Speaker 1: Good evening, kids, and welcome to beardless dickless me. I'm
Speaker 1: Kevin Smith and I'm Harley Quinn Smith and we're just
Speaker 1: here to say.
Speaker 2: Hello hello hello hello hello.
Speaker 3: Hello hello hello hello hello hello hello?
Speaker 1: What what hello hello hello hello good?
Speaker 2: And that's our theme song, hello.
Speaker 3: Hello hello hello hello what say what hello hello hello
Speaker 3: hello hello hello hello hello?
Speaker 1: Break it? Damn hell no.
Speaker 2: Maybe you and I should also have a band.
Speaker 1: Yeah, not a band so much as like we can
Speaker 1: busk man, we hit like the street corners and ship.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah hello hello. Well, I mean, fuck, at
Speaker 1: the very least, we can go down to Hollywood Boulevard
Speaker 1: just in our outfits from Jaye's Bobbery boot with the
Speaker 1: bucket pictures for ten bucks. I mean, let's do it.
Speaker 1: Or we can earn that money by singing.
Speaker 2: Hello hello hello, hello, hello.
Speaker 1: Hello hello hello.
Speaker 2: Car When you do that? I love when you do that.
Speaker 1: Welcome back kids. We're still beardless, still dickless, still all
Speaker 1: about me. Yep, Harley. Right before we started the show,
Speaker 1: I had a little adventure in the street.
Speaker 2: Oh, I did have a middle adventure in this telling
Speaker 2: me the story.
Speaker 1: I was like, why are you wasting this? We're about
Speaker 1: to put it on.
Speaker 2: I can't even talk to you, never even worth it
Speaker 2: anymore for the show. Shut. Yes, indeed, So after being
Speaker 2: an hour late, I showed up and I got out
Speaker 2: of my car with uh the panini maker that my
Speaker 2: my parents gifted me and then asked for it back.
Speaker 1: It was to explain we have this panini maker. And
Speaker 1: the kid was like, I take pi. I wish I
Speaker 1: could panini thing. And I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: We'll get a panini maker. And we got a brand
Speaker 1: new panina maker. And so I was like, well, of
Speaker 1: course we'll keep the new one and she could have
Speaker 1: the other panini maker. And so she took that panini
Speaker 1: maker home mm hmm. And it's a it's not even
Speaker 1: a high end panini maker, but we made a lot
Speaker 1: of Panini's on it.
Speaker 2: It makes a grade ass panini flawless. This new lawless
Speaker 2: is like how much was it more expensive because it
Speaker 2: was restaurant grade?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah? And like it requires.
Speaker 2: Don't say over one hundred.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what fucking planet are you from? I don't know
Speaker 1: you're saying it. Don't say more than a hundred.
Speaker 2: It's it's it's kitchen grade. I don't know what that
Speaker 2: means thirty dollars.
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, I wouldn't call it cheap. Even the
Speaker 1: panini maker that we had that we gave to you
Speaker 1: that I asked for back over one hundred bucks.
Speaker 2: It was like I thought it was like thirty five bucks.
Speaker 1: Is it? I don't know, I can think of it.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, shut up, stop acting you, I know.
Speaker 1: It's the one that we got replaced with. I know,
Speaker 1: was like more expensive and ship and restaurant grade, meaning
Speaker 1: like you know, we intend to make a lot of
Speaker 1: paninis on this motherfucker. Whereas the other one. They're like, oh,
Speaker 1: they only was this like once in a blue moon.
Speaker 1: They probably grow out of it. Little did they know
Speaker 1: that was not the purse. Oh yeah, everything, the sandwiches, Panini,
Speaker 1: fucking fucking ice blendids, we fucking we Panini dignity, anything
Speaker 1: that can be Panini. We fucking Panini.
Speaker 4: Our dreams, get Panini dignity, nightmares.
Speaker 1: Bean Panini is good. There's something really satisfying. I don't
Speaker 1: know if you're supposed to do this, but maybe you
Speaker 1: just post closed lid and let it go. But I
Speaker 1: like to, oh same, I'm always like, yeah, if there's
Speaker 1: there's a real feeling of like I am coquering the sandwich.
Speaker 1: It makes you feel like you're cooking.
Speaker 2: When my muscles tremble because I'm pushing so hard. Oh
Speaker 2: my god, mother, I put it on the ground.
Speaker 1: I stomp on it.
Speaker 2: The other day, Austin was so appalled because remember the
Speaker 2: bagels that you and mom brought from the farmer's market, Yeah,
Speaker 2: which he ate both the fucking everything bagels and left
Speaker 2: me with the other ones. But anyways, jerk, I was
Speaker 2: gonna make a movie and has he pay it back?
Speaker 2: Heats and I was like, obviously, I'm gonna fucking make
Speaker 2: a panini out of this bagel. It's gonna be awesome.
Speaker 2: And I did, and it was awesome. But Austin was
Speaker 2: so appalled because I pressed it down so hard and
Speaker 2: he was like, the fluffiness of the bagel was the
Speaker 2: best part. And I was like, yeah, but I'm making
Speaker 2: a panini.
Speaker 1: Well it stopped being a bagel and became a fucking panini.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was transforming into what it was always meant
Speaker 2: to be.
Speaker 1: You got to remember there's a built in prejudice in
Speaker 1: Austin because he comes from a restaurant world.
Speaker 2: That's true.
Speaker 1: Food is properly prepared, that is true. And if somebody
Speaker 1: were to in a restaurant brings somebody an overly panini,
Speaker 1: say bagel, that is this thing, because for a bagel,
Speaker 1: this is a cracker. Oh no, our NEI chef, We'll
Speaker 1: bring her.
Speaker 2: Out, you know, like get way.
Speaker 1: Hello, II your approval.
Speaker 2: I put nean p needy, like I was so needy
Speaker 2: for Europe.
Speaker 1: But this panini maker, I tried using it and it
Speaker 1: was just too much power. You know what it is.
Speaker 1: It'll be well handled by Austin by Puff himself. Why
Speaker 1: not a star of the four thirty movie, because he
Speaker 1: comes from a restaurant background.
Speaker 2: You don't, you were Who's to say.
Speaker 1: Fucking cooked for you your whole life?
Speaker 2: Who did?
Speaker 1: I said your food was cooked for you?
Speaker 2: It was you?
Speaker 1: It was you. We all ate from the same trough.
Speaker 1: My friend, that was fucking Nana. Yeah, that was Nana.
Speaker 1: Nana gives Nana earned a lifetime past, you know, just
Speaker 1: by being Nana and ship. But I gotta say I'm
Speaker 1: not at at a minimum m twelve years straight of
Speaker 1: four thanksgivings a week. That's how fucking spoiled this family.
Speaker 1: That was and nobody bitched. I mean, you know why
Speaker 1: because turkey mashed potatoes, some brand of vegetable that I
Speaker 1: never eat. That's a meal. I knew there was something
Speaker 1: going on, but no, we're all vegan.
Speaker 2: Anyways, I'm so sorry for all the turkeys.
Speaker 1: Enough so much so that when it came time to
Speaker 1: be like you better go vegan or you might die,
Speaker 1: I was like, well, I've had enough turkey fucking dinners. Listen.
Speaker 1: I'm very proud.
Speaker 2: I'm proud of you every day for your dedication to veganism.
Speaker 1: Captain, I too, am like fucking I can't believe it.
Speaker 1: I've said it before, man. Anytime, like when I have
Speaker 1: dreams where I like, I drink something that's like just
Speaker 1: got milk in it, I feel like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I gotta tell Harley that's.
Speaker 2: How it should be. Live in fear, budd, You live
Speaker 2: in fear.
Speaker 1: I'm living in fear. You're never gonna finish this fucking story.
Speaker 2: Okay, So yeah, anyways, I belonged to the house.
Speaker 1: You get out of the car scrambling like qwent Smith
Speaker 1: and you're like, what do you?
Speaker 2: Oh my god, did I just get killed? In that scenario?
Speaker 1: In my world, you shot him because you were so terrified.
Speaker 1: You're like, oh, my god, when it was the neighbor
Speaker 1: putting his garbage out and he was like, I watched
Speaker 1: you grow up.
Speaker 2: My god.
Speaker 1: No, then you immediately first thing you do is get
Speaker 1: into the house and be like, I shot the neighbor.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is what he made a sound effect.
Speaker 1: He's playing along. She's like, I like being I like
Speaker 1: making pretend.
Speaker 2: Okay, anyways, I'm I don't like that story.
Speaker 1: So in the house, do you think not? Oh? Yeah,
Speaker 1: well I know right away. If your mother sees you
Speaker 1: and hears like fucking three words in the story, she's
Speaker 1: gonna be like, let's bury this motherfucker in the backyard.
Speaker 1: M Me, I don't know what would you want to
Speaker 1: do in this scenario.
Speaker 2: Wait, I'm sorry, I'm unclear. Did I kill this person
Speaker 2: or did this person kill me?
Speaker 1: This person was? And why do I have a gun?
Speaker 1: Because you know you fucking you, why do you have
Speaker 1: a gun? In this scenario? You're in a half gift
Speaker 1: that you forgot. Oh here it is so while you
Speaker 1: were stopped in a light on your way here, you
Speaker 1: looked over and you saw a fucking gun sitting on
Speaker 1: a bus stop bench, and you were like, I mean,
Speaker 1: if I leave it there, this is fucking Los Angeles,
Speaker 1: anything could happen, so true. So she went over and
Speaker 1: you picked it up like fucking they do in the movies,
Speaker 1: with like two fingers, And so you brought to the car.
Speaker 1: So when you were getting out of the car, such
Speaker 1: a this is right. You see what's happening right here? Wow?
Speaker 2: Right, I'm honored to watch in real time.
Speaker 1: I'm how blessed am I? You might need a drink
Speaker 1: after that after seeing the power creation right in front
Speaker 1: of your eyes. Oh my gods. So you're getting out
Speaker 1: of the car. You can't leave it in the car? Right?
