[police siren] Well, just slap the cuffs on me. I'm ready to go.
Whether you like it or not.
Am I allowed to sleep in the back of that car? Looks like it might be kinda uncomfortable, but um, I'm ready for a nap, so if you can get me out of here? And we c- we can pretend I did something wrong.
[laughs] I can't believe it. I run into the main boss walking in, and I'm telling him how great you are.
Oh, really? [laughs]
And then I walk in the studio and you're asleep. [laughs]
[laughs] Hey, shh, I wasn't really sleeping. Come on now.
Resting my eyes.
Yeah, that's what my dad used to say. Sunday afternoons on that couch.
[laughs]
"I'm resting my eyes. Leave me alone." [laughs]
What would you call the vibration through the nose and the lungs and the throat, the snoring? W- Just, uh-
Y- yeah
... stretching the, uh, something?
Mm, working on the m- the metal vocals-
[laughs]
... I guess.
[growls] [laughs]
[laughs] Ah, it's about time for some Traffic School, Lieutenant Crane.
Whether you like it or not, we're gonna do it.
Well, that's right. I've, uh, made a post on the, uh, KBAR group on Facebook.
Whoa.
And, uh, people are already arguing about the law in there, so we're gonna have to clarify, see who's right. And we'd of course love it if people call. You know, 208-535-1015 and take part in the show live. So, you know, call us people, then we can tell the people on Facebook, "Sorry-"
[laughs]
"... we're not gonna get to your questions 'cause we prioritize the live callers." [police siren]
It's a party, it's Friday, it's Traffic School powered by The Advocates.
And a beautiful weekend.
Is it gonna be a beautiful weekend?
Oh, I think so.
Uh, I hope to, uh, hide in my house all weekend, take a nap.
That's what I was waiting for.
[laughs]
Man, if it's nice and sunny outside, even though it's about winter, I'm just gonna stay at my house and sleep.
That's right. I'm gonna enjoy the, the last days of summer-
[laughs]
... in the air conditioning, mm-hmm.
[laughs]
I do need to get out and do some yard work, but, uh, there's work to be done inside the house, so why go outside?
And neither one of them are gonna get accomplished [laughs] by you.
Probably not.
[laughs]
Probably not. You know me and being productive, mm-hmm. We even have a caller, Lieutenant Crane, already.
Oh, boy.
KBAR, you're live on Traffic School powered by The Advocates. Who's this?
Uh, Zach.
What up, Zach?
Um, so I was wondering about, like, being pulled over by, uh, like, the undercover drug taskforce?
Yeah, that's a bad sign. [laughs]
Yeah. [laughs] That's not an infraction.
Well, like, do I have to pull over for them since they're in an unmarked car? Just 'cause they have the lights-
Mm-hmm
... you know? Like it's, it can be confusing, like if I actually knew it was, I was getting onto the highway-
[laughs] What kind of lifestyle are you living?
[laughs]
[laughs] What the... I'm so confused. I don't know. It's-
Yeah, I mean, just 'cause somebody has flashing lights behind you doesn't necessarily mean they're actually a cop.
Yeah, we've c- we've talked about this, uh, in the past-
Oh
... a while ago, but i- it's been a long time so this is a great question. It wasn't necessarily referenced to, "I'm a felon drug trafficker." [laughs]
[laughs]
No, they were, uh, misdemeanors. No, I'm kidding. [laughs]
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I- I will tell you this, uh, as the Idaho State Police, if we know we are taking, uh, somebody down on a warrant or somebody in reference to drug trafficking, we typically try to have marked units in the area and doing the official traffic stop. Now, does that always work out? Murphy's Law, no. So there's times that there's guys that use their unmarked cars that got blue lights in 'em and they'll turn the lights on. And what we discussed before, if for whatever reason you don't think that those are real policemen, slow down under the speed limit, contact 911, let 'em know, "Hey, I'm being, uh, somebody's attempting to stop me in this kind of vehicle with blue lights. It don't look like a cop car to me. Do you have anybody in that kinda car?" They will ask. And the other thing you can do is pull into a well-lit, if it's nighttime or daytime, some public area that's being, you know, a lot of people around, and so you can stop there. But yeah, you can just keep driving slowly until you call in and say, "Hey, I'm trying to, somebody's trying to stop me," in case it's a fraudulent or impersonating.
Now, are they gonna give you an additional charge after the fact-
Preferring to stop, no
... for u- no, for using your phone while driving?
[laughs]
We know how you guys are. What if they're not hands-free?
Oh, man. You, you know what? If it was you and you brought that up, I would, I would cite you for it in a heartbeat. [laughs]
[laughs] Noticed you were on your phone, sir.
[laughs]
But I called 911!
[laughs]
Doesn't matter. Hands-free only.
The law is the law. [laughs]
[laughs]
But, no, that's a great question and especially if it's a single, um, female driver, late at night, drive to some place that's well-lit, that there's people around, call 911. A- and especially if it's, uh, I mean, if it's a marked police unit, we've had that happen and it's like, come on, we, it's a, it's a police car. It' kinda hard to mistake any police cars in Bonneville County, Idaho Falls Police Department or the Idaho State Police, or for that matter any agency up and down our valley, they're all marked very well.
Yeah.
They're all marked very well. But we have had those calls, um, that, "I, I don't know if it's a real cop." "Well, yeah, it's pretty real." You know? [laughs]
[laughs] Well, what if somebody stole the cop car?
Y- yeah. Yeah, then-
You never know who's behind that wheel.
... and, and they come up and they don't have a uniform on or look appropriate. You've seen us, you know, you know what we should look like. That's becomes another question, right? And so yeah, you just contact 9- 911 dispatch and just say, "Hey..."... this is my situation. Is this adding up? Now, if you call 911 and it's supposed to be a state trooper, they'll patch you over to our dispatch, and then they'll discuss it that way.
