1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,836 got to give you. Did I give you the phone. 2 00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:04,087 Yeah. 3 00:00:04,087 --> 00:00:05,922 Yeah. Okay. Great. Okay. 4 00:00:05,922 --> 00:00:07,132 All right. 5 00:00:07,132 --> 00:00:08,174 All righty. 6 00:00:08,174 --> 00:00:09,426 Well, here we are again, Joyce. 7 00:00:09,426 --> 00:00:10,552 And welcome to another 8 00:00:10,552 --> 00:00:14,347 hopefully rollicking edition of What's Good with John and Joyce. 9 00:00:14,723 --> 00:00:16,516 Subscribe on YouTube wherever you can. 10 00:00:16,516 --> 00:00:18,768 Share it with a friend who needs good news. 11 00:00:18,768 --> 00:00:20,061 Uplifting stories. 12 00:00:20,061 --> 00:00:22,939 No negativity, no politics. 13 00:00:22,939 --> 00:00:26,443 You know, I'm John Cadillac Seville from iHeartRadio and to my left 14 00:00:26,443 --> 00:00:27,444 I have my buddy. 15 00:00:27,444 --> 00:00:30,071 I love her, and I love you too, John. 16 00:00:30,071 --> 00:00:32,824 I'd like to say a big thank you to all of our sponsors. 17 00:00:32,824 --> 00:00:35,660 Woodwinds, wedding and special events, venue and Sylvio. 18 00:00:35,660 --> 00:00:39,330 Sources the woodwinds.com ascend bank. 19 00:00:39,664 --> 00:00:41,458 They don't just see your accounts. 20 00:00:41,458 --> 00:00:44,085 They see your vision and ambitions. 21 00:00:44,085 --> 00:00:48,339 Ascend dot bank Moonshots, a vegan based company 22 00:00:48,339 --> 00:00:53,428 that delivers the highest quality organic juices, coffee bowls and so much more. 23 00:00:53,762 --> 00:00:56,181 Drink moonshots.com. 24 00:00:56,181 --> 00:00:59,726 And to your health, nutrition and health coaching. 25 00:00:59,976 --> 00:01:03,688 Creating a lifestyle tailored just for you to your health. 26 00:01:03,855 --> 00:01:05,774 Three 60.com. 27 00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:07,567 Linda Toscano of Coldwell Banker 28 00:01:07,567 --> 00:01:11,488 Realty in Guilford, Connecticut, with over 17 years of experience. 29 00:01:11,488 --> 00:01:13,198 Linda is known for her authentic, 30 00:01:13,198 --> 00:01:16,743 client focused approach and expert guidance for buyers and sellers. 31 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:18,119 Now, if you're thinking about 32 00:01:18,119 --> 00:01:21,539 making a move, Linda Toscano is someone you can trust. 33 00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:25,168 We're deeply grateful to all of our sponsors for their support 34 00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:26,044 and for partnering 35 00:01:26,044 --> 00:01:30,173 with us to uplift and enrich the lives of our listeners and viewers. 36 00:01:30,548 --> 00:01:33,093 So we're talking about always what's good. Yes. 37 00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:34,469 You just came back from the dead. 38 00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:36,179 I was over the dentist. 39 00:01:36,179 --> 00:01:39,307 And I'm one of these kind of freaky people that actually like the dentist. 40 00:01:39,474 --> 00:01:40,809 Because this guy is really cool. 41 00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:43,478 Give him a shout out, doctor doll. Doctor doll. And. 42 00:01:43,478 --> 00:01:45,271 Yeah, like the procedure. 43 00:01:45,271 --> 00:01:46,272 Well, not so much that. 44 00:01:46,272 --> 00:01:47,148 But but they have. 45 00:01:47,148 --> 00:01:48,983 But they have a really good bedside manner there. 46 00:01:48,983 --> 00:01:50,401 I'll say Michelle and Doctor Doll, 47 00:01:50,401 --> 00:01:53,113 but I went there yesterday to get a couple crowns. 48 00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:55,323 I mean, I've been crowned before, but not quite in this way. 49 00:01:57,158 --> 00:01:59,494 That's right. 50 00:01:59,494 --> 00:02:03,039 Well, yeah, I know, but a couple of crowns and has some novocaine. 51 00:02:03,039 --> 00:02:06,000 And I think I've got a, you know, podcast, a tape today, 52 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:10,296 and it's going to be a talk, a cruise ride, radio shows, a record. 53 00:02:10,296 --> 00:02:12,799 But luckily I'm able to semi speak today. 54 00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:15,802 Be semi coherent right. 55 00:02:16,010 --> 00:02:17,720 Yep yep. And speak. 56 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:19,597 Do I ever tell you my my. No. 57 00:02:19,597 --> 00:02:22,475 And by the way, before we do that let's give you an introduction. 58 00:02:22,475 --> 00:02:26,104 I call you doctor B or Doctor Coop's doctor. 59 00:02:26,437 --> 00:02:29,983 I saw her Ted talk recently that you did Newport. 60 00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:32,318 It was so friggin good. She is just so real. 61 00:02:32,318 --> 00:02:36,239 Her story is so inspiring because she's become a very, very dear friend to. 62 00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:40,160 But tell us your your your dentist or Novocain story there, doctor. 63 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,787 Bridgette Cooper. Good to see you, by the way. Hey. 64 00:02:44,247 --> 00:02:46,666 Yeah, so I was probably 7 or 8. 65 00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:49,210 I had a, believe it or not, a small mouth. 66 00:02:49,210 --> 00:02:51,963 Okay. 67 00:02:51,963 --> 00:02:53,840 Why not? 68 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,592 Okay. 69 00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:57,635 Many big teeth for my tiny little mouse. 70 00:02:57,635 --> 00:02:59,304 So they did a lot of interventions 71 00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:03,016 when I was young, trying to rip out teeth and orchestrate this whole. 72 00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:04,309 Yeah. 73 00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:08,062 And so one day, I went to the dentist and I took out four lower teeth. 74 00:03:08,062 --> 00:03:11,983 So, lower teeth and had no at one time. 75 00:03:11,983 --> 00:03:14,986 At one time. Whoa. Lots of no. 76 00:03:15,069 --> 00:03:15,570 Yeah. 77 00:03:15,570 --> 00:03:18,489 So I said, my mom sit in the back seat 78 00:03:18,489 --> 00:03:20,658 because I'm not on here when I her to ice cream. 79 00:03:20,658 --> 00:03:22,952 You know, one of those like sure, sure. 80 00:03:22,952 --> 00:03:24,120 Getting them chocolate dipped. 81 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:26,581 Oh, I love chocolate dipped. 82 00:03:26,581 --> 00:03:27,332 Oh yeah. 83 00:03:27,332 --> 00:03:29,250 Getting my mom kept saying no. 84 00:03:29,250 --> 00:03:32,086 You know, extras were not a thing in our world. 85 00:03:32,086 --> 00:03:33,004 And I kept begging. 86 00:03:33,004 --> 00:03:36,007 And finally she was like that. She she. 87 00:03:38,134 --> 00:03:40,136 And the entire ride home, she had. 88 00:03:40,136 --> 00:03:42,889 And for those moms out there, you can identify with this. 89 00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:43,806 She had one of those. 