foreign
hello All You Beautiful People
you know what time it is
ladies and gentlemen
Guys and Dolls and everyone in between
gather round
something real nice to sip on and comfy
to slip on
cause it's time for smut Club
here's your hosts Chelsea and Anna
[Music]
it's a really good theme song it is I
love it Advanced it
a wonderful job making that animal
well
hello everyone and welcome to smut Club
I'm Hannah and I'm Chelsea
I I paused like I I would pause because
I was distracted it's still my name is
it that's good I was like and I'm oh no
wait this isn't something that's going
to change it's I'm Chelsea
um and if you hear the little click
clack on the ground or the heavy
breathing that is Brandon the pug
who we also love
um but listening to him review a book
would
it would be a different sort of podcast
it
oh I I'm not like a huge ASMR person me
either
I don't get it and is that like is that
the sort of thing where it's kind of
like cilantro where either like you [ __ ]
with cilantro or you don't [ __ ] with
cilantro is that like how is that what
ASMR
is where people are like hell yeah
I want to listen to people click their
nails and Whisper no I don't I don't
like that in fact it makes me deeply
uncomfortable like certain certain ones
I'm like like I physically cringe I'm
like is this my mesophonia or is this
genuinely like weird and gross you're
what
so mesophonia is a thing where certain
sounds like it's it's like an anxiety
thing where certain sounds make me like
physically like I like cringe and curl
up like the sound of a fork on
somebody's teeth makes me one of them
yes okay very specific sound
Sister Act 2.
go with me on this I realize this is
already pivoting so Sister Act 2 like
the whole movie no no no no no okay that
movie slaps
but the um the scene where Whoopi
Goldberg is trying to get her classes
attention when they're all like acting
and like her nails on a chalkboard even
as a kid every time like I've seen that
movie more times than I can count but
every time I knew that seems I'd like be
plugging my ears because the sound now
mind you I won I don't think I've ever
ever actually heard that word before
um but two I definitely I get a lot of
like sensory overload like I I realized
I'm a highly sensitive person like if
you've ever read a book about that like
you know you know what it is for people
who are not in the therapy space
um yes I realized I'm like a highly
sensitive person and so I get sensory
overload very easily so I've always kind
of equated it or thought of it through
that lens versus like there's like
specific sounds but yeah I'm like you
don't know I can't do that sound yeah
I'll definitely get over stimulated but
there are also certain sounds that just
irritate me like I people love guided
meditations right YouTube whatever
different apps
I cannot stand like I have like two
people that I can listen to because
everybody else is so [ __ ] breathy
that I can't listen to it I'm like why
are you trying to weirdly seduce me
right now this is gross I don't like it
so when I did my yoga teacher training
I did like the Intensive one where it
was like three weeks Monday through
Friday 6 30 a.m to 8 30 P.M
um but from 7 P.M to 8 P.M each night
was like our meditation thing like
portion where we'd like try different
types of meditation like some were
guided it's not like some like binaural
beats like all of those different things
like we would do a walking meditation
but girl
I'm like we have done at least four
hours of yoga today on top of all of the
other like educational things and now
you are asking me to end my day
laying on the ground listening to a
meditation and you expect me not to fall
asleep
setting you up for failure they really
were and I honestly didn't give a [ __ ] I
was like what are you gonna do are you
gonna kick me out of school because I
I was like if anything I'm taking what
my body needs so I understand
that I passed this portion really all
this to say Brandon won't be doing a
book review
so we got a little off the rails thank
you for coming on that Journey with us
so Chelsea tell me what are we reviewing
today well what are you reviewing
because I'm not doing it oh Lord okay so
today
we are reviewing Desperate Measures
bye
bye oh I didn't know we were doing a bum
oh I didn't know Desperate Measures
by Katie Robert
there we go
um
Katie is with two e's not an ie because
she fancy like that because they fancy
like that didn't she also write neon
gods
written a lot I'm actually not probably
maybe I'll have to look it up later
um
I had been watching a tick tock where
someone was like talking about the most
sex per page kind of like book that
they'd read and it was
um a book by her not this one I want to
say it was called like
gifting my gifting you to my best friend
I don't know something
where the title you're like I see where
we're going right I don't even need to
read it because I I got it from there
yeah you're like there's not going to be
a lot of plot here nope and quite
frankly plot's not what you're looking
for there right that's not why you pick
up a book with a title like that yeah
that's like
reading anything by Nikki Sloan and
being like I'm here for the plot yeah I
know you right right we don't have to
lie to ourselves we can be honest
that's true yeah and I've read a lot of
Nikki slum
which is fair
well
one Series has a decent amount of plot
does it though I don't know okay tell me
does desperate measures have a plot
um it Loosely has a plot so this is like
the whole like Disney villains right um
okay this is the first book in like the
Disney villains where like this one is
Jasmine and Jafar the next book is um
like Hades and Meg and Hercules okay
okay
I think they're like seven books in the
series
and I'm pretty sure you can choose your
own adventure like I they are
standalones you meet some of the
characters what whatever right I've read
Desperate Measures and I'm halfway
through the second one but like it just
the second one like you know those books
that you're like it's just like my mood
like I will I would read this in another
time but like what I'm looking for today
is not this yes yes so one of those okay
so this is the love story of Jasmine and
Jafar
um
if consensual non-consent makes you feel
uncomfy
you're gonna be a bit uncomfy today fair
if
like baby girl daddy makes you uncomfy
you will also be uncomfy today
um
I know we've talked about this several
times on the show but I like they say
daddy so much in this book that like I
always think about when I looked at my
husband and I was like
would you want me to call you Daddy and
he was like could you say it with
conviction I was like I don't think I
could especially now like having a
having a baby I was like trying to hand
Ford off to Vance and I was like I was
like do you want to see your daddy and
Vance was like it's still me he's like I
know it's not sexual at all he's like it
makes me a little uncomfortable I still
know I was like what would you like our
child to call you he's like pops dad I
was like oh you know straightforward
classic option but yeah there have been
a few times where like
say like Daddy and I'm like yeah yeah
like not for me am I more likely
likely y'all I'm only like three sips of
