersey.

380
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:49,359
Speaker 1: I think it was like Ben Stiller chased by a

381
00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:52,240
Speaker 1: huge crowd and they were like, this is for happy Gilmore.

382
00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:55,520
Speaker 1: But he's been spotted around not at the com book store,

383
00:20:57,280 --> 00:21:06,359
Speaker 1: not it's Monecastle Cinemas where this weekend I was back

384
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:12,320
Speaker 1: east for three events. At Smadcastle. We put up a

385
00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:16,200
Speaker 1: Mallrat's thirtieth anniversary comment live commentary screening. It sold out,

386
00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:18,680
Speaker 1: so then we put up another one that also sold out.

387
00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:20,520
Speaker 1: So since I was going to be there for the

388
00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:24,719
Speaker 1: Saturday and Sunday Saturday at seven o'clock show Sunday three o'clock,

389
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:27,760
Speaker 1: I said, oh, let's do something else on Saturday. I'm

390
00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:30,560
Speaker 1: already there, other people are already in town. So we

391
00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:31,480
Speaker 1: did a Wicked.

392
00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:37,520
Speaker 2: Sing along, which I thought you would be on stage four.

393
00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:41,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, Harley was last. I thought you were going to

394
00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:42,840
Speaker 1: do Wicked. I'm like, I.

395
00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:45,200
Speaker 2: Thought we talked about it and you were going to

396
00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:46,479
Speaker 2: be the one on the stage.

397
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:48,760
Speaker 1: It would have really bummed out the kids because it

398
00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:51,200
Speaker 1: was a lot of kids. Really, Oh, it was like

399
00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:54,120
Speaker 1: a choir of children. I played this for the kid.

400
00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:59,560
Speaker 1: I'll pay it for. Oh, it gives me life. Man,

401
00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:03,440
Speaker 1: my fucking kids. Listen to how excited they are to

402
00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:21,800
Speaker 1: sing so hard they hit.

403
00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:24,119
Speaker 2: He loves it, he loves it.

404
00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:27,040
Speaker 1: It is beautiful. And then, dude, it was like watching

405
00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:31,280
Speaker 1: a fucking Marvel movie with this audience because you know, look,

406
00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:34,400
Speaker 1: I ain't saying it's girls, but like, primarily they were

407
00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:36,719
Speaker 1: all little girls. There were some boys in there, but like,

408
00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:41,600
Speaker 1: and I'm not saying like girls can't love Marvel movies either,

409
00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:45,600
Speaker 1: but this was like watching a Marvel movie. With a

410
00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:49,320
Speaker 1: predominantly male audience that just happened to be predominantly tween

411
00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:54,600
Speaker 1: or under. They were like, when the fucking broom comes out, bro,

412
00:22:55,280 --> 00:23:10,240
Speaker 1: put a fucking broom.

413
00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:14,320
Speaker 2: Those kids and crying, he's crying.

414
00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:20,880
Speaker 1: It makes me so happy. They'll suck. You know, they're

415
00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:22,560
Speaker 1: out of tune and ship. It don't matter.

416
00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:25,320
Speaker 2: They sound like trash.

417
00:23:25,359 --> 00:23:27,800
Speaker 1: Oh my god, kid, you'll never work in my business.

418
00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:39,280
Speaker 6: But you got heart, kid, But it's charming gravity.

419
00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:43,400
Speaker 1: Oh my god, listen to them, wait, wait till they

420
00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:44,080
Speaker 1: come in as her.

421
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:47,200
Speaker 2: The listeners are like, listen.

422
00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:52,439
Speaker 1: They love playing both parts.

423
00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:56,600
Speaker 2: The listeners are like, why am I listening to a

424
00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:58,280
Speaker 2: rephone recording.

425
00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:01,240
Speaker 1: There's somebody on social media and I think it was

426
00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:04,280
Speaker 1: on Twitter that was like, there's awful lot of singing

427
00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:08,520
Speaker 1: on this week's episode, and they were like, Beardless Stickless

428
00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:09,600
Speaker 1: plus was aw sick.

429
00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:13,360
Speaker 2: Beardless Stickless plus last week was an emotional whirlwind.

430
00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:16,639
Speaker 1: Yeah, kids, if you're listening to beardless stickless me and

431
00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:18,879
Speaker 1: you're like, what, there's a plus, there's a whole fucking

432
00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:22,480
Speaker 1: after show. And the last one it was it really

433
00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:24,200
Speaker 1: was just fucking sing along.

434
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:27,160
Speaker 2: Wicked, but it was also just crying a lot of tears.

435
00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:28,480
Speaker 2: There's a lot of tears, So.

436
00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:38,200
Speaker 1: Where's the goddamn boom?

437
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:42,439
Speaker 2: This is a crazy, a crazy thing for the listeners,

438
00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:45,879
Speaker 2: all right, So.

439
00:24:46,000 --> 00:25:13,000
Speaker 1: Like she does the spell and ship for those who

440
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:15,679
Speaker 1: are like, what the fuck is going on? Like the

441
00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:19,280
Speaker 1: brooms she's about to reach, Alphabet is about to grab

442
00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:22,280
Speaker 1: the fucking broom that's levitating twit her and listening to

443
00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:34,080
Speaker 1: your kids, go fucking ape ship. When it happens, come

444
00:25:34,119 --> 00:25:43,000
Speaker 1: on right, beautiful when Captain America picks up Thor's hammer.

445
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:46,760
Speaker 1: Every audience I was in it was like a religious experience.

446
00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:49,760
Speaker 1: And this is the closest thing to like a congregation

447
00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:53,119
Speaker 1: that I'm engaged with anymore. When I was a kid

448
00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:57,200
Speaker 1: and I used to go to church, you know, at

449
00:25:57,240 --> 00:26:00,840
Speaker 1: one point it didn't happen enough, otherwise I never would

450
00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:04,960
Speaker 1: have left. But like you know, especially in fucking Father

451
00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:08,040
Speaker 1: Dave's church, he wasn't into the community of church, even

452
00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:10,560
Speaker 1: like there's a part of mass where you know, they're like,

453
00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:12,359
Speaker 1: let's offer each other to sign a piece where you

454
00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:15,840
Speaker 1: shake people's hands and shit, my whole life, I'd go

455
00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:17,480
Speaker 1: to other churches and I'd be like, what the fuck

456
00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:19,360
Speaker 1: is this? Because he didn't do that in our church.

457
00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:21,320
Speaker 2: He's like, I don't want to shake your hand.

458
00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:24,440
Speaker 1: And he didn't want people like like, come on, eyes

459
00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:28,280
Speaker 1: up here, we're transubstantiating Christ, never mind shaking each other's

460
00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:31,240
Speaker 1: fucking hands and shit. But the other two priests who did,

461
00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:34,520
Speaker 1: like Sunday morning Masses Father de Lodge, Father Duffy ten

462
00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:37,280
Speaker 1: and twelve o'clock, they did the let us offer each

463
00:26:37,320 --> 00:26:40,680
Speaker 1: other the side of peace. Father Dave had no time

464
00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:43,000
Speaker 1: for that bullshit. He's like, I'm gonna be singing.

465
00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:45,760
Speaker 2: Father Dave had way too much singing to do.

466
00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:49,080
Speaker 1: He was like, I I don't want to see people

467
00:26:49,359 --> 00:26:50,520
Speaker 1: fucking touch each other.

468
00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:53,080
Speaker 2: No, I just want to.

469
00:26:52,359 --> 00:26:53,160
Speaker 1: Touch you with God.

470
00:26:53,359 --> 00:26:57,160
Speaker 2: God exactly.

471
00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:04,480
Speaker 1: All right. So adorable, all those kids fucking singing along

472
00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:06,520
Speaker 1: to Wicked, so much so that we're going to do

473
00:27:06,560 --> 00:27:10,760
Speaker 1: it again on Super Bowl Sunday, February ninth. It was

474
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:15,040
Speaker 1: it was that's church to me, man, but not churches

475
00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:18,040
Speaker 1: as a negative connotation. When I used to go to

476
00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:23,000
Speaker 1: Old pH I would look for that, like are we

477
00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:25,440
Speaker 1: happy to be here or not? Because like in Catholic

478
00:27:25,480 --> 00:27:28,480
Speaker 1: Mass of Old I can't speak to currently, but it,

479
00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:32,199
Speaker 1: you know, was always more of a funeral dirge than

480
00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:40,320
Speaker 1: anything else. There's vacuum, I think. So nobody celebrated their faith.

481
00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:43,000
Speaker 1: They mourned it, which is a line from Dogma. So

482
00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:46,840
Speaker 1: you know, that's why I was easy to let it go,

483
00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:48,320
Speaker 1: even though it was the faith I was raised, and

484
00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:53,920
Speaker 1: there was I found no inspiration in it in week

485
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:57,879
Speaker 1: after week going to fucking church, and periodically you go

486
00:27:57,920 --> 00:28:00,719
Speaker 1: to like a church outside of your commune where you're look,

487
00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:03,679
Speaker 1: oh shit, this kind of works, this feels better. But

488
00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:07,159
Speaker 1: that that experience has a bunch of people in a

489
00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:12,000
Speaker 1: room listening to some made up stories, singing at the

490
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:14,840
Speaker 1: top of their lungs. What is that if not church?

491
00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:18,800
Speaker 2: You got a point, and I'll father.

492
00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:23,040
Speaker 1: Dave same day. Bro. He was defying gravity, he really

493
00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:26,080
Speaker 1: was with that fu Yeah, he took it up into

494
00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:35,040
Speaker 1: the stars and ship. Oh man, not so I loved

495
00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:36,840
Speaker 1: it for that reason. I was like, fuck, if this

496
00:28:36,960 --> 00:28:39,400
Speaker 1: was church, If Wicked was church, I'd go every week.

497
00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:42,320
Speaker 1: Don't have to be just wicked, man Like. It helps

498
00:28:42,360 --> 00:28:46,000
Speaker 1: if it's musical, because that's nice, but just the let's

499
00:28:46,240 --> 00:28:48,080
Speaker 1: gather in a room with a bunch of strangers and

500
00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:51,480
Speaker 1: have a collective experience, and I'll be on the same

501
00:28:51,520 --> 00:28:55,520
Speaker 1: page and be so moved.

502
00:28:56,760 --> 00:29:00,280
Speaker 3: That we have to sing that's Broadway.

503
00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:04,840
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying, that's uh us watching Chicago

504
00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:11,640
Speaker 2: the movie, You're not curing us watching Sweeney Todd Live.

505
00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:14,120
Speaker 1: Thought about Sweeneychead a lot this weekend because Sweeney Todd

506
00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:16,120
Speaker 1: used to be my all time favorite musical. But I

507
00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:19,520
Speaker 1: think Wicked, Wicked may fucking take it man. Like Wicked

508
00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:24,840
Speaker 1: is so wonderfully tragic as well. It's incredibly inventive, like

509
00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:27,240
Speaker 1: every song, like it's so funny. I'm a writer, and

510
00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:29,000
Speaker 1: I sit there going, like when they sing their songs,

511
00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:32,080
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, that's foreshadowing, Like that's what

512
00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:36,880
Speaker 1: happens later. It's like, yeah, Dick, that's why it all works. Well.