90 00:03:43,806 --> 00:03:46,809 I told you so, as she. 91 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:51,689 And I could not. 92 00:03:51,689 --> 00:03:52,649 Yeah. 93 00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:54,150 Yeah. 94 00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:56,986 I didn't have any, like, any straw. Right. 95 00:03:56,986 --> 00:03:59,530 Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. 96 00:03:59,530 --> 00:04:01,532 And so I got home, and I throw the whole thing away. 97 00:04:01,532 --> 00:04:02,867 Yeah, 98 00:04:02,867 --> 00:04:05,870 I told you so. 99 00:04:06,287 --> 00:04:08,081 We sat and I could see her little eyes. 100 00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:11,042 All right, 101 00:04:13,836 --> 00:04:14,545 Chocolate. 102 00:04:14,545 --> 00:04:17,048 I, I know I had one of those. 103 00:04:17,048 --> 00:04:18,675 Oh, you have to clean. 104 00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:20,051 Really? 105 00:04:20,051 --> 00:04:22,095 Yeah. I don't know, maybe it's like trauma. No. 106 00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:23,429 Yeah, yeah, I do. 107 00:04:23,429 --> 00:04:26,140 I haven't had that. I never I love their blizzard, right? 108 00:04:26,140 --> 00:04:28,810 I love the blizzard test when they turn it upside down. 109 00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:30,520 Oh, that it passes. 110 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:31,562 Oh these are test with us. 111 00:04:31,562 --> 00:04:33,523 Let's go. And still stuck in it. But. 112 00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:34,190 Yeah. Right. 113 00:04:34,190 --> 00:04:36,609 Yeah I mean all of us are pretty much strict with our nutrition. 114 00:04:36,609 --> 00:04:37,360 All three of us here. 115 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:40,363 But but if I was able to eat something or you were able to do something, 116 00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:42,490 you're like your favorite junk food. 117 00:04:42,490 --> 00:04:44,117 But it wouldn't put any calories, it wouldn't 118 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:46,703 have a detrimental effect on your body. 119 00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:49,414 What would it be? Key lime key lime pie. 120 00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:51,791 I make them fast. 121 00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:54,669 Coconut cream pie. Oh. Oh, so you need to come back. 122 00:04:54,669 --> 00:04:56,754 There's already a second edition with. Right? 123 00:04:56,754 --> 00:04:59,215 Just for that alone, 124 00:04:59,215 --> 00:05:01,801 please add the key lime 125 00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:05,221 actually brought it to friends for their birthday party. 126 00:05:05,221 --> 00:05:08,224 Cake. Oh, coconut cream pie. 127 00:05:08,516 --> 00:05:10,184 Yeah yeah yeah. Oh, wait. 128 00:05:10,184 --> 00:05:12,395 I'm a pie person. Okay. 129 00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:15,064 Excellent. Baker right here to it. 130 00:05:15,064 --> 00:05:19,027 But I never did a coconut cream pie because my family doesn't like coconut. 131 00:05:19,027 --> 00:05:21,487 And no, we do joints. We do. 132 00:05:21,487 --> 00:05:23,364 I mean, yeah, yeah. 133 00:05:23,364 --> 00:05:26,367 I'm leaving, 134 00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:27,493 anytime 135 00:05:27,493 --> 00:05:30,621 I come home from stuff from from Joyce with stuff from Joyce, my wife. 136 00:05:30,621 --> 00:05:33,041 Because I hate her, I love her, I hate her, 137 00:05:33,041 --> 00:05:35,918 I love her, you know, the devil angel from the cartoons. 138 00:05:35,918 --> 00:05:37,628 But but 139 00:05:37,628 --> 00:05:39,839 incredible. Incredible. 140 00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:41,132 But I think I like to bake. 141 00:05:41,132 --> 00:05:43,092 Like I said, no one else really like. 142 00:05:43,092 --> 00:05:45,261 I like things with nuts in it and. 143 00:05:45,261 --> 00:05:48,389 And me too. Me too. 144 00:05:49,682 --> 00:05:51,684 Yes yes yes. 145 00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:54,312 Right. That's what's good now I'm hungry. 146 00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:55,355 Yeah. Me too. 147 00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:58,358 Where's the caterer? Okay. Should be here. 148 00:05:58,441 --> 00:06:01,027 And you mentioned that her, your Ted talk. 149 00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:01,444 Yeah. 150 00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:04,947 But I want to tell you to everyone who's listening, you must, 151 00:06:05,281 --> 00:06:08,284 must go to Cooper. 152 00:06:08,493 --> 00:06:09,911 Just, go there. 153 00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:12,789 Yeah, you can go to my website. The there. 154 00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:15,249 Because that it will change your life. 155 00:06:15,249 --> 00:06:16,876 It changed my life. 156 00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:19,087 I watched it twice. 157 00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:21,381 It's, let me just say this. 158 00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:24,509 It's it's a little tough to watch. 159 00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:25,301 Just a little. 160 00:06:25,301 --> 00:06:28,262 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I, we actually discussed, 161 00:06:28,554 --> 00:06:32,141 as an organization because each Ted is independently run, 162 00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:36,020 and it's a volunteer organization through the Ted, organization. 163 00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:40,441 And I actually asked, is there should we do it tomorrow morning? 164 00:06:40,441 --> 00:06:43,611 Like, should we do some sort of a trigger warning label on it? 165 00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:45,113 And they said no. 166 00:06:45,113 --> 00:06:48,241 And I said, okay, you know, I think that, yeah, 167 00:06:48,282 --> 00:06:52,245 I, I think a lot of people need that before they head into that. 168 00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:55,706 But you're, such an inspiration, which is why you're all. 169 00:06:55,706 --> 00:06:58,835 And what's good, because it does have a good ending. 170 00:06:59,335 --> 00:07:01,170 But the first time. 171 00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:04,006 Yeah, you were beaten. Yeah. 172 00:07:04,006 --> 00:07:08,553 And this is by your father and I hold your mother, of course. 173 00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:09,846 Responsible too. 174 00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:11,889 You are eight weeks old. 175 00:07:11,889 --> 00:07:13,433 Yeah, absolutely. 176 00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:14,892 It was actually the moment. 