wine in
it is also worth noting
um Hannah and I are drinking red wine
but didn't want to get wine teeth so we
are drinking it through straws
they're comically large we have like
those big like silicone smoothie straws
in our wine glasses but it's working
so there's that it works for me sorry
[Laughter]
so all right
um we open on this book meeting Jasmine
we switch points of view a few times but
like
it doesn't really matter nothing really
matters yeah
in life you know let's just get
existential for a second so like yeah I
was like taking notes on this book and I
was like do I even need notes for this
book let's see how kind of far we get so
Jasmine is in her room in her dad's
Palace Mansion
um and like it's very much a gilded cage
she's never actually been she's like 25
years old has never been off property
um
but it's like very smart right and her
dad has betrothed her in a business deal
to Ali right you see AKA Aladdin Aladdin
yes right this is an arranged marriage
situation yes and Aladdin is not the
hero of this book
um so you know we're like I don't know
that he was really the hero of the movie
If we're honest but we'll get into the
the we can get into the details of
Disney's problematic
history later or never there's
like as a kid you were just not aware of
any of those nope things at all okay so
she's in her room she knows that like
she's like
being sold off essentially as part of
this like business deal and she's not
about it and she hears her bedroom door
open and she has like I don't know like
a letter opener or some [ __ ] in her hand
that she's like
whoever came into my room it's Jafar
it's not Ali
and in this is Jafar still her dad's
like main advisor
I'll tell you in three seconds oh okay
my bad my bad you're getting ahead of me
Hannah sorry not really it's all once
again does does any of it matter yeah so
Jafar was her dad's top advisor and
Jafar essentially just came in and was
like
everything is mine now your father is no
longer in play
I've dethroned your father this is my
territory everything in this territory
is mine you are mine
it's a bold move
bold move Jafar bold move
and she's like
Okay so
can I just leave and
um would you mind giving me my trust
fund to my
right and he's like run and if you make
it to the door before I catch you you're
free to go
and she's like do I want that I don't
want
that but then like there's like a
narrator voice being like she does want
that like it's pretty much how like the
whole like consensual non-consent is
written out throughout this book it's
like her being like I don't want this
and then in her head she's like yes I do
it's like oh they kind of write it this
whole time
um yeah and so she's like okay so like
what if you get like what if you catch
me before I make the door he's like then
you're mine body and soul and she's like
so I either get to go completely free
with my trust fund
or you own me right cool right
I wish I wish we had more background
because this for me is like damn Jafar
like do you even know her do you even
like her like is this just a new thing
for you like we have a little bit of
background that comes out throughout the
book we're like he's worked for her dad
for five years and like
they've always kind of like looked at
each other across the room and like had
that like sexual tension but like
nothing had ever happened right we will
find out far later once again I'm
deciding it doesn't matter I'm keeping
no secrets this book's a [ __ ] show
um
like we find out later that like
he had been working towards like taking
like betraying her dad and taking
everything over but then when her dad
sold her off to Ali it like moved up
jafar's timeline so that way like
he could keep her safe got it yes got it
so he's like you have to count a ten so
she like takes off to the front door
guess what Hannah
does she make it
she doesn't she doesn't make it to the
front door and this is very much he like
tackles her on the tile floor in the
foyer of the mansion and she's like I
don't want this I
was like
and he's like are you sure you don't
want this because you're like pussy's
dripping like right it's just like
that's most of the book is her being
like I don't want this and he's like
your body tells me otherwise let me put
some fingers up there and tell you that
you're lying
[Laughter]
so yeah so
I have worked in a lot of different
places in mental health treatment okay
okay follow me
going on this journey I need my silicone
ones you do so
I thought of this I'm not exactly sure
why but
um at one of the places I was working
there was an incident where we knew that
two patients had engaged in sexual
activity
it's not that rare but also not great so
our risk manager
pipes up in our treatment team
meeting where we're discussing what
needs to be done and she starts talking
about the incident report and how we
need to make sure that we have one for
digital penetration and that's all I
could think of when you just said that I
don't know why it's never happened
previously on the podcast where I've
thought that when you've said it but all
I could think of was her going
digital penetration before nine o'clock
in the morning every time he's a digital
penetration in my head I just go digital
digital get down
which really makes me think about
in sync a little differently
um
yeah
I see you processing right now in a way
that you're like oh [ __ ] I didn't like
that
okay so essentially jofar plows her on
the foyer floor
um and we're back yeah and we're back
and but like she's like we both know
what did she say like we both know I
can't make you stop I won't make you
stop
um
and then like when when all said and
done he's like let's not pretend you
weren't into it you were and we're gonna
do that again we're gonna do that a lot
like you made your choice you didn't
make it to the front door
you're mine now but we also learned her
they have a safe word it seems like
we entered the book with them already
having a safe word but I don't fully get
like where the safe word like
came from the safe word is Raja
the tiger yeah which also I had a cat
named George based off of
who I loved and like it was truly a a
parent's blind love because I thought
that cat was the most beautiful cat in
the world and now I look back at photos
and I was like
everyone was right she was a little
ratchet looking oh well she was a Devon
Rex which is the breed of Craig
um our our current cat and so like
looked like we gave her a shitty haircut
but which is like naturally like that
but like
produced a lot of body oil and would
just kind of leave like a belly oil
trail
and this is all I could think of every
time they'd say they're [ __ ] safe was
it belly oil was a belly oiled Devon Rex
cat named Raja
yeah um also maybe not my best helmet I
may have told you this story before so
when I moved from Florida to Texas for
grad school I couldn't take my cat with
me like Russia had been purchased as the
family cat but was very much mine so
stayed with my parents and the thought
was like yeah when I'm done went in grad
school for a few years I'll take her
back well my parents became the primary
Caregivers for my great-grandmother who
was like 98 years old at the time passed
away at 100.