Well, that's why I was just getting on the on-ramp, and the car in front of me doesn't know how to get on an on-ramp, on-ramp. And so I pulled over just a little too soon through the- the solid yellow line to get on to get going with traffic. And that's why he pulled me over. He said... He let me go without a ticket, but... And that's why I was confused 'cause it was a blue Durango and I'm like, "You're not a cop."
[laughs]
So I pulled over anyways, and he just said, "Oh, you could have scared them. They could have got into traffic." I was like, "Well, if they did the speed limit..." He's like, "Yeah, I know, they were semi in the wrong, but you just gotta-" I was like, "I would have to..." That... Anyways, yeah.
It sounds like one of those things-
I just
... if you would've held your ground, you're following the law. They need to merge into traffic without causing contention.
Well, th- Yeah, I would've had to stopped, like, dead stop on the on-ramp, and that was-
Oh.
I don't know. It's like not how you... It, uh, yeah.
You-
I feel like it would've been more dangerous
... were the merger. Your responsibility-
Yeah
... to get into traffic without causing delays.
No, I was behind the car that was in front of me and I kind of-
No way
... overlapped.
No way. [laughs]
[laughs]
Okay. Yeah. On the back. Yeah, yeah. You figured it out.
[laughs]
I usually am too. [laughs]
You got me. [laughs]
Every time I've been-
Are you a, are you a detective or just a lieutenant? What's going on here?
[laughs]
You gotta, you gotta-
He thinks he's clever. [laughs]
Yeah. "You gotta get up before noon if you're gonna get something by me." [laughs]
[laughs]
You need a pay raise, sir. Jeez.
[laughs]
Oh, thank you. I'll tell Jade that you said that.
Oh, not you. Jeez.
Not me.
I'm kidding. Yeah.
But I do.
Yes, you. Yes, you. [laughs]
You're trying to steal my thunder.
No, you do.
[laughs]
Give me the money.
[laughs]
You get up way too early every morning.
Oh, tell me about it. I know.
What do you mean gets up? He was asleep when I got here. [laughs]
That's not true. Liar. [laughs]
Oh, he was resting his eyes.
Yes. Yes.
Oh, in between the commercial break, yes.
Mm-hmm.
I get, I get, uh, you know, about 10 minutes when music's playing, I sleep, then I wake up and go, "Why don't I have anything to talk about?" [laughs]
[laughs]
All right, folks, I gotta hit the golf course, so-
Oh. [laughs]
... thanks for answering my question.
Well-
Oh, good for you.
Yeah, sorry for us to take your time. [laughs]
[laughs]
Well, you have a great-
All right
... great weekend, man.
Thanks. You too.
Peace.
KBear, you're live on Traffic School, powered by The Advocates. Who's this?
This is Adam.
Adam, what up, dude?
I'm just wondering if there's any creature on the planet that enjoys its work more than a K9.
[laughs]
Oh.
Oh, that's a great question, because they are sure fun to watch. [laughs]
Yeah. I- I was watching this video. They were in the middle of a high-speed chase, and the- the point of view was not the K9 officer, but every time the other, the K9 officer that was also chasing, you know, radioed over, you'd hear the dog excit- barking excitedly in the background.
Yeah.
Just can't wait to chase somebody down.
Down. [laughs]
Just tackle 'em. [laughs]
[laughs]
And they, and they got this guy pulled over and he was, you know, he was, uh, behaving himself and got out and followed orders. And I just like, the dog just seemed so despondent that he didn't get to bite him. [laughs]
[laughs]
Do you guys ever do the thing where, you know, you bring people out and you put 'em in the-
In the red suit?
Yeah.
And let the dogs attack 'em?
Yep.
That'd be terrifying to me.
[laughs]
Can we do that for a video? I'd be screaming, "No!" [laughs]
[laughs] Oh, geez, that would be awesome. I actually took a group of young men over to the, uh, Air Force base over in Mountain Home, and they let us hang out with them for a day while they trained their bite dogs. Oh, man. [laughs]
[laughs]
That's vicious.
Have you ever done it?
No. No.
No?
I'm not tough enough. [laughs]
No? [laughs]
[laughs]
It looks scary. [laughs]
No, I never, I've never had the opportunity, but boy, can you imagine 100, 100-pound dog coming at you ready to-
Oh.
Yeah.
That's... Yeah. Just give up, people. Give up. [laughs] You don't want them to send in the dog. [laughs]
[laughs]
I mean, they... You know, they say we can learn loyalty and unconditional love and all that from a dog, but honestly, I think just enthusiasm for your work is another lesson.
Oh, excellent point.
That's true.
Excellent point.
Absolutely.
I- I will tell you this. I had a training years ago about, uh,
interdiction, drug interdiction, and the guy that taught it, he was a dog handler, K9 handler, and he said, "Man, there's days I just can't love my dog enough."
[laughs]
"Just like my kids." And he's like, "And then there's days we go to work," and he's like, "I just want to shoot him right in the leg." [laughs]
[laughs] You pooped in the back seat! Bad boy!
[laughs]
Well, good to hear from you, Adam.
All right. Well... Yeah. You guys have a good one.
Hey, you too, man. Peace.
Bye.
208-535-1015, the number to call for Traffic School, powered by The Advocates. See... Did you see this guy in Caldwell who posts every single day on, uh, TikTok, that he wants somebody to fight him? [laughs] Have you seen this guy?
No. Is he big? [laughs]
He does, he does look big. You know, I- I don't know. I think Peaches said he saw that maybe the guy's a- a jujitsu guy.
Oh, I thought maybe you were gonna say Peaches was gonna do it and I said, "I hope that happens before the basketball game with me." [laughs]
Yeah. Yeah. Peaches, I think was, uh, you know, intimidated by this guy's appearance, but I figured if he wants to, you know, battle jujitsu... You know, you're good with that stuff.