177 00:07:14,892 --> 00:07:16,894 And you and I were talking about camera 178 00:07:16,894 --> 00:07:20,148 before this, that, And what you don't know when you watch the Ted talk 179 00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:24,110 is that I actually froze at about the three minute mark 180 00:07:24,735 --> 00:07:29,198 when someone gasped, because what I did was I set it up as a speaker does. 181 00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:33,786 And I said, the first time my father beat me, I was eight, eight weeks old. 182 00:07:34,203 --> 00:07:35,830 Someone gasped in the audience 183 00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:37,832 and I froze. 184 00:07:37,832 --> 00:07:41,878 I was, I thought to myself, oh my gosh, I've hurt someone with my story. 185 00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:44,046 I that I wasn't prepared for. 186 00:07:44,046 --> 00:07:46,507 I was prepared for the the with the eyes. 187 00:07:46,507 --> 00:07:47,592 I was prepared for all that. 188 00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:51,220 So I didn't look at any faces in the audience of like 400 people. 189 00:07:51,220 --> 00:07:53,681 And I was very well prepared. 190 00:07:53,681 --> 00:07:55,808 I was not prepared for that. 191 00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:59,353 And I froze for 27 seconds, finally walked off stage 192 00:07:59,353 --> 00:08:00,605 because I didn't have any more words 193 00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:03,274 and had to remind myself of where I was in the story. 194 00:08:03,274 --> 00:08:06,903 But that moment was was yeah, that's that's 195 00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:10,198 one of the the hit in the solar plexus kind of moments. 196 00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:12,909 I'll tell you a document I heard eight weeks. 197 00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:16,871 And also being violated, not just being beaten, I mean an 198 00:08:16,871 --> 00:08:20,166 eight week your daughter at eight weeks, 199 00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:22,043 I think I cried 200 00:08:22,043 --> 00:08:25,046 like, at six years old, you know, 201 00:08:25,963 --> 00:08:26,881 it was ongoing. 202 00:08:26,881 --> 00:08:28,341 Ongoing. 203 00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:29,467 And I think that's what happens. 204 00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:34,055 You know, I remember when I was in college and I was reconciling my story 205 00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:38,309 and recognizing that I had some outlier experiences. 206 00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:39,936 And then I had a lot of things in common 207 00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:43,147 with some of my female peers, which is a heartbreaking reality. 208 00:08:43,147 --> 00:08:45,066 And even some of my male peers. 209 00:08:45,066 --> 00:08:48,152 But I, I recognized that because I had been 210 00:08:49,237 --> 00:08:53,950 groomed and victimized at such an early age, I had no sense 211 00:08:53,950 --> 00:08:57,745 of myself in my own self-protection because none of that trapped. 212 00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:02,583 So I was in situations not only because of a lot of other familial 213 00:09:02,583 --> 00:09:07,838 and kind of other structure situations, but I was really just unaware 214 00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:12,468 of any way of protecting myself because I never learned. 215 00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:13,135 Right? 216 00:09:13,135 --> 00:09:15,513 I mean, I had just been part of what I was drawn to. 217 00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:17,348 I was just a moth to a flame. 218 00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:20,851 So those future violations were I was 219 00:09:21,269 --> 00:09:24,855 I think I think predators can, can sniff out right now. 220 00:09:24,897 --> 00:09:29,110 And I think I gave off all of those, those senses and, 221 00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:32,405 and at that young age too, there's no frame of reference. 222 00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:36,909 Did you think that this was like something that was just indigenous to you, 223 00:09:36,909 --> 00:09:39,287 or it was something that maybe was happening in other families? 224 00:09:39,287 --> 00:09:40,663 How do you process that? 225 00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:44,500 I, I just saw myself as marked, 226 00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:49,297 what I saw myself as this is this is my life. 227 00:09:49,297 --> 00:09:50,715 You have no unprotected. 228 00:09:51,924 --> 00:09:52,883 No. Not really. 229 00:09:52,883 --> 00:09:57,388 You know, I, did some things later on in an attempt to do so, 230 00:09:57,388 --> 00:10:01,309 but I think she was so consumed by her own demons that I think she. 231 00:10:01,309 --> 00:10:04,478 I found it very hard to step in and protect. 232 00:10:04,478 --> 00:10:07,982 Even when I would tell her things and share things with her. 233 00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:13,446 I think she had a hard time imagining creating a different circumstance for us. 234 00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,489 And she would actually send you back. 235 00:10:15,489 --> 00:10:18,159 And yeah, she she was divorced at the time. 236 00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:20,911 She got divorced. She left my dad. 237 00:10:20,911 --> 00:10:24,874 Actually had my dad extracted from the house, under 238 00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:28,586 because he was a drug user and dealer and, 239 00:10:29,045 --> 00:10:32,340 and had him arrested and he went to jail, 240 00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:35,343 and we were able to kind of escape a bit. 241 00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:39,013 But then she sent me back there for, 242 00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:43,601 sleepaway visits, you know, and, and that shocked me. 243 00:10:43,934 --> 00:10:45,227 Yeah. 244 00:10:45,227 --> 00:10:49,982 That knowing that, knowing she was sending you back to the abuser, 245 00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:51,817 you would think the maternal instinct would just, 246 00:10:51,817 --> 00:10:55,112 you know, kick in at that point to protect, I mean, even later on. 247 00:10:55,112 --> 00:10:56,947 And I remember telling a friend of mine this, 248 00:10:56,947 --> 00:10:59,950 and they were like, wait a second, I didn't know that was part of the story. 249 00:11:00,451 --> 00:11:03,996 My dad had actually my, stepmother had died. 250 00:11:04,538 --> 00:11:05,706 And some of those 251 00:11:05,706 --> 00:11:10,127 experiences are in little landslides, which is my story, of how she died. 252 00:11:10,419 --> 00:11:13,714 But she died, and he came to stay with us. 253 00:11:13,714 --> 00:11:17,551 And I was eight, and my mom reconciled for two months. 254 00:11:18,636 --> 00:11:20,012 And he was back in the house. 255 00:11:20,012 --> 00:11:21,097 He was doing drugs. 256 00:11:21,097 --> 00:11:22,390 He was doing whatever. 