I don't know how old she was at the time
anyway
um
my cat hated my great-grandmother
like didn't hate a soul it was just like
a normal cat who wanted to cuddle except
for my great-grandmother would like bite
her but like old people's skin is like
so thin yeah
and my parents were like
Chelsea we have to get rid of the cat
she keeps biting your great-grandmother
and I said keep the one that will live
longer
laughs
the comment was not well received no
um I know we're all very surprised it
was not my best moment I was really sad
but then my parents like we'll get you a
new cat when you finish grad school
and that's how I actually got Craig oh
I wonder whatever happened to Raja
I don't know she became a safe word
her spirit lives on in Desperate
Measures oh gosh if that's her spirit I
have bigger questions okay so anyway
yeah so they like have the safe word
that like is Raja we it I'm like where
like we never really know where the uh
maybe I missed it but it felt like they
were just like oh yeah we have this word
let we both knew but I'm like where did
it come from anyway
so like Jafar loads her up it's like
we're going to my penthouse and like
bless him
he's not a good man but he is like oh
like as they're walking to the penthouse
he's like oh I took her she doesn't even
have shoes on I'm going to pick her up
and carry her into the penthouse because
I'm not like a total [ __ ]
but also on the way there he's like so
like are you on birth control and like
you didn't think to ask that
before you tackled her in the house and
just like had your way with her like
yes yes
um
and then he's also kind of like she
could have made it stop with one word
and she didn't like at no point is she
using her safe word and I want to be
very clear about that is like throughout
this entire book it like it truly is
like consensual non-consent from that
vantage point of like she has an out
that she knows is there that they keep
coming back to and like she's aware that
she's not taking her
her true out if she wanted it right and
she trusts that he would stop if she
used it yes right well because I guess
like he like said something one time a
long time ago like before the book start
where it was like
she used the word and he like backed off
immediately like whatever he'd been
saying so like we do trust that he would
actually
respect and honor her safe word
um yeah so then he's like all right well
I gotta go out I gotta do some business
um she's like I don't have any clothes
here he's like you can earn your clothes
and then he's like and I would like you
to be kneeling and naked at the front
door when I get back when are you
getting back who can say just be there
that's a no for me
yeah
I know
so yeah it's a no for Jasmine as well if
we're being honest yeah because he
leaves and she's like [ __ ] that noise
I'm gonna go Snoop so go snooping finds
his home office
and in his home office is like trying to
guess his computer password and like a
little green light pops on and she's
like oh like there's like a camera that
turned on and she's still trying to
guess his computer password and isn't
getting it right and the office phone
rings and it's Jafar and he's like so
what are you doing in there
and what will I find on the video when I
check it and she's like oh it's not like
a live stream he can't see me so then
she just like masturbates
while on the phone with him
and like comes and then like hangs up
like what
we got from six to midnight real quick
yes
yes what
okay yeah he's like good for her and
she's like let me back up and she's like
and I stuck my fingers in my [ __ ] and
I'm like
so many fingers in your [ __ ] and that's
hold on and then after that she's like
all right well
still not gonna go to the door and kneel
so I'm gonna go to my bedroom and lock
the door and go to sleep but like also I
was kind of like thinking she's like oh
wake up she she wakes up to Jafar like
breaking into her bedroom where he's
like you were not where you were
supposed to be
um
so this is like a weird Master Slave
brat
thing he does call her brat a lot yeah
like I
I wouldn't say full like Master Slave
which is the kneeling at the door is
Master Slave vibes
I think he's really looking for a
submissive in a
but then it's also like
I don't know we'll get into it like
later in the book where it's like
like he is trying to keep her in the
penthouse to keep her safe
and he's like yeah like she's not gonna
have to stay there forever but in her
head she's like I've just traded one
cage for another right
um
so is she on birth control oh yeah okay
no so she I just realized we never
answered that
would it matter though probably not
probably it was more for me the fact
that I'm like you didn't you didn't
check proactively right
whatever this whole book so he tells her
that like
someone's gonna be coming the next day
to outfit her in some clothes then
they're going out the next night and
she's like I don't want to and he's like
I don't really care what you want
and she's like give me my trust fund and
let me go he's like if you want your
trust fund like he's like if you really
want to go prove it say say your word
say it like you don't have to stay oh so
that so he's like the word is not just
for sexy times the word is for all of
this say it now yeah okay okay I'm not
keeping you here I'm not holding this
money over your head
you have to say one but I'm also like
okay what would you would you have
actually like I think like sexually he
would have respected the word but I
honestly don't know if he would respect
the word if she was like
I I want to actually leave right but
it's presented as though he's like okay
if you really want to go you have it out
right you haven't used it that's on you
so the next day The Stylist arrives we
meet Tink The Stylist yeah there's tank
will meet hook later
oh
oh yeah
there they cover a lot of different so
do Tink and hook get it on in a later
book they're like seven [ __ ] books
Anna probably I'm gonna have to look it
up I I don't know if I can commit to
reading all seven of these well I would
probably pick and choose like I would
probably read a tank and hook one
and then I would just see what the other
ones were and if I was into it I would
read it
that's fair instead of trying to roll
straight through
well and so like Tink
works for she's a stylist but like she's
affiliated with the underworld that's
like the sex club that's run by Haiti so
she's kind of like giving these details
of like that's where you're going
tonight as like this sex club and like
if you really like is trying to help out
Jasmine and she's like if you really
want out you could like make a deal with
Hades but like
that's probably like last last case
right what am I trying to say like maybe
don't do that worst case scenario worst
case scenario not last case scenario I'm
like I think the word isn't there on the
tip of my tongue
um but then Jasmine's like okay like
thanks also I noticed you only brought
me a couple of like really [ __ ]
dresses
is there any underwear is there any
jeans and things like I brought what was
ordered like I don't
yeah so we switched to jafar's
perspective really fast and I just
wouldn't touch it again
I just hit the mic stand with my hand
and it bounced and I'm not touching it
anymore
we have a new setup this season and it
it involves more body awareness to not
hit the mic we're adjusting we're
adjusting so I apologize if they're like
