Show Notes
The 2017 Pixar animation Coco tells a tale that unfolds in an non-specific Mexican town on the evening of El Día de los Muertos (the Day of the Dead). This is a yearly event where the living honour their departed loved ones.
Coco is the first-ever motion picture with a nine-figure budget to feature an all-Latino cast, with a cost of $175–200 million.
The exception was John Ratzenberger who is perhaps a muse or lucky charm for Pixar and has been a voice in every single Pixar film. Director Lee Unkrich stated that it was a struggle to find a role in the film for John, who is not Latino. As Unkrich did not want to break Pixar's tradition, Ratzenberger was given a minor role with one word “Gracias’ making it Ratzenberger's shortest Pixar role.
young Miguel dreams of becoming an accomplished musician like his idol Ernesto de la Cruz. The problem is that pursuing this dream would have to come at the cost of rebelling against his his family's generations-old ban on music, which he initially does in secret where he practises in an attic above his home. Miguel believes that if he can just prove his musicianship he’ll bring his family around and he’ll be off on a path to becoming a renowned musician. This urgency leads him to becoming trapped in the Land of the Dead – a gloriously prismatic, vibrant place which spins in a different direction the evolved idea of bright white heaven vs fire and brimstone hell.
Miguel meets up and teams up with the mischievous yet amiable and warm hearted Héctor,
the film becomes a buddy film from this point and while the goal is to return Miguel to the land of the living, it becomes just as much an adventure story about a journey to unlock the secrets behind Miguel's genealogy.
There are so many themes that could be unpacked and discussed and the main theme is best described by actor The character Mama Imelda's voice was provided by Alanna Ubach. Ubach felt that the film "is [giving] respect to one quality that all Latin families across the universe do have in common, and that is giving respect and prioritizing the importance of family".
A sub theme that I want to draw out from the film and talk about in greater depth, is the power of forgiveness. The film has been out a while but not so long that I expect everyone has seen it so I want to avoid spoilers. Suffice to say that forgiveness is crucial to resolution. If forgiveness was personified it would be the ultimate hero of this film.
Forgiveness is not something that can be forced upon us. It is a voluntary action. And it is an action. It does require active effort. Forgiveness can be a journey that is taxing, wearing and painful. It requires a lot more energy than flicking the off switch to an emotion.
It is releasing someone from bondage – that person being you. Forgiveness can be accepted by the person who committed the wrong but really, that person may not ever have asked for it, wanted it or even considered that they needed it. Often, the person who can most benefit, is the one who carries the burden of unforgiveness and all of the associated feelings – resentment, hate, envy, bitterness…
I like a good revenge film as much as the next person but in reality, the peace that and eye for an eye brings is more of a fantasy than a truth.
Reading from CBC.ca – “When Kim Phuc was just nine years old, she experienced emotional and physical trauma as a result of the war in Vietnam. In 1972, the U.S. military dropped four bombs surrounding Kim’s village. In an interview with NPR, Kim recounts her experience. “I saw an airplane getting lower and then four bombs falling down,” she says. “I saw fire everywhere around me. Then I saw the fire over my body, especially on my left arm. My clothes had been burned off by fire.” The attack killed her family, and while she survived, her severe burns led to 17 operations.
Kim says at one point, she wanted to take her own life. “The anger inside me was like a hatred as high as a mountain,” says Kim. “I hated my life. I hated all people who were normal because I was not normal. I really wanted to die many times.” But, it was the power of forgiveness that allowed her to be set free. “Forgiveness made me free from hatred. I still have many scars on my body and severe pain most days but my heart is cleansed.”
Today, Kim is an inspirational speaker travelling the world to share her story of love, peace and forgiveness. She also has formed a foundation, Kim Foundation International, to help other child victims of war.
To forgive takes more strength to than revenge. It takes a lot of hard work especially mentally and emotionally.
Mahatma Ghandi said “Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
Perhaps its not hatred or thirst for revenge that holds back our willingness to forgive. Perhaps we are justifiably concerned that forgiveness releases a perpetrator from their need to compensate for their actions or releases them from responsibility. It doesn’t.
Pastor TD Jakes said I think the first step is to understand that forgiveness does not exonerate the perpetrator. Forgiveness liberates the victim. It’s a gift you give yourself.