Yeah, I've been beat up before. [laughs]
Yeah. You wanna fight this guy? [laughs]
Do you got a picture of this guy?
Let me see if I can bring him up. Let's see.
The last fight you tried to get me in, I think was gonna be a for sure loss, but you had me talked into it. [laughs]
[laughs] We're still waiting for Lieutenant Crane versus Joe Rogan in the cage at the Mountain America center.
[laughs]
One of these days we'll make it happen. All right, we'll do this caller and I'll- I'll bring up the picture of the guy.
[laughs]
KBear, you're live on Traffic School, powered by The Advocates. Who's this?
Sundee, Sundee, Sundee!
Oh!
Hey, how you guys doing?
Crazy Carl.
[laughs]
Yeah!
[laughs] Oh, man. Hey-
[laughs]
... can you, can you rent those canines? I got a coworker-
[laughs]
... and I think she needs to be chased, man.
I got a few of 'em.
[laughs]
I, I, I would pay good money to see that happen. [laughs]
Oh, can we put Peaches in the suit and have a dog attack him?
Oh, man. Okay.
That would be so fun to watch.
[laughs] Oh, man. [laughs]
Carl, do you know how to tell... This is what I was told and I don't know how true it is, but do you know how to tell when a dog's really mean?
Huh?
When it can growl breathing in and out. [laughs]
Oh. [laughs] That's scary.
Yeah, that does sound scary. [laughs].
Uh-huh.
And, uh, there- there was a time we went up to, uh, Island Park to a bar and there was a guy that was a logger up there and he got in a bar fight and the whole bar was trying to control him and wasn't happening. He pretty much tore up everybody in the bar in the bar. [laughs]
[laughs]
Wow.
And me and a deputy up there, we arrive and, and, uh, we get this guy into handcuffs, thank goodness, and, uh, it was a battle. And, uh, he still-
Oh, god
... headbutting-
Geez
... headbutts the window out of the patrol car, for the deputy's patrol car, right?
Oh. Wow.
Well, at that time, uh, the Ashton chief of police had a Rottweiler, and, uh-
Oh. [laughs]
... he shows up and that guy's still in there. We're worried about him getting wor- hurt worse by cutting himself, and, and, uh-
Right
... the chief goes, "Uh, yeah, I'll take him out and put him in my car." And we're like, "You don't even have a cage in your car." And he goes, "Yeah, but I got my dog with me." [laughs]
[laughs]
So, he goes and gets his dog, walks it, uh, walks him over to the car, tells the guy through the broken window, "Sir, you need to calm down. I'm gonna open this door and I'm gonna ask you nicely to walk up to my car and have a seat." [laughs] And he said, "If you don't, this dog's gonna take a bite out of your..." blah, blah. [laughs]
[laughs]
[laughs] Oh, man.
So, he takes him, walks him up, puts him in the car. Guy was a gentleman-
Of course. [laughs]
... a real gentleman. Puts him in there, puts the dog in the backseat, and I guess on the way down, the dog- or the gentleman's like, or the guy in custody says, "Is there any way you can ask her to quit slobbering on my shoulder?"
[laughs]
[laughs] Oh. Oh.
Oh, man. So-
Oh, that's awesome.
Attitude changer.
Oh, man.
Very funny.
Yeah.
Very funny.
Oh, man. No doubt, no doubt. Oh, man. Hey, so, uh, uh, Sergeant Crane, do you like hot food?
Do I like hot dogs or hot? [laughs]
Like spicy hot? Hot food. Well, hot, hot food on hot dogs.
Yeah, I-
[laughs]
... I'm not, not, I'm not a super hot food guy, but I do like it a little warm.
Yeah, yeah. Uh, yeah-
[laughs] Like-
... Victor, you should, you should bring some of those spices down and let him try some.
Okay. I, I-
Uh-
... maybe I'll whip up some food with them and Carl, the one that-
Yeah
... sent Brad to the hospital? [laughs]
[laughs] Yeah.
Probably similar.
[laughs]
"Hey, the last time we done this, the guy ended up in the emergency room. You wanna try him?" [laughs]
Oh, yeah. [laughs]
Yeah, don't-
Oh, man.
Don't ever eat pickled Carolina Reapers everybody. Just don't do it. [laughs]
Oh. I, five years I've been trying to grow those things. Last year I finally got 14 golf ball size, and I literally took a toothpick sliver, a quarter inch long. The second I bit down on that I started hiccuping, uh, my eyes are bleeding, I'm snotting everywhere. I couldn't finish it.
Your eyes were bleeding?
[laughs]
Blood pouring out of your eyes.
It was so hot. So, I, I dehydrate all my peppers and, uh, last, uh, year before that, I send my daughter-
Now we're into gardening. [laughs]
Oh, well, yeah.
[laughs]
I mean, dangerous gardening. So I, I, I literally just having the dehydrator in the house, my daughter got a rash, her face swole up, uh, she had to go to the doctor's. She missed two days of school and my wife's going, "You're not doing that in the house this year." So I got kicked out to the garage-
[laughs]
... and, uh, so... So I'm, um, I'm grinding down-
You disturbed her peace.
Yeah. [laughs] So I'm, I'm grinding down all the hot peppers and then I have a coffee grinder that turns it into powder. So I've got my table set out with my bowls and my Cuisinart and I got all these tools and stuff, and I, I ha- I'm in a Tyvek suit, I'm wearing a respirator, I got gloves on, I got, you know, goggles, the whole nine. And I kid you not, I had four people drive by and go, "This dude's like cooking meth out in his driveway."
[laughs]
I'm like, "Just out in the open, man." And my neighbors are looking at me, "Ah, that's just Carl." [laughs]
[laughs]
So it's, uh-
Hey, Carl? Um, when do you find time to work? Like, have a real job where you earn money? [laughs]
Oh, I mean, I'm, I'm on the clock right now. [laughs]
Oh. [laughs] Hey, one other thing.