257 00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:27,144 And I, I think if you're in the frame of mind that my mom was in of being 258 00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:29,313 she was abused or and he'd been beating her 259 00:11:29,313 --> 00:11:32,316 until I came along and he beat us both right. 260 00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:35,152 I think the idea of going back to 261 00:11:35,152 --> 00:11:38,906 that doesn't seem all that for him, of exposing your child to 262 00:11:38,906 --> 00:11:42,076 that might not just seem like something you would fight. 263 00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:45,037 Was it kind of like the. No. Maybe. Maybe. 264 00:11:45,037 --> 00:11:48,874 I think she I, you know, I my mom died, 12 years ago 265 00:11:48,874 --> 00:11:51,877 now, and, she ended her life, 266 00:11:53,462 --> 00:11:54,714 that tortured 267 00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:58,134 existence is just, I think when you are along 268 00:11:58,134 --> 00:12:01,804 for the ride of that, I think that's a that's what's going to happen. 269 00:12:02,638 --> 00:12:08,436 I was so fortunate that you're here and you're inspiring others 270 00:12:08,436 --> 00:12:12,356 because I work with many, many women who have, 271 00:12:13,941 --> 00:12:16,026 similar stories and in a sense, 272 00:12:16,026 --> 00:12:20,823 like I did with with abuse and as a hypnotherapist. 273 00:12:20,823 --> 00:12:23,826 Yeah, they really want to forget. 274 00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:28,080 But sometimes you must confront. 275 00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:28,706 Yeah. 276 00:12:28,706 --> 00:12:33,335 And you did that and then, and then you go to that other side of forgiveness. 277 00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:34,086 Yeah. 278 00:12:34,086 --> 00:12:37,089 And the some of the women that I've worked with, 279 00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:42,011 they refused to go there and they have ongoing health issues. 280 00:12:42,011 --> 00:12:42,344 Oh yeah. 281 00:12:42,344 --> 00:12:46,182 Yeah I know you know, the cost of that takes place 282 00:12:46,182 --> 00:12:50,102 because it's the anger that eats and the manifest right on the body. 283 00:12:50,227 --> 00:12:52,897 It just affects the whole immune system. Yeah. 284 00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:55,983 And I think one of the things that I, I came to recognize, like, 285 00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:57,151 you know, when I look 286 00:12:57,151 --> 00:13:00,488 at the whole trajectory of my life, there have been so many 287 00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:03,991 beautiful moments, so much like one of my favorite movies, collateral. 288 00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:05,326 Oh, yes. 289 00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:07,703 So much collateral to me. 290 00:13:07,703 --> 00:13:09,580 Even in the hardest moments. Right. 291 00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:12,333 Even in the darkest of days, there's been something. 292 00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:12,666 And I. 293 00:13:12,666 --> 00:13:17,755 And I know that I wrestled so hard with this idea of forgiveness. 294 00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:21,383 And it was because it was weaponized early on. 295 00:13:21,717 --> 00:13:26,180 It was used as as leverage to get me back in a relationship 296 00:13:26,764 --> 00:13:29,558 who are going to continue to do any harm. 297 00:13:29,558 --> 00:13:32,561 And so what I had to put in its place was rage. 298 00:13:32,853 --> 00:13:37,316 I had to have rage against them, because if I ever gave them forgiveness, 299 00:13:37,316 --> 00:13:40,569 I was just going to put myself back on the chopping block, right? 300 00:13:40,569 --> 00:13:41,070 Right. 301 00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:45,491 So it created a safe distance because no one's going to come near 302 00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:48,035 someone who's raging at them. Right? 303 00:13:48,035 --> 00:13:49,286 But it didn't do me any good. 304 00:13:49,286 --> 00:13:50,496 It was toxic to me. 305 00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:55,417 I was consuming the poison instead of ridding myself of my right 306 00:13:55,876 --> 00:13:59,713 and I think there was a transformational moment for me and I, and I worked at it. 307 00:13:59,713 --> 00:14:02,758 I saw therapist, I did all the things I thought I was supposed 308 00:14:02,758 --> 00:14:05,761 to do to clear this energy out of my world, 309 00:14:05,886 --> 00:14:09,098 and it wasn't until I was watching this movie actually reading the book. 310 00:14:09,098 --> 00:14:12,101 And then that movie came out The Shack. 311 00:14:12,268 --> 00:14:15,271 Oh, sure. What a. I love that movie. 312 00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:16,814 I know, spiritual, 313 00:14:16,814 --> 00:14:20,985 a lot of different spiritual, emotional, psychological lessons from it. 314 00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:24,572 But the one that punched me right in the face was 315 00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:27,032 when the author talked 316 00:14:27,032 --> 00:14:30,035 about the two parts of forgiveness. 317 00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:35,040 And the first part is the severing of the emotional tie 318 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:39,211 that keeps you bound to the moment that any of this happened 319 00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:42,798 and let me tell you, in order to keep rage alive in me, 320 00:14:43,090 --> 00:14:47,970 I had to keep replaying that moment, those moments, over and over. 321 00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:51,849 And it was like a movie on a loop over and over again, like Groundhog Day 322 00:14:51,849 --> 00:14:52,683 almost, you know? 323 00:14:52,683 --> 00:14:56,103 Yeah, I could be angry, yeah, about what had happened 324 00:14:56,103 --> 00:14:59,523 so that I wouldn't risk getting emotionally close and tied. 325 00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:00,900 Right. 326 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:03,027 And it was severing that emotional connection. 327 00:15:03,027 --> 00:15:05,613 What would I be left with if I broke that connection? 328 00:15:05,613 --> 00:15:10,284 If I stopped validating how hard and awful where would I be? 329 00:15:10,951 --> 00:15:14,705 And it was the author saying that second part, which was then 330 00:15:14,705 --> 00:15:19,251 deciding how much proximity anyone could have to me. 331 00:15:21,545 --> 00:15:22,713 There was a light bulb moment. 332 00:15:22,713 --> 00:15:24,632 It was like, oh, right. 333 00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:28,636 Yeah, I can put boundaries in the place that rage held. 334 00:15:29,386 --> 00:15:31,972 I can say, I understand 335 00:15:31,972 --> 00:15:36,936 where you were, and I cannot go back and change an unchangeable past, 336 00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:39,939 but what I can do is stop reliving it 337 00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,900 over and over again, now that at that point, 338 00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:48,238 the people who had done me harm were dead and I was still carrying it around. 