Speaker 1: Let me tell you something I've been thinking about a
Speaker 1: lot lately.
Speaker 2: I thought.
Speaker 1: I was like, Oh, I got to share this with
Speaker 1: the kid. Let me see, let me get the picture right? Cool?
Speaker 3: Oh? What? What? What?
Speaker 4: What are you going to your ancess?
Speaker 5: When when I was a boy, my daddy sat me
Speaker 5: on his knee and he told me.
Speaker 1: He told me many things, and he said, son, there's
Speaker 1: a lot of things in this life that you're gonna
Speaker 1: have no use for.
Speaker 6: What's happening? Did I just take a drunk? What's happening?
Speaker 3: And when you get blue and you've lost all your dreams,
Speaker 3: there's nothing like a campfire and a big can of pin.
Speaker 4: This is this impromptu? Is this?
Speaker 1: I took up from a song that's from Tom Tom
Speaker 1: Waite's a Lucky day.
Speaker 2: He'll take you. He said, what are more? My dad
Speaker 2: is sho and he told me he told me.
Speaker 1: Anything, and he said, son, there's a lot of things
Speaker 1: in this world that you're gonna have no use for.
Speaker 3: And when you get blue and you've lost all your dreams,
Speaker 3: there's nothing like.
Speaker 2: A campfire and a cannabans. And then he jumps into
Speaker 2: the class course. Where has best count?
Speaker 3: Say? She dopp and said the school.
Speaker 1: He don't sing like that though, because he's got that great.
Speaker 4: I got too renditions of this song and was this
Speaker 4: the thing you were thinking of lately?
Speaker 7: All I got to since you begotten? I was like, man,
Speaker 7: I gotta make the next episode impact. And I was like, oh,
Speaker 7: I know, I'll get top weight.
Speaker 6: That's really what what I've been thinking.
Speaker 2: Here's what I've been thinking. Let me ask you this.
Speaker 1: Harley just got a new haircut, which as a father,
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, that's adorable. You look as
Speaker 1: adorable as ever. What a great thing.
Speaker 2: What's the reaction then, to those who matter the most?
Speaker 1: People you'll never meet, total strangers who on Instagram if
Speaker 1: you click on their names, have private accounts and you
Speaker 1: can't even judge their hair bag. No, what's the reaction been, Like, Well.
Speaker 8: I got my bangs cut to be normal bangs, like
Speaker 8: a year you go, and then I just kept they
Speaker 8: kept growing, so I just kept chopping them and chopping
Speaker 8: them until they are what they are now. I guess
Speaker 8: they would be considered micro banks.
Speaker 1: Okay, and some mom's nickname when I met her Michael Banks.
Speaker 4: I don't want understand the joke.
Speaker 9: But some people, some people really love it. Some people
Speaker 9: think it's cool.
Speaker 8: I think it's cool, and then other people say really.
Speaker 4: Unkind things about it.
Speaker 2: For example, like.
Speaker 8: The comment I just saw minutes before sitting down to
Speaker 8: do this was.
Speaker 9: Why is your haircut so terrible?
Speaker 1: And I often and that came from you know, former
Speaker 1: President Barack Obama.
Speaker 4: I would be crying.
Speaker 2: Iluminary. What's online?
Speaker 1: Luminary?
Speaker 2: You know, with that much influence and.
Speaker 1: Power told you that your haircut suck?
Speaker 8: Just somebody was like less than a hundred followers in
Speaker 8: a private account.
Speaker 9: Also, the things people say about my haircut, I'm like.
Speaker 2: What they I don't care?
Speaker 4: What do they say.
Speaker 8: Everything about you except your haircut? Like I like everything
Speaker 8: about you, but I hate your haircut.
Speaker 1: You're just now or they always say this.
Speaker 8: No, no, just these micro banks right, because it's a
Speaker 8: specific look and.
Speaker 1: It's a little uma thermin in pulp fiction.
Speaker 9: Now, thank you very much.
Speaker 4: That's what I would hope for.
Speaker 2: Ninety's game recognizes nineties game.
Speaker 9: Thank you.
Speaker 4: I feel seen. I feel seen.
Speaker 8: But yeah, it's fine, it's fine. People have been saying
Speaker 8: me stuff since I've been on the internet.
Speaker 1: How much shit do you think you get for just
Speaker 1: because you're you, and like all the shift that comes
Speaker 1: with you, like this.
Speaker 2: Vegan fucking hippy, fucking piece.
Speaker 4: Nick comments are a lot legion.
Speaker 1: And how many are like you are the fucking daughter
Speaker 1: of that pieces shit?
Speaker 2: Like how many of you? What percentage would we? Oh
Speaker 2: my way? Like if I didn't exist, that you wouldn't.
Speaker 1: Have to deal with what a sad reality, both admitting
Speaker 1: like we'd much rather me be alive in this scenario
Speaker 1: where I never existed, but you're still you somehow okay,
Speaker 1: and so that it's one less thing they could come
Speaker 1: at you for, like I can't you know, I may
Speaker 1: not exist. I can't change your fucking bang situation.
Speaker 2: That micro bank ship. That's a war I can't get.
Speaker 1: But with eliminating me from the equation, what percentage less
Speaker 1: ship would you have to deal with?
Speaker 2: Online? You know what?
Speaker 8: It depends on what where the comments are, what posts
Speaker 8: slash content you could say the comments are on, like
Speaker 8: when it is about when I'm posting about veganism. Yes
Speaker 8: it's one hundred percent. People tell me they're gonna eat
Speaker 8: a steak because I as to give kindness to animals.
Speaker 1: I've seen those.
Speaker 2: Now I'm gonna eat two steaks.
Speaker 8: I really really hate that.
Speaker 1: I never understood the wisdom there where. It's just like, well, fuck,
Speaker 1: fuck your veganism. I'm gonna need a steak. I'm like,
Speaker 1: all right, well.
Speaker 4: Well I'm not.
Speaker 1: Like that doesn't hurt me, Like I'm not part of
Speaker 1: the vegan industrial complex. So you eating a steak, there
Speaker 1: is no skin.
Speaker 9: It is skinned.
Speaker 1: Skid is skin.
Speaker 4: I can't in spite of me, that's that hurts.