Okay.
You remind me a lot of my wife, right? So my wife will take a bite of something and she'll say, "Man, that's awful. Here, you try it." [laughs]
Yeah, duh. [laughs]
I'm like, "No." And she's like, "No, seriously, just try a little bite." I'm like, "No!" [laughs]
I mean, yeah. [laughs] I, I won't do that three times. [laughs] Yeah. Right on. Oh, man. Uh, hey, a real quick traffic question.
Oh, sure.
Uh, so [laughs], yeah, now that we got that all out of the way. Uh, so last week we talked about, like, buying a car and you have to have insurance to drive it home. Uh, what about towing a vehicle?
If you're-
Like, you go out to the field-
Yeah
... you buy a car, uh-
It doesn't have to have insurance at that point, but the wrecker that you call, the service you'd call to move it needs to have insurance that covers it if something happens.
Right, right. What if you're just rednecking it with a bungee cord and a Ford-
Yeah
... and you're towing a Dodge? That's probably not-
Nope, it's not... Yeah, it turns into some pretty questionable decisions there. And then, if it doesn't have insurance and for whatever reason the hook was to come off, that car goes into the other lane and hit somebody, y- it needed to have insurance on it.[laughs]
Right. Okay-
Yep.
... so even towing a vehicle would need insurance on it?
Yep-
Nice
... with another vehicle, yeah. Now, if you have a wrecker coming to it, they have insurance that covers anything on the hook.
Right. Right. Yep. That's probably a better way to go. Yep.
Yep.
Don't use bungee cords, people. [laughs]
[laughs]
[laughs] Nor hot peppers. [laughs]
Right. Yeah, and don't eat hot peppers, man. Absolutely not. Oh, and wear gloves, man. I- I can't tell you how many times I've burned myself. [laughs] That's not fun.
Stick your finger in your eye after you've had-
Oh!
[laughs]
... a long night, yeah?
Or worse. Yeah. [laughs]
Oh! [laughs]
[laughs]
I can't say that on the air, but yeah. I've done that multiple times, dude. [laughs]
Yeah.
Been growing peppers for 20 years, man.
Water in the lilies. [laughs]
Yeah. Oh, man.
Gotta make sure to wash your hands before you use the bathroom.
[laughs] Right. Oh, yeah. Right.
[laughs]
When do you... No. [laughs]
[laughs]
Yeah. [laughs]
So- so, in law enforcement, we do have to go through a time where you get maced, right? Multiple times throughout your career.
Right.
You get maced in the face, and boy-
Oh.
One lesson you learn after the first time is you get maced, and you go and they make you fight through all these scenarios. And then, uh, ev- eventually, they have, like, a football drinking fountain where they just have the plastic pipe and all the holes drilled in it?
[laughs] Yeah.
You go over there and you stick your face in it.
Right.
And you try to get as much off as you can, and then, you go throughout the rest of the day. Well, that night, you're like, "Okay, I'm beat and I'm tired," and you step in the shower and let the water run from your hair down into your eyes.
Oh!
And your glow makes you want to-
[laughs]
Oh!
[laughs] The gift that keeps on giving.
[laughs]
So, when you say, "I will only do that three times," that's exactly right. After one time of that, you're like-
Yeah.
... "Okay, I'm gonna tip my head back." [laughs]
[laughs]
Okay. [laughs] No doubt. Oh, right on. Well, sweet. Hey, you guys have a good weekend and, uh, yeah. Hope to see you next week, man. Absolutely.
Right on.
Absolutely, Carl. Good to hear from you, man.
All right. All right, you guys have a good one, man. We'll see you.
You too. Peace.
Bye.
All right. So you saw the picture of the guy... I was trying to find the actual video, but he posts like every day, and he says where he's gonna be at certain times. Like, "Here's the address. I'll be here between these hours. I'll fight anyone."
For how many Franklins?
It doesn't even seem like he wants money.
[laughs]
He just wants to fight people. Now, if some- if two people agree to a fight, it's still like a- a crime, right?
It's still a fight, right? [laughs]
Yeah.
No, if they were on, uh, private property, they both agree, "Hey, we're gonna box it out," then- then that's it. Now, what becomes a problem is if somebody goes a little too far, right?
Y- which can happen.
Well, it only takes once of getting punched in the nose, you get really upset. [laughs]
Yeah. I know that when I've been punched in the face, I wasn't very happy about it. [laughs]
Fighting is really fun until they hit you back. [laughs]
Yeah, exactly. Then get- you get mad. It sucks.
I like when I've had people say, "Oh, we're just gonna play. We're not gonna get serious." I'm like, "Yeah, till somebody cracks you one, and then it ratchets it right up."
Yeah. Yeah, all of a sudden, you're a different mind state, yeah?
[laughs]
Different person all together.
He l- he looks like a big old boy, but we got some fights coming to the Mountain America center here in a few months, so-
Oh, we do.
... maybe we'll have to set this young man up with something.
Heck yeah. Are you gonna bring me to the fights again? That was fun.
I have to. I already owe you one lunch. We got to double or nothing. [laughs]
That's right, dude. I want to go to the fights again. That was fun.
[laughs]
And we had the best seats in the house.
[laughs]
You're the guy to go with. It was great. Price was right, too. [laughs]
[laughs] Company wasn't all that good, but-
Yeah, that's true. But it w- it was fun. It was fun.
[laughs] You take some good with the bad.
[laughs] Uh, 208-535-1015, the number to call for Traffic School, powered by the Advocates. All right, I guess we could do some of these questions off of Facebook here. Um, "How much..." Mike wants to know, "How much do we have to bribe the cops to start pulling over people using their fog lights and light bars on the road?"
Ooh.