339 00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:54,078 And I thought, you know, if I can break this tie and then decide 340 00:15:54,078 --> 00:15:58,666 that they cannot have proximity to me, then I get the best of both worlds. 341 00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:00,084 That's freedom. Yeah. 342 00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:01,835 And so my clients have actually. 343 00:16:01,835 --> 00:16:05,130 And they've nicknamed this this version of forgiveness. 344 00:16:05,673 --> 00:16:08,676 Forgiveness because it's these version of for, 345 00:16:09,009 --> 00:16:09,885 bar of goodness. 346 00:16:09,885 --> 00:16:12,096 I like that it's not mine, but 347 00:16:13,055 --> 00:16:14,306 that's what 348 00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:18,811 the freedom was, was this idea that the more that I regurgitated 349 00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:23,440 this story, the more that I told the story and had it stand in the place of, 350 00:16:23,774 --> 00:16:28,404 of almost like, well, I'm the way I am because I'm this way because. 351 00:16:28,445 --> 00:16:29,238 Right. 352 00:16:29,238 --> 00:16:32,116 That was just carrying forward 353 00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:35,160 their pain in life. 354 00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:36,203 Right. 355 00:16:36,203 --> 00:16:38,288 You know, and that was just that was unforgivable. 356 00:16:38,288 --> 00:16:39,540 I was like, you're a surrogate. 357 00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:39,957 Yeah. 358 00:16:39,957 --> 00:16:41,542 Right. Like, hey, by the way. 359 00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:42,960 Yeah. Handed over to me, right? 360 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:47,423 I remember being in this in this huge workshop with a couple hundred women, 361 00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:51,343 and someone asked me, how did you move forward? 362 00:16:51,802 --> 00:16:55,097 And I was like, May not me. 363 00:16:55,139 --> 00:16:59,685 Why would I have, like, they stole all those moments from me 364 00:17:00,185 --> 00:17:03,188 through their own pain journey. 365 00:17:03,188 --> 00:17:07,317 If I continue to carry that forward, are you doing the same thing? 366 00:17:07,317 --> 00:17:08,861 Yeah, right. 367 00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:10,362 And who am I going to hurt along the way? 368 00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:12,781 Lord knows I did. 369 00:17:12,781 --> 00:17:15,784 Yeah, I hurt countless people with my own pain, 370 00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:19,538 whether by shutting them out or inviting them in or overwhelming them, 371 00:17:19,538 --> 00:17:22,374 or how do I try to minimize the the shrapnel. 372 00:17:22,374 --> 00:17:24,126 But their shrapnel was 373 00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:27,129 almost like you were saying, like, you know, this stops here. 374 00:17:27,337 --> 00:17:28,172 It's a new day. 375 00:17:28,172 --> 00:17:28,839 Yeah. Right. 376 00:17:28,839 --> 00:17:30,340 You became liberated. 377 00:17:30,340 --> 00:17:32,509 After you read this check. 378 00:17:32,509 --> 00:17:32,885 Yeah. 379 00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:34,053 It was like in a moment 380 00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:37,306 because I think I've been on the journey for a while trying to figure out 381 00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:42,686 how do I stand in this place of being unattached to the pain 382 00:17:43,270 --> 00:17:47,816 without losing the grief I had for what I experienced. 383 00:17:47,816 --> 00:17:48,817 Right. Because that's part of it. 384 00:17:48,817 --> 00:17:53,322 Like I worked in, organization, did a lot of volunteer work 385 00:17:53,322 --> 00:17:56,825 for girls who'd been sex trafficked and then became justice involved. 386 00:17:57,409 --> 00:18:02,039 And one of the things that I said to them was rage is the most beautiful emotion. 387 00:18:03,123 --> 00:18:03,832 Not what you 388 00:18:03,832 --> 00:18:06,835 do with it, but the fact that you feel it. 389 00:18:06,877 --> 00:18:11,131 Because the fact when you feel rage, you're saying I deserved better. 390 00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:16,386 You know, and letting go of that rage was very scary for me 391 00:18:16,470 --> 00:18:19,515 because was I stopping saying that I deserved better? 392 00:18:19,890 --> 00:18:23,977 No, no, no, I had to evolve past it to be able to say, 393 00:18:23,977 --> 00:18:28,690 oh, I'm going to do something with this experience, 394 00:18:29,441 --> 00:18:33,362 and that's going to be what stands in its place now. 395 00:18:33,362 --> 00:18:37,074 When you first when you first discovered that rage 396 00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:40,285 and you were able to deal, how did you respond? 397 00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:43,789 Was, I mean, did you like throw things up against the wall? 398 00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:46,125 Did you scream and holler? 399 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,335 It came in bursts, right. 400 00:18:48,335 --> 00:18:53,549 I think my three suicide attempts were obviously were internal. 401 00:18:53,674 --> 00:18:55,300 Three suicide attempts. 402 00:18:56,301 --> 00:18:57,177 And that was the 403 00:18:57,177 --> 00:19:00,180 internalized rage that was the I have no place to put it. 404 00:19:00,180 --> 00:19:02,933 So it's control here, right? 405 00:19:02,933 --> 00:19:04,935 There were screaming matches. 406 00:19:04,935 --> 00:19:07,563 There were there was all of that. Right. 407 00:19:07,563 --> 00:19:10,607 There was the, the just, you know. 408 00:19:10,649 --> 00:19:13,652 Yeah, yeah. Soul level scream. 409 00:19:13,902 --> 00:19:16,446 But yeah, I mean, I think 410 00:19:16,446 --> 00:19:18,448 it went out. It went in. 411 00:19:18,448 --> 00:19:23,662 It sounds like you got crawled over a glass to get to a certain point. 412 00:19:23,662 --> 00:19:26,165 It's like cope with the rage at that 413 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,166 with the suicide attempt. 414 00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:29,835 Sure. As you're crying out. Yeah. 415 00:19:29,835 --> 00:19:30,961 I'm like, I'm done. 416 00:19:30,961 --> 00:19:31,920 Yeah, like I'm done. 417 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:35,257 I can't think of any other way to do this. 418 00:19:35,674 --> 00:19:36,675 Look at you today. 419 00:19:36,675 --> 00:19:40,971 Look, so many people without that story. 420 00:19:41,972 --> 00:19:43,265 Yeah, but here's the thing. 