Speaker 2: That hurts.
Speaker 1: It's probably never gonna happen.
Speaker 4: I feel like that hurts.
Speaker 1: They thought they forgot about you the moment they fucking
Speaker 1: sent that comment. They do you really think they went
Speaker 1: to a restaurant and they're like Garson for Harley, I
Speaker 1: hope you feel this.
Speaker 4: Maybe the same guy who stays up all night fucking
Speaker 4: responding to people on that internet board. So perhaps perhaps,
Speaker 4: But but for people for you related.
Speaker 8: Ship comments, I would say in this twenty five to
Speaker 8: forty percent range.
Speaker 1: Ship was so fucking stick you were like, yeah.
Speaker 2: That was that's one.
Speaker 1: Never I've got too much time a mass another one.
Speaker 4: I don't know. No, I can't say.
Speaker 1: So they had fuck it.
Speaker 2: That's hole.
Speaker 4: Let's just let's just jump right over this house.
Speaker 1: We said sticks and the two dogs were like.
Speaker 4: Oh, yeah, they know the words.
Speaker 2: They do that.
Speaker 1: We noticed that they know the words sticks, and now
Speaker 1: every once in a while we just say sticks sticks sticks.
Speaker 2: You were like.
Speaker 8: Earlier when I came in, you were like, watch this,
Speaker 8: and then your mom just said stick stick.
Speaker 4: I was like, what the fuck?
Speaker 2: Dog? Like, they're they're they're doing it the day that
Speaker 2: we always wish for. All they're talking about is six.
Speaker 1: Sticks stick stick stick stick sticks stick. On your phone,
Speaker 1: you have a bunch of un read texts.
Speaker 4: You could say that.
Speaker 1: How many tell them? I'm going to tell you what
Speaker 1: I've gotten on read on on my phone.
Speaker 4: Yeah you go first. How about you expose yourself first?
Speaker 2: Okay?
Speaker 1: Mine says twenty twenty to zero. Oh okay, And I
Speaker 1: know that are unanswered. Are mostly like, you know, fucking
Speaker 1: request to go to a thing.
Speaker 4: But yeah, okay, Well.
Speaker 2: What what do you got over there?
Speaker 1: What's on your phone? What is the young Holley?
Speaker 8: Well, as a representative from the young Hollywood community, I
Speaker 8: can say that right now I have two and fifteen on.
Speaker 1: Red texts, twenty one hundred unread texts, yes, number one.
Speaker 1: I don't even know you could fucking have that many?
Speaker 8: Oh, These are from years. These are years and years
Speaker 8: of unread texts because I never deleted anything because I'm
Speaker 8: because I'm.
Speaker 4: Nostolgia and scared.
Speaker 1: So you have texts from like high school.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, down in there.
Speaker 8: If I scrolled, oh yeah, they're there, and I went
Speaker 8: down into the fucking pits.
Speaker 4: Of these texts.
Speaker 2: That's it.
Speaker 4: I find some crazy.
Speaker 1: Shit, fucking show man like.
Speaker 9: Oh god, I'll start that life kind.
Speaker 1: Of show where the like the motherfucker just won't get
Speaker 1: rid of their texts. And so you scroll through and
Speaker 1: every time you hit a memory, go back.
Speaker 4: To that Oh wow, yeah, and so.
Speaker 1: You get to jump all throughout that person's so smart.
Speaker 2: Right, Well there's another call, Holy shit, call home.
Speaker 1: They're like, we don't do that sort of thing. Is
Speaker 1: Santa involved?
Speaker 2: Then? Why would we do this? Twenty one?
Speaker 1: Do you ever hope to answer any of them?
Speaker 9: Any of them?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: And what moves one to the read.
Speaker 8: List when I when I respond? But there are just
Speaker 8: some texts that I just don't want to really respond to.
Speaker 4: And I don't I really, I really don't love.
Speaker 9: Being being accessible at all times.
Speaker 1: Is that a generational thing?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 8: Because when you were growing up, you could not be
Speaker 8: accessible at all times. Someone could ring your lambline and
Speaker 8: like trot to find you.
Speaker 1: You realized we never called.
Speaker 8: It land whatever it's called a phone.
Speaker 2: There were no options.
Speaker 4: But I don't I don't know that you did.
Speaker 1: Have a cordless phone. There are certain points, yeah, when
Speaker 1: they did introduce the cordless phone, which was like, you know,
Speaker 1: most phones had a windy, oh yeah, fucking chord that
Speaker 1: you could only go so far. Progressive families, I mean
Speaker 1: progressive meaning like you know, social agenda, progressive meaning like,
Speaker 1: oh shit, let's get a double cord. Wow, I have friends.
Speaker 1: You'd go through the whole fucking house with the phone,
Speaker 1: and the cord would stretch like to the other, from.
Speaker 2: One side of the house to the other.
Speaker 1: That's low Tree at twenty one Jackson Street, where I
Speaker 1: was raised by Mammalin and fucking Popoly Grandpopoli and ship
Speaker 1: no such life.
Speaker 8: I was gonna, oh no, I didn't want to assume,
Speaker 8: but I was wondering how long your cord was?
Speaker 2: Kitchen phone?
Speaker 1: Was the kitchen phone right, and could go and oh
Speaker 1: my god, like it's the longest phone conversation you feel you've.
Speaker 4: Ever had in your life, three four hours.
Speaker 1: Okay, like try eight nine overnight phone calls and stuff.
Speaker 1: You couldn't get that going during the day, especially if
Speaker 1: you were a single line house, and like there was
Speaker 1: constant imagine whenever you were talking to your friends, me
Speaker 1: or a mom would be like, would you get off
Speaker 1: the phone? Maybe Grandma's trying to call. Get off the phone.
Speaker 1: You're tying up the line because there was only one
Speaker 1: fucking line and you didn't have your own super secret,
Speaker 1: special fucking line and shit, nor did you have a
Speaker 1: cell phone. It's a mind bending, fucking primordial stoop caveman time.
Speaker 4: I'm envious of it.
Speaker 8: I'm super fucking envious.
Speaker 1: Is that you don't like to be able to I
Speaker 1: put my phone to sleep. I was gonna say, fucking
Speaker 1: somewhere lucky and Birdie like what. I put my phone
Speaker 1: on airplane mode like all the time, so that I
Speaker 1: could slight not be bothered.