Speaker 1: You know what? You know why I can't leave it
Speaker 1: in the car? Why Hollywood Bowl. There's a big show tonight.
Speaker 1: So that means at the end of our.
Speaker 2: Street, there's security.
Speaker 1: There's a cop security. It's a fucking cop car. Bro
Speaker 1: Lately it's been a cop.
Speaker 2: Olivia has done that job.
Speaker 1: Olivia has been one of those.
Speaker 2: Well, let me tell you, Olivia ain't a cop.
Speaker 1: Is both Cagney and Lacy then, because they have literally
Speaker 1: a black and white car with a cop in uniform. Now,
Speaker 1: so let's play with my scenario, not yours. Olivia's on
Speaker 1: the fucking jobs. It's really awkward because then now Olivia
Speaker 1: is in on and ship and then we have to
Speaker 1: have it be a.
Speaker 2: Part of part of these crimes.
Speaker 1: Exactly because then we have to like, Olivia, you can
Speaker 1: never tell anybody.
Speaker 2: I would never want to put her in that position,
Speaker 2: damn right.
Speaker 1: So it's a cop. So as you turned, you saw
Speaker 1: the cops. So you're like, I definitely can't leave the
Speaker 1: gun fucking sitting on the in the car and where
Speaker 1: you park as you turn, like the cop can't see
Speaker 1: you get out of the car. So you felt safe
Speaker 1: enough to get out of the car and take the
Speaker 1: gun with you, which you were going to take in
Speaker 1: the house, and be like, oh my god. We go
Speaker 1: and then we call Pop because Pop used to be
Speaker 1: a cop and he would know what to do. Yes,
Speaker 1: but cut to dang holl Like Quinn, You're like, and
Speaker 1: you just turn and shoot? What?
Speaker 2: Who sounds like that? Who are you impersonating.
Speaker 1: What it was? It's like, uh he Holly, Gwinn, it
Speaker 1: is who it is. Now just don't justify it, but
Speaker 1: it's gonna make it a little easier to this was
Speaker 1: uh a TMZ guy, guy with the camera, and he
Speaker 1: was going to ask you fucking questions about ben Affleck
Speaker 1: a reason to shoot you don't again, you didn't even know.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying that's why he was in the environment.
Speaker 1: But basically, it's a girl getting out of a car
Speaker 1: on a dark street with a gun in her hand
Speaker 1: nor experience necessarily handling guns, and somebody scares the ship
Speaker 1: out of her. So it's a completely understandable accident, manslaughter, manslaughter,
Speaker 1: accidental death. But it's but it's an accident. I was premeditated.
Speaker 1: But did the.
Speaker 2: This is this is getting pretty complicated.
Speaker 1: Political but nothing political about this whatsoever. We haven't called
Speaker 1: anybody yet. Nobody's made any calls to him or whoever
Speaker 1: the marror is if who knows.
Speaker 2: But he didn't do anything to scare me.
Speaker 1: He just he did, and you were just fucking scared.
Speaker 1: He came out of him and you and you turned
Speaker 1: and your fucking hand was on the gun and it went.
Speaker 2: Off and we both reached for the gun.
Speaker 1: He had no gun, but he what he was shooting
Speaker 1: with was a camera, you know, because he's TMZ dude.
Speaker 1: So all right, scenario, well, we all do going on
Speaker 1: I'm like sitting upstairs, like fucking watching videos and ship
Speaker 1: like that, watching like old s NL sketches and whatnot,
Speaker 1: and like life is good. And then fucking like I
Speaker 1: heard the front entry door and fucking.
Speaker 2: Like you didn't hear the gunshot?
Speaker 1: No, man, I was listening to at a high volume.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because you really fucking do. It's insanity once again.
Speaker 1: So you come in and tell us that you shot
Speaker 1: a dude and he is he is in our four
Speaker 1: yer that way we want to die. He didn't live?
Speaker 2: Is he is he dead?
Speaker 1: Yet? You didn't check.
Speaker 2: I didn't check.
Speaker 1: No, because he fell on you and you're like, ah,
Speaker 1: and he fell inside the door, and fucking that's when
Speaker 1: you quickly again. You're at the front door of your parents' house.
Speaker 1: In the door, the front door. You got in the car,
Speaker 1: details you got the car, you had to gun with you.
Speaker 1: I'm taking you all the way to the door. So
Speaker 1: it's not like, Okay, I'm at the door, yeah, because
Speaker 1: I want him to be in the house. Otherwise it's
Speaker 1: like then we got to go drag his body into that.
Speaker 2: Okay, Well I thought I was on a sidewalk or something.
Speaker 1: Good enough, fair enough, all right, So You're at the
Speaker 1: front door and fucking you entered the code, but it
Speaker 1: takes a few seconds before it catches up and Ship
Speaker 1: and that's when he was like, when you fire and
Speaker 1: he fucking falls on yet and you both fall against
Speaker 1: the door. The door goes open, so you roll onto
Speaker 1: the into the four floor. You look over and this
Speaker 1: dude is fucking shot. First thing you do, scramble to
Speaker 1: your feet, close the door.
Speaker 2: Uh huh Is that a question or a statement?
Speaker 1: That's what I'm telling you? Oh, okay, because.
Speaker 2: You're like, wait, but also did the gun accidentally go
Speaker 2: off or it was on purpose accidentally?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 1: It was accidental, You weren't You've never fired a fucking
Speaker 1: have you ever fired a gun in your life? No? Exactly,
Speaker 1: So this is in your hand but in the house. No,
Speaker 1: but you turn and just fire when it just okay,
Speaker 1: your fingers on the tray. I don't safety is not
Speaker 1: and you don't know ship about a gun and you
Speaker 1: just turn and just the motion and the fear and
Speaker 1: one tightens up.
Speaker 2: Okay, finger it was unintentional.
Speaker 1: It was a simple. Well, yes, but what are you
Speaker 1: doing with stolen gun? You know what I'm saying? Like
Speaker 1: you just picked this gun.
Speaker 2: More importantly, is this poor man alive for no?
Speaker 1: Hey, man, things are all everything's happening at once. I
Speaker 1: can't slow this ship down for you. I can do this.
Speaker 1: This is you should have picked up that gun.
Speaker 2: That was where it was wrong in the first place.
Speaker 2: But the first thing I do is obviously fucking called
Speaker 2: nine one one and try to save this man. Absolutely
Speaker 2: not the first thing I try to save this man?
Speaker 1: He's dead.
Speaker 2: No, how do you know?
Speaker 1: I told you no, I told you as you felt
Speaker 1: to the floor. In the floor, he looked over in
Speaker 1: your hello and you move them with your foot. You know,
Speaker 1: he just does this ship?
Speaker 2: No, some people don't.
Speaker 1: That's when you cloth get to the feet and close
Speaker 1: the door.
Speaker 2: Sometimes people don't die that fast.
Speaker 1: I feel like, bro, you ain't calling a cop. First
Speaker 1: thing you're doing is calling up to mom or dad
Speaker 1: because you're literally in the foyer of their house.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I just thought of the dark dark?
Speaker 1: Really does he get turned to do a human walls? Dark?
Speaker 1: Is it marketable? Dark? Can we make a movie out
Speaker 1: of it?
Speaker 2: I don't want to say say it.
Speaker 1: The dogs eat his body. I'm with your sister, but
Speaker 1: start the fuck down, I mean ship don't go right
Speaker 1: for my fucking clip work, my nipples. We got to
Speaker 1: go before we get to the dogs eat the corpse.
Speaker 1: But I like where you're going at all costs. I
Speaker 1: was gonna say, is wacky hungry Sweeny Todd this fuck sorry,
Speaker 1: but first we got a dollar back. Me and mom
Speaker 1: come running down the stairs. Dead body. You with a
Speaker 1: gun in your hand. You know, naturally there's.
Speaker 2: So many musicals running through my head right now, Todd, like,
Speaker 2: it's all it's.
Speaker 1: It could also be lembits, rob because you're an innocent man.
Speaker 1: You're about to be going on the fucking run. I can't.
Speaker 1: So your Mom's like, oh my god, what happened? And
Speaker 1: you fuck? I got up and I found him a car,
Speaker 1: and I was like, where'd you get a Where the
Speaker 1: fuck did you get a gun? I found an don't
Speaker 1: yell me any panicking and fucking This is a real
Speaker 1: panic attack situation, Like think about anything you've ever had
Speaker 1: a paddic attack for. There's a dead man and the
Speaker 1: man is dead because of a gun in your hand.
Speaker 1: You didn't mean to kill him, but he's fucking dead.
Speaker 2: Why did I take the gun?
Speaker 1: Because you were being a good fucking citizen. You're like,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna leave this on a bench, like you
Speaker 1: know what. You look down the police because you're on
Speaker 1: your way to the house, and you were gonna call Pop.
Speaker 1: Pop being the next cop, he would know what to do.
Speaker 1: That's what we always do in this out Let's let
Speaker 1: Pop do it. Let's ask Pop. So this is no different.
Speaker 1: And here I'll make it even easier for you. You
Speaker 1: stopped it the light, you're seeing it on the park bench,
Speaker 1: and then you see straight ahead two kids eleven twelve,
Speaker 1: heavlin towards it on bike. They don't see it yet,
Speaker 1: but as they get close to that boat.
Speaker 2: God Jesus fucking Christ.
Speaker 1: I'm setting the stage.
Speaker 2: Your brain is weird.
Speaker 1: You get a weird weird head. I'll be honest with you.
Speaker 1: I spent a lot of time thinking about every possible scenario.
Speaker 1: The idea captured my imagination years ago when I read
Speaker 1: a Batman comic book and they were just like Batman
Speaker 1: spends all his free time contemplating every possible scenario he
Speaker 1: confronts or could possibly confront, so that he's never surprised,
Speaker 1: so he's just ready. So my mind does a lot
Speaker 1: of fucking wheel turning and ship. Now, I've never fucking
Speaker 1: been involved with the dead body, but I tell you
Speaker 1: I've run a lot of back. You're ready when it happens,
Speaker 1: I'm ready to fucking move. So, oh my god, naturally
Speaker 1: you give us the skinny. You're in a Panican shit.