loud noises that you're like what the
[ __ ] was that
um it's us trying our best
square that leaves us so I need a
silicone wine straw Break
um do you have any questions about the
book so far what are your thoughts
so my thoughts uh interesting premise I
like the premise right yeah it's a cool
premise
um a little confused about it I mean we
just we just escalated real quick just
right off the rip yeah we did without a
lot of context which again if you're in
the mood for
could be great
um and I am thinking that Katie Robert
did write neon Gods which was also a
Hades spoof that makes sense but it
wasn't Hades and Meg and Hercules it was
like
different was it all of the furies
no it was Hades and then this girl he
he's like a like a crime Lord
essentially
um
everybody hates him but he's into like a
lot of voyeurism
you know
seems like the man had been into
voyeurism I'm looking up neon gods
I might need to add it to my list or do
I need to add it to my list I did enjoy
it I haven't read the second one it is
Katie Robert yeah I haven't read the
second one but
it sounds like there's a similar theme
because in
um neon gods
they're very clear about they have a
written agreement before they enter into
this relationship they have like a clear
understanding of where everybody's lines
are safe words all of that stuff which I
really appreciated because in a lot of
these books with like non-con and like
dubious consent and all that other stuff
like
it's never really just yeah it's not
like in a way that you're like there's
really no clear boundaries just like
gross and really uncomfortable yes but
with the way that she wrote neon gods
and it sounds like sort of in the way
she wrote this one it was like oh so
this is maybe not like you know the the
Pinnacle example of how we engage in a
healthy BDSM Dynamic but at least it's
closer than most of the other yeah stuff
out there you know so I appreciate that
yeah it's like
you know it's a weird thing when you
like read this much month that you're
like oh I really appreciate them like
writing and like like consent consent
yes we love consent we do and I do agree
I think there's like a lot of books
where they're like this is so hot and
I'm like
this is like setting you up for failure
and like absolutely setting you up where
it's like oh that was never a boundary
was never clearly like outlined or
discussed and now it feels icky
um okay so we switched to jafar's
perspective real quick
we learned that like Ali is in the wind
uh oh jafar's men are like trying to
find him trying to capture him
he is not to be found so jafar's like
gotta keep her
locked up like gotta keep jasmine safe
until we can find Aladdin
um because Aladdin does is not pure in
his intentions sure Jafar is though so
we can respect that you get it yeah
Jafar is a true gentleman here
um
so like he gets back to his place and
Jasmine is swimming naked because you
know she doesn't have swimsuits because
right he didn't order those before
we do what we have to
like
just
this is neither here nor there but
because he was like yeah and she was
like cutting through the water and like
really like booking it in the pool and
I'm kind of like
if your titties aren't in a swimsuit
right flat in the wind yeah if they're
just water if they're just flapping in
the water how much does that slow you
down I would imagine a bit it makes you
less water Dynamic not aerodynamic right
yes and I think it also depends on what
sort what you're working with like for
some people it may be kind of a
non-issue for others of us
we'd be getting a black eye do you
remember it was like my
this was one of my favorite jokes as a
child and now I'm looking back no that's
the right look on your face Hannah so it
was like a blonde to brunette and a
redhead like when like blonde jokes were
like yeah Peak comedy right and talking
about how
there was this like swimming competition
down this River or whatever and it was
like a breaststroke competition and so
everyone's lined up they they start
going and down at the Finish Line like
everyone is coming through and they're
like man it has been like an hour and
like the blonde like still isn't here
like the redhead has made it the
brunette has made it yeah and then when
the blonde gets there at the end and
they're like
what took you song she's like well I
don't wanna
I don't want to start [ __ ] but also I
don't think that's how I communicate
with this joke as a child right um but
like I don't think the other swimmers
were using their breasts
was my favorite joke as a child oh
I think we just learned a lot about me I
think I just learned a lot about I
gained a lot of insight and a lot of
things make sense now between that and
the cat yeah yeah yeah we're learning so
much okay
um
so Jasmine is swimming her breasts are
making her less water Dynamic I don't
know the right word for It Whatever
Jafar is watching her
um nothing really important happens in
this scene at all except at one point
she's like you're so bossy I should call
you Daddy
and like I'm like oh I'm watching a kink
be born right like this is where this
originated is that like she like calls
him daddy like jokingly once or twice
and she's like maybe I like that
am I into that yes yeah there's also a
lot of like good girl which
we were talking earlier about like and I
know we've we posted it on our Instagram
story but like the Russ book talk yep
where like
I just keep thinking of every time Jafar
says good girl in this book I just hear
it and Russ's
singing voice with Russ's aggressively
sexual thirst trap tick tocks right good
for him man yeah carry on
but he has another song called handsomer
where he says I'm five six but the money
make me six five
and I'm like is he actually five six
I'm gonna have to look that up oh it's
such a good yeah it's I'm I know I mean
how tall is
but the money make me six five she said
I love your songs I told her to list
five
I like that yeah I mean I'm gonna look
up the song but it's called handsomer
how tall is Russ
yeah we need to know how tall Russ is
this is very important
um he's a cool five five he gave himself
an extra inch oh no he gave himself an
extra inch
y'all
that means he is about an inch taller
than me which means he is two inches
shorter than me bless his heart
you know it doesn't seem to be stopping
him
I mean no judgment good for you bro like
we're already like you're doing great
he really is we love a Shortcake energy
so all right in the car to on the way to
the underworld that night Jasmine's
wearing one of them
[ __ ] dresses where like they're like
the front went down between her blow
between her boobs and the back went down
even lower than that and there were
slits on both sides that like went all
the way up to her hip bone and I'm like
so she's one strong Breeze away from
like
full nude yes yeah no one really seems
upset about including her
so on the drive there they do confirm
that like Jafar killed her dad didn't
just like knock him out of power but
like he did
um and then he tells her that like at
the underworld she needs to be like
silent and obedient and like eyes
towards to the ground and we also are
starting to realize like yeah Jasmine
has never been in the real world at all
like right she has never been anywhere
outside of like her family grounds and
property outside of this Penthouse that
belongs to Jafar so like she starts to
have some anxiety throughout the night