Now, there's no law on when you can and can't use fog lights, right?
The lower fog lights. Now, the light bars and stuff... Now, one thing the law says is you can't have more than five white lights to the front.
Okay.
And so- and the other thing is, is you can't be blinding traffic within 300 feet-
Yeah
... of coming towards you. So, if they're not, um, adjusted properly, that becomes a problem too. Now, I can tell you this. Um, my Ford pickup, people hate my dim lights in that Ford pickup. [laughs]
Yeah?
So- and- and when I pass other new Ford pickups, I'm like, "Oh, Mylanta, those are bright," right?
[laughs]
[laughs] So anyway, I don't know what you do about that, but, uh, with that being said, um, yeah, if we see it, we stop it. I- I do know that. If we have the time and the opportunity, we will stop it. That's a great opportunity to talk t- talk to people.
I would assume a light bar is, like, no good.
Yeah, it's absolutely no good. Yeah.
But yeah, I did- I didn't know fog lights could potentially be an issue.
Uh, it depends on how they got them aimed and how bright they are and- and- and stuff like that. If you get the off-road bright lights... Now, one thing about it, if it says off-road only, they can't even be on on the roadway.
Okay.
Yeah.
All right. So there you go, Mike. 'Cause yeah, we have people arguing like, "Fog lights are meant for public road use, otherwise they wouldn't come preinstalled." And another guy's like, "Well, why do you think people should be ticketed for using them if they're using them when it's, uh, not foggy?" Yeah.
Yeah.
So they'd need to be blinding oncoming traffic within 300 feet.
All right. Let's see here. Uh, I don't know how to say this guy's name, but he wanted to know, "What's being done about people running red lights?"
Nothing! That's the problem! [laughs]
[laughs] I know it's a- it's a daily thing. Gonna wind up killing someone.
And he's right, right? I mean, I- the- the light I go through the most is, uh, 20 and I-15. Getting off I-15, making a left-hand turn onto-... uh, 20 to go to the office. And I, that is one place, when it turns red, I still stop and wait a couple seconds and let those go by that... And, and I'm in a unmarked at that time, right?
Yeah.
And so let them go by, a- and, 'cause boy, we get a lot of people running that red light.
I- I've seen so many accidents right there. That was why Peaches lost his mind on his way to the airport.
[laughs]
You know? Getting stalled up in traffic.
He only had a little bit of mind left to begin with. [laughs]
I know. [laughs] Couldn't afford to lose any more. [laughs]. All right, do you get paid for every ticket you give out?
Oh, buddy. Under the table. [laughs]
Yeah. [laughs] Nice work, Armin.
Yeah. I, uh... No, what you do is you approach the car and you say, "Yeah, the initial fee's $5 now and then the $68 fine is mailed into the court." [laughs]
[laughs]
No, no, uh, and- and this has come up before. You are one that likes to push the fact that we get a, have a quota for a purpose, right?
Yeah. We were gonna get into quotas here in a minute.
All right. Well, before we do, let's talk about this. I've asked you this question so you know the answer, but the amount of money that we get off of each citation written is zero.
So you claim. [laughs]
[laughs]
A lot does go to the court system though.
Oh, I'm sure.
Some to each county that the citation is written into, and a lot of it to the magistrate court in that county, in the district court of that county.
All right. 'Cause yeah, we've got, uh, Gabe saying that they don't get a salary wage paid for by the taxpayer. It's illegal to make ticket quotas, but that doesn't mean they can't set certain goals or objectives to track performances of officers. Now, is, is that true?
Oh, man. Is that from Gabe?
Gage.
Gage. Gage, I would love to get with you because I would like to bang my head against the wall with the, some of this younger generation. Because if you start talking about looking at numbers, "Oh, you're giving me a quota. You're giving me a quota." You know? But I'm telling you, is there any business out there that doesn't measure their success through numbers somehow, right?
Yeah.
And so even if we say, "Well, how many stops did you make today? How many stops does a average officer should make a day?" You know?
Yeah.
Are you staying busy? And, and all we're asking is are you turning your lights on and are you doing something for the public? Are you earning your bang for your buck, right?
Yeah.
And, uh, so but no, if you start talking quotas, then the state police people start getting pretty wound up.
Oh, I'll bet.
Yeah.
They don't like that we don't have them. We just ask you to go out and work and turn your lights on.
So if you're, you know, parked behind the billboard.
[laughs]
You got the lights on, taking a nap, does that count?
Well-
You know, it's turning your lights on.
What I do is I go up and tap on the window and say, "Hey, you look like you should be a DJ."
[laughs]
[laughs] We got just the career path for you. If you enjoy napping-
Yeah
... we've got a great spot for you. Jade's really gonna think I was sleeping when you came in at this point.
[laughs]
[laughs] Uh, 208-535-1015 the number to call for traffic school people. Um, let me see if I can bring this page back up in the meantime, 'cause I know somebody's trying to call right now, aren't you? Come on. I found a, a post on Reddit where somebody was asking like the worst things to say to the police when you get pulled over. And I wanted to see how many of these you've heard before.
Oh, okay. A little test?
Yeah. Yeah. 'Cause th- they, they all look like they'd be fairly common to me. Oh, come on. Bring it up. Don't be a, don't be a turd.
Oh, man.
There it is. Okay. Uh, have you ever heard, "I'm surprised you caught me with how much I was speeding"?
[laughs]
I do like this. One day I'm, uh, coming to work. I'm in a marked unit. I see a car coming up behind me way too fast. So I, I check it on rear radar, 105 miles an hour. So I slide over to the right-hand lane and I let it keep coming.
Was it a guy named Ben? [laughs]
[laughs] 'Cause he seems to drive that way and he knows the advocates.