Speaker 8: And then I call mom because I think that you've
Speaker 8: a terrible accident because your chext won't go through.
Speaker 2: Walking out cold and all sudden.
Speaker 1: Jennifer's like, get up.
Speaker 2: She's like, your daughter's your daughter needs you talking about
Speaker 2: She's like, she said, any text you thinks you're dead.
Speaker 1: Called up.
Speaker 2: I was like, I'm not dead, mom yelling at me.
Speaker 1: She's like, I'm not.
Speaker 8: Yelling at you, and she was, I'm so sorry. I'm
Speaker 8: not I'm so sorry to put you in that picture.
Speaker 1: You thought, because the text didn't go through, that I
Speaker 1: was at the bottom of some cliff or something like that.
Speaker 4: Yeah. Wow, Well, with the way.
Speaker 1: That you dry, I don't drive that reckless man anymore.
Speaker 8: As someone who has been in the car with you recently,
Speaker 8: I would not agree with that statement. But whatever you
Speaker 8: want to tell yourself. But I in my mind, just
Speaker 8: because of the facts, it brings me to some pretty
Speaker 8: morbid outcomes I suppose.
Speaker 1: And you thought for a second, it's like, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm at the body him of a cliff.
Speaker 3: And have to eat him on foot to stay alive.
Speaker 4: Wow, that's better than my scenario.
Speaker 3: Let him found my magical lambs. If they make him
Speaker 3: their king may all.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's what I was thinking when I called him
Speaker 4: in there.
Speaker 1: Perhaps I won't call that.
Speaker 2: If you found out, like let's say.
Speaker 4: I don't want to go into the hypothetical.
Speaker 2: Let's say you found let's say I like.
Speaker 1: Disappeared you just you disappeared, yeh, vehicle and all. So
Speaker 1: it didn't what didn't look like an accident. It looked
Speaker 1: like it was intentional, Like I just ran.
Speaker 2: Okay, number one? Could I ran? Could I run? Iran?
Speaker 2: Is I like?
Speaker 1: Am I after all this time of trying to build,
Speaker 1: you know, a business and fucking put my face out there?
Speaker 1: Is it possible for me to run?
Speaker 4: I don't.
Speaker 8: I don't know how incognito you could be.
Speaker 1: On the run, shave completely, stop wearing baseball caps. They'd
Speaker 1: be like, I could also shave what's left of my head?
Speaker 9: Is that Kevin Smith looking really weirder?
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I bet you, I bet you. It's like the Harry
Speaker 1: Potter invisibility cloak Man. Remember when I was younger and
Speaker 1: I wore the hockey jerseys all the time, People always
Speaker 1: looking for the hockey jersey. So if I didn't have
Speaker 1: a hockey jersey, I had a few minutes before people
Speaker 1: are like, I'm still looking for the hockey jersey. The
Speaker 1: pre disposition toward like, oh, I know what he looks
Speaker 1: like and stuff. So I could shave all my facial hair,
Speaker 1: including the hair on my head, and stop wearing baseball
Speaker 1: caps and might be able to disappear for a while,
Speaker 1: go off the grid?
Speaker 4: Should we try? Should we try it?
Speaker 2: Now?
Speaker 1: Let's say I disappeared and then you know, I mean
Speaker 1: really never mind, like you were a shaved head. Shouldn't
Speaker 1: you be going? Why are you going off the grid?
Speaker 2: What happened?
Speaker 9: I can't even imagine you without a hat on? I
Speaker 9: literally cannot even imagine.
Speaker 1: Could you imagine I've been off the like I disappeared,
Speaker 1: and like ten years later, you run into me at
Speaker 1: a fucking food store, bro, and.
Speaker 8: I would beat your fucking ass because you just fucking
Speaker 8: often left.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but what you don't know why? Oh?
Speaker 4: Please saw me.
Speaker 2: Fucking alves? Maybe they're can't. Oh what if I believe?
Speaker 1: Like I was like, like, I was like, I'm serious.
Speaker 1: I know that sounds crazy, but like that's true.
Speaker 9: I think I would still beat your ass.
Speaker 2: But what if?
Speaker 1: But what if I was like, I can bring you
Speaker 1: to the magic Glen and show you.
Speaker 9: No, actually, I'd be like I found him and he
Speaker 9: needs help right now, he needs help right away.
Speaker 1: See this also sounds like a fucking TV movie. This
Speaker 1: sounds more like a Hallmark movie. And then because you're
Speaker 1: all cold hearted and shit and you're like my father's crazy.
Speaker 1: And then it turns out there were fucking elves and
Speaker 1: I was their king and shit, and it softens your
Speaker 1: fucking heart and you decide that love is all you
Speaker 1: need and stuff credits curtains.
Speaker 4: Did you have other elf children.
Speaker 2: When I went away? Why would I fuck an elf?
Speaker 10: I don't know.
Speaker 4: You're there king for a buck's sake?
Speaker 1: Yeah, And as they're king, I've earned their trust. You
Speaker 1: think I'm gonna start fucking up people who like the king.
Speaker 4: Has your plan is here?
Speaker 1: That would be like, you know, fucking like the dogs
Speaker 1: make me their king and I'm gone for ten years
Speaker 1: and they're like, did you have puppies?
Speaker 3: I'm like dogs.
Speaker 2: They made me their king. That was cool enough.
Speaker 1: Not everything's about fucking sex. When you're made fucking the king,
Speaker 1: you're in charge of a lot of lives and ship.
Speaker 8: I I I'm so sorry to downplay your responsibilities.
Speaker 1: I've seen a lot of Game of Thrones. I know
Speaker 1: what happens to kings who are so busy. Fucking man,
Speaker 1: you gotta you gotta pay attention.
Speaker 2: You gotta be like King Arthur Man.
Speaker 1: You and the land are one and ship like an EXCaliber.
Speaker 1: Whatever happens to you happens to land and so forth.
Speaker 9: Just keep your eye on the price in that instant,
Speaker 9: keeping the elks happy.
Speaker 1: Would there be any way that I could convince you
Speaker 1: that like it had happened and ship or would you
Speaker 1: you think it was like well number one, did you think?