and he does he actually like is very
sweet about managing it
um
but yeah when he's like you need to be
obedient and silent and she's like what
do I get if I do and he's like I'll take
care of that pretty [ __ ] tonight
like you were gonna do that anyway
like don't make that out to be good
really you were gonna do that anyway I'm
like really
okay you're just doing what you're gonna
already do but we're just re-labeling it
yeah got it
um and then
then he's like what do you want as a
reward if you obey and she's like I want
it like it was before like I want you to
force me
and
I put quotes on it but I like lick my
[ __ ] daddy make me come and I'm like
I wish that you hadn't
and then he goes down on her
he gives her a [ __ ]
you previous episodes if you had like
context for that joke for me everybody
gets a [ __ ]
he goes down on her in the limo
so they get to the underworld she's a
little bit nervous
um and that's where we also meet Meg
Megara
one of Haiti's Furies his favorite of
the furies I would say Obviously
um and Meg is like she is exquisite like
look at you go Jafar you want to share
and he's like if she's into it
um
and then when like Meg walks away
Jasmine's like you told her you'd share
me
and he's like
yeah you really don't seem that upset
but like okay like Whispers a lot of
dirty [ __ ] in her ear and it's just kind
of like not saying anything that you
don't want like right like calling her
Bluff essentially yes like
this whole book really I'm and I'm
giving way more detail than it is needed
for as much as is actually happening
Hades meets Jasmine that happens
um
they go to like the main Lounge area
where like everyone's out in the open
and like a lot of business talk is
happening and like Jasmine is realizing
like oh part of her being here is like
Jafar to show like the power that like
he has taken over her father is no
longer in play and she's there with him
and like kind of like being used as a
pawn a little bit
but she's also like I get that
appearances matter and like I'll be like
you're a good girl
okay baby girl good girl Daddy not none
of it matters
so they're sitting in the main club room
and
um
she's sitting on his lap like and he is
fingering her and then hook walks up and
like
Jafar is having a completely like normal
business conversation with hook well
engaging in digital penetration yeah
while engaging in digital digital get
down
that's it from now on that's it you you
see
um
and then
like jafar's like what do you like what
do you think of that business exchange
like after hook walks away and she has
come all over his fingers or whatever
the [ __ ] happened and she's like oh I
think he's nervous that like you're
gonna like make a play for his territory
in jafar's like oh like
you're pretty perceptive of business for
someone who who is engaging in the
digital digital get down during that
whole conversation
um
wait what else did I even
oh oh I skipped a whole none of it no
sitting in the mid Club room she's on
his lap he's rubbing her leg and under
boob she spreads her legs to give him
more access he says Wicked girl maybe I
should just blindfold you and put you in
a spreader bar then let everyone take
turns eating your [ __ ] until you're
begging for mercy
and then we meet hook I apologize that I
really got this plot out of order
honestly I don't know how we could have
moved forward with the review without
that context
it made all of the difference it did the
book would have made no sense no if we
didn't have Jafar saying he was going to
put her in a spreader bar there's a lot
of like next time I'll let everyone take
a turn
um
the only person who gets a turn outside
of him later in this book is Meg like I
was gonna say knowing full well he's
never going to share her with another
man that's never gonna happen
I don't know well there's seven books in
the series maybe they'll make a
reappearance who can say
um so then he like realizes that she was
perceptive in that conversation and he's
like you were like such a good girl what
do you want as your reward and she's
like make me Daddy Hannah it's then like
two or three chapters like 20 Pages
worth of just like
sex like one of those where it's like is
this scene over and then it's like no
it's not yeah it's like they're like
[ __ ] around yeah and then he's like
wait
hold on and then like Tink shows up
there's there's a whole costume change
she's then like dressed as a school girl
they moved to a different room and the
sex club Playhouse called the underworld
like that's an office then they're like
playing out some of their fantasies of
when like he used to see her walking
around when he was there doing business
with her dad and like it's
I'm like I just had to take a moment to
look it up because it was like hearing
you describe it I was like wait a minute
was neon Gods like part of this
storyline am I misremembering was that
Meg it absolutely was not so she wrote
two books about Hades I just had to look
it up really quick because I was like
wait what was her name because I wasn't
positive but no it was Persephone so she
has a hair if it was Persephone it was
Persephone and neon Gods so it was she
has Hades and Persephone book and then
she has Hades and Meg book I just had to
like clarify because I was like wait a
minute this is all very like for Hades
man right get it
um but it I was like this is very like
reminiscent of neon Gods like a lot of
the vibe
one of my favorite classes that I took
in undergrad was
um Greek mythology
because it was literally just
storytelling every class you'd sit there
and you'd be like
what happened what Greek god got someone
pregnant this week
like what Greek god [ __ ] a human this
time
um yeah so then like
I'd say it is worth noting that like
jafar's like you like would like wanna
want people to watch like want to be on
display and then she's like writing him
and he like flicks a switch behind him
and like defrost the window because
they're in the sex club and there's like
a bunch of people watching them go at it
and she's like I'm into that
yeah so like that happens she passes out
from all the orgasms they like sleep I
hate it when that happens
find a nickel for every time I had
six or seven orgasms in one night
at a sex club right called the
underworld yeah
I'd have zero nickels
I was gonna say what are what are we
buying
um from the Dollar Tree nothing because
with inflation
well yeah I I would be still nothing
Nicholas
not not a man named Nicholas classic
mix-up
sorry I was so bad that was not my best
joke I liked it it was just bad
it might I was gonna say not my best
joke not my worst joke it might be my
worst joke as I said it I was like I
deeply regret this
um yeah so she passes out after all of
the orgasms and then when she wakes up
in like the bedroom where they spent the
night Ali is in the bedroom uh oh yeah
and he's like you know like Jafar killed
your dad like I don't know maybe he says
that now maybe he says it later Ayanna
it doesn't [ __ ] matter
um but it's like I'm gonna rescue you
from your father's murderer and she's
like
no oh no and he's like I'm you're mine
and she's like [ __ ]
and then he like takes off then Jafar
shows up and jafar's like oh like she
looks out of Swords I must have like
gone too hard last night and she's like
Ali was here
and he's like oh well that's no good so
I go and like tell Hades then Hades is
like oh I'll rescind his membership