513
00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:40,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, remember when we went and saw Sweeney Todd and

514
00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:42,760
Speaker 2: you and I'd never seen it before, and then you

515
00:29:42,840 --> 00:29:46,680
Speaker 2: literally were like, this is the saddest It's going to

516
00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:49,360
Speaker 2: be the saddest thing ever. Here's exactly what happened.

517
00:29:49,880 --> 00:29:52,760
Speaker 1: Yea. It was like spoilers, Shit's gonna go down, and

518
00:29:52,760 --> 00:29:55,640
Speaker 1: it's really heartbreaking because he finds out this a bit

519
00:29:55,680 --> 00:29:58,000
Speaker 1: and she was like what I was like, watch.

520
00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:00,800
Speaker 3: What the hell?

521
00:30:01,640 --> 00:30:04,600
Speaker 1: But as Sweeney Tides doesn't. Sweet Tide is fantastic, but

522
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:07,240
Speaker 1: it does not have a fucking happy ending or uplifting

523
00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:08,560
Speaker 1: at all. Where it's wicked.

524
00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:10,360
Speaker 3: Both parts of the opposite.

525
00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:14,080
Speaker 1: It's the anti wicked. It's it's even more wicked. It

526
00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:17,040
Speaker 1: is what you should call it so true, But yes,

527
00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:21,760
Speaker 1: what a beautiful experience. Then it's set such a high

528
00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:24,640
Speaker 1: bar that I thought the best time I'd have in

529
00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:26,880
Speaker 1: that theater it was going to be the Marats thirtieth

530
00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:30,680
Speaker 1: anniversary screening. But I was like, let's keep doing Wicked.

531
00:30:30,760 --> 00:30:32,520
Speaker 1: But we had to do the thing, so we did

532
00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:35,320
Speaker 1: screening of Marats. We did an auction, of course, but

533
00:30:35,480 --> 00:30:38,360
Speaker 1: then when we started the screening, I'd show a scene pause,

534
00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:41,120
Speaker 1: get up, tell a fucking story, show the next scene pause.

535
00:30:41,280 --> 00:30:46,680
Speaker 2: Must have been the longest maur hours each time.

536
00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:49,280
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, oh yeah. But the you know, folks got

537
00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:54,480
Speaker 1: their money worth. Money's worth now. The next day Sunday,

538
00:30:54,640 --> 00:30:57,080
Speaker 1: even though we were sold out that fifty to seventy

539
00:30:57,120 --> 00:31:00,640
Speaker 1: five people didn't show up because of the snow was coming.

540
00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:03,040
Speaker 1: So people were like, I don't know, I heard snow.

541
00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:06,080
Speaker 1: And then when we were done, we started three and

542
00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:09,400
Speaker 1: we were done at like between seven and eight. Left

543
00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:11,600
Speaker 1: the theater and it was caked in snow. It was

544
00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:14,000
Speaker 1: like three inches of snow. Dang. It was a lot

545
00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:15,040
Speaker 1: of weather back east.

546
00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:15,400
Speaker 2: Dang.

547
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:19,680
Speaker 1: So I got out the next morning, went to see Momily,

548
00:31:20,160 --> 00:31:24,520
Speaker 1: went down to Florida, saw our beloved mommally for the

549
00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:26,080
Speaker 1: first time in twenty twenty five.

550
00:31:27,160 --> 00:31:30,240
Speaker 2: First twenty twenty I can't get well done?

551
00:31:30,320 --> 00:31:36,120
Speaker 1: What the fuck you tell Harley's nextasywee?

552
00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:39,280
Speaker 2: I'm having like an allergic reaction. But that has nothing

553
00:31:39,320 --> 00:31:40,680
Speaker 2: to do with whyless so much?

554
00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:42,160
Speaker 1: What's the allergic reaction? I don't know.

555
00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:45,080
Speaker 2: My eyes are like watering. It's not because of wicked

556
00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:51,400
Speaker 2: uh name it? Anyways, I might be a little sneaky.

557
00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:53,400
Speaker 1: What do you think it's from all the ship?

558
00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:55,960
Speaker 2: I would say it's probably because of might have got

559
00:31:56,120 --> 00:31:58,480
Speaker 2: there the pounds of eyeliner around my eyes?

560
00:32:00,680 --> 00:32:04,520
Speaker 1: Is that still? I'm not saying it's not. I have

561
00:32:04,640 --> 00:32:07,440
Speaker 1: no idea. I'm fucking a boob. But how long is

562
00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:09,760
Speaker 1: this the style? Like? How many more years you're gonna

563
00:32:09,760 --> 00:32:12,240
Speaker 1: have to do this shit? Don't don't? I styles change

564
00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:13,480
Speaker 1: and just makes me.

565
00:32:13,400 --> 00:32:14,840
Speaker 2: Feel better about myself.

566
00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:16,280
Speaker 1: So do you think you'll be doing it forever? Like

567
00:32:16,320 --> 00:32:19,080
Speaker 1: me in the backwards hat and the fucking George's possibility.

568
00:32:19,120 --> 00:32:20,720
Speaker 2: I hope it gets easier one day.

569
00:32:21,160 --> 00:32:23,200
Speaker 1: Bro, you think you'd be seventy eight and you're like.

570
00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:25,800
Speaker 3: I think, fuck, I hope not.

571
00:32:26,120 --> 00:32:28,960
Speaker 1: And if you're not watching this at that Kevinsmith club

572
00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:31,920
Speaker 1: dot com where you can watch Beardlistick with me and

573
00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:35,000
Speaker 1: Beard Listick was plus, you would see that I'm a

574
00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:38,320
Speaker 1: shaky seventy eight year old woman putting that a thickie.

575
00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:41,520
Speaker 2: That's already me. But that's all right, you do now, I.

576
00:32:43,600 --> 00:32:45,000
Speaker 1: Well, I mean but I've seen you do it. You

577
00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:46,320
Speaker 1: don't fuck up?

578
00:32:46,920 --> 00:32:50,200
Speaker 2: Well, thanks, well I do somebody.

579
00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:53,160
Speaker 1: I've seen you your stuff and you don't fuck up.

580
00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:55,440
Speaker 1: You appreciate it.

581
00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:58,120
Speaker 2: Someone got mad at me last week for not wanting

582
00:32:58,160 --> 00:32:59,320
Speaker 2: to be robbed.

583
00:32:58,960 --> 00:32:59,640
Speaker 3: So thanks.

584
00:33:00,040 --> 00:33:01,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was kind of one.

585
00:33:01,120 --> 00:33:03,080
Speaker 2: And it was the same person who said the thing

586
00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:04,440
Speaker 2: about my life when after.

587
00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:07,400
Speaker 1: A that's your biggest fan right there, that's your biggest fan.

588
00:33:07,440 --> 00:33:08,600
Speaker 2: I know you're listening again.

589
00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:10,960
Speaker 1: They just want it better for you. They're like, do better.

590
00:33:11,720 --> 00:33:15,560
Speaker 1: But I did find that one, you know, kind of.

591
00:33:15,560 --> 00:33:16,960
Speaker 2: Like people should get robbed.

592
00:33:19,240 --> 00:33:22,240
Speaker 1: I'm a bleeding hard, fucking liberal and but you know,

593
00:33:22,760 --> 00:33:24,080
Speaker 1: I don't want to get robbed.

594
00:33:24,760 --> 00:33:28,560
Speaker 2: It's not even me, it's just the people that already

595
00:33:28,640 --> 00:33:31,800
Speaker 2: experienced tragedy in the fires. I didn't think they should then,

596
00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:33,400
Speaker 2: on top of that, get robbed.

597
00:33:33,480 --> 00:33:34,600
Speaker 1: But let me tell you something.

598
00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:38,840
Speaker 2: Anyways, you can't please I can't please, I can't please

599
00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:40,360
Speaker 2: anybody AnyWho?

600
00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:43,800
Speaker 1: Moving on, I went back. You know, you can please

601
00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:47,479
Speaker 1: fucking Mammily. He's like your biggest fan of shit. But

602
00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:50,480
Speaker 1: she sent a bunch of shit because I'm now considered

603
00:33:50,520 --> 00:33:53,920
Speaker 1: something of the archivist, if you will, in the family.

604
00:33:55,400 --> 00:34:00,840
Speaker 1: This is her promotion certificate, Grace Schultz. She gets to

605
00:34:00,840 --> 00:34:05,520
Speaker 1: go second grade. Oh my god, bro, you think that's sometimes.

606
00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:08,719
Speaker 2: June twentieth twenty Wait what oh the day June.

607
00:34:08,520 --> 00:34:15,640
Speaker 1: Twentieth nineteen, Mother Victorine. That was the sister's name. June twentieth,

608
00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:19,160
Speaker 1: nineteen fifty two, the year of our Lord, nineteen fifty two.

609
00:34:19,760 --> 00:34:22,359
Speaker 1: Mother Victorine says that she can move on.

610
00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:24,440
Speaker 2: Can you congratulations? Mamily?

611
00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:28,120
Speaker 1: Can you imagine fucking somebody named Victorine? Oh Lord, that's

612
00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:33,759
Speaker 1: a lot of syllables. Is spit out Victory? That's that's

613
00:34:33,800 --> 00:34:35,120
Speaker 1: how that's the beginning.

614
00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:38,879
Speaker 3: Of course, Victory got it.

615
00:34:40,440 --> 00:34:47,560
Speaker 1: This is the certificate of Baptism, sacrament of baptism. You've

616
00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:50,680
Speaker 1: been baptized. That was your last sacrament. We didn't do

617
00:34:50,719 --> 00:34:53,160
Speaker 1: communion or anything baptized.

618
00:34:52,680 --> 00:34:55,120
Speaker 2: For mamily if I and me.

619
00:34:55,239 --> 00:34:57,520
Speaker 1: No, I ain't gonna lay that just at Momay's feet.

620
00:34:57,520 --> 00:35:02,520
Speaker 1: I wanted you baptized too. Saint Nicholas's Church in Passaic,

621
00:35:02,600 --> 00:35:06,280
Speaker 1: New Jersey. This is to certify the Gray Schultz born

622
00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:11,040
Speaker 1: on the eleventh day of December nineteen forty five. So

623
00:35:11,160 --> 00:35:14,920
Speaker 1: Momily gonna be eighty this year, was baptized according to

624
00:35:14,960 --> 00:35:22,200
Speaker 1: the right of the Roman Catholic Church. Roman Catholic in

625
00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:28,640
Speaker 1: a minute on the fourteenth of January nineteen forty six. Wow, Reverend,

626
00:35:28,680 --> 00:35:30,480
Speaker 1: I can't read his name. Look at this.

627
00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:33,800
Speaker 2: Shit an ancient relise.

628
00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:36,719
Speaker 1: I'll tell you right now, Momily can't do shit without me,

629
00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:41,320
Speaker 1: because I got all her old papers. This is Momiy's

630
00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:46,640
Speaker 1: blessed sacrament. School report card from the year nineteen sixty,

631
00:35:46,719 --> 00:35:54,239
Speaker 1: nineteen sixty one. But what's Gray Schultz? Uh? And here's

632
00:35:54,280 --> 00:35:59,160
Speaker 1: fifty nine to sixty. But what's unique for me and mine?