Speaker 1: Would you think I was crazy? Would you think it
Speaker 1: was drug induce or would you think I was lying
Speaker 1: to cover for something and using magic else to do?
Speaker 10: If that was.
Speaker 11: Your line to cover for your ten year absence, yes, wow,
Speaker 11: I'd probably think you your mental stability had gone completely downhill, right,
Speaker 11: would definitely be questioning what your drug use was.
Speaker 1: What if I'm like, I haven't smoked weed in like
Speaker 1: ten years, because they don't, I won't.
Speaker 4: Really be worried about weed, but I'm more concerned.
Speaker 2: Look, I did drink elve ale.
Speaker 1: Like once on a Christmas holiday once when I was
Speaker 1: really sad about not being able to see my family.
Speaker 4: Ever, Oh my god.
Speaker 1: But other than that, no, a king can't be fucking drunk.
Speaker 1: I've read enough history to know what happens. I was
Speaker 1: a good kid, Yeah, good.
Speaker 8: Your teen your responsibilities really seriously, incredibly seriously, I'm proud
Speaker 8: of you for that.
Speaker 9: I would probably I maybe just I would assess.
Speaker 4: I would assess your.
Speaker 8: Current state of being in mind, and then I would
Speaker 8: probably work through the ten years of anger that I've
Speaker 8: had towards my towards my father who left me to
Speaker 8: be with the elves, and I would want to.
Speaker 2: Well, you don't have to say it like that, like
Speaker 2: left you to be with the elves.
Speaker 4: That's how it seems twenty.
Speaker 2: Four years old, like you got this so we don't
Speaker 2: even know talk. We're in jeopardy, so we don't even talk.
Speaker 1: I just I went off the grid.
Speaker 4: So you just fucking go.
Speaker 1: Because that's the way it is in these stories, man,
Speaker 1: the way it is sometimes you meet it.
Speaker 12: It.
Speaker 1: Is this, yeah, and the stories man, it's like you
Speaker 1: gotta hey, man, we need you right now. And if
Speaker 1: you do this, you can't go back. It's like splash,
Speaker 1: you know, like fucking Madison the Mermaid, she could never come.
Speaker 13: Back right cry, Oh my gosh, what were you doing
Speaker 13: watching the fucking Magan Levy.
Speaker 1: I was trying to sell Harley on Megan Levy because
Speaker 1: what was her name? Kate Mara was at the Mercy
Speaker 1: for Animal shindig that Harley went to the other day,
Speaker 1: and she i was like, who was there? Because I
Speaker 1: went to this thing years ago and fucking Joaquin Phoenix
Speaker 1: was there.
Speaker 4: Was at our table?
Speaker 2: Yeah, at our table it.
Speaker 4: Was as Quaquin Phoenix, Moby. It was crusty.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the most hated people in America. But he was
Speaker 2: like that was before the Oscars. Agree. I think.
Speaker 1: I don't know if he was if they had even
Speaker 1: announced the nominations yet. I guess they had, so he
Speaker 1: was nominated, but he hadn't. The Oscars hadn't happened. And
Speaker 1: I was outside and he was outside, and we were bullshit.
Speaker 1: We just had like a fucking conversation and I was like, bro,
Speaker 1: I go fucking deep. I said, I've been watching since
Speaker 1: Parent that you're an ele of an actor and ship
Speaker 1: and he was real nice and but I was like,
Speaker 1: you're you're definitely winning that Oscar this year. And he's like,
Speaker 1: you think? And I was like, oh my god, you
Speaker 1: know because he was just a real sweetheart. Yeah, he's
Speaker 1: we won the Oscar and I take credit for.
Speaker 4: That, and that was because of you that.
Speaker 1: When he wanted he was just like I talked to
Speaker 1: Kevin Smith that night at Mercy Friend all natural and whatnot.
Speaker 1: Real actors do weird ship like that, like that normal
Speaker 1: people do. I don't when I'm acting, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: but fucking real people are like, I don't know.
Speaker 2: I was just fucking I felt like having a sandwich one.
Speaker 1: Yes ship by any event, this Mercy for Animals gig
Speaker 1: Hardy went to This Year and so I was like,
Speaker 1: who who was there looking for like the this Year'
Speaker 1: Joaquin Phoenix and who would have guessed? Megan Levy.
Speaker 4: Megan Levy, the.
Speaker 2: Lady who played Megan le Mara.
Speaker 1: Yes, it was also somehow related.
Speaker 9: To Joaquin Phoenix dates her sister Maura.
Speaker 4: Maybe they're married.
Speaker 8: I'm not sure, but there's a tally iconic photo of
Speaker 8: them on the stairs of a vegan little vegan restaurant
Speaker 8: named Monty's the Burger Joint, where Rooney Mara and Joaquin
Speaker 8: Phoenix are sitting on the stairs outside of Monty's with
Speaker 8: their food and he's holding an oscar and it's.
Speaker 2: Pretty kind of like this Year's Apology and Madi.
Speaker 10: So funny.
Speaker 2: If I ever win anything ever again.
Speaker 10: Get fast fo fast food.
Speaker 6: I can sprint your like, take a picture of me, please,
Speaker 6: seem like someone else did.
Speaker 1: Like Kevin James is so thirsty.
Speaker 8: I'll be like, look look at what.
Speaker 2: Hey, everybody look queens himself.
Speaker 1: They're like, you must be Leah Remeny.
Speaker 14: You're like, I am, Yeah.
Speaker 2: All right, so.
Speaker 4: Hmm, that's Leman.
Speaker 1: I guess we're done with those fucking elves.
Speaker 8: I guess I mean the moral of the stories. I
Speaker 8: would just be really fucking concerned for you and your
Speaker 8: overall well being. And if you took me to the elves,
Speaker 8: then I would truly be that would be a gigantic
Speaker 8: mind fun.
Speaker 2: Then you would forgive me, then you'd be I wouldn't
Speaker 2: forgive what happens in those stories, in those moments.
Speaker 4: I wouldn't forgive.
Speaker 2: How could you not forgive?
Speaker 1: If, like literally, if the elves are like, that's hey,
Speaker 1: that's from that's all came back.
Speaker 4: You didn't have you didn't have a phone.
