In this episode of Oneself, Stephen Maher talks with Yohance Boulden, host of the Finding Gold podcast, coach, and former special operations serviceman. Hance joins Stephen to discuss what makes a good life, how personal values should shape choices, and the pressures surrounding masculinity. They challenge status-driven ideas of success and argue for presence, strong personal standards, open conversations, and the freedom to define manhood for yourself.
Takeaways
- The event starts as soon as I start getting ready.
- What if my identity is just whatever gets the job done?
- Everywhere you go, there you are.
- If talking shitty to yourself would have worked, you’d have been a world champion three years ago.
- I’ve never thought about confidence. I’ve always just thought about how to get there.
- For me, the most precious thing I have that is not my children and my family are my moments and experiences.”
- One of the most masculine acts you can do is just be you.
Chapters
00:00Yohance Boulden’s curiosity-first approach to life
02:10Why certainty can close you off
04:58What travel teaches about culture and perspective
06:59Turning travel and retreat insights into daily practice
13:21Go the Speed Limit: slow down to notice more
16:05Physical identity, constraints, and creative adaptation
18:57Making peace with yourself and uncertainty
22:54Changing self-talk and redefining confidence
28:05Meditation, thoughts, and the practice of letting go
32:40What modern life may have cost us: time and community
33:21How everyday barriers keep people from showing up
36:02Experiences, happiness, and redefining success
39:05A favorite memory that money could not buy
43:15Hance’s four levels of money priorities
45:10Writing to your 85-year-old future self
47:12What younger men ask about masculinity
49:24Being yourself while holding yourself to a standard
52:50Adventure requires uncertainty and effort
54:19Online masculinity content and debate culture
58:30Parenting, role models, and raising boys
01:02:20High agency and rejecting the “man uniform”
01:09:10Man points, vulnerability, and using your voice
01:11:23Hance’s closing advice: live a good life
Keep up with Yohance below:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/atravelin_man/
Finding Gold Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@findinggoldpod
Substack: https://actaccordingly.substack.com/?utm_campaign=profile_chips
What is Oneself?
Oneself is a podcast about questioning the stories we've inherited, and figuring out who we are underneath them. Hosted by Stephen Maher, the show explores how we come to understand who we are, through our experiences, relationships, and the deeper work of self-discovery. In each episode, they share personal stories and honest conversations around topics like mentorship, trauma, masculinity, healing, and growth. Whether you’re navigating your own path or curious about the human experience, Oneself invites you into a space where vulnerability meets wisdom and reflection leads to action.