633
00:36:00,840 --> 00:36:03,200
Speaker 1: I won't get into her grades. They're pretty damn good.

634
00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:09,399
Speaker 1: Oh is you know when you send a thing home

635
00:36:09,560 --> 00:36:12,640
Speaker 1: you're supposed to. You gotta have the parents sign it.

636
00:36:13,040 --> 00:36:15,320
Speaker 1: That's Grandmomily's signature.

637
00:36:15,880 --> 00:36:18,120
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, that's Grandmomily's signature.

638
00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:22,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, and Schultz. So when mom my mom sees this,

639
00:36:22,200 --> 00:36:26,040
Speaker 1: she's like, oh, because that's she recognizes all of us

640
00:36:26,120 --> 00:36:28,120
Speaker 1: right now. Even Donald was like, oh.

641
00:36:28,120 --> 00:36:29,840
Speaker 2: Momily was rocking straight.

642
00:36:29,920 --> 00:36:33,680
Speaker 1: A's yeah, momially pretty smart. But Momily, did you know

643
00:36:33,760 --> 00:36:37,359
Speaker 1: she grammar school up to eight thirteen, so fourteen when

644
00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:39,520
Speaker 1: she went freshman year. She didn't go freshman high school.

645
00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:42,279
Speaker 1: She went to commercial school, like to teach her how

646
00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:45,040
Speaker 1: to be a secretary and shit. And then when she

647
00:36:45,160 --> 00:36:47,640
Speaker 1: got out, like here she.

648
00:36:47,719 --> 00:36:53,280
Speaker 2: Got to be in cooperating well you know, mamma Alexa.

649
00:36:53,080 --> 00:37:03,480
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, cooperating business efficiency, initiative, etiquette, typewriting, stenography, and

650
00:37:03,560 --> 00:37:05,680
Speaker 1: then they were training her for office work. So like

651
00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:08,840
Speaker 1: that's all you're you're a girl, You're going to be

652
00:37:08,840 --> 00:37:09,759
Speaker 1: someone's secretary.

653
00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:10,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, wait, what the fuck?

654
00:37:11,040 --> 00:37:15,160
Speaker 1: It's They were like, you deserve each other, you and

655
00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:16,000
Speaker 1: that typewriter.

656
00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:21,120
Speaker 2: I don't see any Matthew, I don't see any science.

657
00:37:21,200 --> 00:37:24,680
Speaker 1: See religion though, right, so this is commercial again, commercial school,

658
00:37:24,719 --> 00:37:28,200
Speaker 1: the training in for for being a professional. You don't

659
00:37:28,200 --> 00:37:31,800
Speaker 1: need no science if you're taken down mister Weatherby's fucking

660
00:37:31,880 --> 00:37:32,560
Speaker 1: notes and shit.

661
00:37:33,160 --> 00:37:34,920
Speaker 2: But cooperating.

662
00:37:36,440 --> 00:37:38,799
Speaker 1: With mister Weatherby more than anything else.

663
00:37:38,880 --> 00:37:43,000
Speaker 2: It's CEO dash O p e R, A t apostrophe

664
00:37:43,080 --> 00:37:44,120
Speaker 2: and cooperative.

665
00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:50,520
Speaker 1: This is Blessed Sacrament Grammar School. This is to certified

666
00:37:50,520 --> 00:37:56,280
Speaker 1: that Grace Schultz has satisfactorily completed the course of study

667
00:37:56,360 --> 00:38:00,560
Speaker 1: prescribed for this grammar school and is awarded this diploma.

668
00:38:01,560 --> 00:38:02,080
Speaker 2: Wow.

669
00:38:02,160 --> 00:38:09,799
Speaker 1: On June one thousand, nine hundred and nineteen fifty nine.

670
00:38:10,840 --> 00:38:11,760
Speaker 2: Congrats Momily.

671
00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:13,839
Speaker 1: Emily's official bro.

672
00:38:14,280 --> 00:38:16,960
Speaker 2: This has all really got all her documents.

673
00:38:16,640 --> 00:38:20,640
Speaker 1: Is the Blessed Sacrament Commercial Department. This certifies that Grace V.

674
00:38:20,760 --> 00:38:25,160
Speaker 1: Schultz as satisfactorily completed the course of study prescribed for

675
00:38:25,280 --> 00:38:29,560
Speaker 1: graduation from this school and has therefore awarded this RinkyDink

676
00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:33,960
Speaker 1: diploma nineteen sixty one.

677
00:38:34,280 --> 00:38:34,720
Speaker 2: Wow.

678
00:38:35,239 --> 00:38:38,160
Speaker 1: So now you could she's hirable. Now you can fucking

679
00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:40,200
Speaker 1: put her to work and should chase her around the

680
00:38:40,239 --> 00:38:42,840
Speaker 1: desk because it was the sixties. But that wouldn't happen.

681
00:38:43,440 --> 00:38:47,000
Speaker 1: She would not go to it work. Do you know why? Why?

682
00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:49,200
Speaker 1: She went to work for a little while, But then

683
00:38:49,239 --> 00:38:49,959
Speaker 1: she met my dad.

684
00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:52,600
Speaker 2: And then that was that, how's mommy going to live life?

685
00:38:52,640 --> 00:38:55,640
Speaker 2: If you have her Blessed Sacrament diploma, I'll.

686
00:38:55,440 --> 00:38:57,359
Speaker 1: Tell you she's not going back to college because if

687
00:38:57,360 --> 00:38:59,040
Speaker 1: they're like, do you have your documents, she'd be like,

688
00:38:59,040 --> 00:39:04,000
Speaker 1: where are they this? And then I'm gonna show you.

689
00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:07,360
Speaker 1: You're gonna get insight into your father. The Holy Sacrament

690
00:39:07,400 --> 00:39:10,680
Speaker 1: of Confirmation, as a sacrament you didn't get, was received

691
00:39:10,719 --> 00:39:19,000
Speaker 1: by Grace McCormick. This church is like, she ain't Schultz yet, bitch.

692
00:39:19,560 --> 00:39:24,080
Speaker 1: She was born in the Church of Blessed Sacrament May eleventh,

693
00:39:24,200 --> 00:39:28,919
Speaker 1: nineteen fifty seven. Can you imagine? But you wonder why

694
00:39:28,960 --> 00:39:31,520
Speaker 1: I keep everything because Mamally that's the way I was trained.

695
00:39:31,760 --> 00:39:34,640
Speaker 2: I guess Momally does does keep on stuff too.

696
00:39:34,920 --> 00:39:39,040
Speaker 1: This is the mass on the day of the marriage

697
00:39:39,080 --> 00:39:43,600
Speaker 1: of Grace Virginia Schultz and Donald E. Smith, September twelfth,

698
00:39:44,120 --> 00:39:47,520
Speaker 1: nineteen sixty four, Blessed Sacrament Church, Clinton Avenue and van

699
00:39:47,600 --> 00:39:51,759
Speaker 1: Ness Place, Noork, New Jersey. That's cute. That's where your

700
00:39:51,760 --> 00:39:54,960
Speaker 1: people come from, bro Nork. Ultimately you come from Nork

701
00:39:55,040 --> 00:40:00,360
Speaker 1: now speaking of fucking popoly So your other.

702
00:40:01,920 --> 00:40:11,040
Speaker 3: M schwammily, she would love that she Christmas.

703
00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:13,960
Speaker 1: She was like, guy, when Christmas this year? Before she

704
00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:16,839
Speaker 1: gave gifts. I was like, why, she's a goosy. And

705
00:40:16,880 --> 00:40:20,080
Speaker 1: what she did was she took small vhs so much.

706
00:40:21,719 --> 00:40:24,040
Speaker 2: I want to tell you so bad, but I'm.

707
00:40:23,920 --> 00:40:26,360
Speaker 1: Not good at And it was a pretty wonderful gift.

708
00:40:27,160 --> 00:40:31,759
Speaker 1: And so you know, I brought the the link from

709
00:40:31,840 --> 00:40:36,840
Speaker 1: Eye Memories back with me to show my mom project

710
00:40:36,880 --> 00:40:39,640
Speaker 1: on the TV. Now. It had footage that we all

711
00:40:39,680 --> 00:40:44,040
Speaker 1: watched here on Christmas Day of young Christmas is when

712
00:40:44,040 --> 00:40:47,320
Speaker 1: Harley was a baby, and stuff like that. But while

713
00:40:47,360 --> 00:40:53,239
Speaker 1: I was there, I found a Christmas which we did

714
00:40:53,280 --> 00:40:57,760
Speaker 1: not look at, which was Christmas from the Rumson House,

715
00:40:57,800 --> 00:40:59,919
Speaker 1: the only Christmas we ever had in RUMs and which

716
00:41:00,120 --> 00:41:05,279
Speaker 1: be Christmas two thousand and one, the last Christmas I

717
00:41:05,400 --> 00:41:11,439
Speaker 1: spent with my parents. So in this footage, because I saw,

718
00:41:11,560 --> 00:41:13,359
Speaker 1: I was like, this is the Rumson House. Holy shit.

719
00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:17,799
Speaker 1: I was like, I wonder if, like we've rolled video

720
00:41:17,920 --> 00:41:20,600
Speaker 1: on mom and decks, we have this photo of you

721
00:41:20,760 --> 00:41:23,359
Speaker 1: dressed as Bear in the Big Blue House. Oh yeah,

722
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:28,680
Speaker 1: with my mom and dad. It is fucking twenty minutes

723
00:41:28,719 --> 00:41:30,520
Speaker 1: of you dressed like Bear in the Big Blue House,

724
00:41:30,800 --> 00:41:36,120
Speaker 1: momming around the fucking house, including you interact with my

725
00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:39,400
Speaker 1: dad or my dad interacts with you at West Versa,

726
00:41:39,480 --> 00:41:43,239
Speaker 1: and that is nuts. Now you got to remember, you know,

727
00:41:43,400 --> 00:41:48,520
Speaker 1: Dad was not like a video guy. There ain't a

728
00:41:48,560 --> 00:41:53,279
Speaker 1: lot of footage of my father. There's pictures, but like

729
00:41:53,320 --> 00:41:55,640
Speaker 1: they're in all our footage, and I haven't heard my

730
00:41:55,719 --> 00:42:01,560
Speaker 1: father speak in years, right, Like, since you don't have footage,

731
00:42:01,640 --> 00:42:03,239
Speaker 1: my dad's not like we have his voice. He never

732
00:42:03,280 --> 00:42:04,920
Speaker 1: did a podcast but me or anything like that. I

733
00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:08,560
Speaker 1: wasn't podcasting at the time he died. So in all

734
00:42:08,600 --> 00:42:14,399
Speaker 1: that footage is footage of my dad talking. And it

735
00:42:14,480 --> 00:42:16,799
Speaker 1: was like watching Mommily react to it.

736
00:42:16,840 --> 00:42:18,120
Speaker 2: Was was she emotional?