Speaker 1: If I know anything about your mother, there is no
Speaker 1: talk of fucking police whatsoever. I like, here, I'll be
Speaker 1: the rational one. Oh all right, well that that makes sense.
Speaker 1: I mean, funk, this is crazy, but like that makes sense.
Speaker 1: We need to call the police. And that's when your
Speaker 1: mom's like, oh, no, no one's calling the police. Were
Speaker 1: you be you? I'll be I'll be. No one's calling
Speaker 1: the police. Kevin Well, why why what? Harley? I forgot
Speaker 1: who I was playing? Fuck? Bro, Holy Ship, you spend
Speaker 1: fucking hours memorizing ten pages of a script you hope
Speaker 1: to be a part of. With these, I literally give
Speaker 1: you the role of the lifetime ally yourself, and you're like, uh,
Speaker 1: don't do it. Mah, where the fuck is John Propter?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, let that was a real crucible as ship. Yet,
Speaker 1: I'll be honest with you. Take fucking two Jesus, all right,
Speaker 1: my bad.
Speaker 2: Now that I'm clear on myself my roll.
Speaker 1: Listen, I don't too much.
Speaker 2: It was in the past two fucking days.
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna tell you this in case you don't
Speaker 1: read the papers. Not making as many shows as Easter anymore,
Speaker 1: you gotta be sharp as a tag in this business,
Speaker 1: you know what. All Right, here we go. Okay, I'm me,
Speaker 1: who are you? I'm both me and mom and your mom?
Speaker 1: Because I can't prepare you have I can play two
Speaker 1: roles the drop.
Speaker 2: Then you have to differentiate your voices.
Speaker 1: Get this, bro, But you looked like Cindy fucking Brady
Speaker 1: when she froze up on TV. There's an episode The
Speaker 1: Brady Bunch and Cindy Brady is the youngest Brady and
Speaker 1: fucking she was on camera and the fucking red light
Speaker 1: went on and she froze up like that. That was you,
Speaker 1: And I was like, what do we do, queen? You're
Speaker 1: fuck you? Fuck you? What a separate, good level and
Speaker 1: probat living two stake just put you back there. Perhaps
Speaker 1: you needed a little preparation.
Speaker 2: Okay, now, yes, thank you. That in my in the
Speaker 2: version of the craft of acting that I study, I
Speaker 2: need a backstory in preparation.
Speaker 1: Well, I mean it is your own personal Baxter.
Speaker 2: Well, I, well, I wasn't sure who I was playing,
Speaker 2: so just shut up.
Speaker 1: And could go. Wait, my mother, what would have to
Speaker 1: play your mind?
Speaker 2: I don't know you wanted me to play you in
Speaker 2: a movie.
Speaker 1: Shut up? Well that went. I'm never gonna ask you
Speaker 1: to play the big part again. Man.
Speaker 2: Okay, anyways, I'm ready.
Speaker 1: Just for the record, I'm both me and I'll play
Speaker 1: on the saying the role of your mother. All you
Speaker 1: have to do is she not pop fuck, you'd just
Speaker 1: be Harley Twinn who has accidentally killed somebody whose dead
Speaker 1: body beyond her parents head, his soul, that shovel, looseness,
Speaker 1: mortal coil. He is onto his great reward. His cares
Speaker 1: are behind him. Uh, there's a dead body in the room.
Speaker 1: The dogs aren't at play, okay, because they'd be all
Speaker 1: over this body. Okay, they will come into play, stewing
Speaker 1: fucking dove too. And I was like, holy shit, I
Speaker 1: thought I knew my kid, but she was like, you
Speaker 1: know what, the dogs can eat fucking body. I'm like, wait, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Speaker 1: You were the one that introduced me. Aw let's work
Speaker 1: up to this.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, I mean in.
Speaker 1: Your scenario, we don't even have to come down the stairs.
Speaker 1: Where we come down the stairs, you're already actioning on
Speaker 1: this fucking body sitting there showing on fingers going.
Speaker 2: Look, she's so peacefully asleep.
Speaker 1: Right now because she's dreaming of eating a a vagrant
Speaker 1: that you killed, who's not even a vagrant. He's a
Speaker 1: t mzot just he's just he's just man. He's just
Speaker 1: a man. Oh now, yeah, you're ready to hold monlague.
Speaker 1: He's just a man. And what is a man like?
Speaker 2: Dubtail right in a broct No, that's what he said
Speaker 2: as he was dying.
Speaker 1: Give me back my name. No, he's like, give me
Speaker 1: back my name? What? Because he was a massive and
Speaker 1: that's why he was there with the TMZ camera.
Speaker 2: He was the one that left the nice review on
Speaker 2: Apple podcast.
Speaker 1: He was doing what he was wanted to shoot your reaction.
Speaker 1: He was bringing you the written version of that we
Speaker 1: ever got. Yeah, I did man like digital words. You cheat,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna cry. You mean it tall
Speaker 1: accents all an accident. But what happens next is up
Speaker 1: to you. Here feed him to our German shepards passion
Speaker 1: or ration.
Speaker 2: I mean what he would enjoy it, I guess.
Speaker 1: I mean that's a whole different conversation. What you introduced
Speaker 1: the human blood. It's like, I don't, I don't trust.
Speaker 2: These My cats can have some too.
Speaker 1: I don't. Then I don't want to be around your cats.
Speaker 1: I don't want to be around any animals. Hum, Mommy
Speaker 1: is so human leg this tastes like a fan Mommy.
Speaker 2: I just found a really really nice review written on
Speaker 2: his letter in this man's pocket before I.
Speaker 1: Ate it, Mama, okay't read, but I'm pretty sure this
Speaker 1: is a good review. I'm happy for you, Mommy. You're
Speaker 1: doing a good job. You treat your friends right, Mama,
Speaker 1: have some more of that, Pete. I could never tell
Speaker 1: me I can't do this.
Speaker 2: That was pretty good acting. That was honestly, really intense.
Speaker 1: I had to come from something that was.
Speaker 2: Stage acting right there. Acting up for a camera that
Speaker 2: would be a little much, but for stage acting.
Speaker 1: Though. You know who's that talking to? So weird? You
Speaker 1: mentioned that? Was it me?
Speaker 2: Because I had a similar conversation about this recently.
Speaker 1: You know what? It was fucking one of my favorite
Speaker 1: people now on the entire planet, Ken John.
Speaker 2: So true, Oh my, oh my god, angel on this earth.
Speaker 1: Fucking angel and beyond talented, funny as fucking nice, nice man, truly.
Speaker 1: He came out to do the four thirty movie premiere
Speaker 1: at Smartcastle Cinemas, and I thought he was on the
Speaker 1: East Coast doing something else. I was like, thanks for coming, man,
Speaker 1: what are you have here for? He goes just this
Speaker 1: and I was like, Ken, like, I didn't even invite
Speaker 1: him because I was like, it's too far invited, and
Speaker 1: he just decided to come. So when I was in
Speaker 1: New York last week doing Good Morning America, it was
Speaker 1: me and Ken did GMA three, not The Morning America
Speaker 1: GMA three, and I asked him and I was like,
Speaker 1: what now, you got to tell me you're doing something
Speaker 1: here in New York, that's why you're here. And he's
Speaker 1: like nope, and I was like what. He's like, this
Speaker 1: is the only thing I'm doing. He's going. But I
Speaker 1: was up in Toronto this time. I just wrapped on
Speaker 1: this thing. So he's on a TV show that's coming
Speaker 1: up and I don't want to spoil it and stuff,
Speaker 1: so I don't even know if the show exists shit,
Speaker 1: or if this is like not the Master singer. No, no,
Speaker 1: well he does that TV show, but this is like
Speaker 1: he actually got to act and not be funny. He's like,
Speaker 1: I did my first dramatic really yeah, talking about that
Speaker 1: dramatical and what brought this point up? What was the
Speaker 1: thing that I was just like, somebody have just said
Speaker 1: that to me?
Speaker 2: Oh, stage acting versus camera actor.
Speaker 1: His director was Michael Chickless, who yeah, played the thing
Speaker 1: in the Fantastic movies, but who led the shield was
Speaker 1: the guy who played Blushi in the Wired movie. Interesting,
Speaker 1: so Cam was being direct and he knows Michael. He says,
Speaker 1: going way back, but you know, Michael is it's a
Speaker 1: dramatic thing. And so you know, Ken is like I'm
Speaker 1: trying to get rid of everything, just like you know,
Speaker 1: anything remotely even like amusing. I'm trying to like just
Speaker 1: honor the material, honor what Michael wants. And he said
Speaker 1: one of the pieces of direction he gave him was
Speaker 1: just like do way less.
Speaker 2: Because the camera picks up every single every single tour.
Speaker 1: I was listening that, who were like, what do you
Speaker 1: mean to waitless? I was waving my hand in front
Speaker 1: of my face almost like John Cena, like you can't
Speaker 1: see me, but wait, do less, meaning, don't use your
Speaker 1: face so much because, like you just said, the camera's
Speaker 1: like he's like, I am right up in you. It's
Speaker 1: a close up, so everything reads.
Speaker 2: Remember what Deb told me? What my deb Aquila Angel
Speaker 2: on the.
Speaker 1: Starts fantastic, my acting coach, my everything.
Speaker 2: Also one of the greatest actors. But she doesn't act,
Speaker 2: but when she acts with me, when we coach, she's
Speaker 2: she's everything. Anyways, She's taught me like everything you know
Speaker 2: besides you and also Donna wrong, my other coach. Anyways,
Speaker 2: just had to give all the shout outs.
Speaker 1: Would you just win? I was ready to play off
Speaker 1: myself like I was gonna.