Speaker 2: We're twenty anymore.
Speaker 4: I still need a fun.
Speaker 1: From twenty But you can make it from twenty four
Speaker 1: to thirty four and then find out that, like fucking
Speaker 1: I was big with the I.
Speaker 4: Hate this hypothetical.
Speaker 2: It gave me magic.
Speaker 4: Oh they'll get hit fucking mention.
Speaker 1: That at the end of the story I could fucking
Speaker 1: take to bring us back to ten years and ship
Speaker 1: while still retaining everything we know, which gives you a
Speaker 1: second bite at the apple because remember you killed that
Speaker 1: kid in high school. So as this part of the
Speaker 1: story way wait, no, no, no, no shoes.
Speaker 2: So it so fucking so much. Yeah, it was fucking
Speaker 2: traffic guys, right, and you've been haunted by it.
Speaker 4: That's the part of the story, not real life.
Speaker 2: Just clarifying.
Speaker 1: Now, by going back ten years, you'll be able to
Speaker 1: FuG and erase that ship like that.
Speaker 2: Look, I had to think something I was going to
Speaker 2: be like that.
Speaker 1: Well that you accidentally killed Austin, so that makes even
Speaker 1: more arch But then you could that is even better
Speaker 1: because then you can bring them back to life.
Speaker 10: Oho.
Speaker 1: Well when you put it that way, then in the sequel,
Speaker 1: Austin's in therapy because he was like, I was dead.
Speaker 1: I've seen the other side and there's nothing like. I
Speaker 1: am desperate to stay here now because all that exists
Speaker 1: on the other side of this isn't empty. A hole
Speaker 1: in the ground chills. He's like, Harley, we must live.
Speaker 1: We must do everything we can to live.
Speaker 4: Wow.
Speaker 1: And he's like, so in order to do that, we
Speaker 1: have to start eating the elves.
Speaker 2: But my father is the.
Speaker 4: Elf king, and I'm pretty sure he has secret.
Speaker 15: Thrown a ship rides itself your performances right there, but
Speaker 15: my father, yes, but do.
Speaker 4: You have an elf queen? Be honest, No.
Speaker 2: Again, why would I fuck an elf? They're like this
Speaker 2: small use an elf like a fleshlight. Goddamn it. He's
Speaker 2: the only place elf world is where I'm a giant.
Speaker 2: But no, there's no queen.
Speaker 1: They don't like they just made me the king because
Speaker 1: I protect of.
Speaker 4: Course, sorry for not understanding that.
Speaker 1: Part, dumb kids.
Speaker 2: Sorry, she doesn't understand how it goes these stories.
Speaker 4: Dumb as don't get it.
Speaker 1: But yeah, so then it becomes about how you have
Speaker 1: to choose between me and the man you love, your.
Speaker 2: Father, because Austin when he came back, is like the.
Speaker 1: Only way to stay alive in this world to eat
Speaker 1: the elk them. And he's like, and I've been to
Speaker 1: the other side. This is no speculative bullshit.
Speaker 2: This is like we don't know what he's like.
Speaker 1: I know it's on the other side and it's it's
Speaker 1: fucking nothingness and it's a void and like the we
Speaker 1: never want to go back there hardly. So he's got
Speaker 1: like good intentions, but you know, in order for something
Speaker 1: to live, something's got to fucking suffer and or die
Speaker 1: in this world. So it takes that concept and it
Speaker 1: makes it even a little more crimson because it's like.
Speaker 2: You know, it's not like plants.
Speaker 1: He start amazine fucking things, they're like, please don't now
Speaker 1: crunch and.
Speaker 2: You gotta eat them alive.
Speaker 9: That's part of the story, you know, for veganism.
Speaker 2: Perhaps perhaps there's a lesson, a.
Speaker 9: Lesson to be learned at the center of this too.
Speaker 2: Could be could be something to learn.
Speaker 8: Well, then my answer would have to be to go
Speaker 8: with you and the elves, even though I am. I
Speaker 8: am upset with you still, and it would have to
Speaker 8: take it would have I would It would take a
Speaker 8: moment time out.
Speaker 1: Your fucking boyfriend is like, we're gonna eat the magic
Speaker 1: elves to fucking stave off debt, and you're somehow still
Speaker 1: mad at me. Bull happened ten years ago. Remember you
Speaker 1: still can't be mad.
Speaker 2: We brought time.
Speaker 4: Back for ten years. I thought you die, yes.
Speaker 16: But then with the magical gift that I was able
Speaker 16: to give you of like guess what, we're rolling time
Speaker 16: all the way back, So you didn't lose those ten years,
Speaker 16: plus your boyfriend came back to life, so you're done
Speaker 16: with the whole.
Speaker 2: Where were you for ten years? That fucking shit is
Speaker 2: in the back.
Speaker 4: But I thought my dad died, Yeah, ten years. It
Speaker 4: works through.
Speaker 1: I thought that the new problem is, like, my formally
Speaker 1: dead love of my.
Speaker 2: Life is back.
Speaker 1: But the only way I can keep him is if
Speaker 1: I let him eat the elves that my father worked
Speaker 1: so hard to protect for ten years.
Speaker 9: I would have to tell him I'm going to protect
Speaker 9: the elves.
Speaker 1: Tell him, what do you mean? Tell him you can't
Speaker 1: risk that. I mean, I don't know that you tell
Speaker 1: him because he's just like, I'm sorry, Harley.
Speaker 2: I'm not going back.
Speaker 4: And then he kills me.
Speaker 2: He tries to straggle.
Speaker 4: You shit, but I killed him the first time.
Speaker 2: No, he got no.
Speaker 4: You know, he died in a tragic incident.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm trying to think something unlikely to happen to him. Bear, Okay,
Speaker 1: eating by bear makes sense. So you run back to life,
Speaker 1: and fucking he's never going back to the other side.
Speaker 1: And if that means eating elves, well then fuck your dad.
Speaker 1: He's eating elves. And he's like, come on, Hartman, you've
Speaker 1: never even seen these elves until recently anyway, And what
Speaker 1: do you give a ship like, it's going to keep
Speaker 1: me alive? Don't you love me?
Speaker 4: I would have to say no, that's when he turns on.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, you can't ever tell anybody.