That's right. [laughs]
[laughs] He thinks because he has some attorneys in his pocket, he can drive how he wants. But, uh, so it was fun. She comes, it turns out to be a female driver. And, uh, she comes up, sees my car at the last minute, slams on her brakes and starts trying to slow down to my speed. Kind of got out ahead of me, about three quarters of her car length. And then slows down, we're like door to door. And I'm slowing down, she's slowing down. I'm like telling her-
[laughs]
... "Hey, go ahead and move forward." And she's telling me-
She's like ...
... "No, you go ahead and move forward." [laughs]
[laughs] Says, "Go right ahead, officer."
We got Highway 20 almost shut down to nothing. Finally, I get behind her and I stop her, and I walk up and say, "Hey, I'm stopping you for your speed. Is there any reason you're traveling like that, y- you know, at that speed today?" And she's like, "No, I drive like that every day." [laughs]
[laughs] 'Cause I want to get where I'm going faster.
Any more dumb questions, officer? [laughs]
[laughs] It's quicker. [laughs]
But it was so awesome, her honesty. She's like, "No, I, I drive this speed every day." [laughs]
Well, did she get a ticket?
Oh, yeah. [laughs]
[laughs] All right, let's see. If you're asking the driver, "Do you have any weapons or illegal drugs in the vehicle or on your person," and they say, "What do you need?"
[laughs]
You ever had a smart aleck response like that? [laughs] H- uh, let's see.
Have you, have you seen the video that's going around where the officer walks up to the guy and he's like, "Hey, where do you live?" "In town." "Yeah, where in town?" "Well, right next to my neighbor." [laughs]
[laughs]
"Where does your neighbor live?" "Well, he lives right next door to me." [laughs]
I have not seen that video.
It's pretty funny.
Uh, I keep getting, for some reason, the video popping up where the, uh, woman has a raccoon in her car.
Oh. [laughs]
And the raccoon has a meth pipe.
Oh, I have seen that.
You haven't seen that one?
No.
It, it, it came out like a month or two ago. Um, it's pretty funny. You and your friends at the office should give it a watch 'cause the officers, they're like, "Is that a raccoon? Is he holding a meth pipe?"... and yeah, I think she was mad after the fact 'cause she wanted her raccoon back, you know? [laughs]
[laughs] I thought you were gonna say she wanted her meth pipe back. [laughs]
She probably did, but-
Hey, when you ask what have people said in the past, I have had them call and say, "Well, when do I get my paraphernalia back?" [laughs]
Really? [laughs] Did you see the story, I think it was yesterday, about the, uh, the Billings, Montana, uh, vet where... Or maybe it was, um, like the animal shelter. And I guess because they have an incinerator there, the Billings police will bring in drugs and burn them-
Oh
... in the incinerator. And apparently, they had some kinda problem and they were burning like two pounds of meth, and it just pumped all of the smoke into the animal shelter.
[laughs]
Like the whole staff had to go to the hospital. They're all messed up.
[laughs]
All the animals had to be evacuated. I mean, you, you'd think there's a better facility to do that kinda thing.
Well, I can tell you why they'd done that. I've worked for a city agency, and it's 'cause the city owns the facility, so that's the cheapest way to do it. [laughs]
[laughs] Okay. Well, you know, maybe right in the middle of the city with the little kitties and doggies, you know? Uh, we babbled on too long. The caller hung up. You can call us back, 208-535-1015. Yeah, that, that was a pretty funny story. But it's Billings, so I... Have you been to Billings?
I have.
It's a weird town. I don't know. It's a strange place, so I would imagine they just do things different there. Something about that place just give me bad vibes. It's like Burley, you know?
[laughs]
You just... You roll in and you're like, "Something ain't right here. What's up with this place?"
I've been there one time. We went up there and done some cage fighting and come home, and so-
That was enough.
Yeah, we were in there like two days, [laughs]
[laughs] Yeah, we went there for a concert and it was in like a, a terrible venue. It was, uh, almost like a Quonset, you know?
Oh, yeah.
It had the worst sound of all time. I'm like, "This place is a dump."
[laughs]
"Why are they having concerts here?" Oh, it's Billings. [laughs]
Mr. Positive. [laughs]
[laughs] Hey, if I can trash on another town, I'm down. I'm ready.
Ugh.
All right, callers, 208-535-1015. The number to call for Traffic School powered by The Advocates. How often do you hear, "My taxes pay your salary, you work for me"?
[laughs] Many, many times.
Many times?
Yeah.
Have you heard it in the last week or two?
Uh, no, no, but, uh, I think I shared with you a while ago, but this is, this is awesome. Maybe the re- listeners haven't heard it, but, uh, I was assistant at a Idaho Falls PD years ago. And the guy, we got him in handcuffs sitting outside of a facility in Idaho Falls off First Street, had some problems there. He's upset that he's getting arrested and he's like, "Officer, I pay your wages." And without missing a beat the officer said, "Yeah, we used your 10 cents up a long time ago." [laughs]
Oh, yeah. [laughs] How often do you hear this one? "I'm a sovereign citizen engaged in travel, you have no right to waylay me."
Oh, I have heard that through my career, probably a handful of times.
Handful of times?
Yeah.
Did it ever work out for them?
No. [laughs]
No? [laughs]
And I noticed that even if the door's locked, they will come out the window.
Oh, yeah.
People-
That'll, that'll get them everywhere.
People do come out the window. [laughs]
[laughs] How about... This is one I try to use when I get pulled over, "Do you know who I am?"
[laughs]
You ever get that one?
I hear that every week in here. [laughs]
[laughs] It just never works.
I did have a very prominent guy tell me that one time, and I said-
Oh, come on throw him under the bus. Who was it?
I said, "No, but, uh, if you give me your driver's license, I'll know." [laughs]
[laughs] Yeah, 'cause sometimes you do deal with some, uh, very powerful people.
And I think this guy thought he was a little more powerful than [laughs] he really was.