Speaker 2: Be like, remember never mind, I was gonna start saying
Speaker 2: the book a morment. But Deb, when I first started acting,
Speaker 2: was like if she's very very straightforward.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, she doesn't mince words, and she'll just be
Speaker 1: like she doesn't give a fuck.
Speaker 2: She's she's gonna say how it is, which I appreciate
Speaker 2: even though I made me cry many times.
Speaker 1: But your daughter cast Logics movie, yeah and worked with
Speaker 1: Logic and Tea Man.
Speaker 2: I've coached with her daughter as well, and they're they're
Speaker 2: fucking samely talented family absolutely. But dev told me once,
Speaker 2: if you don't learn to control your eyebrows, you will
Speaker 2: never work in this business. And I was, like, my
Speaker 2: father told me that eyebrow work was everything.
Speaker 1: Who's your father, Smith, Oh, poor son of a bit,
Speaker 1: learn everything. I've learned it all, kid, anymore. This is
Speaker 1: Hollywood in the twenties.
Speaker 2: It's crazy though. It's a he huge difference between acting
Speaker 2: on camera when it's the camera is picking up every
Speaker 2: single little detail on your face, But on a stage,
Speaker 2: you can that's you. That's where you belong. That's where
Speaker 2: your acting belongs. You're like, because you're the your acting
Speaker 2: is so big.
Speaker 1: I feel kind of chat out. That's where you belong,
Speaker 1: special place where you.
Speaker 2: Like, I mean, it would suit you so well, it would.
Speaker 2: It would suit you so well it.
Speaker 1: Would, and it suits me when I'm on stage.
Speaker 2: Yeah exactly. But like I want to see you also,
Speaker 2: like in Chicago, but I also want to see you
Speaker 2: in the Book of Mormon, I know, but I also
Speaker 2: want to see you in swingey Todd.
Speaker 1: So instead of doing all the shows, we just pick
Speaker 1: like one song from each like that, here's my here's
Speaker 1: my new dream, righty okay, beardless dick lets me gets
Speaker 1: so big that we can like take the show out,
Speaker 1: like I'm planning a tour for Fat Worry. That's uh,
Speaker 1: shows of me by myself and shows with me and
Speaker 1: Jay so Jane sob. So if we can do that
Speaker 1: where we have ten shows and we get to do
Speaker 1: whatever we want and one of those shows is literally
Speaker 1: just us doing musical numbers from musicals bro full but
Speaker 1: not just like me, you and a piano like full out.
Speaker 2: I would love. We have been preparing for this four years.
Speaker 1: Some of it could be musical pieces, but some of
Speaker 1: it can be dramatic, so you can fucking relive Proctor.
Speaker 2: Thank God, thank God.
Speaker 1: No, no, you do. No, you have to because we
Speaker 1: do it on the show. So it's like we want Proctor,
Speaker 1: we want Proctor. I turn around.
Speaker 2: No, I'm absolutely fucking doing the song from Sweet Todd
Speaker 2: where he's calling his knives his best friends.
Speaker 1: That's the song you wanted to do these.
Speaker 2: My food, See how they listen.
Speaker 1: This isn't as fun as Beard. Let's pick this. I
Speaker 1: thought it would be just kind of creepy. The fucking
Speaker 1: weirdest song about the she singing the Sweeney Todd. She
Speaker 1: played Proctor in the.
Speaker 2: Sh just just let her do it, okay, just you
Speaker 2: stop the show like I'm doing something singing about how
Speaker 2: the knives are my friends?
Speaker 1: Please? Where was I? Oh? Yeah, my friend, I'm so
Speaker 1: sid got it?
Speaker 2: And you can sing Perelli's miracles.
Speaker 1: I didn't pick that. If I was going to sing
Speaker 1: a Sweeney Todd song, what would I sing? Oh? By thee,
Speaker 1: that's your fun song? But I think I I think
Speaker 1: I would go for Nothing's gonna not well, but I
Speaker 1: would do it like we went to see the show
Speaker 1: and it was the kid from Stranger Things, and he
Speaker 1: wouldn't He wasn't cockney enough for my taste. I can
Speaker 1: say it, I'm not. He was great and he had a.
Speaker 2: Beautiful don't don't you nothing?
Speaker 1: With the Stranger Things?
Speaker 2: Yeah, for real, he was very good.
Speaker 1: He was. But I'm used to the old performance. The
Speaker 1: first performance they ever shot with Angela Lansbury in it
Speaker 1: with a guy was like nothing's gonna you around, like
Speaker 1: really leaning into the cockney of it, which like almost
Speaker 1: the Dick van Dyke of it. So I missed that.
Speaker 3: To know, mister, I know you love you and me.
Speaker 1: Anyways, would you know.
Speaker 2: It's the closest I'll ever get to Proctor again, my
Speaker 2: dear Proctor.
Speaker 1: That is what if Austin was like I I you
Speaker 1: were like, oh I've got the part, but you know what,
Speaker 1: let me finish my other you forgot, oh way, we
Speaker 1: got to figure out what to do with I really
Speaker 1: thought you were forgot to forget the dogs. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: oh my god, listen to what a little brat you aren't?
Speaker 1: Ye feeding the dogs? That's what it was a human life.
Speaker 1: He was a fan, a beardless talking about the musicals.
Speaker 1: That's fine. The sooner he's disposed of. Soon you can
Speaker 1: go back to your life singing Sweeney Todd songs, not
Speaker 1: thinking about accidental.
Speaker 5: But now knowing deep down the ultimate truth Jesus, the
Speaker 5: power of one life over another. Suddenly you're changed, even
Speaker 5: though you don't want to be. And it's not guilt.
Speaker 5: It's the feeling of perhaps I meant to do this
Speaker 5: more often?
Speaker 2: Was were you reciting something?
Speaker 1: Or was that that was just good improv I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't know if I call it improp, but I
Speaker 1: was writing out loud. I was really good making fun
Speaker 1: of me.
Speaker 2: No dead ass, I was. I thought you were reciting
Speaker 2: a monologue.
Speaker 1: I'm just starting to think that your bar is rather low.
Speaker 1: If that's impressive. Either that or I'm much better than
Speaker 1: I've ever given myself credit for.
Speaker 2: Well, whenever you don't act like hey, kids.
Speaker 1: I'm always like I'm amazed. I'm like, whoa you in?
Speaker 2: When you rein it in, you're truly like I'm like,
Speaker 2: I'm like, wow.
Speaker 1: There is an acting gig coming up where like I
Speaker 1: was using words, I think the thing that last week that.
Speaker 2: The thing from today today I sold the show.
Speaker 1: Oh well yeah yeah, and I'm in the show and
Speaker 1: I actually I mean, we'll see, but if it goes forward,
Speaker 1: like I would actually be acting in the show, which
Speaker 1: I find ironic after a thirty year career of this.
Speaker 2: Yeah but okay, but I for those who are not
Speaker 2: seeing the visuals.
Speaker 1: Of the show twelve eighteen.
Speaker 2: And insane, insane facial expressions, But I really really think
Speaker 2: that you're so so. I mean, it's really funny when
Speaker 2: you're like doing the big stuff or whatever, but like,
Speaker 2: I really think you're really good when you when you
Speaker 2: rein it in and I just like I want to
Speaker 2: see you perform like that more.
Speaker 1: I don't feel right, No, no, no, no, did you ever
Speaker 1: see signs? Did you ever watch Signs. We talked about
Speaker 1: little bit she did know I haven't Joaquin Phoenix. I
Speaker 1: mean this is relevant because Joker's about to go.
Speaker 2: Don't call out me, everybody.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, nobody. I assure you, nobody is coming at
Speaker 1: you for not really. A Mel Gibson movie in twenty
Speaker 1: twenty four, a Mel Gibson movie Signs stars Mel Gibson.
Speaker 1: Oh who, while he has come back to work, still
Speaker 1: pretty oh yeah yeah yeah devisive? Okay, yeah yeah, but
Speaker 1: signs an M Knight Shaalan movie. Yeah yeah, has Joaquin
Speaker 1: Phoenix in it. Who is in the New Joker movie?
Speaker 1: Of course? Joker himself won an oscar for it? Of
Speaker 1: course has a Vegan been a one and a Vegan
Speaker 1: has always been a wonderful actor. But M Knight gives
Speaker 1: him a character to play who He was a baseball
Speaker 1: player in high school and he like he, I don't
Speaker 1: understand baseball stats, but he s wung every time, so
Speaker 1: like he when he one time, he like hit the
Speaker 1: ball fucking ya far and shared record breaking and whatnot.
Speaker 1: But he would like always swing, So he had a
Speaker 1: lot of strikeouts as well. I guess if I remember
Speaker 1: that part correctly. And when he's talking about it like
Speaker 1: somebody's kind of going over his past and stuff and
Speaker 1: kind of telling him, telling him and the audience this information,
Speaker 1: and then he goes, it just never made sense not
Speaker 1: to swing, Like I love that. I thought it was
Speaker 1: so beautiful. And that's how I feel about like anytime
Speaker 1: anytime I do some creative it's like it just didn't
Speaker 1: make sense, like not to swing.
Speaker 2: That's really cool.
Speaker 1: So the idea of like being big, Yeah, I'll always
Speaker 1: swing because of Joaqui and Phoenix and.
Speaker 2: Whatever gets you there, Buddy, in.
Speaker 1: One most subtle performances you'd ever see that, guys.
Speaker 2: I would really for this new chitching project or speaking
Speaker 2: of I would really I would really like to see
Speaker 2: you give a give a more reserve performance.
Speaker 1: Well, it's comedy. I don't want to be a straight man,
Speaker 1: or would I? I was wondering, like if you wind
Speaker 1: up being the straight man, because I'd be surrounded by.
Speaker 2: Very fun that you should be.
Speaker 1: Honestly, I don't want to be fun. Bro, could come
Speaker 1: on now, Yeah.
Speaker 2: Your dreams are already coming true.