that's that's really all that happens
there
okay we didn't think to rescind his
membership previously well why would he
have rescinded his membership previously
I don't know I thought he and Jafar were
tight so I figured
I mean I think they're tight but like in
that way where like business associates
who both have a lot of power are tight
we're like
a lot of [ __ ] goes down under like
like at the underworld which gives Hades
even more power right so I think like
unless something happens it's like you
ain't special like right you can be
besties but unless someone like [ __ ] up
and breaks the rules I have no reason to
kick them out I think it's more of the
energy so then like when that actually
happens
right they're like okay well we're send
his membership
that makes sense
um
I don't know they go back to the
penthouse and like Jasmine's like don't
like
don't lock me up like this is like my
like that last night was like my first
taste of the real I'm like girl you have
been three places in your life
you have been on your father's grounds
jafar's penthouse
and a sex club like what a life so is
she a virgin when Jafar took her at the
palace great question she hasn't been
anywhere where she like bang him
she was technically a virgin
is how I believe she described what does
that mean um I think that just means
that a dick had never entered her but
that plenty of toys had
oh okay yeah okay I think that is really
fair enough how we're gonna describe
that I feel comfortable leaving it at
that
um
they like have a conversation that night
where she's like don't like lock me up
like my dad and he's like I'm just
trying to like keep you safe
um and she's like I don't just want to
be a pawn and I like that's really where
the tension starts to come in where
she's like I'm I'm more than just
upon in everyone's business Deals they
go to sleep she wakes up he's not there
but he gave her a phone that just has
his phone number and tink's phone number
they have phone sex
that's all Tink comes over brings more
clothes Meg is with her though this time
so Meg brings in another rack of clothes
and there's actually like normal human
clothes there's jeans this time not just
like [ __ ] dresses well that's nice
right
and Meg offers to help Jasmine Escape
and it's like
would you like my assistance like I I
can help but the steal expires in seven
days like so you don't need to you don't
need to decide right this minute but
like
you've got to decide at some point
um
so Jasmine is like thinking that over
and thinking it through when Ali not Ali
when Jeff Farr gets back and her and
Jafar are like sitting and having dinner
um
and she like asks them like oh like how
was work like what were you up to today
and he just kind of like deflects and is
like
so if you thought about like do you want
to go to college like what are what do
you want to do now that you like have a
little bit more freedom than you have
before and she's like oh well he's
clearly not telling me the details
because he clearly is still just viewing
me as a pawn and all of this right right
um and I'm just a possession and it's
like and like
it switches to jafar's perspective and
like he can like see that shift and he's
like I don't know what happened but like
she just like
shut down some right I [ __ ] up somehow
but I don't know how
but we also learn Jafar is real stressed
out because when they were out looking
for Ali that weekend six of his men went
missing oh
I was gonna say
show that right like babe I'm sorry I'm
not all the way with it today six of my
men are missing because I'm trying to
find a man who's trying to capture you
right
if we were a little bit more
collaborative and communicative
communication man right that's like
it's I'm like not that I want to be
Jafar and Jasmine's couples therapist
because quite frankly hard pass yeah and
I don't love doing couples therapy
me either did you have a lot of couples
before like when you weren't working
like in a treatment facility I had a few
mm-hmm but I just always you know
anytime there's family or you know
couples it's always like
yeah I'm always like none of you are
you're all terrible yeah yeah like
you're just all terrible occasionally
I'm like you're the less terrible person
but I can't even really engage with that
you're like you're causing the least
amount of conflict in this but you still
aren't blameless right and I think
that's the thing is like everyone always
thinks they're blameless yes
man well also let's let's note if you
were charging insurance for couples
counseling insurance pays out so much
less for couples than for individual
therapy and couples is so much harder
because you're man you're just managing
more people it's more to like
navigate and mediate like I remember
doing a couple session and this was like
at the start of the pandemic
they were in such a big fight they
called in to zoom from separate rooms of
the house
and were screaming at each other so loud
you could hear it picking up on the mic
from the and I'm like
and I was literally like if y'all can't
use your inside voices in the next three
seconds
we are ending this session because none
of this is productive
and I'm like I don't
get right like yeah couples work is just
like it's a different level
but like I feel like people who like
[ __ ] with couples love it love like I
was overseeing in clinician and she's
like I only want to work with couples I
don't like doing individual talk therapy
and I'm like
let no man stop you right I'm like
because that sounds like a special kind
of hell to me to only do couples therapy
I feel that way about working with kids
though as well like people who are like
only work with kids I'm like my God and
it's not the kids themselves it's having
to deal with their parents usually
that's the issue oh my gosh like it's
bad enough working with adults the
parents are like ghosts in the room but
working with kids it's like oh God no no
no no like hats off to people who
specialize in that well yeah especially
because like
the parents are the problem most of the
time absolutely and then they're like my
kid won't stop doing this and I'm like
maybe if you stop doing that they would
stop responding in that way
no you you're not right um [ __ ] me right
okay my favorite is when they show up
first and they're like we'll do anything
we can like we want to be supportive of
our child and make sure that they have
what they need and like we're here to
help and I'm like oh my gosh that's so
awesome here are some tips and skills
for you to try and then they're like we
won't be doing that
no but like what are the tips and skills
for my child to try right 100 yeah
you're like that's not what I meant
when I said I was going to be supportive
I thought I was going to support their
behavior change not my own behavior
change get the [ __ ] out of here
um okay so all that said switches to
jafar's perspective and
yeah he could have just communicated
more whatever
um
but they do end up having a little bit
of a real conversation about the future
where he's like what do you want to
Major and she's like I've literally like
I've never been afforded this
opportunity like I I haven't put a lot
of thought into this but like probably
software engineering he's like what
software engineering and she's like yeah
a lot of the measures in our business
and our company are archaic and like we
could expand into the digital digital
get down world