[laughs] I own local McDonald's franchise, c'mon. [laughs]
[laughs]
Oh, let's see here. "Can you turn off the, uh, flashing lights? They make it so hard to see when I'm this drunk."
[laughs]
You ever hear that one?
[laughs]
The nice part about that is, and let's go back to a little education here, is we'll turn our lights off facing forward when we're doing sobriety tests, especially the, uh, eye test, because we don't want it to affect the eyes.
Yeah, 'cause, you know, then you're like back into the party, you know?
And then our lights are so bright that you're trying to do a walk and turn test and a one leg stand facing the light like, "Woo." [laughs]
[laughs] I like the video from Reno 911 where the guy starts doing like line dancing moves.
Yeah. [laughs] No, no. Double click, click, in a hut. [laughs]
Yeah. [laughs] It's classic. What's up, Peaches, you got a question for Traffic School?
Did you talk to them about the guy who wants to fight people in Idaho?
Yes.
Already? I've... Okay, figured as much.
I- I'm stretching out right now.
[laughs]
Yeah. He's gonna, he's gonna take them on.
My money's on Lieutenant Crane.
Me too. Me too. Now, Peaches, we talked about... I don't know if you were listening, but would you be down to be put into the big padded suit and get attacked by a police dog?
[laughs]
Uh, is there a suit big enough for me?
[laughs] Don't worry about it.
That's, that's one... [laughs] Yeah, it's big enough. [laughs] It's big enough.
Peaches needs a pal, look we found one, some dog attacking me.
[laughs]
[laughs] I just think it'd be so funny to watch Peaches get taken down by a dog.
We'll send him out there looking like the Pillsbury Doughboy on them Christmas commercials. [laughs]
I already do. [laughs] Oh, they hung up.
[laughs] Oh, no. Again.
No patience with these callers today, I tell you.
[laughs] It's not like we're rambling on forever while their phone's ringing. [laughs]
That's true, you know. Sorry, guys, we're babbling. We're babbling on a Friday. Traffic School powered by The Advocates. Who's this?
Hello, can you hear me?
Yep.
Oh, sorry. Hold on. I think I have my Bluetooth on.
[laughs] He's putting you on hold. [laughs]
I got, I got all day. It's fine.
[laughs]
Okay. Okay, can you hear me?
Yes.
Okay. So I had a quick question, um, of course... So here's a quick scenario to explain my question. So this road dead ends, uh, hits another road. It dead ends into a road. I could turn either left or right.
That's called T-intersection. [laughs]
And a T. Exactly. A T-intersection-So,
regardless which way I turn, if there is a school bus with its lights on on the opposite side, but close enough, like where I could see the school and see the kids, can I still turn in front of the bus?
So, you're gonna turn in front of it and go the opposite direction?
Well, go the same direction as the bus. So-
Yeah
... let's say I need to turn left, but on the right side of the intersection, there's a bus with the lights on.
And you're already in front of it?
I can turn in front of it if I-
But they-
... if I continue
... they, they're stopped right at the intersection?
Yeah.
Yeah. So, I would just say this: safety reasons, I'd just stay there. If you're in front of it and you're turning and going forward, away from it, you're typically okay. But without seeing the exact distance and stuff like that, safety first always with our children. But, uh-
Right
... if there's, if they're back, like, 40, 50 feet... But, a lot of times, those kids are gonna take that crosswalk in front of the bus. And so, yeah, just caution's always the key.
Okay.
All right, man.
Perfect.
Yep, but the-
Sweet
... whole purpose of the stopping behin- is stopping behind it, so you don't come around in front. But definitely can't make a right-hand turn right across a crosswalk in front of them. So, that would be a no.
Yeah.
Yep.
Yeah. Okay. Awesome.
Great question.
That was the only question. Thank you.
Yup. Hey, thanks for calling, man. Have a good weekend.
Thank you. You as well.
Peace. All right. William wants to know, "Why can't I set booby traps in my yard?"
[laughs]
It's his property, right?
Yeah, it is. A- and, uh, well, I don't know he says, thinks he c-... I don't know what kind of booby traps he's setting, but what can happen is if you're setting bear traps out there, and all of a sudden somebody innocently walks in and gets maimed by a bear trap, you could be held responsible.
The mailman loses a foot.
Yeah.
Unless you have, like, a privacy fence up and marked, "No Trespassing," and all that stuff to protect people that normally, you know-
All right. So, William, you might be able to do it, dude!
Yeah, just make sure you don't blow anybody on your property. That'd be, that's a scary thought.
Oh, yeah. And some people, you know, they're kinda crazy.
[laughs]
Might set some-
Never noticed. [laughs]
You know? [laughs] Some, uh, kinda wild booby traps.
[laughs]
Hey there, you're live on Traffic School, powered by The Advocates Injury Attorneys. Who's this?
Dusty.
Dusty, what's up, dude?
How's it going?
Wonderful.
So, my question is if I feel like one day I just wanna kinda go on my motorcycle,
you know-
We do know.
Mm-hmm.
With a jockstrap on-
Okay
... is that legal?
Well, you're covering up your private parts, but I gotta p- be honest with you, Dusty. I don't know you, but I also know that there's many people that don't wanna see an adult male with their hairy backside [laughs] going down the road.
So butt cheeks are okay?
Yeah.
As long as you got the front covered?
Yep.
I know how I'm gonna go to work every day from now on.
[laughs] I don't know what your personal policy is here.
[laughs]
I mean, I just wanted, you know, to ride free, so I was wondering if that's legal to ride that free.
That's almost free.
[laughs] This is really, really close.
A- asphalt will not be forgiving. [laughs]
Oh, yeah, you don't want to ride.
Oh, no. Yeah, I definitely don't wanna hit any of these, uh, potholes we have in Blac- or, in Idaho.
[laughs] "Blac" and Idaho, he says.