421 00:19:43,265 --> 00:19:44,183 I remember sitting in my 422 00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:48,395 I went to finally went to therapy on my own, not being court ordered or, 423 00:19:48,395 --> 00:19:51,398 you know, mandated, you know, after some of the things. 424 00:19:51,481 --> 00:19:54,985 But I went in on my own and I said, again, this is this ends here. 425 00:19:54,985 --> 00:19:57,863 That I was 18. I broke in contact with my dad. Yeah. 426 00:19:57,863 --> 00:19:59,364 You know, from the. Yep. 427 00:20:00,574 --> 00:20:02,242 And I, I went into 428 00:20:02,242 --> 00:20:05,245 the service office and I was like, help me. 429 00:20:05,245 --> 00:20:08,498 I don't know, I don't know how to put myself back 430 00:20:08,498 --> 00:20:11,919 together, but I need to deconstruct this and put this back together. 431 00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:16,632 And I remember saying to her, I am so glad this happened. 432 00:20:16,632 --> 00:20:18,300 And she's like, 433 00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:19,551 back, back up, back up. 434 00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:22,554 Yeah, that is not an okay response. 435 00:20:22,721 --> 00:20:25,432 I said, no, but I am 436 00:20:25,432 --> 00:20:28,435 because I'm going to use this to help other people. 437 00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:29,686 Like I am. 438 00:20:29,686 --> 00:20:33,232 I am going to do something with this because there isn't 439 00:20:33,690 --> 00:20:36,068 another reasonable choice. Yes. 440 00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:37,361 Like if I have gone through this, 441 00:20:37,361 --> 00:20:40,364 that had to be for a reason, because it sure as heck wasn't this. 442 00:20:40,364 --> 00:20:42,032 It wasn't to just to get here. 443 00:20:42,032 --> 00:20:45,369 You know, there's something beyond this and that. 444 00:20:45,744 --> 00:20:48,497 That fire in my belly is what carried me through. 445 00:20:48,497 --> 00:20:50,415 I think we talked about crawling across class, 446 00:20:50,415 --> 00:20:51,959 which I think a lot of us can relate to. 447 00:20:51,959 --> 00:20:54,962 We all have those stories, whether it looks like mine or not. 448 00:20:55,128 --> 00:20:58,465 We've all had our pain journeys, we've all had our, 449 00:20:59,216 --> 00:21:02,135 you know, moments of being a girlfriend of mine. 450 00:21:02,135 --> 00:21:03,428 I used to call being on the 451 00:21:04,429 --> 00:21:07,599 yes. And somebody told me a long time ago, 452 00:21:07,599 --> 00:21:10,560 you know, Joyce and Doctor B that the road to success goes for the dump. 453 00:21:10,894 --> 00:21:12,938 Yeah, for everybody. 454 00:21:12,938 --> 00:21:16,441 And and if you peel back the layers, Joyce and I talk about this all the time. 455 00:21:16,566 --> 00:21:18,610 Everybody's going through something. 456 00:21:18,610 --> 00:21:22,447 I don't say going, but growing through something, you know. 457 00:21:22,447 --> 00:21:24,116 And it's made us the people we are today. 458 00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:27,160 So sometimes it's allowed by God or the universe. 459 00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:30,455 Whatever you decide to say, I say God to use you as 460 00:21:30,998 --> 00:21:33,750 an inspiration, which obviously he's done with you. 461 00:21:33,750 --> 00:21:35,585 He's done that with Joyce, with her journey. 462 00:21:35,585 --> 00:21:37,337 You know, all of our journey for sure. 463 00:21:37,337 --> 00:21:42,009 I mean, I think when we are standing beyond whatever that moment is, 464 00:21:42,009 --> 00:21:46,013 we can look back and help people across that, through that fire. 465 00:21:46,638 --> 00:21:48,890 We haven't been through it. It's harder. 466 00:21:48,890 --> 00:21:51,101 Right. It even if the men to be identical. 467 00:21:51,101 --> 00:21:54,396 Right. The experience of fire. 468 00:21:54,396 --> 00:21:57,190 It's like you could say I know what you're going through. 469 00:21:57,190 --> 00:21:59,735 I've been there and there is a bright side at the end. 470 00:21:59,735 --> 00:22:02,404 We have with loss we know that or whatever it may be. 471 00:22:02,404 --> 00:22:04,072 And have been there. 472 00:22:04,072 --> 00:22:05,407 I mean, I can relate to that. 473 00:22:05,407 --> 00:22:07,451 I think is someone like Joyce Meyer. 474 00:22:07,451 --> 00:22:09,411 Oh yes. She's amazing. 475 00:22:09,411 --> 00:22:11,496 And she has a similar. 476 00:22:11,496 --> 00:22:13,165 Yeah. Yeah. 477 00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:17,836 And look, look at the thousands of people she speaks to every week. 478 00:22:18,086 --> 00:22:18,962 Yeah, yeah. 479 00:22:18,962 --> 00:22:21,548 And then millions listening in. 480 00:22:21,548 --> 00:22:23,884 And it's because of that story. 481 00:22:23,884 --> 00:22:25,761 But it always amazes me that 482 00:22:26,762 --> 00:22:28,388 she can tell that story now. 483 00:22:28,388 --> 00:22:30,349 And you can tell that story now 484 00:22:30,349 --> 00:22:33,935 without really dragging you down and back into that. 485 00:22:34,478 --> 00:22:37,481 Well, I know you being a certified hypnotist. 486 00:22:38,857 --> 00:22:41,234 Yeah. 487 00:22:41,234 --> 00:22:44,237 When I went into hypnosis 488 00:22:44,404 --> 00:22:46,823 to find, I mean, there were so many steps on the journey. 489 00:22:46,823 --> 00:22:47,699 It's not just one thing. 490 00:22:47,699 --> 00:22:47,908 It's not 491 00:22:47,908 --> 00:22:51,495 like all of a sudden just miraculously, some people have that miraculous. 492 00:22:51,578 --> 00:22:53,121 Yeah. So kind of turning point. 493 00:22:53,121 --> 00:22:55,540 Mine were a lot of pebbles in that road. 494 00:22:55,540 --> 00:23:00,045 One of them was writing my story because I would have a point 495 00:23:00,045 --> 00:23:03,340 when I would go to any therapist, I'd say, listen, if you wanna charge me for 1 496 00:23:03,340 --> 00:23:06,426 or 2 visits to read my book, go right ahead. 497 00:23:06,635 --> 00:23:08,470 I'm not telling the story again. 498 00:23:08,470 --> 00:23:09,513 I'm not doing it. 499 00:23:09,513 --> 00:23:13,058 I told him, I told him, I told it a million times. 500 00:23:13,058 --> 00:23:16,686 I'm not putting my body through that rhythm here. 501 00:23:17,229 --> 00:23:18,772 Yeah, read the book. Right. 502 00:23:18,772 --> 00:23:21,775 Come back to me when you have questions you want to talk to me about. 503 00:23:21,817 --> 00:23:23,193 How does that relate to my life? 504 00:23:23,193 --> 00:23:24,861 Now let's have at it. 505 00:23:24,861 --> 00:23:27,280 I am not going to tell you the brutal story. 506 00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:29,574 It's not going to happen. Right? That was one. 507 00:23:29,574 --> 00:23:30,659 Two was hypnosis, 508 00:23:31,743 --> 00:23:32,744 which was bringing me 509 00:23:32,744 --> 00:23:35,747 back and severing the emotional, 510 00:23:35,747 --> 00:23:40,293 physiological response to the memory of that trauma. 511 00:23:40,377 --> 00:23:44,923 And they had to bring me back into it and bring me into that regression space 512 00:23:45,340 --> 00:23:49,594 of remembering what it must have been like to be trying to crawl for safety. 513 00:23:50,595 --> 00:23:51,930 And what a visual. 