737
00:42:18,400 --> 00:42:21,440
Speaker 1: I mean she wasn't emotional. My sister got super emotional

738
00:42:21,480 --> 00:42:24,759
Speaker 1: Virginia and Virginia, who remains the biggest fan of this show,

739
00:42:25,640 --> 00:42:29,120
Speaker 1: shout out it was very emotional. It hit her like

740
00:42:29,160 --> 00:42:34,279
Speaker 1: it hit me. Mom was like mom Like I would

741
00:42:34,320 --> 00:42:38,200
Speaker 1: have thought that Momily would have been like but instead

742
00:42:38,239 --> 00:42:40,719
Speaker 1: she was just happy to see it. She was like,

743
00:42:40,800 --> 00:42:45,600
Speaker 1: there he is. He was kind of sweet. But this

744
00:42:52,000 --> 00:43:04,200
Speaker 1: let me try how you ran? Yes, Grandpa yas because

745
00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:06,600
Speaker 1: I have kiss bear that's my dad's voice.

746
00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:11,240
Speaker 2: Kiss maybe kiss bear's nose.

747
00:43:11,600 --> 00:43:15,800
Speaker 7: Okay, way up there, my grandma.

748
00:43:16,600 --> 00:43:20,040
Speaker 1: Oh oh, grandma.

749
00:43:19,680 --> 00:43:20,920
Speaker 6: Kiss bear in the nose?

750
00:43:21,360 --> 00:43:29,239
Speaker 2: Oh, because grandma kiss? Can I stay on the nose again?

751
00:43:32,760 --> 00:43:34,040
Speaker 1: I love you bear.

752
00:43:35,960 --> 00:43:37,040
Speaker 2: Kiss me. I didn't like it.

753
00:43:39,640 --> 00:43:42,680
Speaker 7: Kissed Grandma beer Jamaica.

754
00:43:44,960 --> 00:43:45,600
Speaker 1: I know, I think.

755
00:43:48,320 --> 00:43:53,799
Speaker 2: Oh no, it's one of me. Just lolly, Lolly and beer.

756
00:43:53,880 --> 00:43:58,360
Speaker 6: That makes a good one, lolly and bearn Wow, like.

757
00:43:58,440 --> 00:44:03,440
Speaker 1: A mom wow, looking at riding your horse in the

758
00:44:03,440 --> 00:44:04,160
Speaker 1: bear outfit.

759
00:44:04,520 --> 00:44:09,239
Speaker 2: Lots of things to say about this one. Where did

760
00:44:09,280 --> 00:44:13,440
Speaker 2: that cost you come from? Because the boy was it excellent?

761
00:44:13,960 --> 00:44:16,040
Speaker 1: Mamily Oh it came right from the Disney store.

762
00:44:16,440 --> 00:44:20,360
Speaker 2: That wow, that is a full ass costume.

763
00:44:20,719 --> 00:44:22,360
Speaker 1: Really is that costumes wearing you?

764
00:44:22,680 --> 00:44:44,960
Speaker 2: It really is? Wow?

765
00:44:46,040 --> 00:44:47,879
Speaker 1: You were literally a dancing bear.

766
00:44:48,120 --> 00:44:52,840
Speaker 2: The listeners, the the people who only listen and do

767
00:44:52,960 --> 00:44:57,840
Speaker 2: not watch the show, are like, thanks for this week's episode.

768
00:44:57,440 --> 00:45:11,960
Speaker 1: We're showing a lot of look at how huge I am.

769
00:45:12,120 --> 00:45:12,440
Speaker 2: Father.

770
00:45:13,120 --> 00:45:16,320
Speaker 3: This is a podcast, true.

771
00:45:16,640 --> 00:45:39,839
Speaker 4: Okay, enough enough, there's pop.

772
00:45:40,160 --> 00:45:42,600
Speaker 2: You just want to watch the videos, like come on,

773
00:45:43,560 --> 00:45:46,160
Speaker 2: I do. I mean, this is a podcast.

774
00:45:46,400 --> 00:45:46,920
Speaker 1: That's true.

775
00:45:47,040 --> 00:45:51,320
Speaker 3: But seeing my dead father that is true, that come back.

776
00:45:51,160 --> 00:45:55,200
Speaker 1: To life was like fucking astounding. All right, So that

777
00:45:55,320 --> 00:45:59,000
Speaker 1: is really beautiful and it's really sweet to see like

778
00:45:59,160 --> 00:46:02,480
Speaker 1: not just him interacting with you, which I've got pictures

779
00:46:02,520 --> 00:46:05,040
Speaker 1: of him holding like baby you and stuff and then

780
00:46:05,719 --> 00:46:09,400
Speaker 1: looking at you with Graham, with Momily, you know in

781
00:46:09,480 --> 00:46:11,640
Speaker 1: photos when you're wearing that bear of it. But to

782
00:46:11,680 --> 00:46:13,600
Speaker 1: watch him interact, be like can I get a kiss

783
00:46:13,600 --> 00:46:16,279
Speaker 1: bear and hear his voice and shit like that, that's

784
00:46:16,320 --> 00:46:20,120
Speaker 1: like absolute magic. So I like sent Jen like a

785
00:46:20,200 --> 00:46:24,880
Speaker 1: video from mom in Virginia and me going like you

786
00:46:24,920 --> 00:46:25,520
Speaker 1: did win.

787
00:46:25,560 --> 00:46:28,600
Speaker 2: Christmas after all?

788
00:46:28,680 --> 00:46:31,200
Speaker 3: I setting down, all right.

789
00:46:31,480 --> 00:46:34,799
Speaker 1: So while I was there, Mommily gave me a bunch

790
00:46:34,840 --> 00:46:37,160
Speaker 1: of stuff. She's like, here's some cards that you gave me.

791
00:46:37,960 --> 00:46:40,920
Speaker 2: Oh man, here we go.

792
00:46:41,320 --> 00:46:45,600
Speaker 1: Listen to this shit son all right? From your son, Mom,

793
00:46:45,680 --> 00:46:50,360
Speaker 1: I love for you is tremendous, bottomless and endless, sort

794
00:46:50,360 --> 00:46:55,680
Speaker 1: of like my appetite. So that's what's in the card.

795
00:46:55,719 --> 00:47:00,440
Speaker 1: Happy Mother's Day. So I wrote, Mommy, whoa, whoa. And

796
00:47:00,600 --> 00:47:05,080
Speaker 1: it's for the motivation you get from me usually by

797
00:47:05,239 --> 00:47:11,720
Speaker 1: threatening and counting to three. Oh, for the open door

798
00:47:11,960 --> 00:47:16,440
Speaker 1: that you always offer me. Two is for telepathy, the

799
00:47:16,520 --> 00:47:20,040
Speaker 1: mental kind, because you always know what evil I'm plotting.

800
00:47:20,880 --> 00:47:23,359
Speaker 1: H is for my home where I let you live.

801
00:47:24,719 --> 00:47:28,840
Speaker 1: It's for endless like the dust on the cocktail table.

802
00:47:28,920 --> 00:47:31,200
Speaker 1: That was something like my mom was always like today

803
00:47:31,200 --> 00:47:34,200
Speaker 1: you're dusting every weekend. I had dustin. So there's always

804
00:47:34,239 --> 00:47:37,600
Speaker 1: like dust on the cocktail table. And the tv R

805
00:47:37,760 --> 00:47:47,239
Speaker 1: is for the rest you deserve and will get in California. Altogether,

806
00:47:47,280 --> 00:47:50,440
Speaker 1: I believe it spells mother. A word I depend on

807
00:47:50,920 --> 00:47:53,640
Speaker 1: and a woman I depend on. Thank you for being there.

808
00:47:53,680 --> 00:47:58,360
Speaker 3: Always love Kevin so charming, bro.

809
00:47:58,600 --> 00:48:00,000
Speaker 1: She said to me. And it was kind of hard

810
00:48:00,040 --> 00:48:02,560
Speaker 1: break and she goes, you don't write me cards anymore.

811
00:48:02,560 --> 00:48:05,280
Speaker 2: I write you to better writer. A goddamn card.

812
00:48:05,160 --> 00:48:06,520
Speaker 1: I might have to. She loves it.

813
00:48:06,520 --> 00:48:15,480
Speaker 2: Altogether, I believe it spells mother. Our handwriting is the same,

814
00:48:16,239 --> 00:48:16,880
Speaker 2: very similar.

815
00:48:17,320 --> 00:48:21,080
Speaker 1: This one's dated because Uncle Don made it out. It's

816
00:48:21,120 --> 00:48:23,640
Speaker 1: for my dad, especially for you, Dad, on your birthday.

817
00:48:23,640 --> 00:48:27,160
Speaker 1: A very serious card. Uncle Don is the king of

818
00:48:27,520 --> 00:48:31,040
Speaker 1: the only reason they're still in business is because he

819
00:48:31,120 --> 00:48:32,400
Speaker 1: still buys like thousands.

820
00:48:32,440 --> 00:48:33,360
Speaker 2: He loves a card.

821
00:48:33,600 --> 00:48:36,440
Speaker 1: He loves a card. May twenty second, my Dad's birthday

822
00:48:36,600 --> 00:48:43,360
Speaker 1: nineteen one hundred and eighty six. Wow, Yeah, that's how

823
00:48:43,400 --> 00:48:48,160
Speaker 1: far we're going back. Love your children, Virginia, Donald and Kevin.

824
00:48:48,600 --> 00:48:52,040
Speaker 1: I got to add a little more. See I wrote

825
00:48:52,080 --> 00:48:53,000
Speaker 1: all this over here.

826
00:48:53,239 --> 00:48:55,000
Speaker 2: Oh I like your post office.

827
00:48:55,120 --> 00:48:58,600
Speaker 1: Well, thank you. We're happy as kittens that you're still

828
00:48:58,640 --> 00:49:02,560
Speaker 1: around and are glad you fathered us all. Keep up

829
00:49:02,560 --> 00:49:06,160
Speaker 1: the good work and no more staying home from your

830
00:49:06,239 --> 00:49:09,319
Speaker 1: favorite place the post off this.

831
00:49:09,800 --> 00:49:15,600
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, let me see it. Oh this one

832
00:49:16,160 --> 00:49:17,920
Speaker 2: seems a bit more serious.

833
00:49:18,520 --> 00:49:20,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, the card or the.

834
00:49:20,520 --> 00:49:23,600
Speaker 3: Sentiment, the sentiment and the kid gotten sick.

835
00:49:23,680 --> 00:49:26,160
Speaker 1: I guess because we'd spent some time and let me see,

836
00:49:26,239 --> 00:49:28,440
Speaker 1: nineteen eighty six, I've been sixteen. Yeah, you might have

837
00:49:28,520 --> 00:49:30,000
Speaker 1: been in the hospital for something.

838
00:49:32,480 --> 00:49:34,319
Speaker 2: That's not your handwriting.

839
00:49:34,560 --> 00:49:38,200
Speaker 1: To the not everything on the this is your handwrite.

840
00:49:38,280 --> 00:49:41,560
Speaker 1: That's my real handwriting. That's my real cursive. Really yeah,

841
00:49:41,719 --> 00:49:44,040
Speaker 1: like so my you only ever see the cursive I

842
00:49:44,080 --> 00:49:46,560
Speaker 1: ever used is like when I signed my name. Yeah,

843
00:49:46,600 --> 00:49:49,520
Speaker 1: but that's over years, has developed into something you know,

844
00:49:49,680 --> 00:49:52,640
Speaker 1: fast and signature like. But if I too were to

845
00:49:52,800 --> 00:49:55,680
Speaker 1: use cursive, that's what it looks like. Still but mostly

846
00:49:55,719 --> 00:49:56,560
Speaker 1: I block.