Speaker 4: Is an elf going to help me out of the situation.
Speaker 1: Like I said before, this ship just writes it absolutely right.
Speaker 2: As you're like gasping and Joe all of.
Speaker 17: A sudden and he falls on top of you, and
Speaker 17: there's five elves because they're strong, and you are on
Speaker 17: the brink of death, and one of the elves is
Speaker 17: are like, eat me, you'll stay alive.
Speaker 2: A noble fucking thought.
Speaker 1: But you're like, that's now I'm committing my life.
Speaker 8: They offered one of them off, Yeah.
Speaker 1: Because you were he almost choked you the fucking death.
Speaker 8: Oh that is that really speaks to the character the elves.
Speaker 1: So you know, they broke a pot, over said, and.
Speaker 4: That knocked him out, and ship, oh they didn't. I
Speaker 4: thought that they stabbed him with five small knives.
Speaker 2: So they knocked him out. But they're like, you know, he's.
Speaker 1: Still breathing, okay, And they sound like that, so they.
Speaker 2: Tell you they're like you know they they're like, you have.
Speaker 1: To protect us, take the broken pottery and cut his juglar.
Speaker 2: After all?
Speaker 4: Okay, so the l's aren't killers, are just in me?
Speaker 2: How do you think they? I became king like I
Speaker 2: was willing to do ship the elves were not willing
Speaker 2: to do.
Speaker 4: And how did you get in this situation?
Speaker 1: Some enchanted brook? So anyway, that don't matter, that shit
Speaker 1: happened ten years ago.
Speaker 2: You're right now. We got bigger fish to fucking no.
Speaker 1: But you gotta let it go, bro, like fucking frozen style,
Speaker 1: because we got we gotta deal with, like what are
Speaker 1: you gonna do?
Speaker 2: Are you gonna cut Austin's jugular?
Speaker 1: Do you cut his jugular with the broken pot that
Speaker 1: the elves used?
Speaker 2: Because if he gets up, he's gonna be all days.
Speaker 1: First thing he's gonna do is grab one of these
Speaker 1: elves to eat it so he can power up and ship.
Speaker 1: And the thing is, the more elves you consume, like
Speaker 1: feeds all five at once, he grows into like a
Speaker 1: hulk sized version of Austin roid raging and ship.
Speaker 3: Just a whoa.
Speaker 1: Smash, Oh my god, yeah, you go what you wish for?
Speaker 10: You wanted to back and now what happens?
Speaker 2: So what do you do?
Speaker 8: Could I lock him up?
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, but then he where you gonna
Speaker 1: lock him up? In the garage, He's tapping at the door,
Speaker 1: fucking Brady. Grady's like, you know, if you'll commit to
Speaker 1: correcting the problem, sir, is that shining?
Speaker 7: Yeah, there is a Delber Grady alp Who's just like,
Speaker 7: I can let you out if you will correct the problem, sir.
Speaker 1: He's like, the problem. The problem is the girl, sir,
Speaker 1: the girl that loves you but loves the elms more.
Speaker 2: Can you eradicate the problem? Sir? Yeah, do that. I'm
Speaker 2: never going back. I was dead once to be or her.
Speaker 2: Let me out of here, double Grady yell. Now we're
Speaker 2: the Shining territory. Now he's chasing you through a hotel. Well,
Speaker 2: I certainly not chasing you through your house.
Speaker 1: The chase with the last three seconds.
Speaker 9: I'm glad that's recorded an on camera.
Speaker 2: That was rude, adorable little house. But let's be honest,
Speaker 2: no big chase happening.
Speaker 4: That was unnecessary and unkind.
Speaker 1: Let's just set the chase at our house, plenty of room,
Speaker 1: plots and floors. As he limps through the snow.
Speaker 2: It's snowing in our house, in our elves bro they're magical.
Speaker 2: So they were like this, No, I don't want.
Speaker 4: It to be like the shining please.
Speaker 2: No, that wasn't the goal.
Speaker 4: So we were just trying to help.
Speaker 12: But then I fucking like, he's uh, he's chasing you
Speaker 12: through the house and the snow with an axe, with
Speaker 12: an axe, he's got a limb, have a turtle neck.
Speaker 2: But you know, how do you feel about your.
Speaker 14: Running my home?
Speaker 4: No, you're fucking have to talk publicly about my running.
Speaker 2: I'm not. I did not talking about I'm asking you
Speaker 2: how you.
Speaker 10: Feel about your running a struggle for me?
Speaker 1: Okay, sohole, let's take that in consideration now.
Speaker 2: So he catches up.
Speaker 1: I'm so he catches up, he tackles into the ground,
Speaker 1: the snow gets back.
Speaker 10: Joking, joking inside your house.
Speaker 2: And he's joking all about it. I'm not going back
Speaker 2: smash with another fucking pot.
Speaker 4: Another one else, have the son, the four.
Speaker 1: Four else that are left, because remember he ate one
Speaker 1: when he got up and ship. Wait he did, That's
Speaker 1: how he got That's how he got to Chasen ship
Speaker 1: because he ate one real fast. And then you were
Speaker 1: like Oh my god, that's the moment you realize.
Speaker 4: You're gonna cry.
Speaker 2: No, you, my crac is so good.
Speaker 1: That was the moment you lost your humanity. No, that's
Speaker 1: the moment man, where you're like, this guy's being saving.
Speaker 1: I begged him not to eat that olf and he
Speaker 1: fucking ate it anyway. He was going for the other
Speaker 1: four and that's when that's when you hit his leg
Speaker 1: with a chair. That's why he was, you know, hobbling
Speaker 1: to catch up to that brings us back to the present.
Speaker 2: So he caught you. And then another.
Speaker 1: Bottle four elves there they're like, listen this this time, Willie,
Speaker 1: I cut his fucking juggulary can be on that.
Speaker 18: Minute, so you get a say, good bite of the apple.
Speaker 18: Do you cut the jugular of the man you go
Speaker 18: who has been dead and brought back to life and
Speaker 18: will continue to eat the magical elves to stay stave the.
Speaker 1: Grave, stave off the grave? Or do you let him
Speaker 1: live because you love him? It's no longer the man
Speaker 1: you love. You can fall in love with that guy.