Speaker 1: You gotta show. Come on. But maybe I don't have
Speaker 1: a show. I have a deal. I mean, we'll see
Speaker 1: if it becomes a show. But if is it a
Speaker 1: show I enjoy? If for ten seasons, I'm not playing
Speaker 1: necessarily the role I like. Like, for example, if they're
Speaker 1: like I can't.
Speaker 2: Wear back like smidian Son. When somebody was like, you
Speaker 2: wouldn't accept this million dollars deal for smidian Son?
Speaker 1: You want grateful little bit still sitting on your dick?
Speaker 1: Yeah it is. It does sit on my dick. What
Speaker 1: are you referring to specifically.
Speaker 2: Overview I happen to see.
Speaker 1: Oh wait, let me just stop you there. You've read
Speaker 1: the reviews. I do check in. Why would you do
Speaker 1: that to yourself?
Speaker 2: I gotta know, I gotta know what the people got
Speaker 2: to say.
Speaker 1: I guess I'm more familiar with what the people saying
Speaker 1: as much as like, I see people's reaction on social
Speaker 1: media and stuff like that, but I've never read the reviews.
Speaker 2: You've been going off in your Instagram stories.
Speaker 1: Is that a bad thing?
Speaker 2: It's not a bad thing, but doing somebody.
Speaker 1: It?
Speaker 6: Maybe laugh so fucking much when you posted something of
Speaker 6: someone being like, whoever is running Kevin Smith's social media
Speaker 6: needs to stop? And I was like, oh no, no,
Speaker 6: that's him.
Speaker 2: It is, Yeah, except you did post that one thing
Speaker 2: that you know that AI thing.
Speaker 1: Yes that you told me to post. I didn't tell you. No,
Speaker 1: I didn't tell you about that.
Speaker 2: What the fuck I didn't tell you about that?
Speaker 1: Why are you trying to blame that on me?
Speaker 2: I didn't tell you to post that. No, that's fake.
Speaker 2: And then people start fake.
Speaker 1: People started, well, it's.
Speaker 2: Not fake, but it's like, not gonna fucking do anything
Speaker 2: by putting up a post. Instagram isn't going to be
Speaker 2: like okay, they.
Speaker 1: Said stories being like idiot.
Speaker 2: Everybody like to everybody who? Because so many celebrities posted
Speaker 2: it and people were like, fucking stupid it was and
Speaker 2: I almost texted you it's almost text down because it
Speaker 2: was going around everywhere, but it's just like then who who?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: I think it was Zelda Williams. I saw she posted
Speaker 2: and she was like, you guys, realize this is not
Speaker 2: going to stop anybody from, like the fucking doing anything.
Speaker 1: And I was like, whoever sent it to me? With
Speaker 1: somebody trustworthy enough that I was like, oh, I'll put
Speaker 1: it in my story. Who are you mistaking with me? Well,
Speaker 1: that's what I'm saying. It would have to be somebody
Speaker 1: like Jordan. Maybe it would make sense of like she runs, Jason.
Speaker 2: You have some secret other daughter.
Speaker 1: Wow, Bertie, She's laying right there by the door. But
Speaker 1: Bertie's like, I stopped posting for my mental health. I
Speaker 1: feel so much. I get it. Yeah, I get a
Speaker 1: lot more time. And I don't know. I'm just not
Speaker 1: too shoot you with people. I heal you.
Speaker 7: Bird.
Speaker 2: Should I tell the story of what happened outside?
Speaker 1: ORT know? I would love it. I mean, oh, the
Speaker 1: real story, the real the real one interesting as the
Speaker 1: other one and the no, it's.
Speaker 2: Gonna be a real letdown now, but I feel like
Speaker 2: it's got.
Speaker 1: To be said the conclusion. All right, step out of
Speaker 1: your car. It's gonna be a real letdown now.
Speaker 2: Okay, step out of my fucking car with the panini
Speaker 2: maker trying to balance the panina maker with my ear bamante.
Speaker 1: I got my hands full.
Speaker 2: And there's this lady walking by and I just say hello.
Speaker 1: She doesn't hear me, and I'm like, okay, that's embarrassing.
Speaker 2: And then she's going and then I see she has
Speaker 2: a backpack. And then I don't have my glasses on,
Speaker 2: but I can tell it's a pet backpack, and so
Speaker 2: I was.
Speaker 1: Like, is that a petackpack and shaped like a pet
Speaker 1: or a back like a.
Speaker 2: Backpack with a window, and so I was like, oh
Speaker 2: my god, is that a cat? And she turned around
Speaker 2: and she was like yes, and I was like what
Speaker 2: can I see you?
Speaker 8: And she had two dogs too, but I didn't really care.
Speaker 8: And I was like, oh my god, I have this backpack,
Speaker 8: but none of my four cats will accept it.
Speaker 2: They hate it. And she was like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: my cat loves My cat loves going out, like she
Speaker 2: cries if if I leave without her. And I was like, okay,
Speaker 2: well I'm jealous. But then she was like I just
Speaker 2: lived down the hill and I was like, oh, I'm
Speaker 2: just here. I'm here at my parents' house. And she
Speaker 2: was like, oh, the house with the German shepherds.
Speaker 1: And I was like, yeah, what kind of dogs did
Speaker 1: you know?
Speaker 2: Little I have to be so honest with you, I
Speaker 2: was not looking at the dogs.
Speaker 1: Really.
Speaker 2: If there's a cat, I'm sorry the dogs around.
Speaker 1: That means you have preferences crazy. No, that's not crazy.
Speaker 1: Crazy preference like a dog doesn't do it very as
Speaker 1: much as a cat. But it proves you're not a
Speaker 1: sociopath because at least you're interested in one.
Speaker 2: Of them, right, and I do. I loved I love
Speaker 2: I'm a I'm a fucking vegan. I love animals, so
Speaker 2: I love all animals, but I just really really prefer cats.
Speaker 2: And it never used to be that way, but I
Speaker 2: just I just I love them so much. They all
Speaker 2: just sleep on my bed and they're just curled up
Speaker 2: and like little balls, and it's just crazy crazy.
Speaker 1: Scully and Molder our first two dogs. I love, Louis Shecky,
Speaker 1: mad Martigan, the five who went before of the Magnificent Seven. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Lucky and Birdie being here right now, you're all looking
Speaker 1: down from the Rainbow Bridge and they're being like, fuck cats.
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, Marty and I have a fucking I have
Speaker 2: a big backstory.
Speaker 1: So Marty young, but Marty's up there going fuck you,
Speaker 1: and then she goes off the rainbow bridge.
Speaker 2: She's a lookiew, I'm surprised Marty didn't kill me. To
Speaker 2: be honest, like Marty was scary.
Speaker 1: She was very protective like scary as you know, some
Speaker 1: dogs get real like territorial and protective of humid and
Speaker 1: she was super protective of she.
Speaker 2: Was She was so traumatized, and it was understandable. She
Speaker 2: had a really terrible, terrible life which.
Speaker 1: I never could explain to us. It's like what traumatized
Speaker 1: her was a person looked exactly like you.
Speaker 2: I guess because, oh my god, it was crazy.
Speaker 1: I used to belong to a butcher and it looked
Speaker 1: like your daughter butcher not unsure. Actually a dog would
Speaker 1: be like I used to be hold by a butcher.
Speaker 1: Do you guys have any scrats or meats? We're vegan here? What? Oh?
Speaker 1: What the fucking what?
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh. The Texas chainsaw mask her maze at
Speaker 2: Hornights is crazy. It's it is like exactly the same,
Speaker 2: and it's butchering everywhere. It's blood, a lot of blood,
Speaker 2: a lot of butchering. When you go in first, there's
Speaker 2: a human wearing a fucking I found it extremely fense.
Speaker 5: A cow's oh cow.
Speaker 2: It really bummed me out. I really did not like it.
Speaker 1: Dude wearing a pig's head if he has got overalls
Speaker 1: and a big chainsaw, Yeah, that's farmer Vincent from Hotel Hell.
Speaker 1: Takes a lot of critters to make farmer Vincent fritters.
Speaker 1: I can't I don't know who put a cow head on.
Speaker 1: It could be from a newer version of it.
Speaker 2: Was a cumuli, a cumulation, A lot of it was
Speaker 2: all of all the iterations of Texas Chainsaw Masker.
Speaker 1: How was too represented? I ask?
Speaker 2: I couldn't tell you because my eyes were very close.
Speaker 1: Texas Chance I'm Masker Part two one of my favorite
Speaker 1: movies of all times because it's so fucked up. At
Speaker 1: any time I try to make a fucked up movie,
Speaker 1: that is the bar I'm reaching for. So Tusk, Red State.
Speaker 1: Those exist because of Texas Chainsaw Masker two, which came
Speaker 1: out in nineteen eighty six.
Speaker 2: It's did it?
Speaker 1: I believe it did?
Speaker 2: No, I don't think so.
Speaker 1: Texas chains Imascar Part two.
Speaker 2: Oh no, sorry not for two.
Speaker 1: Nice your face. I was here with mamily. We had
Speaker 1: come out to California to visit her relatives who live
Speaker 1: in the Riverside, which is like out by the desert
Speaker 1: and ship yeah, and you know, she was like, your
Speaker 1: god today, would you like to go to Hollywood? And
Speaker 1: I was like yeah, and me and her and I
Speaker 1: was like sixteen years old, and we came to Hollywood
Speaker 1: and there was a massive billboard for Texas Chainsaw mask
Speaker 1: Her Part two. We went to the Bullwinkle Store. She
Speaker 1: let me drive home. I was only sixteen.
Speaker 2: Sounds like a good ass day, it.
Speaker 1: Was, man, And you know, I'm sure like me. I
Speaker 1: went to see Mamilly last week, who's probably getting out
Speaker 1: of the hospital this week, and she had a like
Speaker 1: a dust up with Donald, my brother. Oh yeah, and
Speaker 1: you know, the next day she was feeling, you know,
Speaker 1: kind of contrite about it, and she said, like one
Speaker 1: of the most revealing things, she goes, it's really hard
Speaker 1: to let go of control, and that really like defines
Speaker 1: like my mom has spent years, yeah, in control, and
Speaker 1: you know, even though her kids grew up, she still
Speaker 1: able to exercise a large degree of control over them.