The perpetrator still has their own path to follow to find release and peace but if they choose to accept your forgiveness, it can help motivate them to becoming a better person and avoiding making the same mistakes that led to the conflict that caused so much pain for you, the victim.
If they choose not to accept it or never considered needing it in the first place that still remains their issue but you are now released from being tangled up in their past.
Let us forgive with generosity those who cannot love us. — Pablo Neruda
With that said, it is rarely an action that heals only one.
In the case of 2 of the Coco characters – deuteragonists if you like, the forgiveness was a reciprocal action that needed to occur in order to heal generations of hurt. In the case of the Coco story, forgiveness brought about a restoration.
Here are 8 steps – that I am paraphrasing from a blog post by Wayne Dyer – to lead you to forgiveness. “Even when Forgiveness Feels Impossible.” He actually lists 15 steps so if you want to read more go to waynedyer.com
Step 1: Move On to the Next Act
Your past history and all of your hurts are no longer here in your physical reality. Don’t allow them to be here in your mind, muddying your present moments. Your life is like a play with several acts. Some of the characters who enter have short roles to play, others, much larger. Some are villains and others are good guys. But all of them are necessary, otherwise they wouldn’t be in the play. Embrace them all, and move on to the next act.
end quote
Imagine keeping every villainous, deceptive, hurtful, back-stabbing, wrong-doing person and act in your daily diary entry with updates on where they are in your life. How overwhelming is that?
Step 2: Don’t Go to Sleep Angry
Each night as I drift off to sleep, I adamantly refuse to use this precious time to review anything that I do not want to be reinforced in the hours of being immersed in my subconscious mind. I choose to impress upon my subconscious mind my conception of myself as a Divine creator in alignment with the one mind. I reiterate my I ams, which I have placed in my imagination, and I remember that my slumber will be dominated by my last waking concept of myself. I am peaceful, I am content, I am love, and I attract only to myself those who are in alignment with my highest ideals of myself.
This is my nightly ritual, always eschewing any temptation to go over any fear of unpleasantness that my ego might be asking me to review. I assume the feeling in my body of those I am statements already fulfilled, and I know that I’m allowing myself to be programmed while asleep, for the next day I rise knowing that I am a free agent.
Step 3: Switch the Focus from Blaming Others to Understanding Yourself
Most great philosophers have promoted this idea – this idea of understanding ourselves – it is a powerful tool
Tell yourself that you are willing to freely experience your emotions without calling them “wrong” or needing to chase them away. In this way, you’ve made a shift to self-mastery. It’s important to bypass blame, and even to bypass your desire to understand the other person; instead, focus on understanding yourself.
By taking responsibility for how you choose to respond to anything or anyone, you’re aligning yourself with the beautiful dance of life. By changing the way you choose to perceive the power that others have over you and you will see a bright new world of unlimited potential for yourself and you will know instantly how to forgive and let go of anything.
Step 4: Learn to Let Go and Be Like Water
Rather than attempting to dominate with your forcefulness, be like water: flow everywhere there’s an opening. Soften your hard edges by being more tolerant of contrary opinions. Interfere less, and substitute listening for directing and telling. When someone offers you their viewpoint, try responding with: “I’ve never considered that before—thank you. I’ll give it some thought.”
When you give up interfering, and opt instead to stream like water—gently, softly, and unobtrusively— you become forgiveness itself.
End quote – in other words – we don’t allows have to promote ourselves as tough, hardened, staunch – that is ironically a weakness while allowing ourselves moments to be like water, soft, flowing, able to enter in, through and around relational cracks – is strength. Would you call water weak? No – it can wear down even the toughest of rocks.
Step 5: Take Responsibility for Your Part
Removing blame means never assigning responsibility to anyone else for what you’re experiencing. It means that you’re willing to say, “I may not understand why I feel this way, why I have this illness, why I’ve been victimized, or why I had this accident, but I’m willing to say without any guilt or resentment that I own it. I live with, and I am responsible for, having it in my life.”
If you take responsibility for having the experience, then at least you have a chance to also take responsibility for removing it or learning from it. If you’re in some small (perhaps unknown) way responsible for that migraine headache or that depressed feeling, then you can go to work to remove it or discover what its message is for you. If, on the other hand, someone or something else is responsible in your mind, then of course you’ll have to wait until they change for you to get better. And that is unlikely to occur. So you go home with nothing and are left with nothing when peace is really on the other side of the coin.