847
00:49:56,600 --> 00:49:58,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, like in this one, that's the.

848
00:49:58,480 --> 00:50:03,640
Speaker 1: One block lettering. This is from May twelfth, nineteen ninety two.

849
00:50:03,840 --> 00:50:07,840
Speaker 1: Happy birthday, Just wanted to give you a high flutin

850
00:50:08,000 --> 00:50:13,560
Speaker 1: birthday card, snoopy, but the significance May twelfth, nineteen ninety two.

851
00:50:13,640 --> 00:50:19,000
Speaker 1: I'm in film school, so I sent this from Canada. Pop.

852
00:50:19,480 --> 00:50:22,240
Speaker 1: That's why I called my father mom. How are you both?

853
00:50:22,360 --> 00:50:25,600
Speaker 1: But mainly how is the birthday? Boy? Because Dad's birthday

854
00:50:25,600 --> 00:50:27,839
Speaker 1: would be coming up May twenty second? How old are

855
00:50:27,880 --> 00:50:30,960
Speaker 1: you now? Sixty three? Geez, you look good for sixty three.

856
00:50:31,200 --> 00:50:33,640
Speaker 1: Not a single gray hair either. Obviously, I'm way too

857
00:50:33,680 --> 00:50:36,279
Speaker 1: poor to spring for a proper birthday gift, and since

858
00:50:36,320 --> 00:50:38,600
Speaker 1: I'm no longer with quick Stop, I can't even get

859
00:50:38,640 --> 00:50:41,359
Speaker 1: away with cheap birthday gifts like milk, bread, peanut butter

860
00:50:41,400 --> 00:50:46,319
Speaker 1: and batteries. However, this card carries my eternal gratitude for

861
00:50:46,480 --> 00:50:50,080
Speaker 1: feeling frisky enough that night to set about producing what

862
00:50:50,120 --> 00:50:53,279
Speaker 1: would eventually become the me we all know. So well,

863
00:50:53,280 --> 00:50:59,360
Speaker 1: Oh my God, and I'll send my love to you, father,

864
00:50:59,600 --> 00:51:01,880
Speaker 1: give me a break. You're a great man and a

865
00:51:01,920 --> 00:51:05,680
Speaker 1: hero to cats the world over, because that fed like

866
00:51:05,719 --> 00:51:10,360
Speaker 1: thirty cats. Happy birthday, love, Kevin Smith.

867
00:51:10,480 --> 00:51:12,879
Speaker 2: Of course you made it about him so.

868
00:51:15,080 --> 00:51:19,000
Speaker 1: Well. There are two words that I can use that

869
00:51:19,120 --> 00:51:22,279
Speaker 1: might explain that fuck and you the voice. I made

870
00:51:22,280 --> 00:51:25,440
Speaker 1: it about myself. It's my card from film school with

871
00:51:25,480 --> 00:51:25,920
Speaker 1: my parents.

872
00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:28,000
Speaker 2: Sorry, I assumed it was his birthday.

873
00:51:28,160 --> 00:51:31,000
Speaker 1: At least that wasn't. Like one day I will make

874
00:51:31,040 --> 00:51:33,920
Speaker 1: a film called Clerk's Parents and you will be proud

875
00:51:34,000 --> 00:51:35,200
Speaker 1: of me. I've read those.

876
00:51:35,000 --> 00:51:38,439
Speaker 2: Cards that you would be so excited to find that card.

877
00:51:38,560 --> 00:51:40,920
Speaker 1: Oh, I have them, You have them? Yeah, that's not

878
00:51:41,000 --> 00:51:43,920
Speaker 1: even a hypothetical. I have cards not here, but ones

879
00:51:43,960 --> 00:51:47,160
Speaker 1: that I've sent my mom from film school where I'm like,

880
00:51:48,160 --> 00:51:51,200
Speaker 1: do there's a video where I'm sitting on the video

881
00:51:51,480 --> 00:51:53,720
Speaker 1: when I tell my parents before I go to film school,

882
00:51:53,920 --> 00:51:55,400
Speaker 1: and I don't ever had a video camera. I had

883
00:51:55,400 --> 00:51:57,680
Speaker 1: to borrow this up big as VHS camera from like

884
00:51:57,760 --> 00:51:59,759
Speaker 1: Kim Lockeran's parents and shit, and I made this video

885
00:51:59,840 --> 00:52:03,400
Speaker 1: for my parents, going like everything's about to change and

886
00:52:03,440 --> 00:52:09,440
Speaker 1: I hope to bring the honor to this family name.

887
00:52:09,560 --> 00:52:12,160
Speaker 1: Like my sister is like it is unsettling. She's going

888
00:52:12,239 --> 00:52:15,080
Speaker 1: because you literally predict the future. She's like, you sit

889
00:52:15,120 --> 00:52:18,880
Speaker 1: there and you tell our parents that life when you

890
00:52:18,920 --> 00:52:23,319
Speaker 1: get back is going to be different because like you're

891
00:52:23,880 --> 00:52:25,640
Speaker 1: doing this thing and blah blah blah. And she's like

892
00:52:26,120 --> 00:52:29,480
Speaker 1: you know, until Clark's happens. It's just like, well, that's

893
00:52:29,480 --> 00:52:31,640
Speaker 1: a little fucking full of himself. She's like, and then

894
00:52:32,200 --> 00:52:34,680
Speaker 1: you do everything that you talk about. She's like, it's

895
00:52:34,719 --> 00:52:40,359
Speaker 1: really creepy. This is a Father's Day card. Dad got

896
00:52:40,400 --> 00:52:43,880
Speaker 1: your reservation in a nice relaxing place, and it's a

897
00:52:43,920 --> 00:52:47,080
Speaker 1: sign reserve for Dad that you stick up to point

898
00:52:47,200 --> 00:52:51,239
Speaker 1: an American Greetings classic that cost a buck fifty back

899
00:52:51,280 --> 00:52:57,799
Speaker 1: in the day. Once again, my handwriting, my young handwriting Dad,

900
00:52:57,920 --> 00:53:03,799
Speaker 1: dear Dad, Hey, Hey, Happy Father's Day to a man who,

901
00:53:03,880 --> 00:53:07,759
Speaker 1: quite frankly is a father and one of the best

902
00:53:07,800 --> 00:53:11,120
Speaker 1: fathers too, I might add, Dad, whether you know it

903
00:53:11,280 --> 00:53:13,440
Speaker 1: or not, you did a fine job in raising me.

904
00:53:13,480 --> 00:53:16,680
Speaker 1: It seems that every aspect was premeditated, from not pushing

905
00:53:16,680 --> 00:53:20,000
Speaker 1: me into sports to letting me steal from Disney World.

906
00:53:20,360 --> 00:53:20,840
Speaker 2: Ha ha.

907
00:53:21,719 --> 00:53:26,520
Speaker 1: All that made the wonderful creative funny kid that is me.

908
00:53:29,960 --> 00:53:33,439
Speaker 2: Beer. Oh my god, Oh my god.

909
00:53:33,520 --> 00:53:36,040
Speaker 1: You're watching Beer the stick with me. You're watching Harley

910
00:53:36,360 --> 00:53:40,680
Speaker 1: aghast I. G Oh dude, it wasn't even done. And

911
00:53:40,760 --> 00:53:44,560
Speaker 1: all that made the wonderful creative funny kid that is

912
00:53:44,640 --> 00:53:50,640
Speaker 1: me the pick of the litter. Oh my god, thanks

913
00:53:50,680 --> 00:53:53,120
Speaker 1: for doing a great job. I love you. Now, can

914
00:53:53,160 --> 00:53:56,239
Speaker 1: we put one of my tapes? Can we put on

915
00:53:56,239 --> 00:53:59,520
Speaker 1: one of my tapes instead of yours? That's because we

916
00:53:59,560 --> 00:54:01,959
Speaker 1: would like at home, he'd be putting in a movie

917
00:54:01,960 --> 00:54:03,160
Speaker 1: you want to watch. I was like, can we put

918
00:54:03,160 --> 00:54:03,680
Speaker 1: in one of my.

919
00:54:03,880 --> 00:54:07,759
Speaker 2: To a self centered little piece o shit?

920
00:54:09,360 --> 00:54:09,600
Speaker 1: Kevin?

921
00:54:09,880 --> 00:54:11,759
Speaker 2: Oh my god.

922
00:54:11,760 --> 00:54:13,719
Speaker 1: I see you see I had.

923
00:54:13,520 --> 00:54:16,080
Speaker 2: To the wonderful, creative, beautiful, perfect time.

924
00:54:16,280 --> 00:54:18,800
Speaker 1: You see how I had to become what I became,

925
00:54:18,920 --> 00:54:22,839
Speaker 1: because otherwise I would have been so miserable like I was.

926
00:54:23,160 --> 00:54:25,600
Speaker 1: I was my own biggest fan. I had to I

927
00:54:25,640 --> 00:54:30,240
Speaker 1: needed others. I was alone, and now I'm not alone anymore.

928
00:54:31,600 --> 00:54:33,359
Speaker 1: Now there are other people that feel the same way,

929
00:54:33,400 --> 00:54:35,080
Speaker 1: where they they could write a card to my father

930
00:54:35,160 --> 00:54:38,640
Speaker 1: to be like, you did a good job because he's wonderful, creative, funny.

931
00:54:38,400 --> 00:54:43,120
Speaker 2: Wait till my next card, Wait till father better.

932
00:54:43,360 --> 00:54:45,560
Speaker 1: You know what, You're very good though. At the end

933
00:54:45,600 --> 00:54:48,040
Speaker 1: of Tough Shit the book, I read a letter that

934
00:54:48,080 --> 00:54:51,080
Speaker 1: you wrote to me, like for Christmas one year and

935
00:54:51,120 --> 00:54:53,799
Speaker 1: it's people still fucking write about that. People like when

936
00:54:53,840 --> 00:54:57,680
Speaker 1: that book came out, they were like, Jesus Christ, if

937
00:54:57,760 --> 00:55:01,319
Speaker 1: I hope to God my kid fucking feels that way

938
00:55:01,360 --> 00:55:05,000
Speaker 1: about me. Blah blah blah affleck too is always just like, bro,

939
00:55:06,160 --> 00:55:08,120
Speaker 1: if you ain't trying to be her, what the fuck

940
00:55:08,120 --> 00:55:10,720
Speaker 1: are you trying to do in this life? Like? Based

941
00:55:10,760 --> 00:55:11,840
Speaker 1: on shit you've written?

942
00:55:12,600 --> 00:55:13,440
Speaker 2: That's so nice.

943
00:55:13,520 --> 00:55:15,719
Speaker 1: It is nice, but it's also a reminder write a

944
00:55:15,719 --> 00:55:21,160
Speaker 1: fucking script. All right, here's another fuck. There's another snoopy card.