Speaker 1: And but the older one gets, the harder it is
Speaker 1: to control. And yeah, it really it bummed me out.
Speaker 1: But at the same time it was very like like,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, she's like, I don't you know, it's not
Speaker 1: so much to getting old hurts and whatnot. But you know,
Speaker 1: she was like, man, I used to be able to
Speaker 1: do shit, and more importantly, I used to be able
Speaker 1: to make y'all do things.
Speaker 2: But ultimately one can really only control themselves.
Speaker 1: True, And that's a sentiment I've repeated to myself a
Speaker 1: lot lately, which is like I can't control your emotions, yeah,
Speaker 1: you can't only control mine.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and your reaction to others' emotions.
Speaker 1: What do you mean the second part that sounds important,
Speaker 1: I've been leaving.
Speaker 2: You can control how you feel, and you can also
Speaker 2: control how you react to other people's feelings, That's what
Speaker 2: I'm saying.
Speaker 1: But I can't control how other people react, yes.
Speaker 2: But you can control how you react to their reaction.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, yeah ideally.
Speaker 2: Yeah, ideally, But most of the time it don't work
Speaker 2: for me. But that's that's the ideal scenario.
Speaker 1: Listen book.
Speaker 2: He was breathing really long. I'm going to see Texas Chains.
Speaker 2: I'm asking at the cemetery for the fiftieth anniversary this weekend.
Speaker 1: The original Toby Hooper classic and be you many ways
Speaker 1: I would like to be you. I've seen that fucking
Speaker 1: movie so many times. Do you want to come? Being
Speaker 1: in a cemetery is a novel approach to it. Now,
Speaker 1: if it was Texans Chains, I'm asking too, I'll be
Speaker 1: right there next to you. I love and respect the
Speaker 1: first because it is like, for lack of a better description,
Speaker 1: even though it went before me, we just saw. We
Speaker 1: call it saw for sure. Those fus who loved the
Speaker 1: not to be confused with the other one well existed long.
Speaker 2: Before, okay, but but now there's those and you can't.
Speaker 1: Be the old school sister. That's so different from old
Speaker 1: school man. You think I fuck with jigs, song classics,
Speaker 1: leather face, Michael Myers, of course, Freddy Krueger, Freddy.
Speaker 2: You know my my song Dead and a Lake, Yeah,
Speaker 2: which one day will be out.
Speaker 1: You know the part did you pick a band name yet?
Speaker 1: From you to douche? It's a great name, you know it?
Speaker 1: That's not it memorable? But so I have a song
Speaker 1: called then the Lake. What about what if you called
Speaker 1: it the Beardless Dickless Band?
Speaker 2: No, and the lyrics are really like fucked up. But
Speaker 2: every time I didn't write it with thinking about this,
Speaker 2: But now every single time we played and rehearse it,
Speaker 2: I think about the end of Friday thirteenth, when that
Speaker 2: kid's in the boat and he survived, and then he's
Speaker 2: just and then it's.
Speaker 1: Hopeful, and then the then.
Speaker 2: Fucking Freddy goes out of the water and then like
Speaker 2: kills them.
Speaker 1: Okay, just a few notes. Yeah, that kid was a
Speaker 1: girl and Freddy doesn't come out of the water. Who
Speaker 1: is it young Jason. Oh, I'm sorry, not Freddy.
Speaker 2: My fucking bad. I messed it up. I messed it
Speaker 2: up all.
Speaker 1: Your horror fans out there. I profusely apologized. We tried
Speaker 1: to raise around.
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry, Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees and Michael Myer's
Speaker 2: got to get him straight.
Speaker 1: My bad. The uh the yeah. Don't let anybody ever
Speaker 1: fucking tell you. You can't tell you can't call Texas
Speaker 1: chainsaw'm Saw.
Speaker 2: Well, you're really gonna be miss. I just wouldn't want
Speaker 2: anybody to think that you're talking about Saw. I really wouldn't.
Speaker 1: When we were kids, the shorthand was Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
Speaker 1: That's the whole title, because all of it was awesome,
Speaker 1: all those three words together. Now you take for granted
Speaker 1: because you entered a world where those three words have
Speaker 1: always existed together. But there was a time and that
Speaker 1: title was horrifying and fucking ludicrous at the same time.
Speaker 1: Texas Chainsaw, like, when you really think about.
Speaker 2: It, so scary, It truly scary movie.
Speaker 1: It's a bocket and then it feels like a headline.
Speaker 2: It's probably to me the scariest at all of the
Speaker 2: classics two, I.
Speaker 1: Think it's scarier. I'll be honest with madness on displaying too.
Speaker 1: So you're gonna die either way at the fucking because
Speaker 1: the Sauce family, but the fucking like if you have
Speaker 1: to die while people are fucking acting.
Speaker 2: Bad share oh yeah, so much.
Speaker 1: Using corpses to talk.
Speaker 2: It's so bad.
Speaker 1: So you're going out terror and they want to terrify
Speaker 1: you because that's what's going to make the meat taste good.
Speaker 1: So cutting back to the foyer when the dogs back,
Speaker 1: when the dogs are unleased, like the corpses, it's like,
Speaker 1: fear more of this, right, lucky, yes?
Speaker 2: Yeahs like what's going on?
Speaker 1: Then there become sin eaters because they've eaten your sin
Speaker 1: and it doesn't exist anymore. It's a medieval role that
Speaker 1: goes back centuries exactly, but it now puts you in
Speaker 1: league with the church because the sin eater was somebody
Speaker 1: that you paid a Catholic a service in the Catholic
Speaker 1: church to eat some horribly prepared meal that had your
Speaker 1: fucking sins baked into it.
Speaker 2: You're lying, say that again.
Speaker 1: The concept of a sin eater is essentially you know
Speaker 1: what penance is. Yeah, okay, so take it a step further.
Speaker 1: So the idea that like I have this evil, this weight,
Speaker 1: this guilt, this sin, and I carry it. I hire
Speaker 1: you the sin eater, who is a the lowest, I
Speaker 1: swear to Christ. You can look it up while I'm talking.
Speaker 1: You have to look at me while I explaining, to
Speaker 1: look on your phone, and I'll watch your fucking expression
Speaker 1: change as you're like this is real.
Speaker 2: Well, I just keep thinking you're saying cinnamon.
Speaker 1: That's even worse sin, as in, Wow, that's a word
Speaker 1: that's like not even big in your world.
Speaker 2: Sin.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because it's a moral Catholic term, or a religious
Speaker 1: term at the very least. But I mean just even
Speaker 1: the word s. I M like I was raised in
Speaker 1: a world where like that fucking word was constantly sin
Speaker 1: eater s I n e a t or So you
Speaker 1: pay this fucker and he eats this meal that your
Speaker 1: fucking guilt. Wait, it's his job. You're paying this person.
Speaker 1: But it's like the same way you'd pay the executioner
Speaker 1: before it cuts your head off, or the same way
Speaker 1: like a geek at a circus bites a chicken's head
Speaker 1: off or something. Well, it don't really exists anymore as
Speaker 1: far as we know. But you're seeing it right, I'm
Speaker 1: seeing that it's a real job. Yes, yeah. Birdie and
Speaker 1: Lucky become your sin eaters, and you realize, once they've
Speaker 1: eaten this fucking murder, they're not murder but accidental killing.
Speaker 1: You realize that they could be good for almost any
Speaker 1: any sin they can eat, and they love it. They
Speaker 1: love eating sins. So are there people that bother you?
Speaker 1: People that maybe shouldn't be here anymore.
Speaker 7: People who are in order to cast the hungry gods?
Speaker 2: These are terrifying images. Who says, though, is this like?
Speaker 1: Is this was he in a comic a comic character,
Speaker 1: No doubt, because it's a great name. Concept was in
Speaker 1: the meal, probably full and horrible ship that nobody wants
Speaker 1: to eat like it? And I don't even know if
Speaker 1: ofal is something that people don't like to eat for
Speaker 1: all I know. Oh.
Speaker 2: He then muttered in incant wait, wait, wait, wait. When
Speaker 2: a person died, the friends sent for the sinator of
Speaker 2: the district. There were many men you were like County Mounting, who,
Speaker 2: on his arrival placed a plate of salt on the
Speaker 2: breast of the defunct and upon the salt a piece
Speaker 2: of bread. Then he muttered an incantation over the bread,
Speaker 2: which he finally ate, thereby eating up all the sins
Speaker 2: of the deceased. But he didn't eat the person.
Speaker 1: No, no he didn't. I never said he ate the person.
Speaker 1: But it's a weird concept. This picture makes it.
Speaker 2: In this instance, this picture makes But in.
Speaker 1: This instance, Bernie, Birdie and Lucky are literal sin eaters.
Speaker 1: That's why the movie is called the sin Eaters. That's
Speaker 1: I mean, you know what. I'm sorry. And this is
Speaker 1: how we write. This is how we make a house movie.
Speaker 2: Come on, blom House, give us some of that.
Speaker 1: Sweet winding up our schedule. We got Smitty and Son.
Speaker 1: No great, now, we got.
Speaker 2: Fucking this, no before anything. What's my man's name in
Speaker 2: the ocean?
Speaker 1: Yeah, we can't take that. Somebody did that movie, your
Speaker 1: little Owl. I'll tell you, uh Lovecraft for one. He's like,
Speaker 1: uh invented a bruh?
Speaker 2: How in the fuck do you spell cas zulu?
Speaker 1: Ce? Oh h u l u? And there might be
Speaker 1: two els. I think it's not.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I love him.
Speaker 1: All right, passion ration, you got a list? Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: let's do it. Let's do it. There was only a.
Speaker 2: Casula movie in two thousand and seven.