Speaker 1: You know when you guys were like fucking over the
Speaker 1: course of your relationship. He was never like you know what,
Speaker 1: I like eating other things that fucking great joy I,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, this is a vegan tail.
Speaker 8: I've always wanted to make a movie with a vegan
Speaker 8: allegory and pretty.
Speaker 1: Sweet one man, this is one of them date movies.
Speaker 1: We're like a couple goes together and be like you
Speaker 1: wouldn't be like that, would you?
Speaker 4: So true?
Speaker 2: Like I'd never do that.
Speaker 1: You wouldn't mind to stay alive by eating a fucking out.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it's movie until that happens, like what you're
Speaker 1: talking about? So do you cut a jugular?
Speaker 2: Hmm?
Speaker 4: I'm not sure what what? Uh?
Speaker 1: You got to take him out or else he's gonna
Speaker 1: wake up, eat two fucking elves and then you.
Speaker 8: Well, is there any way to take him out? Because
Speaker 8: the jugular situation is.
Speaker 1: Really like the broken pot is right there, so there's
Speaker 1: a shard sharp enough for you.
Speaker 4: To I think i'd rather like stab.
Speaker 1: Him with a broken piece of pottery. Yeah, I don't know,
Speaker 1: if you'll go deep enough.
Speaker 2: It might be like you need you need to get
Speaker 2: to the.
Speaker 1: Heart to do that. That's a rope bust a major
Speaker 1: organ kick in.
Speaker 4: Oh Jesus Jesus Christ, Bustin's gonna hear this would be
Speaker 4: like or do they talk about what.
Speaker 1: You guys talk about on the podcast nothing at all?
Speaker 2: Zoo. You wouldn't need a magic I know. Why would
Speaker 2: I do that? You need to answer me, Okay, why
Speaker 2: would you?
Speaker 3: Why would anyone do that to stay alive?
Speaker 2: Of course.
Speaker 1: I don't.
Speaker 2: I mean, what do you mean stay alive? Like? Would
Speaker 2: I live forever?
Speaker 3: Oh? Zoo?
Speaker 2: Why would you even qualify it? Could you? Even if
Speaker 2: we won't eat animals, how.
Speaker 10: Could we need the happy magic?
Speaker 2: Terms?
Speaker 14: My father's their king.
Speaker 4: That makes you speechless at this whole scenario, make.
Speaker 1: You princess hardly in that world?
Speaker 2: Bro? All right, say.
Speaker 4: I hear you now.
Speaker 2: You're like, give you that pottery.
Speaker 4: And that's it.
Speaker 17: Looks at you as he bleeds out, begging for one
Speaker 17: more help to save his life.
Speaker 1: I'm princess, and the help like you go to look
Speaker 1: away and they're like, no, you got to watch.
Speaker 17: You have to watch watch him die, watch him die,
Speaker 17: watch watch him die.
Speaker 2: Now you are the health queen. Part of it, yeah,
Speaker 2: that becomes part of it. They make you the off queen. Wow,
Speaker 2: But they're like, in order to be the health queen,
Speaker 2: you must kill the helf king. Take them broken pans.
Speaker 10: And nightmare life, bro.
Speaker 4: Nightmare existence. I think.
Speaker 2: Is there any other weapon?
Speaker 7: A broken shard of you guys have heard him dives guns,
Speaker 7: I mean even a pillowed.
Speaker 2: His mother this at this point, No, it must be
Speaker 2: broken shouts. That is it is.
Speaker 9: From the pots that your mom pots plenty, from the
Speaker 9: twenty new pots she bought on her birthday.
Speaker 1: She did, Oh my god, she got much pots for
Speaker 1: her fucking birthday and they just got delivered.
Speaker 4: I heard, I heard she was like, she was very happy.
Speaker 1: She was like, I loved him so much. They were
Speaker 1: seventy five percent off. Can you imagine like that We
Speaker 1: literally went to a place where there was a sign
Speaker 1: that was like seventy five percent off. I mean, if
Speaker 1: we had waited three days, there would have been another
Speaker 1: sign that said freak.
Speaker 4: They'd be on the curve.
Speaker 2: As many.
Speaker 4: Are you sure they're not like broken or defect?
Speaker 1: It will be elves got so much fattery, so many
Speaker 1: jeculars to cut in the night.
Speaker 2: Are we sure these are the elves? Are not? Yeah?
Speaker 4: They are sounding a whole lot like the trolls.
Speaker 2: Speaking of trolls, fuck them all.
Speaker 4: I like erica, Wow, full circle, very very good job.
Speaker 1: Your mother has taken to making stews. Yeah, tonight, she
Speaker 1: added big chunks of potato, hoping that that might make
Speaker 1: someone go, yeah, fucking keep making them stews.
Speaker 9: I know she'll never listen to the podcast, but I'm
Speaker 9: scared she's on the other side of the door.
Speaker 3: Hum hmm, maminy.
Speaker 4: That was my opinion. No, it's not my dream to
Speaker 4: eat all her stews.
Speaker 1: She's do you drink? Do you eat any ill?
Speaker 4: I always take them all and.
Speaker 1: Then what dump them on the side of the street,
Speaker 1: coots and.
Speaker 4: Ship sometimes sometimes.
Speaker 2: Sometimes I have almost.
Speaker 19: Sometimes I try it and I eat some sometimes I do,
Speaker 19: but it's just I'm constantly receiving stew yes.
Speaker 1: And the problem too, is like is it stew or
Speaker 1: is it just a pile of vegetables.
Speaker 12: She's not even.
Speaker 9: It doesn't got rice noodles in it.
Speaker 1: It's not stocky like a stew. It's just like a
Speaker 1: series of vegetables put into one bowl, un heated up.
Speaker 2: Reading it.
Speaker 1: Or they're like, like, where's.
Speaker 2: The nearest carpet.
Speaker 10: That's so mean, I'm so scared.
Speaker 1: Good news is that you take it because she's just like,
Speaker 1: you know, She's like.
Speaker 3: Does anybody ever see anything a baptist do.
Speaker 2: I was like, oh yeah, they get very much, which.
Speaker 1: Shows you I could be a big actor on sitcoms
Speaker 1: or convincing actor in real life. She was not come
Speaker 1: person to the door like you're about a punch and dicks.