945
00:55:21,680 --> 00:55:25,280
Speaker 1: I had a brand. This is a Hallmark official Hallmark,

946
00:55:25,440 --> 00:55:27,799
Speaker 1: but you can see on the back I scraped out

947
00:55:27,800 --> 00:55:30,160
Speaker 1: the price tag so they couldn't look it up. Ah,

948
00:55:30,239 --> 00:55:33,360
Speaker 1: oh my god, thank you, thank you very much. My

949
00:55:33,400 --> 00:55:38,200
Speaker 1: gratitude knows no leafs. I think he means bounds. Dearest parents,

950
00:55:39,120 --> 00:55:40,680
Speaker 1: This is just a thank you note to my parents.

951
00:55:40,760 --> 00:55:43,319
Speaker 1: That's the kind of fucking that's the kind of son

952
00:55:43,360 --> 00:55:43,719
Speaker 1: I was.

953
00:55:43,880 --> 00:55:46,800
Speaker 2: Do you thank them for making you so creative, wonderful

954
00:55:46,840 --> 00:55:47,400
Speaker 2: and perfect?

955
00:55:47,680 --> 00:55:52,200
Speaker 1: Probably, if I had to guess, probably, dearest parents. Just

956
00:55:52,239 --> 00:55:55,960
Speaker 1: a little note to thank the two individuals responsible for

957
00:55:56,080 --> 00:56:01,600
Speaker 1: my conception, birth, subsequent upbringing, an eventual college. Sometimes I'm

958
00:56:01,600 --> 00:56:04,400
Speaker 1: so wrapped up in my pathetic life that I forget

959
00:56:04,400 --> 00:56:07,880
Speaker 1: to say thanks for everything. You were tolerant of my

960
00:56:08,000 --> 00:56:11,440
Speaker 1: choice of school. You packed me off, fed me cash,

961
00:56:11,520 --> 00:56:13,840
Speaker 1: and now that I'm coming home on weekends, you still

962
00:56:13,880 --> 00:56:17,479
Speaker 1: provide and understand when I'm constantly running here and there

963
00:56:18,080 --> 00:56:22,200
Speaker 1: with my friends. Pause. So this is nineteen eighty nine,

964
00:56:22,719 --> 00:56:27,280
Speaker 1: ninety eighty nine. They took me to eighty nine, nineteen

965
00:56:27,320 --> 00:56:29,600
Speaker 1: eighty nine. This is before Batman comes out. Because Batman

966
00:56:29,640 --> 00:56:32,360
Speaker 1: comes out. June twenty third, nineteen eighty nine. I'm coming

967
00:56:32,360 --> 00:56:35,040
Speaker 1: home on weekends from the New School for Social Research,

968
00:56:36,160 --> 00:56:38,440
Speaker 1: and I'm spending more time with Walter and Brian. We're

969
00:56:38,440 --> 00:56:41,239
Speaker 1: playing hockey. I'm meeting Jason Muse. This is all what's

970
00:56:41,280 --> 00:56:43,960
Speaker 1: happening on those weekends that I can't spend time with

971
00:56:44,000 --> 00:56:46,120
Speaker 1: them because I'm running here and there with my friends,

972
00:56:46,160 --> 00:56:49,520
Speaker 1: running around back to the card. Well, golly, if you

973
00:56:49,600 --> 00:56:52,440
Speaker 1: two aren't the best parents, I don't know who are.

974
00:56:53,080 --> 00:56:56,920
Speaker 1: I love you guys. You always did for me and

975
00:56:56,960 --> 00:57:01,959
Speaker 1: you continue doing so now. Thanks. If I sometimes don't

976
00:57:02,000 --> 00:57:06,720
Speaker 1: seem appreciative, it's simply because I'm stupid. Thanks for everything,

977
00:57:06,760 --> 00:57:09,399
Speaker 1: Mom and Dad. I love you both. Fact, I love

978
00:57:09,400 --> 00:57:12,440
Speaker 1: you both very much. Can I have one hundred bucks?

979
00:57:12,520 --> 00:57:14,480
Speaker 1: I have a few things to buy and the money

980
00:57:14,640 --> 00:57:18,640
Speaker 1: would help. Just kidding, Love Kevin.

981
00:57:19,200 --> 00:57:20,200
Speaker 2: That was really sweet.

982
00:57:20,640 --> 00:57:23,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, less about like one day I'm going to be

983
00:57:23,080 --> 00:57:25,920
Speaker 1: famous and ship like that or the glory of Kevin Smith.

984
00:57:26,480 --> 00:57:30,960
Speaker 1: But if I, if I had to guess, that's probably

985
00:57:30,960 --> 00:57:35,200
Speaker 1: me writing a card because like not so much, like

986
00:57:35,240 --> 00:57:38,600
Speaker 1: this is how I feel. But just you know this cover,

987
00:57:38,760 --> 00:57:42,200
Speaker 1: this will cover, this will my mom happy? What you

988
00:57:42,280 --> 00:57:44,960
Speaker 1: don't need hearing that is a very nice card. But

989
00:57:45,040 --> 00:57:46,760
Speaker 1: what you don't hear in that is the beginning of

990
00:57:46,760 --> 00:57:49,800
Speaker 1: the people pleaser, I mean people pleaser as well.

991
00:57:49,840 --> 00:57:53,000
Speaker 2: On its waist it's a little note to say thank you.

992
00:57:54,280 --> 00:57:57,280
Speaker 1: This one is hi, Mom. This card is not from

993
00:57:57,320 --> 00:57:59,840
Speaker 1: someone who thinks you're terrific and then the other side is.

994
00:58:00,680 --> 00:58:03,360
Speaker 1: But just look at the same way, Mom, You've never

995
00:58:03,400 --> 00:58:07,360
Speaker 1: stopped being my mother, whether under your roof, across the country,

996
00:58:07,440 --> 00:58:11,480
Speaker 1: deeply in debt, or in high demand. I can't tell

997
00:58:11,800 --> 00:58:14,400
Speaker 1: how you how comforting it is to know that, no

998
00:58:14,480 --> 00:58:16,920
Speaker 1: matter what I do, You're always looking out for me.

999
00:58:17,000 --> 00:58:20,120
Speaker 1: From youth to the present, You've always been my favorite

1000
00:58:20,120 --> 00:58:23,960
Speaker 1: woman in the world. I love you dearly. Kevin. Ps.

1001
00:58:24,040 --> 00:58:25,840
Speaker 1: I have not yet met JENNIFERA.

1002
00:58:27,600 --> 00:58:30,400
Speaker 2: Yes, let me just cover all my bases. Harley is

1003
00:58:30,440 --> 00:58:35,320
Speaker 2: now born yet that is that's so sweet.

1004
00:58:36,280 --> 00:58:39,880
Speaker 1: This finally is a Valentine Steak card and it seems

1005
00:58:39,920 --> 00:58:43,960
Speaker 1: like it has a poem. It's on Bullwinkle stationary and

1006
00:58:44,080 --> 00:58:46,160
Speaker 1: I wrote, Yes, this is a Valentine Steak card.

1007
00:58:46,680 --> 00:58:50,000
Speaker 2: I appreciate all your Snoopy and Bullwinkle cards.

1008
00:58:50,120 --> 00:58:52,280
Speaker 1: I was very into. I mean this came from a

1009
00:58:52,280 --> 00:58:56,480
Speaker 1: stationary set that I got at the Deadly Do write

1010
00:58:56,480 --> 00:59:02,160
Speaker 1: and pour in. Uh, here's poem time. I'm ready ready,

1011
00:59:02,880 --> 00:59:05,280
Speaker 1: I mean, bro, get ready for this hot sixteen. You

1012
00:59:05,360 --> 00:59:07,760
Speaker 1: might want to steal these lads because they are fire.

1013
00:59:07,920 --> 00:59:10,360
Speaker 3: I'm writing it down fire to Hot sixteen.

1014
00:59:10,400 --> 00:59:15,480
Speaker 1: Here we go. I bet when you saw a baby

1015
00:59:15,560 --> 00:59:19,040
Speaker 1: keV in the nursery, you never thought that he'd turned

1016
00:59:19,080 --> 00:59:20,880
Speaker 1: out like troublemaker me.

1017
00:59:22,280 --> 00:59:26,959
Speaker 3: Bars bars right, bars day.

1018
00:59:27,480 --> 00:59:30,680
Speaker 1: I'm sorry if I mess up. I'm late, I forget stuff,

1019
00:59:31,120 --> 00:59:34,520
Speaker 1: but I don't really ruin your life. I guess I

1020
00:59:34,640 --> 00:59:35,320
Speaker 1: make it rough?

1021
00:59:37,360 --> 00:59:39,240
Speaker 2: Did that rhyme stuff?

1022
00:59:39,280 --> 00:59:42,600
Speaker 1: And rough? Oh? Yeah? Absolutely? But what really? Never mind

1023
00:59:42,600 --> 00:59:47,120
Speaker 1: the rhyme scheme. It's more about like thirsty much, You're.

1024
00:59:46,960 --> 00:59:49,280
Speaker 2: Like please tell me, I'm okay, yes, tell.

1025
00:59:49,160 --> 00:59:52,880
Speaker 1: Me good please? You know that your son means well,

1026
00:59:53,240 --> 00:59:56,840
Speaker 1: he's just a bit messed up. I guess God felt

1027
00:59:56,880 --> 00:59:59,400
Speaker 1: you needed a little rotten. Look.

1028
01:00:00,280 --> 01:00:02,600
Speaker 2: Why were you so hard on yourself? And this card?

1029
01:00:03,320 --> 01:00:07,800
Speaker 1: Self loathing people pleaser, codependent people pleaser. I have to

1030
01:00:07,840 --> 01:00:12,320
Speaker 1: be told how to feel about myself. I'm wrong with that.

1031
01:00:12,320 --> 01:00:14,920
Speaker 1: That's just who I am. That's apparently who I've always

1032
01:00:14,920 --> 01:00:20,120
Speaker 1: fucking been. Again, I had to become an entertainer. This,

1033
01:00:20,120 --> 01:00:24,520
Speaker 1: this motherfucker might have like shuffled loose, this mortal coil

1034
01:00:24,960 --> 01:00:29,720
Speaker 1: intentionally might have unalived himself if the world didn't see

1035
01:00:29,800 --> 01:00:32,720
Speaker 1: him the way he did, like even in cards to

1036
01:00:32,840 --> 01:00:38,160
Speaker 1: his parents. So crazy I needed. I needed everything that

1037
01:00:38,200 --> 01:00:40,680
Speaker 1: happen the way I did Otherwise, Who knows?

1038
01:00:40,840 --> 01:00:42,160
Speaker 2: This card makes me sad?

1039
01:00:42,600 --> 01:00:45,760
Speaker 1: You know that your son means well, oh rotten look,

1040
01:00:45,960 --> 01:00:48,640
Speaker 1: But the good point is I love yous, and trouble

1041
01:00:48,720 --> 01:00:52,960
Speaker 1: can can't change that. You're just stuck, my dear parents

1042
01:00:53,480 --> 01:00:56,440
Speaker 1: with a trouble maker brat.

1043
01:00:56,880 --> 01:01:00,080
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I feel like you. You must have

1044
01:01:00,160 --> 01:01:02,240
Speaker 2: gone in trouble or something before this.