Speaker 1: And the whole Lass movie. But like you know the concept.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, yeah, I know about the Senators. That's
Speaker 1: new Cado, scary dogs that will fucking eat anything in
Speaker 1: anyone you need them to.
Speaker 2: That's actually yeah, maybe we shouldn't give away our ideals.
Speaker 1: That's what I always say to Mark when we're on
Speaker 1: Fat Man Beyond Marco rip a really good idea. I'm like,
Speaker 1: what are you fucking man? All Right, we've reached that
Speaker 1: part of the show. Yeah, passion over.
Speaker 2: I think we should just do the quick fire ton
Speaker 2: go all right, tramp stamp of Moo's face.
Speaker 1: On any more information beyond that on.
Speaker 2: A two part question on you and not ration on me?
Speaker 1: On me, A further question location for this.
Speaker 2: Tattoo A tramp stamp.
Speaker 1: Over your ass, the crack of your ass, yes, Moo's face. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like I'm never going to see it, so do whatever
Speaker 1: you want your body. I believe this is a passion
Speaker 1: or ration to ask Austin.
Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you for that answer.
Speaker 1: I believe Austin will be seeing it more than anybody else,
Speaker 1: even you, unless you stare at your back in the mirror.
Speaker 1: That is true. You got to run it past him
Speaker 1: because he might be like, Okay, I can't. I can't
Speaker 1: do anything with Mo looking at me like that.
Speaker 2: What about a portrait of an this is this is
Speaker 2: an extension of the passionate Russian like a like a
Speaker 2: very big and realistic portrait of a pet on your back,
Speaker 2: Like if.
Speaker 1: You got like you have Ben Affleck as the giant
Speaker 1: Phoenix tattoo on his back. Yes, this is a move. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you want to put this on your back?
Speaker 2: No, I'm going to direct it to you. It's shacky
Speaker 2: on your back.
Speaker 1: Never, I'm never gonna fucking see it. What good is
Speaker 1: it you want to put check you on on mom's back?
Speaker 1: I'm just saying how often I haven't seen my back
Speaker 1: in fucking years. If I did, I'd shave it.
Speaker 2: What do you put check you around your neck?
Speaker 1: Fuck?
Speaker 2: No, you hate shacky.
Speaker 1: I'm trying. I just sold a fucking television show, So
Speaker 1: I'm gonna make some poor makeup person have to cruver
Speaker 1: that ship up every morning in the chair like two hours,
Speaker 1: two hours because you can't live without his.
Speaker 2: But if you had like a Pamela Anderson tattoo, but
Speaker 2: it was shacky.
Speaker 1: What do you mean a Pamela Anderson tattoo, like the
Speaker 1: barbed wire thing. Do you know why she got that?
Speaker 2: Because of because she was in a movie called Huse
Speaker 2: she was. Yeah, did she not have that before?
Speaker 1: I don't think so, But you know what, I'll follow
Speaker 1: these things closely. I just happen to know she was
Speaker 1: in Barboar. Yeah, I know she was. I think she
Speaker 1: had before them. But I would I get no, I
Speaker 1: wouldn't get checked.
Speaker 2: But that would be so cool if it wrapped around
Speaker 2: your arm.
Speaker 1: Okay, well an ugly arm. I don't have leg.
Speaker 2: That is not true. Do not do not call yourself ugly?
Speaker 1: Would not look her best on life?
Speaker 2: Do not call your any part of.
Speaker 1: Your check on my calves rock hard calves.
Speaker 2: Well, then check's like, I'm back.
Speaker 1: It'll give you something else to look at it walk
Speaker 1: in front of you. Okay. Anyways, your passion next, No,
Speaker 1: you go, you do your fire your list.
Speaker 2: No, you know it's a back and forth situation.
Speaker 1: You go, all right, passion, I ration, Celsius, we already
Speaker 1: did this ration. Uh yaba, mate.
Speaker 2: Someone seems like he did not prepare a list to.
Speaker 1: I prepared an entire scenario with a dog. I wrote,
Speaker 1: a movie.
Speaker 2: First of all, it is yerba mate, and I am
Speaker 2: truly reliant on it.
Speaker 1: Is it good for you? Is it a bad thing? Calories?
Speaker 1: That's not it's just judgmental. Yeah, it's only though, Oh
Speaker 1: great for.
Speaker 2: You, that's so fucking much worse for your heart, mister
Speaker 2: heart attack.
Speaker 1: Like literally, so it was only gifted to me by
Speaker 1: my daughter. So I've drank it ever since. I did
Speaker 1: not you literally introduced miss Alsius. You were like, it's vegan.
Speaker 2: I was like oh, and I was like you can
Speaker 2: have one?
Speaker 1: And then you were like that. You were like, how
Speaker 1: many of those do you drink today? I was like ten.
Speaker 1: You're like, god, it may kill a heart. Boy like you.
Speaker 1: I was like what now looked at it and.
Speaker 2: Saw that it was you didn't even know what had caffeine.
Speaker 1: I didn't. I thought it was just a vegan drink.
Speaker 2: It's literally two hundred milligrams of caffeine anyways, And it's.
Speaker 1: Weird because I don't drink anything with caffeine. I'm not
Speaker 1: a coffee guy or anything.
Speaker 2: You're just a way, which is so weird because you
Speaker 2: really don't sleep that much. I don't understand how you function.
Speaker 1: I sleep not a peak efficiency.
Speaker 2: I think you really do you think so? I feel
Speaker 2: like you're like always doing stuff, but for really you
Speaker 2: fill your days so you're doing ship all the time.
Speaker 1: You're one of the hardest working people I've ever met.
Speaker 1: Before we started the show, before you got here, I
Speaker 1: was trying to figure out how to minimize the schedule
Speaker 1: between now and the end of the year. I'm just
Speaker 1: you know, it'd be nice to slow it down, but
Speaker 1: I got a bunch of shows. You need a break.
Speaker 2: Everybody needs a break, or you're gonna.
Speaker 1: Have a passion irration, vacation, a.
Speaker 2: Passion, a passion. When I went to Hawaii for my
Speaker 2: birthday earlier this year, as like my first fay vacation
Speaker 2: and in like five years, and it felt like.
Speaker 1: Everything it was awesome, so weird. I don't know how
Speaker 1: to do that.
Speaker 2: We never you never go on a vaca because you're
Speaker 2: just traveling all the time. But there's nowhere you want
Speaker 2: to go.
Speaker 1: I've been on permanent vacation since nineteen ninety, But don't.
Speaker 2: You want to go somewhere just to.
Speaker 1: Hang out here right here at the old Casa fucking
Speaker 1: day Lucky and Birdie Lucky, all right, Your passion ration. Go, well, okay,
Speaker 1: I seen somebody else's see you're very judging um passion irration.
Speaker 1: Big ass Stanley cups, Oh I.
Speaker 2: Thought, yeah, I did think about hockey. Are you proud
Speaker 2: of that?
Speaker 1: A girl ration?
Speaker 2: One does like have a tonne of fucking lead in them?
Speaker 1: Do they really? Yeah?
Speaker 2: And because they're so fucking and it's like the Karens
Speaker 2: of the world are just like flocking.
Speaker 1: Does mom have one? Yeah?
Speaker 2: My point, just kidding, but yeah, no, the Karens of
Speaker 2: the world flocked to the Stanley cup.
Speaker 1: It's so stupid.
Speaker 2: Also, it's like doesn't have a fucking cap, so like
Speaker 2: the water just comes out if you spill it, like
Speaker 2: in a normal ass water bottle, like a clean ante
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't use clean canteens anymore, but I
Speaker 2: whatever type of fucking reusable water bottle, there's like a
Speaker 2: cap on the top, so if it like spills over,
Speaker 2: water don't come out. The snailing cut the Stanley sounds
Speaker 2: so weird saying a Stanley cup.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the Stanling cup.
Speaker 2: The water just fucking flows because it's a straw and.
Speaker 1: It falls out because it's a bowl more than a cup,
Speaker 1: and usually people are spilling it to drink and celebration
Speaker 1: of winning a hockey action.
Speaker 2: Exactly. It's so stupid it and it's just so overrated.
Speaker 2: And I've seen videos of like fucking middle aged white
Speaker 2: women like running and knocking each other over to get
Speaker 2: fucking Stanley cups at Target and it's like Jesus, why
Speaker 2: it's a cup and it's got let in it and
Speaker 2: it's pretty stupid.
Speaker 1: Beardless stickless meat not sponsored by Stanley? Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: unless you want to sponsor us, then I can change
Speaker 1: my get my heart gone? Hey? Can you not abouts
Speaker 1: up on Stanley? There? Karen?
Speaker 2: Y Oh, Okay. Passion? Well, I guess this isn't a
Speaker 2: passion irration, but this is more just a question. Yeah,
Speaker 2: side sleeper, backsleeper or stomach sleeper.
Speaker 1: Oh, stomach sleeper. So passion irration, stomach sleeper passion.
Speaker 2: Wow, I couldn't do it.
Speaker 1: What do you do?
Speaker 2: Has to be the.
Speaker 1: Side whole time? Always? Do you have like a pillow
Speaker 1: you hug or some shit?
Speaker 2: Yes, cannot sleep unless it's the side.
Speaker 1: Do you have one of them bigil's long body? I do.
Speaker 1: Look at you.
Speaker 2: I really comes from I'm pretty sure you got it
Speaker 2: from me for Christmas This.
Speaker 1: Whole thing about my side comes from you. I don't know.
Speaker 2: I just cannot sleep any in any other position.
Speaker 1: Probably growing up in that fucking barn bed. I think. Also,
Speaker 1: you're always terrified of rolling off and falling from the
Speaker 1: top floor.
Speaker 2: It's also because I have an irregular tailbone.
Speaker 1: Right, so you can't lay on your back.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well I can't, but it turns out and then
Speaker 2: my tail grows.
Speaker 1: Missus hide, scary, miss hide.
Speaker 2: I don't like that though. Scary.
Speaker 1: I mean horror movies are supposed to be scary.