514 00:23:51,930 --> 00:23:53,640 Trying to crawl to safety. Right. 515 00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:58,854 And it's like I think that and I could see it from outside of myself 516 00:23:59,146 --> 00:24:02,315 and see all of those contracts 517 00:24:02,315 --> 00:24:05,318 that we have with one another like a soul level. 518 00:24:06,153 --> 00:24:09,156 Doing this thing, having this moment, 519 00:24:09,448 --> 00:24:13,743 it was then that I could look at it and not feel the grief of it. 520 00:24:14,161 --> 00:24:17,164 I could just simply see the pathway of it. 521 00:24:17,747 --> 00:24:19,833 So that was, that was life changing. 522 00:24:19,833 --> 00:24:20,584 Yeah. Right. 523 00:24:20,584 --> 00:24:22,878 So you were able to disconnect to a point. 524 00:24:22,878 --> 00:24:23,211 Yeah. 525 00:24:23,211 --> 00:24:25,672 At that point it's almost like you're looking at it 526 00:24:25,672 --> 00:24:29,134 like a movie, like it's your life, but you've been able to 527 00:24:30,093 --> 00:24:33,096 emotionally kind of step back a little bit. 528 00:24:33,305 --> 00:24:34,848 Detach, detach. Yeah. Exactly. 529 00:24:34,848 --> 00:24:36,725 To a point, to a point. 530 00:24:36,725 --> 00:24:39,936 But I think it's also maybe you'll appreciate this this verbiage. 531 00:24:40,312 --> 00:24:42,314 It's integration. 532 00:24:42,314 --> 00:24:42,522 Right. 533 00:24:42,522 --> 00:24:45,525 It's like being able to see the quilt. 534 00:24:45,775 --> 00:24:51,072 You know all the threads, all the imperfections, all the pieces 535 00:24:51,364 --> 00:24:55,660 and not looking at just where the hole is or where the Ma was 536 00:24:55,660 --> 00:24:57,037 or where the error was. 537 00:24:57,037 --> 00:25:00,707 But now to see the whole thing all at once 538 00:25:00,999 --> 00:25:04,002 because that's, you know, right. 539 00:25:05,212 --> 00:25:08,507 And, and it's so freeing because I look at you and I just see nothing but joy. 540 00:25:08,507 --> 00:25:12,135 When I first met you the first time, you'd never know that you went through this 541 00:25:12,135 --> 00:25:16,097 because when we were introduced by a mutual friend, I saw nothing but joy. 542 00:25:16,097 --> 00:25:19,100 And the way you carry yourself and the way you help other people. 543 00:25:19,351 --> 00:25:21,228 And when you're up on the stage or in front of people, 544 00:25:21,228 --> 00:25:25,982 you you just really carry yourself so well even during that, that, oh yeah. 545 00:25:26,274 --> 00:25:29,277 Heartbreaking. But it was also so. 546 00:25:29,319 --> 00:25:32,280 Yeah, it was feeling that 547 00:25:32,322 --> 00:25:35,200 I could do anything at the end of that. 548 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:37,994 Thank you. I'm glad you asked what I wanted. Right. 549 00:25:37,994 --> 00:25:41,164 And then there's another talk you should look for everyone. 550 00:25:41,164 --> 00:25:42,541 And that is your talk. 551 00:25:42,541 --> 00:25:44,626 The talk you gave about doing, 552 00:25:47,504 --> 00:25:48,964 right off the stage. 553 00:25:48,964 --> 00:25:50,382 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 554 00:25:50,382 --> 00:25:53,385 And I'm hoping I have applied to do another TEDx talk 555 00:25:53,510 --> 00:25:57,430 about what drove me off the stage and what brought me back 556 00:25:57,430 --> 00:26:01,685 on, which is my understanding of how people get to where they are in life. 557 00:26:02,102 --> 00:26:04,396 Just based on brain development. Right. 558 00:26:04,396 --> 00:26:07,941 And how you come to the moments you're in, the way that you're in them 559 00:26:08,191 --> 00:26:09,484 and how you can shift that. 560 00:26:09,484 --> 00:26:09,901 Right. 561 00:26:09,901 --> 00:26:12,612 And, there's there's many lessons in that. 562 00:26:12,612 --> 00:26:17,075 But, yeah, I think one of the things about Joy that I've experienced 563 00:26:17,075 --> 00:26:20,662 is that the death of pain 564 00:26:21,496 --> 00:26:24,499 often equates to the height of joy. 565 00:26:25,083 --> 00:26:27,043 It's. Yeah, it's like a bouncing ball. 566 00:26:27,043 --> 00:26:32,257 Like the harder you bounce, that lower it goes and the harder it hits, the higher 567 00:26:32,257 --> 00:26:32,924 it can come back. 568 00:26:32,924 --> 00:26:35,719 Yeah, you're in the abyss and then you're back up in the mountain there. 569 00:26:35,719 --> 00:26:36,845 Yeah, yeah. 570 00:26:36,845 --> 00:26:38,638 So deeply. Yes. 571 00:26:38,638 --> 00:26:41,516 And for whatever reason, you miss them. 572 00:26:41,516 --> 00:26:44,978 And then when you recognize you miss them so much because you loved. 573 00:26:45,186 --> 00:26:46,521 Yes, yes. 574 00:26:46,521 --> 00:26:49,065 The depth of the grief is the depth of the love. Yeah, yeah. 575 00:26:50,025 --> 00:26:50,900 And so many people are 576 00:26:50,900 --> 00:26:53,945 afraid to love so deeply because they're afraid to get hurt. 577 00:26:54,821 --> 00:26:58,742 But I rather go out there and love deeply and be hurt me every time. 578 00:26:59,075 --> 00:27:01,077 Hurt me every time. The rabbit. 579 00:27:01,077 --> 00:27:02,370 Like at the end of your life. 580 00:27:02,370 --> 00:27:04,205 Just, try to be loved. 581 00:27:04,205 --> 00:27:06,374 Me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 582 00:27:06,374 --> 00:27:08,710 Love. Yes, yes. 583 00:27:08,710 --> 00:27:09,252 Go out. 584 00:27:09,252 --> 00:27:10,420 Yeah, yeah. 585 00:27:10,420 --> 00:27:13,340 I read your whole story because I'm looking at your list of books. 586 00:27:13,340 --> 00:27:16,468 You wrote a lot of good things, and you have a new one coming. 587 00:27:16,468 --> 00:27:17,177 Yeah, I have the. 588 00:27:17,177 --> 00:27:20,013 I have the eighth out that came out last year. 589 00:27:20,013 --> 00:27:24,559 It was a very long story tribute to my daughter's request. 590 00:27:24,768 --> 00:27:26,936 I write a book and I call it the book. 591 00:27:26,936 --> 00:27:31,441 The book because she was she was putting she's funny with her. Yes. 592 00:27:31,900 --> 00:27:34,944 And she kept at it relentlessly. 593 00:27:34,944 --> 00:27:37,530 Are all the books I wrote? Well, it's not the book. 594 00:27:37,530 --> 00:27:39,824 When are you going to write the book? Yeah, the book. 595 00:27:39,824 --> 00:27:40,533 The book. 596 00:27:40,533 --> 00:27:41,951 College graduation. 597 00:27:41,951 --> 00:27:44,954 I surprised her with writing the book. 598 00:27:44,954 --> 00:27:50,085 And it's all about how I, we, we misused time and how we can use it better. 599 00:27:50,251 --> 00:27:53,380 And so I created and created these tools and have these tools 600 00:27:53,380 --> 00:27:56,383 that I use with four pillars of being present, 601 00:27:56,424 --> 00:28:00,887 being intentional, being decisive and being effective with our use of time. 602 00:28:00,887 --> 00:28:04,057 So okay, so another book I have another book. 603 00:28:04,182 --> 00:28:04,974 Yeah. 604 00:28:04,974 --> 00:28:07,519 And of course my favorite book so far is unflappable. 605 00:28:07,519 --> 00:28:08,103 Oh yes. 606 00:28:08,103 --> 00:28:11,106 That was the I mean, I love them all, but unflappable as one. 607 00:28:11,106 --> 00:28:14,359 I read for the first time in a little landslide. 