1045
01:01:02,680 --> 01:01:06,720
Speaker 1: You think what I'm guessing is Mammily was mad at

1046
01:01:06,720 --> 01:01:08,960
Speaker 1: me for something and I leaned into.

1047
01:01:08,760 --> 01:01:10,840
Speaker 3: It very hardcore.

1048
01:01:11,600 --> 01:01:14,560
Speaker 1: I know it's not a hallmark, but it is from

1049
01:01:14,600 --> 01:01:18,400
Speaker 1: the heart. Blow is a card for you. Feel free

1050
01:01:18,440 --> 01:01:20,160
Speaker 1: to use it. Oh that's not I guess the rhyming

1051
01:01:20,280 --> 01:01:25,920
Speaker 1: is over. And I wrote a little coupon it says,

1052
01:01:26,000 --> 01:01:27,000
Speaker 1: I owe you something.

1053
01:01:28,000 --> 01:01:30,720
Speaker 2: I owe you something like.

1054
01:01:30,880 --> 01:01:34,160
Speaker 1: The gift love Kevin. Happy Valentine's Day, Dear parents, I

1055
01:01:34,200 --> 01:01:36,440
Speaker 1: love you both loved Kevin.

1056
01:01:36,720 --> 01:01:43,000
Speaker 2: Damn that one was. That one was. It's just like

1057
01:01:44,160 --> 01:01:47,440
Speaker 2: the others were so celebratory.

1058
01:01:46,680 --> 01:01:48,560
Speaker 1: Of well, the other you could make fun of me

1059
01:01:48,600 --> 01:01:49,720
Speaker 1: for it, but this one, yeah.

1060
01:01:49,560 --> 01:01:52,360
Speaker 2: This one's just now I feel bad and I take

1061
01:01:52,400 --> 01:01:53,480
Speaker 2: back everything I said.

1062
01:01:53,560 --> 01:01:56,880
Speaker 1: No, no, no, it's too late based on the things

1063
01:01:56,920 --> 01:02:01,960
Speaker 1: you said. I know you didn't understand, but doesn't change the.

1064
01:02:01,920 --> 01:02:04,520
Speaker 3: Fact that it hurt I.

1065
01:02:04,800 --> 01:02:08,080
Speaker 1: But here's the thing I don't. I'm like, I remember

1066
01:02:08,160 --> 01:02:13,680
Speaker 1: writing cards and stuff, but I don't recall the negative

1067
01:02:13,760 --> 01:02:18,400
Speaker 1: so much anymore, and haven't for years. And the negative

1068
01:02:18,480 --> 01:02:21,240
Speaker 1: was never all that negative. But my mother Mamily was

1069
01:02:21,360 --> 01:02:23,560
Speaker 1: very controlling and a very.

1070
01:02:23,600 --> 01:02:27,960
Speaker 2: You know, she's a listener.

1071
01:02:28,120 --> 01:02:30,280
Speaker 1: She has a listener. This is not a complaint, but

1072
01:02:30,360 --> 01:02:35,360
Speaker 1: it's just like you weren't around for it. But like,

1073
01:02:35,920 --> 01:02:41,200
Speaker 1: you know, I, I you know, I I just I

1074
01:02:41,320 --> 01:02:47,840
Speaker 1: traded one boss for another whoa wow, and then when

1075
01:02:47,880 --> 01:02:56,000
Speaker 1: you were born another hello, and strong women have always

1076
01:02:56,080 --> 01:03:05,040
Speaker 1: been a factor in my existence. And yeah, but it's weird.

1077
01:03:05,120 --> 01:03:08,919
Speaker 1: I just don't I'm not saying like now I put

1078
01:03:08,920 --> 01:03:10,320
Speaker 1: it all the way or I blocked it, but like

1079
01:03:11,520 --> 01:03:15,560
Speaker 1: I just I don't remember. And but when I read

1080
01:03:15,600 --> 01:03:18,560
Speaker 1: cards like that, I was like, oh, yeah, I was.

1081
01:03:19,720 --> 01:03:22,200
Speaker 1: You know, like when you lived here, it was never

1082
01:03:22,360 --> 01:03:25,160
Speaker 1: like you're in this house, you'll follow these fucking rules.

1083
01:03:25,200 --> 01:03:28,840
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. There, It was that and

1084
01:03:28,920 --> 01:03:30,840
Speaker 1: you know that was common in that era and stuff

1085
01:03:30,880 --> 01:03:33,720
Speaker 1: like that, but even more so in our house because

1086
01:03:34,160 --> 01:03:38,560
Speaker 1: Virginia left, Donald left, but I stuck. So you know,

1087
01:03:38,600 --> 01:03:43,479
Speaker 1: you want to talk about empty nest when I leave.

1088
01:03:43,640 --> 01:03:48,040
Speaker 1: So I stayed for years. I didn't leave until I

1089
01:03:48,040 --> 01:03:49,640
Speaker 1: was twenty three. What kind of loser lives at home

1090
01:03:49,680 --> 01:03:50,479
Speaker 1: till or twenty three?

1091
01:03:52,440 --> 01:03:55,960
Speaker 2: Oh fucking rude.

1092
01:03:56,600 --> 01:03:58,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, but to be fair, I didn't buy a house

1093
01:03:58,480 --> 01:04:00,720
Speaker 1: at twenty three when I moved out, just moved into

1094
01:04:00,760 --> 01:04:03,200
Speaker 1: like an apartment and ship. So you're doing great there.

1095
01:04:03,320 --> 01:04:06,040
Speaker 1: But yeah, thanks, buddy. I was glad that you lived

1096
01:04:06,040 --> 01:04:07,480
Speaker 1: at those as long as you did.

1097
01:04:07,640 --> 01:04:11,120
Speaker 2: It was you And Mom always asked me to come back.

1098
01:04:11,480 --> 01:04:13,680
Speaker 1: I said it recently. I was like, selling your fucking house,

1099
01:04:13,840 --> 01:04:16,600
Speaker 1: move back in here, and Harley was like, yeah, that'll happen.

1100
01:04:16,680 --> 01:04:18,200
Speaker 1: Hold my fum bailed.

1101
01:04:19,880 --> 01:04:23,959
Speaker 2: You See, I may, I may make fun of my dad,

1102
01:04:24,320 --> 01:04:27,360
Speaker 2: but he makes fun of me just as much.

1103
01:04:27,560 --> 01:04:33,040
Speaker 1: And Virginia says she loves when you're like, I think

1104
01:04:33,080 --> 01:04:37,320
Speaker 1: that the truth is that as well truth. She finally

1105
01:04:37,360 --> 01:04:43,760
Speaker 1: she's like, somebody put a voice to it. I shared

1106
01:04:43,760 --> 01:04:47,760
Speaker 1: all that with you mainly because I wanted to be like, hey, buddy,

1107
01:04:47,760 --> 01:04:48,800
Speaker 1: what the fuck are your cards?

1108
01:04:49,360 --> 01:04:50,520
Speaker 2: No, that's a good point.

1109
01:04:50,600 --> 01:04:54,160
Speaker 1: Ship written from you, like, and as you can see,

1110
01:04:54,680 --> 01:04:58,560
Speaker 1: there is a long legacy of holding on to that ship. Yeah.

1111
01:04:58,800 --> 01:05:01,520
Speaker 2: Like I used to write car cards for everything.

1112
01:05:01,720 --> 01:05:05,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh we have them, trust me, they're all they

1113
01:05:05,520 --> 01:05:06,560
Speaker 1: were not thrown out.

1114
01:05:06,720 --> 01:05:09,240
Speaker 2: I'm blow your mind with a card next week.

1115
01:05:10,760 --> 01:05:14,280
Speaker 1: I mean, honestly, if you wanted to write me something

1116
01:05:14,560 --> 01:05:15,800
Speaker 1: like ifish.

1117
01:05:15,320 --> 01:05:16,360
Speaker 2: It would be a script.

1118
01:05:16,880 --> 01:05:18,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, do me a favorite. Fuck you want to

1119
01:05:18,480 --> 01:05:20,320
Speaker 1: write me a card, make it one hundred and twenty pages.

1120
01:05:20,480 --> 01:05:23,080
Speaker 1: I have three acts and it was something I could finance.

1121
01:05:25,520 --> 01:05:28,200
Speaker 1: But no, I you know, it's not like him, And

1122
01:05:28,360 --> 01:05:30,560
Speaker 1: write me a card if you wrote me something naturally,

1123
01:05:30,600 --> 01:05:33,560
Speaker 1: I would be into it because the sentiment alone. But

1124
01:05:33,600 --> 01:05:36,160
Speaker 1: also I like your writing quite a bit. But this

1125
01:05:36,400 --> 01:05:39,840
Speaker 1: wasn't an exercise and like you're slacking. This was just

1126
01:05:39,880 --> 01:05:43,960
Speaker 1: an exercise, and like this is who I was.

1127
01:05:45,120 --> 01:05:49,680
Speaker 2: I still see yeah, I still see that guy in there.

1128
01:05:49,800 --> 01:05:54,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I don't write cards as much like but

1129
01:05:54,160 --> 01:05:58,960
Speaker 1: but you know, I I mean texting an email took.

1130
01:05:58,840 --> 01:06:02,120
Speaker 2: Place of like yeah, but your your texts are like

1131
01:06:04,120 --> 01:06:12,360
Speaker 2: very circumspect, kiddo, Hi, okay, hello, they're not ah.

1132
01:06:12,080 --> 01:06:15,880
Speaker 1: And your texts are like, here's a funny cat video. Yeah, exactly,

1133
01:06:16,480 --> 01:06:23,400
Speaker 1: fucking cappy bearer. Here's a fucking funny squirrel. No context whatsoever? No,

1134
01:06:23,600 --> 01:06:26,240
Speaker 1: Like dear Dad. When I saw the squirrel, I thought

1135
01:06:26,280 --> 01:06:28,320
Speaker 1: of our relationship and the many things I.

1136
01:06:28,240 --> 01:06:29,480
Speaker 2: Think it should speak.

1137
01:06:30,520 --> 01:06:32,680
Speaker 1: It speaks volumes like happy squirrel.

1138
01:06:33,280 --> 01:06:35,560
Speaker 2: Do you like the selection I sent you the other day?

1139
01:06:35,720 --> 01:06:40,080
Speaker 1: I do. I never have any complaints here. It was great.

1140
01:06:40,560 --> 01:06:43,640
Speaker 1: The kid who was just like, yo, what up, Brian

1141
01:06:43,800 --> 01:06:45,960
Speaker 1: or whatever his name was. The guy was like, hi.

1142
01:06:48,960 --> 01:06:51,880
Speaker 3: In the suburbs, in the suburbs, bitch, what up?

1143
01:06:52,000 --> 01:06:53,200
Speaker 1: Ran? Hi?

1144
01:06:55,480 --> 01:06:57,560
Speaker 2: See that one reminded me of you, And I don't

1145
01:06:57,600 --> 01:06:58,640
Speaker 2: need to explain that.

1146
01:06:58,600 --> 01:07:01,640
Speaker 1: I saw myself and then the only thing this ain't

1147
01:07:01,640 --> 01:07:04,040
Speaker 1: a criticism, you don't do it often, but like, you

1148
01:07:04,080 --> 01:07:07,080
Speaker 1: don't have to send birds, not a bird guy, unless

1149
01:07:07,680 --> 01:07:11,960
Speaker 1: that bird is like singing talking.