Speaker 2: Okay, passionate rash.
Speaker 1: No fucking tim Burton joint where it's cute, see and
Speaker 1: you want to wear the stuff because you bought it.
Speaker 1: A hot topic. This is the real last harm.
Speaker 2: This is the It just sounds like, okay, passionate, passion.
Speaker 1: A passion, But I'll tell you why not for the
Speaker 1: same reasons. Why, Well, your passion just because she's been yours.
Speaker 1: She's my baby, yeah, and I'm all for it and stuff.
Speaker 1: I want her to live forever. But my passion is
Speaker 1: I want to like, I'll never want to see you
Speaker 1: be like. And she's gone, So.
Speaker 2: Passion, she's gonna live forever. She's eternal, So.
Speaker 1: The rabbit eternal? Thank you. Anyways, the hair, if you will,
Speaker 1: She's not really hair right now? Do you know what
Speaker 1: the proper term for a rabbit is? Bounce? This funny
Speaker 1: because like, yeah, that sounds right.
Speaker 2: Cinnamon is a Holland Holland lop rabbit.
Speaker 1: That's her.
Speaker 2: That is her breed, Holland Lop, Holland Lop Holland. Okay,
Speaker 2: Passion Irrasian Phantom.
Speaker 1: Of the Opera, the musical rash.
Speaker 2: That's so crazy to me?
Speaker 1: What did I ration it? Yeah? Why? Because it's should
Speaker 1: be right up now?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Why? Well?
Speaker 2: One the songs are fired and two because if you
Speaker 2: loved and stuff.
Speaker 1: Something against what listen to the music of the No,
Speaker 1: it just seems right up your alley. And I can't
Speaker 1: believe what. Never seen it? You think I've seen everything? Yeah,
Speaker 1: actually I do. I'm a little busy having a career
Speaker 1: bro thirty.
Speaker 2: Years, but I literally feel like you've seen everything that
Speaker 2: has ever been made.
Speaker 1: I have seen a lot, but I've never seen that.
Speaker 2: Never saw We go see it?
Speaker 1: Where's the plane? I don't know? But should we see it?
Speaker 1: Where's it? Not playing? This is always pleasure. I want
Speaker 1: to go see it at high school.
Speaker 2: When the fucking chandelier falls, that's what happens.
Speaker 1: That's what happens. Yeah, spoilers like the Now, I don't
Speaker 1: got it.
Speaker 2: See when we're in New York?
Speaker 1: Does it?
Speaker 2: I just assume it's like something that plays at all times.
Speaker 1: I would imagine it's coming to the pantages any second.
Speaker 1: Now it seems like it tilor is constantly because it's
Speaker 1: like a constant, it's like a brand when it comes.
Speaker 1: Can we please see it? Fu? Yeah, I'm off. Oh
Speaker 1: not if you're gonna sing along in the audience my mind,
Speaker 1: then I gotta get a fight with some Broadway and
Speaker 1: be like I was.
Speaker 2: Once jump Roger let me sing, I'm.
Speaker 1: Sorry she was once jumped. I'm sorry. I don't give
Speaker 1: a ship what she was. I paid five hundred dollars
Speaker 1: for these tickets and I can't hear the show. Well,
Speaker 1: I mean, ironically, none of us fuck you and fuck
Speaker 1: you singing kid? How about that? Like, now I gotta
Speaker 1: do something. I can't just let them call her singing kid. Sure,
Speaker 1: they've all stopped on stage and they're all staring and
Speaker 1: the fucking phantoms like you're just gonna take that ship,
Speaker 1: Like no. As a matter of fact, I'm not you, sir,
Speaker 1: have insulted my only daughter.
Speaker 2: Oh my god?
Speaker 1: Why is it so violent because he's from Jersey Jersey.
Speaker 1: I'm Central Jersey. If you're some Central Jersey, we talk
Speaker 1: it out. Strikes first, strikes hard, No mercy, sir, makes sense.
Speaker 1: Do we stay for the rest of the show. I
Speaker 1: don't think we can passion.
Speaker 2: Passion irration after we get the entire production in the
Speaker 2: audience involved in a fight. Do we stay or do
Speaker 2: we go?
Speaker 1: Do you apologize because it's your Okay?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I apologize. I was passionate. I love the musical.
Speaker 2: I apologize for my interruption.
Speaker 1: Are you saying this atlud in the theater? Yes?
Speaker 2: I have to. If everybody's looking at it.
Speaker 1: Get that little lass whole of night so everyone can
Speaker 1: hear it.
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm sorry. I was really excited. I just wanted
Speaker 2: to sing along. I didn't mean to interrupt. Please don't
Speaker 2: fight with my dad, this weird New Jersey fight.
Speaker 1: Like, why don't you both just get the fuck out
Speaker 1: of here, go back to Jersey, scar fucking tunnel.
Speaker 2: You're also from Jersey, so shut up.
Speaker 1: That was the phantom, That's what that was. A phantom.
Speaker 2: Oh well, it's sounded like you had a Jersey accent
Speaker 2: or something.
Speaker 1: Well, he you know, he's from Jersey to a lot
Speaker 1: of people. Oh, the phantom is from Jersey. Bro. Every
Speaker 1: five six people you meet are in the entertainment business
Speaker 1: come from New Jersey. And any event, what happens is
Speaker 1: the phantom curses out all Jersey and now the guy
Speaker 1: who fucking struck me, our enemy is suddenly on our side.
Speaker 1: He says, hey, hey, fuck you, you ain't even that good.
Speaker 1: I've seen this fucking twenty years ago with who else
Speaker 1: was in it? Who is the big guy? Who? Everybody
Speaker 1: that the soundtrack and shit like that in the movie. No,
Speaker 1: in the fucking the big play, Like the play has
Speaker 1: been around since I was a child. Yeah, there was
Speaker 1: a dude, Michael Crawford. That was his I've seen this
Speaker 1: show with Crawford. Your piece of Ship. You can't even
Speaker 1: smell Crawford's take. Oh my god, I mean that's how
Speaker 1: we go hard in Jersey. Holy sh But at this
Speaker 1: point you can't be like holy Ship because now it's
Speaker 1: us versus all these New York fucks. We need this.
Speaker 2: Oh we're in I thought we were at the pantagious.
Speaker 1: Is that where we are? Yes, in my mind we
Speaker 1: were on Broadway story straight out here is way more chill.
Speaker 1: You can fucking hear everyone be like, shut up, ship,
Speaker 1: you can jump on stage and join the show out here.
Speaker 1: It's like she joins the Rocky Picture Show. Feeling somebody
Speaker 1: for here. Okay, I'm sitting in the audience going, that's
Speaker 1: my kid, Like, no, stop cramming your kids on my phone?
Speaker 2: Can you take her home?
Speaker 1: Please listen. Look, I didn't plan for this. This is
Speaker 1: my fault. This, this is the spirit of creativity. Seize
Speaker 1: my kid. Uh, the spirit of creativity has just died.
Speaker 1: Our show is at an end. Wow, we want a
Speaker 1: long ass time. It's a long show.
Speaker 2: What what we are minutes? You're welcome. You're welcome, balistics,
Speaker 2: meme fan base, you're.
Speaker 1: Welcome for that. Look at sass like you well good?
Speaker 2: No, thank you so much for listening.
Speaker 1: For reals, please, I.
Speaker 2: Think you truly from the bottom of my art, thank you.
Speaker 2: I can't believe anyone wants to listen to my weird
Speaker 2: ass boys.
Speaker 1: Now that you know she reads them, go write some
Speaker 1: nice fucking reviews.
Speaker 2: No, now everyone's going to be like, fuck you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're like, oh you need some fucking reviews. Here's
Speaker 1: one piece of ship. I'd rather listen to my own death.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I would have hurt so bad. I
Speaker 1: was trying to fucking cut.
Speaker 2: I really hurt my feelings.
Speaker 1: You ain't got to worry, man, If you never read
Speaker 1: the reviews, I will.
Speaker 2: But I just but thank you so much for listening.
Speaker 2: It means a lot. Honestly, I truly truly cannot believe
Speaker 2: anyone would ever want to hear me speak. It really
Speaker 2: means a lot. They're hearing, they're they're hearing I guess.
Speaker 1: Questions whether they're liking us. Well, anyways, did you have
Speaker 1: a good old beardless dickless time?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I did go crazy Wednesday night.
Speaker 1: Is that what it is? Yeah?
Speaker 2: I thought it was Friday, but it's Wednesday.
Speaker 1: This ship's dropping in a few hours. Will Wilkins is like,
Speaker 1: come on, I got a life too.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we really got to wrap this up so people
Speaker 2: can do their job.
Speaker 1: Thanks for hanging out with me and the kid. Uh
Speaker 1: here at Beardless dicks Dickless.
Speaker 2: Central, Beardless stickless Central, have a beardless stickless day's end.
Speaker 1: Okay, sorry for beardless snickless me. I'm Kevin spent and.
Speaker 2: Have a beardless stickless day.
Speaker 1: You know what. I hate to be this guy, But
Speaker 1: say it with more sincerity, would you?
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: Here you go and wait for it. MS, feel it,
Speaker 1: find it. You're a starring your story right shire start
Speaker 1: you have to say fucking action, I'm about to and action.
Speaker 2: Have a beardless stickless day.
Speaker 1: I mean that was nice, but like here do it
Speaker 1: like like a little match girl, poor girl and like
Speaker 1: you know, turn of the century and she's selling posies.
Speaker 2: For like a a beardless stickless day.
Speaker 1: Here You're like all poor people are, aren't they? Only
Speaker 1: dickads stories?
Speaker 2: I'm done by.
Speaker 1: I have a beardless This is Venice Podcast Production podcast
Speaker 1: podcast use our mouths on you since two thousand and seven.
Speaker 1: Hey kids, did you like what you just heard? Well,
Speaker 1: guess what. We've got tons more, man thousands of hours
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Speaker 1: Go sign up now.