608 00:28:14,442 --> 00:28:16,695 Well, that's your memoir. That's the memoir. 609 00:28:16,695 --> 00:28:19,531 That was last summer, you said, or so I wrote. 610 00:28:19,531 --> 00:28:21,408 The book in May. 611 00:28:21,408 --> 00:28:24,244 I published it in April-May. 612 00:28:24,244 --> 00:28:27,163 Okay. Of 2025. 613 00:28:27,163 --> 00:28:30,166 Unflappable came out in October of 2023. 614 00:28:30,583 --> 00:28:32,377 And then before that pain. Rebel. 615 00:28:32,377 --> 00:28:35,338 Yes. 2020 during the pandemic? Yeah. 616 00:28:35,338 --> 00:28:38,591 Before that was little landslides, which is my story. 617 00:28:38,591 --> 00:28:41,219 And now I wrote it from the first person, which me, 618 00:28:41,219 --> 00:28:44,264 if you think watching the Ted talk was hard, buckle up, buttercup, 619 00:28:44,264 --> 00:28:49,477 because reading Little Landslide, I write it from first person as a child. 620 00:28:49,519 --> 00:28:50,228 Yeah. 621 00:28:50,228 --> 00:28:54,274 I mean, do you feel writing that catharsis? 622 00:28:54,482 --> 00:28:55,400 Okay. 623 00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:59,320 You know, I sat down and most of those stories, most of those. 624 00:28:59,612 --> 00:29:02,615 Yeah, I wrote within 10 or 15 minutes. 625 00:29:02,866 --> 00:29:04,117 I didn't think about them. 626 00:29:04,117 --> 00:29:07,328 I just it just sort of was a therapeutic. 627 00:29:07,704 --> 00:29:10,874 It was so therapeutic because I was finally putting again, 628 00:29:10,874 --> 00:29:13,501 I was getting to put it on paper so I didn't have to say it anymore. 629 00:29:13,501 --> 00:29:15,670 Like, I don't have to tell that story. Yes, yes. 630 00:29:15,670 --> 00:29:19,299 I can just say, you know, go to page 34, right, to tell you that story. 631 00:29:19,549 --> 00:29:21,760 Oh, you read it. I'm so sorry. 632 00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:25,680 And I and I have a trigger warning in that book to say 633 00:29:25,889 --> 00:29:28,892 if you've had significant trauma 634 00:29:28,975 --> 00:29:31,895 or any trauma, frankly, not having. 635 00:29:31,895 --> 00:29:33,521 And let me just define trauma. 636 00:29:34,481 --> 00:29:37,192 We've all had bad things happen, 637 00:29:37,192 --> 00:29:40,153 and some of us have had a lots of bad things happen. 638 00:29:40,153 --> 00:29:42,155 And that's trauma 639 00:29:42,155 --> 00:29:46,326 when we really suffer from it, when it carries forward 640 00:29:46,326 --> 00:29:49,370 throughout our lives is when we're missing. 641 00:29:49,370 --> 00:29:50,747 And this is what the data proves out 642 00:29:50,747 --> 00:29:54,542 when we are missing a compassionate witness to the trauma. 643 00:29:55,210 --> 00:29:58,588 So when you don't have someone standing by you, 644 00:29:59,130 --> 00:30:03,635 when you're going through the trauma and or when it's just happened to say, 645 00:30:03,927 --> 00:30:07,388 I see you, I feel bad, I hear you. 646 00:30:07,514 --> 00:30:10,517 That was hard, and you're going to get through this. 647 00:30:10,850 --> 00:30:15,647 That's when trauma, big trauma, digs its talons into us. 648 00:30:15,814 --> 00:30:16,481 Right? 649 00:30:16,481 --> 00:30:18,817 And I think that we don't appreciate sometimes. 650 00:30:18,817 --> 00:30:22,987 Oh, we can help be for other people a compassionate way. 651 00:30:22,987 --> 00:30:24,322 Yes. Yeah. 652 00:30:24,322 --> 00:30:27,659 You know, and I think that's if we can all be called to something, it's 653 00:30:27,909 --> 00:30:30,787 to be that, like we always say, be kind to everyone 654 00:30:30,787 --> 00:30:32,580 because you never know what battle they're going through. 655 00:30:32,580 --> 00:30:35,834 And every single person is battling something like, 656 00:30:35,834 --> 00:30:37,126 we are here to help each other. 657 00:30:37,126 --> 00:30:39,587 Yes we are, and that's what's good. 658 00:30:39,587 --> 00:30:41,714 Yeah, it is what's good. And I said, a dark 659 00:30:42,674 --> 00:30:44,217 post the other day, which was 660 00:30:44,217 --> 00:30:47,136 people are always fighting a battle and you can't see it. 661 00:30:47,136 --> 00:30:50,098 Punch them. 662 00:30:50,098 --> 00:30:51,266 That's good. 663 00:30:51,266 --> 00:30:54,269 Very profound, very profound. 664 00:30:54,310 --> 00:30:55,144 Yeah. 665 00:30:55,144 --> 00:30:56,437 Sharing this with us. 666 00:30:56,437 --> 00:30:58,857 Thank you for having me. Doctor. Me. 667 00:30:58,857 --> 00:31:01,734 Thank you for being the inspiration you are to so many people. 668 00:31:01,734 --> 00:31:02,569 And I for one. 669 00:31:02,569 --> 00:31:07,490 I'm glad that, those attempts, those two solid suicide attempts 670 00:31:07,490 --> 00:31:10,493 never worked out because you been here for a reason, 671 00:31:10,785 --> 00:31:14,330 you know, because it would have denied so many people your your, you know, 672 00:31:14,330 --> 00:31:15,373 the amazing things you do 673 00:31:15,373 --> 00:31:19,627 in this world really is for those of you who are struggling in that space. 674 00:31:19,627 --> 00:31:23,172 And I've had friends who family members who have taken those steps. 675 00:31:23,464 --> 00:31:24,716 Hold on. Yeah. 676 00:31:24,716 --> 00:31:27,302 Hold on. Reach out. Absolutely. 677 00:31:27,302 --> 00:31:30,388 Well, thank you so much for tuning in, watching, listening 678 00:31:30,388 --> 00:31:32,390 to What's Good with John and Joyce, 30 minutes each 679 00:31:32,390 --> 00:31:35,018 and every week of uplifting stories like we just heard right here. 680 00:31:35,018 --> 00:31:37,061 And they're not just stories of the truth. 681 00:31:37,061 --> 00:31:38,563 And hopefully this has helped you. 682 00:31:38,563 --> 00:31:40,899 And if you're going through a real tough time right now, 683 00:31:40,899 --> 00:31:43,943 feel free to reach out to Doctor Be reach out to us, and, 684 00:31:44,152 --> 00:31:46,863 we will get back to you, I promise you. That was good. 685 00:31:46,863 --> 00:31:49,115 But John and Joyce would like to thank all of our sponsors, 686 00:31:49,115 --> 00:31:52,952 everybody working behind the scenes, and most of all, you for tuning in. 687 00:31:52,952 --> 00:31:53,786 Till next time. 688 00:31:53,786 --> 00:31:56,372 God bless Hey, I heard you got engaged. 689 00:31:56,372 --> 00:31:57,540 Congratulations. 690 00:31:57,540 --> 00:31:59,375 Now it's time to book the DJ. 691 00:31:59,375 --> 00:32:00,335 And that's where we come in. 692 00:32:00,335 --> 00:32:03,004 Hi, I'm John Cadillac, Seville with John Seville entertainment. 693 00:32:03,004 --> 00:32:06,382 Wedding wire and the knot 2026 Couples Choice Awards winner. 694 00:32:06,382 --> 00:32:07,800 You can call me directly if you'd like it. 695 00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:10,136 (200) 398-8065 eight. 696 00:32:10,136 --> 00:32:13,640 We'll set up your free consultation or go to John cashman.com. 697 00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:18,102 That's (203) 988-0658 or John cashman.com. 698 00:32:18,102 --> 00:32:21,314 We offer excellent peace of mind and a great time 699 00:32:21,314 --> 00:32:25,318 for all John Seville Entertainment a name you know and can trust.