that's not the digital penetration world
just like inter more of like like they
could just expand the modernize yes
modernize and he's like oh wow like
she's so smart and like she said like we
like she thinks the boss is like
team a power Duo
running the legal underworlds together I
don't know
um
then he's like I have a surprise for you
Meg is there it's another probably like
20 Pages worth of sex I don't know they
have
a giant threesome
a giant threesome I say giant just
because there were so many pages
I was like oh yeah it's still going oh
yep
good for you yeah well I'm like there's
even like I remember there's like this
moment where
he's like I don't know like suck my [ __ ]
or something and she like starts like
almost like get excited to it and she's
like oh no wait I'm supposed to pretend
I don't want to
hahaha
I don't know bless it yeah
this is
far more detail than is needed at all so
yeah they have this big threesome
um the next morning
Jafar is gone Jasmine calls me again is
like I'm accepting your offer I want out
and Meg's like okay like I got my plan
in place be at the elevator at this time
like because I guess I forgot Jasmine
I'd like tried to get in the elevator
previously from the penthouse and none
of the buttons would work like you
needed like a code or something
um
so escapes down into the car when she
gets in the car we find Mega's there
with Hades who had already made a deal
with Ali oh no yes so then they're like
oops sorry about your luck kid
we already made a deal she's like I made
a deal with you he's like but but he
made a deal first so we're handing you
off to ollie uh oh
who like puts her in like the trunk of a
car and dries off and she's like
drives off not dries off I realized I
said that very quickly where I think we
all knew what I meant but I did yeah I
was following thank you
um so this is a frying pan fire
situation
like she's out of the frying pan and
Into the Fire yes it shook me sorry did
you see the look on my face when you're
like it's a frying pan fire situation I
was like
what yes did I just speak French or
something like that was your face just
now for real for real yes um but that is
an accurate description and so she's
like I'm gonna kill
Aladdin Ali whatever they're calling him
um switch to Jafar jafar's man calls him
and it's like
Jasmine's gone
and jafar's like okay just keep a man on
her like
she needs to be able to spread her wings
a little bit I get it and they're like
no no no you're not understanding like
she's gone like in the wind yes like we
think Aladdin has her and so Jafar
realizes that like a deal was probably
made with Hades he goes to the
underworld and Hades like won't see him
and
um they turn him away but then as Tink
is Lee or as he's leaving Tink walks up
like hands on like a note that said like
lets him know that Ali has Jasmine at
her dad's Balthazar I think was her
dad's name I don't know
his old grounds and property
um but like on the Note like Hades is
like now we're even I think from like
when Aladdin had like gone into the room
when he should not have and they
resented his membership and all that
[ __ ] right so this is Haiti's plan to
get Ali to Jafar this wasn't necessarily
like a full betrayal
I think Hades just makes a lot of deals
got it and because then he he can
collect a lot of favors right so I think
it was less about like overtly helping
Jafar and more like
Ali had made it into the room we [ __ ]
up from like our Like rules of our sex
club here so like this evens the scales
yeah I'm like less of like overtly
trying to help him and more just like
I no longer owe you any favors for our
[ __ ] up got it yeah yeah yeah
um even though he handed Jasmine over
right but it seems like we could have
done that without endangering her but
whatever who might have split hairs but
if the deal was that he to get Jasmine
right whatever what's next
I just realized it doesn't matter
yeah like I was getting caught up in it
and then I was like wait a second you're
like I really need to understand this
and you're like no I don't yeah
um yeah so Jasmine is back at like oh
not I'll eat Jafar is like okay I'm
gonna like get my troops together I'm
gonna go save my woman and then
we go to Jasmine Jasmine is at the
grounds Ali is not a good man like
probably smacks her across the face at
some point her father smacked her across
the face at the beginning she had a
bruise
pistafar off
I don't just you know coming full circle
abusive men
um
she gets close enough she kills Ali good
for her Jafar shows up to like save her
and all of the men who are there have
now like pledged their allegiance to
Jasmine and then he we all have Ollie's
men pledge their religion
well because like you realize like some
of the men had been like balthazars
before that and like
and then some of the men had maybe been
Jafar like everyone just kind of like
lots of messy loyalty yes a lot of messy
loyalty everyone pledges their loyalty
to Jasmine including Jafar when he gets
there and then she's like but you can
still be in charge in the bedroom
I don't there's more detail none of it
matters that is
um the end they probably thought
okay they are now going to rule
everything
together
the end the end yeah so
I'd say it's like probably a 200 Page
book and I'd say that probably like over
100 Pages or sex
if I well maybe less I don't know by the
time you include digital penetration
probably half the book is
daddy baby girl digital penetration
costume changes other kinds of
penetration yeah a lot a lot of
penetration yeah
um a lot of nudity
like they're like there is plush and
titties flapping in the water hippies
titties
yep titty slapping in the water really
she will not win the swimming contest
so what is our rating scale I was just
trying to think of like what's the
rating scale for this like like rajas
but that feels weird given your
your tied in the name maybe we could do
tigers we could do tigers okay yeah
um
I'm gonna say Wicked tinks
looked at Little Tinker Bells Little
Tinker Bells spreader bars
oh I'm sorry Hannah took a sip of her
wine through her giant silicone straw as
I said that and was not prepared and
almost just put it out all over our like
very light colored couch
so glad you kept that in
spreader bars sure
whatever makes you
um no I think I think tigers it's a safe
choice
I don't know because like
if you're thinking of it in the grand
scheme of like
all of the different books that we read
like
I think for its specific genre and what
it's trying to accomplish
it's it's
good right you know but I think like if
you're looking at it in the context did
you spray wine on your hands
got it that I got it on my face
incredible
um
but like
I think for its genre and for what it's
set out to do
it accomplished it right
um but I also don't think anyone is
going to read it and be like this is a
great
literary Masterpiece right so for what
it is it achieved its goal yeah was it
enjoyable
I I would say towards its goal it's
enjoyable okay yes I would say like once
again if you're reading it for like a
lot of plot
like you just have to know what you're
getting going into it right
um
so I'd say
if there are 10 tigers
I would give it like
I like feel like I'm trying to rate it
on two different scales yeah I would see
you trying to figure out like towards
its goal and for what it is it it did
what it intended to do but like in terms
of comparison to other books that maybe