1150
01:07:12,360 --> 01:07:14,400
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I forgot about that video.

1151
01:07:15,600 --> 01:07:17,720
Speaker 1: Or a bird figuring ship out. Those are some of

1152
01:07:17,760 --> 01:07:20,200
Speaker 1: my favorite bird videos, literally where they have a bird

1153
01:07:20,240 --> 01:07:22,000
Speaker 1: and he's got like a bottle and there's a rock

1154
01:07:22,040 --> 01:07:24,320
Speaker 1: in it and water and ship and then he does

1155
01:07:24,360 --> 01:07:28,720
Speaker 1: the weight displacement to bring it up closer. Fucking nuts

1156
01:07:28,760 --> 01:07:31,920
Speaker 1: and clothes. They're both little tool used. They're brilliant, and

1157
01:07:32,000 --> 01:07:34,600
Speaker 1: watching him figure shit out is like I couldn't even

1158
01:07:34,920 --> 01:07:36,960
Speaker 1: Literally I watched a raven figure something out where I

1159
01:07:37,000 --> 01:07:39,480
Speaker 1: was like, I wouldn't have done that. He beat me.

1160
01:07:39,800 --> 01:07:42,560
Speaker 2: They're smart as hell they are. What type of bird

1161
01:07:42,640 --> 01:07:43,640
Speaker 2: is the one that does.

1162
01:07:47,640 --> 01:07:49,520
Speaker 1: Singing with the dude? A dude had this little flute

1163
01:07:49,520 --> 01:07:53,240
Speaker 1: and he's like and then the ravens like he sang

1164
01:07:53,280 --> 01:07:57,240
Speaker 1: it dope, man, I wish that was my ring tone ship.

1165
01:07:57,240 --> 01:07:59,560
Speaker 1: I could string that together enough that'd be like my

1166
01:07:59,600 --> 01:08:07,080
Speaker 1: fuck's track. Okay, you need about thirty seconds of that.

1167
01:08:13,120 --> 01:08:15,760
Speaker 1: All right, there's your beardlesstick for this week getting out

1168
01:08:15,800 --> 01:08:19,040
Speaker 1: on a cringe note. Don't forget to write your mother card.

1169
01:08:18,960 --> 01:08:20,120
Speaker 2: Kids, so true.

1170
01:08:20,160 --> 01:08:22,680
Speaker 1: She'll keep it forever, she will, and then you'll get

1171
01:08:22,680 --> 01:08:23,960
Speaker 1: it back and you get to read it on your

1172
01:08:23,960 --> 01:08:24,400
Speaker 1: own body.

1173
01:08:24,520 --> 01:08:27,920
Speaker 2: You'll learn something about yourself, that's true. Yeah, And that's

1174
01:08:27,960 --> 01:08:28,840
Speaker 2: the circle of life.

1175
01:08:30,160 --> 01:08:45,760
Speaker 1: That's the same circle under your tail exactly. And then

1176
01:08:45,760 --> 01:08:49,599
Speaker 1: Walters he was like, you, but don't sing circle under

1177
01:08:49,600 --> 01:08:52,000
Speaker 1: the tail. Make it better than that. I'm like, all right,

1178
01:08:52,320 --> 01:08:54,360
Speaker 1: circle of life. He's like, yeah, that's more.

1179
01:08:54,240 --> 01:08:55,360
Speaker 2: That's pretty beautiful.

1180
01:08:57,960 --> 01:09:00,840
Speaker 1: He was a massive smoker. Really, do you know in

1181
01:09:00,920 --> 01:09:03,960
Speaker 1: all the pictures that hang around Disneyland of young Walt

1182
01:09:04,080 --> 01:09:09,320
Speaker 1: or of Walt himself, the cigarettes have been airbrushed or

1183
01:09:09,360 --> 01:09:10,519
Speaker 1: what do they call it these days?

1184
01:09:11,120 --> 01:09:14,360
Speaker 2: Oh, just removed, like photoshopped down, photoshopped down.

1185
01:09:15,000 --> 01:09:18,360
Speaker 1: He was he was almost never photographed without a lit

1186
01:09:18,360 --> 01:09:22,439
Speaker 1: burning cigarette. But you know, they don't they don't want

1187
01:09:22,439 --> 01:09:24,599
Speaker 1: to put that up, so they put him up and

1188
01:09:24,720 --> 01:09:26,599
Speaker 1: they removed the cigarette. Does it though?

1189
01:09:27,000 --> 01:09:30,840
Speaker 2: They used to sell like ashtrays and and cigarettes in

1190
01:09:30,880 --> 01:09:31,920
Speaker 2: the park, Yeah.

1191
01:09:31,760 --> 01:09:34,160
Speaker 1: One hundred percent. I wish they'd still sell ashtrays.

1192
01:09:34,200 --> 01:09:35,439
Speaker 2: I have a few.

1193
01:09:35,800 --> 01:09:38,320
Speaker 1: They should sell an ashtray with Walt in the bottom

1194
01:09:38,400 --> 01:09:41,920
Speaker 1: holding the fucking cigarette. True, that charge like one hundred

1195
01:09:41,920 --> 01:09:43,800
Speaker 1: bucks for it. There would be people who would pay it.

1196
01:09:43,800 --> 01:09:46,800
Speaker 1: They're like, oh my god, that's that rare Walt smoking ashtray.

1197
01:09:49,040 --> 01:09:51,000
Speaker 1: I pay good Disney Bucks for that. Do they still

1198
01:09:51,000 --> 01:09:54,120
Speaker 1: do Disney Bucks? No, they stop that. Oh yeah, what

1199
01:09:54,160 --> 01:09:56,599
Speaker 1: a fucking scam. That was. Give us your money. We'll

1200
01:09:56,600 --> 01:09:58,400
Speaker 1: give you fake money and you spend that in the

1201
01:09:58,400 --> 01:10:01,200
Speaker 1: park and like what the fuck? And some people went

1202
01:10:01,240 --> 01:10:05,519
Speaker 1: for it. I still have some bus there. It is kids,

1203
01:10:05,560 --> 01:10:07,840
Speaker 1: there's your beard. Listen. We gotta get out before somebody

1204
01:10:07,880 --> 01:10:08,840
Speaker 1: starts criticizing you.

1205
01:10:08,840 --> 01:10:14,080
Speaker 7: Like, oh, oh, little millionaires kid can't spend the Disney

1206
01:10:14,280 --> 01:10:19,960
Speaker 7: but fucking dirty God damn fucking couldn't.

1207
01:10:20,000 --> 01:10:22,280
Speaker 1: What what's the They wouldn't call you liberal? What would

1208
01:10:22,280 --> 01:10:22,680
Speaker 1: they call you?

1209
01:10:23,479 --> 01:10:25,120
Speaker 3: Clueless?

1210
01:10:26,200 --> 01:10:26,639
Speaker 2: Leftist?

1211
01:10:27,120 --> 01:10:29,280
Speaker 1: Left it? Well, this pilot pucker wasn't a rightist. This

1212
01:10:29,320 --> 01:10:31,800
Speaker 1: motherfucker was far left of you. That was their point.

1213
01:10:32,520 --> 01:10:35,320
Speaker 1: So what would they call you? Elitist?

1214
01:10:35,640 --> 01:10:38,679
Speaker 2: Elitist, nipple baby piece of ship?

1215
01:10:39,720 --> 01:10:42,240
Speaker 1: I mean I would that hadn't even occurred to me.

1216
01:10:42,520 --> 01:10:44,120
Speaker 2: Here it comes, It comes.

1217
01:10:43,960 --> 01:10:46,360
Speaker 1: Right out of your fucking the dark heart. Of your soul.

1218
01:10:46,439 --> 01:10:52,800
Speaker 2: You're like, they're gonna they're definitely gonna comment that.

1219
01:10:53,240 --> 01:10:56,800
Speaker 1: You deserve each other, you and that nep.

1220
01:10:58,200 --> 01:10:59,360
Speaker 2: I'm going to Disneyland.

1221
01:11:00,000 --> 01:11:03,560
Speaker 1: You're literally going to Disney that's why you dressed this way. Yeah,

1222
01:11:03,720 --> 01:11:06,120
Speaker 1: I should never revealed that too. Somebody else is gonna

1223
01:11:06,160 --> 01:11:09,000
Speaker 1: be like, oh, you have enough time to go to

1224
01:11:09,040 --> 01:11:12,040
Speaker 1: Disneyland when there's all this suffering in the world.

1225
01:11:12,520 --> 01:11:14,040
Speaker 2: All right, never mind, I'm just gonna go.

1226
01:11:14,600 --> 01:11:16,800
Speaker 1: I'm just because ten that's dine then to give out

1227
01:11:16,800 --> 01:11:20,960
Speaker 1: free money. Yeah, oh you got free money to give

1228
01:11:21,040 --> 01:11:26,720
Speaker 1: to Disneyland people, but not can't win there it is kids,

1229
01:11:26,720 --> 01:11:29,240
Speaker 1: there's your beardles stickless me. You're like, I want more

1230
01:11:29,240 --> 01:11:31,639
Speaker 1: of this ship and jump over to that Kevin Smith club.

1231
01:11:31,800 --> 01:11:35,840
Speaker 1: Get beardless stickless. Plus Harley's like a fuck, oh the show.

1232
01:11:35,880 --> 01:11:38,200
Speaker 1: I'm supposed to go to Disney not yet, that's the

1233
01:11:38,200 --> 01:11:41,759
Speaker 1: bridge to Disney. The bridge meey to Disney. Don't fucking

1234
01:11:41,800 --> 01:11:43,880
Speaker 1: sound sad, because then they're gonna be like, oh you

1235
01:11:43,960 --> 01:11:46,600
Speaker 1: hear how how sad she is that she gotta do

1236
01:11:46,680 --> 01:11:51,080
Speaker 1: a shoe with her father? Guy? Right? Those comments is me?

1237
01:11:51,160 --> 01:11:58,920
Speaker 1: By the way, No, that there it is beardless stickless

1238
01:11:58,960 --> 01:12:02,920
Speaker 1: me tuning out? Get how we in the show for

1239
01:12:02,960 --> 01:12:05,639
Speaker 1: bids me tuning out?

1240
01:12:05,960 --> 01:12:08,360
Speaker 2: Kevin Smith, Quod Smith.

1241
01:12:08,080 --> 01:12:11,599
Speaker 1: You have a beardless dickless dias.

1242
01:12:21,680 --> 01:12:26,200
Speaker 5: This has been a podcast production, some podcast podcast using

1243
01:12:26,240 --> 01:12:33,400
Speaker 5: our mouths on you since two thousand and seven. Hey kids,

1244
01:12:33,400 --> 01:12:35,320
Speaker 5: did you like what you just heard? Well, guess what.

1245
01:12:35,400 --> 01:12:38,920
Speaker 1: We've got tons more man thousands of hours of podcasts

1246
01:12:38,920 --> 01:12:42,360
Speaker 1: waiting for you at that Kevinsmith club dot com. Go

1247
01:12:42,560 --> 01:12:43,360
Speaker 1: sign up now,