Does your spouse spend too much time on the phone with their Ex? Does the Ex just walk into the house and help themselves to food? In this episode Darren & Paige look at the "Over Communicative Ex". The problem is not the Ex it is your spouse. They cover some practical tips to establish boundaries.
- The ex calls to emotionally attach to your spouse
- Calls to fix something at the house
- Runs out of gas.
- Comes into the house without permission
- Play the long Game
- People avoid setting boundaries because they don't want conflict.
- Start sooner than later. Get your boundaries up now.
- Avoid Emotional Conversations
- Table the issue until there are cool heads.
- Think about your spouse's situation; they have to deal with their Ex and now you.
- Also, Your spouse should not be having emotional conversations with their Ex. Keep it business.
- Explain Exactly What Bothers You and why
- Be specific about why the communication bothers you and how it makes you feel.
- Your spouse is not a mind reader.
- Only a stepmom can understand the emotion and situation they are in.
- Communicate to understand
- Try to understand why your spouse responds the way they do with their Ex.
- There is a specific reason they are doing it.
- Come to terms
- Come to terms that the Ex is always going to be a part of your life.
- You will always have to work at it.
- Setting boundaries is not something you check off your to-do list.
- Understand that there may be guilt and Loyalty issues
- Why is there some loyalty to the Ex?
- Why are they still falling under the I am going to make you guilty spell.
- Ask and give some empathy.
- Please get in the trenches with your spouse and ask them to as well.
- Identify the issues
- Establish the boundaries based on the problems.
- Where do we need more boundaries?
- What's working what is not?
- Plan what you'll do when these boundaries are crossed
- Get clear on when the boundaries are crossed.
- What are you going to do when the Ex dictates how to raise the children.
- When this happens, this is what we are going to do.
- Be proactive
- Send emails to establish boundaries.,
- It is not what you say; it is how you say it.
- Business communication. Facts only. Keep the emotion out of it.
- Always consider what's best for the kids
- Anticipate backlash
- Stay consistent.
- It will get worse before it gets better.
- Don't back down
What is Where's the Lemonade??
They say when life gives you lemons you should make lemonade. Making lemonade is not always easy or possible. For us, we found ourselves single in our 40's with kids at home and starting life over again. Luckily we found each other, online no doubt. When we began blending families, schedules, traditions, and laundry, we discovered lots of lemons. Our podcast is a reflection on how we get through the hard times and enjoy the good times on our new journey together, all with ten kids in tow. Sometimes when life gives you lemons, you make lemon squares. Lemonade might come later.