were a little richer if yes short yes so
I'd say like
probably five Tigers out of ten or like
six Tigers out of ten if I'm trying to
marry those I think honestly it's
probably like six tigers
if we're looking at like it's set out
what it's trying to do it's not going to
win any awards maybe it has I don't know
um like no shade Katie yeah just saying
like there's
there's enough plot that like to to
carry you through so yeah I'd say
I would say six out of ten Tigers I know
you didn't read it I did not from
my great retelling
for the best retelling of all time I
would support six I'm doing suppressed
your judgment
[Laughter]
that's so much pressure so oh so the
reason why I can trust and support is
because I did read neon gods and I did
it that whole like clarification on the
consensual non-consent and all that
stuff is really like that matters to me
yeah and so I'm like okay so for what it
is especially given that I will support
the six yeah
six out of ten Tigers final offer did
you read um LJ Shin's new Thorn princess
I would be curious your thoughts because
like talking about like consensual
non-consent where like there's a scene
where like
like that's what he's really into she
walks in on him having sex with a woman
who's also into that like she doesn't
know yes like
then like she has like sexual trauma and
like it's a whole
messy add that to my list and we can do
a joint or something on that one later
in the season yeah possibly I would just
be I'd be curious your thoughts
regardless I yeah that one
might be a messy review I don't know I I
like LJ Shen a lot yeah but I also feel
like
her books either like really land for me
or they really
don't like like yeah I was like hell
yeah or I'm like well we finished it
right we can mark it as a red on
Goodreads yep closer to my annual goal
yep how many books did you set as your
annual goal this year 300 100 yeah
I don't know if I'm gonna meet it this
year oh really yeah oh damn I mean I
might but I'm at 81 I think
that is low for you while also still
very far considering when we are
recording this it is spring yeah yeah
yeah so only a couple months into the
year and you're already at 81. yeah I
well because historically I've set my
goal as like
I like hit 200 for a couple years then
last year when I was super pregnant I
think I hit like I had been like
powering through and then I just like
hit a wall yeah and I think my goal I
lowered it to 150 and then this year I
was like don't set yourself up for
failure like you don't need to like set
a high goal like you have
a less than one-year-old child
so I set my goal I think as like 50
books for this year to my head I'm like
you know like a little less than one a
week
pretty much one a week since there's 52
weeks so if we split that math on those
those last two books right I was like
okay
um and I think I'm
somewhere in the 20s yeah so like we'll
probably surpass yeah but I also
I don't know I'm like why set myself up
for failure right you know where I'm
like
I'm the one setting the goal I don't
need to like at least like I don't need
to be stressed about it I'm like also
even if I stopped reading if I didn't
read any more books this entire year
I've still read a lot more books than
most people than a lot yeah yeah like
I was scrolling through Facebook and a
friend was like
I it was at the end of 2022 and she was
like man like I I hit my goal of reading
10 books this year and in my head I was
like 10. what
I call that January right but then I was
like I'm not like I was like no no
judgment yes but I'm also like if you
are not a huge reader like 10 books is a
lot and you know what let's also own
when people are like I only read 10
books this year most of the time they
aren't reading desperate messages by
Katie Rob like
they're probably reading you know like
something like Swan Song by Robert
McCannon that's like I don't know
more than a thousand pages and it's like
this Epic Journey that you go on yes and
it's just doing the most there's no
romance in it at all like there's not
really any romantic relationship happen
that's what people are reading when
they're reading 10 books a year or
they're reading they're like this is
like self-help like was it like where
the crawdads sing or like
or uh culture
yeah yes where I'm like oh they are
reading books that like maybe hold a
little more weight in substance yeah
then I'm like
I'm reading a book called triceratops
and bottoms so like let's keep things in
perspective so like not like but just
one of those words like oh 10 books and
I was like good for her but then in my
head I'm like man I didn't hit my
150 book goal for this year and like
we're all doing great we are we are all
doing fine we are and with that in mind
if y'all have read Desperate Measures
let us know what you think yes let us
know share your thoughts how many tigers
would you choose a different rating
system yeah we did just come up with
that on the fly so if you I would be
surprised if we can come up with
something better
I know that's a big plot twist that we
choose a different rating system on the
fly every time I don't know usually
obviously clearly we put a lot of
thought and energy into the rating
scales well so bless my sweet husband
who like does all of our like back-end
production and all of that stuff and
gets everything ready for like social
media but he will
um
when he uploads it to YouTube he'll
normally like for the background try and
choose something that was pertinent to
the show and there are so many times
where I'm like the [ __ ] did you choose
that background for and he's like
because that was your rating scale of
this book and I was like oh [ __ ] it was
and he's like yeah Chelsea I didn't just
choose Hugh Jackman that was one of my
favorite that was amazing that was
amazing it was just Hugh Jackman's face
it was good right but yeah it's really
good there are several times were like
I don't even remember and my husband's
like yeah I I'm just I'm not out here
choosing these things willy-nilly like
they are pertinent to the show there's a
method well damn yeah so Tigers it is
Tigers it is rajas yeah still really
there was no conversation about their
safe word they just like had a safe word
which okay that neither here we had it
we do which is more than most great
stories
okay
but I hear someone moving I I don't know
it sounds like Brandon followed by Vance
yeah sounds like my dog fell
on the ground which he
will do when he's following you around
for food he'll like not pay attention
and then slip in a fit of joy and he's
like I also get excited about food I'm
highly food motivated
and I'm ready for a snack oh yeah it's
snack time okay six out of ten Tigers
let us know what you would rate it
um not just rate that but feel free to
like subscribe give us a rating on the
show on whatever your preferred
streaming platform is it always goes a
long way yeah and a friend yeah yeah
tell friends yeah no we've had this
conversation before I'm like you know
know your audience
oh you're cool friends don't tell your
narc friends
okay we can't wait to see you until next
time have a great afternoon
[Music]
I hope it was good for you cause it sure
was great for us
if you're digging what we're doing it
would mean a lot if you'd take a minute
to rate and review the show wherever
you're listening right now
maybe tell that sexy someone Linda senir
we love you
we appreciate you we'll see you next
week
stay spotty
[Music]