It's a, it's a leather jockstrap.
[laughs] Hey, more than protective.
[laughs] So-
If the woman
... she put some pasties on it, is that legal?
Okay.
No.
No? That's not good enough?
No.
Those are designed for another portion of the body that he may have, but he can legally show off anyway. These laws, I tell ya. You know?
I'd say it's-
Yeah, because if y-
Would you rather see Dusty or? [laughs]
Exactly! Dusty can drive around all day in a jockstrap-
And no top
... but lady can't... Yeah, and no top. But lady covers everything up with some pasties, she should be allowed to cruise, man!
[laughs]
Come on! Bunch of prudes!
So the wife can't go cruising with her pasties?
No.
How much has to be covered?
Uh-
For the ladies.
Well, we have to get i-
Where is the line?
We have to get our tape measures. [laughs]
[laughs]
I wanna know what the line is.
[laughs].
[laughs] Ugh. Well-
You guys got these big hopes that there's some lady out there that wants to be with you guys with her tops off.
It could happen.
Yeah.
I thi- [laughs]
It could happen.
It isn't gonna, but it could. [laughs]
It could. [laughs] Well, good luck, Dusty, and, um, if you're gonna cruise that way, just, you know, stay off Sunny Side, dude, you know what I mean?
[laughs] My, my neighborhood. Please stay away from my-
Yeah, cruise more down, let's see, what is it? Uh-
Merly. [laughs]
[laughs] Yeah. Just go over that way, or-
I like it.
Maybe over by Kewpie or something like that, you know?
[laughs] Lindsey.
Lindsey Boulevard.
So, here's a, let's throw a question on top of a question. So, if, uh, I'm driving with, you know, my jockstrap, and I'm distracting drivers and they get in a car wreck, is that my fault?
No, that-
Or is it their fault?
That's their fault, but you really oughta wear it on top of your head. [laughs]
Okay, then I'm gonna do that then. If I get pulled over, it's your fault.
Hey, but you have to have one on, you'll have to have two of them. You have one on the head and one, you know, covering everything else up as well.
Yeah, exactly.
Okay, well you said just the one.
No, no, no. I meant-
I was just gonna wear just the one.
Yeah, you could wear more downstairs than just that on top of your head.
I have a feeling you guys would pull somebody over who's driving around in a jockstrap with their butt cheeks hanging out.
[laughs]
I just have a feeling. If you can't have truck nuts, why can you have your-
[laughs]
... butt cheeks hanging out while you drive around?
Exactly.
'Cause the man nuts are still covered. [laughs]
[laughs] You can have real butt cheeks hanging out, but you can't have fake boobs. You know? What's going on around here?
[laughs]
It doesn't make any sense!
Neither does driving it-
Makes zero sense.
Neither does riding a bus with no seatbelts in the re- of the whole bus.
I know! Truck nuts, no.[laughs] Seat belts for children? No.
[laughs]
We hate children.
[laughs]
Put 'em in the back of the pickup truck, it's fine.
Oh, man. Can you imagine if a bus had, uh, seat belt warnings if kids weren't wearing their seat belts? [laughs].
Oh, geez. Just all day ting, ting, ting, ting.
The bus there... Jimmy, put that belt back on!
[laughs]
Sarah! [laughs]
Oh, man, that, that's probably why they don't have 'em, because-
Show a lot of the bus drivers crazy. [laughs]
Yeah. We wouldn't have anyone working as bus drivers. They couldn't take it. Well appreciated, Dusty. Hope you have a good weekend, man.
Well, I appreciate you guys.
Well, thanks, man. Thank you very much.
Goodbye. [laughs]
All right, see ya. [laughs] All right. KBAR, you're live on Traffic School, powered by The Advocates, make it snappy.
Okay, this is Troublemaker. Talking about the truck nuts deal. I seen a guy the other day that had, uh, Christmas bulbs hanging from his hitch. [laughs]
Okay, so if they're, they're just, you know, they don't look like, you know-
Christmas ornaments.
Yeah, Christmas ornaments.
No. I, that'd be hard to press, to...
What if they were brown and hairy? [laughs]
[laughs] If they're designed up to make it resemble what we're talking about, then you got problems.
Have you guys pulled anybody over for this?
I have not been made aware of one stop.
One stop?
Nah.
You guys aren't-
Doing your job!
-you know, upholding the law!
Yes.
Why don't you enforce the law?
Why don't you enforce the law? Do your job!
[laughs]
That's what Jade says to me, "Do your job!"
And you were sleeping. [laughs]
[laughs] Oh. So there you go, yep, Christmas, uh, bulbs, you're all good to go.
Just don't try to make 'em resemble.
[laughs] They're like-
Now, what if they're-
... funny
What if they're green and hairy, like the Grinch?
[laughs] Like you've got a terrible disease.
[laughs]
Yeah, then you got a problem.
All right. Sorry, Dusty. Or, yeah, are we still on?
No, we're past Dusty.
Where have we... Oh, Dusty's gone. I forgot I hung up on him.
[laughs] Yeah.
Okay. All right, man. Well, Troublemaker, you have a good one.
Yeah.
Sure. [laughs] See you later, dude. All right. Man, we went, uh, kind of long today-
Yes
... as a matter of fact. It's fine. Just means the show's almost over, and I'm getting that much closer to nap time.
[laughs] Being a productive citizen in my community.
That's right, I'm gonna go in my office and work really hard, Jade.
[laughs]
Don't open the door. [laughs] All right, everybody. Catch it next Friday morning, Traffic School, powered by The Advocates Injury Attorneys. And, uh, you have a great weekend, Lieutenant Crane.
You too. It's been great to be here.
Al- always. Always good to have you.
Traffic School is a production of Riverbend Media Group. To get more info on the show or to contact us, hit up our website, riverbendmediagroup.com. [music]