Step 6: Let Go of Resentments
What causes annoyance and anger after a dispute? The generic response would be a laundry list detailing why the other person was wrong and how illogically and unreasonably they behaved, concluding with something like, “I have a right to be upset when my [daughter, mother-in-law, ex-husband, boss, or whomever you’re thinking of] speaks to me that way!”
But if you’re interested in living a Tao-filled life, it’s imperative that you reverse this kind of thinking. Resentments don’t come from the conduct of the other party in an altercation—no, they survive and thrive because you’re unwilling to end that altercation with an offering of kindness, love, and authentic forgiveness. As Lao-Tzu says:
Someone must risk returning injury with kindness, or hostility will never turn to goodwill. — Lao-Tzu
Remember - There is a time for peace. During the hardest, high heat moments of hostility remind yourself of that – there is a time for peace – now let’s work to get there
Step 7: Be Kind Instead of Right
There is a Chinese proverb, If you’re going to pursue revenge, you’d better dig two graves, which is saying to me: your resentments will destroy you.
The world is just the way it is. The people who are behaving “badly” in the world are doing what they’re supposed to be doing. You can process it in any way that you choose. If you’re filled with anger about all of those “problems,” you are one more person who contributes to the pollution of anger. Instead, remember that you have no need to make others wrong or to retaliate when you’ve been wronged.
Imagine if someone says something to you that you find offensive, and rather than opting for resentment, you learn to depersonalize what you’ve just heard and respond with kindness. You are willing to freely send the higher, faster energies of love, peace, joy, forgiveness, and kindness as your response to whatever comes your way. You do this for yourself. You would rather be kind than right.
Step 8: Stop Looking for Occasions to Be Offended
If we decide to we can spend all our time and energy on being offended and agitated by the offense indefinitely. The person that didn’t indicate, the slightly overcooked meal, the dude with 14 items instead of 12 in the 12 items or less line…
Yesterday I was at the lights waiting for the green when I zoned out and didn’t see the change immediately. The horn behind me was sat on a little aggressively. My first thought was to turn to indignancy but I took a quic breath, remembered my stoic lessons, gave a friendlier reply “toot toot” and an apologetic wave – then carried on. As chance would have it we both ended up in the same place and the person behind me himself apologised for the overly aggressive horn. Imagine if I had followed through with my first thought?
Step 9: Don’t Live In the Past – Be Present
When we find it difficult to forgive, often it is because we are not living in the present, and instead, we assign more importance to the past. We assign a good portion of our energy and attention lamenting the good old days that are gone forever as the reason why we can’t be happy and fulfilled today. “Everything has changed,” “No one respects anyone else like they used to…” This is assigning responsibility to the past for why you can’t be happy today.
It’s doubtful that other creatures waste the present moment in thoughts of past and future. A beaver only does beaver, and he does it right in the moment. He doesn’t spend his days ruminating over the fact that his beaver siblings received more attention, or his father beaver ran off with a younger beaver when he was growing up. He’s always in the now. Practice living in the moment by appreciating the beauty around you now.
Step 13: Embrace Your Dark Times
The dark times will and have happened. You can’t make them disappear right? Don’t pretend they aren’t there. Embrace them. Give them a great big anaconda squeeze and draw out the positive energies that can be pulled from the experience. What was learnt? What experience was gained that can give you better insight and consequently better preparation for next time those demons face you?
This final step is my own one -
Allow yourself to time to heal and recover. It is in the recovery that we grow stronger. Don’t wait forever though – for every pain to be gone - In fitness we talk about the supercompensation curve which is basically the idea that it is not in training – when we are exhausting our systems, breaking muscle – that we get stronger – in fact it’s the opposite – we get weaker during the session – but it is during the right recovery that your body adapts and grows stronger in preparation for the next session.
In summary – forgiveness is healing
Epictetus said “Forgive others for their misdeeds over and over again. This gesture fosters inner ease.” He said we should, “Forgive ourselves over and over and over again. Then try to do better next time.”
You see grabbing tightly and refusing to let go of angry, negative feelings NEVER makes our life – or the lives around us better. Seneca said “Anger always outlasts hurt,”
In summary forgiveness is a medicine – it is a balm – it can heal the deepest of wounds.