Speaker 9: She just has never is never really been interested in
Speaker 9: cooking anything ever.
Speaker 1: So you want to be supportive, Oh my god, look
Speaker 1: at you. I just want to point out for the
Speaker 1: folks folks watching at home, like your daughter just reacted
Speaker 1: like an abuse child.
Speaker 2: She was not, because she was just like I think
Speaker 2: that I just.
Speaker 4: Don't want to.
Speaker 9: I just unprotective of the feelings.
Speaker 1: Amen, Well there it is kids, that's it. Yeah, Like
Speaker 1: that was a big question of the week, to eat
Speaker 1: the stew.
Speaker 2: Against It was fun.
Speaker 7: Now got the show done in two minutes, but I
Speaker 7: burned the leave man because I wanted to sing.
Speaker 14: That was the question.
Speaker 6: Oh my god, so many things have happened since then.
Speaker 2: You know what that's called show MENA.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell her like, oh my god, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: watch this.
Speaker 3: Half way show.
Speaker 1: You know, she'll never ask, so that's not it. She
Speaker 1: could give two fus I tink upstairs. She's just like
Speaker 1: I used to have with him.
Speaker 4: Oh, jealous, jealous?
Speaker 1: No, when the subject comes up, let me see, let
Speaker 1: me think of my answer. Did she say, all right, ready,
Speaker 1: you be your mother. You're an actor, be your mother.
Speaker 1: Here's the most challenging fucking role any actor that ever
Speaker 1: plays their parents.
Speaker 4: No, but I watch you got as like her. How
Speaker 4: is the podcast? Oh my god, the podcast? It was fun. Wow,
Speaker 4: you guys had fun.
Speaker 1: It's unnerving. I feel like we're about to watch me
Speaker 1: or something.
Speaker 2: It was. It was good.
Speaker 1: It was good.
Speaker 4: Did she asked about my stew.
Speaker 2: Like? No, bullshit.
Speaker 1: As a matter of fact, she did.
Speaker 9: What did she ask me?
Speaker 2: You do? But she did talk about it really yeah,
Speaker 2: because I.
Speaker 1: Because I because I took I was like, you know,
Speaker 1: we were doing the show and I was like, fucking
Speaker 1: your mom stew right, And she was like, no, I
Speaker 1: legit like it. And I thought she was like being
Speaker 1: like that on camera. So when the show ended, I
Speaker 1: was just like, Okay, how do you really feel about
Speaker 1: this to and she said no, I was telling the truth.
Speaker 1: She's like, I like, I think Mom's doing a great job.
Speaker 4: That is such a complex lie. It's unnerving.
Speaker 10: May feel scared.
Speaker 4: Austin does that type of thing.
Speaker 8: Where he'll go like really above and beyond with like
Speaker 8: why to go to skirt hurting someone's feelings.
Speaker 1: That's what codependent personality is, my friend.
Speaker 10: That's bad.
Speaker 4: That's good because I could not even do that if
Speaker 4: I try.
Speaker 1: That's good because look how convincing that was for a
Speaker 1: second there you were like, I see about this stupid
Speaker 1: in my mom, Jennifer. That's like a Twilight of Twilight
Speaker 1: Zone episode where you wake up and your god, your
Speaker 1: mom and you have to deal with Harley.
Speaker 4: What a breeze.
Speaker 19: Fucking blessed can breed a bang?
Speaker 1: Chamsy see some Tabby billesday Jim Jobsies week, that's Harley singing.
Speaker 4: I told her that.
Speaker 1: I told uh, I told your mom this morning that
Speaker 1: I was like, I think Harley should sing that song.
Speaker 20: And when you get blu and you've lost all your
Speaker 20: dream there's nothing like a campfire and a big can be.
Speaker 2: That's rude to say to me right now you can
Speaker 2: totally sing that you think.
Speaker 1: I don't think you should sing because it's your fucking anthem.
Speaker 1: I think you's a pretty voice. But I said to
Speaker 1: your mom, I was like, but I don't want to
Speaker 1: sing it like that screamy ship like I want to
Speaker 1: sing it pretty like she could sing, And your mom
Speaker 1: was like, oh she got beautiful.
Speaker 2: Boy.
Speaker 4: I thought you were saying, because that's my life right now, just.
Speaker 1: Because you've got your girl that I could be like,
Speaker 1: can you sing? This? Asked her. She can't sing, but
Speaker 1: you could have. You got a singer boice. I mean
Speaker 1: she would be the first to tell you you can't say,
Speaker 1: but so go ahead. So it goes. And when you
Speaker 1: get blue and you've lost dreams, there's nothing like a campfire.
Speaker 2: And a big can.
Speaker 4: There's a big can of big beans.
Speaker 1: So ill.
Speaker 2: So when you get blue.
Speaker 1: And you've lost all your dreams, like in a pretty
Speaker 1: you so like a campfire and then I come in
Speaker 1: for harmony and uh, that wasn't.
Speaker 2: Gonna be worth that alone. Oh my god, you know
Speaker 2: fucking two person shop quartet.
Speaker 1: But here, give me the fucking give me any fine
Speaker 1: and a big cannon.
Speaker 2: Give me start. You gotta give me a lot before
Speaker 2: so I can ramp up into it.
Speaker 20: There's nothing like a campfire and a big can of
Speaker 20: be and I'll come in with my bucking base back.
Speaker 2: Up ready.
Speaker 1: Faster.
Speaker 2: That's not the be, all right? What is the one
Speaker 2: more when you get the.
Speaker 3: Dreams.
Speaker 20: There's nothing like a campfire and a big cannon.
Speaker 4: There's nothing like camp fire.
Speaker 10: Big didn't know you have that ability? That mode's dropping.
Speaker 10: Oh my god, there it is.
Speaker 4: Really where else could I go from?
Speaker 2: There?
Speaker 10: That's that's peak and cheers that if you.
Speaker 1: Came looking for mid we just gave you peek instead
Speaker 1: peak Peak inside Levin Smith.
Speaker 15: And until I got this shot by myself, I know
Speaker 15: how will catches because.
Speaker 2: Action and I.
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Speaker 21: our mouths on you since two thousand and seven. Hey kids,
Speaker 21: did you like what you just heard?
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